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do you want me like how i want you?

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“It's the end for today. Thanks for tuning in the stream, guys."

Waving to the camera, Jiwon glances at the comment section moving at a fast pace. Most viewers are saying their own goodbye to him, while some just send tons of heart icons or do one last donation.

“Bye-bye”, Jiwon repeats a few times until he finally turns off the streaming application. 

He makes quick work of all the equipment then stands up to stretch out his sore body. Just like that, another day of hard work ends.

His poor back is not happy with streaming for at least 5 hours a day and several cracks can be heard with every movement he makes. Jiwon moves his hand to rub those painful joints, muttering complaints to himself while walking back to his bedroom. 

Working as a streamer has its perks and all, but his body is definitely getting the short end of this career.

Jiwon flops down on his bed, the black bedcover feels smooth and cool against his bare skin. Grabbing his phone on the bedside table, he skims through every social media account he has, checking on the mentions. Then he finally opens up his DM to answer any work-related messages.

Lately, he has been branching out to youtube so the workload seems to be doubled up. From preparing new content to collaboration with existing channels on the platform, Jiwon barely gets time for himself. In addition, he has made a name for himself as an up-and-coming streamer, so even though there is nothing in his channel, game-related creators all want a piece of him, which leads to the large number of collaboration invitations he has to reply to daily.

Despite having some big names who want to work with him, Jiwon only accepts those he found trustworthy and suitable with his style enough as he doesn't want to be grouped with 'shady' ones or to cross his work ethics just for the limelight. He is a man with principles after all.

Once he finishes dealing with all those messages, Jiwon opens up the statistics for today's stream and takes a look at the donation's stats. Since he isn't the type to shout out donors' names right off the bat, he makes sure to remember his top ones to thank them properly in the next stream.

After over one hour of sticking to his phone, Jiwon finally has time to think about his dinner. However, before he can even try to use his brain, his phone rings. 

He carefully checks the caller ID before picking up. He has had enough bad experiences with answering the phone only to hear either screaming or weird noises. So it is better to be safe than sorry. 

Seeing it's a familiar number yet rarely called these days, he answers hesitantly, "Sunghoon? You need anything?"

Sunghoon is a younger brother he knows from way back, with whom he used to plan on becoming a duo singer group. But as the underground systems and rules in the entertainment world are too bothersome for him, he left. Sunghoon wasn’t too happy about it, still, the young man understood and continued the journey without him. 

"Oh, no-no. It's just, I'm at a party. And some people said they want to meet you.", the so-called Sunghoon sounds calmly through the phone. Jiwon guesses this probably has to do with Sunghoon wanting him to make connections and get better chances in the future, or something along that line. 

But he honestly doesn't want to spend the night at a random party that may or may not have horrible music and talks to some high-up people from the entertainment industry that he left a few years ago.

As if sensing that Jiwon is looking for a way out, Sunghoon speaks up first, "Don't worry. It's not that kind of party. Just one for fellow internet colleagues, such as freelance dancers and singers, you know."

With their past story still heavy in his heart, Jiwon would feel guilty for how it ended, how he has broken his promise with Sunghoon, so it’s really hard for him to say no to this younger brother again.  And hearing that same brother, who is now in a ballad trio called Whitekies, persuading him so hard, Jiwon lets out a sigh, "Fine! I will go. Text me the address."

The younger man cheers loudly before ending the call. A few minutes later, Jiwon receives the location and heads off.

It's been a while since he last went to a party. A lot of people think it's weird how he is a gamer, a streamer, an internet celebrity (kind of), but also completely hates going to crowded places. 

Jiwon is not an introvert, mind you. He just finds interacting with people out of courtesy tiring and not worth it at all. So he always prefers to stay home and have fun with his games, which was why he became a game streamer in the first place. 

Going into the house party, Jiwon thinks it is not half bad. You can actually see the face of whoever you decide to talk to while you don't have to scream just to make yourself heard above obnoxious music, which, unlike some gaudy parties that are literally no use besides getting drunk. The atmosphere altogether is calm enough to have a good chat but still entertaining enough not to have anyone get bored. 

Jiwon declines an alcohol someone offered him, pushing through the mass of body swaying gently to the beat to get deeper into the house. He tries raising his neck in search of the person who called him here. And it's not hard to spot a platinum head between all these people. 

Giving no mind to the whispering of those who recognized him, Jiwon makes a beeline to Sunghoon. 

Sunghoon is skillfully leading a talk with a group of youngsters surrounding him in a half-circle, while other Whitekies' members are nowhere in sight. Jiwon waves his hand slightly, which was enough to catch the other man's attention. 

Sunghoon stops talking abruptly to drag him in closer, then quickly introduces him, “I'm sure many of you know him already. This is Jiwon or also known as G1Zone, one of the most popular game streamers in the community right now.”

A collection of exclaims resounds around him as Jiwon stands there awkwardly. He hesitantly raises his hand to say hello, "Erm, hi? I'm Eun Jiwon. Nice to meet you." 

Everyone starts introducing themselves and Sunghoon didn't lie, they all are fairly well-known youtube creators. They exchange pleasantries with him for a while, attaching a promise of collaboration that isn't probably going to happen anytime soon. 

The chat goes on for quite a time. Someone offers him a drink and he can't technically say no when the person actively gives it to him. Jiwon holds the drink with one hand, sipping it from time to time. And to be honest, he isn't certain about what he is having. 

Jiwon, who is overwhelmed by the sudden attention, didn't notice how Sunghoon had slipped away.  Until a hand pops up on his shoulder and steers him in another direction.

"Hey Jiwon, they are needing someone to play a game over there. Let's join them." 

The light-colored-haired man speaks cheerily, a glint of mischievousness in his eyes. 

And Jiwon's gut is telling him to get the hell away. He tries to hold his stand, literally. However, Jiwon is fighting a losing battle since Sunghoon exercises daily to keep up with the idol work, and well he doesn't.

"Come on, it's gonna be exciting.", Sunghoon keeps on pushing and sweet-talking Jiwon into whatever the man is planning. Jiwon knows he shouldn't give in, but just looking at Sunghoon, who has always been his little weak spot, he stops struggling, "What kind of game is it?"

Sunghoon grins widely in response, not saying a word and only keeping on pushing him forward.

After a while, Jiwon notices they stop walking in front of a large crowd. He turns his head facing the little rascal leading him here once again, giving a questioning look. Sunghoon pays him no mind and drags him to the middle just like that.

And there it is, in all its glory, a closet. 

Jiwon already knows where this is heading to so he quickly turns around in order to escape. Yet, before he has the chance to move another muscle, Sunghoon throws him into the closet, shouting gleefully: "It's seven minutes in heaven. Just have fun okay, you will be fine."

And then, the door is locked. 

Standing alone in the dark and narrow closet, Jiwon curses loudly. Sunghoon has been trying to get him on dates with random people these past months. He should have known the real motive of today. 

Though, it's true that he has been hiding away in his house for over a month now. Even if there are probably thousands of guys who admire him and thousands of girls sliding into his DM every day just because of his look, both his sex life and love life are pretty much non-existed. 

Except for him being somewhat emotionally constipated, the main reason why he is not “playing around” is because he doesn’t feel the necessity of it. 

Does he feel lonely? Sometimes. 

And he did have one or two relationships before. But they all ended shortly after. Either it was him who felt that his partner stuck their nose too much into his personal life, or it's his partner saying he didn't care for them enough. 

Guess maintaining a relationship is just not his thing. Besides, he has many other things he wants to focus on right now anyway. But, before being able to muse anymore on this jumbled subject, he hears the rattling sound of the closet being opened. 

This is the chance, he thinks. He prepares himself to push out and get away from this mess.

However, everything happens in a blink of an eye as a body crashes into him right when he spreads his hand forward. All his eyes can catch is the flickering light and a flash of metals when the door swings open and close hastily.

The closet is locked once again. But this time, Jiwon has another warm body half-leaning against him.

"We will start counting down now. Enjoy~", someone shouts and loud laughs can be heard from outside. This seems to wake the newly pushed-in person out of their shock as they move away from Jiwon so fast they accidentally hit their head against the door. 

"Ouch", a boyish voice exclaims inside the tiny area. Which is just great, Jiwon thinks annoyingly. Not because he can't do anything rather because he can actually do something. But if he really does, a stranger who may or may not blab about this will know about his sexuality. 

Technically, it is not something he actively hides, yet it's not something he wants to publicize either. Because whether he dates a boy or a girl, it is his business and nobody else after all.

Jiwon grinds his teeth and curses Sunghoon in his head, thinking the mastermind behind all this must be his precious little brother . He knows he shouldn't have told Sunghoon about him being bisexual that one time while drinking. After he gets out from here, that rascal had better run away. 

When Jiwon returns to reality, between his contemplation (and swearing), the other person has already got to the other side of the closet, which is not that far anyway. 

If he stretches his arm out sideways, he is sure to be able to reach the person. So he does just that. 

He turns to face the person, reaching out until his hand makes contact with soft skins, which is probably the guy's cheek. Jiwon can feel him jump up slightly at the caress.

"Uhm- Uh- I'm sorry. I'm a guy.", the heavily accented voice stammers out and gradually becomes smaller. Jiwon raises his eyebrow in confusion as he honestly doesn't understand what the guy is so nervous about. Jiwon opens his mouth and tries to find something to say, but is cut off by the person opposite.

"The one outside probably mistook me as a girl… or something.", the guy trails off hesitantly, "My hair is a bit long and… I'm not that tall…", as if also wondering what the hell himself is saying. 

Jiwon's mouth turns up on its own, his front teeth showing. It's amusing, the reaction that is. So he decides not to interrupt and stand there gauging for the next words.

"I and you… doing stuff… two guys... won't be good anyway… It will probably be yucky", with a shrieky voice, the smaller guy - Jiwon assumed based on their silhouette - stumbles through his words. 

But the more Jiwon listens, the more he feels offended, the grins on his mouth also freezes. Who the hell is this guy to say such things?

"How do you know two guys "doing stuff" is not good? You tried it yet?", so he may have growled a little when saying this. 

The guy lets out a light yelp, and Jiwon can feel him swinging his arms around. 

"No? I haven't? I don't? family and friends said that a lot when I was young. If many people said the same thing then it must be true right?" 

His accent slips out even more. The accent is new and exciting to Jiwon who has only lived in Seoul up till now. He kinda wants to ask more about it. 

Shaking his head to refocus on what the smaller man said, Jiwon's mind starts turning to think of a way to make the person opposite regret having said such a thing.

And oh, he has the perfect one.

Usually, he won't be so impulsive, but maybe since he is a tiny bit tipsy, he becomes ballsy enough to even consider this idea. Jiwon stares at the person opposite, thinking about the pros and cons of what he is about to say…But, to hell with it, he decides, he will deal with any consequences later.

He grabs their face with both hands and moves in closer, "Why don't you experience it yourself to be the judge of that?" 

The shorter guy's eyes widened in shock. Jiwon runs his finger somewhat, feeling the soft hair texture underneath, and from this distance, his eyes can finally make out their appearance slightly. At least the guy seems cute, Jiwon thinks to himself.

He stands still for a short moment, checking on the guy's reaction. He isn't going to force anyone. 

Soon, those eyes fluttered shut, eyelashes trembled slightly, as if giving Jiwon permission. 

So he approaches slowly, giving the person a last chance to push him away, until he can feel crumbly breathing on his lips.

As nothing happens, he surges forward. 

In the dark Jiwon's lips hit the corner of the mouth. He smears his lips around a few times before finally fitting their lips together, putting slight pressure into the touch. 

The other man scrunches up his shoulder, while letting out a breath through his nose at the contact. He must feel nervous so Jiwon places one hand on his shoulder to give him some comfort. 

Having their face this close, Jiwon can feel eyelashes tickling his face. They are so long, Jiwon thinks absentmindedly.

He moves his mouth left and right slowly, before letting up to whisper against the soft full lips, "What is your name?"

Then he licks up those same lips sensually before moving away, trying to make eye contact in the dim closet, one hand still clasping the small face.

Taking a sharp inhale, "Jaeduck", the person opposite answers faintly, eyes still squeezing shut. 

Jiwon finds it adorable and funny for reasons he doesn't know. His previous annoyance seems to fade away with their naivety. Instead there is this urge rolling inside his stomach, wanting to tease the guy more, wanting to see more of this, whatever this is. 

So he leans in, near the little ear, and drawls, "Ok, Duckie, I'm Jiwon. You'd better remember that."

Jaeduck gives him a full-body shudder, both arms still stuck to the sides stiffly. Jiwon lets out a chuckle then turns the other's face toward him, until their mouths meet once again. 

This time, Jiwon goes in harsher, applying more power into the kiss, almost crushing Jaeduck's lips. 

Jiwon moves his hand to the small of Jaeduck's back, while the one previously on the shoulder is running softly up and down the upper arm, feeling the firm and slender biceps. 

Feeling Jaeduck is more relaxed, Jiwon decides to take it up a notch and opens his mouth, letting his tongue run freely across Jaeduck's upper lip. He sucks in the thick thing, gnawing on it tenderly. 

Jaeduck reacts right away to the stimulation as the body in his hold shakes lightly, and small hands spring up to grab his shoulder. 

Jiwon keeps licking and sucking, asking permission to enter the supposedly warm carven. He feels the way Jaeduck's hands tighten their grab on his shoulder before the mouth opens up shyly. 

Jiwon heedlessly thrusts his wet tongue inside. He pokes and sweeps through all corners of the mouth. He can taste a bit of fruity flavor mixing with the sweetness and heat from soju inside the hot mouth. It's adorable. 

And the desire to mess him up swirls around in the pit of Jiwon's stomach more heavily.

Their tongues tangle together sloppily as the space between the bodies goes down to zero. He holds on to Jaeduck tighter, the sound of fabric sliding against each other resonates around the closet. Jiwon can feel the heat seeping through. Hot. It was incredibly hot.

Jiwon wants to get even closer, reduce the distance between to minus even. So he slides his thigh between Jaeduck's, grinding softly on the lower region, pressing their upper body together, harsh.

Jaeduck trembles all over, letting out a faint groan in his throat, which is swallowed by Jiwon right away with no chance to escape. He then guides Jaeduck's enthusiastic tongue into his mouth, suckling on that wet organ. 

Jaeduck's knees buckle, hand moving clumsily to hold onto Jiwon's nape. The shorter guy pushes out his chest, neck raising slightly to cover for the new height difference between them as his legs go weak. Fuck. Jiwon can feel two pointy nipples rubbing against his own.

Jiwon moves away to take a breath. As his eyes have gotten used to the dark, the scene before him unravels gradually. Jaeduck, who goes on chasing him to reconnect the kiss, still has his mouth open wide, tongue sticking out searching for the warm cavity before, seemingly to be asking for more. His eyes have become misty, heavy-lidded with eyelashes fluttering like feathers. It's fucking obscene.

Gosh, he wishes he could see Jaeduck clearly. 

To satisfy the craving in his stomach, Jiwon dives right in again, using even more force. Crashing them to the side of the closet with a heavy thunk. His thigh crushes Jaeduck's dick through his sweatpants, the heat from the half-hard thing makes Jiwon hazy with lust. Another strangled moan escapes from Jaeduck, his two hands still holding onto Jiwon for dear life, body shaking nonstop.

Jiwon gingerly skirts his hand up from the shoulder to his face again, this time squashing the other man’s ear. 

Between the heat from Jaeduck's probably blushing face, he can feel something cold underneath his fingertips. This must have been the flash of metals that caught his eyes at first. 

Jiwon slowly feels those earrings, counting each of them, running from the top of the ear to the lobe. 

Jaeduck let out a whine, his hip thrusts against Jiwon's thigh rhythmically. Even though there are several layers of fabric in-between, it feels fucking dirty with how Jaeduck moves so effortlessly. Jaeduck is now grasping onto Jiwon's biceps, which is kind of hurt, but Jiwon can honestly care less about it. 

Jaeduck's body slowly slides down along the closet as the pleasure makes his legs wobble. And Jiwon gladly follows him, until both his knees touch the bottom of the closet as he sits in between Jaeduck’s open legs. 

Jaeduck can't seem to stop trembling. His hands grasp onto Jiwon tightly while he tries to spread his legs even wider to invite Jiwon in. 

Their lips still somehow stick together after all those movements, with Jiwon's tongue now being sucked into the other's mouth. Saliva runs down from their open lips, making everything filthier.

Jiwon feels his hands itch. Rubbing the ears and face soothingly, this is not enough. He needs to touch more of this soft warm skin.

And what Jiwon wants, he will take it. His free hand feels up the body slowly, finding a way to get inside and under the soft cottony shirt. 

The moment skin touched skin, the pliant body underneath him shudders. Jaeduck’s breath hitches as Jiwon skirts his hand upward from the narrow waist until he finds one of the slight pointy things that had been grinding against his chest for the past minutes, teasing him out of his mind.

He circles his thumb around the areola, gauzing Jaeduck's reaction, before using it to press down harshly on the perky nipple. 

And fuck, it's hot how Jaeduck bounces up, their lips finally breaking away as the smaller man throws his head back. A silver line is the only thing connecting them. Whimpering fills up the narrow space. 

The way it is high pitch but so undeniably male makes his stomach tingle. Such an airy clear tone with a little bit of girth makes his dick jump and twitch from excitement. 

Jiwon wants to hear more of this voice.

So he keeps on with his teasing, letting up then pressing back down again and again. Jaeduck's hip uncontrollably thrusting up, searching for something, anything, to release the pressure. Moans spill into the air endlessly. 

Jaeduck moves his trembling hands away from where they have been grasping tightly and covers his mouth in hope of muffling all the pleasure-filled sounds.

This annoys Jiwon so much. How dare him hiding away those pretty sounds? 

Jiwon spread out his hand, taking a hold of the firm chest muscle, squeezing gently. Of course, it's not as fluffy or bouncy as a girl's breast. But it's also not the same hard, stiff chest that guys achieve through training. 

How can he say this? It's malleable. Yes, that's the word. And he is fucking loving it. 

At this point, Jaeduck's body is curling up, mouth biting his fist to stop the sounds from coming out, eyes completely out of focus. 

With his forefinger and thumb, he takes hold of the little sensitive nipple, pulling roughly, and Jaeduck fucking mewls, head lolled to the side, showing off his neck.

"So sensitive.", Jiwon whispers hotly to the ear facing him, "Fuck, so needy.", he licks it gently before moving away again.

 "Seems like you are more into this than you thought huh?"

During his own monologue, Jiwon didn't stop his naughty hand once; tugging, rolling, even using his nail to run across the head of the trembling nipple. If Jaeduck opens his mouth even just a little, moans will flow out naturally. So he tries hard to shut himself up, breathing heavily through his nose, hand still shaking on top of his mouth. 

Jiwon uses his other hand to move Jaeduck's hands away while he leans in close to kiss the pretty neck. Starting from below the ear, then going up, taking one of the piercings into his mouth, playing with it. Then he lets go with a pop and starts his journey to the Adam apple that has been bobbing with every swallow of the throat, leaving gentle sucks along the way. When finally reaching the destination, he brushes a soft kiss on top, licks it a few times before biting down on the tempting thing. 

Jaeduck grunts sounding from above him, both hands are obediently held in his one hand, chest pushing up into the other subconsciously, yearning for more.

Jiwon gives a squeeze to the lovely chest one last time. He then takes out his hand from under the shirt, releasing Jaeduck's hands also. 

They look at each other, only the heavy breathing can be heard inside the closet. And before he knew it, Jiwon was the first one to cave. 

He moves in, ready to take off the shirt covering his prize, when all of the sudden, the closet door swings open and light starts to filter in.

Sunghoon stands on the outside, dragging his eyes to look into the closet before smiling smugly. 

He then drags Jiwon out and away before the crowd surrounds the closet. Jiwon, who is taken by surprise and hasn't oriented his mind properly, can only stare at the boy who had been in the closet with him dumbly. Carving the flash of metal on the other person's ears and the half-lidded watery eyes with trembling eyelashes to the forefront of his brain.

"Jaeduck-ah, what are you doing sitting in there?"

Jiwon hears faintly through the distance, watching Jaeduck take those sparkling eyes away from him and direct them to someone else.

He really does have long eyelashes.

That was the only thought running through Jiwon’s mind when he sat in the taxi to get home, looking out of the window nonchalantly with his fingers running across his lips.