It’s generally acknowledged by almost anyone whose met him for more than 10 minutes that Buck has an issue with being quiet and sitting still. He can be patient no problem there but the physical act of stillness is much more of a challenge.
Even when he’s siting there’s usually a leg jiggle or he’s fiddling with something. If he’s talking that sometimes helps him control the more physical aspects of his restlessness but it’s always there.
A lot of people get irritated by it quickly, Eddie is the best at accepting that’s just how Buck is but even he can find it challenging at times, especially when he’s under pressure himself.
Right now he’s been watching Buck pace, sit, stand and generally fail to hold a static position for more than 15 seconds in a row for over an hour. He’s not talking much either which is making the restlessness worse. In fact he hasn’t said anything for over 30 minutes and Eddie’s starting to feel worried about him even as the constant motion starts to wear on his nerves.
He’s trying to be patient though because he understands he really does. He’s worried too. Although ironically maybe not as much as Buck.
He opens his mouth to offer Buck reassurance, to try to settle him at the same time the other man choses to speak for the first time in 30 minutes. And because it’s Buck what he says is
Eddie sighs all irritation leaving him at the puppy dog expression on Buck’s face.
“I know it’s annoying but I can’t sit still. I’m just worried.”
“I know you are” Eddie says softly, kindly.
“And I’m sorry 'cos I shouldn’t be, you’re all calm and I’m like this and I know it’s too much. I don’t have the right.”
Now that does make Eddie frown. Not that Buck notices, he’s busy spiraling.
“You’re probably super pissed off with me, I should probably go, you can just call me later when it’s over.”
So that is what’s been occupying his brain for the last half hour Eddie thinks. Buck’s worked himself up into a right state. He watches as Buck even goes as far as to start to collect his things.
Time to step in “Woah, where do you think you’re going” he asks firm but kind again. “You are not allowed to leave me here on my own.”
Buck’s shoulder sag a little, some of the tension leaving him at being given a clear sign he’s wanted here.
Eddie gets up and closes the gap between them. He takes the bag from Buck’s hand and puts it back on the floor with a look that says stop being stupid.
Buck’s look of distress is pulling at his heart strings though. He’s so soft for the man it’s unbelievable.
“Hey its ok,” he offers the reassurance with a hand on Buck’s shoulder rubbing his thumb in the spot of skin exposed there.
Buck sucks in a shaky breath and gives him a small smile. Then he apologies again.
“Stop being sorry” Eddie says allowing some sternness into his voice.
“But I’m not his Dad” Buck says softly. “I shouldn’t be this stressed. It’s just, God Eddie I love him so much.”
He knows that, of course he does, it’s why he did what he did with his Will, well most of the reason anyway. He’s recently come to accept that tying Buck to them for life was as much for him as it was for Chris. Hearing Buck say it out loud though twists his stomach and squeezes his heart in his chest. He can only imagine how lovestruck he looks right now but he’s helpless to keep the feelings off his face. Fortunately Buck is looking at his feet.
He’s not sure how to handle this, he doesn’t want to make light of Buck’s feelings or worries but at the same time he is overreacting a bit.
“I think you might be spiraling a bit here Buck. It’s just a small operation, he’ll be back up with us soon. Honestly it’s all going to be fine.”
“I know but…” he obviously doesn’t want to continue.
Eddie knows Buck and he can guess what this is about
“Did you google side effect and complications of operations and anaesthetics?”
Buck just look sheepish. ”You idiot” he says fondly. “Maybe don’t google these things so much Buck you’ll worry yourself sick.”
“Google is very helpful.” he says sulkily.
Eddie just snorts at that, the internet is a dangerous place in his opinion
Now to address the other issue. “and what do you mean you’ve got no right. Buck, you love Chris and he loves you. I didn’t choose you to be his parent if I die for nothing you know. You’re allowed to worry and care as much as me, I don’t mind, I like it”
Buck face is a mess of confused emotions at that , Eddie can see he’s thrilled to be given permission to care, but there’s something else darker lurking under the happiness.
“Buck? You ok.”
“Yeah, fine” but he won’t look at Eddie so it’s probably not true.
“Buck” he’s using his Dad voice and Buck looks up.
“Tell me what’s wrong with you”
Buck looks away, rolls his eyes. “Well I’d prefer it if you could maybe not talk about you dying when I’m already on edge.”
Oh... Eddie pulls him into a hug without thinking and whispers “Sorry babe” into his ear, “It’s going to be ok, I’ve just had more practice at this than you but you’ll get used to it. Worrying is all part of being a parent.”
Buck was all warm and relaxed in his arms a moment ago but as Eddie’s words penetrate his brain he suddenly goes stiff.
Eddie grimaces, fuck, he just realises what he said.
Buck pulls back, eyes wide.
“Did you just call me Babe?” he asked sounding stunned
“No” Eddie tries to convey how ridiculous that would be with his tone.
“You did! I heard you and you said I was his parent,” Buck breathing a little faster than he was a moment ago.
Eddie has the crazy though that at least Buck’s not worried about Chris anymore.
They stare at each other. He’s almost relieved that the inevitable revel of feelings has happened.
“Sorry” he says wrinkling his noise and dragging his eyes away from Buck shocked blue ones.
“Why are you sorry? I …” Eddie risks a glance back at Buck whose blushing “I liked it, you can call me babe if you like.”
“Ok and the bit about being his parent?”
“That’s good too, I want to be that but…” there’s a long pause where Eddie thinks he might combust from the suspense.
“What is it?”
“I want more” Buck rushes on “I don’t want to just be Chris’ parent on my own or in case, I want to be his parent with you. You know, I want to be with you for real.”
Eddie’s a little speechless, who would have thought all your wishes could come true in a hospital waiting room. He doesn’t need words though, he can just lean over and press a kiss onto Buck’s lips.
Nothing fancy they are after all in a hospital but enough to show Buck he’s on board with the idea of ‘them’, brief and chaste as it is the kiss heats his blood and he can see something kindle in Buck’s eyes too. Things may have gone a little further despite the setting but at that point the nurse retuned to tell them Chris would be back up in a few moments.
Eddie thanked them and smiled at Buck, took his hand and squeezed it.
“See our son is fine. Told you not to worry so much”
“Our son” Buck whispered back experimentally.
His smile illuminated the room “our son” he said more firmly, looking over at Eddie. He nodded in encouragement. “Oh Eds I like the sound of that.”
“So do I babe.”
And later when they explained the change in their relationship status to Chris, so did he.