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i think we’re alone now

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“Guillermo,” Colin Robinson says casually, pulling the human out of his thoughts. Colin doesn’t immediately follow up, so Guillermo goes back to his research on deprogramming. He hears his name spoken again about a minute later. 

“Hm?” Guillermo hums. He doesn’t look up from his laptop, but slightly tilts his head toward the energy vampire to acknowledge that he’s listening. 

Again, nothing. This surprises Guillermo, not used to Colin Robinson staying quiet. When he finally looks up from his laptop, he sees Nadja, Laszlo and Colin all exchanging glances. Both concern and calculation are moving between their eyes. 

That’s how Guillermo finds himself in the basement cage with Nandor. 

“Why are you doing this to me?” he calls out. 

Just moments ago, the vampires had convinced him they needed to all go check on Nandor to make sure he was still locked up down there. Guillermo went along readily, still employed as their bodyguard, but when he got down there, he was shoved inside by Colin Robinson. 

“It is for your own good!” Laszlo calls from the door on the other side of the basement. 

The lights are shut off and the basement door is shut and locked, but Guillermo is no less confused than he was the moment he was shoved in. 

“I think it is because you are not a kitty cat,” Nandor says from one corner of the cage. 

“I’m not—what?” Guillermo asks. 

“Colin Robinson said you must meow like a kitty cat each time he says your name and you do not do that,” Nandor explains. “Which means vampire hypnosis does not work on you.”

Guillermo had completely forgotten about that extra bit Colin Robinson added in. 

“They think I’m capable of hurting them,” Guillermo concludes. His eyes begin to adjust to the darkness and he sees Nandor sitting on the cot with his knees pulled up to his chest. Guillermo sees the glint of his fangs, recently grown back in, and he knows Nandor hasn’t fed in days. “When did you find out?”

“Twenty minutes after the hypnosis took place,” Nandor answers. 

“Why… why didn’t you say anything?” Guillermo asks. That was months ago. Nandor has known for months that the hypnosis didn’t affect him and he didn’t voice any of those concerns.  

“Because they would have put you back in here!” Nandor bellows. “Or they would have killed you! I do not like either of those ideas.”

“You aren’t scared I’ll hurt you?” Guillermo asks. 

“Nooo,” Nandor says, as if it’s obvious. “Because you are a vampire slayer, and I am just a human.”

“You aren’t a human, master!” Guillermo all but yells. 

“We have gone over this,” Nandor says impatiently. “Now that you are down here with me I hope they actually bring me normal human food for eating.”

“It’ll just make you sick,” Guillermo mutters. 

They argue back and forth for several more minutes until Guillermo decides to give Nandor the silent treatment. 

It takes about an hour before Colin Robinson comes downstairs and turns the light back on again. In his arms are several packages of raw chicken. 

“The prisoners will stay away from the bars so they do not get the prod,” Colin says, brandishing his cattle prod with the hand not holding the chicken. 

“You know I can’t eat this, right?” Guillermo shouts as Colin walks away. 

He’s ignored, of course. 

Nandor takes the chicken and rips open a package. 

“Nandor,” Guillermo warns. “You can’t eat that.”

“It is human food. I am a human.”

“Not even humans can eat raw chicken!”

Nandor ignores him, and only seconds later, Nandor begins projectile vomiting into the basement surrounding the cage. At least he missed me, Guillermo thinks. 

He checks his phone, only a few more hours until Nadja and Laszlo slumber for the day, and only a few more before Colin leaves for work. Then he can leave through the bars he knows were never repaired. He made sure to check before putting Nandor into the cage. The silver chains are enough to keep the vampire inside, thankfully. 

Guillermo plans to escape and get something to eat as soon as he can. Perhaps he’ll bring a victim for Nandor to drink. No doubt he’s in need of blood, and Guillermo does not want to be the one drained. 

Morning comes, and Nandor lays down on the cot, needing to sleep or else he’ll become cranky. Guillermo knows the rest of the house will be following suit soon, and then he can leave. 


“Guillermo-o-o,” Nandor croons.  “Don’t you have to sleep, too?”

“No, Master,” Guillermo answers. “I have to get out of here.”

“But Guillermo,” Nandor frowns. “What about me?” 

“What about you?” Guillermo sighs. 

“I am a human who has human nightmares,” Nandor says. “I do not like sleeping alone in this big scary basement.”

“What do you want me to do about it?” Guillermo asks. He holds his breath, not daring to hope.

“Well, I was thinking that maybe you could sleep next to me,” Nandor says quickly. 

Guillermo eyes the vampire cautiously, then the small bed he lays on. Nandors feet hang off one end, and there’s no way Guillermo will fit beside him. It’s barely big enough for Nandor as it is. 

He tells the vampire as much. 

“Then maybe you should let me out of here!” Nandor suggests. 

“And then what?” Guillermo asks. “You keep pretending to be a human? You leave again to go back to your cult? I don’t think so. I’m not… I’m not losing you again.”

“Fiiiine,” Nandor groans. “I am a vampire! Happy? Now please let me out of this metal cage so I may slumber in my coffin!” 

Guillermo weighs his options. Down here, Nandor is forced to be nice to him, to pay attention to him, to share his company. If he allows Nandor back into his regular life, then who’s to say things won’t go back to normal? Nandor could go back to constantly pushing Guillermo away for one reason or another. Guillermo would go back to feeling unappreciated for all the work he does. 

“Wouldn’t you like to join me in my coffin, Guillermo?” Nandor asks quietly. 

Guillermo chokes on his spit. He really thought Nandor had asked him to sleep on the cot with him as a way to continue the human charade. This is a turn of events Guillermo really never expected. 

“What?” Guillermo asks. 

“I was not lying… when I said I have grown to have some affection toward you, Guillermo,” Nandor admits. “And I have realized that I do not want to be human anymore because that wellness center did not have you.”

It all happens so quickly after that. He ends up getting out of the cage and then takes down the chains around the opening so Nandor can safely leave too. He expects the vampire to make a run for it as soon as he’s out, but he stays close behind Guillermo as the human leads them out of the basement through his secret exit. 

Surprisingly, Nandor doesn’t even bother change out of his clothes from the wellness center. They end up on the couch in the living room. Not in the coffin, after all. 

Guillermo kisses him softly, just once before he falls asleep on Nandor’s chest. 


Colin comes home from work and finds the two former prisoners asleep on the couch in the living room together. He knew all along that the hypnosis hadn’t worked on Guillermo, but he needed the two to stop pussy-footing around each other. A few hours in that cage together seems to have done them some good. 

He hopes Nandor stops whining all the time now. Maybe they can actually all enjoy Colin’s 100th birthday if Nandor isn’t so fucking depressed anymore.