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You'll be in my heart

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“I should have been there”, was all Garrus could think as he watched the explosion ripple through London. He wanted to hate Liara for dragging him away from Shepard and onto a rescue ship, but when he sees the empty look in her eyes as she watches the destruction he has to remind himself that he’s not the only one who just lost someone.

Everything happened in such a blur that Garrus didn’t even get the chance to mourn. He was celebrated as one of the heroes of both Palaven and Earth, received multiple medals and was offered multiple leadership positions. He turned them all down. When Palaven offered him a place to live, he gave the keys to his dad and sister, to spare them the trouble of rebuilding their home. That’s when he decided he didn’t want to stay on his home planet anymore.

It’s only when the surviving crew of the Normandy SR-2 comes together to honour their commander that Garrus starts feeling the gravity of what happened. When Liara put up the nameplate on the wall he could feel the heaviness in his chest. When he removed himself from the little ceremony he could feel everyone’s eyes burning in his back. Their compassion somehow making him feel worse.

He went to the only place on the ship he could think of, the Main Battery. He could’ve gone to Shepard’s quarters but didn’t want to be reminded of their last night together. Instead he thought fondly about all their conversations they’d had here. About the war, about other crew members, hell, he’d even take the awkward flirting. Garrus let out a soft chuckle as he thought about how stupid they were.

“Garrus?”

“Tali”, he turned around to face her. “How are things on Rannoch?”

“Things are going great. But that’s not what I’m here for. Are you okay?” She tilted her head a bit.

He smiled. “I’m… Okay? Part of me always assumed that I… That she would never come back from this. Of course, it actually happening hurts more than I anticipated. But… Considering the circumstances… I’d say I’m okay.”

She let him ramble for a bit and then puts her hand on his arm. “We’re here for you. Don’t be a stranger, Garrus.” He lets her lead him back to where the others are.


When Tali said they were there for him, she had meant it. Somehow he was always around helping someone from the Normandy crew. Miranda seemed to always have jobs for him, Tali could always use help on Rannoch, Liara gave him some spy-ops work, the list just went on.

Staying busy was good for Garrus. He could never dwell too long on how cold the bed was now that she wasn’t there anymore. And time did heal. Talking about what happened was starting to get easier. After a while, he even managed to talk about how close he was with her to others, much to Joker’s delight.

So when Wrex eventually sent him a message, he wasn’t really that surprised. But when that message read “I’ve got something for you. Come to Tuchanka”, Garrus couldn’t deny his curiosity wasn’t piqued.

He took the first flight to Tuchanka. When the sandy planet came into view, all he could think of was the last time they were here and the absolute mess they had on their hands back then. Wrex was waiting for him at the docking point. Garrus had to dodge out of the way of a friendly headbutt when he walked out of the ship but he couldn’t help but be happy to see his old friend.

“Garrus! You’re still as stiff as the last time I saw you! You’d think being a war hero would loosen you up!” Wrex rumbled as he lead the way.

“Yeah yeah, the celebrations got a bit too boring for me.”

“So you decided to act as the janitor of the Normandy crew? Cleaning up all their dirty work?” Wrex eyed him up. His old age might be starting to show, but nothing still went past the Krogan.

“I enjoy it. Besides it’s what-“

“What Shepard did?” Wrex interrupted him.

Garrus stopped in his tracks for a second. Is that why he kept getting out of bed and going to help everyone? Because she used to? Because it made him feel closer to her? He knew he was overthinking it but he also knew Wrex was at least partially right. It annoyed him.

“Anyway, what Shepard did is Shepard’s business”, Wrex went on. “It’s time to think about what you want to do. And I’ve got just the suggestion.”

They got up to one of the Krogan camps, but it looked completely different from what it did last time he was here. The tents were set up in at least a semi-orderly fashion, there were traders from other planets around and the biggest difference, there were little Krogan waddling around. Garrus remembered his last real conversation with Shepard. How they joked around about adopting a baby Krogan. He couldn’t help but stare at the little aliens. They were so cute? Completely unlike anything Garrus had imagined young Krogan to be like. Did he think they came out of womb as big as Wrex? No. But did his imagination provide any other possibility? Also no.

“What are we doing here Wrex?” Garrus asked.

“Well, we’ve got this rowdy little girl, her mom unfortunately didn’t make it”, Wrex started walking towards one of the tents. “And she kind of reminded me of someone, so.. I had to call you.” He didn’t have to say it for Garrus to know. The baby Krogan reminded Wrex of Shepard. Was it the orphan part? Garrus couldn’t help but wonder how a baby Krogan could remind someone of Shepard. That was until he saw the little creature. It was laying in a wooden crib. Her scales a reddish hue that even reminded him of Shepard’s hair. Okay, he’d give it to Wrex, he understood.

“You can grab her if you want,” Wrex said.

“But she’s sleeping… I don’t want to-“

Before he could even finish his sentence, Wrex had grabbed the little Krogan and shoved it in his arms. Obviously she wasn’t very pleased with this intrusion of her afternoon nap. She opened her eyes and started wailing at Garrus. He shot Wrex a glare.

“What? She’s yours to deal with now!” Wrex laughed.

Garrus shushed the baby as far as he knew how to. He wasn’t a dad? Why did Wrex want to do this to him? But when the Krogan in his arms calmed down, grabbed his talon and stared up at him with the exact same green eyes Shepard had, he knew exactly why. He had to fight to bite back the tears for a second. “Spirits, she looks just like-“

“You see. I couldn’t help but calling you”, Wrex voice sounded so far away to Garrus. All he could think of was the little baby Krogan cooing in his arms.

“What will you call her? I insist on her keeping the Urdnot clan name. If she wants to come back here later in life, It’ll be easier for her”, Wrex’ words made Garrus crash back to earth. He knew what he wanted to call her but he didn’t know if he wanted to admit that to Wrex. Was it embarrassing? Probably. Did this Krogan resemble her so much it was almost scary? Yes. So that made it okay, right?

“She can have the Urdnot clan name, I don’t really care. But I want her to be called Jane,” he sounded firmer than he felt when he said the last part. Fearing for the inevitable teasing. But it never came. Only Wrex’ soft grumble as he asked, “Was that her first name?”

“Yeah.”

“It suits her perfectly.” Garrus would never know if Wrex was talking about Shepard or the little Krogan in his arms.


He decided to take Jane to Earth with him, so they could both restart their lives there. No Palaven to suffocate him and bother him about Jane. Plus, Earth was so much more colourful anyway. He didn’t have the slightest clue on how to raise a Krogan but Wrex assured him it wasn’t really that hard and turns out he was right. As long as Jane was fed and kept busy, she was fine.

She reminded Garrus so much of her namesake it was scary. Not just the physical resemblance although he would have loved to see Shepard’s reaction to being compared to a Krogan. Little Jane was stubborn as an ox, strong and unmoving when she wanted to be and yet she treated Garrus with such kindness it melt his heart every time.

“When you grow up, I’m going to tell you all about your mom, the great Commander Jane Shepard,” he mused as he watched Jane fall asleep. And he meant it. This child was going to grow up loved, with stories from the great adventures they went on and the crewmates who didn’t make it. She’ll hear the story about how they cured the Genophage, defeated the Reapers and saved the universe countless of times. She’ll hear about EDI and about Virmire. About how he met her mom. She’ll live a life where, even though Shepard isn’t here anymore, she’ll be ever present for this child.

Shepard couldn’t really think of herself as a mom. He knows, they had talked about it countless of times. He knew the adopting Krogan was only a joke. And yet, she was going to be the best mom ever. He’d make sure of that.