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Basic Needs

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Anytime a dirty thought crossed my mind, making me inwardly cringe, I realised how lucky I was that Edward couldn't read my thoughts. It was common for a human teenager to have these urges. I knew the reasons why Edward wouldn't - couldn't - touch me in that sort of way, so it only meant that I had become more creative. He could continue to concentrate on not breaking me, and I could get the release I needed. However, as our relationship progressed, spending that much more time together, I gained the ability to be sneaky with what I was doing.

And that's why I am currently taking a shower in the middle of the day. Edward had spent all Saturday with me, through the evening, and insisted on hanging out together all of Sunday as well. Of course I wanted this, too. I would miss him too much if he left me alone for an entire day. So when I began to feel horny, feeling the pressure of the past week building inside of me, not doing anything about it, I excused myself on the premise of not feeling well. I told Edward a shower would make me feel better, so here I am.

Touching myself in the shower with Edward sitting in the next room.

His ability to hear the slightest of sounds definitely had me on edge. I stood with my back against the wall, allowing the high pressure of the water to hit my breasts, teasing my nipples. My hand was between my legs, moving in a small circle to stimulate myself and make me wet. Once I was slick enough I slipped two fingers deep into my core, my other hand firmly squeezing my right breast. It took a lot of self control not to cry out in pleasure. I regulated my breathing as much as I could, knowing full well Edward would pick up on any slight changes. The last thing I needed was for him to walk in during this moment, seeing me pressed against the tiled wall of the shower, the spray of water cascading down my body as I pleasured myself. The very thought of being watched by him turned me on even more and I was surprised to find I was close to the edge. My fingers moved faster, my entire body trembling as I began to feel the ball of tension grow hotter inside my stomach. I couldn't help the small sound that escaped my throat as I climaxed.

After washing myself, I stepped out of the shower on shaking legs to dress myself. There was no doubt in the back of my mind that Edward had heard me. I knew it was nothing to be ashamed of, but it did make me take my time getting dried and dressed. The tendrils of hair that came loose from my bun whilst in the shower stuck to my face, so I decided to undo the hairband and let the rest of my hair flow down my back. A slight red blush dusted my nose and cheeks, something I wish would go away before I stepped out of the bathroom. This was all so embarrassing. Being a teenager is already hard enough without trying to be extra sneaky just so you could masturbate.

There was a light rasp at the door that made me jump. I threw my towel over the shower rail to dry before rushing to open the door.

Edward gave me a soft smile. "You were taking longer than usual so I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm fine," I told him with a smile in return. "I feel much better as well."

Something flashed across his features - humour, maybe - too fast that I almost believed I imagined it. His golden eyes moved about the room, pausing on the shower for longer than necessary. Oh, no. My cheeks heated as I realised that he knows what I was doing. Not like I was quiet, despite my best efforts.

I shuffle past him, avoiding all eye contact out of sheer embarrassment. He silently sits on the edge of my bed while I moved about the room. The feeling of his eyes locked onto my back had me feeling more nervous than usual. I knew that he knew, and it made me feel like a criminal suspect. So I tried my best to pretend that everything was normal.

"Are you staying the night?" I casually ask once I had finished folding the laundry that had been piled on my desk chair for days now.

"Only if you want me to," was his response.

I scoff at that. "You know I do."

Instead of answering me, Edward gracefully stood and walked towards me slowly, judging my reaction to how close he was getting. I would never flinch away from him. He would never hurt me. It's been a few months since I found out what he was - what his family was. After the James incident, when Edward was able to control himself to save me, it diminished any fear I may have had that he would ever cause me harm. So I stood my ground as he came to a stop mere inches away from me.

"Bella, I-."

"Nope. Don't start, Edward. I am not having this conversation tonight," I said with enough conviction that I hope would make him drop the topic.

He looked down at me, somewhat amused. "What conversation?"

"The one where you explain to me how dangerous it is to be with me like that. Or touch me." Sucking in a deep breath, balling my hands into fists at my side, I plowed ahead. "I know that you heard what I was doing in the bathroom. What do you want to hear from me? I'm sorry? Because I'm not. Let's pretend it never happened and just drop it."

"You're upset with me?" He questioned, all his prior amusement gone in a flash.

I sighed. "No. Just... the situation, I guess."

"Bella, you know why-."

"I know."

"But you're unhappy," he guessed.

Was I? Edward constantly made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world, so this small little factor shouldn't even bother me that much. But it does. Yes, he loves me and I love him. Yes, he cherishes me and never lets me forgot how important I am to him. All of these things are wonderful, but part of me - the most human part - will always be wondering if he likes my body in an intimate way. He never shows any interest in me on that sort of level. I feel as if it is beginning to affect how I view myself in this relationship.

My voice was only a whisper as I finally responded with, "If you don't find me attractive... in that way... I mean, you could just tell me. I know it's hard for you, but it's hard for me as well."

There was a single second where Edward seemed to disappear from in front of me, and then I was flying across the room, safely tucked against his chest. My breath got caught in my throat at the sudden movement, and I sucked in a huge breath as he set me down against the pillows of my bed. I went absolutely still when he moved over me, settling himself between my legs, a hand on either side of my pillow. I was trapped beneath him, and yet I felt none of his weight.

"Edward, what-."

A low growl rumbled in his chest that caught me off guard. His eyes had hardened to solid gold, and there was an expression on his face I had only every seen once. The day when he found me broken on the floor of the ballet studio, he had worn a similar expression before ripping James's throat out. Edward wasn't irritated or frustrated with me - he was furious.

"You think I don't find you attractive?" He said from between his teeth, eyes locked onto mine.

I squirmed a little under him. "It's just an observation."

"You're wrong," he told me.

"It's just my stupid hormones, so just ignore it. I can handle it."

"Like you did in the shower?"

My cheeks flushed with heat and I turned my head to the side, avoiding his eyes. "Yeah, like that."

Very carefully, Edward lifted one hand to guide my head so I was looking back up at him. "Bella, I cannot describe in words how attractive you are to me. Every time I see your skin, just imagining what it would be like to caress every inch of you, is unbearable. And when I occasionally hear you pleasuring yourself in the moments you think I cannot hear you or do not notice; it's almost too cruel."

His serious expression and intensity of his words made it impossible not to believe him. Having less control over my instincts was a poor excuse for what I was about to do next, but after hearing all of that it was extremely hard not to give into my stupid human needs. I pulled my self up onto my elbows and touched my lips to his, waiting to see his reaction before backing away. My confidence shot up when he didn't move away from me. I opened my mouth against his, waiting for him to respond, anything. It was clear to me then that he had locked his body into place and that is why he wasn't moving away. It was clear he wasn't breathing, either.

Sighing, I let myself fall back onto the pillow, making sure to keep my eyes off of his face. Instead I looked out the window while he regained his composure and began to unfreeze on top of me. Edward didn't move away from me like I thought he would, instead he brought his right leg up until it rested between my thighs, an inch away from touching my most sensitive area. His right hand stayed on the pillow beside my head, supporting his weight, while his left hand sought out my face, cupping my cheek as I turned my head to stare up at him.

Edwards voice was like silk as he said, "Bella, I don't want to deprive you of anything. You know how hard it is for me to keep control."

"Why don't you trust yourself as much as I do?" My heart was hammering in my chest at the proximity of our bodies. "You would never hurt me, Edward. I trust you with my entire heart."

"If... for an instant I think you're going to get hurt or worse..." He hardly ever struggles with words, and that's how I know he is truly pushing himself for my benefit.

My hand goes to his arm, rubbing the cold, smooth skin. "Then we stop."

"Then we stop," he repeats softly.

I can hardly believe what is happening right now and I hold my breath as Edward leans down to brush his lips against mine. If I allow myself to act too hastily, then Edward might freeze again, unable to respond to my sudden enthusiasm. Every single one of his movements has to be calculated, controlled, so I needed to do this at his pace. He needs to lead, and I need to follow.

Our mouths move together, my lips warming his cold ones, making the experience that much better. I gently move my tongue along the seam of his lips, letting him know what I want, thrilled when he complies. I'm not surprised when his tongue is as cold as the rest of him, but after a few seconds it begins to match my own temperature. When I break away for air he just leans in to kiss my jaw, trailing along my neck until my entire body shivers. Once I've taken some ragged breaths Edward claims my mouth with his once more. Feeling daring, I ever so slightly shift on the bed until the leg he has between my thighs is pressed right against my core. It was impossible not to move my hips a little, the sensation better than I imagined it would be.

Edward broke away from me instantly, a cautious glint in his eyes. "Bella, what are you doing?"

"Nothing," I said in a surprisingly sultry voice.

"I think we should stop for now," he said, and began to move away from me.

The instant feeling of rejection swept through me, replacing the lightness I was feeling only seconds ago. Of course I had tried to take it too far, unable to resist my urges. I ruined a perfectly good thing. However, what I was doing seemed harmless in my eyes. We were barely touching, and yet he was calling it quits. What does he think happens when two people make out? I can't just lay there awkwardly, not touching, each time we kiss.

Filled with anger and rejection, I abruptly swung my legs off of the bed and jumped to my feet, making a bee line for the window. It took every ounce of my strength to keep the tears that were brimming on the edge of my eyes from spilling over. The window got stuck halfway, so I used the palms of my hands to shove it up the rest of the way. A splinter from the old wood dug into my skin but I didn't care.

I turned back to Edward, who had been silently watching me. "I want you to leave."

Hurt briefly touched his eyes before his expression shifted to something softer. "Only if it's what you truly wish."

"There is a lot I wish for right now, but this is the only one you can actually do for me." As I said it, I knew it would hurt him, but I couldn't help it. My heart was squeezing inside my chest, breaking worse than I could ever imagine.

Edward walked to the window, never looking at me, before disappearing into the dull afternoon light. I slammed the window shut with enough force to make the glass rattle. My left hand stung from the piece of wood embedded in the skin, and I sought out a pair of tweezers before locking myself in my room. I knew Edward wouldn't go too far away on the off chance I called him back, and just knowing that made me even angrier. This time I didn't want him back. I wanted to know I was completely alone for the first time since I met him.