Actions

Work Header

(Childe)ren of Uzzing Sussy Bussy

Chapter Text


Childe added ven., moramona, bieru<3, and 30 others

 

Childe set his nickname to Tartaglia 

 

Tartaglia named the group (Childe)ren of Uzzing Sussy Bussy 

 

Tartaglia: guys i rwally need advice 

 

moramona: what the fucj is this

 

moramona: i swear to archons childe stop askimg for advice 

 

bieru<3: o-o heyy! @Tartaglia 

 

ven.: @xiao. hii~ ilysm my star!~ ( ◜‿◝ )♡

 

Tartaglia: venti, my comrade... plz dont flirt here haha xd i am single plz

 

xiao.: ilysm too my love.

 

Tartaglia: wow ok👍

 

fishyyelle: GUYS HELP THESE TWO ARE LITERALLY BY MY SIDE AND THEY'RE RUINING MY ADVENTURE TIME MARATHON

 

fishyyelle: also why's xhingqiu's name like that

 

kya: go get laid childe 

 

Diluc: What in the barbatos is this ?

 

kya set Diluc nickname to free drinks for kaeya tonight

 

free drinks for kaeya tonight: ?

 

iceyboypopsicle: @fishyyelle BL

 

ven.: WAIT WHAT BESTIEEE YOU ALSO READ BL?

 

iceyboypopsicle: (・_・;)

 

bieru<3: what ? (;;;・_・)

 

xoxorissaa: oh my, i can see where this is heading!

 

bieru<3: is venti also a book lover...? 

 

ven.: wtf

 

Tartaglia: wtf 

 

moramona: wth

 

awoootao: LMAO WHAT 

 

awoootao: WHAT DID I MISSED HERE

 

free drinks for kaeya tonight: Xingqiu, Venti hates long sentences unless it's from his lover.

 

kya: @bieru<3 hey bae u should change name now bl doesnt mean book lover 

 

ven.: OMFG HAHAAHAHAHHAHA XINGQIU I ACTUALLY THOUGHT

 

bieru<3 set nickname to booklover, okay?

 

xoxorissaa: speaking of bl, @ven. @awoootao did u heard "from the stars" is getting a live action????

 

ven.: omg! lisa ure updated too?!

 

awoootao: WHAT REALLY I'VE REREAD THAT NOVEL 5 TIMES ALREADY THANK GOD THEY DECIDED TO GET A LIVE ACTION 🙏🛐

 

Tartaglia: haha guys back to our original topic, i need a lot of advice

 

Tartaglia: so like-

 

table sugar started a call 

 

table sugar joined the call

 

The call ended

 

table sugar: I'm so sorry, everyone! I accidentally clicked the wrong button!! I'm so sorry!!!!!! ToT 

 

Tartaglia: oh its fine

 

moramona: archons

 

awoootao: OHHH HEY MY BABY GIRL SUCROSE <3

 

ven.: aw man i thought sucrose finally gonna talk to us

 

Albedo: Oh?

 

table sugar: Oh no, Sir Albedo! Did I interrupted your experiment?! ToT

 

kya: @Albedo hi hottie 

 

Tartaglia: guys i am single stop flirting

 

xoxorissaa: @captaine hey cutieee 😘

 

cocogoat: @soundofmoney hii! qwq

 

soundofmoney: Hey babe ▼・ᴥ・▼

 

captaine: lisa we just broke up

 

Tartaglia: oh fuck? 

 

booklover, okay?: ????? nooooo!! what happened?

 

awoootao: HEY WHAT????? THEY JUST WHAT??????

 

ven.: HEY WHAT?? JUST BECAUSE ME AND XIAO AND OUR THIRD WHEEL WENT FOR A VACAY YA TWO BROKE UP????

 

fishyyelle: fuck you and just because @sarakujou is in inazuma AND we can only video call doesnt mean you can call me ❝your❞ third wheel

 

ven.: wdym! uve been third wheeling since first year in highsxhool☺️💞

 

moramona: im sorry fish but i agree with venti here

 

fishyyelle: alexa play traitor by olivia rodrigo

 

free drinks for kaeya tonight: Yes. Jean and Lisa broke up 5 months ago.

 

kya: aaaaanddd

 

ven.: @awootao BESTIE WHAT THE FUCK? 5 MONTHS???? WE ACTUALLY FAIL THE JOB

 

awootao: BESTIEEEEE I KNOW I FEEL SO AWFUL

 

xoxorissaa: 😌 yes we broke up 

 

kya: AAAAAAAAAND guees whos diluc's gf now

 

kya: hint; u-ugh yes!♡~ she loves dandelion! 

 

Tartaglia: wait.....

 

ven.: omg...

 

awootao: OMG...

 

free drinks for kaeya tonight: Fuck off, Kaeya. I'm kicking you out of the bar if I saw a tiny hint of your blue hair that fucking looks like a mop. 

 

kya: andddddd yeeeesss!!! **drum roll** its jean!!! u guessed correct!

 

captaine: *sigh* 

 

ven.: daaaaaaaaayuuumm daddy diluc here coming with a bangeeeerr

 

awootao: RIGGHTTT BESTIEEE???? WE'RE LITERALLY THINKING THE SAME

 

Albedo: Oh, what a surprise. Well, that explains why those two shared a kiss in a breezy afternoon, September 7, 3:05. 

 

kya: oh my... @Albedo

 

Albedo: Yes, my dear? 

 

kya: wanna shower? coming over there rn 

 

Albedo: Yeah, sure. 

 

ven.: @xiao. dumpling date later?

 

xiao.: ye. 

 

Tartaglia: ok............ r u guys done haha

 

eatheer: Hey, my comrade, Childe haha! What did I missed?

 

moramona: liteeeraally everything

 

eatheer: I mean, Izz almost 1 am now😬

 

luminescent: @eatheer hey go sleep u moron we have school tom

 

Tartaglia: heyy aether!! u calling me comrade is making my day slightly better

 

eatheer: Ah.. well I'm glad hehe! ☺️ Y'know, got used to it since I flew into Snezhnaya! 

 

eatheer: It was a great trip haha! 😊

 

luminescent: finally a thing i can agree with you

 

eather: Aw, don't be like that sis 😔

 

Tartaglia: glad to hear from u and lumi but seriously guys i really need your help, i need advice

 

moramona: ugh fine u stupid blockhead, i bet that without getting advice from people youre gonna end up stumbling ur toe

 

eatheer: Hehe, okay! I'm listening🙈

 

luminescent: me²

 

Tartaglia removed wootao from the group chat

 

luminescent: hey wazzup whyd u remove her all of the sudden

 

Tartaglia: lol lmao heard that zhongli likes her and not me haha xd 

 

Tartaglia unsent a message

Chapter Text


 

haishancrux: Ayo, childe I saw that

 

haishancrux set Ningguang nickname to Rich Auntie Ning

 

Rich Auntie Ning: I saw that (1)

 

Yan(Law)Fei: I saw that (2)

 

eatheer: I saw that (3)

 

luminescent: I saw that (4)

 

cocogoat: I saw that (5)

 

soundofmoney: I saw that (6)

 

moramona: childe, that actually sucks. 

 

Tartaglia: i fucking know, okay?

 

Tartaglia: i feel so shit for archon's sake

 

Tartaglia: i mean yeah he's fucking out of my league

 

Tartaglia: i understand that he'll like someone other than me

 

haishancrux: Dude, sorry to break your sadboy moment but you're actually rhyming 

 

haishancrux: @Kaedehara I demand for some remix 

 

Kaedehara: @Tartaglia You should talk to them. The best way right now is to confess every thing, I am sure thing's will go fine. You are a fine looking man after all, you have charm, power and riches. No one would refuse to marry a rich handsome man, unless you have a rotted personality.

 

moramona: ok sir/ma'am kaedehara, are you trying to make childe's head bigger 

 

Kaedehara: No, I am simply being honest to him.

 

Tartaglia: ayo slow down i see no possible wedding ceremonies in my future

 

luminescent: @Tartaglia i actually agree with kazuha, but add some spice tho like r u actually sure about the thing u said earlier? 

 

Tartaglia: of course lol

 

luminescent: if u are then, why not just change the feelings yknow, make him fall for you with your weird ass flirting skills 

 

eatheer: Arrhmm, My advice for you, talk it out with him, likeee why not ask him for some advice but just hide the I like you zhongli part 😊

 

eatheer: I really don't knoow, sorry! 😔

 

Tartaglia: fuck i wanan curl up in a ball and just die

 

moramona: dude its just a crush, you move on and everything's cool 

 

Yan(Law)Fei: I don't know about that, Ms. Mona... The last time I tried to move on, it took almost a year 

 

haishancrux: oh fuuuck i remember that it was kinda small tiny bit awesome for me

 

haishancrux: free alcohol. . . gaah i miss that

 

Yan(Law)Fei: I know, awesome for you but hell for me XD 

 

luminescent: ah yes! an opportunity! my business is always open, matchmaking yknow what im saying

 

Tartaglia: what really, do me a favor then lumi

 

luminescent: cool, his name and tag is mochi#5073, his name is scaramouche 

 

eatheer: Oh! That guy from St. Unio🌚

 

luminescent: @Tartaglia hey 

 

Tartaglia: ok i got it already

 

Tartaglia made luminescent an admin 

 

luminescent: @eatheer oh yeah? what about him bro

 

luminescent added mochi into the group 

 

eatheer: I don't know, he just seemed y'know, not Childe's type.. 

 

eatheer: Childe likes soft guys... more, right?

 

Tartaglia: i fucking domt know, im a mess right now i feel so shit i swear

 

Tartaglia: it all makes sense, the continuously joking, laughing and going out fuck i

 

mochi: LMAO look at this loser @Tartaglia

 

Kaedehara: Oh. 

 

Kaedehara left the group

 

haishancrux: oh 

 

Rich Auntie Ning: Yup 

 

mochi: @Tartaglia oh wait i know you

 

luminescent: lol everyone on the lurking mode yeah im going to sleep 

 

eatheer: Me too! Umm, Bye bye comrade!

 

Tartaglia: Goodnight Aether, Lumine

 

Tartaglia: bruh who are you @mochi

 

mochi: ure from snezhnaya right, i met lumine when she was in a trip in that place too

 

mochi: you were with her lol guess u dont remember me lololol pathetic brain memory 

 

Tartaglia: oh

 

mochi: oh um lumine just dmed me smth, so u want some advice huh

 

mochi: well i dont really give a hoot about your love life lololol but i still have this 1% good person thing 

 

mochi: sooo Option 1, what aether said would work ig, gather information before confessing, and another thing, i call this one observation. if they dont show any shitty romantic emotion in their face, or any strange body language then that person is 0 billion percent uninterested in you

 

Tartaglia: holy shit im starting to like you, you talk like a professional assassinator or something that's very cool

 

Tartaglia: and yeah, done that too many times, i guess he doesnt show anything

 

mochi: oya? its a he? are u gay

 

Tartaglia: not really im bisexual lol

 

mochi: cool, same 

 

haishancrux: oh damn dont mind me, just wondering what are these bubbles on the air 

 

haishancrux: oh i know! discord love forming! 

 

moramona: 😩🙌

 

ven.: 👏👏👏

 

ven.: oh my, dont mind me, im on the lurking team now ehe~

 

mochi: anyways yes, option 2: this is the part where it all gets sad and stuff, its called moving on if you dont know lol becuz ure fucking stupid, and yes just like moramona said. how much do you love him? is he worth it? will he give himself to you, just like youre willing to? will he love you? ask those questions to yourself bro

 

mochi: option 1 didnt work = youll always end up in option 2, no more other way to go out lmao thats why i find falling in love so stupid and pathetic i mean the whole concept of love is just 🌚

 

Tartaglia: yeah youre probably right about those option things, ure good at this huh

 

Tartaglia: i really shouldn't overthink but yeah i really love him that much, yes he is definitely worth it tbh. and that all depends to him, if im not the right person then he will not give all of him to me. he will'nt lmao

 

mochi: yeah sad shit bro, i just did a whole background check on mmm xiansheng

 

Tartaglia: good luck i guess, im going to bed there's school tomorrow im gonna die havent done the essay shit 

 

mochi: making essay so easy but like goodluck i guess good nightie 

 

luminescent: "falling in love so stupid" dude you just asked for some favor if i could find you a boyfie 

 

luminescent unsent a message

 

luminescent: i thought u and dain are doing good what happened

 

luminescent: bruh childe is actually overthinking, hes playing osu its 3 am lol  

 

luminescent: everyone else is sleeping sheeesh

 

luminescent: @mochi yo? u there, or just dont want to talk about dain stuff 

 

luminescent: ok goodnight u stupid fucks im getting fucking ignored, god i still fucking hate you scara if i ever see you again im gonna slap you across the teyvat 

 

Chapter Text


 

haishancrux: Ayo, kazoo 

 

haishancrux: why did you leave? 

 

Kaedehara: Did you already forgot? 

 

haishancrux: what forgot? 

 

Kaedehara: Oh.. 

 

Kaedehara: Summarization of it all, Scaramouche is very manipulative and a huge bastard. 

 

Kaedehara: I am surprised Lumine and him are friends. 

 

haishancrux: What do you mean? 

 

haishancrux: I mean if you want to talk about it.

 

haishancrux: I'm with Ningguang.

 

haishancrux: She's worried about you.

 

Kaedehara: Okay. 

 

Kaedehara: I can talk about it.

 

haishancrux: We're here and listening.

 

Kaedehara: I met Scaramouche, because of a.. beloved friend of mine. 

 

haishancrux: Ah, Tomo. I remember him. 

 

Kaedehara: Yes, I met Tomo in discord, but later on, we decided to meet up. 

 

Kaedehara: And he brought someone with him, Scaramouche. It's been 3 years after that, I was a young adult, 18 and Scaramouche was 16.

 

Kaedehara: He was 16 at that time and yet he managed to control Tomo's entire life. 

 

Kaedehara: I'm telling you, Beidou. He's dangerous behind that stupid fucking mask he always wear. 

 

haishancrux: ? 

 

haishancrux: What do you mean by he managed to control Tomo? 

 

Kaedehara: I 

 

Kaedehara: I... really don't know. 

 

haishancrux: wha? 

 

Kaedehara: Tomo never... talked to me about those things.. He left discord a year after, deleted all his social medias. 

 

haishancrux: Yeah, tried doing research on that guy, but nada. 

 

Kaedehara: He was... forcing himself to feel happy whenever he's with me. 

 

Kaedehara: I just later heard that... He committed suicide. 

 

Kaedehara: But please hear me, 

 

Kaedehara: I am sure that Scaramouche guy drove him to.. kill himself, I am so sure... that he's manipulative.

 

Kaedehara: Have you seen how he act all mighty? It's so fucking infuriating.

 

haishancrux: I'm... really sorry to hear that, Dear Kazuha. 

 

haishancrux: But we shouldn't jump into conclusions. 

 

haishancrux: This is Ningguang on the phone, Beidou is cooking breakfast. 

 

Kaedehara: Oh, I see. 

 

Kaedehara: I'm gonna head to bed. 

 

haishancrux: Ayo, good night, son. 

 

Kaedehara: Goodnight, mom..? 

 

haishancrux: yeah, and chair up kazoo 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text


 

UnluckyLucky: Goodmorning, everyone!!! 

 

UnluckyLucky: @everyone Rise and Shine!!!

 

razor: hrlo benet

 

UnluckyLucky: Razor!!!!!!!!! Nice meeting you here!!!!!!!

 

UnluckyLucky: Haha! I told you, discord is fun! 

 

razor: yes fun1111

 

razor: razor still ccompused how tis use 

 

UnluckyLucky: That's fine!! Do you want to go out and jog?! 

 

razor: ok 

 

razor: i bring dionaklee and more frends 

 

xoxorissaa: little wolfie is here<3 

 

xoxorissa set razor nickname into our little wolfie

 

our little wolfie: hi libraryian zoxorisa

 

xoxorissaa: @UnluckyLucky it's 5 am, don't ping everyone hehe 

 

xoxorissaa: oh went offline 

 

ven.: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK 

 

ven.: PINGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

 

xoxorissaa: hahaha yippy 

 

Albedo: Goodmorning @UnluckyLucky 

 

kya: oh my archons my freaaking notifs are annoying shut the fuck up venti 

 

free drinks for kaeya tonight set nickname to Diluc 

 

ven.: WHAT "SHUT THE FUK UP VENTI" I WILL ACTUALYL KICK YOUR DOOR OPEN KAEYA DO YOU SITLL REMEMBER WE'RE LITEEEEEERALLLYY NEIGHBORS 

 

kya: sis, i recommend not doing that 

 

ven.: OH NO YOUR NOT GONNA STOP ME

 

fishyyelle: too late @kya

 

fishyyelle: hes fucking stomping his feet like a toddler and XIAO IS JUST FUCKING STARING WHAT THE FUCK? 

 

fishyyelle: SOMEONE HELP AND STOP THEM IS ANYONE ALIVE IN OUR COMPOUND???????????

 

sarakujou: @fishyyelle missing you 

 

fishyyelle: aw, im missing you too <3

 

cocogoat: hii everyone!! qwq 

 

soundofmoney: :pingpong: 

 

cocogoat: morning $$<3!!! loveyoualways!

 

soundofmoney: :cattoblush: loveyou2andalways

 

booklover, okay?: heyy couples haha

 

booklover, okay?: i'm definitely not feeling left out here nuh-ah 

 

luminescent added woootao to the group

 

woootao: HEY BITCHES AND BROS AND NON-BINARY HOES 

 

woootao: @booklover, okay? @iceyboypopsicle HERE I GOT YOUR BACK XINGQIU 

 

booklover, okay?: waah? HAHA

 

iceyboypopsicle: :peek: hi 

 

woootao: CHONGERS BBTIME WITH MY PRECIOUS ADORABLE XINGQIU<3 

 

woootao: @ven. BBG LOOK AT THIS 

 

fishyyelle: holy shit venti looks traumatized 

 

Albedo: Mhm.

 

kya: yup, i told him lol 

 

ven.: ....

 

ven.: HU TAO YOUWONT FUCKING BELIVE THIS 

 

ven.: I JUT FUCKING SAW THEM FUCK LIKE LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK ITS 5 AM

 

woootao: BABEEEEEEEEEEEEE I BACKREAD AND YES ITS UR FAULT AHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHA

 

xiao.: @ven.

 

ven.: @xiao. 

 

woootao: VENTI YOU FUCKING BITCH UGHH I SWEAR WE'RE LITERALLY THE SAME BUT THE ONLY DIFF IS THAT U HAVE A FUCKING GOOD BF LIKE BRUUUUUUUUUUUUH 

 

Tartaglia: lmao 

 

Tartaglia: mornin' 

 

Tartaglia: didnt slept or anything 

 

mochi: @Tartaglia

 

ven.: OH DAMN Y'ALL GO LURKING MODE ITS MOCHI AND CHILDE FLIRTING NOW

 

Tartaglia: @mochi hey sup 

 

mochi: he's not worth it dude lol 

 

mochi: i mean yeahh lol hes smart handsome and all, actual rich kid like ning but like he wont even notice ur true feelings lmao thats so sad

 

Tartaglia: yea aaaaaaaaaa ive been crushing on him for 2 years and he'll like someone 

 

ven.: oh 

 

awoootao: WAIT WHAT

 

awoootao: ZHONGLI LIKES SOMEOJEB ELSE? WHAT THE

 

Tartaglia: oh hu tao 

 

Tartaglia: uhm yeah hes like someone alread

 

mochi: LOL 

 

ven.: yu[p uuuuhhhhhhh bye bye havin breakfast date with @xiao. the love of my life <3 

 

xiao.: im gonna love you forever until my very last breath @ven. 

 

xiao. set ven. nickname to xiao's property 

 

xiao's property set xiao. nickname to venti's property 

 

mochi: okay love birds 

 

metealxin: Yo!

 

booklover, okay?: hi xinyan

 

booklover, okay?: heard that ure hosting the game night later

 

metealxin: Yes! we're gonna play a lot of board games, just imagine we're gonna be in like a casino but full of board games 😂

 

iceyboypopsicle: @booklover, okay? lets go together ?

 

woootao: DAAYUUUUM MHM YUP I CAN YES MHM YES 

 

kya: my my my our yun is making the first move??????

 

captaine: aha kids these days

 

kya: ok just becauxe diluc is whipped for u doesnt me you can "kids these days"

 

captaine: i.. *sigh*

 

booklover, okay?: guyzzz him asking if we could go together is not what erm u think of! 

 

Tartaglia: bro he asked u go answer 

 

mochi: LOL i definitely can tell this childe dude is salty because no one ships him with zhong wwwwwwww

 

woootao: WHAAAAT??? WHOS THIS MOCHI KID AND HOW OLD ARE YOU LMAO 

 

mochi: lol

 

Chapter Text


 

mochi: lol

 

luminescent: uhoh

 

mochi: 19, do you have a problem with that

 

wootao: 25, it's 6 am kiddo go sleep ☠️

 

mochi: old

 

woootao: respect the elderly 

 

mochi: no thx

 

woootao: LMAO WOMT RESPECT ELDERLY = HEIGHT VERY SHORT 

 

Tartaglia: why the fuck are you guys fighting

 

mochi: ok ms./mr. woootao 

 

woootao: its ms. you stupid fuck

 

mochi: ok lmao at least im not dense as fuck

 

captaine: u both calm down...

 

Diluc: What's happening?

 

kya: hey break it down u two my notifs are fuking blowing up

 

woootao: what dense? the fuck's this guy talkin bout

 

woootao: youre getting on my nerves 

 

Yan(Law)Fei: I got a ping and what the hell is happening?

 

mochi: i would love to get on everyone's nerves here 

 

mochi: and what i mean about dense is lol the childe likes zhongli part but wait there's always a twist LMAO LMAO

 

Tartaglia: fcking

 

mochi: lol zhongli likes u woootao 

 

mochi: and that makes you so fucking dense how come you

 

Tartaglia removed mochi from the group

 

Tartaglia: for fuck's sake

 

woootao: what the?

 

woootao: is this seriously a prank or what

 

woootao: that's so really actually impossible i swear childe

 

kya: whaa really, fuck i literally bet for childe to get his man 

 

Tartaglia: ?

 

moramona: u guys were betting behind his back?

 

moramona: damn when did i missed this

 

Tartaglia: fuck it 

 

Tartaglia: yknow what just fuck all of this

 

Tartaglia: no more asking for advice because im done, im fucking done

 

booklover, okay?: everyone... what happened?

 

thomato: wow this gc was quite the ride 

 

fangowhoosh(ayaka): it indeed is

 

thomato: tartaglia's angry all of you should feel sorry 

 

awoootao: no but like seriously childe, i honestly dont think zhongli likes me at all

 

Tartaglia: no hard feelings hu tao, you can get him if you want after my confession gets rejected big time

 

awoootao: what are you saying no ones getting rejected okay i will personally help you

 

Tartaglia: no no no don't worry AHAHHAHHHahaha

 

luminescent added Kaedehara to the group

 

 


 

2:05 PM

 

UnluckyLucky: Hey... everyone

 

razor: ihello

 

UnluckyLucky: No one's active here!

 

razor: 😅😅😭😅😢😥😓😞

 

UnluckyLucky: Are you okay, Razor?!

 

razor: sorry lisa daid i try yellow cricle call emojis

 

UnluckyLucky: Okay, haha! That is silly!

 

razor: 😂😂😂😂😂😂

 

UnluckyLucky: Let's go out and explore the forest I found across river!

 

 

Chapter Text


 

mochi: go talk to hu tao, she said shes gonna help you good for you 

 

Tartaglia: Fuck you 

 

mochi: lol i know 

 

mochi: but go get your man dude 

 

Tartaglia: how the fuck am i suppose to do that when you just ruined everything now hu tao nows it 

 

mochi: im 10 billion percent sure she willn't steal your man 

 

Tartaglia: bro she hates you 

 

mochi: i know

 

mochi: doesnt matter anyways

 

mochi: im always hated and stuff

 

mochi: but eh idc 

 

Tartaglia: kinda sucks

 

Tartaglia: but u deserved it 

 

mochi: i cant say i deserve it 

 

mochi: i want to 

 

mochi: nvm 

 

mochi: lol 

 

Tartaglia: finish your sentence kiddo lol 

 

mochi: fuck you im 19 i aint kiddo

 

mochi: old fuck

 

Tartaglia: oh fuck you too im literally 1 year older than you i aint old

 

mochi: lol old 

 

Tartaglia: not fucking old 

 

mochi: no old 

 

Tartaglia: ok kiddo how tall are you 

 

mochi: FUCKYOU 

 

mochi: swear to fuckign god i know your address 

 

Tartaglia: oh shit 

 

Tartaglia: lol like i care 


Tartaglia: c'mere then LOL 

 

Tartaglia: i am literally fucking huge like 6'1

 

mochi: ok 

 

Tartaglia: kiddo whats ur height 

 

Tartaglia: say it pussy

 

Tartaglia: cunt

 

mochi: FUCK YOU YOU DICKHEAD 

 

mochi: im 

 

Tartaglia: WHAT SAY IT AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA 

 

mochi: IM 5'4 SO WHAT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU 

 

Tartaglia: lol cute

 

mochi: fuck you shithead i will rip off your head 

 

Tartaglia: love that approach 

 

Tartaglia: i really like you 

 

mochi: the fuck

 

mochi: you in love with me or something?

 

mochi: ew disgusting get the fuck out of my sight, dog 

 

Tartaglia: oh damn 

 

Tartaglia: you really think you could dominate everyone 

 

mochi: i really want to step on your shitty face 

 

Tartaglia: go on 

 

mochi: oh? you like being dominated? LOL shameless

 

Tartaglia: lol no who says im just gonna let you step on me like that 

 

Tartaglia: maybe its you who wants to get dominated 

 

mochi: nuh-uh bitch 

 

Tartaglia: cant beleive ur 5'4 

 

Tartaglia: venti's fucking taller than you LOL WHAT THE FUCK 

 

mochi: ok

 

mochi: at least i wont stumble my feet if i dont get people's advice

 

Tartaglia: okay "sir" backread boy 

 

mochi: okaaaaay "sir" whipped

 

Tartaglia: whaaaat no i aint whipped

 

mochi: oh darling, i saw how you look at him 

 

mochi: look hes online, go talk to him 

 

mochi: or just talk to hu tao instead

 

Tartaglia: the hell, wdym by you saw how i look at him

 

Tartaglia: and fine, i'll take ur word and talk to 

 

Tartaglia: "her" aka hu tao 

 

mochi: good luck dude, and heard u play osu 

 

Tartaglia: i play games 

 

mochi: yes i can tell it literally says in your bio "eboy" 

 

Tartaglia: what no 

 

Tartaglia: brooo i aint eboy fuck you 

 

mochi: yeah yeah 

 

mochi: wanna play osu or valo or do you even play league

 

Tartaglia: yes 

 

Tartaglia: lets play, feelin' lonely rn 

 

mochi: yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it liteeeeeeeerally shows in ur status 

 

mochi: you fucking shit 

 

Tartaglia: bro fuck you 

 

mochi: fuck you too 

Chapter Text


 

awoootao: hey childe

 

awoootao: wanna call? 

 

awoootao: lets um talk this all out 

 

awoootao: because i'm really willing to help you 

 

awoootao: hey 

 

awoootao: hey 

 

awoootao: hey 

 

awoootao: stop playing osu pls or maybe ure talking to someone it says here ure idle 😭✋

 

Tartaglia: sIr 

 

Tartaglia: was playing

 

awoootao: hey dude u sure you dont want my help?

 

Tartaglia: oaky fine i want your help 

 

Tartaglia: is it free or do i have to give you my wallet lol 

 

awoootao: of course its free! 

 

Tartaglia: i kinda developed trust issues 

 

awoootao: o h 

 

Tartaglia: remember that time when everyone i knew in liyue fucking pranked me 

 

awoootao: OH LOL BIRTHDAY BOY

 

Tartaglia: u guyz said zhongli want to havw date with me 🌝

 

Tartaglia: and it was my bday too what a bunch of horrible people

 

awoootao: LOL AHAHAHAHAHAHSHSAHAHAHHAHHAAHHAHAHA

 

awoootao: yeah but like 

 

awoootao: my business, wangsheng funeral is still open afterall

 

awoootao: and if u die when zhobgli reject you, i will save you in my hands

 

Tartaglia: you sound like yoire sure zhonglis gonna reject me what the hell man where's my supportive friends?

 

awoootao: aha just kidding dude

 

awoootao: i give you all my luck

 

awoootao: and lets call later

 

Tartaglia: yea whatever 

 

Tartaglia: im in game so brb

 

awoootao: okok glhf 

Chapter Text


 

Tartaglia: guys i dont need advice this time

 

Tartaglia: I NEED TO FUCKING KNOW HOW TO USE CHOPSTICKS LIKE WHAT HOW DOES THIS SHIT WORKS

 

Rich Auntie Ning: Oh dear, you just want to impress Zhongli. 

 

 Tartaglia: whaat no no okay like tiny bit

 

luminescent: childe u have praise kink or smth 

 

thomato: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xFRzzSF_6gk

 

Tartaglia: oh come on ive watched that a couple of times

 

Tartaglia: i still dont know how to

 

thoma: thats very sad

 

fangowhoosh(ayaka): it indeed is 

 

woofwoof: @ココミ

 

ココミ: oh gorou hows it going 

 

ココミ: is it hard to ping me @woofwoof

 

ココミ: hello wth

 

thomato: cute shy puppy

 

🎆: HEY HEY HEEEEEYY 

 

fangowhoosh(ayaka): yoimiyaaaaaaa 

 

ココミ set nickname to ko²mi

 

ko²mi: cool

 

ko²mi: who even invited me here aaa

 

thomato: @Tartaglia

 

fangowhoosh(ayaka): @Tartaglia

 

fishyyelle: @Tartaglia 

 

Tartaglia: what

 

fangowhoosh(ayaka) set nickname to ❄️

 

thomato: sweet nn

 

sarakujou: @fishyyelle hey whachu doin

 

fishyyelle: nothin much, hows inazuma trip doin

 

sarakujou: nothing much tbh 

 

sarakujou: wanna call? i'll stream 

 

fishyyelle: aaaa yes movie nights but its not really night is backk! 

 

xiao's property: wow so weird to see fish with someone

 

fishyyelle: the hell does that mean 

 

🎆: @xiao's property HEYY BESTIE ITS BEEN A WHILE HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

 

xiao's property: god why am i friends with hotiies 👷

 

thomato: 🕵️

 

🎆: ughh u are a hottie too bbg 😢

 

awoootao: bbgs miss y'all 😓💔

 

🎆: miss u too hu tao 

 

xiao's property: HAHAAHHAHAHA miss u 2 😭

 

thomato: @Tartaglia how's chopsticks doin

 

Tartaglia: oh hey my inazuman twin brother 

 

thomato: i am from mondstadt 

 

Tartaglia: wait what i thought u were from inazu

 

thomato: was born in mond, raised in inazu 

 

thomato: valo? 

 

Tartaglia: g 

 

Tartaglia: scara's gonna join 

 

thomato: oh that dude cool cool cool let him join

 

Tartaglia: im playin bad today havin some internet probs

 

thomato: thats cool to me

 

❄️: i amm coool 

 

thomato: ofc u r

 

thomato: ure very unique 

 

🎆: OH OH OH 

 

🎆: THOMA AYAKA CUTE INTERACTIONS MOMENT?????????

 

woofwoof: @Kaedehara Kazuha !

 

Kaedehara: Hey, Gorou. 

 

haishancrux: Ayo 

 

haishancrux: @metealxin game night cancelled?

 

Yan(Law)Fei: Yes 

 

Yan(Law)Fei: Rescheduling, everyone is still invited.

 

Tartaglia: damn kinda missing game nights 

 

Tartaglia: i miss liyue 

 

haishancrux: lemme just translste what that means for the sake of everyone

 

haishancrux: "damn kinda missing game nights with zh0ngli" 

 

haishancrux: "i really miss zh0ngli" 

 

Tartaglia: okay beidou

 

🎆: SO TRUE BESTIE

 

xiao's property: thats so well translated 

 

awoootao: LMFAO THATS SO TRUEEEEEE BEIDOUUU 

 

haishancrux: gtg peeps

 

awoootao: byebye mommy 

 

haishancrux: @Rich Auntie Ning Mommy 

 

Kaedehara: Introducing my family: 

 

Kaedehara: @Rich Auntie Ning mom

 

Kaedehara: @haishancrux dad 

 

thomato: @Kaedehara son

 

haishancrux: im so proud of you im in tears 

 

haishancrux: gonma give you a lot of pats IF u gonna join game nights

 

haishancrux: beidou adopting center is still open i can adopt all of you

 

thomato: #prouddaddy

 

Tartaglia: actual beidou dad moments

 

Chapter Text


 

kya: soo like funny story y'all

 

kya: y'all know that i work in a strip club right

 

kya: i still remember that look on childe's face when he saw me there 

 

Albedo: Wha ?

 

Diluc: You're still working at Ningguang's strip club?

 

kya: oh oops mb 

 

kya: i meant "used to work" 

 

Tartaglia: fuck kaeya you were so hot

 

Tartaglia: :homiekiss: 

 

kya: ewwww 

 

Albedo: Okay.

 

kya: nooo bedo ugh ure so possessive in bed but u lack confidence in urself 😔

 

kya: @Albedo i really love u, u know?

 

Albedo: I know.

 

Albedo: I sometimes wonder if I deserve to have happy moments in life. . . 

 

 

xoxorissaa: everyone deserves to be happy, sir albedo 😌

 

kya: yesss stop that determination to be unhappy i really love you veeeery much💙

 

Albedo: Okay. Go on with your story, love. 

 

kya: okay 😚

 

kya: so anyways, remember when i USED to work in a strip club

 

kya: im still freaking wondering how a  government member like ningguang owns a strip club

 

Rich Auntie Ning: For your information, I do not run it. Beidou runs it in my place. 

 

kya: aw thats so sweet #when

 

kya: ANYWAYS so my funny story is 

 

Tartaglia: HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

kya: so true tartaglia whats funny

 

Tartaglia: u said its a funny story im giving some support and love here as a homie :homiekiss: 

 

kya: Okay. 

 

kya: so my funny story is like I used to work in a strip club

 

kya: and i always bring marshmallows with me in a transparent container 

 

kya: i dont bring them in with like plastic packets

 

kya: and after work they just freeeaking stick together it kinda looks disgusting definitely looks like cum

 

Diluc: Fuck you.

 

kya: HAHSHSHSHSHAHAHAH

 

Diluc: Klee just read that sentence. Out. Loud.

 

kya: oh my, u babysitting with jeanie?

 

captaine: yes kaeya...

 

kya: coming over rn 

 

xiao's property: @kya OMFG SISTEEEEEER THAT SHIT HAPPENS TO ME TOO 😭✊

 

xiao's property: but i still eat it cuz it cost me 300+ mora

 

venti's property: and you still do it. 

 

kya: 😭huhu i wonder why that happens

 

Albedo: It's because you leave it hot in the car for hours and hours. While driving, you have AC on, right?

 

kya: ofc i like cold atmosphere but i liek u more daddy 😉

 

Albedo: So that happens, it kinda melts the marshmallow and it all stick together when cold air comes. 

 

Tartaglia: fjck im so single help

 

Rich Auntie Ning: I feel like you only like Mr. Zhongli is because you want to get in his pants.

 

Tartaglia: not really but half true

 

Tartaglia: it was fucking love at first sight im tellimg you but its all one sided and shit

 

Tartaglia: the first time i met him, he was so hot in those liyuen clothes thing 

 

Tartaglia: i want to fuck him so bad 

 

awoootao: SS'D 

 

xiao's property: SIMP ALERT EWWWW

 

Tartaglia: fuck you as if you aint simping for your bf 

 

xiao's property: we r together SOOOO???

 

xiao's property: @venti's property i love you my universe, my snookums, my boo, my cherry on top, my love, my star, my everything 🐸💕

 

venti's property: from the back of uranus, i love you so much. even if everything collapse, i will love you until my very last breath. you dont know how much youve changed me, and i always thank you for that. i love you, forever and always♡.

 

Tartaglia: oh sweet tsaritsa 

 

Tartaglia: #when

 

awoootao: aw y'all so sweet 

 

awoootao: what is your favorite position childe

 

Tartaglia: genie-technique-sitting-style 💦

 

awoootao: COOOOOOOOOM 

 

thomato: ah ah ah, anime-girls-sitting-on-the-ground-*cutely*-technique-sitting-style 👵

 

Tartaglia: my bisexual ass is agreeing with you bro

 

thomato: wanna league tho

 

Tartaglia: cool i'll ask scara to join, that guy is a fucking monster at playing ||yuumi||

 

Tartaglia: also y'all okay with me inviting scara back 

 

thomato: yeah y'all, hes very chill and surprisingly has a nice hot cool chill voice 

 

awoootao: ugh fine, just domt let him talk to me istg I'll bald his hair

 

Kaedehara: No. 

 

Kaedehara: He's... very dangerous, guys.

 

Tartaglia: huh? dude 

 

Tartaglia: hes literally screaming like a girl when getting chased by the enemy jungler how tf hes dangerous 

 

Tartaglia: which i find strangely cute bc his pitch changes HAHAHAHAHHAHA

 

thomato: HAHAHAHHAHSHHSHAA same bro

 

awoootao: fuck both of you, fucking whipped boys 🐋🐳🐬

 

Kaedehara: Nevermind. 

 

Kaedehara: Go ahead, like I give a shit about him.

 

haishancrux: @Kaedehara its fine dad's gonna protect you

 

Tartaglia: sweet thx kazoo

 

Tartaglia added mochi in the group

 

mochi: @Tartaglia @thomato whores hoes slut fuckholes sex toys 

 

thomato: woah there buddy calm down and yes i will 🙇 for you..........

 

Tartaglia: that's... kinda gay, thoma, my brother. 

 

thomato: Fucking.......... betrayer. It is fine, I... I completely understand. 

 

mochi: what about you tartaglia, yield now 

 

haishancrux: the fuck 

 

mochi: heya beidou 

 

haishancrux: oh um hey?

 

mochi: lol saw kaedehara kazuha's msg 

 

haishancrux: oh... yeah

 

mochi: cool 

 

mochi: am i the jerk here now or what

 

thomato: ngl tho ure freaking cool to be with

 

Tartaglia: BROTHER! hes literally bullying me everytime in vc!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

haishancrux: no, ure not hated here or anything haha 

 

haishancrux: i want you to talk to kazuha here, my son and lets fix this uhm problem here 

 

Tartaglia: huh? what problem? 

 

haishancrux: and yes @woootao you are welcome to join our discussion

 

haishancrux: just want to make things clear, why the fuck are you manipulative and dangerous, scaramouche? 

 

mochi: lol

 

mochi: fuck you

 

mochi: why the fuck am i manipulative and dangerous? 

 

mochi: the hell are you saying loool 

 

awoootao: fuck look at this bitch here 

 

haishancrux: yeah time first, shit ain't gonna come anywhere if you dont talk kid 

 

mochi: pls explain why everyone's calling me kid 

 

Tartaglia: cuz u sound one?

 

mochi: bruh they havent heard me aaaand lumine and aether r literally 17 years olds BRUUH 

 

thomato: okay bae why do you know that 

 

mochi: i do research my bud... i do.. research. 

 

thomato: that's why i love you so much baby 😘😍❤️

 

❄️: 👀

 

thomato: oh shit i mean like i was just kidding ayaka i am still single🤐

 

❄️: 😊mkayy

 

Tartaglia: fuxk brother, u guys together?

 

thomato: sadly no, im just courting her, her brother's very rough and scary dude 😔

 

Tartaglia: OH FUCK ME EVERYONE I KNOW IS TAKEEEEEEN WHAT ABOUT ME 👤

 

luminescent: @mochi this guy is single and ready to mingle 

 

luminescent: or u want a one night stand i have a list of names who wants to uh yes 

 

haishancrux: @mochi if youre ready to talk, im always here, im not trying to pressure you or anything

 

haishancrux: I just want to hear your side. 

 

Kaedehara: It's no use, Beidou. 

 

mochi: sure 

 

Tartaglia: @thomato @mochi league?

 

mochi: hah ur ass needs my professional yuumi support 

 

Tartaglia: fuck you just because i always pick adc 

 

thomato: #alwaysjungle🍅

Chapter Text


 

woofwoof: Minna-san!! 

 

woofwoof: Please help Gorou!

 

UnluckyLucky: Hi, Gorou!

 

UnluckyLucky: I am Bennett! 

 

woofwoof: Hi, Bennett!!

 

our little wolfie: hi goro 

 

our little wolfie: my name is razor

 

woofwoof: Hi, Razor! 

 

woofwoof: I am Wolfie, too!

 

woofwoof: @everyone Please help poor Gorou!

 

fishyyelle: what

 

awoootao: heyy morning guys

 

soundofmoney: plz dont ping i have works to do.. 

 

kya: hey baby @woofwoof

 

xoxorissaa: what you need help with, cutie?~

 

Tartaglia: @mochi i will not lose

 

mochi: either am i 

 

mochi: u think im backing out?

 

mochi: i will kot sleep like that weakling thoma

 

Tartaglia: HAHA i will not sleep too bwxaue i qma dotmwnfins wkthan him

 

mochi: fuxk taking iy bacm bc i wnan slep

 

Tartarglia: yes fuck same wanna make sleep vc 

 

mochi: kinda gay but im in 

 

awoootao: dude its 9 in the morning

 

mochi: i sleep

 

Tartaglia: No i will not sleep i will not lose to your bitch ass 

 

mochi: oh fcuk you i will not lose too but wanna still hop in sleep vc?

 

Tartaglia: sure

 

Tartaglia: i will open my ears if i hear you snore

 

mochi: i dont snore bitch

 

mochi: anyways hi gorou @woofwoof what do you need help for 

 

woofwoof: It's you! 

 

woofwoof: But nevermind for now, I need help! 

 

Tartaglia: yeah what is it 

 

woofwoof: I just don't know why my boyfriend broke up with me.. 

 

woofwoof: I am still crying... 

 

Kaedehara: ????? Gorou, you have a boyfriend????

 

ko²mi: GOROU WHAT? YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT IT

 

❄️: gorou????? Thought we were friends🗣️

 

🎆: GOROU WHOS THAT BITCH THAT BROKE UP WITH YOU

 

mochi: goroou we're not close but ure cute af who would want to break up with you 

 

Tartaglia: agree even though haven't seen ur face

 

fishyyelle: wow you both's grammar and spelling still here

 

woofwoof: Yes, we've been together for 4 months

 

woofwoof: Gorou didn't tell because he said so. 

 

mochi: so?

 

mochi: what happened

 

❄️: 😾 who did that to you pls tell me

 

woofwoof: The problem is I don't know his real name, he goes by the name adrian... 

 

woofwoof: he won't really tell me!

 

🎆: fuck actual 🚩🚩🚩there

 

mochi: why did you two broke up

 

woofwoof: Because he said I wasn't too girly... and I feel insecure now. 

 

mochi: fucking 

 

mochi: that's fucking disgusting who's that motherfcuer that did that to you

 

fishyyelle: shit

 

woofwoof: I always send him my cute pictures everyday, but he still broke up with me.

 

mochi: uhm hey did he tell you to uh send lewd stuff?

 

🎆: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK IF HE ACTUALLT DID IM GONNA BLOW UP HIS ENTIRE HOUSE WITH THESE FIREWORKS I JUST FUCKING FINISHED MAKING TODAY

 

mochi: give me something from him, i can track his location

 

❄️: oh im definitely not mad haha

 

❄️: @thomato look please

 

woofwoof: Uhmm yes. 

 

woofwoof: But It was when we played T or D, so I had to... send him. 

 

mochi: fucking shit seriously who's that fuckee

 

mochi: @Tartaglia bitch are you eating

 

Tartaglia: oatmeal supremacy

 

woofwoof: I really want him back everyone! Please help Gorou!

 

xoxorissaa: ? cutie, you ain't going back to him.

 

woofwoof: Hi! Why?!

 

captaine: I'm sure that guy is a discord mod or something 

 

🎆: fuxk yeah 

 

❄️: archons 

 

mochi: hey gorou, are you sure you sent him a lewd pic ?

 

woofwoof: My thighs!  

 

mochi: im actually fucking afraid, what if your pictures get uploaded somewhere ? 

 

woofwoof: Huh...? He won't do that to me...

 

woofwoof: I'm scared what if he actually did...

 

Kaedehara: @woofwoof Calm down, tell us his name and tag, I will talk to him to delete those pictures. 

 

mochi: im just getting ready, fixing my setup to track that motherfucker down 

 

mochi: tarta-chan's gonna beat them down, right babe? 

 

Tartaglia: oh sure baby 

 

ko²mi: fucking asshole, fuck 

 

ko²mi: gorou come over later okie

 

ko²mi: sorry im late.. 

 

ko²mi: my last energy drained 

 

haishancrux: @woofwoof Ayo

 

haishancrux: this best dad's advice for you is dont date anyone so fucking sus in discord its gonna end up bad

 

UnluckyLucky: Yeah!!! Be like me and razor!!! We only explore and go on adventure!!!

 

our little wolfie: 😅😅😅😅yes

 

haishancrux: i mean open your eyes, he broke up with you because u aint that girly 

 

haishancrux: the fuck's that mean what a fucking horrible situation

 

haishancrux: sorrryy jm still drunk because games nights hasnt ended yet and uh people are making out here 

 

Tartaglia: shit pls take me is zhongli there

 

mochi: loool whipped

 

fishyyelle: what u jealous mochi dude 

 

mochi: what why would i be ive been giving ed sheeran advice for yhe wholr straight day

 

Tartaglia: thank you baby, thats what i like about you eh 😘

 

mochi: be submissive, slut

 

Tartaglia: fuck you bitch, i am dom 

 

Tartaglia: anyways yeah @Kaedehara how's the talk goimg on?

 

Kaedehara: What? Gorou didn't give any names 

 

woofwoof: adrian#4961

 

woofwoof: Please talk to him for me...

 

mochi: tracking him down now

 

mochi: @Tartaglia @🎆 giving address later

 

mochi: oh fuck? hes in snehznaya

 

mochi: close to you dude LOL

 

ko²mi: perfect

 

ko²mi: i already finished 5 plans to threaten him that he pisses his pants

 

Tartaglia: sure since im also a horrible person give it to me

 

ko²mi: dming it now

 

woofwoof: 🙂

 

ko²mi: no dating online without my permission gorou

 

woofwoof: Okay.

 

woofwoof: Thank you all of you for you help.

 

mochi: no probs gorou, just enjoy life and troll bitches and hoes

 

Tartaglia: and he passed out 

 

Tartaglia: might as well do it 

Chapter Text


 

captaine: people from mondstadt 

 

Tartaglia: im from snezhnaya 

 

thomato: currently in mondstadt now whachu need 

 

captaine: i need a babysitter for klee, and... her two other friends 

 

kya: qiqi sayu, dont know where their parents are 

 

awoootao: 🌞

 

thomato: how much u payin and why

 

captaine: we're going somewhere with Diluc and kaeya

 

kya: why did you capitalize his name ugh biased

 

captaine: sorry Kaeya *sigh*

 

Tartaglia: @thomato ayo wanna meet up 

 

Tartaglia: booking a flight rn to mond 

 

thomato: wtf sure sweet

 

thomato: fucking rich kid 

 

Tartaglia: do you need bbsitter rn or tom

 

captaine: tomorrow

 

Tartaglia: cool 

 

Tartaglia: @mochi you comin?

 

mochi: sure bitch 

 

mochi: wait what 

 

Tartaglia: meet up bc i said so

 

mochi set Tartaglia nickname to ginger fucker

 

ginger fucker: what the heal 

 

mochi: are we seriously gonna meet up 

 

ginger fucker: sure of course

 

mochi: what the fuck do you mean sure of course 

 

thomato: sheeeesh scara, u booking a flight or no

 

mochi: fuck fine, my friend signora is also there so 

 

mochi: @ginger fucker pay for my flight 

 

ginger fucker: how am i gonna pay for it 

 

mochi: it's because i live in snezhnaya

 

thomato: WTF 

 

ginger fucker: WTF 

 

awoootao: okay wtf 

 

thomato: were you lurking 

 

awoootao: of course 

 

moramona: its kinda adorable seeing you three interact to each other

 

moramona: but i dont think childe deserve friends

 

ginger fucker: mona... why are you like that to me.....

 

mochi: LMAO AHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAA

 

thomato: nah, man's too cool to not deserve friends 

 

thomato: we love you dude 

 

ginger fucker: i love you too baby boy <3

 

mochi: fuck that's so gay AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

thomato: @mochi baby<3 dont be like that, i love you so much

 

❄️: 💩

 

thomato: oh uh no im just kidding ayaka im very loyal to you  

 

mochi: LOL AHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAHHAH

 

ginger fucker: #when

 

ginger fucker: @mochi im kinda confused

 

mochi: about what?

 

thomato: why are you in snezhnaya 

 

ginger fucker: why are you in snezhnaya 

 

mochi: oh parents got divorced, i went with my dad in snezhnaya 

 

mochi: my siblings went with mom lol 

 

ginger fucker: damn dude 

 

awoootao: aw

 

mochi: what "aw" 

 

mochi: i reaallyy dont care lol 

 

mochi: anyways meet up at the airport, and pay for my flight 

 

ginger fucker: alright sure 

 

ginger fucker: and sorry mom wont let me use our private plane 

 

thomato: fucking rich kid ugh 

 

ginger fucker: i earned all of it 

 

moramona: since y'all going to mond pls donate money to mona @ginger fucker 

 

xiao's property: CHILDE'S GOING TO MOND? DAMN IT IM IN LIYUE THAT DUDE FUCKING RENTED DILUC'S ENTIRE BAR FOR THE DAY 

 

xiao's property: UGGHHHH @venti's property PLS LETS GO MOND FOR NOW PLSSSS XIAOOO

 

venti's property: im gonna pick you up.

 

xiao's property: AWW I LOVE YOU SO MUCHH <3

 

ginger fucker: @Diluc i guess im renting your bar again 

 

kya: WIAT HWAAAAATT NOOO CHILDE FUCKJ 

 

kya: I CANT CANCEL THIS TRIP AAAAA

 

captaine: oh... 

 

fishyyelle: OOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CHILDEEEEEEE 

 

fishyyelle: MY SWEET CHILDE 

 

ginger fucker: here we go again

 

fishyyelle: u gonna buy me a new tv right 

 

ginger fucker: no stop 

 

mochi: LOL 

 

mochi: hey i just arrived 

 

mochi: where you?

 

fishyyelle: dear celestia, just date each other 

Chapter Text

"Fuck, where are you..?" Scaramouche huffed, gripping his phone. He bit his index finger's nail, waiting for his reply in the group chat. "Ughh, that asshole. I swear, did he tricked me?" Tears were starting to be visible in his eyes, the feeling of getting manipulated again scares him. 

 

His other hand ducked his white bucket hat down, trying to hide his pathetic self, looking down at his phone.

 

"Hey, what do you mean? I would never do that." Warm hands touched both of his shoulders making Scaramouche startled and look behind. "Boo." A suspicious looking man, black sunglasses on and a white bucket hat with a whale designed on it. 

 

"What the fuck!" Scaramouche screamed, pushing the man far from him. "Chill, comrade! It's me!" 

 

"Who the fuck are you!" Scaramouche cried out, raising both of his fist at the man. Eyes watering from fear, he gazed at the man. "It's Childe. Are you okay?"

 

He sniffed, glaring at Childe. "You scared me." Childe smiled worriedly, "Sorry, didn't know you get scared easily, MB dude." 

 

"Buy me mcdonalds and I will forgive you." Scaramouche laughed evilly, clasping both his hands like an evil villain would do in a classic anime show. "Everyone's treating me like a walking wallet." He sighed. 

 

He looked at Childe again. A white bucket hat with a whale designed on it, black sunglasses. Black converse high shoes, blue ripped jeans, oversized white t-shirt. 

 

"Why the fuck are you dressed like that?" He asked, lifting a brow up. Talking about his weird ass looking sunglasses. "Uhh, I'm famous in Snezhnaya." Scaramouhe was confused, more. "How." 

 

"I'm a twitch streamer, god damn it. I thought you do research on everyone you encounter." 

 

"H.o.w." Scaramouche furrowed his eyebrows in disgust. "Ajax, that name rings a bell in you?" Then he finally understood, nodding at him. 

 

"Oh, that streamer? Cool, let's go then." 

 

"G, let's go." They walked like models, swinging their hips like nobody cared. Eyes were definitely on them. 

 

Scaramouche was wearing a white bucket hat, a dolphin designed on it. Wearing a pair of white converse high shoes, black pants and a white oversized sweater. 

 

Fuck, they actually look like a couple going in their first date overseas. 

 

Ugh, the fact that I enjoy that thought is making me throw up already!

 


 

They were sitting together. Scaramouche was on the window side, and Childe was beside him. 

 

"Hey, I really want to be on the window side." Childe spat out, mumbling it. "Shut the fuck up, slut." Scaramouche mocked, flashing Childe his smug face.

 

"You really like saying slut. There's a child behind out seat, by the way." Scaramouche immediately flinched, tugging both his sweater to hide his mouth.

 

Childe laughed, "You even act so cute in real life." He almost try to pat Scaramouche on the head, but stopped himself mentally. "Yeah, fudge you." Scaramouche lifted his ring finger up, instead of his middle finger. 

 

"Tomorrow, we'll be in Mondstadt in a flash because I am cool!" He raised a fist up in amusement. Wheezing like an anime protagonist that was about to turn to an evil junk. 

 

"Also, wanna play wild drift?" Childe smirking, he brought out his phone. "Of course." He smirked too. Two anime villains teamed up and about to destroy the whole fucking teyvat. 

 

Childe deadpanned, remembering the slow fucking internet connect they will get because they are flying in the clouds. "Wait no, never mind. Let's just binge something, no sleeping again?"

 

Scaramouche immediately nodded, "And I didn't lose the last time." 

 

"What? You lose!" Childe whined, "Didn't." Scaramouche could only laugh smugly. 

 


 

Tartaglia slept with his head buried beside his seatmate, and Scaramouche didn't minded it, continuing the Death Note anime show they picked earlier. 

 

But Childe ended up snoring through the whole episodes, Scaramouche took a picture to prove his victory. 

 

And they arrived at Mondstadt. 

 

"Wooo, that was quite a trip." Childe stretched his hands up, smiling at the visible eye bugs underneath Scaramouhe's eyes. 

 

"Let's go already." Scaramouche grabbed Childe's hand and dragged him inside the taxi. 

 

Mondstadt was great as always, it looked like it was always spring season unlike in Snezhnaya. 

 


 

mochi: @captaine we're here already !

 

thomato: i think scara knows my address

 

ginger fucker: scaramouche looks cute bro 

 

thomato: thats my baby boy 😘

 

mochi: fuck you

 

luminescent: what seriously

 

luminescent: did u two actually 

 

ginger fucker: yup

 

mochi: yup

 

luminescent: i agree wholeheartedly with scaramouche being cute

 

luminescent: and short

 

ginger fucker: whaat no i didnt said that

 

mochi: didnt know childe was a famous streamer sheeesh

 

moramona: wat?

 

xiao's property: WHAT

 

awoootao: WHAT

 

ginger fucker: dont tell them pls

 

mochi: name's childe, but also go by tartaglia, real name's ajax

 

xiao's property: oh that streamer yeah he's quite famous

 

awoootao: i kinda prefer la signora shes hot

 

ginger fucker: oh fuck her

 

mochi: oh i hate her shes my friend

 

awoootao: WTF

 

mochi: dottore is a streamer too, pulcinella, uhh they're bunch of losers 

 

ginger fucker: ikr i cant say we're friends but we use each other for content

 

moramona: WHY ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH RICHES UGH

 

booklover, okay?: @ginger fucker CHILDEEEE VISIT LIYUE! I TOLD MR. ZHONGLI YOU'RE BACK

 

ginger fucker: omyarchons really oks im on my way

 

captaine: uhmm... hey childe, there's 4 children inside Diluc's house...

 

ginger fucker: cool

 

mochi: wait im gonna babysit too?

 

thomato: ME AND THE BOYS BABYSITTING LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

mochi: no hard pass

 

captaine: please... dont let klee play with bombs, dont let them enter our kitchen, sayu gets exhausted real quick let her sleep... and qiqi is ok. 

 

kya: good luck boys 😷

 


 

It was an 1 hour trip before they reach Diluc's house, which is just close to his bar. "You passing on babysitting?" Childe whispered, "Yes, I'm bad at children." 

 

The driver lowered their hat down, suddenly speaking up. "Hi." Both of them in the backseat was startled, "The fuck, chongyun?" 

 

Chongyun snickered, focusing on the road. "You work as a taxi driver? That's fucking neat." Scaramouche said, "Yes, College is quite... expensive. I want to go with the same College Xingqiu wants to go in." 

 

"That's so sweet. #When." 

 

And the rest of the trip were Scaramouche teasing both of them, and that's why this time Childe didn't payed for the taxi bills.

 

They got out of the car, the purple-haired boy scratched his hair. "Wow, are you sure this is a house." 

 

Diluc's house. A fucking brewery manor, grapevines planted outside, and no one seemed to be working there. "This is why I love drinking in his bar." 

 

They followed the path which lend them onto the huge ass doors. Scaramouche didn't wasted anytime and opened the door by the handle that looks very much expensive. Surprisingly enough, it was unlocked.

 

The moment they entered, 4 kids looked at them with shock. A kid in red was chasing another kid in blue, a tanuki kid sleeping on the ground, and a cat-like-kid bullying Thoma.

 

"Fudge! Help me!"

 

It's gonna be a long ass day.

Chapter Text


 

"What the fudge happened here?!" Scaramouche slammed his both of his hands on the coffee table dramatically. "Adults are funny!" The kid in red laughed. 

 

"Okay, introductions first, young ladies." Childe smiled, "They bullied me!" Thoma patted a shiba dog besides him. "Dude, why's Taroumaru here?" 

 

"Because I want him to be here?" 

 

"Hi! I'm Klee! I found a very weird lizard in Diluc's house, want me to show you? I like blowing up fish!" The girl chimed in with an energetically. 

 

"I'm Qiqi." The other spoke, hugging her knees together. This one is so sad to look at, Childe thought. 

 

"I'm Sayu." She added, and proceed to get knocked out and snored. Yup, just like that. "Oh archons! Are you alright?" Thoma said worriedly, because damn that thud was definitely loud.

 

"I'm Diona, and I hate here! I want to go out! Ugh, being here in that Diluc guy's house is disgusting me! But I like playing with Klee so whatever!" Scaramouche almost rolled his eyes at that, "Just uhm.. sit tight everyone." He tried sounding nice. 

 

Childe gestured for them to come over, and they made a circle by putting their hands to their shoulders. "So, what's the plan? We going full AD or DEF?" Scaramouche whispered.

 

"No, we have no plans at all." Thoma answered, sighing up. "Also, you look bussin', Mochi." Thoma and his Snezhnayan twin chucked, the purple-haired boy could only huff in annoyance. 

 

"I'm bad at children, I only came because.. this i-idiot here!" His ears becoming red by the time, "Okay then, sorry. I'm good at children, so don't worry guys." 

 

"Okay, Childe with the (Childe)ren and Scaramouche.... just sweep the floor, god damn it. And I'm gonna cock, I mean cook." 

 

"Fuck all of you." Scaramouche was the first one to break their circle, Childe wouldn't stop laughing. 

 

Klee came up to Scaramouche, held his hands and started dragging him. "Come with us, pretty man!" He could only mouth 'save me' to them before laughing nervously. 

 

On the sofa, Sayu and Qiqi cuddled together and slept. Thoma grabbed a blanket from a room he doesn't know who belonged too, but with how much sex toys there were on the bed, he's gonna assume it was Kaeya's room. 

 

"That naughty woman..." Childe whispered under his breath before snorting. And with that, Thoma went to do his main quest, cocking cooking.

 

Damn fuck, why do I say cock instead of cook, something's wrong with me...

 

He shrugged off that thought and begun searching for some ingredients in the refrigerator, not to mention how fucking fancy Diluc's kitchen was! Thoma kinda felt rich for the moment of time there. 

 

Back with Childe, he tried searching, but not for ingredients, but for Scaramouche. That cute dwarf suddenly disappeared in a flash, he doesn't know where those two kids brought him in.

 


 

xiao's property: SO LIKE WHY'RE THEY BABYSITTING @captaine @Diluc @kya

 

kya: uuugghh duh?? 

 

captaine: kaeya suggested it...

 

Diluc: I 

 

🎆: i mean daddy diluc here is fucking richy as fuck 

 

awoootao: ikrrr 

 

xiao's property: bbg hu tao you literally changed your name so many times

 

awoootao: oh my you actually noticed ugh ilysm 😘😘

 

kya: duh y'all 

 

kya: i freaaaaking suffer babysitting those 4 

 

kya: AND I HAVE NOOO IDEA WHERE SAYU AND QIQI KID CAME FROM

 

awoootao: qiqi said she a zombie

 

kya: and i see more possibilities on scarachilde team than chili sorry y'all 

 

luminescent: i heard you 

 

luminescent changed ginger fucker to 💦

 

luminescent changed mochi to ☂️

 

luminescent changed nickname to lumine☔

 

kya: oh my fucking god smart 

 

kya: and yes i want to see them suffer what ive suffered 

 

Albedo: Oh, you're bad.

 

kya: mhm yesh im reallyyy bad

 

kya: or was that an insult 

 


 

Scaramouche came back, looking like a house wife ready to clean up the whole house, and how he got fucking forced to dress like a disney princess.

 

"Haha! Klee heard Scubamoosuchu is sweeping!" The girl said proudly, and Scaramouche wanted to die right on the spot when his two homies looked at him almost laughing.

 

Childe taking out his phone, not his wallet this time, and started spinning around Scaramouche to take selfies. "I'm gonna change my PFP to this!"

 

"Stop asshole!" 

 

"This is kinda the best day of my 19 years life in earth." Thoma wheezed. 

 

Chapter Text


 

💦 [sent a photo]

 

xiao's property: NICE PFP CHILDE 

 

kya: aw thats cute 

 

☂️: FUXK YOU DELETE THAT BEFOEE EVRYONE SEES IT 

 

lumine☔: @everyone 

 

kya set nickname to kya☔

 

👻bootao: @☂️ u single, shwaty? 😞👉👈

 

lumine☔: yes very single 

 

👻bootao: @💦 zhongdaddy is cosplaying a half-dragon hot male sugar daddy in your area

 

xiao's property: what y'all costume for halloween

 

kya☔: succubus :3~ 

 

👻bootao: a zombie, me and qiqi will dress as a zombie muahahah

 

💦: amogus

 

kya☔: pls childe amogus is alresdy dead 

 

☂️: i know, childe unupdated loololololol

 

Kaedehara: I'm dressing up as a wanderer. I do not need any candies or anything, I just want to admire the scenery of the fall's halloween. 

 

Albedo: I have no costumes, or I wish to take a part in a halloween event. I also wish to admire the scenery and paint it in my beautiful white canvas to 

 

☂️: ughh just stop we already know okay

 

Kaedehara: The night's been lonely, and shit's been so fucking bad Injust want it all tos stoisujmp

 

☂️: poetic

 

Kaedehara: Fuck. You know what, I can't bottle all these feelings up, I can't stand you being here Scaramouche. 

 

xoxorissaa: oh my 

 

Kaedehara: Fuck you just wht did you do yht to tomo i judt l, please why? can yiu tell me why just say it you fucking 

 

👻bootao: ayo thats really... cut it out 

 

💦: what's happening fucking hell you two should talk in private y'know 

 

☔: fucjing kaedehara kazuha how dare you fcuking point the fingers on me, did you actually thought youre the only soul that got their entire life ruined 

 

☔: did you fucking know how much hatred i got from people surrounding me because of your shit ass rumors about how i drove tomo to kill himself?

 

☔: why? why would you think like yhat i 

 


 

Scaramouche ran, even with his clothes like that, he ran far away from them. He wiped off his tears as he tried opening the fucking huge doors in Diluc's home. 

 

"Hey, mochi! I just saw your MSG in the GC! It's fine!" Thoma tried to reach out to him, worriedly. "Mochi! Don't leave Klee! And that's Mommy Jean's 15th birthday dress!" Klee yelled. 

 

Scaramouche immediately froze, "What the fuck? You're Jean's...?" 

 

"No, daddy said Klee is adopted!" 

 

"What the fuck?" Scaramouche fell on his knees, making them startled but suddenly burst into laughter, "Jean wore this?" He continued to wheeze, trying to picture the Master Jean wearing this in her 18th birthday. 

 

By the time he went to get up, Childe was there and offered him a hand. "You okay?" His fucking fragile heart... fuck. He grabbed the hand, "No." 

 

Thoma patted his shoulder all of the sudden, and the four children surrounded them. "Wanna talk about it?" Scaramouche could only shrug, his eyes very sore. 

 

Klee and Qiqi tried comforting him by hugging his thighs, Diona and Sayu were missing. "Fucking drama." He rolled his eyes, "Don't worry, guys." 

 

"I'm fine." 

Chapter Text


 

haishancrux: @☂️ Ayo, I'm really sorry about Kazuha. 

 

Rich Auntie Ning: He had it rough, you know.

 

metealxin: ye, kinda hurts my heart to see him like that

 

Yan(Law)Fei: And you thought making him listen to slipknot for hours will mke him feel better?

 

metealxin: i mean it works for me 🤔

 

☂️: fucking liyuens got his back big hopeee all 

 

haishancrux: of course 

 

💦: succesful fucking babysitting, we're on the way to the nearest bar here or something 

 

💦: @❄️ thoma said we should go to a strip club and fuck some strippers with a maniac smile on his face 😷

 

thomato: 💂

 

❄️: 👁️ oh.. well i trust he will never say that or anything

 

❄️: (。・//ε//・。)

 

thomato: aw i love you too 

 

💦: fjck thats so sweet #when

 

xiao's property: @☂️

 

❄️: also huhu ayato-niisan is always checking my phone, u should unsend it ! 

 

🎆: lowkey wanna beat up ayato 

 

☂️: heyy everyone im sooo sorry for the meltdown i hope all of you dont mind. it was very immature of me. 

 

Kaedehara: I'm sorry, too. I guess. 

 

haishancrux: fuck, i love you both so much peace is so peaceful 

 

Rich Auntie Ning: My advice for you two is to talk it out. Those kind of things should be cleared. 

 

☂️: heyy ty for the advice it means a lot to me. 

 

☂️: so uh where r u rn haha @Kaedehara 

 

Kaedehara: Liyue. 

 

💦: good thing we're going to liyue

 

xiao's property: GOOD THING WE HAVEN'T LEFT AND I WON A HUGE GAMBLE WHETHER CHILDE IS GOING TO LIYHE OR STAYING IN MOND AAAAA MY PREDICTIONS ARE AWESOME!!!!! 

 

ven's property: ily.

 

moramona: aw cmon, if i can only transform to water i wouldve traveled faster 

 

kya☔: 🌚fuck

 

Albedo: I can buy you the highest quality of grape wines, don't be sad. 

 

kya☔: love you so muchhhhhh 

 

kya☔: and yaaaay great news everyoneeeeeeeeeee 

 

☂️: hiii ms alberich what's the news

 

👻bootao: okay that's actually kinda scary but shawty's like a melody in my head 😱😱😱😱😱

 

kya☔: diluc and jean are uh engaged 

 

💦: holy fucking fuck shit 

 

xiao's property: FUCK????!!? HOLY MOLLY BARBATOS 

 

xiao's property: IM SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR BOTH OF YOU AAA I LOVE YOU BOTH @DILUC @CAPGITSNE

 

🎆: OMGGGG CONGRATSSSSS <3 <3

 

👻bootao: CONGRATULATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONSSS I WISH Y'ALL HAVE A NICE LIFE AND FUCKING INVITE ME TO THE WEDDING OR I 👹

 

☂️: congrats!! wishing you both good luck

 

windgliderchampion: hey!! i just saw this recently and wow 

 

xoxorissaa: aww my sweet ex gf good luck on your wedding!!! 😘💞

 

moramona: ohhhhhh my archons congrats @Diluc @captaine ! 

 

fishyelle: OH MY GLOB YOU BOTH ARE DINGDONGS BUT CONGRATS!!!! 💜💜

 

ven's property: the result of non-stop watching adventure time. congrats jean, diluc. 

 

ko²mi: congrats from inazuma!!! 

 

🎆: HEY HEY HEYY IF U NEED FIREWORKS FOR YOUR WEDDING MY COMPANY CAN SUPPLY TONS 

 

metealxin: congrats from liyue!!! 

 

kya☔: so that was a lot of msg in a minute

 

kya☔: just so yknow i am not happy abouy this

 

Albedo: I... Me too. 

 

☂️: oh..? 

 

captaine: ...i um- thank you so much, everyone.

 

Diluc: I also don't feel happy about this.

 

Diluc: It was a force marriage, everyone. 

 

Diluc: Father wants grandson already with my almost 5 months girlfriend, it's too.. fast. 

 

captaine: but heyy.. we already adopted 2 kids hahaha 

 

💦: right........... forgot about that part

 

Diluc: Makes sense, perhaps I just feel nervous and all. 

 

kya☔: i highkey want to marry u @Albedo

 

kya☔: UwU 

 

xiao's property: ok no more uwus stop it 

 

kya☔: cry about it 👴

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text


 

luminescent: so mind telling the tale now 

 

mochi: hm? what tale 

 

luminescent: the fuck happened between you and dain

 

mochi: oooo yes him 

 

mochi: he likes aetheeeerrrr lumineee 

 

mochi: and i feel like an idiot for liking him

 

luminescent: your messed up fragile heart dude 

 

luminescent: and thats the exact reason why i tried yknow 

 

luminescent: i care for my brother too

 

luminescent: im sorry

 

mochi: bro its fine i just tjought that hes very cool and stuff like that

 

mochi: hes almost like zhongli, talking about historical stuffs about uhhh khareirnah? while having this "i am an atheist" vibe 

 

luminescent: hes my second brother, older than me but i treat him like a child

 

luminescent: why do you know about zhongli talking about

 

mochi: i observe?? childe talks a lot about him 

 

luminescent: also calm your tits man im sure childe wouldnt like you

 

mochi: this is why you are my bestfriend

 

luminescent: its just the truth

 

mochi: I know 

 

luminescent: you deserve better scara

 

luminescent: aether likes childe too srsly whats up with him hes so lame 

 

mochi: oooo damn u also like him 

 

luminescent: WELL used to okay 

 

mochi: so dain likes aether but aether likes childe and childe likes zhongli but zhongli???? 

 

luminescent: zhongli is in love with hu tao i think so 

 

mochi: fucking teenage drama shits ugh so tried of it 

 

luminescent: aaandd shit dain's here bc aeth invited him in oops 

 

luminescent: change it to dain and aether like each other scara is for childe and childe likes zhongli but zhongli likes hu tao??????

 

mochi: fuxk you

Chapter Text


 

kya☔: wait wait, what did you say?

 

metealxin: like i said, 

 

metealxin: scaramouche (i believe thats his name) childe, thoma, venti, xiao, beidou, kazuha, yanfei, hu tao and some guy named huffman are knocked up in the bar and won't wake up

 

Noelle: Could you please repeat it again with voice message this time? If you can...😁

 


 

20 hours earlier

 

"So, uh I believe everyone is here?" Childe asked, raising an eyebrow as he glance at every single faces in the tavern. "Very much so." Zhongli grinned, that definitely not almost melted Childe's heart. 

 

"Let's start the freaking early halloween party!!!!" Xiangling yelled, raising her hands up but no one cheered back. "Halloween's in 11 days, chillax Xiang." Xinyan patted her back. 

 

"I'm sorry, I really get excited about halloween because I'm entering a halloween cooking event!" Xinyan could only laugh. 

 


 

moramona: fucking lucky liyuens ugh 

 

metealxin: game night lasted about one and a half day, so many booze and laughter!

 

metealxin: @Barbara! and i rocked some music y'know what 'm saying?

 

moramona: i heard youre very good at it, and now i really want to hear your concerts 

 

moramona: ughh childe is friends with rich people what about me!! 

 

moramona: the whole harbinger squad are his friends what the fuck! 

 

xoxorissaa: aw honey that's fine😆

 

Noelle: Do not worry, Ms. Mona! I can get you in Knights of Favonius if you would like to! 

 

moramona: ugh, noelle do you think they would want to hear about astrology

 

moramona: KOF are literally bunch of idiots, who doesnt care and doesnt deserve an astrologist

 

captaine: i do believe what you say about astrology, ms mona...

 

Diluc: I agree with the whole Knights of Favonius are literally bunch of idiots. 

 

captaine: babe, i work there...

 

Diluc: I know, and you are an exception, okay? I really love you. 

 

kya☔: fucking sweethearts, diluc had a crush for you since elementary jean

 

captaine: what?... oh .

 

xoxorissaa: aw thats really sweet of you diluc

 

kya☔: it took them lots of lots of years to be together, my brother's sooooo soooo bad at feelings im so sorry jean ) : 

 


 

The door was knocked down, and beidou appeared with a man on her hand and with the Liyue Qixing.... 

 

"Ayo! I heard ginger-hair here is throwing a reunion party, huh?" Venti grabbed Xiao's hand and walked confidently to show that they didn't missed the party.

 

"Oh, Kazuha... and Mochi?" Keqing tilted her head, "Are you guys..." okay? Was the thing she was going to say before the darkness between the two's heated staring contest zipped her mouth tight. 

 

"Anyways, uh, welcome to Liyue!" Ganyu cheered, she threw the flowers on her hands like confettis. 

 

"We haven't started yet, but why is Huffman doing here..." Thoma's grim reaper was so ready to take him to the land of the dead with how much he laughed, it felt like he was gonna die. 

 

"Oh, Huffman's his name. We picked him up, he was flirting with some men, pretty much slacking off and not doing his job right." Yanfei chimed in and after that she was lost in her own thoughts. 

 

Childe could only look at it weirdly, but let it aside for now. "Xin, you can start the music now!" He cheered and so does everyone else. 

 

"Do not judge, this is my first time DJ'ing!" She yelled, a hand in the air like Michael Jackson before starting spitting good ass music.

 

Except with Kazuha and Scaramouche, "So... Mister Tartaglia, what's up with those two?" Keqing finally tried her gangster tone and some hand signs there, "Uhhhhhh, I don't actually know other than they're so rich." 

 

"Oh, why would ya say that huh?" Keqing tried to be intimidating, "Uhhhhhh because, they're so rich, they bought their own world to be lost in unlike Yanfei here. Also GTG Xiansheng's waiting for me!" His perfect liyuen accent is finally back. 

 

Except Zhongli fucking sat beside Scaramouche and Kazuha like a mob boss that easily passed the barrier between the reality and their own world. 

 

He grabbed a bucket of beer with ice before praying for archons to let him inside so he could at least go back with their oh-so-romantic exchanging with eye contacts, because he knew this shit should keep on going. 

 

And for the love of the Snezhnaya queen, he got pass through the barrier. Zhongli sat between Kazuha and Scaramouche and he tried to squeeze in without saying anything. 

 

He gave him a beer silently, but Zhongli politely excused him not to. "I only drink tea." He whispered. Childe nodded, "So, what's the situation here, sir?

 

"They're trying to argue about something in their own fantasies, and I do think this is wildly interesting. However, I want them to stop.. if I could only make them.." Oh archons, he swore to Rex Lapis he saw Zhongli pout!

 

"Okay fine. Scara-bell, oh my Scara-bell!" Him doing his gayest tone ever in front of Zhongli is.. "Scara-bell, I'm going to use your beautiful picture took earlier in-"

 

"No!! Fuck you, stop!!" Scaramouche finally snapped out of it and jumped on Childe to wrap his hands around his throat. "You red haired bitch!" He widened his eyes as he gently choke Childe. 

 

"Woah for Morax's sake, calm down. We're um.. just trying to check in, air's so tight here." Childe awkwardly laughed and Scaramouche finally calmed down. 

 


 

eatheer: scaramouche's so scary! 

 

lumine☔: not really, that mf is very idk 

 

lumine☔: hes just basically a tsundere, has incredible mood swing, and he stalks everyone like princess bubblegum 

 

fishyelle: I MEAN PB'S GOOD RIGHT SHES REALLY SWEET AND CARES FOR HER CANDY PEOPLE

 

lumine☔: she stalks everyone, hello????? 

 

eatheer: okieee but why do you have ☔ that haha 

 

Noelle: I have backread a lot, and I do think they are very sweet..? to each other... 

 

lumine☔: just ship scarachilde and shut up aether 

 

eatheer: 😭helppp sister so mean to meee! 

 


 

"Oh.. Mister Zhongli, Wangsheng's Funeral Consultant, it's very nice... seeing you here." Kazuha calmly let a relief sigh, "I believe your name is Kaedehara Kazuha? The new sailor of Miss Beidou's ship." Zhongli—

 

"Fuck! Stop with the politeness, okay! Just... let me-" Childe shoved a beer in front of Scaramouche, "Fucking calm down man, my y'know is here." 

 

And after a few more bottle there and here, even after drinking so fucking much, Kazuha and Scaramouche never speak to each other. 

 

Yeah, maybe. 

 

"So... what the hell happened here?" The invisible barrier has been lifted and everyone danced their way to talk to a very much 3 drunkards, Thoma shouted the question since the music was really loud.

 

"I don't fucking know Thoma! I don't know shit between these two!" Childe yelled back, and proceed drinking two beers at the same time. 

 

"Oh, hey Thoma." Scaramouche said seductive, "Don't freak out man, he's kinda like that when drunk and no, I am not drunk." 

 

"Alright, buckle up. Big boy thomas the train is gonna land, make a way." Thoma sat on the seat beside a very happy Childe that invaded Zhongli's personal space.

 

"Hey, Kazuha." Scaramouche called out. 

 

"The fuck you want." was the thing he replied and suddenly played chords with his guitar that he pretty much brought it with him. 

 

"I really, really liked you." 

Chapter Text

"I really, really liked you." 

 

Thoma almost spit all the drinks he had, and Childe furrowed in confusion. "And why do you say that, Mister Scaramouche?" Oh, now Childe gets it. 

 

Zhongli wants to be be a support here and let their bottled up feelings out to forgive their selves.

 

"I used to like you so much, back then." That caught Kazuha off his thick ass guard and it somehow enraged him. "Despite my relationship with Tomo?" 

 

"I.. yes. I just couldn't handle it, you were.. very nice and gentle." His voice cracking, shit he must be very drunk. "Go on, we're making a progress here." Zhongli whispered to himself. 

 

"What? What are you saying? Is that the reason why you manipulated the.. love of my life to.. to kill himself?" He scoffed, Kazuha looked like he was gonna tear up. 

 

"It wasn't fucking me! How much do I need to tell you!" Scaramouche slammed the table, luckily the music was loud or else they might've attracted a lot of stares and it would ruin the part. "Guys, let's calm our selves." Thoma pushed Scaramouche back on his seat by his shoulder. 

 

"I have 3 sisters, we are a quadruplets. The three of them are very, very identical, while me," He chuckled, the four of them listened and he continued. "Rei, Ei, Makoto and me, the only one who has a long name, Scaramouche." 

 

"Oh... I didn't know Ei has siblings." Zhongli furrowed his eyebrows in worry. "Rei is a rebel in Inazuma and the sweetest sister I've ever had, Ei is running the city of eternity alone, while Makoto... she passed away." 

 

"When mother and dad split up, I went with dad and the separation felt like actual fucking eternity. I went to Inazuma to visit my family only to find out Makoto died. Ei-neesan was... she kept blaming herself, while Rei, she didn't even give any shit." 

 

"And that's where you met Tomo." Kazuha chimed in, "Yes, and because of Tomo, I met you." He smiled wryly, Kazuha immediately switched seats and sat beside Scaramouche. 

 

The purple-haired boy let his head fall down and it landed straightly on Kazuha's shoulder. "Rai manipulated all of us." 

 

"Us?" Childe asked, Thoma on the other hand was sniffing on a blanket. "Kujou Sara, and me. The reason Tomo killed himself was because of Rei. He... challenged Rei for a battle, but Sara faced him." 

 

"And... he lost." Zhongli sighed, "I saw it all. When he lost, he immediately stabbed his own weapon in his throat and.. collapsed, that easily." 

 

"Sara left Inazuma that day, we were traumatized. We didn't knew Rai's terms were like this." 

 

"..Raiden Rei is a rebel in Inazuma, she's been hunted down for years, yet no one could catch her. How did Tomo reached out to her? Or are you lying to us." Kazuha's eyes darkened, Scaramouche purred and shook his head. 

 

"I didn't knew Rei was gonna start a rebellion and we worked under her, to help her with her 'important things'. It didn't felt good to be manipulated." Scaramouche softly sobbed, the beer they drank weren't that strong. Perks of being a Snezhnayan, good fucking alcohol tolerance. 

 

"I'm so sorry... Kazuha. Even though I knew you guys were together, and it was all just a one-sided shit, I still liked you. I never wished for Tomo to... to-" 

 

"I... Scara... I should be the one who's sorry here. I acted like an immature brat for years!" He laughed, but no humor in his voice. "I'm so fucking sorry, I really am." 

 

Thoma smiled softly at the view in front of his eyes, Childe continued his drinking but was listening (and constantly looking at Zhongli, but he never looked back) While Zhongli smirked excitedly like an old dad watching horse racing on the TV. 

 

Oh, he missed cuddling with Kazuha and that's a fact. The other one... was just missing. 

 

"So, Sir Zhongli," Thoma slipped in, "Please call me Zhongli." He nodded, and damn he really wants to praise Childe for having a crush on this man. "So Zhongli, are you mayhaps single?" Childe owes me this one.

 

"Oh no, I very much have a sweet loving lover. She in fact recently moved in with me." All of their mouth suddenly pretty much dropped on the ground. 

 


 

metealxin: childe and scaramouche drank together and pretending to have a bartender playing some sad jazz while non stop playing "give me a drink bartender" and laughing at it continuously. 

 

chefxiang!: They stopped around 5 AM! It's 9 AM now! 😥

 

metealxin: when i was gonna use bathroom, i saw keqing and ganyu making ou

 

kya☔: OKAY Y'ALL HAD A GOOD TIME ITS FINE 

 

moramona: @metealxin is childe and scaramiuche dying

 

metealxin: oh i think theyre celebrating they kept laughing so 😂

 

Yan(Law)Fei: It was a good night. @💦 Thank you for paying for everyone, and the bar. 

 

soundofmoney: @💦 ty 4 da na8 

 

cocogoat: @metealxin !!!! y-you saw...?

 

metealxin: yeah of course

 

Noelle: That was indeed a wild story, haha! I'm on my way to clean up the bar! No traffic, so I'm okay! 

 

metealxin: it is 😂 xingqiu and everyone was cheering up for beidou and ningguang make out!! 

 

metealxin: we tried pushing @book lover, okay? and @iceyboypopsible together to kiss y'know 

 

metealxin: they were adorable that night 😂

 

captaine: wait... noelle's coming there to..?

 

Noelle: Yes! I have an open business, I can clean up everything for 6000 mora only!

 

xoxorissaa: oh my, have fun my dear 😘

 

Noelle: Thank you, Lisa! 

 

metealxin: me and xiang are gonna wake up everyone 

 

metealxin: thanks for the incoming help noe!

 

Chapter Text


 

☂️: IM SO HUNGOVEEEEER THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT AJAX

 

kya☔: ara ara whats with the sudden detergent name calling huh

 

👻bootao: that was the best night ever, @☂️ it was nice getting to know you better! 

 

xiao's property: Y'ALL WEAKLINGS MYAHAHAHAHAHAAH

 

💦: i really am not in the mood 

 

💦: but hey @👻bootao sorry for y'know 

 

👻bootao: what y'know

 

💦: i just 

 

💦: three fucking months of being friends with him, to liking him and to loving him, 

 

💦: i didn't knew he had a lover. in fact, 6 years girlfriend

 

☂️: when did you

 

thomato: fuck me, im so sorry snezhnayan twin brother, if i didnt asked that question

 

👻bootao: ? 

 

xiao's property: ????????????

 

xiao's property: @venti's property please explain my love.. 

 

☂️: that's really 

 

💦: damn it hurts so much 

 

captaine: oh... sorry to hear that childe

 

moramona: condolence from mondstadt 

 

metealxin: shit? 

 

Yan(Law)Fei: Hey, cheer up. Condolence from Liyue. 

 

🎆: anddd condolence from inazuma. 

 

💦: fuuuuuck me 

 

❄️: thoma!!!! thomaa!!!! 

 

thomato: oh no uh yes waka?? 

 

❄️: ms. xingyan said you were knocked up in the bar!!! how much did you drank!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

☂️: UHOH LOL GOTTA RUN FROM AYATO NOW HUH 

 

ko²mi: gonna kick his ass if he wont fucking approve of my ship. 

 

thomato: it was a free drinks how can i refuse?

 

fangowhoosh(ayaka) left the group chat

 

🎆: LMAO YOU'RE SO FUCKING DEAD THOMA 

 

👻bootao: SO UH HEY @💦 IM NOT GOOD IN VALORANT BUT I FIGURED WE SHOULD Y'KNOW PLAY 

 

☂️: can i join 

 

lumine☔ added dainslept in the group chat

 

eatheer: nooo!! sister not like this! 😭😭

 

lumine☔: everyone, meet dainsleif, aether's new crush

 

eatheer: 😾😾😾

 

💦: welcome lol

 

eatheer: @💦 hey childe! 😾 did you know lumine has a huge crush on you?

 

lumine☔: what the fuck? fuck you, i never wtf fuck you i really 

 

☂️: oh wow ok 

 

dainslept: Hey, everyone. 

 

💦: oh 

 

dainslept: @eatheer Hi. 

 

lumine☔: HA HA guess what childe aether also has a huge crush on you lmfaooo right aether 

 

💦: oh i didn't know that 

 

dainslept: I see. 

 

Albedo: @dainslept Dain, my old friend. It's nice meeting you here. 

 

Albedo: To this... I don't know, strange group chat. 

 

table sugar: @dainslept Mr. Dain! I hope you're gonna come by the lab later! 

 

eatheer: sister what the hoot!! 

 

eatheer: this is so unfair!!! and i used to okay!!!

 

eatheer: the only guy i have a huge crush on as in huge like a dinosaur is dainsleif please!!!!!!

 

eatheer unsent a message

 

☂️: i definitely saw that 

 

captaine: i definitely saw that (1) 

 

kya☔: i definitely saw that (2) 

 

table sugar: i definitely saw that (3) 

 

dainslept: Oh.. Aether. 

 

dainslept: @eatheer 

 

dainslept: I like you too. Very much. Huge like a Dreadnoughtus. 

 

lumine☔: SEE ITS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD OKAY 

 

lumine☔: AND NO I USED TO HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON CHILDE NOT NOW 

 

💦: okay 

 

venti's property: @xiao's property i'm sorry, my boo. my cousin and i had an agreement about keeping his secret lover as a secret. and i really do not want childe any near my cousin. but i do love you, really much, i hope you know that. 

 

xiao's property: aw, my poopoo head! i really like it when youre honest with me and i understand all what u said! and i know you love me, really much thats why you are kept in the depths of my heart where a special place is hidden ♡

 

fishyyelle: i wanna fucking kill myself over this 

 

sarakujou: dont please. 

 

fishyyelle: okayyy for you, i wont BUT WHAT THE FUCK THEY'RE SITTING TOGEHTER AND TEXTING SWEET SHITS ON THE PHOBE WHY CANT YOU JUST 

 

moramona: silence, third wheel. 

 

moramona: jk! ily fishh no homo 💘

 

sarakujou: i'm asking kindly, back off, ms. mona. 

 

fishyyelle: i love you too sara dhshsshahahhhssmsmsmsmskpaishuqqdzzxnnsjsj

 

sarakujou: i love you more, i miss you too. 

 

lumine☔: feeling sooo stupid because i liked childe!!! childe is lame ok why wkulf i like him like eewww 

 

💦: that actually hurt 

 

💦: maube thats the rwason why zhongli doesnt lke me abxk dddndnmnmdmdmmakalaoowoifiueiisksdnxnaoowiidiidi

 

💦: sjaKkKkzkzkzmmMAkkakkakkkakkakakkkskkkCIkwywww2o511p33p22ylmmgaafqttw

 

🎆: MAN'S SPEAKING DOKI DOKI LITERATURE CLUB LANGUAGE I CAN'T 😭

 

 

Chapter Text


 

☂️: CHAT IS DEAD FOR A WEEK WHERE'S CHILDE 

 

☂️: and yes we got home safely thank you for asking 

 

xiao's property: @eveyone @eveyone @eveyone

 

xiao's property: WAKE UP PLSSS TALK TO ME 

 

venti's property: hi, love. 

 

UnluckyLucky: Hi! @eveyone

 

our little wolfie: hiiiiiii 

 

xoxorissaa: hey cuties 😬

 

Noelle: Hi! 

 

💦 added La Signora, II Dottore, Pulcinella and 4 more to the group

 

💦: I'll be gone for days, go talk to these guys 

 

☂️: my fucking god DON'T NFUCKING ADD THEM HERE FUCK ME 

 

xiao's property: OH MY GAAAWWDDD 

 

xiao's property: @👻bootao 

 

xiao's property: @🎆

 

❄️: omg! its pulcinella! im a fan ^~^ 

 

Pulcinella: Ajax has friends other than me? /j

 

👻bootao: OH MY FUXKING GOD UTS LA SIGNORA OH MY OH MY OH MY IM YOUR BIGGEST AIR CONDITIONER PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE 

 

🎆: LAAAAAA SIGNORAAA-SAMAAAAAAA 🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇 WELCOME TO THE GROUP I AM SO GLAD TO HAVE TOU HWRE OH MY GOD 

 

xoxorissaa: oh my, la signora. i am also a fan

 

II Dottore: no for me? 

 

ko²mi: i'm a fan 

 

II Dottore: thank you, lovely lady. 

 

woofwoof: Me too!! 

 

II Dottore: oya, its gorou-chan~ 

 

UnluckyLucky: Sir @Pierro ! I really like watching your vlogs about travelling! I learned a lot!!! 

 

Pierro: Oh, that's nice to hear. 

 

moramona: I'm ACTUALLY GONNA PASS OUT 

 

moramona: CHILDE WHAT THE FUCK'S THE WHOLE HARBINGER SQUAD DOING HERE 

 

II Dottore: Miss Mona, I've seen you through my streams recently. 

 

Sandrone: Hmmmm... 

 

Pantalone: Don't you want us here? 

 

moramona: NOPE I'M ACTUALLY GLAD YOURER HSHERW

 

Noelle: Pantalone? 

 

Pantalone: Sweet Tsaritsa, It's nice to see you here... Noelle. 

 

thomato: oh shit, babe you watch them? 

 

❄️: i like pulcinella, do you really not know me this much 😾

 

❄️: and i just thought since you play games... i might learn a lot of things when watching pulcinella... 😾

 

thomato: i love you so much fuckkkk 😳

 

Pulcinella: Damn, dats crazily cuteee 

 

☂️: fuck me why are they even here fucccckkk 

 

La Signora: Oh, Scaramouche. 

 

La Signora: Thank you, ladies for continuesly watching my streams. I often see you all. 

 

xiao's property: EHAAAAAAA REALLYYY 

 

👻bootao: MOMMY? sorry MOMMY?? sorryy PLEASE STEP ON ME 

 

🎆: STEP ON ME TOO ARGHHH YOURE THE ONLY STREAMER I WATCHH SRSLY 

 

II Dottore: hurts my feelings... 

 

ko²mi: oh do not sweat, i do like all of your books

 

II Dottore: interesting...

 

xiao's property: HER SENSE OF FASHION IS EVERYTHING AAAA I LOVR YOU SIGNORAAAAA 

 

venti's property: okay. enough of phone. 

 

xiao's property: WAHT NO NO NO NO XIAO YOU CANT I 

 

La Signora: Barbatoes has a boyfriend? I've saw you once spamming in the chat. 

 

La Signora: Hm, what's Scaramouche doing here? 

 

☂️: fuxk you 

 

II Dottore: my my my, mouche. 

 

II Dottore: didn't see you there, so small. 

 

☂️: FUCKNYOU JUST 

 

Pulcinella: @💦 Are you okay, Ajax? I heard there's no streams this week, I'm worried

 

II Dottore: I see a little silhouetto of a man,

 

Pantalone: Scaramouche,

 

Sandrone: Scaramouche,

 

Pierro: Will you do the fandango? 

 

La Signora: Thunder volts are lighting, 

 

II Dottore: Very, very frightening me.

 

☂️: THIS IS WHY I FUXKING HATE YOU FUXK YOU ALL AAAAAAAA

 

👻bootao: LA SIGNORA, MY QUEEN, IS IT TRUE YOU ARE DATING MR II DOTTORE? 

 

La Signora: Fucking media. 

 

La Signora: No. 

 

II Dottore: yes. 

 

La Signora: We talked about this, love. 

 

II Dottore: but, dear? i thought 

 

La Signora: No is no. 

 

👻bootao: OH MY GAWWD THEYRE DATINGGF WAAAOOOO I LOVE YOU GUYSSSS

 

☂️: OK WELCOME to the gc fuck you all except pulcinella 

 

Pulcinella: Aww, that's sweet <3

 

UnluckyLucky: How did you guys meet???? @☂️

 

☂️: Well, I use to stream like really used to stream 

 

👻bootao: WHAT DO YOU STREAM BBB 

 

☂️: uhhh 

 

Pulcinella: A lot of gacha games 

 

Pulcinella: He was a vtuber

 

☂️: NEL WHAT THE 

 

💦: cute 

 

☂️: FUCK YOU AJAX 

 

 

Chapter Text


 

ko²mi: @thomato dude, ayaka's not here 

 

ko²mi: what did you do this time 

 

thomato: i 

 

☂️: @thomato heyyyy 

 

thomato: uh yes? 

 

☂️: do you know childe's address 

 

lumine☔: what happened with childe 

 

☂️: oh so you do like him after all 

 

eatheer: she doesss!!! 

 

eatheer: dainslept, dainleft 😴

 

dainslept: I wouldn't dare to leave you. You're a rare gem, and I treasure you so much. 

 

☂️: ok 

 

lumine☔: i do have childe's address 

 

☂️: k and y 

 

lumine☔: because bruh??????? 

 

eatheer: becauseee he likess heerr ayiee☺️

 

lumine☔: I DON'T SHUT THE FCUK UP I FUCKING DON'T OKAYAAYYAYA 

 

☂️: dm me later. 

 

☂️: so dain, u r together with aether right 

 

dainslept: Yes. 

 

moramona: UGH, xiao and venti's relationship ripoff just marry each other 

 

moramona: how old are you, sir dainslept 

 

dainslept: 20 

 

moramona: HOW OLD ARE YOU AETHER 

 

eatheer: errmm 17 

 

moramona: THE HUGE AGE DIFF?????????? 

 

booklover, okay?: hi!!!! (´∩。• ᵕ •。∩`) 

 

iceyboypopsicle: ello(•ө•)♡

 

👻boohootao: IM FUXKING SHAKING YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE

 

eatheer: age kinda doesn't matter !! 😷

 

moramona: yeah makes sense, childe literally had a 3 months crush with a 30 years old 

 

thomato: i mean he looks really 

 

lumine☔ added fangowhoosh(ayaka) to the group

 

thomato: HE LOOKS VERY VERY UHH 

 

thomato: DANGEROUS YEAH CAUSE YOU KNOW 

 

❄️: hmpf 

 

ko²mi: welcome back, ayakaaaaa miss u 

 

❄️: i miss u too. 

 

thomato: waka... 

 

☂️: lmao u sleeping on the couch thoma

 

☂️: im gonna dm u later lumine about a certain matter 

 

lumine☔: ok creep shit 

 

eatheer: anyways! me and dain are doing good hahaha

 

eatheer: and yeaah age doesn't matter, right? 

 

dainslept: I guess so. 

 

eatheer: im going to ur house okie? 

 

dainslept: Okay, love. 

 

lumine☔: ugh when 

 

☂️: same thing thst @💦 asked

 

☂️: just date each otherrr loool 

 

Kaedehara: We need to talk, Scaramouche. 

 

haishancrux: woah, you two?? 

 

Kaedehara: We talk now, is there something wrong with it? 

 

Kaedehara: Oh, Dainsleif

 

eatheer: you know each other? 🤔

 

dainslept: ohh from liyue yes, we met in a coffee shop 

 

☂️: mkay kazuah

 

haishancrux: what kazuah 

 

Kaedehara: Good, Kunikuzushi. 

 

Kaedehara unsent a message

 

☂️: OKAY THAT'S WAAAY OUT OF THE LINE 

 

Sandrone: LMAO LMAO LMAO 

 

II Dottore: that name is... nostalgia. 

 

La Signora: Are you ready to get embarrassed? Kunikuzushi-chan. 

 

Pantalone: The whole Fatui community is behind you, Scaramouche. 

 

Pierro: Don't you think it's time to come back now? 

 

☂️: OKAY STOP I FUDGING HATE YOU KAZUHA IM GONNA GET BACK AT YOU 

 

 

Chapter Text


 

Kaedehara: Do you like him? 

 

mochi: whA

 

mochi: who are you talkjng about 

 

mochi: IM GONNA UPPERCUT YOU MY CHAIR IS FUCKING MOVING GET OUT OFNMY MOTHERFUCKINING WAY 

 

mochi: OKAY SORRY IM JUST 

 

Kaedehara: Do you like Mr. Childe? 

 

mochi: OKAY THAT'S REALLY OUT OF THE FUCKING LINE NO WAY 

 

mochi: I MEAN HE'S VERY VERY LAME LIKE BACK AT THE BAR HE WAS FUCKJNV CRYING AND LAUGHING 

 

mochi: AND IM JUST LIKE 

 

Kaedehara: Calm down 

 

mochi: okayy yeah i do so what 

 

mochi: u like me???😱

 

Kaedehara: No, I'm still trying to move on. 

 

mochi: im still very sorry kazuha 

 

Kaedehara: It's fine 

 

Kaedehara: But I do think Lumine also feels the same with Childe. 

 

Kaedehara: Are you perhaps doing okay? 

 

mochi: no it just feels like shit 

 

mochi: because 

 

mochi: shes better than me 

 

mochi: and who am i to 

 

mochi: i dont know just forget about it

 

Kaedehara: This is what I still hate about you. 

 

Kaedehara: Not fucking continuing your sentence. 

 

mochi: WHO AM I TO HAVE A WHOLESOME RELATIONSHIP I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON I'M SO SO SO SICK OF MYSELF 

 

mochi: PEOPLE AROUND ME ARE LIKE " eh you should fix your attitude " I'M 

 

Kaedehara: Hey, you're not so bad. 

 

mochi: i had the fucking chance to save tomo 

 

mochi: if i fucking checked the weird noises from his room, he would have been alive. 

 

Kaedehara: They found a rope around... 

 

mochi: he was fighting it, because he doesnt want that 

 

mochi: so who am i to deserve good friends? to have a nice relationship? 

 

mochi: last time i felt lonely, dain went off with another someone 

 

mochi: it really ,i swear it doesng rslly that much hurt 

 

Kaedehara: You can always try, maybe you're gonna meet your soulmate. 

 

mochi: soul mate my ass, im giving ajax to lumine 

 

mochi: im gonna tslk to her lol 

 

Kaedehara: You really should try. 

 

Kaedehara: I have a gut feeling that Childe likes you back too. 

 

mochi: ok now you're giving me hope

 

mochi: i dont like that x d 

 

 

Chapter Text


 

mochi: ok be honest with me 

 

mochi: lumine 

 

mochi: maybe after sending childe's address 

 

luminescent: the hell you want now 

 

luminescent: oh right, we once visited him, he lives alone in uhhh 

 

luminescent: moni uhh 

 

luminescent: morepesok?

 

mochi: wow hes kinda half tiny little close to me

 

luminescent: what you askin him on a date lololol 

 

mochi: No 

 

mochi: anyways i think childe is an alias, i thinkk tartaglia's just for aesthetics dunno

 

mochi: i tried doing background info sweeping but nadaa!! 

 

luminescent: what am i suppose to say to that 

 

mochi: whats his real name 

 

mochi: we've been friends for weeks now why hasnt he told me anything 

 

luminescent: why are you asking 

 

mochi: because youre his future gf lol 

 

luminescent: whaaa no fuck you i will never 

 

mochi: yeah 

 

mochi: just be honest with me

 

mochi: just once 

 

luminescent: okay 

 

luminescent: do you like him 

 

mochi: no

 

mochi: never nuh-uh nope naaah big nono

 

luminescent: well i like him 

 

luminescent: there you have it sir scaramouche 

 

mochi: oh shit? 

 

mochi: for real this time? 

 

luminescent: so you do like him after all 

 

mochi: i do 

 

mochi: but hey you two are 

 

mochi: good for each other 

 

mochi: i will help you then

 

luminescent: help me? 

 

luminescent: i really appreciate it but no thanks hard pass dude 

 

mochi: okay 

 

mochi: cool cool

 

mochi: im fine with that 

 

mochi: i accept invitations for weddings, just so y'know 

 

mochi: if u two ever get 

 

luminescent: thats so fast and no 

 

mochi: i meannn u two love each oyheer much = marriage 

 

mochi: but why did you even bother setting us both up? 

 

luminescent: because i just thought these emotions would go away 

 

luminescent: i just got jelly 

 

mochi: and you set me up with dain because you want his feelings to go away 

 

mochi: you used me 

 

mochi: like a fucking condom 

 

mochi: and just threw me away 

 

luminescent: its not like that 

 

mochi: and now im a fuxking used condom, but you still try to find a way to make me useful again 

 

luminescent: its not like that, scara 

 

mochi: is this the true meaning of friendship 

 

luminescent: scaramouche what the fuck i said no its not like that 

 

luminescent: cant you see the set up with you and childe is kinda working 

 

mochi: what working 

 

mochi: youre stealing him away from me now 

 

mochi: so fuck you for that 

 

luminescent: the fuck 

 

luminescent: fuck you too whats up with the fucking asshole manner 

 

mochi: im so fucking glad you didnt accepted the offer 

 

luminescent: fuck off just go away 

 

luminescent: good luck with your fucking puppy love shit head dont tslk to me anymore 

 

mochi: fuck you 

 

Chapter Text


 

🎆: people from inazuma, 

 

🎆: please hear me. 

 

xiao's property: hey bae whachu doin 😘

 

👻boohootao: HEY SHAWTY BAE😳💖🌸☺️💗😪💗💘💦💦💝😷💜💞😭💘😆🤔😁

 

thomato: YOU NEED TO FUCKING HELP ME GUYS 

 

thomato: PEOPLE FROM MONDSTADT

 

❄️: what's wrong? 

 

🎆: NO ME FIRST PLEASE 

 

thomato: okok sure 

 

☂️: @💦

 

haishancrux: man's missing his boyfriend 

 

Rich Auntie Ning: I miss my girlfriend.

 

haishancrux: coming over rn, i miss u too 

 

🎆: SO UH WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK, ORANGE OR RED WHAT DOES SUIT ME 

 

👻boohootao: orange suits you baby 😘

 

xiao's property: red 🤔

 

👻boohootao: srsly babyg, orange really suits her 

 

❄️: where r you going, yoi? 

 

🎆: aya, im going to a blind date with this guy name itto 

 

fishyelle: @sarakujou itto 

 

sarakujou: ...hes still doing blind dates. 

 

sarakujou: good luck. 

 

🎆: OH YOU KNOW HIM? 

 

fishyelle: hes someone from ks's hs 

 

thomato: what 

 

xiao's property: SOMEONE'S BEEN WATCHING TOO MUCH ADVENTURE TIME 

 

sarakujou: " hes someone from kujou sara's highschool ". 

 

thomato: alsoo yoimiya, you should go for orange faded to red dress i just thought it would look good on you 

 

❄️: what about me.

 

👻boohootao: pls ayaka thoma judt marry each toehr img gonna 😭😭☠️

 

thomato: wakaaa @❄️ you're beautiful just the way you are anddd i rllyy reallyy love you 

 

thomato: that's why i'm courting you, i just need to wait for your brother's approval and yknoww 

 

❄️: i love u 2 ☺️💝

 

🎆: OKAY ANYWAYS IM GONNA TAKE THOMA'S ADVICE AND FUCKING ROCK THIS BLIND DATE 

 

🎆: I WANT A RELATIONSHIP LIKE MY BABY VENTI HERE WITH XIAO IM ☠️

 

👻boohootao: huhu same, i feel like they aint gonna date me since im literally a director in a funeral ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

 

xiao's propety: BABE, YOU TALK TOO MUCH ABOUT DEATH 

 

thomato: okay my turn 

 

thomato: PEOPLE OF MONDSTADT ESPECIALLY YOU ACTING GRAND MASTER JEAN PLEASE 

 

thomato: @captaine @Noelle @xoxorissaa @kya☔

 

Noelle: At your service, even if it's in discord! 

 

xoxorissaa: heyy cutie 💕

 

kya☔: what 

 

thomato: TAROUMARO IS MISSING I TRIED CALLING IT OUT IN KOF 

 

thomato: NO ONR WANTS TO TAKE ME SERIOUSLY FUCKING 

 

Noelle: I'm on my way to your door step! 

 

❄️: what did you do this time? 

 

kya☔: okay u got this noelle 

 

kya☔: we're kinda in a middle of an investigation in diluc's bar with jean and lisa 

 

thoma: @❄️ I LEFT HIM HOME BUT I DIDNT REALIZED HE COULD OPEN DOORS???? 

 

xiao's property: OKAY WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY FAVORITE BAR 

 

kya☔: diluc's bar is a possible spot to trade and sell drugs 

 

kya☔: shits so crazy but im wearing hoodies so im cool todayy 

 

Albedo: Are you even listening to us, Kae? 

 

❄️: thoma, please make sure tarou is safe😾

 

thomato: of course, hes the second love of my life 😔

 

❄️: who's the first 

 

thomato: you of couse, wakaa~

 

❄️: (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。

 

🎆: huge when 

 

ko²mi: @💦 i need to be an admin now 

 

💦 made ko²mi an administrator

 

ko²mi: are you lurking childe 

 

☂️: @💦 open the door soon im omw 😈

 

💦: wtf what 

 

lumine☔: i fucking knew it 

 

lumine☔ cleared nickname 

 

Chapter Text


 

Kaedehara: Is Scaramouche dating Childe now 

 

haishancrux: why are you asking kazoo? 🤔

 

👻boohootao: that's very sussy HMMMM HMMM 

 

kya☔: sussy indeed 

 

👻boohootao: so whyd you ask kazuha 

 

Kaedehara: Because I'm his friend. 

 

kya☔: okay son 

 

Pulcinella: I saw them in a coffee shop this morning, do you think they're going on a date 

 

luminescent: motherfucker 

 

eatheer: sis 😔

 

eatheer: fly to snezhnaya too? 

 

dainslept: It's your choice to go after him. 

 

Kaedehara: What

 

moramona: ok what the fuck is happening

 

moramona: does childe have a love triangle 

 

fishyelle: i think so what the fuck 

 

🎆: GREAT NEWS GUYSSSSSS 

 

🎆: @thomato @❄️

 

thomato: YOUR GUY THOMAS THE TRAIN HERE IS FINALLY DATING KAMISATO AYAKA THE LOVE OF MY LIFE 

 

thomato: I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY AYATO FINALLY, FINALLY GAVE HIS APPROVAL 

 

❄️: ( ˘ ³˘)♥

 

thomato: ive been courting her for over a year now 

 

ko²mi: oh my god really 

 

ko²mi: i gave ayato the possible outcomes if he doesnt want u two to be together 

 

ko²mi: just some made up threats 

 

thomato: i love you so mucchh wakaaa 

 

❄️: me too ☺️

 

booklover, okay?: 😔

 

iceyboypopsicle: are you okay, xingqiu? 

 

booklover, okay?: i am but im really jelly 🙃

 

iceyboypopsicle: oh, okay 

 

👻boohootao: WHAT OH OKAY, GO DATE XINGQIU CHONGYUN WHAT GHS FUCK 

 

thomato: oh shit? 

 

thomato: scara and childe are dating? 

 

☂️: what no 

 

Kaedehara: Scaramouche, are you two 

 

☂️: No uh absolutely not 

 

haishancrux: are you sure 

 

Pulcinella: Childe and I are dorm mates ☺️

 

Pulcinella: He showed up at the door and knocked once 

 

xiao's property: OKAY SCARAMOUCHE AND CHILDE DATING?!?!! 

 

☂️: no i said no 

 

Pulcinella: Yes, not dating but went out 

 

Pulcinella: Rn they're making a large ruin guard snow man 

 

☂️: are you stalking us 

 

☂️: ugh whatever 

 

thomato: damn dude good luck 

 

thomato: thomas the train and with his beautiful gorgeous pretty cute hot gf are cheering up for you 

 

❄️: ure 2 sweet 😷

 

thomato: i love u rrally muxh 

 

👻boohootao: ok fuck ok ok lovers

 

❄️: @thomato 

 

thomato: @❄️ iloveoyu ❤️

 

xiao's property: @venti's property i wuv u my sol 

 

venti's property: @xiao's property i love u, my luna. 

 

fishyelle: i amf ucking done aifh this fuck it

 

fishyelle: @sarakujou i fjxking love you

 

sarakujou: o @fishyelle me 2.

 

eatheer: @dainslept ! 

 

dainslept: @eatheer ! 

 

👻boohootao: i have no one 🌚🌚🌚

 

metealxin: @Barbara! 

 

👻boohootao: OH MY GOD WHAT 

 

Barbara!: Hello, everyone! 

 

Barbara!: @metealxin

 

metealxin: yeaaah barbara's the girl I've been trying to tell you @haishancrux 

 

haishancrux: MU? good luck 

 

☂️: oh fuck me i fuxking hate this 

 

☂️: stop flirting here please 😐

 

eatheer: guys calm down for a second 

 

eatheer: someones about to uhh 

 

luminescent: okay @💦 I like you 

 

eatheer: yup 

 

Chapter Text


 

luminescent: i really really like you, childe 

 

eatheer: yeeeupp im going byebye!!! 

 

kya☔: but sweetie... i thought ☔ forever...

 

fishyelle: @sarakujou babe, get popcorn 

 

sarakujou: making one right now.

 

Pulcinella: Mind sharing? 

 

sarakujou: ok. 

 

💦: i said im gonna be gone for days 

 

💦: i have almost 20 pings 

 

💦: oh shit 

 

luminescent: i like you 

 

La Signora: I have no idea what's going on, but just so you know, 

 

La Signora: Signora, 

 

II Dottore: Dottore,

 

Pulcinella: Nel, 

 

Pierro: Pierce, 

 

Sandrone: Sandrone, 

 

Pantalone: Pants, 

 

La Signora: always believed in you. 

 

II Dottore: @☂️

 

👻boohootao: I'm,

 

xiao's property: very, 

 

🎆: commentless, 

 

luminescent: i dont know childe, youre very lame and shit, but i do still like you after all those years 

 

luminescent: im in love with you 

 

table sugar: What did I walked into ToT 

 

table sugar: Please take these matters in your private messages! 

 

Albedo: Not now, Sucrose. 

 

Albedo: You don't even chat here that much. 

 

Noelle: Lumine, that is a very sweet confession! 

 

captaine: ......this is not going to bound well i can feel it 

 

Diluc: I know. 

 

haishancrux: @Kaedehara 

 

Kaedehara: Fuck me 

 

Rich Auntie Ning: I know. 

 

Pulcinella: Hey, buddy @💦 what's your answer 

 

💦: i like her too

 

thomato: gg

 

ko²mi: this is incredibly fucked up. 

 

woofwoof: What is happening? 

 

xoxorissaa: oh no, i walked in the wrong time 

 

☂️ cleared nickname 

 

Scaramouche: okaaay ebrryone 

 

Scaramouche: it was a nice afternoon 

 

Scaramouche: goodnivhgt 

 

💦 cleared nickname 

 

Childe set nickname to Tartaglia

 

moramona: is it

 

moramona: the end? 

Chapter Text


 

haishancrux: so keqing 

 

haishancrux: i just want to ask you 

 

haishancrux: what is up with your hairstyle everyday 

 

soundofmoney: ganyu is styling it everyday because of a movie project :peek: 

 

soundofmoney: she got in as a hairstylist and its a fantasy movie 

 

haishancrux: so shes practicing 

 

soundofmoney: pretty much 

 

Rich Auntie Ning: She's got a lot on her plate, working as an assistant in Qixing and then a hairstylist. 

 

soundofmoney: well she got interested in hairstyling 

 

cocogoat: TwT 

 

soundofmoney: heyy baby 

 

cocogoat: hi love! 

 

hooptao: oh my gawd i forgot about what happened last week!!!!!!!

 

👻boohootao: i can't remember anything i swear to almighty morax 

 

xiao's property: i swear to barbatos i never remembered anything 

 

🎆: i swear on baal, i am very much a forgetful woman! 

 

sarakujou: how r u with itto? 

 

🎆: uh well, we're kinda working our relationship out 

 

🎆: hes very uhhmm aggressive 

 

thomato: tell me more about it 

 

🎆: so u know him 

 

thomato: he courted ayaka too 

 

thomato: but clearly your thomas the train here is the champ and forever will be 😰

 

kya☔ cleared nickname

 

kya: ye

 

kya: so ermm diluc's bar got shut down 

 

xiao's property: fuck. 

 

xiao's property: im not feeling good. im gonna throw up thisnis a huge bad news . 

 

venti's property: are you okay, love? i'm on my way to your apartment. don't do anything rash, wait for me and let's get you in the hospital.

 

kya: guys im just kidding 

 

xiao's property: ok good 

 

xiao's property: 7 hours driving back to mondstadt to get that sweet wine is totally worth it 

 

captaine: well.. Diluc shut his own bar down and renovate it 

 

kya: i am stjll sad about it 

 

Diluc: But Father said so. 

 

kya: aaa i know 

 

kya: so well, what do you think 

 

Diluc: About what? 

 

kya: i am going introduce my bf to dad 

 

kya: do you think he's gonna love albedo

 

captaine: i'm sure he will... 

 

kya: well dad likes you 🙄

 

Diluc: You've been lying to Father and dating behind his back. 

 

kya: i knoww i know 

 

Albedo: Isn't this something to be discussed somewhere private? 

 

👻boohootao: oh no it's fine we r very much lurking 

 

🎆: yippy yup, go on 

 

kya: rightt, so what do you think bedo? 

 

kya: wanna meet dad 

 

Albedo: I would love to. 

 

xoxorissaa: is this another marriage 😊

 

Diluc: No, Father is very protective about Kaeya. 

 

kya: ikr 🙄 

 

kya: i just have a feeling that dad will be ms ayaka's brother 

 

kya: and then what if he made bedo court me for over a year even though we've been dating for 5 years 

 

xiao's property: only 5 years? i feel like ive dated all xiaos but in the past 

 

venti's propery: i also have a feeling. did the universe align us together? 

 

xiao's property: i think so, my love 💕

 

kya: that's really sweet

 

Diluc: It's your choice. 

 

Albedo: It's not gonna hurt to be honest to your Father. If he wants me to court you all over again, then I will do it. 

 

captaine: here's your patient man... kaeya 

 

kya: i love uu sweetheart💙

 

Tartaglia: so guys well 

 

kya: oh he talked 

 

Kaedehara: Ok 

 

Tartaglia: guess who's im dating 

 

kya: lumine

 

Yan(Law)Fei: definitely lumine 

 

Kaedehara: Lumine 

 

👻boohootao: it's so obviously lumine

 

haishancrux: oof 

 

soundofmoney: lol lumine 

 

cocogoat: mr. zhongli..? 

 

Tartaglia: wrong 

 

Tartaglia: so yes I'm dating lumine 

 

Kaedehara: Nice 

 

Scaramouche: isn't that fast 

 

Tartaglia: not really 

 

dainslept: Stay strong, Childe. 

 

eatheer: nice sis☺️

 

booklover, okay?: congratulations! 

 

La Signora: You're fucking up real bad here, Childe. 

 

thomato: hey my dude, mochi wanna play league 

 

👻boohootao: so uh wanna play valorant instead i got better at it a lil bit 

 

xiao's property: how about i let you borrow my switch and play animal crossing 

 

🎆: i have a lot of newspaper, you can play the crosswords there i csn give you a ton 

 

Kaedehara: I just composed a new song today, do you want to hear it? 

 

booklover, okay?: how about some tea, and i let you borrow my book collection instead? 

 

iceyboypopsicle: u have many choice, mr. scaramouche 

 

Scaramouche: Thanks guys 

 

Pulcinella: We should really talk in private, Scara

 

 

Chapter Text


 

moramona: just checkin in, childe 

 

moramona: since i am the nicest friend in the circle of friends, 

 

moramona: how are you 

 

Childe: im good 

 

moramona: ok good because i need money 

 

Childe: what 

 

moramona: if you cant give me money then find me a sugar daddy 

 

Childe: what why 

 

moramona: i need money 

 

moramona: anyways if you know anyone, give my number 

 

moramona: so you and lumine are together 

 

Childe: yeah, we're working our relationship up in a very matured way 

 

moramona: are you stupido

 

moramona: whateves dude 

 

Childe: what 

 

Childe: i really dont know 

 

Childe: im not stable right now 

 

Childe: fuck 

 

moramona: fine

 

moramona: i know zhongli's lover 

 

Childe: how 

 

moramona: i did you a favor ok? just shut up and listen 

 

moramona: her name's guizhong i think 

 

Childe: my fucjing god fuck 

 

moramona: you know her? 

 

Childe: yeah 

 

moramona: ok now its your turn to do me a favor 

 

moramona: so im interested in this friend of yours 

 

Childe: who

 

Childe: thoma? 

 

Childe: dude's taken, back off lady 

 

moramona: no not him of course 

 

moramona: the other one 

 

Childe: scara? 

 

moramona: duh, yes 

 

Childe: what about him 

 

moramona: well give me his number 

 

moramona: i am very much interested in him 

 

Childe: oh damn 

 

Childe: that is the first time im hearing that from you 

 

moramona: give me his number and stop babbling 

 

Childe: okok 

 

Childe : [insert scaramouche's number]

 

moramona: thx 

 

Childe: i never even see you talk to him in the gc 

 

moramona: who cares 

 

moramona: is he bisexual 

 

Childe: yeah 

 

moramona: ok 

 

moramona: since you r stupido, im gonna take him instead ok? 

 

Childe: what 

 

Childe: okay sure 

 

moramona: now scram away from me childe 

 

Childe: why are you always like that to me mona 

 

moramona: who even cares about you 

 

moramona: anyways good luck with lumine 

 

moramona: shes a sweet one, youre lucky 

 

Childe: i know 

 

Childe: and very kind 

 

Childe: are you gonna go 

 

moramona: no not yet i forgot to ask 

 

moramona: what kind of person is scara 

 

Childe: oh hes got serious gambling addiction, incredible mood swings, good at games

 

Childe: when you meet irl, he acts really cute, like really really fucking cute 

 

Childe: when we were babysitting, he said he wasnt good at kids but he was the only one who argued with the kids and entertained them at the end

 

Childe: guy's a good person, mona 

 

moramona: hm 

 

moramona: you know him too well thx dough 

 

Childe: well we chat almost everyday, i guess i got too close to him 

 

Childe: hes a talker, he got lot of topics to discuss, fucking weird debates and arguments, hes matured too 

 

moramona: you said too much but thx 

 

moramona: bye 

 

Childe: ok gn 

 

Chapter Text


 

Tartaglia: hey guys 

 

fishyelle: sup ginger 

 

metealxin: red 

 

fishyelle: no but hes ginger 

 

metealxin: hes red 

 

fishyelle: absolutely not 

 

metealxin: hes a red 

 

fishyelle: no 

 

Tartaglia: uhh 

 

thomato: oh hey dude 

 

Tartaglia: yo sup 

 

thomato: well,

 

thomato: im fucking upset at you 

 

xiao's property: oooh damn, childe you better piss your pants 

 

hootao: dudeeeeee childe you should be ashamed of yourself 😈

 

🎆: brooo thats gotta be the craziest shit everrr!!!!! 

 

mouche: sheeeeesshh 

 

hootao: well just so you know scaramouche joined our group 😈

 

Tartaglia: @thomato bro fr? 

 

thomato: for fucking real dude 

 

thomato: you dare to come back in this realm to wish to talk to us? 

 

thomato: i am going to banish you far away from thi 

 

thomato: ok seriously dude 

 

Tartaglia: bro.. im 

 

thomato: after weeks dude, you missed a lot of shit happening here. 

 

thomato: just because you're working your relationship with lumine. 

 

thomato: ive always thought... 

 

thomato: bros before hoes? 

 

thomato: pals before gals? 

 

Tartaglia: poker before you poke her....

 

thomato: call of duty before entering that booty. 

 

Tartaglia: headshots before backshots...

 

thomato: trees before she gets on her knees. 

 

thomato: You betrayed us. 

 

thomato: You let us down. 

 

thomato: you promised to Never gonna make us cry and to Never gonna say goodbye. 

 

thomato: i thought No running around to desert us? 

 

Tartaglia: fuck 

 

Tartaglia: but fr dude 

 

Tartaglia: i was 

 

luminescent: hes figuring out a lot rn

 

luminescent: you make it sound like hes been gone from you for decades 

 

thomato: cause he is 

 

thomato: 😔we have new valo players, like dain hu tao and my love, ayaka 

 

❄️: hi

 

thomato: and yeah, we miss you dude no homo 

 

mouche: yeaaah i missed you 

 

thomato: right yeah haha 

 

Yan(Law)Fei: Aiyaya. 

 

Rich Auntie Ning: So, Tartaglia. Just so you know. 

 

kya: @eveyone

 

Albedo: Everyone's invited in Master Ragnvindr and Master Gunnhildr's wedding taking place in Mondstadt, The Favonius Cathedral. 

 

dainslept: Be sure to be there, Jean is expecting every single one in this group chat. 

 

Diluc: We are still giving out invitation cards, and not everyone is invited, only those who are available. 

 

Diluc: The wedding's kind of... rushed, but I am not complaining at all. 

 

captaine: ...i love you 

 

❄️: that's so sweet hehe 

 

Tartaglia: holy shit? 

 

Tartaglia: im definitely going 

 

mouche: me2 

 

hootao: me3 

 

xiao's property: me4 

 

🎆: FUCK I CANT GO 😭

 

luminescent: soo 

 

Tartaglia: hey girlie 😳

 

luminescent hi boyfie 

 

luminescent: so well 

 

Tartaglia yeah? 

 

hootao: yeaaah it hurts my eyes 

 

luminescent: wanna be my date then 

 

Tartaglia: oh right sure sure 

 

mouche: 😐

 

mouche: just talk in dms 

 

moramona: oh dont worry, i'll be your date if ure jealous about them 🌝

 

mouche: damn sweet 🌚

 

hootao: 😔 

 

hootao: pls come with me yoimiya 

 

hootao: be my date 

 

kya: ok good 

 

booklover, okay?: we're going too! 

 

ko²mi: @❄️ do u want to go? 

 

❄️: yes but ayato-niisan 🙃

 

ko²mi: ah 

 

ko²mi:i i got your back, i will pay for OUR ticket 

 

thomato: oh my god 

 

iceyboypopsicle: guys, what is nnn..? 

 

 

Chapter Text


 

UnluckyLucky: @everyone Morning, everyone! 

 

UnluckyLucky: Is it bad to count the days down before Master Diluc's wedding?

 

fishyelle: for some reason, it isnt 

 

fishyelle: hello its 6 am 

 

woofwoof: Hi! 

 

fishyelle: hi gorou 

 

fishyelle: how r u all 

 

UnluckyLucky: I was about to head out and do my morning jog 

 

fishyelle: ok good luck stay safe 

 

UnluckyLucky: Thanks, that meant a lot! 

 

woofwoof: Gorou's been doing good! 

 

ko²mi: hi sweetheart 

 

ko²mi: who u dating 

 

woofwoof: No one! 

 

Kaedehara: Are you sure? 

 

woofwoof: Yes! 

 

booklover, okay?: heyy everyone (。◕‿‿◕。)

 

iceyboypopsicle: hi xingqiu 

 

fishyelle: come think of it 

 

fishyelle: chongyun only chats here when xingqiu is also here 

 

Kaedehara: Right, what's going on with you two? 

 

iceyboypopsicle: nothing much 乁 ˘ o ˘ ㄏ

 

booklover, okay?: i wish there were something going on 😔

 

fishyelle: hey chongyun, xingqiu wants to bring you as a +1 in diluc's wed 

 

booklover, okay?: what!! no no (•ˇ_ˇ•)

 

iceyboypopsicle: really? 

 

booklover, okay?: oh why? 

 

iceyboypopsicle: i'd really want to go with you 

 

booklover, okay?: really?????? 

 

fishyelle: this is too easy for me 

 

fishyelle: hmmm 

 

Kaedehara: How about Scaramouche and 

 

fishyelle: two have separate dates eh nothing i can do there 

 

iceyboypopsicle changed nickname to chongyun 

 

booklover, okay? changed nickname to xingqiu 

 

Tartaglia: i have a weird shit to tell 

 

Tartaglia: just woke up 

 

mouche: oh hey same good morning 

 

fishyelle: did you two even 

 

mouche: nope 

 

Tartaglia: no 

 

fishyelle: sleep 

 

woofwoof: Bye bye, minnasan! I have a meeting with Itto-san! 

 

our little wolfie: bye goro

 

mouche: so whachu gonna tell pretty boy 

 

mouche: i mean  

 

fishyelle: hmmmmmmm sus 

 

Kaedehara: He gets high when not sleeping, excuse him for now 

 

Tartaglia: oh yeah i alr knew about that 

 

Kaedehada: ...How? 

 

mouche: anyways what you gonna tell 

 

Tartaglia: a dream i guess 

 

Tartaglia: about my past past past past life? 

 

fishyelle: what about it huh "pretty boy" 

 

Kaedehara: Like I said- 

 

Tartaglia: i was an errand boy for a god, i just do everything she says 

 

Tartaglia: and we were called harbingers, signora was there dottore, pulcinella, etc but we rarely function together since we fight 

 

ko²mi: why is that so true even in reality 

 

fishyelle: true 

 

mouche: im smarter than them 

 

La Signora: Absolutely not true.

 

Dottore: go on, we're listening. 

 

Tartaglia: uhh 

 

Tartaglia: so the god assigned me in this weird ass task to kill another god that exactly looks like zhongli 

 

Tartaglia: exactly looks like zhongli what i mean had pair two thicc fucking thighs and ass uh

 

Tartaglia: but i was the villain here and i summoned another fucking god to destroy the zhonggod's city, which is liyue 

 

Tartaglia: i dont remember the rest but zhongdad betrayed me and set all those up blah blah 

 

mouche: did you seriously called zhongli as dad 

 

mouche: dude 

 

Tartaglia: that definitely is a typo 

 

fishyelle: i ss'd that in case so i can blackmail you 

 

Tartaglia: not to mention i was beaten by lumine in a battle, i remembered transforming into some kind of optimum pride thing

 

Kaedehara: What 

 

mouche: A WHAT LMAOOO AHSHSHAHHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHA 

 

Tartaglia: i guess the me in that dream was so fucking upset he teleported into inazuma 

 

Tartaglia: where i met a scaramouche 

 

Kaedehara: Oh, 

 

fishyelle: HM 

 

mouche:

 

Tartaglia: @thomato this scaramouche version is so 

 

mouche: what say it 

 

Tartaglia: you were really bitchy and arrogant, you almost killed me because i asked you for a spar (??) 

 

Tartaglia: you fucking dress so nice like a big frisbee, you dress like an actual inazuman would do 

 

Tartaglia: and i guess i liked it even in the dreams, i loved it even, i was teasing you and stuffs then you pushed me off a cliff 

 

Tartaglia: and i woke up 

 

mouche: oh my god is this a sign youre gonna die because of me 

 

fishyelle: whaaa no way 

 

moramona: i really like it how childe talks much about scaramouche 

 

moramona: its so sussy but its childe, it became a normal thing 

 

Tartaglia: i am not sussy 

 

Kaedehara: Suspicious. 

 

mouche: im heading to bed 

 

Kaedehara: Good night. 

 

mouche: nightie~ 

 

Tartaglia: 😐 take this in dms guys 

 

moramona: ok sir lumine-lover 

 

Tartaglia: what 

 

fishyelle: lmao im sorry but i don't like how that sounds 

 

moramona: its fine fish 🙃

 

kya: thinkin about ☔ 

 

Tartaglia: i really have no idea what that is 

 

kya: go to hell childe 

 

our little wolfie: bye 

 

 

Chapter Text


 

mouche: guysss well

 

mouche: harbingers 😐

 

Pantalone: Howdy 

 

Sandrone: Hmm 

 

Pulcinella: Hi mouchey 

 

Tartaglia: hey 

 

mouche: hey 

 

Pulcinella: You have an announcement? 

 

mouche: well i started a new account at twitch 

 

mouche: under the name of scaramouche 

 

Tartaglia: oh damn @thomato 

 

thomato: YOOOOOOOOO GOOD LUCK SCARA 

 

La Signora: That is indeed a shocking news. 

 

Pantalone: Fuck, he's definitely gonna surpass me. 

 

mouche: so the craziest part is 

 

mouche: as soon as i made that account, and I HAVENT FUCKING UPLOADED ANYTHING 

 

mouche: the Tsaritsa already made me a harbinger 🌚

 

Tartaglia: holy shit that's great news 

 

Tartaglia: welcome aboard 😳

 

mouche: yeah im no.6 

 

Tartaglia: shit? im num 11..... 

 

Pulcinella: That's gotta be a LMAO moment 

 

Sandrone: What are you gonna stream then 

 

xingqiu: @mouche congrats!!! (^▽^)

 

xingqiu: i use to watch some of kunikuzushi-chan's content back then such a shame ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ

 

chongyun: u do? 

 

xingqiu: well yess (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ

 

mouche: thanks for that xing

 

mouche: @Sandrone andd i guess I'll do a lot that i didn't do in my trapping days 

 

thomato: WHAT TRAPPING DAYS 

 

Tartaglia: what trapping days 

 

Pulcinella: Oh boy, oh boy 

 

xiao's property: WHAT'S HAPPENING 

 

xiao's property: OH MY GAWD 

 

mouche: UH JUST DO YOUR RESEARCH I DONT WANNA 

 

xiao's property: oh my gawd mouche youre my bestie 

 

xiao's property: i also have a trapping era

 

thomato: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT 

 

Tartaglia: YEAH WHAT TRAPPING ERA WHAT THE FUCK

 

mouche: soo yeah i used to be a vtuber and my avatar looks girl i guess 

 

mouche: and i used my another voice that sounded girl

 

mouche: but im a boy 😼

 

Pulcinella: And that's trapping for you 

 

woofwoof: I'm learning a lot! Thanks! 

 

ko²mi: no no no come here gorou no discord 

 

metealxin: oh shit woman's have dick 😂😂

 

Yan(Law)Fei: Xinyan, not now... 

 

Tartaglia: you can change voices? holy shit 

 

mouche: yeah i can bet she cant do that 😼

 

luminescent: ok scara

 

luminescent kicked mouche out the group chat

 

hootao: ok lumine 😶

 

dainslept: Lumine.. 

 

eatheer: sis, what the fudgybar! 

 

Tartaglia: what the fuck lumine, im not gonna make you an admin again 

 

🎆: oooo shit 

 

🎆: can i be an admin tho 

 

Tartaglia: sure 

 

Tartaglia made 🎆 an administrator 

 

Tartaglia removed luminescent's administration

 

luminescent: ok childe 

 

moramona: 🍿🍿🍿🍿

 

Tartaglia added mouche in the group chat

 

luminescent left the group chat

 

Tartaglia: fuck 

 

Tartaglia: sorry for that mochi 

 

mouche: okay can we stop calling me mochi 

 

kya: mochi☔

 

Kaedehara: mochi 

 

thomato: mochi 

 

eatheer: mochi 

 

mouche: my dango do be missing though 😐

 

kya: @Tartaglia dango 🍡

 

Albedo: Five days before the wedding, anyone else still attending? 

 

🎆: can u add like +1, I'm bringing a date 

 

ko²mi: is it itto 

 

🎆: yes 😪

 

ko²mi: shit good luck to us he might pole dance in the aisle 

 

thomato: thats definitely something itto would do 

 

🎆: he offered me a lap dance 

 

xiao's property: oh my god HAHSHSHAHSHSHSHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA 

 

hootao: pls donate a boyfriend now 😋

 

thomato: did you accept 

 

🎆: I... yes 😳

 

hootao: WAS IT HOT 

 

🎆: DEFINITELY WOULD DO IT AGAIN 💯

 

Tartaglia: @moramona are you taking scaramouche out as a friend or like you guys dating 

 

mouche: oh no no no 

 

Tartaglia: my date cancelled me lmao 

 

moramona: good we can go threesome date 

 

mouche: wha no HAHAHAHABAHAHAH WHAT NO NO

 

moramona: shuush shuussh shh darling 

 

captaine: thank you everyone... 

 

captaine: i will be expecting you to come.. 

 

kya: if y'all ain't bringing gifts imma 🙃

 

moramona: ill buy you a new sex toy 

 

kya: okay thats something thanks 

 

Diluc: You should hide the once you left in the house, Kaeya. 

 

kya: shit really fuck 

 

kya: did u hid it for me 😓

 

Diluc: Of course

 

kya: thanks bro 🤗

 

Diluc: not

 

Albedo: Oh no, the letters I sent 

 

Diluc: Father saw it. All. 

 

captaine: just the letter..! 

 

captaine: apparently the maids didn't touched the letters because they seemed important... 

 

Albedo: Shit, I may have written it like it was an important research. 

 

captaine: it was written in french.. 

 

Albedo: Okay fuck, I was drunk that time. 

 

kya: i don't remember u sending any letters! 

 

Albedo: You said you wanted a "retro romance" I thought sending you letters would make you love me more. 

 

kya: babeee thats so sweett i love you so much already 💙

 

Albedo: Me too. I love you too. 

 

xiao's property: @venti's property (⊃。•́‿•̀。)⊃

 

venti's property: @xiao's property ⊂(・ω・*⊂)

 

mouche: aw so cute #when 

 

Tartaglia: @mouche hey im your no.1 follower in twitch rn 

 

mouche: ive followed you a long time ago, so unfair 🌝

 

Tartaglia: i just found out today okay? 🌚

 

Kaedehara: I'm your second. 

 

kya: arrggggh just date already 🙂

 

hootao: (1) 

 

xiao's property: (2) 

 

Kaedehara: ...

 

Kaedehara: (3) 

 

🎆: (4) 

 

xingqiu: (5) 

 

chongyun: (6) 

 

haishancrux: (7) 

 

mouche: if he only wants to 😔

 

 

Chapter Text


 

Yan(Law)Fei: @thomato We saw Huffman again. 

 

thomato: HOLY FUCKING SHIT REALLY 

 

❄️: swear jar, now 🙂👍

 

ko²mi: woah whats up with the jar swear

 

❄️: he wants a new set up for his pc but broke 

 

❄️: so im trying to help him ! ☺️

 

ko²mi: how so? 

 

❄️: +1000 mora every swear

 

thomato: 😔

 

captaine: i sent huffman out in liyue to do a task... 

 

Yan(Law)Fei: Well, I guess he isn't doing his job right. 

 

captaine: oh.. how so? 

 

thomato: man's flirting with every single guys and ladies 

 

thomato: i drank with him back then, and he was talking about this uhh what's his name 

 

❄️: cai 

 

thomato: yes him 

 

captaine: oh my... 

 

captaine: it's ok, i guess... he works hard everyday :) 

 

mouche: unlike that one guy here 

 

mouche: 🌝

 

Tartaglia: 🌚

 

mouche: i surpassed you 

 

mouche: gotta try hard now, boy 😼

 

Tartaglia: ok 

 

Tartaglia: wanna collab for your first ever stream

 

thomato: wtf that's fast 

 

❄️: S W E A R J A R . 

 

mouche: LMAO WHAT THE FUCK 

 

thomato: 😔 

 

La Signora: No. Go do a collaboration with us, Scaramouche. 

 

Sandrone: Also, welcome (back) to the rusty harbinger group. 

 

Pucinella: 🎉🎊

 

mouche: thanks i guess 

 

mouche: but hey i'll collab with all of you but ajax said the words first 😨

 

Tartaglia: damn 

 

Tartaglia: whats the plural form of moose 

 

kya: mooses 

 

mouche: mooseses 

 

hootao: what 

 

hootao: wait where's lumine 

 

mouche: 🌚

 

Tartaglia: left 

 

hootao: what? why 

 

Tartaglia: idk she havent chat me 

 

hootao: oh i thought you guys were really close that y'all started dating each other 

 

Tartaglia: she doesn't know me that well and i dont know her that well 

 

mouche: so why date each other 

 

hootao: HAIYAAAA CHILDE LOOK AROUND AND OPEN YOUR THIRD EYE 

 

Tartaglia: i mean that's why we were dating, to get to know each other 

 

Kaedehara: I will punch you right in the liver, Mister Childe. 

 

haishancrux: woah woah, let's calm for now, yeah? 

 

Tartaglia: wanna spar then kaedehara 

 

haishancrux: no he aint good in fighting, he just uh gets a little overprotecting over a friend 

 

haishancrux: like a xiao but a ripped off 

 

venti's property: when did i become. 

 

Rich Auntie Ning: Your cousin, Zhongli? 

 

venti's property: no one will touch my venti and my cousin. 

 

venti's property: i will beat the fuck out of you. 

 

xiao's property: right lets calm down babe, siomai date? 

 

venti's property: okay. for you. 

 

haishancrux: see 

 

Tartaglia: that lowkey sounds fun 

 

mouche: what no dont get yourself hurt 

 

mouche: i mean yeaah go on you stupid shit head i dont give a shit about you 

 

Kaedehara: He's like that. Sometimes. 

 

Tartaglia: i know 

 

thomato: yeah we know, very sussy 

 

Kaedehara: Is there anything you don't know about Scaramouche? 

 

thomato: well let me tell you here, young sir 

 

thomato: he sometimes talks too much about himself in the call 

 

Tartaglia: like that one time we were trash talking our terrible jungle and he suddenly slipped in the entire history of his favorite shoes got scratched and how it affected his whole life

 

xingqiu: but aren't u liek that in ur streams 😭

 

Tartaglia: what no 

 

mouche: YEESS THAT'S SO YOU DON'T DENY 

 

thomato: yeah dude you talk too much about yourself too

 

mouche: I CAN GET CARRIED AWAY OKAY 

 

Tartaglia: well i get carried away too easily 

 

Tartaglia: my viewers enjoy my little stories too 

 

mouche: spoiler alert it took him 50 minutes to tell the whole story 🌝

 

hootao: why do you even know that huh 😰

 

kya: yeah whyyy scara hmm? 

 

mouche: because well he's very stupid 

 

Tartaglia: is he on the tsundere mood right now 

 

thomato: i think so 

 

mouche: i am not a tsundere 

 

xingqiu: from a concerned book lover, im afraid he already entered the tsundere mode 

 

mouche: kk because i watch ur videos isnt that already obvious 

 

Tartaglia: that really feels good when it comes out of your mouth 

 

kya: WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT DID YOU SAY YOUNG MAN 

 

Albedo: Oh boy. 

 

hootao: WHAT THE FUCK'S WRONG MY MIND HOLY SHIT 

 

🎆: cum? 😨 

 

thomato: BOTH ENTERED THE CUM ZONE REAL FAST THERE

 

Tartaglia: WHAT NO WHAT THE HECK 

 

mouche: oh my sweet tsaritsa🤔 

 

 kya: WATCH OUT YOUR MOUTH YOUNG MAN SIR WOMAN 

 

Tartaglia: sure naughty green-minded lady 

 

thomato: is it green-minded or grind-minded or grin-minded 

 

🎆: i actually have no idea 👲👲

 

mouche: the fuck happened here i just got noodles 

 

mouche: ew dude suck my toes childe 

 

xiao's property: 😱 

 

Tartaglia: no 

 

mouche: ok 

 

table sugar: Hi, guys! 

 

table sugar: especially for @xingqiu 

 

xingqiu: hello! (◠ᴥ◕ʋ) 

 

chongyun: hi! 

 

table sugar: So I was hoping you would recommend good books to read! 

 

xingqiu: what genre do you like? 

 

table sugar: Gore, Horror, Psychological, Drama, Fantasy, Historical, Comedy 

 

chongyun: i read too, i recommend "Into the Abyss" for gore horror psychological and comedy for dark humor 

 

Tartaglia: wtf chong, you read those stuffs? 

 

chongyun: xingqiu... recommended it to me and i really like him 

 

chongyun: i mean it* 

 

hootao: IM GONNA FUCKING EXPLODE THATS SO SUSSY 

 

chefxiang!: This is big news!

 

metealxin: we are making progress here you two 😅q

 

xingqiu: oh my, chongyun! 

 

xingqiu: im glad you enjoyed it too! i like you 2 yknow (≧(エ)≦ )

 

xingqiu: i mean i like it 2* 

 

chongyun: (・o・;) 

 

xingqiu: well ANYWAYS @table sugar i recommend reading "The 6th Loyal Follower" it's a fantasy novel about a young man finding a good reason to live in a fanstasy world. 

 

xingqiu: and for historical, try reading "The Archons War" a novel made by zhongli himself!!! i was so shock and his novel became the best novel for the month! 

 

table sugar: Thank you for this! 

 

xingqiu: You can find an ebook for those, but you can borrow mine! i have a lot of book collections i can share with you! i can show u if you want ( ˘_˘)

 

table sugar: I would love too! Thank you for this! 

 

chongyun: ( •_• )

 

mouche: i am sleep deprived

 

Tartaglia: same i feel like I'm sniffing rugby from bottles  

 

 

Chapter Text


 

Childe: so hello 

 

mouche: hii 

 

Childe: how are you and mona doing 

 

mouche: oh she became my best friend the first time ive heard her voice 

 

Childe: so you guys aren't 

 

Childe: dating or anything, you guys arents married? like secret lovers or 

 

mouche: no what the heck 

 

mouche: why'd ya ask 😈

 

Childe: well as a friend i am asking 

 

mouche: how about you and lumine? 

 

Childe: she throws a lot of tantrums but we're doing good 

 

Childe: we just 

 

mouche: just? 

 

Childe: rarely talk

 

Childe: we've been together for 3 weeks but she talks about ending it 

 

mouche: oh 

 

mouche: sorry to hear that lol

 

Childe: and i guess it doesn't hurt that much 

 

Childe: i mean ye im kinda using her to move on about zhongli 

 

mouche: i heard he was dating guizhong, we met once 

 

mouche: she's a kunikuzushi fan, old era moments 😶

 

Childe: i guess im doing good, for now 

 

Childe: life's good without thinking about zhongli 

 

Childe: like dude i wanted to fuck him as a joke but then it went south and i wanted to date him instead 

 

mouche: 😐 can we have a conversation without actually talking about your love life 

 

Childe: what's wrong with my love life 

 

mouche: i get jealous sometimes 

 

mouche: i mean jealous because y'know you like uhh good looking people 

 

Childe: what how 

 

mouche: nvm anyways 

 

mouche: we should talk about uhhhh our collaboration? 

 

mouche: or was it a joke 

 

Childe: nope definitely wanna collab with you 

 

Childe: what's your content gonna be like though 

 

mouche: i don't know, i'll do anything what they like 

 

Childe: o-o-onlyfans.........? 

 

mouche: fuck you no 

 

mouche: kunikuzushi was my vtuber/trapping era where people watch me suffer playing gacha games 

 

mouche: and i just do shit posts 

 

Childe: i did my researched and i will be watching all of your 23 videos 

 

Childe: you fucking hit 1 million by that? 😔

 

mouche: oh my god did you fucking promoted my new twitch account 

 

Childe: uhh yes because i am a supportive friend 😎

 

mouche: i just hit 60k then 

 

Childe: holy shit 

 

Childe: i only have 3.1 mil in twitch 900k in youtube 🌚

 

mouche: oh my god what the fuck i wanted to stay lowkey not famous 😔

 

Childe: don't worry 😎 

 

Childe: be happy with that 

 

mouche: im gonna do a first live stream then lets collab after that then with the whole harbinger now 😐 

 

Childe: damn good luck also 3 days before wed 

 

mouche: right, we're going treesum date? 

 

Childe: no lumine's still my date 

 

mouche: o 

 

mouche: h 

 

Childe: she just sulks sometimes and i have to y'know sugar her up 

 

mouche: ok

 

mouche: good luck then 

 

Childe: oh sure then 

 

Childe: good luck too? 

 

mouche: thx bye 

 

Childe: bye 

 

Childe: also uhh apparently jean actually meant it when she wanted everyone in the gc to attend her wedding 

 

mouche: WTF 

 

Childe: so harbinger squad's there 😎 

 

Childe: me and my homies bout to crash in mondstadt 

 

Childe: this time we can use a private jet 

 

Childe: so free ride, u in? 

 

mouche: right, sure 

 

mouche: of course 

 

Childe: good good, dress well 

 

mouche: u too kinda lookin forward for ajax in suit 

 

Childe: right me too, mochi in suit 

 

 

Chapter Text


 

"So, hi and hello." He stopped, making sure he was reading the right shit he wrote in a paper. "Apparently, I immediately went to 6th in the harbingers, and here I am with my maybe-first-ever stream." Scaramouche smiled awkwardly, eyes staring in front of the camera. 

 

 

kunikusushi_006: :pepecry: sIr, we can't see you :pepecry: :pepecry: :pepecry: 

 

 

Red_shotXx: How's that even possible 

 

ms_mirrorrim: is this who i think it is 

 

TAR-TAR-TARUTARIA: who the fuck is this guy he suddenly became the 6th wtf 

 

aj4xwith_bleach: this is kinda unfair ajax deserves more 

 

Megistus: holy shit 

 

ven_barbatoes: OH MY GAWD IT REALLY IS HIM WOW 

 

ajaxswife_414: WHO'S THIS NEW 6TH HARBGINER BLAH BLAH, THE HELL AJAX DESERVES BETTER WHAT THE FUCK'S TSARITSA DOING 

 

ajaxswife_414: [blocked message]

 

"What a fucking asshole, don't speak ill of the tsaritsa shit-head." Scaramouche sighed in relief when the moderators did their jobs. He flipped the mini notebook he has, "I've only started, why am I getting hate already?" 

 

 

kuni_chan_simp: SJKSSMMSMSMSLSLAAKBSJSLAOAIWHEHHWHW IS IT REALLY HIM 

 

La Signora ❨✓❩: Calm down, viewers.

 

II Dottore ❨✓❩: Welcome back, the old 6th. 

 

seely_: FIX THE CAMERA PLS 😰

 

vanguardian43: Sir Dottore and Ma'am Signora, wow

 

"Oh shit, xayah and rakan are here." He said with no emotion in his face, or in his tone. He scribbled a sad face in his notebook out of the blue. "What do you mean? I think my cam is doing good." 

 

 

kunikusushi_006: WE CAN'T SEE HSHSSHSSHSHSH 

 

zumizoomzoomi: THE KING IS BAXK EVERYONE 

 

ivyrosaria: @ven_barbatoes @Megistus what are you guys doing here this is embarrassing 

 

77_directorhutao: ROSARIA YOU WATCH STREAMERS WHAT THE HECK

 

The camera was set up backwards, he face palmed himself for that. "Sorry guys. I forgot how to set a stream up, it's literally been ages!" He removed his Mc Donald's headphones before flipping his camera on the right shot and sat down on his lavender chair.

 

He waved a hand in front of the camera, and stared straight at it. "Just so you know, I'm as shocked as you are when I was made the 6th." He noticed how fast his heart beats in a second, he held his chest tight. 

 

"I'm fucking nervous as shit right now, but hey, who even gives a shit? Shout out to those who's obsessed with Ajax. But I don't recommend messing with me, I hold your favorite streamer as a hostage in my house." Scaramouche smirked evilly, and let out a maniac laughter. "Okay, so let's discuss about the chat rules." 

 

 

simpsimpingforajax: bruh lol lmao what did he just said?

 

veniecey_aj4xs1mp: this guy is acting all friendly with ajax like he would give a shit about you 

 

bieruqiu: what the heck is wrong with the chat? 

 

fishyyelle: oh fuck me, now he streams too? 

 

fishyyelle: give me money ☺️

 

kukkoman: whos this new 6th dude tsaritsa do be having unfair shits here 

 

"Why the fuck are you guys-" Scaramouche glared, suddenly muting his mic off, he took off his headphones. "What the hell, Childe? And you call them 'sweet angels'? Go fuck yourself." 

 

The ginger-haired man sighed, his hand stopped grabbing popcorn from the bowl. He stood up, and walked behind Scaramouche's chair. 

 

 

dixipixie: AJAAAAX IS THAT HIM OH MY GOD WOW 

 

kreideprinz : Kaeya forced me to watch this. 

 

kya_ocellus: love and support from an alchemist and a hottie, good luck scara-boy 😘

 

Tartaglia_aajaax: OMG THE FAN GROUPS KEPT POSTING THE LINK TO THIS HELLO AJAX NOTICE ME PLZ 😚😚

 

railed_by_ajax: i wonder why ajax is with this foul-mouthed dude 

 

yyuiiki: HIIIIIIIIII AJAXX AKKAMMAMMMLAPAOAWIDUDHJDJJD 

 

Scaramouche put his headphones back, immediately un-muting his mic. "See, I told you I kept him inside my house. Go away now, shit-face." He swayed his palm, gesturing Childe to scram. 

 

"Jesus, now I have 100k viewers thanks to you fucker. Gaah, I hate this already." He groaned, "Hey, stay something you ass." 

 

 

kya_ocellus: holy shit, you really should not say that in front of ajax's fans 

 

blueberrybillie: guys wanna cancel this guy! ?

 

dixiepixie: CANCEL THIS GUY 

 

railing_AJAX: THAT'S DEFINITELY HARASSMENT CANCEL THIS GUY ON TWITTER I BET HE SAID THE N WORD 

 

"Woah, hey! Why are you guys like that?" Not bad for a Mc Donald's headphones he bought online, he was sure the audience heard Childe's voice. "And why the heck do you have that as an username, 'railed_by_ajax' and 'railing_ajax'!!"

 

Scaramouche burst in laughter with his head down and a hand rubbing his stomach. "You piece of shit, Scara." Childe joined him in. 

 

 

77_directorhutao: aw they're so cute im gonna die

 

bieruqiu: hehee ikr kuni-chaaan notice uss 

 

tartagalicious: i wonder what sir dottore means by the old 6th 

 

railingkunikuzushi: .... 

 

steponmekunichan69: .... 

 

"Sure, I would love to step on you. Anyways, I'm doing a QnA stream, you can ask anything." Childe gave him the thumbs up, leaving the sight quickly and came back with his own chair. 

 

"With a special guest, of course." Scaramouche giggled, flying his sausage fingers around Childe's face, and the ginger-haired man slapped it all. "I'm just here for support, but the actual reason is to raid his refrigerator today." He winked. 

 

 

 

kya_ocellus: are you two officially dating 

 

simping_forajax6: are you fucking stupid fuck you @kya_ocellus 

 

tsaritsyn042: why's everyone calling the new 6th kunikuzushi 

 

kunikusushi_006: how are you todayyy kunichaan 

 

kunikunikunek0: we miss u haha 

 

"Ermm, well. I'll do a proper introduction first. I'm Scaramouche, FKA Kunikuzushi. My pronouns are he/him, I mean it's 2021, jesus christ." Childe held back a chuckle, he read the questions one by one. "Kya Ocellus asked if we are dating."

 

"Nope, we unfortunately ain't dating," 

 

 

 

kya_ocellus: fuck ok. 

 

77_directorhutao: NOOOOOO

 

bieruqiu: sad 

 

RaidenEi: scaramouche, what the devil are you doing 

 

skrmshh11: good thing haha 

 

The purple-haired guy's eyes widened in horror, immediately muting his microphone after seeing the chat. "Fuck, Childe. My sister's watching my stream." He turned off his camera and whispered. 

 

"What sister? Raiden—" Scaramouche covered his mouth with a hand, and gestured to shut up with a 'shh'. "She can hear you, she once got interested in witch craft and I'm very scared." 

 

 

 

Kaedehara: Oh, fuck. 

 

Thomasthethird: WHY IS SHE HERE 

 

ココミ: we all are watching you scara. 

 

yoiyoiyoimiya: we do. 

 

Ittoman: WE ARE WATCH.

 

WolfieGorou: hahaha 

 

ayinonfireX: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: 

 

hehydrated: The chat's very weirdchamp today

 

"So what if she's watching? Come on, my siblings watch me all the time, this is why I don't curse that much!" Childe's fake tears fell down while staring in blank space. "Ugh, our situation's not similar." 

 

He opened his camera again, heavily sighing as he tried to take a mental note not to fuck all this up, or he'll look like an idiot in front of Inazuma's great ass leader. 

 

 

Childe laughed, a flowery smile plastered on his face kinda made his heart flutter for solid one minute. He haven't ate butterflies, but why does it feel like some are flying somewhere in his stomach? "Sorry about that, let's head back to the QnA. Tsaritsyn042 asked, why does everyone calling the new 6th, Kunikuzushi?" 

 

In which Scaramouche replied with an obvious healty blush, "Well, erm— I use to do streams, before our lovely guest here. Spoilers Alert, I'm just another shitty streamer." He whispered with a hand covering the microphone.

 

Childe let out an amused laugh, "He calls it his trapping era." 

 

Ah, for archon's sake. It's suffocating here, I'm gonna die.

 

 

meatbeater69: @kya_ocellus i highkey agree witb you they are kinda cute together 

 

Pucinella ❨✓❩: heheehhee hii ajax 

 

Pulcinella ❨✓❩: and scaramouche hi 

 

Sandrone ❨✓❩: Congratulations on 60k subs on Twitch. 

 

Pantalone ❨✓❩: Fucking Scaramouche and his cute voice and face 

 

ms_mirrorrim: sir pantalone😭

 

dandelionzzz: oh wow im very new to this, but i do want to support your career...

 

"Oh right, thank you for our viewers, especially our families and friends! I'm glad to hear you guys are supporting me, it really makes me kinda less shittier about myself." 

 

Childe patted his back on that, silently sighing too. 

 

 

RaidenEi: i'll always support you, my cute lil bro

 

77_directorhutao: i lovee uu mochii hahaha as a friend no homo 

 

yoiyoiyoimiya: we're glad too 

 

venicegang: as a kunikuzushi loyal fan, im very very thankful that you are back and healthy!!!

 

aishiteeeaj4xsama: ^^ this scaramouche dude is a sweetiepie, im gonna simp now

 

do_DO_co: hahahaahhahaha puwity gai!! kleee saw albedu wahtch you 

 

kya_ocellus: oh my god klee 

 

kreideprinz: sweet sister, please dont bd here

 

"Uh oh, good luck!" 

 

"Anyways, give questions, I answer!" 

 


 

(only questions and answers !)

 

 

da_ddendro: can you say peanuts without the t 

 

"Oh, right." He stopped, having a large equation in his head if he should answer this, or no. Childe opened the water bottle on Scaramouche's oak desk that has a lot of stabs on it and drank. "Peanus." Childe spat all of it out and laughed hard. 

 

 

geo_viship: why did you left after your face reveal? 

 

"Well, that was... Like I said, I was in a difficult situation, my mental health isn't.." Memories hit him again, he could only scratch his neck. "Those were the dark days! Let's focus in the future." Childe tried comforting him, well he was about to cry after all. 

 

Fuck, why am I so sensitive in every single thing?

 

railed_by_ajax: what's your sexuality

 

"I'm bisexual, next." 

 

coconutmakesmenut: are you single? 

 

"Why the fuck are we talking about—" He paused, "..Yes, I'm single unless there's another guy here that wants to make a move, but I bet he's a pussy." He intentionally looked at Ajax who was once again busy eating a sandwich after reading the comment. "Pig." 

 

haishanbeidou: is kazuha your future husband

 

 Kaedehara: ...

 

"What the fuck, no." 

 

QixingNingguang: Don't asked why I made a twitch account, I want to know if it is possible for you to date your crush. 

 

Childe's voice cracked, trying to imitate Ningguang's Ara ara voice. Scaramouche laughed with tears in his eyes, "Yes, I'm 100 percent sure he would like him, clearly, I'm better from his past lover." Drama.

 

RaidenEi: are you gonna... perhaps invite me to your little friend group chat in discord.. 

 

"Uhh—" He nervously gulped, "Yes, sure. I will." 

 

hinaachan: do you like ajax 

 

"Motherfucke—"