"No! Please no more!"
Bellamy jerks awake at the sound of yelling and begins searching for the threat, his movements limited by the chains securing him in place.
When he locates the source of the noise his first reaction is annoyance, as he realizes it's only Murphy.
He briefly considers waking him up but then what? He isn't about to try and comfort the man who had strung him up to die less than a week ago.
So he does nothing, leaves Murphy to live out his nightmares, and tries to reclaim sleep that had become so foreign to him.
Murphy seems different from his usual asshole self, he's quieter, less inclined to make Bellamy want to bash his brains out with a rock. As they endure their first day as Ark prisoners Bellamy contemplates why that might be.
"Why're you being less of a dick all of a sudden Murphy?" Bellamy throws caution to the wind and goes for the direct approach.
"Maybe being locked up doesn't make me all that chatty" Murphy sneers.
"Certainly didn't stop you from telling the grounders everything they wanted to know" Bellamy's voice practically oozed hatred.
"Float yourself Bellamy. You think you would've lasted three hours in their prisons let alone three days?" Murphy spits out.
"Yeah, I do" Bellamy was self assured.
"They fucking broke me alright? Is that what you want to hear? I'm not as strong as you. I'm fucking weak, and sometimes I think I would've been better off if they had just killed me." Murphy seems to deflate as he turns his back on the boy he had once followed reverently.
Bellamy is left to contemplate what Murphy has said, and once again forced to deal with the immense amount of guilt he feels when he looks at the other boy.
When they first reached the ground Bellamy had wanted nothing more than to protect the others, keep them from harm, yet here was Murphy, a living breathing reminder of the fact that he was a failure.
At least Bellamy knows Murphy is alive.
Bellamy could reach out and help the boy, but that would mean admitting his failure and he's not quite ready to do that.
Murphy's nightmares are different the second night. He doesn't yell so much as he whimpers, curled into a ball and shaking, and Bellamy almost feels pity.
"I caused this" Bellamy says to himself before reaching out to nudge Murphy's leg with his foot, the only part of him the chains allow him to reach.
"You're dreaming Murphy" he says.
Murphy wakes with a start and glances around frantically, clearly still afraid of whatever plagued his dreams.
"Just a dream Murphy. You're safe here" Bellamy repeats.
"Screw you Bellamy" Murphy retorts. He shakes as he rolls himself over, but Bellamy doesn't mention it.
"When I was young I used to have nightmares about the guard finding Octavia. When it actually happened, the nightmares stopped, because they had come true" Bellamy speaks softly, sharing this part of himself for the first time.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Murphy's voice is bitter.
"I don't know" Bellamy admits.
They don't speak after that.
"How did the guard find Octavia?" Murphy asks in the morning.
"It was my fault. I took her to the Unity Day masquerade dance. My cadet unit was doing security, I thought I would be able to keep her safe" Bellamy's voice is heavy "You weren't there?"
"I was locked up" Murphy tells him flatly.
"For what?" Bellamy is genuinely curious.
"My mother was an alcoholic. She left behind some serious debts when she died, and I wasn't willing to do what it was going to take to answer for them" Murphy's tone suggests Bellamy was lucky to be getting even this much out of him.
"Nigel?" Bellamy asks.
"Among others" He replies.
"You know, getting to know me is only going to make it harder for you to kill me" Murphy warns.
"You want to know what I see when I look at you Murphy?" Bellamy asks a while later.
"I see failure. You're this constant reminder that I failed, that I couldn't protect the people closest to me. I failed you Murphy" Bellamy confesses.
"Is this some ploy to get me to forgive you? Cause if so I wouldn't hold your breath" Murphy replies bitterly.
"I don't hate you Murphy. I hate what you remind me of" Bellamy continues as if he hadn't heard Murphy. It feels good to vocalize his feelings, as if by saying them out loud he can begin the healing process, though he isn't certain he deserves it.
"Murphy, I know it probably doesn't mean much, but I'm never going to fail you again" Bellamy vows "I'm going to protect you."
Murphy just laughs, bitter and hollow.
"I'm going to do right by you" Bellamy assures him. If Bellamy can't save the rest of his people he's going to do everything he can for this one.
I meant to get this up a few days ago but my work schedule got very complicated all of a sudden. Thank you for your patience, and for actually reading this, I love knowing that people have actually seen my work.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Finns death hits Murphy hard.
It's not so much that Finn is dead, it's the realization that no one would've done for him what Clarke did for Finn. It could easily have been Murphy strung up on that pole enduring the pain of 18 deaths.
It's this thought that sends him to his tent. He's never felt as alone as he does in this moment. Even being banished was different, at least then he was truly alone. Now, he lives among people who wouldn't move to help him.
He hates himself for caring.
Bellamy finds him the next morning, sitting on the ground staring at the tent wall. He hasn't moved since last night.
"Murphy" Bellamy's voice is tentative, soft even.
Murphy barely registers his presence until Bellamy sits in front of him.
"Hey" Bellamy reaches out to touch the side of Murphy's face, and he recoils wildly before realizing that the touch wasn't a threat.
It strikes Bellamy then that Murphy is used to seeing everyone as his enemy.
"I wanted to make sure you were ok" Bellamy speaks softly, lowering his hand to lay it on Murphy's knee.
"I'm not." As if speaking triggered something within him Murphy's eyes well up with tears.
"Hey" Bellamy wipes away Murphy's tears, his thumb rough against the others seemingly always bruised cheek "I've got you remember?"
If anything Bellamy's words have the exact opposite of their desired effect.
"Up" Bellamy tugs gently, leading Murphy to the bed. He's pliant, allowing Bellamy to tuck him under the covers.
Bellamy quickly removes his boots and climbs in beside him, tucking Murphy into his chest.
"I'm not going to fail you again Murphy, I promised."
Murphy latches on to the rough material of Bellamy's jacket and allows himself to display weakness for the first time since he was locked up. For reasons he can't quite comprehend he feels safe around Bellamy.
They stay like that for what feels like hours, Bellamy's long fingers combing through Murphy's hair. Finally the troubled teen finds sleep.
Bellamy's obligations drag him away before the other boy wakes up, but he leaves his jacket tucked around Murphy's shoulders, a promise that he'll return.
When Bellamy gets off watch he finds Murphy sitting at the communal fire wrapped in Bellamy's jacket, a bowl of soup clutched between his hands, untouched.
"You need to eat" Bellamy sits beside him with his own bowl.
"Not hungry" Murphy responds.
"Eat. It's good soup."
Begrudgingly Murphy brings a chunk of venison to his mouth and chews slowly. Bellamy doesn't begin his own meal until he sees Murphy swallow, and despite his own hunger matches him bite for bite, as if a show of solidarity will help Murphy perform basic tasks.
It's a tactic he used to use with Octavia, refusing to eat his rations until she ate her own. When she was being particularly stubborn she could hold out for hours, typically as a ploy to get something she wanted. The only thing that could get her to break was hearing Bellamy's own stomach growl. Lucky for him, Murphy isn't as stubborn.
"When's the last time you showered?" Bellamy asks when Murphy has eaten.
"Couple days ago in the river."
"Then you are going to love the hot water in the showers. Raven helped set it up this morning. It might not be the most necessary requirement, but a hot shower does wonders for morale" Bellamy tugs Murphy to his feet and leads him towards the showers.
"I'm not so sure about this Bellamy" Murphy eyes the small shower stall uneasily. Ever since the grounders he's been uneasy with tight spaces.
"C'mon, it'll make you feel better" Bellamy prompts.
So Murphy strips off his clothes, doing his best to ignore the way Bellamy looks at the marks left on his body. Murphy knows he's covered in bruises and scars, evidence of his time with the grounders.
"Murphy" Bellamy begins.
"Don't." Murphy holds up a hand to silence him before entering the shower stall.
It's not that small, big enough to hold two people comfortably at Abby's request, so that she can help patients bathe if necessary, but to Murphy the walls are suffocating, and not even the first warm water he's felt in weeks can distract him from that.
"Bellamy" Murphy's voice betrays his panic "Bellamy I can't do it. I can't do it" he repeats, mind clouded by panic. Then the door opens and Bellamy is there, pulling Murphy out of the shower and towards him.
"What's the matter?" Bellamy asks, and Murphy feels the rumble of his voice resonate through his chest.
"too fuckin small, gonna suffocate" Murphy babbles anxiously.
"Claustrophobia?" Bellamy asks, and Murphy nods rapidly.
"If I came in with you would that help or make things worse?"
"Bellamy you don't have to do that" Murphy suddenly becomes aware of the fact that he's naked and pressed to Bellamy's chest.
"I'm offering" Bellamy pulls back slightly to look him in the eye.
"Help" Murphy says quietly.
At that Bellamy begins to strip until he's as naked as the boy before him.
"When you're ready" Bellamy enters the stall and holds out his hand.
Slowly Murphy takes it and allows himself to be led inside. When the door closes behind him he flinches, and his breathing becomes shallower, but then Bellamy is there, soap in hand. He stands behind him, so close that Murphy feels the heat radiating off of his chest, and slowly begins washing Murphy's hair.
Murphy wants to protest but Bellamy shushes him.
"Let me. Please" He says softly, breath tickling the back of Murphy's neck, and so he does.
Satisfied that Murphy's hair is clean he moves on to his back, then his legs, his hands moving over Murphy's ass quicker than Bellamy would like.
Bellamy wraps his arms around Murphy and begins washing his chest. He doesn't trust himself to face the boy, knowing that he'll end up kissing him, and that's not what Murphy needs right now.
"Better?" Bellamy asks when Murphy has dried himself off and redressed.
"Yeah" Murphy admits "thank you."
Bellamy walks Murphy back to his tent. They pass Clarke on their way and Bellamy knows that she'll have questions for him later but he chooses not to worry about that until he has to. What he does in his spare time is his business he figures.
"I'm going hunting at first light" Bellamy says as he lays down next to Murphy "I won't be here when you wake up."
"You don't need to stay" Murphy points out even though he knows he'll sleep better with Bellamy there.
"I know" Bellamy says simply. Before he can over think it he presses his lips to Murphy's forehead.
Bellamy falls asleep quickly, and Murphy is left to contemplate, not for the first time, what Bellamy's lips might feel like pressed against his own.
When they had landed Murphy had wanted nothing more than to claim Bellamy as his own, but circumstances had prevented it, and he hadn't thought about it in a long time.
Now, he allowed himself a sliver of hope that maybe someday he would find out exactly what it would take to reduce Bellamy to a quivering mess.
I'm always worried about my characterization of both Murphy and Bellamy. I can't see either of them being really big on sharing their feelings so everything they say has to matter. Anyways, I would love to know if you think I'm doing them justice.
It takes a week of Bellamy's constant presence before Murphy is ready to rejoin society.
He gets assigned to the smokehouse, something he's done before, taking comfort in both the familiarity and the fact that he gets to see Bellamy every time he brings in a kill.
Slowly Murphy begins to resemble his old self more and more, the one filled with snark and lively jabs. The one day it happens.
"You're gonna want to be careful with this one Murph, I think I pierced it's stomach" Bellamy walks into the smokehouse with a deer slung over his shoulder.
"Yes your majesty" Murphy bows low, a grin on his lips.
Bellamy can't stop the smile that forms on his face when he realizes that this is the first time Murphy has sounded like himself in weeks.
Dropping his deer on the table Bellamy surges forward and pressed his lips to Murphy's, his hands coming up to hold the other's face.
"Bout time" Murphy grins.
"So is your majesty a turn on for you or" Murphy is cut short as Bellamy kisses him again, passionate and hungry.
"Fuck I've missed you Murphy" He grins when the need to breathe forced him to pull back "you have no idea how many times I've wanted to do this."
"I'm not complaining" Murphy responds, his hands going to Bellamy's hips as he resumes their kiss.
"Tent?" Bellamy asks and Murphy nods fervently. The pair practically run to Murphy's tent and once inside Bellamy backs Murphy onto the bed and climbs on top of him, his lips seeking their match hungrily.
Growing impatient Murphy rolls his hips upwards, grinning when a small moan escapes from Bellamy's mouth.
"Shirt" Bellamy allows Murphy to sit up enough to remove his shirt, then resumes his position so can kiss down Murphy's chest.
"You're fucking beautiful" he growls pressing a kiss to each of Murphy's scars as he slowly moves downwards. Murphy in turn reaches out to grasp Bellamy's ass, once again starling a groan out of him.
"Never mind all this sappy shit, how about you fuck me your majesty?" There's and evil glint in Murphy's eye as he smirks up at Bellamy.
"Please don't call me that" Bellamy responds between kisses. Just for that he's determined to make Murphy wait.
What he hadn't counted on was Murphy undoing his pants with surprising deftness. When Murphy wraps his hand around Bellamy's cock he forgets everything else.
"Now about you fucking me" Murphy grins as he pumps Bellamy's cock.
Bellamy shoves Murphy's pants down and begins to stroke Murphy's cock, forcing a moan from his lips.
"Fucking beautiful" He repeats as he brings his fingers to his lips to taste Murphy's precome.
"Jesus Bellamy" Murphy's head falls back.
Bellamy leans down to kiss him again before moving downwards and pressing a kiss to Murphy's cock.
Murphy gasps at the wet heat that engulfs him as Bellamy begins sucking his dick, fisting his hands in the blankets at his side.
"Oh fuck" He groans as Bellamy hollows his cheeks and swirls his tongue around the top before bobbing his head. Bellamy reaches up to fondle Murphy's balls as he works on taking more of Murphy's cock into his mouth.
As Murphy feels his cock slip past the tight ring of muscles at the back of Bellamy's throat a finger comes to press at his entrance and it's too much for him, he cums without warning, spilling his seed down Bellamy's throat with a loud cry.
Bellamy moves up to kiss wantonly at Murphy's lips as the other boy grabs Bellamy's aching cock. It doesn't take long before Bellamy's cumming over Murphy's chest with a desperate groan.
Bellamy lies down beside him and presses a few more soft kisses to Murphy's lips, basking in the afterglow.
"You're fucking beautiful" he repeats.
"So you keep telling me" Murphy turns towards Bellamy, a genuine smile on his face.
"Oh fuck" He groans.
"What?" Concern tinges Bellamy's voice.
"I still have to deal with your gut shot deer" Murphy says, and Bellamy laughs, pulling the teen closer.
This is actually the first time I've written porn but these two just make it so easy.
Originally this was going to be the last chapter, but I think after the finale I'm going to need some happy Murphamy in my life.