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A Something Blue Parody

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Title: A Something Blue Parody
Author: Forsaken2003
Pairing: S/X, S/B (I know it’s horrible! But it had to be done)
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon
Comments: Always welcomed!
Summary: Willow does the ‘will be done’ spell, leaving Spike and Buffy in love and leaving Xander heart broken.
Warnings/Spoilers: Season 4 ‘Something Blue’.
Beta'd by: Whichclothes


Xander burst through the front door of Giles’s place. Giles, Buffy and Spike all stood as Xander pulled a bookshelf in front of the door.“Board up the windows, and barricade the doors.” Xander ordered them as he turned to face them.


Giles looked around, confused, wishing he was able to see. “What's going on?”


Xander panted, bending over for breath. “Demons. They keep coming and coming. I think I lost them, but I couldn't see.” He noticed Spike was standing beside Buffy. “Spike! He's all untied!” Xander said worriedly, he didn’t want Buffy staking him. “Which you probably noticed.” Wait…why was his Spike standing so close to Buffy?


Buffy took control, “Xander, calm down, okay? If you lost them, that'll give us some time to figure this out.” She turned to Spike, “Maybe the demons have something to do with Giles being blind.”


“Giles is blind?” Xander walked over to Giles and started to wave his fingers in front of Giles's face.


Giles pulled his head back slightly. “Please stop whatever you're doing. You smell like fruit roll-ups.”


Spike sighed with disappointment. “This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.”


Buffy was hanging off Spike’s arm as she spoke. “Spike's right. We really should get organized.”


Xander stared at Spike and Buffy. “Why are you holding hands?” he asked. His stomach clenched painfully.


Buffy and Spike look at each other lovingly. Spike spoke up, “He has to hear it sooner or later.”


Buffy looked excited, and lifted her hand showing off her ring. “Spike and I are getting married!”


Xander was baffled. “How? What? How?” Spike was with him. How could he be marrying Buffy? Was this some kind of sick joke?


“Three excellent questions,” Giles replied has he rubbed his eyes hoping to gain his sight back somehow.


Spike saw Buffy staring at him. “What are you lookin' at?”


“The man I love,” She replied dreamily. They began to kiss… a lot. Xander looked more than a bit disgusted.


Xander raised his hand, “Can I be blind, too?” He wanted to be sick. His head snapped up. “Wait… married… I know something… what is it? Everything's so familiar. Work, brain — work! Oh! Oh oh! Willow!”


Buffy tried to talk around all the kissing she and Spike were doing. “Mm… what about Will… Mmm, honey, get off.” She pulled away from Spike.


Xander let out a sigh of relief. He hated seeing his vampire drooling over Buffy. “Something about Willow and her griefy-poor-me mood swings — so, so tired of it.” Especially if she was responsible for this catastrophe, he thought.


Buffy nodded in agreement. “Well, we're all tired of it, but what does it have to do with what's going on?”
“She told me I was a demon magnet, a-and you two should get married.” Xander gestured to Spike and Buffy. Hoping they realized that they were under some kind of spell.


Giles came to a realization, “And… that I didn't see anything.”


“She did a spell,” Buffy stated, catching on to what they were saying.


“Yes... to have her will done. Whatever she says is coming true,” Giles explained, wishing he had realized sooner.


“And you both were affected. I probably only escaped because I'm the Slayer, some kind of natural immunity,” Buffy replied as she looked back at Spike smiling at him.


Xander snorted in disgust. He was so over this spell. He wanted his vampire back, “Yeah, right. You're marrying Spike because you're so right for each other.”


Buffy looked at Xander hurt. “Xander…”


“That's it — you're off the usher list.” Spike told Xander.


“Spike!” Xander looked at the vampire. “You have to realize the wrongness of this! I mean what about u…” Spike grabbed his arm.


“I’ll only be a moment, luv,” he told Buffy as he dragged Xander down the hall. “What the bloody hell are you doing?” Spike hissed at Xander.


Xander grabbed a hold of Spike’s shoulders, “Me? I’m not the one who thinks I’m in love with Buffy! Did you just forget that before this morning we were kind of a thing?”


“Course I remember but…” Spike looked back at Buffy and smiled. “I love her. Sure I don’t particularly like her. She’s kind of annoying but I love her.”


“You don’t mean that, Spike,” Xander said softly and placed his hand on Spike’s cheek making him look at him. “You know deep down you don’t love her. That you love me.” He leaned into kiss Spike. He was shocked when Spike pulled away.


Spike shook his head. “I’m not in love with you, Xander. Not like I am with Buffy.”


“People, Willow is out there and she probably doesn't know what she's doing.” Giles’s voice pulled them back to the situation at hand.


“We gotta find her,” Xander said with determination.


“Before somebody gets really hurt,” Buffy replied in agreement.


Xander looked at Spike who was once again plastered at Buffy’s side, “Too late,” he whispered to himself


Giles nodded agreeing with Buffy not hearing what Xander had said. He started forward, fell over his couch, and landed on the other side.


Willow was walking down the hallway in Stevenson Hall. She entered her room and was snatched up by a demon. It placed a hand on each side of her head, causing electricity-like bolts and wind around her head.


Buffy, Spike and Xander were walking down the hallways of Stevenson Hall. “Why does he have to come?” Xander asked, indicating Spike. He knew it wasn’t Spike’s fault but he really didn’t want to watch the pair climbing all over each other.


Buffy sighed in slight annoyance. “Xander, Spike is going to be my husband. I want him included.”


”I agree with Xander here. Seems like a lot of work for people who hunt us.” Spike nodded his head.


“Spike, these are my friends. Besides, it's kinda my job,” Buffy pointed out to him.


Spike patted her hand, “For now.”


Buffy stopped and looked at Spike. “What? You want me to stop working?”


“Guys!” Xander snapped, tired of hearing them fight like a couple. They weren’t a couple. Spike was with him damn it! He opened the door to Buffy and Willow's room. There was a large circle burnt into the carpet.


“This is burned.” Buffy said stating the obvious.


Xander cursed under his breath. “D'Hoffryn. Bastard, he's opened a portal here.”


“Who?” Buffy asked. “You know this demon?”


“Oh fluffy,” Spike interrupted them. They looked at Spike who was holding up one of Buffy's skirts — an orange one with orange fuzzy stuff around the bottom. “Wear this to the rehearsal dinner and the whole thing's off.”


Xander growled at Spike, “Shut up! This is serious! D'Hoffryn is the one that made Anya a demon.” He didn’t want to think about them getting married… them getting married would mean that they’d have sex.


“Why would he attack Willow?” Buffy questioned worrying her bottom lip.

Xander shook his head, “I don't believe he did.”


Willow was in a pitch black room surrounded by numerous demons of different kinds.


”You have much anger and pain. Your magic is strong, but your pain — it's like a scream that pierces dimensional walls. We heard your call,” D'Hoffryn told Willow with interest.


Willow stuttered, “I-I'm sorry. I'll try for a quiet rage. Bye.” She turned to leave, but was faced with more demons.


D'Hoffryn called her back. “Our intention is not to quash your potential — quite the contrary.”


Willow turned back to him, looking scared and confused.



Xander, Buffy, and Spike were walking in the cemetery. “Xander, how do you know all this stuff about D'Hoffryn?” Spike asked. He might be in love with Buffy but that didn’t mean he didn’t have any feelings for the boy.


“Thanks to Anya I know a lot about him. I took her to prom and that was all she talked about. D'Hoffryn made her a demon,” Xander explained as he continued to walk.


Buffy looked panicked. “Oh God, Willow. But you think you can summon this guy from this crypt, right? You can make him stop … oh my God!” Buffy became excited. “Wouldn't this be a perfect place for pictures?” Buffy said distracted by an old crypt that had ivy growing along its side.


Spike shook his head in disagreement. “I'm not posing for chattel.”


“Yes I can summon him. After Anya left I did some research on her and her past in case she ever came back… so I could I don’t know impress her or something.” A demon wandered their way. Xander saw it and pointed. “Hey… Demon.”


Buffy approached the demon, “Okay, listen — now we're gonna do this without ruining the foliage.” Buffy and the demon went at it. She tossed him aside just as another appeared. She realized that they were just going to keep coming. “Let's go!”


All three of them ran inside the crypt, barricading it as best they can. Xander ran to the far side, kneeling down and drawing a circle surrounding himself in the dirt. “Blesséd be, the name of D'Hoffryn. Let this space be now a gateway to the world of Arash Ma'har, where demons are spawned.”



“The pain and suffering you brought upon those you love is inspiring. You are ready to join us here in Arash Ma'har.” D'Hoffryn said to Willow.


“Pain… What pain?” Willow asked. She didn’t realize she had been causing anyone pain. She was the one that was in pain.



Buffy was being choked by a demon who'd reached through a window.


”Why did you go to the prom with some demon?” Spike demanded to know. Jealousy colored his voice. He pressed his body up against the door trying to keep the rest of the demons out.


“I’m a little busy here, Spike.” Xander replied and continued. “We come in supplication. We bend as the reed… in the flow of the, uh… No, wait... we-we come in the flow of the, uh... Ugh!” He took a deep breath and started over. “Blesséd be, the name of D'Hoffryn.”

Buffy was still being choked. She jerked away, running to Spike's side. He had propped a stone sepulcher against the doorway to keep the demons out.


“They're strong, and I can't fight. If they get in, I don't know if I can protect you.” Spike called over his shoulder.


“You think you have to protect me?” Buffy questioned about to remind him she was a slayer and that she didn’t need protection.


Spike shook his head. “Not you, Xander.”

The demons finally busted their way in. Spike was getting his ass kicked while Buffy was trying to kick ass.


“You’re worried about Xander all of a sudden?” Buffy asked tossing a demon over her shoulder. “You hate each other!”


“I don’t hate him,” Xander heard Spike say. “I love him.”


Buffy stopped her assault and looked at her ‘fiancee’. “You love him?”


“No! I love you more, pet!” Spike rushed to Buffy to console. “You know I do. But I’ll always have a place in my heart for Xander.”



D'Hoffryn opened a dimensional rift and allowed Willow to see her friends getting their asses kicked.


“Oh, God. But I didn't mean to!” Willow insisted as she watched.


“But you did. This is the result of your power. You will make a fine vengeance demon,” D'Hoffryn informed her with a smile.


Willow let out a small whimper, “No, please! You have to help them!”


“It is not my concern. You are my interest in this matter,” D'Hoffryn told her. He was enjoying the show in front of him. He was curious as to just how the boy knew how to summon him… or tried to at least.


“Really... no offense intended... I mean, you've been super-nice and everything, but… I don't want to be a demon. I just wanna go back and help my friends,” Willow said hoping not to piss off D'Hoffryn.


“That is your answer?” D'Hoffryn asked.


Willow nodded, “It-it is.”


“I'm sorry to hear that.” D’Hoffryn said menacingly before turning into a lighter tone. “Oh well. Here is my talisman.” He held it up and Willow took it. “You change your mind, give us a chant.”

He waved his hand and she disappeared.




Buffy struggled with a demon as yet another burst onto the scene. It knocked Spike on his back. Buffy got pissed and kicked both the demon's asses and ran over to Spike.


“Oh, Spike… are you okay?” Buffy whispered and leaned over him. “I don’t care if you have some kind of feelings for Xander… as long as it is me that has you in the end.”


“Slayer…” Spike managed to say before they began kissing.


Xander got tackled by a demon and was getting beaten. Willow suddenly appeared in the crypt.


Willow stood there a second looking at the situation as she tried to remember a spell. “Let the healing power begin. Let my will be safe again. As these words of peace are spoken, let this harmful spell be broken.”


Thunder crashed and lightning flashed. Suddenly, the demons disappeared. Buffy and Spike pulled away from each other; a look of horror and disgust passed over their faces.
“Oh, ugh…” Buffy rolled off Spike.


“Oh, bloody hell!” Spike spat out. They both jumped up, each wiping their mouth and gagging and carrying on. He looked around in search of Xander.


“Spike lips! Lips of Spike!” Buffy complained and started to spit hoping to get the taste of Spike out of her mouth.


All three of them suddenly realized Willow was there. They all turned slowly to look at her. She smiled sheepishly and waved. “Hi, guys.”


Xander and Spike looked at each other, pained looks on both of their faces.


In Giles's kitchen Willow was making chocolate-chip cookies. She put them on a plate Buffy was holding. “How long are you going to keep making these?” Buffy asked.


“Oh, until I don't feel so horribly guilty. I figure about a million chips from now. Also, I have to detail Giles's car,” Willow answered. She took the plate from Buffy and walked over to where Xander and Giles were sitting. Xander was holding up a clock.


“Time?” he quizzed Giles checking to see if his sight was back completely.


Giles smiled brightly, “A-ha… Five past two. Thursday.” Xander seemed happy and stood, making his way over to Spike.


Willow held out a plate to Giles. “Look, cookies. A very not-evil thing I did. Oatmeal?”


Giles removed his glasses, took a cookie and scowled, “Yes, very funny, they're chocolate chip. I can see them. I still need my glasses, though. You could be more specific and give me 20/20.”


Willow smiled and walked over to Xander and Spike. “Eat a cookie; ease my pain?”


Xander took one and bit into it. “Mm. Better?”


Willow shrugged lightly. “Well, baking lifts about 30% of my guilt, but only 7% of my inner turmoil. Guess that'll just take a while.” She looked at Spike. “So you guys are a couple?"


“I…” Xander looked uncomfortable.


“Give us a mo’, Red,” Spike ordered her and took a cookie for himself before she scurried off.


Spike pulled Xander against his body, “It was just a spell. Deep down I knew it was you that I wanted but the spell…”


“Look Spike… I get it. It doesn’t really make me feel any better though. You were engaged to my best friend!”


“It wasn’t even real though, Xan.” Spike whispered. “It was always you.” He leaned into to kiss Xander but pulled away taking a bite out of the cookie he was holding. Xander looked at Spike with confusion. “Well, I gotta have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth. Don’t want to taste her when it should be you I taste,” Spike explained looking apologetic.


“You're a pig, Spike,” Buffy yelled at him, crossing her arms over her chest.


Spike snorted, “Yeah… well I'm not the one who wanted, ‘Wind Beneath My Wings’ for the first dance.”


He said it loud enough for Giles, Xander and Willow to hear. They all turned to stare at Buffy from the living room.


She looked at all of them. “That was the spell.” Buffy lied, embarrassed enough she walked out of Giles’s place to go in search of Riley. She had some explaining to do. Where was she even going to start?


“Now where were we?” Spike asked and dropped his cookie onto the counter. “Oh right.” He pulled Xander back against him and dove in for a kiss. He put as much passion in to as he could muster up, wanting Xander to feel just how much he loved him. “It’ll always be you. In the end I knew it was you but my brain was just so fogged up.”


Xander leaned his forehead against Spike’s. “It was real for me though Spike. The way you looked at her. It was the way you look at me.”


“Please, Xan…” Spike sounded desperate. “Don’t let this ruin us. I love you.”


“Aww,” Willow butted in. “Come on, Xan… don’t punish Spike because I was an idiot thinking magic could help me get over Oz. Don’t add more guilt to my conscience.”


Xander smiled at Willow before he smiled at Spike. “It’s gonna be a little weird for a while, but I’m not willing to give you up.”


Spike let out a loud whoop and kissed Xander again. He hadn’t lost his boy. If he had, he wouldn’t care if his head would have exploded; he’d have killed the witch.


“Bloody hell,” Giles muttered and turned to Willow. “Make me blind again.”


The End