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This Boy Will Love Me, and He'll Destroy Me

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"What is love if not drowning?" Vil had once said them out loud on stage. A mere ten-year-old boy, saying those words and not having ever felt them. He thought it weird; wasn't drowning a bad thing? But about eight years later, he thinks he might understand. He understands when he sleeps next to someone and dreams beautiful things. He understands when he says beautiful lies to that person and as he learns new things, every night...

That Vil stays inside with that person and watches anime, stays up late and eats junk food, and wishes to die from whatever this feeling is. Oh! He'll absolutely pay for slacking! He'll go on a strict diet and workout twice as much, and takes another day off to get back on his sleeping routine.

But it's okay, it's all the things he wants to do to make his lover happy. He's loved, and that should be enough for him to try.




Idia used to think of that person as the sun. A distant presence, unable to be touched by anybody and burning any brave souls that dared to get close. But now? Now he's okay with the burning. His heart clenches every time they sit close, every time they breathe in the same closed room, every time that person smiles in his sleep. Idia thinks it's unfair. He was supposed to pull back and hide inside his room. This was his kingdom, his safe space. Now that he's sharing it with someone... it feels strange. He's ready to give everything to this person and be devoured by him. "In exchange, just give me your past and your future..." Idia whispers to the sleeping boy. "Mine is already yours."

He is a bad influence on Vil, he knows that very well. Still, Vil finds him always and listens to him. Lies just to ease him and tries harder for his sake.

'What if this is all just a dream?' What a terrifying thought to have. He can't sleep, he thinks what would happen if Vil just wouldn't see him tomorrow? What if he just walks past him and never calls his name? What if they can't meet again even in his dreams? He stays up all night, making sure that Vil's there, Vil's real, and he's not going anywhere. He laughs at his own foolishness. "I'm still greedy..."




"Oi, you okay?" Vil looks up at Leona. It's strange for Leona to be awake at this hour, but it's even more strange for Vil to be asleep in the middle of the class. "What's happening to you?" Vil also wonders. He's never met anyone to giggle like Idia, someone who looks at him like Idia does, someone whose touch feels the way Idia's does. Maybe it's because he denied his feelings at first; maybe that's why he's going the extra mile now.

"I said I wasn't in love with him," Vil says. "I liked his attitude. I liked how much he knew and how he talked about the things he liked. I liked his room, his clothes, his hands. But I didn't like him. I was just in love with the sparkle in his eyes and his fondness of cats and how he walked and..."

"That's very corny..." Leona starts laughing. "You're embarrassing and I can't deal with this today. Imma go find Ruggie." He walks away. "Shut up..." Vil whispers. Of course he knows it's embarrassing! But he couldn't help himself. Rook would've probably listened without making fun of him, but he needed to be made fun of. He wanted for someone to undermine his feelings and treat them like they're worthless. Maybe then he could calm down.

'I wanna see him.' And he gets up from his seat.