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The Totally True Diary of Bella Swan

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I took my cactus on a walk today. If I don’t, they get prickley. Last day in Phoenix.

. . .

Moved to Forks today. Charlie and I are just as close as I expected. Which is not close at all. Driving into Forks, I felt knowledge about the town flood me. Why did I randomly know the exact population of the town I moved to?

My cactus came with me because I carried it the whole ride here. Almost fell asleep on it, that could have been ugly. For the cactus.

. . .

Charlie and Billy are literally so cute together.

Oops, I hit Jake with a truck door. My bad.

They got me a stick shift car. What is a shift, and how do I drive it?

It would have been nice to go to school with Jake. At least I could have made one friend. I’m such a loser I will never make any friends.

. . .

Went to my new school today.

I don’t wanna talk about Erik

Jessica and Mike laughed at my joke. I’m so funny.

Why are people sitting next to me while I eat lunch? I said I liked to brood in silence. I’m batman.

Why do the “hot” kids in school look thirty and why are they eating food off the table?

When I walked into biology, I stood next to the fan to try and get a dramatic slow motion. Edward made a weird face so I think it’s working. We kept making eye contact the entire class. It was a little creepy, but I felt our connection.

I ran into Edward asking if he could transfer out of bio chem. Rude. He can’t just leave me without a partner.

. . .

I was going to confront Edward about his problem with me, but then I didn’t.

There’s just a carrot on the Cullen’s table while Edward is gone. It’s the replacement Edward. Cause he has just as much personality as the carrot.

. . .

Realized I didn’t own any gloves today. Wore cooking mitts instead. Hope nobody else noticed.

Edward’s back again. Did he notice my cooking mitts?

Talked to Edward in bio chem. Literally almost had a seizure when Edward made me think about the rain. Gross.

Had a competition with him over cell phases. I won, or I would have won except Edward made me talk about my really deep and emotional problems that were almost too deep for him to handle. I’m just too complex for him, he told me I’m difficult to read.

The lighting at the school is really low quality, they made Edward’s eyes look way different.

Also a car almost hit me and Edward stopped it with his hand. I was still wearing the oven mitts and when he saw them, he ran away. I think whatever connection we made during class was ruined.

Wait, what if it wasn’t the oven mitts, what if Edward was just embarrassed about how much he must have been watching me to be able to stop the car from squishing me. He’s totally interested.

. . .

I’m starting to think that Edward is a little creepy. It was okay when I thought he was a serial killer, but now I don’t think he’s one anymore and his behavior is just weird.

. . .

He caught an apple. Kind of cool. He actually might still be a serial killer.

I said he wears a mask. That was so weird, who even talks that way?

. . .

I told Jake I could keep a secret today, like a liar.

. . .

Today I google searched things and went directly to the fifth result because it’s my lucky number.

. . .

Someone drove a car at me again. It was Edward. Edward laughed when I told him to wear his seat belt. Whatever.

I spent money on a stupid book that I didn’t even need because Edward told me his secret. He’s not a serial killer.

Edward said he has protective urges about me. Does “protective” mean that he has urges to kill me?

I felt so insecure when he told me he couldn’t read my mind. Am I really that dumb? That vacant headed?

He said he didn’t have the strength to stay away from me anymore, but he seemed pretty strong to me when he crushed the car that tried to crush me.

His cold hand tipped me off that he wasn’t a serial killer, he was an undead, a zombie.

. . .

Never mind I was totally wrong about the zombie thing. He’s a vampire. I was way off. Not even close. I was not even considering a vampire.

He just creepily appeared behind me from nowhere.

He said he’d been seventeen for a while. So like what, two years?

I was going to ask why he glitters, but I wasn’t sure if that would be insensitive.

How is glitter camouflage?

He threw a tree. I don’t think I can be with someone who disrespects the environment so badly.

He told me he’s killed people before. It doesn’t matter though because I know I am special. My mommy said so.

. . .

Everyone looked at us today. Keep your eyes to yourself please.

. . .

The oven mitts are back because I knew Edward wouldn’t care. He doesn’t care about my mitts, I don’t care about him being a vampire. That's how we work.

. . .

Why do I bother cleaning my truck? It’s a rust bucket.

. . .

Um, Rosalie just said, is she even Italian? Like dude, I can still eat food even if I’m not. Rosalie sucks. How did she become part of this family? Like everyone else is crazy, but Rosalie is crazy and mean.

Edward actually seemed weirded out by his family so maybe they were acting even worse than usual?

Edward was playing classical music in his room. I can name one classical piano song and it just so happens to be Clair de Lune by Debussy, which was playing. Edward totally thinks I’m smart now. Also, the way he said Debussy? Pretentious.

. . .

Charlie tried to talk to me about boys weird.

. . .

You can’t just appear in my room Edward! Is what I wanted to say when he just appeared in my room. Apparently, he watches me sleep. It would be less creepy if he was a serial killer. Also, why did it take him a bajillion years to kiss me.

. . .

I decided to tell Charlie I had a date with Edward Cullen while he was cleaning his gun because I thought that was a good time to mention something potentially triggering to him.

. . .

Got invited to watch the Cullens play baseball. I don’t like watching Rosalie. She has a mean look.

A group of nomad vampires showed up and were totally friendly until James decided he wanted to suck my blood.

Poor Laurant, he and Victoria just wanted to play baseball.

Laurant is literally the hottest person here. Can I just end up with him instead? And he even warned us about James. He is more of a gentleman than Edward ever was. Also, he has a hot accent.

. . .

Ran away to Phoenix to try and avoid James.

. . .
Thought I was going to die today cause a vampire kidnapped my mom. LOL he did not and I looked like an idiot. Then I thought I was going to turn into a vampire but Edward had to chicken out and now I’m still stuck as a lame human with a broken leg. I am so happy.

I don’t know how I thought I was gonna outrun James. I’m not fast on a good day and I am way too clumsy. I saw a body burn. Hooray. I looked way unattractive while I was being turned. Except then I wasn’t turned so I looked unattractive for nothing.

. . .

Edward tried to get me to go to Jacksonville, but my ears only hear what I want them to hear, so I didn’t listen.

What on earth was I wearing at the dance? Leggings and converse. . .why? And Jake showed up so whatever. My sweater isn’t great either. My whole outfit is just questionable.

Also, prom with a cast, 10/10 would not recommend.