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Five Times Liu Qingge Got Wife-Plotted (and TWO Times He Didn't)

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"Oh no," Shen Qingqiu says flatly, raising his fan to cover his mouth as he watches Liu Qingge- covered in silvery, shimmery pollen that looks like body glitter and somehow manages to function as eyeshadow at the same time- gape in horror. Can PIDW worldbuilding slow down for one second with the contrived sexy situations? Ever since Shen Qingqiu started letting his husband do- ahem, started indulging his husband's wishes to- er, to, uh to explore... creative aspects of...

 

He roleplays sex with Liu Qingge in bed ONCE with his husband, and suddenly it's a new wife plot every week for the poor man?! His shidi deserves better than this!

 

"Don't worry, shidi, I know what to do," Shen Qingqiu says, flicking his husband's lower back hard with one finger to divert his attention (and noticeably lascivious stare) and striding forward deeper into the cave. "There's a waterfall further back here- don't make that face, I won't push you in. You'll have to do in on your own."

 

"I feel..." Liu Qingge says, voice unsteady. When Shen Qingqiu glances back, he sees Liu Qingge holding a hand to his forehead, cheeks already going pink. Luo Binghe's eyes stay trained on his shishu as he holds a hand up, as if to catch Liu Qingge should he trip. Shen Qingqiu doubts Liu Qingge will- even a wife plot can't incapacitate a war god that easily.

 

"Here it is," Shen Qingqiu says, rounding a corner to the sudden roaring of water, somehow blocked before by the acoustics of the cave. Now what did they say about chemical safety in high school chemistry? Doesn't matter, he knows it'll all lead to the same thing anyway.

 

"Shidi, you'll need to take all your clothes off."

 

---



"This flower..." Shen Qingqiu says doubtfully.

 

"Shizun, I'm sure of it," Luo Binghe assures, calf deep in the frothy surf, hands buried in the pool of bright aqua water somehow untainted by the salt of the sea churning around the flower's petals that rise barely above the height of the waves. "Bring him over here, the nectar from this is the only thing that can cure him from the venom of the Snail of Five Desires. I'm palpating the organ right now, the flower will release it soon-"

 

"Nng," Liu Qingge says, aggressive even in unconsciousness, flopping dangerously in Shen Qingqiu's arms and almost landing in the wet sand. Shen Qingqiu resigns himself to thoroughly wetting his robes and begins to wade into the surf, barely keeping Liu Qingge's flailing limbs and glossy ponytail out of the water. Liu Qingge's flushed, warm face finds its way into the crook of Shen Qingqiu's neck, where he makes a small noise that, in combination with the soft press of his unconscious lips, makes Shen Qingqiu's pulse speed up.

 

"I've got it shizun!" Luo Binghe says, withdrawing his curled, dripping hands from the flower. "Hold his head in place-" and with a protagonist's grace and arousing self-confidence he slides his thick wet fingers right between Liu Qingge's pliant, soft lips, forcing the refreshing, slick nectar into the back of his mouth and provoking a frankly X-rated noise from his throat.

 

---

 

A swarm of glittering gems pass in a dizzying array overhead, born aloft by the wings of the cultivation realm's trained spy eagles. Shen Qingqiu, thinking quickly, pulls his husband- and his long, trailing robes- towards where Liu Qingge has collapsed in the middle of the field.

 

"Quickly, cover him!" Shen Qingqiu says, patting at Luo Binghe's shoulder and turning to glare bloody murder at the circling eagles. He can hear the way the fabric slips off Luo Binghe's shoulders, then slides to cover Liu Qingge's... condition. The long grasses wave elegantly in the breeze, belying their ominous wife plot properties. Liu Qingge's unfortunate clothing continues to fray apart like so much melting ice beneath Luo Binghe's outer robe, even as a certain part of Liu Qingge... does the opposite of liquifying. Gets more solid, one might say.

 

"They should turn off those spelled vision stones, shizun," Luo Binghe says, looking threateningly up at the poor eagles.

 

"Just stay here are give some shelter for your shishu," Shen Qingqiu says with a sigh. "I'll take care of the birds."

 

---

 

"Get me- out of these-" Liu Qingge snaps, struggling in vain against the long, slick vines that arc out of the moist soil of the abandoned farm, wrapping around his tight figure like so many tentacles in those hentai that Shen Qingqiu reluctantly hate-watched. The abandoned fields pulse with needy energy, and finally, as the vines begin to secret obvious tentacle lube, a slack-jawed Shen Qingqiu remembers the arc that they originated in.

 

This eerie farm, long left fallow, needs... to be 'seeded,' as it were. Thus, the fixation on a cultivator's... well. In the original novel, the vines had thoroughly attempted to work the 'seed' in question out of one of Luo Binghe's wives, to no avail, only for the problem to be solved when Luo Binghe finally stepped up and...

 

Ahem.

 

Luo Binghe, watching, agape, seems to have no inclination to intervene this time. His mouth isn't the only thing that's gaping, either- Liu Qingge's white robes, pushed apart by the seeking vines, expose the entirety of his chest, nipples going tight in the cool breeze under the slickness.

 

"Ah- how dare-!" Liu Qingge yells, squirming as the vines squeeze provocatively at his waist and pecs and leak more and more shiny, viscous substance, leaving his sculpted muscles looking like they belong in an oiled underwear model magazine. He makes an undignified noise as the vines begin to slide into his white pants, pushing aside the hanging panels of his robes and-

 

"Shizun!" Luo Binghe yelps, starting and turning to Shen Qingqiu, hand going to pull at his sleeve- though his eyes don't leave Liu Qingge. The breeze blows the panels of Liu Qingge's fluttering robes further apart, revealing...

 

Shen Qingqiu's hand slaps over his mouth as Luo Binghe's grip tightens enough that the cloth of Shen Qingqiu's robe squeaks.

 

"Stop staring and- nngghp," Liu Qingge gargles, as a noticeably phallic vine pushes thickly and wetly between his pink lips.

 

---

 

"It's only fall," Shen Qingqiu says disbelievingly, as the first snowflakes begin to descend from the sky. The fog of his breath has already begun to rime the long strands of hair that frame his face. "Shidi- shidi come here, quickly, your lips are blue."

 

"No they're not," Liu Qingge snaps, suppressing his visibly chattering teeth with obvious irritation. "I'm fine, let's just leave, I've killed the creature."

 

"The incoming storm is going to be serious," Luo Binghe says, glancing up at the soft grey clouds grown gloomy with the onset of nightfall. "It would be better to find somewhere to stay overnight. Shizun, the grove we passed-"

 

"I'm f-fine," Liu Qingge insists, arms crossing in front of himself in what must be intended to be annoyance but just makes him look smaller and colder. The hem of his inner robe still drips with patches of the heat-leeching venom of the monster, outer robe long since discarded to prevent it from reaching Liu Qingge's skin. Damp areas still show at the places it bled through on his chest, the venom not yet dried and growing a brighter blue in the cold.

 

"There's a willow tree there," Luo Binghe continues, ignoring Liu Qingge, "I saw that the inside was rotten; I can create a space big enough for the three of us to take shelter."

 

"A very good idea, Binghe," Shen Qingqiu says, aggressively taking Liu Qingge's arm as his teeth audibly chatter. "Shidi- oh, you're cold- we're going to go into the tree, and then we're going to get you out of these wet robes, and then Binghe and I will warm you up."

 

"What?!" Liu Qingge says, gaze snapping to Shen Qingqiu with a startled air.

 

"Don't make that face," Luo Binghe laughs, as Shen Qingqiu guides Liu Qingge back towards the grove with an arm now around his waist. "Your spiritual energy isn't circulating, right? Shizun and I will keep you warm until your control returns." He glances back over his shoulder, giving Liu Qingge's dampened inner robes a slow up and down look; then he quirks a provocative smile. "Your fingers won't even close right now, will they? Don't worry, I'll take those robes off you before you can get the venom on shizun's."

 

"Demon!" Liu Qingge spits, through his chattering teeth; Luo Binghe laughs and begins to cleave the rotten wood out of the center of the giant willow tree.

 

---

 

"They're so bright," Liu Qingge says judgmentally.

 

"Mm," Luo Binghe hums agreeably, turning the stakes that their newly slaughtered meat is roasting on. "The sky is different here, in the demon realm."

 

"I can even see them through the leaves," Shen Qingqiu murmurs, a soft smile gracing his lips. Liu Qingge averts his gaze, focusing back on the dancing flames of the campfire; even the warm glow of it on the branches of the forest above doesn't drown out the startling blues and pinks and greens and golds of the sky tonight, the stars radiating bright then soft, like flaring sparks that never fully extinguish.

 

"It's beautiful," Luo Binghe says, eyes raising to rest on Shen Qingqiu, softness lingering in his eyes. After a moment he seems to sense Liu Qingge's gaze, and his eyes turn to him; he meets Liu Qingge's eyes squarely. After a long pause, the corners of his eyes crease in an understated smile.

 

Liu Qingge, for the first time, feels something slow and warm unfurl in his chest as he meets Luo Binghe's gaze.

 

What... is this?

 

---

 

"Shidi, come inside," Shen Qingqiu says, pulling Liu Qingge inside the bamboo house. "It's snow and rain at once, it will soak you through; stay a little longer."

 

Liu Qingge sniffs dismissively; his spiritual energy is circulating perfectly, he could easily keep himself dry. But he lets himself be pulled.

 

"I'll make more tea, shizun," Luo Binghe says, disappearing into the kitchen. Shen Qingqiu turns to brush the sleet from Liu Qingge's hair, presumptuous and entitled in how he helps himself to Liu Qingge's space. Pushy; scolding. Affectionate.

 

Liu Qingge feels a strange phenomenon in his chest as Shen Qingqiu's hands pass lightly over his hair, tugging gently at the wet strands. He's felt this before around Shen Qingqiu, but never while...

 

This is the first time that Shen Qingqiu's been touching him during... while he feels that. He doesn't understand why his scalp is tingling where Shen Qingqiu's palms pull at it; why that sends warmth down the back of his neck into his spine. Goosebumps rise across his skin in a confusing contrast to the heat he feels in his cheeks.

 

"Oh good," Luo Binghe says nonsensically, entering the room with tea and cups on a tray. Liu Qingge steps back, hand coming up instinctively to brush back his long bang from where it tickles his face like a lingering reminder of Shen Qingqiu's touch. "Here- tea."