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After-School Special

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Wally's life in a bad 80's after-school special started completely normally. He'd been hanging out with his (civilian) best friend Linda, playing video games, and lamenting how all anyone at school talked about was sex anymore. It wasn't strictly true, but after comparing notes (one of the best things about being best friends with a girl) they were able to determine that both genders were entirely focused on the same thing.

At which point Wally said in exasperation, “Too bad we can't just have sex and get it over with.”

Linda replied, “Why not?”

All of which lead to the two of them making plans for the next time Wally's parents went out of town on business. The entire situation was embarrassing and weird and not at all something either of them wanted to talk about, so they didn't, until Wally mentioned in school one Monday that he's parents would be gone that weekend. Linda said she still wanted to lose her V-Card and Friday night became the official day.

Afterwards they laid in bed together, staring at the ceiling, not knowing quite what to say. Wally cleared his throat, “Well, at least we did it.”

“Yeah,” Linda's response was less than enthusiastic. “Maybe it's better when you're attracted to the person?”

There was an awkward pause as they both thought about the statement and then the laughter came. Because they were best friends, but they hadn't even been able to kiss each other. Wally was somewhat surprised they'd managed anything else.

Two months later they would look back on the entire night and wonder how they could've thought buying condoms was too embarrassing. Especially as they'd managed to buy ten home pregnancy tests, all but one of them coming out positive. A trip to the local Planned Parenthood further enforced their disbelief at their two month younger selves. The final conversation with their parents made Wally think that from that point on if he was too embarrassed to be safe when having sex, he just wouldn't have it.

About the only good thing to come out of the whole scenario was learning that they had the best parents in the world. After the initial anger at their stupidity throughout the entire endeavor both of their parents were nothing but supportive. Even if it meant becoming grandparents when their own children were only 14 years old.

The other flip-side was becoming walking and talking advertisements for safe-sex for the Keystone area youths. But they tried not to think about that.

Four months later they found out it would be twins. Everyone was a bit shocked, but that night Wally ran all the way to Gotham because sometimes you need to talk to your (superhero) best friend, even if you hadn't previously told him anything about this. After tracking Robin down on top of Wayne Tower Wally blurted out, “Twins! It wasscaryenoughbeingadadbuttwinswhatamIgoingtodoRobI'mgoingtomesseverythingup.”

Robin replied with a succinct, “What the hell?”

And honestly Wally had just expected him to know because he was Robin (and if Batman knows all, surely Robin knows a lot). Explaining the whole story was actually a good thing though because it made him calm down. Robin wasn't able to offer much in the way of advise (being all of twelve himself), but he did find a baby name book somewhere before Wally had to head home so he considered it a good trip. Besides it now meant he could actually talk to Rob about things now.

It also meant that Robin would drag him out to hang with Speedy and Aqualad whenever he got overstressed by everything as Linda's due date came closer and closer (some quiet behind the scenes prodding made sure Linda's other friends did the same). He was actually in Star City when Barry called to tell him that Linda had gone into labor. It was the first time he made it from Star City to Central in under five minutes.

It was only later, after Linda was sleeping and he was looking down at his two beautiful babies, that he would wonder just what Robin had told the others.

A question that was answered the next day when a knock came on Linda's door and they both looked over to see Robin, Speedy, and Aqualad standing awkwardly in the doorway clutching stuffed animals. He got as far as, “Linda this is-” before cutting himself off and trying to figure out what to call the others. He didn't actually know their civilian names, even though they now apparently knew his.

He didn't have to worry too much though because he'd forgotten the fact that Linda was the only person in all of Keystone or Central to think Aquaman was better than the Flash. It took her a second to recognize him out of costume, but recognize him she did, “Oh my god, you're Aqualad!”

Which was how Wally came out of the superhero closet to Linda, learned that Aqualad's name was Kaldur'ahm (call me Kaldur), Speedy was Roy, and Robin was still Robin. (Robin would talk off his mask later, but only for Wally and the twins.) It was also how Wally and Linda found three superhero honorary-Uncles to go with the one superhero actually-(great)Uncle. (Later still they'd learn where the anonymous diaper donations were coming from and Linda would find a small bat-shaped camera in the nursery at her house and realize they had a Bat-Uncle too.)

And things were good, not easy, but good. Wally spent most of his free time at Linda's to see the twins. School wasn't terrible, although they were still the safe-sex advertisement taken form. And they were still best friends despite everything (they tried kissing again, still weird and not sexy). There was a small hiccup when the Parks didn't think the twins were old enough to spend the weekend at the Wests, but eventually things got smoothed out and a set schedule of every other weekend was instated.

Then of course the Team was formed, something Linda was as excited about as Wally (“You're an honest-to-god superhero now!”). But it meant time away from the twins and he wasn't sure what he was going to do, he didn't want to be that teen father. It was a problem that caused him unending worry because he was pretty sure he was going to have to quit the Team. Only it turns out having a Bat-Uncle is good for more than just security and diapers. Robin showed up at Linda's one Wednesday afternoon with a cheery wave, “So Batman made up a nursery at the cave so you can bring the twins with you when it's just for training and stuff. Only he wasn't exactly sure what you'd need.”

At which point Robin flashed a credit card, Linda declared the Bat-Uncle the best uncle, and they went shopping. They hadn't planned it, but the nursery set up managed to happen when Kaldur was the only person at the cave (“Superboy and Miss Martian are attempting to go on a date”), Roy joined them once he was called though, and Linda was officially given an invite to come hang out with the twins if she wanted. Considering that it was Kaldur who issued the invite Wally was pretty sure she'd be taking him up on it.

He'll never admit it, but the first time he comes to the cave pushing a stroller, hearing 'Recognize Jai B09, Recognize Irey B10' actually makes him a little teary eyed. Even if he's greeted with a series of confused exclamations because mixed in with them is Robin yelling that he'll grab the pack-and-play and Kaldur saying he'll call Roy.