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KT and Terunosuke were scrolling through craigslist because they were both bored as hell.
"Hey, haven't we not even met yet in the fic you come from? " Teru asked, cracking the fourth wall
"IDFK dude IG the author wanted to write more stuff with us in it" KT responded, absolutely shattering the fourth wall. "Anyway, look at this!"
A particularly interesting listing showed up on their screen:
"DO YOU HATE ANY OF THESE PEOPLE?" It asked, above 8 photos of the 7 JoJos and 1 GioGio.
"DO YOU HAVE A STAND? YOU BETTER HAVE ONE.
CAN YOU PAY RENT EVEN REMOTELY ON TIME? IF THE ANSWER TO ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS IS YES, PLEASE CONTACT [email protected]."
KT squinted at the screen. Everyone there seemed vaguely familiar, sans Giorno, as she was currently working for him at 4 Roads in exchange for the possible chance he'd turn Terunosuke back into a human. She'd probably seen them in this weird transdimensional town she somehow ended up in. But one of them seemed a bit more familiar.
"Hey Teru, is that kid with the steak hair Josuke? Y'know.... That Josuke?"
Over at his house, Josuke woke up in a cold sweat, somehow sensing the hair insult.
"Yeah. That's the fucker." Teru, despite not having a proper face, was absolutely radiating contempt. That literal bastard was the reason he was stuck like this. KT knew this, but KT had never been punched so hard she turned into a book; so she didn't hate him as much.
"Maybe you could stay in that house! You hate Josuke, can somehow use Enigma again, and we have that money from 4 Roads tips!"
"But why."
"Why not."
"But why though"
"Well the people who made this ad... They seem like they have a lot of issues, to put it nicely. I want to know the type of shit that goes down there"
"Okay, so you're just being nosey. Why don't you do it?"
"Well, Now we're both going to do it! All I have to do is pretend to hate one of those guys. Not Giorno, I'm scared he'll kill me.
KT biked over to the villain house, carrying Teru in her gay little tote bag. When she got there, she didn't think knocking would go well, so she did her favorite thing: BREAKING AND ENTERING. Summoning her stand that she isn't supposed to get for a few more chapters, she punches through the sliding glass door, interrupting Tooru's Weekly Bee Movie Viewing and uncoincidentally getting stabbed in the leg with a piece of glass.
"ROOMMATE DELIVERY"
That got everyones attention, as multiple men in varying levels of gayness and buffness emerged from various rooms.
"Is that another Fucking Joestar?" The two yellow haired Bri'ish guys said.
"No, I'm Not a Joestar. I'm a..." KT stuttered, realizing the author never gave her a real last name. "I'm a new roommate! I Totally definitely hate the Joestars and also know who they are (Teru help I need your genuine anger. You were a minor villain in the original while I'm just the questionably moral but eventually good protag)
"What makes you think you'd be a good fit for this household?" said the yellow haired non-br*tish guy. Was he staring at her hands? Weird.
"Well this is actually a two in one roommate deal!" she said, reaching into her bag before Japanese David Bowie started asking her for nail pics or whatever.
" >>;Pros of having us as roommates: >We have jobs."
"Us?" Said some weird scemo guy with hot stamps in his hair. "Where's the other person? And how did you say '>>' out loud?"
"Well, thats a trade secret, Stripper Boy. As for the other person, he's my Professional Villain Colleague Terunosuke Miyamoto" Teru had used his stand to take himself out of KTs comically large bag and was now being held up by his own stand because he didn't have legs.
"Hi." Teru had NO idea what to say, as 99% of these people could easily pick him up and throw him across the room-in human form. This was a mistake. This was on the top 5 list of his life mistakes, right under Thursday July 15.
"Both of our stands can quickly destroy or remove things that need destroying or removing like..." KT glanced over at David Bowie's coat pocket. Was that human blood on his shirt? "Bodies. Just as a hypothetical example. Also I can punch a dent in solid sheet metal!"
" Well, I, DIO, Can bring time to a halt, so do not even think that you could POSSIBLY overpower me-" KT cut him off, the pure audacity of doing such shocking him into rare DIO silence.
" Hey, I think I saw you get the absolute shit beat out of you by a teenager on LiveLeak once. Anyway, we can pay rent, so let us live here. All we need is a room with a good bookshelf"
"You're so funny, KT. I'm laughing my nonexistent ass off."
None of the Villain Gucci Gang had any clue how to react. The book being a stand user wasn't that surprising to them--it was weirder than usual, but they'd almost all encountered non-human stand users before. The real surprise is how cocky that girl was. And how tall she was. Seriously, she was a good head taller than Diego.
Tooru had so far luckily escaped the epic roasts delivered by KT. He wondered if being talked to rudely counted as pursuit. His luck ran out.
"Hey, turn your music down, I can hear it through your earbuds. Is that Elvis? You listen to Fucking ELVIS?" This comment brought Tooru dangerously close to showing emotions.
"Elvis was one of the greatest musicians of the 20th centur-"
" Don't come at me with your formal boy talk Mr. Cinnamon swirls. Elvis stole like 90% of his songs! Then he faked his death to avoid repercussions for that!!"
Recovering from the psychic shock of being talked down to, DIO decided to do something about this problem. She came into HIS house and started picking fights-there was no way she wasn't related to a Joestar.
"THE WORLD!"
The first thing Dio did was check for a star birthmark; but no, she didn't have one. He still didn't like her any more than he previously did, so he picked up that 6'0" beanpole of a girl and put her outside. The book could stay: He met a sword with a stand once, and it was fairly useful. The flow of time resumes
KT realized that she was no longer in the living room, but had somehow been magically teleported outside. That "DIO" guy really could stop time. Oh well, that wasn't that big of a deal. Ok who was she kidding that was a huge fucking deal. She started to walk back inside.
"Ok y'know what, Maybe we Do Not want to live here!!! I'm getting Teru and I'm-"
KT then got hit by a falling tree branch.
"Hey!!! Who did that?"
"I've activated my stand... Entering the house that I'm currently in... Does that not count as pursuit? In the flow of calamity... there's nobody who can attack me. Not a single person. That, I know for sure. Wonder of U."" There was no way Tooru was letting an Elvis Hater enter his living room, even if it meant he had to use his stand. KT smirked. What kind of Mary Sue Roblox RP character ability is that supposed to be?? Did he really think he was invulnerable?
" If you won't let me back in, I'll fight my way through! TOUCH TONE TELEPHONE, GET HIS ASS!!" KT got hit by another tree branch and passed out. Tooru put his earbuds back in and continued jamming. He had to make the most of his time when the pillar men were at the gym without him SOMEHOW.
"Is-Is she dead?" Teru said, internally freaking the fuck out because KT was unconscious and maybe ACTUALLY DEAD in the backyard. He'd probably be next, although that honestly seemed like a better turn of events than being stuck as a book AND having to live with these guys.
"No, she isn't. I was going to go eat her, but her blood smells like anemia and vitamin deficiency. It would would taste absolutely vile." Dio responded. Was that supposed to be reassuring? Because it wasn't. It really wasn't.
"Well, I may go take one of her hands. I haven't had a new girlfriend in months, it's a bit of an issue. Dio, I need one of those knives Now." Killer Queen was still refusing to do anything other than cause problems, so Kira was going to have to do this the old fashioned way. Things were spiraling out of control, so Terunosuke did one of the things he was best at-Freaking people the fuck out.
" HEY DID I MENTION I SAW JOSUKE NEXTDOOR? JOTARO'S THERE TOO." This was a total lie, because if Josuke had been anywhere nearby Teru would be trying his best to pretend he was dead.
The lie worked.
For just a split second, Kira's eye twitched, and his whole body stiffened. It was strangely catlike, and all the confirmation Teru needed to know that he was scared as hell.
Kira has been forcibly entered into the paper.
In the confusion that followed Kira seemingly disappearing into thin air, Teru and Enigma were able to do quite a few things unnoticed.
1. Run into the yard (Fun Fact: your stands range is unlimited if you're getting carried by said stand. It's how Jotaro was flying at the end of SDC. Star Platinum was carrying him.)
2. Grab KT and fold her up for maximum convenience
3. Book it. (pun FULLY intended)
In the end, Kira did not get a "girlfriend", KT didn't get much secret dirt on the villains( she got a concussion though), Dio got his ego chipped and spent the rest of the day complaining, Pucci had to listen to these complaints, Diavolo saw his face posted all over bc of KTs stealth shirt GoPro, Tooru spent the rest of the day on Elvis stan twitter, and Diego was STILL living in the house. In fact, literally no one benefited from this ordeal, except maybe Doppio. He ignored everything that was going on and got 1st place in his Rocket League tournament. Good job Doppio, I'm proud of you.