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What The Pig's Heart Wants

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The frog's nose scrunched up as he watched the interview footage roll in. "Just going to the BAFTAs," he muttered, "all I want to do is congratulate the nominees and look at the dresses," he muttered, "I promise, the teensy-weensy liaison avec Brad is over and done with, nothing to worry about," he muttered.

But there was Piggy, resplendent in her mauve Louis Vuitton gown, trading quips and teases and jokes with Best Actor nominee Michael Fassbender, even going so far as to declare the rising young star "naughty".

"Scooter!" he yelled, ducking his head out of the Other Green Room and looking around for his hapless assistant.

Scooter blinked up at Kermit. "Yeah, boss?"

"I need you to get me the number for that guy, the guy from that movie--"

"Jason Segel?"

"No! No, the other guy." Kermit flailed his arms a bit, fuming. "The one from the new X-Men movie..."

"James McAvoy! Right away, boss!"

"No, no, no! The bad guy from the movie--"

"Kevin Bacon? But I thought Miss Piggy said she'd never work with an actor named Bacon, no matter how much he begged."

"Not him!" Kermit howled, and then, pausing, "Wait. How much did he beg?"

"He only kept calling for a few years," Scooter said. "Not very persistent, considering. Anyway. Who did you want to talk to?"

"Fassbender," Kermit said stormily. "Michael Fassbender."

"You want him on the show?"

"Only if he's willing to sign on as Gonzo's assistant," Kermit muttered.

"What a great idea for a show!" Scooter said, beaming. "He's been in every other movie this year, why not make 2012 the year of Michael and the Muppets? I'll see if I can get a hold of his agent!"

"Wait! No," Kermit said, but Scooter, having grasped the idea in his orange hands, was running with it, down the hall before Kermit could stop him.

Kermit glanced down at his phone, where another video had just made its way to his inbox, by way of An Interested Party Who Thought You Might Want To Know.

"You've got a love heart in your mouth," Fassbender told Piggy. Kermit glared at the screen... and only glared more when Piggy dazzled the camera with a head-on view of her beautiful heart-shaped tongue. And... Piggy was still gone. Still in the UK, still probably hobnobbing with the stars...

It'll be okay, the frog told himself. They'd weathered storms like these before. How could he ever forget Piggy's love affair with Christopher Reeve? The trail of broken hearts Piggy had left in her wake had always been a bit intimidating, making it difficult for Kermit to fully commit to their relationship, but he'd always been her frog. They'd really made a fresh start, just last year. It couldn't all be for nothing.