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i want u

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Today is one of the best days ever. Sam married Eileen. Dean cried. Multiple times. He ate too much at the reception and got a little tipsy. His best man speech rocked, though. Sam and Eileen left ages ago. They're having their honeymoon in California. Dean can't be happier. Everyone left a couple hours after them. The last people to leave were Jody, Claire, Kaia, and Jack.

Now Dean and Cas are sitting against the empty wall of the dirty dance floor. Music is still playing, and it echoes across the empty room, making the moment feel ethereal. Miscellaneous wedding decorations and napkins litter the floor. A lone broken high heel lays near the edge of the dance floor. Dean takes a swig of a champaign bottle and passes it to Cas. Cas doesn't have his shoes on for some reason. He said it was easier to dance without them or something. He takes a drink from the champaign bottle. His white dress shirt is unbuttoned a few buttons on the top. His suit jacket disappeared hours ago. His hair is messy. He looks so good as a human. Cas hands the bottle back to Dean.

Dean takes it and stares at the empty floor in front of them. "This is the best day ever," Dean decides. He takes a drink and hands the bottle back to Cas.

Cas hums. "It is one of the best I've ever had," he agrees and takes a long drink.

"Mmhmm." Dean leans his head against the wall and stares at Cas. The singular white light in the center of the ceiling casts long shadows on Cas' face, making his face full of dark, sharp angles. It reminds Dean of the Cas he met in a barn over a decade ago. Dean lets the nostalgia wash over him as he stares at his best friend. Cas takes another drink from the champaign bottle and swallows. It's really distracting, especially when Cas has his shirt unbuttoned like that.

After they found a way to get Cas back from the Empty, things went back to normal between them. Dean thinks he made up the whole love confession thing. It was exactly what he wants to hear. Plus, he's re-written his own memories before like when he lost Cas in Purgatory all those years ago. It totally makes sense he'd make up a love confession to cope with Cas leaving him again. Dean's suspicions were confirmed when Cas came back and didn't say anything about it to Dean. And things went back to normal as if it never happened. Because it didn't.

And Dean doesn't really care. It hurt at first, but that was eclipsed by the ecstasy of having Cas back. He'll take Cas in any way he can get. Angel. Human. Friend. Lover. Anything. Just as long as Cas is here and safe.

Cas hands the bottle back to Dean. Dean finishes it and sets the empty bottle down beside him. They don't really have a reason to stay here anymore. It's also getting late. And Dean is tired. They should go back to their hotel. Jody booked everyone a room at the hotel nearby as a wedding gift.

"I don't want to move," Cas says.

Dean chuckles. "Me neither."

A comfortable silence lapses between them. The music is still playing. Dean closes his eyes.

"Dean."

"Mmm," Dean answers.

"I don't want to move, but I also don't want to sleep here."

Dean sighs. "Yeah, yeah." He opens his eyes and looks at Cas again. Cas is staring at him. Dean smiles. "What?"

Cas' smile turns sad. "Nothing." He looks away. "I suppose we should stand up now."

"I suppose."

Cas sighs and tugs his shoes forward. He slowly puts them on and ties them. Dean watches. Cas' hands work carefully and precisely. Cas' hands look soft. He finally stands up and looks down at Dean. He offers Dean a hand. Dean grabs it and stands up. Cas releases Dean's hand, and Dean wishes he didn't. Dean doesn't want this moment to end. He likes being near Cas, and he knows once they get to the hotel, they'll separate. It's clingy as shit, but it's how Dean feels. And he can't do anything about that, can he?

He used to shove down those thoughts and feelings like they were something toxic. But, over time, he stopped doing that. He's not exactly sure why. Maybe he's just getting more comfortable with himself. Maybe he just doesn't care enough to push them away. Maybe he's just getting old. Maybe it's all of those things. Dean doesn't really know. And he doesn't really care.

Cas smiles sadly at him again and turns away. Cas does that a lot now. Smile sad. He's done it ever since he got back from the Empty. Dean thinks Cas misses being an angel.

Dean follows Cas down the short hallway and out into the parking lot. The Impala is the only car left. The summer air is warm and humid. The stars twinkle above them. Dean reaches into his pocket and grabs his keys, already missing today. It was so blissful and happy. Dean's still adjusting to not feeling completely shitty all the time, let alone happy. It's nice but also kind of weird.

They both head over to the Impala, and Dean unlocks it. They get inside. Dean turns the radio on to a low volume. The streets are practically empty, and the drive back to the hotel is relaxing. He also enjoys Cas' presence, even if they're both too tired to say anything. Just being around Cas makes Dean content.

They pull into the hotel parking lot and get back outside. The night air is peaceful, and Dean stands for a moment to feel it. He's happy. Really happy. And so is Sam. They somehow did it. Part of Dean is convinced this must be a dream or something.

"Dean?"

Dean turns to look. Cas is standing in front of him, the lights from the hotel outline him. He's so pretty. "Sorry," Dean says. "Just don't want this day to end, you know?"

Cas smiles. This time it isn't sad. "Me neither."

An idea pops into Dean's head. "Wanna watch a movie in my room? We got the fancy tv's here."

Cas' smile grows. "I would like that."

Dean smiles back. "Awesome."


Dean picks the first action movie he sees. He and Cas are sitting on his bed. Their shoulders are touching. It would take barely any effort for Dean to rest his head on Cas' shoulder. He doesn't.

Not even halfway through the movie, Cas starts to fall asleep. It's selfish, but Dean doesn't wake him up. He'll take as many moments as he can with Cas. Besides, Dean will wake him up once the movie is over. But Dean doesn't count on drifting off himself.

"Dean."

Dean jerks awake, immediately on alert. He doesn't have a gun on him, and he goes rigid.

"Dean," Cas says again, gently.

Dean blinks and blows out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Oh, that's right. They're fine. They're in a hotel. Sam got fucking married today.

Cas continues, "I think we missed the movie."

Dean chuckles and looks over to him. "Yeah, I think so."

Cas looks sleepy. His eyes are half open and his hair somehow got messier. His clothes are wrinkled, and he has a dazed smile on his face. He's gorgeous.

Dean smiles. "You can stay here if you want, sleepyhead."

Cas lifts his head up from where it was resting against the wall. "I don't want to intrude."

"You're not. You never are."

Cas smiles at him again. But it's one of the sad ones. "Thank you, Dean."

"You're welcome." They stare at each other. The longer it gets, the more awkward it is, but Dean can't look away. To break the silence, he says, "I can take the couch."

"You don't have to."

"I know."

They stare at each other again, but Dean is too tired to care. He closes his eyes.

A few moments pass before Cas says, "We can share the bed if you're comfortable with that."

Dean cracks his eyes open. "Yeah, okay." He ignores how his heart jumps in excitement. They're not even going to do anything, and he's elated. Dean kicks off his shoes and automatically starts unbuckling his pants and freezes. "Is it okay if I don't have pants on?" He glances at Cas.

Cas is already halfway under the covers. His eyes flick over Dean's body. It's so fast that Dean thinks he makes it up. "Yes, that's fine," Cas answers.

The mental image of Cas checking him out—real or not—makes Dean blush, and he quickly looks away and finishes taking his pants off. He shuts down every dirty thought he gets in the process; it's easier than it usually is since he's so damn tired.

Dean turns to Cas, and Cas is definitely staring at his bare legs this time. "Can I turn the light off?" Dean asks.

Cas' eyes snap up to meet Dean's. "Um, yes." His cheeks turn pink.

Dean stares for a second and then realizes he's probably making things worse by staring and quickly looks away at the lamp on his bedside table. He hits the switch and slides underneath the covers. He can feel Cas' body heat next to him and forgets how to breathe. The temptation of having the one thing he wants most in the universe right next to him is too much. He's tense and as close to the edge of the bed as he can be without falling off. Dean is wide awake now. He doubts he'll get a wink of sleep.

Cas shifts beside him, and Dean nearly jumps out of his skin. Thankfully, Cas doesn't seem to notice. Cas' breathing evens out. Dean closes his eyes and focuses on the sound. He wants this so fucking bad it hurts. He squeezes his eyes shut harder when he feels the pin-prickle of tears forming. He won't cry. Not on a good day like today. He spent way too many nights drinking and crying himself to sleep when he thought Cas was dead forever. He won't do that when he has Cas literally right next to him. Dean swallows down the lump forming in his throat. As sleep tugs at his mind and consciousness begins to fade, he can't help but think, I love you. I love you so fucking much. I think it's killing me.


Dean wakes up, and he can't remember where he is. He knows it isn't the bunker. He feels a body next to him. He's not even fully awake, and he can't bring himself to remember who he's in bed with. Damn. It's been a while since he's had a one-night stand. Loneliness stabs him in the chest, and he shifts towards the warmth of the person beside him. He reaches on arm out, and touches their back. He snakes a hand around their waist and pulls himself against them. Dean feels them begin to stir.

"Shh, go to sleep," he murmurs.

That seems satisfactory, and they relax. They interlace their fingers with the hand Dean has draped over their waist. Dean pulls them closer. He's so fucking needy and lonely. He wishes he was holding Cas. He pretends he is.


Dean's pillow feels weird. It's lumpy but soft. It's very warm. It also smells like Cas. Which is also weird. Why does his pillow smell like Cas? Cas is dead. But, no. No. Cas is alive. He has been for months now. Dean just forgets when he wakes up sometimes.

Dean keeps his eyes closed as he rests. Any second he's not fully awake is a good one. Dean then realizes his pillow has a heartbeat. Dean's pillow might not be a pillow. He's lying on someone. Someone who smells like Cas.

Dean's heartrate spikes, and he jerks his head up.

Cas blinks up at him. "Are you alright?" Cas asks, his voice deep with sleep. Well, deeper than usual.

"Yes," Dean says. "I just forgot you're alive."

Cas blinks again. "Oh." He reaches up with one hand and cups Dean's face. "Well, I'm alive."

Dean smiles. "Yeah, I noticed."

Cas smiles back. It's the brightest smile Dean's seen on him since he's been back. But then it turns sad. Like it always does. Cas starts to pull his hand away, but Dean quickly grabs it. He's not entirely sure what he's doing; he's still not even fully awake. Dean closes his eyes and leans further into Cas' touch, keeping his hand on Cas'. He doesn't want Cas to move away.

Cas' breath hitches. "Dean," he begins.

And Dean can tell by Cas' tone that he is going to tell Dean to let go or something. Dean doesn't want that. "Shh," Dean says.

"Dean," Cas says more firmly and tugs on his hand. Dean doesn't let go. "Don't do this."

Dean opens his eyes. Cas' smile is gone, and all the sadness has moved to his eyes. "Do what?" Dean asks.

"I know you're doing this just because of what I told you before the Empty took me."

"Huh?"

"Don't feel obligated to…to sleep in the same bed as me or hold my hand like this just because I love you."

"What?"

The hurt in Cas' eyes throws Dean off so much that Cas manages to snatch his hand back.

Dean stares. Then swallows. "I thought I made that up," Dean whispers.

"Made what up?"

"That you—that you…" Dean swallows again. Why is his mouth so dry? "That you lo—" His voice cracks. He furiously blinks back tears. "You said that, right?"

"You don't remember?"

Dean shakes his head. "No, I do, I just…I thought I made that up. Because I—I want…" He licks his lips. "I want you."

Cas stares at him with wide eyes.

Dean's blood runs cold. "Wait, am I completely misinterpreting this, oh my god, Cas, I'm so sor—"

"You want me?" Cas is still staring. His eyes still wide with disbelief.

Dean's already gone this far. There's no turning back now. Might as well tell Cas everything. "You're all I ever wanted."

Cas shakes his head. "You're just saying that."

"Absolutely not!" Dean is just as surprised at his outburst as Cas is. He takes a deep breath before continuing, much calmer this time, "Cas, I have a hard time saying, 'I love you' to Sam. Why would I ever say that to you unless I completely mean it?"

"You didn't say, 'I love you,'" Cas tells him. "You said, 'I want you.' There's a difference."

That stubborn motherfucker. But Dean can be stubborn right back. This will show him! "Well, I love you. So there," Dean states, staring at Cas to challenge him on that.

"Oh…" Cas' gaze becomes distant.

"Yeah, not so fun being on the receiving end of a love confession, is it?"

Cas is unresponsive.

Uh, oh. Dean cups his face with one of his hands. "Cas, buddy, look at me."

Cas' eyes finally focus on Dean. "Y-yes?"

"I'm going to kiss you now."

"Yes," Cas repeats.

Dean leans in and gently presses his lips against Cas'. There's a moment where neither of them move, as if what they're doing isn't real, but then Cas' mouth opens up under Dean's, and Dean moves in closer. He still has one hand on Cas' face and moves it back to tangle in his hair. Dean allows himself to get lost in the kiss. It's slow and gentle and even better than anything he dreamed a kiss could ever be. It's all Cas, Cas, and more Cas, and Dean's heart is soaring. He pulls back just far enough to whisper, "I love you so much." before kissing Cas again, a little more desperately this time.

Dean isn't quite sure how long they do this; kiss each other stupid with their bodies pressed into each other, but he treasures every second of it.

This day is somehow even better than yesterday. And, who knows? Tomorrow might even be better than today. But one thing Dean knows for sure is that they have all the time in the world, and he's not going to waste a single minute.