“Did I hurt you? I mean, I couldn’t have hurt you… Kara?”
They were in Kara’s loft for movie night. A newly reinstated tradition she had missed desperately over the last year and a half. They’d been curled beneath a soft blanket, insides warmed with good food and red wine, relaxed into the cocoon of their shared body heat and calm, matching breaths. Lena was smiling at something on the TV, while Kara was distracted by how grateful she felt just to have made it back to this. To have Lena back on her couch, soft against her side. To have Lena back at all.
She hadn’t meant to react. Her body had betrayed her, plain and simple. She was merely enjoying her best friend’s gentle, platonic, caresses. To a completely reasonable, strictly friendly, and totally human degree. She hadn’t mean to react. But she most definitely, undeniably, did.
Lena stopped the movement of her fingers and sat back to search Kara’s face. Her hands hovered awkwardly over Kara’s skin, not touching anymore, but not quite pulled away either.
“Kara, what’s going on?”
“Um…” Kara was too busy trying to catch up with her own actions to answer. Her brain was flipping through every moment with Lena since their first tentative step toward forgiveness, as though something in the chronology might explain how she ended up exactly here.
She remembered the first few steps of their reconciliation seeming quick, almost easy; a sprint to being on the same side again. They’d been desperate to make sure neither doubted the finality of moving away from Lex, away from lying, away from conflict. Toward each other. It felt like that cheesy image of two lovers running across opposite ends of a field into a long-awaited embrace.
Except, after those early (albeit essential) running steps, they both suddenly realized the analogy didn’t fit. They hadn’t been separated by circumstance, two lovers against the world. They’d separated themselves. With lies, betrayals, ultimatums, and the kind of cruelty only possible when you know someone’s deepest, rawest, vulnerabilities.
And they weren’t lovers.
They weren’t meant to cross the rest of the chasm and throw themselves into each other’s arms. So they faltered. Both feeling that magnetic pull to devour the space between them, crash into each other, and never let go. But, neither able to voice it, they faltered. And spent months standing those first few strides in, happy to at least be in the same field again, but paralyzed by the distance remaining with no clear path across.
Eventually, painstakingly, they inched forward. They used the crutch of familiar things, the restarting of old habits and traditions. CatCo lunches, exclusive interviews that lasted a little too long, the occasional gala fundraiser, eventually game nights again. And now, blissfully, finally, the reintroduction of movie nights. The most comforting and intimate of the old traditions. The one that saw Lena with her hair down and makeup hastily scrubbed away. With her heels kicked off by the door and her lips red wine stained.
Yes, they were finally getting back to Them. But the thing was, it hadn’t really felt like moving back toward what they had, what they were. It felt new, different, and all the more exciting and desperately fragile as a result.
All of these thoughts swarmed Kara’s brain as she stared at Lena, eyes wide, mouth opening and closing but no sounds coming out. Was there still a way to maybe not talk about this?
Lena started to back toward the other side of the couch, and that was the last thing Kara wanted. She was going to have to answer.
“I’m just, um, a little sensitive there?”
“What, on your wrist?” Lena had stopped moving away, but her eyebrows were furrowed and the easy calm of the evening was slipping between Kara’s fingers. “Why would your— Kara I don’t see why—“
Kara watched as her best friend tried to reconcile what she thought were two dissonant facts: that Kara’s impervious skin was essentially numb to the world; and that Kara was never never going to lie to her again. She couldn’t have known only one of those “facts” was true.
“Kara, you barely feel anything, what with— I mean, Supergirl wouldn’t— Kara, why on Earth would your wrist be sensitive when the rest of you hardly feels a thing?”
Kara folded in on herself a bit and looked down at her fingers as she twisted them together. She didn’t like explaining this to people; she tended to just let them ride out their misconceptions. But this was Lena. And maintaining the truth of that second “fact” was just about the most important thing in her life.
“Yeah, everyone always figures that, but it’s kind of the opposite I guess?”
Lena frowned. “What is? I don’t— What’s the opposite?” A series of emotions flickered across Lena’s expressive face — confusion, irritation, disbelief — settling into a tentative curiosity.
Kara shifted and perked up ever so slightly. “It makes sense, really, if you think about it.” This might work. If she could engage Scientist Lena, focus on a quick lesson about Kryptonian physiology under a yellow sun, she might avoid the more volatile, intimate aspects of this conversation. “I mean, all of my other senses are heightened.”
“People just figure, since I can’t really get injured, that I don’t feel much. And I mean, I do heal really really fast, so, like, pain doesn’t usually last very long. But yeah, people assume my sense of touch is dulled. But, um, it’s not.” If she’d stopped there, it might have worked. “Like, really not.” But she didn’t.
“Oh!” Lena’s eyes went wide and Kara could almost hear her brain assimilating this new information. “I— I’m so sorry—“
“No! No, don’t be sorry.”
“Why didn’t— You’ve never mentioned it before. Has it— Have I been bothering you?”
Lena’s features were twisted in so much concern and self-doubt, and Kara didn’t know how to fix this. She was so hesitant to test how weight-bearing their new intimacy was.
The playful shoulder nudges, the cold toes tucked under her warm thighs, the fingers carding through her hair when she’d give in to sleepiness and lay her head just next to Lena’s lap halfway through a movie.
And tonight, the gentle fingertips sweeping across the soft underside of her wrist, mindlessly playing with her bracelet while Lena chuckled at whatever Netflix show they’d chosen. Kara hadn’t meant to react, but she definitely, undeniably, did. And, with her knees tucked against Kara’s thighs and her head resting on the superhero’s shoulder, Lena heard the sharp intake of breath and felt the full-body shiver when her fingers flexed during one absent-minded pass, causing her nails to lightly scrape the skin over Kara’s pulse.
“Kara, you should have said something. I didn’t— I’m so— Why didn’t you tell me it was uncomfortable?”
… How weight-bearing?…
“I didn’t say it was uncomfortable.”
Kara couldn’t meet her eyes, or speak above a whisper. And Lena didn’t make her. She just waited one long, slow, cautious minute, searching every inch of Kara’s face. Then she moved deliberately but oh-so-gently to exactly where she’d been before this whole thing started. Her fingertips snuck back under Kara’s bracelet and her eyes shifted again to the TV.
That’s all she said.
Kara didn’t say anything. She wasn’t breathing, so how could she? She just swallowed down a whimper and allowed herself to relax back into the blissful comfort of her friend. Her best friend. And the soothing static radiating from her wrist to her scalp, by way of dangerously constricting circles around her heart.
And so, Kara found the timbre of their friendship changed that little bit more. Lingering hugs now included the gentle play of fingertips along the back of her neck. Casual kisses hello ended with the slide of Lena’s cheek across her own. What Kara had always assumed were (admittedly frequent) accidental brushes of the backs of their hands while they walked became constant, brazen. Sometimes Lena would escalate them to linked fingers, brushing across the back of Kara’s knuckles without acknowledgement, seamlessly moving away to attend to whatever matter was at hand when needed, clueless that her absent-minded actions brought Kara’s entire world to a full stop. Every. Single. Time.
It was agony.
Kara loved it.
Five weeks later, on another movie night, Lena stayed for the first time. They’d finished the movie ages ago and switched to a new season of a show they both enjoyed. Which meant they’d snuggled down into the ever-tempting cycle of “just one more.”
“You could stay, you know. I promise I’ll behave.” Kara offered, waggling her eyebrows. She was proud of how casual and playful (she thought) she’d managed to sound. And grateful that Lena didn’t have superhearing to notice the absolute riot inside her chest.
“Really? I’ve been here far later than this plenty of times, but you’ve never— I just figured the idea made you uncomfortable.”
“Oh, well…” Kara tried not to grimace. “I couldn’t really offer before, um, before… you know. Can’t really sleep in a ponytail and glasses.” Lena couldn’t stop the cloud that passed over her face before she schooled her features.
Kara’s chest constricted painfully. She whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
Lena sat up straight and shook her head. “No no, none of that.”
“I’ve made you uncomfortable, I shouldn’t have said anything.” Kara shifted their shared blanket off her lap and was reaching for their wine glasses as she started to stand. Lena’s feather-light touch on her forearm stopped her.
“Kara, stop. I’d love to stay, if you’re sure. I’m exhausted, truly. And I already sent Luke home for the weekend, and I would really rather not sit in the back of an Uber right now.” She smiled. So soft, so quiet in her understanding that Kara wanted the company, but was far more likely to accept it in the guise of a favor to her.
“Please. If it’s okay.”
“Always, any time! All the time!” [Wait. No no no, rein it in, Kara, you useless, useless—] “I mean, yeah, any time it gets too late or something, you’re always welcome here, Lena. Always. I… I like it when you’re here. Way better than when you’re not.” [How exactly was that reining it in?]
“Well good. Because I like it when I’m here, too.”
Kara was blushing, but Lena’s face was all smile, and double-dimples, and sparkling multi-colored eyes, and Kara couldn’t help but smile back. She told herself it was perfectly natural to stop breathing when your best friend looked at you. Completely normal for goosebumps to erupt under the slightest casual touch. Absolutely reasonable for your heart to clench and pound and threaten to either race itself right out of your chest or give up entirely just because she smiles at you like she thinks you deserve it. (Which you don’t, clearly. Couldn’t possibly. But you know better than to argue with Lena Kieran Luthor. So you’ll let her be wrong about this.)
And so, their relationship changed that little bit more again. Sleepovers became common, eventually more the norm than the exception. They were tactile from the beginning, having started from a reluctance to end a night of couch cuddling in the first place.
As the weeks passed, Lena learned that nothing soothed Kara more than gently scratching her scalp and her back. On nights she couldn’t fall asleep, or mornings she woke sweating and agitated from her dreams, nothing helped her focus and calm better than Lena’s nails gently digging under her curls, trailing over her shirt down her spine, circling wide up one shoulder blade, down the other, then back up her spine and into her hair to start again. It became a well-worn path, a predictable tide of sensation for Kara to fall into. So common and frequent that one night, when Kara startled awake, she watched Lena find the path through muscle memory, still deep asleep. It made her heart clench so tightly it pushed a whine past her lips.
“Kara?” Her sleep-rough voice was so gentle and concerned, Kara felt tears burn behind her eyes.
“Shhh. I’m fine. Just a nightmare. I’m fine now, go back to sleep.”
Lena rolled from her stomach onto her side, facing Kara, eyes still shut, and grumbled as she pulled and tugged at the immovable pajama-clad superhero beside her. Kara relented with an endeared chuckle. She eased onto her side and let Lena tangle their fingers together as she pulled Kara’s back flush against her front. Lena rested her forehead against the nape of Kara’s neck and sighed against her skin. Kara’s heart was thudding so hard she wondered if Lena could feel it against their entwined fingers where they rested at her breastbone. But before she had the chance to form any concrete worries, Lena’s breaths evened out and she resumed her usual whisper-light snoring. Kara exhaled and allowed the words to escape the tightness of her chest: “I love you. I love you. I love you.” They dissolved into the weight of the shared air around her bed and Kara finally drifted back into sleep, remembering none of it the next morning.
So things went: easy, comfortable, predictable, safe. Until they weren’t.
They were on the couch for a Chinese takeout-fueled TV marathon.
(‘Supertaste, Lena! Potstickers are a flavor explosion, beautiful salty greasy fireworks in my mouth!’
‘Mmhmm. And kale?’
‘Bitter dirt leaf of despair.’)
Kara had fallen asleep with a potsticker, secure between two chopsticks, abandoned halfway to her mouth. She struggled into half-wakefulness at the sound of laughing.
“Kara, there’s a potsticker cradled on your chest.”
“What?! That’s not where you belong, little buddy. Don’t worry, I gotcha.” Kara hadn’t opened her eyes, but she managed to get the potsticker the rest of the way into her mouth. She started snoring before she even finished chewing.
Again she was dragged into wakefulness by soft laughter. “I don’t even know if you could choke to death, but frankly that’s just gross. Come on, up you go.”
“Leeennnnaaaa. ‘M-sleating here. Eaping. No, wait, I know this word. Ugh, why are you making me find words, Lena? So mean… Luthor genes… no escape…”
“Oh my god. Up. Come on. I can’t possibly carry you, Kara, you’re going to have to get up.”
“Hmmmaybe not, but I-n’carry you.”
Kara still didn’t fully wake up, even as she scooped Lena into her arms and floated them straight to her bed, opening one eye just long enough to grumpily throw back the covers before she eased them in.
“You’re ridiculous.” This time it was a whisper. Kara had placed them facing each other with barely an inch between their faces and Lena couldn’t help but feel anything louder was sacrilege.
“Hi Ridiculous, I’m Kara.” She mumbled.
Lena snorted despite herself. “That’s not even how that joke works.”
“Oh? Nice to meet you Sleep, I’m Lena.”
Kara chuckled and nuzzled closer, their noses practically touching, but still didn’t open her eyes. “Back scratchies?”
Lena sighed affectionately at the absurd alien stretched out in front of her, still in her t-shirt and jeans, exhausted from a long bout of superheroing earlier that night.
“Of course.” She tangled the fingers of her right hand into the small hairs at the base of Kara’s neck and started the rhythmic journey down her back. Kara cooed and melted into the touch. She was asleep again within moments.
Kara wasn’t sure how many hours later she screamed awake out of a nightmare. She was still in her clothes, but she’d rolled onto her stomach at some point in the night and was facing away from Lena. She flinched violently as residual waves of nightmare visions pressed into her from all directions. Her eyes were squeezed shut, hands fisted into the sheets on either side of her head, breath escaping in harsh pants.
“Shhh, darling, just a dream, it was just a dream. You’re okay. Kara, you’re okay.”
Kara could feel the warmth radiating off of Lena’s hand as it hovered just above the small of her back. Lena always waited until the worst of the panic had eased before she actually touched Kara after her nightmares. But, Kara could feel her muscles start to loosen just knowing what came next. Knowing that Lena was here, warm, safe, right beside her, waiting to stroke her back endlessly if that’s what she needed. A few tears squeezed their way out of her eyes and tickled down her cheeks.
“You’re okay, Kara. Just a dream.”
Lena seemed to know the moment Kara had calmed enough, and her fingers got to work erasing every nightmarish vision with their touch.
It wasn’t long before the tears stopped. But this had been a particularly bad one, and even several minutes later, Kara’s hands were still tightly fisting the sheets and staticky trails of tension unrepentantly followed in the wake of Lena’s calming hand. Lena was determined in her comfort-giving, as with anything else, and she brought her body closer and closer to Kara’s with each unsuccessful lap across her back.
Uncharacteristically, Kara felt herself sinking back into the cold terror of her dream despite Lena’s comforting. Her jaw clenched painfully. Lena huffed into the tail-end of her next pass and suddenly ducked her fingers under the hem of Kara’s shirt. Kara couldn’t help her surprised moan in response. That was all the permission Lena needed to begin dragging her nails lightly, for the first time directly across the skin of Kara’s back.
The difference was immeasurable and the result instantaneous. Kara’s tension flushed from her body in a single crashing wave and she let out a full-throated sigh as she relaxed back into the mattress. Lena released her own short satisfied breath and devoted full attention to her new, more successful ministrations. Kara was lost in the quiet bliss of the sensations, cooing audibly on each luxurious exhale.
As the minutes passed in repetition, Kara discovered she had circled right through subdued and landed back into tension. A warm crackling tension now, that she was struggling to ignore. Each lap of Lena’s hand seemed to ruck Kara’s shirt a little higher until it was all the way to her shoulders, her breasts pressed bare against the mattress, and all the calm that usually came with these nightly caresses turned into a jittery, consuming, heat.
“Lena, wait, wait, Lena—“
“I can stop. Kara, do you want me stop?”
Lena sounded breathless and her words were warm and wet against Kara’s neck. Her fingers had slowed with the question, but they hadn’t pulled away. At this point, her entire body was pressed against Kara’s side and their ankles had tangled together.
“Wanting… oh… Uh, wanting you to stop isn’t exactly the problem.” Kara still had her head turned the other way and her eyes screwed shut. Her breath was fighting her on every exhale and her cheeks were burning with embarrassment and, there was no point denying it, want. Desperate want for anything but stopping.
The thick, swirling, anticipatory atmosphere of the room hovered for a few beats, until Lena whispered: “Then there is no problem, Kara.” It was more confession than reassurance. And that, finally, made Kara turn.
Their eyes met. Soft, searching, questioning, hoping. Wanting.
Lena’s fingers started moving again, for the first time venturing past the unspoken boundary of her jaw, tracing the shell of her ear, the soft swoop of her eyebrow, the gentle line of her nose, and finally, excruciatingly, the trembling bow of her lips. “Kara, I want this.” Kara sucked in a breath and her eyes stared wide and unblinking into Lena’s as her best friend continued. “I don’t have a single doubt left in me. But only if you want it, too. If you don’t, we’re fine. We move back to the couch, we watch some more Parks & Rec, you curl into my side while I play with your hair, and we’re fine. You won’t lose anything by stopping us now. I promise. But there’s more here if you want it.” Her hand stilled behind Kara’s ear, thumb resting by her cheekbone, breath dropped to barely a whisper. “There’s everything, Kara, if you want it, too.”
Kara willed her heart to slow down just long enough to speak around its new home in her throat.
“You said if I want everything, too. You—”
Something snapped. Kara surged forward and Lena whimpered into the heat of her mouth. There was nothing gentle, no searching, no slowly building. Kara’s lips were already open when they found Lena’s and their tongues were sliding against each other before Lena even had the chance to react. It’s not that Kara didn’t want slow, it’s not that she wasn’t dreadfully hesitant. It was because of that. For a split second Kara had the self-awareness to realize that if she wanted to kiss Lena (and god, she wanted), it couldn’t be cautious — no leaning halfway, no savored anticipation — or she’d back out. So she dove.
And dove. And dove.
They breathed each other’s names into the space around their tongues, teeth clashing then tugging on lips, noses bumping, faces angling to kiss deeper, and deeper again. It escalated, breathless and clawing, until Kara coaxed Lena onto her back, lowered herself down with her legs on either side of Lena’s right thigh, and rolled her hips.
“F-f-f-u-ckkk.” They stuttered at the same time. The kiss broke and they stared into each other’s eyes in the moonlit room, panting into the shared space between them. Everything stilled. This was it. This was when Kara might get in her head, might apologize, pull away, laugh like ‘what a silly miscommunication this all was,’ and they both knew it. As Kara hesitated, Lena’s chest clenched in anticipation. But before she could spiral or move away, Kara held her gaze, unblinking, unfaltering, unambiguous, and rolled her hips again.
“Oh my g—“
She rolled again, and this time Lena brought her hips up at the same time. Then again, harder.
Kara had finally broken eye contact, dropping her head beside Lena’s, panting hot and wet with her lips fallen open against Lena’s neck. Lena had one hand tangled in blonde waves and the other scrambling for purchase against the superhero’s back as they thrust against each other again, and again, and again.
“Lena— oh Rao— Lena, you’re— You’re going to have to tell me when to stop. I’m not— fuck— I’m not going— I’m not going to know when to stop.”
Lena dug both hands into Kara’s hair and tugged until their eyes met again. She let everything but the grind of her hips slow for a moment until she could see Kara’s eyes blink through the heat and focus.
A whimper, and this time she was ready for the surge and caught Kara’s lips halfway. There would be time for slow. But right now, she thought she might die without Kara’s breath in her mouth, hair falling around her face, hands digging into her waist and hips, pulling at her like she’d crawl all the way inside if she could.
“Lena, I need— I need—“
“Here, darling, here. Hold on.”
Their lips stayed connected every possible moment as Lena pushed Kara up onto her knees and rose to tear her own shirt over her head, tossing it to the floor. Kara moved to do the same as Lena’s fingers trembled along the buttons of Kara’s pants. Shirt finally off, Kara brushed her hands away.
“I got it, I got these. Do yours.”
The pace was frantic as they peeled off every last barrier and Kara rushed to bring their bodies back together before Lena even had the chance to really look. They both moaned at the soft heat of so much skin touching skin.
Things slowed for less than a minute before they started rocking into each other again. Lena dragged the nails of both hands from Kara’s scalp down the familiar trail of her back. But then she circled her hips low, and strayed up her sides to where she could tease the slightest pressure of her palms against Kara’s breasts. She shifted her hips just as Kara was thrusting forward again and suddenly both of their thighs met slick overheated centers. Lena gasped and Kara let out a strangled sound somewhere between a growl and a sob.
Everything grew somehow even more desperate. Kara alternated between invading Lena’s mouth, nipping at her earlobe, and sucking deep red marks into her long, straining neck. One hand had snaked around Lena’s waist and splayed across her lower back, holding her impossibly closer with every drive into the mattress. Lena’s left hand stayed kneading into Kara’s breast, thumbing across a painfully stiff nipple, while the other continued its journey down Kara’s back and scratched hard across the curve of her ass. Heat was coiling shockingly fast low in her stomach and she moaned into Kara’s mouth.
“Lena. Lena. Lena.” She painted the name with wet breath across the flat of Lena’s tongue, the hollow of her neck, the sharp jut of collarbone as she arched into the contact.
“Kara…” Lena rolled Kara’s nipple firmly between her thumb and finger and bowed her body away from the trembling Kryptonian just enough to scratch five disappearing marks down the path between her breasts, over her belly button, and through damp, coarse curls. She watched her own hand in reverent disbelief, sneaking into a moment of space between the still-frantic dance of their hips, and sliding into wet, hot folds like they were home. “Oh my god.”
She kept a firm, even pressure as she circled the pads of two fingers around Kara’s aching entrance. Once, twice, slow and deliberate, gathering thick wetness as she dragged her fingers back up, one on either side of Kara’s straining clit. She pressed back downward briefly, even more firmly, before switching to a fast, light, flick across the tip of the exposed bundle of nerves.
“Lena!” Kara started trembling, head shaking slightly, eyes slammed shut.
Lena’s fingers squeezed gently through another firm stroke down… up… down… then that light circling flick across the hardened nub, her other hand tugging at Kara’s nipple.
“I can’t— Lena— I can’t—”
She grabbed both of Lena’s wrists and pinned them over her head with one hand while the other reached down and plunged two fingers into Lena without warning.
Kara angled her hip to press behind her hand and added a third finger before Lena even had a chance to recalibrate. Her left knee drifted up the bed, opening herself up more over Lena’s thigh, pressing hard as she rocked forward faster and faster. Lena was so wet, Kara felt it running into her palm, the slick sounds deliciously obscene, the smells so thick and heavy she could taste them on the back of her tongue. She leaned down to close her mouth around a pebbled nipple, circling her tongue once, twice, then biting slightly and sucking hard, flicking her tongue back and forth in rhythm with her fingers. The fingers pumping relentlessly into a tight, secret heat, circling and dragging across the spongey spot deep inside on every thrust, and Lena couldn’t breathe.
“Kara— Oh my god— Please— Kara— Please don’t stop.”
Kara rocked even harder and deeper a few times before her mouth suddenly pulled away from Lena’s breast and she held her breath, clamping her legs around Lena’s thigh, squeezing her eyes shut as her whole body tensed. Lena stared at her in awe as she shuddered twice, and then crumpled, dropping her head to hide against Lena’s neck.
Everything was still for several pounding beats of her heart and Lena was just about to drag her up, or say something to bring her out, when Kara suddenly released Lena’s wrists and moved her left hand between their bodies straight to her clit as she rocked forward again, her right hand still three fingers in knuckles-deep.
Lena gasped: “Fuck!!”
Kara timed tight slick circles with deep, hard thrusts and Lena was screaming her name less than a minute later.
“Kara! Oh god. Kara! Kara!!”
Lena’s back arched off the bed and Kara’s left hand slowed to a stop, but her right stayed buried as deep as she could reach, fingers gently massaging that spongey spot as Lena’s entire body shook through the longest orgasm of her life.
When she eventually came down, Kara’s hand stilled inside her but she didn’t pull away, and her head remained buried against her neck.
“You’re so beautiful. Rao, you’re so beautiful, Lena.” Kara still wouldn’t look at her, and had resumed laving open-mouthed kisses along her neck.
“Kara, are you ok-uhhh— Wait wait!” Kara had started to slowly thrust her hand again and Lena nearly doubled up at the stimulation. “Hold on, darling. Too much! Too much for a minute. Just, just give me a second.” Lena reached down to gently encircle her fingers around Kara’s wrist and coax her out. “Oh my— fffffuckkk.” She closed her eyes and focused on breathing as she clenched around Kara’s slowing withdrawing fingers. Kara moaned at the sensation and smiled into her neck.
But as everything between them finally slowed and the thick haze of heat lifted, Kara’s world spun back into motion double-time. She was suddenly completely overwhelmed in every sense and willing to fly away naked if it would get her out of there faster.
Her sight was assaulted with the red marks blooming up and down Lena’s neck and to the side of her dark nipple. She could smell the salty musk of Lena on her hands, her thigh; her own scent mixed inextricably in. Their hearts pounded in their chests at different speeds, beating relentlessly and discordantly inside her skull. She could taste the red wine and remnants of lipstick from their kissing and the salt from Lena’s neck.
And feel? She could feel everything. Every single peach-fuzz hair pressed between their bodies. The slight raise of every mark peppered across Lena’s perfect skin. The tickle of her breath against the side of Kara’s neck. The heat, everywhere heat. Every instinct Kara had was telling her to run, run and hide.
“Kara.” It was barely a whisper, but Kara still flinched. A whimper snuck up from the back of her throat and she was helpless to stop it. “Kara, I’m going to put my hands back above my head, so you might get jostled, but only for a second. I’ll lay still. Just hold me as tight as you need to. Okay? You don’t— You don’t have to say anything. Just…“ She paused and her voice got so small even Kara could barely hear her “Just, don’t leave. Okay? You’re all right. Don’t leave.”
Kara didn’t even have the emotional energy to process exactly what she’d been offered. But the words pierced through the buzzing chaos suffocating her and sluiced over her body like a cool, cleansing, stream. She sobbed into Lena’s neck and wrapped every limb around her as tightly as she dared. She stayed like that for minutes that felt like hours until her world finally stopped spinning and her sobs eased into silent tears. She needed more, but she couldn’t risk holding Lena any tighter.
“Touch me, please? Just— Just, not gently. Please.”
Lena’s body moved like she’d been waiting for those exact words. Her hands shot down, one arm around Kara’s shoulder, the other across her waist. She swung her leg up and over Kara’s hips and rested her chin against the crown of her head as heavy as she could. She squeezed Kara with every bit of human strength she had. And finally, the tears and the trembling stopped.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I—”
“Don’t even start, Kara. I’m not about to let you apologize for giving me the best orgasm of my life. Or for asking for what you needed after.”
Kara released a last broken sob.
“I love you. Rao, I love you so much, Lena. So much.”
“I love you, too, darling. I’ve got you.” Lena somehow managed to squeeze her even tighter. “I’ve got you, Kara. I love you, too.”
They stayed like that for a long time. Kara wasn’t sure how many minutes had passed when she finally found her words again.
“Are we— Are we okay?”
Lena chuckled affectionately. “Darling, I know you’re still a little overwhelmed. But, wouldn’t you say we’re a bit more than okay right now?”
Kara gave a weak laugh and finally looked into Lena’s face. The sight that met her stole all the breath from her lungs again. Lena’s lips were kiss-bruised, her hair tangled and unruly, her cheeks still flushed and her eyes slightly wet and half-closed with exhaustion. She was absolutely stunning. And looking at Kara like she was the sun, moon, and stars all in one.
Kara had no control over the words that rushed out with her next breath. “You’re everything. Rao, Lena, you’re everything.”
Lena beamed at her and gently placed her hand on Kara’s cheek. “I don’t know that I’m everything. But I’m yours. As long as you’ll have me, Kara, I’m yours.”
And finally finally Kara leaned in for their first gentle kiss. Her lips barely brushed against Lena’s. Then pulled back only to ease in slightly firmer, bracketing Lena’s top lip first, then her bottom, then pressing them both flush and letting her tongue flit briefly out to tease the seam. Lena shivered and drew back to stare into her eyes.
“Big or little, darling?”
“Oh. I think I need to be big tonight? I’m still kind of, um… Big spoon.”
Lena just hummed in response and turned over, pulling Kara’s arm across her middle and scootching backwards until Kara’s entire front was pressed against her back. Kara felt sleep tugging at her within seconds.
Kara sighed out her answer before slipping into a deep, dreamless sleep.
“No… so much more than okay.”