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when i get home (i want to feel less alone)

Summary:

Roy’s hand trembles where it hovers in the air. He’s been standing in front of the door for ten minutes, his fist raised and ready to knock, but he keeps chickening out. He drops his hand and his head with a sigh. This is harder than he thought it’d be.

He wonders if he should’ve called, but—that feels wrong, telling his family he’s back from the dead over the phone. He has to do it in person. He’d called Ollie when he first came back, had almost let the call go through, but he'd hung up because he was terrified of how Ollie would react. It’s idiotic, because Ollie knows what it’s like. He knows how it feels to die and then come back.

(or; roy comes back from the dead, reunites with his siblings, and gets the hug he desperately needs)

Notes:

this fic mostly follows current comic canon, with the exception of connor not being at the lazarus tournament and mia, like, existing lol. god knows dc won't give us the arrowfam sibling reunion we want, so I'M DOING IT MYSELF.

takes place after infinite frontier #6 and contains spoilers for infinite frontier #0-6

title from "settle" by two door cinema club

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Roy’s hand trembles where it hovers in the air. He’s been standing in front of the door for ten minutes, his fist raised and ready to knock, but he keeps chickening out. He drops his hand and his head with a sigh. This is harder than he thought it’d be.

He wonders if he should’ve called, but—that feels wrong, telling his family he’s back from the dead over the phone. He has to do it in person.

He’d been half-worried that they wouldn’t even be living in this house anymore; Ollie tends to get antsy staying in one place too long, but before Roy…left, he’d seemed determined to put down some roots, if only for Mia and Emiko’s sakes. Roy’s code had worked at the gate, and the “Come Back With a Warrant” doormat Hal had gotten for them as a housewarming gift is still sitting in front of the door. It seems like Ollie kept his word.

Roy lifts his hand again, but his fingers start to tremble before they reach the door. He lets out a wordless groan and turns to face the driveway, burying his face in his hands. He’s stalling. He knows he should just get it over with already, but dammit, he’s scared. He’d called Ollie when he first came back, had almost let the call go through, but he’d hung up because he was terrified of how Ollie would react. It’s idiotic, because Ollie knows what it’s like. He knows how it feels to die and then come back.

He should’ve let the call go through. It’s too late for that now, though.

The sound of muffled footsteps pulls Roy back into reality. He looks behind him just as the door opens, revealing Emiko in the doorway. She freezes when her eyes land on him, her jaw going slack.

“Hi,” Roy says lamely.

“What the fuck.” Emiko reaches out and grabs his wrist, pressing her fingers against his pulse. “You...you're real?”

“About as real as you are, Em.”

Emiko’s eyes narrow, and she tightens her grip on his arm. “Tell me something only Roy would know.”

“We walked in on Ollie singing along to ‘Memory’ from Cats when he thought he had the house to himself and he paid us off so we wouldn’t tell.” Roy grins. “We told Mia anyway.”

“Holy shit.” A disbelieving smile slowly spreads across Emiko’s face. “It's really you.”

“Holy shit,” Roy agrees. Emiko is gripping him by both his forearms now, reminiscent of an acrobats’ hold that Dick showed him once, and she doesn’t seem keen to let go. She leads him into the house, still searching his face like she’ll find the answers there.

“Roy, what the fuck.” She shakes him a little to emphasize the words.

“I know, Emi.”

“Oh my God, you have so much explaining to do. Jesus, I thought Ollie was joking, or talking about heaven or something when he told me ‘death isn’t always the end’ for superheroes. This is insane.” Emiko squeezes his arms, her eyebrows furrowing. “Wait—Ollie doesn’t know, does he? Or Dinah?”

Roy shakes his head. “No, not yet. Are they here?”

“No, they’re out on a mission with the League. They should be back tomorrow.” She studies his face, her mouth twisting a little. “You really were dead, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, I was. It sucked.”

“Good, because if you had been faking it, Mia might kill you for real.” Emiko gasps and whips around to face the stairs. “Oh shit—MIA!”

A sharp “WHAT?!” echoes through the house. Emiko huffs and cups her hands around her mouth before yelling, “GET DOWN HERE!”

There’s the sound of a door opening and footsteps pattering down the hall, and Roy’s heart clenches when he sees Mia appear at the top of the stairs—she’s looking down at her phone, so she doesn’t see him right away. She looks the same; her hair is maybe a little longer, but that’s it. Roy knows he wasn’t gone for that long, but it still relieves him to see that not much has changed.

“Whaddya want, Em, I thought you were getting the mail—" Mia starts, looking up, but freezes when her eyes land on Roy. Her mouth parts in surprise.

“Look at what the mailman dropped off,” Emiko says, gesturing towards Roy with a grin. There's a moment of silence, and then—

“ROY!” Mia shrieks. She scrambles down the stairs, almost slipping in her socked feet, and Roy has only a second to brace himself before she barrels into him. He stumbles backwards, regaining his balance before hugging her fiercely.

“Mia,” Roy breathes out, not trusting his voice to go any louder without cracking. “Hi, kid.”

“What the fuck, dude!” Mia cries, pulling back to punch him in the shoulder. “Ollie told us—he told us Wally couldn’t save you, what the fuck—” She claps a hand over her mouth, letting out a muffled sob.

Roy blinks against the stinging behind his eyes. He wraps his arms back around her, squeezing her tight. “I know, I know, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll explain everything once everyone’s here. I’m so sorry.”

Mia sniffs against his collarbone. “God, you’re such an ass, you know that? If you die again, I’m gonna kill you.”

He makes eye contact with Emiko and smiles. “Noted: no dying, lest I face Mia’s wrath.”

There's a clicking noise behind them, and they all turn to look as the door opens and Connor steps inside. He freezes once he's crossed the threshold, staring at Roy with big eyes. “What the—Roy…?”

There’s a lump the size of Apokolips in Roy’s throat as Connor drops his bag and crosses the room in a few short steps. He reaches out and grips Roy’s forearm, shock written all over his face. “I don’t...how?”

Roy shakes his head. “Later.” He carefully adjusts Mia until she’s wrapped up against his side, and tugs Connor into the hug. “I missed you. I missed all of you, so much.”

“Just wait until you hear about how much we missed you,” Mia says, her voice thick with tears. Roy laughs brokenly, pressing a kiss into her hair. He reaches out and grabs Emiko’s hand, and she squawks in surprise when he pulls her into the embrace. She easily settles in, however, her arms around Mia and Connor and her head pressed against Roy’s chest. His family encircles him, holding onto him as tight as they can, and he finally feels like he can breathe.

Connor makes a soft, worried noise as Roy’s shoulders begin to shake. He starts to pull away, but Roy tightens his grip, burying his face in Connor’s shoulder. A hand starts to card through his hair—Mia—and another rubs circles on his back—Emiko. He can feel his tears dampening Connor’s shirt, but he can’t find it in him to care. He’s alive. He’s home.

He lets himself cry for a bit—he’s gone through a lot in the past week, he thinks he deserves a good cry—before he manages to calm down, slowly pulling back from the group hug. None of them stray far, however—Connor keeps his arm around his shoulders, Emiko holds onto his bicep, and Mia reaches down to hold his hand. He’s grateful for the contact; he’s been struggling to stay grounded, what with the whole “dying-then-coming-back-to-life-and-becoming-a-Black-Lantern-zombie” thing. He takes a deep breath, focusing on the feeling of air filling his lungs. I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive.

“You alright?” Connor asks softly.

Roy nods, swiping at his eyes. “I’m good. Just needed a second. Sorry for crying all over you.”

“Hey, don’t apologize. I’ll take this over the alternative any day,” Connor says, tugging him into his side. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” Roy says, and Mia squeezes his hand, wiping tears off her face. He squeezes back.

“God, I never thought I’d see you again,” Mia says, her voice trembling. “What is it with this family and coming back to life?”

“I don’t know, but the tradition better die with me,” Roy says with a grin. Mia snorts, and starts giggling even harder when Emiko groans. Connor rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling too.

“Spare us the dad jokes, please, we get enough from Ollie,” Emiko pleads.

Roy’s smile freezes on his face. The ease he’d been sinking into vanishes, his body going tense and rigid. The lighthearted expressions slip off his sibling’s faces, replaced by ones of concern.

“Roy?” Connor asks gently.

“Lian.” Roy curls his hand into a fist. Connor and Mia glance at each other, their eyes wide. “She—she’s alive.”

Mia’s jaw drops open. “What?!”

“Where is she?” Connor asks.

“I-I don’t know.” Roy bites his lip. “The Black Lantern ring only showed me that she’s alive, nothing else. I need to find Jade, find out what she knows. If she knows.” He swallows hard against the anger-fear-desperation rising in his throat.

“Hey.” Mia grips his hand tight. “Don’t worry. We’ll find her.”

Roy inhales shakily. “Yeah. Yeah, we will.”

“We’ll do anything we can to help,” Connor says, squeezing his shoulder.

Emiko nods. “Just say the word, and we’re there.”

“Thank you,” Roy breathes out, managing a wobbly smile. They smile back.

Connor pats him on the back. “Are you hungry? I think Ollie’s got some chili in the fridge.”

Roy raises an eyebrow at him. “I just came back, and you’re already trying to kill me?”

Roy's faux-serious expression cracks at Connor’s long-suffering sigh. Mia cackles, leaning against Emiko for support. “Oh my God, puh-lease say that when Ollie’s here so I can film it.”

Connor huffs. “We can also order takeout.”

Roy listens to Mia and Emiko argue over which restaurant they should order from with a small smile on his face. Tomorrow, Ollie and Dinah will come home, and he’ll have to explain the whole mess with Darkseid and the multiverse, but for now, he gets to eat dinner with his siblings, laughing and catching up on what he missed. He feels his lungs expand as he breathes. Alive. He’s alive. Lian’s alive.

He couldn’t ask for anything more.

Notes:

dc bring mia back and reunite the arrowfam challenge

 

find me on tumblr @miadeardn