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King Furrdinand and der Futon of Yuths

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hullo my nam is king furdinand fo Spain and I am the king of spain with a big hat wiht a fether and a little twiddly mutash. one day I am sittingin my big room wif all my firends (their called advisers duh) and thees two duds come it with a man in a big net.

I sey “who is dis man? he is vary dirty”

and my two gards say “he was found at see. Dey say he is from the crew of Pwnce de lion.”

that is funny and dumb so I say “hahahahaha he can’t be taht was like 200 yrs ago, that’s a good joke” but they’re like “no rly dude so I glare at them and says “how did this happen.”

and dey say that mr. Pwnce probably found thr Fontane of Yuth which makes me rlly mad because heresy! i am a christian and a man and Chiirstian men so i knows that only Mr. God can grant eternal life so i am madmad!! An then thye tell me that the engelish an also sum pie rats want also want the funtain and I am ever more mad so I say get the ships reday! 

Vrry soon we are on ship going fast and I say faster! so we go faster until there is a dot on the horizon and then it get bigger and bigger until it is teh english with their big dumb blu flag with the red an hite strips and da ship calld Teh Provedance. da captain has a peg leg and aI want to yelll at him “ur wig looks dumb!! !” and shut at him wif my canons but my first m8 (that’s ship man talk for “best frind”) sez ill look cooler if i don’t say anythin so i don’t sey anything and they nglish all look scarered.

anywy we are on boat for a very long time but after a long time like maybe a couple of weaks or mebe more i dunno we get to a big green jungle and I sey “everyone get off da ship!!” so we get of da ship and start wondering thru the big trees. it is vary hot and hummid and all my m8s keep seying “when r we gonna get there furry”and i seyz “dunt call me furdi i am da king and i am filled with da riteous pouer of Godd”. so we keep trekken.

see, being a smarts liek me i knows tat we ca’nt just gogo to da Foonten we need deez two cellistes (that is big fancy-speek for big cups) for da verry bad no gud pagan ritual. i hav a diary book from da man in da net at the beginnning dat sez so. So we fined teh bi g ship in da jungol taht it came form and go in. Ha ha take dat u stinky english and piretes we got eher firirst!!  ! so I grabs da two chellos an leave rock in der instead and think haha u so clever ferdi, that will fuel dem.

Now is just da thing lef to fi nd the fenten itself but we have prublem!! da diary book said where ship went but da ship never gone to the  flonton so we gets lost. Loose much time! I am woried but i also sez “trust in da Godman” and tats what i does. 

wHen we finalsy gets to da place in da cave i can tell dat some one already been der so I worrie more? Did Englelsih dere or piedruts get firs der?11/ DDD: SO woRRY! but but magic flowing water on rocks so I say must hav Brve Heart, we go forward with goddish fuerry! and we gooo!!

finally smoke fog stuff clears and i looks around and im liek WOWH! ITS DER FUTON OF YUTS!! ! But also OH NOZ!!! Both engringerish AND pipettes gtot here first!!!!! but also das okay becuz we have Gud on or side and also much guns.

anywy it iz vrry tense for a minuet bc der ennlegish and der pimpets are like oh noooooz wut are u gonna use der Fluton for so i shoots my gun and says PSYCH!!1!!1 U THOT I WUZ WANNA LIVES 5EVA BUT U DUMB ONLY GOD CAN GRANT ETERNAL LIFE GET FUKKIN WREKT and den dey DO geT fukkin wrekt bcauz we uzed rops and grappels and mur gunz to fuKKIN WREXT DA PLACE and pull donw da rocks and I smash da cellos wif mah foot annd im liek HHAHAAH U SHOUD SEE DA LOOX ON UR DUM FACSES and den I flip my buncy hair curls an we leeve.

i dunno wut ahppened afta dat but i no i put da fere of Gudd in dem and i am sure dat they will not pagan no mor. and dat is teh sotry about dhe tim I vizitd de Flugon of Yuck.