Shen Wei glanced up to see where the student was hanging from, only to stop short when familiar faces look down in shock.
It couldn’t be.
It couldn’t be Kunlun, can it? But that face that he sees certainly belongs to his lover. His lover that promised that they will meet again. Is this it? Is it time? Will Kunlun remember him?
He helped the student up and he heard footsteps from behind him. He turns back and sees Da Qing bounce to him in his cat form. His heart ache at the thought that this cat has finally found his master but he hadn’t been able to find him in all the years he lived in Haixing.
Da Qing rub against his calves and weave in between his legs before he sits and wait to be petted in a painfully familiar manner that made Shen Wei’s heart swell. Shen Wei crouch down and pet Da Qing on his back before proceeding to pet him on his cheek and head like Da Qing preferred. Said cat purred and lean in for more.
“Aiyo. Look at this cat. I’ve never seen him so tame before.” Shen Wei heard Kunlun’s voice before he sees him. Then, said man crouch before him and Da Qing. “Why are you like this?” Kunlun said to Da Qing. Da Qing ignore him in favour of more pets.
Shen Wei look up to look at Kunlun. The first thing that Shen Wei note is that the man –Kunlun- had the same foxfire eyes as his Kunlun and he also had the rings on his lips just like Kunlun. Shen Wei’s heart clench at the familiar face. Then, Kunlun smile and Shen Wei ducked his head down.
“He’s such a beautiful cat. What’s his name?” Shen Wei ask. He counts it as a win when his voice came out neither hoarse nor it shook.
“His name is Da Qing. Nicknamed Damn Cat. Sometimes, Fatty.” Kunlun replied, jolly and loud like he always is. Shen Wei smiled. That’s what Kunlun used to call Da Qing, too.
“What’s wrong with you, Damn Cat?” Kunlun asked Da Qing. “Go on, go play somewhere else.” Kunlun said, then he pats Da Qing’s butt and urge him to go away. When Da Qing scurries away, both men stand up and Shen Wei’s heart stutter when he sees Kunlun smile at him.
He missed that smile. Most of all, he missed the man. He misses Kunlun. His warmth, his laughter, his smile, his glinting eyes, the cold rings on his lips. He misses Kunlun. His entire being yearns for the man’s touch like the flower yearns for the sun. But he knows he can’t touch. So, he averted his eyes and ducked his head. Not wanting the man to see the yearning and longing bleeding from his eyes.
“I’m from Special Investigation Division. My surname is Zhao. Zhao Yunlan.” Kunlun said while handing over a business card. “I’m in charge of the case that happened in the university.” Kunlun –Zhao Yunlan now- said, eyes twinkling and smiling.
Shen Wei look at the business card. Kunlun, er, Zhao Yunlan works at SID? How can he be Zhao Xinci’s son? That xenophobic bastard had a son as wonderful as Zhao Yunlan? How?
“My name is Shen. Shen Wei.” He held out his file, as if to prove that he’s a professor. “I teach here.”
“Shen Wei?” Zhao Yunlan said in his painfully familiar voice and tone, hands pointing at Shen Wei. Shen Wei’s heart ache. He craved. He misses Kunlun and this stranger, this man with Kunlun’s face is so much like Kunlun that he can’t be mistaken. He vaguely remembers that the clothes Kunlun wore when he saw him the first time was the same as this era.
“What a good name!” Zhao Yunlan praise. Shen Wei absentmindedly think that he’s praising himself before he ducked his head and produces a very small smile.
Zhao Yunlan is watching him with more interest now, he saw from his peripheral vision. He also saw Zhao Yunlan lick his lower lip and unconsciously the rings on his lips too and it glints when the sunlight catches it. Shen Wei gulp and continue looking down. That gesture is awfully similar to Kunlun. And heat stirred deep within him. A fire that always turns to an uncontrolled urge to ravish the man in front of him.
When both seems to not want to talk anymore, Zhao Yunlan break the silence. “Well, if there’s anything, anything, at all that you want to talk about the case, you can call me anytime. I will answer immediately.” he gestures to the card still clutched in Shen Wei’s hands.
“Alright.” Then, when he remembers the fallen student, “Oh, is he going to be okay?” Shen Wei asks, turning to help the officer, not a student up.
“It’s okay. He’s highly trained. It’s okay. This is Guo Changcheng, by the way.” Kunlun –Zhao Yunlan (better remember that, can’t accidentally call him Kunlun)- said, smile a little sheepish but his eyes, cautious and guarded, throw Shen Wei a little out of balance because he was always treated with warmth and fondness from that gaze.
Zhao Yunlan goes over and help the officer up and direct him away. After the officer was gone, Zhao Yunlan turns towards him and smile, “Well, if there’s nothing else, I’ll be going first.” Zhao Yunlan extended his right hand.
Shen Wei looked at the extended hand and grab it. The warmth and the callouses are the same as he had felt during those nights he spent with Kunlun. There’s no doubt that this is Kunlun. So why did Kunlun not remember him? Why?
He realised a tad too late that he had been gripping Zhao Yunlan’s hands a little bit too long. And probably a bit too tight than could be healthy for Zhao Yunlan’s bones. He looks up and he saw the open curiosity and concealed suspicions in those foxfire eyes.
“Ah. Sorry.” Shen Wei said while letting the hand go, ears no doubt blushing and tantalizing. Zhao Yunlan only smile and turn away.
Shen Wei stands there for a long time, long after Zhao Yunlan left.
Well, that was an exercise on his heart, his mental health, his self-control, and his emotions.
The next time he saw the man next, he was questioning Li Qian while sitting on the table, which seemed unprofessional, but seeing as this is his lover (um, wait already?), he’s gotten used to him being unorthodox in his investigation. Fetching Li Qian was an excuse to meet Zhao Yunlan but it was also because Li Qian handles all his lecture PowerPoints, so he needed to have her before class.
He saw that Zhao Yunlan had those godforsaken lollipops between his lips and between his attractive lip rings and Shen Wei had to take a moment to steady himself from the images and scenes of lewdness and obscenity that had been done between the two of them in the past (or is it the future?) that came rushing through his mind.
After the painfully long and painfully short and painfully aching conversation (battling with his self-control not to grab the man and kiss his cherry red lips from sucking those damn lollipops) later, he was finally leaving with Li Qian to his lecture.
He can feel eyes burning on his back and his ears burn but he composes himself, having no clue that those eyes are actually ogling the tight pants covering his ass.
It hurts to leave but he mustn’t involve Zhao Yunlan in his life anymore than this short burst of meetings lest he attracts more danger to Zhao Yunlan.
He vows to not involve Zhao Yunlan in his life more than he had to.
That vow didn’t last long.
Technically speaking, that vow lasted only about a week or two before Zhao Yunlan barged into his life again with his twinkling foxfire eyes and glinting lip rings and lollipops (so many lollipops, it can’t be healthy for him), igniting the dormant fire inside and he just yearns.
Cases after cases, pursuits after pursuits, questions after questions, revelations after revelations, Shen Wei’s life is tangled with Zhao Yunlan whether he wants it or not.
After the revelations of Shen Wei’s identity as Heipaoshi, it gets harder and harder to secure the secrets buried in his black heart. Harder and harder to bury his need, his hunger, his longing and his yearning and the love he had for the man.
One day, on a particularly silent week with no cases and radio-silence from wayward Dixingren, Shen Wei found himself in Zhao Yunlan’s semi clean apartment again, sitting on the table, because he didn’t want to jolt Zhao Yunlan awake on the couch, holding the pendant he kept close to his chest, reminiscing about the olden days where there’s only him and Kunlun in their tent, cuddling after a long night of tiring themselves out, experimenting on new and exciting positions.
He felt tears prickled in his eyes when he remembered how Kunlun was torn away from him but he blinks them away. Kunlun is back with him now.
He looks at Zhao Yunlan’s profile. Those sinful lip rings a stark reminder of his love and he ache. No other words can sum his feelings up other than longing. But he’s grateful that he manages to meet Zhao Yunlan. His presence a balm to his aching existence.
He got up to leave the apartment but finds himself leaning on Zhao Yunlan instead, bracing one of his hand on the back of the couch, he lowers himself to Zhao Yunlan’s face and kiss him lightly on the forehead, an act that he hoped goes unnoticed by the sleeping detective and soothe his craving to be close to the man, as close as he can get.
He told himself that being friends is enough but how can it be enough when he was haunted by the ghost of their past? The tenderness that they display to each other? More and more he kept those secrets tied and locked away in his heart, hoping against hope that those emotions didn’t bleed through his eyes and his face and his goddamn blushing ears.
When he pulled back from the kiss, he was dismayed to find a pair of serious eyes looking at him. How can he explain this closeness? To lie to one of the best detective he ever met? Not that he’s met many but he led an army, he knows what’s best when he sees it.
“What are you doing?” Zhao Yunlan’s voice laced with sleep but his eyes clear and curious and thoughtful.
Shen Wei gulped and his mind work on overtime while he tries to find an excuse.
“If you want to kiss me, at least do it while I’m not asleep.” Zhao Yunlan’s voice cuts through his panicked mind. All voices and reasons in his head halt and goes blank when those words registered. Then, his lust and his desire come forth stronger than he could hold them. The restraint he forced on his need snapped when he heard those words.
He knows from the beginning that this man will constantly made him exercise his self-control.
Without second-guessing himself, he kisses Zhao Yunlan with fervent, hoping that the man can feel his urge and his desire through the breath-taking kiss. He can feel those cool rings as he devours Zhao Yunlan’s equally eager lips. He misses and he wants. His hands reaching whatever he can as they continue kissing. He felt Zhao Yunlan’s hands on his waist, steadying his figure in a distressingly similar way Kunlun did in the past and he continues kissing Zhao Yunlan, intense and enthusiastic.
Moans can be heard. Panting. Breathing each other’s breath. Because who needs oxygen anyway when they’re finally tasting the man of their wet dreams? But human nature can’t be avoided. They pulled away when the need to breathe is too strong, regretting pulling away because he loves Zhao Yunlan’s taste.
“If I knew I can get that kind of kiss if I’d just asked, I would’ve done that months ago.” Zhao Yunlan said breathlessly, lips red and bruised from their frantic kissing, lip rings glinting with their shared saliva, hair messy from where Shen Wei grabbed and pulled. The picture is attractive and so debauched that he will file this away in his head which consists of his memory with Zhao Yunlan.
Shen Wei, equally breathless and red-lipped, blinked. He smiled and ducked his head. Then, he sees where he was. He looked in horror at their positions. Unknowingly, while they were busy kissing and grabbing and nipping and sucking each other’s life force, Shen Wei ended up on Zhao Yunlan’s lap. His ears and face burning with a different kind of emotion.
“Oh, um, sorry. I’ll get up.” Shen Wei said, embarrassed and try to get away. Keyword, try. Zhao Yunlan gripped his waist again and pulled him close. Loose enough that Shen Wei can pull if he really didn’t want to be there, not that he wants to be anywhere else but with Zhao Yunlan. Much to his excitement and amusement, both of them are painfully hard.
“Do you like me?” Zhao Yunlan asked, eyes burning with questions and passion that it made Shen Wei pulled away a little at that absurd question.
Without a second thought, Shen Wei answered, “I love you.”
Zhao Yunlan blinked and smile a small shy and timid smile at Shen Wei. Shen Wei relish that smile because Zhao Yunlan either grinned or smirk or give a smile so fake it made Shen Wei’s stomach dropped and churned. This is definitely reserved for the both of them only. Shen Wei love.
“I don’t have anything worth loving.” Shen Wei wants to cut him off because ‘excuse me mister, there’s a lot that I love about you and your worth is more than the entire population in the entire world’, but Zhao Yunlan put his index finger on Shen Wei’s lips when he sees that Shen Wei was about to interject.
“I am also not good in committing and being in relationships. I don’t know how it works,” He paused, his right hand grabbed Shen Wei’s left hand and gently made small circles on the back of his hand. They were silent for a moment before Zhao Yunlan spoke again, tone serious and earnest and careful. “I only have one thing to give.”
Shen Wei nodded and Zhao Yunlan brought Shen Wei’s left hand on where his heart is, put the hand firmly until Shen Wei can feel the fast drumming of his heart and cover that hand with his and continue, “If you want it, you can take it.”
Shen Wei sob and nodded eagerly. “I want it.” He said, voice wet with conviction and unwavering love. He pressed his left hand a bit more to savour that hummingbird-heartbeat.
“Then its yours.” Zhao Yunlan said, eyes fond and love shine through them even a blind alien from another planet can see them.
Shen Wei sob again and he surge forward to kiss Zhao Yunlan again, licking the –now warm- rings on his lips, right hand at the nape of Zhao Yunlan’s neck, fingers caressing the small hair there, left hand still over Zhao Yunlan’s chest, Zhao Yunlan’s right still clutching his left.
Shen Wei remembered a particular conversation with Kunlun, after their first night together. Kunlun sounded pained, sombre and a bit defeated while he lay himself –literally and figuratively- bare for Shen Wei to see. Like he can’t offer anything else, as if his heart don’t matter. But all Shen Wei wants is him. Kunlun is all he ever wanted. And Kunlun had offered him his heart, the same way Zhao Yunlan offered his, and Shen Wei had accepted with enthusiastic smile and an equally enthusiastic kisses, just like now, and Shen Wei had ravage Kunlun until Kunlun can’t speak a full sentence and now Shen Wei don’t know what to think. He can’t think. So overwhelmed with unnamed emotions.
So, he didn’t.
He showed Zhao Yunlan how much he’s worth.
Every kisses, every pull and push, every bite, and tender touches worshipping the body below him. Leaving love bites and bruises and marks, marking Zhao Yunlan as his. Making Zhao Yunlan writhe and squirm and whimper and groan wantonly and obscenely, he drives Zhao Yunlan crazy with overwhelming lust and love and high.
And as they both ride those high together, Shen Wei vow that he’ll keep Zhao Yunlan’s heart safe and sound in his hands. Making sure it’s not thrown away and he’ll shower it with love and affection that it deserves because Zhao Yunlan is worthy of love.
And he intends to keep that vow.
For as long as he lives.
And if he asks Zhao Yunlan to pierce his nipples next so he can do things? No one needs to know.