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A Slow Fire Burning

Chapter 58

Notes:

***Trigger warning. Mention of abortion***

Chapter Text

He really didn’t want to go home but Beth was going to the movies with Ricky & even though they invited him to go he didn’t really feel like sitting in a crowded movie theater.

When he pulled into the driveway the garage door was open & Josh was sitting inside smoking a joint. Josh was the last person he wanted to see & talk to. So he got out of his car & headed straight to the front door.

“I’m an asshole… I know.”

Nick stopped but didn’t turn around. An asshole was an understatement. Nick could think of many other words that described Josh better.

“No shit.”Nick continued to walk toward the door.

“I’m sorry what I said earlier… I was just mad. I had seen our old man with a woman downtown.”

That was still no excuse to talk to June that way.

Nick turned around. “Skinny with brown hair?”

“Yeah. Why have you met her?”

Nick nodded yes as he walked back toward the garage. “She’s one of the leaders that runs the AA meetings dad attends downtown on Saturday afternoon & evenings. She’s like 80.”

“AA huh?”

Josh had been gone for months & wasn’t around to know his dad was sober & had been for a few months.

“He’s been going to meetings & hasn’t been drinking as far as I know.”

Josh sighed & shook his head. “We’ll see how long that lasts.”

“Yeah we’ll see.”

Josh stood up. “I only came back to let you know I’m going to a treatment program in California. It’s not a rehab but kinda like a halfway house that has therapy & hard labor & shit.”

This wasn’t the first time Josh went away to some sort of rehabilitation program with the promise of getting clean.

“All the way in California?” Nick crossed his arms across his chest. It was close to nine in the evening & it was getting cold.

“Yeah I figured if I got away from here it would be easier. There’s a lot of temptation here.”

“There’s temptation everywhere.”

“True.”

“Well I wish you luck.”

He actually kind of meant it. Even though he was more of I’ll believe it when I see it. He didn’t trust Josh’s word to get clean.

“Thanks.” Josh smiled.

For a moment Nick saw a glimpse of his brother. The brother he had growing up. That guy was still in there.

“I’m going to go inside now…. It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah… sure.”

“Are you staying… dad should be home soon so….”

Nick wasn’t in the mood to hear his dad & brother fight. He wasn’t sure how they would get along now that his dad wasn’t drunk but Josh was still high.

“No… I’m actually leaving. I just stayed to tell you I was going to California so you wouldn’t worry.”

Nick had to laugh at that. His brother was always disappearing without saying where he was going.

“Well then safe travels & I’ll see you when you get back.”

Josh walked over to him & gave him a hug which Nick was not expecting & had no clue how to act.

“You’re a good brother Nicky.”

“Yeah you too.” Even though it wasn’t entirely true these last several years but growing up Josh was a very good brother.

Nick turned around & started walking toward the front door.

“For the record you’re going to make a good father.”

Nick said nothing as he opened the front door & walked into the house.

*

She spent the evening thinking about what she was going to do next. The only thing she knew was that she wasn’t ready for a baby. She had hopes, dreams & plans for her life that did not include a baby… not now anyway.

They had discussed the future & the plan was to be settled into their careers before getting married & starting a family. This wasn’t their plan right now.

By nightfall she narrowed it down to two options. Get rid of it or put it up for adoption. She couldn’t refer to it as a baby anymore, she couldn’t go there. She needed to turn off any emotion she had, turn off her heart & not think about an actual baby that she made with the boy she loved. She couldn’t think about that.

She laid down & tried to go to sleep while waiting for Nick to call her. But after laying there tossing & turning for an hour she couldn’t take it any longer. So she called him.

 

Nick: Hey

June: Hi

Nick: I was just getting ready to call you.

June: What are you doing?

Nick: I just got home. I went to talk to Beth & then Josh was here when I got home.

June: I take it he’s staying for awhile.

Nick: Actually he’s going to California to some drug program. Hopefully he gets clean this time.

June: Hopefully

Nick: So what are you doing?

June: Just laying here & thinking. I couldn’t sleep

 

There was a pause

 

June: Do you think you can come over? I don’t really want to be alone tonight.

Nick: Yeah I’ll be right over. Do you want anything? I haven’t eaten since lunch I can bring food or something.

June: I’m not really hungry. You just get something for yourself.

Nick: When’s the last time you ate? You need to eat…..

 

She knew he was thinking that she needed to eat because she was pregnant.

 

June: Maybe a burrito.

Nick: No beans, extra sour cream.

June: You got it.

Nick: Ok I’ll be over after I pick up food.

June: I love you

Nick: I love you

 

30 minutes later he was walking through her patio door. She was laying there in the dark alone with her thoughts.

“June.” he whispered as he turned on the light.

She sat up in bed & wiped her tear soaked face. She didn’t realize she was crying. She had cried so much that day that the tears would just fall from her eyes without her even realizing it.

He sat the bag of food down on her desk, took off his jacket & slipped off his shoes. He turned the light off & walked to her bed crawling in next to her. She laid back down her back turned toward him.

Without saying anything he wrapped his arms around her & pulled her closer to him. As the tears began to fall again. The more she cried the tighter he held onto her.

Finally the tears stopped & she was able to tell him the one thing she never wanted to say but knew it was what was best for her.

“We can’t keep it Nick.”

He let out a sharp breath as if someone had punched him in the stomach. In a way that’s what she had done by saying those four words.

“I know.” he whispered. He rested his forehead on the back of her shoulder.

She couldn’t help but notice that his hand was resting on her stomach.

*

She was asleep when he left the next morning. He was going to wake her but she looked so peaceful so he kissed her forehead & slipped out of her door. She had been up around four in the morning throwing up in her bathroom. He sat on the floor outside of the door thinking that her morning sickness would be over soon.

Her words from the night before kept replaying in his head ‘We can’t keep it’ over & over again. Those words made him sick because ‘it’ just wasn’t a word to him. ‘It’ was a baby. But he couldn’t tell her that. Her mind had been made up & he knew there was no changing it. Plus he knew that it was ultimately her choice since it was her body. His opinion didn’t matter obviously since she never asked him what he wanted to do.

When he walked through his front door his dad was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. It was a Sunday morning & he was never up this early.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked his dad taking off his winter coat & hanging it on the coat rack by the door.

His dad said nothing instead he just looked down at the pile of pregnancy tests on the table. In his haste to get June away from Josh he had forgotten to get rid of the tests.

“These don’t belong to me so….”

“June’s pregnant.” he walked over to the table & sank down on the chair across from his father.

Holland nodded but said nothing. Not wanting to pry waiting for Nick to tell him what was going on.

“She’s not going to keep the baby. We’re not ready for a kid.”

It was true. They had only dated four months and there was still a lot of figuring out where their relationship was going after graduation. They weren’t ready for a baby & everything that came along  with it.

“You should have thought about that before you got a girl pregnant Nick. What happens when she changes her mind & decides to keep the baby…what then?”

His father didn’t know June very well. She was stubborn & once her mind was made up she usually didn’t change it.

“You can’t live here with a baby so don’t even think about it.” Holland stood up.

“I never said I was…..There would be no way in hell I would bring a baby in this house.”

Holland said nothing as he walked past Nick & walked to his bedroom. A few minutes later he came back & threw a stack of twenty dollar bills on the table.

“You’re going to need this. Abortions are not cheap. Make sure she does it or else your life will be ruined. Look at my life. If I had abortion money back then there would be no Josh.”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” he yelled at his father standing up.

He couldn’t believe what his father was saying right now. He got closer to his father & was about to yell at him some more when he smelled the alcohol on his breath. His father was drunk.

Nick grabbed the stack of money & threw it in his father’s face. “Fuck off.”

*

He didn’t want to stay in the house with his dad. So he went into his room, threw some clothes in his duffel bag, grabbed his backpack & left the house. Making sure to grab the money his dad threw at him on his way out. His father owed him.

He knew that he would be welcomed to stay at Beth’s house but right now he wanted to be alone plus it was still early on a Sunday so Beth & her family wouldn’t be up yet. So he checked into a hotel using the money from his dad. Once he got into the hotel room & closed the door behind him he sunk onto the floor resting his back against the door.

His life had fell apart in less than 24 hours. He found out June was pregnant, then Josh told him he was moving to California, June decided to get rid of their baby without even talking to him about it & then he learned his father was drinking again. It was just way to much to take in.