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2021-08-31
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2021-09-04
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clashing antlers & opinions

Summary:

A Talking Rabbit takes to Reddit to solve a workplace issue.

Notes:

I was delighted by your modern Narnia prompts! The first chapter is the entire work; the second chapter is just the work again but in plain formatting for those who prefer not to use work skins, since it would look really weird without the skin. Enjoy!

**oh also the work skin comes from https://archiveofourown.org/works/33536812/, could not have done it without that lovely person's tutorial.

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Chapter Text

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87

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r/AmItheAsshole · Posted by u/tiredofficedoe 10 hours ago.

AITA for suggesting my coworker trim his unruly antlers?

Am I the Asshole

Hi Reddit. Long time lurker, first time poster--this is a throwaway account.

So I (4 y/o F rabbit) work a pretty standard 9-5 in a pretty standard office building. One of my coworkers (5 y/o M) is a stag with wider-than-average antlers, and he’s constantly knocking into doorways (yes, they were designed from the beginning to accommodate everyone, his antlers are just THAT big). It wouldn’t be too much of a problem if he weren’t a really enthusiastic guy who’s always running around. He knocks into the doorway, making a HUGE thunk, and if that isn’t enough, he always bellows in pain. He’s often moving at speed and drops whatever he has in his mouth, sending it flying. He breaks, like, eight company coffee mugs a week. We’ve tried telling him to walk instead of trot, but he never listens. Last week we made him tie a pillow to his antlers, but he complained about it so much we gave up.

So yesterday I suggested that maybe he could look into an antler reduction procedure. They’re clearly getting into the way, I imagine in his personal life as well as his work life. It didn’t seem that bad to me, but he’s really upset and won’t talk to me, and most of the deer in the office are taking his side.

AITA?

ETA: Okay, so technically the building doesn’t accommodate EVERYONE, but we’ve never had an elephant apply to work here, so...

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aslanforever1000 · 10 hours ago

YTA. How dare you suggest he alter his God-given antlers? It sounds like it’s more of an inconvenience to him than to you, get yourself a pair of headphones and get over it. 🙄

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TheSeriousInaccuracy · 9 hours ago

have you ever heard of peruke antlers? clearly “God” makes mistakes that need to be fixed. poor guy’s suffering from a combo of giant antlers + stupidity. it’s a difficult conversation, but it’s one possible solution! that said, INFO. op didn’t say how they brought it up. could go either way.

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aslanforever1000 · 9 hours ago

peruke antlers are beautiful and unique, but that’s beside the point. op would have said if they were peruke. but would you tell a giraffe to get their neck shortened because it was inconveniencing you?

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TheSeriousInaccuracy · 9 hours ago

deer literally die from peruke complications all the time, but okay. and yeah, i would if it was *also inconveniencing the giraffe,* as it’s a problem for the stag above. are you even a deer?

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SqueakyJuror · 9 hours ago

my brother has peruke antlers and he can’t WAIT until he can get them off. beautiful maybe, PITA absolutely

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tired_blackberry · 9 hours ago

NTA. come on, people! they told him not to run in the office (reasonable) and offered the pillow solution before saying anything. the building is designed to be accessible, i feel like if he doesn’t want to get the antler reduction he could look for a different job? i mean, eight broken mugs a week? he’s gotta be sick of it too. sure it probably sounds a bit drastic at first, but he doesn’t have to go sulk and get everyone on his side.

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PiercingBaron · 9 hours ago

okay, but even if the stag is sick of his antlers (which op doesn't mention!), it makes sense that he doesn't like the suggestion coming from someone else. people's antlers are their pride and joy!

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tired_blackberry · 9 hours ago

but do people have the right to have their “pride and joy” intrude on everyone else’s peace and quiet? i’d ask a humanoid to trim their really long nails, i’d ask someone with big horns/antlers to trim em, i’d ask someone with long tusks to trim them, too.

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battylicence · 9 hours ago

okay, can you not use the word h*manoid? 🙄

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DreamilyMarked · 9 hours ago

As if the building is truly accessible if a deer with wide antlers can't get through, what about us big guys like hippos/rhinos/elephants?

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tired_blackberry · 9 hours ago

okay, so there are exceptions to everything. i don't think it's reasonable to make every building tall enough for giraffes and elephants. even if we did, if we made counters tall enough for them then we small species couldn't do our business

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DreamilyMarked · 9 hours ago

nice discrimination, dude. hell of a lot easier to make elephant-sized counters work for mice than it is to make mice-sized counters work for elephants.

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tired_blackberry · 9 hours ago

nice condescension, dude! how are you suggesting we make elephant-sized counters mouse-accessible?

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SqueakyJuror · 8 hours ago

i haven’t seen any actual deer weighing in yet? i’m a mouse but my brother is a deer and look, sometimes your body betrays you. idk if you should have said anything (maybe asked one of his fellow deer to suggest it), but i don’t see anything fundamentally wrong with it. they’re probably annoying in his home life, too. NTA.

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DreamilyMarked · 8 hours ago

can't believe you're suggesting this stag get his antlers shortened instead of the building, idk, making the doors bigger?!

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SqueakyJuror · 8 hours ago

it’s not about the building so much as it is the fact that this guy probably deals with his antlers being annoying all the time 🤷

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tired_blackberry · 8 hours ago

agreed, poor thing is slamming into a door several times a day. that's gotta hurt

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PiercingBaron · 8 hours ago

NAH. it makes sense to *gently* tell someone about options to help them, but neither is he the asshole for being hurt by it. idk, i’m a mouse and i know if someone suggested shortening my tail i’d have something to say about it.

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aslanforever1000 · 8 hours ago

“i’d have something to say about it.” Of course you would, which is why the original poster shouldn’t have suggested such an invasive procedure in the first place.

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tired_blackberry · 8 hours ago

seriously? it really isn’t that invasive a procedure. it’s basically like getting your hooves trimmed

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aslanforever1000 · 8 hours ago

Any animal who needs their hooves trimmed clearly isn’t exercising enough. Go enjoy nature!

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putridcommander7 · 6 hours ago

ayyyy, mice represent! ✊ every time my auntie starts talking about how reepicheep lived without his tail i grab mine and hold it tight 🥺

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PiercingBaron · 5 hours ago

right?! i don't know how reep did it!

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Chapter 2: Plain Formatting

Chapter Text

/u/tiredofficedoe

 

Hi Reddit. Long time lurker, first time poster--this is a throwaway account.

 

So I (4 y/o F rabbit) work a pretty standard 9-5 in a pretty standard office building. One of my coworkers (5 y/o M) is a stag with wider-than-average antlers, and he’s constantly knocking into doorways (yes, they were designed from the beginning to accommodate everyone, his antlers are just THAT big). It wouldn’t be too much of a problem if he weren’t a really enthusiastic guy who’s always running around. He knocks into the doorway, making a HUGE thunk, and if that isn’t enough, he always bellows in pain. He’s often moving at speed and drops whatever he has in his mouth, sending it flying. He breaks, like, eight company coffee mugs a week. We’ve tried telling him to walk instead of trot, but he never listens. Last week we made him tie a pillow to his antlers, but he complained about it so much we gave up.

 

So yesterday I suggested that maybe he could look into an antler reduction procedure. They’re clearly getting into the way, I imagine in his personal life as well as his work life. It didn’t seem that bad to me, but he’s really upset and won’t talk to me, and most of the deer in the office are taking his side. 

 

AITA?

 

ETA: Okay, so technically the building doesn’t accommodate EVERYONE, but we’ve never had an elephant apply to work here, so...



     /u/aslanforever1000

     YTA. How dare you suggest he alter his God-given antlers? It sounds like it’s more of an inconvenience to him than to you. Get yourself a pair of headphones and get over it. 🙄

 

          /u/TheSeriousInaccuracy

          have you ever heard of peruke antlers? clearly “God” makes mistakes that need to be fixed. poor guy’s suffering from a combo of giant antlers + stupidity. it’s a difficult conversation, but it’s one possible solution! that said, INFO. op didn’t say how they brought it up. could go either way.

 

               /u/aslanforever1000

               Peruke antlers are beautiful and unique, but that’s beside the point. The original poster would have said if they were peruke. Would you tell a giraffe to get their neck shortened because it was inconveniencing you?

 

                   /u/TheSeriousInaccuracy

                   deer literally die from peruke complications all the time, but okay. and yeah, i would if it was *also inconveniencing the giraffe,* as it’s a problem for the stag above. are you even a deer?

                        continue this thread →

 

     /u/SqueakyJuror 

     my brother has peruke antlers and he can’t WAIT until he can get them off. beautiful maybe, PITA absolutely

 

          /u/tired_blackberry

          NTA. come on, people! they told him not to run in the office (reasonable) and offered the pillow solution before saying anything. the building is designed to be accessible, i feel like if he doesn’t want to get the antler reduction he could look for a different job? i mean, eight broken mugs a week? he’s gotta be sick of it too. sure it probably sounds a bit drastic at first, but he doesn’t have to go sulk and get everyone on his side.

 

               /u/PiercingBaron

               okay, but even if the stag is sick of his antlers (which op doesn’t mention!), it makes sense that he doesn’t like the suggestion coming from someone else. people’s antlers are their pride and joy!

 

                    /u/tired_blackberry

                    but do people have the right to have their “pride and joy” intrude on everyone else’s peace and quiet? i’d ask a humanoid to trim their really long nails, i’d ask someone with big horns/antlers to trim em, i’d ask someone with long tusks to trim them, too.

 

                        /u/battylicence 

                        okay, can you not use the word h*manoid? 🙄 

 

                             continue this thread →



     /u/DreamilyMarked  

     As if the building is truly accessible if a deer with wide antlers can’t get through, what about us big guys like hippos/rhinos/elephants? 

 

          /u/tired_blackberry

          okay, so there are exceptions to everything. i don’t think it’s reasonable to make every building tall enough for giraffes and elephants. even if we did, if we made counters tall enough for them then we small species couldn’t do our business

 

               /u/DreamilyMarked

               nice discrimination, dude. hell of a lot easier to make elephant-sized counters work for mice than it is to make mice-sized counters work for elephants.

 

                    /u/tired_blackberry

                    nice condescension, dude! how are you suggesting we make elephant-sized counters mouse-accessible?

 

                         continue this thread →

 

     /u/SqueakyJuror 

     i haven’t seen any actual deer weighing in yet? i’m a mouse but my brother is a deer and look, sometimes your body betrays you. idk if you should have said anything (maybe asked one of his fellow deer to suggest it), but i don’t see anything fundamentally wrong with it. they’re probably annoying in his home life, too. NTA.

 

          /u/DreamilyMarked  

          can’t believe you’re suggesting this stag get his antlers shortened instead of the building, idk, making the doors bigger?!

 

               /u/SqueakyJuror

               it’s not about the building so much as it is the fact that this guy probably deals with his antlers being annoying all the time 🤷

 

                    /u/tired_blackberry

                    agreed, poor thing is slamming into a door several times a day. that’s gotta hurt

 

                         continue this thread →                   

 

     /u/PiercingBaron

     NAH. it makes sense to *gently* tell someone about options to help them, but neither is he the asshole for being hurt by it. idk, i’m a mouse and i know if someone suggested shortening my tail i’d have something to say about it.

 

          /u/aslanforever1000

          “i’d have something to say about it.” Of course you would, which is why the original poster shouldn’t have suggested such an invasive procedure in the first place.

 

               /u/tired_blackberry

               seriously? it really isn’t that invasive a procedure. it’s basically like getting your hooves trimmed

 

                    /u/aslanforever1000

                    Any animal who needs their hooves trimmed clearly isn’t exercising enough. Go enjoy nature!

 

                         continue this thread →

 

          /u/putridcommander7 

          ayyy, mice represent! ✊ every time my auntie starts talking about how reepicheep lived without his tail i grab mine and hold it tight 🥺

 

               /u/PiercingBaron

               right?! i don’t know how reep did it! 

 

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