Chapter 1: I NEED IT IN MY LIFE!!!
John stood staring at the Author Bot 2015 waiting. He checked in on it all the time to see if there was a new chapter waiting for him. He was so wrapped up in the story he wanted to know what came next but NOTHING!
Jane wandered by while he was fuming at it staring, waiting, needing desperately.
"John, What are you doing?" She said quietly.
"I AM WAITING FOR THIS STUPID AUTHOR BOT 2015 TO UPDATE MY FAVORITE STORY! I NEED IT IN MY LIFE BUT IT JUST WONT !@#@#%@$ UPDATE!" He screamed.
"Well did you feed it?"
"Did I what?"
"Did you feed it? Like this." Jane picked up a small card from next to the Author Bot 2015 and scribbled a short note.
OMG I love this fic is so good mor plz
And slid it into the slot on the front of the machine. A new chapter fell out the front almost immediately.
"What did you do?" John said breathless.
"I fed it. There's also this button right here." She pushed a button on the front with a little heart labeled Kudos and the lights on the front started to light up as the Author Bot 2015 began work again.
John Doe picked up a card and filled it front to back pouring his heart into it telling the Author Bot all that he kept silent out of embarrassment or fear in the face of someone whose work he liked so much. When he slid it into the slot every light came on the Author Bot shaking and rocking strange noises coming out of it until without warning chapter after chapter came flooding out.
"IT WORKED IT REALLY WORKED!" He cried in tears.
"Of course it did. You have to feed it silly." And Jane went down the line tucking quick notes into all her favorite Author Bots.
Chapter 2: Is it even worth it?
She wasn’t going to cry. She absolutely was not going to cry. She stared at the screen. Staring at the words in front of her willing to go back ten seconds to the elation of the E-Mail notification. ‘Comment on Waiting for an Update!’ Juvenile, simplistic, overdone, trash. The words jumped out at her every time she read it. She wasn’t trying to hurt anyone but she really thought that the two were an interesting play together. And after all wasn’t it the point of fan fiction that we knew it could never be part of cannon. We were writing beautiful ‘What if’s’ and ‘Could have been’s’.
She closed the E-mail and tried to go on with her day. “Hi, welcome to Minimum-Wage Express how can I help you today?” She was dead tired when she finally made it home. She usually had a few hours to write after work but as she sat there staring at the screen the words wouldn’t come. She doubted everything. It needed to be more mature, more complicated, more unique, and most importantly it needed to be higher quality.
Thirty minutes later she’d gotten two lines out and she’d rewritten them six times. Finally she gave up it wasn’t fun anymore. Maybe it was time for a new movie while she was at it.
The next night she didn’t even open the word processor. She looked up a few fics on the movie she had watched last night and started reading. She even found a ship she liked. It wasn’t the most popular and it was in fact completely impossible in the movie verse considering they lived in separate dimensions but she liked it anyway.
It went on like that for weeks. Then weeks became months and she didn’t think much about writing at all. She read fics and watched new shows. She even found an amazing new book series. Life went on and if she did think of her half finished story it was with a pain in her heart.
It was a Tuesday. She was eating a bowl of cereal on the couch when her phone beeped the first time. ‘Comment on Waiting for an Update!’ She clicked open the e-mail. Wow, they said such nice things.
She was scooping out the litter box when the next message came in. She was reading her own work again when the next came. Over the next three hours message after message came in. She followed the readers highs and lows as they commented on each chapter. She remembered what she loved about her story. Why she had started writing in the first place.
She sat in front of her computer and opened a file half finished that she hadn’t even opened in six months. The words flowed and the story unfolded in front of her once more. The hour was late and as she hit Post she realized how tired she was. She had to work tomorrow and she really needed to get some rest. She collapsed into her bed and let sleep take her.
The next morning she ran into work and got right to it. It wasn’t until her first break that she glanced at her phone 26 new messages! It declared. With shaking fingers she opened the first.
She wasn’t going to cry. She absolutely was not going to cry. She stared at the screen. Staring at the words in front of her. I love this story so much! So Glad your back I’ve missed this! I love this pair it’s so hard to find! She just kept staring at them over and over. It was worth it in that moment. Every long hour she devoted to it was worth those moments of knowing someone else enjoyed it. Watching them love it made her love it more.
In the end she didn’t have to write for herself the words lived fully formed in her head. She had seen the worlds and lived them on the screen of her mind. She wrote it down because she loved being able to share it. She loved making them happy.
Thank you. I don’t have the words to express what it means to me when you say such beautiful wonderful things. I’m not the smartest person. I’m not the funniest or the sharpest. But when you like something I wrote I feel like I might be doing something right.
I don’t pretend to know all the details of every fandom or even to write something so completely unique that you’ve never heard a story like it before. I do promise you I wrote it because I loved it when I thought of it. I promise to do my best to try to find my own mistakes.
I will try to keep my demons quiet when they tell me it’s not good enough and throw it out into the world even if I cover my eyes and take cover after I do.
I promise my heart skips a beat with every comment. I promise I have cried real actual tears of joy for the sweet and wonderful things you have said to me. I also promise I have sat with an entire bottle of wine and a box of chocolate over an overly judgmental out of place off handed sideways comment. (Seriously a C fucking Plus?) I understand that somewhere in there they said they loved it but A C FUCKING PLUS? Like the plus made all the difference. I’ve been attacked by ‘feminists’ until I cringe at the word and would rather talk to a Nazi because at least no one takes them seriously.
Do you know why I still go back and write? I write because even when I know someone’s going to throw stones I also know someone out there is going to be happy when they see there’s a new chapter. I live for your comments. I know these stories. I know them because they live already in my head and all their possible spin offs I’ve seen them grow and I’ve named their children. I’ve seen them whisper tearful deathbed good byes and I’ve found ways to make them immortal so that they live and love forever. I’ve changed their fates again and again. I only write it down because I want to make you smile. Knowing I made you smile is like winning the lottery.
I have one commenter, Joey99 who doesn’t always say much but they leave me this little ‘<3’ Let me tell you something, I FUCKING LOVE THAT HEART! I love the long comments where you pour your soul out. I cackle with glee when you call me Evil. I miss you when you haven’t said anything on a new chapter. I wonder if you’ve read it. I hope you liked it. I think of you by name. Their written on my heart. Those words you took ten seconds to leave me are all the payment I ever want for the hours or days I spend locking out the world and just typing.
You are my muses. The voice in my head that nudges me to open Word instead of Netflix is powered by you. She whispers your words of love in my ear and it feeds my creative soul.
I’ve come a long way since I started writing. (I’m pretty embarrassed of some of the things I put out on AFF.) I’ve got a lot further to go but I thank you for helping me get there by encouraging me to keep writing.
To quote something I told Ladylauralue. You are the lifeblood of fan fics. You are it’s beating heart. You are the power behind our throne that give us a reason to create. And I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you again for giving me a chance to share this with you,
SightSoBlind aka Kathleen
For if equal love can not be, let the more loving one be me.