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The ringing jerked Jared out of a sound sleep. Jared groaned, fumbling for the phone. He ended up knocking off the script that he’d been trying to read through last night, sending it fluttering to the floor. The only thing that saved the lamp from meeting the same fate was the fact that he managed to wake up in time to catch it. What time was it anyway? Jared peered at the clock. Almost 10. Fuck. He needed to stop trying to do the all night thing. Normally, he would have been up hours ago.

He grabbed the cordless and sent the base crashing to the floor. “’ello?” he mumbled.

“Your dogs are in my yard again, Padalecki.”

Oh fucking Christ. That was the last voice that Jared wanted to hear when he first woke up. “The fuck…?”

“They’re tearing up the landscaping and I will make you pay for it.”

“Jesus, Ackles, they’re just dogs.” Jared scrubbed a hand down his face. It was always too early to talk to Jensen Ackles. The man had a way of just grating on Jared’s nerves.

“Dogs that like to dig, Padalecki. And they’ve treed Castiel again, so, in the interests of protecting my cat, why don’t you get them the fuck out of my yard?”

“What kind of name is that for a cat, anyway?” Jared grumbled and flopped back down on the bed. “It sounds pretentious.”

“You don’t even know what that word means,” Ackles shot back. He was probably standing at that big sliding glass door he was so damn proud of, staring out at the yard that he paid way too much for. “Don’t even think—fucking A! Your dog just took a crap in my yard!” Jared smiled up at the ceiling. He loved his dogs. “A big, steaming pile of shit and are you even listening to me? Listen, jackwipe, come get your dogs and get them the hell out of my yard or I’m calling animal control.”

Jared rolled his eyes and sat up. “Jesus, Ackles, don’t get your panties in a twist.” Where were his pants? Jared scanned the floor and grunted when he found a pair of sweats hanging out of the laundry basket. Good enough.

“My panties are none of your fucking concern, Padalecki,” Ackles growled in Jared’s ear as Jared yanked on his pants headed down the stairs. “Your damn dogs, however, are. They’re in my yard every damn week. If you can’t take care of them, maybe you should take them back to the fucking pound—”

“And maybe you should just get fucked. It might make you feel better,” Jared retorted and hung-up. He was at the back door, so he yanked it open. “Harley, Sadie!” He heard toenails scrambling against the boards of the high fence that separated his yard from Ackles’s and turned to head to the kitchen. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t taken steps to try and prevent Harley and Sadie from leaving his backyard—fuck, he’d built the fence a good three feet higher than it had been before—but his dogs were escape artists. Escape artists who were apparently fascinated with Ackles’s yard.

Harley came bounding in first, his nails skittering across the tile floor as he tried to find traction when he was going too fast. Sadie followed at a more sedate pace, knowing that the food would still be there no matter what time she arrived. “You guys really need to stop going over there,” Jared said, unfolding the large bag of dog food in the bin and digging out a few heaping cups full. “I know it’s hard to comprehend but he really doesn’t like you.” Harley whined, his tail thumping impatiently against the floor. Sadie just looked at Jared like he was crazy. “And he’s mean,” Jared added. “He likes eating puppies. Like an ogre.” The dogs were both staring at him and Jared gave them a meaningful look. “I mean it,” he said and dumped the food into the two red plastic dishes. Predictably, he immediately lost both Harley and Sadie’s attention.

Jared shook his head and headed into the living room. He was going to have to check the fence again. Jensen Ackles was a miserable asshole whose only source of joy in the world was making other people hate him. That was Jared’s personal theory and he was sticking to it.

Jensen growled as he lobbed the shovel full of shit over the tall fence into Padalecki’s yard. Padalecki’s dogs, Padalecki’s dog shit. Jensen hoped that that large fuckhead tripped and fell on it in the middle of one of his runs. It had taken him a half hour after calling Padalecki to finally get Castiel down from the tree and the marigolds were never going to be the same. Jensen didn’t even have time to fix them because he was only a few hours away from his deadline and if he skipped this one, Danneel would have his head. He was mostly done, he just had a few more edits he wanted to do.

He’d have to call Paul later and ask him to come over and fix the damage to the yard which made Jensen swear. Paul wasn’t cheap. Jensen, though, was going to have Paul mail the bill to Padalecki.

Loud, thumping music boomed from over the fence and Jensen scowled. Great. Padalecki had his stereo cranked all the damn way up again and Jensen knew that they’d already had that talk. They didn’t live in an apartment complex—thank God—but that didn’t mean that Padalecki could blow out his damn speakers, either. It wasn’t unreasonable for Padalecki to be expected to keep the decibel level below ‘jet engine.’ Just like it wasn’t unreasonable to expect Padalecki to keep his dogs in his own yard or to stop stealing Jensen’s wifi to download creepy porn because he was too cheap to pay for his own connection (every time Jensen reset the password, Padalecki managed to crack it again—he was either secretly a Russian internet terrorist or getting some help).

No, it wasn’t unreasonable to expect any of those things—except for one glaring fact: Jared Padalecki was a prick. Ever since Padalecki had moved in, he’d been nothing but a selfish dick. Jensen couldn’t stand the guy.

Jensen grabbed the mail before he went back into the house, flipping through the envelopes. “Bill, bill, junk, junk, junk…” He frowned as he came across a yellow one stamped with the logo of the trash company. That was funny. He wasn’t supposed to get a bill from them until the end of the month. He flipped it over and ripped up the top to pull out the enclosed letter, scanning through it. “Son of a bitch,” Jensen said as he reached the bottom. The trash company was going to charge him extra this month because of ‘overages’ which could only mean one thing: Jared was sneaking his trash in with Jensen’s again.

“I’m going to fucking kill him.”

Jared’s day had steadily gotten worse. It was bad enough that his entirely too late wake-up call had been courtesy of Jensen Ackles, Neighbor from Hell, but then Jared had found out that he’d eaten the last of the Fruity Pebbles and that not only was the gallon of milk in the refrigerator sour but the eggs were going bad, too. After that, he’d gone for a run in the backyard only to slip on the dog shit that had been scattered across the grass, skinned his knee on the sidewalk and found a bill stuffed in his mailbox with Ackles’s name crossed out and Jared’s written on the top. Jared had scowled and shoved it back into Ackles’s with a note stating that putting mail in other people’s mailboxes was a federal offense.

He wasn’t paying for Jensen Ackles’s damn internet. It wasn’t his fault that Ackles had no idea how to make a secure connection. Jared took it as an affront that the man even tried, because it was ridiculously easy to crack his passwords. Though he’d noticed that Ackles had since changed the name of the wireless from ‘Ackles1403’ to ‘Stop leeching my connection, you fucking pervert I know what you watch.’ Jared had decided not to take offense and, anyway, if anyone could use some more sex in his life, it was Ackles. With the stick permanently stuck in his ass, Jared had no idea how the man crapped.

It still would have be an okay day, though, if Jared had gotten the damn job. After all, the whole bickering with Ackles thing was just common place now but the casting rejections were starting to get irritating. Jared needed money, damn it. And his agent wasn’t exactly finding him plum roles, either, which was probably half the problem.

Stung from yet another rejection—apparently Jared just wasn’t right for ‘Boy Toy #3’—Jared had bummed around downtown for awhile and grabbed lunch to take home. It wasn’t even one o’clock yet and Jared was already wanting to call a do over on the day.

So it was just his luck to open his door to find Ackles standing there on his porch, looking as pissed off as a wet cat. Jared automatically glanced down to check and make sure that both Harley and Sadie were inside (Harley with his tail thumping wildly and trying to greet the visitor, Sadie laying on the floor with her head up curiously), and then frowned at Ackles. “You lost?”

“Fuck you,” Ackles said and pushed Jared backward so that he could let himself in. Jared almost said something but decided that he’d let Ackles be the bigger dick, like usual.

“Yes, Ackles,” he muttered, closing the door behind Ackles. “Please come in.”

Ackles held up a familiar letter. “This,” he said, waving it in Jared’s face. “Is yours.” He tossed it on the couch. “And you’re going to owe me for the trash bill at the end of the month.”

Jared eyed the letter sitting on his couch. It was going straight in the trash as soon as Ackles left. Either that or up Ackles’s ass. One or the other. “Anything else?” Jared asked, because he wasn’t seeing any reason for Ackles to be standing in his house.

“Yeah,” Ackles said and then Jared was slammed against the wall as all 6’ of Jensen Ackles tried to climb down his throat. Jared did the only sensible thing: he grabbed two solid handfuls of Ackles’s ass and hauled him closer. It was a great ass.

Ackles moaned and pushed a knee between Jared’s legs so that he could rub himself against Jared’s thigh. “You’re such a fucking prick,” Ackles gasped and that was hardly a nice thing to say when you were dry humping a guy.

“Shut the fuck up,” Jared replied and stuck his tongue down Ackles’s throat. Ackles moaned again and sucked hungrily on Jared’s tongue, his hands reaching upward to clench in Jared’s hair. The fucker was probably messing it all up but Jared found he didn’t really care at the moment.

When Ackles’s knees buckled, Jared switched his grip to Ackles’s thighs. “Come on, jump up,” he rasped, encouraging Ackles to wrap his legs around Jared’s hips. Surprisingly, Ackles didn’t even bother to bitch and Jared was supporting them both as Ackles rocked against him. God, Jared thought, Ackles might have been a miserable asshole but at least he was a hot one.

And he was going to feel really good squeezing around Jared’s dick.

Jared nipped at Ackles’s lips, biting down just to hear him moan and walked them over to the stairs. It was a good thing that the dogs had made themselves scarce. “Fuck, you’re heavy,” Jared muttered, dropping Ackles onto the second step. Ackles was going to have to get up the stairs on his own power because Jared wasn’t going to carry him. That was too much damn work.

“Fuck you,” Ackles replied, because that was his favorite come back in the world. His fingers were still in Jared’s hair and he yanked Jared’s head to the side to bite at Jared’s throat.

Jared palmed Ackles’s dick, giving it a good squeeze and then went for Ackles’s belt. “Other way around,” Jared said and yanked Ackles’s jeans down. Ackles gasped, his teeth biting down, and Jared disentangled him to spin him around and push him down on the stairs. Ackles’s knees hit the third step, his hands the fifth and sixth, and Jared took a moment to appreciate just how debauched Ackles looked, kneeling on Jared’s stairs with his jeans hanging off his ass and his legs spread. “That’s a good look,” he said and dropped to his own knees behind Ackles.

“God, shut up for once,” Ackles panted. Jared thought that there really needed to be less talking all around, so he smacked his hand down on Ackles’s ass, Ackles’s boxers the only thing between Jared and skin. Ackles gasped and pushed back into the hit. “Oh fuck, fuck, fuck…”

With a reaction like that, Jared really wanted to try it again and so he did, slapping his hand against the other side of Ackles’s ass and then repeating the set. Ackles pushed back for more and Jared was so hard, he was going to go blind. Ackles flinched when Jared touched him again, but Jared only yanked down Ackles’s boxers to give himself a great view of Ackles’s bare ass. He squeezed both cheeks, pulling them apart, and groaned. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was going to be his.

Ackles squirmed and Jared bent down to bite at the rounded curve of Ackles’s ass, sinking his teeth in to leave a mark. “Fuck!” Ackles said, banging his fist against the step. Jared sucked, wanting to leave a mark, let Ackles remember who’d fucked him every time he sat down, and skimmed his thumb over Ackles’s hole. Ackles groaned and Jared pushed harder, pressing the pad of his thumb against the tight muscle. Jared sat up, licking his lips as he watched Ackles slowly open up around him. Christ, that was hot. They were going to need the lube.

Jared pulled his hand away and spanked Ackles’s ass when he moaned in disappointment. “Upstairs,” Jared hissed and walked over top of Ackles’s prone body to drag him upward by his shirt.

“God, yes,” Ackles said, kicking off his shoes one step at a time. His jeans were left draped across the ninth step, his boxers on the twelfth and by the time they reached the top of the stairs, he was dragging off his shirt as well to leave himself totally naked on Jared’s second floor. Jared’s cock was going to bust out of his jeans.

Jared yanked his shirt off over his head and fumbled at his belt as Ackles disappeared into the bedroom, because he already knew which one was Jared’s. By the time Jared reached the bedroom door, his jeans sliding off down his hips, Ackles already had the lube out and was greedily shoving three fingers in himself. Jared clenched his teeth as he grabbed the base of his dick. Fuck, but he loved watching Ackles do that. He wondered if the guy was pretty much always ready to be fucked because he never needed much prep. Ackles was already pulling his fingers out and waving impatiently for Jared to come closer.

Jared stepped out of his boxers and growled. “You know I like to watch you,” he said, disappointed that he’d missed the show.

“Took too damn long,” Ackles shot back as he efficiently ripped open a condom and rolled it onto Jared’s dick. “Now hurry up before I die waiting.” He wiggled down on the bed, pushing his ass toward Jared and lifting his legs. “Don’t make me hunt up that big black thing.”

At the mention of the dildo, Jared’s dick jumped, because for the rest of Jared’s life, he was going to remember Ackles lining up that fake cock and fucking himself on it, moaning like it was the best damn cock he’d ever had while Jared had been tied to the bed and helpless to do anything but watch and beg. Four months ago and it might as well have been last night.

“Stop talking or I’ll gag you,” Jared threatened but they both knew it was empty because Jared was less concerned about Ackles’s mouth and more concerned about shoving his dick into Ackles’s tight ass.

“Like to see you—ah, ah, ah!” Ackles’s voice went high and breathy as Jared shoved in, his eyes fluttering closed as his hands fisted in the bedsheets. Jared sank in all the way until he was pressed up tight against Ackles’s body, and he gave a little thrust that had Ackles shivering.

“Fuck, yeah, Jensen,” Jared growled, bending over Jensen’s arching body. Jensen swallowed at the use of his first name because he knew that Jared only used it when he was balls deep in Jensen’s ass—Jared had a thing about being on first name basis with the people he fucked.

Jensen wrapped his legs around Jared’s hips, his heels digging in. “Come on, fuck me…” he said and while Jared never liked listening to Jensen’s orders, that seemed to be a pretty damn good idea to him. He slammed into Jensen’s body again, watching Jensen squirm, and repeated, pushing in and out while Jensen writhed. “Oh, God, oh fuck, oh—” Jensen cut himself off with a hiss, stopping his punctuating of Jared’s thrusts.

Too bad, because Jared liked it when Jensen couldn’t control what he was saying. Jared clamped a hand down on Jensen’s jaw, digging his fingers in until Jensen was forced to open his mouth, starting up the panted litany again. “Christ, fuck, God, that’s good, oh, fuck, Jared—” There it was. Jared growled and sped up, bowing his head to suck at Jensen’s neck. A mark from two days ago was still there but fading and Jared latched onto it again, sinking his teeth in. “Bastard!” Jensen gasped, his hands gripping Jared’s hair again. “Fucking—Jesus—ah—vampire!”

For once, Jensen wasn’t trying to sneak his hand down to grab his cock, letting Jared call the shots, and Jared tried to string it out as long as possible, making up for his bad day. After awhile, Jensen stopped forming words anymore, resorting to babbled sounds in Jared’s ear, hot, breathy vowels that made Jared shiver. Jared ran a hand down Jensen’s sweaty side, fingers following every bump and groove, and clenched Jensen’s hip. He spread his legs, digging his knees into the bed to get better leverage, and fucked as hard and as fast as he could.

Jensen’s eyes snapped open, his hands clenching in Jared’s hair, and then he was seizing, his ass spasming around Jared’s cock as he splattered come on his chest. Jared hesitated, pausing for a brief moment, “Did you just…?” and threw himself back at it. “So. Fucking. Hot,” he panted, and pushed himself towards his own orgasm. He shuddered as he came, grunting against Jensen’s neck and pushing himself in as deep as he could get.

Spent, he collapsed on top of Jensen, forcing the air from Jensen’s chest as he landed. It was a measure of how damn exhausted Jensen was that he let Jared lie there, pushing him into bed, instead of rolling Jared off like he normally would. Jensen’s hand draped over Jared’s shoulders and he sighed. “God, yeah.” He seemed content to bask for awhile, so Jared let himself enjoy the afterglow as well, his mouth moving aimlessly along Jensen’s throat and jaw.

Jensen decided when they were done, pushing at Jared’s shoulder. “Off,” he said and Jared obligingly lifted himself, one hand stealing down to hold the condom in place as he pulled out. He rolled to the side, letting Jensen get up, and flopped against the bed. He didn’t have to go anywhere; it was his damn house.

He did, however, have to angle himself to get a good view of Jensen’s stretch. Jared let his eyes travel appreciatively over Jensen’s backside, eventually focusing in on where he could see the shine of lube on Jensen’s thigh. “God,” Jensen said, turning around with a wince. He shifted to the side. “You’re a beast.” Jared smiled smugly.

Jensen wandered out of the room. “Christ, I didn’t even make it up the stairs,” he said from down the hallway and Jared’s smile broadened.

“Yeah, Ackles,” he said, raising his voice so that Ackles could hear him. “You were begging for it.”

“Shut up,” Ackles shot back. “Gah! Get your nose off me! Where the fuck are my boxers?” Ackles kept grumbling at one of the dogs—probably Harley, Jared thought, because for some reason Harley adored Ackles—as he scooped up his clothes.

Jared heard the jingle of Ackles’s belt as he pulled on his jeans and he ran a hand lightly over his stomach. He could feel his orgasm in his toes. And, fuck, Jared was pretty sure that he’d made Ackles come untouched, made Ackles jizz all over himself just from fucking his ass, and that was an ego-trip right there. Jared Padalecki, Sex God.

“You’re still paying for the internet!” Ackles shouted, his voice muffled by the floor.

“And you’re still an asshole!” Jared shouted back but he was still grinning. After an orgasm like that, it was hard to ruin his good mood.

“You’re a prick!” Ackles retorted and slammed the door before Jared managed to get another word in.

“Yeah,” Jared said smugly to his ceiling. “A prick that just made you come without touching your cock.” Oh, he wasn’t going to let Ackles forget this one. Ever. They’d been at this for awhile but that was definitely the first time that had ever happened. First time they’d ever done it in the daylight, too; normally, Ackles waited until nightfall. Jared hoped that it gave Ackles something to think about because, yeah, Jared was going to be replaying it at least a few more times.

It was just too bad that Ackles was a disagreeable bastard because the sex was amazing. The only time Jared even liked the jerk, though, was when he was fucking him through the mattress. Ackles didn’t bother to pretend that he didn’t like squirming around on Jared’s dick, panting all those random words and sounds, just as much as Jared liked giving it to him.

It worked for them.