Work Text:
Black Dahlia's were Izuku's first pieces of ink.
He had always found it funny that, ironically, despite their name; the flower wasn't black. It was a dark blood-red with a darker burgundy center, truly a beautiful plant. He had two of them expanding from his neck down to the back of his shoulder.
His second was the yellow carnation, of which he had three, that sat nestled on his right forearm.
After that, was an orange lily that stood alone on his left bicep.
Then came his fourth, two peony flowers that sat on opposite sides of his abdomen, both representing two different meanings.
His fifth was a black rose with a snake wrapped around the stem, dripping venom into the center, it sat on the inside of his right bicep, his biggest and most painful.
The sixth was a trail of black tulips that traveled from his rib cage up to his left peck. He had gotten them not too long after being accepted into the hero course. He was sure they would be his last.
-----
The cold air nipped at his exposed face as he stepped off the train. He had finally found time to come back home after two weeks of nonstop training and interning under Aizawa-sensei. While he enjoyed working under the man, it left little to no time to see or talk to his mother, so he took the weekend off. Hoping to surprise her by showing up with a weekend-filled plan of fun and catching up.
He couldn't wait!
A familiar complex building came into view, lifting the homesickness that had been slowly borrowing into his heart. He couldn't wait to treat his mother! He couldn't wait to take her to hosu, tell her about his endeavors working under Aizawa and all the new food recipes he picked up for them to try.
Maybe he could finally convince her to get a pet or take on a new lover, he had always felt guilty that she had put her life on hold for him.
Fishing his house key out, he reached for the lock, releasing a startled squeak when the door began twisting from the inside. The door swung open, a tall male stepping out, black curls bounced in the chilly November wind, settling messily around tanned, freckled skin. Murky brown eyes staring back at him a familiar look of disdain and disgust hitting Izuku like one of Bakugou's explosions to the gut.
Izuku was frozen, as he gazed in stupor at Hisashi Midoriya or better known as his father. For the first time in his 16 years of living, Izuku couldn't keep up his own thought process. Not being able to plan a coherent sentence to say to the man, he said the first thing that came to mind.
“ What the fuck are you doing here?” It was much less a question, more of a demand. Hisashi, who had yet to say anything, looked offended. Before Izuku could ask him again, he heard his mother“ Why are you just standing there- Izuku, what are you doing here?” ignoring the weird question, he pushed the man out of the way. Hurrying toward his mother to make sure she wasn't harmed.
Why was he here? Did he hurt her? Why wasn't she saying anything? How long had he been here?
More and more questions rattled around in his skull so fast he thought he may be sick. “ Mom?” he watched her expression drop into a guilt-filled one. “ You weren't supposed to be here.....” she sighed, setting aside the suitcase Izuku had just noticed she was carrying. He glanced around the apartment, noticing the lack of possessions. “ What?” he slowly began piecing together what was going on.
But he had to be wrong.
She wouldn't-
“ Inko, I'll be waiting in the car” his heart dropped, turning from where the man had been standing to his mother, who refused to meet his gaze.
She wouldn't.
Not his mother.
Not inko Midoriya.
" Why is he waiting for you?" he asked, “This isn't how I wanted you to find out…." she started wringing her hands together. Right because how do you want your child to find out you're abandoning them.
His seventh tattoo was two marigolds, and a yellow rose. Closing his eyes, he sighed, letting the pain of the tattoo needles wash over him, admittedly he would have liked something that hurt more but. The dull stinging accompanied by the soft buzzing of the gun drowned out the shouted words that threatened to repeat in any moment of silence.
So it would do
He had been doing this for years, using tattoos as a coping mechanism. Using flowers to say everything he couldn't, to portray what he kept inside and hidden away from people. All his hate, anger, betrayal, the death of a cherished friendship, and strength. All expressed in various flowers that no one knew were there except him and the tattoo artist that was too high to care about his age once they saw the flash of cash and dulled eyes.
It was better than his alternative. Too many thin lines and bloodied razor blades to keep track of, even harder to hide.
When the tattoo was done, he was 38,20 yen poorer and sitting on the top of some random building that he had found on his way back. Rain pelting down on the umbrella he was using to shield his phone and wallet, Izuku sat on the edge of the building's ledge. ' It would be so easy to just tilt forward and.....' he thought, staring unseeingly at the city lights as the rain soaked his clothes, the skin-colored arm braces long since been removed, allowing for the hidden flora beneath to breathe.
With them, brought back a mix of emotions, emotions he had been trying to hide from and avoid. The mass settled on deep bone-shattering sadness taking the forefront. His heart ached, the memory of his mother walking out of that apartment door, too raw to fresh for him to deal with.
Was he not enough?
Why did she leave?
It was his fault.
What was his fault?
" Don't you want your mother to be happy? I've supported you all these years, and you deny me this one chance of happiness! You have always been such a selfish, self-absorbed child, Izuku”
Was that what she really thought of him?
Izuku couldn't tell if it was the rain that got warmer, or if he was just crying and didn't know it.
His hand stung.
Glancing down, he realized he had dug his nails into the palm of his hand.' I need to clip them,’ he reminded himself, watching the blood mix in with the falling rain. Darkish pink trails spilling over the edges of his extended palm.
He closed his eyes, the pitter-patter beat of the rain against his skull lulling him into a peaceful rest.
He eventually woke, disappointed surprised he didn't fall to his death during his depression nap in the rain. It was early morning. He felt disgusting, his clothes unpleasantly stiff as he made his way back to thei- his apartment. The walk back was uneventful. The only people outside were the working class, who paid him no mind as they hurried by, trying to catch an early train.
He entered, chucking off his now ruined red shoes, making a beeline for the bathroom, ignoring the painful throbbing of his heart as he walked through the desolate living space. He turned the water on, letting it heat while he stripped, throwing the stiffened clothing onto the floor for later collection. Stepping under the scalding spray, he felt his muscles relax, his mind blessing him with silence as he planned out his next steps.
It was required for him to live on campus until he graduated, so he didn't need to worry about having a place to stay. He would list the apartment for sale after he got out of the shower, any furniture left whoever moved in could keep. He would move his stuff into a storage unit today and head back to UA that evening, depending on how long it took him to move everything.
As he cleaned the dirt off of him, the sadness he felt slowly morphed until it was something dark. Something deeper, that had been aching to consume him since the first flower, and this time, he allowed it.
‘ Adults can't be trusted’ it whispered and Izuku agreed, every adult that entered his life brought pain and disappointment, and he was tired of it.’ Why must you constantly be the nice forgiving one when all they do is use that to their advantage’ he didn't know, he was expected to forgive everyone who had wronged him in his life. To act like comments didn't hurt like he was okay with being used as the butt of every joke.
‘ Like with Bakugo’ it provided. Anger, resentment, and betrayal strung together in one tangle of vines that coiled around his heart, smothering it until all he could feel was nothing.
And maybe it was better that way.
------
“ A ph--e call is --ere” the bed shifted, a muscular hand reaching out from under the mound of blankets. Snatching the phone from its place on the nearby dresser, it pulled it under the mound, “hello?” Izuku groaned, he had spent the entirety of last night moving his shit into the cheapest storage unit he could find on short notice. The cherry on top was the asshole who ran it, refusing to send out anyone to help him move the boxes, and it rained .
“ Hello, is this Midoriya Izuku?” the voice replied, he glanced at the caller ID, recognizing the number as the real estate agency he had contacted the day prior. “ Is someone interested in the property?” He asked, getting straight to the point, “oh, oh yes, I have a couple of people interested. When's the soonest they can come out to see the property?” Izuku hummed, checking the time.“ They can come by today, anytime after 2 pm is fine” after the agent confirmed the time would be fine for all parties, Izuku hung up.
An hour later, Izuku dragged himself out of his cocoon and got ready to host the open house that would be commencing in 4 hours. He had expected to catch some house hunters’ the area they- he lived in was ideal for kids and patrolled by heroes regularly.
Deciding on what was appropriate for snacks took way longer than Izuku would have liked. As a hero student, snacks were usually half-course meals, so his first instinct was to make soup dumplings with a side of tamagoyaki. He quickly scrapped it, for the sake of time and just plain convince, deciding to just make onigiri and Octo-sausages. Grabbing the random apron hanging by the pantry, he tied it around his waist getting to work.
Forty minutes later, everything was plated and sitting in the oven to stay warm while he cleaned the apartment. Reaching to take off the apron, he finally noticed which one he had grabbed, staring at the messy hand-painted ‘ best mom ever’ he frowned. Except, he didn't feel his face change, it remained the neutral expression he had been wearing since he had woken up.
Ignoring the part of his brain that was screaming something was wrong with his sudden incapability to show his emotions. He threw the garment in the trash, not even looking back as he went to where he knew inko stored the cleaning supplies.
-----
“ Umm, Midoriya Izuku?” the realtor asked when he opened the door, nodding he ushered them in, offering a greeting to the four people he saw trailing behind. The tour went well, Izuku showing them each room, providing pictures of how the apartment looked before it was furnished. He did notice the fact they kept looking around as if they were expecting someone.
But like with everything else he ignored it.
Leading them back to the dining area, he allowed them to sit while he prepared tea. When he came back, the realtor who he had found out was named Aki smiled “Mr. midoriya if you're ready all parties have inquired about pricing as well as other questions” nodding he sat down. “ Unit pricing is 219,528.12 yen, 47,370.13 yen monthly. As stated before all furniture you see around the apartment is yours to do what you like with” he explained.
“ I'm sorry, where are your parents? Isn't it a little irresponsible to be letting a child handle this?” Izuku remained calm despite the irritation tittering on the side of his conscious. “ My parents are no longer in the picture. The apartment is in my name, hence why a child is allowed to handle this. Any further questions?” he said, smiling. “Your price, can it be lowered?” Fred, a single male who had come in smelling like alcohol and sweat asked. “ No, I'm pretty sure aki-san told you this, but the price is non-negotiable” he replied.
Expecting the pending outburst,“ You’re a child! Why are you being greedy? You should be happy anyone wants this dump anyway, I’ll offer you 80,000yen” he argued, Izuku looked at him wondering if the man was stupid or just rude. “ If you recall my name is on the lease, this is my property. You came to me a child because you a grown man haven’t managed to leave your mother's house, and she finally kicked your sorry ass out. Now either pay my prices or get the fuck out and that Mr. Fred is non-negotiable ” Izuku was stunned, he had never talked to an adult like that- no, he had never spoken his mind like that.
It was exhilarating.
In the end, he sold the apartment to a single mother of two. Her kids were twins that had just turned six. They both had animal transformation quirks, one who could take on any avian form and the other any feline. What made him give it to her was the fact the kids went to a school in the area, forcing them to walk 37minutes every morning to get here.
Sympathy
yeah that
She said she would keep most of the furniture and send him the money for everything she sold or got rid of. After letting her know she could move in that week, he walked her to the door, bidding her and Aki who had stayed behind to oversee the finalization and of course get paid.
Izuku felt like he should be feeling something, he had just sold his childhood home. The place he took his first steps, lost his first tooth, made his first friend, fantasied over a life he couldn’t have, attained that life, faced the ultimate betrayal. But he didn't, he couldn’t muster up a once of care for his actions, so he cleaned, picked up the remaining clothes boxes, and left the apartment.
-------
" Rekindle-are you forgetting what that monster did to me?" Izuku face scrunched up, brows furrowed as he stared at the woman, he had known to be his mother. “ He's apologized for it!" she defended.
" And you accepted it?! He tried to kill me. He walked out on us to be with some bitch he met at a bar when he should have been here!" for the first time in his life, Izuku felt disgusted to be around his mother. This wasn't the Inko Midoriya that worked hard long hours to support them, that always smiled and played with him even when she was tired.
He didn't know who this was.
" He was upset, Izuku! You were quirkless, and it was very stressful for him to deal with. Everyone makes mistakes " she was yelling now a strange coldness coating her once soft loving features, the way she snarled mistakes made Izuku flinch.
" You think I was a mistake?” hurt laced his voice, making his words sound more like a whimper more than a question.
“ No Izuku, I'm just saying you- he” inko was a terrible liar.
“ You think him leaving was my fault, you fucking blame me for the fact he turned into the abusive piece of shit he was,” he sneered. Then it dawned on him, she was planning on leaving without him, she was going to abandon him for the monster who had physically and mentally abused them for years.
Tears prickled at his eyes, as the realization he had been utterly betrayed settled in. He stared at the woman, he thought he knew. " Izuku don't be selfish, you’re twisting my words making it seem worse than it actually is. Why can’t you just let the pass be the pass and let it go? " She asked, reaching out to touch him. He slapped her outstretched hand away, recoiling away from her.
“ Get the fuck out inko” he demanded, “izu-” he interrupted her, “I said get OUT” he yelled
Izuku blinked, willing his eyes to clear the morning cloudiness away. He stared at his now barren dorm walls, as his mind presented him with four facts.
He felt like shit.
He was tired.
It was cold.
And to top it off, he was late.
‘ Wait-late?….he was late!’ he abruptly sat up “SHIT” not looking forward to being chewed out by iida or Aizawa, he quickly got dressed. Stopping when he found his sleeves, looking down at his flower-covered arms, remembering countless mornings of covering up his self-therapy. He tossed them in the trash, grabbing his jacket and bag, he left the dorms.
He had taken a quick detour to the nearest vending machine, he was craving coffee, and he was already late. In any case, he was used to teachers chewing him out for shit and Aizawa was no different.
He knew the man didn’t like him and was only tolerating him because he housed all-mights quirk as most of the adults in his life did nowadays. There it was again, that voice in the back of his head telling him that something was wrong with what he had thought.
He wished it would shut up and see the reality of his situation.
His mother had left him
Katsuki had left him
Hisashi had left him
All-might had left him
How many more people would it take for that voice to see how he was right?
“ E-excuse me” snapping out of it, he turned unintentionally glaring at the elfin indigo-haired teen that stood behind him. ‘ Amajiki tamaki one of the big three’ his mind supplied, stepping out of the way allowing the timid boy access to the vending machine. He turned, walking away “um Midoriya right” stopping he turned his head toward tamaki nodding. “I remember you, the only freshman to almost successfully avoid Mirio. That was impressive, I can see you making the big three any day now” Izuku knew it was supposed to be a compliment, he knew, but something in him coiled.
He felt mocked
“ Tamaki-senpai are you offering up your spot? Because as far as I'm concerned you should be working on yourself after all you and Mirio are in my way. Do tell him to keep my spot warm, will you,” he smiled sweetly, waving at the older teen before continuing toward his classroom.
---
Izuku slid the door open, sipping on his coffee contently, noticing the flocks of eyes on him. Aizawa had stopped reading, glaring at him, Izuku bowed mumbling his apologies. “ So now you can't even get up on time?” Izuku sighed, he had been so close to being able to just sit down, “I overslept” he said quietly, hoping the blond would just drop it.
“ How the hell do you expect to be number one when you can’t even get up on time? You think villains will just hold off on committing crimes, so you can get some fucking beauty rest?” Bakugo sneered. “ Shut the fuck up, Bakugo” Izuku snarled with such malice, the class sat shocked, hearing their cinnamon roll talk to another student like that.
“ Enough Midoriya, Bakugo’s correct villains don’t care that you oversleep. Now take your seat” Izuku stared at ai-Eraserhead he wanted to be upset, he wanted to feel shocked that the man took Bakugo side even though the blond was clearly out of line. But he didn’t because he had expected it, the man didn't care about him, in fact, no one cared about the daily degradation he faced at the hands of bakugou.
So he took his seat, Izuku said nothing for the rest of the class period, even when Eraserhead released them to do as they pleased. No one approached him after his outburst, pinning it on him just having a rough morning, and decided to give him some space.
-----
The changes began subtly, Izuku went from the overly-friendly green bean they had known to calling them by their last names. Then he stopped mumbling, there was no more advice or tips on how to better use their quirks. He turned down any requests to train or study with any of them, always retiring back to his room immediately after class.
The biggest change came the flowers, Shoji being the first one to spot them. “Did any of you know Midoriya had tattoos?” he asked when the class had settled in for their annual movie night. “ What the fuck are you talking about arms? deku doesn’t have any ink, auntie would kill him,” bakugou said, handing momo the bowl of popcorn she had asked for.
“ Actually, I thought I saw petals on his throat, but he didn't stick around long enough for me to get a good look” ochako admitted, accepting the bag of chips tsu handed her “weird, what was the tattoo of Shoji?” Satou asked. “ It was some yellow carnations” he recalled, nodding to tokoyami who had been standing next to him. Tokoyami sat in his lap humming silently deciding to just listen rather than be part of the conversation.
“ Oh? That’s odd” momo remarked making a blanket for Denki “why’d you say that?” Kirishima asked, entering the common room. He had volunteered to ask Izuku and shinsou if they wanted to join them for movie night, “where’s midoriya?” Todoroki asked when he didn't see the familiar mop of green hair. “ He’s patrolling with Aizawa-sensei” Kirishima replied.
“ Again?” mina asked, they could all hear the doubt bleeding through her voice. “He’s avoiding us isn’t he,” Koda said, finally voicing the suspicion everyone had been silently thinking for the last two weeks. “ Let's not jump to conclusions, when he gets back we can talk to him,” iida replied, readjusting Denki so he was lying between him and sero.
“ Iida’s correct and as for your earlier question ejiro the yellow carnation means disappointment and rejection. I find it odd because as far as I know midoriya has never dated or had any crushes but then again….it seems like I might not know him as well as I thought I did” as of lately that's how a lot of them felt.
----
Aizawa should have told him to go get back-up, he shouldn't have let him stay because if he hadn't. He wouldn't be staring at a blood-covered midoriya, “kid… this wasn't your fault you did what you needed to” midoriya turned. His eyes were strangely calm and unaffected as he walked away from the deceased body of the villain ripper.
The patrol had started out normally a little quiet considering who exactly he was patrolling with, Izuku had been a lot quieter, only speaking when being spoken to. The boy no longer regarded Aizawa as sensei, but as Eraserhead. His tone when speaking to him was detached and so professional that Aizawa sometimes forgot he was speaking to a child. “ Midoriya” he called, “yes Eraserhead?” there it was again.
“ Is there anything you'd like to talk about?” he asked, stopping them on the edge of a building. Izuku looked like he wanted to say something, then it was gone, masked by the same flat expression the boy had been wearing all week.” no, sir”
“ Midoriya did-” a scream interrupted him, looking toward the boy once more, he motioned for him to follow.
-----
Something was wrong with him, Izuku realized
He knew the outcome of the fight with The Ripper was inevitable, the man was a serial murder who liked live-streaming his killings and often rapings on the internet. The man had a sensory deprivation quirk, no one knew how he activated it, and that's what made him that much harder to detain.
Izuku didn't hesitate when he saw an opening, he clutched the knife that not many knew he carried and slit the man’s throat.
He didn’t react as blood splattered across his face and hero-suit, he did nothing but watch as Ripper choked on his own blood. He felt nothing when the man's gaze glossed over, but he should have felt something.
Right?
Normal kids would have been hurling or crying, but not midoriya
He simply walked away, standing quietly beside Aizawa as he gave his report, gazing silently as the body was bagged and wheeled away.
When they returned to the dorms, Aizawa stopped him “Midoriya, regardless of how your feeling right now nothing that happened tonight was your fault, you saved an innocent child from suffering at the hands of a monster. If you ever need to talk I'm always here and if that’s not enough I can set up a session with hounddog for you” For a moment it sounded like the man cared.
“ You think I don’t care Midoriya?” shit he must have been mumbling again,“ sorry sir, I meant no offense. I'll head inside first, Goodnight” he replied slipping into the dorm building. It took Aizawa a moment to realize midoriya never denied the fact he thought he didn't care about him.
Izuku opened the door, the feeling that he had forgotten something tugging at his conscious. When he met the gaze of his classmates, he remembered tonight was movie night.
Shit
“ Deku! What the fuck happened” that was surprisingly bakugou, what was up with people and acting like they cared?. He must have been mumbling again because his classmates looked hurt, “it’s not my blood” he said pushing past the blond in an attempt to get to the elevator.
“ Midoriya, hey wait, what do you mean? Did Aizawa-sensei get hurt” Kirishima asked, grabbing him.
“ You think I would let Eraserhead get hurt? Right because it would be me, right? Dumb deku fucks up basic patrol and gets the teacher hurt again.” he snapped
“ Midoryia what are you- no one blames you for the usj-”
“ Shut the fuck up, yes you do. Everything is my fucking fault, I'm the reason the class keeps getting attacked, the reason my father decided to be an abusive shit, the reason my own mother left me for that same piece of shit. I fucking get it, you don’t need to act like you care about any of my shit. I’m covered in the villain's I killed blood, so if you don't mind I'd like to wash it off in fucking peace,” he raged, not even caring about what he just revealed to the stunned mass as he entered the elevator.
He was tired