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Would that be so bad?

Summary:

What do you do when you want Daryl Dixon content but can't find any you want?

Get your local gay writer friend (yours truly) to do it for you!

Notes:

If you came here looking for someone who understands TWD's lore, you came to the wrong place.

Chapter 1: The Frogmarch

Chapter Text

The familiar crunching of leaves underfoot was the mark of autumn's fleeting return.

Autumn used to mean something: The sign of harvest season, a time to spend with family and friends, Halloween.

 

But ever since rotten corpses started springing up and destroying civilization as they know it, autumn just became a bitter reminder of winter, and a stern warning to Jamie to find a place to hunker down and find someplace relatively safe.

 

Hell, a reliable source of food wouldn't go amiss either.

 

Jamie spent most his time wandering. Spending a night or two at a settler camp before packing up and leaving before people even realised he was there. It was safer that way, less people to get attached to and watch die in the end.

 

They all die in the end.

 

He tugged absentmindedly at his coat, pulling the collar up to shield his neck against the sudden cold wind that threatened to chill him to the very bone. He had to pick up the pace in his search for shelter, or it would be his head up on the chopping block.

 

A light thud by his feet rattled Jamie's brain, startling him out of his thoughts and forcing his attention to the small tennis ball that seemingly fell out of the sky and onto the ground beside him.

 

There was a brief moment of nothingness before the sound of something bounding towards him erupted from right in front of Jamie, something large and fast.

 

Crashing through the brush came that something, a dog barrelling its way over and scrambling to a halt to smell the sudden stranger that just appeared in front of it. He looked down and a smile broke across his face, the dog wasn't a stray by the looks of it, too clean and too well-fed. Which meant its owner would be close by.

 

Before Jamie could reach his hand out, the dog raised its tail and bristled, emitting a single low "woof" to the seemingly endless forest.

 

"Away from the dog."

 

The gravelly voice from the darkness came with a simple warning, the heavy click of a weapon being loaded. Jamie instinctively rose his hands slightly, taking a step away from the dog and glancing around to pinpoint where the person behind the voice lurked.

 

"Not a walker." He managed to choke out, "Just wandering."

 

"Part of a camp?"

 

"Not in a long time..." Jamie looked down at the dog, trying to think of a way to change the subject and get the hell away from this. "Is the dog yours?" 

 

"What's it to you?" The voice was more hostile this time.

 

"I haven't seen a dog since I was a vet. Thought walkers got most of them after shit hit the fan."

 

"Not Dog."

 

"Do I still need to have my hands up, or are you going to shoot?"

 

A low grunt and the rustling of leaves revealed a rugged looking man shooting a glare right at Jamie. Jamie looked down at the crossbow in the mans hand, he was definitely a person who knew how to use the weapon he was wielding.

 

"Rather not waste bolts."

 

"Are you with a group?"

 

"Sometimes." The man picked up the ball from Dog and passed another wary look over Jamie, his eyes settling on the tattered eyepatch. "Right now I am."

 

"I can avoid this area if this is where you... live."

 

"You said you used to be a vet."

 

"I did."

 

"Rick'll want to meet you. People who know how to patch people up in short supply."

 

"I'll meet him. I can teach a few folk first aid and share supplies if needed, but this isn't going to be a permanent thing."

 

"Fine by me. Try to keep up."

Chapter 2: At a stalemate

Chapter Text

Tired faces watched Jamie as he was led into the encampment.

 

Everyone seemed tired nowadays, being constantly on edge paired with a near endless onslaught of shuffling corpses was more than enough to drive even the most positive of people into a wreck.

 

He wondered just how much this group had lost too.

 

Loss plagued camps like flies to rot. Jamie had seen it before, it seemed that no matter where survivors went, more and more death was sure to follow. With death came infection, and then reanimation. No one was safe from becoming one. Information like that would make many lose faith.

 

Exhaustion carried its weight here, it clung to the air.

 

One of the women seemed to notice their arrival, handing her rifle to a nearby survivor and making her way towards the two.

 

"Daryl, you're back early." She said, cocking an eyebrow towards Jamie, "Who's this then?"

 

"Found him."

 

"That doesn't answer the question."

 

Daryl shrugged, slinging his crossbow back across his back.

 

"Didn't ask a name. Show Rick him, says he's a vet."

 

The woman watched as Daryl wandered off with Dog at his side and sighed, lightly shaking her head. 

 

"Don't mind Daryl, he's always that closed off." She said dismissively as she led Jamie through, "I'm Kelly."

 

"Jamie."

 

"Will you be staying long? Someone who knows more than basic first aid is in short supply."

 

Jamie shrugged half-heartedly, stuffing his fists into his trouser pockets. He knew better than to promise things he couldn't keep, especially on the subject of staying with a group.

 

"Probably not... I can teach you what I know though: sutures, food safety and stuff."

 

Kelly dipped her head slightly in understanding. She was obviously someone used to people showing up, only to leave the following day. Without another word she turned around, rapping her knuckles against the door.

 

"Rick, open up. Daryl's found someone."

 

The slight creak of the door in front of them revealed a weathered-looking man.

 

"Come in."

 

Neither man spoke to each other as they walked, preferring to let the silence speak for them both. Jamie didn't mind, sitting on the chair adjacent to Rick and watched as he leaned forwards to speak.

 

"You're alone?" Rick asked sceptically, eyeing at Jamie's bag.

 

"For a while now, I prefer to stay alone."

 

"Not on the run from anyone, are you? Looks like a nasty injury you've got there."

 

"I'm not." Jamie frowned, "And my eye is fine."

 

"Got a patch for it though." Rick leaned back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other. "What did you work as before this?"

 

"Veterinarian."

 

"Staying long? Got some good folk here, they could really use the expertise."

 

"I was planning to teach what I know, but I'm only staying a day or two at most."

 

"I'll see what I can do about a spare bed."

 

Jamie gave a curt nod before rising to his feet and walking back outside where Kelly stood. She gave him a brisk smile and waved a hand, leading him round the outskirts of the camp.

 

"You never told me about your family."

 

"Nothing really to tell," Jamie shrugged, "Parents are dead, my little brother is somewhere out there though."

 

"What's his name?"

 

"Matthias, joined the air force. Came home just in time to watch the world go to shit."

 

"Are you looking for him?"

 

"No, we..." Jamie paused, trying to find the right words, "We don't see eye to eye."

 

"What happened?"

 

"Doesn't matter now. Come here, I'll show you how to tell if raw meat is edible or not."

 

Daryl kept a close eye on Kelly as she followed Jamie, taking in the information he rattled off like second nature. At least he seemed to know what the hell was talking about, even if he wasn't really keen on staying.

 

A hand waved in front of him made Daryl look up at Connie. He raised an eyebrow and pointed his finger.

 

'Are you alright?'

 

'Are you?' She signed, watching the familiar scowl on Daryl's face dissipate slightly.

 

'Watching your sister with the new one.' He furrowed his brow slightly.

 

'I haven't met him yet, is he staying?'

 

Daryl pinched his fingers 'No.', making Connie frown.

 

'Shame. He doesn't seem that bad.'

 

'Ask Kelly to introduce you, I'm going to go hunting with Dog.'

 

'Stay safe.'

 

Daryl nodded, giving Connie a reassuring smile before pulling his coat on and trudging out the gate.

Chapter 3: Home is where the bolts strike

Chapter Text

Dawn hadn't even broken the horizon yet when Jamie started stuffing his bag with his things again.

 

Leaving was always a source of hesitation.

 

It was necessary to leave - settling only ever brought pain and death to Jamie - but he wouldn't lie to himself and say he hadn't thought about settling down once or twice.

 

He pushed a dirty shirt deep into his bag just like he pushed his hesitation deep into the far parts of his brain. If he were to leave before anyone noticed he needed to be quick.

 

The moment his boots made contact with the sodden grass finalised it in his head. He was leaving today.

 

He opened the gate barely a crack when Daryl came barrelling through with Dog in his arms, nearly knocking Jamie to the ground in surprise.

 

"What happened?" He asked, still not quite aware of what had just occurred in that moment.

 

"A badger bit him."

 

Before the two of them could properly register what was going on or what to do, Jamie yanked the shirt off his back and spread it onto the ground, lowering Dog onto the fabric.

 

"When?"

 

"A few minutes ago."

 

Jamie looked down at Dog's leg and tore his bag back open, pulling out a spare shirt and bottle of vodka.

Putting Dog in a sterile area to properly disinfect the bite would've been his first thought before the apocalypse, but he would have better luck getting struck by lightning than finding proper equipment now.

 

He was going to have to improvise.

 

"Make sure he's comfortable and stays calm, I'm going to disinfect the wound with alcohol and I'd rather not get bitten."

 

Daryl frowned slightly but relented, quietly soothing Dog.

 

"Quickly." He warned.

 

The splash of alcohol earned Jamie a couple of scratches across his arms as Dog kicked his legs. A pang of guilt writhed in his gut as he went in again with the bottle, trying to calm both Dog and Daryl, who was glaring daggers at him.

 

"I'm not hurting him on purpose."

 

"I know."

 

That didn't feel reassuring.

 

Dog seemed to calm down once Jamie wrapped another of his shirts around the bite, he made sure the knot he tied was secure before turning to look at Daryl. Whatever look of genuine concern he once displayed for Dog just a moment ago was now coated back with his usual stony expression.

 

"You alright?" Jamie asked, realising only now how dry his mouth felt all of a sudden.

 

There was a moment of silence between both men as they knelt in the mud together.

 

"Never did quite catch your name."

 

"It's Jamie."

 

Daryl nodded, gently picking Dog up in his arms and standing upright.

 

"Put a shirt on Jamie."

 

Great.

 

Looking down at his now thoroughly muddied shirt, Jamie pulled himself to his feet and pulled on the first spare he found.

 

"You're going to want to check the bite regularly to make sure it's not infected and change the bandage too."

 

"I know."

 

He caught himself before he sighed in exasperation.

 

"If that's it, I'm gonna go before the rest wake up." Jamie said, jabbing a thumb towards the gate. He still had some time to get out.

 

"You're a vet."

 

"I know."

 

"Vets look after pets."

 

Jamie didn't bother to mask the sigh this time.

 

He could tell what Daryl was trying to imply, even if both of them couldn't articulate more than a few syllables to each other. But he had a point, and a bargaining chip.

He couldn't just leave knowing Dog was still hurt, and as much as he hated to admit it, he felt a begrudging respect towards Daryl for using that fact against him.

 

"Ok."

 

"Ok."

 

Daryl watched over Jamie as he looked after Dog for what seemed like hours until Connie showed up beside them.

 

'I thought he was leaving?' She asked, giving Daryl a bemused look, 'What changed his mind?'

 

'Dog got hurt, bitten by a badger.' He frowned, 'He wanted to stay to make sure he fully recovers.'

 

'That was kind of him.'

 

'It was.'

 

Connie raised an eyebrow at Daryl.

 

'You know, you should talk to him.'

 

'I did.'

 

'Kelly told me he has a younger brother.' She smiled.

 

'Is that all he said?'

 

'Apparently.' Her eyebrows furrowed into a frown as she signed, 'Rick asked about the eye.'

 

Daryl shook his head indignantly. 'Where's that gonna lead to? Having a pissed off and defensive guy in the group. He's got his problems, let him deal with them until he wants to talk about them.'

 

'Sounds like he'd listen to you.' Connie shrugged, 'You'll need someone to hunt with while Dog gets better too.'

Chapter 4: The Hunt

Chapter Text

In the camp, Daryl was brash, heavy-handed, and would routinely butt heads with Rick.

 

But out hunting? Jamie watched on in awe at how he stalked the deer before them.

Keeping his movements slow, deliberate. Even his breathing pattern appeared to have been premeditated. It could've just as easily have been a leopard beside him on the prowl.

 

Daryl raised his fist slightly before pointing to his eyes.

 

'Stop and look.'

 

Peering out the brush, both men watched as a young doe wandered through the clearing, an arrow pierced right through the skull. The look of disapproval Daryl gave was evident as he rose his crossbow and aimed low.

 

The doe was dead on the grass before Jamie knew it.

 

"Morons," Daryl grumbled to himself as he walked over to the deer, "Fucking morons."

 

"Clean broadside shot. Through the lung and heart."

 

"Ethical, unlike whoever shot it in the head."

 

Jamie crouched to examine the arrow through the skull.

 

"Missed the brain, too far forwards." He shook his head, "Amateur work."

 

"Clearly. Any hunter worth his shit would know the heart is the quickest and most painless."

 

"You know anyone that uses these feather colours?"

 

"Nah, should I?"

 

"It's fine." Jamie sighed, tying the deer's legs together and helping hoist it onto his and Daryl's shoulders, "Just reminded me of someone I knew."

 

"Who?"

 

"My brother, shoots with a bow. He always used flashy feather colours like that."

 

"You two hunters?"

 

"Used to, just him now."

 

"What stopped you?"

 

"The eye, it messes with depth perception."

 

"Don't talk about your brother much."

 

Jamie was the one to shoot Daryl a look this time.

 

"Nothing to talk about, 'cept we're related."

 

"Used to have a brother like that." Daryl grumbled, looking down at how the grass rolled in the breeze, "Older."

 

"Younger. We stuck together in the beginning, now we're alone."

 

"What changed?"

 

"Both of us. For better or for worse." Jamie squinted, "Suppose I was for worse."

 

"We all suppose things, don't always make 'em the right answer."

 

"You remind me of my partner."

 

"Suppose she's not around anymore." Daryl said, trying to offer a little comfort as Jamie nodded, "What was her name?"

 

Jamie looked away and kicked a loose stone into a bush.

 

"His name was Fletcher."

 

"Oh."

 

"What?"

 

"Nothing."

 

Jamie's face flushed red.

 

"Is it because he was a man?"

 

"No, Nah it's not that."

 

"What then?"

 

Daryl shrugged, "I just don't see how that would change you for the worse, like you said."

 

"He got bitten. Nothing I did stopped the infection... I think he knew he was dying. We watched the sun rise together before I did it."

 

"Not easy having to kill the man you love to save him from becoming a walker. Sounds like you really loved him."

 

"I did."

 

The two marched through the gate and sat the deer on the table next to one of the shelters.

 

"We can keep talking 'bout it if you want, I have some beer lying round."

 

"I'm going to talk to Rick about tree tapping. Can make some basic painkillers with the bark of a Willow tree, might even be able to make syrup for the kids."

 

So much for trying to talk to him.

 

Daryl took out his knife and started skinning the deer, making sure to keep the pelt intact. If the tanning rack he was building worked, he'd be able to make leather out of it, and with leather came shoes and clothes.

 

"Connie asked me to talk to you, said she wanted to know how the hunt went."

 

He looked up at Kelly and handed her a spool of thread before looking back down at his skinning work.

 

"We talked, if that's what she wants to know."

 

"What about?"

 

"Didn't you talk to him, Kelly?"

 

"Once, and all I know is that he's a vet with a younger brother called Matthias."

 

"Could you pass me two bottles of beer?"

 

Kelly sat the bottles on the table while Daryl strung up cuts of meat to dry.

 

"What do you think of him?"

 

"Of who?"

 

"Jamie, who else?"

 

Daryl shrugged, "He's decent."

 

"Decent."

 

"What else do you want me to say? He's nice, seems to care about Dog... and his face... isn't broken."

 

"Well, he's headed over now. I'm gonna go help the others reinforce the fence."

 

"Sure thing."

 

Jamie's eye wandered around the table as he watched Daryl work on.

 

"So," Daryl began, not bothering to look up from the venison he was carefully tying, "What did Rick say?"

 

"Rick?"

 

"Tree tapping, or whatever it was you were talking about."

 

"He liked the idea, I think. He thought the kids might enjoy syrup... and he seemed interested about painkillers."

 

"They're helpful..." He muttered to himself before looking up at Jamie, his usually shoulderlength hair was tied up into a light brown bun at the back. "You tied your hair back."

 

"Yeah, don't want to get my hair in the way when I'm helping out..." Jamie frowned slightly, "I thought about your offer, about talking, I mean."

 

"Bottle of beer's there, quieter round that tree too."

 

"Thanks... I mean it."

 

"Don't mention it."

Chapter 5: Punched by a Pacifist

Chapter Text

"You said you wanted to talk."

 

"I did." Jamie looked down at his bottle, "You said you had a brother."

 

"Yeah, Merle."

 

"Was he ever... difficult?"

 

Daryl squinted, "Define 'difficult'."

 

"We met this group a while ago, their leader was crude... sadistic." He frowned at the memory, "Matthias and him got along like a house on fire."

 

"Did he carry a baseball bat?"

 

"Yeah, wrapped in barbed wire. You know him?"

 

"Let's just say we're all 'well acquainted' with Negan."

 

"Matthias... He became a lot more violent after, said he found his family now." Jamie's frown grew deeper, and he took a long drink of his beer, "Him and Negan didn't appreciate my way of thinking."

 

"What did you think?"

 

"I wanted us both to just leave... Negan wanted to try and break the people down, to make them bend to his will through torture." He toyed with the lip of his bottle, "I took a vow of silence in retaliation, and he couldn't get me to speak a word."

 

"He didn't take it well."

 

"No." Jamie laughed drily, "He did not."

 

"How'd you get out?"

 

"I was told that Matthias was a big boy now, that he gets to choose who his family is. He was given a knife and told to pick. Cut loose the weaker link."

 

Daryl looked at Jamie.

 

"To kill one of you."

 

"Yeah. Can't say I wasn't more than a little bit upset when he picked Negan." He tried to force a smile, but it looked more akin to a grimace, "Bruised more than just my ego though."

 

"Your eye."

 

"Yeah... Ripped right out the socket. Impressed Negan though."

 

"Shit..." Daryl frowned at Jamie's eyepatch and took a drink, "Must have a lot of anger towards him."

 

"Not really, I became a conditional pacifist and started following the teachings of stoicism. It's strange, I know."

 

"What made you do it?"

 

"Fletcher did. I never understood why he was such an avid believer in the teachings, but... Losing my eye made me understand what he meant when he told me that my stubbornness would land me into more trouble than I could get myself out of."

 

"It must've been hard losing him."

 

"It really has... I've been on the road myself for so long, so much has happened... I haven't given myself the opportunity to deal with it. To mourn."

 

"Not on the road right now, could try and help deal."

 

"That's... kind. That's kind of you. Thank you."

 

Daryl shrugged at Jamie's appreciative look, as if he were trying to brush it away.

 

"I'm going to feed Dog." He muttered, "You ever want to talk again, just... let me know."

 

"Sure thing."

 

Jamie stared down the neck of his bottle and swirled the beer around for a while. He hadn't realised how much he missed being able to just sit and talk to someone, at least, with someone who understood.

 

The approaching footsteps pulled him out from his thoughts and he looked up from the bottle to give a wary look at the man.

 

"Hello Rick."

 

"Jamie."

 

"You look like you have something on your mind."

 

"Just making the rounds, want to know more about the stranger in our camp."

 

"Want to make sure I'm not part of a group that wants you dead."

 

"I'm sure you understand why."

 

"I get the caution, not offended." Jamie said, drinking the last of his beer, "What do you want to know?"

 

"You haven't met a man named Negan, have you?"

 

"I've had the displeasure of meeting him. Convinced my brother to join his little militia and got him to try and kill me when I tried to leave."

 

"How'd you get away from him?"

 

"I don't know, all I remember is losing my eye. I didn't hear what Negan said, but my brother just walked over to him and left."

 

"You don't seem angry for a guy who went through all that."

 

"I'm not angry."

 

Rick gave Jamie an incredulous look.

 

"You're not angry at the man who tried to have your own brother kill you?"

 

"What would being angry achieve? I can't change what happened."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"I decided to become a conditional pacifist not long after I lost my eye." He said, "I don't really harbour any hatred towards Negan or Matthias."

 

"How can you think like that? You don't have an eye because of him!"

 

"Do not mistake pacifism for placidity, Rick." Jamie warned, pointing a hostile finger at Rick, "I'm not about to roll over and submit for anyone. Not you. Not Negan. No one."

 

"Not Daryl?"

 

Kelly sat next to Daryl as he pet Dog, he seemed to be doing a lot better since the bite.

 

"How's Dog doing?"

 

"He's a tough boy, he'll survive."

 

"Want me to fill his water up?"

 

"Sure thing, thanks Kelly."

 

"No problem." She said, turning around to look at Rick in surprise, "Jesus Christ Rick, what the hell happened?"

 

"It looks worse than it actually is, don't worry."

 

"That doesn't explain why your nose is bleeding."

 

Daryl looked up at Rick's nose and sighed, shaking his head.

 

"You said you were going to talk to Jamie."

 

"I did." Rick pinched his nose, trying to stem the flow of blood, "He's met Negan... He might know where he's ran off to."

 

"Did he punch you?" Kelly asked.

 

"It wasn't that bad."

 

"What did you do to get punched by a pacifist?" Daryl looked back at Dog to check on the bandages.

 

"I'm going to see if I can find out where Negan is hiding." He sighed, "If we can find Matthias, we might have a lead."

Chapter 6: Don't shoot the messenger

Chapter Text

Night felt different in the apocalypse.

 

Before, it was just time passing. A sign that the Earth had made its rotation around the Sun and that it was time to sleep.

 

Looking up at the stars, he could just about make out the constellation Orion. Jamie could remember Fletcher telling him the story.

 

"Look there, that one's called Orion." He said, pointing up at the sky.

 

"Who?"

 

"Orion, the great hunter?" Fletcher pulled a face, "Did I not tell you the story?"

 

"I don't think so." Jamie lied, he just enjoyed Fletcher talking about what he loved, "Could you tell me?"

 

"Orion was the great ancient Greek hunter. Him and Artemis slew hundreds of beasts together, they were unstoppable."

 

"So, what stopped him? You told me Achilles was unstoppable, and he died."

 

Fletcher smiled fondly at Jamie and continued.

 

"Orion declared he would kill every creature in Artemis' name, which upset Gaia. So she created a massive scorpion to go and kill Orion, which it ultimately ended up doing."

 

"A giant scorpion?"

 

"Artemis ended up killing the scorpion, and was so sad over Orion's death, she transformed him and the scorpion into the constellations Orion and Scorpio. So he could hunt forever with her amongst the stars."

 

"What a way to be commemorated. In the stars."

 

"I like to think that whenever someone dies, they get turned into a star."

 

Jamie looked at Fletcher and raised an eyebrow.

 

"What star would you be?"

 

"That's easy, I'd be the North Star. That way, I'd be able to guide you home no matter how lost or alone you feel."

 

Jamie turned to look at Fletcher, but all that was there was the faded memory of the man he once held so close to his heart.

 

How long ago it felt now.

 

"You've been sat there for half the night now."

 

"Have I?"

 

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

 

All Jamie could do was nod.

 

Daryl sat down on the wall next to Jamie in silence and looked out into the pitch-black together.

 

"I'm looking for a star."

 

"A star?" Daryl looked slightly confused, "What for?"

 

"I'll tell you when we find it. It's the North Star."

 

"That's easy to find, it's the big bright one there." He pointed up at the star, "They say that sailors used to follow the star in order to guide them home."

 

"Fletcher said when he died, he wanted to become the North Star so that he could guide me back whenever I got lost."

 

"He's doing a good job."

 

"Whenever I found the star, when I travelled alone, I'd take off this stupid eyepatch so I could look at him."

 

"I can look away."

 

"It's ok..." Jamie sighed and carefully pulled off the eyepatch, exposing his empty socket to the night breeze, and to Daryl.

 

"Doesn't look bad."

 

"Thanks."

 

"Rick wants to look for Matthias, try and find Negan."

 

"He's not difficult to find."

 

"What?"

 

Jamie pointed, and Daryl turned to look at the man stood in the open grass.

 

"He never had the patience to perform stakeouts."

 

"I can shoot him from here."

 

"No, let me talk to him first. He might not know where Negan is, he could lead us straight to him."

 

"Fine, but if he tries anything."

 

"Aim for the legs."

 

He sighed and picked up a staff off the ground, only for Daryl to grab his wrist.

 

"Be careful."

 

Jamie could feel his face getting flushed.

 

"Always."

 

The loss of contact made him spring back into action, climbing down the wall and out the gate into the field towards the man.

 

Matthias had changed.

 

His once buzzed hair was grown out into a long black ponytail, his cleanshaven face had stubble growing, and his once kind blue eyes were full of hatred.

 

"I don't see why Negan let you live." He growled, "I should've put you down and used you as walker bait."

 

"Nice to see you too, Matthias."

 

"I see you gave up with your vow of silence, and your constant wandering too."

 

"We don't have to fight, I found somewhere for us. You can come back."

 

"You don't get it, do you?" Matthias laughed bitterly, "There is no coming back. There is no happy ending where Fletcher comes back and we all watch the sunrise! You're so fucking deluded!"

 

"I can't change the past, and I'm sorry, but we can still have a future together. As brothers."

 

"Do you ever open your fucking eyes, Jamie? Negan made me stronger. You couldn't possibly understand!"

 

"I don't want to lose you."

 

"Fuck you. When I find Negan, we're coming to tear this shit to the ground. I'll finally be able to put you down for good while my family watches. I'll gut you and use your walker head as a trophy."

 

"Ok."

 

"That's it? That's all you can say?"

 

"If you find Negan, tell him he has poor taste in men."

 

Daryl watched Matthias storm back into the woods from his crossbow, it seemed like he was just as clueless as Rick as to where Negan was lurking. He frowned at the new knowledge and put his crossbow down just as Jamie slumped down against the wall and took his face in his hands in defeat.

 

"Maybe I'm rooting for a lost cause..."

 

"Hey," Daryl spoke softer than normal, sitting down beside Jamie and patting his arm, "You're alright."

 

"I don't understand how my brother could be so... cold."

 

"Merle was like that. He was one stubborn piece of shit..." He sighed, "He wasn't a good man, but he wasn't evil."

 

"What happened to Merle?"

 

"Died. Became a walker. I made sure he weren't one anymore."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"No, don't be sorry."

 

"Have you ever... been with someone before?"

 

"Not in the way you and Fletcher were, nah."

 

"How come? You're a good man."

 

Daryl shrugged.

 

"Never felt into someone."

 

"What, like romantically? Or sexually?"

 

"What?"

 

"Like, you've never thought about having sex with someone."

 

"No."

 

"And you've never thought about just being with someone without sex."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Picture someone in your head that you'd be in a relationship with."

 

"Ok..."

 

"Can you imagine spending time with that person, hugging, kissing... Just being close with them?"

 

Daryl frowned, "Yes."

 

"Ok... Can you imagine having sex with that person?"

 

"No."

Chapter 7: Shoots and Ladders

Chapter Text

Connie sat next to Daryl at the table and gave him a gentle smile.

 

'Waiting for something?'

 

'Jamie. He can't aim well because of his eye, gonna take him to practice.'

 

'You seem to really like Jamie.'

 

'Dog likes him too.'

 

'You know you can tell me if there's anything going on, right?'

 

Daryl looked at Connie in confusion.

 

'Yeah?'

 

'You'll still be the same Daryl, no matter what.'

 

'What do you mean?'

 

'Nothing, just if you're feeling... confused about things, you can tell me.'

 

'Ok...'

 

Jamie hadn't slept well.

 

Being in a camp meant that there were many things for him to misjudge the position of and end up walking into.

His shoulder was beginning to hurt from rattling it off of the doorway multiple times. There were times where he could brush it off like a casual mistake, but he could tell people were starting to notice how often it was happening.

 

Daryl watched on as Jamie not-so-subtly stuck his hand out where he thought the table was, only to quickly move it to where it actually was.

 

"Morning."

 

"Hey..." Jamie watched Daryl hold a pan too far up above the campfire, "What're you doing?"

 

"Breakfast."

 

"Pass me the pan?"

 

Daryl handed it over and Jamie moved it closer to the flame, letting the meat actually cook properly.

 

"Found a spot in the forest, walkers."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Need a hand clearing all them out."

 

Jamie checked the food before sitting it in front of Daryl.

 

"Sure..." He picked up some spare string and tied his hair back into a low ponytail, "Not sure how much help I'll be though."

 

"You'll do fine." It was a gruff, but genuine admission, "Now pick up that staff."

 

By the time Jamie had picked it up and was ready, Daryl had already finished eating and had his crossbow slung across his back.

 

"How quickly did you eat that?"

 

"Gotta get moving." He pushed the gate open and started the trek, Jamie tagging along behind him.

 

"How many walkers?"

 

"Not how many, where they are."

 

"Where?"

 

Daryl pointed out at the river in front of them.

 

"Good place for target practice."

 

"You said that there were walkers here."

 

"There is." He pointed again, this time at a tree. A walker had been tied up to it and was emitting a low guttural snarl.

 

"Why is there a walker tied to a tree?"

 

"Target practice."

 

Daryl handed a bow to Jamie.

 

"I can't."

 

"You can."

 

Jamie frowned, taking the bow from Daryl and drawing the string back, testing the strength.

Nocking back an arrow, he released it, sending the arrow splitting through a nearby bush.

 

"I told you."

 

"Aim more left." He handed Jamie another arrow and watched him draw it back, "It's all muscle memory."

 

"Left?"

 

Daryl took hold of Jamie's arm and moved it towards the left so it was pointing at the walker.

 

"There."

 

"You sure?"

 

"Trust me."

 

He reluctantly nodded and, with Daryl's hands still guiding his arms, let go of the arrow straight into the walker's chest.

 

"Holy shit."

 

"Not bad."

 

Jamie couldn't help it, being able to hit something, albeit, with help, it made him smile. Daryl noticed, and gave a half-smile back.

 

"Pass me another arrow?"

 

"Sure," Daryl did he was asked and looked at his hands, "Want me to let go?"

 

"No."

 

"Alright."

 

By the time an hour passed, the tied up walker was peppered with multiple arrows, and Daryl had taken to showing Jamie how to skim stones.

 

"I don't get how you're doing it."

 

"S'all about the way you throw." He pulled his arm back and quickly tossed the stone, watching it bounce on the water before vanishing under the wave.

 

Jamie picked up the flat stone Daryl gave him and tossed it. It hit the water with a splash and immediately sank, making Jamie groan in frustration.

 

"How?"

 

"Been gone for a while, let's head back."

 

"Yeah..."

 

Daryl gathered up the scattered arrows and made his way back with Jamie.

 

"How'd you realise?"

 

Jamie looked confused.

 

"Realise what?"

 

"You like men."

 

"Oh," His face turned red from the question, "I guess it depends... I would get that fluttery feeling around other boys. I never felt interested in girls, I thought they were pretty, but not..."

 

"Like men."

 

He nodded.

 

"Like men."

 

"What about Fletcher?"

 

"He liked both, why?"

 

"Just like listening."

 

The gate swung open and Rick stepped out to greet the two.

 

"Carol asked to see us in Alexandria, said it was important."

Chapter 8: Roadtrip

Chapter Text

Jamie ushered Dog into the backseat of the car and sat down. He didn't mind taking the backseat while Rick and Daryl sat up front, especially considering how he and Rick were amicable at best.

 

Dog had happily made himself comfortable lying across Jamie's lap before letting out a yawn and promptly falling asleep.

 

"Carol say exactly what was going on?" Daryl asked, looking out at the dirt road.

 

"She's not entirely sure, some of the others think there's a group nearby scoping it out."

 

"Stragglers of saviours, or whisperers?"

 

"Could be, they can't get close enough to tell."

 

Daryl decided to break the next silence that followed.

 

"How's the nose?"

 

"Better."

 

Leaning his head back, Jamie attempted to hide how tired he felt with petting Dog. The low rumbling of the car paired with the idleness of driving made him close his eye to rest it.

 

"His brother doesn't know where Negan is."

 

Rick frowned, "He's part of Negan's group, wouldn't he have been told where he was?"

 

"Could be playing dumb."

 

"How'd you even find out? I thought he didn't know where his brother was."

 

"Showed up while on watch, looks like he's been following Jamie since encountering Negan."

 

"There's the gate there, we can properly question him before letting him walk around."

 

The car rolled to a stop and both Rick and Daryl stepped out into Alexandria. When the back door didn't open, Daryl did it himself and looked in at Dog and Jamie sleeping.

 

"Hey," He said, lightly shaking Jamie's shoulder and startling him awake, "Wake up."

 

"Wasn't sleeping..." Jamie mumbled as he and Dog stepped out of the car, he was still obviously half asleep, "Resting my eyes."

 

"Usually drool while doing that?"

 

Jamie groaned and wiped his mouth, "Neck's stiff."

 

"No wonder," Daryl led him into one of the buildings with Rick, "You sleep like a log."

 

The two sat at the table, with Daryl and Rick facing Jamie.

 

"What's this about?"

 

"You and your brother." Rick watched as Jamie's faint smile turn sour, "Why is he following you?"

 

"He wants to kill me."

 

"That can't be the only reason, he would've known where Negan is."

 

"We've exchanged blows a few times whenever he caught up, exchanged scars too." Jamie reached into his pocket and produced a hooked blade, "This might be why he's so determined to hunt me down though."

 

"A knife?"

 

"A loving gift from Negan to my elated brother. I stole it from him during a scuffle where he tried to gut me with it." He lightly scraped his fingernail across the muddy engraving, "He doesn't know where Negan is because it's fun."

 

"Fun?"

 

"For Negan." He explained like it were obvious, "He knows how obsessed Matthias is with him. He'll play games, his favourite is 'going missing' and having Matthias track him down like a loyal puppy. Gets a kick out of doing it."

 

Rick seemed satisfied with the reply.

 

"Just a few more questions."

 

"Fine."

 

"How many walkers have you killed?"

 

Jamie gave a half-hearted shrug.

 

"I don't keep count. I don't get pleasure out of killing them, I do it because I don't want to die."

 

"How many people have you killed?"

 

"Four."

 

"Why?"

 

"Three were raiders, killed the women that saved me and made sure my eye recovered. They were looking for somewhere safe to settle down together and have a kid."

 

"And the last one?"

 

"I took shelter with a man in his house, he had a baby girl. Mostly ignored her until she cried, that's when he'd start shaking." He stared at the wall behind Rick, not daring to speak above a mumble, "Shook her too hard one night. Must've been lonely, she liked being held."

 

"You killed him?"

 

"I made sure he knew exactly what his baby felt in her last moments."

 

The silence between Daryl and Jamie as they walked into the safe zone felt less comforting than usual.

 

"Want to meet the kids?"

 

Jamie took a cigarette from his pocket and put it in his mouth, prompting Daryl to do the same.

 

"Don't want to be a bad influence."

 

"Need a light?"

 

"Please."

 

Daryl put his head next to Jamie's and flicked open his lighter, lighting both cigarette's with the fire before leaning against a wall, brushing shoulders against Jamie.

 

"Didn't know you smoked."

 

"You didn't know I liked men until I told you," Jamie teased, a playful grin plastered across his face just before it became obscured with smoke.

 

The two watched each other smoke in silence until all that was left were the stamped out butts on the dirt.

 

"Want to show you something."

 

"Sure."

 

Daryl led Jamie round the back of one of the houses where it was quieter before handing over a leather eyepatch.

 

"Should last longer than that cloth one you're wearing."

 

"You made this?" Jamie asked, taking off his old eyepatch and holding the new one in his hands. Daryl took the old cloth off of Jamie's hands.

 

"With that deer we hunted."

 

He watched Jamie carefully strap it on into place.

 

"You didn't have to do that for me."

 

"Didn't have to do lots of things."

 

The sudden hug startled Daryl, but he was quick to return it, wrapping an arm around Jamie's back and patting it.

 

"Thank you."

 

"Don't worry about it."

 

Jamie was the one to break off the embrace, looking slightly embarrassed at his actions.

 

"I... I'm going to go introduce myself to the others."

 

"Sure."

 

Daryl looked down at the worn down cloth in his hand and looped it through his belt, tying a knot.

 

He wandered off to go looking for Carol.

Chapter 9: Making deals with the devil

Chapter Text

Daryl sat up in bed and scratched his face slightly, the moon shining through the window and directly into his eyes. Lacing up his boots, he stood up and decided to wander outside to smoke.

 

The shuffle of feet and swaying silhouette was the first thing he noticed.

 

Pulling the knife from his belt, he carefully approached the shuffling thing and reached out to stab it before stopping in his tracks.

 

"Jamie?"

 

He watched as Jamie kept shuffling, creating an almost perfect circle in the grass. It was obvious he had been shuffling around for a while.

 

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" He hissed, giving Jamie a light shove, "Thought you were a damn walker."

 

It wasn't until he waved his hand in front of Jamie's face when he realised that he wasn't awake. Daryl sighed and took him by the arm to try and lead him back to bed, but decided to hoist him up onto his shoulder and march back.

 

Jamie woke up to Daryl sat across from him.

 

"Were you watching me?" He asked, rubbing his eye.

 

"You look like a walker when you sleepwalk, nearly took your damn head off." Daryl watched Jamie get up and put his eyepatch on, "Made sure you didn't get yourself killed if any of the others saw you and pulled a gun."

 

"Sorry..."

 

"Don't be," He paused, "Or you can come meet Carol."

 

"Alright, lead the way."

 

Carol smiled when she saw Daryl wander over and sit next to her.

 

"Didn't think you'd be coming back so soon."

 

"Hit the road the moment we got your message."

 

"Who's this?" She asked, gesturing to Jamie.

 

"Found him, he looked after buddy when he got bit by a badger." He grabbed hold of Jamie's sleeve and pulled him to sit down, "He's good."

 

"You seem to really like him," Carol smiled before pulling out a comb and going through Daryl's hair, "You're going to get mats in your hair if you don't brush regularly."

 

Daryl sighed and leaned his head back, letting Carol reach.

 

"I'll make myself one."

 

Jamie watched casually until he reached to scratch at his own head. Carol shook her head and looked at Daryl.

 

"I'm going to have to go through his hair with the comb too, aren't I?"

 

"Please don't," Jamie baulked, "I don't have straight hair."

 

"There's a lake near here you can clean your hair and the mud on you in, Daryl can show you." She handed the comb to Daryl, "Get your hair wet and go through it again, it should get them all."

 

"Thanks, Carol, you put up with this a lot."

 

"Please," She smiled, "Your hair would be a matted mess if it weren't for me. It's the least I can do."

 

Jamie was not happy being sent to the lake.

 

"This has got to be the one time where I'm jealous of Matthias." He sighed and looked out at the water and took his light blue flannel jacket off, leaving him in his tank top, "What're you going to do?"

 

"Finish combing, make sure nothing sneaks up on you while washing."

 

"Well, could you look away until I'm in the water?"

 

Daryl shrugged and turned around, letting Jamie strip down and reach chest high with the cold water.

 

"Should I turn back round now?"

 

"Yeah..."

 

He turned around and lazily dipped the comb into the water.

 

"Know you probably want to do this alone."

 

"Don't worry about it," Jamie scrubbed the mud off his body and sighed, "Know what I miss?"

 

"What?"

 

"Hot water," He joked, "This lake is freezing."

 

Daryl smiled, "You get used to it."

 

Jamie stepped out of the water and wrung his hair. He went down to pick up his clothes before noticing Daryl's eyes glancing over him.

 

"Looking at something?"

 

"Nothin'."

 

He turned his head to look at what Daryl was looking at.

 

"Most of them are from my brother, that or very angry cats when I was a vet." He laughed lightly, trying to ease the sudden mood shift, "I'm used to scars."

 

"What about the one on your face?"

 

"A boyfriend." Jamie caught the sudden frown, "Not Fletcher."

 

"Knife?"

 

"I think." Jamie put his trousers back on, "Wouldn't be surprised if he was still kicking about."

 

"What's he look like?"

 

"No," He sat down next to Daryl with a wry look, "Don't go running after the dude, I'll let you know if he ever shows up, but I'm not having you go on a manhunt."

 

"Ok."

 

They sat together, shoulders touching. Jamie turned his head to meet Daryl's gaze.

 

"What's with that look?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"You look like you're going to do something."

 

He watched Daryl's eyes look lower.

 

"Might."

 

"Well, ho-ly!" Came a familiar voice, "Look what we got here!"

 

Daryl looked at the leather-cladded man and scowled, picking up his crossbow and pointing it.

 

"Some nerve-"

 

Negan raised his hand and interrupted Daryl, gesturing to Jamie.

 

"Well shit, now would ya look at that?" He smirked, "One-eyed Willie, in the fucking flesh!"

 

"Negan."

 

Daryl glowered and stood in front of Jamie, making Negan laugh.

 

"I see you enjoy having the attack dog as your friend." He gestured his bat just under Daryl's chin, "Though from my perspective, looks like something else were about to go down."

 

"Fuckin' kill you-"

 

"Now now Dixon," Negan cooed, "I'm not here to judge, though might I say 'bout fucking time? Always sorta knew."

 

"You're looking for my brother."

 

"Bingo!" The bat moved away from Daryl and instead came close to Jamie's exposed eye socket, "Tell me where he is, and maybe Lucille here won't have to take that other eye of yours."

 

"I don't know."

 

"What a load of balls."

 

"He'll show up tonight, wants to kill me just for you."

 

"Well shit, now why would I want you dead?" Negan tutted and brushed a strand of Jamie's hair out of the way of his eye, "I think it's fuckin' cute as shit what you've got going on here. You and little Dixon there, wouldn't have pegged him as your type though. Thought you'd like someone who doesn't... smell like wet dog."

 

"Least he doesn't take people's brothers."

 

"The bar that low for you?"

 

"I'd advise you do your best to keep yourself alive for Matthias," Jamie advised, pushing Negan's bat away with his staff, "He wouldn't like to see that I've went and turned you into a scarecrow, now."

 

"Ha! Gotta give it to ya, that was a fuckin' creative threat." He smirked, "You wouldn't mind if I used that sometime, would you?"

 

Daryl shot a bolt into the ground at Negan's feet.

 

"Get to the point." He growled.

 

"Fine fine..." Negan shook his head dismissively, "I'll come back tonight, you two better show up. If the lovely Matthias doesn't show up, I'll beat the shit out of you worse than he did. If he does show up though, you have my word that he won't try kill you."

 

Jamie spoke before Daryl had the chance to interrupt him.

 

"Fine."

 

"Good lad."

Chapter 10: Bear and grin it

Chapter Text

"The hell was that?" Daryl snapped, "Making deals with Negan?"

 

"It's not like he was going to attack the camp-"

 

"Not the point! Why are you so damn eager to get yourself hurt?"

 

Jamie frowned.

 

"I don't know."

 

"There's other ways to deal with your issues than flingin' yourself headfirst into danger like that."

 

"Like what?"

 

"Like..." Daryl gave Jamie a light shove.

 

"What was that for?" Jamie shoved back.

 

"Letting off steam."

 

The two kept shoving each other until Daryl wrestled Jamie to the dirt and narrowly avoided the incoming boot to the face.

 

"Jesus Christ, you feel like a brick wall." Jamie winced, trying to wriggle out from underneath Daryl's pin.

 

"You feel like a bear."

 

He flushed red from the comparison, "What's that supposed to mean?"

 

"You don't look too threatening until you're up close."

 

"Can't tell if that's meant to be a compliment or an insult..." Jamie kept talking in an attempt to keep Daryl distracted while he put his hands underneath his chest, "What were you going to do before Negan interrupted?"

 

"Compliment." He shifted his weight slightly to look at Jamie better, "Planning on pushing me off?"

 

"Might."

 

"I'm almost 200lbs, must have some upper body strength you got hiding under all that."

 

Jamie rolled over underneath Daryl and wrestled him so he was now pinned against the other.

 

"No need to brute force something if an easier opening presents itself." He smirked, "Your move."

 

"And if brute force is your only option?" Daryl asked, grabbing the back of Jamie's shirt and pulling him off. The two sat back upright to look out at the water.

 

"Against Negan, you mean."

 

"You don't know if Matthias'll show up or not."

 

"Worth a shot."

 

"And if you're wrong?"

 

"I... I don't know," Jamie put his face in his hands and sighed, "I suppose I keep doing things like this because I feel like I deserve it deep down."

 

"What's there to punish? You not saving Fletcher?"

 

"Yeah..."

 

"Listen to me." Daryl nudged Jamie so they were looking at each other, "There weren't nothing you could do."

 

"But-"

 

"But nothin', you and I both know how this shit works. Once you're bitten, there's no stopping or curing anything. You keep blaming yourself for him dying, what's that gonna do?" He prodded Jamie's chest, "That how you want to remember him by? False hope that you could've done something?"

 

Whatever wall Jamie had built up inside crumbled at that moment, and he broke down under the weight of grief. Daryl put an arm of solace around his trembling shoulders.

 

Daryl had heard the howls of agony from someone losing a loved one before. Too many times now.

 

He did the only thing he could really think of and pulled Jamie closer, letting his tear-stained cheek rest on his shoulder.

 

"I... I couldn't..." Jamie asked, barely above a whisper. Daryl shook his head and rubbed small circles in Jamie's arm.

 

"No... No, you couldn't."

 

The two hugged each other tighter.

 

"I don't think I've cried like that since... since my dog died." Jamie sniffled, trying to make a joke.

 

"What was your dog called?"

 

"Prometheus, or Promos for short. He looked like he could tear a man apart but he was a massive baby who cried when he broke his toys."

 

"He sounds like he was a good boy."

 

"Dog should be back to his normal self soon."

 

"We should head back too, before Rick sends a search party."

 

Daryl held out his hand and helped pull Jamie to his feet. Neither of them let go of the others hand, but that was fine. They liked how their rough hands felt comforting in each others grasp.

 

They didn't say anything, but they didn't need to. The silence clung to the two like an old friend. It took silence to savour their surreptitious touch, for when the gates to Alexandria opened once again to welcome them to the fold, they had to sever their gentle connection.

 

They still had the rest of the day to prepare for Negan.

Chapter 11: A violent introduction to romance

Chapter Text

"Hey lil' ass-kicker."

 

"Uncle Daryl!" Judith lit up and hugged Daryl tightly, "You came back!"

 

"'Course I did, how could I leave you behind?"

 

"Who's the man you were smoking with?"

 

"That's Jamie," He sat next to Judith and handed her a pencil, "He's a friend, helped Dog when he got hurt."

 

"Is Dog ok?"

 

"He's fine, he's been following Carol around."

 

"Good." She looked down at her drawing, "Why isn't Jamie talking to people?"

 

"He... He's upset, that's all. You wouldn't want to talk to lots of strangers when you're sad, right?"

 

"Why's he sad? Because of his eye?"

 

"Not that, it's... You know how Aaron and Eric loved each other?"

 

"Did Jamie have a boyfriend?"

 

Daryl nodded, "He did."

 

"Did he die?"

 

"Yeah, it made him sad."

 

Jamie stayed hunched over while he worked on the horses' hooves, carefully trimming them so they were all uniform. He almost didn't hear the quiet approach of another person over the scraping noise of file against hoof.

 

"Do you like horses?" Carol asked.

 

"I like a lot of animals."

 

"You've not talked to anyone else since you got here."

 

Jamie shrugged and pat the horse's back, seemingly finished with his handiwork.

 

"I'm not that interesting."

 

"Daryl seems to disagree."

 

Carol watched Jamie step out from the horses and lean against the wall, his hair clinging to his forehead from the effort.

 

"And what does Daryl think?"

 

"He likes you, that's enough for pretty much everyone else."

 

"I..." He looked hesitant, "I would've left if it weren't for him."

 

"Do you plan on leaving anytime soon?"

 

"No... No I don't."

 

Daryl watched Jamie walk aimlessly around the camp before he made his way over, he gave a nod and gestured to Judith. 

 

"This is Judith."

 

Judith smiled up at Jamie.

 

"Hi, uncle Daryl told me about you."

 

"Did he?" Jamie sat down next to them both, "What did uncle Daryl tell you?"

 

"He said you were sad about your boyfriend."

 

"I guess so."

 

"What happened to him?"

 

"He..." He looked at Judith and smiled softly, "He died quite a while ago, a walker got him."

 

She nodded and handed Jamie a pencil.

 

"What was he like before he died?"

 

"He was very smart, a lot of people respected him. He always saw the best in others, even if they couldn't see it in themselves."

 

Daryl watched as Jamie and Judith talked to each other. He noticed how happier Jamie looked talking to some of the others, it was obvious he was starting to enjoy being in a group again.

 

The blame he placed on himself seemed to have lifted from his shoulders, and there was a new outlook on life he had opened himself out of his shell to.

 

"Alright lil' ass-kicker, 'bout time you went and finished your homework. Jamie and I are going to talk outside."

 

"Fine..."

 

"Hey," Daryl smiled and pat Judith on the head, "I might bring you something back if you're good."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yep."

 

Daryl led Jamie to the lake where they found Negan and the two sat down to wait for either Matthias or Negan to show up again.

 

"Lil' Ass-Kicker," Jamie said, smiling, "It definitely suits her."

 

"It does."

 

Jamie tilted his head to the side, leaning a little bit against Daryl's shoulder.

 

"You're making the 'I want to talk' face again."

 

"How are you feeling?"

 

"I'm a lot better, that whole conversation we had... It helped a lot, I realised I was clinging onto a lot of things."

 

Daryl nodded.

 

"Good."

 

"Negan... He said a lot of things."

 

"He did."

 

"Were any of them true?"

 

"Like what?"

 

Jamie reached out a hand and gently pushed some hair out of Daryl's face to look at him better.

 

"You tell me."

 

"Hate to interrupt such a... touching moment," Negan said, "But I believe we have a deal."

 

"We do." Jamie got to his feet and walked over, Daryl picked up his crossbow and scowled.

 

"Now, do you remember what it was that I said? Cause if I'm not mistaken, and I'm never mistaken." He glowered, "I don't see Matthias, do you?"

 

"No."

 

Negan tutted Jamie and shook his head, "I thought you were a man of your word Jamie, you mean to tell me I can't trust you?"

 

"He'll come."

 

"I'm gonna turn you into a fuckin' piñata, but instead of candy all you'll be spilling is your fucking guts with my dirty girl."

 

Lucille's barbs scraped across Jamie's cheekbone, Negan smirked at his stoicism.

 

"You and little Dixon, you two don't scare easy." He patted Jamie's head, "I like that. Shit, I like that a lot. You two really do make a pair."

 

"I'm gonna fucking kill you." Daryl snarled, loading a bolt into his crossbow.

 

Negan sighed and scraped Lucille down Jamie's front, splitting open the fabric of his shirt and staining it red as blood began to bead to the surface and spill down his skin.

 

"Need I remind you that I have your boyfriend here at the end of my little vampire bat?" He smiled, "Any more out of you and I'll have to whet little Lucille's appetite, and I'd hate to nip in the bud such an... unorthodox relationship."

 

He watched Daryl lower his crossbow and grinned wider.

 

"That's what I-"

 

"Behind you."

 

Negan turned around and spotted the black-haired man, he lowered Lucille from Jamie's chest.

 

"Matthias, you came back."

 

"I've been looking for you ever since you left Negan," He dipped his head slightly before pointing an accusatory finger at Jamie, "He stole my sword you gifted to me, I should kill him for you."

 

"Don't. Not yet, anyways." Negan patted Matthias' shoulder, "He kept his word."

 

"But-"

 

"But nothing, now come with me. We have unfinished business to attend to with Rick the prick."

 

Jamie waited until the two had vanished into the woods to wince and rub his chest.

 

"Negan called us boyfriends."

 

"You need to get patched up." Daryl grabbed Jamie's wrist and started leading him back.

 

"He called his boyfriends and you didn't say anything against it."

 

"So?"

 

"So why didn't you?" He stopped in his tracks and pulled his wrist to turn Daryl around, "It's little scratches from barbed wire, I'll survive."

 

"Let's just go."

 

"Answer the question." Jamie lightly shoved Daryl.

 

"We're going." He shoved back.

 

Jamie went to shove again, but Daryl grabbed him by the arm and wrestled him to the ground, straddling his body to keep him from moving.

 

"You don't want to answer the question, do you?"

 

"No."

 

Jamie freed his hands and used them to grapple Daryl's collar.

 

"Fine, I'll do it for you."

 

He pulled him down and crashed his lips into Daryl's mouth.

The two ended up headbutting each other with the force Jamie pulled at, and they landed in a messy heap on top of one another.

 

Daryl lay on the ground for a moment, too stunned to say anything until he blinked a few times and felt his face.

 

"Jamie?" He asked, turning to look at an equally stunned looking Jamie.

 

"Yeah...?"

 

"Your nose is bleeding."

 

Jamie lightly touched his nose and looked at the blood on his fingertips.

 

"I guess that makes me even with Rick."

Chapter 12: Between supposed lovers

Chapter Text

The blood wouldn't stop flowing.

 

Jamie could feel his hair stick to his head as he clutched feverishly at the wound. He just had to apply pressure, it was a bite, just like any other kind he saw at work.

His vision was going blurry as he looked down at the body in his arms, he was crying, he was crying and he didn't know why.

 

It was just a bite, it's just a bite.

 

So why wasn't it getting any better?

 

A hand gently caressed his tear-stained cheek and he looked back down.

 

"I-I can't..." He could barely speak between his sobs, "Fletch, please..."

 

"It's ok..." Fletcher wiped the tears from his broken lover, "You know what's going to happen."

 

Jamie shook his head.

 

"You can't."

 

"Come on little bear, look at me." He smiled sadly, "You've seen what happens to people when they get bit by those... things."

 

"You can't... you..."

 

"Hey, you're going to make me feel bad..." Fletcher teased, "Promise me something?"

 

"What...?"

 

"Don't go throwing your life away mourning me, ok? I know what you're like... You deserve to be happy, don't go all... Queen Victoria on me."

 

He smiled again when Jamie laughed.

 

"I don't want you to go."

 

"I'll always be here." Fletcher barely pointed up, "Remember?"

 

"I... I love you."

 

"I love you too."

 

The warmth of blood was the only thing Jamie could focus on, it was sticky and viscous as it dried on his hands. He couldn't bear to look, even though he could tell he was dead.

 

The blood never did quite stop flowing that night.

 

Jamie wiped his cuts in the mirror and sighed at his sorry reflection. Sometimes, whenever he stared for too long, his hands would be caked in that same forever oozing blood. Stained by the reminder that life would never be the same for him.

 

"Didn't sleep?"

 

"Fuck," He jumped from the noise and turned to look at Daryl leaning against the doorframe, "Good morning to you too."

 

"Nose isn't bleeding any more."

 

"Yeah... I'm sorry about that."

 

"Hope that ain't how you always kiss folk, in for a rough time if so."

 

"It's not, don't worry," He gave a half-smile and looked down at his cuts.

 

Daryl tilted his head slightly.

 

"Comin'?"

 

"Yeah... Let me just find a shirt..."

 

"Here," He handed a shirt over, "One of mine."

 

Jamie pulled the light brown shirt over his shoulders and looked at the very noticeable lack of sleeves.

 

"Thanks."

 

"Looks good."

 

He led Jamie outside by the wrist and stopped just short of the gate. Judith looked up at Daryl and smiled excitedly.

 

"Is Jamie coming too?" she asked.

 

"Yep," Daryl hoisted himself up onto the back of a draught horse and gently lifted Judith up behind him, "Remember to hold on tightly."

 

"What's Jamie gonna do?"

 

"I'll be fine," He insisted, "I can walk."

 

"Nah you won't, get up on that white one." Daryl pointed at a smaller horse, "Tie it next to mine if you don't know how to ride."

 

Jamie tied the horse's reigns to Daryl's and carefully climbed up onto its back.

 

"I know how to ride, I just..." He trailed off while gesturing to his face.

 

"Not confident with sight."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Fair," Daryl led the way down a wooded trail, "How you holdin' up lil' ass-kicker?"

 

"I'm good uncle Daryl."

 

The narrow trail eventually grew larger until it split out into a river. Daryl got down and helped Judith down after him, tying his horse to a nearby tree before looking up at Jamie.

 

"Need a hand?"

 

Jamie nodded sheepishly.

 

He brought his leg around so he was sat sideways and Daryl reached up and grabbed hold of his waist.

 

"Just slide forwards off, I'll lift you down."

 

"Are you sure?" Jamie asked.

 

"'Course I'm sure, quit idling and get down."

 

Jamie slid forwards and Daryl held him up with ease, gently lifting him down to the ground next to Judith.

 

Daryl pulled out some fishing rods and handed them to the two before heading down to the water's edge, Judith and Jamie close at his heels.

 

"Come sit down you two."

 

Judith sat next to Daryl and smiled widely.

 

"Are we going to keep the fish we catch?"

 

"Sure, give you somethin' different to eat."

 

Jamie sat down and looked out at the river.

 

Fishing was relatively peaceful, with Judith catching the most fish out of them all, though, he left his line in the water on purpose so he wouldn't catch anything. He instead decided to watch Judith and Daryl happily fish together.

 

The ride back was interrupted when an arrow lodged itself into the side of Jamie's horse, causing it to violently rear up. He quickly tore his knife from his pocket and slashed the tied reigns from Daryl's horse before it bolted, leaving him clinging on for dear life.

 

He risked looking at the arrow behind him and immediately recognised the feathers, causing him to loudly swear.

 

Matthias had shot his fucking horse.

 

By the time he could gather his senses, his horse suddenly reared up again, this time knocking him off balance and to the ground. His heart pounded a mile a minute in his chest when he saw what caused it to rear up and run away.

 

Jamie clutched his staff and looked at his right arm when he realised the blindingly hot pain erupting from it. He just about refrained from vomiting when he saw his broken arm, twisted and bent out of shape.

 

His vision spun as he turned to look at the walkers who scared his horse.

 

"I am so fucking sick of you things." He snarled.

 

Daryl practically leapt from his horse and charged through the gates, startling the survivors as he dropped Judith off and set off at a gallop.

 

Urging his horse on harder, Daryl hounded after the tracks until he reached the clearing where Jamie fell off.

 

"Jamie?!" He yelled, looking around wildly for the man.

 

The silence that answered back made him more eager to locate him, spurring the horse to walk before there was a squishing under-hoof. He looked down to see what his horse was walking on when he saw the remains of walkers littered about.

 

He looked closely at each walker, making sure he didn't spot Jamie in amongst the corpses. He noticed a walker behaving strangely, bent over and attempting to claw at something.

 

Or someone.

 

Daryl hit the ground running as he stabbed the walker, climbing on top of it and ripping the knife out and driving it back in again and again and again.

 

"It's dead." Came a disheartened voice. Daryl turned around and held Jamie's face, pressing his forehead against Jamie's in relief.

 

"Shit, the hell were you thinkin'?"

 

"Nice to see you too," Jamie sighed in relief and let go of his bloody staff in favour of holding the side of Daryl's face, "You're a sight for sore eyes... Well, eye." He laughed drily at his own joke before grimacing in pain.

 

"You weren't bit, were you?" Daryl asked, pulling his head away.

 

"No..." He batted the air wearily, "No I wasn't."

 

"You sure?"

 

"Check me if you want."

 

Daryl searched carefully over Jamie for any signs of infection, any bites, scratches, anything that would've ripped him out of his grasp.

 

"Nothin'." He held Jamie tighter, kissing his head in relief, "How the hell did you survive?"

 

"It was only four... Some were distracted with eating the horse."

 

Daryl looked at the mud-covered carcass of Jamie's horse and frowned.

 

"Are you hurt?"

 

"Broke my arm falling off the horse, I guess I'm glad it's not the one I write with."

 

"Let's get you back."

 

He lifted Jamie up in a bridal hold and sat him on his horse before getting up himself. Jamie slumped against Daryl's back and wrapped his arm around his waist.

 

"My hero..." He mumbled, resting his head against Daryl's shoulder.

Chapter 13: Watch your 6

Chapter Text

Carol wrapped another strip of cloth around Jamie's arm and sighed at the makeshift cast they made.

 

"How'd you discover how to make plaster?" She asked, coating the fabric in the plaster.

 

"You don't get many animal-shaped casts, we often had to DIY our own." Jamie shrugged, "It's just flour and water to make plaster of Paris, which is what casts are usually made with."

 

"How's this?"

 

Jamie wiggled his fingers and nodded.

 

"Good, not too tight."

 

He used an old shirt to tie his arm up into a makeshift sling and rubbed the back of his neck, nursing all the aches and pains that surfaced after the adrenaline left his system.

 

"What spooked the horse?" Carol asked, gesturing for Jamie to sit back down.

 

"Got hit with an arrow, made it bolt out of fear."

 

"Quick thinking, cutting the reigns like that," She handed him a cigarette, "Could've turned nasty if the other horse went too."

 

"I'm used to split-second decisions," Jamie sighed, "I'm just glad Daryl showed up when he did, otherwise I'd have been a walkers chew toy."

 

"Try to take it easy while it heals."

 

"Thanks, Carol."

 

Jamie wandered aimlessly around the camp before sitting down next to Dog. He held his hand out to invite himself to pet Dog before smiling softly.

 

"Funny," He mused, "The moment you get better, I get myself hurt."

 

Dog tilted his head to one side and wagged his tail, making Jamie laugh.

 

"I see where Daryl gets his confused head tilt from," Jamie patted Dog's back, "You two are lucky that you're both cute, otherwise I'd have left."

 

"Jamie."

 

"Hello Rick," He didn't bother looking up, "Something on your mind?"

 

"Just wanted to talk about what happened."

 

"Sure."

 

Rick sat down next to Jamie and reached out to pet Dog, much to Dog's excitement.

 

"When the horse started to bolt, and you cut the reigns... That was very smart of you."

 

"Not really, just common sense."

 

"It was," Rick insisted, "Not many in that short amount of time would think about where the horse was tied."

 

Jamie gave a nonchalant shrug.

 

"Bolting horses are dangerous, it's my job to try and minimise danger to animals. If Daryl's horse bolted too, it would've hurt him and Judith."

 

"That's why I..." He paused, "I wanted to thank you for that."

 

"Why?"

 

"You made sure Judith didn't get hurt."

 

"She's your daughter, isn't she?"

 

"She is."

 

Jamie nodded.

 

"She's a brilliant kid, you've done an impressive feat, making this place a camp to live in." He met Rick's gaze and offered up a genuine smile, "She takes after you."

 

Daryl swung the axe down, splitting a log into two clean pieces. He had already chopped an excess of firewood, but it kept him busy, so he grabbed another log and raised his arms into the air once more.

 

"You ok?"

 

"Fine," Daryl split another log with a grunt before setting the axe down and looking at Aaron, "Why?"

 

"You've been all over the place as of late, normally you skulk around or go hunting for days."

 

"So?"

 

"So I think it's to do with the mysterious one-eyed stanger you've taken a liking to."

 

"Who, Jamie?"

 

Aaron nodded.

 

"You ran like a bat out of hell when his horse bolted."

 

"'Course I did, he could've died."

 

"The constant sneaking around with him? You two always seem to be hunting or smoking together."

 

"He's a vet, need to make sure the meat's not tainted." Daryl rolled his shoulder to loosen the muscles, "I smoke with the others too."

 

"And whose shirt is that he's wearing?"

 

"Needed a spare."

 

"You know you can tell me if something's going on between you two."

 

Daryl gave Aaron a dubious look.

 

"'Ain't nothin' going on." He grumbled, putting a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it.

 

"That why you've got his old eyepatch tied to your belt?"

 

"Listen," Daryl frowned at Aaron and kept his voice low, "Not your concern."

 

Jamie interrupted the two with a light cough and Aaron watched as Daryl visibly relaxed when he saw him.

 

"Can I borrow your lighter?" He asked, gesturing to the cigarette in his mouth, "I still need to find one myself."

 

"Hold still," Daryl took his cigarette out his mouth and held it against Jamie's, making it light, "There."

 

"Thanks."

 

He turned to look at Aaron and pointed, "We're going round the back to smoke, make sure the kids don't come around."

 

Daryl quietly lead Jamie round the back of some of the houses to speak away from Aaron and the others.

 

"How's the arm?" He asked, concern etched onto his face.

 

"Sore, but I'll survive." Jamie cracked a smile, "Thanks to you, that is."

 

"You're lucky."

 

Jamie shrugged and leaned back against the wall, inviting Daryl closer.

 

"This how we're going to find ways to be together, now that I can't leave the camp without the others? Hiding behind buildings?"

 

"'Less you have a thing for near-death experiences."

 

"Very funny." He muttered sarcastically and wrapped an arm around Daryl, much to the others amusement.

 

Carol picked up one of the fish Judith had caught and began stripping it back, taking off the head and tail. She placed it onto the pan and watched Judith come wandering over from the smell.

 

"Do you know where uncle Daryl is?" Judith asked, "He was cutting wood before he left."

 

"Go ask Aaron, he was with him last. Tell him that his food is ready, that'll get him to come over."

 

"Thank you."

 

She walked over to Aaron and tugged at his sleeve. He looked down and smiled happily at her.

 

"Hello Judith, what's up?"

 

"Have you seen Daryl? I want to ask if Jamie is ok."

 

"He went round the back of the house with him to smoke, I'll lead you over."

 

He smiled and walked around to where Daryl lead Jamie. It was a strange place to smoke, which only drew his suspicions of their behaviour higher when they left. He turned the corner and stood in stunned silence as he watched the two.

 

Judith rounded the corner after Aaron and stopped too when she saw.

 

"Daryl?"

 

Daryl turned around and stood back from Jamie in surprise.

 

"What're you two doing back here?" He asked, shooing them out as he followed, "Told you we were smoking."

 

"Judith wanted to see if Jamie was ok." Aaron protested.

 

"She shouldn't be round here when people are smoking, bad for you."

 

Judith looked up at Daryl.

 

"You weren't smoking, you were kissing."

 

"I weren't, I was making sure his cast was on properly."

 

"By kissing him?"

 

Daryl sighed and put a hand on Judith's head.

 

"We can discuss it over dinner, alright?"

Chapter 14: Are you even sorry?

Chapter Text

Word travels fast in confined spaces.

 

It had happened before, when Jamie was found with a boy in the locker rooms in high school. They made sure to let him know what they thought of him after that.

 

Funny, compared to the apocalypse, the bullying he faced as a teen seemed like a cakewalk.

 

He kept his head down as the camp ate, he knew too well the moment he raised his head that a question would be asked. He brushed off the eyes he could feel burrowing into his skin, despite that, he kept his head firmly focused on his empty plate.

 

"So..." Rick began tersely, obviously trying to avoid setting any of them off, "Do you two want to talk about what happened?"

 

He watched the two for any reaction, and when he didn't receive any, he tried talking again.

 

"You know we all support-"

 

"Fixin' my bike." Daryl announced, getting up from the table and marching off.

 

The eyes all zeroed in on Jamie.

 

"This feels like a fucking intervention."

 

"We just want to let you two know that we support whatever it is that's going on between you two." Carol explained.

 

"I know, I've had this conversation so many times in my life," He snapped defensively, "I knew I was gay when I was in high school, I think I know the whole 'being gay is ok' spiel by now, seeing how many times I've heard it by now."

 

"That's not what-"

 

"I know." He stood up, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to check on the horses."

 

Aaron watched Jamie storm off and sighed.

 

"That went well." He muttered.

 

"I told you Daryl is stubborn," Carol looked at Rick, "He doesn't like talking about himself."

 

Jamie sat down next to Daryl and watched him work on his bike.

 

"Want to get out for a bit?"

 

"On the horse?" Jamie picked up a wrench to play with, "Or on the bike?"

 

"Bike, won't rear up and knock you off." He smiled wryly, making Jamie giggle.

 

"You've convinced me, where to?"

 

Daryl sat down on his bike and checked the wheels.

 

"Hit the road, see what's there."

 

Jamie sat behind Daryl and held onto his waist.

 

"Lead the way."

 

Daryl's motorbike purred away as they headed down the road. Jamie looked out at the walkers who took notice of their arrival, only to vanish out of sight when they got too far away. There was something about the way they moved that always creeped him out, the slow, unending stagger. The deep guttural, yet disturbingly human growl they always emitted whenever they saw something.

 

He knew that they were monsters, but he couldn't help but feel a deep agony in the pit of his chest whenever he thought about the lives that each walker once lived. Did they have a family? Did they die alone? Did someone cling to their lifeless corpse, trying to will the life back into them?

 

The motorbike slowed down and Daryl looked back at Jamie.

 

"You ok?"

 

"What?"

 

"You're cryin' a bit."

 

"Eye's just watery from the breeze, that's all."

 

Negan wandered out from the woods out onto the road in front of them, he raised his hands when Daryl aimed his crossbow at him.

 

"Now now, let's not be too hasty."

 

"What d'you want?" Daryl snapped.

 

"Just a friendly proposition, I'm sure you'd understand." Negan gestured to the woods and Matthias stepped out onto the road, "Between two... groups of 'friends'."

 

Jamie frowned.

 

"What?"

 

"You know, two groups of..."

 

"No, I got that bit, shit-for-brains." He spat, getting off the motorbike and storming over to Matthias, "You're fucking joking me, you little goddamn weasel!"

 

Negan looked confused.

 

"I thought you knew?"

 

"Clearly fucking not!" He grabbed Matthias by the collar and smashed his forehead into his brother's nose with a crunch, shoving him to the ground when he fell backwards.

 

Daryl got off his bike and stood beside Negan, watching the two brothers fight.

 

"I feel like I should be doing something." Negan commented, "Do you?"

 

He looked down at Jamie kicking Matthias in the ribs and shrugged.

 

"Give him a second."

 

Daryl reached down and pulled Jamie back from Matthias, holding him back from swinging again. Negan pulled Matthias up respectively.

 

"Mind telling us both what the shit happened?" Negan asked.

 

"Yeah Matthias, tell us all what fucking happened!" Jamie snarled, being pulled further back by Daryl, "Afterwards I can make you swallow your teeth!"

 

Matthias clutched his nose in pain and groaned.

 

"Are you seriously still upset over that? What happened to your stoicism?"

 

"You ruined my life!"

 

"Jamie was in the army, medic work, he had to follow 'Don't ask, Don't tell'. Otherwise, he'd be barred from the military."

 

Daryl frowned.

 

"You got him kicked out for being gay."

 

"So?" Matthias wiped the blood from his face, "He knew better than to try hiding his relationship with Fletcher to the Officers. I just gave them a reason to investigate. I knew not to let people know, Jamie was careless."

 

"Give me one good reason to not let go of him right now and let him wring your neck."

 

"Because we came for a proposition, not to watch a fight." Negan interrupted, waving Lucille, "We know where Fletcher is, still up and shuffling. It could give you some closure."

 

"What do you want in return?"

 

"To have a conversation with Rick."

 

Daryl looked at Jamie, who wasn't currently attempting to snap Matthias like a twig. He loosened his grip and turned him so they were looking at each other.

 

"Up to you."

 

"That... That fucking bastard..." Jamie lamented, "I got barred from the military, our parents refused to talk to me, even when our dad got cancer."

 

"Don't have to accept it, can just leave."

 

Jamie wiped his face and shook his head, seeming to have calmed down again. He turned to Matthias and Negan quietly, a polite smile veneered across his face.

 

"I'll take up your offer."

 

"I'm sorry." Matthias mumbled.

 

"Would 'sorry' have made any difference Matthias? Does it ever? It's just a word. One word against a thousand actions." Jamie removed his eyepatch and looked into Matthias' eyes, "If you were anything else but my brother, I would've slit your throat in your sleep years ago. Even after it all, I'm still burdened with the knowledge that you're my little brother, and I still, deep down, care about you. I wanted nothing but the best for you and you spat in my face for years, now here you come crawling back, so I just have one question for you, Matthias. One question, before I decide to help you and Negan."

 

"What is it...?"

 

"Why should I forgive you?"

Chapter 15: In layman's terms: We're fucked

Chapter Text

Tension clung to the air around the table that night.

 

Rick's group at one end, and Negan's on the opposite. Michonne stood close by to Rick, making sure Negan was well acquainted with how sharp her blade was.

 

Everyone in the room had reason to kill Negan, but here they all sat.

 

"You said you wanted to talk to me, so talk." Rick narrowed his eyes.

 

Jamie lurked outside the door as the discussions went on, he paced back and forth, thoughts rattling against his skull like ricocheting bullets. He knew Fletcher was long dead, doomed to become one of them, the walkers.

Mindless killing machines only a husk of the people they once were, and the man he once held so desperately dear to him was now one of them.

 

He knew that Fletcher's shambling corpse wouldn't hesitate to try to tear him apart, which is what was plaguing his thoughts. What if he hesitated? What if he can't bring himself to do it? Would killing, putting him down, even solve anything?

 

Turning on his heel, he started another lap of pacing, only to have his arm grabbed by Daryl, making him stop.

 

"Gonna burn a hole through your shoes at this rate."

 

"I'm sorry, I'm just thinking."

 

Daryl sighed and leaned back against the wall, checking up on his crossbow string.

 

"Ridin' a lot on the hope that you see him, you know it won't be him. Not really, anyways."

 

"Why I want you to come with me." He gestured, "Just in case."

 

"Case you can't do it."

 

Jamie nodded sadly, looking down at his cast.

 

"How'd you do it?"

 

"What?"

 

"With... Him."

 

Daryl paused before dipping his head in understanding.

 

"Merle."

 

"Yeah."

 

"I don't know... Just sorta happened. Won't blame you if you can't bring yourself to do it."

 

Jamie lightly kicked the air and changed the subject.

 

"Why are we not allowed to join them?"

 

"Too angry."

 

"Suppose that's fair..." Jamie put a cigarette in his mouth and sighed, "I suppose I should be glad I chose veterinary instead of working at the hospital."

 

"Huh?"

 

"I was supposed to go for a job interview at the hospital in the city, but a storm dropped a tree on my car." He chuckled, "Funny, if I didn't live in the middle of tornado alley, I would probably be dead."

 

"Whereabouts?"

 

"Iowa, you?"

 

"Georgia."

 

"Was it nice?"

 

"Livin' there, or growin' up?" Daryl tried a smile, "Very different things."

 

Jamie shrugged, "Both?"

 

"Livin' there weren't all that bad: good food, nice folk..."

 

"Iowa had corn."

 

Daryl chuckled at the comment.

 

"Growin' up... that were somethin' different. Mom died in a house fire, probably from one of her fuckin' cigarettes..."

 

"Jesus..."

 

"Went missing after that, survived nine days in the woods eating berries to survive. Found my way back, turns out my dad didn't even notice I'd left... Just went into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich."

 

Jamie looked up at Daryl and frowned.

 

"You were just a boy."

 

"What 'bout you? Never talked about your parents."

 

"Dad got a girl pregnant, out popped me. She died in childbirth, so it was just us two for a while."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"He eventually married another girl, out came Matthias." He toyed with his hair, "I think they preferred him, if you ask me."

 

"Why?"

 

"Give it a thought, think about what I look like compared to Matthias."

 

Daryl frowned, but his eyebrows raised in realisation when the dots connected in his head.

 

"Oh." He looked slightly embarrassed, "I hadn't thought..."

 

"Was my hair not a big enough giveaway?" He teased, leaning against Daryl's shoulder, "To be fair, I was made to straighten it as a boy."

 

"Was it..." Daryl seemed lost for words, "Difficult?"

 

"I definitely could tell how differently I was treated, even as a kid."

 

"I didn't know."

 

"But yeah... Once the apocalypse hit, I just gave up trying to reconnect to any sort of culture I could've had."

 

"Could talk to Connie and Kelly, I can ask if you don't feel comfortable."

 

Jamie lifted and gently kissed the back of Daryl's hand.

 

"That's very considerate."

 

"Least I could do for you."

 

The door opened beside the two and Negan walked out, shortly followed by Rick.

 

"We came to an agreement," Rick sighed, "Negan and Matthias will be staying under Father Gabriel's watch in the cells. In exchange, they'll work for us."

 

"This had better be a fuckin' joke."

Chapter 16: Lain to rest

Chapter Text

"Have you heard on the radio?"

 

Jamie dunked the ceramic cup back under the soapy water and shrugged.

 

"Not really, something wrong?"

 

"They said that there was rioting down in the city," Fletcher looked worried, "And that we're to stay indoors."

 

"It'll pass, don't worry."

 

"It sounded worse than normal though... Do you think something's wrong?"

 

"If it were serious, they'd bring the military to deal with it." Jamie picked up his veterinary bag and kissed Fletcher's head, "Mrs Fisher needs help foaling her horse, I won't be long."

 

The look of worry never left Fletcher's face, and for good reason.

 

"This is the place Negan said he'd be."

 

Daryl looked around the field and grimaced.

 

"You sure you want to do this?"

 

"No... But it needs to happen."

 

The two navigated the eaten corpses littered in the field, decay bloated the air, the sharp metallic scent of blood made their eyes water as it gave way to the bitter bile. It was sour, and Jamie had to avoid vomiting from how bad it smelled.

 

"Smells awful..." Daryl covered his nose with a rag, "Like a dead fish lain in the sun to rot."

 

Wet slopping of flesh and gurgling snarls drew their attention to a walker. It was hunched over a corpse of what the two could only begin to assume was human, it was gnawed to the bone in some places, ripped straight from the flesh.

 

"Is... that...?"

 

The walker stood upright with great effort, its bones cracking and straining against the decomposing meat that so desperately clung to it to keep it all together. Jamie cried out when it turned around.

 

Daryl looked at the bloody walker and frowned. It gave them a low, inhuman growl, meat spilling from its mouth as it began its stagger towards Jamie.

 

"That him?" He asked.

 

Jamie looked utterly defeated at the walker.

 

"Fletch...?" Jamie stepped forwards, closing the gap between the two, "Fletch, it's Jamie."

 

"Stand back from it."

 

He pushed Fletcher back before he could bite and teared up.

 

"You always were the better man," He laughed, trying to hide the fire in his chest, "You bastard..."

 

Fletcher snarled, only for Jamie to shove him harder.

 

"Why can't you just stay down, you selfish prick?!" He spat between sobs, "Was it not enough that you died?!"

 

Daryl watched as the staff cracked across the walker's head, Jamie crawled on top of it as it hit the ground and struck it in the head over and over and over as he wept. He gently touched Jamie's shoulder, turning him around to look at him.

 

"It's done."

 

Jamie curled up in the grass until his sobs ran ragged and he was left to dry-heave. Daryl rubbed his back, offering what little comfort he could provide to the anguish that consumed the man he cared so much about.

He looked at the walker Jamie viciously assaulted, its head now caved in and open to the maggots that would soon devour what evidence was there that they were even there.

 

"Fletcher... Fletcher died a long time ago." Jamie croaked, his voice raw from mourning.

 

"He did."

 

"Weren't him I killed... Just..." He sat up, burying his head into the crook of Daryl's neck, "Just his body..."

 

"Nothing 'bout him were human but his body," Daryl patted Jamie's back, "Put down a husk, that's all."

 

"Then why does it feel so awful...?"

 

"You loved him, never easy seein' someone you love like that. 'Specially when they come back... You gave him mercy, somethin' he needed... You needed too."

 

"Me?"

 

Daryl pulled away from the hug to look Jamie in his eye.

 

"Puttin' him to rest, gives you room to heal."

 

"You're right..." He sniffled, "You and Fletch... You two always know what to say to make me feel better."

 

The smile on Jamie's face made the pain in his chest ease.

 

"Hey! Fletcher, right?"

 

Fletcher looked at the plucky young soldier and nodded, giving him a pleasant smile.

 

"That's me, I suppose you're Jamie then?"

 

"Yeah... how'd you know?"

 

"Heard about the stuff you've done as a medic, dragging folk across enemy lines to get them to safety... You saved a lot of people's lives."

 

"It's what I signed up for, nothin' special about doing my job."

 

"I'm serious, it's an honour." Fletcher shook Jamie's hand, much to the man's flustered surprise, "Medics like you are the reason we're winning this fight."

 

"Just one cog in the machine." He smiled, "I should go count the bandages..."

 

"We should meet up later, I can show you where the quieter spots are."

 

"Sounds good to me."

 

The wink that Fletcher gave that day marked the moment where their feelings for each other began.

 

Daryl looked at the amber light that bled out onto the horizon, bathing himself and Jamie in the glow of sunlight. Jamie stared at the sunrise and smiled fondly, like he were greeting an old friend.

 

He thought it was funny, the sunrise that he and Fletcher watched together as their connection severed through death and the sunrise that he and Daryl watched as their connection strengthened through death were one and the same.

 

Their foreheads met each other again as they held one another.

 

"This is my favourite part," He murmured, "Right when the sun breaks the horizon."

 

"You're not looking at it though."

 

"Don't need to."

 

"How?"

 

"Your eyes, they reflect the light." Jamie brushed Daryl's hair from his face, "I wish you could see what I'm seeing."

 

"Nah... Wouldn't trade this view for nothin'."

Chapter 17: Marching 'till morning

Chapter Text

Is the end of the world really the end?

 

Movies always portrayed apocalypses as cataclysmic events, mass casualties, total destruction, those who did survive duking it out for supplies. Peace was nothing but an afterthought, violence coated the world.

It was really all too similar to the situation the world found itself in today.

 

Was it really the end?

 

Sure, the world as they knew it was utterly decimated by the never-ending onslaught of the dead, but those who survived banded together, despite their differences. People from all manner of backgrounds helped try and rebuild what semblance of society were left.

 

"Hey." Daryl nudged Jamie's shoulder and pulled him from his work.

 

"What is it? What's with the secrecy?"

 

He looked down at the book that was shoved into his hand and looked back at Daryl in bewilderment.

 

"Rick found books."

 

"Yes?" Jamie was still confused, "I was there when Michonne was handing them out, what's the issue?"

 

Daryl pointed at the title.

 

"The fuck kinda name is that?"

 

"A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens?" He opened the book and skimmed through the pages, they were surprisingly still well intact, "I suppose it's roundabout December by now."

 

"Help me find a book with some pictures."

 

Jamie picked up another book and cracked it open as Daryl peered over his shoulder at the words.

 

"What are you avoiding by having me look through old books?" Jamie asked, "You can find one you'll like just by looking at a few pages."

 

"Can't." Daryl grumbled, keeping his voice low so that the others couldn't hear them.

 

"How not?"

 

"I don't like reading."

 

"Then why are you looking for one?"

 

"Picture ones are easier to read."

 

"You sure it's cause you don't like reading, and not that you find it difficult?"

 

"Don't find it difficult," He said defensively and frowned, "S'not my fault the words move about."

 

Something clicked in Jamie's head.

 

"What do you mean by 'move about'?"

 

"The words on the page. They move about and I can't read them. Gotta read 'em over and over until they stick, I dunno how you read so quick like that."

 

"They don't move."

 

"What?" Daryl frowned more and grabbed the book in Jamie's hand, scowling over the words, "Nah, they move, see?"

 

"Were you ever screened for dyslexia as a kid?"

 

"Dys-what?"

 

"Dyslexia, it's a condition that makes reading more difficult."

 

"I weren't screened for nothin'."

 

"You might have it if you're st-" Jamie paused to choose his words more tactfully, "If the words are moving around."

 

"So I can't read?"

 

"You can, it's just harder."

 

Daryl's face scrunched up in dissatisfaction.

 

"Then what?"

 

"I could read it to you," He suggested, "It'll be easier than you getting frustrated."

 

"Fine."

 

The two sat perched on the wall and Jamie began reading aloud to Daryl.

 

Negan looked up from his work at the two and turned to Gabriel in exasperation.

 

"How come those two can sit around doing nothing?"

 

"I think you're forgetting that no one here trusts you, Negan." Gabriel handed back the plastic watering can, "You're here on the extension of Rick's goodwill, not the kindness out of our own hearts."

 

"Sure..." He watered some of the plants and frowned, "What are we even growing?"

 

"These are potatoes."

 

"I thought I would be able to talk to Matthias at least."

 

"He's right there."

 

"That's too far away."

 

Gabriel sighed at the indignant pout Negan gave him and let him start hovering around Matthias as he worked.

 

"What do you want, Negan?" Matthias grumbled, nursing his broken fingers, "If I knew Jamie would break my fingers I never would've joined in with that whole mess of a plan..."

 

"I wanted to see how my wonderful buddy was doing," A cheesy grin plastered across his face as he slung his arm around Matthias' shoulder, "Your fingers look fine."

 

"So we're together one minute, just buddies the next?"

 

"You know what I mean."

 

"Do I?"

 

"Are we not friends?"

 

Matthias frowned more, shoving his watering can into Negan's chest.

 

"You conceited, pompous ass."

 

"That... Doesn't answer the question."

 

"I've been by your side since the moment we met, I've followed you at every whim, every beckon, and you call me a buddy?"

 

Negan smirked at the look on Matthias' face, leaning in close and handing the watering can back to murmur tantalizingly in his ear.

 

"Keep quiet and maybe we can put aside this petty difference, you just need to name a place."

 

Jamie shut the book and turned to look at Daryl.

 

"Did you enjoy it?"

 

"Hm?"

 

"The book, did you enjoy it?"

 

"You should read things more often."

 

"You like how my voice sounds?"

 

Daryl nodded.

 

"Don't tell anyone 'bout that... thing."

 

"Having dyslexia?"

 

"That."

 

"Don't worry," Jamie sat his hand on top of Daryl's with a playful grin, "As a medic, I legally aren't allowed to tell anyone about your medical things."

 

Daryl rolled his hand around so they could properly hold hands.

 

"Been quiet since you saw him."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"Why?"

 

"I didn't mean to be so quiet." Jamie yelped when Daryl thumped his shoulder and frowned, "Ow, what the hell?"

 

"Quit apologising for shit like that. Acting like you can function normally with that shit on your mind... I told you that you can talk to me."

 

"I know, I'm sorry."

 

"Shut up." He snapped.

 

Daryl pulled Jamie harshly into him, headbutting each other as they kissed. They lay together, holding each other's hand as they shared a headache and looked up into the sky.

 

"Jamie, look at me."

 

Fletcher grabbed hold of his shoulders and Jamie looked up at the soldier in front of him. Bombs fell all around the two as Jamie clung desperately to the shirt of a young private, the world was falling apart around him as the life of the young man slipped away in his arms. His whole body felt like it were made of lead, each movement agonisingly slow and laborious.

 

"I..." He croaked, "He..."

 

"We need to go, Jamie! We're being pinned!" Fletcher tugged Jamie by the collar, "You're going to die if you don't get up!"

 

Jamie looked down at the body of the private who sobbed in his arms just a few moments ago, their legs completely blown off. He couldn't even cry and mourn the loss of the man he barely knew. The lead melted away as he regained what little strength he could muster and stand up.

 

"They're all dead."

 

Daryl looked at Jamie and sighed, wrapping his arm around him and holding him tighter.

 

"Sorry for headbutting you." He mumbled.

 

"Consider us even."

Chapter 18: Negan isn't renowned for his tact

Chapter Text

"Cast's off, arm looks good." Carol lightly touched Jamie's arm, "How's it feel?"

 

Flexing and clenching his hand, Jamie nodded quietly.

 

"Good."

 

"That's good."

 

"I should get going."

 

"Before you go," Carol stopped Jamie, "Rick was meaning to ask you something. About Daryl."

 

"What about Daryl?"

 

"Best if you ask Rick."

 

Rick was looking down at a map when Jamie made his way over.

 

"Carol said you wanted to see me 'bout Daryl."

 

"I did, thank you." Rick turned the map so that Jamie could see it better and pointed at a lake, "We're going on a hunt around the lake, wanted a second opinion."

 

"About Daryl?"

 

"I mean this in the nicest way, but his... smell. It's starting to cling to things in the camp and it's bothering folk."

 

"I haven't noticed any smell."

 

"You hang around him the most, you probably don't notice it anymore."

 

"He's not going to like it you know."

 

"I know, that's why we need to bait him."

 

Negan watched Jamie walk across the camp and pick up a weapon. He sauntered over, a sly grin smeared on his face as he leaned against the wall.

 

"Hey Chromie, whatcha up to?"

 

"Don't you have work to be doing?"

 

"I'm on break."

 

"Go find Matthias then," Jamie picked up his staff, "I'm busy."

 

"He can't walk today, he uh... fell." He scratched the side of his face and grinned, "Looking after your Lucky Charms, was it?"

 

"Are you calling me a Leprechaun?"

 

"No, just really short."

 

"I'm of average height."

 

"For a chick, maybe. You're tiny for a guy."

 

"You're trying to get on my wick."

 

"Maybe. How tall are you?"

 

"Five foot three."

 

Negan snorted.

 

"You're kidding."

 

"Why would I lie about my height?"

 

"Oh my god, you're serious!" He chortled, slapping Jamie on the back, "I didn't think you were that short! You're pintsized!"

 

"Are you done?" Jamie frowned.

 

Negan smiled condescendingly and patted his head.

 

"Isn't it past your bedtime?"

 

Daryl walked over, giving Negan a dirty look before squinting at Jamie in mild annoyance.

 

"Hey, you comin' hunting or what?"

 

"Yeah, was just looking for arrows."

 

"It's pipsqueaks' bedtime, isn't it?" Negan lifted Jamie up by the armpits and watched him switch from placid to pissed off at the drop of a hat, ramming the heel of his boot into Negan's balls. He dropped Jamie and yelled in pain, clutching at where he was kicked.

 

Daryl pretended to wipe something off his mouth to hide his amusement.

 

"I'm a vet, Negan." Jamie hissed, leering over him just as he did to Jamie a few moments ago, "I know how to neuter."

 

"You kicked me! In my goddamn balls!"

 

"You're lucky I don't kick you in the teeth next."

 

"I'd have preferred it to my fucking balls! My crown jewels!"

 

"Quit whining."

 

The road to the lake was calmer than most, with it being in walking distance, a strip of dirt had been stamped into the grass over the years, creating a path. Rick crouched down by the cool blue water and sighed.

 

"We're here, let's get ready."

 

"Don't know what you're expectin' to find here Rick," Daryl looked around, "Nothin'll show up based on how often we're here."

 

"You'd be surprised." He gestured to Jamie, who looked on in confusion, "See it?"

 

"See what?"

 

"In the water. Daryl, come over and tell me if you see this."

 

Daryl leaned over and shook his head.

 

"Noth-"

 

Before he had time to finish, Rick stuck his foot out and sent Jamie toppling over as he approached, causing Jamie to fall into Daryl, knocking the two into the lake.

 

Daryl wiped his hair back from his face in a mix of shock and rage, turning to look at Rick for his treachery.

 

"The hell you doin' that for?!" He yelled.

 

Jamie stood up in a daze, shaking his head to dry out his hair and scrunching his face up in dismay.

 

"My socks are wet."

 

The trio stood by the lake, some bickering, some laughing.

 

None of them noticed the walkers in the trees, whispering.

Chapter 19: Whispering Walkers

Chapter Text

"What was that?"

 

"What was what?"

 

"Over there," Jamie pointed towards the bushes as he trudged out of the lake, "Thought I saw something."

 

"Are you sure?" Rick squinted at where Jamie pointed, "I'm not doubting you, but it might just be your eye."

 

"That's quite literally what doubting is."

 

"It's probably just a walker or something, nothing too difficult to deal with."

 

Daryl looked down the scope of his crossbow and peered around where Jamie pointed.

 

"Walkers, 'bout three of them."

 

"We deal with them quietly." Rick looked at the two and nodded, "Let's get closer. Jamie goes left, you go right, I'll take the middle."

 

Jamie kept his movements low and deliberate as he crept over to the walkers, he stayed low, waiting until the others caught up when he heard it.

 

"Three of them."

 

He blinked in utter disbelief, leaning in closer to try and catch the whisper. He needed to know if he was hearing things or not.

 

"We should move. They're coming."

 

Jamie gawked at the three walkers until he spotted Daryl across from him, he quickly got his attention and scrunched his face up.

 

'They're talking.' He signed, 'The walkers are talking.'

 

Daryl looked confused.

 

'What?'

 

'They're whispering to each other. They're talking.'

 

'You sure?'

 

He nodded.

 

'I-'

 

"There's a child here." One of the walkers turned towards Jamie and looked at him, "One of theirs."

 

"Kill it."

 

Jamie scowled and swung his staff into the first walker's face, knocking them backwards with a loud crack as the other two grabbed at his arms.

 

A bolt split through the skull of the second walker, it fell unceremoniously to the ground as Daryl pulled back his crossbow, loading another and taking aim.

 

The third slashed at Jamie's throat, trying to get a fatal blow in as he used his staff to redirect the knife. Rick swung his machete into the walker's head and it slowly slumped on top of the second walker, still clinging to Jamie's arms as it fell.

 

"What the hell was that?" Rick hissed, "You were to wait until we all reached them!"

 

"It spoke."

 

"What?"

 

"It. Spoke." Jamie spoke slower, as though he himself were trying to rationalise what he said, "They said words."

 

"You're hearing things."

 

"I know what I heard, Rick! These things were whispering to each other!" He snapped, grabbing the first walker by the hair and pulling so it would turn around, only for the head to come with it.

 

Rick watched on as Jamie looked at the walker's skin in his hand, his annoyed look turned to one of horror as he realised what he was holding.

Daryl looked down at the walker and frowned.

 

"It's a person."

 

"What?" Rick rolled the walker over and stared at the person in front of him, "Oh my god it is."

 

"Still alive, just knocked out." Daryl scratched his head, "Could bring him back, see what the hell it's doin' out here."

 

"Yeah... Yeah, we'll do that."

 

Daryl lifted up the unconscious man and walked alongside Jamie back to camp. He eyed Jamie carefully until he shot him a look.

 

"You're looking at me funny again." Jamie raised an eyebrow, "I'll bite. What is it?"

 

"You knew Rick was trying to get me into the lake, didn't you?"

 

"I might've. I didn't know he'd trip me up to do it though... I got my socks wet."

 

"Lucky I tolerate you."

 

Jamie grinned.

 

Rick took guard duty over the stranger, leaving Daryl and Jamie to their own devices in the camp. Daryl had wandered off to dry himself, giving Negan the opportunity to poke the bear.

 

"Hey short stack, whatcha up to?"

 

"What do you want this time?" Jamie hoisted a bag of corn onto his shoulder and carried it to a table, "Don't you have someone else to bother?"

 

"You're the smallest, which makes you an easy target."

 

"So?" He strode back to the next bag and slumped it onto his back, "What're you getting at, exactly?"

 

"The others think you're a liability, you know that."

 

"Oh yeah?"

 

"Think about it, Chromie."

 

"I'm thinkin' you're full of it." Jamie stood up and smiled at Negan, "That everything?"

 

"You're only kept around cause Daryl likes you."

 

"I'm kept around because I'm a vet."

 

Negan grinned and shook his head.

 

"You don't see it, do you?"

 

"That you think height is equal to ability? You're right, I don't." He gestured for Negan to follow him as they approached a pig, "You forget, Negan, that I was a farm boy, then an army medic, then a farmer." Jamie bent down and hoisted the pig up onto his shoulders, glaring up at Negan, "I don't need to prove to you my ability, especially not to the likes of you."

 

"'Course not... You're a hick, what else is there to prove? 'Cept the fact you're an Iowan."

 

Jamie put the pig down and his glare turned more violent.

 

"What's that supposed to mean?"

 

"Nothin' at all pardner," He smirked, "You know, your accent gets real thick when you're mad. Yeehaw and all that jazz."

 

"The fuck you mean 'Except the fact I'm an Iowan'?" Jamie marched over to Negan, seething with rage.

 

"I'm sorry, I can't take you seriously when you're this close." Negan chuckled, looking down at Jamie, "You're just so short and angry, like a chihuahua. I see why Daryl is so into you, you're like a freaky little lapdog."

 

"Has Matthias recovered from his little misadventure with you?" He turned back around and picked up a bucket of grain, "Ten dollars is ten dollars, amirite?"

 

"A man has his needs, even if those needs are a little freaky deaky."

 

Jamie tossed a handful of grain at Negan's feet, causing a small swarm of chickens to peck at his shoes.

 

"Break's over."

 

"Gonna go running back to Daryl?" Negan squinted and put on a bad southern accent, "Y'all gonna jimmy on up that there hayloft? Iowa and Georgia, goin' on at it. Two hicks in love."

 

"You better keep your trap shut."

 

"Go on then cowboy, go rustle him by the horns!" He grinned when Jamie got up in his face again, "Like ridin' a mechanical bull."

 

"Shut up."

 

"Am I being mean?" Negan bent down so he was eye-level with Jamie with a pout, "Face it, pintsize, you'll never be more than just their errand boy."

 

By the time the others realised a fight had erupted, Daryl was already pulling Jamie off of Negan, lifting him up to let Rick lift Negan to his feet.

 

"Go get Jamie to calm down." Rick sighed, "Get back to work Negan."

 

Daryl sighed and kept holding Jamie.

 

"More you struggle, longer I'm gonna hold you for."

 

"Do you think of me differently than the others?"

 

"Course I do. I don't go round kissin' and holdin' hands with the rest of them, do I?"

 

"What am I to the group?"

 

"Far as the others see it, you're one of us." Daryl carried Jamie to where the stranger was being held captive, "Why?"

 

"Just seems like they don't notice me."

 

"You barely talk to folk."

 

"I thought that if I did extra work, they'd notice."

 

"What have you been doing?"

 

"I replaced the exhaust on your motorbike so it doesn't rattle, I also cleaned all the guns, sharpened the knives, got rid of the rust on the hinges of the fence so it makes less noise when opening, and I ran barbed wire round those support beams in case someone tries scaling the thing."

 

"Maybe because you've not been telling folk it's you doing all that handiwork?"

 

"I don't know how though."

 

"Do me a favour and I'll do it for you."

 

"What's the favour?"

 

Daryl sat Jamie down and handed him a book.

 

"This."

 

"Lord of the Flies?"

 

"Rick said it reminded him of the groups we keep finding."

 

"Sure, I'll read it to you." He smiled.

 

"Good."

 

Jamie flipped the pages and began reading to Daryl, both not paying mind to the captive as he woke up.

Chapter 20: Propositions

Chapter Text

"Well, look who's finally awake." Daryl kicked the prisoner's foot and paced around him like a caged animal, "Gonna tell us just what you were doin' dressed up as a walker, tryin' to kill folk?"

 

"We walk in darkness. We are free." They hissed, "We bathe in blood. We are free. We love nothing. We are free. We fear nothing. We are free. We need no words. We are free. We embrace all death. We are free. This is the end of the world. Now is the end of the world. We are the end of the world."

 

"That... was a whole lotta words for someone who don't need 'em." Jamie rolled a cigarette on his knee, "Now we can do this the easy way, where you tell us nicely just what you were up to... Or we do this the hard way, where my partner Daryl here starts breaking bones while I name them to you."

 

"You don't realise what's happening, do you?" They grinned, "We are the end of the world. You're in The Whisperer's territory."

 

"So you've said." He stood up and lit his cigarette, masking his face with the smoke, "If you would, Daryl?"

 

Daryl was on the man in an instant, ripping his fingers back with a loud snap.

Jamie watched on, unfazed.

 

"Metacarpophalangeal joint."

 

Rick sat at his table and sighed deeply, running his hand through his hair and frowning.

 

"People dressed as walkers?" He asked, turning to Michonne, "What's this world coming to?"

 

"People do what they must to survive," She mused, "How many times have we used walker guts in a similar manner?"

 

"They entered our area, tried to attack Jamie."

 

"There's going to be more. They could be in any group of walkers we come across."

 

"What if we've been killing people this whole time? People just trying to survive?"

 

Michonne held her sword up to the light, examining the sharpness of the blade.

 

"Then we did what we had to."

 

Jamie crouched in front of the whisperer and smiled.

 

"You sure do talk about being an animal a lot," He held his cigarette away from his face, "Lucky for you that animals are my speciality."

 

"Your people. Your 'civilisation', it's nothing more than a façade." They spat, baring their teeth, "You pretend like you're not animals, but The Whisperer's embrace it. We know the true meaning of this gift."

 

"We can go round and round in circles like this for hours, Daryl will break your bones until there's no more bones to break. Then I will fix them up, just to start all over again." Jamie shrugged nonchalantly, "Like I said, animals are my speciality. Just tell us what we'd like to know."

 

"You're weak."

 

"I'm not the one being held captive right now though, am I?"

 

"We're not foolish enough to keep prisoners."

 

"Who's your leader?"

 

"Alpha."

 

"Never heard of them."

 

"You won't need to."

 

"Where is this Alpha then?"

 

"We're everywhere. You just need to look harder."

 

The whisperer lunged forwards, trying to bite Jamie. Daryl drove his boot into their jaw, making them howl in pain as it crunched underfoot.

 

"You ok?" He asked, gently touching Jamie's face, examining him for any injuries.

 

"My hero." Jamie smiled, kissing Daryl's head, "I'm fine, don't worry. I've had my fair share of pets trying to bite me."

 

A mix of blood and drool flowed freely from the captive's mouth as they watched the two carefully. Jamie took notice of the staring and moved their head to get a better look at their now shattered jaw.

 

"Mandible. Gonna have to wire your jaw shut to fix that one."

 

"Kill me."

 

"Tell me what I want to know."

 

"Well hot diggity dog." Negan leaned against the doorframe to the room, "Up to a bit of torturing, and without me? I'm quite frankly hurt."

 

Jamie stood up and turned to Negan, stamping out his cigarette.

 

"Well aware of your methods."

 

"Course you do, you were always my favourite plaything." He sauntered over to the captive whisperer and crouched down to look at them better, "Pissing your pants yet, big boy? Cause it's about to be pee-pee pants city in here real soon."

 

Jamie sat beside Daryl and gently ran his thumbs across Daryl's knuckles as Negan taunted the whisperer. He pulled out some gauze and wrapped Daryl's bloody knuckles.

 

"You do this often?"

 

"Often enough," Daryl watched Jamie's hands carefully, "You?"

 

"I mostly just fixed them up while others broke them right back down again." He grimaced, "I prolonged it for them, made even the toughest of prisoners break down after the constant fixing and breaking. Longest lasted a month."

 

"We don't have a month."

 

"You're asking me to torture them?"

 

"If Negan can't make 'em squeak, you're gonna have to."

 

Jamie stared at Daryl's knuckles and cringed at the thought.

 

"If you two are just about done tickling each others balls," Negan loudly announced, "I believe I just broke our new toy."

 

Daryl scowled and marched over, giving Negan and the whisperer a dirty look.

 

"What's he say?"

 

"Ask him yourself."

 

"Fuckin' useless bastard..." Daryl grumbled to himself as he bent down to deal with the whisperer.

 

Negan sat next to Jamie and grinned as he fidgeted with his shirt.

 

"You know, you have a lot in common with Matthias."

 

Jamie looked at Negan in annoyance.

 

"What?"

 

"You both have interesting faces, big ol' pouty bottom lip." He smirked, "Got bigger balls than him though."

 

"What exactly are you getting at?"

 

Negan casually watched Daryl interrogate the whisperer before raising an eyebrow in Jamie's direction.

 

"I think you know what I'm getting at."

 

"Shut the hell up." He snapped, "I'd sooner swallow glass."

 

"Is it because I fucked your brother first?"

 

Jamie physically recoiled.

 

"You're repulsive."

 

"If you ever get tired of wet dog Georgia-"

 

He watched as Jamie practically leapt to his feet and stormed off to go find Daryl.

 

"Guessing that's a 'no' then."

Chapter 21: Taken

Chapter Text

"If you had the chance to go back, would you?"

 

"Back? Back to when?"

 

"Before all this."

 

"I... I used to say 'yes' to that, didn't I? Every time we've had this conversation, I'd say 'yes' before that phrase could ever leave your lips..."

 

"But now you're not so sure, are you?"

 

"No... Not anymore."

 

"What changed?"

 

"A lot... The people I've met, the things I've seen."

 

"That man."

 

"Daryl."

 

"Daryl... He changed it for you, didn't he?"

 

"I... Yes."

 

"Good. That's good."

 

Rick looked up at Daryl with resignation and rubbed his temples.

 

"What're we meant to do against thousands of them?" He asked, "We need to keep our people safe, but thousands? We're only so many people, there's children."

 

"We could launch guerrilla attacks," Daryl pointed to the map, "If they're here, Jamie and I could pick off some herds, corral them to the swamp over here."

 

"Just the two of you?"

 

"We can bring one other, bring too many and they'll suspect something's up."

 

Rick sighed.

 

"It's too much of a risk."

 

"What else do you want us to do?" Daryl snapped, "Sit 'round with our thumbs up our asses while they kill us? This is our only real chance to nip it in the bud before they bring a fucking herd to the front door."

 

"You're right, I just... I wish Glenn, or Hershel-"

 

"I know." He looked down at the floor to avoid the memory, "I know."

 

"Come back in once piece, ok? I don't want to lose you, not after everything."

 

"Yeah."

 

The door opened with a creak, and Gabriel looked up at the solemn man who entered the doorway, not saying a word.

 

"Do you want to sit down?" Gabriel asked, watching the man slump down into the seat across from him.

 

"Heard there was a priest."

 

"That's me, Father Gabriel." He offered a smile to the man, "What can I do for you, brother?"

 

"I don't know."

 

"I get many people come to me for spiritual guidance, or just guidance in general... Are you particularly religious?"

 

"I used to be, now? I'm not really sure."

 

"I understand, with how everything has gone... These... Walkers, it's difficult to see where God's plan is in all of this."

 

"Was it his plan to have my family reject me for being gay?"

 

"You feel abandoned."

 

"Hard not to."

 

Gabriel frowned and held out his hand, Jamie took it with a sad look.

 

"Good has come out of this, has it not? Finding us, finding Daryl." He smiled softly, "You were abandoned, but you've found your way."

 

"I... Yeah, I have, haven't I?"

 

"No matter what loss and suffering we may go through, there's always hope. Love for each other, you and Daryl, Rick and Michonne... The others too, you all love. Coming together in spite of this, it's made the unlikeliest of people band together. I think that's what he intended for us all, to come together."

 

Jamie stood up and smiled softly.

 

"Thank you, Father."

 

"Of course."

 

Daryl spotted Jamie wander out of Gabriel's room and waved him over, giving him a confused look.

 

"Didn't strike me as religious."

 

"Not really," Jamie admitted, picking up his staff, "Agnostic."

 

"Fair enough. Lotta folk turned to religion when this all started."

 

"Looks like we're prepping a small army," He mused, "What's going on?"

 

"The whisperers, they're too close to our group. Rick wants 'em gone before they launch an attack on Alexandria."

 

"How many?"

 

"Thousands, potentially. They use herds to attack."

 

"So let me get this straight: Rick is sending two men, one with a crossbow and knife, the other with a staff and a bow he can't even shoot well with, to take down thousands of walkers?"

 

"Not an all-out assault, we're going to surround a small herd of them in a two-pronged attack, one gets their attention, lure them to this swamp where they'll get stuck, then we'll come round the sides and attack, pinning them."

 

"Guerrilla warfare."

 

"Exactly."

 

"Who's the third person?"

 

"Michonne."

 

Jamie turned to look at Michonne and nodded. She said nothing, instead, she picked up walker guts and smeared them on Jamie's shirt.

 

"Gross..." He winced, "Why?"

 

"Masks our scent to the walkers, easier to fight them in the crowd if they can't tell we're food."

 

"Is this because I knocked you into the lake?"

 

Daryl gave a sly grin.

 

"Might."

 

Keeping low to the ground, the three stalked the herd across the woods. It felt like hours had passed as Jamie narrowed his eyes and tried to discern whisperers from walkers.

 

'We need a distraction.' Michonne signed to them, 'Someone who doesn't look intimidating to lure them.'

 

Jamie frowned when she and Daryl turned to look at him.

 

'Me?'

 

'You're smaller,' She reasoned, 'You don't look like an immediate threat.'

 

'Daryl?'

 

'Is armed to the teeth and looks threatening.'

 

He pulled a face and sagged his shoulders.

 

'Fine.'

 

Daryl rustled Jamie's hair affectionately and pointed to the herd.

 

He grimaced and bounced on the balls of his feet to hype himself up before emerging from the brush, trembling and panting. He held his staff, ready to fight the walkers when one grabbed his wrist and made him walk with them.

 

"Stay quiet." It whispered, "Walk with them."

 

He nodded, eyes wide in fear.

 

The shuffling herd slowed at the lake, and the whisperer that grabbed Jamie handed him a mask.

 

"Wear this. Protects better than guts."

 

"S-Skin...?"

 

She pulled the mask over Jamie's face and nodded.

 

"Keeps us safe."

 

Daryl looked down the scope of his crossbow and gestured to Michonne. The two split off in separate directions around the moving herd.

 

'Seen him?' Michonne asked.

 

'There, near the front.'

 

'Ready?'

 

He nodded, aiming his bolt and firing it through the skull of one of the walkers as Michonne slashed, taking off the head of a whisperer as she swung. She pulled her sword backwards and then struck again, slashing the hands and driving into another's chest, knocking them back onto the grass.

 

"We're being attacked." One of the whisperers muttered, "We need to leave."

 

"What about-"

 

"We'll return to kill them, we must leave."

 

Jamie tried to slink away, but was grabbed again by one of the whisperers.

 

"Come, we'll bring you someplace safe."

 

"I really don't think-"

 

"Come on." She urged, pulling Jamie along with her and the others, "The herd will distract them while we go."

 

Daryl paced around the dead walkers, lifting each of them up and checking their faces before roaring in anger and stomping its head in with his boot.

 

"I'm going after them."

 

"That's suicide, Daryl."

 

"They have Jamie!"

 

"Who was a solider," Michonne frowned, "He knows what to do."

 

"Against other soldiers, maybe! These are freaks who don't follow any sort of law or code!"

 

"We need to regroup and tell Rick."

 

"You do it, I'm going after him."

 

"Do that, they'll realise you're coming for him and kill him. We need to be smart about this."

 

"Fuck that, I'm rescuing him."

 

Daryl stomped off into the woods after Jamie, leaving Michonne to head back to Alexandria.

Chapter 22: What a shituation

Chapter Text

Wandering straight into whisperer territory with human skin on his face surrounded by walkers wasn't how Jamie was expecting his Friday night, but hey, nothing he did ever fully turned out the way he expected.

Just spend the night at the camp, end up a member. Just go hunting with a guy, end up falling in love. Just go fishing with him and a girl, end up with a broken arm.

 

There go his plans on surprising Daryl with a quiet night in together.

 

He eyed the group cautiously as they all stared at the new blood. It would've reminded him of his first introduction to Rick's camp, minus the wearing human skin, though.

 

A woman approached Jamie and sneered, looking around him and turning to the whisperer.

 

"The others?"

 

"Ambushed. Two people. I found this one alone, used guts to hide."

 

"Smart."

 

Jamie watched anxiously as the whisperer got closer to his face, she watched his fear in slight amusement, savouring his fear like a predator.

 

"Scared?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Notice how your mask hides that." She ran her fingers across the skin, "You're an animal, with your skin you are one of us. You're nothing without the whisperers. You are free. We are free."

 

Jamie shakily nodded, and the whisperer harshly slapped him across the face.

 

"Address your Alpha." She snarled, "What are you?"

 

"Nothing."

 

Another harsh slap sent his mind reeling.

 

"Nothing, what?"

 

"Nothing, Alpha."

 

"And with your skin? What are you then?"

 

"A whisperer, Alpha."

 

She bared her teeth into a threatening smile.

 

"Put it with the others."

 

Daryl lightly touched the heavy footprints in the dirt and furrowed his brow, he was thankful that Jamie had used such a unique gait to walk away that made him easy to track. He wondered if his strange walking was done on purpose to lead him to the whisperers.

The imprint of heavy army boots, but only the balls of the boot were there. The heel was barely present, if at all.

 

It made his feet sink deeper into the mud, and in turn, left his imprint for longer.

 

"What do you mean Daryl's gone?" Rick snapped, "And Jamie? What about him?"

 

"Taken by the herd, Daryl ran off to track him."

 

"I can't afford having him out there chasing after whisperers!"

 

"Would you not do the same for me?"

 

"This is different!"

 

"Is it?"

 

Rick sighed and clutched his hair in desperation.

 

"We can't afford not having Daryl around."

 

"You can't afford Jamie dying."

 

"I know, but with him being taken by whisperers... I mean, if Daryl launches an all-out assault..."

 

"Daryl's not stupid."

 

"He's impulsive and a hothead."

 

"He also clearly loves Jamie."

 

"Take Negan and rendezvous with him, try and stay quiet. If you can't get him out, at least we could use him as an inside man."

 

"Negan?"

 

"I don't want to risk any of our own men against them."

 

Jamie kept his head down and made sure to not stand out.

He was a prisoner, and he was surrounded in all directions by bloodthirsty people who wouldn't hesitate to tear his throat out. He just had to stay quiet and blend into the background.

 

Sabotage.

 

It was drilled into him as a soldier. If he were captured by the enemy, he would be meek, roll over and follow along with them while breaking things along the way until rescue arrived. Weaken them from the inside out, find an escape, no matter the cost.

 

He studied the whisperers as he feigned being huddled with other new members. If he were to survive, he was going to have to follow along, but he was going to have to cling to his identity and humanity.

 

A shove startled him as an older whisperer tried snatching the meat in his hands.

 

This was a wolf pack, and he was going to have to defend himself.

 

Jamie held on tightly, twisting his face into a deep scowl as he shoved back. He was quick to slap away the next grab, opening up their guard and closing the distance with a sharp headbutt.

 

He sat back down and continued to scowl until the whisperer slinked away. Jamie noticed a few intrigued eyes following him after that.

 

Way to blend in.

 

"Knock knock."

 

Daryl spun around and pointed his crossbow in Negan's face.

 

"The fuck you want?"

 

"Rick sent us to help you find the chihuahua."

 

"You?" He sneered, "What about Aaron? Or Carol?"

 

"Didn't wanna spend them on your little plaything," Negan grinned, "I did tell him it would piss you off. 'Too much of a risk' in his wise words."

 

"That true?" Daryl looked at Michonne, "Rick doesn't want to rescue him?"

 

"That's not what he means."

 

"Then what does it mean? Cause all I'm hearing is that y'all won't help him after everything he's done for all you."

 

"There are thousands-"

 

"Rick wants you to come back," Negan interrupted, "He thinks it's a waste to have you out here when you should be defending his ass."

 

"Man, fuck you."

 

Daryl followed the tracks until he reached a small clearing. Michonne reached out for him, but he jerked away, glaring at her and Negan.

 

"You left him for dead. Just like you left Merle!"

 

"This is different-"

 

"How is it?"

 

"Merle was a danger to the group."

 

Daryl seethed as he marched onwards.

 

"Daryl has a point," Negan shrugged, "I think it's a bit of a double standard that you've risked so much for other members, but are so quick to cut little Chromie loose after being caught."

 

"When have you ever cared about double standards?" Michonne asked bitterly.

 

"He keeps wet dog Georgia off my ass, and his brother is less fuckin' neurotic whenever he's around, so forgive me for trying to save my own balls in this shituation."

 

Jamie shot a glance around the camp before making his move, stalking around some of the herd before picking off a straggler and dragging it into a nearby bush. He carefully cut a piece of flesh that resembled animal meat closest before skulking back and used his sleight to drop it into the rest of the cooking before lying back down as if nothing had happened.

 

He kept his head down as a whisperer crouched back down by the cooking pit and poked around.

 

He just needed to blend in until Rick and Daryl came to get him.

Chapter 23: An Unlikely Duo

Chapter Text

"Where the hell did Michonne go?"

 

"She went back to camp, if we go missing they'll know where we went."

 

"Oh, great." Negan sat on a nearby tree stump and sighed, "Of course Rick the prick would send us two."

 

"Would you shut up?"

 

Negan kept quiet for about a minute before he leaned his head back and started humming.

 

"Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene..." He sang softly, "I'm begging of you please don't take my man."

 

Daryl shot Negan an annoyed glare.

 

"Quit with the Dolly Parton."

 

"You listen to Dolly Parton?" Negan raised an eyebrow in bemusement.

 

"I'm from the south, 'course I've fuckin' heard of her."

 

"What else do you listen to?"

 

"I'm trying to track."

 

"Have you heard of Foo Fighters?"

 

"What?"

 

"Foo Fighters," Negan repeated, "You know... 'Hey, don't let it go to waste, I love it, but I hate the taste, weight keeping me down'?"

 

"Yeah I've heard of them," Daryl scrunched his face up, "Don't mean I like 'em."

 

"You don't like Foo Fighters?"

 

"No."

 

"Seriously?"

 

"Never got into 'em."

 

"Well, what do you listen to? Lynyrd Skynyrd?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

Negan's face fell.

 

"What? Really?"

 

"Merle liked them, I just listened to his old stuff."

 

"Did Merle listen to Dolly Parton?"

 

"Nah, he didn't like me listening to her," He crouched down and touched one of the tracks, "Why?"

 

"What about Arctic Monkeys?"

 

"Who?"

 

Jamie looked around the camp and shivered. The night was falling and he felt terrifyingly exposed with all of the walkers surrounding the group.

 

One of the whisperers sat beside him and smiled softly, he recognised her as the woman who brought him here.

 

"Hey." She whispered.

 

"Hi..."

 

"How're you feeling?"

 

"Nervous," He sighed shakily, "Is it always like this?"

 

"You get used to it." She nodded, "I saw what you did to that other whisperer."

 

Jamie paled.

 

"What?"

 

"Fighting them over the food. Don't think I've ever seen a new one do that."

 

"Was I not supposed to?"

 

She giggled.

 

"Defending your food is expected, Alpha's pleased."

 

"Oh..." Jamie hugged his knees and grimaced under his mask, "What's your name?"

 

"We don't have names."

 

"Right..."

 

"Cold?"

 

"A bit, yeah."

 

"I can think of a way to deal with that," She muttered, crawling on top of Jamie, "Can't you?"

 

"I'm gay." Jamie blurted, pushing the whisperer off of him and scrambling backwards into a tree.

The whisperer watched him curiously as he stared back with wide eyes.

 

"That's fine, we can cuddle to keep warm."

 

She reached out her hand and felt Jamie's face, climbing back on top and smiling.

 

"Are whisperers always this... touchy?"

 

"We're a pack, a family."

 

"Right..."

 

The whisperer's breath was hot against Jamie's skin as she examined his face under the mask. Her eyes settled on his empty socket and she inserted her finger, poking at the skin.

 

"What happened?"

 

"A fight."

 

"You're strange."

 

Jamie blinked.

 

"Me? You poked my eye."

 

"You don't have one."

 

"Still." His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hesitantly, "You can't exactly go round poking people where their eye used to be."

 

She hooked her fingers under Jamie's mask and pulled it up, looking at his face more intently.

 

"You're strange."

 

"So you've said."

 

Negan stuck his foot into one of Jamie's footprints and stared at it in sheer bewilderment.

 

"Does he walk like a fucking goat or something?"

 

"It's on purpose, makes his tracks deeper so they don't wash away easy."

 

"By walking like a goat."

 

The rustling of leaves made both men stand back-to-back, crossbow in one and baseball bat in the other. They stood guard for a few moments before the walker stumbled into view.

 

Negan reacted first, swinging his bat in one deft move and taking its head clean off. Daryl stood over the writhing head and shot it, pulling the arrow out and scowling.

 

"We're getting close."

 

"Bit weird, us teaming up." Negan commented, "We're both having the freaky deaky, y'know?"

 

"No. I don't."

 

"Well, I'm banging his brother, you're banging him. Bit of an unlikely thing that brings us together."

 

Daryl frowned and looked at Negan.

 

"I'm not."

 

"You haven't?"

 

"No."

 

"Not even a little?"

 

"Shut up."

 

"I can set you up if you want."

 

"Shut. Up." Daryl hissed.

 

"It's ok if you're embarrassed-"

 

Daryl yanked Negan into a bush and clamped his hand over his mouth. Negan watched out of the corner of his eye as a whisperer looked around where he was just stood before turning around and leaving.

 

"Stay quiet."

 

Negan nodded, and immediately wiped his mouth when Daryl let go in slight disgust.

 

"Do you ever wash?"

 

They peered through the brush into the outskirts of the whisperer camp. Whisperers patrolled the camp alongside walkers in circles. Negan squinted as he leaned in closer.

 

"Constant patrol, the walkers are corralled with noise." Daryl dragged over the walker he and Negan had killed and pulled out his knife, "We can use the guts to get closer."

 

"Walker guts? On my jacket?" Negan looked appalled at the mere suggestion, "Fuck that."

 

"What do you suggest then, dead bait?"

 

Negan hit his bat against the grass, drawing a whisperer's attention over. He waited until they were in reach before leaping up and pulling them down into the dirt, straddling and then smashing their skull in with Lucille.

He pulled the whisperer's mask onto his own face and grinned.

 

"Et Voilà."

 

"You're disgusting."

 

"I'm disgusting?" Negan scoffed, "At least I don't smell like wet dog, cigarettes, and death. No wonder the walkers don't notice you, you smell worse than they do."

 

"You can wear the freak skin, I'm wearing guts."

 

Negan pulled another mask onto Daryl's head.

 

"No time to argue sunshine, let's go before these chucklefucks realise we're here."

Chapter 24: The Silent Ticking of a Timebomb Rigged to Explode

Chapter Text

Walking into the whisperer's camp drew attention.

 

They had to cling to the outskirts in order to remain mostly undetected, though Negan noted how ill a lot of whisperers looked.

 

"Looks like he set off a time bomb." He muttered, pointing to the chunks of cooking walker meat on the pit, "Feeding them walkers."

 

"We need to find him."

 

Jamie lurked within earshot of Alpha, trying to pick up on any snippets of information she muttered to her right-hand man, Beta.

 

Beta was a monster of a man, almost double Jamie's height and with biceps bigger than his head, whenever Beta was around Jamie made sure to keep his head down and not try anything. Lest he becomes on the receiving end of his terrifying hands.

 

He sidestepped around a rock and was almost in the clear when a giant hand pressed against his chest, stopping him dead in his tracks.

 

Beta turned around and looked down at Jamie.

 

"You." Beta commanded, "Stay there."

 

Jamie nodded in fear.

 

Negan pulled Daryl down to crouch.

 

"Did you see the size of that dude?"

 

"What? Who?"

 

"The fucking jolly green giant over there, he's got to be at least 6,7'' or taller."

 

"Was Jamie with him?"

 

"I think so?" Negan popped his head up and looked over, "Holy shit, he's tiny compared to fucking Big Bird over there. He could step on Jamie and crush him like a bug."

 

"He's there?"

 

"Yeah, but-" He pushed Daryl back down, "Hey, look at the size of him. I'd rather not have Jamie watch Andre the Giant over there crush his lapdog to a pulp. That's you, by the way."

 

"What do you suggest then? I'm itching to get this damn Halloween mask off."

 

"Just wait."

 

Jamie followed Beta and wrung his hands as they walked past a group of whisperers laying together, they all looked feverish and lethargic as they huddled close. He swallowed anxiously as he calculated how long they had left, that or how long he had until they realised the source of the sickness.

He blocked out the noises. He blocked out what he could see whenever he turned his head.

 

There was a bitter bile that threatened to rise in the back of his throat as Beta casually stepped around a bloated carcass of what he could only assume used to belong to some sort of animal.

 

"Kneel."

 

Jamie nearly fell to his knees as he obeyed, keeping his eyes down. His hair stuck up on end as he fought against his body trembling, he knew not to show fear.

 

Never show fear. Not to the enemy.

 

He had to fight every instinct that told him to get up, get up and run. His fight or flight was working into overdrive as adrenaline turned any rational plans he had into mush.

Ice cold sweat dripped down his back like a fingernail being slowly dragged down his spine.

 

Run.

Get up and RUN.

YOU'RE GOING TO DIE IF YOU DON'T GET UP AND RUN.

 

"Look at me."

 

His eye dragged up to meet Beta's gaze.

 

"Your name."

 

"Nobody."

 

The heavy fist descended on Jamie's face like an anvil.

 

His vision went black as he nearly fell over, his brain rattling against his skull and scattering his thoughts into the bottomless pit in his gut.

 

"Nobody, what?"

 

"Nobody, Beta."

 

Beta grappled his shirt and pulled him up into the air so they were face-to-face. The hot breath felt more akin to a furnace being lit in Jamie's face as Beta bore down at him, glaring into his eye as if his look alone would strike him dead where he stood.

Jamie's eye glanced to the side, meeting Negan's in a mix of bewilderment and stupefy.

 

That sledgehammer of a punch came down on his gut, knocking the wind out of him and making him curl up like a wounded animal.

 

Beta dropped him to the ground, seemingly losing interest in his plaything.

He looked down at Jamie dismissively, only offering up a single command for comfort.

 

"You should fight back. Otherwise, they'll jump."

 

Jamie wheezed and rolled onto his side, spotting a few whisperers coming out from the shadows towards him.

 

His whole world spun in circles as he scrambled to his hands and knees.

 

"What's happening?" Daryl hissed, "You-"

 

Negan grabbed Daryl by the arm and both ran at the whisperers.

 

Swinging his arm back, Negan brought his bat down upon the whisperers head with vicious force, splitting their skull in two and spilling blood and brains into the dirt. There was barely a moments hesitation before he backhanded Lucille into the next whisperer's throat.

 

Daryl pulled his knife out and slashed one of the whisperers in the throat, spewing blood into Jamie's face as he struggled to catch his breath.

 

Jamie wasn't even granted the opportunity to regain his thoughts before he was being hoisted up into Daryl's arms.

 

He wasn't even sure what was being yelled, he could hear the words just fine, but nothing was registering anymore. Nothing except the pounding of his own heart in his ears and the sharpness of the wind whipping his skin as they retreated further and further into the woods.

 

"Hey." The words broke through the screen in Jamie's brain, making him look up at Daryl, "You're good. We've got you now."

 

Jamie looked down and vomited.

Negan sympathetically patted his back and pulled the whisperer skin off of his face.

 

"Try not to get your vomit on my shoes."

 

"E-Everyone else..." Jamie rasped, looking around, "Where's everyone else?"

 

"Just us, short stuff."

 

"What?"

 

"It's just Dixon and yours truly here to rescue the damsel in distress."

 

Jamie vomited again, this time on Negan's shoes.

Chapter 25: The hat does look a bit stupid

Chapter Text

"You look like shit."

 

"Thanks."

 

Negan patted Jamie's back and sighed.

 

"I must admit, you looked creepy as all hell in that freak mask of yours."

 

"It was walker skin, of course it's creepy."

 

"Did you have fun on your little holiday getaway? Like a freaky murder Disneyland."

 

Jamie looked up from his hunched position to give Negan a dirty look.

 

"Ask me that again and it's your jacket getting it next."

 

"No need to get tetchy with me," Negan raised his hands in mock surrender, "Just trying to pass the time while your boyfriend goes on a shopping trip to find... whatever it was he said while you puke your stomach lining up."

 

"I'm going in to look around."

 

"Hey, dog boy told me to keep an eye on you. You're tiny, what if I lose you in there? Those are my balls on the line, you know."

 

"Huh," Jamie opened the shop's door and gave Negan an impish grin, "I thought your nutsack was made of steel?"

 

"You conniving bastard."

 

The lights of the shops had long since gone dark, the old items left to collect dust on the shelves were the only semblance of what once held life. Jamie ran his hand across one of the many dilapidated walls as he walked, taking in the remains of what once was.

 

"Hard to imagine that this place used to have people inside."

 

"I don't think about it."

 

Jamie picked up an old cowboy hat and sat it on his head as he wandered the shop, someone must've left it on the shelf before everything happened, only for its owner to never return for it.

 

"Do we have a vinyl player?" He asked, looking around for Negan.

 

"Think so, why?"

 

"There's records here, might be nice to bring back something for Judith."

 

Negan didn't really pay attention as he fondly picked up an old record. He flipped it over to read the back and saw the song he was looking for, he took a shaky breath and pocketed the record, holding Lucille a little closer, a little tighter.

The rustling behind him drew his attention back to his current situation.

He looked at Jamie, then at the hat on his head before blurting.

 

"What in the goddamn fuck are you wearing on your head?"

 

Jamie turned around.

 

"What?"

 

"That stupid Dizzy Wallin hat you're wearing."

 

"Oh, I found it on the shelf there."

 

"That's not the point," Negan looked at the hat in utter exasperation, "The point is that it looks ridiculous."

 

"I like it."

 

"You look like a farmer."

 

"I was a farmer."

 

Negan sighed.

 

"Of course you were."

 

Jamie picked up some records and shook his head dismissively.

 

"Did you play a lot of video games before this?"

 

Negan blinked and looked at Jamie again.

 

"What?"

 

"You called me Chromie, a character in World of Warcraft, and then you called me Dizzy Wallin, who's a character in Gears of War 2."

 

"So?"

 

"Just thought it was interestin', that's all."

 

"I didn't know you knew who those were," Negan regained his blasé demeanour, a cocky grin veneered across his face, "I assumed you just lived without internet out on that farm."

 

"Duck."

 

"What?"

 

Jamie picked up a fire axe and took aim at Negan's head.

 

"Duck!"

 

He dipped his head and Jamie swung the axe into a walker's face, knocking it to the ground.

Negan turned around and looked down at the dead walker.

 

"Excuse the shit of my goddamn French," He said, patting Jamie's shoulder, "But talk about a close fucking shave."

 

"I hate those things."

 

"What can you do?" Negan plucked the records out of Jamie's hands and skimmed through them, "Are these for you? Because I'm heavily and silently judging you if these are. Like a lot."

 

"Some are, some are for Daryl, the classical one is for Carol, and the Slipknot one is for Judith."

 

"Did you pick Slipknot because they're from Iowa?" He grinned, "You totally did, didn't you?"

 

"They're a good band."

 

"They're pretty much the only band to ever come out of Iowa."

 

Jamie frowned.

 

"Stone Sour."

 

"They have the same damn singer, they don't count."

 

"They do so count! They're completely different!"

 

"The hell are you two bickerin' about?"

 

Negan and Jamie stopped arguing to look up at Daryl, who was leaning against the doorframe.

He stepped over the axed walker and flicked Jamie's hat, smiling softly at the now red face hidden beneath the brim.

 

"Jamie can't admit to the fact that his hat is, quite frankly, stupid and that Slipknot was the only thing to ever come out of Iowa other than corn."

 

Daryl squinted at Negan.

 

"How old are you?"

 

"You're going to start bringing up age as a show of maturity now?" Negan led the way out of the shop, waving Lucille around as he talked, "Need I remind you that you're too scared to go to a little rodeo with the lone ranger over there?"

 

"Is everythin' about sex with you?"

 

"Not everything." He shrugged, "Sometimes it's about self-love."

 

"Forget I asked." Daryl groaned.

Chapter 26: Daryl gets another dog

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It had been days since their return back to camp.

 

Daryl was sat outside, reaching down to pick up a thoroughly chewed tennis ball before tossing it into the grass. Dog went bounding across the camp after it, much to his amusement.

 

"Has he come out yet?"

 

"Nah," He picked up the ball from Dog and tossed it again, "Don't blame him, I'd be upset too."

 

"Would you tell him my reasoning at least? Something to at least draw him back outside."

 

"Why don't you do it yourself? You're the one who said it was too much risk to bring him back." Daryl petted Dog and shot a look at Rick, "He could've been killed, or worse."

 

Jamie put his hat on and quietly opened Negan's door.

 

He blinked in confusion when he saw Negan sat on a chair, cradling his bat - Lucille - in his arms as he sang along to the crackling record.

 

"You're everything I hoped for, you're everything I need, you are so beautiful to me... You are so beautiful to me."

 

"Was she your wife?"

 

Negan jumped at the sudden appearance of the man in the chair next to him.

 

"Jesus fucking Christ, is it your kink to sneak up on people or something?" He hissed, "Cause - not to kink shame or anything - it's fucking creepy as all hell!"

 

"Sorry."

 

"What're you doing in here anyways? Shouldn't you be sulking in your room?"

 

"I need a favour." He frowned at Negan's eyebrows, "Not that kind."

 

"What then?"

 

"Walkers have been getting into animal traps, need an extra hand to fix them."

 

"Why can't you get Daryl?"

 

"He's busy with Rick."

 

"Fine," He sighed and got up, patting Jamie on the head and shaking his head at that hat, "She was, by the way."

 

Daryl spotted Jamie leaving camp with Negan. He knew he should tell Rick and the others that he had finally decided to go outside after almost a whole week of refusal, but then where was the fun in that?

He felt he should drag out things a little longer, to really drive home how he felt.

 

Negan watched the sky and frowned, it was cold, and looked like it was going to rain, but nothing fell from the sky.

It was if as though the clouds were waiting for something to happen.

 

"Looks like it's going to rain."

 

"Snow."

 

"Huh?" He squinted up at the cloud, "No way."

 

"It's going to snow." Jamie pulled open one of the traps and grabbed the partridge before it could get away, "Not rain."

 

"What is it that you even do?" Negan leaned over him, "The most we ever talked about was how I was gonna torture you, which I do hope you didn't take too personally. Especially since your eye, but I suppose that was your brother, not me."

 

"Water under the bridge... And I used to be a vet, but now I guess I'm a handyman or doctor or..."

 

"Daryl's bitch."

 

"That does seem to be how Rick sees me."

 

"How were the whisperers?"

 

"I've seen animals with more morality than them," He spoke bitterly, "I'd sooner relive torture by your hands than deal with those monsters ever again."

 

"That bad?"

 

"At least you had a no rape policy." Jamie swatted a bush with his staff as they reached another trap, "Or a no killing kids policy."

 

Negan extended his hand and watched a small white flake fall onto it, melting almost as soon as it touched his skin.

 

"How could you tell?"

 

"Tell what?"

 

"It's snowing."

 

"Change in barometric pressure, I've always been able to 'sense' whenever it was going to rain." He gestured to the sky, "Also it's November and fuckin' freezing, of course it'll snow."

 

"Oh yeah?" Negan squinted and tapped Lucille against his shoulder, "Does standing like a pangolin also make you 'sense' it?"

 

Jamie straightened out his back and dropped his hands to his sides, looking embarrassed.

 

"I'm going to check the berry bush."

 

Negan followed along, watching Jamie walk curiously.

 

"I used to be a teacher."

 

"Huh," Jamie didn't look up from the bush, "You've certainly changed since then."

 

"I have."

 

Jamie put his finger to his lips in a shushing motion and listened closely to the bush, he frowned.

 

"There's something in here."

 

"Leave it then, I'd rather not fuck with a random animal hid in a bush. It could be a raccoon, or an opossum, or a-"

 

"Puppy."

 

Jamie scooped up the tiny animal in his arms and showed it to Negan.

Sure enough, the thing he was clutching in his grasp was a young puppy, barely over 12 weeks. The dog wagged its tail happily as it sniffed Jamie's face, trying to lap at his head.

 

Negan looked at Jamie and sighed.

 

"Don't give me that look."

 

"What look?"

 

"You're giving me the 'I want this dog so fucking badly' look."

 

"Can I?"

 

"Why are you asking me? How old are you?"

 

"I'm 46, why?"

 

Negan blinked in surprise.

 

"Shit, you're not getting a growth spurt anytime soon, are you?"

 

"I suppose not." Jamie tied the food around his shoulder and started the trek back to camp.

 

"How come Matthias is so much taller than you?"

 

"We don't have the same mother."

 

"But you have the same dad, how the shit did you end up so tiny and he end up almost my height?"

 

"He's adopted."

 

"Seriously?"

 

"No," Jamie grinned, "Our dad was just short compared to his mom."

 

"So you got the short end of the stick, pun unintended, though it was very fucking funny, might I add."

 

"I can see why Rick slit your throat."

 

"Aww, come on." Negan pouted, "We had fun today, did we not?"

 

Jamie's nose scrunched up.

 

"I'll have to think about it."

 

Daryl waved to Jamie when they returned.

He squinted to try and make out the strange bouncing walk Jamie was doing towards him, a bright smile plastered across his face as he dropped to his knees in front of him.

 

"Hey cowboy," Daryl flicked Jamie's hat, "What's got you so excited?"

 

"Look." He held out his hands and showed Daryl the puppy, "I found it."

 

Daryl reached out a hand and happily pet the new dog, laughing when it stuck its face forward and licked his nose.

 

"What's its name?"

 

"Orion, like the hunter."

 

"Orion..." He looked at Jamie and nodded, "He's a good boy."

 

"D'you think Dog'll like him?"

 

"I think they'll get along just fine," Daryl plucked the hat off of Jamie's head and sat it on his own, "Rick was wantin' to talk to you."

 

Jamie sighed and stood up.

 

"Fine, but I think you and I deserve some quiet time together after all this."

 

"We'll see," Daryl squinted up at Jamie, "Good luck, cowboy."

 

Rick was sat outside with Michonne when Jamie walked over, he sat upright when he saw his approach.

 

"Jamie, I-"

 

"I assume you're here to explain to me what your reasoning was to leave me behind to the whisperers," Jamie sat down, "Daryl's more upset than I am about the whole ordeal. I understand you were thinking about the needs of the group here, and I wholeheartedly trust your judgement."

 

"It really wasn't personal," He explained, "Michonne said there were thousands of them, I couldn't risk sending someone like her or Daryl, they're both highly skilled and our group depends on them."

 

"I agree."

 

"You do? I thought you were angry."

 

"I'm not," He gave a half-smile, "I think you're a good man, Rick. Despite my rather... explosive reaction during our first few interactions - which I sincerely apologise for - I believe you have this group's best interests at heart."

 

"Then why did you stay inside for so long?"

 

"I'm still very much human," Jamie chewed the tip of his thumb, "I tend to get a bit traumatised after wearing a skin mask and seeing shit that even Negan wouldn't think of doing."

 

Rick nodded solemnly.

 

"I noticed you and Negan talking together."

 

"He's been an unscrupulous, amoral bastard... But he's proven himself, and I respect him for that."

 

"He killed one of our own."

 

"What is better, Rick? To be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?"

 

Rick watched Jamie stand up and leave.

Notes:

I suppose it's far too late to admit that I've only watched up to season 4 of The Walking Dead, and that a lot of my knowledge has come from reading the wiki.

However, as someone who wrote Hannibal fanfiction, writing such succinct dialogue is keeping me far more sane than the long, flowery language I had to write.

Catch the blatantly obvious references I keep writing in lmao

Daryl deserves more dogs

Chapter 27: Fixing burning bridges is harder than it looks

Chapter Text

Daryl woke up smothered.

 

He lifted the blanket up to find Jamie lying on top of him, leaving Dog and Orion to curl up around him where Jamie was supposed to be sleeping.

They all seemed to prefer his chest instead of actual pillows.

 

"Morning, sleeping beauty."

 

"The hell you want?" Daryl rubbed his eyes and sat up slightly, "I'm busy."

 

"Being used as a pillow?" Negan tilted his head and grinned, "Is your chest that comfortable?"

 

"They'll wake up if I move."

 

"Daryl Dixon... Dare I say that that was cute of you?" He tapped Lucille against the doorframe, "I hate to say it, but I do believe that you've been domesticated."

 

"Shut up."

 

"Or you'll what? You can't do anything at this moment because you'll wake up Jamie."

 

Daryl frowned, and Jamie yawned a long, drawn-out sigh before blearily looking up at Daryl.

 

"Mornin'." He murmured, rubbing his eye and smiling tiredly, "Is it still morning?"

 

"Still morning."

 

"Then good morning."

 

"Good morning to you too."

 

Jamie let out an amused huff and clambered out of bed before making eye contact with Negan.

 

"What the hell are you doing in here?"

 

"Good morning." Negan waved and glanced between the two, "Did the bees finally figure out how to ask the birds?"

 

"The fuck are you on about?" Jamie grabbed a shirt off the ground and pulled it over his head.

 

"You two seemed incapable of actually getting down to business, I've been trying to encourage Scowly McDogBreath over there for the better half of a week." He pulled himself away from leaning against the doorframe just as Daryl got up to put on his shirt, "Was it freaky? Don't tell me. Actually do tell me, I want to know the nitty-gritty. Maybe just the good stuff, or the stuff I can make fun of you two for."

 

"It's way too early for the amount of words that just came outta your mouth just there," Jamie put his eyepatch and hat on, shooing Negan out of the room, "I've got work to do, as do you. Now go."

 

"You can't just shoo me out," He looked offended, "Daryl, talk to him."

 

Negan sulked outside the house and kicked a stone across the grass.

Matthias sat down beside him and yawned, stretching his legs out and squinting out at the morning snow.

 

"Why are you trying to make amends with him?" Matthias frowned, "He hates you."

 

"Au contraire, Matthias. He doesn't hate me."

 

"You tortured him, I'd be more concerned if he didn't like you."

 

"Well, I like to think that being out with him during his little rescue has smoothed things over."

 

"Things are about as smooth between me and him as a bed of nails."

 

"I mean - and I don't mean this in a bad way - you did kinda directly cause him to lose his job, his eye, his boyfriend, and nearly his own life on multiple occasions." Negan held up his hands in surrender at Matthias' glare, "Just saying."

 

"He won't accept my apology."

 

"Well, yeah." Negan pulled a face, "'Sorry' doesn't quite cover torture, mutilation, and manslaughter."

 

"Then what do I do?"

 

"He's your brother. Spend time with him or something, help him out, or - I dunno - talk to him?"

 

"Fine. Where is he?"

 

"Inside, he kicked me out."

 

"Why?"

 

"I think it was because I kept asking if him and Daryl screwed."

 

Matthias cringed.

 

"Daryl, that hairy one with fleas?"

 

"That's the one."

 

"That's who my brother is with?"

 

"Yep."

 

"Christ..." He looked slightly horrified, "I think ripping his eye out fucked his brain up if that's who he's with."

 

Jamie picked up a straight razor and stood behind Daryl apprehensively.

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"You can see what you're doing," Daryl picked up an old shirt and slung it around his shoulders, "It'll be fine."

 

"Ok..."

 

Jamie took hold of Daryl's head and dipped the blade into the bowl of water, he looked down at Daryl and sighed.

 

"What?"

 

"Are you sure you want me to do this?" Jamie frowned, "I like your beard."

 

"It's just to fix the sides, not the whole thing."

 

"Good," Jamie looked relieved and carefully started shaving the sides of Daryl's face, "Your facial hair is nice."

 

"Not sure that's the word I'd have used."

 

Jamie held a tighter grip on Daryl's jaw.

 

"Stop moving your mouth while I'm shaving," He warned, "I'll end up cutting you by accident."

 

Daryl sighed and leaned his head back against Jamie's chest while he worked on the underside of his neck.

There was a strange intimacy of having someone hold a blade to your neck.

 

Jamie could've just as easily taken that straight razor to his throat and slit it right there and then, leaving him to bleed out.

But he didn't, he never did.

That strange, strange intimacy of trusting someone with your life.

 

"There you go."

 

Daryl rubbed his face and smiled softly.

 

"Thanks, want me to get yours?"

 

Jamie felt his own facial hair and nodded, sitting down in the chair and leaning back into Daryl's hands.

 

"I leave my face in your capable hands."

 

Animals never would've shown their neck so willingly to others, such a prominent weak point that so many predators aim for. One bite, one swift cut, and a life can be snuffed out in a breath.

Here they were together, holding blades to each other's throats. A silent mutual trust between two people, such a strange, tender thing trust was.

Jamie shut his eye and hummed in appreciation.

 

Daryl couldn't help but feel proud at such a simple, yet open display of trust he showed. That silent acknowledgement that he was safe in Daryl's hands, that the scrape of a blade didn't make Jamie nervous, or fearful.

He felt safe enough to shut his eye to a blade against his throat.

 

"How's that?"

 

Jamie opened his eye again and grinned.

 

"I like this view."

 

"You know what I mean." Daryl shook his head and covered Jamie's face with the spare shirt.

 

"It's very nice," Jamie pulled the shirt off and stood up, "Thank you."

 

"Yeah, well..." He put the razor away and squinted at Jamie, "You did alright too."

 

"Promise me something?"

 

"What?"

 

Jamie gently held a handful of Daryl's hair and gave him a playful warning.

 

"Never make this short, I think my poor heart might just give out if that happened."

 

Daryl made an amused huffing noise and smiled.

 

"S'that important for you?"

 

"Of course it is."

 

Boot to dirt, Jamie had a spring in his step that he had lost so many years ago.

 

A sense of importance is what rallied his thoughts to one singular cause, helping his newfound family, the camp.

He grabbed a handful of grain and scattered it across the ground for the chickens.

 

Even though the apocalypse ripped so many from his grasp, friends and family torn apart by friends and family, some human, some not. He didn't look back on those memories.

 

"Need a hand?"

 

Jamie looked at Matthias.

 

"What?"

 

"You look like you need help."

 

"What do you want out of it though?"

 

"Just to talk."

 

Jamie handed a bucket of grains over distrustfully.

 

The two stood side by side and fed the chickens together.

 

"Funny, isn't it?" Matthias looked down, "We both led such different lives, and yet here we are back together again."

 

"Funny. I lost my job, you became a Captain. I lost my eye, you left with Negan. I lost Fletcher, you shacked up with the Saviours. I nearly died to the whisperers while you sat in bed after a night of being with Negan." Jamie nodded and gave a terse smile, "It's real funny, Matthias."

 

"It's my fault."

 

"It is. Glad we agree with something."

 

"I'm sorry I was never there for you."

 

"Are you? Are you really sorry? Or do you just feel shitty now that I'm not rolling over and taking it anymore?"

 

"I want to be there for you."

 

"Of course you do."

 

"You're my big brother, I didn't realise how much you did for me. How much you protected me."

 

"Funny how that is, isn't it?"

 

"I'm sorry, I really am. I want to make things better between us, I want us to be brothers again."

 

"You want to make things better now?" Jamie scoffed, "After all you've done?"

 

"Yes, I know I can never take back the things I've done or said to you, but I don't want us to keep living like this. I... I ruined your life, I ruined it all because I was selfish. I was selfish and I know that doesn't fix things but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything, I can't fix things. I can't ever bring back our relationship back to how it was before, but I want us to at least have a relationship. I don't want to lose you, Jamie. Not after everything we've been through together."

 

Jamie upturned his bucket, dumping the grain all over Matthias and causing chickens to swarm over him.

He didn't say anything to his little brother, but the two knew that it was that or punching him.

 

"Don't use my own goddamn words against me ever again, you jackass."

Chapter 28: Snow

Summary:

Perhaps the only time I've let them all have fun without the looming threat of death.

Chapter Text

Jamie pressed his hands into the bloody mess, pitifully trying to fix things as he clutched at Daryl.

Eyes blown wide in horror, all he could hear was the pounding of his heart in his ears.

Still, he pressed harder.

 

The blood wouldn't stop pouring from his stomach.

It infected everything it touched, seeping into Jamie's hands, his clothes, the pieces of cloth he used to try and stop the blood.

It never did stop that time.

 

Jamie woke with a start, looking down at his clean clothes and hands.

 

"Just a dream..." He sighed deeply and rested his head against the wall, taking his palms and rubbing his face, trying to wash the memory from his brain.

 

"You look tired."

 

Daryl plucked the hat off of Jamie's head and sat it on his own as he leaned against the wall beside him.

 

"Can't stop thinking about the whisperers, you know?" Jamie winced, "I've seen... you know... before, but that? That was... They didn't even help. Right in front of them, and they just watched. Watched... They said it's because they're animals, and it happens in the wild, they're supposed to defend themselves."

 

"Apocalypse changes folk."

 

"I didn't expect it to do... that. I knew it would happen, but to that extent?"

 

"Can't change things like that," Daryl wrapped his arm around Jamie and handed him a cigarette, "One of those things you just have to try and forget, or live with."

 

"It's so cold this time of year."

 

Daryl shifted his weight onto one of his feet and looked down at the imprint it left on the snow.

 

"Never seen this much snow before."

 

"No?"

 

"Nah... Not where I lived."

 

Jamie shaped a clump of snow in his hands into a ball and showed it to Daryl.

 

"We could make a snowman?"

 

"Why?"

 

"It's fun."

 

"We've got work we should be doing."

 

Jamie smacked the snowball down on Daryl's head with a splat.

 

"Come on, just this once?"

 

The yelling alerted Rick, grabbing his gun and peering out the window towards the fence.

He furrowed his brow when there wasn't any signs of immediate danger and turned to the streets to find Daryl hounding after Jamie and the kids.

 

"What are they doing?"

 

Michonne looked out the window and smiled softly.

 

"Looks like a snowball fight."

 

Judith tossed a snowball at Daryl, hitting him square in the face.

 

"And it looks like Daryl's losing." She smiled.

 

Jamie handed a snowball to R.J and watched him throw it at Daryl's feet.

The two watched as Daryl picked up a snowball and toss it back at them, hitting Jamie in the chest.

 

"Go on without me, R.J!" He fell to the ground and clutched his chest, "Save yourself!"

 

"No!" R.J grabbed Jamie's wrist and tried pulling him with him.

 

"You gotta go, Daryl's got a snowball with your name on it!"

 

Daryl grabbed Jamie by the ankle and dragged him through the snow, much to Judith and R.J's amusement.

 

"Your little game is over now," He teased, smushing snow into Jamie's face, "It's over for you!"

 

"Noooo, Daryl!" Jamie laughed and dragged Daryl down into the snow after him, "Get him!"

 

Judith and R.J ran over and dumped their snowballs onto Jamie's face, much to his feigned displeasure.

 

"That's my lil' ass-kicker." Daryl grinned proudly and sat up in the snow.

 

Jamie swiped the snow from his eyes and scrunched his nose up.

 

"It's down my back..."

 

"You're the one who started this whole war, you should admit defeat to me."

 

"Never."

 

Daryl pulled the back of Jamie's shirt and grabbed a handful of snow.

 

"Okay okay, I surrender! Just don't dump snow down my shirt again!"

 

Negan watched Matthias watch his brother and Daryl mess around in the snow together forlornly. He grabbed a handful of snow and flicked it in Matthias' face and grinned when he whipped his head around to look at him.

 

"What the fuck was that for?!"

 

"Gonna sit around and watch your brother have fun, or are you gonna join in?" Negan flicked more snow in Matthias' face, "Come on, Oscar the grouch, get up off your ass and have some fun for once!"

 

"Stop flicking snow at me!"

 

Negan flicked the snow again.

 

"Make me."

 

Matthias got up and scowled.

 

"Stop it."

 

"Hmmm..." More snow in his face, "Nah."

 

Negan began backing up and ran away when Matthias chased him across the snow, running past Daryl and Jamie and behind the houses, Matthias hot at his heels.

 

"He's running like a bat out of hell."

 

"No wonder, your brother has murder in his eyes."

 

Jamie shook his head dismissively.

 

"Matthias was trying to make amends."

 

"Did you let him?"

 

"No..." He paused and looked at Daryl, "Should I have?"

 

"Up to you. He's done a lot of things I wouldn't have forgiven him for," Daryl tilted his head, "Hell, I woulda killed him for. But you kept him around, why?"

 

"He's my brother."

 

"So? Family isn't everythin'."

 

"I..." Daryl watched Jamie's nose scrunch up again, "I still care about him, despite everything."

 

"You've got a weird way of looking at things."

 

"That so?"

 

"Weird, but I like it." He put an arm around Jamie's shoulders and frowned slightly, "Are you cold?"

 

"No."

 

"You're fuckin' freezin'."

 

"S'not that cold," Jamie shrugged, his lower jaw chattering away as he sat closer to Daryl, "Are you cold?"

 

"Don't be stubborn."

 

"I'm not."

 

Daryl took Jamie by the back of his shirt and pulled him to his feet.

 

"You're going inside."

 

"What? Why?"

 

"Look at you, you're shaking more than a chihuahua in winter. You're gonna freeze to death, and then how will Judith and R.J finish your war?"

 

"Fair point..." Jamie sighed and let himself get sent inside, "You know, as a doctor, I advise physical contact to stimulate heat."

 

Daryl squinted at Jamie.

 

"Was that just a fancy way of saying you want me to hug you?"

 

Jamie looked down in embarrassment.

 

"...Yes."

Chapter 29: Rolling

Chapter Text

Fleeting footsteps displaced snow as they danced around, trying to throw the pursuer off the trail.

The biting wind stung her face as she slid under a log, rolling onto her feet and continuing her sprint. Living life with a mask, the whipping of freezing air against her skin was welcome.

She had to keep running, she didn't have an option.

Being captured would lead to a fate worse than death.

 

"I told you so."

 

"I'm not sick," Jamie mumbled feebly, "I'm just tired, that's all."

 

Daryl pressed the back of his hand into Jamie's forehead and shook his head.

 

"You always run a fever when you're tired?"

 

"It's not a fever."

 

"You're burning up."

 

"You're not going to make me stay inside."

 

"That's exactly what you're gonna do."

 

"Like hell I will."

 

Jamie persisted and tried to get past Daryl, who in turn lifted him onto his shoulders and dropped him back onto the bed.

 

"Stay here."

 

"This is ridiculous Daryl, I need to help the others."

 

"You can once you're not about to keel over from a fever."

 

"But-"

 

"But nothin'," He snapped, "You're stayin' put until I get someone to check on you."

 

"Can I at least work in here?"

 

Daryl pinched the bridge of his nose and shrugged in exasperation.

 

"Sure, but only in here. Got it?"

 

"Yep."

 

"You sure?"

 

"Yessir."

 

"What did I just say then?"

 

Jamie's blank expression told Daryl more than enough.

 

Negan squinted at the paper in his hands and carefully rolled it into a neat tube.

 

"What're you doing?" Matthias peered over his shoulder, "Cigarettes?"

 

"Yep, using the tobacco Rick the prick picked." He paused, "That's like a tongue twister, Rick the prick picked a peck of... tobacco."

 

"Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers?"

 

"Mine doesn't roll off the tongue as well as I'd hoped."

 

Matthias sniffed one of the cigarettes as Negan handed some off.

 

"Negan?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Tobacco is what you said were in these, right?"

 

"Yup."

 

"Tobacco, nothing else?"

 

Negan looked up at Matthias.

 

"See, I'm gonna say 'yes', because I'm pretty sure it was just tobacco, but then why would you ask that so doubtfully?" He leaned back and squinted, "Therefore, I'm picking the option where I ask what do you think is in these, as you're giving me a suspicious look of... suspicion."

 

"Negan."

 

"You sure do enjoy saying my name, dontcha?"

 

"Who have you given these to?"

 

"Ehh..." He gestured vaguely, "Daryl?"

 

"Smell what you're rolling."

 

Negan lifted the cigarette to his nose and sniffed.

 

"Huh, this smells like weed." He smiled innocently at Matthias, "It'd be funny if it were, right? Cause that'd mean I'd have given weed to Daryl, and also Jamie by association, cause Daryl likes to share with him... I've given Daryl and Jamie weed, haven't I?"

 

"You just realised?"

 

Jamie had barely made it to the door when Daryl swung it open and stepped inside right in front of him.

 

"Back."

 

"Just test me again? It's not a fever, and I can still go out and do things."

 

Daryl squinted at him, but relented and pressed his hand back again.

 

"S'gone down, but I'll be keepin' an eye on you."

 

Jamie traded his hat for Daryl's cigarette and grinned happily as he stepped out into the snow.

 

"Thank you!"

 

The whispering dead from the trees looked up at Alexandria's fortified walls with contempt.

 

"That's where they brought him." The girl that had rescued Jamie whispered.

 

"Brought him to the sickness," One sneered, "To lies."

 

"We're not going to kill him, are we?"

 

"We'll kill them all."

 

"But he showed his worth."

 

"Doesn't matter. They all die."

 

She pursed her lips and nodded.

 

"For Alpha."

Chapter 30: That stupid-ass hat

Chapter Text

Negan wound his arms back and swung Lucille, watching her cut through the air with ease. He admired the raw power of his dirty, dirty girl. They just didn't come as bloodthirsty as her.

No, everyone these days were too concerned for the greater good. Lovey-dovey shit that'll warm the heart, but do fuck all for the actual reality of things.

Truth be told, everything was always going to shit. Just a matter of time.

Always just a matter of time.

 

Another clean swipe, and a chunk of something rotten and bloody became dislodged from her greedy barbs and landed on the snow a few feet away from him.

He squinted at Jamie as he surreptitiously made his way over to the weapons and plucked one from the holders, looking around suspiciously to check if anyone was watching, completely missing over Negan as he lingered on his blind side, and quietly slipped out through the gate.

 

Weird, he thought to himself.

 

Looking at the congealed blood on Lucille, he supposed it wouldn't do much harm to whet her appetite. What was hanging around Alexandria for if not to cause a little mayhem while he was there?

Fuckin' boring, that's what.

 

Jamie had a strange way of walking.

 

Light on his feet, his movements looked to Negan more akin to dance than an actual walk. Airy, fluttery steps that would circle around before going missing, doing loops in the snow and splitting off.

He looked around for Jamie, confused as to how he lost him with his auburn curls standing out from the white snow. Was he really that short that he missed him?

 

"Why are you following me?" Came the voice from behind that made Negan turn on his heel.

 

"What the shit is wrong with you?" Negan hissed at Jamie, "I swear, it is your fucking thing to sneak up on folk!"

 

"Did Daryl send you?"

 

"What? No, why?"

 

Jamie eased off a bit and smiled.

 

"You know how hard it is to make him somethin' with him looming over your shoulder?"

 

"Could say the same thing 'bout your brother," Negan grimaced, "Stuff of goddamn nightmares, that one."

 

"Anyways, I thought he'd like it if I made him somethin', so I found these shed antlers," He gestured to them and grinned, "I'm thinkin' carving up like a charm, something to go round the neck... Maybe somethin' for Dog too, like a collar tag."

 

"That's great and all, but why are you out alone? You couldn't tell Carol or... Aaron or something?"

 

"Why? You don't think I can do it myself?"

 

"Oi, you're not playing that game with me."

 

Jamie slung the antlers over his shoulder and sighed, starting the walk back with Negan back to camp.

 

"I don't want them worryin' 'bout me, ok?" His face scrunched up in that familiar way again, "That's all."

 

"Oh yeah," Negan replied snarkily, "I'm sure folk are real worried about your ability to fight, especially after those whisperers. Trembling at the pure thought of you going out alone, they are."

 

"Not that, asshole."

 

"What then?"

 

"I have... I'm... Y'know..." He looked pained, "I think differently, ok? It's just something I prefer to do alone, and I have my ways of doing it, and if it's not done the way I have in my head, I get uptight."

 

Negan tilted his head curiously.

 

"Y'know, when I was a teacher we were often taught how to spot certain... differences in students," He shrugged, "You know, learning difficulties."

 

"I didn't struggle in school."

 

"And I'm sure you were a 'pleasure to have in class, if a bit quiet'."

 

"What?"

 

"Do you not know?"

 

"Clearly not, cause I would've fuckin' said."

 

"Huh, with the way you stand and shit, you'd think your parents would've noticed."

 

Daryl scratched the side of his head as he stared down at the text of the book. It felt like with every passing second, the words became a muddy soup in his brain, not being able to discern any of it.

He grumbled angrily to himself, Jamie was supposed to have come over by now.

 

Dog looked up from his perch on Daryl's lap and ran over to greet Jamie happily, wagging his tail at the new things in his hands.

 

"You went out without me?" Daryl looked up at Jamie and frowned as he sat down next to him.

 

"Close your eyes."

 

"Why?"

 

"Just do it."

 

Daryl grumbled and reluctantly shut his eyes. All he could discern was the rustling of Jamie's clothes as he moved his arms around his head.

 

"What now?"

 

"Now you open them and look down."

 

He looked down at the necklace and his annoyed expression softened almost instantly, he ran his thumb around the smooth bone of the antler and looked down at Dog, who was sporting a similar charm around his collar.

 

"You made these?"

 

"Yeah, I like fiddling around with my hands, thought you might like to match with Dog."

 

"It's... It's nice." He looked at Jamie's exhausted eye and nodded, "I like it a lot."

 

"Good... I also found a hat, but I don't think you'd like it."

 

"Show me?"

 

Jamie held out a blue and black newsboy cap and looked at the little look of excitement that sparkled in Daryl's eyes, he took Jamie's hat off and replaced it with the cap with a large, smug grin across his face.

 

"What do you think?" Jamie put his hat back on, "Will you still be stealing my hat?"

 

"I'll still steal yours, but this is such a bad hat."

 

"Oh." His face fell, "Do you want me to get rid of it or...?"

 

"No, I love it."

 

"But you said it was bad?"

 

Daryl grinned and nodded, only making Jamie more confused.

 

"Negan ain't gonna like it at all."

 

"So like... You like it because it'll annoy Negan?"

 

"I like it cause it's got personality, loud and brash in the best way possible." He patted Jamie's shoulder, "It also matches that flannel shirt of yours."

 

"Oh yeah, so it does."

 

"So it's my hat."

 

Jamie smiled an endearing adoring smile that made Daryl chuckle.

 

Negan looked at Matthias and slung his arm around his side.

 

"Why the long face?"

 

"Jamie," Matthias looked utterly bewildered at Daryl, "I really don't get whatever it is he sees in that man, yet he's totally fucking smitten."

 

"You seem awfully pressed about your brothers love life."

 

"He's never had the best taste in men," He admitted, "Fletcher was the only one who wasn't a complete asshole to him."

 

"Huh?"

 

"His last partner before Fletch was this douchebag who left him in France, locked him out the hotel. Called me at like... 3 in the morning in a goddamn state cause dad wouldn't pick up."

 

"I'm assuming he can't speak French."

 

"God, no." He laughed lightly, "It never sounds right in his mouth, he's got such a thick accent... He struggles with English half the time too."

 

"Why get him booted from the army?"

 

"He was stationed in the middle of a war, I kept hearing about all those deaths... Soldiers just being sent to their deaths. Politicians offering their bullshit sympathy as they just signed away their death warrants in the name of freedom. I knew damn well he was too stubborn to quit, or get himself injured to get discharged... I didn't want him to die, so I told them about him and Fletcher so they wouldn't get killed. I wouldn't have a fucking flag sent to me because my big brother was marched off to die over fucking oil."

 

"Why not just tell him the truth then?" Negan looked confused, "He thinks you hate him."

 

"Because I'm pissed off that he kept throwing his own life and future away for me. I kept trying and trying to push him away so he'd actually do shit for himself instead of only thinking about me, he always had to look after me when we were kids. I don't want him to waste his life trying to give me what he deserves."

 

"Huh... I must admit, that is oddly sweet coming from the guy who literally ripped his eye from its socket." Negan twirled Matthias' ponytail around his finger, "You're a weird, weird guy... But I like it, makes you oddly endearing to keep around."

 

"Keep around?"

 

"Yeah, you're my little attack dog." He grinned, "One that does fun tricks like roll over and beg."

 

"What is it with you and weird-ass sexual euphemisms?"

Chapter 31: Childhood memories

Notes:

Content warning for this chapter: The uncensored f slur is used by Jamie during a flashback sequence, skip over the scene if you wish to avoid it.

(Please also note that I am gay and my decision to reclaim the slur in my works. If that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip this scene or this chapter altogether.)

Chapter Text

What was scarier, humans or walkers?

 

On its own, a walker was easy to dispatch. Shot between the eyes, bash its skull in until it stopped moving.

But as a horde? They could tear down buildings in the name of finding food. An unstoppable ravenous force of nature that would not stop, never stop until anything alive was made dead.

Painfully slow and easily tricked, however, and the walkers were made from a nigh omnipresent reckoning to just another thing to deal with. Guts over the shoulders, keep quiet and it'll all blow over.

 

Humans had that all too terrifying point of being deceiving.

Sure, a walker could rip you apart limb from limb, but they operate solely out of base animalistic instinct. A human would take you in, make you trust them, then when you weren't looking, they'd turn on you.

At least walkers couldn't plan.

 

Jamie remained as still as possible, trying to mimic Daryl's movements.

 

'Try the bow' Daryl signed, handing Jamie a simple recurve bow, 'Aim for the head.'

 

Drawing the arrow back, Jamie took aim. He took careful, steady breaths as he aimed just left of the head.

The power behind the bow snapped forwards, sending the arrow cutting cleanly through the air and piercing through the walkers' head.

 

"Your aim's getting a lot better," Daryl noted, stepping forwards and pulling the arrow back out, "Won't need to rely on that staff soon."

 

"What're we doing out here anyways? Clearly not hunting based on your arrows."

 

"Been an increase of walkers near the walls, our job to pick 'em off."

 

Jamie seemed content with his answer and followed along closely behind, kicking away Daryl's footprints in the snow.

 

"Did you know when I was stationed out in the war, we weren't allowed to light three cigarettes with the one lighter?"

 

Daryl narrowed his eyes at the question. A seemingly random fact being rattled off to pass the time, but they both knew better.

It meant they were being watched.

 

"No, why?"

 

"Snipers. First light gets their attention, second light as they bear down their sights, third light... Boom."

 

"Was it really that much of a thing?"

 

"Oh yeah," Jamie nodded, "Soldiers are a lot more superstitious than you'd think."

 

The crunch of snow underfoot alerted the two to what was watching them, they stood firmly back-to-back, weapons drawn and ready to fight just as the walkers emerged from the woods.

Jamie looked around at them and counted at least a dozen whisperers.

 

"We're going to have to run." Daryl whispered.

 

"We're surrounded, they'll kill us."

 

"They'll kill us if we do nothin' too."

 

"I have an idea, but you have to trust me."

 

"What is it?"

 

"Do you trust me?" Jamie looked around at the whisperers as they watched them patiently, looking for any sort of reaction, "It could be dangerous."

 

"Yes."

 

Jamie reached back into Daryl's belt and drew his pistol, firing them at the whisperers' legs in front of him. They yelled in shock and pain, alerting nearby walkers that they were actually people.

He grabbed Daryl's hand and took off bolting through the woods, ducking and weaving across rocks and logs, the yelling picking up in intensity before dying down.

 

Negan watched Matthias clamber up a tree in confusion.

 

"What was it that you said you were doing?"

 

"Getting higher ground," Matthias looked down at Negan from a branch, "You can see more."

 

"Right..." He looked down and shook his head to himself, "That's a completely sane idea."

 

"Shush, I see something."

 

Negan turned around and looked at Jamie and Daryl running over.

 

"Now, this is totally a shot in the dark here since I'm down here and you're up there," Negan said sarcastically, "But I think it's Jamie and Daryl."

 

Matthias climbed down from his perch just as the two made their way over, he looked confused at them.

 

"Do you two just... Like to sprint for dates?"

 

"We don't date," Daryl frowned before immediately rethinking his word choice, "We don't go on dates, we're not... together together, but we're-"

 

"Whisperers," Jamie butted in, saving Daryl the conversation, "Gotta be like a dozen of 'em, barely made it out."

 

"Did they follow you?"

 

"No, I think... I shot a few in the legs. I think walkers got them when they screamed."

 

Matthias picked up his knife and looked down at Jamie.

 

"Let's finish the job then."

 

"This is the last time I'll ask," The woman demanded, "Why did you hit her?"

 

Jamie leaned back in his chair and eyed up the shrewd teacher in front of him. He knew damn well why he was in this office being yelled at.

Grabbing a girl by the hair and dragging her down a flight of stairs tended to get people in trouble.

 

"You'd have to ask her why, miss."

 

"And why is that, Jamie Morrigan? Why can't you say it yourself and get this over and done with?"

 

"I dunno," Jamie leaned across the table and frowned, "I guess I just want to hear her reasoning for calling me a faggot."

 

"Jamie!" The teacher snapped angrily, "I will not be having that sort of language being used in this school!"

 

"Oh yeah?! Fucking tell her that then, maybe I wouldn't need to!"

 

"That's it. I'm calling your father to pick you up. You're suspended for such vile language and threatening staff."

 

"Threatening?!" Jamie's eyes went wide, "How was that threatening?!"

 

"You need to calm down young man."

 

"Hey," Matthias nudged Jamie, "Remember when you got suspended for threatening the headteacher?"

 

"Unfortunately."

 

Negan perked up at the comment.

 

"Jamie threatening a teacher? Now this I'd like to hear the story behind."

 

"I didn't threaten her," Jamie frowned, "I got into trouble for pulling a girl down a flight of stairs because she called me a slur, then when I said what she said to the teacher, she got all antsy and shouted at me. I shouted back and got told I was being threatening."

 

"Huh?" Matthias looked genuinely confused and disappointed, "But I only got detention for swearing."

 

"Yeah, you were less threatening looking to her than I was."

 

"But you were a top student! You were part of the fucking chess club!" He blinked in utter disbelief, "I got less suspension than you and I broke a window!"

 

"Same reason I got extensive background checks and you didn't, same reason I was pulled over when I was taking you to work, same reason I was detained for walking to my own apartment cause my neighbour thought I was breaking and entering."

 

There was an uncomfortable silence before Matthias threw his knife, cutting through the air and lodging itself into a whisperers chest.

Chapter 32: Bullwrangler

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Daryl woke in an empty bed.

 

He rolled over, expecting Jamie or Dog to be there, still asleep as they drooled on him.

But there was nothing to be seen, except the sheets pulled back.

 

"Looks like I'm the early one today." A voice chirped from across the room.

 

"Jesus..." Daryl groaned and rubbed his face grumpily, "What're you doing up?"

 

"Official vet business," Jamie stood up and his back popped with the movement, "I've got to make sure the ewes are settling down after having their lambs, then I get to help Rick find dairy cows."

 

"You need some help?" He asked, already getting out of bed to pull a jacket on, "I can-"

 

"I'll be fine, I've been doing this since I could walk."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

Jamie's light-hearted smile became more solemn and he tilted a quizzical look at Daryl.

 

"Why? You worried I'll hurt myself or something?"

 

"We've had a lot of... good days." He frowned, "It feels like something's going to go wrong."

 

"Alright," Jamie grinned and toyed with Daryl's hair, "I'll bite. You can come be my personal bodyguard for the day while I look after the sheep."

 

Negan was bored.

 

Painfully so.

 

Normally, he'd reach over and give Matthias a kick on the boot until he grumpily woke up and bickered with him.

But Matthias was out gardening and Negan was lying inside in bed.

 

Which made him bored.

 

"Hey," Matthias kicked his boot, "Are you coming to help me with planting tomatoes or what?"

 

"I'm bored... We should do something together."

 

"You could help me garden, for starters."

 

Negan raised an eyebrow.

 

"Or, we could do something a little more..." He smirked, "Risqué?"

 

"Tomatoes first, we can have as much fun as we want after. Ok?"

 

"A man after my own heart."

 

Daryl watched Jamie and Orion circle the sheep, herding them around the camp. The dog ran circles around Jamie, playfully snapping at the heels of the sheep as he ran them into a fenced-off area.

 

He bent down and scooped up a lamb from the grass, scanning the sheep for something Daryl didn't understand.

 

"Oi, you." Jamie marched over to a sheep and showed it the lamb, "You can't be abandoning your kid like that, go on. Take her."

 

The sheep stood up from her spot and ran off, leaving Jamie with the now officially abandoned lamb.

 

"I don't get it," Daryl looked at the baby, "Why'd she abandon it?"

 

"Sometimes they just don't have a maternal instinct, you know?" Jamie crouched down and showed the lamb to another sheep, "You just gotta show 'em to the others and see what one takes it in, otherwise you have to bottle feed it."

 

Daryl watched Jamie go round each and every nursing sheep to try and introduce it to another and frowned as each and every time the sheep rejected the baby.

Jamie took his jacket off and bundled the lamb in it, keeping it close to his chest as he and Orion stepped out the pen.

 

"What're you going to do with it?"

 

"Bottle feed her," Jamie gently rubbed his finger on the lamb's snout, "Once she's old enough to eat solids she can go back to the flock. Orion and Dog can be good big brothers to her."

 

"Gonna name her?"

 

"What do you think?" He lifted the lamb up for Daryl to get a better look, "She looks a bit like me."

 

Daryl chuckled and pet the lamb. He couldn't help it, it did look a bit like Jamie, which was only exasperated by the face he was pulling.

 

"Beth." He looked at Jamie, "Call her Beth."

 

Jamie looked at the lamb and smiled.

 

"Beth, that's a great name..." He tilted his head at the baby and stuck his tongue out at her, grinning when she copied him, "She's got a great personality."

 

"Yeah..."

 

"Well hey," Jamie said, "Let's go help Rick find a dairy cow."

 

Rick led the trio down the road on horseback, something Jamie had been avoiding since his last incident with horses. However, they were having to employ some old fashioned techniques to corral any cows they found back to camp.

He supposed they all fit the part of a cowboy, especially since he was wearing his hat alongside Daryl and his bandana.

 

Daryl was saddled with his horse from last time, but for Jamie, he was sat atop a chestnut horse that was just about as tall as he was.

 

"Hey," Daryl nudged Jamie's arm, catching his attention, "Don't worry about her bucking you off, I've ridden that horse before and she don't bolt for nothin'."

 

"I'm not worried, one bad experience riding a horse isn't going to traumatise me from horse riding altogether." He gave a terse smile, "I've fallen from horses before."

 

"Alright, just sayin'... Besides, I'd be surprised if you weren't a little nervous. Even if you aren't scared of falling, seeing a horse get eaten in front of you isn't exactly something you get over quick. 'Specially considerin' the fact that it held off the walkers from gettin' you for a while."

 

Jamie grimaced and looped his rope once again, slackening it off around his waist.

 

"I suppose."

 

Rick stopped, prompting the two to stop shortly behind him.

 

"Somethin' wrong?" Daryl looked at Rick.

 

"Jamie, you had a farm, didn't you?" Rick turned his horse around to look at Jamie, "What animals?"

 

"Cattle and sheep, why?"

 

"How far away is your farm?"

 

Jamie pulled a face.

 

"We're not going unless you're planning on making a 16hr road trip by car." He frowned, "My parents... They have a farm in Virginia, when they retired."

 

"Do you want to lead the way?"

 

Jamie sighed and nodded, taking the lead in the line and began the trek.

 

Daryl looked at Rick.

 

"The sheep are... doing good, from what Jamie told me."

 

"Good," He pushed his hair back out from his face, "I have to admit, you finding him in the woods has got to have been one of our biggest strokes of luck in a long time... A farmer and a vet all in one isn't something you come by often."

 

"No... It sure ain't."

 

"We've all been through a lot. It's nice to have a quiet day for once, everyone at the camp deserves it."

 

They all came to a stop just outside a decrepit farm, long since abandoned over the years.

 

"We're here."

 

Jamie dismounted from his horse and tied them to a fence before trudging his way up to the house, Daryl and Rick following shortly after him.

 

"Shouldn't we be checking around outside for animals?" Rick asked.

 

"You and Daryl can, I'm off to check the house."

 

"Alright..."

 

Jamie stepped inside the farmhouse with a pained expression.

 

He had never set foot in the building before, something his father barred him from ever doing in his last years of life before the apocalypse. It was like stepping into uncanny valley, everything he saw as he looked around the derelict place reminded him from when he was a child.

Yet, it didn't all at the same time.

 

He took his time examining what little photos that weren't damaged and something died deep inside when he looked at them.

 

There his father was with his stepmother, Matthias sitting happily on his shoulders. He vividly remembered holding onto his father's hand in the photo, trying to show off the fact he was missing his two front teeth.

But all that was there that even indicated he was in the photo was his hand.

 

He picked up another photo, one he remembered of him and Matthias dressed up for prom. Only Matthias in the photo.

 

Another, him and Matthias joining the military.

Again, just Matthias.

 

They cut him out of all their family photos.

Like he never even existed in the first place.

 

"You look like you've seen a ghost."

 

"The ghost's me." Jamie turned to Daryl and held up a photo, "They cut me out of all the family photos."

 

"They really thought that little of you?"

 

"Seems so," He shrugged and tossed it aside, "Let's go see the upstairs."

 

"You go on ahead cowboy," Daryl smiled, "I'm gonna go check out the kitchen."

 

The upstairs was quiet as Jamie disturbed the years' long rest of the halls. He ran his hand over the rotting walls, feeling his way down into the master bedroom to where he was greeted by a foul smell.

Covering his nose and mouth, he opened the door and peered inside at the ancient mess that greeted him.

 

The almost skeletal remains stared at Jamie as he delved deeper into the room, watching him look down at the note they had once written all those years ago.

 

Daryl kicked back a rug in the living room and tilted his head at a board of wood that seemed... off.

 

He crouched down and knocked on the floor, it all sounded solid until he reached a hollow-sounding part. Taking out his knife, he inserted it into a slot in the boards and pried it out of the ground.

 

He looked down at what he had just uncovered and pulled the box out of the hole in bemusement. Daryl wedged open the box with his knife and furrowed his brow at what was inside.

 

Mostly documents, some money. The usual things one would keep stored away for safekeeping except for one thing.

He picked out a small wooden carving of a bear and frowned.

 

Weird.

 

He quietly pocketed it, just in case it had some sentimental value for Jamie.

 

"Jamie," He stood up and followed Jamie outside, "Find anything up there?"

 

"Just um..." Jamie gestured wordlessly at the note in his hand, "Well, they're definitely dead..."

 

"Bitten?"

 

"Matthias' mom was, dad put her down before writing this out and turning it on himself."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"I don't know how to feel, they spoke a lot about Matthias in the note." He looked at Daryl, "They apologised about disowning me, I guess that's... Good?"

 

"You don't sound confident."

 

Jamie shrugged and waved to Rick as he emerged from the barn.

 

"Hey! You find anything?"

 

"Two bulls!" He gestured to the barn, "Want to come wrangle them up so we can head back?"

 

Jamie grinned and hurried into the barn, rope in hand to get ready for the first 'normal' work he was given in a long, long time.

 

Daryl wandered over to stand next to Rick and watch him at work.

 

"One's a bull," Jamie looked at Rick, "Other's a female. They're both Texas Longhorns... Neat thing about these guys is that you ride 'em."

 

"Really?"

 

He nodded and tied the two to each other with makeshift reigns before climbing on top of the bull and riding them out of the barn.

 

"I haven't done this since I was a kid." He smiled, "Still just as fun."

 

"I'll tie your horse to Daryl's and have him lead it back while you ride the... cows back to camp."

 

"You got it."

 

Daryl looked up at Jamie in amusement, if he didn't look like a cowboy before, he absolutely did now on top of the bull.

He reached up and flicked Jamie's hat before getting on his horse.

 

"Let's get goin' cowboy."

Notes:

After a long hiatus, here is a chapter update.

I had to take a break from writing about and watching The Walking Dead for the sake of my own sanity lol, I have pretty bad kinemortophobia, which is fantastic considering the shows' entire plotline. (sarcasm).

But hey, it's not as severe as my other phobia.

I will be trying to get back into the flow of things for you all, though it'll probably be slow updates so I don't lose my mind lol

Chapter 33: If dreams can come true, what does that say about nightmares?

Chapter Text

With each rise and fall of his chest, it was a reminder that he was alive.

With each little movement, muscles rolling beneath the skin like waves crashing against the shore, it was him alive.

 

Daryl sat in the forgiving darkness of their bedroom, watching over his dogs and Jamie.

 

He had spent the past few nights on high alert.

Every hair, every muscle, every bone.

Every fibre of his very being was poised, ready to spring like a bad nightmare.

 

Something was going to go wrong.

Something had to go wrong.

 

Daryl knew it was only a matter of time before something happened, something always happens.

 

No one in his life ever stayed forever.

 

Not Merle.

Not Carl.

Not Glenn.

Not Beth.

 

His thoughts were interrupted when something pressed against his back.

He turned to Jamie, who had taken to resting his head on his shoulder.

 

"You know..." He sleepily murmured, "You can always wake me up if I sleep in."

 

"I could."

 

"So why don't you?"

 

Daryl picked up his shirt from the end of the bed, prompting Jamie to reluctantly let go from him to get ready.

 

"You look comfortable when you're asleep," He picked up Jamie's old flannel and pulled it over his shoulders, "Don't want to ruin it."

 

"That's bullshit," Jamie laughed drily, "You know how I've been sleeping since The Whisperers."

 

"I remember."

 

"You know what?" He put his cowboy hat on his head and opened the door, "We're both... We're both stressed out from recent events, how about we just take a break? Just the two of us."

 

"What're you thinkin'?"

 

"Go for a ride?" Jamie squinted up at the sun, "Rick's been meaning to get some supplies to fix a radio he found, figured we could head out to grab some things... See if we can't find the stuff for him."

 

"Sounds good, two birds with one stone."

 

"Awesome," He gave Daryl a sly grin and slung a saddlebag over his shoulder, "Horse or bike?"

 

"Horses, why not." Daryl unhitched his horse and led it out of the pen, "They could use the exercise."

 

"You got it, boss."

 

Daryl shook his head and helped tack up the horses, he was grateful that Jamie was as good as he was at being distracting. The constant bouncing around between subjects, the faces he'd pull at things when he thought no one was looking.

It was nice to have fun, it was something the group needed.

But something was nagging in the back of Daryl's head, he had this deep unending pit in his stomach. A deep, wrenching feeling of something wrong.

 

"Need a hand getting up?"

 

Jamie playfully turned his nose up at the offer, still sticking his hand out for Daryl to take it.

 

"You know I don't need help," He teased, "You just like it when I rely on you for something, doncha?"

 

"Well, I don't hear you complainin' about my help." Daryl mounted his own horse, teasing right back, "So I suppose we both have something we enjoy doin'."

 

The two began the journey down the long-abandoned road into town.

 

Jamie gazed at the long stretch of asphalt. There was always something oddly poetic about how grass forced its way through the cracks, wrapping its way through the very foundation of a forgotten way of life.

How often did the survivors of other camps look out at what was once there?

The long winding roads that once held cars for miles and miles, so many lives snuffed out by a virus everyone had all but lost hope in trying to cure, let alone understand.

 

They all had it, it all lied dormant in their bodies, ready to reanimate once the brain had ceased functioning to bring the body crawling back to life.

 

"Do you think there's survivors outside the US?"

 

"What?"

 

"Well..." Jamie shrugged, "There can't just be us, right? Maybe there's folk up in Canada or even in... France or somewhere else?"

 

"Maybe, what's got you thinkin' about that though? Not like we have any methods of contactin' them."

 

"I don't know, maybe Rick's gonna set up a radio to try and contact them? Why else would he want to fix the radio?"

 

"I suppose..." Daryl tore his eyes away from the road to look around, trying to see any threats, "Not many cars about now."

 

"No..." Jamie adjusted his hat so he could see better, "Gonna have to go deeper into town I guess."

 

A bitter chill made Jamie shudder as the two made their way into the town.

 

The walkers that greeted them when they entered were quickly dispatched by Daryl. A quick bolt split the air in two before meeting its target.

Jamie dismounted, walking through the ruined mess with Daryl following close behind.

 

He grimaced at one of the dead by his feet. Everything seemed to remind him of that time.

Wearing human skin, that whisperer...

Daryl noticed by the way that he rubbed his eye, the feeling of Beta's crushing punch to his head probably would've crushed his eye right in its socket.

 

That is, if he had one there.

He never would've thought he would be thankful for missing an eye.

 

"See anything?"

 

"You're tempting me to make a joke," Jamie grinned, "But that truck looks like it hasn't been gutted yet."

 

Daryl huffed in amusement and popped the hood of the truck to take a look inside.

 

"I'll see if I can't salvage anything, go check in that house over there. Maybe there's toys or something for Judith."

 

He almost didn't even think twice when Jamie wandered into the house, it wasn't until that horrible gut-wrenching feeling returned that he turned away from the truck to run after him.

 

"Jamie, wait!" He shouted, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around.

 

Jamie's face and chest were drenched in blood as he faced Daryl. Palms outstretched to the sky, an eye in his left, a heart in his right.

He looked down at the gaping holes in Jamie's chest and eye, the blood oozing out and feeding the floorboards with its metallic scent. Daryl pressed his hands against Jamie's chest in horror, trying in desperate vain to do something - anything - to stop the torment.

 

"What's wrong?" He asked, "You look like you've seen a ghost."

 

"Y-Your face..." Daryl looked up at the sad expression cast down on him, "Your chest, I... What do I do?"

 

Jamie's face turned sour, and he grabbed Daryl's wrists.

 

"You can't save everyone." He hissed, "You keep trying and trying and trying and it's oh so sad..."

 

"W-What're you...?"

 

"We're dead, Daryl." Beth approached from behind Jamie, "Me, Glenn, Merle... You couldn't save us."

 

"Get up." Glenn picked Daryl up from the ground, "You're better than this."

 

"Get up."

 

"Get up."

 

"Daryl? Are you ok?" Someone shook his shoulders, "Get up!"

 

Daryl jolted awake and sat up in shock at a very concerned looking Jamie.

 

"What the fuck?"

 

"I should be asking you the same question." Jamie playfully poked him in the chest but his look of concern still remained, "You had me real worried there, yelling my name like that and passing out... I thought you got hurt. Then you were grabbing me by the shoulders... You have some grip on you, you know that?"

 

"Did I hurt you?" He pointed at a bruise on Jamie's arm.

 

"What? No, that was from me running into a doorframe like a blithering idiot trying to catch you before you ate shit on the floor." He frowned and gently pulled Daryl's hair so he was looking up at him, "You've not been sleeping, Daryl Dixon."

 

"Let's just go, ok?"

 

"Now listen here." Jamie shot him a look, "You're in no position to be arguing with me on this. I'm taking you back to camp, this isn't fuckin' negotiable, so I don't wanna hear it. Ok?"

 

"We're not finished here," He frowned, "Let me finish and then we can go."

 

Jamie huffed.

 

"Fine." He pulled Daryl up off the ground with some effort, "But at least tell me what the hell happened? And why you're not sleeping at night?"

 

Daryl looked at Jamie and sighed in resignation.

 

"Only if you tell me about something."

 

"Alright..." He leaned against the side of the truck as Daryl worked, "What do you wanna know?"

 

"Found this at the house," He pulled the bear carving from his pocket, "What is it?"

 

Jamie stared at the carving for a few moments before pulling an almost identical one from his pocket.

 

"They came with the wedding invites, you'd put the two together..." He pressed his bear against Daryl's with a smile and a little heart formed on the two bellies of the bears, "See?"

 

"Wedding invites?" He paused and turned the bear around to look at the initials underneath, "You and him."

 

"Suppose that technically makes me a widower, doesn't it? Never thought about it that way."

 

"Do you want it back?"

 

"Keep his," Jamie smiled softly, "He'd want you to have it."

 

"Thank you..." He looked at the bear for a moment before pocketing it once again, "Your turn to ask."

 

"You know what I'm gonna ask."

 

"I told you, I just think somethin' is gonna go wrong. It always does, I just want to make sure no one else ends up dyin' because I can't protect them! I couldn't save Glenn, I couldn't save Beth... I couldn't even save Merle!"

 

Jamie frowned and gently pulled Daryl into his arms, trying to comfort the torment that had been festering.

 

"Give yourself a minute."

 

"No fuckin' use..." He clung to Jamie like a dying man, "Everyone I care about is fuckin' dead or gonna die!"

 

"That's a lot to put on yourself," Jamie's frown etched deeper onto his face, "It's not your fault, you know that."

 

"What's the fuckin' point?"

 

"You know what?" His jacket and hat came off, "We're dealing with this guilt, come on." He slapped his chest, "Come at me."

 

"Jamie, I don't-"

 

"Do it."

 

Daryl sighed and shoved Jamie, earning a more forceful shove right back. He frowned when Jamie didn't back down and pushed him back, batting his hands away when he reached up to push him back.

 

"I'm not being baited into hitting you to deal with things," He frowned, "Let's just go."

 

"I'm just gonna keep doin' it till you deal with it," Jamie shrugged, "If I have to I'll put you on your ass."

 

"No you won't," Daryl looked at him, "I'm nearly double you in size."

 

"Care to bet?"

 

"Fine."

 

"Come on then," Jamie widened his stance, "See if I can't wrangle you like them bulls."

 

Daryl stepped forwards and shoved Jamie, only for him to grapple onto Daryl's arms and push his way through the gap between them to flick his nose.

 

"Hmph." Daryl huffed, "That's the way you wanna play things..."

 

He swept his leg into the back of Jamie's ankles, knocking him off balance. Daryl grabbed the back of his shirt and tossed him forwards, sprawling him out face down onto the dirt with minimal effort.

 

"Alright, Gary Cooper..." Jamie rolled onto his back and sat up, "Come help me up?"

 

Daryl took Jamie's hand, just for him to pull Daryl down with him and wrestle his way on top of him.

 

"That was a dirty move."

 

"Since when did you become so concerned with the cleanliness of these?" Jamie snarked, pushing some of Daryl's hair out of his eyes, "How's that for getting you on your ass?"

 

"Fine..." He opened his palms in defeat as Jamie had them pinned above his head, "You win."

 

Jamie grinned and sat up, allowing Daryl to grab him by the collar and roll over so he was knelt over Jamie, pinning him in place.

 

"Urgh..." Jamie winced at the fist pressed against his sternum, "You just had to get the one up on me, didn't you?"

 

"Would that be so bad?"

 

"Shut up," He teased, shoving his hat into Daryl's face as he sat up, "I can't believe you'd manhandle me like that."

 

"Manhandle?" Daryl put the cowboy hat on his own head, "You were the one who cheated by gettin' me to help you."

 

Jamie scoffed and put the parts into his horse's saddlebag, he tied the reigns from Daryl's horse to his own before looking at the annoyed face looking back at him.

 

"Don't give me that look Daryl, you passed out." He mounted his horse, "The wrestling was to wake you up a bit as well as getting your emotions out a bit, 'stead of that usual thing you do of uh... bottling it up, so to say."

 

"Let me guess..." Daryl sighed and mounted his horse, "Doctor's orders?"

 

"No." Jamie spurred the horses to begin the trot back, "It's called me caring about you."

 

"That's why I stay up, to make protect-"

 

"Daryl, I mean this in the nicest way humanly possible, I really do, but you can't protect shit when you're passing out like that." He frowned, "It's counterproductive and damaging to your health."

 

"I just worry."

 

Jamie's expression softened in sympathy and he reached a hand out to hold Daryl's.

 

"Like I said, it's a lot to put all on yourself..." He ran his thumb across the back of Daryl's hand, "Survivors guilt happens a lot after surviving traumatic situations that others didn't, I-"

 

"It was my fault!" Daryl snapped, pulling his hand away, "Glenn died because I punched that piece of shit Negan. He's not coming back! That ain't survivors guilt, that's just being fuckin' guilty!"

 

"Did you kill Glenn?"

 

"Didn't you just hear me? I-"

 

"Not what I mean." Jamie looked at Daryl, "Were you the one that killed him? Were you the one that physically spilt his blood with your hands?"

 

"I..." Daryl screwed his face up, "It feels like it."

 

"Did you, though?"

 

"...No."

 

"So you didn't kill him."

 

Daryl looked at Jamie and grimaced, he hated how simple that statement sounded. How it became a dagger that pierced his throat, making it ball up and writhe under his voice.

 

"N-No..." He croaked.

 

"We've all done things that... that have caused something. Whether that be someone's injury, death, or something else. You don't have to suffer in silence because you feel you caused it, that just causes more suffering down the line."

 

"Yeah..." Daryl rubbed his eye, "Since when'd you get all phlegmatic?"

 

"It comes and goes..." Jamie dismounted his horse and helped Daryl down, "I know you've heard it a million times, but I understand dealing with survivors guilt. You don't have to push me away to try and 'protect me' from whatever it is you think I need protecting from. We're both men traumatised by the things we've done, we don't need to try and protect each other from ourselves."

 

"Yeah..." He looked at Jamie, "Just... don't go plannin' to die on me anytime soon."

 

"It'll take more than people in skin masks to take me down." He wrapped an arm around Daryl's shoulder and that familiar grin spread across his face, "Especially not when I've got you."