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Shame & Pain & Love

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He always thought he would die in battle. Strangely, as much as his father had tried to raise him and trained him to be a worthy prince and heir of the throne of Mirkwood, he actually felt more like a warrior, so yes, he had trouble picturing himself ruling for an eternity, but had instead always imagined that he would eventually found his death in the battle field.That sounded like a good way to go, he thought, fighting the enemy, full of honour, making his loved ones proud, specially his father, the one he cared for and loved the most.

But now, kneeling on a cold foreing stone floor, head bowed in shame, with tears clouding his eyes and silent cries and pleas escaping his lips, with a blade threatening to cut his throat, now he knew this was how he was going to die, and it wasn't honorable, but shameful, it wasn't fighting, but defeated, begging for forgiveness, and far more important, it wasn't at the hand of the enemy, but of his own father.

Thranduil had a fire in his eyes that held a rage, verging on madness, that he had never seen in his father before, with tears of his own, his jaw clenched in a way that had to be painful, his hand, although almost imperceptible, trembling while he held his sword against his son's neck.

Legolas knew that there was nothing, no one thing, he could say to make everything right, but he had to say something, anything, and not even to save his life, for if his father didn't kill him in that moment he would do it himself, but because he needed to make Thranduil understand, even if after that his father felt nothing but hate and disgust toward him, he at least would make him see before leaving this world. So Legolas tried his best to stop his sobbing and regain his voice the best he could, he lifted his head but just barely, still without finding the courage to look at the face of his father again.

"I... i am so s-sorry. I swear i never ment for th-this to happen. I just could not help..."

" You just could not help what?! Legolas. What?! help to forget your position as a prince?! to forget your race?! even your gender for Valar's sake?!"

"P-please, forgive me..."

He tried almost as a silent plea that went unheard by Thranduil that wasn't ready to stop his words now.

"...are you really that desperate for physical contact that you would throw yourself to a dwarf?! and of all of them... to HIM?! Is this the son i raised?! Tell me Legolas! because all this centuries i thought i was raising a prince, a future king, when aparently all i did was to raise the future King Under the Mountain's WHORE!"

Legolas knew he deserved every single one of this words, but that didn't relieved the pain he felt at hear them. He even started to think of his father's blade as something more merciful.

"Stop...please, i know how... wrong it was, but i beg you, let me explain, i..."

"Why did you call him THAT?"

At that Legolas couldn't keep himself from looking at his father, eyes wide in horror. It was said fast and in a lower voice, almost like a broken whisper that while it didn't matched the rage in Thranduil's eyes, it certainly matched his tears, almost about to be spilled.

"You want to explain something? start with that."

His father insisted. There it was, the confirmation of the question that he had been making himself in silent since he found out they had been discovered by his father mere minutes ago. The single one of all the many noises he knew he had made while being roughly taken by Thorin that night of passion, the one sound Legolas had started to pray his father had missed. It was just one word, one simple word but he knew he had repeated it constantly while he reached his climax in all fours facing the cold floor. Now he was sure... his father knew EVERYTHING, and he was just waiting for him to confirm it, and he had thought that he was ready to die and so to tell his father the truth from his own lips before that, but now he couldn't. He just froze, eyes wide looking at Thranduil, mouth open from the words he try but failed to pronounce. He felt so disgusted with himself so how could his father felt any different? He closed his eyes, bowed his head again and more tears start falling.

"Do not protect him Legolas! just tell me!"

Thranduil said while removing his sword from his son's throat. Legolas knew he should just say out loud what they both already knew, but he just remained silent, still sobbing like a child.

"I knew he was a disgusting greedy dwarf. I just never imagined the perversion of his nature."

Hearing this, Legolas raised his head in astonishment because 'how was any of what had happened Thorin's fault?' he wondered observing his father, who had turned around and was now talking to himself at loud,one hand clenched in a fist, the other in a strong grip on his sword.

"Oh, you think yourself so smart Thorin Oakenshield, so clever. But i can see right through this little plan of yours. Corrupting my son's... my only son's mind with such repulsive acts! even making him say m... argh! i don't even what to remember that! You knew that i would find out, and blind by rage i would intent to kill you. Denying our ancestor's gems, our legacy didn't work, but this would certainly do it. For THIS i would go to war."

Legolas couldn't believe what he was hearing, his father thought this whole mess to be some tricky evil plan of Thorin to create an excuse for war between elves and dwarf. So 'he doesn't really know?' he asked to himself, but that thought was quickly replaced for another one, a more important one, and this one he couldn't keep in silent.

"Wait! what?... go to war?" No, it couldn't be, his father couldn't be really considering start a war for what had happened. If blood was to be spilled, either of dwarves or elves or most likely both, for his stupid lust and need it would be on him, and he would never forgive himself. He had to do something, to say anything to stop his father.

"No, please, it wasn't like that Ada..."

He tried, but the last vocal of the word died in his lips as Thranduil, in that very second, tightened even more his grip on the hilt of his sword, turned around in front of his son and hit him hard on the face with the pommel of it in a lighting swing of his arm. Legolas, unprepared, was thrown from his kneeling position, supporting himself in the last second with his left hand on the floor just before hitting it with his side when his father's sword connected with his right cheek. He couldn't help the pain sound that escaped him. Legolas didn't dare to try to rise from his new position but when he looked up, he saw in his father's eyes shame and pain but above all.. hate.

"DON'T - YOU - EVER... CALL ME THAT AGAIN! i don't want to heard that word coming from your mouth NEVER AGAIN! the same... for some sick deviant reason he must have made you call him, and you... so easily... gave in."

Legolas didn't even felt pain in his face for all it aches in him was his heart. He thought he could die from so much pain. Thranduil straightened his posture, pointed his head a little higher, his gaze turned ice cold and he continued.

"My son was a honored man, he had pride and bravery, he never needed to walk in the shadows out of shame, never had a reason to lower his head. I no longer see that man in front of me."

Thranduil stopped for more seconds and if it wasn't for the cold of his eyes and the firmness of his voice, Legoas would have thought that it was hesitance what stopped his father. But then he continued.

"I release you. I release you from your obligations, your duties, your position and all that implies. You are no longer Prince of Mirkwood, heir to the throne."

And with that he started walking away in direction at the closer door. Legolas could do nothing but to cried like the child he had proved he no longer was, while watching his father leaving him behind, alone, in shame and despair, wondering how could everything have come to this?