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The Retro Side

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Ginger: You guys, it’s a beautiful, fresh, fall day outside. Let’s do something.

Patrick: Oh, hey! Do you guys want to have a picnic?

Bloo: Oh, yeah, I got some plastic cups and plates I could get.

Ginger: Oh, yeah! I have lemonade.

Arnold: I got bread and stuff. We can make PB&J sandwiches.

Patrick: Awesome! Yes! (as Ginger and Bloo leave) And I will bring my winning personality. Okay. (turns to Arnold making PB&Js) Oh, I’m so excited! Oh man, I haven’t been on a picnic since I can’t even remember. (notices how Arnold is making PB&Js) What are you doing, Arnold?

Arnold: Making PB&J sandwiches.

Patrick: Uh, yeah, but, uh, why are you putting the jelly on top of the peanut butter on the same piece of bread?

Arnold: Because that’s how you do it?

Patrick: Uh, no. It’s not. I watched Top Fry Cook, Arnold. I know what I’m talking about. No, you need to use each piece of bread for each ingredient.

Arnold: I’m sorry, is my inferior way of spreading two ingredients on a sandwich going to ruin the most basic meal of all time?

Patrick: So you admit your way is inferior.

Arnold: This is stupid.

Patrick: You’re right. That is stupid.

Arnold: It’s not inferior, okay?! This way, you get the perfect proportion of peanut butter to jelly.

Bloo: (enters the room with plastic cups and plates) Hey guys, what’s u- (gasps and drops plates and cups on the floor) Arnold, what are you doing to that sandwich?!

Patrick: He’s ruining it!

Arnold: I’m perfecting it!

Bloo: No, no, no! You’re doing it all wrong!

Patrick: Thank you!

Bloo: You got to put peanut butter on both slices of bread, and then put the jelly in the middle.

Arnold and Patrick: WHAT?!

Bloo: Yeah! That way the bread doesn’t get all soaked up from the jelly! (squeezing two slices of bread) I hate soggy bread!

Patrick: Okay, but then you would taste nothing but peanut butter! Have you seen Top Fry Cook, Bloo?! (Arnold and Bloo groan) There is a delicate balance!

Arnold: Which is why you have to balance both ingredients on one piece of bread!

Ginger: (enters the room) I got the lemon- Arnold, why didn’t you toast those sandwiches first? (Arnold, Patrick, and Bloo groan)

Arnold: Do you have a soul?

Ginger: Uh, do you have a brain?

Arnold: We are doing this MY WAY!

Patrick: DON’T RUIN THIS JUST LIKE YOU RUINED THANKSGIVING, ARNOLD!

Arnold: Oh, you HAD to bring that up!

Bloo: GUYS, every second we waste is ANOTHER BITE OF PURPLE BREAD!

Ginger: Patrick’s right, okay?! Who makes INSTANT POTATOES on the most important feast of the year?!

Arnold: Have you MADE real mashed potatoes before?! I Googled it. You have to peel ‘em, boil ‘em, mash ‘em, stick ‘em in a stew! I’m not Samwise flippin’ Gamgee!

Patrick: THAT’S WHY IT’S A FEAST ON ONE DAY OF THE YEAR!

(Patrick, Arnold, Bloo, and Ginger keep arguing)

Henry: (enters the room) Hey, what are we yelling about? (laughing) Oh, guys, you guys are too much fun. Um, I don’t want to be that nosy neighbor or anything, but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I think I can help. (takes out a jar) Have you guys ever heard of Smucker’s Goober? Okay, uh-huh. Yeah, it’s great because the peanut butter and jelly are in the same contai-

(Patrick grabs the jar of Smucker’s Goober and throws it on the floor)

Henry: Oh, uh, don’t worry about it, I have more at home.

Arnold: (whispers) Get out.

Henry: Okay, do you want help-

(Arnold, Patrick, Bloo, and Ginger scream at Henry to get out)