School Year 1991-1992
Professor Filius Flitwick – sprained ankle and scraped elbow
First minor injury of the school year! Filius fell off his chair in excitement at meeting Harry Potter during first Charms class, sprained his ankle and skinned his elbow. Poor Filius very embarrassed.
Episkey on the ankle; Dittany on the elbow. Promised not to mention it again.
Neville Longbottom – huge red boils to arms and legs
Potions disaster- Boil Removal Potion gone horribly wrong. Never seen boils the diameter of a teacup before!
Essence of Murtlap applied every half hour for 2 hours to bring down swelling/discomfort and for burns. Boil Removal Potion applied afterwards, liberally and ironically.
Fred/George Weasley – mild concussion
Not sure which twin- they always laugh while telling me their name. Certain they have swapped identities in the past.
Fred/George obviously had a late night and fell asleep during History of Magic, fell out of his chair and struck left temple on corner of desk. Quite nasty head wound, actually.
Episkey and one spoonful of Concussion-Be-Gone!
Neville Longbottom – broken wrist
20ft fall from broom during first flying lesson. Got a feeling I’ll be seeing a lot of this boy.
Ossio Emendo. Hate wrists- so fiddly to heal with all the carpal bones. Luckily this was a clean break.
Note: Longbottom to return for check up Mon pm.
Neville Longbottom wrist check up. All fine.
Draco Malfoy – Stinging Hex welt to the outer right arm
Yes, he came to me for a poxy little Stinging Hex. Apparently, he got into a disagreement with another student in the Slytherin common room and needed his arm back in working order as soon as possible so he could write to his father to complain.
Essence of Murtlap.
Professor Quirinus Quirrell – panic attack? Palpitations, elevated breathing and sweating
Fainted in the Great Hall after discovering a troll in the dungeons, Rennervated by Dumbledore and sent to Hospital Wing.
Seriously, what was a troll doing in the dungeons and how did it get in? And why was Quirinus there to see it? I’ll ask Dumbledore later when he’s got to the bottom of it.
Quirinus quite hysterical, but assured me he often took Calming Draughts and would need a strong dose. Took his word for it. He flatly refused to take of his turban and let me check for head wounds. Funny smell coming from it- hope he isn’t concealing some injury or disease.
Double strength Calming Draught. Didn’t faze him at all.
Professor Severus Snape – some sort of large animal bite to right calf
Puncture wounds and mangling to calf muscle; slightly chipped tibia where one fang (!) pierced deeply. Must have had a HUGE jaw.
Wound several days old- why didn’t he come sooner? Has attempted to treat it himself, but infection starting to develop. Severus refused to give any detail whatsoever, but assures me Dumbledore is aware- he was doing something for him at the time. I dread to think...
Full Vulnera Sanentur required. No lasting damage done. Idiot could have saved himself days of limping and pain if he’d come to me straight away. Insisted he return for check up next week.
First Quidditch match of the year... who in Merlin’s name thought it was a good idea to play with (and deliberately aim) balls at each other while flying in the air?
Bruising ointment to nearly all members of both teams as standard, no need to list all names.
Katie Bell examined for concussion after Bludger to the back of the head- luckily none.
Marcus Flint required Episkey (Bludger to the nose, not a bad break though)
All in all, no major injuries, which makes a pleasant change. I really hate Bludgers. Very fortunate Harry Potter didn’t fall off his broom, which started misbehaving at a terrifying height. Nearly needed a Calming Draught myself. Rolanda Hooch to look into it.
Professor Severus Snape – check up on leg
All seems fine- no lingering venom or aftereffects. He will scar though, which is his own fault for not coming to me immediately. He doesn’t seem bothered. I asked Dumbledore about it and he admitted to installing a Cerberus- a FUCKING CERBERUS- in a school full of WAND-WAVING ADOLESCENTS WHO ARE HORMONALLY INCAPABLE OF MAKING RATIONAL DECISIONS. Apparently, it’s guarding something in the third-floor Charms corridor that’s been closed this year. As much as I respect him, I think the man’s finally losing his marbles.
Hannah Abbott/Alice Derwent/Zacharias Smith/Charles Green – temperatures, coughing, shivering
Flu seems to be tearing through Hufflepuff house. All the usual symptoms.
All kept in for observation and in semi-isolation at the far end of the Hospital Wing. One bottle of Flu-Fighter each- 1 ½ for Smith, who seemed to have it worst. I told Prof Sprout to keep an eye on it.
AM: Cedric Diggory/Owen Cadwallader/Justin Finch-Fletchley/Eleanor Otterpool/Esther Otterpool – flu
5 more Hufflepuffs with flu. Nothing out of the ordinary.
All given one bottle of Flu-Fighter each and sent to join the others in isolation.
PM: Rose Zeller/Amanda Wray/Professor Quirinus Quirrell – flu
As above. Must restock Flu-Fighter before we run out.
Draco Malfoy – mild cold
Oh, this one’s a hypochondriac! Half the school coming down with flu and he comes to me for a tiny sniffle.
A spoonful of Pepper-Up. And, apparently, the one his mother makes him at home tastes better because it has mint in it! I know it’s really not ethical to slip extra Salamander Chilli Extract in the students’ medication, but surely just this once? I’m sure the Board would understand...
Professor Quirinus Quirrell - back again with palpitations, etc. and twisted ankle.
The students keep pranking him- he isn’t taking it well. Slipped on ice while trying to disenchant snowballs bouncing off the back of his head, poor man.
Double strength Calming Draught now as standard. Episkey on the ankle.
Seamus Finnigan – severe cramping to the legs and a bump on his head
Somehow, don’t ask me why or how, this boy got stuck in his own trunk while packing and it took an hour for his dorm mates to realise. They could barely explain themselves for laughing, so I rather doubt it. Regardless, he had severe calf and thigh cramp, and they all nearly missed the train.
Bruising ointment on his head and topically applied Melf’s Muscle Relaxant to the calves
Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without a few minor mishaps! Still, got off relatively lightly. Do NOT miss the Christmas shift at St Mungo’s.
Percy Weasley – cracked molar after biting into a Christmas pudding Sickle. Simple Dens Emendo.
Rubeus Hagrid- singed beard and neck. Quite drunk- I assume he accidentally trailed it into the flaming Christmas pudding. Essence of Murtlap applied.
Half the staff trooping in throughout the day for Hangover Potions, looking suitably embarrassed. I shall not name names. Severus rolled his eyes when I asked him to replenish stock before New Year.
1st January 1992
The less said about today, the better! I just left the Hangover Potions outside my office and locked the door. Then I cast a Silencing Charm, took one myself, and went back to bed.
Quidditch match... amazingly, not a single injury to any of the players, shortest match ever, but a scuffle in the stands resulted in Episkey for Ronald Weasley (blow to nose, lots of blood but not broken), various bruises needing ointment for Draco Malfoy including a spectacularly black eye (that boy is a snotty little whiner; tried to tell me I had misdiagnosed his distinctly unbroken ribs) and Neville Longbottom, who definitely came off worst.
Note: Longbottom admitted while unconscious. Standard diagnostic spells confirmed no permanent head or spine trauma, but I didn’t want to risk him jumping out of bed after a Rennervate, so left him to wake naturally while the Spine Settler potion does its work in case of any misalignment of vertebrae. The bruises were larger than Malfoy’s fists and looked like 2 assailants- if it happens again, I will have a word with Severus. Clearly an inter-house quarrel.
PM: Professor Quirinus Quirrell – the usual post panic attack symptoms- breathing, heartrate, sweating, etc.
Wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, but he can’t go on like this. Looks on the verge of a breakdown. Clearly not designed for teaching.
Double strength Calming Draught.
Fred/George Weasley – broken left foot.
Whichever one it was wouldn’t say exactly how, but it looks like he crushed it in a stone door. Plenty of secret passages around the castle and it wouldn’t surprise me if they misjudged an entrance in a hurry to escape some mischief.
Multiple casts of Ossio Emendo required for all the little bones. Feet are even more fiddly than wrists. Suggested weekend bedrest to speed up recovery. I’m not optimistic.
Professor Quirinus Quirrell – the usual...
Double strength Calming Draught.
Professor Pomona Sprout – spiral fracture of right little finger, friction burns and bruising to right arm
Attacked by a cutting of Devil’s Snare. I can’t believe I work in a place where even the plants are dangerous! She is normally very careful as well, so it must have been a particularly aggressive strain.
Ossio Emendo on the finger and bruising ointment/Essence of Murtlap on the arm.
Cormac McLaggen – hallucinations and mood swings. Hugely dilated pupils and green-tinged ears.
I am given to understand (he believed I was a Gringott’s goblin, and confided in me because he really, REALLY needed to get into his family vault) that he ate Thestral Funnel Mushrooms for a dare during Potions. Professor Severus Snape furious- wants him in detention as soon as he can walk and see straight.
Anti-hallucinogen administered. What a fucking idiot.
Lee Jordan – powder burns around his eye sockets, one eyebrow singed off, vision impaired
Apparently, someone he refused to name (Fred/George Weasley, no doubt) concealed half a deck of Exploding Snap cards inside one of his textbooks and the whole thing blew up in his face. I hate April Fool’s Day.
Essence of Murtlap for the burns. To be kept in overnight with a bandage soaked in Ocular Restorative Draught over his eyes. Afterwards, I’ll use a Hair Growing Charm to replace the eyebrow, although I’m half tempted not to.
Anthony Goldstein – soaking wet, mild concussion, bump on head
Walked through a door over which Peeves had balanced a bucket full of water. Peeves did not tie the bucket, so the poor boy got hit with that too.
One spoonful of Concussion-Be-Gone! and bruising ointment. Drying Charm on the robes.
Professor Quirinus Quirrell – soaking wet and displaying his usual symptoms
Another victim of Peeves... poor man too flustered to dry himself. Just as well- he’d probably have set himself on fire.
Double strength Calming Draught. I did the Drying Charm for him.
Cho Chang – sprained ankle
Managed to dodge Peeve’s sodding bucket but slipped in the puddle from the previous upending.
Graham Montague – arrived at the Hospital Wing only to fall unconscious through the door
Apparently, someone bewitched a suit of armour to chase him around for two hours, at which point he collapsed of exhaustion. I cast Finite Incantatem just in time to stop it caving his skull in with a Morningstar. Bloody Slytherins always take it that little bit too far!
Gave him an Advanced Restorative Draught and let him sleep it off.
Neville Longbottom – large bump to the forehead
Put his foot through the vanishing step on the main staircase and struck his forehead on a higher step. I wish this wasn’t a regular occurrence with the students...
Susan Bones – mild flu symptoms
½ bottle of Flu-Fighter as she’s only tiny. Kept in overnight in case it develops.
Professor Quirinus Quirrell – the usual...
Double strength Calming Draught. I gently suggested he should not extend his contract into next year.
Vincent Crabbe – short term memory loss
At least, that’s what his classmate told me that’s what it was. Overbrewed a Forgetfulness Potion and breathed in the fumes. Confused about absolutely everything since breakfast, although he could tell me what he’d eaten at the breakfast table in stunning detail. Made me feel quite ill.
½ spoonful of Potion of Acuity. Not sure it made any difference, but I didn’t like to overdo the dose.
Rubeus Hagrid – various small, intense burns and bitten fingers.
Obviously a creature attack, except it’s happened several times. Some bites and burns are older. Cagey about what it was, no surprise there. Muttered something about the Forest- I didn’t believe him. Nothing in there can burn. Neither can Cerberuses, thank Merlin (Cerberi? Who knows- one is quite enough. Let’s hope we never have to pluralise!) plus bites far too small. One day, someone will walk in and tell me the truth about whatever stupid way they’ve injured themselves, and I will need medical assistance myself for the shock.
Essence of Murtlap for the burns and Dittany on the bites. Since he wouldn’t tell me what bit him, I couldn’t give him a specific antivenom. Told him to come back to me if he develops an infection. I am not hopeful.
Ronald Weasley – large, infected bite to right hand.
Idiot boy tried to tell me it was a dog bite! Wound obviously a couple of days old, was tinged green and hugely swollen. Almost wondered if it was the same thing that bit Rubeus, but the toothmarks were bigger and no burns. Could it be a baby dragon? Some breeds are poisonous when young and otherwise (relatively) vulnerable. But that would be ridiculous! Where on earth would Weasley have come across a baby dragon? They’re highly illegal and it’s generally PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS when someone’s trying to rear one.
Glass of Feverfew Concentrate to bring down the infection and fever. Dr Panacea’s Catch-All Antitoxin applied topically. If it turns out to be something too exotic for Dr P, I’ll run further tests. Weasley to remain under observation.
Rubeus Hagrid – more burns to forearms, and large bite to left leg. Still won’t tell me what did it.
Well, on a scale of 1 to Cerberus, I’d say it was about a 4, 2 being whatever bit him last week. Looked like the same shape bitemark, only bigger. Weasley’s wound still swollen, so couldn’t make proper comparison. Can’t tell if it’s the same shape. Although, lack of infection in Rubeus might be relevant- I’m pretty sure he’s half giant and I heard they’re supposed to be resistant to a lot of magical diseases and poisons.
Essence of Murtlap for the burns. Vulnera Sanentur for the bite- it was quite nasty.
Professor Quirinus Quirrell – absolutely hysterical over something he wouldn’t say (big surprise there). Palpitations, drenched in sweat, elevated heartrate, never seen him so bad. Eyes squinting and bloodshot- I asked if he had a headache but he denied it.
Gave him the now standard double Calming Draught. He asked for triple dose! I said definitely not- even someone with his resistance could slip into a coma due to dangerously slowed heart rate and breathing! Must double check locks and wards on the medicine store in case he tries to steal some. Perhaps I’ll speak to Dumbledore- he could be a danger to himself.
3am... just saying... Woken to administer Calming Draught to Draco Malfoy.
Boy quite hysterical- babbling about a cloak drinking a dead unicorn. I gather he and some other students served detention in the Forbidden Forest (interestingly, none of the other students required medical attention) and saw something unpleasant involving a murdered unicorn. Rubeus assured me he’d reported it to Dumbledore.
Where to begin? Why THE FUCK are students being taken into the Forbidden Forest for detention at 11pm on a Saturday night? And why do we have things that can KILL UNICORNS roaming around and WHY are we allowing them anywhere near the first-years?
Persephone Harris – admitted in a zombie-like state after not sleeping and consuming nothing but coffee for 36 hours.
Apparently, this was to aid revision.
Double strength Calming Draught administered just to get her to stop twitching. A whole bottle of Dr Halcyon’s Decaffeinator required to flush the coffee out of her system. Silly girl won’t be doing that again any time soon after spending 4 hours locked in the bathroom.
W/B 15th June
Exam Week... here we go... I really ought to get a temp assistant for this week because it’s like a WHOLE WEEK OF CHRISTMAS except without the presents or the alcohol...
Penelope Clearwater/Gustave Fontaine/Elaine Travers – 5th year OWL students admitted for general exam-related stress. Calming Draughts administered.
Arielle Evergreen – laughing and crying hysterically for 10 mins straight. Genuinely quite disturbing to watch. Exam partner overdid the Cheering Charm; 2 drops of Sobering Potion in water.
Terry Boot – palpitations, elevated heart rate and breathing. Pupils dilated. Admitted by friends who thought he’d taken some homebrewed stimulant but couldn’t (or wouldn’t...) say for sure. He was rattling out a list of goblin warlords and I couldn’t get much sense out of him. Bloody Ravenclaws. Held back on the Calming Draught in case it reacted badly to whatever he’d taken. 2 spoonfuls of Dr Halcyon’s Decaffeinator as it’s quite likely he’s had caffeine at the very least. Kept him in for observation. And when he’s compos mentis I’ll give him a lecture he won’t forget on the dangers of experimental homebrew.
Gregory Goyle – bad scalds to right arm and ribs. Assume Potions exam gone wrong. Essence of Murtlap.
Neville Longbottom – somehow turned his fingers into teaspoons. All of them. Not the faintest idea how- that’s quite advanced Transfiguration. Prof Minerva McGonagall called in for assistance on this one.
Alistair Farley/Victoria Redwall – bruises, concussions and a broken arm for Farley. Peeves decided to interrupt a celebratory end-of-OWLS ‘kiss’ (arrived in a highly dishevelled state with robes buttoned up wonky, bless them) in a secluded corridor by dropping a suit of armour on them. Bruising ointment and a spoonful of Concussion-Be-Gone! each, plus Episkey on Farley’s right ulna.
Angelina Johnson – concussion, black eye and fractured cheekbone following a miscast Stunner point blank to the face. 2 spoonfuls of Concussion-Be-Gone! and Ossio Emendo on the cheekbone. The girl is clearly a Quidditch player- she was up and out five minutes later. Asked if she could keep the black eye to show her friends! Insanity. Satisfied to discharge her as pupils not dilated and could walk in a straight line/ hold a sensible conversation aside from WANTING a black eye.
Professor Quirinus Quirrell – the usual... Double strength Calming Draught. Apparently, he finds exams as stressful as some of the students!
Sophia Castle – lost her voice screaming and fainted away while tackling a Boggart. Bruising ointment for the bump on her head and a large dose of Mellifluous Honey Extract for the throat. Couldn’t give her anything for the embarrassment.
Hestia Jones – serious mauling by a griffin during NEWT Care of Magical Creatures exam. I understand the beast was spooked by an explosion from the adjacent classroom and she threw herself in front of it, allowing her classmates and Prof Kettleburn to retreat. Brave but bloody stupid. Remind me WHY we allow students near highly dangerous creatures? I will be having strong words with Prof Kettleburn. AGAIN.
Three Vulnera Sanenturs required and a LOT of Dittany- I needed a dose of Aspasia’s Analeptic afterwards. The girl will have some scars but, as I hear she’s applying for the post-graduate Auror training program, that may actually stand in her favour. Observation for at least 3 days.
Marcus Flint/Terence Higgs – vomiting copiously and unable to walk.
Diagnostic spells not required as they were REEKING of alcohol so not poisoned or the subject of a hex. Clearly celebrating the end of exams and got carried away. Merlin only knows where they got the alcohol from but some kind soul left them in a heap outside my door, knocked, and ran away. Filch furious.
A Sobering Potion each, as they’re both large boys. Sadly, I am not authorised to offer Hangover Potions to underage students. What a terrible, terrible shame.
Hestia Jones discharged. Walking gingerly but should have no lasting impairment. I understand she is not required to retake her Care of Magical Creatures exam and has had her place on the Auror training program confirmed by Rufus Scrimgeour personally.
Well, where to begin? And I thought the exam week was a record one. Term concluded with an ALMIGHTY BANG when 3 1st years (one of which was Harry Potter) took it upon themselves in Dumbledore’s absence to defend the Philosopher’s Stone which turned out to be hidden below the Cerberus in the 3rd floor charms corridor, among other things.
In terms of injuries and treatment... Hermione Granger – a multitude of cuts, scrapes and bruises, nothing too major.
Dittany and bruising ointment. A spoonful of Calming Draught and I agreed to let her stay in overnight with her more injured friends.
Ronald Weasley – serious head wound, broken right clavicle and right ribs T1 and T2.
Actually had to use a Jopari Trepanner to drain the bleed on his brain- never done that before. Absolutely horrible. Vulnera Sanentur afterwards. Ossio Emendo on the ribs and collar bone. Also minor cuts and bruises which hardly seemed worth mentioning after the above.
A very sheepish Prof McGonagall admitted the boy had been injured sacrificing himself to the chess set she created to defend the stone, Transfigured to six feet tall and made of stone. I nearly throttled her.
To be kept in at least 2 days for observation. I gave him Spine Settler Potion too to make sure everything goes back into alignment, as he’ll be lying down for a while.
Harry Potter – various bumps and bruises, like the other two. Arrived unconscious- resisted all attempts to Rennervate.
Had me very worried. No head injury. Dumbledore said it was something to do with his curse scar and apparently, he fought He Who Must Not Be Named over the Philosopher’s Stone! Potter defeated him once more and he is gone and disembodied. Doesn’t bear thinking about.
At Dumbledore’s recommendation, I gave him Alchemist’s Analgesic as he was thrashing around in pain. To stay in for close observation- will conduct tests when he regains consciousness.
Finally, Professor Quirinus Quirrell – DOA
Amazingly, I’ve never had someone die violently in the castle during my tenure (frankly, it’s a FUCKING MIRACLE) and I was only really required to sign off as the first Mediwizard to confirm him as dead before the body was shipped to St Mungo’s for postmortem. Had to do it quickly so the students wouldn’t see.
His face, neck and arms were horribly burned by something I’d never seen before and there was something... wrong... with the back of his head. No wonder he wore a turban.
After the HEAVILY INJURED CHILDREN were seen to, I cornered Dumbledore. I asked him why in Merlin’s name he decided to hide the most sought-after substance in the Wizarding World in a school, behind a set of defences that turned out not to be strong enough to keep out 3 determined 11 YEAR OLDS. Of which 2 out of 3 sustained major injuries and nearly DIED. Quirinus did die, and had apparently been walking around with He Who Must Not Be Named under that turban the whole year, gulping down Calming Draughts like pumpkin juice. Some sort of long-term possession. At this point, I needed a drink and a sit down. And I deeply regretted asking. Think I’ve had quite enough for one year.
Ronald Weasley discharged. Appears fully recovered and I am satisfied there has been no lasting brain, skull or spinal damage. One of his twin brothers tried to send Potter a toilet seat, of all things. I confiscated it immediately.
Harry Potter discharged. Diagnostic spells show he is no longer in any pain from his scar. I have a feeling he’ll be back a lot in the next six years...