Sasori looked up, fidgeting a little when he heard the faint sound of rustling fabric.
He turned his head to the source of the noise, making a confused face when it turned out to be his boyfriend in the living room zipping up his jacket. Perhaps he was just cold? Their apartment kept on the cooler side, so it wasn’t too strange of a thing to do.
Outside, the rain continued to wash the streets down below, echoing off the vents and cascading down the single window in the beige colored kitchen. He chopped away at a white onion, vaguely watching water droplets discard themselves once they reached the bottom of the window pane. It was still light outside, but barely so, the overcast sky wrapped in a weeping gray.
Drizzle weather was common throughout western Washington, even more so in the current month of October. A sensitive time for Sasori, the end of the month slowly encroaching the day of his parents conjoined deaths. He was only five, the memory now decades old but still somehow always fresh on his mind like a burn mark.
He shook his head, freeing himself of the melancholy. There was no reason to dig those thoughts out from the attic of his mind. All it did was increase his rate of paranoia, and it was already rising just because of the simple fact it was stupid fucking October. Instead, he turned back to his self assigned task: setting the tone for a romantic evening, and if he was lucky, perhaps his lover would be in the mood for something more intimate. The best distraction, he realized when the relationship first started, for such a depressing and lonely time of the year.
“Is it too cold in here for you?” Sasori asked, turning on the faucet and rinsing off both the cutting board and the knife. The alleyway kitchen was always kept spotless, courtesy of Sasori, and rarely ever used by Deidara, who had no desire to cook unless it was for a very special occasion.
“No, I’m going out for a bit, un. Hidan wants me to come over, he’s finally got the night off from work!” Deidara responded excitedly, doing a quick comb through of his long, golden locks. Never one to do just one thing at a time, he also attempted to put on his shoes as well, tripping as one would expect.
Sasori froze like a marble statue, only hearing the word ‘out’. He mouthed it to himself, as if he’d never heard the term before. Out? Why would Deidara want to go out, when everything he needed was right here, within roughly 760 square feet? Did he feel smothered? Was the moodiness getting too much for him to be around? Maybe he needed... space.
The thoughts that Sasori was pushing away earlier came back like a crack of lightning- only this time it forked in many, many directions. Memories of his father saying almost the same exact thing, images of his mother waving as they left for a fun outing with friends. They blended like a gradient, leaking into paranoid thoughts of Deidara waving, leaving, and never coming back.
”Is that okay, un?” The blond questioned, hesitantly picking up his apartment complex keys. His black bag (it’s a satchel) sat slumped on the handmade walnut coffee table.
“It is,” Regaining his composure, Sasori let the knife fall back into the sink, wiped his hands off on his apron and crossed into the living room to take up both of his younger lover’s hands, keys squeezed between their joined palms. “But wouldn’t you rather stay here, with me? It's still raining out there... and getting dark soon.” That voice was smooth as he pressed small, lingering kisses along the naturally tanned skin on Deidara's neck. His little ploy failed, however, when the blond pulled away gently.
“It's just for a little while, un! And it rains all the fucking time here. Nothing new.” He whined, playfully trying to flatten the ends of the vermilion mop adorning his boyfriends head.
Sasori frowned, untangling the hands in his hair and instead wrapping them around his neck. His own hands busied themselves fixing the inverted hood on Deidara's jacket before resting on his hips. Hopefully Deidara couldn't feel the shaking grip on his clothes. “When will you be back? Is ..Hidan coming to pick you up? What are you going to do?” He asked quietly, trying his absolute hardest to not come off as needy.
“Not sure, just hangout at his place, and maybe six thirty, un. Aaaaaand hell no, I'd rather walk than get into his car- I don't want to die yet!” The mere mention of death had the redhead subconsciously tightening his grip, fingers nearing an impressive bone crushing territory. “Ow, un,” Deidara hissed, wincing and pulling away completely. He rubbed his already sore, and now bruised hip. “What the hell was that for?”
“Sorry...” Sasori straightened himself, mentally urging for better bodily control. Deidara didn't need to see him looking like a nervous wreck, nor would his pride allow him to act that way. “Okay.” He breathed slowly, the words coming out in a controlled manner. “Have a good time. Please text me when you get there?”
His boyfriend nodded, picking up his bag and leaning over to kiss him goodbye. He could only watch as Deidara waved and left, an odd look planted on his face. Probably due to Sasori's downright odd behavior this evening.
For at least twenty minutes after the blond had left Sasori stood in the living room, brown eyes glued to the door. The vegetables remained abandoned on the counter, rice still soaking, dishes in the sink.
Damn that boy and his social butterfly nature; while he kept to a very small and isolated circle, Deidara had many, many friends. He seemed to be on good terms with half of the city and on most days everyone wanted a piece of his time.
Eventually Sasori worked up the mental strength to turn away from the door, only to start fixating on his phone immediately after. He couldn't seem to do anything else- not until he received a confirmation text that Deidara had made it to Hidan's place, and more importantly, he was still among the living.
Ten minutes later there was a new message notification:
I made it!
Sasori breathed out a long sigh of relief, not even noticing he'd been holding his breath for literal minutes.
Thank you for letting me know. he sent back a moment later, suddenly feeling kind of foolish. Of course Deidara would be okay. Of course he would make it, have a good time, and then return to where he rightfully belonged. In one piece. All together. Fully assembled. Not dead or hurt. Of course.
The entire first hour was spent in a slow daze, wandering around their apartment and trying to find something to take his mind off of the lack of his boisterous other half.
First, he attempted to continue making dinner- a simple vegetable stir fry with rice on the side, but couldn't gather the energy to continue cutting, or rinse off the remaining starch from the rice. The fact that Deidara himself wasn't home to smell the food or compliment him on how good it looked was entirely off putting. Somehow, just because he wasn’t there, cooking and eating didn’t seem like a worthy task.
So for the second time, the knife fell into the sink, and Sasori walked away, hands nervously wiping away at the apron still dressing him. He tried laundry, but all of the clothes in the bin only reminded him of what wasn't there. Woodworking wasn't even attempted; every single thought eventually drifted back to Deidara and whether or not he was okay… he’d only been gone for one hour, god damnit!
The white carpet was starting to see slipper prints from all of the nervous pacing.
A glance at the time said 4:55 P.M.
“This is so cool, I can’t believe you finally have your own place, un!” Deidara couldn’t keep the grin off of his face. He hasn’t seen Hidan, his best friend, in practically weeks. His body had sunk into one end of the couch, Hidan sliding into the other end.
”I fucking looooove it, fuck living with my family. Fuckers. Being with Kakuzu is great, he’s a bit of a fuckin’ miser though. Stingy as hell.” He groaned, guzzling down his beer like it held the secret to eternal youth. “Speaking of which, how’s you and Red? Living in paradise and all that?”
“We’re good,” Deidara responded quickly with a flushed face, nervously playing with the tab of his own drink.
”Good? that’s it?” His friend prompted, a tad bit concerned. Deidara never said 'good' about a boyfriend unless something wrong was lurking beneath the surface.
He sighed. ”He‘s been kind of... I don't know, weird lately, un. All this month, actually, he’s antsy whenever I leave the apartment to go do anything. If I'm late coming home, he'll call me until I'm back. Two days ago I went to get the mail from across the street and when I got back he was like, right in-front of the door, where he was before I left! Just standing there like a Sim. Staring at nothing. And then right before I left to come see you, he looked like I was about to get hit by a car. Does Kakuzu ever do that??”
Hidan stared at him with wide violet eyes for a moment, before bursting into raucous laughter. It was so damn loud that Deidara felt self conscious; like he’d made up the whole thing. What if he was just overreacting?
”No!” The Jashinist breathed, wiping away his amused tears. “Holy shit, Blondie that’s the funniest thing I've ever heard. He doesn’t give a fuck what I’m doing as long as it’s fucking quiet, because he’s an old bitch. Does Red think you’re going to cheat on him and leave? Odd, that guy seems like the type that cares about nothing. Might as well have two pool balls for eyes."
Cheat? CHEAT? Deidara hadn't considered this before, but with the way Sasori'd been acting, the idea made sense. He put his drink down and ran a frustrated hand over his face. “Do you really think so? I know he was wary about dating me in the beginning but I really thought I proved myself when he wanted me to move in. Ahh!” The blond let out a long whine, maneuvering so that he was fully laying down. “Is the age gap too much for him?”
“You ever thought about fucking asking him?”
“He gets dodgy and acts like nothings wrong!”
The two continued to talk about relationships and FWBs, hanging out for another hour until Deidara felt a sleepiness take over.
“I'm going to take a fifteen minute nap before I go, I need to be back by six thirty...” He mumbled, reaching into his bag and pulling out his phone. He had to fight rolling his eyes when unread messages lit up his lock screen, ignoring them and setting an alarm for fifteen minutes. “Kick me if I don't wake up, please, un.”
“Sure thing,” Hidan said, dropping a throw over top his friends body that was graciously accepted. While walking away, he paused, socked feet planted on the carpeted floor. The violet eyed man eyed Deidara’s cell phone, putting a finger to his chin deviously. A very sinister idea came to mind…
Taking an extra minute or two to make sure his friend was completely asleep, he silently walked over, gently pried Deidara's phone from his grasp and turned it off.
One hour eventually turned into two, and at long last it was almost six P.M. Any minute now, Deidara would bust through the door like he always did and the tizzy Sasori’d put himself in would be over.
But what if he didn’t?
Sasori could do little else but either pace the floor or sit, pick and bite at his nails and occasionally pull at his red locks. The silence in the apartment was absolutely fucking deafening but hopefully it would soon be over.
Man, he really hated to wait.
As he paced the floor with a baited breath, glancing at the time now and then, he couldn’t help but think about that unfortunate day- Sasori was fine when his parents had left, thinking nothing of it. He played with toys, finger painted, kept himself busy easily. An hour went by, then two, riding through four, and at the sixth something was undoubtedly wrong. And by that time he’d taken to sitting on the couch and watching the door, buzzing with anxiety.
His grandmother, tasked with babysitting, eventually broke the news. They’d been robbed on the street and gunned down like animals for sport. The case technically remained unsolved to this day, although many rumors and theories pointed to the notorious Hatake crime family.
And so Sasori found himself once again, twenty five years later, fretting over something he’d never completely let go of. He coped very little- how could one when their only kin left was an emotionless bag of rocks?
He glanced at his phone, toying with the idea of sending a confirmation text to appease himself but decided against it. The absolute last thing he wanted his boyfriend to think was that he A) didn’t trust him, B) was …clingy, and C) weak. The worst one of all.
However, when the time eventually tick-tocked to six thirty and no blond bombshell bumbled through the door, a few strings inside of him began to break.
By seven P.M. Sasori had called, texted, called again, almost threw his phone at the wall, and pulled out a decent amount of hair. What on Earth was Deidara doing and why wasn’t he home by now?
And just like that, the last few strings keeping his anxiety in line snapped.
“Why is there a sleeping baby on my couch?” Kakuzu asked quizzically as he stepped through the doorway and into his home. He set his brief case down and shrugged off the coat lazily next to it. Small bits of rainy residue clung to the fabric, pooling around the edges. Fuck it, they could clean later.
His boyfriend made a shh sound and put a finger to his lips, trying to convey the point of: shut the fuck up!
“I adopted him for the night! Congratulations you’re a father now.” Hidan replied casually from his spot on the floor, where a religious text rested in his lap. “How does it feel, daddy?” He grinned.
“I don’t recall agreeing to any of this…” The older sighed with a somewhat amused eye roll. Normally Kakuzu was too irritated and tired to deal with any bullshit, but today was Friday, the start to a blissful weekend. Who could be mad about that? He moved to the kitchen, intent on getting himself a drink. “And don't ever call me that again unless you want to be out on your ass.”
“Anyway, so whats up with...?” He asked, gesturing to the unconscious lump that was Deidara curled up on the sofa like a Golden Retriever. The blond's presence wasn't new, but seldom did he spend the night, and never since he moved in with Sasori. Those two seemed to be glued together at the hip lately, so it seemed off that one of them was here alone. And asleep for that matter. Kakuzu would have to ask later.
“Oh, well, about that,” Hidan couldn't keep the grin off of his face, like he'd plotted something absolutely genius. “Just fucking wait for it. You'll see.”
Things were quiet and calm for another five minutes, Deidara sound asleep on the couch while Hidan read and listened to Kakuzu 'quietly' rant about his day. Just as Kakuzu was about to really get into how obnoxious accounting could be, the front door almost burst open. Someone, or perhaps something, was banging on the wood as hard and loud as possible.
“I fucking swear if its that guy from downstairs again, I may go back to jail,” The miser growled, getting up and walking to the door in three smooth strides.
“I'll bail you out. Aaaaand, I doubt its him anyway...” Hidan supplied, closing his book and getting up to move out of the way. As an afterthought he also pulled the coffee table with him.
Kakuzu narrowed his eyes at the other, hand on the knob. Behind the thick oak wood door was muffled yelling. “What did you do?”
”Open the door and find out!”
As soon as Kakuzu opened the door a single inch, a little red blur desperately tried to pry the entryway more, and on further inspection it was revealed to be a highly distraught Sasori. One who was near tears, hair wet and wild, desperately attempting to force his way into the apartment. His clothes were also soaked, clinging to his pale and bony body underneath a... white frilly apron?
If he wasn’t so haggard and terrified looking, Kakuzu might have jested and remarked that he resembled a drowned rat.
“I can’t find him anywhere!” The redhead cried, trying to climb over the six foot four towering giant standing between him and the living room. He put a slippered foot on the larger mans thigh, other hand intent on using his shoulder for leverage. “I tried calling six times, he didn’t answer, I looked up and down the street, he wasn’t anywhere! Every possible route to your apartment complex! Please! Is he here?!”
Neither Hidan nor Kakuzu had seen Sasori lose his composure like this, and frankly it looked like he straight up lost his fucking mind.
”Get off! What the hell is wrong with you, Sasori? Control yourself!” Kakuzu demanded, grasping the offending limbs and easily putting him back on the ground, where he landed on his ass. This seemingly had no effect as the redhead got right back up and continued to struggle and push against him fruitlessly. “Fuck! Relax! He’s been asleep on my couch.” The raven haired man lifted his arm slightly, exposing a line of sight to the couch where Deidara was somehow still asleep.
Sasori’s eyes widened to dinner plates, and he pushed ten times harder on the arm blocking his way. No dice. “Let me in, please! I need to take him home!”
“Take your…” He looked down at the black soaked house slippers, “…shoes… off at least before you fuck up my carpet, and i’ll let you in.”
The ‘shoes’ were kicked off right away, right foot tapping the ground and hand tapping impatiently on the door frame. “Now??” He snapped and Kakuzu sighed, finally granting Sasori entrance. Little asshole…
“Don’t worry, Red, I took care of him very well!” Hidan taunted as he raced through, ignoring the stupid zealot on the sidelines. He made a beeline for Deidara, thankfully nothing in his way this time, who just started stirring from all the commotion.
“Sas…? What are you doing here..?” Deidara mumbled upon seeing the redhead kneeling infront of him, feeling very much like he was still in a dream. He woke up fully when Sasori’s icy hands grabbed both sides of his face, before wrapping them around his mid section and burying his face in his partners chest. “Good god you’re cold! And soaking wet!” He shrieked, trying and failing to pull away from the vice like grip. Sasori said nothing, just clutched harder.
“Please; I can’t breathe,” Deidara warned, and only then did the other man loosen his grip, although not entirely willing to let go. “Why are you all wet… and here, for that matter?” He asked gently, beyond worried that something happened.
“I walked here, you weren’t answering your phone. I was worried something happened to you.” Sasori mumbled dejectedly but honestly into his now wet shirt.
Deidara could have slapped himself dead in the face right then and there. He must have slept through his alarm. “You didn’t wake me up?! I said fifteen minutes, un!” He growled in Hidan’s direction, not taking his eyes off of the hunched figure still clinging to him.
”You just looked so comfortable there, how could I?” The Jashinist shrugged, apparently finding the situation humorous. “I even turned off your phone to give you some extra sleep. I’m such a nice guy.”
”You’re an asshole, un!”
”You should have seen the look of terror on your mans face,” Hidan continued, “He busted in here like a psycho, like you were being kidnapped or-“
Kakuzu raised his voice, interrupting his partner with a glare. “Are you two done here? You’re getting my furniture wet and i’d rather not spend the money replacing it.” The man crossed his arms, rather peeved by the noise and the dramatics.
Deidara seethed but relented from arguing further.
Having had enough time to calm down to a degree, Sasori finally released Deidara from his hold and took a shaky stand. “Let’s go home,” He said quietly, tugging on the tanned wrist. His eyes were bloodshot, face suddenly looking much older, it was almost scary to see.
Deidara obeyed, barely having enough time to snatch his bag and cellphone from the floor before he was handed his shoes and pulled out of the apartment. Hidan didn’t lie- his phone had been switched off. “Son of a bitch,” he sighed, slipping the device in his bag.
Kakuzu shut and locked the door behind them. “You’re a terrible friend,” He regarded, shaking his head. The state of his living room was in a moist disarray, wet footprints and knee marks sullying the previously clean carpet. So much for a relaxing Friday night.
“I’m a great friend!” Hidan countered. “Now they have to address their little problem he told me about earlier. Deidara can be mad at me all he wants right now but eventually he’ll see it.”
”I forget how smart you can be sometimes.”
”Do you think I’m stupid regularly?!”
The six block walk back to their apartment was completely silent- save for the occasional breeze and slap of shoes against concrete. The rain stopped it’s day long onslaught, though the clouds remained in their depressing disposition.
Deidara had long since snatched his wrist back, not liking the way Sasori held onto it like he was a child in need of being led. His partner merely sighed, seemingly understanding, saying nothing. What could he possibly say right now, anyway? Sorry, I lost my fucking mind for an hour and a half? My bad! Won’t happen again, except it happens every time you leave my line of sight!
Eventually they reached their building, wordlessly climbing the single flight of stairs. Sasori immediately departed for the bathroom, peeling off the layers of wet clothing for new ones and vigorously washing his face. He grimaced when he realized the apron had been on the entire fucking time. His mood was still off, unnerved by what happened earlier, but a little lighter now that they were home. But as the water hit his face for the final time, he realized he could not ignore his way out of an explanation, not this time, not anymore. By the disappointed look on Deidara’s face the entire walk home, there was no more room for stonewalling. They would talk, or he would most likely just leave.
His partner was exactly where Sasori expected him to be; Sitting on their couch with his knees tucked under his chin, scrolling through an app on his phone absentmindedly, facial expression unreadable. What was actually concerning was that he never removed his jacket, or took his ponytail out- the two distinct things he always did when he was ready to settle down.
He really was considering leaving.
“Do you not trust me?” Deidara spoke up, somehow noticing the other party without looking. “Like, at all?”
“I do,” Sasori answered, tentatively keeping his distance, like one wrong move or action would shatter the already fragile equilibrium between the two.
Deidara rolled his eyes, pocketing his phone. “Are you sure?”
”Of course, why wouldn’t I be? Who exactly do you think I am?”
“I don’t know!” Deidara threw up his hands. “I thought I knew! But apparently you just think I’ll run off and cheat on you, un! That’s why you get weird when I go anywhere or do anything!”
“Wait, what? Cheating?” It was Sasori’s turn to be wildly confused. “Is that what you think? Where did you get such a ridiculous idea?” He came closer, hovering near the edge of the loveseat.
“Yes, un!!” His lover snapped, staring at him with a hurt expression. “Why else would you have done what you did earlier, acting like a psycho, un?!”
”No! Shut up! You think I’m too young for you too, un!” The insecurities started flying out left and right, front and center as the blond tacked on more reasons as to why Sasori would run up and down the block looking for him and trying to literally catapult over a grown man.
“A-and for that matter-“ He was silenced by a pair of lips roughly pressing to his own. Sasori kept their mouths connected for a solid three more seconds before letting go. It was one of the only ways to get him to actually be quiet that worked. And worked well it did, stunning the man.
”It’s not that.” Sasori breathed, slipping into the seat beside him. He shut his eyes tightly for a minute, mentally reaching for the right things to say. “I’ve never been worried about you cheating on me. Of course I’m jealous of the time other people spend with you, but I know you better than that. And you’re not ‘too young’, don’t listen to your scumbag friend.” He looked away, rubbing a hand over his aching now temple. “It’s about my parents.”
”Yes, they’re dead, but I never told you how or why.”
“Then, please-“ Deidara nearly begged, putting a hand on his thigh. A good sign. “I can’t take being walled out anymore.”
Sasori stayed facing away. He knew that if he looked his partner in the eye he’d exude more of that ugly weakness from earlier.
“On October thirtieth, twenty five years ago, my parents were murdered while leaving a party in Fremont. Their valuables stolen, stripped from their bodies like someone was picking berries. My grandmother didn’t know how to tell me, I was only five, but she kept me from the truth for days. At first they went on a spontaneous vacation, then a flight delay kept them from returning, and finally she gave up and told me they’d been already dead for an entire week.”
Deidara could only stare, taking in the new information with unease. The most he’d ever heard about Sasori’s parents only that they’d passed away years ago. He never brought up his family, and rarely did he speak on his childhood.
“I never got to say good bye.” The older man continued, eyes glazed over. “The last image I have of them is my mother waving goodbye before she closed the door. There was no funeral, no wake, nothing my grandmother wanted to do besides scatter their ashes in the Sound. After that there was nothing. It was like they never existed outside of a few photographs.”
He suddenly turned to his partner, placing a hand on top of the one that was squeezing his thigh, daring to look into those imploring blue eyes. “I’ve never cared about anyone else, not until I met you. I guess that’s why I… ‘freak out’ sometimes. It’s getting closer to the anniversary, and when you leave me I can’t stop the anxiety from taking over.”
”Why didn’t you tell me about your parents sooner, un?”
“The subject brings me a lot of pain…” He confessed, looking away again until a hand on his cheek forced him back. “You have to understand- there was no closure. No way to adequately deal with being lied to and then suddenly have the truth shoved in your face like it’s normal. It’s something I’d rather never talk about, if I could. It makes me look weak.”
Deidara shook his head. “You look stronger to me when you open up like this, un. It’s a two way street; I can’t be the only open book in this relationship. That’s not fair and it’s not about being weak anymore, not if we’re supposed to be together, un.”
”You have a point.” Sasori reluctantly agreed, and dared to move a tiny bit closer so their knees touched. Deidara remained in place, not sure if he should accept this or press more into the issue. Ultimately, he had to press.
“So… When did you start getting.. anxious when I leave?”
Sasori’s face softened, like this was the one question he really didn’t want to answer for any reason. It was almost cute how his cheeks turned almost the same shade of his hair. Sasori seemed incapable of blushing, unless they were in bed together.
”I…” He swallowed putting both hands over his eyes. “As soon as you agreed to move in with me.”
A groan. “Yes. It’s not usually so… bad, but as I said earlier, it’s close to the anniversary of my parents murder- I snapped when you didn’t come back when you said you would, and didn’t return my calls. I was utterly convinced the same thing happened, or that you were hurt, or worse, dead. I understand now that I entirely overreacted, and if you’d rather not deal-“
Having heard enough, Deidara couldn’t stay away anymore. He wordlessly climbed into his partners lap, straddling his legs and wrapping his arms around him, pressing their lips together passionately. He pulled away before the other could kiss back. “For someone so smart, you can be so stupid sometimes, un.” He said with a tiny smile. “All I asked was for you to open up to me, un. You don’t need to rock climb our friends and break into homes to know if I’m okay. I’m sorry about what happened to your parents and how it still affects you, but you have to let me know the truth when you feel that way, un. No. More. Stonewalling.”
“Is it okay to text you when I get anxious?” Sasori asked, fiddling with his boyfriends jacket zipper.
“Mhmm,” Deidara hummed in agreement, shedding the jacket himself and tossing it to the floor. Normally this would irritate Sasori but tonight proved to be a special circumstance. “You can even call me, okay? And I’ll give you updates. Whatever you want to do,” He paused to give another kiss.
The redhead nodded, for once feeling deep, but tiring relief. He tilted his head upwards to recapture Deidara’s lips again, moving a hand to undo the blond ponytail. His lover practically purred into his mouth, loving the feeling of his hair being touched.
“You’re still kind of cold,” Deidara barely got out between kisses, running his fingers underneath Sasori’s shirt.
“Warm me up then.”
They’d work out the details later.