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Lonely Little Nagito Part 2

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I was happy. Nagito and I ended up moving in together, his parents helped us get a little house, we moved nearer to the city, of which Nagito had previously been apprehensive about since the city was where Hope’s Peak was located but he knew Junko Enoshima was long dead. We lived in a town just outside it, but it was a nice town. We had all graduated together and each of us went on in a chosen career, some studied, some went travelling. I had secured a job in the city working in Corporate Offices and I was on a good career path. I had never really thought of what I would end up doing for a job, but I was actually very good at this one. Nagito was currently unemployed and seemed to have no desire to find a job. I hadn’t put much pressure on him since he had access to money, his parents being rich, but I did worry about him being alone at home every day. He did a good job keeping it clean and tidy and he always had a nice meal cooking when I got home from work. I guess he was my househusband except we were not married. My work colleagues didn’t know about Nagito or my sexuality, I was worried about judgement and that it might hold me back in my career. I was on the subway making my way home after work, I took off my tie as I usually did and stuffed it into my suitcase. I was tired. It had been a long day and I ended up staying late to finish off. I had let Nagito know so he didn’t cook for the usual time. I really was exhausted. My future was looking good, my boss told me he had his eye on me for great things considering how hard I worked. Nagito didn’t really need to get a job, we were alright for money, but I felt it would be good for him if he did. The subway came to a stop at my station, and I stepped off. We lived quite close by, so it wasn’t too taxing of a walk, but I walked slow tonight. Finally, I arrived home and saw myself inside, I was greeted by that photo of us when we were younger, our first kiss. It had pride of place by the front door so we could see it every day. It was still one of my favourite possessions and I had thanked Mahiru for having snapped that beautiful moment. I took off my jacket and hung it up undoing another button on my shirt. I heard laughter and walked into the living room to see Chiaki had stopped by and was sitting with Nagito. I could smell dinner cooking; he had left something in the slow cooker I noticed. It smelled good, and I realised just how hungry I was. Did I even eat lunch?

“Hey,” I said as I walked in.

“Hajime!” Nagito cried enthusiastically as though he had not just seen me only this morning.

“Hello,” Chiaki said, and I saw a spread on the floor of what looked like story boards or concept art they had been looking at. Chiaki had gotten a job in games development, and I guessed it had something to do with her latest project. I noticed a bottle of wine on the table and two glasses. I frowned, Nagito wasn’t supposed to drink. He noticed me looking.

“I’ve only had one glass, Hajime, just a taste really, I can still take my medication.” he said and stood up coming to greet me, kissing me on the lips.

“I can attest to that,” Chiaki said, and she gathered all her work and put it in her art folder.

“You don’t have to go, Chiaki.” I said, “I’ll probably just eat and then head to bed,” I said.

“Oh, really?” Nagito asked me looking disappointed.

“It’s been a long day, I’m just hungry and tired,” I replied.

“It’s ok, I’ll go home, I still have some work to do,” she said and smiled waving as she left. Nagito went to the kitchen and served up my dinner for me, handing it to me with a smile. It was mild curry and he had done rice in the rice cooker. It smelled delicious.

“Thanks, Nagito,” I said and just sat at our kitchens breakfast bar, he leaned over watching me from the other side smiling.

“I was hoping to see you for a bit, tonight,” he said. “Or… well… I was saving myself for you tonight, actually.” he said blushing a little.

“I’m really not in the mood, I’m sorry, I’m just too tired.” I replied, “this is really good by the way, thank you.” I said having gotten used to blander foods, he had found a way to make a curry that didn’t have too much in the way of spice so he could eat it and it was still good, it wasn’t as if it had no flavour. I couldn’t help noting his disappointed expression.

“We could just snuggle and watch a movie?” he suggested instead of sex.

“Honestly, I just need to shower and go to bed.” I replied. “We’ll spend some time together at the weekend, I promise.” I added.

“Alright, I miss you.” He said sadly and I stopped eating a moment.

“I really think you should look into getting a part time job, just something to keep you busy,” I said, and he looked anxious.

“I don’t want to.” He said, “its not that I’m lazy but… we don’t need the money and I’m not really good at anything except cooking and cleaning,” he said looking down.

“You don’t know unless you try something, Nagito. I don’t like thinking about you stuck in here all day every day, it wasn’t so bad when we had Clover and you’d take her for walks but… now she’s gone… I’m sorry, Nagito, I know how much you loved her, but you don’t have company anymore.”

“Chiaki came round today,” he said trying to correct me.

“She’s the first person you’ve had round in a while, everyone else has jobs and commitments or not even in the country.” I said.

“Hajime, it isn’t as easy for me as it is for everyone else. What if I start a job and… its just like it was at school? Nobody wanting me around, everybody hating me? What if… I feel more alone there than I do here?” he asked, and I could see he was upset. So that was the real reason.

“Nagito, I knew it gave you anxiety, but I didn’t realise that was the reason. I’m sorry.” I reached over and put my hands on his but uncharacteristically for him he was the one to recoil from my touch. He never really did that.

“Of course, that’s the reason, Hajime. It terrifies me.” he muttered like I should have known. No, I should have known. That was the problem. I sighed.

“Listen, work isn’t like school, its very different. We’re adults now, they won’t judge you as harshly as kids in school do. Kids are assholes, remember what I was like?” I asked trying to get a smile out of him, but it didn’t work.

“You’re still an asshole, Hajime,” he muttered and then he walked off heading to the bedroom. Shit. I really wanted him to get a job, I didn’t think being stuck in here was doing him any good at all, and I was still an asshole. I mentally kicked myself and I put my dinner in the fridge and then I went to get his medication from the cupboard a cup of cold water and I followed him into the bedroom. He was already in bed lying on his side facing his bedside table. I went to his bedside placing his pill and the water there.

“You have to take your medication,” I said and then proceeded to undress for the shower. I just had a quick one as I would have a proper one in the morning. I pulled on my pyjama trousers and climbed into bed beside him but looked to see the pill was still sitting on the table. “Nagito, please take your pill.” I said but he didn’t move, and my heart raced with frustration and fear. He had to take his medication. I was not allowing him to miss any. I grabbed his shoulder. “Nagito, take it, please.” I said more sternly, and he shifted up on his elbow picking up the pill and swallowing it with water before he slumped back down, his back to me as he had been previously, not saying a word or even looking at me. I sighed. “Nagito, I’m sorry we don’t spend so much time together these days, I promise we will at the weekend,”

“That’s what you said last week.” He replied. He was right, of course and I had brought work home with me.

“I’ve let you down. I know that.” I muttered feeling annoyed with myself. I had been more focussed on my work than on the man I loved. It was selfish and I hated myself. As he said we didn’t really need the money I just didn’t want to live off his parent’s money, I wanted to pay my own way, I wanted to be successful and provide for us. His parents had already done so much. This house was because of them. His father even helped me prepare for the job I had. “Hey, Nagito, why don’t I see if I can get next week off?” I asked him and he rolled over to look at me, he was looking a little groggy from his meds, but he still spoke.

“Could we spend the whole week together?” he asked.

“Of course,” I smiled.

“You won’t have to… change plans due to something coming up at work again?” he asked.

“I just won’t change my plans; I’ll tell my boss this is really important and that I definitely need next week off. If we’re staffed, I’m sure there won’t be any problems,” I said.

“I would really like that, Hajime,” he muttered.

“You’re more important, Nagito and I don’t like seeing you unhappy,” I said, and I shuffled down into the bed, so I was lying down, and I offered my arm to him, he turned all the way around and snuggled against me just like we always did. He drew in a deep breath like he was taking in my scent and his next words confirmed that.

“You smell like hot sex,” he said, and I laughed.

“We’ll do plenty of that next week too, don’t worry,” I said and kissed him on the head.

“I’m doped out of my brains right now, so I don’t really know what I’m saying,” he was slurring his words.

“Go to sleep.” I said smiling.

“Good night Hajime,”

“Good night.” I replied and I fell asleep in my favourite place. It wasn’t always the most comfortable but holding Nagito close like this and falling into a blissful sleep was my favourite place. As I closed my eyes, I suddenly thought of us as teenagers under that tree in school eating lunch together right near the beginning and he asked me what my favourite place was. Back then I said something really cheesy and said that tree with him and our lunchtime getting to know each other sessions was my favourite place. Man, that was so lame, but I was just a kid, a kid falling in love. I knew my favourite place and this time it was right here.

Chapter Text

The alarm went off in the morning as usual and I slapped it to shut it off. I did need a break I was feeling drained, I had slept but I still felt I needed more. Nagito had rolled away from me at some point in the night and was sleeping with his back to me again. I jumped up and got in the shower, letting the hot water just wash over me, even if I switched it to cold, I did not think it would help me out, I would still be exhausted. I had been working too hard, I did need a break. I climbed out and realised Nagito had got up now and I found him on our balcony, he was staring at something outside. I joined him but I couldn’t see anything as to what he was staring at.

“Hey, you ok?” I asked him.

“Huh?” he asked as though he had been a million miles away. “Oh, yeah, sure, I was just watching… no, actually…” he turned to look at me. “I don’t think I’m ok, Hajime… I keep… getting these dark moments like I feel…” he sighed and then looked at me with tears in his eyes, “I feel down, Hajime, I keep getting moments where I feel depressed. I don’t want to be that way… I’m scared…” his tears started to fall.

“What about your meds? Are they… not working?” I asked feel suddenly terrified, knowing how he was when he was off them.

“I haven’t wanted to try and kill myself if that’s what you’re worried about, but I’m scared that… I might be headed that way. I think maybe… you’re right… I should get a job but…” he looked away from me and looked downwards, “I’m just really scared…” he muttered, and I felt that pang inside my chest. I hated it when Nagito was sad, I felt as though I could feel the weight of his depression and his fear inside my own chest. I walked towards him, and I took his hands to hold.

“I know, it is scary, but I’ll help you. How about you spend today looking for jobs online, just some little part time job,” I smiled, “just find something you think you might like and when I get home tonight show me what you’ve found, and I’ll help you work out a resume?”

“I got nothing to put on a resume, Hajime,” he replied in that dull tone I recognised as depression.

“Everyone starts somewhere,” I said.

“You’re right.” He said looking at me again and smiling. I was glad to see that smile, he seemed more able to pull himself out of those dark moments, but it didn’t mean he wouldn’t be completely overcome at some point.

“Get a shower, get dressed and get started I look forward to seeing what you find later,” I said smiling back before I continued getting ready for work. He followed me inside.

“Hajime, I don’t want to be working if you have next week off, though, we’re supposed to be spending all week together,” he said.

“And we will, we can start next week going round applying for jobs, yeah?” I asked and he smiled.

“Hajime, I’m so excited for next week!” he said looking brighter.

“Hold off on that excitement, I still have to ask my boss if I can get it off.” I said.

“Right,” he muttered looking down again, “let’s have breakfast together!” he said and hurried to the kitchen trying to look bright again, he was still so cute, I adored him. Nagito’s mental health issues were obviously with him for life, and I still had my own. I joined Nagito in the kitchen. He placed two bowls onto the kitchen breakfast bar and a box of cereal and some milk. He smiled at me before he poured out my breakfast for me.

“Thanks, Nagito,” I said and then he did his own, but he only put a very small amount in his bowl. Cereal wasn’t even that filling and he was hardly eating any. I suppose I should be used to the meagre amounts he eats at times.

“Hajime, if I am to get a job, do you think I should cut my hair?” he asked, it was as long and unruly as it ever was but as always, I liked his hair.

“Maybe, we could have it trimmed up a bit,” I said smiling.

“I don’t mind really,” he replied and ate a couple of mouthfuls of his breakfast before he started to clean up in the kitchen after leaving it the night before. I finished my breakfast and then finished getting ready for work. I gave Nagito a kiss before I left, feeling happy he was smiling again. I love Nagito so much, I just wanted to make him happy, and I had focussed on my career over him but that will change. It must, especially if his mental health was suffering.

 

***

Hajime left and Nagito’s smile faded. Alone again. He looked around the empty house, it did feel lonely without Hajime in it with him and now without his dog Clover too. He decided to jump in the shower and get dressed as Hajime had suggested and then he made a cup of coffee and pulled out his laptop. He was supposed to be job searching but as he opened his internet browser he froze. He had no idea where to start. He picked up his phone and called Hajime. There was no answer. Nagito bit his lip as he pondered where best to begin and then anxiety kicked in and he slammed his laptop shut catching his breath trying to control his breathing before it turned into a panic attack. He decided to text Mahiru, she was still off travelling the world with Sato, but he could text her and she might be able to offer some help.

Hey, how’s the world out there? Hajime wants me to get a job, but I froze up. I don’t know where to start. Any tips? To be honest the whole idea of it gives me anxiety. X

He sent it and a short while later his phone rang. It was Mahiru. He answered quickly.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey, what a weird coincidence you text me, I’m actually almost home, I could pop by and help you if you like?” she offered, and his face lit up.

“Oh, Mahiru that would be amazing! Thank you so much! Why are you home already?”

“Long story but I can tell you that when I get to you. Text me your address again to remind me where you live, I’ll be to you in about an hour, maybe a little longer,”

“Thank you so much, Mahiru!” he said, and they hung up the call. Nagito decided to text Hajime to let him know that Mahiru was coming round to help him look for jobs. That fear was not going away though, but he was pleased he had a friend coming to help and support him. Nagito had begun pacing and Mahiru turned up almost two hours later and he hurried to the door to let her in. They threw their arms around one another right away and Nagito had a big smile on his face and Mahiru still blushed at the sudden affection but neither of them could help themselves, they had missed each other.

“Your hair’s gotten longer! It looks lovely!” Nagito said admiring her almost shoulder-length red locks.

“Thanks,” she blushed. “I have to tell you before we start anything,” Mahiru began as she entered, and she noticed that picture on the side by the door. She smiled. “Oh, I so love that picture!” Nagito smiled.

“It’s our favourite,” he replied, and she looked pleased.

“Oh yeah, I have to tell you before we start anything important, Sato and I broke up.” She said and his smile faded.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry, Mahiru!” he said, and they sat on the sofa.

“It’s fine, I’m actually ok, it was amicable, there was no fighting we just… wanted different things. I still love her, but she wanted to keep travelling and it was great for a while, but I wanted to come home. I was… missing home…” Nagito smiled.

“Do you mean missing us?” he asked, and she blushed. “I’m really sorry about you and Sato, I couldn’t live without Hajime, I know I couldn’t. If we ever broke up, I don’t know what I’d do.” he said looking sad at the prospect.

“I don’t think you guys ever will, you’re the real deal,” Mahiru replied, “you’ve been through so much together and your bond is solid.” Nagito smiled. “I’ve actually been thinking a lot lately about when we were younger, our school days. It feels like another world ago even though it really wasn’t that long,” she said.

“What were you thinking about in particular? Are you ok?” he asked her, remembering times got dark then.

“Yeah, I mean…” she drew a deep breath. “I never told anyone this because I was embarrassed, I told Sato but… I’m actually bisexual. I like guys too but they just… annoy me and… guys can just be so insensitive, y’know?” she asked and Nagito smiled.

“Yeah, I know, Hajime doesn’t always understand how I’m feeling, and he expects me to be different at times, like he doesn’t consider things, the way I might feel about stuff.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly it! I’ve never had a relationship with a guy before but that’s exactly what I imagine they’re like.” Nagito smiled.

“You realise you kind of came out to me in a backwards sort of way?” he asked grinning.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, normally its ‘I like guys’ first and then later maybe ‘I also like girls’ but with you, you hid that you liked guys,” he laughed.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I am more inclined towards women though, but I have been attracted to guys too. I used to think Hajime was attractive, but I always felt him to be a bit rude. I might as well… tell you something else. It’s really embarrassing but I know you won’t hold it against me.” she said and smiled awkwardly.

“I’ll never judge you Mahiru,” he replied.

“I didn’t say judge!” she snapped.

“I’m sorry,”

“Well, anyway… when we were kids, y’know, after the whole… meeting my parents thing and it went awful… and you were really there for me… I kind of… ended up having a little crush on you… at least for a bit,” she said and was blushing fiercely.

“What?” he asked laughing.

“Don’t laugh at me! God, your just as bad as any other guy!” she said crossing her arms.

“I’m sorry,” he stopped laughing.

“I realise it would have never been a thing because obviously you’re gay, but I did crush on you a little bit. I put it down to hormones and heightened emotions at the time though, it was very brief and nothing real in it.” She brushed it off.

“No, of course not,” he replied. “I’m really flattered actually, is that why you kissed me?” he asked and found himself blushing.

“Yeah, possibly, kind of not like me to do that but I really cared about you as a friend, too and we both needed friends then.”

“You were always the first person to be there when a friend needed you, but you never let on that you needed someone too,” he said.

“I know, but you were there,” she offered a smile, but she was still blushing, “I feel really awkward now, but I was thinking about that time too,”

“I’m glad you told me, Mahiru, thank you. It’s an ego boost for sure, a beautiful girl like you having a crush on someone like me…” he said laughing.

“So, anyway, jobs, right?” she asked deflecting from her embarrassing confession of the past.

“Yeah, I’m pretty terrified actually, I don’t think Hajime understands that well, he tries to but… honestly it’s just throwing me back to my experiences at school where everyone hated me until I met you guys. It was an awful experience, it was so isolating and lonely, so I just feel… really scared it might happen again.” he looked down.

“Nagito, you’re a good guy, if anyone doesn’t like you from first impressions because you’re a bit… well strange, then they don’t deserve to know who you really are. Remember that Nagito, you’re a good friend to have and I’m glad we… well, y’know…” she trailed off as she realised, she was getting soppy.

“Glad we bonded?” he finished for her.

“Well, yeah,” she replied quickly. He smiled.

“I am too,” he replied.

“So, what kind of job are you thinking of going for?” she asked.

“That’s just it, I have no idea where to start,”

“Oh wow, we got a lotta work to do then, come on get your laptop,” she said.

 

***

I had plucked up a bit of courage to approach my boss when I finally got a minute to do so, I drew in a deep breath and knocked on his door. He called me to enter.

“Hajime, what can I do for you?” Mr Ichikawa asked as he was standing and leaning over some paperwork on his desk.

“I was… wondering if I could have next week off as leave?” I asked getting straight to the point knowing he preferred it that way.

“That’s very short notice, Hajime, it’s Friday,” he said.

“I know, sir, but I just… really feel I could do with a rest,” I replied.

“I don’t know, I’ll have to look at the staffing and get back to you,”

“Sir, another reason… my partner suffers from poor mental health quite extremely and I need to be at home for a bit.” I added since I was worried for Nagito.

“I see, I’m sorry to hear that, Hajime. I guess it will be ok if I let you off, you have been working hard lately, it hasn’t gone unnoticed. Alright, you can have next week off to look after your wife,” Mr Ichikawa said.

“Oh, we’re not married but we have been together a while, since school actually.” I replied not correcting him on the gender reference. I was still not ready to tell them about my sexuality and I was unsure if I ever would be.

“Oh, I’m sorry, your girlfriend,” he said, and I smiled.

“Thank you so much, sir, I really do appreciate it.” I said before I left his office to continue my work, but it was then that Mr Ichikawa came out of his office.

“Hajime, why don’t you get off early today? I’m sure we owe that time to you with all the extra hours you’ve been putting in, go home now, if you like?” he offered.

“Really?” I asked with a big smile.

“Sure, we owe it to you, you worked at the weekend, and you’ve been staying late most nights.” He said. It was true.

“Thank you so much, Nagi…” I almost slipped up, “will be pleased.” I left it at that. Nagi is now my ‘girlfriend’s’ name. I hope I don’t slip up like that again.

“Go take care of your girl, Hajime,” he said, and I hurried off to get my suitcase and return home. I wasn’t even going to call ahead I wanted to surprise him.

 

***

I arrived home and the journey felt faster than usual due to it being mid-afternoon as opposed to rush hour, I didn’t have so many people to dodge in the subway. I hurried up to the front door and saw myself in. I heard laughter again and another voice. I went to the living room to see Mahiru sitting with Nagito over his laptop.

“Mahiru!” I cried surprised and happy to see her.

“Hey, Hajime,” she said smiling.

“When did you guys get back?” I asked putting my suitcase down and taking off my tie and jacket.

“Oh, it’s just me and I got back only today. Nagito text me, he must have some sixth sense or something,” she laughed.

“Where is Sato?” I asked.

“We separated out there but we’re still friends and I still love her, but she wanted to travel more, and I was getting home sick. We had a great time out there in the world though, but it was her dream, not mine.” Mahiru said.

“I’m sorry you guys aren’t together anymore,” I said.

“Hajime, why are you home? It’s only middle of the afternoon.” Nagito asked and I smiled.

“Ichikawa let me go early for time owed and he’s given me next week off,” I said as I sat at the breakfast bar. Nagito jumped up from his seat on the sofa triumphantly and hurried over to me throwing his arms around me almost knocking me off the stool. I laughed holding him back.

“I can’t wait! I’m so excited!” he cried out. “We can start now! What are we going to do?” he asked, and we all laughed.

“You haven’t changed much, Nagito,” Mahiru said laughing. He released me and turned to her.

“You’ve changed a bit though, in a good way, you seem more confident,” he said, and she blushed. Still finding compliments hard to take I see but she also had a hard upbringing of which we became aware of after their fake dating meet the parent’s meal round Mahiru’s when we were kids, she had kept her home life secret from us all. We all had hard upbringings in some way.

“Thanks, Nagito,” she said.

“So did you find any jobs?” I asked him.

“Yeah, I think I might just take a part-time job in a café or something,”
“A maid café? You’d look cute in that dress,” I teased, and he blushed.

“No, Hajime, just a café, I think I could probably wait tables and clean up quite well,” he replied. I was pleased to see he had brightened a lot since this morning, seeing Mahiru probably helped that too and they had made progress together in the job department.

“I’m really pleased for you, Nagito, did you find any that are hiring?” I asked.

“Yeah, there’s a little one not too far from here, they’re looking for new waiting staff and it’s within walking distance. They said no experience required, its perfect!” he was smiling brightly for a moment but then it faded. “I’m still… scared though…” he muttered.

“We wrote up a resume today, too, I suggested we could all go there tomorrow and hand it over?” Mahiru said.

“Yeah sure!” I said eagerly, feeling proud of Nagito for taking the first step towards facing a fear. I knew he could do it, he faced Junko, his worst enemy and a dangerous one, she had been his biggest fear and he had been very brave then. We defeated her together. I knew he had it in him, he was far stronger than he realised. His anxiety told him he couldn’t do things, his anxiety told him he was not strong, but his anxiety did not mean that he was weak. He was far from weak, but he never believed it. Nagito spoke again.

“I don’t want to start until after next week though! I want us to spend the whole week together, Hajime!”

“That’s fine and we will,” I said kissing him. I looked to Mahiru, and she smiled. “Your hair looks nice, Mahiru,” I said noticing it was a little longer.

“Thanks,” she blushed. “I think Nagito, and I have finished, I should probably get going now, I literally only just got back, and I need to unpack and sleep off the jet lag.” She said getting up to leave.

“Thank you so much for coming round and helping me out Mahiru!” Nagito said throwing his arms around her again and she held him back awkwardly.

“No problem,” she replied.

“Oh! Can I tell Hajime what you told me?” he asked suddenly.

“Nagito!” she gasped, “it’s embarrassing but… I guess so,” she blushed and then gave me a brief hug before she left swiftly. He turned to me.

“Mahiru’s bi and she had a crush on me for a bit!” he laughed.

“Well, you are attractive, Nagito, you sound so surprised.” I said laughing at his excitement.

“I never really think so, I guess you wouldn’t understand if I told you what I see when I look in the mirror, so I guess I’m really flattered that anyone might find me attractive, and I got you and you’re the hottest guy in the world!” he said, and I laughed.

“I don’t think so, Nagito,”

“Well, you are to me, Hajime,” he said with that overly eager way of his. I just kissed him and smiled.

“Thank you, Nagito,” I said, he really was cute.

“I think you’ve got even hotter as we got a little older too!” he added.

“Well, I hope that’s always the case!” I replied laughing at him again.

“I’m sure it will be,” he said warming my heart with how much he clearly loved me.

“I think you got even more… weird as we got older.” I teased him but he took it badly, so I regretted it. His smile faded, sometimes I could tease him but recently he had not been able to accept light teasing.

“I’m sorry, I’m probably really annoying, right?” he asked all depressed. Shit. He was not good right now.

“Hey, no you’re not and I didn’t say that either, I was only teasing you, Nagito, I’m sorry you didn’t take it that way. Look at me,” I said, and he did. “You’re beautiful to me, every time I look at you, your just beautiful.” I said and he smiled.

“Hajime, I love you so much and I can’t wait for our week together! What are we doing first?” he asked.

“Shower and then sex,” I said, and he took my hand and dragged me to our ensuite, clearly, he could not wait.

Chapter Text

Nagito and I had amazing sex, that had been too long, and I think we both needed it. We both fell onto the bed exhausted; I know I was, Nagito was wiping himself off with wet wipes and then he looked at me and he smiled.

“I want to go again,” he said with a cheeky glint in his eyes. I laughed.

“Wow, Nagito, I think I’m spent.” I said, “how about we just make sure we have sex every day this week, huh?” I suggested and he rolled to face me, pressing his still naked body against mine, one leg he lifted over me and rubbed it against my thigh. “Seduction techniques?” I asked and he grinned.

“Is it working?” he asked.

“I think I’m too tired,” I replied. “Let me rest up, yeah?” I asked.

“I’m not as hot to you as I used to be, huh?” he asked.

“No, I’m just not as young as I used to be,” I laughed. “You’re hot, Nagito, damn your hot but I work now, and it takes it out of me.” I explained.

“Alright, that would have worked before though,” he said.

“Yeah, give it a couple of days and I’ll probably be able to go more than once like we used to.” I said and he smiled.

“I could have sex with you all day,” he said holding me close. We needed to shower again but I felt really tired, and I could feel sleep take me. I still had the condom on though, so I needed to remove that, but my eyes felt so heavy. “Hajime,” he said stopping me from drifting.

“Hmm?” I asked sleepily.

“You need to clean up,” he said.

“Yeah,” I muttered and groggily pulled myself out of bed heading for the bathroom. He followed shortly after, and we had another shower together. He was still trying to seduce me in the shower, pressing himself up against me. I admired his determination and his stamina. He had not changed; it was just me but perhaps when he started work then he might understand but his job would be less demanding than mine although he would be on his feet for hours if he got that café job. It was working, his seduction as I could feel myself getting hard again.

“Damn it, Nagito!” I said laughing.

“I did it! He’s revived!” Nagito triumphed. I turned off the shower and pushed him against the shower wall, this was dangerous if we slipped but he held onto the bars we had in the shower, and I wanted to just push inside of him, but we needed another condom.

“You wait right there,” I said and jumped out, returning sheathed and ready. He looked positively needy in his anticipation, and I climbed back in pushing him against the wall. “You want me to fuck you?” I whispered in his ear.

“Yes… oh yes, Hajime, I want you to fuck me good. Punish me for my relentlessness…” he whispered back, breathing heavily in anticipation. “Take me, Hajime. I am yours, only yours, all yours…” I looked down at his slim body, the curve of his perfect backside against the skinny boniness of his hips, water droplets scattered over his skin, I put one hand on his hip and steadied myself holding one of the bars too.

“You are mine, Nagito… you always will be. Only mine.” I whispered into his ear before I nipped at his lobe. He let out a sexy shuddered breath and he trembled at my touch before I pushed inside of him.

“Ah!” he cried out and I pushed in further. I might have been a bit too rough, but he had said before he wanted it rough although I could never bring myself to give him that not in the ways he wanted. I didn’t understand why he would want it like that. He pushed back against me begging for more with his body. “Punish me, Hajime,” he whispered throwing back his head. I took my hand away from his hip and took a handful of his long hair gripping it in a fist and I pulled a little, pulling his head back but likely not as rough as he wanted. He gasped and he rocked his hips against me as I gripped his hair harder and then pulled his head to the side exposing his neck where I traced kisses down his neck and onto his shoulder before thrusting my hips into him, harder, faster.

“Ah! Hajime!” he cried out. “Ah!” on no, he was coming already; I didn’t want to not come as he might take that as a negative against him. “Hajime…” I pounded into him harder and faster determinedly. It was starting to hurt me, since we had already gone once and I was not used to it, and he slowly threw his head back crying out in ecstasy as I finished him, that was it, hearing his cries of pleasure got the reaction I needed, and I could feel myself coming for the second time this afternoon.

“Ah, yes!” I cried throwing my head back and pounding into him also relentlessly as I finished. “Ahhh” it was amazing. I don’t know what it was with me and seeing Nagito wet in the shower, but it did turn me on, I should have known. “Fuck,” I muttered breathless as I pulled out of him. I removed the condom; I really was spent now but I climbed back into the shower to quickly wash down as Nagito began to clean up too. He had cum on the wall and made a mess.  

“Whoops,” he said looking at me grinning and I laughed.

“Nagito, you are so hot, that was amazing.” I said as I got to washing myself. He blushed a little now, his previous flirtation replaced by his bashfulness, and he had gone from sexy to cute. I loved it. I loved him. I lifted a hand to his cheek, looking into his eyes and then I placed a tender kiss onto his lips. “I love you, more than anything.” I said softly.

“I love you too, Hajime,” he replied with a smile. We climbed back out once we were clean and were both spent now, we flopped down onto the bed and fell asleep naked in each other’s arms. It was so peaceful. It was perfect.

Chapter Text

That night I was woken by Nagito having one of his nightmares. He was crying and thrashing, and I had to try and wake him, but it proved difficult. Shit. I hated this. I could feel tears in my eyes as I tried to gently wake him and avoid his strikes.

“No!” he cried out. Shit. “Hajime!”

“I’m here, Nagito, your ok, I’m here, wake up,” I decided to just take him in my arms and hold him.

“Hajime!” he cried again but his arms wrapped around me holding me back, he was awake finally and trembling in my arms. I held him tightly, one hand cradling the back of his head.

“You’re ok, we’re ok, Nagito, we’re safe. We’re home, I got you.” I whispered.

“Oh god…” he cried against my shoulder. “She’s dead.” he muttered. Junko Enoshima. I hated her so much I wish I could bring her back from the dead and kill her again for the fact that she still tortured him. She still haunted him. “Hajime… I love you so much please don’t ever leave me,” he cried.

“I won’t, Nagito, I promise.” I whispered. I was angry. I felt so angry, it was building inside of me as I thought of her, thought of how she hurt him and hurt all of us. Everything she did to us all, she deserved to die a million horrible deaths, but a person can only die once. It had been satisfying beating her and smashing her head in and I wished I could do it again.

“Hajime…” he muttered against my neck. I pulled away holding his face in my hands and wiped away his tears. I offered a smile, ignoring my anger.

“I’m here, Nagito, I’m here.” I said to him.

“I could never lose you, Hajime, it would hurt too much I think it would kill me.” he said.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I said again smiling. “Come on, lets try and get some more sleep, I’ll hold you.” I said and we snuggled back down under the covers, my arm around him and he slept close against me. I did not sleep for a while; my rage was still boiling inside of me. I’ll never let anyone hurt Nagito, ever again.

 

***

We woke the following morning still in each other’s arms. I kissed him on the head before we climbed out of bed and started to get ready. Nagito still looked a bit haunted, and I could tell his anxiety was high likely due to our task today. As we were headed out the door to meet Mahiru to go to that café, he addressed the issue of his anxiety.
“Hajime… I think… that nightmare was brought on by my fears of today and getting a job,” he said.

“I understand but you’ll be fine,” I assured and took his hand as we left to meet Mahiru. Once together, we headed to that little café with Nagito’s resume. We had to pause several times to stop Nagito turning around and walking back home. His anxiety was really high, and I felt bad for making him do this, but I still feel it was for the best. I don’t think he would be trying so hard if he hadn’t agreed with me.

“I can’t do it; I can’t do it!” he said as we got to the road.

“Breathe, Nagito,” I said. “We’re right here with you, ok?” I assured.

“Hajime… I’m so scared…” he said. “Why do I have to be like this?” he raised his voice, very uncharacteristic of him. “I hate myself,” he muttered. Shit, I think he was starting to spiral, he still did at times only his medication meant he wouldn’t be out of control. “I’m so pathetic, why do I have to be this way?”

“Nagito!” I said sternly snapping him back, “take slow steady breaths, you are not pathetic, you’ve just been through a lot in your life, we’re here, just take a deep breath and we’ll go in,” I said.

“How about we just go in as customers to begin with?” Mahiru asked.

“Yeah… that might be better,” Nagito agreed.

“That’s a good idea and once you’ve calmed your nerves we’ll approach them with your resume, yeah? We’ll do it together.” I asked him and he nodded with a slight smile, but his brow still showed his apprehension. “Come on,” I said and led the way. We entered the café and took a seat waiting to be served. I sat across from Nagito and Mahiru sat beside him.

“You ok?” Mahiru asked him and he just nodded. It wasn’t too long until a girl came over with a pad, she was very pretty with long dark blue hair and blue eyes to match. She almost glowed and seemed very out of place in a café here, she looked more like she should be a model or something.

“Hello, what can I get for you?” she asked sweetly.

“My resume!” Nagito said suddenly and then blushed. “Oh god, I’m sorry, I was… going to hand in my resume for the waiting staff post… I don’t have any experience but it said no experience necessary so I thought I would at least try. I’m not really good at anything cooking and cleaning maybe but-“
“Nagito-“ I stopped him babbling. The girl giggled and blushed a bit.

“Were you nervous?” she asked him.

“Yeah, is it that obvious?” he asked looking down.

“Yeah, just a bit,” she replied but offered a kind smile. “I can take your resume to my boss, if you like?” she offered.

“Really? Thank you so much! That’s kind of you.” He said and handed her his paper. “It’s more like a covering letter actually.” He added.

“That’ll be fine,” she accepted the paperwork and disappeared only to return shortly after. “He’s just looking through it now, can I get you guys something to eat or drink?” she asked.

“Can I please just have a strawberry milkshake?” Mahiru asked.

“Black coffee, no sugar or anything, thanks,” Nagito said. I never understood how he took his coffee black which was strong flavoured when everything he ate was so bland.

“I’ll just have a latte, thank you,” I said, and she flashed us all a smile before she disappeared again.

“You did it, Nagito,” I said smiling at him.

“That was so embarrassing,” he said putting his head in his hands.

“It wasn’t smooth, I’ll say that much,” Mahiru said laughing.

“Hey, kid!” we heard and looked over to see an older man calling over to us.

“Nagito that’s you,” I said, and he looked behind him.

“Can you do any shifts this week?” he called over.

“You should say yes, to show willing.” Mahiru whispered. She was right.

“Oh…” he looked at me, “I was hoping to start next week if you wanted me but… I guess I could do one or two this week,” he said.

“Great! I’m a man down right now, with already needing new staff. Can you do 7:30am tomorrow? The weekends are my busiest.” he asked.

“Uh yeah, sure,” Nagito replied.

“Thanks, kid, we’ll call it a trial for now, of course and then I’ll offer you the job if I think you did good.” He said.

“Thank you so much!” Nagito said and when he turned around, he looked a bit upset.

“Hey, Nagito, you got the job or as good as,” I said.

“Yeah but… I wanted to spend the whole week with you, Hajime,” he rested his face on the heel of his hand. He had gotten quite clingy over the years, and he needed to be less emotionally dependant on me, I feel getting out in the world would help that.

“Nagito, 7:30 in the morning? I’ll still be sleeping, I’m on holiday and I’m starting it by getting rest.” I laughed.

“I suppose but I could have made you breakfast in bed and brought it in to you and then we could have had lots of sex-“
“Woah, I don’t want to hear about your bedroom exploits,” Mahiru said covering her ears.

“I’m sorry,” Nagito blushed. Our drinks arrived.

“Hey, I’m sure you’ll do fine,” the waitress said looking at Nagito offering a reassuring smile.

“Thanks,” he replied, and she left to wait her next table.

“She was pretty cute,” Mahiru said.

“Well, Mahiru, you’re a single woman now,” I said.

“I think she was eyeing both of you up actually, Nagito, you’ll have to break it to her that your gay,”

“What?” he looked shocked, and she laughed.

“I’m kidding, unless it comes up of course,” she replied.

“I have to start tomorrow. That’s so soon,” Nagito moaned. “I’m… really scared,” he muttered.

“Do you at least feel a little better for having come here first?” Mahiru asked.

“Yeah, a bit,”

“That girl seems really nice,” I added.

“Yeah, she did,” he muttered before he drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m ok… I think I’m ok. I’ll be fine.” He said and then smiled.

“Nagito, if it’s awful, you can just leave, ok?” I suggested.

“Yeah, I know.” I hope he was going to be alright. I would be there for him but I still thought this would do him good. Getting a job may even improve his confidence. He was facing another fear and I was proud.

Chapter Text

Nagito got up at 4am, he had been restless all night, so he decided to just get up, but it had allowed his nerves to kick in full force. His anxiety was higher than it had been for a long time. He shook his head and then bashed the sides of his head with both hands as though that would knock the anxiety out of him. He drew in deep breaths and let them out slowly trying to steady himself before he went back into the bedroom to their ensuite so he could shower. The hot water and steam helped relax him a little and he threw on some simple clothes of just jeans and a t-shirt, he wondered what they would have him do today. He wondered what the other staff were like there. That blue haired girl did seem quite sweet, she had a kind smile. He was still so scared though, terrified. He did not want to have a panic attack in front of people again, it was so embarrassing. Deep, slow breaths. He looked at the clock. It was 7:12! No! He had spent hours just panicking and now he was going to be late after losing track of time. This did not help his anxiety, but he knew he could not let them down on his first trial day. He ran out of the house, using his long legs to sprint through the street which was sparse of people at this hour. He ran so fast when he got there it was still not half past, but he could not breathe at all. He stood near the entrance but then fell against the wall. He was still mid panic attack, also not being able to breathe from running. Oh no, he was dying! He couldn’t breathe. He slid down the wall thinking this was the end, panic setting in even deeper.

“Komaeda?” he heard a sweet voice, but everything went dark. When he came around, he was inside the café on the floor being fanned by a girl he didn’t recognise, and the blue haired girl was dabbing him with a cool cloth.

“What happened?” he asked.

“You didn’t look too well, I saw you and… you passed out,” the blue haired girl said looking worried.

“Hey, kid, you didn’t die on me, did ya?” the boss asked and Nagito was slowly helped upright.

“I’m so sorry, this is… really embarrassing, on my first day and… probably my last day, right?” he asked looking at the boss. He pulled himself to his feet with others trying to help him.

“I would like a word but it’s nothing serious, I mean, we’re only human, right?” the boss said and laughed. The blue haired girl offered him a sweet reassuring smile and Nagito followed the boss to a small office which was barely bigger than a closet.

“I don’t think I introduced myself, my name is Kenta.”

“Nice to meet you Kenta,” he replied and forced a smile.

“Now, I have to ask, are you fit to work today?” he asked him.

“Oh, I am fine. I just… was late so I ran here and… I just passed out, is all.”

“If you’re sure, then great, I’ll start you off slow. Before we do start though, are there any medical or health issues we should know about you?”

“No,” he said. “Actually… nothing physical,” he added.

“So, you’re what crazy?” Kenta asked laughing.

“Yeah,” Nagito replied, and Kenta stopped laughing. “I am medicated though so it’s under control,”

“What… kind of crazy is it?”
“I’m sorry, please can we not refer to my condition as me being crazy? I suffer with severe anxiety and depression, when not regulated by my meds I can fall apart but I am steadily on my medication so for the most part I’m ok,” he said.

“I apologise for referring to you as crazy,” Kenta said. “This medication keeps you safe from yourself?” he asked.

“Yes, and my boyfriend makes sure I take my medication every night,”

“Your… boyfriend?” Kenta asked and Nagito nodded once. “Alright, well I’m pleased you got someone looking out for you,” he added not making much of an issue and Nagito smiled.

“Thank you, Kenta,”

“Right, you have already met Sayaka, so I will have her help you get your bearings today, is that alright with you?” he asked.

“Of course, thank you so much and for being so understanding, I had not expected that.” Nagito grinned widely.

“I can see you didn’t, I’m not like that here and generally this bunch are pretty good guys,” Kenta said. “Come on, we’ll get you started doing something.”

“Thank you, I can’t wait!” Nagito said suddenly feeling much more relaxed. Everything was out in the open with his boss and he was very understanding. He felt like a weight was lifted from his chest as he was led out to meet the others who worked here.

“You’ve met Sayaka Maizono, one of our waitresses,” Nagito smiled and gave her a little wave. “Then there’s our junior cook, who is actually a lot more reliable than our regular cook, meet Teruteru Hanamura.”

“Well, hello there, aren’t you a fine specimen of young man,” Teruteru said and Nagito felt weirded out, if this was how people felt when first meeting him then he wasn’t surprised he had found it so hard to make friends over the years.

“Uh, hi,” Nagito muttered uncomfortably.

“Teru, don’t come on to new staff on their first day, huh? At least give them time to settle in first,” a girl with yellowish hair said. She looked back at Nagito and smiled. “My names Akemi Chisaka,”

“Hi,” Nagito was feeling overwhelmed already, they seemed friendly, although the cook was a bit creepy.

“That slacker over there is Madoka Goda,” Akemi motioned to a guy who was just looking over at Nagito. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach when he looked at him. He still forced a smile and waved. It got him no response.

“It’s great to meet you all, I’m looking forward to my first trial shift and hopefully also working with you.” Nagito said, Kenta smiled at him.

“Nagito, would you like to join me for our first errand?” Sayaka asked.

“Oh yes, that would be amazing!” he said with huge eyes. Sayaka was so sweet and had a gentle way about her. He already felt quite comfortable with her. In some ways she reminded him of Sonia due to the grace in which she carried herself. She was beautiful like Sonia too.

“Alright, we close at 2pm today, I have an appointment this afternoon, so I have to leave early but I know Madoka is able to stay late it was already agreed, Nagito are you able to stay and just help clean up at the end?” Kenta asked. He realised he would be here half the day which destroyed his soul a little, he was missing out on time with Hajime. Also, it meant he would be stuck with Madoka alone. He looked to Sayaka and then back to Kenta.

“Sure,” he smiled, forced the smile. He knew he should show willing.

“Perfect, the two of you would get this place clean in no time,” Kenta smiled. “Alright to work everyone!” he ordered. Nagito liked Kenta, Akemi and Sayaka also seemed really nice too. Generally, Nagito found girls were a little quicker to be nicer to him, other than Junko of course. He shuddered; he did not want to think of her. She still caused him despair even though she was long dead, that nightmare the other night proved she still had her claws in him.

“Ok, today we’ll just start with the basics in the kitchen, Akemi, and Madoka will be out front. What we’ll do is just make sure there’s always plates clean and ready for food and cups for drinks so as Teru gets the food cooked up we can be ready to pass it to those out front,” Sayaka said with a sweet smile.

“That’s great, thanks Sayaka, sounds easy enough,” Nagito replied.

“You’re very excited for a small café job, Nagito,” Sayaka said with a little laugh.

“I’m sorry, I’ve always been this way, I can get a bit… eager, I suppose. It’s my first job so it’s all new and I find it quite exciting at least now my nerves are settling.” He replied.

“That’s actually really sweet,” she smiled.

“People always think I’m weird,” he replied looked down.

“I think you seem sweet, not weird,” she said.

“Oh, thank you,” he replied and blushed having never really been told that before.

“Alright, let’s get the dishes out of the dishwasher and ready for orders,” she said, and she led him to the dishwasher, and they proceeded. Throughout the shift, Nagito was still getting the odd inappropriate comment from Teru, and he also saw him directing those comments to Sayaka at times too, but she always just laughed them off. Sayaka left around 12:30 for another job she had but by then Nagito had found himself getting into the job and he felt he knew what needed doing and nobody told him he was doing anything wrong, except Madoka told him he had brought the wrong order to the front at one point, even though Nagito was certain it had been right, that meal was returned and Nagito had the right one originally so he couldn’t help but feel Madoka was messing with him. The shift was coming to an end, and it would be time to clean up the restaurant section. Kenta had left for his appointment and Akemi had also finished her shift, Nagito was left with Madoka, the one that made him the most uncomfortable. He went out to the café part and proceeded to clean some tables, Madoka came over and dumped some more cleaning products on the table he was cleaning.

“You got this right, Nagito?” he asked. Nagito looked up at him.

“Uh, what do you mean?” he asked.

“You can do this on your own, right?” he asked and put the café keys on the table. “Just lock up afterward and put the keys through the letter box, Kenta has his own ones.”

“You… expect me to do all of this?” Nagito asked looking at the dirty tables throughout the restaurant.

“Yeah, I got better places to be right now.” Madoka said. He was already heading out the door. Nagito felt a little soul destroyed as he knew it would have been a quick task with two of them on the case taking half the restaurant each but just him? That would take a lot longer.

“Oh Madoka…” Teru was coming out of the kitchen, and he looked around. “Where’d he go?” he asked.

“He left.” Nagito muttered.

“He left you alone to do all the cleaning?” Teru asked.

“Yeah,” Nagito muttered again as he got back to cleaning. Teru sighed.

“I was supposed to finish now too but I’ll help you out.” he said since he had finished cleaning up the kitchen. He picked up a cloth and a disinfectant bottle and started on the other side of the café. Nagito smiled.

“Thank you, Teru, I really appreciate it.” he said.

“I’ll expect something in return, of course,” he said suggestively and Nagito cringed.

“Uh… what exactly?” he asked and suddenly Teru was beside him making him jump. He was eyeing him like an animal might a piece of meat.

“Whatever you’re willing to give me,” Teru said.

“Nothing! Not like the way you’re suggesting, I have a boyfriend!” Nagito said appalled at the suggestion.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise.” Teru said.

“Do you… always behave like this around people?” Nagito found himself asking as he moved to another table, one further away from Teru.

“Well, yes, I suppose so if they take my fancy,” Teru replied and resumed cleaning.

“Well, do you think its going to get you anywhere?” Nagito asked.

“No, probably not,” Teru replied.

“Do you realise it makes people uncomfortable?” Nagito continued.

“I do see it, yes, people tend to avoid me quite a bit, I suppose that’s why.” Teru said. Nagito thought he sounded lonely, and he knew the pain of loneliness and the crushing weight of it.

“Teru… try and think about what you say… before you… well, say it,”
“I can try but I always just find myself speaking my mind, like I have no filter and sex is always on my mind,”

“Yeah, me too,” Nagito smiled. “But I might only talk like that to my boyfriend, not everyone I find attractive. I’m flattered you find me attractive though, Teru, thank you.” Nagito said.

“I know you’re way out of my league, so is Sayaka but I can still try, right?”

“I wouldn’t keep trying, not in the same approach.”

“I don’t have much chance with people, with anyone really, do I so at least I have my fantasies,” Teru said. “Oh, I’m having a fantasy right now, you and me… alone… in this little café…” he said and had stopped cleaning again.

“Teru, please stop.”

“I know, I’m sorry, but also not sorry,” he was grinning creepily. Nagito sighed, perhaps the little cook was beyond help but at least he had tried. Between the two of them they managed to clean half the café each and Teru helped Nagito lock up.

“I’ll tell the boss he just abandoned you, Madoka is already on thin ice. He thinks he is untouchable because his dad is friends with Kenta. That’s the only reason he got this job.”

“Oh, no, I don’t want anyone to get in trouble.” Nagito said.

“When is your next shift with us?” Teru asked.

“I don’t actually know but I assume Kenta will call me when he needs me?”
“Yeah, he will, it was nice meeting you today, and is even better to have some more eye candy around the café,” Teru said and Nagito just smiled.

“See you soon, Teru,” Nagito said and began walking home. He was a bit upset the day was now half over already and he had not spent any of it with Hajime yet. He could feel that dark fog of depression clouding his mind and it only got worse as he walked home.

Chapter Text

Nagito returned home from his first shift, and it had been a proper shift, long and I found myself missing him and wanting him to get back soon but I just spent the day sleeping and chilling. When he finally returned, he seemed down and slumped beside me on the sofa. The expression on his face concerned me, the blank look in his eyes, no proper expression that could be described as any actual emotion.

“Nagito…” I began.

“The boss is nice and there’s these two girls that were nice but… the cook is creepy but probably not a bad guy and there’s… this guy, he was supposed to help me clean up after we closed but he just left me to do it on my own. He seems like a bully to me, the cook realised I had been left to clean the whole café on my own and he helped me get it done but… Madoka… I don’t like him.” He muttered.

“Do you… not want to go back there?” I asked him. “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to, Nagito.” I added.

“No, it’s ok, I don’t know when they want me in again if at all, but I’ll go.” He said and I took his hand.

“So now your home what do you want to do?” I asked.

“Shower first of all, I smell like food and cleaning products,” he muttered. “I don’t really care what we do.” he muttered still sounding depressed or at the least his enthusiasm for spending time together seemed to be gone. It was upsetting to see after he had been so keen before.

“Nagito, how about you shower, and I’ll take you out for a meal tonight?” I asked him and finally he looked at me.

“Really?” he asked looking a little brighter and I smiled.

“Sure, I slept late today too so I can probably be alright staying up for a bit,”

“Alright,” he said and got up to have his shower. I hope he was alright. I had noticed some changes in him lately, like he would get depressed suddenly, but he hadn’t sunk into a deep depression for a while, so I hoped he was not headed that way again, I did not like leaving him alone when he was depressed, so if he was then at least I was around this week to try and help him. I just hoped he wouldn’t end up like that again. I had not long since had my shower I just decided to go about getting organised and finding something to wear for tonight. After a while, I could still hear the shower going, like it had just been left, I had not heard movement.

“Nagito?” I called in but he did not respond. My heart sunk and I hurried into the ensuite fearing the worst; fearing that he was more depressed than I realised. He was sat in the shower with the water just falling and hitting his back as he held his legs close. I turned the water off and crouched beside him. “Nagito,” I said softly.

“I’m not ok, Hajime,” he muttered. “I feel… I hate myself… I hate how I am… I’m so weak and pathetic! I’m just… scared all the time. I have this feeling like something terrifying is going to happen.” He said and I could hear he was crying. I put my arm around his shoulders.

“Nagito… I won’t let anything happen to you, you know this, I’ll always protect you.” I said.

“Its not me I’m worried for! I don’t care about me!” he snapped. “I care about you, and I’m terrified for you…”

“Nothing is going to happen to me, Nagito, alright, we’re safe now. We have been for years.”

“Hajime… I need to… see Dr Genji but I want you to come with me. I was… thinking about doing it again… there might be something wrong with my medication,” he muttered, and I felt the tears in my eyes.

“Do you mean… hurting yourself?” I asked but I heard my voice break.

“Yes.” he said. “I hate myself. I want to hurt… I deserve the pain…” a razorblade fell from his hand and clanked against the shower floor beneath him and then I saw blood.

“Nagito!” I cried and pulled him out of the shower. How did I not see he was this bad? What did I miss? He barely reacted, his expression blank as I searched for the cut, it was not his wrists, there was a cut on his thigh. Tears were filling my eyes and blurred my vision, so I blinked them away, but it caused them to fall. The cut was superficial, thankfully. If this was another version of Nagito spiralling it was less chaotic, but I wondered if there was something wrong with his medication too. I looked at him and he just looked at me, no emotion just blank, his eyes were dark. I reached out and pulled him into my arms. “Nagito…” I cried, “please… don’t hurt yourself… I can’t bear it.” I said.

“Why do you like me?” he asked in a dull tone, his arms just remained at his sides, he did not hold me back. I pulled away to look at him. I took his face in my hands.

“I love you, Nagito.” I said.

“You shouldn’t, I’m worthless… hideous… disgusting and pathetic.” He replied darkly.

“No, you’re none of those things, Nagito…” I replied and stood fetching his dressing gown. I wrapped it around him and then helped him up sitting him on the edge of our bed before I fetched our first aid kit to clean up his wound.

“I should just die…” he muttered as I cleaned the cut on his thigh. I hated this. I wrapped a bandage around his thigh and then I took him by both arms and shook him.

“Stop! You shouldn’t just die, Nagito! I wouldn’t survive that. I can’t see you like this. I’m calling Dr Genji, something isn’t right.”

“If I died, then you wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore.” He muttered, his eyes and expression were still blank, but tears fell silently from his eyes. I fetched my phone but made the call in the bedroom so I could keep an eye on Nagito. It was Sunday but Dr Genji was available whenever we needed him. After just a few short rings he answered as reliable as always.

“Hajime is everything alright?” he asked.

“No, doctor, Nagito is… spiralling, I’m really worried about him, he’s trying to damage control and he asked me to call you, but he wants me there too this time.” I said.

“Aright, let me just check my diary, I may have some space for you tomorrow. I can make space if not.” He was so good; he always did this when we needed him. “Do you have work commitments tomorrow; do I need to look at booking you in after hours?”

“I’m off all week so just whenever you can, I can pay any rate, I just want someone to look at Nagito,”

“Oh, what luck, it seems I have a cancellation tomorrow, can you do eleven-thirty?”

“Yes, that will be great, thank you so much, doctor.” I said and hung up the call. Nagito had not moved, he was staring straight ahead. I sat beside him.

“I’m ruining our week together…” he muttered. “You should probably just let me die and then you can find someone-“ I interrupted him and took him by the arms again turning him so he was looking at me.

“Stop!” I shook him, “I don’t care about our week together, we are still going to be together, alright? All I care about is you getting better. I don’t want anyone else! Nagito, you are the only man I want, have ever wanted, I’m never going to leave you!” I said. His expression was still so blank, his eyes… almost lifeless, it was breaking my heart. I took his face in my hands. “Nagito… I love you so much… your part of the reason I work so hard I… want us to have a good life together, do nice things together.”

“Its pointless…” he muttered.
“At the very least just hang in there, please, we have an appointment with Dr Genji tomorrow, ok? We’ll catch the train and go see him.”

“Hajime, I don’t want to be like this.” He muttered.

“I know and we’ll get you better, we’re in this together.” I kissed him but of course there was no response. It was horrible seeing him like this, but I wanted him to know I loved him and just in case my words were not sinking in was the reason I placed the kiss I knew would be unreciprocated. He was just blank. Empty.

Chapter Text

I had kept hold of Nagito’s hand the entire journey, holding on very tightly fearful he might do what he did before and run out in front of a car, or throw himself on the train tracks when our train pulled in. I was terrified and my heart pounded hard the entire journey to Dr Genji. We stepped into his office together and both sat on the sofa. Dr Genji welcomed us warmly and poured us both out some water. He looked at Nagito who was still looking blank and just staring not making eye contact with anyone.

“Nagito, I can see you are not feeling yourself; do you want to talk to me about it?” Dr Genji asked.

“What’s to talk about? Shall I talk about how I want to die? All the different ways I have considered it? Throwing myself off our balcony seemed like a good idea the other day… hanging myself off it perhaps…” he muttered in that dead voice, dull emotionless. I put my face in my hands trying to stifle my sobs. I had no idea he was feeling this way.

“Nagito, your medication may be… it sometimes happens but usually after longer, you have been on that medication for some years and your body may have built up a resistance to it. Seeing you and hearing your words I think we need to review your medication and perhaps… try something new.”

“Even when I am medicated, suicide still crosses my mind,” he said.

“But you are less likely to act on those thoughts.” Dr Genji replied but Nagito made no response. “Hajime, what were the warning signs for this happening?” he asked me.

“I don’t… he has been a bit up and down lately but… this seemed to happen so fast. I have been working a lot but that is why I took this week off to spend time with Nagito but… it seems I was too late, and he’s gotten all depressed.” I said with sadness evident.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Nagito muttered, “I told you, I’d be better off dead and you’d be better off with someone normal,” he added.

“Oh god, Nagito, I told you-“ he interrupted me.

“Have you told Dr Genji about your uncle yet?” What the fuck? I felt my rage boil inside of me and I stood away from Nagito, gripping the sides of my head.

“How dare you, Nagito!” I yelled.

“You should talk about that,” he muttered but when I looked at him the expression in his eyes had changed, he was goading me on purpose. He was self-destructing.

“Nagito, don’t start talking about things a person isn’t ready to talk about, it could be damaging.” Dr Genji said.

“Damaging?” Nagito questioned, his voice was still dull. “Yes, I suppose so but if he did start talking about it then maybe you would actually make some progress with him and his condition. Whatever that might be.” It was almost chilling how lifeless he sounded but my rage had been stoked.

“Fuck you, Nagito!” I yelled and swiped some things off Dr Genji’s shelf, luckily it was mostly just books, and nothing got broken. “Just because you’re all depressed doesn’t mean you get to do this!” I yelled trying my hardest to stay away from him, he was self-destructing, he probably wanted me to hurt him right now.

“Do you hate me now? If I killed myself, would you be pleased? Or perhaps I could make you angry enough and you’d kill me. How satisfying that would probably be for you.” he said.

“What? No!” I replied appalled at his words, I felt physically sick.

“Nagito, when Hajime gets angry like this, how does that make you feel?” Dr Genji asked.

“Usually I get scared, terrified even, but not right now. It isn’t scaring me one bit.”

“Hajime, what is going on in your head right now?” Dr Genji asked me.

“I’m fucking angry, and I want… to take it out on Nagito because he’s made me like this! He pissed me off, but I know I don’t want to hurt him, that’s why I’m over here.”
“Taking it out on my books?” Dr Genji asked, I let out a deep breath.

“Yes, I’m sorry,”

“It’s ok, my books can take it. Better my shelves than Nagito, right?” he asked.

“I never want to hurt Nagito, I love him… too much…” I muttered.

“Hajime, would, you like to take a seat on this chair right here, instead of the couch?” He asked and I did so having calmed a little, but I could not even look at Nagito right now, the rage was still there. “Have you… ever hurt Nagito before? Or anyone for that matter when you have been this way?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied. “I lose control of myself, I… punched my best friend once and… pushed Nagito into a wall and he hurt his head… I’ve pushed Nagito to the ground and violently away from me and… once had my hands around his throat. I don’t want to hurt him, doctor,” Hajime said but of course omitting the time he completely lost it on Junko and killed her.

“That is quite serious, Hajime,” Dr Genji said. I had not gone into details with Dr Genji about much, even though I liked him I found it difficult to really open up and that is likely why I had not made much progress, and I haven’t even been to see him at all in a while. “We have had some sessions over these years, but they became very sporadic, I feel we have not made a whole lot of progress, although I can see you have a little self-control, Nagito angered you, but you took yourself away from him. Do you mind me talking about a possible diagnosis in front of Nagito?” he asked.

“No, I tell him everything,” I replied.
“Especially seeing the times that you have gone from zero to one hundred in terms of your anger and hearing about how you lose yourself, Nagito usually fearing of you when I know in all other times you both have a very loving relationship. It is my belief that you suffer from borderline personality disorder. There is a specialised treatment for that of which I am going to refer you to that I think you will benefit from its called schema therapy.” He finished. “Are you happy for me to refer you and for my colleagues who specialise in that field to call you and make an appointment for your consultation session? They will able to affirm my diagnosis and see if you are right for their treatment.”

“Yes, thanks doctor.”

“As for Nagito, I am going to try him on a different type of anti-anxiety and anti-depressant and I want to keep him here overnight, I don’t want to admit him long-term again, but I feel I do want to monitor him overnight at least.”
“No! I don’t want to be here! I want to go home with Hajime!” Nagito suddenly outburst. “I won’t stay here!” he continued.  

“Nagito, you should do what the doctor recommends,” I suggested.

“No! Why is everything always getting in the way of us?” he cried.

“Its just one night.” I said.

“No… one night is enough…” he started to show emotion again and started to cry.

“How about Hajime goes home and gets you an overnight bag, one for himself too, I can get him a bed here, or he can sleep on your chair? I’m sure that would be fine, this is not exactly a typical hospital here, it’s more like a retreat and obviously we hold our sessions here so I’m sure that would be fine.” Dr Genji suggested.

“Ok,” Nagito muttered. I was no longer angry with him, I just felt for him again. My rage really did just come and go sometimes. It was horrible being scared of your own mind; of yourself.

Chapter Text

I returned to the hospital retreat with some overnight essentials for Nagito and I and was shown to the room he had been given. The room was bright white, and the windows were huge and let in a lot of sunlight, and you could look out onto the hospital grounds which were beautiful, I had not really noticed before. Nagito was sitting in the window looking out, I could see why this location had been turned into a retreat for people suffering poor mental health, it had a healing quality to it. I sat beside him on the other chair.

“This is a nice room.” I said.

“I think he plans to keep me here longer than one night…” Nagito muttered.

“If that is what you need then I will also stay here with you.”
“Its your week off, you don’t want to spend it here.” He muttered.

“But I do want to spend it with you,” I replied, and he looked at me slowly.

“Do you really? Even when I am like this?” he asked.

“I always want to be around you, Nagito,” I replied.

“Hajime… I’m really sorry for what I said in there, that was… not ok.”

“No, it wasn’t, but you’re not yourself and I’ll be here for you just like last time.” I reached out and took his hand.

“Last time was worse; I know it but… I still think about how I could do it… it creeps into my mind… I’m sorry…” he said as silent tears fell from his eyes.

“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you getting this way, I wasn’t around enough, and I don’t think that’s helped.”

“I don’t think I realised just how bad I was getting either,” Nagito replied. “I have felt… lonely… perhaps that was the real trigger, maybe… just spending time with you will help me a bit and… maybe we could see some of our friends this week,” he suggested but did not sound enthusiastic but at least he was trying. I smiled.

“Sure. You’ll get through this, Nagito,” I said.

“I have you,” he said and even offered a small smile. It made me happy to see.

“Do you want to go for a walk around the grounds? It’s a nice day and it looks really pretty out there.” I suggested.

“Ok,” he replied but didn’t sound enthusiastic about that either considering his condition, but I was pleased he agreed. I felt it would do him good, but I thought getting a job would do him good, and he came home depressed. I let Dr Genji know we were just going for a walk, and we stepped out into the sunlight feeling its warmth beating down upon us. I held Nagito’s hand, and we walked over the grassy area, they had some beautiful gardens filled with lovely flowers. We stopped to look at them.

“Which is your favourite?” I asked him.

“I like those ones,” he pointed to some pretty ones that had oddly shaped petals, but they were interesting and very beautiful. I looked about and then I picked a particularly stunning one carefully and handed it to him, he blushed as he accepted it. “Thank you,” he muttered, and I smiled.

“Those ones are called azaleas.” An accented voice spoke from a near bench, and we turned to see a woman sitting there with dark hair just to her shoulders and red eyes, her skin was very pale, and she sat holding a parasol as though to keep it that way. “Are you visiting or are you patients?” she asked in that accent I was certain was fake.

“I’m staying, my boyfriend is visiting I guess,” Nagito replied.

“What is your crazy?” she asked. what a way to phrase it. Something about this woman gave me a chill.

“I suffer from severe depression and anxiety,” he replied.

“Oh, but you obviously have such a sweet supportive boyfriend, does he not make you happy?” she asked, and I felt her words were laced with envy. I instinctively stood closer to Nagito.

“He makes me very happy,” Nagito replied.

“It’s a mental health condition, he can’t help it and it has nothing to do with what he has or does not have in his life. Its an illness.” I said and she turned those eyes to me.

“What are your names?” she asked.

“Let’s go,” I said trying to drag him away, but she stood.

“How rude, you’re just going to walk away when I was trying to have a conversation with you?” she asked.

“I’m sorry, I just felt we should probably get back.” I said realising my mistake.

“I’m a patient here too, I also get depressed at times,” she said, and I felt a little sorry for her. Perhaps she was lonely and maybe she didn’t have anyone the way Nagito did.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “my names Hajime, this is Nagito.” I introduced and she curtsied.

“Celestia Ludenberg, but I am happy for you to call me Celeste,” she said.

“Nice to meet you,” Nagito said and smiled a little.

“If you are staying here then perhaps, we will meet again,” she said politely. I smiled, maybe she wasn’t that bad, but I did get a strange vibe from her, then again, Nagito gave me weird vibes when I first met him.

“Nice to meet you, Celeste,” I said, and we continued back towards the building. She was strange but she could just be a little lonely like Nagito was and unsure how to interact with people. If we saw her again, I would give her a chance.

Chapter Text

That night when we were bedding down, I was going to sleep on the chair in his room, I knew nurses would be checking on all patients through the night, but I was still not going to leave him on his own. Dr Genji had fetched us a small vase for the single flower I had picked for Nagito and placed it on his bedside. I was about to snuggle up with the blanket provided to me when Nagito spoke.

“Hajime, do you want to join me on the bed? It’s big enough.” He asked.

“Alright,” I muttered and moved to the bed climbing into the space he had made for me, and I snuggled close to him.

“Hajime,” he spoke, “thank you,” he muttered, and we fell asleep, me curled around him holding him.

It was my turn for the nightmares tonight and I woke crying out. I had dreamed of Nagito… dying… it was my worst nightmare losing him in any way, but death was so final.

“Oh god… oh god…” I cried and he had sat up beside me and was holding me. I held onto one of his arms so tightly as it wrapped around me “Nagito…” I muttered.

“What did you dream about? Was it Junko?” he asked.

“No… I dreamed about… you dying it was awful! Oh god, it was awful!” I could hardly bear to think about it. It had felt too real, but my dreams were often vivid and stayed with me a while.

“What happened?” he asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it but… I’ll just say this… you died, and it felt so real,” I was still crying.

“I’m so sorry, Hajime, I’m causing you all this upset,” he said.

“I just…” I couldn’t finish, he knew how much I loved him. That dream was going to stay with me for a long time.

“It’s ok, Hajime, come on,” he said and lay back assuming the position I usually did, and I snuggled against him, my arm around his small waist, head resting on his shoulder, and we slept the rest of the night like this, and my sleep was far more peaceful. It was sweet he still had it in him to comfort me when he was feeling so awful. We had come so close to losing one another in the past, when Junko had us it was a real threat and I almost died, so did Nagito. She died instead and we all left with our lives, but the trauma remained with us.

 

***

Nagito woke the following morning and managed not to wake Hajime up as he slipped out to get ready and meet Dr Genji for a check in appointment the doctor had asked to have with him. Also, he had not received his medication just yet. He arrived at Dr Genji’s office and was directed to enter by a secretary. He walked into the office and Dr Genij was waiting for him and smiled warmly as he entered.

“Good morning, Nagito, how are you feeling today?” he asked.

“A little better but I still have that… dark fog clouding my brain.” He replied as he sat on the sofa.

“I looked at different medications and found one I think we should try; it is not actually as strong as the last one, but it has a really good track record with other patients like yourself. I worry about giving you another strong one because obviously you ended up building a mild resistance to it which can happen and can still happen, so the dose is smaller. The only thing is I would like to keep you in here for observation for at least a week because we can’t just switch you right away, so we need the last medication to get out of your system before we begin you on this one.” he said. Nagito looked at him a moment. He did not want to be stuck in here when Hajime had this week off. Nagito did not say a word he just stood and left heading back to his room where Hajime was just waking up. Nagito began gathering all their belongings and packing their bags.
“We’re leaving.” He said uncharacteristically of him to be so blunt.

 

***

“Nagito, what’s wrong?” I asked; his behaviour so unlike him.

“They want me to stay for the whole week!” he said looking at me, tears falling from his eyes. “This is our week, Hajime, I won’t spend it in here!”

“But… if that is what you need to do then you should, I’m sure they’ll let me stay with you, we’ll still be together.” I tried.

“No,” he said and continued packing. Dr Genji appeared at the open door.

“I just wanted to monitor him whilst he comes off the old medication before he begins the new one,” he said.

“I don’t care! Hajime can watch me at home! I’m not going to kill myself!” Nagito snapped; this was very unlike him. I climbed out of bed and went to him.

“Hey, Nagito, stop, how about we stay here together for a couple more days and then I get you home? Best of both? In that time, I’ll think of some nice things for us to do together for the last bit of the week.”

“Don’t negotiate with me like I’m some misbehaving child!” Nagito snapped. “I don’t care anymore, you don’t want to spend time with me, that’s fine if you’d rather be here surrounded by doctors!” he dropped the bag to the floor and marched over to one of those chairs and sat. He was behaving very differently but I knew people with depression when they were suffering often did behave differently. I looked from Nagito to Dr Genji.

“How long until he can start the new medication?” I asked.

“Probably a few days, that should be ok,” he said.

“Alright, we’ll stay here and then I’ll watch him the rest of the week and let you know if we think the medication is working,”

“He won’t be alright straight away, you might want to see about getting another week off work or possibly working from home,” he suggested.

“Right, ok,” I muttered, and he nodded before he left. I went to sit beside Nagito on the other chair. “Hey, we’re just doing what’s best,” I said to him.

“Whatever,” he replied, and I did not talk again I just sat quietly to be near him until he spoke again, “Hajime, I’m tired, I think I’d like to sleep for a bit.” He said.

“Alright, I’ll go for a walk and see what else this place has in it, maybe I’ll find something we can go and do together, it is a retreat, I’m sure there’s something.” I said trying to sound upbeat, but he didn’t respond he just walked over to his bed and climbed in, so I left him. I told the first nurse I saw that I was leaving him on his own and that he was sleeping so that they would check in on him at some point and she smiled agreeing to do so. I walked about the grounds again just to explore a bit. As I was walking somebody began walking beside me and I realised it was parasol girl since I saw her black parasol first. Celeste, that was her name.

“How are you today, Hajime?” she asked sounding so formal, I guessed she was just a bit eccentric, she certainly carried herself in such a way to suggest as much and with that fake accent.

“I’ve been better,” I answered honestly.

“Is it your boyfriend? I know people with depression can be difficult to deal with if my own relationships have told me anything. Nobody sticks around for long.” She said and I felt sorry for her.

“He’s just… being so out of character right now, he’s usually sweet but… he’s dark and… abrupt…”

“Ah, a sweet depressive, yes, that must seem such a contrast,” she said.

“It is but I’ll always stand by him, even when its hard,”
“I wish I could find a man like you,” she said. “But I must ask, if you vow to stand by him at all times then why are you out here without him?” she asked.

“He wanted to go back to bed for a bit,”

“Ah yes, sometimes sleep to escape the darkness of ones mind seems like the better option, that is until one begins to think eternal sleep to escape it would be better and a more permanent solution-“

“What the fuck, Celeste?” I yelled and stopped walking; a small smile turned one corner of her mouth as she looked at me.

“Oh, I’m sorry, are you one who likes to how do they say? Bury his head in the sand?” she asked me.

“No, I just… don’t need to hear shit like that right now!”
“So yes, then,” she replied still smiling.

“Celeste, if you just joined me in walking to antagonise me, I highly recommend you leave.” I said feeling my rage begin to burn inside of me.
“Oh… I know that look… you’re not right in the head either, are you?” she asked as though very intrigued by me.

“No, I’m not!” I snapped.

“You remind me so much of a friend of mine except he is much darker, his anger is quiet, but I can see yours is the opposite. Both versions are beautiful to me.” she said. “Please, accept my sincerest apologies, I did not mean to upset you.” She said and bowed. It was disarming.

“That’s ok,” I replied, and we continued to walk.

“Has anyone ever told you what a beautiful couple you and your boyfriend make?” she asked.

“Uh… thanks?” I replied feeling a bit awkward. “Well, I always think Nagito’s beautiful, he can be so sweet sometimes too,” I blurted out.

“Are you kind to him if he is so sweet?” she asked.

“Yeah, I think so, I always try and look after him, protect him.”

“Well, you do make quite a lovely couple. I have a thing for beautiful people, and beautiful minds, and by beautiful minds, I mean messy minds, so you two intrigue me very much.” Messy minds? I did not like the way she put that. Was that a French accent she was trying to do? Or was it German? Ludenberg sounded more German. I had no idea. “I would also like to point out that I am usually far more beautiful, they do not allow me my usual attire in this place. I must be plain, boring, normal. It grates on me endlessly but… perhaps we will meet outside these walls one day.” She said.

“Celeste, could I… ask you something?” she simply nodded with a smile. “Do you get any visitors?”

“Oh! Well, no not really, I have a friend here but he’s in another part of the hospital, but we get to speak at times.” She said.

“Is that the friend you mentioned earlier?” I asked.

“Yes,” she replied.

“Why is he in a different part?”
“He needs specialist treatment for his problems.” She said simply.

“Right, so he has anger problems like me? Is it the schema therapy he is getting?” I asked.

“No, he is getting… something else.” She replied, “I cannot remember what it was called.”

“Is it helping him?”

“Yes, he seems to think so.”
“Good, having uncontrollable anger is scary at times,” I said thinking to myself.

“I imagine so.” She replied, “anyway, thank you for the walk and the conversation, I feel I must get back for some tea.” She said politely and curtsied before she left.

“Nice talking to you Celeste,” she wasn’t so bad, I thought and continued a little further through the grounds. There was something quite charming about her in a way, but she was still very strange.

Chapter Text

We had left the hospital the day after Nagito’s first night on the new medication, it would not be an immediate fix and it was most likely a natural progression rather than medication working fast but Nagito did seem a bit lighter. He smiled a little more and I felt I could probably take care of him at home and so we left. On our way out of the lobby of the retreat we saw Celeste.

“Oh, are you getting out Nagito?” she asked.

“Yes, thankfully,” he said with a slight smile.

“Good for you, I should think I would too soon.” she offered a smile.

“I wish you all the best in your recovery, Celeste,” I decided to say.

“Well, we know there is no cure, don’t we now?” she replied.

“Yes, but we can all be much more resilient than we realise and can pull through it ourselves, and sometimes need medication to help a little.” I said and smiled.

“I would like to give you my number, I should be out of here soon enough, and I thought that… maybe we could be friends?” she asked and approached with a slip of paper handing it to us. I felt awkward. “If either of you has ever… experienced deep loneliness then I am sure you can appreciate the desire for friends,” she added and Nagito stepped forwards immediately and accepted the slip of paper with her contact number on it.

“Of course, everyone needs friends. My friends saved me and so did Hajime.” He said and she smiled.

“You two take care now, perhaps we will meet again.” she said and then turned walking away.

“She seems nice,” Nagito said.

“She is quite strange but then again, some of the best people are.” I said and kissed him on the cheek. He blushed and looked down but then a small smile formed on his lips. “Come on, lets head home and order some food in, sit around snuggled up and watching movies, yeah?” I asked.

“That sounds really nice.” He replied and we did just that. When we got home, I began moving furniture around the living room, first our glass coffee table out of the way, Nagito helped me move this, but he was confused as to what I was doing. I then pushed the couch back a little and Nagito was just watching me as if I had gone mad. Next, I went into our guest bedroom and pulled out all the spare duvets throwing them down onto the floor along with pillows before fetching our own duvet and pillows from our bedroom. I laid it all out comfortably and then looked back at Nagito smiling. I had made a little snuggle nest in our living room just for something different.

“There. We can snuggle up here and just watch movie after movie.” I said.

“I like it.” he replied smiling back at me. I ordered some delivery food, and we just ate it in our mess of duvets as we put on movies and when we had finished eating, we snuggled up.

“Hajime… in one of my other sessions with Dr Genji this week… he suggested I take up another hobby. I like to read but he suggested maybe some art. I know I’d be bad at it, or he suggested writing down my feelings in a diary, but I don’t like the sound of that.” he began to talk, and I held him closer.

“Whatever you want to do, it might be worth considering, an outlet for your busy mind?” I replied.

“Yeah, I guess so. I also wanted to say… I don’t feel like throwing myself off the balcony anymore. I still feel shitty but… my mind has calmed a bit. That place, the retreat was actually quite a nice place.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling a little better at least, I was worried.”

“I’m sorry for making you worry about me.” he muttered. “Oh, I had a message from Kenta, he said I did good the other day and would like to offer me a part time job there starting next week. I think I’d like to do it.” he said.

“And what about… that guy?”

“Madoka, I didn’t like him but generally everyone else was nice enough. The cook, actually he was the junior cook, but he was like… coming on to me and Sayaka, the pretty waitress who served us when we went. He was creepy, but he also helped me clean up when he was supposed to be off shift too. That was kind.”

“I’m glad they seem nice for the most part.” I held him closer. “I’m really pleased you’re a little better and you’re looking at things optimistically, that’s a good sign.” I kissed him on the head through his soft white hair. This had been a brief episode, but it was still quite a bad one but at least he had recognised and sought help when he realised that he needed it. Just because he was having a good day did not mean that this was over either. I was on edge, finding it difficult to relax. Tomorrow I would have to call my boss Mr Ichikawa, there was no way I was leaving Nagito alone, not until I knew the medication had taken effect. After a while I realised Nagito had fallen asleep on my shoulder during one of the movies. It was cute and I hated to wake him to get him to take his medication, but I did so and then we just slept here on the floor of our living room in all the duvets and pillows we owned.

Chapter Text

The following day we woke still on the duvets and Nagito was still in my arms. I felt that warm swell inside my chest and I caught his sweet scent, I would always protect him, I loved him, I would even protect him from himself. He smelled so nice, it must be in his hair, it was his natural smell and I realised I was getting a bit hard inside my pyjama pants. Damn it, Hajime! Nagito began to stir and lifted a leg over mine brushing against my forming erection and I blushed.

“Oh!” he said waking up a bit more and he looked at me and then smiled a little. “Morning boner?” he asked.

“Ah… yeah, sorry, I couldn’t help it.” I said and I think I was blushing a bit more.

“Did you have a nice dream?” he asked.

“No, it was just… your smell and waking up to still holding you.”

“It was me? Well, if it’s my fault I should… do something about it, right?” he suggested.

“Nagito, you don’t have to, it’s fine.” I said knowing he was still not quite right.

“I want to.” He said and smiled a little, I could tell his smile was still not as bright as it should be, and I felt bad having him… see to the issue in my pants.

“Honestly, it’s ok,” I said again, and he looked disappointed.

“You say it was because of me but… you don’t want me to touch you… sometimes, I don’t believe you like me as you say you do… sometimes I believe you’re only with me because its… comfortable.” He went to get up and I took hold of his wrist and directed his hand under the slip of my pyjama trousers. He was surprised and blushed, but he wrapped his hand around me.

“Feel that? I’m getting even harder at your touch, Nagito, I didn’t want to do anything because you’re still not in your right mind but if you take it as me not liking you and it doesn’t help you in your situation right now then go ahead if you really want to.” I said and realised I sounded like an asshole, but he smiled.

“That was… kinda hot, Hajime, I wasn’t even in the mood but now I feel… a bit… flushed.” He said and was going red. He shifted and my pyjama pants came down and he ever so gently took me in one hand holding me at the base of my now full erection and used his other hand to take me and he started to pump his wrist and move his hand across me, expertly as usual. It felt so good, his fluid movements against me, so perfect, I looked at him a moment and he seemed to be really concentrating on doing a good job. I could feel a wave of pleasure ripple through me. Having sex with Nagito was the best but anything else was still amazing. One thing was for sure, he was good in the bedroom, perhaps down to his research when we first started out, but he always knew how to make me feel good. His hand moved so smoothly over me, and I could feel myself getting close, I opened my eyes again to look at him. I wish Nagito could see inside my mind for even one moment to just to know how fucking hot I found him then he might never doubt it again, this was it I could feel I was close. I let out a cry of pleasure as I came over myself and over Nagito’s hands. I let out a breath as I shuddered with pleasure.

“That was… amazing as always,” I said smiling at him. “Did you want-“
“Oh no, I’m fine, thanks though, Hajime but I’m not really in the mood,” he said and pulled himself up to go and wash his hands. I felt a bit guilty now he did not want anything in return. He had said he was turned on earlier, but did that just disappear? I had to remember he was not feeling right at the moment.

“I don’t think you’ve ever said no to sex, Nagito,” I replied with a smile.

“It’s ok, isn’t it?” he asked looking a little apprehensive.

“Of course, it is, I just feel a bit… I don’t know… awkward because you sorted my situation out,” I laughed, and he laughed as well of which I was pleased. He lent down and kissed me, just briefly on the lips.

“Hajime, did you want to shower? I feel like having a bath rather than a shower,” he said as he came back in.

“Uh, yeah sure,” I said and pulled myself up trying not to get mess on anything. “Oh, Nagito, wait until I’m out of the shower before you get in the bath,” I said, and he smiled. I would know if he tried to run it whilst I was in the shower because it would affect the temperature of the water in the shower. My main concern was of course the possibility of another attempt at suicide, quietly in the bathtub even though he said he was getting past those thoughts, I knew better than to believe him on this. I still made my shower a quick one and came out with just my towel wrapped around my waist. He was sitting on the couch on his laptop.

“Everything ok?” I asked him.

“Yeah, Sonia’s messaged all of us and wants to arrange a sort of meet up reunion type thing. Some of us haven’t seen each other in a while she said.”

“Would you… want to go?” I asked him.

“It’s next weekend, if I’m not working and I feel better I would love to see everyone!” he said, and I smiled. “I don’t want them to see me all depressed and I don’t want Fuyu to change his mind about me again, I like having him as a friend,” he said.

“You understand Fuyu was just scared for me, I did throw myself in front of a car to save you,” I reminded, and he looked up at me smiling.

“I’ll never forget that Hajime,” he said. “You saved my life and risked your own to do it.”

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat and he knows that I think that’s what scared him so much.”

“You know… I wanted to be the one to kill Junko, I didn’t want that to be on you.” He suddenly muttered.

“Do you… remember? You sort of blacked out.” I stopped drying my hair on the small towel I had in my hands.

“It came back to me, but I remember I wanted it to be me and not you.” He said, his voice a bit blank.

“I’m… sorry I took that away from you,” I said.

“You misunderstand, it was not for a sense of revenge or closure. Of course, I would have enjoyed it and it would have been very satisfying, but the reason was… I didn’t want you to be a killer.” He said.

“But I already was a killer, that’s why I didn’t want it to be you, the same reason.” I said and sat beside him.

“You were protecting me, protecting all of us,” he said and then took my hand and just held it as our hands rested on the couch.

“Are you… ok, Nagito?” I asked as he looked dark again.

“Yeah, I think I am.” He muttered.

“I’ll run your bath; do you want bubbles?” I asked him and he looked at me and brightened, smiling at me.

“Yes please, Hajime, thank you.” It was quite sweet that little smile. I got up to run that bath and I poured in some of the glitter bubbles Sonia had bought Nagito for his last birthday, I thought he would like that. I sat on the closed lid of the toilet for some reason watching the bath fill up and I disappeared into my own thoughts. Junko Enoshima. Should I have let Nagito kill her? I had only ever wanted to protect him. I began to wonder if I had let him do it, would he be a little better for it now? I felt guilty for some reason. Was he going to be alright? Had I made a mistake?

“Hajime,” I heard at the door, Nagito had come to check on me since I hadn’t come back out and I realised the bath was almost ready. I turned off the taps.

“I was just thinking…” I muttered and he began to undress.

“You can stay with me if you like?” he asked, and I smiled as he climbed into the tub. “The bubbles are amazing! I love this stuff!” he said and smiled. Part of me felt he was somehow forcing his enthusiasm and his smiles for my benefit but if he was so depressed would he be able to? He was usually just like a husk of a person, unable to do much but he smiled and enjoyed the glitter bubbles around him. Perhaps, he was on his way to getting over this episode, I smiled as I watched him.

“Nagito, have I ever told you how cute you can be?” I asked him and he stopped smiling and looked at me surprised.
“Cute? Me?” he asked and then laughed.

“And obviously hot,” I said.

“Oh,” he replied and laughed again.

“I never did tell you when it was that I realised I was attracted to you, did I?” he shook his head. It was a very personal time for me, so I had told nobody not even him.

“I still can’t believe you like me, sometimes, its like… a dream come true. I saw you in that classroom and was really taken with you, I could see you were kind of angry, you just had that look in your eye, but I thought you were the most handsome guy, I was really happy when Miss Yukizome picked you to show me around, even though I knew you would hate me.” he muttered.

“Yeah, I was an asshole.” I replied feeling a bit depressed about that now. “On that school trip where we grew close… that one night when you were coming out the shower in just your towel and I was waiting to go in after you. It was then. I… this is quite embarrassing, but I got a hell of a hard on and I couldn’t get it to go away.” I said.

“Oh?” he asked. “What… did you do?”

“I… masturbated in that shower, it was… only working when I thought of you… I was devastated because I knew then that I was gay, and it terrified me.”

“Well obviously I’m flattered, I had wondered when our relationship went from becoming friends to… boyfriends. When you went to kiss me at the hot springs, I was so surprised I had no idea what to do.” he said and laughed.

“Yeah, that was kind of rude of me. I didn’t even know you were gay,”
“Just couldn’t control yourself, right, Hajime?” he asked teasing me and I laughed.

“Yeah, I think that was it.”
“Wow, I must be hot,” he replied but I knew he didn’t really think that.

“Well, I had just seen you naked, but I tried not to look, I was terrified I would get another boner,” I said, and he laughed.

“I like that story, Hajime,” he said playing with some of the glittering bubbles.

“You’re like a kid, playing with those bubbles.” I said smiling and he laughed.

“Yeah, I guess I am, this is making me feel a little better though,” he replied.

“I’m glad.”

“Thanks for telling me that funny story,” he was saying it as though I had made the whole thing up.

“Don’t tell anyone about that, it was an awful experience until I admitted it to myself, accepting it, and we became a couple.”

“That is still one of the best times, even with the drama, we were together it was great, and you tried to protect me even then.” He said.

“Yeah, like I said I always will. You’re mine to protect.”
“And you’re mine to protect.” He replied and we met eyes, both having gotten serious. It seems he wanted to protect me as much as I wanted to protect him.

Chapter Text

The rest of our week together we just took it easy, Nagito still wasn’t in the mood for sex, he was different each time. When he spiralled when we ran away, he had lost all inhibitions and wanted to have sex all the time it seemed but I’m glad we didn’t do that then, we did a little but that was before I realised the state that he was in. Nagito had a shift at the café on the Monday and I was going into the office, I had insisted Mahiru or Chiaki, whoever was available would meet him from shift and spend the rest of the day with him since they both lived close. I was still not happy to leave him alone and I was yet to ask my boss about working from home but for the first day I needed to be in the office. I was making my way to the printer, and I was approached by one of my colleagues.

“Hajime, are you ready for that deadline tomorrow?” Kyoko asked me in her straightforward way. I panicked for a second.
“I just came back from a week off, I handed that over to Hifumi,”

“He’s been off sick,” she said, and panic settled in once more.

“Did he… hand it over to anyone?” I asked.

“Not that I’m aware of, he was really sick from what I’ve heard.”

“Shit.” I muttered. “I’ll have to stay late tonight and get that finished then,” I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, first day back and I would be staying late when I promised I would not do that anymore.

“I will stay back and help you; the project will be finished quicker if we are both doing it.” Kyoko offered.

“Thanks Kyoko, I appreciate it.” she offered a slight smile and we proceeded to make a start on the project. On my break I dropped Nagito a text apologising to him and then I text both Chiaki and Mahiru to see if either of them could stay with Nagito for the evening and perhaps have dinner with him. I would pick something up on my way home. I sighed feeling a pang in my chest, it really could not be helped, this deadline had to be met but this would be the only night I would stay back late. I had to be there for Nagito, and I hoped he was getting on well today on his second shift at the café.

 

**

Nagito had been working partly in the kitchen and serving customers. He had been a bit nervous again this morning and he was still not quite in his right mind, but he managed to get up and go in. He met the regular cook this time whose name was Shin Goda and he seemed friendly. Nagito realised the bin needed to be changed and so he pulled out the black bag tying it and taking it out the back to put in one of the dumpsters. When he got outside, he realised Madoka was out there having a cigarette break. He looked over at Nagito with a sideways glance, but Nagito just continued to go about his business barely acknowledging the other man. He didn’t notice Madoka had moved and was suddenly behind him.

“You and Sayaka seem rather friendly,” he said causing Nagito to jump. He was trapped between Madoka and the dumpster.

“She’s a really nice girl,” Nagito replied.

“Yes, she is, and she doesn’t need a creep like you sniffing around her.” Madoka said.

“A creepy like me? You don’t even know me, Madoka, and it isn’t even like that.” Nagito said feeling both intimidated but also annoyed, his current mental state still not at its best.

“Of course, it’s like that! Everyone has their eyes on her!”

“Trust me I don’t,” Nagito replied, he could just tell Madoka he was gay, but he was scared what his response might be, and he was trapped in this alley with him.

“Don’t get too friendly, creep.” Madoka added before he went to go inside.

“Madoka,” Nagito called over and he turned to look at him, “you didn’t like me from my first day, that was clear, if it was because of Sayaka I have no intentions with her and if you like her, then you should just ask her out.” he decided to say but Madoka did not reply and just continued inside. Nagito sighed and then looked down at the cigarette buts discarded by Madoka. He felt Madoka was probably no real threat, he could have done anything to him in this alley but then he would be risking his job. Nagito went back inside as well to continue his tasks, he was sent out to the café to wait tables with Madoka which he was not thrilled about but he had to maintain professionalism. He was happy serving the customers and he managed to force smiles for them, and the customers were all friendly which was nice. He was clearing a table after some left and was distracted by a man sitting in the corner he did not think had been served yet and he seemed strange, he was sitting wearing a hat even though he was inside, and in Nagito’s distraction, he bumped into Madoka causing the plates to fall from his grip, splashing Madoka with leftovers and it went all over the floor and the plates smashed.

“Ah! I’m so sorry!” Nagito cried.

“You clumsy little-“ Madoka snapped and grabbed him by the shirt.

“Madoka!” Kenta hissed and he released Nagito. “Go and get cleaned up.” He added and then came to Nagito.

“Are you alright?” Kenta asked him.

“I’m so sorry about the plates!” Nagito said feeling like he may be about to get fired.

“It’s alright, accidents happen. I’ll clean this up and you serve the next customer.” Kenta said and so Nagito went to that man in the corner.

“Are you ready to order?” he asked.

“You seem shaken,” the man said but did not look up at him, Nagito could not even see his face under the hat he wore.

“I’m ok, I should have been paying attention.” He said.

“Does that guy give you problems?” the strange man asked and Nagito realised how cold his voice was, almost lacking any emotion or inflection.

“No, he’s fine. Can I get you a drink? Or would you like some food?”

“Just a coffee, black.” The man said and Nagito went to the kitchen to prepare the man’s drink and took it back out to him placing it on the table.

“If you require anything else, please let me know.” Nagito said and smiled even though the man did not look up at him even once, Nagito left him with his coffee and as he passed Kenta the boss stopped him.

“Nagito, feel free to leave at midday, I heard you were left to clean up on your own for your first shift, I’m sorry about that, Madoka will be doing it on his own today.” Kenta said.

“Oh, it’s no problem and Teruteru helped me out.” Nagito replied. “I didn’t want Madoka to get in trouble,” he added.

“He isn’t in trouble, he’s just going to be the one to stay late for a while now,”

“That sounds like punishment to me.” Nagito muttered.

“It is but his job isn’t at risk, I have just warned him though, Teruteru told me at the weekend,”

“Right, well, thanks,” Nagito muttered before he went back into the kitchen to see Madoka trying to clean up. “I’m really sorry, Madoka,” he said but the other glared at him.

“You should look where you’re going, idiot!”

“Hey, calm down, kid,” Shin the cook said.

“No, I have to stay late because of him too!” Madoka snapped.

“That was because of you, leaving when you were supposed to stay to clean up, it was not my fault!” Nagito defended and Madoka grabbed him by the shirt again pinning him against the sink.

“You little shit!” he snapped but Shin came over pulling Madoka off Nagito.

“What is your problem lately, Madoka? You need to calm down, you’ve been shitty to everyone and now you’re picking on the new kid? Enough!” Shin snapped. “Nagito are you alright?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He muttered; his shift was nearing the end thankfully. When he left to walk home, he noticed the man in the hat leave at the same time. He appeared to be walking in the same direction as he was all the way home and then he realised the man just stopped. Nagito peered out of the balcony window and could see him just standing there outside. It was strange but probably just a coincidence. Chiaki was coming round shortly she wanted to discuss her latest project, but he knew Hajime had put her up to coming round so he was not alone. It was quite annoying, but he supposed he could not blame him. Nagito jumped in the shower quickly and put on fresh clothes and it wasn’t long before Chiaki was knocking on the door. He let her in, and she had brought some shopping with her.

“Hello Nagito, I thought I would cook us something for dinner later if you don’t mind?” she asked him.

“Dinner?” he asked.

“Did you not hear from Hajime?” she asked him and before they sat, he realised he hadn’t checked his phone. He had a text from Hajime.

I have a deadline I need to meet for tomorrow, I handed the project over before my week off, but that guy went off sick and it was left. I really need to meet this deadline so I will have to stay late, I’m getting help with it and we are working on it today so it should be done quickly. Have dinner with Chiaki and I’ll grab food on my way home. I’m so sorry, Nagito, I promise this won’t be a regular thing. X

“Oh,” Nagito muttered and slumped on the couch. He just stared straight ahead and then Chiaki sat beside him. “He always does this.” Nagito muttered.

“I don’t think it can be helped this time,” Chiaki replied.

“He promises it won’t happen again but then…” he felt heavy again, depressed like it was creeping in once again, his new medication not quite taking affect yet, it usually took a few weeks at least for it to work.

“Nagito…” Chiaki began, “Hajime loves you more than anything, you know that don’t you? You are very important to him, and you must believe he is trying. I believe he will make this the only day he stays late.” Chiaki tried to assure.

“I don’t believe he will.” Nagito said flatly.

“I wish there was something I could do to help you, Nagito.” She said looking at him concerned.

“Help me? Is it not enough that you’re here to babysit me?” he snapped.

“I hate seeing you this way,” she muttered.

“What way? This is me, Chiaki at my worst if you don’t like it then leave!”

“This is so not like you, Nagito, I’m just here to help.”
“No, you’re here to make sure I don’t off myself, right?” he replied and looked at her, he could see the emotion in her kind eyes as she looked on at him.

“You’re my dear friend, Nagito, we all went through a lot together and I know you went through even worse before that. I just wanted to help in any way I can.” She said but he made no response to reply. “In fact, in my latest project, I wanted to use our ordeal with Junko and make a game out of it, embellishing and of course with it not being completely the same as what happened. I wanted to ask your permission to… well, use you as inspiration for the protagonist.”

“I’d make a shit protagonist.” He muttered in response. She knew Nagito in his right mind would have been excited about hearing that and was sad that he could not enjoy the idea properly. “You should use Hajime as the protagonist.” He added.

“Maybe I could use you both?” she suggested feeling a little bit deflated, but she would try and get Nagito’s enthusiasm for the project up and perhaps he could help her brainstorm ideas before she pitched the idea to her bosses, she wanted him to be enthusiastic about it so decided she would just go on and talk about it to see if it sparks any interest from him. Nagito stood from the couch and looked out of the window over his balcony. He could still see that guy with the hat standing outside. It was strange and he wondered what he was doing out there for so long.

Chapter Text

When I finally got home it was well into the evening, Chiaki had kept me updated and was happy to wait until I got back. Kyoko and I had ordered food to the office and ate together there, it had been good working together with Kyoko she was always so focussed and hard working and we worked well together. When I got back Chiaki and Nagito had eaten and were once again looking at some of Chiaki’s work. Nagito did not greet me as he usually did, instead I got a cold look from him. I know why he looked at me that way and I didn’t blame him.

“Did you get your work finished Hajime?” Chiaki asked.

“Yes, a colleague helped me, and we worked really well together, it was good actually, we’re all set for my deadline.” I replied and sat on the couch where the two of them had opted to sit on the floor where Chiaki’s work was spread out.

“That’s good to hear,” Chiaki smiled.
“How was it today, Nagito?” I asked him as he barely said a word to me, and hardly looked at me.

“Do you mean work or being babysat?” he snapped.

“Work, of course, you’re not being babysat, Nagito.” I replied.

“Work was shit.” He muttered; he only ever really swore when he was in his dark moods.

“You don’t have to stay there, you know, we can look for something else,” I suggested.

“What’s the point? Everywhere I go someone hates me.”

“Did that guy give you problems? The one who left you last time?” I asked.

“It was my fault, I bumped into him when I was carrying plates, got mess all over him. He also seems to think I’m making moves on Sayaka and he’s jealous.”

“Well did you tell him you’re gay?” I asked and he looked at me.

“Did you tell your work that you’re gay?” he snapped. He had a point, of course. I sighed.

“Hajime, do you want to hear about my latest project?” Chiaki asked trying to diffuse the situation by changing the subject.

“Sure,” I replied and forced a smile.

“I was going to pitch an idea at work about a game using inspiration from what we all went through with Junko, making her the main villain and I wanted to use Nagito as inspiration for the protagonist.” She said and I looked at him, he did not seem enthused, but I know he would have loved that idea if he was feeling better.

“That sounds so cool! Nagito, you’d be the main character!” I said trying to urge that enthusiasm from him.

“No, I told her to use you instead.” He replied flatly.

“With your permission Hajime, I would like to have you both as main protagonists. You defeat Junko together just like what really happened.” She said and Nagito looked at her with wide eyes.

“You… see it that way?” he asked.

“Yeah, I didn’t really want any more bloodshed and I didn’t want you to kill her, but you were both really cool. You both just wanted to protect us, it was great, and I feel you would both make wonderful protagonists for my games story!” I heard her words but I remembered the way she looked at me after I had bashed Junko’s head in, she was both scared and disappointed.

“Chiaki… is this… some way for you to deal with what happened that day?” I decided to ask, and she looked at me.

“Yes, I suppose it is.” She replied and looked down. “I hated seeing all my friends suffer like that, I may not have seemed as terrified as some of the others, but I was terrified, I tried to keep a straight mind and I was trying to figure a way to get us all out.” she said.

“It was awful.” I agreed.

“But we won.” Nagito muttered. “We spared some of our friends suffering. She had something awful planned for us all.”

“Yeah, I’m glad rescue came when it did.” I said.

“When I thought you were dead… I wanted to die too; I couldn’t live without you.” Nagito said looking at me a little more softly now. I slid off the couch and sat beside him and I took his hand kissing the back of it.

“I’m never going to leave you, Nagito, but if I did die first then I would want you to go on and live the rest of your life. It would break my heart to think you would do anything to yourself to follow me.”

“I couldn’t live without you, if I didn’t do it myself, I would probably just end up dying anyway.” He replied.

“You always think you can’t do things, but I know how strong you are.” I stroked his cheek and then placed a kiss on his lips.

“I hope I can find love like you guys have,” Chiaki said smiling. I returned her smile.

“Oh, by the way, guys, I have been granted permission to work from home for a bit, so I will be around.” I informed them both.

“Really?” Nagito brightened up a bit.

“Yeah, of course I will have to be allowed to get on with it so I get the work done but at least I will be here.” I smiled at him.

“That makes me feel a little better that you would… be here when I get home from my shifts.” He said.

“Are you sure about still working there?” I asked him.

“Yeah, its alright, its just one guy, everyone else seems to be just fine with me. I met the main cook today, he was nice, he even got Madoka off me when he went for me.”

“He attacked you?” I asked upset.

“No, not really, it was nothing.” He replied.

“When are you back there?” I asked.

“I have another shift tomorrow,”

“I’ll come meet you from work.” I said.

“I’m not some pathetic case! Why are you smothering me?” he snapped. “Forget it, I’m going to bed.” He said and stormed off towards the bedroom. I put my face in my hands, feeling tears coming to my eyes. Chiaki put a comforting hand on my leg.

“He’ll be alright, Hajime, he just needs time to let the new medication take effect, right? It will help level his mood and he’ll be back to his usual self in no time.” She said and I looked at her as she offered me that sweet smile of hers.

“He’s just so different when he’s like this,” I muttered.

“Yes, he is but he will get through it.” she replied. I sighed.

“Do you want to show me some of your concept art?” I asked feeling like focussing on something different. She smiled.

“Sure.” She showed me a drawing of Junko which was good but seeing it made my skin crawl and I shuddered. She then showed me concept art versions of Nagito and myself, but she was of course giving everyone different names and altering our appearances a little. “Nagito suggested you be the protagonist his mood has been up and down since I got here. I do think he is excited about this game, but his enthusiasm wavered throughout the day.”

“Yeah, it has been tough. He does have good days, so perhaps he is on his way. I get so worried about him when he’s like this.” I said and looked at her feeling the tears in my eyes.

“Hajime, you know I am here for you both,” she said and finally my tears fell, and I couldn’t stop them, it was as though I had been holding them back for too long. Chiaki moved her artwork out the way and reached out taking me in her arms. I held her back and I cried on her shoulder and the tears would not stop, my sobs came hard and fast, it really was as though I had kept my emotions bottled up, likely trying to be strong for Nagito but now it was all flowing out and I held onto her tightly as she comforted me.

 

***

Nagito had got to the bedroom door, he could hear Hajime crying and he looked through the gap in the door seeing Chiaki holding him and comforting him as he cried. He felt a dread feeling inside of his chest, but he slipped out of the bedroom and sat behind Hajime on the floor wrapping his arms around his waist holding him also, Chiaki reached her arms to incorporate Nagito in her embrace and Hajime reached a hand to place over Nagito’s at his waist, but his tears did not stop. Nagito did not say anything, but he continued to hold Hajime and Chiaki continued to hold them both until Hajime’s sorrow subsided enough. Hajime did not cry often, not like this and especially in front of people. Nagito felt guilty but he also wanted to comfort Hajime and be there for his boyfriend, the way he had been for him, he still felt numb right now but his love for Hajime was always present.

Chapter Text

Nagito woke from a brief nightmare, it was not one of his intense dreams, but it had shocked him awake. He looked over at Hajime and he was still asleep, so he had not disturbed him, he was glad. Hajime looked so peaceful thankfully and kind of cute in his sleep with his messed hair. Nagito smiled. He drew a deep breath and climbed out of bed walking to their kitchen, and he poured himself a cold glass of water and decided to sit on their balcony for some fresh air. The cool air was quite comforting to him, and it was not too cold either, he could see the sky was paling getting ready for the day. The streets were quiet at this hour, which was also comforting, not that they lived anywhere particularly busy but there was nobody around at this time. He checked his phone to see what time it was, it was almost five in the morning so he would have been getting up soon anyway, he decided to stay up until it was time to get ready for work. He didn’t mind having the routine and a reason to go out and he even enjoyed the work, but Madoka was a problem. The idea of doing something to upset him again set off Nagito’s anxiety, he certainly seemed the type to have been a bully in school. He was looking forward to seeing some of the others again though, he was starting to feel the dark cloud subside but then he did have good moments as well as bad but despite his nightmare he felt a little more positive today. He knew he would likely not see Hajime until he came back from his shift, but he was pleased he would be at home when he returned even if he was still working. It didn’t take long for his shift time to roll around and he decided to leave a bit early to walk slowly and enjoy the peaceful stroll, trying to take a calm start to the day. He did want to get better, he felt that he was, even if it was slowly, but he wanted to be better for Hajime as he could see how distressed he was especially after last night. Hajime never really cried like that, and it had broken his heart to see. As he approached the café, he saw Sayaka also about to start her shift and she hurried to him looking excited.

“Nagito!” she cried.

“Morning Sayaka, how are you?” he asked and smiled a little.

“Yesterday afternoon, I got scouted by a modelling agency! I… don’t really know what to do though but how flattering!” she said smiling sweetly.

“Wow! Sayaka, that’s amazing! You are beautiful so it doesn’t surprise me one bit,” he said, and she blushed, “but is it what you really want to do?” he asked her.

“No, not really, I… always wanted to be a singer,” she said.

“Oh, really? That would be pretty cool,” he said as they entered the currently closed café via the back to begin preparations for opening.

“I thought about being in a band or something, but I couldn’t find anyone interested in joining me. I would feel too embarrassed to be a solo artist.” She said blushing again.

“I think you’d be good either way,” Nagito said offering her a smile of reassurance.

“Hey Sayaka, Nagito, how’s it going?” Akemi greeted smiling warmly.

“Oh Akemi, what do you think? I got… scouted for a modelling agency, they gave me their number to call after I thought about it but… well, you know I always wanted to be a singer.”

“Yeah, but maybe modelling could be a way to get noticed first? It’s gotta be better than working in a café, no offence Kenta!” she called over, but he was oblivious as he was not part of the conversation, and he just shrugged his shoulders.

“Maybe you’d find others to join in a band after beginning modelling?” Nagito added.

“You’re so pretty Sayaka, I’m not surprised they scouted you, it’s about time, right?” Akemi said smiling. Sayaka blushed again.

“Thank you, Akemi,” she said.

“Akemi, you’re pretty too, you are both beautiful girls.” Nagito said.

“Oh! Uh… thanks Nagito,” Akemi replied also now blushing seemingly surprised at the compliment. There was a loud slamming sound and they looked to see Madoka had abruptly bashed some trays onto the work surface, he was glaring over at Nagito. Had he heard some of the conversation? Nagito realised what he had said might have sounded bad to him. Madoka walked over and asked the girls to leave, and they did so. Nagito felt his heart rate quicken as Madoka loomed over him.

“You’re hitting on them both now?” he asked in a low voice.

“What? I’m not! It’s not like that I told you!” Nagito replied.

“They all go on about how sweet you are, but I can see right through you, you’re just a creep trying to get his way into their pants! You don’t even care which one, right?”

“You’ve got me so wrong-“ he was cut off.

“No, I know exactly who you are-“ Nagito cut him off.

“You barely know me at all! Get off my back, Madoka!” he snapped, his heart pounded the whole time, he never spoke out so much in defence of himself, but he had enough.

“What is going on here?” Kenta hissed coming over.

“Nothing.” Madoka snapped.
“Nagito?” Kenta asked.

“It’s nothing.” He agreed.

“Then make it look like nothing.” Kenta replied looking sternly at them both, his usually kind brown eyes angry before he left them to continue errands preparing the store for opening time.

“Madoka, you can’t lose it with me for just talking to people I work with,” Nagito said calmly despite his very uncalm interior.

“I heard most of that conversation, the things your saying is basically just a nicer sounding way of saying the things Teruteru says, your just cleverer with your words. I’ve met your type before.” He said and Nagito took a deep breath.

“Madoka, I’m gay.” He simply said and Madoka took a step back, eyes widened.

“Serious?” he asked.

“Yes, I have a boyfriend and we’ve been together since school. I have no intentions with either Sayaka or Akemi, trust me.”

“Shit.” Madoka muttered and lent against the worktop side as though completely taken back. “You’re definitely gay?” he asked again and Nagito laughed.

“Yes, I told you I’m no threat.” He affirmed.

“I thought… I really thought you were palling up to Sayaka with… well, trying to get her into bed. You do remind me a little of someone I used to know but… shit, I don’t want to think about that time. I’m sorry, Nagito.” He said and his expression had softened. His amber eyes even seemed less fiery and Nagito no longer felt threatened. Madoka’s demeanour had completely changed.

“It’s ok, Madoka, you didn’t know. Are we… alright now?” Nagito asked.

“You’re still weird but yeah, we’re good. I’m sorry for being such an asshole.” Madoka said looking a bit uncomfortable.

“You should actually try and get to know someone before you lash out at them,” Nagito said, he realised he was being more abrupt than usual, but he had enough of being judged and punished without having done anything wrong. His heart was still pounding in his chest from the strength he had somehow managed to claw up from the depths of his soul to stand up and defend himself.

“You’re right, it’s just… something about the way you are so… unassuming and friendly… I felt you were too… I don’t know, you just reminded me of someone from school who… let’s just say he was a friend, but I didn’t really know him, and he did something really bad to this girl, turned out he was part of some weird cult, I don’t know.”

“Cult?” Nagito asked as it reminded him of Junko.

“Yeah, I don’t want to think about those times its… too painful.”

“I think I understand, I had bad things happen in school too,” Nagito said.

“Hey, how about we head out for a drink after work today? I think I owe it to you.” Madoka said, “if you’d be more comfortable, we can ask the others.” Madoka was like a totally different guy all of a sudden, but it sounded like he’d had a rough time in his school days too. Nagito smiled.

“I’d like that, but I probably won’t drink alcohol, I don’t really drink alcohol.” He replied.

“No problem.” Madoka said and smiled. Nagito felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders, Madoka was a bit of a slacker when it came to work, and he was quick to temper but he seemed like a nice guy, and all of this had been a misunderstanding and he had told Nagito he reminded him of someone horrible he knew at school. Nagito wondered if he ever met anyone that reminded him of Junko if he would treat them badly upon first meeting just based off appearances or similar mannerisms. They gathered around Kenta as he directed them all to him for today’s plan.

“Right, Nagito, you’re out front today, the customers liked you, Sayaka, you too. Madoka and Akemi you’re in the kitchen and if it gets busier and we need another out front Akemi, you go.” Kenta laid out orders for the day.

“The customers… liked me?” Nagito asked surprised.

“Yeah, you made a good impression yesterday, some of my regulars mentioned it,”

“Oh wow, I’m surprised.” Nagito muttered looking at the others laughing uncomfortably.

“What were you expecting?” Akemi asked.

“I don’t know, the opposite maybe,” he muttered. “People are usually quicker to dislike me,”

“You’re doing good, kid, don’t fret,” Kenta assured. “I thought it best to keep Madoka separate today since he-“
“Oh boss, Nagito and I are fine now, it was a misunderstanding on my part,” Madoka said.

“Oh, I see, good. Today’s instructions still stand. Get to work the customers are going to start showing up soon.” Kenta said and they all got to it, Nagito headed out with Sayaka to the front to unlock the door and start placing menus on the tables. Nagito had a good shift working with Sayaka and Madoka remained friendly with him throughout the day. Nagito began to feel a lot better, it had really lightened his mood when Madoka changed towards him.

“Nagito, a customer has asked to be served by you, that guy over there in the hat.” Sayaka said as Nagito finished taking some used plates to the kitchen to be washed. He looked over to that corner and it was the same man as before, the one who didn’t look up from under his hat.

“Oh, right, sure,” Nagito muttered feeling nervous, the man that had walked the same direction home as him but stopped outside for a bit. Surely it had just been a coincidence. Nagito approached with his pad ready. “Welcome, what can I get you today?” he asked.

“Just a coffee, black.” He replied.

“Of course.”
“Nagito,” he said stopping him from leaving, at first Nagito was scared as to how he knew his name but then he remembered he had a name badge on, he must have caught it at some point. “That guy you had problems with in here, is he still treating you badly?” Why did he care?

“Uh… no, we’re fine, there’s no problem.” Nagito said.

“Good, he seemed unreasonable.” The man muttered. Why did he even care? Nagito wondered again but got to fetching his drink. He was left with a cold feeling inside of his chest as he did so and returned swiftly so he could move onto the next customer. It made him nervous that he could not even see this guy’s face under his hat, he realised it was slightly obscured by longish dark hair as well, cut to his shoulders. “I didn’t like the way he treated you.” The man muttered.

“Honestly, we’re fine, don’t worry about it. We all get along here.” Nagito smiled and then continued the rest of his day. The end of the shift rolled around and Madoka had managed to round up Akemi, Sayaka and Teruteru to join for drinks, they all hung back to help Madoka clean up and it was done in no time.

“I just have to make a call,” Nagito said as they left the café.

“Hey Nagito, you finished your shift?” Hajime asked as he answered.

“Yeah, but we’re just going for some drinks,”

“In the middle of the afternoon?” Hajime asked laughing.

“Yeah, I probably won’t have any alcohol though, my pills aren’t as strong and it won’t kill me now but it’s probably not a good idea, right?” Nagito asked.

“Probably not but I hope you have a great time.” Hajime replied. “I’ll cook dinner tonight, ok?”

“Really? Thanks Hajime, I shouldn’t be too long.” He said and then he went to meet the others who were waiting for him up the road a bit. What Nagito didn’t realise was that the mysterious man with the hat hiding his face was following slowly behind them.

Chapter Text

Nagito and his colleagues found a small bar to get some drinks in, Nagito had been talked into having at least one drink by Madoka and Teruteru. He was not sure what he would like since he never really drank alcohol. He knew he liked wine as Chiaki sometimes brought wine with her when she visited but he also knew it was best enjoyed in small measures but that was just what he had been told and he only ever had a very small taste. He remembered the cider from the school trip but that had not been very nice at all. The cocktails at Sonia’s, once they made them properly had been nice, he was looking at what the bar had to offer whilst the others chose quickly. Madoka was paying for this round, and he turned to see what Nagito would like, he still kept a little distance from the others.

“Hey, Nagito, what kind of thing do you normally drink?” he asked.

“I don’t drink,” Nagito replied. “I was on this medication for a while, and I wasn’t supposed to drink with it, so I never really got a taste for anything.” He replied.

“Are you safe to drink, Nagito? I wouldn’t make you drink if you shouldn’t be,” Madoka said.

“Oh, its fine, I’m still on medication but it isn’t the same as before and I looked it up, I can drink a bit, but it isn’t recommended.” He said.

“Would you like a soft drink?” Teruteru asked.

“No, it’s alright, would you guys pick something for me since I don’t really have a clue what to choose. Don’t make it strong though,” Nagito suggested.

“Sure, I’ll get you a beer,” Madoka said and proceeded to add another beer to his order. They took up a seat in one of the booths, Nagito felt a little nervous since he was not used to this bar scene.

“Well, this is rather nice,” Teruteru said.

“Yeah, I decided this because I owe Nagito an apology, that beer is my best apology,” Madoka said laughing.

“I appreciate it, and it makes me really happy that we are on good terms now, to be honest, I believed you were going to beat me up one day, I was… pretty scared.” Nagito replied laughing nervously.

“I know, I probably was going to. Anyway, let’s drink to our new colleague, Nagito Komaeda!” Madoka raised his glass and they all followed taking a drink. Nagito blushed.

“Thanks guys,” he said.

“Oh, Nagito, I’ve been meaning to ask, when you came into the café to hand over your resume, who was that man you were with?” Sayaka asked.

“Oh, yeah, he was kinda hot,” Akemi added.

“Oh,” Nagito blushed, “he was… actually my boyfriend,” he admitted, and the girls were the only ones not to know and they looked at each other.

“Boy… friend?” Sayaka asked.

“Yeah, I’m gay,”

“Oh wow, alright then, I was gonna see if he would want my number, guess not.” Akemi said laughing awkwardly.

“He is really hot, isn’t he?” Nagito added blushing.

“How long have you been together?” Sayaka asked.

“Since school.”

“How sweet.” She smiled.

“Yeah. That’s really cool,” Madoka said but had a slightly sad smile, Nagito couldn’t help but note and he took a sip of his beer. He would reserve judgment on the beer for later as he was uncertain if he liked it.

“Aw, I wish I had a sweetheart like that to fulfil my every need…” Teruteru said looking perverse as he did so. Akemi shuddered.

“Why do you have to be so creepy all the time, Teru?” she asked.

“Creepy? I’m just brave enough to speak the perversions of my mind most wouldn’t dare.” He replied.

“Yeah, there’s a reason for that,” Madoka said, and they all laughed. Nagito could see Madoka had lightened a bit but there was still stress on his brow. “You know, I wanted to apologise to all of you, I know I have been shitty lately and I’m sorry. I have some stuff going on in my head right now, I lash out.” Madoka said looking regretful.

“Hey, its alright, we know you went through some real bad shit back at school, it must be tough having that to deal with from your past.” Akemi said.

“You mentioned something about that before,” Nagito said and took a sip of his beer again.

“I mentioned that friend of mine, he was a bit like you, not very strong looking, seemed timid and unassuming so I befriended him feeling like he was the ideal target for bullies. I thought I could protect him, but it seemed I should have been protecting others from him. He was… my best friend… and then he fell into some cult… shit, this is really hard to talk about.” Madoka said and rubbed his face.

“You don’t have to, I’m sorry,” Nagito said and Madoka shook his head.

“No, its alright, don’t apologise.” He muttered.

“I had a tough time in school too, it was a cult thing as well, The Cult of…” he could barely say her name and Madoka was guzzling down some of his beer. “The leader… she was evil personified. She tormented me and my friends and derived great pleasure from it. It still haunts my dreams. She’d accumulated this fan club, her cult, she was a well-known model and-“
“What?” Madoka interrupted, “Junko Enoshima?” he asked and Nagito felt his blood run cold and he looked at Madoka in disbelief.

“Yes,” he said in barely a whisper, and he saw tears fill Madoka’s eyes.

“Oh my god,” Akemi muttered and covered her mouth.

“That horrible woman got to you both?” Sayaka asked and Nagito began to feel a sense of comradery with Madoka and the way Madoka looked at him he believed he felt the same. “Oh my, how terrible,” she cried.

“She… no… that guy I mentioned before lured me and my… high school girlfriend… he caught me off guard and I was… forced to watch…” tears began to fall from his eyes, “I’m so sorry…” he muttered.

“It’s alright, I know what she was capable of, she’s dead now.” Nagito muttered.

“Yeah, I heard. I’m glad. Her followers all followed her orders so blindly and my friend who I obviously didn’t know at all… he was the first one to… my high school girlfriend really liked him as a friend because he was so sweet and seemingly harmless but then… fuck!” Madoka cried, “I need a cigarette,” he muttered and left the table abruptly. Nagito felt an awful feeling in his stomach. Junko Enoshima sure did her rounds through the towns surrounding the city. He wanted more than ever to kill her all over again, he wished he could burn her. He wanted to set her alight and watch her burn to a crisp, revelling in her screams. He shook his head, trying to shake out the dark thoughts in his mind.

“Nagito… are you alright?” Sayaka asked looking concerned.

“Its just… strange to meet someone who was also… affected by that woman. My experiences with her will stay with me forever.” He said. Sayaka reached a hand and placed it upon his arm for comfort. “I’m going to check on Madoka.” He said and stood heading outside to see Madoka smoking as he said he would be. Nagito could see the tremble in his hand as he raised the cigarette to his lips.

“Hey, are you ok?” he asked.

“I don’t think I’ll ever really be ok,” he said and leaned against the wall sliding down it to sit on the ground and Nagito sat beside him.

 “You don’t have to talk about it, but know I am here if you ever wanted to, since we share a similar trauma.” Nagito offered.

“She forced me to watch… as she ordered her cultists to… rape my girlfriend… that friend I mentioned… he was the first to… take her in front of me. Others followed afterwards… I couldn’t do a thing, I couldn’t even look away, she tied me to a chair, fixed something to my head forcing my eyes to stay open so I had to watch it happen...” He broke down in tears and Nagito put his arm over his shoulders and Madoka tossed his cigarette down taking Nagito’s hand that sat on his shoulder. “She was… such a lovely girl…” he muttered. “I really loved her.” He cried uncontrollably and Nagito began to realise why it was that he had been so wary of him if his demeanour reminded him so much of that guy and he did something so horrific. It was clear now that Madoka was just very protective of the women around him because of that trauma. Madoka’s tears slowed, and he drew in a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“You don’t need to apologise. Hajime and I killed her; she is dead, very dead. She was shot, stabbed, beat up and had her head bashed in and she remained alive long enough to experience the pain of all of it.” Nagito could hear how dark his own voice sounded.

“Do you… mind me asking what it is she did to you?”

“She almost killed me twice, left me with a brain injury and my mental health is terrible, she broke me,” he pulled up his sleeves and showed Madoka the scars on his arms. “I tried to kill myself after my mind broke, I just snapped.”

“Shit, that’s awful,”

“This scar here,” he pointed to a newer scar, “that’s from her nails as she dug them in whilst she further taunted me, whilst she choked on her own blood, she still wanted to taunt me. She tried to kill some of my friends too, she tried to kill… Hajime, my boyfriend… he looked dead, I couldn’t see him moving at all and I thought she had really killed him… she had meant to…” he could feel tears coming to his eyes now. “She had us all tied to chairs, she hated us, hated me for rejecting her offer into her cult, hated the fact I was gay, that’s why she had her guys beat me so badly I almost died and ended up with that brain injury.”

“I can’t believe someone so evil could exist,”

“She doesn’t anymore.” Nagito reminded and suddenly Madoka wrapped his arms around him pulling him into a hug.

“Thank you, Nagito. You and Hajime did the world a favour. I’m glad the bitch is dead.”

“I still can’t believe we both suffered ordeals with the same psychopath.” Nagito said and Madoka pulled away.

“You and I are brothers now, Nagito,” he said and Nagito felt a swell in his chest.
“We are?” he asked as his eyes grew big.

“Yeah,” Madoka smiled, he looked so kind when he smiled.

“This is so exciting! I always wanted a brother! Hajime has a friend who is his brother, and I didn’t even know that was a thing! This is amazing!” he even bounced a little as he expressed his excitement. Madoka smiled.

“You are kinda strange, Nagito,” Madoka laughed.

“Yeah, people always think so I guess that’s just me.” he replied.

“It’s pretty cool, though, being different is a good thing. You have my respect Nagito, for taking down Junko. I’m glad we met and I’m glad we fixed things from how we began, I’m still sorry,”

“I understand why now and its more than fine.”

“Come on, our beers will be getting warm,” Madoka stood heading inside and Nagito followed feeling a swell of joy in his chest, he had not felt so light in a while. “I know you’re not used to drinking but would you take a shot with me?”

“Oh, uh… I might get too drunk, I’m probably a lightweight,” Nagito laughed nervously.

“I’ll carry you home if I have to, remember we’re brother’s and I’m gonna look out for you,” Madoka said clapping a hand on Nagito’s shoulder. Madoka went to the bar again to order shots for all of them. Nagito joined him to help him carry it all to the table. He felt really happy right now even with the darkness of their pasts, he had made new friends and he even had a brother. Nagito had still not noticed the man from the café with the hat sitting in the dark corner watching them all closely.

Chapter Text

Nagito sent me a garbled text message and I deciphered that he was saying he was still having drinks with his work colleagues so I decided to cook some dinner using our slow cooker, it could be ready anytime then. I was pleased he was having such a good time, a little concerned that he was drinking though since he wasn’t used to it. I was sure he would be fine; I knew with his new medication his life was in no danger from mixing with alcohol as it would have been before. I asked him to get someone to walk him home or let me know when they were leaving, and I’d meet him. It was mid-evening when I heard the sound of scratching at the door as keys fumbled around the lock, I was just pleased he had managed the stairs up to our front door without incident.

“Nagito?” I called out, “stand away from the door and I’ll open it for you.” I said and the scratching stopped. I opened the door, and he swayed a little before stumbling forwards inside, he smiled at me.

“How much did you drink?” I asked laughing.

“Not much, but… we did slots… shots!” he started to laugh, “I did some shots with them, I have a brother, Hajime like you and Fuyu!” he said and slumped on the couch. I served up some food and took it to him along with a glass of water and sat beside him with my own and we began to eat.

“A brother, huh?” I asked and he nodded. We ate some of our dinner.

“Oh yum! This is wonderful!” he said, and I smiled happy to see him a little more like himself. It warmed my heart.

“How did you get back? You were a little wobbly on your feet.”

“Madoka walked with me, he’s actually a really nice guy,”

“Is he your brother?” I asked.

“Yeah, its under bad circumstances we bonded. He met Junko, she tortured him and someone he cared about the way she tortured us by physical and emotional means,” he said, and my heart sunk.

“Oh shit, serious?” I asked and he nodded. I felt sick at the thought, how many people had she fucked up? Had she done even worse to others?

“Yeah, he’s traumatised like all of us. It was hard to watch him as he talked about it.”

“I’m so glad she’s dead.” I muttered.

“Yeah, me too but I wished we’d burned her alive,” he blurted out.

“That’s a pretty fucked up thing to do that to someone.” I replied feeling a bit disturbed by the thought of it and the fact Nagito said it.

“I wanted to burn your uncle alive too when you told me what he did to you,” he blurted as he finished his dinner. I was no longer hungry, and I stood taking my plate to the kitchen and I leaned against the worktop drawing in deep breaths feeling the anger creeping in. “Hajime?” he called over.

“Just… give me a minute,” I said trying to stay calm.

“You know you should talk about that sometimes; you keep it bottled up and its likely a huge contributor to your rage,” he said so matter of fact and that was it the rage boiled over as suddenly as if a fuse had burned out resulting in the impending explosion. I swiped the plate off the work surface, and it smashed on the floor spilling the remainder of my dinner. I looked at Nagito and he had stood from his seat on the couch as though ready to take flight. I could see the fear on his face, and I knew my face was filled with rage, my breathing was fast as though I was literally about to explode, my body was urging to rage towards him, it was his fault. I gripped my head crying out in frustration and threw myself to the floor, it was as though I was not in control of my actions, and I pounded hard on the tiles, letting out rageful cries with each strike on the kitchen floor. It was only when Nagito came to me and stopped me that I realised I had begun pounding against the shards of plate that had ended up on the floor, I did not even feel the pain, he held my arms stopping me from hurting myself further and then I realised blood had spattered on the floor and the pain I had not felt before began to set in.

“Fuck, get off me, Nagito!” I yelled pushing him away. I was still shaking, and my hand was bleeding.

“Let me see that,” Nagito said taking my hand, but I pulled away. “You’re injured,” he said, “we have to clean it and make sure there are no bits of plate in there.”
“Well you’re drunk what good are you gonna be?” I shouted.

“I’ve sobered up after that,” he said meeting my eyes.

“What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone?” I yelled at him.

“You need me, I’m not going to do that.” he simply stated and tried to come to me again, but I pushed him.

“Stop! You smother me, your pathetic and needy and I fucking hate you!” I yelled and watched his expression turn to devastation, but he stopped trying to come to me, my mind was in turmoil at the mere mention of my perverted uncle and Nagito was relentless in trying to be there for me when all I needed most was space, he always did that, crowded me. I pulled myself back to my feet and walked to the kitchen sink to run my bleeding hand under the tap. Nagito hadn’t moved. What did I just say to him? I couldn’t even remember, I just wanted him to stop. I needed some air, and I went to the balcony trying to have the air help me calm down, this rage felt horrible when it bubbled up from the depths like a volcano erupting and destroying everything around it. I noticed a man standing across the road, he appeared to be looking up at me, I couldn’t see him properly, he was mostly obscured by a hat and the shadows of evening but I was guessing he had heard our fight as he passed by.

“What the fuck are you looking at? This is no show!” I yelled down at him, and he simply turned and began walking away. I kicked one of our chairs growling and then tried to draw in deep breaths before I went back inside. I went back into the kitchen and cleaned my hand again under the tap. Nagito had not moved from the kitchen floor.

“You… think I’m pathetic?” he murmured, “needy? You… hate me?” he asked, and I turned to him to see tears streaming down his face. I grabbed a cloth and slumped back to the floor of the kitchen, looking over at his expression of utter sorrow. “I was just… trying to help you before and… now…”

“I didn’t mean it, I never hate you, you know that gets me angry whenever you mention…”
“Which is why you should probably talk about it,” he said, and his voice sounded so distant.

“I’m sorry…” I began to cry now, “I didn’t mean any of that… shit… oh god… I’m a fucking psycho, I just can’t control this rage and you always end up the one to get hurt… I’m sorry,” he looked at me. Those beautiful eyes of his so full of sorrow and he had come home so happy, and I broke it, I never hated him, but I hated myself right now. I tried to steady my breathing and then I reached out my hand, the one that wasn’t bleeding, and I took his hand. “Nagito… if I ever say anything horrible to you in my rage… just know I don’t mean it… I love you more than anyone in the whole world. You are everything to me… I know that might sound a bit lame, but you know I’m good at lame.” I said to him, and he smiled a little, but the tears were still shining in his eyes.

“Hajime… you could beat me, cut me, anything like that but those words… cut deeper than any knife. Hurt more than any strike. I could never have you hate me, if you really thought those things of me, then there would be no point. I find strength in you and your support so to take that away… leaves me with nothing.” He said and my heart broke again. I hated myself so much.

“I’m so sorry, you were so happy when you got back, you had such a good day, right?” I asked him.

“Yeah, I did, I really like those guys and they pretty much all know I’m gay now,” he said.

“And they’re cool about it?” I asked.

“Yeah, Madoka was awesome. I think I love him, Hajime,” Nagito was smiling again.

“So soon? Should I be jealous?” I asked but smiled feeling my rage dissolving.

“He’s my brother, its like you and Fuyu.” Nagito said and we both seemed to be calming. “Can I take a look at your hand now? There might be bits of plate in there, we have to get them out,” he said, and I allowed it. Nagito stood turning on all the lights and fetched our first aid kit. He took me under the light and inspected my wound carefully and then he decided it was fine. “I can’t see anything, you got lucky considering how hard you were hitting that floor and the plate,” he said and looked at me smiling.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, Nagito, I feel like I’m always hurting you.” I muttered feeling depressed.

“That isn’t true, you’re just the person with the most power to hurt me because of how much I love you.” He said and then kissed me on the cheek smiling sweetly before he fetched some of the disinfectant cloths from the kit and cleaned up my wound, it seemed it looked worse than it was. I didn’t deserve to get so lucky. He then wrapped a bandage around my hand, I thought that might be taking it a bit far, but I let him do what he wanted to do, and I smiled as I watched him.

“Thanks for looking out for me, Nagito.” I decided to say. “Are you ok?” I asked him.

“I was really hurt by your words, Hajime, but I should know better, I know you don’t mean things like that. I can feel your love, you don’t hate me and I’m never going to give you a reason to.” He said.

“How are you feeling otherwise?” I asked him.

“I am getting better,” he smiled, and we sat on the couch.

“Nagito,” I said softly and reached a hand taking his cheek before I placed my lips on his kissing him softly. When we separated, he was looking flushed, and his eyes seemed lustful.

“Hajime,” he whispered, “I want you…” he said and leaned in again for another kiss and our lips met eagerly. I wanted him too. I stood taking his hand and we went to the bedroom. Nagito had a quick shower to wash off the café smells which clung to his hair and then he joined me on the bed.

“What do you want to do?” I asked him.

“I want… you to try rough sex with me, Hajime, I just want it a little rough, nothing extreme,”

“I don’t want to do that, Nagito,” I reminded him.

“Just… pull my hair harder than you do, handle me roughly and-“
“Why do you want it that way? People have hurt you throughout your life, why don’t you want sex to be gentle?” I asked him and he just looked at me.

“This is different, Hajime, you wouldn’t be hurting me to hurt me, it would be… enjoyable and exciting, I want to feel you dominate me. Remind me how strong you are.” He said.

“I want to please you but… this just makes me really uncomfortable.” I replied and he looked a little disappointed.

“What would you like to do?” he asked optimistically open to suggestions. “Do you have any fantasies?”

“I… uh… I just enjoy what we do,”
“No fantasies? That’s pretty basic,”

“Well, I’m sorry to be boring,” I snapped.

“I didn’t say that. We have good sex, you’re fantastic in that department, Hajime,” he said smiling and I lightened up. I never really thought about it before, nothing especially appealed to me.

“How… far do you want me to go in being rough?” I decided to ask.

“You don’t need to hurt me just-“
“Hang on, I got an idea, wait there.” I said and he sat, still in his towel and I headed to our wardrobe, and I pulled out two ties. He tilted his head to the side a bit and I went to him taking his arms and I proceeded to tie him to our bed by his wrists.

“Oh wow!” he said excited, and I tied both hands tight. This still felt uncomfortable, but I didn’t plan on doing anything too rough with him but if he wanted more excitement then I could try. I took him by the jaw and looked down at him.

“Don’t speak.” I said coldly. He smiled seemingly enjoying it so far. His towel fell away, and I took my clothes off down to my pants and climbed on the bed beside him. I traced his body with my hands teasing him and he writhed at the anticipation and then I proceeded to kiss him roughly and then moved my kisses along his jawline to his neck and then licked and sucked at his earlobe, he let out a pleasurable sound pushing his head back into the pillow.

“Hajime,” he whispered and then I bit his earlobe. “Ah!” he cried but was clearly enjoying it. I could feel myself getting hard seeing his pleasure, with his bound hands he was helpless, and I could do anything to him, and I think he liked that idea. I was not even sure what I would do, I was making this up as I went. “Hajime…” he said in a breath looking up at me lustfully. I reached over and took a handful of his hair pulling on it roughly, a little rougher than usual and he gasped.

“Are you still talking?” I asked adopting a cold approach, trying to get into the role but it was difficult to think about hurting him, even if he enjoyed it. I pulled on his hair again.

“Ah!” he gasped more audibly this time and then I released him lay beside him lubricating my fingers and reaching underneath him, he lifted his hips welcoming me, but I only teased him a little. He moaned needily throwing his head back as I teased the soft skin of his entrance. He let a shuddered breath as I toyed with the idea of entering him his back arched allowing me easier access, begging me to proceed, I could feel my own arousal pressing against his leg through my pants and then I pushed inside of him, and his brow creased as he let out another gasp. I moved gently inside of him, pulling out a little to push inside a bit more. “Haji… ah!” he cried out and I smiled but my own breath had increased, my heart pounded as I watched him thrive in ecstasy moving himself against my finger eagerly and I decided to add another. I moved back and forth with increased strength hitting his sweet spot the more I pushed inside. I began to rub myself against him, feeling him through the material of my shorts, my own arousal wanted to be freed as well and I felt my cheeks flush as I thought how beautiful he looked right now, head pushing back into the pillow his hair falling in his face and onto the pillow, eyes closed, mouth partially parted as his breaths came harder and a little whimper escaped them. He was close. I pulled out of him, and I applied a condom lubricating myself and then I pushed his legs up ready to enter him.

“Hajime… take me hard and fast, be rough.” He said breathless and I felt myself get a little less hard in my concern at this request, I was always so gentle when I entered him. I was still ready to go, and I got in position gripping onto his thighs digging my nails in a little and he gasped then I pushed inside a little rougher than I usually would have done, and he winced.

“I’m sorry!” I said quickly.

“It’s fine,” Nagito replied, “go, do it.” he breathed, and I proceeded to thrust my hips and he was completely at my mercy since he was still tied to the bed. He still felt so tight around me even though I had prepped him, it felt amazing as always, his heavy gasps and breaths as he got closer. “Harder,” he breathed, and I tried to obey but even though I could see how he enjoyed it, I couldn’t help but see pain in his eyes as well. I thrust faster and he finally came with a cry of pleasure mixed with pain, but I wasn’t even close. I continued to thrust as he lay recovering, his breaths levelling out. Why did he like that? He couldn’t surely enjoy this, but he obviously did. I was losing it. Damn. I pulled out and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Hajime?” he asked.

“I’m sorry, I lost it,”

“You… didn’t enjoy that?” he asked, and I got up freeing him from the bedframe.

“I did, of course, I was turned on by you being turned on, you look so amazing when you’re like that but… maybe I was overthinking things and it put me off. I’m sorry,” I said.

“What were you overthinking?” he asked me.

“Just that… I kept thinking about how it was hurting you, I don’t understand why you would want me to cause you pain during sex, or why you enjoy it.”

“I didn’t ask for pain, I asked for rough sex, there’s a difference,”

“It still makes me uncomfortable I don’t want to hurt you,”

“I don’t want to do anything if it makes you uncomfortable but I’m not going to break.” Nagito said sounding irritated. “I feel awkward about enjoying that so much now that I know what was going through your head.” He said and then he climbed off the bed going to shower but he closed and locked the door. I removed the empty condom and just pulled my pants back on. I was still sat on the edge of the bed when he returned, and I looked at him feeling guilty for having ruined what had been a great time for him just like I ruined what had been a great day for him, first one in too long.

“I’m sorry, Nagito,” I said, and he pulled on his pyjamas but then stood looking down at me with his arms crossed.

“You need to stop treating me as though I’m fragile and going to break, I’m not a delicate flower, Hajime. I’m ok if you don’t want to have rough sex but your reason for it is weak. I don’t want to have you do anything that makes you uncomfortable, that should not be forced on anyone, but I feel like you are just reluctant because you think I’m pathetic.” He said. “People take one look at me and think I’m weak, I thought you were different but after all these years, perhaps you’re just the same.”

“No, not at all, Nagito!” I defended. “I don’t think your pathetic or weak, you know I don’t think that. I think….” Shit I knew what it was. I wasn’t scared about him breaking, or being weak, I was scared what I might do if I got into it. “I’m worried about liking it, Nagito.” I admitted.

“What’s the problem with that?” he asked.

“What if… what if I do hurt you because I get too… into it?” I replied and looked up at him with tears in my eyes and his expression softened. He sat beside me on the bed.

“Hajime… I trust you.”

“I’m scared it will be like I am a different person like when I get angry,”
“You won’t be, Hajime. Maybe it is something we can explore together but take it slow?” Nagito asked.

“Yeah, I think that’s fine, I’m still scared though.”
“I told you, I trust you.” He said again. “Maybe don’t tie me up so at least I can indicate if its too much? But do you really think your capable of going too far?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” I muttered.

“You’ve always treated me with son much respect, Hajime. I trust you.”
“I did really like how much you enjoyed that, it got me going until my mind fucked it up.”

“We can always try and get you back again?” Nagito asked and reached for me slowly slipping his hand under the band of my pants gently rubbing until I began getting hard. “Tell me what you liked, Hajime,” Nagito whispered in my ear. I leaned back resting on my hands as he worked his hand against my growing member. It felt good, it had not taken long to get me back.

“Tell me, Hajime, what did you like?” he asked again, using his sexy seductive voice. Why was he so damn hot?

“I liked… how tight you felt… your sweet moans… gentle breaths… ahh!” he was working expertly as usual.

“What else?” he asked.

“How you… squirmed when I teased you… your beautiful eyes… looking at me… begging for… more.” I opened my eyes and met those beautiful ones of his, three colours sometimes blue, sometimes green, and sometimes grey. “Ahh!” I moaned a little.

“Tell me what else,” he urged.

“I liked… teasing you… ah!” Yes, this was amazing even just his hands were great. “Oh god!” I cried out and he finished me good. I fell back onto the bed as I cried in ecstasy the pleasure rippling all through me, I think my toes went numb. Fuck. I tried to get my breath back, that hadn’t taken too long but it was intense, the pleasure stored up from before I lost it. “Oh my god, Nagito, one thing I know you’re good at is sex. You know exactly how to get me just right.” I said after I recovered. He lay beside me gazing down at me as he was propped on his elbow.

“Probably the only thing I am good at.” He laughed. “You didn’t ruin anything today, Hajime, this has been a really good day.” He said and smiled. I was pleased he didn't feel I had ruined his good day. I loved him and I was pleased to see he was doing better.

Chapter Text

Nagito had one more shift at the café in the week and he brought Madoka round after for dinner, my first impressions of the guy were that he looked a bit like a delinquent type, he had piercings in his ears, he wore a chain around his neck and his blonde hair was tied in a short ponytail. His golden eyes looked a bit mean but as soon as he smiled when he greeted me, I could see he had a kind smile. He had traumas like we did, from the same evil woman, and although I did not know the details, I was not sure I wanted to. Madoka came right up to me and held out his hand to shake mine and I couldn’t help but think he was actually quite attractive.  

“Hajime, it’s great to meet you, I heard a lot about you in a short time, Nagito is pretty smitten.” He said laughing.

“Hey, he already knows that.” Nagito replied.

“Yeah, he doesn’t let me forget it.” I replied laughing.

“You guys sure make a handsome couple and I am forever grateful you rid the world of Junko together, what stronger bond than that can a couple have?” he said.

“Yeah, we’re really close.” I added.

“Oh, I brought some beers,” Madoka held up a shopping bag.

“Oh wow, thanks,” I said and led him to the fridge where he could put them in to keep them cool.

“Madoka, please take a seat anywhere you like,” Nagito said.

“Thanks,”

“You want one of these now?” I asked from the kitchen which was also part of our living room. They were basically one room with the kitchen on the side.

“Sure, you guys have one too, of course,” he said. He seemed so polite, I quite liked him already and I had heard a lot about him after he and Nagito went out after one of Madoka’s other shifts in the week. They seemed really well bonded in such a quick time. Like he said, sharing trauma can bring about a strong bond. I cracked open three beers, it was Friday after all, and we all sat in the living room.

“What was the plan for food tonight?” I asked.

“Oh, I’m cooking!” Nagito said eagerly with a big smile, and I laughed.

“You sure? Madoka might like something with a bit more flavour,” I replied.

“It’s fine, I’ll do two separate things, one for you guys with lots of flavour and one for me,” he said.

“What’s with the flavour thing?” Madoka asked.

“Oh, I eat quite bland foods, always had a bit of a thing for strong flavoured food.” He said and hurried to the kitchen with his beer and began preparing the dinner.

“Let me know if you want a hand, Nagito,” I called over.

“Will do,” he called back. I smiled at Madoka, he looked a little nervous and he glugged some beer.

“Oh nice, you got a balcony?” he asked.

“Yeah, it only looks out onto the street, but it is cool to sit out there sometimes,” I replied.

“Can I smoke out there or you want me to go out front?” he asked.

“Oh no, the balcony is fine,” I replied smiling and then sipped my own beer.

“Nagito said you guys have been together since school,” Madoka was trying to make conversation, I could tell he felt a little awkward.

“Yeah, it was our middle year when he started at my school, I thought he was a real weirdo and creep at first,” I laughed, looking over to Nagito teasingly and he just smiled.

“Yeah, I thought that too,” Madoka laughed.
“People always do, for some reason,” Nagito said from the kitchen whilst he began preparing the food.

“He’s a good guy though,” Madoka added.

“You guys just gonna talk about me?” he called over; he was blushing a bit, so I decided to change the subject.

“Where did you go to school?” I asked him.

“This town, I’ve only ever lived here, been here my whole life.” He replied and glugged down some more beer. I took a sip of mine. Smalltalk always felt awkward.

“Do you play games?” I asked him.

“Yeah! I love a bit of gaming,” he replied.

“Want to play?” I asked and he eagerly agreed so I connected the console up to the TV and handed him some games to browse through and pick one.

“You like fighting games?” he asked me.

“Yeah, we have a friend who loves games, she’s actually going into games development, and she always has good recommendations for us. She’s currently working on a game inspired by our ordeal with Junko.” I informed him.

“Oh really? That’s pretty awesome, I hope she dies horribly at the end.” He said.

“Well, she died horribly in real life!” Nagito called over.

“Yeah, good.” Madoka muttered with a dark expression in his eyes for a moment. He handed me a game shaking off the darkness.

“Good choice, how good are you?” I asked as I slotted it into the console, he grinned at me.

“You’ll find out,” he said.

“Ah, you’re gonna play the mysterious card?” I replied and he laughed. I sat beside him on the couch, and we began battling each other on the game. It was a heated and competitive game, but we were having fun with the odd playful taunt thrown in and we kept going for a rematch.

“Haha! I beat you but only just!” Madoka said laughing triumphantly as he won more of our best of five. I always lost at games.

“Nice game,” I said and took a sip of my beer.

“Mind if I go out for a smoke?” he asked and Nagito came over with a small pot for his cigarette ends. “Thanks,” he slipped out to the balcony. I joined Nagito in the kitchen.

“I like him, he seems like a nice guy.” I said and Nagito smiled brightly.

“I’m so pleased! I knew you would! He’s really great.”

“You didn’t tell me he was good-looking though,” I added.

“Oh? Yeah, I suppose he is quite attractive.” Nagito agreed and I felt that pang of jealousy.

“Do you… like him in that way?” I asked.

“No, Hajime,” Nagito laughed, “I told you, we’re close but its like you and Fuyu,”

“You grew close real quick,” I said.

“Hajime, what are you worried about?” he asked laughing and I realised I was being stupid.

“Nothing, I don’t really know. I guess I’m just used to you being friends with girls and not other guys,” I said.

“Well, it’s about time I got a close guy friend,” he replied.

“Yeah, I guess it is, he’s a cool guy, Nagito, so far.” I said and smiled and Madoka came back inside closing the door behind him.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” Nagito said and soon he was serving it up. We all sat around the breakfast bar which separated the kitchen from the living room.

“What is it?” I asked as I was unsure.

“It’s supposed to be a curry, let me know what you think,” Nagito said. He had made a nice curry before but that was using less spice so that he could eat it, he had made a curry using more flavour this time for our benefit. We all took a mouthful and Madoka and I almost choked. We reached for our beers and glugged down whilst Nagito looked over at us with big eyes.

“What did you put in it?” I asked through my recovery.

“Lots of flavouring, lots of spices.” Nagito said.

“How much the whole pot?” Madoka teased as he tried to recover.

“I’m sorry, I’m not used to adding a lot of flavour when it’s meant to be suited to people who like spice, I may have gone a bit overboard. I’m so sorry!” He said and took our plates away fetching the bit left that was from his milder one and he served that to us instead. “I’m normally good at cooking but I think I got overeager. I was excited to cook for you Madoka, I’m sorry it wasn’t that good.” He said looking disappointed.

“Hey, Nagito, it’s fine, honestly, I’m sure this is great.” Madoka said as we received our new plates of dinner. It was far blander, but I was used to it.

“I’m stupid sometimes, I didn’t really think, I wanted to make something good but in doing that I ruined it.”

“Hey, Nagito, chill out, this is really good, please relax.” Madoka was trying to assure him. Nagito looked up and a smile came to his lips as he met eyes with Madoka.

“You like it?” he asked that smile turning into a really happy one.

“Yeah,” Madoka replied.

“Yeah, its delicious, and this one won’t kill us!” I teased and we all laughed.

“I probably should have had one of you monitor me while I added spices,” Nagito admitted. We finished up our dinner and drank more beer, all playing some games together. Nagito managed to beat us both just like old times, only with a new friend.
“What the hell is with that, Nagito? You even beat Chiaki before,” I said laughing as we turned off the console. We had consumed some more beer by this point.

“I don’t know, I just get lucky,” he replied innocently.

“Yeah, you’re telling me!” Madoka laughed looking at Nagito with warmth in his eyes. I was sure Madoka was straight, but I still felt a bit jealous. He seemed to really like Nagito, and I hoped it was just platonic. Nagito had spent a fair bit of time with him this week on days off even. I guess they really were just good friends. Madoka got up to go back outside for another cigarette.

“Hey, Hajime, do you think I could invite him tomorrow? I know its like a reunion thing and he’s someone new, but I’d like him to come,” Nagito asked me.

“I guess it would be fine, you could always message the group see if anyone minds?” I suggested and he got his phone straight away to do just that. I smiled. It was just friendship. It had to be. I had nothing to worry about, I trusted Nagito, and I liked Madoka, he was a good guy and fun to hang out with. I was happy Nagito had made a new close friend and a guy this time, even though it felt strange, perhaps simply because Madoka was far more attractive than I had expected him to be. I was being stupid.

Chapter Text

The following day those of us that could make it, met at the spot Sonia had agreed to get our transport from. Almost everyone lived near by even if it was the city, our old hometown or other surrounding towns. Nobody had gone too far away after school, but it was difficult to get us all together in one place these days. Madoka was working a shift at the café which Nagito had forgotten about, but he had agreed to meet us later. Nagito and I arrived first and waited for the others who slowly trickled to our location. Sonia and Kazuichi arrived shortly after us holding hands and Sonia was positively glowing. Nagito stood from the wall we had taken to sit upon and ran to Sonia and they embraced tightly.

“You look beautiful, Sonia!” Nagito said and I stood meeting Kazuichi a little more reservedly. We had a brief hug patting each other on the back.

“You both look great,” I said.

“Yeah, you guys too, it’s been too long,” Kazuichi said.

“Hajime, how are you?” Sonia asked.

“Yeah, I’m good, and you?” I asked and then Akane arrived.

“Yo, whatsup?” she said as she joined us. “Nekomaru had to work at the fire station in the end he’ll be sure to make it next time though,” she said.

“Oh, that’s a shame,” Sonia said looking disappointed. The next to arrive were Mahiru and Chiaki together, followed by Ibuki and Leon. Makoto and Aoi, Mondo and Chihiro and Sakura soon after that. Chihiro had received the surgery to become a woman in body as well as soul and she was looking great. I had to say something, I had seen her since, but it had still been a long time, so I approached Mondo and Chihiro.

“Chihiro, you’re looking beautiful!” I said and she blushed fiercely, I hadn’t meant to make her uncomfortable. Mondo kissed her on the cheek.

“She is beautiful,” he said and held her close, protective as always. I understood that and I smiled before looking at Nagito who was talking with Sonia and Kazuichi.

“My dad… helped pay towards my surgery, he has been really supportive.” She said.

“I’m glad. Your dad’s always been kind and understanding and I’m really pleased for you,” I smiled.

“Th-thank you so much, Hajime,” she said and smiled at me, her eyes shining beautifully. She really was a sweetheart, and I was happy to see she was finally comfortable in her own skin. I loved her, I loved Mondo. I loved them all and I felt such a swell inside of my chest at the love I was feeling right now towards my friends… no, my family. The last to arrive were Fuyu and Peko. They had come from the city. I hadn’t seen Fuyu in a while and I almost felt relief when I did see him, this was great, we were all, almost all, together once again, we were missing Nekomaru and of course Sato was still travelling.

“This is great!” Nagito said. “Its so wonderful to see you all!” he really was back to his old self with all the brightness of his usual personality. I loved it. This was going to be a good day.

“You aint changed much, Nagito,” Fuyu said but with a little smile.

“You have though, you finally got a bit taller!” Nagito blurted out and Fuyu’s smile disappeared. He adjusted his tie awkwardly.

“Well, yeah, I was still a kid, you seen me since I grew, bastard you don’t have to highlight it every time I see you,” he said, and Peko linked her arm through his smiling warmly at him. I noticed something on her finger. A ring?

“Hey, what the hell?” I asked pointing at her hand. “When were you planning on telling me about that?” I asked and Fuyu blushed, Peko’s cheeks had taken on a slightly pinker colour too.

“Oh yeah, I been really busy lately but yeah, we’re getting married.” Fuyu said as though it was no big deal.

“A yakuza wedding, huh?” Mahiru said.

“Yeah, you got a problem with that?” Fuyu asked and Nagito laughed.

“You haven’t changed that much, Fuyu,” he said, and we joined him in laughing and Fuyu even smiled a little.

“If we’re telling news, I have something to say,” Ibuki spoke and looked really awkward. “I’m… I can’t actually go on any rides today, I’m pregnant,” she said blushing and Leon took her hand.

“We got careless,” he said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Yeah, that is careless,” Mahiru said folding her arms. I don’t think she had ever forgiven Leon for his part in our capture, in fact a lot of us were a bit uncomfortable around him after that but he had also managed to facilitate part of our rescue, but damage was already done by that point which is why I think some struggled to forgive him.

“Pregnant?” Sonia asked, “wow! Ibuki! That’s wonderful!” she smiled brightly.

“Congratulations guys,” Akane said.

“This is really awesome!” Kazuichi smiled.

“Did we want to do something else instead, so Ibuki isn’t left out?” Sonia suggested.

“Oh, we don’t have to do that,” Ibuki was blushing. “I can still go on the cute ones,”

“You mean the kiddie ones?” Fuyu said.

“Well, yeah,” she replied poking her two forefingers together.

“I’m good with kiddie ones,” Kazuichi said now looking awkward too.

“Alright! Let’s get going!” Akane said.

“Our transport should be here any minute,” Sonia said, and we waited.

“I’m really excited, does anyone want to play arcades with me? Ibuki you can probably do that, right? They have a games section there.” Chiaki asked.

“Ah cool! Yeah, I’d like that!” Ibuki said smiling.

“So, Leon, now you knocked her up, you gonna marry her?” Mahiru asked with her hands on her hips.

“Uh, hehe, one thing at a time, yeah.” He said nervously and then our coach pulled up.

“Yes!” Akane cried out and was the first to approach the vehicle and we all followed. Nagito was still with Sonia and Kazuichi and I walked behind with Fuyu. I felt it had been too long since I had seen him, and something compelled me, and I just grabbed him pulling him into a hug whilst everyone else was distracted by getting on the coach.

“Ah, hey,” he said but then softened and hugged me back.

“It’s great to see you, Fuyu,” I said, and he laughed awkwardly as we parted.

“Yeah, you too you soppy bastard,” he said and was blushing a bit at the sudden affection I just showed him. We never showed all that much affection towards one another, but I did love him, and I needed it.

“Fuyu, I’m going to sit beside Mahiru,” Peko said looking behind her at us.

“No problem,” he said, and I approached Nagito.

“You wanna sit with me?” I asked him.

“Oh no, I’m good, I’m sitting with Chiaki,” he said, and I smiled and then turned to Fuyu.

“I guess that leaves us,” he said.

“Yeah, I’m good, I feel like I haven’t seen you in too long.”

“Yeah, me too,” he smiled. I loved Fuyu so much and I was uncertain why my feelings were surfacing so strongly for everyone, perhaps because I has simply missed them all. I realised Makoto, Aoi and Sakura had been a bit quiet so before I got on the coach, I went to them as others piled on our transport.

“You guys alright?” I asked.

“We haven’t been sleeping well lately,” Makoto said, and I realised he did look quite tired.

“Is everything ok?” I asked now concerned for my old friend.

“Nightmares,” he simply said and put his arm around Aoi.

“We had Sakura move in with us,” Aoi said.

“I wanted to be there for security, Hina has been feeling vulnerable lately.” Sakura said and Aoi looked down. I felt angry, I knew it was due to the trauma from Junko. She really had affected all our lives forever probably. If she is looking up at us from hell, I am sure she is enjoying it. No, don’t think like that, if she is in hell, she is getting an eternity of what she deserves, she will not get the chance to enjoy our continued suffering.

“We’re both looking after her,” Makoto said and Aoi stood closer to him, I had a pang in my chest seeing the usually bright Aoi being so reserved, and Makoto was seemingly less bright as well.

“Hey, guys, we’re alright, we got each other, we’re together today and we got through the past. It might still come back to haunt us at times, Nagito and I still have nightmares too, but we survived that shit, guys,” I said, and they each looked at me, their eyes brightened a little and they smiled. Had my words helped? I hoped so.

“Yeah, your right, Hajime,” Makoto said, and his smile brightened.

“Yeah, and you’re supposed to be the optimistic one, Makoto.” I teased and he laughed, “Come on, let’s have a good day,” I said, and we got on the coach, I found Fuyu and sat beside him. Peko and Mahiru were sitting across from us Akane was in front of us on her own making use of her leg space, Nagito and Chiaki across from her and the others with their partners. We were on our way to the theme park Sonia had found for us. I was excited and felt I hadn’t been this excited about anything since we were all kids.

 

We finally arrived at the theme park and had all gained our entrance which took some time since we were a large group. Nagito returned to me and grabbed my arm, his face was lit with a big smile.

“What are we going on first?” he asked eagerly.

“Let’s see what they got,” I said, and we split into groups agreeing to meet back for lunch. Chiaki, Ibuki, Leon and Kazuichi headed to the arcade section.

“Rollercoaster!” Akane cried out seeing the biggest one in the park.

“You wanna head straight for the big one?” Mahiru asked.

“Always!” she said with a big grin. “If we go on it first, we can go back on it again later!”

“Alright, let’s go,” I said, and we made our way towards it. As we queued Nagito was holding onto my arm the whole time.

“You ok?” I asked him.

“Its just very loud here,” he said but smiled.

“Do you like rides? I didn’t even ask.” I realised.

“Yeah, rides are fun,” he said smiling, “this one is loud too though,” he said, and I could see he was a bit uncomfortable. We all managed to get on the same ride,, which was lucky and I sat with Nagito, we locked in and off the ride went. Slowly ascending up the first hill. I exchanged an excited and slightly apprehensive smile with Nagito and then we were off. We could hear Akane screaming in joy over the roaring of the coaster. Nagito’s hand reached around and grabbed mine holding onto my hand between his and the bars. As we finished the ride, Akane was jumping up and down wanting to go again.

“Maybe later,” Mahiru said laughing. Everyone’s cheeks were flushed from the rush, and we hurried on to the next thing. We decided to go into the Horror House which took me back to the haunted hospital we ventured into one Halloween when we were kids, I stepped away from Nagito looking at him sideway.

“You didn’t bring any handcuffs, did you?” I asked him teasingly but with a serious expression and everyone laughed.

“No but I didn’t realise this was going to be here,” he replied but he was only joking as well, I could tell by the cheeky glint in his eyes. I slapped him on the arm before I took his hand anyway and we all headed inside. We all stuck closely together as we walked through some actors in costume managed to scare a couple of us as we made our way through and soon we found ourselves in a maze of mirrors.

“No!” Chihiro gasped, “no, no....”

“Shit,” I muttered realising, even though this was in fun, it likely flashed her back to her ordeal with Junko. That cold, bright room she had been locked in surrounded by mirrors. It was disgusting. Mondo held onto her tightly and pulled his jacket over her shielding her so she didn’t have to look and the rest of us tried to hurry and navigate through but every now and then some prop would pop out of one of the mirrors with it being a false door.

“I found it! This way!” Sonia called over and we hurried after her. We stopped in the next room and an actor tried to run out scaring us, but it didn’t work, some of us just looked at him blankly and he shrunk back to his hiding place.

“You ok, Chihiro?” I asked her and she peered out from under Mondo’s jacket. She nodded. Another actor ran at us.

“Give it a rest would ya?” Fuyu snapped at him, and he swiftly shrunk away as well waiting for the next people. “Let’s get out of here,” Fuyu said.

“Agreed, this is rather silly and after that last room…” Peko said and we followed their lead, all in agreement. We finally hit the light of day again.

“Worst amusement ever,” Mahiru said.

“Yes, it was.” Sakura agreed.

“To be honest, the Horror House is usually not that great and I think we should skip the Fun House too, they aint usually fun.” Akane said and we also agreed to that. We walked along a bit to see some entertainment attractions and decided to check these out. We noticed a gothic looking guy doing some tricks with hamsters inside a tent. It was impressive, and we crowded around to get a closer look. The man himself looked a bit strange, he had black and grey hair and a jagged tattoo going from his eyebrow through one eye.

“They are so cute!” Sonia cried watching with glee and stars in her eyes.

“Hajime! Can we get a hamster?” Nagito asked also smiling brightly as we watched the little creatures doing tricks on this man’s command.

“You don’t want another dog?” I asked him.

“Oh, I don’t know,” he muttered, and I felt a little sad thinking of the sweet Clover who sadly passed. That had been a tough time, helping Nagito through his grief at losing his childhood pet and best friend.

“He won’t be trained like these guys, of course, if we did get one,” Nagito added.

“Now, ladies and gentlemen, I require a volunteer,” the hamster man said.

“Oh! Me Me!” Sonia cried reaching out her hand and jumping up and down.

“Perfect, a beautiful lady for my Four Dark Devas of Destruction and the ritual of sacrifice to the underworld!”

“Sacrifice?” Sonia asked cocking her head.

“Please, my lady step this way,” the hamster man said directing her towards an alter like table. Was this guy like a magician too? We all watched eagerly as she followed his directions. He took her hand and kissed the back of it, and she blushed. “Are you ready to make your sacrifice?” he asked.

“Yes,” she replied gazing into his eyes. Kazuichi had joined us and stood watching as Sonia climbed onto the alter.

“What’s she doing? Who’s that guy?” he asked glaring over to them.

“Some magician and he uses hamsters in his performance,” I muttered.

“They’re really cute and really well trained!” Nagito whispered back. Sonia was covered up by a sheet and the hamsters all placed around her.

“Now, my Dark Lady, please remain as still as possible, your transportation to the Underworld will be underway soon,” the man said.

“Underworld?” Kazuichi cried out.

“Relax, it’s magic,” Mahiru whispered as the magician instructed his hamsters and they began running in circles all around the length of Sonia as she lay on the alter. The man pulled a screen in front of her for a mere second and then revealed her again, the hamsters were stacked on her stomach all on top of each other and they jumped down whilst this man pulled off the sheet. She was not there.

“Wow!” Chihiro said and the crowd was clapping.

“Sonia!” Kazuichi cried looking terrified. “Hey, you, what have you done with my girlfriend?” he yelled.

“She was a willing sacrifice to the Underworld, that was the path she chose.” The magician said.

“Bring her back now!” Kazuichi yelled gaining laughs from some of the crowd.

“Hey, relax, its just a trick,” Fuyu said.

“And here, My Dark Lady has returned!” the man called directing us all to look at the entrance of the tent a spotlight shined on her and everyone clapped.

“HIS Dark Lady? Who does this guy think he is?” Kazuichi was glaring at the magician but was pleased to see Sonia. He ran up to her.

“That was so fun!” Sonia said joining us again.

“I don’t like that guy,” Kazuichi said.

“Come on, let’s move,” I said, and we left the tent.

“Can we find somewhere quieter for a minute?” Nagito asked me and I looked at the others who were discussing their next move. It was almost time to meet back with everyone else for lunch and I think Madoka was due to meet us soon. Nagito and I slipped away and found a quiet bench to sit on to allow Nagito a breather from all the crowds and noise. He smiled at me as we sat side by side.

“Hey, you ok?” I asked him.

“Yeah, this is really great just a little overwhelming,” he replied.

“I thought that might be it,” I said and took his hand. “I’m not too bothered about the rides; we can just do quieter things if you like?” I suggested.

“No, I enjoy the rides, I just wanted a minute,” He smiled. Something compelled me to lean forwards and place a kiss on his lips. It clearly took him off guard and he blushed a little. We were sitting quite close, and I wanted to kiss him again, but his phone rang interrupting us. “Oh, it’s Madoka!” he said excitedly, it was sweet, but I did feel a little jealous of his close relationship with this guy, a guy he not too long ago didn’t even like. I knew it was simply the fact that Madoka was more attractive than I thought he would be and that he was a guy. It was silly and I was fully aware of that. I was still jealous when Nagito and Makoto talked as well because I knew Nagito was attracted to my old middle school friend and Makoto was so different to myself. Nagito got off the phone to Madoka.

“He’s here! Kenta let him go early even though its Saturday,” Nagito laughed. “I told him where we are and he’s on his way to find us,” I smiled and then looked to see two men approaching us. I didn’t like the way they looked.

“Can you guys not display your affections in public? I don’t want my kids seeing it,” one asked, the tone of his request was less than polite.

“I don’t see the problem,” I replied annoyed.

“You shouldn’t be flaunting yourselves in front of children like that,”

“Flaunting ourselves? We’re sitting quietly on our own and away from everyone,”
“We see you walking along holding hands, it isn’t right.” The other man said.

“Again, I don’t see the problem!” I snapped.

“Two men shouldn’t be together, that’s the problem!” the first one snapped back, I could feel it getting heated. Nagito stood and reached out his hand.

“Come on, Hajime, lets go,” he said looking apprehensive and I took his hand, we went to leave but they met us, blocking our path.

“Stop now!” one barked clearly annoyed that we were holding hands again.

“Would you back off? Its none of your business and there should be no problem here, the only problem is your prejudice!” I yelled and he reached towards us, I let go of Nagito’s hand and pushed him out of the way. The man took hold of me by the shirt. “So, a display of violence is fine in front of the kids?” I asked and he pushed me to the ground, he was larger than me but if I had to fight then I would do so.

“Hey!” we heard and saw Madoka marching towards us. Nagito helped me up. “What’s the problem here?” he asked.

“These two flaunting their relationship in front of my kids!” the first man shouted as Madoka stood between them and us.

“You homophobic piece of shit! Displays of love and affection is not something to hide from your kids,”

“Two men together is not right!”

“Yes it is!” Madoka snapped back.
“He’s probably one of them!” the second guy said.

“You both need to back off!” Madoka said and then one of the men went for him too. They entered a scuffle. I immediately went to his side as back up knowing we were probably going to get kicked out of the park.

“Hey!” we heard before the fight began properly. It was Fuyu and he had approached with all our other friends, Kazuichi, Leon, Makoto, Peko, Akane and Sakura all standing looking ready for a fight, the others also nearby. The two men realised they were outnumbered and looked at each other before they moved on.

“Fuck!” I yelled. “Assholes!”

“You guys alright?” Fuyu asked.

“Yeah, we were minding our own business and they showed up.” I said. Nagito moved close to me and took my hand, holding my arm with his other hand to be as close to me as possible.

“I don’t like it here,” he said looking uncomfortable.

“I know, if we see them again, we’ll move on.” I replied.

“We’re all sticking together now,” Fuyu said glaring after the two men, he had a dangerous look in his eyes which even scared me.

“Fuyu, it’s alright,” I said to assure him.

“Whatever,” he replied. He was always protective of me, and I didn’t mind but I really didn’t want the trouble, this was a nice day out all of us together and I wanted it to stay that way.

Chapter Text

“Is it time for food?” Akane asked.

“Yeah, lets find somewhere.” Mahiru agreed since we were all here now and had planned lunch together. We all sat and ate but we had to pull extra tables together to allow for us all to sit in a group. We had introduced Madoka to everyone and he was now sitting the other side of Nagito, he did look a bit awkward but likely because he knew we were all old friends, and he was new. Chiaki was telling everyone about her new project working on a game inspired by the events with Junko, and she had asked everyone if they minded her creating characters inspired by them.

“Chiaki, do you mind leaving the whole yakuza thing out of it? I mean like whatever character you create after me don’t have any yakuza thing about him,” Fuyu said.

“Of course,” Chiaki smiled.

“Yakuza?” Madoka asked, he was so out of the loop, I almost felt sorry for him since we all knew each other so well.

“Yeah, you got a problem?” Fuyu snapped.

“No, I’m just surprised, Nagito didn’t mention he was friends with a yakuza,”

“It’s not something you announce,” Peko spoke.

“I guess not.” Madoka agreed. “Chiaki, that game sounds really awesome, what a great idea using that experience to create something,” Madoka said.

“Thank you, I’m glad you think so,” Chiaki smiled meeting his eyes.

“Are you going to make me the asshole who set you guys up?” Leon asked.

“Probably, yeah,” Chiaki replied. “You helped save us too though,” she added.

“I guess, that’s my biggest regret, but I didn’t see any other way,” he added.

“What do you mean by set up?” Madoka asked looking over at Leon with a dark expression.

“I… shit, I told Junko about everyone, and I was there when she captured them all,”
“Why the fuck are you still breathing?” Madoka snapped suddenly.

“He did help rescue us too, by alerting some gangs we know, including yakuza,” Sonia defended.

“Yeah, he contacted the boys from my gang and got us help, my crazy friend Shou drove a fucking huge truck through the warehouse doors!” Mondo laughed.

“I used my position as in not tied up and held back one of my phones, I managed to call in rescue teams, I guess.”
“Right,” Madoka replied sceptically.

“Hey, it’s alright,” I said and Madoka seemed to calm a little.

“Yeah, I guess if you guys think it is then it is.” He said.

“I know what I did was wrong but if I’d ended up like the rest of them then I would have been no use,” Leon added.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” Madoka agreed.

“I made him pay for it,” Ibuki said with a grin.

“Yeah, she did,” Leon added but was smiling at her affectionately. I wondered who their child would look more like as I looked at them both. I was excited to find out. I know none of us expected to have a child this young but as they said they had been careless and accidents happen, but it was a happy adventure.  

“So, what’s next?” Mahiru asked.

“There’s a lot of rides here, I say we have a look around and see what looks fun,” Chiaki said.

“Yeah, sounds good to me,” Madoka agreed. I noticed he kept looking at Chiaki, I think he was impressed by her job in games development but also maybe he thought she was cute. She is cute, I always thought so and if I was straight, I do think she would be my type.

“Let’s go!” Akane called.

“I think I might look for the teacup ride,” Ibuki said.

“Uh, yeah, me too,” Kazuichi replied. “I’ll join you,” he said.

“Kazuichi, are you scared of the bigger rides?” Mahiru asked.

“Ah, yeah, you kinda got me, hehe,” he laughed nervously.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Kazuchi, if I’d known I would have planned a different trip for us!” Sonia said looking disappointed.

“It’s alright I’m still here with all you guys and you looked so excited when you found this place I couldn’t say I didn’t like the idea,” Kazuichi smiled.

“Aww, how sweet,” Sonia said, and she kissed him on the cheek. He blushed looking awkward.

“Come on!” Akane said getting out of her seat and leading the way. We all followed her outside and headed back to where the rides were, Fuyu had to make a quick phone call he said it was yakuza business, so we left it at that, I didn’t really want to know what he dealt with in his yakuza family, and it was none of my business anyway. Kazuichi, Ibuki and Mahiru went to the teacups, and we went on the fast equivalent of them and Fuyu re-joined us at the queue. We could sit four of us in one car that span around really fast. It was so much fun; I entered a car with Nagito, Sonia and Akane, Makoto, Aoi and Sakura shared one, Leon, Mondo and Chihiro went on their one and Madoka was with Chiaki, Fuyu and Peko. As we span around, we got glimpses of each other, everyone was laughing and having a really great time. The ride slowed and we climbed off, some of us a little wobbly on our feet after spinning around so fast. I looked to see that strange magician guy walking towards us, and he stopped at Sonia.

“Good afternoon, fair lady, my name is Gundham Tanaka, and I did not get to thank you for your participation in my show, please, accept this gift.” He held out a rose for her.

“Oh, thank you,” she went to accept the rose and suddenly a little hamster popped out of it, it was not a real rose. Sonia gasped and then laughed clapping her hands. “Wow! That’s so cute,” she said as Ibuki, Mahiru and Kazuichi approached.

“This guy again?” Kazuichi said with a less than impressed expression on his face.

“My apologies for intruding I merely wanted to give the lady a gift for being my temporary assistant.” This man calling himself Gundham said.

“Just don’t go transporting her to the underworld again!” Kazuichi scolded.

“It was merely a trick, it was supposed to be entertainment,” Gundham replied. “Anyway, I must bid you farewell,” Gundham took Sonia’s hand and went to kiss the back of it, but Kazuichi shoved him out of the way.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough, she’s my girlfriend,” he said.

“A beautiful woman such as her is with a cowardly worm like you?” Gundham asked.

“Hey! What the hell?” Kazuichi replied.

“Mr Tanaka, Kazuichi and I have been together a number of years and I love him.” Sonia informed but her cheeks were still flushed from Gundham’s advances.

“Very well, and again, thank you for your participation,” Gundham said and then left. Kazuichi was looking at Sonia with bright eyes, I think I even saw tears in them, but he looked happy.

“I love you too, Sonia!” he said and took her hands. Nagito and I exchanged a smile, they were cute, and it was sweet to see. We saw those horrible men again, but Sakura, Fuyu, Akane and Mondo all glared over at them, and they were clearly intimidated by it and by Sakura’s large size, and they did not say anything else to us and as Fuyu had said we were all sticking together now, it was a while later and the parks announcement fired up.

“Ladies and gentlemen, there has been an emergency and we must ask you to leave the park. Closing time is not for another hour but we must close early, please accept our apologies.” The announcement said. We looked at one another, guess it was over.

“Hey, we could always head out for a beer?” Madoka suggested and we all agreed to that once we got back, as we exited the park, we noticed police cars sitting outside and a couple of ambulances.

“Shit, someone got hurt?” I asked as we looked on.

“I hope they’re ok,” Makoto muttered.

“Yeah, me too,” Aoi replied and held onto his hand. Our transport arrived and we all piled on to head back and hit a bar more local to us.

 

Nekomaru met up with us at the bar after his shift at the fire station, and finally we really were all together again, this had been a great day and it still wasn’t over. I had a feeling we would be really tired later on since today had been so busy. I noticed Nagito with his pint, he had taken to leaving it on the table and sipping it from there.

“You know you can pick that up,” I said smiling.

“I’ll spill it when it’s this full, I’ll pick it up when I’ve drunk more,” he replied

“He always does it like this,” Madoka added grinning.

“I wonder what happened at the park for it to close early,” Sonia said.

“It might be on the news,” Mahiru replied and pulled out her phone. “Oh my god,” she said and held out her phone. “Isn’t that those two guys?” she asked showing us. “They were… stabbed.” She said looking pale.

“Those guys that took issue with Hajime and Nagito?” Sakura asked.

“Yeah, that is them,” I muttered feeling a bit nauseous. I looked at Fuyu who was just sat with his arms folded not looking shocked or bothered at all.

“Are they ok?” Aoi asked.

“No, they’re both dead,” Mahiru said.

“They had… kids…” I mumbled.

“Who cares? They were assholes, kids are probably better off without people like that as parents,” Fuyu said coldly.

“How the fuck can you say that?” I snapped.

“Fuyu, that’s awful!” Mahiru agreed but he still didn’t seem affected. That reminded me, he went off to make a call and said it was yakuza business and the dark look he gave them as they walked away from our encounter… would he really make an issue out of something so petty? Would he waste his time on guys like that?

“Fuyu, can I have a word?” I asked and he agreed stepping away from our table with me.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Did you do something to those guys?” I asked him.

“You think I did that?” he asked.

“Do you have your knife on you?” I asked him.

“Yeah, its strapped to my ankle but I didn’t do that to those guys, Hajime,” he said.

“Did you get some of your men to do it?” I asked.

“No, Hajime, they got better things to do, alright?” he snapped, “I feel a little pissed you’d even ask me this. That was a family place, I wouldn’t do something like that when kids could see,” he said.

“Right, I’m sorry for accusing you.” I replied.

“It’s alright,” he said. “I’ve done some shit in my time but that’s… pretty fucked up.” He added.

“Yeah, I wonder who the hell did it and why, maybe they were assholes to someone else in the park,” I said as we headed back to the table.

“Everything ok?” Nagito asked as we sat back down.

“Yeah, its fine,” Fuyu said. “Hajime’s just being an asshole but what’s new?” he added but he had a slight grin, so he was teasing me.

“Yeah, I get that,” Nagito added in response looking at me and Fuyu laughed.

“You two of all people, ganging up on me?” I asked laughing and we sipped our beers.

“Did you guys have a good time at the theme park, other than that drama, but everything else good?” Nekomaru asked.

“Yeah, it was awesome!” Akane was first to speak.

“Yeah, it’s been a good day, just a shame you couldn’t make it,” Mahiru said.

“Hey, guys, we’re gonna head home,” Makoto said. They had been pretty quiet and distant all day and Makoto, Aoi, Sakura all stood to leave. I jumped up to follow them out.

“Hey, Makoto, you guys alright?” I asked, concerned.

“Not really, Hajime,” he replied. It was strange to see Makoto deflated like this and upsetting. “Today has been great but we’re exhausted.” He added.

“I want to be at home,” Aoi added. “I feel… exposed,” she said and was holding her arms around herself.

“I’ll protect them, Hajime,” Sakura said and placed a hand on my shoulder.

“I know you will, but if any of you ever need me just call, alright?” I asked.

“Yeah, we will, we did have fun today, don’t let anyone think we didn’t, it has been really great to see all of you. We have to meet up again and soon.” Makoto said.

“Why don’t you guys come round for dinner some time?” I asked.

“Yeah, that would be nice, actually,” Aoi said, and she smiled, it was nice to see her brighten even if it was brief.

“I’d like that,” Sakura added, and Makoto smiled but only a little.

“I love you guys, alright,” again the emotion was on the surface.

“Love you too, Hajime,” Makoto said, and they left. I felt tears fill my eyes and I blinked them back before I returned to the table. When I got there Nagito and Madoka were in a deep discussion and were both very animated and some others were watching amused at their interaction. Madoka laughed and clasped his arm around Nagito’s shoulders pulling him in for a hug.

“What did I miss?” I asked.

“Nagito thought I liked Sayaka at work, but she isn’t my type, as beautiful as she is, he didn’t believe me.” Madoka said and knocked his head against Nagito’s, and they laughed.

“You guys seem pretty close,” Fuyu noted.

“Yeah, we’re brothers like you are to Hajime,” Nagito said.

“That shit happens over time, you guys just met,” Fuyu replied.

“It doesn’t matter, I love Nagito,” Madoka said.

“I don’t trust people who get close so quick, it don’t seem genuine.” Fuyu added. Madoka sat back in his seat looking at the yakuza.

“Fuyu, you were not there when we bonded, it is real,” Nagito said.

“I’m sorry, Nagito but for someone with your history, it would be easy for you to feel like you’re close to a person in a short amount of time. I mean no offence by that; it is what it is.” Fuyu said.

“With my… history?” Nagito asked and I felt tense especially with the dark look in Nagito’s eyes now.

“Hey, guys,” I said drawing their attention from one another.

“I’m just concerned, that’s all,” Fuyu said, and I realised he was just worried for Nagito.

“Fuyuhiko, it isn’t really any of your business,” Mahiru spoke now defending Nagito.

“No, it isn’t but if Madoka, if you ever do anything to hurt Nagito, or let him down, you better watch your back.” Fuyu said and Nagito looked up, his eyes wide as he looked at Fuyu now also realising he was just being protective.

“I get it, you’re protective of him, I get that. Fuyuhiko, I don’t intend to hurt Nagito or let him down. You might not have faith in our bond, but I do, alright. Nagito is a good guy,” Madoka said also noting the reason for Fuyu’s words.
“Damn straight,” Fuyu said, and I looked back at Nagito, his eyes had begun to well with tears. “What you looking at?” Fuyu snapped at Nagito, “I told you years ago I got your back,” he said and Nagito jumped up from his seat going around to the other side of the table and before Fuyu could get away he was subjected to another hug as Nagito threw his arms around him trapping him. “H-hey, what the hell? Can’t you guys keep your emotions in check for once?” Fuyu asked but eventually he briefly hugged Nagito back. “Yeah, right, now go sit back down,” Fuyu said, and Peko leaned into him placing a kiss on his cheek. “What the fuck?” he snapped, and she laughed. “Alright, I get it, you all fucking love me, sure whatever,” Fuyu said and was blushing now, and we were all laughing at him.

“Fuyu isn’t one for affection, you may have noticed,” I said to Madoka who was also smiling now.

“I don’t blame him for being protective, after what you all went through,” Madoka said and there was more commotion the other side of the table as a slightly inebriated Akane forced more affection onto Fuyu, followed by a teasing Ibuki and Leon doing the same. Mondo and Chihiro had been sat at the end of our table watching on and laughing.

“He was injured straight up, shot as we walked into our trap, I think he feels as though he should have done more but he was hurt and bleeding quite bad.” I informed.

“None of us could have done anything to avoid what happened, she had it all planned, knew exactly what she was going to do with each of us.” Nagito muttered. “She likely planned to shoot Fuyu at that point all along, she had Mukuro ready with a sniper rifle.”

“Where the fuck does a teenager get a sniper rifle?” Madoka asked.

“She went to Hope’s Peak, her parents were probably rich,” Nagito reminded.

“Anyway, let’s not talk about that bitch, we’ll get depressed, we’re here to have fun,” I said, and we did just that clinking our pint glasses together in agreement. As the night went on and we consumed more alcohol, Fuyu and Madoka had a little chat and seemed to be on better terms. Mondo at one point decided to challenge Madoka to an arm wrestle and he lost. Chiaki and Madoka also ended up in conversation for a while. Everyone was getting along, and we had a great night. It was towards the end of the night when I went to the bar for one more drink for Nagito and I that a strange man started to talk to me, he approached out of nowhere.

“I did what you should have done, if you really wanted to protect that boyfriend of yours,” he said.

“Excuse me?” I asked him, I couldn’t see his face, he wore a hat, and his hair was long sitting just above his shoulders but was covering most of his face.  

“Those men, I heard them talking, they were going to get Nagito when he was alone, seeing him as the weaker target. They had to die,” the man said chillingly.

“Hey, what the fuck?” I asked but he slipped away and left the bar. I hurried after him, but he was gone. He had just disappeared. I felt a deep-set dread in the pit of my stomach. Who the hell was that guy? Had he killed those men at the theme park? I looked back around to my friends, Nagito laughing with Kazuichi, Sonia, and Mahiru, Chiaki and Madoka in deep conversation. Fuyu and Peko stealing a brief moment of affection since they thought nobody was looking. Ibuki and Leon sitting closely. Mondo with his arm around Chihiro. Akane and Nekomaru in a heated debate but one that looked as though they were having fun. I suddenly felt that fear again, the same fear from the warehouse. Fear of losing my friends.

Chapter Text

That fear didn’t leave me the entire walk home. That guy. He implied he had killed those two men at that park. Did he really? Or was he just some random person who thought it would be funny to mess with me? My mind was a bit hazy from the alcohol I had consumed and as soon as we entered our home, Nagito pounced on me, he was a bit tipsy too, and he wrapped his arms around me, hanging off my neck and he kissed me eagerly. I laughed pushing him off a moment.

“Hey, we literally just got through the door,”

“And now we’re having sex,”

“You got the energy for sex?” I asked holding him at his waist, now completely distracted by him.

“Most definitely,” he replied grinning up at me. I gazed into his eyes and realised I wanted him too. I kissed him forgetting my previous fears and losing myself in my boyfriend. He did not want our lips to part, holding me in place so we stumbled our way through into the bedroom and fell upon the bed. He was lying back, and I was on top of him looking down at him. “Thank you for loving me, Hajime, my life really took a good turn when I started at your school,” he said suddenly, and I smiled.

“So did mine,” I replied and kissed him again softly this time, less eagerly more tender. Our lips were locked, and our tongues touched. He let a pleasant sound through the kiss, and we began to fumble with our clothes, feeling one another underneath our t-shirts.

“Hajime why are you so hot?” he asked grinning up at me as his hands felt across my muscles. “It’s really sexy that you work out,” he added, and I laughed but fully removed my shirt, revealing my body, I had gained a little more muscle over the years, but I still did not wish to bulk up too much, I knew I was quite strong. It was all to protect Nagito just as it had begun when I stepped up my work outs. He arched his back to pull off his own t-shirt, he was still slim like always, but I liked his frame with his wide shoulders and small waist, he might be slim, but he still had muscle tone too. I had never seen him work out though.

“You’re hot too, Nagito,” I said and began to run my fingertips over his chest and stomach, he squirmed at my gentle touch, clearly a little ticklish. He smiled up at me. “What do you want to do?” I asked him.

“Anything, I don’t mind,” he replied, and I went to kiss him but suddenly he rolled me over, so I was on the bed, and he climbed on top of me, grinning down as he straddled me. “Take these off,” he said and pulled at my belt, he then moved so I could do so, and he took his own off we were both in just our underwear. He did not leave long before he climbed back on top of me, as though not giving me a chance to take control. I could feel my already hard cock pressing against him, he shifted and leaned over me, his erection was now pressing against mine through our underwear and he began to kiss me and then his soft lips found my neck and he sucked a little attempting to leave a love bite. A stamp. A claim. I was his and only his and everyone would know this. He then moved to my ear and began lapping and sucking at the lobe, it was a strangely pleasurable sensation and I know I had done this to him before and he had enjoyed it. I know a shuddered breath left my lips and I arched my body into his more. His kisses and his tongue moved from my ear and down my neck, running over my chest, the warmth of his mouth and tongue, the wetness of his saliva… he was fully taking control here and I didn’t mind one bit having never felt as though I would be comfortable allowing someone else to take control, it was usually me who was allowed to lead. My hands reached up for him and I gripped his hips firmly anchoring him to me. he began to grind against me, a cheeky smile on his face as he teased my fully prepared boner.

“Ah, Nagito… do you plan on teasing me all night?” I asked feeling my breath growing shaky with anticipation.

“Oh, he’s impatient, is he?” Nagito teased again.

“When you tease me like this Nagito, yeah, I can… feel you,”

“Hmmm, yeah, I can feel you too, pressing against me… eager to enter me,” he whispered in my ear. He was in a real flirty mood right now and I wondered if it had something to do with the beer that he consumed this evening, but I certainly had no complaints, it was both cute and hot at the same time. I grinned up at him as he sat back up to look at me. “Have you ever wondered what it feels like the other way around?” he asked suddenly.

“Uh, Nagito…” I began.

“I’m not saying we’ll do it the other way, but have you wondered how it feels for me when we have sex?” he asked.

“Well… sometimes I have wondered…” I replied awkwardly.

“It feels amazing when your inside of me, it’s the most wonderful feeling maybe that’s why I’m always in the mood,” he distracted himself with pondering that thought which was adorable, the wondering expression on his face and I smiled but then I realised an opportunity presented itself and while he was distracted, I rolled him over and switched roles. He laughed as he now lay underneath me. It was my turn to tease him now, but I knew it would be equally teasing for me.

“Do you want me inside of you right now?” I asked.

“Yes, Hajime…” Nagito breathed and I proceeded to rub myself against him but it seemed Nagito’s skills at teasing in this way were far better since he could hold back, I felt I was teasing myself more than him and I got off him, realising the bedroom curtains were still open a bit so I closed them and then I went back to the bed, pulled out a condom, removed my pants and got myself ready. Nagito had removed his pants in this time too. I went to him with no time to waste, yes, I was impatient, I wanted him. I took him and spun him around, so his back was to me, I traced my hand down his back from his shoulders all the way down and over the curve of his backside. He lent his head back and I could tell he liked the sensation, I was still attempting to tease him, but it was more teasing to me. I was ready to make love, but I realised he probably needed to be prepped so I reached for the lube.

“Hajime,” he said looking over his shoulder, “you don’t have to do that, I want you to just get straight to it.” he requested.

“Ah he’s impatient too.” I grinned but then got serious. “Are you sure?” I asked him and he nodded. I pulled him up so he was on his knees and I moved behind him, holding him in place, I proceeded to enter him and he likely wanted me to go hard but I couldn’t help but be tender, running my fingers gently through his hair, softly caressing his neck and holding him in place as I thrust into him, despite it not being rough as he stated he liked, he seemed to enjoy it regardless and lent his head back into me, allowing it to fall against my shoulder, I lay soft kisses upon his neck as he presented it to me in this movement and continued to thrust gently inside of him, he moved his hips a little to match my rhythm. We came at the same time, a slow perfectly hit orgasm and I finished gently as I’d started. We showered and then snuggled up in bed together falling asleep in my favourite place. I kissed him and held him close, all night. My Nagito.

 

This perfect moment was ruined in the night when I awoke with a jump after a nightmare. That guy with the hat… he had disturbed me more than I thought he had, and I dreamt of him, was he really the one to have killed those guys? In my nightmare, he was in shadow, but I knew it was him, I had not seen him properly in real life, but he seemed to be fixated on Nagito and in my dream he killed him, no he killed us both. I should not have let my guard down. My sudden wake had also disturbed Nagito, and I climbed out of bed looking out of the window discreetly. It was still dark, and I could not see anything. I hurried into the living room and peered out of the balcony doors. There was nobody out there and I was not even sure what compelled me to check. That dream… nightmare… one thing I was most scared of was losing Nagito, but my biggest fear was of him dying. Never being able to see him or talk to him again. Nagito walked out of the bedroom after me, he looked sleepy and was rubbing his eyes.

“Hajime, are you ok? Did you have a nightmare?” he asked me.

“Yeah… it’s alright,” I replied and went for some water, pouring him one too. I decided not to say anything to him but on his next shift I will definitely be meeting him when he finishes and walking him home. I suddenly felt very disturbed, in the nightmare… again… Nagito died. It was my biggest fear and since Junko and I feared he had died in that horrible, dark lonely room I had these nightmares. He also had nightmares of me dying and I know that was because of Junko too. He thought he had seen me die. I cannot even begin to imagine how devasting that was to him because I know for me, I would have been broken and by all accounts he was. I went to him, placing my hand at his waist I kissed him. Once I had calmed, we went back to bed, and I got a little more sleep.

 

The following morning, I woke trying to put that nightmare and that creepy guy out of my mind and checked our mail, I had a letter, and it was from the hospital. That referral must have gone through for my new therapy Dr Genji had wanted me to try. I opened it and Nagito was preparing us some breakfast.

“They sent me an appointment for that schema therapy, its next week.” I told him.

“Oh good, I’m pleased you might finally get that help,”
“Yeah I hope it can stop me trying to hurt people or myself in my anger,” I added, and he served up breakfast and we sat at the breakfast bar in our kitchen.

“Is it just a consultation at first?” He asked.

“Yeah, it looks like it, they probably need to assess me or something and make sure its right for me,” I smiled. “I’m glad, I want to try and be normal and not dangerous,”

“Yeah, it would be nice if you could control that rage, but if the opportunity presents itself, I think you really need to talk about… well… you know… everything,” he said looking a bit apprehensive. I knew he was referring to my disgusting uncle, but I always got angry when he mentioned him directly. He was right though, when he said last time that he was probably the cause for a lot of my anger and that’s why mention of him acted as a trigger. “Yesterday was a really great day,” he added changing the subject.

“Yeah, it was,” I replied smiling, but that guy was still in the back of my mind.

“Makoto, Aoi and Sakura seemed a bit… out of sorts though,” he added.

“Yeah, they haven’t been sleeping well, Aoi has been feeling vulnerable and they have nightmares. Sakura is living with them at the moment, adding to security I guess, hoping to have Aoi feel safer,”

“That makes me sad,” Nagito said.

“They’ll be alright,” I offered as reassurance.

“I think I’ll call Makoto at some point,” he added.

“He’d like that,” I smiled as we finished our breakfast. The rest of the day was spent as a lazy Sunday before work again on Monday and after such a busy day yesterday it was well needed but that guy… I was scared.

Chapter Text

Fuyu and Peko were at their home in the city, Fuyu now ran a portion of the city based Kuzuryu Yakuza, his father having operations all over but now Fuyu was also running things. His clan stretched further than he let on to his friends, they were prominent in the world of yakuza, and he was now considered a boss and running a tight ship with Peko at his side. He treated her like his partner and allowed her to make judgment calls without running things by him first. He trusted her judgment and they had worked very well over the years since his father granted him his own faction to run. One thing he had done, much to his father’s anger was to shut down the prostitution side of their business, the idea of exploiting women after what happened to Natsume was not something he wished to be part of. That had been a lucrative part of their operations, but he had stepped up on other aspects and had even brought about an increase on these which shut his father up. They had not lost any money, as Fuyu and Peko made sure to put plenty of resources into all other business operations. Fuyu was sat in his office trawling over their incomings and making sure everything was accounted for and as it should be. He was glad he had always been good with numbers. Peko came into the office wearing her long black silken nightdress and a short silken dressing gown loosely wrapped over her. It was late now and Fuyu had been hard at work for a while.

“You haven’t come to bed yet, Fuyuhiko, you need your rest,” she said standing with her arms folded.

“Yeah, something aint right with these numbers, so we sold… wait… who did we have in charge of the Ginzo Ward?” he asked.

“Rin Nagaoka,” Peko replied.

“Get the boys out, bring him in,” Fuyu said, and she did just that. Peko pulled on her clothes, simple black trousers, and black t-shirt, tying her hair back. Fuyu fetched his keys and they both jumped into the car. Peko looked at Fuyu as he drove, he had a determined look in his eyes, and she knew this may be Rin Nagaoka’s last night alive if he had dared to play with their operations and money. When they arrived at a little house, they kept for meet ups they could see that the guys were already here so must have fetched Nagaoka fast. Fuyu stopped at the door and turned to Peko, he reached out his hand to her and she took it. Fuyuhiko sighed, he had to get to the bottom of the discrepancy in the figures from the drugs sent to be distributed in the Ginzo Ward. Rin may be losing a finger tonight or his life. They walked into the main room of this house sparse of furniture, only a table and chairs were in its large main room and Rin was sat at this table with some of Fuyuhiko’s other boys either side of him and some behind him, he was trapped in and Fuyu could see he was already sweating. Fuyu sat opposite him, and Peko stood behind his chair, her hand placed upon the shoulder of this chair.

“Nagaoka, I was going through the figures from what we sent to be distributed in the Ginzo Ward which was your responsibility but the return on that was not as it should be. You told me you sold it all and brought me the money,” Fuyuhiko said, linking his fingers together as he sat across from Rin.

“I… wh… it was…” he could not find his words. Fuyuhiko looked to one of the other men.

“Fetch this idiot some water,” he said and one obeyed. “Take a breath, Nagaoka, tell me what the fuck happened. Are you playing me? Did you pocket some cash yourself?” Fuyuhiko asked.

“I… oh god… please forgive me, boss, I had no choice! My… children were threatened if I didn’t hand over a portion of my intake… boss… it was-“
“Who is threatening you and why the fuck did you not come to me first? I coulda helped you out of it!” Fuyu snapped.

“I know… I was just scared…” Rin was now sobbing.

“Did you really believe it would go unnoticed?” Peko asked.

“I don’t… I was desperate, I wasn’t thinking straight,”
“Where are your kids now?” Fuyu asked.

“They’re home in bed but… they sent pictures of having followed my kids… boss… it was the Matsubara Clan. They have a new boss and-

“A rival clan?” Fuyu raised his voice and sat forwards. “I know about their change in leadership, and I have heard he is reckless, but this is just crazy why would he try and piss off a more established clan?” Fuyu looked around to Peko.

“Perhaps he is making a play for expanding his reach, his own territory,” she said.

“Damn it! The last thing we need is a clan war, we had this agreement between the other clans for years! Fuck! I gotta tell my old man.” He said but then looked back at Nagaoka. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife sliding it across the table. “The whole finger, Rin and you’re expelled from the clan. I will be telling all other clans of this, and you will no longer be able to run with anyone.” He said.

“This is… my livelihood, you pay me for-“
“I pay you for your loyalty and trust, you have betrayed that and I can’t have someone who is weak and doesn’t think about his actions. You should have come to me with this before doing what they asked.” Fuyu stood from his seat dismissing everyone and heading home with Peko. He was tired and he had just lost a man. They walked to their car and Peko stopped him.

“Fuyuhiko, would you like me to drive?” she asked.

“Yeah, thanks,” He replied, and they got in, Fuyuhiko was tired, he had been pushing himself and the other day at the theme park was a much-needed rest but one he had not really been able to afford his time to. He had not wanted to pass up the opportunity to see everyone, to see Hajime. He sighed as they pulled up to their home.

“Fuyuhiko… do you want me to run you a bath?” Peko asked as they stepped inside.

“No, it’s alright, I’ll do it,” he replied and took off his tie and then his jacket. He headed to the bathroom beginning to run that bath and he began undoing the buttons of his shirt.

“Do you care for me to join you?” Peko asked at the bathroom door.

“Yeah sure,” he replied.

“I know that was a difficult decision to expel one of your men, but it was the right thing to do,” Peko said as she undressed.

“He has kids and now no job, I had to do it though, I can’t show weakness,” Fuyuhiko said as he climbed into the bathtub, it was a large one and Peko slipped in nicely with him.

“It is unfortunate, but it was necessary, he had given a portion of your intake to another clan,”

“Do you think we should have killed him?” Fuyuhiko asked.

“Your father might say that but in that was your leniency and you still do not appear weak,” Peko assured.

“I’ll deal with my father tomorrow and the other clans, its late and I’m tired.” He said, Peko leaned forwards and reached her hands under the water, placing them upon his thighs tentatively running her hands up them.

“Are you too tired for me tonight?” she asked him, and a small smile crept upon his lips.

“I think I can handle you tonight,” he replied, and she smiled blushing a little.

Chapter Text

My consultation with the schema therapy psychologist went well and they accepted me into the program, I was pleased I would finally be getting the appropriate help with my anger. I did not want to be a risk to Nagito or anyone else anymore. I should have been more sensible about my therapy and had more appointments with Dr Genji, he may have referred me sooner if I had done that. At least it was getting seen to, and I hoped that one day I would function like a normal human being and not lose it in the blink of an eye.

There was another project Kyoko and I were to work on, and I had returned to the office, I had met Nagito from work on a couple of occasions and I had not seen that man in the hat. I wondered if he really had just been playing with me at the bar. I was looking forward to working on another project with Kyoko, she was a good worker and our minds worked well together. I had considered having her round mine when I worked from home, but I was still not ready to tell anyone at work about my sexuality. I had lunch with Kyoko most days, she seemed to enjoy my company and I enjoyed hers. It was the end of the day on a Friday, and she approached me on our way out.

“Hajime, I was going to ask you if you cared to join me in a drink tonight? I do not wish to complicate our working relationship, but I do feel a connection to you,” she said taking me completely off guard.

“Oh, uh… do you mean… like a date?” I asked.

“Yes,” she replied upfront as always.

“I’m not actually single,” I informed her, and her eyes widened.

“I am so sorry, forgive me, I should have never assumed,”

“It’s ok, Kyoko, I think we get on well too, but we would only ever be friends,”

“Understood, that would be fine with me,” she replied smiling.

“I will join you another time, Kyoko, as friends, but tonight I have to get home,”

“Were you invited out tomorrow night?” she asked.

“Yeah, I will have to see, I can text you?” I suggested.

“Of course,” she smiled. We parted and I headed for the subway. A work party? I had never been to one of those, but it had been organised as a team building exercise. I knew most people were going. I wanted to see what Nagito thought first, if he would be alright, he might have plans of his own. He had been spending a lot of time with his work colleagues lately.

 

I arrived home to find Makoto was round, he was here on his own and was sat with Nagito on the couch. He looked depressed and I was concerned, it was not like him to be this way, he was usually so bright, even after the ordeal with Junko. Nagito looked serious too.

“Hey, Makoto,” I said as I walked in.

“Hey, Hajime,” he replied as I took off my tie and jacket, he even sounded depressed.

“Aoi broke up with me,” he added, “I called Nagito, I needed someone to talk to,” he said.

“Oh,” I felt a little jealous he had gone to Nagito for that and not me, he and I were old friends, but I suppose I was at work, and I would not have been able to talk. “I’m sorry, Makoto,” I said.

“We both still love each other, and I think we will still be close but… a relationship… our relationship isn’t working. I left her with the house, of course, she and Sakura can stay there. I’m moving back with my parents and my sister,” he said. “There is something… we didn’t tell you guys about that time with Junko. I know Fuyuhiko’s sister was… raped and before you guys got there… Junko had some of her guys touch up Aoi over her clothes, it was horrible. I couldn’t stop it… I think over the years it has weighed on us all. She was alright for the most part and it wasn’t quite rape but… still a violation.” He said.

“Oh my god,” I muttered. “What the fuck was with her and ordering guys to… fucking violate other girls?” I raged. Nagito lent his elbows on his knees and gripped his hair in both hands looking in distress.

“It’s my fault… if I had just… stayed on my own… not tried to make friends with any of you, her sights probably would not have landed on you, and you may have all been spared the trauma.” He muttered and Makoto reached out a hand placing it on Nagito’s thigh.

“It’s alright, Nagito, this isn’t your fault, nobody blames any of it on you.” He assured. I was jealous at the inappropriate hand on my boyfriend’s leg. I felt a pang, but Makoto was suffering too, and I could not bring myself to say anything. It was minor compared to what he had suffered and what he was going through now.

“That shit is with us for life, isn’t it?” I muttered.

“I’m so sorry!” Nagito cried and I moved to sit the other side of him.

“Hey, stop it, none of it was your fault, don’t carry that, you have enough.” I said and held him.

“I can’t help feeling responsible,” he muttered against me.

“Like Makoto said, nobody holds it against you, only you do,” I said and lifted my hand holding the back of his head as he rested against me. “Don’t do this to yourself,” I added and looked to Makoto. “Do you want to crash here tonight?” I asked him.

“No, its ok, I should get to my parents place,” he muttered. “I appreciate the offer though,” he smiled.

“Are you going to be alright?” I asked.

“Yeah, I will be, I love Aoi, but I think it was the right thing for us to part,” he said. Makoto stayed a little while longer before he headed off to his parents’ house. They still lived in our hometown and the same house from when we were at school.

We were about to have dinner when my phone rang. It was Fuyu so I answered it immediately.

“Hey, how you doing?” I asked him.

“Not good, Hajime, one of my guys betrayed me so I expelled him from the clan, he was working with another clan, a small time one but still. I had my guys look into it more and… the boss from that gang is new, he’s about our age, a little older but I recently found out he had… ties to Junko’s cult. There’s more of those fuckers out there, Hajime, I wanted to warn you just… watch your back.”

“Shit… what are you gonna do?” I asked him.

“There is only one option.” He replied coldly. He was going to wipe them out. “I have the backing of the other clans, they understand.”

“Good, why would Yakuza get involved with that shit?”

“They’re small time but still yakuza, I have no idea why he would align himself with her, I don’t know the depths of it, but my guys told me there was a connection.”

“Be careful, Fuyu, I don’t want you or Peko getting hurt,” I said.

“I know I’m not a fucking idiot! I aint a boss for nothing.” He snapped and I smiled at Fuyu being Fuyu.

“Thanks for letting me know,” I said, it wasn’t usual for Fuyu to tell me about his yakuza dealings, but this involved Junko and potentially we were at risk, but I was certain most of her cult had been wiped out at that warehouse, we always thought there could be some stragglers but not within the world of yakuza. Nagito was serving up our dinner and we sat to eat.

“I’m going out tomorrow with Madoka and the guys from work, did you want to come?” Nagito asked.

“I was actually going to ask if you minded me going to a work party, I was invited but I didn’t give an answer,” I replied.

“Oh, well, yeah you should go, it’s great being friends with the people you work with!” Nagito smiled.

“Alright, I will,”

“Also, do you remember Celeste from the retreat? I’m meeting her tomorrow for tea as well, after work and then I’m meeting the guys a bit later,” he said.

“Oh wow, you actually think you could be friends with her?” I asked having felt we probably would never see her again.

“I don’t see why not, she seemed lonely, I felt sorry for her,” he said, and I smiled at his kindness.

“You’re a good person, Nagito,”

“It’s only because I know what its like to be so lonely, I don’t want anyone to ever feel that way. It was the worst.”

“Yeah, I guess when I was at home, I felt lonely, but I had all my friends, so I wasn’t completely alone,”

“Not like me,” Nagito agreed.

“Yeah,” I offered a smile.

“Oh, Madoka liked Chiaki, they did seem to get on quite well but… Akemi at work likes Madoka. It’s a little awkward when he talks about Chiaki. I think Akemi is jealous,”

“Oh really? Yeah, that would be kinda awkward,” I agreed.

“I don’t know what to do, I can’t just tell Madoka, but he and Chiaki aren’t exactly dating,”

“Do you know how Chiaki feels about Madoka?” I asked.

“I think she liked him, she has met up with us after work a bit too, Akemi... didn’t want to come then. It was Sayaka who told me she liked Madoka and now I notice it.”

“Madoka isn’t the type I would picture Chiaki with, sure he’s good-looking but he also looks a bit like… well, someone you’d want to avoid!” I laughed.

“You should know better than to judge on appearance, Hajime,” Nagito said, and I knew he meant the way I had been with him when we first met.

“With you, Nagito, it was not so much about your appearance but more the way you behaved,”

 “Yeah, and you shouldn’t judge on that.” he replied.

“You’re right,” I agreed and finished up my dinner. “I’m going to take a shower,” I said and left.

 

Nagito stood and walked to sit outside on the balcony he felt the need for some air, the evening had truly descended, and it was getting dark. The air was cool but welcome, he was worried about his friends and Hajime had not told him about the conversation he had with Fuyu on the phone so that concerned him too. He knew what Fuyu did was dangerous, of course it was, he never asked about the details, but he was yakuza, so it was just part of it. Nagito moved to the balcony edge to look out onto the streets, there were some people still around, likely all heading home, and some people were dressed up like they were heading out for their Friday night. That reminded him, he wanted to dress up nicely for tomorrow night with his work people, the girls had been talking about what dresses they were going to wear and Nagito had joined them in this conversation, excited to see how beautiful they would both look. Madoka said he would just throw any old thing on, but Nagito wanted to pick out a nice shirt but possibly just wear jeans with it to stay a little casual. Something on the street suddenly caught his eye. He squinted as he looked closer into the shadowed side street. He got a sudden chill when he recognised the figure. He ran back inside locking the balcony door, his heart pounded inside of his chest and Hajime walked out of the shower, he had his comfortable jogging bottoms on but no top as he dried his hair.

“Nagito, are you alright?” he asked noting the obvious fear on his face.

“Hajime…” his voice was trembling, “outside… this guy… I think he’s following me or… watching me…”

“What does he look like?” Hajime asked.

“He… wears a hat but I’ve never seen his face he… has long hair covering it too…” Nagito noticed Hajime’s expression turn to fear and he marched straight outside. “Hajime!” Nagito cried out in fear hurrying after him.

“Hey! Where are you? Huh? Why are you stalking my boyfriend?” he called out into the street.

“Hajime please!” Nagito called down fearing for Hajime.

“Where was he?” Hajime raged looking back at him.

“He was… in a side street opposite our balcony,” he said and followed Hajime as he went but when they got there nobody was in sight. The man in the hat was gone.

Chapter Text

Nagito had work Saturday morning and I insisted on walking him there, he had not given me any resistance, I think he was scared, and he had told me how that guy in the hat comes into the café sometimes and always requests he be the one to serve him, and he told me about a time he thought he had followed him home but brushed it off putting it down to a coincidence. I walked around the back of the café where I would leave Nagito, but Madoka met us since I wanted to speak with him.

“Hey, you guys alright?” he asked.

“No, I think… Nagito has a stalker,”
“What? Serious?” Madoka asked and we nodded.

“He comes in here sometimes and… last night I saw him outside our home watching me when I was on the balcony. He followed me home before, but I dismissed it. Now I’m not so sure,”

“What does he look like?” Madoka asked.

“Hat, longish hair under the hat, we haven’t seen his face, he hides,” I answered.

“I know that guy, yeah, I seen him in here, he’s very strange. Kinda gives me the creeps, we should tell Kenta and he can refuse service,” Madoka said.

“Yeah, good idea,” I replied. “About… going out tonight, Nagito, I have agreed to go with my work people, but I can stay with you if you like?” I offered.

“No, I’ll be ok with Madoka,”
“I’ll walk him home after, Hajime, nobody will come near him,” Madoka said.

“Thank you, I might go to my work party for a little bit and then meet you out, but we’ll see. I trust Madoka to look out for you,”

“I’m… scared…” Nagito muttered.

“Its alright, we won’t let him near you,” Madoka said firmly.

“Nagito, why don’t you go and tell Kenta like Madoka said,”

“Yeah, sure,” he said quietly and headed inside.

“That night we were at the bar after the theme park and those two guys who gave us trouble were killed, a guy matching Nagito’s description of the stalker… he was there and he approached me, told me he killed those guys because they threatened Nagito, apparently they were going to target him as the weaker looking one of us so he… said it was him who stabbed them. I didn’t know about Nagito’s stalker, and I thought maybe that was just some guy amusing himself by messing with me but now… Madoka, I’m terrified.” I admitted and he stepped closer placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Hey, its alright,” he said trying to offer comfort, but it did little to ease my fears.

 

***

Nagito finished his shift, and he was now to meet Celeste, the man in the hat did not show up at the café today so Nagito felt a little better for that and he was also set to work in the kitchen for most of it to his relief. He walked out of the café and headed to the tea rooms he had arranged to meet Celeste at. When he arrived, he looked around but could not see her, there was a girl dressed in a gothic lolita style dress and long twirling bunches and he overlooked her. She then waved him over, so he nervously approached. As he drew nearer, he recognised her face.

“Celeste?” he asked her, and she nodded once.

“I thought you would not recognise me in my own clothes, how are you, Nagito?” she asked, and he took a seat at the table with her.

“I’m ok, how are you? Good to be out?”

“Most certainly, I can be me again,” she said.

“You look really well, I thought you were pretty at the hospital, but you really do look beautiful in your own outfits,”
“Oh,” she said covering her mouth, “why thank you, Nagito, that is kind of you to say,”

“So, what tea would you recommend?” he asked.

“Royal milk tea,” she said and Nagito smiled.

“Then I will have that,” Celeste raised her arm hailing a waiter. A very tall and handsome waiter with dark hair and beautiful light brown eyes approached the table and took their order.

“That is the reason I like it in here,” she said and Nagito was blushing. “Oh, you liked him too?” she asked with one side of her mouth curling into a smile.

“He was… very handsome,” Nagito admitted.

“More handsome than your own boyfriend?” she asked.

“No, well… maybe but I love Hajime,” he replied.

“I come here alone sometimes, and I like to look at him, watching him work,”
“Have you ever spoken to him past ordering tea?” Nagito asked.

“Yes, but I would never confess to a man, he has to fall at my feet and confess to me.” she replied and Nagito smiled. She was quite strange and eccentric, but he liked her.

“How is your friend?” he asked.

“Oh yes, his treatment is ongoing, he has some deep-set issues,” she said.

“I feel sorry for him,” Nagito muttered.

“Yes, as do I. I was not completely honest with you about my own issues, they tell me I have Narcistic Personality Disorder, many serial killers have this, but I have no such inclination, though it is exciting to know I have a similar personality disorder to a serial killer,” she smiled.

“Oh wow, that is interesting,” he replied.

“People judge me for that when I tell them, or my personality just puts people off me.”

“I have that, everyone always thinks I’m weird, but I have been making friends, I made lots of friends through Hajime and I have made friends at work,” he smiled.

“I am jealous, I do not wish to work but I have money, so I do not need to. I have no other ways to make friends, I met my friend in the hospital and that is also where I met you. That is the only place I seem to meet people,” she said and even though she was so composed he still got a sense of loneliness from her.

“I’d be happy to be your friend, Celeste,” Nagito said earnestly.

“I would like that too, I would also like to be friends with Hajime,” she said delicately sipping her tea. Nagito followed.

“Oh wow! This is good,” He smiled.

“One thing I know is tea,” she said and smiled.
“When your friend is feeling better, I’d like to meet him too,”

“I’m sure he would like that as well,” she replied. “He is lonely, I know that much.”

“Suffering from poor mental health can be very isolating,” he added.

“Indeed,”

“You said you had depression, is that not true?”

“It is, another side of me, I can get quite dark,”

“Yeah… me too,”

“Have you ever attempted suicide?” she asked him.

“That’s very personal,” he replied.

“I have,” she said. “I took too many pills once with a lot of vodka, I wanted to make a beautiful corpse and dressed myself up first though, I decided against the idea once it was too late and called for help. It was one of the most awful experiences of my life.”

“Yeah, I have tried many times,” he decided to say since she had told him of hers.

“What were your chosen methods?” she asked, and he began to feel very uncomfortable.

“I… cut my wrists, I should have died. Tried to get run over by a car on a main road,” he said, and she laughed.

“That’s a reckless one, who would have thought a sweet guy like you would disregard the safety of the people in that car,” she said.

“I didn’t think about it, it was just a way to die,” he muttered. “I think… I need to leave,” he said.

“Oh, I am sorry, I did not mean to make you uncomfortable, we can talk about something else if you like?” she suggested. “I do want to be friends,”

“I… do too, but I feel like I need to leave,” he said and placed some money on the table. When he stood, he noticed someone in the corner and his eyes widened. It was the man in the hat. “I really have to leave,” he said and hurried out the door pulling out his phone. He dialled Hajime and began to run. Hajime answered promptly. “Hajime! He was in the tea shop where I met Celeste! I’m running, I…” he tripped, and his phone went flying. Someone picked up his phone and held out a hand for him, it was the man. How did he catch up so fast? “Get away from me!” Nagito yelled and he could hear Hajime calling his name through the phone, but the man cut him off hanging up the call.

“I am only looking out for you, Nagito,” he said.

“I don’t need you to! Why do you follow me?” Nagito pulled himself to his feet.

“To watch out for you,” he said simply.

“Please, just leave me alone and give me back my phone,” he said, he was shaking, his voice trembled.

“You have nothing to fear of me,” the man said.

“Please… please just leave me alone,” Nagito begged keeping his distance. He handed Nagito his phone and then turned to leave. Nagito let out a breath of relief and answered Hajime’s call.

“Nagito!” he cried, “oh thank god, are you ok?” he asked.

“Y-yeah, he’s gone,” Nagito muttered.

“Fuck, I was so scared, get home now! I’ll start walking to meet you.” he said and Nagito agreed. That man knew where he lived but seemed to be walking in the opposite direction. Nagito walked fast to get home as quickly as possible, and Hajime met him along the way and the first thing he did was pull him into his arms. “I’m so relieved,” he said.

“I was so scared, Hajime,” he said.

“I know, me too,” he replied and held his hand. “I’m not sure about you going out tonight,” Hajime said.

“I don’t want to miss it but… I’m a little scared too,” he said.

“If you do go, stick close to Madoka, I trust him to get your back and I’ll meet you later. I want you safe,” Hajime said and Nagito smiled before they headed home. After they had sat down for a while, they both began to relax after chilling until they were getting ready for the evening. Madoka was meeting Nagito here and they were walking to the bar together. Nagito was experimenting with his long hair, but it really was quite untameable.

“Help me!” he called, and Hajime came into the bedroom looking at Nagito getting in a state over his hair, and he laughed at the mess of white hair, now even messier than usual.

“What are you trying to do with it?” Hajime asked going to him.

“I was thinking of tying it back, but I kept missing bits, I don’t just want it thrown back like I do when I need it to be practical, I want to look nice,” he said.

“Here,” Hajime said and took the hair tie from Nagito and going behind him, he gently pulled his hair back into a small ponytail and left some bits at the side, it was still a little messy but looked pretty good and he had some fly-away bits still as a fringe.

“Still missed bits but I kind of like it,” Nagito said.

“Your hair is all different lengths, Nagito, its hard to get it all back,” Hajime said smiling.

“Yeah, I get that but I’m happy with it,” he said smiling. “I bet I still take it out at some point,” he added, and Hajime smiled and went to kiss him but was interrupted by a knock on their door. “Ah that must be Madoka, I’ll see you later, Hajime!” he said and kissed him before he left for his night out.

 

***

I was nervous about Nagito going out whilst he had a stalker but there wasn’t much we could do, he had Madoka looking out for him, and he couldn’t just hide away forever. He seemed fine, maybe a little nervous too but I think he was ok. I would have to head into the city soon to go for my night out, but I felt as though I would be checking in with Nagito most of the night and heading home early to meet him. A stalker can be dangerous, and it did seem like this guy in the hat was stalking him. I couldn’t help but wonder at what point had he seen Nagito and fixated on him. Did he take a liking to him for his looks? I had no idea; I think that was usually how stalkers operated. I was getting anxious. I headed for the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine, pouring myself one and guzzling it down trying to calm my nerves. I could feel my mind start to fragment as the anxiety crept in. If that guy was a stalker, we were both in trouble. I had to do something. I had to change, I had to take a strong approach, I was Nagito’s protector. He was mine to protect and I would not let any harm come to him. That was always my focus. He had been through enough, we all had but I wanted to protect him from any more harm. I had another glass of wine but felt a bit sick and decided it was time I should get going. I would be getting the train into the city and meeting the others, Kyoko, Kiyotaka, Hifumi would all be waiting for me. I realised what a strange group we were going to be, I had nothing in common with any of them, but I did work well with Kyoko. I wondered what my night had in store for me as I headed out to the city. On my journey I received a text from Nagito to let me know he had arrived at the bar they were planning to drink at. My first update and he had not seen the man in the hat. I was relieved, I knew Madoka would be looking out for him too, but I did hope they were able to have a good time. I arrived at the bar I was to meet my work colleagues and I realised many of us from the office had showed up. It was looking quite lively already, and I could feel the wine hit me after a bit of fresh air. I joined Kyoko and she handed me a drink smiling. Kiyotaka and Hifumi looked as though they were in a heated discussion, already a little red-cheeked, I probably was a little late.

“What is your partner doing tonight?” Kyoko asked me.

“Oh,” I took a sip of my drink, “Kyoko… am I able to tell you something I do not wish to go any further?” I asked her.

“Of course, you can trust me, Hajime,” she said.

“I’m gay, my partner is another man.” I could not believe I told someone at work but of all people I did feel I could tell her.

“Oh right,” she replied looking a bit surprised.

“He’s out tonight with his work,” I informed. “I’ll probably leave here a bit early to go and meet him.”

“Shots!” someone called out and suddenly trays were being walked to us and we were all to partake in a shot, Kyoko and I took one and looked at one another with trepidation.

“I don’t want to get too drunk tonight,” I said but it was my fault for starting on wine at home.

“I don’t want to hear that!” Hifumi yelled pointing aggressively at me before he and Kiyotaka waded their way towards. Taka put his arm around my shoulders. He was usually so uptight, but it seemed tonight he was making a point of letting loose.

“We have a new assignment everyone, get Hajime drunk!” Taka said.

“Really I can’t,” I tried to protest.

“More shots!” Hifumi cried out. Shit, they really were going to go for it.

“Don’t think you’re getting out of this Kyoko!” Taka said and she looked at me.

“Looks like we’re in this together, Hajime,” she said, and I smiled but it was a nervous smile.

 

After some time, I had consumed too many shots, I stumbled my way to the men’s room and as I stood in front of the mirror, I could see how I swayed when just trying to stand. This was not good, I had to be in my right mind. The mirror was blurry, and I could see two of me. Shit. Not good. If I forced myself to throw up, would I sober a little at least? I wasn’t even sure. My head was spinning, and I used the sink to lean on trying to get my bearings. I was in no state to protect Nagito like this.

“I have to protect Nagito,” I heard my voice, but I didn’t even realise I had spoken out loud and I looked up again. My terror set in once more and something inside of my head snapped. I wanted to protect him, but I also wanted to give him everything he wanted of me. In my drunken state I remembered he wanted rough sex, could I? I know I was thinking about having sex with Nagito right now, despite fears about the stalker. I could do it. I could definitely do it. Yes, I would give him what he wanted… after… I sobered up… after I… had some sleep… I didn’t feel right… my mind was all over the place, but I could feel my mind fragment as though I was about to break. A mental break, like Nagito had before. I crashed to my hands and knees in the bathroom, wishing I could fight this but it was overwhelming.

 

***

Nagito was sat in the fancy bar he had attended with his work colleagues, Sayaka had picked this one out and it was a little pricey but was also not too posh, there was dancing and enough drunken people around, but the atmosphere was good. He had been sat sipping his drink for a while and he was still close to Madoka and the others where they were dancing, Madoka kept looking over to check on him which was fine, he was glad of it he had just not wanted to dance, and the music was a little loud, so he had taken to sitting in a slightly quieter part of the bar. He was still close enough to the others. Nagito noticed a man walk in, he had to look at him twice before he realised it was Hajime. His heart skipped beats even though they had been together years now, he was still happy to see him. Hajime appeared to scan the room before he found him, Nagito smiled brightly over to Hajime, but he did not return the smile. His face was blank and emotionless, and he walked straight to him, Nagito’s smile faded as he thought something might be wrong. Hajime just stood over him looking down with cold eyes. Nagito went to speak but Hajime simply placed his hand over his mouth stopping him and then leaned in and whispered into his ear.

“I am not Hajime, I am a mysterious stranger you just met in the bar, we talked, we drank and then you took me home and let me fuck you harder than you’ve ever been fucked before.” He whispered and even his voice was cold, but it was turning Nagito on. He removed his hand.

“Role playing, Hajime?” he asked.

“I am not Hajime,” he replied blankly.

“I’m sorry, mysterious stranger,” Nagito grinned.

“My name is Izuru,” he replied taking a fist full of Nagito’s hair and pulling his head back slightly but not so aggressively it would draw attention.

“Izuru…” Nagito found himself whispering, he swooned waiting for the kiss, but it never came, and this ‘mysterious stranger’ sat beside him ordering a couple of drinks with a flick of his hand. The drinks came promptly. Nagito could not take his eyes off this bad ass version of Hajime, he was getting seriously turned on.

“So, where do come from, Izuru?” Nagito asked.

“I’m from out of town, nowhere you’ve heard of,” he replied. “What’s your deepest, darkest desire?” he fired back.

“Oh, straight to the point,” Nagito laughed as he thought how Hajime had this whole act down completely as though he had rehearsed it, he even had a different feel to him. His whole demeanour embodied this character he was portraying but Nagito was loving every part of it.

“Are you going to answer the question?” Izuru asked impatiently.

“I don’t… really know,” Nagito muttered.

“Is there anything your boyfriend won’t do for you that you’d like him to? Or anything you’re afraid to ask of him?”

“I…” Nagito smiled, “how hard do you intend to fuck me tonight? How rough?” Nagito decided to ask and leaned in closer pressing against him.

“Very hard and I will treat you like worthless trash,”

“How long do I have to wait?” Nagito was practically drooling leaning into Izuru, he was already getting hard with anticipation and his breath was already quickening.

“I can take you right now, if your too impatient,” Izuru said, and he raised a hand towards Nagito’s face feigning that he was about to caress him but instead he roughly took his face in his hands pulling him close and finally their lips met. Nagito climbed on top of Izuru kissing him hungrily. They were not the only ones in the bar making out inappropriately. Izuru stopped him pushing him off a little.

“I need you inside of me,” Nagito panted. Izuru lifted his hand to Nagito’s cheek again but this time he did slightly caress him, gazing at him in cold adoration.

“You are quite a pretty one, your boyfriend is a lucky man,” he muttered.

“So am I,” Nagito said in a needy breath. Izuru pushed him aside and then stood looking down at Nagito with those cold eyes.

“I will take you in your bed if you show me the way,” he said holding out his hand. That gesture even lacked the charm Hajime would usually have. Nagito grinned excitedly and took that hand regardless and he was pulled to his feet rather than guided in Hajime’s usual gentlemanly fashion. Nagito gave a quick wave to his colleagues, Madoka saw that he was leaving with Hajime so he would be safe and Nagito followed after Izuru as he led the way out of the bar.

They arrived home and the moment the front door was closed behind them, Izuru turned to Nagito. His demeanour did not break once. Izuru almost seemed threatening, but Nagito knew the man he really was would never hurt him. Izuru took Nagito’s hand holding eye contact the whole time.

“Show me the bedroom,” he said and Nagito eagerly led the way. Izuru closed the door behind him and Nagito fetched the condoms and lubricant putting them on the bed ready. Izuru slowly removed his shirt tossing it aside revealing that muscular form. Nagito went to close the curtains. “Leave them!” Izuru snapped and Nagito obeyed. He also removed his shirt and then Izuru closed in, he took hold of Nagito tossing him on the bed. Nagito laughed.

“Are you going to be rough with me, Hajime?” he asked and Izuru took a handful of his hair again pulling his head back aggressively.

“It’s Izuru!” he growled.

“I’m sorry… Izuru…”

“Yes, I am going to be very rough with you,” he proceeded to unbuckle Nagito’s jeans and pulled them off, he flipped Nagito onto his front before he took his own trousers off. He just stood admiring the slim form, the dip of his back, the curve of his backside, Nagito looked around at him, over his shoulder, his eyes sultry but his cheeks were flushed. Izuru proceeded to climb on top of him.

“Wait, you have to lube up and put on a condom,” Nagito said.

“Not this time,” Izuru replied spitting onto his hands before he used the saliva to lubricate his hard cock.

“Hajime-“ he was cut off when Izuru took him by the throat.

“Call me that one more time,” he growled into his ear and then he released him taking his hair and pulling again. Nagito let out a moan of exasperated pleasure, enjoying the abuse.

“Izuru…” he whispered again, “Izuru…”

“That’s more like it,” Izuru snarled before he proceeded to climb on top of Nagito, entering him with far less ease than usual. Nagito winced.

“Ah! It’s too much,” he muttered through gritted teeth.

“You wanted pain… I can see how you’ve enjoyed it,” Izuru whispered coldly into his ear.

“Abuse me, Izuru… hurt me…” Nagito panted giving in, he could hardly catch his breath and Izuru pushed inside further. Nagito bit his lip as he felt the pain. He had no foreplay to prepare for this and Izuru did not opt for proper lubricant. Izuru pulled his head back again roughly as he pushed in further.

“Ah!” Nagito cried in both pain and pleasure. Izuru thrust into him harder and Nagito cried out again.

“You better not come too soon, I will still finish if you do,” Izuru said.

“I won’t… I won’t…” Nagito panted, and he even began to push back into Izuru’s thrusts.

“Ahh!” Nagito cried, Izuru pulled his hair again. “Oh god!” Izuru grinded his hips a little slower before he aggressively thrust into him again. He reached around and took Nagito by the throat squeezing as he continued pushing his hips before he came inside and released Nagito from his grip. Nagito cried out in pleasure, panting to catch his breath back. Izuru pulled out of him.

“It sounds like your boyfriend isn’t quite good enough,” Izuru said looking down at Nagito coldly as he rolled onto his back still breathless from the sheer ecstasy.

“That was amazing, exactly what I wanted, to be dominated,” he said looking up at Izuru’s cold unblinking gaze.

“You obviously don’t get from him what you want,”

“I like it rough, but I still like it when its tender and romantic,” Nagito shifted to his side.

“Leave that part of it to your boyfriend but I will be back for more of that,” Izuru began to dress. Nagito laughed.

“You can stop pretending now, why don’t we just get in the shower, together, Hajime,” he said.

“I told you, its Izuru,” he said in a low voice.

“Alright, alright,” Nagito laughed and proceeded to take himself to the shower.

“Nagito!” he called and the other turned back, “we never speak of this, you never say a word to your boyfriend,” it sounded like a threat.

“I’ll play along, Izuru,” Nagito replied and proceeded to the shower room. Izuru left the house at the sounds of the shower. Once Nagito was done in the shower he checked around the house to see that ‘Izuru’ was definitely gone. When he had asked Hajime to be a bit rough with him, Hajime had not wanted to do so, perhaps taking on that intimidating persona of Izuru helped him get into the right mindset to perform so aggressively during sex. He sighed feeling elated and incredibly relaxed. That had been wonderful. He was unsure himself, why he enjoyed being treated that way since in his past he had been treated badly by people but during sex he found it a turn on. He was a little sore from the rough play, but he still had an amazing orgasm because of it.

Chapter Text

The following day, I woke in my bed without remembering how I got there or remembering much of last night and my head was pounding, I felt sick. No, I was going to be sick. I threw myself out of bed and practically fell flat on my face in my haste to get to the en suite toilet. I vomited and thankfully made it to the toilet bowl. A cold glass of water appeared at my side and Nagito sat the other side of me rubbing my back.

“Hajime are you ok?” he asked me and all I could do was shake my head. “You seemed fine to me,” he added. I don’t even remember seeing him last night. I grabbed the water and took a sip.

“I… had too many shots… I don’t even remember last night,”

“Oh,” Nagito said sounding disappointed. I looked at him and he laughed. “You look awful, Hajime, I never thought I’d be saying that to you,” he was laughing at me, laughing at my suffering.

“Bastard,” I muttered, and he stopped laughing.

“You should probably go lay down some more, or maybe I could make a nice breakfast so you can soak up some of that alcohol?” he offered, and I vomited again. “Or maybe not,”

“How are you ok?” I asked after I recovered.

“Oh, I only drank a little, I wanted to stay alert,” he replied. I suppose that was sensible and I should have said no to all those shots. I just got caught up with it all. Taka was relentless and Hifumi was not much better. It was all so hazy now. I went to get up and Nagito helped me, I needed the assistance I was shaky on my feet. “I think you need food; I’ll bring it to you in bed,” he said.

“The thought of eating right now is turning my stomach,”

“Something dry?” he asked.

“I just… need sleep,” I muttered and fell onto the bed.

 

***

Nagito looked at Hajime as he passed out on the bed, he had no memory of last night? That was disappointing. It had been wonderful, and he had not even seemed drunk, in fact the opposite. Maybe it took Hajime being drunk to get the confidence to perform sexually in that way, it was still fairly tame but just what he wanted. He had been told not to speak of it but since Hajime had no memory of it perhaps… no he could just wait to see if the memories start returning. He would do as he was asked. Nagito went to the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee deciding to sit down and watch something for a bit, hoping Hajime felt better soon. After a while his phone rang. It was Madoka.

“Hey, you guys get back alright last night?” he asked.

“Yeah of course, did you have fun?” Nagito replied.

“Yeah, I uh… do you mind if I come round for a minute?” he asked.

“Sure,” he replied, and it wasn’t long before he was at the door. Nagito made him a coffee and they sat down.

“Is everything aright?” Nagito asked.

“I think so, I kind of got a bit drunk last night and… went home with Akemi,”
“Oh, you know she likes you, right?” Nagito asked.

“Yeah, I think I like her too,” he replied.

“What about Chiaki?”

“I like her, a lot but I don’t think she felt the same and that’s fine,” Madoka replied.

“Oh, I thought she might like you, she never said anything, but I felt like you two were getting on well,”

“I think it’s platonic from her side anyway, but Akemi, I have known her a while and we talked a kot last night and we’re kinda dating now,”

“Oh wow!” Nagito smiled. “I’m happy for you, she’s really pretty and a nice girl,”

“Yeah, she can be feisty, but I like that.” Madoka blushed a little. Nagito didn’t think he had ever seen his friend blush; he didn’t think he was the type. “Where’s Hajime?” he asked.

“In bed, he’s really hungover,” Nagito grinned.

“He didn’t seem drunk when he came to get you last night,”

“I know, he was actually in character, though, we were role playing,” Nagito smiled.

“Oh right, sounds fun,” Madoka said not the least bit uncomfortable hearing about his friend’s sex life.

“It was amazing!” Nagito’s eyes brightened, and his smile was equally bright.

“Well, I guess we both got lucky,” Madoka grinned.

“I’m happy for you and Akemi,” Nagito added.

“Yeah, I’m happy you have someone like Hajime, he obviously really cares about you,” Madoka smiled.

“You don’t look too worse for wear for someone who was drunk last night, Hajime looks awful!” Nagito laughed, “I never thought he’d looked bad but today…”

“Wow, yeah Hajime is quite a hot guy, I’d like to see it,” Madoka laughed.

“No, you really wouldn’t,” Nagito added, and they laughed. “Madoka… can I ask you something?”

“Of course,”

“Are you like… totally straight or curious or bi?” Nagito asked and Madoka laughed.
“I’m totally straight but I’m comfortable enough to appreciate a hot guy when I see one,” he said and Nagito smiled.

“Hajime’s only got hotter as he got older,” Nagito said and then his phone rang for a text, and he checked it quickly. It was Celeste.

Are you ok? I was worried I had scared you off yesterday, you left in a hurry, I do want your friendship. X

“Oh, yeah, I guess that was a bit rude,” Nagito muttered and then quickly text her back.

I’m fine and so are we, I’d like to meet for tea another time but maybe you can come to my place, and we’ll make our own, you can show me how its done? x

“Everything alright?” Madoka asked.

“Yeah, its fine, that hat guy was at this tea shop I met my friend at yesterday, I didn’t see him again all day though but… it was scary, and he followed me out, I was running so fast I tripped and dropped my phone I was calling Hajime.”
“What happened?” Madoka asked looking horrified.

“He picked up my phone and hung up on Hajime, he told me he just wants to… look out for me, it was chilling, I don’t even know him.”
“That is creepy, shit, do you think you should tell the police?” Madoka asked.

“I don’t know what they can do at this point,”

“Hajime told me that the hat guy approached him in that bar we were at when I met all your friends, he told Hajime he was he one who killed those two guys, could you go to cops with that? I mean if that is true then he is dangerous,”

“He… did what?” Nagito asked looking more scared.

“Hajime didn’t tell you about that?” Nagito shook his head. “Shit. He was probably trying to keep it from you, so you didn’t get more scared. I fucked up, I’m sorry, man.”

“No, I think it’s better that I am aware,” Nagito muttered.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Madoka replied. Nagito wrapped his arms around himself shivering a little.

“Madoka… I feel really vulnerable… really scared…” he muttered.

“Hey, Nagito, you know you got people who protect you, that Fuyuhiko guy is fucking yakuza, if you gave the word, I’m sure he’d kill that guy,”

“We don’t even know who is,” Nagito’s voice began to tremble. “I don’t want to… leave the house… I’m too scared,”

“Hey, Nagito,” Madoka said and shifted closer to him, “nothing’s going to happen to you, I keep saying that” he promised and Nagito’s eyes began to fill with tears.

“I feel like something terrible is going to happen… this… sense of dread…” Madoka put his arm over Nagito’s shoulders and pulled him in for a hug and Nagito’s silent tears fell freely.

“If I see that hat guy, I’m gonna kill him.” Madoka muttered as he comforted Nagito.

Chapter Text

Nagito’s next shift at the café rolled around and he was up getting ready to go in but with each closing minute he felt increasingly panicked. His breathing grew fast, and he could not focus his mind. His legs felt weak, and he fell to his hands and knees, he couldn’t breathe. He gripped his chest and felt like he was going to die, he couldn’t calm, and he couldn’t catch his breath. He didn’t want Hajime to leave the house, he didn’t want to leave the house himself. He started to see black spots in front of him, he was passing out again, hyperventilating, and it was going to cause him to pass out. Why was this all happening? Before long, it was all dark and everything disappeared.

 

***

I had felt Nagito get up but I felt tired so I stayed in bed a little longer until finally deciding I would also get up; I did have work and I knew Nagito had a shift at the café and that he was scared so I decided to get up as well to check on him. I hoped he was alright. I walked out the bedroom into the living room to see him on the floor, my chest tightened, and I panicked, fearing he was hurt. He was lying on his front, and I hurried to him and shook him and then rolled him over holding him.

“Nagito!” I cried out. “Shit.” I stroked his cheek feeling tears sting my eyes and he opened his slowly looking up at me.

“Hajime?” he muttered.

“Thank god, what happened? Are you ok?” I asked.

“I just passed out, I was having a panic attack, I couldn’t breathe, it all got too much.” He muttered and I held him close.

“I was so scared,” I said.

“I’m ok, Hajime but I can’t leave, and I don’t want you to go to work either,” he said.

“Alright, I won’t,” I replied, Nagito was more important and if he was having panic attacks this bad, he needed me. I just wished I had got up when he did, and I might have been there to help calm him and stop him passing out. I decided I wasn’t even going to work from home, I was going to take a personal day not even annual leave, unpaid. I would explain that I have stuff going on at home. “Nagito, I’m going to arrange a virtual meeting with my boss today, I want to speak to him face to face and I’m going to tell him about us. I’m going to tell him about what you’re going through and how I need to be here.” I was still holding him in my arms, and he made no move to get up. He looked tired as he looked up at me. I imagine a panic attack this bad could take its toll.

“Would it be appropriate for me to be present?” he asked but looked uncertain as though he was just offering out of a need to support me. I smiled.

“You don’t have to, Nagito, you could just rest.”

“Hajime… I feel so pathetic,” tears formed in his eyes.

“You’re not pathetic,” I assured. “To think we still have some psychopath on our case, this is ridiculous.” I felt angry. I wanted to get my hands on that guy in the hat and bash his head in just as I had done with Junko. If I ever saw him again, I might just end up doing that.

“Hajime… my mind… feels like its… fragmenting… like I’m losing it completely.” He said.

“You’ll be fine, I’m here,” I sat holding him like this a little while longer. He felt so frail in my arms right now and it was breaking my heart. My love for him so strong to see him suffering felt like a knife to my heart. Fearing for his safety, like he was not even safe inside our home weighed heavy.

 

***

Nagito had gone back to bed for a bit, he was exhausted, and I had arranged that meeting with my boss, he had made the time for me as he deemed it important after some of the things I had briefly explained over the phone. I was sat at my work computer, and we began, I felt my heart pounding hard inside of my chest.

“Good morning, Hajime, I am sorry to hear you have a lot going on at home,” Mr Ichikawa began.

“I need to explain something to you, you know I told you about my partner,”

“How is she doing? Is she not good again?” he asked.

“Mr Ichikawa, I’m gay and my partner is a man,”

“Oh, I had no idea, why did you not say anything?”
“I allowed you to assume my partner was a woman because I was worried that my sexuality might… hold me back in my career,”

“Hajime, you’re a hard worker and I can see you doing well within this company, you’re good at what you do, and we don’t discriminate.”

“In school, we both experienced quite a lot of hostility and judgement in regard to our relationship.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Hajime,” Mr Ichikawa replied.

 “My boyfriend, Nagito, he is going through a difficult time, and he had a really bad panic attack this morning. I got up to find him passed out on the living room floor. It terrified me. I thought he was hurt.”

“I’m terribly sorry, I think its best you take a personal day as you requested, but we will need you back in this week.”

“I understand, I know I have that new project I am working on with Kyoko and I’m keen to get back onto it.” I replied.

“Keep me updated, Hajime and thank you for being honest with me.” Mr Ichikawa said, and we ended the meeting. I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. That had been difficult, but I was pleased he had been so understanding. I decided to finally eat something and as I began Nagito emerged from the bedroom and joined me in the kitchen pouring a glass of cold water.

“How are you doing?” I asked him.

“I feel like I want to hide,” he said.

“Well, that’s what we’ll do today,” I smiled. “I do have to go back this week and I have an appointment for that schema therapy this week too,” I informed him.

“How did your boss take what you told him?”

“He took it well; he was very understanding.”
“I’m glad,” he smiled but it was not his usual bright smile.

“Nagito, have you had a panic attack like that before?” I asked.

“When I started at work, I passed out on the sidewalk outside, Sayaka found me and when I woke, I was inside on the kitchen floor, they had carried me in.” he informed me.

“I had no idea you passed out sometimes,”

“I just get myself in such a state, it becomes too much and the feeling as though I’m not getting enough air because I can’t take my breaths properly, it must just lead to a blackout. It can happen with panic attacks, but only recently have I started to experience it. I read about it a while back, I wa scared of it happening to me.”

“Right,” I muttered. “We’ll just relax today, did you let your work know?”

“Yeah, I text Madoka, he said he’d cover for me, told Kenta I wasn’t feeling well. I feel bad letting them down, I only just started,”

“You aren’t feeling well, Nagito, it’s fine to take a sick day.” I said.

“Hajime… I’m not going to go to any of my shifts this week. In fact, I’m not even sure I’ll go back. That guy knows I work there,”
“And he knows where you live, if you’re here then you’re all alone, if you’re at work you have people around you.”

“Alone… yeah… but I can lock the doors and close the curtains-“
“Nagito! That’s not healthy!”

“I have a stalker, Hajime! This guy killed those two men at the theme park, right? Oh yeah you forgot to tell me about that!” Nagito snapped.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t realise who he was I thought he was just some weird guy messing with me,” I replied.

“But after you realised, he wasn’t just some random guy?”

“I… didn’t want to scare you and look at how you are now you know!”

“Does it not make me safer for being this scared?” he fired back.

“I don’t… I don’t know! I don’t know anything anymore!” I yelled. “Fuck!”

“If you really want to protect me, Hajime then you should have probably told me, so I was aware of how dangerous this guy is. I was already scared; you could have just told me.”

“You’re probably right, I’m sorry,” I replied.

“Stop trying to protect me so much, Hajime, in doing so and worrying about it so much, you could leave me vulnerable. I think not knowing about that could have put me at risk.” He said and suddenly I felt tears falling. This was too much. I decided I was going to call the police. I pulled out my phone and dialled. “What are you doing?” he asked as I requested police. “Do you really think they’d help? We have nothing to tell-“ my call was answered so I put my hand up silencing Nagito.

“My partner is being stalked, we saw him watching outside our home and he has been following him and going to his place of work.” I explained.

“Your partner is a man, and his stalker is also male?” the female call operator asked.

“Yes, that is correct,”

“And who is the man stalking him? Is it someone you know?”

“We have never even seen his face, he hides it under a hat and has long hair,”

“So, you don’t know if you know him?” she asked.

“No, not a clue but he also followed us to a theme park and-“ Suddenly Nagito took the phone from my hands and hung up.

“Nagito what the fuck?” I yelled.

“Our information on this man is so flimsy, do you want to throw the spotlight on us for those murders? Do you want the police to think we’re making this up to cover any trace to us? We fought those guys, remember? We’d be suspects! What if they realise your connection to Fuyu and he gets suspicion on him especially once they find out he’s a yakuza!”

“Are you fucking serious?”  I yelled and tried to snatch my phone back, but he held it away and stepped back.

“No Hajime,” he said.

“Do you want help, or do you want to wait for him to kill us? Huh? Stalkers usually end up killing the object of their obsession when they realise how unobtainable they are! Or they kill those that stand in their way! Or both! He has already proven he is capable of murder!”

“What exactly can we tell the police? They require evidence!” Nagito yelled.

“Evidence? How the fuck do we prove what he’s done so far?” I yelled back.
“Exactly my point!”

“Give me back my phone!” I went to snatch it again, but he jumped back and away. “You’re being ridiculous!”

“Take it then, and see how ridiculous I’m being,” he handed me back my phone and then stood with his arms folded. I called the police again only to find out he was right, they said I didn’t have enough information or incidents for them to consider action right now. I slammed my phone down on the kitchen worktop.

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I screamed as I started to kick the kitchen cupboard until it fell off its hinges. Nagito had backed well away at this point.

“I told you, Hajime, I already researched it.” he said.

“Shut up! Just shut up!” I screamed at him.

“Its not my fault, Hajime,” he said quietly, and I felt bad for yelling at him like that.

“I know… I know, I’m just… scared.” I whispered and then began to cry. Soon Nagito was at my side comforting me and we held each other. We were both just scared and had no idea what to do.

Chapter Text

Nagito didn’t go into work all week and we didn’t see his stalker outside our home at any point either which was a relief. The weekend had fast approached, and we had organised another gathering of our friends but this time we decided to invite them all round ours but then Sonia changed it to her place since it was so much bigger. Nagito was apprehensive at first, he had not left the house all week, but he decided to come along anyway. Sonia had turned it into a party and a sleepover, and it felt like old times, only now we were all old enough to legally partake in her array of drinks and would likely make better cocktails. Everyone was going this time and we all brought our swimwear; Sonia had even invited Nagito’s work friends, despite not knowing them except Madoka. It was going to be a huge party. We picked up some beers along the way and arrived a little after the start time. We could already hear noise and music and the door was answered promptly by Chiaki.

“Hello,” she said sweetly and was clearly still sober and she moved to let us inside.

“Nagito!” we heard and Mahiru came rushing over to us. I guess they hadn’t seen each other much since she got back from her travels. I knew she had been looking for work. “I have some news!” she announced and as she began Chiaki headed back into the main party as though she had simply been passing by the door when we knocked, I was going to make a point of speaking with Chiaki at some time tonight. I had already caught glimpses of some of our friends. “I decided what I want to do!” Mahiru continued.
“Shall we come in first?” I suggested since we were still at the front door.

“Oh! Yeah, sure, I’m sorry!” she said, and we found our way to the kitchen. I put our beers in the fridge and returned to listen to Mahiru.

“I’m going to be a reporter; I want to raise awareness for bullying in schools and the harm it can cause psychologically. I started an apprenticeship and once I have learned more, they said they like my idea and I will get to work on that!” she was a little more animated than usual, but I guess she was just excited, perhaps had a little alcohol in her too.

“That’s amazing!” Nagito said with a bright smile, he threw his arms around her, and she became awkward.

“Jeez, it didn’t really warrant a hug, did it?” she asked blushing.

“Yeah, of course it did!” he replied, and I smiled.  Nagito did like hugs, and I know how much he loved Mahiru.

“Hajime! Nagito!” we heard, and Sonia hurried over with a big smile and she first hugged Nagito and then me.

“You look beautiful, Sonia!” Nagito said admiring her dress. It was a lovely A-line in a pale blue colour and really matched her bright blue eyes. “Oh, guess whose here?” she said.

“Madoka?” Nagito asked excitedly.

“No, Gundham Tanaka!” she said with glee.

“Who?” I asked confused as to the reason we should know who this was.

“The magician from the theme park!” she cried appalled that we didn’t remember him. “He brought his hamsters!” she added.

“Right,” I replied. I didn’t think Kazuichi would be too pleased at this man’s presence, and I was unsure why she invited him, but I guess he was entertainment. He was pretty good now that I remember him. I looked across the kitchen and saw Madoka with Nekomaru and Mondo and they appeared to be competitively drinking. I knew they could all take their alcohol well so I dreaded to think how far they would take the competition, but it would be amusing. We saw Sayaka and Akemi near them. Nagito decided to go and speak to them since they knew nobody, he took me, Sonia and Mahiru with him, I don’t think we had anticipated they would arrive on time, but he and I were a little late and the party certainly looked in full swing already.

“Hey, I want to introduce my friend’s Sonia, Mahiru and my boyfriend, Hajime,” he said looking proud, it was sweet. They both waved politely and offered a smile. “This is Sayaka and Akemi,”

“Great to meet you, I hear a lot about you guys,” I said smiling. Nagito leaned closer.

“They both think you’re hot,” he said in my ear, and I felt my cheeks burn. I had never really considered myself attractive even though Nagito told me all the time. I forget that I might not just be attractive to him.

“I hope he’s only said nice things about us,” Akemi said with a grin to Nagito.

“Of course,” he replied as though her statement had been serious.

“Naaaaagiiiiiitoooooo!” we heard suddenly from Madoka as he turned around and pulled Nagito away from me almost pulling him off his feet. “My brother! I love you, man!” he shouted. I laughed. “Drink!” he thrust a pint of beer at him almost spilling it on his nice shirt. Nagito laughed and Madoka, Nekomaru and Mondo all cheered him on urging him to drink it in one and Nagito gave in to the peer pressure.

“Woah there,” I stepped in and stopped him. “We only just got here, guys,” I said.

“Ah, Hajime, you party popper!” Madoka said.

“It’s party pooper and I think you should slow down a bit too,” Akemi said also coming to the group.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he agreed putting his arm around her, that’s right, they were a couple now, Nagito had told me. I noticed Makoto in the kitchen too, he was speaking with Chihiro. He looked a little better than last time I saw him, and they were both smiling so I was pleased to see that.

“Pekoooooo! Fuyuhikoooooooooo!” I heard cry, it was Akane running from the poolside and directly to greet them. Nagito and I looked at each other and laughed I was pleased my brother had finally arrived. It would be good to see him again. I saw Fuyu walk into the kitchen, and he came straight to us.

“What happened to Peko?” I asked.

“Akane dragged her to the pool,” Fuyu said.

“Lost her already, huh?” I teased.

“Yeah,” he just said, he looked troubled. “You guys alright?” he asked before I could ask him if he was alright and what happened to that clan he was having to deal with, but I guess this was not the place to discuss such matters, Fuyu’s life was very different to the rest of ours.

“Had some shit going on but it’ll be ok,” I lied, I had no idea if it would be ok.

“I have a stalker,” Nagito just came out with it.

“A real stalker?” Fuyu asked and we just nodded. “Who is it?”

“We don’t know who he is, we don’t even know his face.” I said.

“If you find out, let me know, I’ll sort it,” he said, and I knew what he meant by that it was chilling but I had to remind myself what business my brother was in. “I can station some guys to watch your house,” he offered.

“Would you?” Nagito asked before I could protest.

“Nagito, Fuyu has enough to deal with, he needs his guys,” I said.

“It would make me feel a whole lot better,” Nagito replied.

“Then it’s done, I won’t have you guys dealing with some stalker creep.”

“He wears a hat and has long hair to his shoulders covering his face,” Nagito said.

“Then I’ll give the order if they see anyone of that description they deal with it,” he said and pulled out his phone leaving briefly to make a call. So soon? He returned to us. “Sorted,” he said.

“Thank you so much, Fuyu!” Nagito cried and went to hug him, but he was pushed back.

“None of that,” Fuyu said and Nagito shrunk away. “You know I don’t do hugs,” Fuyu added. “I know you appreciate it; you don’t have to… do that,”

“I’m sorry, I do love you though, Fuyu,” Nagito said.

“Shit, I’m gonna go find Peko.” He said and left. I smiled.

“You scared him off, Nagito,” I teased.

“Yeah, I do that,” he muttered.

“You know he doesn’t do the mushy stuff but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.” I laughed, “Come on, let’s go to the pool too,”

There were quite a lot of people here and I did not even know them all. I guess Sonia really had just turned this into a huge party. I went into one of the changing cubicles and got into my swim shorts but when I came out Nagito was still fully clothed and looking anxious. “You not getting in?” I asked him and he shook his head.

“There’s a lot of people here, I don’t want questions asked.” he said, and I knew he meant about his scars. I climbed into the pool and Nagito pulled up his jeans dipping his feet in and just sitting on the edge.

“Hajime!” I heard behind me and suddenly Akane was hanging off me. “I love you Hajime!” she cried, “you’re so cool!” she added finally releasing me. I laughed.

“Thanks, Akane, you’re pretty cool, too,” I replied.

“This aint right, you guys still seem too sober. Drinks! Over here!” she cried out waving her arms in the air splashing water everywhere. Nagito shielded himself but I was already soaked thanks to Akane’s previous pool greeting. Some serving men came over with trays and a variety of drinks. This felt very posh, and we accepted. Nagito chose a cocktail, and I selected a bottled beer, chilling beside Nagito as he sat on the edge.

“Ah yeah!” Akane cried and picked a cocktail.

“The water is great,” I said not knowing what else to say and yes, I was still very sober, and I heard slurping behind me, Nagito had finished his cocktail and was slurping up the dregs. “What the hell?” I asked laughing.

“Yes! That’s the way to do it! Wooo yeah!” Akane cried and we laughed. “Hey, you guys got any bother lately? Need me to kick anyone’s ass?” she asked.

“We’re fine, Akane,” I said laughing.

“Just checking, I was thinking about school a little bit, you guys got some shit, I remember.”

“Yeah, but you always had our back, just like Nekomaru, Fuyu, Peko, and the others, Mondo, Sakura, you were good friends,” I said.

“Yeah, you guys were great.” Nagito agreed and Mahiru came and sat beside him also dipping her feet in the pool.

“I was so shocked about you being gay, though, Hajime, not so much Nagito but I didn’t really know him. Nekomaru was too, we had no idea, but I guess the pieces kinda came together once we knew.” She said and slurped her cocktail.

“Pieces?” I asked unsure what she meant.

“Well, y’know, you had interest from girls, and you never seemed that bothered by it,” she added.

“Also, the amount of hostility you showed towards Nagito, at those times was clearly because you were attracted to him, right?” Mahiru said.

“Can we not… fucking talk about my internalised homophobia from back then, yeah it was probably what that was. I liked Nagito but didn’t realise it and directed my anger to him, it wasn’t right, I know I was an asshole please could we not bring that shit up?” I asked getting annoyed with the girls and I glugged down some of my beer.

“You were an asshole, Hajime, but I still liked you.” Nagito said.

“Well, we all know how fucked up you are!” I snapped, again my emotions taking the forefront and I was unable to control what came out of my mouth. “Shit, Nagito, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” what the fuck was wrong with me?
“Hajime, that was out of line, you haven’t changed at all.” Mahiru said crossing her arms. I looked to Nagito who had a dark expression before he pulled himself up from the edge of the pool and walked away.

“Nagito!” I called after him. “Fuck!” I slapped the water. “Why did you have to talk about the past? It riles me up!” I snapped at the girls.

“Why did you have to react that way?” Mahiru asked.

“Yeah, I don’t think we can be blamed for that.” Akane said and Mahiru got up to follow Nagito. I should do that too. I climbed out leaving two of my friends who clearly saw me as the enemy since Nagito came along. I felt that I had lost some of the girls as friends to Nagito, like they preferred him and supported him over me rather than taking an objective view as true friends probably should. What am I even thinking as I rush to find my boyfriend, I was in the wrong here? I snapped at him unfairly and it hurt him. I was so good at hurting Nagito, and I believe he once said that I had the most power to do so because of how much he loved me. This fucking party was so crowded I couldn’t see him anywhere. I took Sonia’s arm pulling her rudely away from Kazuichi.

“Have you seen Nagito?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah, he was with Madoka.” She said and I looked around, hearing the drunken Madoka before I saw him and there Nagito was right at his side. I hurried to him and took his arm.

“Nagito! I’m so sorry,” I said, and he did not even look bothered. I thought he was going to be upset.

“Its fine, I am a mess, if you’re in that kind of mood now, Hajime, I’d rather not be near you.” He said and picked up a shot that had been poured for him.

“Yes, Nagito! Taking it like a fuckin’ pro that’s my brother!” Madoka cried out triumphantly.

“Nagito…”

“What, Hajime? You want me to stop having fun? Wow, you really are boring, why don’t you go and find others who just want to sit in the corner and mope around? There’s always a corner like that at these parties, right? I think that’s where you should hang out tonight. I don’t need you with me all the time, especially if you say stuff that makes me feel like shit.” He said everything so matter of fact. Who was he right now?

“Nagito… I’m so sorry,”

“I told you it’s fine, now if you’d leave me alone, I’d appreciate it.” he said and turned his back on me turning to Madoka. I felt pushed out and unwelcome. I was unwelcome. I watched as Nagito shared another shot with Madoka and they stood arms around one another. What the fuck was going on?

Chapter Text

I did find that corner, but I found it alone and sat alone. I could still see Nagito drinking with Madoka, Nekomaru, Mondo… I felt isolated. Pushed out, away from those I once saw as my friends, but it was starting to feel like they were more Nagito’s friends now. I did feel lonely, and I soon realised that Nagito had once felt like this all the time. I should be pleased for him no longer having to feel that but why was I feeling this way? I always thought Nagito was clingy but his complete indifference towards me… maybe I was just as clingy to him. Perhaps part of me liked being the one to reassure him and look out for him so when he did not need me for that I was lost. I could see them having a great time and I could see them laughing. Mahiru came and sat at my side.

“Hajime are you alright?” she asked.

“You don’t really care either way, Mahiru, you’re Nagito’s friend not mine.” I replied.

“Is that really how you see it?” she asked.

“I don’t know anymore,” I muttered.

“Hajime, I’ll be honest with you, sometimes I do think you’re an insensitive asshole but in that is my own insensitivity. I forget that you have your own issues to deal with. Nagito’s have always been on the surface, even if you don’t see his physical scars, his uncertainty and over eagerness to please and all that speaks volumes about him. Hajime, I’m sorry, I know your parents were horrible to you and I should understand that more than most.” She said.

“Yeah… I guess so…”
“What I’m trying to say is… you’re still my friend, sure Nagito and I got close, but we’ll always be friends too.”

“Yeah, I guess… Mahiru… you’ll always be my friend,” I said, and she smiled.

“You did a lot for me, you know, by killing Junko.”

“I had to kill her for what she did to us all.” I muttered.

“Well, I’m grateful and I’m glad no repercussions fell back on you, since that unnamed faction buried it. I hope you feel better, Hajime,” she said and then she left my side. I did feel a little better and of all people it had been Mahiru who I was always sure didn’t really like me, but I guess she did. I decided to go back into the party, but I would give Nagito his distance as he had wished. Peko and Fuyu were in a conversation amongst themselves, but I decided to leave them to it in case it was to do with the family businesses. I saw Chiaki talking with Makoto and Chihiro, so I went to join their conversation instead grabbing another beer on my way. They were still in the kitchen and so was Nagito, but I decided to ignore him, he was likely giving in to those guys pressure to drink and I was not sure I could deal with a drunk Nagito.

“Are you guys… sober?” I decided to ask.

“Not quite but we’re not as wasted as those guys!” Makoto said pointing over to the culprits I thought he was talking about, Nekomaru, Mondo, Madoka and Nagito. It also looked as though Akemi and Sayaka had joined their adventure.

“Yeah, I’m avoiding that like the fucking plague!” I replied and they laughed, I was trying to ease back into the mood of the party.

“Karaokeeeeee!” Ibuki cried into the kitchen, and some emptied out of the room. Ibuki was pregnant right? I hoped she was just hyped and not drinking. I’m sure that was the case.

“Oh! Yes! I love karaoke!” Sayaka said and I watched as Nagito’s crowd left the kitchen. Even he was going. He hated karaoke; in fact, this entire party was probably too loud for him. Who was Nagito Komaeda right now? Was he doing this to get at me? Why was I bothered by his indifference to me treating him like shit, surely that was better than him getting depressed? Forget him.

“Man, that girl loves her karaoke,” Kazuchi said coming to join us, I was happy to see him and slipped my arm around his shoulders.

“Hey, its great to see you,” I said.

“Yeah, you too,” he replied with his arm also around my shoulders, “hey, think you could like do me a favour and slip something into that Gundham guys drink, make him pass out for the rest of the evening?” Kazuichi asked. I had not even seen that strange guy yet, but he was apparently here. I laughed at Kazuichi’s request. “At the very least join me in some shots,” he added.

“Why not?” I looked at the others and we all decided it was a great idea, although in the back of my mind I knew they never were. I was trying to distract myself from Nagito and what he was doing but he was constantly on my mind. It was a little while later after we had shared in almost a whole bottle of vodka when Sonia came into the kitchen

“Spin the bottle anyone?” she asked, and I cringed. Definitely not.

“Wh- why do you want to play that, Sonia?” Kazuichi asked looking hurt.

“You’re playing too, it’ll be fun!” she replied looking gleeful.

“Oh god, no, you’re actually going to play that?” I said laughing.

“Nagito’s playing,” Sonia said.

“What?” I asked shocked and I followed into the room with others in tow. She was right, he had taken up a place in the circle. I heard the rules, and they were a bit skewed from the usual boy – girl it sounded like everyone was going to kiss everyone. I was furious. I went to Nagito and took his arm.

“You’re not playing this!” I said to him, and he yanked his arm free.

“I never got to play this before. You can play too,” he replied but clearly irritated.

“I don’t want to! Why do you want to kiss other people?” I demanded.

“Its just a game, Hajime,” Madoka said at his side.

“This is none of your fucking business!” I snapped.

“It is just a game.” Nagito said looking up at me innocently. I shook my head in disbelief. Why? Why was this happening?

“Hey, Nagito, if Hajime is uncomfortable with you playing this, don’t you think you should respect his fucking wishes and not play?” Fuyu came to my side to back me up.

“This is none of your business, I want to play a game, this is what everyone is playing.” Nagito replied not even seeming phased by Fuyu’s interjection when usually I know he found Fuyu quite intimidating.

“You’re a fucking bastard, Nagito,” Fuyu said and Nagito seemed to ignore him.

“Hey, I think everyone needs to lighten the fuck up, alright, if Nagito wants to play and have fun then you should let him. There’s nothing in this game, lots of couples are playing, it’s just a fucking game, means nothing, it aint like it’s cheating.”

“Then why do I feel betrayed, huh?” I snapped back.

“Fine, I wont join in,” Nagito said and went to get up, but Madoka pulled him back down.

“Don’t let him emotionally manipulate you, if you want to join in then you should.” He said and Nagito didn’t move again, he stayed seated, not looking at me, and the bottle was placed in the centre. I stepped back taking a seat on a near couch watching. My heart sank as they took turns spinning and kissing. It was Nagito’s turn, he spun the bottle and landed on Sonia. They kissed.

“Well, I’m ok with that, at least Nagito’s gay!” Kazuichi said laughing uncomfortably. I was at least a little ok with that too, but it was still weird, and I still wanted to cry. Makoto spun and kissed Sayaka, they seemed to both blush at the prospect and I was grateful Aoi had not attended the party even though they had split up now, it would have been too painful for her I reckon. Just as this was too painful for me.

“You ok?” Fuyu asked as he sat beside me.

“No, I’m not.” I replied.

“Want me to stop this?” he offered.

“No, just leave it.” I replied, I didn’t want to make more of a scene. Sonia spun it and it landed on that Gundham guy. I could feel the tension, other than my own between Nagito, I could feel it from Kazuichi now.

“Oh my,” Sonia said, and she was blushing. This game was so inappropriate.

“Make it quick!” Kazuichi snapped folding his arms and looking away. They did as he requested. Akane spun the bottle now and it landed on Sonia. They kissed but Kazuichi was not opposed to that one. It got around the circle again and Madoka spun the bottle, it landed on Nagito. They looked at each other and laughed, obviously a little awkward considering their close friendship and I could feel my anger surging, Nagito was gay, Madoka was an attractive guy. Jealousy. That’s what it was. I was mad with jealous rage as they conceded and gave in to the rules meeting lips. I stood and kicked a near table before leaving the room. I had enough. The next thing would be for me to see Nagito kissing Makoto who I knew he was attracted to. That might have sent me over the edge. Fuyu followed me out of the room.

“Hey, Hajime, I always got your back and that shit in there, was totally inappropriate.”
“Yeah I know! I’m really fucking angry, angry with Nagito, angry with Madoka and whoever thought that shit was a good idea!” I yelled.

“I can still go in there and stop it.” he offered. “In fact, that’s what I’m gonna do,” he went back inside before I could stop him. I followed and he was pulling Nagito up with little effort, but Nagito steadied himself on Madoka’s shoulder to get to his feet.

“This stops. Do you guys realise how childish and inappropriate this game is, we’re all in fucking relationships!” Fuyu said to the group who decided playing was a good idea. He was still holding onto Nagito’s arm.

“Get off me, Fuyu!” Nagito snapped and pulled his arm free.

“Just because your Yakuza don’t mean you get to call the shots everywhere you go; don’t mean you get to throw your weight around.” Madoka said, he was also on his feet now and checking on Nagito who was holding his arm and I realised Fuyu was probably quite rough with him. Fuyu looked at Madoka and I knew that look.

“You aint seen me throw my weight around and you don’t want to neither,” he said.

“You ok, Nagito?” Madoka asked now ignoring Fuyu.

“Yeah, it’s just like you said, doesn’t mean he can call the shots everywhere he goes.” I wish Nagito hadn’t said that. Brave, or stupid I was not even sure. He held eye contact with Fuyu, and I could see Fuyu was fighting with himself not to assert a demand for respect. He had been completely disrespected and I know he wasn’t used to it.

“You’re a fucking asshole, Nagito, some of you think Hajime is the asshole, right? Watch out for this one.” he said before leaving the room also riled. I could see Nagito’s expression change, he looked distraught now and Madoka comforted him. I knew Nagito loved Fuyu, and they had a hard time building up that friendship but with Fuyu’s words it seemed it may be over. I felt guilty, that was because of me but also Nagito’s insistence on playing that game. I walked in and went up to Nagito, not to stop and not to comfort him just to say one thing.

“Fuyu didn’t mean that.” I said. “He’s got his own shit; you do whatever you fucking want. I’m done caring.” Suddenly Nagito took my arm pulling me back.

“You don’t mean that either!” he cried.

“I’m pissed at you, Nagito, I’m allowed to be.” I replied feeling emotion drain from me. I would go and find some of the others and drink with them, and by drink, I mean get wasted.

 

***

 

The party had emptied out somewhat, whether it was people leaving or people passing out and crashing in whatever chosen part of Sonia’s house they fell. Nagito was a bit drunk, he disregarded his upset with Hajime earlier and Fuyu had apologised in his own way, but he and Hajime had avoided one another all night. Nagito decided he would like to experience the hot tub again, even if it was alone. This whole night had been strange, he had multiple fallouts with Hajime and the next time he saw Hajime he was more wasted than he was. Nagito was looking forward to this bit of peace. He undressed in the changing rooms and peered out, the pool area was still quite empty, there were some people crashed out on the lounging couches, but he felt comfortable enough to step out in his swimming shorts and head for the hot tub. He slipped into the hot water, still thankfully clean even after drunken people having used it, it seems it was spared alcohol spillage and more importantly vomit. There had been some incidents of vomiting where some had overdone it, but not in here. He allowed the hot water to envelope him and he sunk under all the way to his neck. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

“Watch you don’t fall asleep, you might drown.” he heard whisper into his ear startling him, he had heard nobody approach. It was Hajime also in his swimming shorts and he climbed in beside him.

“Hajime-“
“Izuru.”

“Oh… now? Really?”

“I just wanted to talk, I was wondering what it was like to kiss others that were not your boyfriend or me?” he asked.

“Oh, it was fine but not as fun,” Nagito replied. “I kind of wished Hajime had played, actually.”

“He was pretty aggressive, right?”

“Yeah, I should have respected his wishes though and not played. That was wrong of me.”

“He upset you though, didn’t he? You just handled it differently this time.” Izuru said, his voice was as cold as ever.

“Yeah, he did. Why can’t Hajime talk to me about this? It feels weird talking about it to this… version.” Nagito said wrapping his arms around himself under the water feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious. Izuru moved closer.

“We can talk about something else…” he leaned in, his face hovering close enough to kiss, a hand came out of the water reaching for Nagito and he wrapped this hand around the back of Nagito’s head. “How long can you hold your breath?” he asked. Nagito felt both scared and excited in a strange way only this Izuru persona could do. “If we kissed under the water, do you think you could hold your breath as long as I can?” Izuru leaned forwards and placed his lips aggressively onto Nagito’s. After having given in for a moment Nagito pushed him away but Izuru held him in place. “You don’t want me? Not even a taste?” Izuru replied. “I know you do… pull my hair when you begin to run out of breath.” He said and they both drew in a deep breath and Nagito allowed him to guide him under the water as their lips met. It was a strange sensation kissing him with the rest of the world completely separate, the water creating their own world around them. Nagito was lost so much so he forgot he needed to breath as their wet lips moved together, the water both deafening and a comfort as they drowned leaving the world behind. Panic set in and Nagito tugged hard on Izuru’s hair, and they resurfaced. Nagito drew in deep breaths recovering but Izuru seemed completely unphased. “I knew you would not last as long as I can,” Izuru said and Nagito was now the one to move closer, he slid his arms around Izuru’s muscular waist. Hajime’s muscular waist… if this was his way of making up to him then he liked it.

“Hajime-“

“Izuru!” he snapped and pushed Nagito against the edge of the hot tub, hard enough for it to hurt.

“Ow,” Nagito muttered, “I’m sorry,” he added feeling that fear again looking into those cold eyes. Izuru moved in front of him, pinning him against the sides of the hot tub.

“If I went under and took you in my mouth, do you think you would last longer than it takes for me to run out of air?” Izuru asked.

“What do you mean?” Nagito asked and suddenly Izuru’s hands were in his swim shorts releasing his already hard member. “Izur-“ it was too late, Izuru had gone under the water and taken him into his mouth as suggested. “Oh my god!” Nagito gasped suddenly feeling very self-conscious and praying he would be able to keep the noise down and that nobody sober enough to know what was happening walked out here. Izuru’s mouth took him in expertly, moving his soft lips and making use of his tongue at the tip and along the sides. Nagito held onto the sides of the tub and threw his head back… he knew Sonia would be appalled at this happening in her tub and Nagito wondered how Izuru could do it so well with the water getting in the way. This felt amazing but suddenly Izuru resurfaced. “Did you run out of air?” Nagito asked.

“No, I just had a better idea.” He said and climbed out of the tub, Nagito followed immediately but slipped, Izuru caught him, there was no sense of urgency in his expression or even his actions, but he had caught him and stopped him both hurting and embarrassing himself. “You idiot.” He said but then took his hand and led him to behind one of the small summer houses. He pushed him against the side of it, face first.

“Izuru…” Nagito said feeling uncomfortable again.

“Are you telling me you do not want this?” Izuru asked and pressed his own hard cock against Nagito’s backside. Nagito let out a breath.

“Yes, I do want this… I do want this… I also want Hajime… not Izuru-“ he was cut off when Izuru spun him around taking his head in both hands and pushed him aggressively against the side of the wall of the courtyard garden instead.

“Ah, stop! You’re hurting me!” Nagito cried, feeling the pain in his head from the impact and terrified of the repercussions from having hit his head and the brain injury he suffered from. It felt hard enough to be concerned.

“I will not take you against your will, of course, so if this is not right then perhaps waiting for another time.” Izuru said.

“Yes… another time… “ Nagito muttered, he could feel himself trembling but more from fear this time since he was actually hurt and the aggression displayed was more intense and not in the right way. He wondered if this more aggressive version of Izuru meant that Hajime still harboured resentment from earlier. Izuru left swiftly and Nagito suddenly felt very lonely and just wanted Hajime back, he went to the changing rooms and was intercepted by Sayaka who noted the scars on his body which stopped her in her tracks. She had looked as though she wanted to find him.

“Please don’t ask about the scars,” Nagito decided to say feeling a bit depressed.

“Alright… a lot of people are sleeping but some of us are singing but… not loudly… would you join us?” she asked sweetly.

“I don’t… I don’t know if I’m in the mood,” Nagito muttered and felt a tear fall down his cheek.

“Nagito, what’s wrong?” Sayaka asked going to him, but he stepped back.

“Let me get dressed, I’m fine, honestly,” he lied and forced a smile. He disappeared into the changing rooms and got dressed and realised Sayaka had waited for him, and she started to speak but he couldn’t really hear her, he thought he heard another voice, Madoka? Something wasn’t right.

“I… hit my head…” he muttered and felt himself crashing to the ground. Sayaka tried to catch him, but he was too heavy and Madoka had managed to do so instead after seeing Nagito was not quite ok. He held Nagito and tried to coax him awake.

“Shit, Nagito!” he called, and his eyes flickered open and looked up at him and Madoka breathed in relief. “I got you, Nagito. Sayaka call an ambulance!” he said, and she pulled out her phone.

 

***

I really couldn’t handle shots; I had passed out yet again, but it seemed I was fine now. I stumbled from one of the many bathrooms I had found to pass out in and back into the party which now looked as though it was over, or at least winding down. I walked into the kitchen where I saw Fuyu who was hurrying to me as though he had been looking for me and he looked worried.

“Hajime, its Nagito, he said he hit his head and we’ve had to call an ambulance.”

“What?” I asked as my heart sank and I hurried to where Fuyu led. Nagito was sat against one of the changing cubicles with Madoka and Sayaka at his sides. He looked at me, he was looking at me with fear in his eyes… why? “Nagito… what happened?” I asked.

“I just… hit my head…” he muttered, his eyes looked as though they flashed in an out of focus or as though he was fighting to stay conscious.

“He just collapsed, so we called an ambulance.” Madoka said.

“Had you drunk too much? Did you fall?” I asked him.

“Izuru did it… Hajime…” Nagito muttered.

“Who the hell is Izuru?” I asked feeling anger surge inside of me, whoever Izuru was would die for this. Nagito was looking at me confused.

“Hajime… I’m worried about you…” he muttered.

“You’re the one worried?” I replied. He didn’t look right, and I was terrified… “Nagito… I’m sorry for everything… all of it… all our petty fighting tonight…” I said and he lifted an arm reaching for me and the others had to move so I could get closer. I put my arms around his waist and gently pulled him to me holding him, he held me back.  Nothing mattered, nothing except him. None of it mattered and everything tonight seemed so trivial.

“I’m glad I have you back Hajime,” he said in my ear, and I held him even tighter.

“You’ll always have me. I’ll never go anywhere.”

“Sometimes you do but I just want you like this.” Nagito replied.

Chapter Text

By the time the ambulance arrived, Nagito seemed to have recovered. He insisted he felt fine, and they checked him over, checking his eyes which now focussed and followed their light just fine. He was steady on his feet as well. All checks passed and he was reluctant to allow them to take him to the hospital they had spent a lot of time trying to convince him to, but he insisted on staying here. I hurried after them as they left.

“Is he like, concussed or anything? Should we keep him awake? Tell me what to do.” I was worried.

“He does seem ok, but just keep an eye on him, if he starts changing behaviour or suddenly loses consciousness or motor skills then call again.” one said.

“I wanted you to take him in, I’m worried!” I cried.

“He ignored our recommendations seemed pretty adamant he was alright, we can’t drag him there.”

“I’m fine, Hajime.” Nagito said having come to find me.

“You weren’t fine earlier!” I snapped back. “I’m sorry, I’m just really worried after the way you were earlier.” I said and the paramedics left.

“Hajime is right, you should have gone with them just to be sure,” Madoka said.

“I know myself; I’ll be fine, I feel fine.” He insisted.

“I think tonight has been quite eventful enough, does anyone care for rest?” Sonia asked and we all agreed that was the best idea. Many of the guest bedrooms were already taken so we were given bedding to put on the floor, we bedded down near Peko and Fuyu. I was pleased we had all made up now, I did notice Nagito glare at Fuyu though which I felt was strange, perhaps he had not quite forgiven his part in the earlier fight. Madoka and Akemi had also bedded down in the same room as us, Makoto was in here and he seemed to be having a quiet conversation with Sayaka to the side, but they had bedding. They seemed to be getting along quite well. Nagito snuggled back into me as we lay down and I wrapped my arm around his waist pleased to have him back again, I was still worried about him since he hit his head and he seemed troubled but I knew it was likely something else on his mind since if he had been worried about his head as I was then he would have allowed the paramedics to take him to the hospital. I looked over to Fuyu and saw him placing a kiss on Peko’s cheek before snuggling behind her as I was snuggling behind Nagito. It made me smile, he obviously thought nobody could see them. Makoto and Sayaka were talking softly so as not to disturb those of us who were sleeping. Nagito held tightly to my arm that was wrapped around his waist.

“Hajime… please don’t hurt me anymore, physically or emotionally… I don’t think I can take it.” he whispered, and I held him tighter.

“I am sorry, I feel the same, you have hurt me emotionally too, please could we just… put all that aside?” I asked softly.

“Yes, please… let it just be us. You and me. I only want it to be us, that is all I want, nobody else. Nothing else.” He said and I was pleased to hear it, but the name Izuru flashed through my mind, but I was exhausted and now was not the time to question Nagito about that random name, I also felt he could have just been delirious. I had thought somebody at the party called Izuru had hurt him but later he had said he slipped and fell, hitting his head that way. I didn’t like to think of Nagito hurting himself like that with nobody around to help him. Things could have gone a whole different way and that terrified me.

“Nagito… can we not drink anymore? I think it changes who we are and its dangerous for you if you fall,” I asked.

“I don’t want to drink; I don’t enjoy it all that much anyway.” He replied and I smiled.

“I love you,” I whispered softly.

“And I love you, Hajime,” he replied. I believe we told each other those words a lot but I also believed it was important to always tell those you love how you felt. I often looked at him and thought how much I loved him and how truly beautiful he was, I didn’t say those words nearly as often as I felt them. We fell asleep on the floor of one of Sonia’s lounge rooms, once again in each other’s arms and surrounded by those we loved.

Chapter Text

Nagito got home from work one afternoon the following week and set down his keys on the side and smiled at that picture of his and Hajime’s first kiss, his brain was still a little fuzzy from the party at the weekend, but he and Hajime seemed to be good again. He took a few steps into the home when a knock at the door sounded. He opened it to see Hajime. He was surprised, why did he knock? The expression on Hajime’s face told him that it was not Hajime and Nagito felt a little uneasy. If he was Izuru right now, then that would explain why he did not use keys, he was in character and Izuru was not supposed to live here.

“Your boyfriend is at work, right?” he asked in that cold but thrilling voice which told Nagito he was distant and dangerous, but it was exciting and Nagito let a slight laugh. He was still nervous after the last time but that was under certain circumstances so he didn’t feel an incident like that would occur again since they had made up.

“Yes, he is at work, Izuru, please come in but only if… you aren’t going to hurt me like last time.” he stepped aside opening the door wider. Nagito quite liked this little game Hajime had started to play and got excited inside at the prospect of more great sex, but he also felt a stronger sense of fear after Sonia’s party. He knew Hajime would never take it too far or really hurt him, last time they were in the middle of an argument, so it had not been the right time, but he did enjoy the rough sex before, it was exciting.

“I’d like to talk today.” Izuru said turning to him after walking in and placing a plastic bag on the worktop.

“That’s what you said last time, at Sonia’s.” Nagito replied. Izuru fetched some glasses and poured out two with wine that he had brought in the bag and took one to Nagito before they sat on the couch.

“I was angry last time and I let that out on you and I’m sorry,” Izuru said.

“That’s ok, but… you could have really hurt me, you know.”
“I know…” he muttered in response and looked regretful. “How was work?” Izuru asked and it felt strange having this conversation with Hajime whilst he took on this persona. It seemed so random for this to happen in the middle of the day. Hajime must have got off early, he was always owed time.

“Work was good,” Nagito said.

“Is there anything you want to talk about that you wouldn’t normally talk about with your boyfriend? I know there is a darker side to you, Nagito, a side you likely want to keep away from Hajime…” he said.

“You know that Hajime is aware of my darkness,” Nagito said.

“He knows but the surface, I know it runs deeper,” Izuru replied, his cold eyes meeting Nagito’s.

“I…” Nagito started to feel a chill, and he wrapped his arms around himself and shivered a little. Izuru reached an arm out and pulled him closer, but the arms were not filled with comfort although it seemed he tried. Was Hajime really this good at acting? Hajime should be an actor, this was amazing! Nagito thought. He certainly had the good looks too. He was not even breaking role in trying to warm him. Izuru took a gulp of his wine and then put it down, standing from the couch, he lifted Nagito’s face angling him to look up at him and planted his lips onto his feeding him the wine through this means. Nagito swallowed and looked at him lustfully as he pulled away. Izuru stroked the side of his face a movement meant to be affectionate, but it felt cold.

“Your darkness, Nagito…” he continued, “you hate yourself, don’t you?” Nagito pulled away and Izuru sat at his side again.

“Hajime… I don’t like this game anymore, what are you doing?” he asked moving away but Izuru moved with him, he took Nagito’s hand.

“I’m helping you.” He said, “and it’s Izuru, do not call me Hajime,” he said and Nagito frowned.

“Izuru… can I please have Hajime back?” Nagito asked.

“I thought you liked me… I like you; I think you’re beautiful,” he said looking at him as though taking in every angle, ever feature of his face, then his eyes lowered, “and… I enjoy your body…”

“You enjoy my body?” Nagito started to laugh, “that’s a strange way to put it.”

“We had really good sex, didn’t we?” he asked.

“Well… yeah,” Nagito blushed now. Izuru lifted his hand to Nagito’s face again, stroking the side of his cheek with the back of his finger, looking at him intensely as he did so.

“Tell me about your darkness… Nagito…” he said again and Nagito felt depressed as he was forced to confront that darkness, but Izuru was seducing him, the darkness descended upon him like the dark cloud often did.

“I do… hate myself… the scars are the evidence of that…”
“How somebody could be so vicious to oneself like that is true darkness,” Izuru said and he still caressed Nagito’s cheek. He moved that hand and ran a finger over Nagito’s bottom lip. Nagito was lost in the cold, harsh gaze of this persona, despite his discomfort at the conversation topic. “Do you ever want to hurt others in such a vicious way?” he asked as he slipped his finger into Nagito’s mouth, Nagito sucked the finger obediently holding eye contact as he did so, utterly swooning. Hajime… Izuru was so hot… This darkness, Izuru spoke of was being drawn to the surface, he was coaxing it out of him by means of seduction.

“Sometimes…” Nagito whispered after releasing the finger from his mouth.

“You were ready to inflict pain upon Junko Enoshima, right? You entered a dark state, it was beautiful…” Izuru whispered.

“Junko Enoshima… Mukuro Ikusaba and Isao Agawa… Hajime’s parents… Hajime’s uncle… I wished they could burn… I wanted to burn them… or at least… know they died slowly and painfully….” he muttered and for the first time Izuru smiled but it was fleeting and dark.

“At least three of those people are already dead and their deaths were not pleasant. I want to hurt people too… but right now, rough sex with you will suffice,” He took hold of Nagito’s hair before aggressively pressing his lips to Nagito’s holding his head at an uncomfortable angle. Nagito could not help but whimper.

“Is it too much for you?” Izuru asked.

“No…” Nagito whispered his breathing getting heavier.

“Hajime is very lucky, but he is also an idiot not to pleasure you how you deserve to be pleasured. Giving you what you need out of some stupid sense of not wanting to hurt you when you want to feel that pain, a sense of protecting you. I suppose… you could say he is protecting you from yourself… you like rough sex due to your self-loathing your sense of worthlessness… I like rough sex because I enjoy seeing others in pain. You enjoy the domination… I enjoy the submission….” Izuru said and pulled Nagito down to the sofa by his hair climbing on top of him one leg either side, pinning him down.

“Do what you want…” Nagito said with heavy lustful breaths of anticipation forgetting his previous fears, getting lost in the moment as was always the case with Izuru.

“I will do what I want…” Izuru replied, Nagito could feel himself getting hard at the prospect and he could feel Izuru’s arousal as he bent down on top of him placing another rough kiss on his lips before biting his bottom lip, causing Nagito to gasp. Izuru then traced rough kisses to Nagito’s ear and bit at the lobe. Nagito gasped again feeling the rush of pleasure going through him, his hips unconsciously grinding up into Izuru.

“I really do like you, Nagito, I desire you all the time.” He said sitting up. “I want to see your pain, your tears… I want to see the life drain from your eyes…” he said and Nagito’s swoon ended at that.

“Izuru…. That’s kind of scary and not in the good way.” Nagito suddenly said and Izuru climbed off him.

“Was all that too much for you?” he asked looking down at him. “I would never really hurt you, Nagito, I told you the other night, I love you.”

“You know I love you but… this persona can be intense… sometimes you go too far…” Nagito said.

“I push your limits… I will not approach you again when I am angry, I can control myself better. I am not angry right now, I am full of desire for you, I do not wish to hurt you. I certainly did not mean I would kill you. I was appealing to your darker side and not trying to scare you, I only want to bring you pleasure. Forgive me.” Izuru said with a previously unexplored charm and then held out his hand. “I promise, we will both enjoy this. Shall we?” he asked sounding warmer and Nagito took his hand allowing him to lead to the bedroom, feeling a little apprehensive but still excited, those words were sincere, they even held warmth which was not usual for this persona. He was not in danger, of course he wasn’t this was all just a game. An exciting one.

Chapter Text

I returned home from work Friday evening to find Nagito had pulled out our table and laid it out nicely, it even had a flower in a vase in its centre and candles. Dinner smelled amazing but Nagito was generally a pretty good cook if he stuck to things he knew. I looked to see him coming out of the bedroom, he looked smart, what was going on? I smiled at him.

“Oh, Hajime, your home!” he smiled brightly, so cute, my heart beat a little faster. He looked really good, wearing a smart blue shirt, dark trousers and he had managed to tame his hair, slicking it back a little so the bits that usually fell in his face were out of his way.

“What is all this?” I asked him.

“Oh… well, I wanted to do something nice for you and… I thought back to our first date… I’m wearing the same blue shirt,” he blushed, and I realised that he was.

“We don’t have to live in old memories, even good ones, we can make new ones,” I smiled going to him.

“I know but you do so much for me, and I wanted to do something nice for you, its all a bit cliché isn’t it? I should have come up with something original.” He looked a bit disappointed.

“Hey, I didn’t mean I don’t like it and you look gorgeous; I can see you’re wearing a little make-up too; it looks good.” I lifted his chin smiling at him, his lips were shiny from lip-gloss, and I could see he had applied the slightest amount of eyeliner, so very lightly but it just accentuated his beautiful eyes, and his thick lashes needed no attention. “You do look great,” I said, and his face brightened. “Do I have time to shower and get changed?” I asked and he nodded smiling. “I better pick something nice if you look this good,” I added as I made my way to the shower, I was pretty tired after the week, but he had gone to so much effort, I decided to have a cold shower to wake me up and I wondered if I could dig out my green shirt from that day? Our first date. I wondered if it still fit me, I had filled out a bit since then, Nagito obviously still fit into his shirt just fine and I really did like that shirt on him. I finished my shower and dried off walking out with my towel wrapped around my waist. I looked for that shirt and I found it folded up in a drawer, I tried it on. It was a little tight, I could probably get away with it, but I don’t think it would be comfortable. Nagito walked in.

“Ah, you thought you’d match me?” he asked leaning against the door frame. He obviously recognised this shirt right away whereas I only realised he was wearing his blue one after he pointed it out.

“I was going to but… it doesn’t fit me so well,” I laughed awkwardly and tossed it down.

“You’re hot, Hajime,” Nagito said as he watched me, he was looking at my body as I stood in just my towel, but he was blushing as he did so. I blushed realising he was checking me out but in such a cute way, we were still blushing at each other after years of being together. I turned from him, and  pulled out a black shirt and wore this one and found some light-coloured trousers to go with it.

“Will this do?” I asked him.

“You look very handsome, Hajime,” he smiled.

“So do you,” I replied and went to him, I took his hands and then kissed him on the lips forgetting about the lip gloss obviously. “Oh, whoops” I laughed feeling it on my lips now, he laughed.

“You want some too? It feels nice,” he said smiling.

“Its ok, I’ll just have the bit I stole from you,” I replied. “You look really beautiful, by the way,” I said after seeing his made-up face close before we walked into the living room. I kind of liked that Nagito applied make up sometimes, he did it rarely, but he had gotten really good at it, and it suited him, but I did like his natural face even more. “So really, what is all this?” I asked him.

“I just wanted to have a nice dinner with you, I also wanted to talk.”

“Oh right, is there anything… I should be worried about?” I asked him and he laughed.

“Not at all,” he went to the kitchen and poured out some wine bringing me a glass.

“Nagito, what the hell is going on?” I asked again but smiling.

“Sit down, I’ll bring your dinner,” he said after taking a sip of his wine then placing it at the table. I took my seat and he shortly returned with two plates of food, putting mine down first and then his own. He sat and smiled across the table at me. “I hope you like it,” he said, and it did smell delicious.

“What is it?” I asked him, not recognising the dish, and feeling a little apprehensive that he had tried something new again.

“It’s actually a dish from Sonia’s home country, I asked her for some interesting recipes. Its slightly improvised for ingredients we couldn’t find here but it should still work.”

“Wow, you went to a lot of effort,” I said and began to try to the food. It was quite flavoursome, but he had done well. “Oh, are you going to be able to eat this? It has quite the variety of tastes,”

“I’ll be fine, I wanted to make something special that you would definitely enjoy.”

“It is good,” I said and continued to eat, he looked really happy that I was enjoying it so much and it warmed my heart, but I could tell he struggled a little, he didn’t need to do this, I would have been happy with something he could enjoy too. This was nice though, after some of the drama we’ve had lately.

“Hajime… the reason I wanted to do this… I wanted to say thank you for everything you have done for me and everything you do for me.” he began.

“I… don’t really know what you mean,”
“Well… everything… accepting someone like me… loving someone like me… I am really happy. I know we have our ups and downs, but I think every couple does. I honestly feel… very loved.” He said and I felt tears coming to my eyes.

“Nagito…”

“I know I’m not supposed to talk about it so I’ll keep it brief, but what you’ve done lately… has been really fun it was just… last time got a bit too much, a bit too dark so without actually talking about it I just wanted to ask if you could slow it down a bit.” He said and I was confused.

“What do you mean?”

“It was a bit… too rough and some of the things you said were… kind of scary,” he said and took another sip of his wine.
“Nagito, what are talking about? Do you mean the other night when we had sex? Was I rough?” I asked.

“Well, yeah,” he replied looking a bit confused now.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry I didn’t realise I was being too rough,” I said feeling terrible and trying to remember what I might have done that was too much for Nagito who had asked for rough sex of which I still found uncomfortable. I was confused. I don’t even remember being rough, not really. Maybe he meant during the actual sex, perhaps I went too hard or, no he likes it like that. Maybe I shouldn’t dwell on it, I don’t remember thinking he was uncomfortable I was always so careful, watching out for that and… he would usually say.

“It’s ok, I appreciate you trying, and it has been fun.” He tore me from my thoughts with his response.

“O-ok,” I replied, still a bit puzzled.

“You are really good at this, Hajime, not breaking it even now,” he laughed.

“I… no, I am lost, completely,” I said putting down my cutlery. He laughed again.

“It’s ok, I wasn’t supposed to talk about it, and I get it, you’re sticking to the narrative.”

“Are you ok? Did you hit your head again?” I asked feeling a bit concerned.

“No,” he laughed but didn’t say anything else.

“You’re really weird, you know, you’re still weird.” I was laughing now.

“Yeah, I know.” He replied almost regretfully.

“It’s ok, you know I don’t mind your weirdness every now and then,” I said, and he smiled. “Were you after sex tonight by any chance?” I asked with a teasing grin.

“I’m always after sex, Hajime,” he replied, grinning back at me.

Chapter Text

Nagito and I had a lovely weekend together, it was quite romantic after that lovely dinner he cooked on Friday. We spent the whole weekend, just us. I finished Monday at work still feeling uplifted from the weekend and was looking forward to getting home to see Nagito. As I got off the subway, a stranger approached me and I was handed a large brown envelope, they did not say a work only disappeared almost as quickly as they had appeared. Confused, I opened it up. It had pictures, photographs of… Nagitowhat the fuck? It was Nagito with some other guy who looked similar to me but… Nagito and I had never had sex like that before… had he… cheated on me? My heart ached, they were on our bed and the other guy had Nagito by the throat in some pictures and he was pulling his hair far rougher than I ever would in others, hurting him. More pictures, and they were… in Sonia’s garden area, near the pool… we never did that, Nagito was pressed against one of the Summer houses, this guy pressing up against him…. What the fuck was going on? More in our bed… that was domination… no… I had never done that to Nagito… Oh god… no… I felt the tears in my eyes, and they fell freely. I never thought Nagito could do that to me… how could he? The first feeling I felt was a deep sorrow, my heart was breaking. How could he? I wanted to just cry out and crumple to the ground in utter despair. How could he? My whole world was crashing around me, in shattering pieces. After such a lovely weekend with him… was all that done out of guilt? I slowly put the photographs back into the envelope and started to walk home in a daze. How could he do this? Why? I thought he loved me. He always acted as though I was his world. Was it all a lie? I found myself walking up to our house and I entered, still feeling like I was in a trance. He was there cooking dinner, Fuyu was coming round tonight and Nagito had insisted on cooking us dinner, that so vaguely entered my mind fleetingly. I felt broken. He looked up at me and smiled. How dare he? My sadness halved and made room for anger. His smile faded as he realised something was wrong. Tears still fell from my eyes, but I could feel my anger rising as I looked at that smile.

“Hajime… what’s wrong?” he asked worried, taking dinner off the stove, as I silently removed the photographs from the envelope and walked towards him, I threw them at him, and he shrunk back.

“What’s wrong?” I asked quietly, threateningly “what’s wrong?” I now yelled. He looked down at the pictures as they fell to the floor. He frowned and looked up at me, he looked confused. “How could you?” I asked him. “How could you do this to me?” I yelled; my emotions were all over the place. I had a complete mix of sorrow and anger swirling inside of me. There was a terrible pain inside my chest.

“Hajime… what are you talking about?” he asked. What the fuck? What the fuck!!!

“Are you serious, right now?” I yelled. “You cheated on me! You fucking slut!”

“What? Hajime, that’s you in those pictures but who took these pictures?” he asked looking hurt at my accusation.

“I don’t care who, that is not me, you cheated on me, Nagito… you say you love me all the time but then this!” I kicked at the photos on the floor edging closer to him, but he stepped backwards swiftly cautious of me and rightly so.

“Hajime, I’m really confused, that’s you in the pictures, what is going on?” he asked.

“We’ve never had sex like that Nagito!” I yelled. How dare he?

“Yes, we have, you were role playing, pretending to be… someone else and we had really hot rough sex… Hajime-“

“We’ve never had sex like that! I would certainly never do anything that might hurt you like in these!” I yelled.

“Hajime… you’re scaring me… that is you.”

“That’s not me!” my rage was taking over my sorrow now, the more I heard him talk the more the fires were stoked inside of me.

“Hajime… I think you need help… I don’t know what’s going on but- “

“I need help? You think I’m the one who needs help?” I yelled and I went for him, but he hurried out of my way. Darting around the kitchen breakfast bar into the adjoining living room and behind the couch as though meaning to use it as a barrier between us. I chased him but stopped the other side trying to control myself.

“Hajime, please stop, I’m scared, I don’t know what’s going on but that is you in those pictures, why don’t you remember?” he asked, and I could hear the fear in his voice as it quivered with his words.

“What game are you playing, Nagito?” I yelled as we stood either side of the sofa now from where he had hurried to get out of my way, Nagito looked ready to run for the door. Perhaps he should run for the door. I was so angry; I was not even thinking straight. Did I even know who Nagito was?

“I’m not playing any game, Hajime! That was you! You were pretending to be someone else, we had sex in this role playing situation, you were called Izuru, you were cold and kind of scary but it was hot and I thought-“

“We never did that! I think it’s you that needs help unless this is just some fucked up game, you’re playing to mess with me!” I screamed.

“I’m not playing any game! Hajime, please just… get some help… please… you’re really scaring me right now,” he said.

“And you broke my heart,” I muttered, now feeling sorrow again.

“I don’t know what is happening but… I’m telling the truth; the first time was that night when I was out with work, and you had something on with your work too, but you showed up to meet me…” it was confirmed. I had been with my work all evening that night. And… the first time???

“I never left my work night, Nagito, we all left there together, and it was late. This didn’t happen, not with me, I was passed out on the bathroom floor.”

“You were drunk so maybe you don’t remember, what about at Sonia’s huh? We had a falling out and you tried to make it up to me as Izuru but in your anger at me bashed my head against the wall.”
“I didn’t fucking do that! I was passed out on the bathroom floor again, Nagito!”

“Again… you were very drunk… maybe that’s the trigger,” he said, his voice holding urgency.

“Trigger? For what exactly?” I yelled.

“Maybe Izuru is your split personality, maybe this is your mental break?”

“Are you fucking serious?” I yelled.

“What other explanation is there, if you really don’t remember?” Nagito asked and it tipped me over the edge. I ran at him, and he tried to get away running for the front door and cried out as I caught him, I took hold of him slamming him into the cupboard by our front door. He whimpered from the impact and the picture of our first kiss fell and shattered on the floor.

“These are the worst excuses I’ve ever heard of someone trying to get out of cheating!” I screamed.

“Hajime, please stop, you’re hurting me,” he begged.

“Good! I’m glad it hurts!” I yelled slamming him hard again using my strength advantage. He cried out.

“Please,”

“Any pain you’re getting is not even close to the pain I’m in right now! I loved you Nagito… I loved you so much and you’ve broken me…” I was desperately crying now, but my anger was still in full control, and he tried to wriggle out of my grip, but he couldn’t.

“Hajime…” he said pleadingly, tears falling from his eyes.

“How could you do this to me?” I asked.

“I’m so confused, Hajime, I would never cheat on you!”

“Well, you fucking did there’s picture evidence!” I yelled and then I pulled him away from the cupboard throwing him across the room. He crashed into the kitchen breakfast table and then hit the floor. I could tell he was hurt as he gripped his ribs trying to get back up, but it didn’t stop me, I followed and climbed on top of him. My rage was controlling me completely taking over.

“Hajime! Stop!” he yelled and was throwing his arms up in defence, but I was stronger, and I managed to get to him, my hands wrapped around his throat. “S-stop…” he choked out.

“I thought you enjoyed this, Nagito, I’m not doing it right?” I found myself yelling viscously and I tightened my grip. He struggled, trying to pull me off and throw me off but he was not strong enough. Tears fell from his eyes as he looked up at me, unable to breathe but suddenly he managed to land a perfectly placed knee to my groin which hurt like hell and caused me to let go. He gasped and tried to crawl away, but I recovered from my pain enough to grab him and drag him back before he could escape.

“No! Hajime! Please!” he cried, and in my blind rage, I grabbed him by his hair and was about to start bashing his head against the floor mercilessly when suddenly someone was pulling me off him.

“Hajime, what the fuck?” it was Fuyu, and he arrived just in time, in my state I must have left the door open, thankfully. My breathing was out of control, and I crumpled to the floor on my knees and looked at my trembling hands, I had almost killed Nagito. The image of blood flashed upon my hands as they had looked after I killed Junko. I had almost bashed Nagito’s head in as I had done hers. He was sitting up against the end of the breakfast bar, catching his breath and looking over at me, his eyes still spilling with tears and filled with fear.

“I nearly killed him…” I muttered. I realised I was never going to stop so I was relieved Fuyu had got here when he did.

“Shit, what the fuck is going on?” Fuyu asked. “Nagito, are you ok?”

“No…” he muttered in a broken voice. I looked at him as he recovered from my attack.

“Nagito… how could you… do this to me?” my sorrow had taken over again.

“I didn’t… Hajime, something isn’t right here, he looks just like you so split personality is the only explanation. I’m worried about you.” He said.

“Nagito… you cheated on me, it’s as simple as that.” I muttered; I didn’t want to believe it but that was the only explanation in my mind, his was far-fetched, I did not have a split personality. I pulled myself to my feet. Fuyu moved over to where he had noticed the pictures.

“Fuck I didn’t want to see that. But shit… Hajime… this guy does look like you…”

“I don’t… it can’t be me, it’s impossible… Nagito’s just fucked up and found a guy who looked close enough like me to give him what I wouldn’t…” I muttered.

"Who the fuck took these? Aint that a little weird?" Fuyu asked. Nagito stood now, and he came to me.

“Hajime… you have to believe me… I would never cheat on you!” he continued.

“Just don’t come near me, Nagito… we’re done but I don’t want to hurt you so don’t come near me... it’s… over…” I said, the last word coming as just a whisper. I felt a heaviness inside my chest as I looked at him, I could see him break right before me.

“Hajime… please… don’t go…” his voice was filled with tears. “I don’t know what is happening but… please don’t leave me… I can’t… I can’t cope without you…”

“Then you should not have let another guy fuck you, just because I wouldn’t give you the kind of sex you wanted, you find a guy who looks similar to me and willing to do it, that’s fucked up.” I replied, my voice was now cold. I was broken too. I headed toward the door, and he took my arm, but I pushed him down to the floor. I then kicked the broken photo frame with the picture of our first kiss towards him. “That’s symbolic, fitting that memory should shatter too.” I said and as Nagito picked up the picture, I continued towards the door.

“Hajime…” I heard him mutter. Fuyu followed me outside as we left a broken Nagito inside the house. My very soul felt like it had shattered and was beyond repair. Tears began to fall from my eyes again. I had loved him so much and he broke my heart. No. He broke me completely.

Chapter Text

Fuyu had walked with me around the block until I calmed enough to sit down, and we found a bench. I put my head in my hands and cried silently. Nagito and I were over. I loved him so much… I can’t see my future without him, I never have been able to since I fell in love with him, he was everything to me and he had betrayed me.

“Hajime, I don’t want to rock the boat as they say, and I’m pissed at Nagito for this but… is it really impossible for that guy in those pics to be you? He sounded very sure.” Fuyu spoke and I looked up at him.

“It can’t be me; it just can’t be.” I replied.

“It keeps bugging me about who and why those photos were taken, it aint sitting right.” Fuyu took to my side on the bench. “It… almost feels like a set up,”

“He’s had a stalker so… maybe that freak wanted some perverted pics of him and… that guy just looked a bit like me, unless he was… part of it… maybe he was someone the stalker was like in league with… I don’t know.” I could hear myself and I sounded utterly defeated.
“This is starting to sound even more farfetched.” Fuyu muttered and I had to agree. It sounded ridiculous. Nagito’s words sounded ridiculous.

“I don’t know what to do… I still love him so much, but my chest is hurting, what he did, its so painful.” I cried and Fuyu placed a hand on my shoulder.

“I can’t even imagine. Do you think you should head back and get your things? You can stay at mine.” He offered.

“I will soon, I just… I need to muster the strength. It’s going to hurt to look at him again.” I muttered.

“Alright, I’ll wait as long as you need me to, Hajime, I’m here for you. I’ll get you through this.” He said and I found myself reaching my hand up and holding onto his hand that rested on my shoulder feeling more tears coming.

 

***

 

Nagito looked down at the shattered photo frame and pulled the picture from the shards, he looked at it… those words on the back ‘The beginning of something beautiful…’ and it really was but now… it was all over. Now… Hajime was gone. Hajime hated him; he had left him. Nagito was all alone again. Nobody would believe him over Hajime, not for this, he would lose everyone. All those friends he had made… Hajime… all gone. The tears fell freely from his eyes obscuring his vision of that wonderful night when they shared their first kiss. How hard his heart had pounded in that moment when Hajime… the beautiful Hajime had lent in to kiss him… with a shaky hand he reached for one of the larger shards of glass from the broken frame, he could probably cut his wrists open again with this. He could not live in that loneliness, not again…. He touched the glass to his wrist where the old scars were…. His breathing quickened as he remembered the pain…. It was still not as much pain as what he felt in his heart right now…. No… he couldn’t just quit. Hajime needed help if he really did have a split personality and didn’t remember anything from when he was Izuru then he needed help and if he could accept that perhaps he would realise Nagito hadn’t cheated on him. What if this was Hajime’s mental break? He had suggested that, and Hajime lost it, he could feel bruises forming on his body from Hajime’s assault but again, the pain in his heart was far worse. Nagito threw down the glass and picked up the photo, they were not broken, he could not let that be the case. With a new found determination, he picked up his phone and called Fuyu. He cancelled his call.

“No, Fuyu, please answer,” he begged as he dialled again.

“What the fuck do you want?” Fuyu yelled as he answered.

“I didn’t cheat on Hajime; I would never do that. I think he’s sicker than we realised, his mental health needs to be addressed. Izuru is dangerous, we always knew Hajime was when he got angry but Izuru… he is cold and violent.”

“Yeah, I could see that from those fucked up pictures! Some messed up guy you got yourself involved with, Nagito!”

“You’re not listening to me!” Nagito yelled.

“I’ve heard enough, Hajime told me his side and I’ve heard yours, it’s insane, Nagito, you’re just trying to get out of it.”

“Fuyu just fucking listen to me!” Nagito yelled.

“I’m done and it’s Fuyuhiko. We aint friends. Hajime is trying to cool off then he’s coming back to get his things, but he left his keys, so you better be in! We both find your version of events hard to swallow.” he said and hung up. Nagito felt that pang inside his chest. Had he really… lost them all? Fuyu had reverted him back to calling him by his full name, no, no! He still had that swell of determination within his heart, he could not give this up. He decided to text Fuyuhiko instead.

I know you think this sounds crazy and it does but it’s the only possibility, Madoka saw me leaving with him that night on our work nights, ask him who I left with. I’m not trying to get out of cheating because I didn’t cheat. Hajime needs help and if you really care about him like I do then you would consider that possibility.

He sent it and followed it with Madoka’s phone number. Hoping for something to come of it. He had not cheated. He was worried about Hajime. Fuyuhiko said something about Hajime coming back shortly to get his things after he calmed, perhaps he would be willing to sit and talk. Nagito would hold onto that hope, that last chance. Hajime had almost killed him but because of that he knew Fuyuhiko would likely not be far in case tempers raged again, he would be safe. Nagito just sat for a while, his heart was pounding hard at the anticipation of Hajime coming back, he was scared but also eager to convince him to get help and consider the possibility of his split personality. There was a knock at the door, how long had it been? Nagito looked out the balcony window, the sky was turning into evening. It had been early evening when Hajime returned with those pictures, now the sun was setting. He stood up, feeling extreme anxiety as he opened the door.

“Hajime,” he said, and he moved to let him in. Hajime stepped inside, his expression was solemn, but he seemed to have calmed. Nagito looked outside the door but couldn’t see Fuyuhiko, he must be close by though. He left the door slightly ajar in case he needed to escape or so Fuyuhiko could get inside, he was probably just allowing their privacy. “Would you… stay to just talk for a bit?” Nagito braved.

“Yes,” Hajime replied barely looking at him and they moved to the sofa. Nagito sat at a cautious distance from Hajime just in case things went bad.

“You have to believe me; I didn’t cheat on you!”

“I am starting to believe that you believe that…” Hajime replied dully.

“I… Hajime I can’t lose you, you’re everything to me!” Nagito felt the tears come to his eyes.

“And Izuru is nothing?”

“What? Izuru is you, so of course there was care, I’m so worried about you! We need to get you help, Hajime! Izuru is nothing and he was only something because I thought he was you!” Nagito moved closer instinctively, supportively.

“I have suffered many traumas in my life… cold parents… a paedophile uncle who defiled me from aged four… but you rejecting me this way… hurts the most…”

“Rejecting you? I… wait, you told me you were six when your uncle… did that…” Nagito looked at Hajime who turned cold eyes to him.

“Hajime only remembers so far back that is why he does not remember me.” he said and Nagito’s eyes widened. He sat in shock looking at Hajime’s exact opposite.

“Izuru Kamakura was the name given to me by my adoptive parents, my birth name was Hikaru Hinata, and I have loved you since Hope’s Peak but my brother, who tried to murder me… he is the one who gets you… and you still just want him…” Nagito’s heart sunk, and he began to feel nauseous. “Nagito… we could be together now, forget him,” Izuru went to lean forwards, but Nagito pushed him away violently and clambered off the couch, he felt violated. Izuru was looking down, a dark aura had consumed him. Nagito looked at the partially open door, he felt the need to escape but as soon as he moved to, Izuru got in his way.

“Please… please don’t…” Nagito begged, sensing Izuru’s murderous intent.

“You reject me again?” Izuru asked in a quiet rage. Nagito knew his exit was blocked, he saw the bathroom right near where he stood, and he ran inside locking himself in. “I told you Nagito, I have loved you since Hope’s Peak… that’s a long time to love someone from afar…”
“If you were at Hope’s Peak why don’t I remember you? Why did you never speak to me? I was so lonely! I could have done with a friend!” Nagito called back.

“I was not in school much and I hid behind long hair, it was like a shield for me. You would not recognise me. I could tell you more, but I fear we are running out of time.” Izuru said from the other side of the door.

“I would have talked to you…” Nagito cried.

“I know…” Izuru said. “I really do love you, Nagito… and I was happy to have you if just for a bit…”

“Izuru…” Nagito muttered. He heard movement, it sounded like furniture moving. “What are you doing?” he called out.

“I can never have you… my brother will never have you again either…” Izuru replied and after a while Nagito heard what sounded like fire and smoke began to creep through the cracks in the door. “I’m sorry. It just has to be this way. I really am sorry, this hurts me too.”

“No!” Nagito pulled himself up using the sink and banged on the door, trying to open it but just it wouldn’t.

“You won’t get out. I am sorry but at least you will die from smoke inhalation first, unlike my parents and my uncle who just burned… you wanted them burned so I burned them… listened to their satisfying screams….” Nagito felt panic rise inside of his chest, but he had to control his breathing if he had a panic attack, he would only take more smoke in faster.

“Izuru! Please!” Nagito cried desperately. “I don’t want to die like this! I don’t want to die!” there was no response, and the sound of flames only grew fiercer on the other side of the door and the smoke was coming in. This bathroom only had a small window, no chance of climbing out through it, he was completely trapped, he pulled some towels to try and block out the smoke from the bottom of the door, the panic rising in his chest, he tried to control his breathing. He took his phone out of his pocket and tried calling Hajime, but his call was rejected. He tried again but the same thing happened. Nagito sat against the bathroom wall, eyes wide as tears fell, he could not die with Hajime hating him… if he could just talk…. He had taken that picture and pulled it out of his pocket, where he had kept it folded, he held it, looking at it… he just wanted Hajime to know… to know he had not cheated on him… if he was to die… he did not want to do so with them so broken like this… that picture… that beautiful moment….

Chapter Text

I was still angry, but I no longer felt out of control, Fuyu had sat with me a while. I still had my head in my hands sitting on that bench. My heart was heavy and my regret hurting Nagito, despite how he had hurt me weighed on my soul. I had almost killed him that’s why, one bash of his head while I was in that rage was probably enough to set off complications for his brain injury, I should be locked up. I was so grateful of Fuyu arriving when he did. I still loved Nagito. Of course, I still loved him. I don’t think I would ever stop loving him, but Fuyu was right something was starting to feel a bit off, despite what I knew to be impossible.

“Hajime, do you think we should go back now?” Fuyu asked.

“Yeah, we should,” I said and Nagito called me, but I rejected the call. I couldn’t talk not now; I just wanted to get my things and stay with Fuyu. He called again, “fuck’s sake! Doesn’t he ever give up?” I snapped and we started to walk when out of a dark alley stepped a figure, he stood in our path as though meaning to stop us.

“You should probably answer,” the silhouetted figure said as my phone rang.

“And who the fuck are you?” Fuyu snapped.

“Nagito is probably trying to say goodbye,” the man said.

“What?” I asked and my phone rang again so I answered it.

“Hajime…” it was Nagito, and I could hear background noise, crackling but it was dull, and he sounded hoarse. “I didn’t cheat… Izuru is real… he’s your brother…” he was coughing, what was that background noise? My heart sank as the figure before me stepped out of the shadows. I was staring at my exact likeness. Hikaru… my twin… but how? His eyes held nothing but pure malice as he looked at me under the streetlights and everything fell into place. “I’m trapped, Hajime, he was here and he’s burning our house, but I’m trapped in the bathroom… I think he blocked the door with… the couch…” then my brother spoke. I was frozen in shock and fear, his voice so cold.

“You won’t get to him in time but at least he knows you know the truth before he dies, you might get to say goodbye, but you won’t truly be able to make amends, for how can you… with a corpse?” Hikaru said. I snapped out if it and suddenly broke into a run, I had to save Nagito. Fuyu was close behind me, we ignored my brother for now, but I would find him again and I would kill him with my own hands. I could hear sirens approaching, this almost felt like a dream… or nightmare….

“Nagito, the fire service is on their way, I can hear them.” I said trying to reassure him as I ran to him.

“I don’t… think I’m gonna make it…” he spluttered; I could hear the toll the smoke was taking on his breathing he could hardly speak. “Hajime… I didn’t cheat… you have to believe me… I thought it was you… I would never…. I love you… too much…” he tried to speak in between coughs.

“Stop that, Nagito, stop saying goodbye, alright? I know you didn’t cheat.” I said sternly as we rounded the block at the same time the fire truck pulled up. Nekomaru was one of the firemen jumping out.

“Hajime! Thank god!” he said as he saw me.

 “Nagito’s trapped in there, he’s in the bathroom, the couch is trapping him in! Hurry!” I cried.

“Someone’s in that?” another fireman asked as Nekomaru made no hesitation and made his way straight inside without a second thought.

“Nagito, they’re on their way to you right now just hang in there,” I said but there was no response, I could not even hear coughing. “Nagito?” I yelled, “Nagito!” I cried out feeling my heart sink. “I… love you…” the words just left my mouth; I really did love him, and I hoped he survived this fire so I could tell him that finally after all this awful mess. My heart pounded so hard inside my chest as I watched our house burn, soon I saw Nekomaru returning, he was carrying Nagito and my spirits lifted until I realised how limp Nagito looked in Nekomaru’s arms. He placed him down on the ground and I just looked at Nagito, he was dirty from the black smoke, and he was not moving.

“He isn’t breathing! Get me some oxygen!” Nekomaru called out. Not breathing? Nekomaru began CPR, carefully, and I ran to Nagito my knees buckling as I got there, crashing to the hard concrete, barely registering the pain.

“Nagito!” I called panicked and grabbing the nearest part of him which was an arm, I just want to hold him, hold his hand but Nekomaru pushed me away.

“Give him space!” he snapped and continued CPR. He really wasn’t breathing. I watched as Nekomaru compressed Nagito’s chest, he looked so lifeless… so empty, his eyes closed as though sleeping but he was just too still. “Come on, Nagito! Come on my friend!” he urged. Dead? No… he couldn’t be…. I felt like I was about to completely lose my mind, Fuyu came closer, and he placed a hand on my shoulder, once more for comfort. Nekomaru continued with the chest compressions. Had I lost him? Our final moments together were me in a violent rage, trying to hurt him…. It felt like everything just disappeared around me and all I was focussed on was Nagito and Nekomaru desperately trying to bring him back to life, my hand raised to my chest, and I gripped it where my heart sat inside. I’m sorry for not listening to you, for not believing that you would never cheat… of course you wouldn’t…. You can’t leave me…. Not like this….

Chapter Text

I looked on as Nekomaru slowed, Nagito was not reviving…. Nekomaru looked at me with tears in his eyes and he stopped the chest compressions. I felt my eyes spill with tears.

“I’m so sorry, Hajime, if I go any longer, I’m going to break a rib,” he said, and I could hear his regret and the sadness in his words.

“No! You keep doing it!” I demanded. “Nagito!” I took hold of him, gripping his t-shirt in my hands, desperately as though trying to claw him back. “Nagito! Come back to me! Come back to me! Don’t fucking do this….” I cried. I placed my hands on his chest, mimicking Nekomaru’s movements. “Like this, right?” I asked him.

“Hajime-“
“Like this right?” I yelled and he nodded so I began the same movements he had done, trying to get Nagito back. “Come on, please…” I begged as I tried to bring him back, I looked at him and fresh tears filled my eyes. This can’t be happening….

“Hajime… I think you might have to-“ Fuyu began but then suddenly Nagito coughed a little, an almost pathetic cough, weak, but then began to cough raspy painful sounding coughs, as he gasped for breath, I had not felt so happy in my entire life. He was alive! I had brought him back! I did it!

“Oxygen!” Nekomaru called, and it was given and placed on Nagito as paramedics who had arrived at some point, I had not even noticed in my state, but they proceeded to help him onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. I hurried over to him, they were trying to usher me away, I managed to take Nagito’s hand just briefly and he acknowledged this with a gentle squeeze of my hand. Did this mean he was going to be alright?

“Hajime, I’ll drive you there.” Fuyu said and we hurried to his car to follow the ambulance to the hospital.

“What the fuck, Hajime?” Fuyu said on the car journey.

“I don’t know… my brother did that though… Nagito told me on the phone, he just tried to kill Nagito… he tried to take him from me… it was him in those pictures,” I muttered.

“So… Nagito really believed it was you?”

“Yeah, I’m a fucking idiot. Of course, Nagito wouldn’t cheat on me, is he really the type? He was desperate trying got convince me, but I thought it was out of fear that he had been caught…”

“After the spin the bottle game at Sonia’s I thought maybe he could be the type but… that is not the same… shit, this is a real mess, Hajime.” He said.

“I know, I’m gonna kill him Fuyu, he’ll pay for what he did to Nagito… what he just put us both through.” I muttered darkly.

“Yeah, I feel like a real asshole now, talking to Nagito like that. Shit… I thought he was dead when Nekomaru pulled him out of that fire, I can’t imagine how you were feeling.”

“I was about to lose my mind, I thought he was dead too… I couldn’t handle that…. Hikaru… Izuru… took advantage of Nagito’s love for me and… tricked him into having sex with him, that’s unforgivable, it’s a violation. I need to get this anger sorted so I don’t hurt Nagito next time I get angry with him, but for now, I’m going to keep it… until I find my brother. I need it.” I could hear myself and I sounded dark, cold only once did I remember sounding this way and that was with Junko.

“Hajime, you sure you don’t want me to deal with it? We have our ways, y’know, it won’t be a problem. We can make him disappear.”

“No, this is something I have to do myself.” I muttered as we pulled into the hospital and parked up.

“If I can help you then just let me know.” He said before we got out. “I’m just gonna make a call to Peko, want me to phone Nagito’s parents for you?” Fuyu asked.

“Shit, yeah, take my phone.” I said and unlocked it handing it to him before I rushed inside to the reception desk. “Nagito Komaeda?” I asked, “he was just brought here by ambulance after a fire?”

“Yes, let me show you to a waiting room.” One receptionist responded and led me away from the main reception and into a room, it was empty but there were seats all around. I couldn’t possibly sit right now. All I could think about was if Nagito was going to be ok. If he died… there would be no containing my rage or my sorrow. For everything my brother had done… it was all slowly sinking in. Was he… the one who had been stalking Nagito? It must have been him. Why did he do all of this? After a while Fuyu had managed to join me in the waiting room.

“His parents are on their way; I didn’t tell them much just that there was a fire and Nagito had smoke inhalation and was in hospital.” A doctor soon came in with a clipboard. Everything felt so fragmented… time even… how long had I been here?

“You here for Nagito Komaeda?” he asked.

“Yes, is he ok?” I asked urgently.

“They’re doing the necessary tests right now. May I ask your name and relationship to the patient?”

“My name is Hajime Hinata, he is my boyfriend.”

“I need to ask you some questions, what was the source of the smoke?”

“I… have no idea… our house was on fire… he… he had a stalker and he said he was round there and Nagito locked himself in the bathroom… I don’t know what was used to start the fire.”

“So, at the moment we are aware of usual household items causing the smoke, I can get more from the fire department if it’s arson. The police will need to know about this too. Next question, how long was he exposed?”

“I don’t know, we were gone… about an hour… maybe a bit more but the house wasn’t burning that long, he had probably stopped breathing for a few minutes, or at least he passed out, I was on the phone to him, and he stopped responding to me right before the fireman went in to get him out.” I replied but I was getting irritated by the questions.

“How much smoke was he exposed to?”

“I don’t fucking know! A lot!” I snapped.

“These questions are important, so we know how to treat him,”

“Is he ok?” I cried.

“We’re doing the necessary tests to determine the damage, but he is stable at the moment. Smoke inhalation is very serious. We need as much information as we can get.”

“I’m sorry… I’m just…”
“I understand, you’re worried about him.” there was a knock at the door and a nurse motioned for the doctor to come out.

“Shit.” I muttered.

“I’m staying with you, Hajime, I won’t leave.” Fuyu said.

“I can’t do this… it’s all too much,” I muttered feeling the tears in my eyes, the doctor returned.

“Hajime, may we speak in private?”

“You can talk freely in front of Fuyu,” I instructed.

“Alright, they are running tests now and… bruising was found on his arms, neck and on his chest, do you know anything about that?” he asked.

“Well, it was probably the fucking stalker, right?” Fuyu snapped.

“Ok, but we have to ask.” The doctor replied. “Is Nagito on any medication?” he asked, and I was growing tired.

“Anti-depressant and anti-anxiety but I forget the name of them, he switched recently.” I muttered rubbing my face. “Please, can I see him?” I asked.

“After the tests we will let you in to see him,” the doctor replied before he left.

 

An hour or so passed and I was finally allowed in to see Nagito, he was in a private room and had oxygen going to help his breathing. He was not awake though. I looked at the doctor, tears filling my eyes.

“We gave him something to help him sleep, he needs rest,” the doctor said. “We looked at-“ he began and Nagito’s parents were at the door having been shown here. They rushed in and to Nagito’s other side, I was stood to his left. Mrs Komaeda was crying, and Mr Komaeda held her.

“You must be his parents, I was just about to explain our findings from the tests,”

“We got here just in time then,” Mr Komaeda said, and I could see the tears in his eyes. Even with the oxygen it was plain to see breathing was not easy for Nagito right now.

“We did a CT scan of his chest; his lungs have some damage, and his airways have some burn damage from the hot smoke he breathed,” that sounded horrible….
“Could this have any affect on the fact that he had a brain injury from when he was young?” his father asked.

“We noted that in his records and since he stopped breathing for a bit we were originally concerned, so we did a scan of his brain but could see no adverse effects, no swelling or anything so I believe in that he is clear.” The doctor replied. “He will be in some pain for a while and his breathing will be laboured, for now we just need to monitor him.”

“Why is he unconscious now?” his mother asked.

“For his own good, we sedated him so he could rest,” the doctor informed, and I sat down, taking Nagito’s hand. I tried to hold back the anger I still felt towards my brother at leaving Nagito in this state. Mr and Mrs Komaeda also pulled up some seats on the other side.

“How many times must we see our boy in the hospital in such states?” Mr Komaeda muttered as he looked on at Nagito.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there…” I muttered.

“How did this even happen?” Mr Komaeda asked.

“I… don’t know…” I lied and felt terrible for it. Fuyu walked in and stood at my side.

“Peko’s got things my end under control, I can stay here with you, Hajime,” he said, and I was grateful. He then briefly greeted Nagito’s parents, and we just sat at his sides. My heart was heavy, but my rage was lying dormant, but it was there, I could feel it in every part of me. I had almost killed him myself, that kept running through my mind, but I know Nagito would forgive that. I won’t though and I can never forgive Hikaru… Izuru whatever he went by now… he burned our home, tried to kill Nagito… that will never be forgiven.

Chapter Text

None of us left Nagito’s side the whole night, even if we slept in our chairs and it was not until the following evening that Nagito woke. He was groggy from the sedative, but he slowly opened his eyes, they were a little bloodshot from the smoke he had been surrounded by but that was to be expected. He frowned and seemed to be in pain or discomfort.

“Hajime…” he tried to speak but it sounded raspy and painful, I took his hand.

“Don’t talk,” I said.

“I’ll get the doctor,” Mr Komaeda said.

“No, I’ll go, you stay with him.” Fuyu moved and headed out of the room.

“My baby,” Mrs Komaeda said, and she took his other hand, reaching another to stroke his hair in a motherly and affectionate way, her eyes still filled with tears. Nagito had oxygen but his breathing was still laboured, he frowned and winced clearly suffering. It broke my heart. He didn’t deserve this. He had been through so much, why more? I hated the way his breathing sounded right now, even with the help of oxygen, it made me feel as though he was not out of the woods yet. Fuyu returned with the doctor, and we moved so he could get to Nagito. He checked his eyes, noting the redness and then the monitor for his heart rate.

“I can give you something for the pain,” the doctor said.

“Please do!” Mrs Komaeda cried.

“You will be feeling pain and discomfort in your chest and airways, that is all normal after smoke inhalation, and your eyes will feel irritated, they are a little red but again that is normal. I would like to do some more tests though; I want to double check on your brain injury.” He said.

“Should we be concerned?” Mr Komaeda asked.
“It is just precautionary due to the complications of such brain injuries, and it has been reported that he stopped breathing for a time, so we just want to make sure there are no complications.” The doctor said. Mrs Komaeda closed her eyes and the tears fell.

“Are you doing that now?” I asked the doctor.

“Probably tomorrow.” he replied, and I looked at Nagito’s parents as the doctor administered the pain killer.

“I’m so sorry, but… do you mind if I have a moment with Nagito? I won’t be long.” I said and they looked to one another before agreeing. Fuyu left too and I moved closer to Nagito, taking his hand again now that we were alone. He looked at me and his eyes spilled with tears, I did not know if they were emotional tear or tears due to the irritation of his eyes but either way, it hurt to see.

“Hajime… I didn’t….” he spoke, his voice was raspy from the damage.

“I know, I know you didn’t cheat on me and I’m so sorry for hurting you… I’m so sorry….” I was crying now.

“It’s ok… I know…” he coughed a little but then recovered, “I know you were so angry, and I understood why…” he coughed again, this was painful to watch. His lungs were irritated and damaged, that was obvious just by hearing him. “Hajime… he told me… he killed your… parents… and uncle….” Nagito muttered and my eyes widened. “He… burned them alive….”

“What?” I asked.

“He was also… abused by your uncle….”

“Oh my god… he was?” I felt a little sad that I really didn’t remember my brother as a child, especially if we shared that awful experience. My body shuddered at Nagito’s other words, my parents… my uncle… burned alive? “If that’s true then he’s a complete psychopath and… you’re still in danger, but I knew that…. I had this bad feeling ever since I found out about your stalker.”

“He said… he was at Hope’s Peak… he said he loved me…. I feel… dirty….” He cried and I held his hand tighter.

“He as good as violated you and for that he’s going to die.” I said.

“Hajime! No! He’s dangerous, you have no idea-“ he was interrupted by a series of coughs.

“I do and I’m not letting him get away with this, Nagito. As long as he breathes, you’re in danger, we probably both are!” I replied.

“I should have… known he wasn’t you… I’m so ashamed and we had… unprotected sex.” Nagito muttered but his voice was failing him now, he had tried to talk too much, tried to tell me everything in one sitting and now he was struggling.

“He looks exactly like me, Nagito, even I was surprised, I know he and I are twins but… there is no difference. I still can’t believe he is alive. As for the unprotected sex… we’ll get you tested but I’m sure you’ll be fine.” I said to reassure him, but I was reeling at another thing to worry about. Nagito squeezed my hand, he likely realised he could not talk much more now. “I’ll go get your parents,” I said and left for a moment. It was difficult seeing Nagito like this, it felt worse than when he was depressed, seeing him physically suffering.

“Mr and Mrs Komaeda,” I called, and they hurried over. I couldn’t see Fuyu anywhere, but I guessed he was making calls. He still had things going on, like that other clan starting shit, the one which had some ties to Junko’s cult, or at least the new leader did. I wondered briefly how that was going, strange to be distracted from my own mess of a life. Nagito’s parents and I entered his room again and returned to his side. I kissed Nagito’s hand and decided to leave his parents with him for a bit, feeling guilty I had exhausted his voice. I walked for a while, thinking on Nagito’s words… my parents and my pervert uncle… dead? As I walked, I started looking around for Fuyu and I headed outside to see it was now dark, evening turned into night fast, I noticed a way off that Fuyu was in the smoking area, which sat at the back edge of the car park, so I joined him.

“Since when did you smoke?” I asked him as I got to him.

“In extreme circumstances, I do.” he replied. “How’s Nagito?” he asked and took another draw on his cigarette.

“He was talking for a bit, but it took its toll,” I said. “He isn’t good, Fuyu but… I think he will recover. He always does but… I can see it in his eyes, Hikaru… really fucked him up now… now that he knows it wasn’t me… shit, they had unprotected sex, Fuyu, we never do that. Nagito never does that.”

“Hajime… I kind of want to be there when you… kill him. I want to help, what he’s done to Nagito… to you… is unforgivable.” Fuyu said.

“He’s really dangerous, Fuyu, I don’t want to put you at risk.”
“Fuck that!” He snapped and tossed his cigarette butt to the ground. “I’m your brother, you won’t deal with this alone! I was injured when you killed Junko, I couldn’t help with that, I had help myself to kill Isao and after that I was pretty much fucked.” He said. I walked up to him and pulled him into my arms, and he made no protest like he usually would. He was still shorter than me even though he had grown a bit taller these past years, he also lost some of his baby-facedness, which I’m sure he was pleased, I smiled at the thought. After a moment, he wrapped his arms around me too.

“Thanks, Fuyu,” I muttered.

“I got you, Hajime, I’ll always have your back,” he said. “Are we done now?” he asked awkwardly, and I smiled releasing him.

“I know you don’t like the soppy stuff Fuyu, and I know the words don’t need to be said but… I love you.”

“Ah shit… you’re right the words don’t need to be said. Let’s go back.” he began walking towards the hospital.

“That was touching,” I heard from behind me, and I turned. It was him; he was here, my brother. Had he been watching Fuyu? The thought disturbed me and seeing him had that dormant rage inside of me erupt like a volcano.

“You bastard!” I yelled and Fuyu was with me once more, holding me back.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he yelled at my brother. I was fighting against Fuyu, trying to get at my brother. “This aint the time, or the place, Hajime!” Fuyu yelled, and he was right, I somehow managed to still myself. That never happened, not even when I was angry at Nagito, the last person I wanted to hurt.

“Leave us.” My twin said to Fuyu coldly.

“No fucking way!” Fuyu snapped. I drew in a deep breath and Hikaru just stood silently.
“Do as he says,”

“What?”

“Just go!” I snapped at him, and he reluctantly did so. I was left with him, my twin and I could feel that rage burning and yet somehow, I was able to hold back.

“So, we finally meet,” he said walking just one step closer, keeping his distance. He really did look just like me, it was like looking in the mirror.

“What you did…” I muttered but the rest of the sentence disappeared in a breath.

“I called the fire service, and I called the paramedics. I didn’t want him to die, brother. I love him too.”

“He did almost die! He wasn’t breathing and they were ready to give up, but I wasn’t!” I yelled trying hard to contain the rage. My phone beeped.

“I know, I watched. You almost killed him yourself, remember?” he asked, and his eyes moved to where my phone was in my pocket. I pulled it out and there was a video message. I opened it, it was us, Nagito and me, the recording was taken through our balcony doors, it showed Nagito crashing into the breakfast bar, that really did look painful as his ribs connected with the side and then it showed me on top of him trying to strangle him, the rage I was feeling at the time was clear to see. Next was Nagito trying to escape me and then it showed me about to bash his head into the floor and Fuyu getting there just in time to stop me. It hurt to see it all and tears fell from my eyes. He must have been terrified. My brother spoke again. “If the police saw that they would only reach one conclusion, you locked him in the bathroom and tried to kill him by burning down your home.”

“Wh- this is insane!” I said in disbelief. “How did you…?”
“It was easy to watch you from the apartment across the street, part of me hoped that you would kill him yourself. As much as I didn’t want him hurt, you would have been in a world of trouble if you had successfully killed him. After he survived, thanks to your friend, Fuyuhiko, who would also be incriminated since he is shown in the video, should this find its way to authorities… you would surely go down. I tried to get Nagito for myself. He rejected me. I couldn’t take it, not again, I realised he would always choose you and you do not deserve him.”

“Is that why… you tried to kill him?” I asked.

“Yes, but I regret it. My sorrow and my guilt weigh heavy.”

“You’re right, I don’t deserve him and neither do you after what you did!” I yelled.

“Do you know how long I have loved him for?” he asked. “Since Hope’s Peak, since before you knew him.”
“That doesn’t mean you have a claim to him! He’s mine and I will always protect him!”

“Hypocrite,” he spat. “You cannot protect him from yourself, how can you claim you will protect him when you hurt him yourself?”

“I didn’t try and burn him inside a house!” I yelled.

“No, you tried to choke the life out of him and bash his skull in. It is true, I didn’t take his rejection well, but I do love him, and I want to protect him. I killed those two men at the theme park. I am the only one who can protect him, and I see you as a threat,”

“You don’t understand how insane you sound right now! Your words contradict your actions!” I yelled.

“As do yours, we are the same, Hajime, we both love the same man but… our actions perhaps do not show that. We have both physically hurt him and yet, he always forgives you.”
“I act in rage, I can’t help it and I’m getting therapy!”
“I also act in rage.” He replied. “Your experiences are also mine, Uncle Mitsuo for example… well, at least he got what he deserved.”

“You did kill him…” I muttered.

“Nagito told you.” He stated and a disturbing smile crossed his lips. “Aren’t you pleased that disgusting man is dead?”

“What do you… plan to do to me?” I asked him as a cold fear gripped me and he smiled before he turned his back on me.

“Hikaru!” I yelled and he suddenly turned back running at me and he took hold of me by the throat pinning me against a near car in the hospital parking area.

“My name is Izuru!” he hissed at me as he squeezed tightly, he wasn’t going to let go. I couldn’t breathe. I tried to push him off, but I could do nothing. I could hardly even make a sound. He had me pinned. Suddenly he was pulled from me, and I gasped, my legs giving beneath me. Fuyu had come back, and he pushed Izuru away.

“You fucking touch him, I’ll kill you!” he hissed and I realised he was threatening my brother with his blade held in front of him, obviously Fuyu didn’t listen to me and remained close, thankfully. Izuru stepped back, that cold smile crossed his lips once again.

“I will be back, Hajime, Nagito will be mine. That’s a promise.” He said before he walked away. He was strong, that much was clear, but his build must be exactly like my own, he could not have more muscles, Nagito would have… noticed the difference. I rubbed my neck as Fuyu helped me back to my feet. ‘Nagito will be mine’ those words rang through my head, that promise. I had felt fear before, real fear but this time… this was something else to the point I was frozen and had no words, I could even feel my body tremble. I had never been struck with fear such as this, the closest time was Junko but even then, my rage was at the forefront…. This time… I was simply terrified. Terrified of what he had planned.

Chapter Text

Nagito lay in his hospital bed, feeling the pain and discomfort of his ordeal, he could tell the pain killers the doctor was giving him in small doses was wearing off. He had pain in his body from Hajime attacking him as well and felt truly awful, his anguish at the revelation that he had sex with someone who was not Hajime made him feel nauseous. He did feel violated, his trust was played upon, his love for Hajime was played upon. Izuru was deluded to think he would ever be with him, but he could not help feeling a little sorry for him, he seemed deeply troubled and lonely, but he would not dare voice those thoughts to Hajime, he would not understand. He felt from Izuru the same loneliness he felt when he had been talking to Celeste only Izuru was scary. He knew he was under threat from Izuru and he hoped he never had to see him again, but he knew that was unlikely. There was a knock on his door and after in came a doctor followed by police officers. The doctor approached him first.”

“Nagito, the police need to question you, but I told them I would check to see if you were up to it,” the doctor asked.

“I can… answer some questions for a bit but I am in some pain,” he answered.

“I cannot administer another dose of pain killer just yet but soon,” the doctor said but it felt like hours since his last dose. The doctor left him with the officers.

“Hello, Nagito Komaeda, I am Officer Kirigiri, this is Officer Yamamoto,”

“Kirigiri? My principal had that surname,” Nagito muttered, and Officer Kirigiri smiled.

“Jin Kirigiri?” he asked and Nagito nodded once. “That’s my brother, so you attended Yosuka High School?” he asked.

“Yes, I met… Hajime there,” Nagito replied.

“Hajime is….”
“My boyfriend,” he muttered.

“We have some questions,” Officer Yamamoto began.

“We have spoken to both your doctor and the fireman first on scene, it seems this was arson and your doctor mentioned bruising on your body, chest, arms and neck,” Officer Kirigiri said. “You were also barricaded inside the bathroom before the fire started, can you shed some light on that?”

“I have… had a stalker these past weeks and he came round; he is my boyfriend’s twin, but we thought he had died when they were children. I… know this sounds crazy, but it’s true. I let him in because I thought he was Hajime… it wasn’t and he… he attacked me and then I escaped from him, but he was… blocking my way to the front door so…” talking was again taking its toll, “I locked myself in the bathroom and he blocked me in.”

“So, he attacked you in what way?” Officer Yamamoto asked.

“He… threw me into the breakfast bar and my… ribs feel injured. He also had me by the throat.”

“Thank you for confirming that,” Kirigiri said.

“Did you make any prior reports to police about this stalking?” Officer Yamamoto asked.

“No, because I researched it and it said online that police don’t do anything if it’s just stalking, I had no evidence of him… doing that… I also… didn’t know who he was at the time, he was… hiding his face.”

“Nagito, we must be honest with you, there has been an allegation of domestic assault against Hajime towards you. An anonymous party said they heard arguing and fighting just before the fire started. Will you be honest with us?” Kirigiri asked.

“That was… Izuru….” Nagito muttered.

“You’re saying it wasn’t Hajime who put those bruises on your neck and body?” Nagito felt tears coming to his eyes.

“No, it wasn’t Hajime,” he lied. The Officers looked at one another. “Izuru has been watching us from the apartment across the street and from the street below, check the apartment just over from us. He is the one who… hurt me,” Nagito told a half truth. There was no way he was going to admit to the police that Hajime did the bruises. It wasn’t Hajime’s fault.

“Do you have a surname for this… Izuru?”

“I think he said it was… Kamukura,” Nagito muttered, his throat felt really sore now, he had been talking too much.

“Ok, we’ll let you rest for now, but we may be back to ask more questions.” And with that they left. Nagito closed his eyes, he felt terrible and just wished he and Hajime could be left alone, he wanted a calm life and to live happily with Hajime, that was all he wanted. He just wished for happiness; he didn’t feel it was much to wish for, but it was all he wanted.

Chapter Text

Fuyu was still with me, he had been a huge support through Nagito’s recovery, we had to get hotel rooms near by as the hospital obviously couldn’t allow so many of us to stay. He often disappeared to make or take phone calls from Peko as she kept him updated on their situation in the city. She had it all under control of course, he treated her like his partner, she was equal to him that much was clear. Fuyu and I were sat in the hotel cafeteria having our breakfast together, we were both exhausted, neither of us sleeping well.

“Did the police question you too?” I asked him.

“Yeah, I was a bit wary of lying too much but I knew I had to cover you for your assault on Nagito, he did the same thing. I did say that you guys had an argument but not what it was about, I said I walked in on it and urged you to leave the house for a bit and take a walk with me.”

“So, some truth,” I muttered.

“Yeah, I thought it best,”

“They questioned me too, I told them about the argument and the stalker, Nagito told them it was the stalker… my twin brother… who put all those bruises on him.” I closed my eyes, knowing the truth. I was the one who put those on him.

“Yeah, I got the impression they suspected this was all down to a domestic dispute getting out of hand. I think you were their suspect for all of this. I told them I saw your twin, that we saw him right after he started the fire.”

“Thanks, Fuyu,” I muttered. I looked at my breakfast, I had a couple of bites, but I really wasn’t that hungry. I pushed my plate away. “I want to get to the hospital and see Nagito.” I said.

“Yeah, sure, let’s go,” he said, and we left.

 

At the hospital, Nagito’s parents were already there, and we joined them in his room, he was pleased to see us and was looking a little better but still needed help breathing so he was still on oxygen.

“Hajime,” he said as I joined at his side. He reached out a hand and I took it, sitting bedside him.

“You seem like you’re recovering, I’m so happy to see.” I said and he smiled.

“I can’t wait to leave here, I feel I am getting better but… where do we go, Hajime? Our house burned down,” he looked sad.

“I know,” I muttered.

“You can stay with us, if you like?” Mrs Komaeda suggested.

“Or Peko and me, you have options, Nagito.” Fuyu offered.

“Thanks, guys,” I said, and we would decide when it came to it.

“We’ll find you a new place,” Mr Komaeda added.

“Thanks,” I said and smiled at them.

“Have you… heard anything else of… Izuru?” Nagito asked, his parents having been filled in somewhat at this point.

“No, nothing,” I replied.
“I don’t think it’s over, I told the police about him, they checked that apartment, came back and told me it was empty.” Nagito said.

“Shit. I wonder what he’s doing, where he is. Not knowing is… worrying.” I said.

“Yeah, the police have no leads.” Fuyu added. “I got my guys out looking for him too,”

“Thanks,”

“If they see him, they have orders to capture him,”
“I’m a little concerned about that… what do you mean ‘your guys’?” Mr Komaeda asked.

“I’m a Yakuza boss, I got guys all over,” Fuyu said and both Mr and Mrs Komaeda went pale.

“You’re… friends with a… Yakuza?” Mrs Komaeda asked shocked.

“Fuyu is a good guy, he’s a good friend, it’s fine.” Nagito replied.

“I feel a bit sick,” Mrs Komaeda said putting a hand to her stomach.

“I was born into it, I aint about to leave my friends in this mess without doing what I can to help. Hajime is like a brother to me, and he cares a lot about Nagito, and they both need my help. If it makes you uncomfortable there aint nothing I can do about it.” Fuyu said matter of fact and then the door opened and in walked those two police officers.

“Hajime Hinata, you’re under arrest for domestic assault and the suspicion of arson with intent at endangering life.” Officer Yamamoto said, and Officer Kirigiri stepped forwards.

“What the fuck?” Fuyu yelled. “He was with me when that fucking fire started!” he yelled as Officer Kirigiri brushed him aside and took hold of me and fastened the cuffs to my wrists.

“He didn’t do it! I told you it was Izuru! Stop!” Nagito cried, his voice strained.

“We have received further evidence in this matter,” Officer Kirigiri said and went to lead me out.

“No!” Nagito cried and pulled himself out of bed trying to come to me, but he faltered, it hurt to watch him. Fuyu steadied him and Nagito’s breathing sounded worse from his exertion.

“Nagito, don’t push yourself, it’s fine,” I said as tears fell from his eyes.

“Hajime…” he muttered as I was dragged out of the hospital room with the police officers. I felt my heart sink, Izuru must have sent them that video. What terrified me the most was that I was not going to be around to protect Nagito.

Chapter Text

I had been left for hours, obviously some kind of tactic to make me sweat and it was working. I was stuck in a cell. At first, I didn’t even want to sit on the bed but then I got tired and realised it was inevitable. I couldn’t help but question the cleanliness of this tiny room, it had a strange scent to it, but I couldn’t work out if it was dirt or cheap cleaner but either way, I felt nauseous. The nausea could also be down to my heightened anxiety, and my fear for Nagito now that I was not around. I wondered about the evidence they had but I was pretty sure Izuru had sent that video to them somehow. In a way having all this time to think was beneficial because the longer time went by the more I was convinced about my plan to tell the truth. I knew we had all already lied and told half-truths, but I could correct that, and I hoped the others had the same idea, I knew Nagito and Fuyuhiko would also be questioned again. As I looked at these four walls, I felt like a man could easily lose his mind in here. I did not want to end up in prison for real, but I felt like there was no way out of this. I wondered how long they planned to leave me in here, they must be preparing to interrogate me, it was still daytime, still morning probably or maybe lunchtime, I had no way of knowing. I felt like I had been in here hours. I kept worrying about Nagito, I had tried to stay calm because I had seen the panic on his face, he looked distraught. I hoped he was alright, that worry played on my mind constantly, he was already in a fragile state both mentally and physically for his ordeal and I did not want him to make himself worse by worrying about me. I heard a clank and my cell door opened to one of the officers. Officer Yamamoto if I recalled correctly.

“Is Nagito ok?” I asked immediately and urgently.

“Please come with me,” he said, and I had no choice but to follow. My heart was pounding inside my chest so hard as I was led to a room.

“We were waiting for your lawyer to arrive, Nagito’s father was insistent that we do not question you until you have a legal representative.” I was shocked, he was still supportive given the accusations against me. They must not believe them, but I would have to disappoint because I had hurt Nagito so some of it was true and it pained me to know they would never forgive me. The only thing I didn’t do was burn down the house with him inside. I stepped into the small room where a suited man was waiting for me. No, wait… I recognised him!

“Hajime Hinata,” I could not believe who I was looking at. He was no lawyer, or perhaps he was. It was that guy with the glasses from that strange organisation who saved us in that warehouse. “I trust you remember me?” he asked.

“B… Byakuya… To… gami….” I recalled his name, but it left my lips slowly.

“I am here to represent you,” he said.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because that is my job.” He stated. “Now this is your opportunity to tell me everything that happened, so I know what angle to approach this. We must get you out of this bind.”

“Why? Why does it matter so much to you?” I asked him.

“It doesn’t but my organisation fights injustices against people, small people like you couldn’t matter less to me but my job means a lot.” He said. Wasn’t there a contradiction in there somewhere? My head was spinning, I thought they were against cultist organisations. I had no idea where to start but I sat down and I told him everything, his piercing icy blue eyes staring at me the entire time.

Chapter Text

Byakuya Togami looked at me a moment before he spoke, I couldn’t help but find him quite intimidating, his gaze alone was enough to make me falter and I was not easily intimidated. I had to remember he was on my side, seemingly. He sat back, crossed his legs, and linked his hands together.

“Hinata, everything you just told me will seem quite incriminating, you suspect the evidence they have obtained is that video your brother showed you? If that is the case, that is a serious assault and it happened right before the fire. This illusive twin of yours, he has even eluded us so I do not expect the police will be able to find him. This will seem like a fabrication to lessen the charges against you.” Byakuya said.

“I did not start that fire, Togami, I didn’t try and kill him like that!”
“But you did try and kill him.”

“Yes, in my rage when I thought he had cheated! Not that that makes it ok, of course not!” I was clearly on edge I could hear it in my own voice.
“Yes, those pictures… which likely burned up in that fire, correct?”

“Yeah, but even then, he does look like me! This is all so fucked up! Can you get me out of this or not?” I yelled.

“Hinata, try and remain calm, losing yourself will not help your case here.” He said and I sighed.

“I know. I deserve to be punished for what I did do to Nagito but… he needs me. I don’t think he will be able to cope if I went to jail.”

“Is he that needy or do you just think he is?”

“I…” had no words.

“Hinata, I intend to do my best to help you here, how do you wish to proceed with this?”
“I want to tell them the whole truth but… can we find out what evidence they have on me?” I asked.

“I intend to.” He replied. “Are you sure about telling the whole truth? This anger of yours, they might not be so understanding of it and may see that as further cause for your accused crimes.”

“I understand that. I also have Nagito and Fuyuhiko, they will back me up I know it and I want them to be honest too, that’s the only way this will work.”
“I agree, everyone’s story needs to be the same. You all lied to the police originally, that will not help your case either, but perhaps honesty from now might. My only concern is that they decide you did it all anyway.”

“But that wouldn’t be fair!”

“That is why I am here.” He said. “Are you ready for the interrogation?” he asked.

“Yes, I think I am.” I said although inside I was not so sure, but I wanted this over with. Byakuya stood and went out the room for a moment summoning the officers, one of them sharing a surname with Kyoko from my work, I wondered if there was any relation, I knew she was the daughter of my former headteacher but all of that was irrelevant right now, although I couldn’t help wondering. They had wheeled in a television on a stand and sat opposite us. It was that video. I knew it.

“Hajime Hinata, you understand the charges against you?” Officer Yamamoto asked.

“Yes, I do.” I replied, I could feel the sweat beading on my forehead but having Togami at my side was helping.

“We received this evidence,” he switched on the television and played that video. I knew it. I closed my eyes and looked away.

“Will you not watch it?” Officer Kirigiri asked.

“I don’t need to, I’ve seen it and yes, that is me.”

“You’ve seen it?” Kirigiri asked.

“My twin brother recorded it from across the street and sent it to me,”

“You have admitted that is you carrying out what can only be described as a vicious assault on your boyfriend, and you understand what position that puts you in?” Yamamoto asked.

“I understand, there is a lot to tell you about in detail.” I replied.

“My client told me about that video as it was sent to him by his brother, this one does not show the end,” Togami said.

“The end?” Yamamoto asked.
“Where his friend Kuzuryu came in and pulled him off Komaeda, it is incomplete, edited,”

“I see,” Yamamoto looked to Kirigiri.

“If you let me have my phone, I can show you what was sent to me.” I spoke up.

“Perhaps. But on to the main subject here. Hinata, you admit to the vicious assault on Komaeda where you both tossed him around like a ragdoll and attempted to strangle him. It is clear from the video that he tried to fight you off, but what is also clear is your distinct difference in strength. What was the reason for such an assault on someone who is not equipped to defend themselves against you?” Yamamoto asked and it felt even more like I was being accused of being the kind of man who regularly assaults his physically weaker partner and I felt horrible.

“I never want to hurt Nagito…I love him… I love him more than anyone in this whole world…” I could feel my emotions stirring, my voice wavering. “I have anger issues which are being addressed. I am receiving a therapy called schema, it was recommended to me to help with correcting that part of me and due to the kind of parents I had, it is highly recommended for people like me in that way. I make no excuses for my treatment of Nagito, but sometimes I cannot control my anger. He is the last person I want to hurt. I can’t watch that video because it upsets me, I hate myself for what I did to him. My reasons – “ Togami leant forwards.

“I need a moment with my client.” He said and they had to grant it. After they left, I turned to him.

“If you divulge about the photos that gives you true motive for these crimes.” He said and I looked at him and then back at the officers.

“Those photos would look bad, I’m pretty sure they burned up in the fire, even so, I wish to be honest, I told you that, yeah I understand they give me true motive, they are the reason for my violence towards Nagito, if I show them the video on my phone where Fuyu got there in time to stop me that will affirm the truth. I left the house, both Fuyu and Nagito will confirm that. I did attack him; I can’t get away from that, but I did not shut him in the house and start a fire. Nagito has already said it was Izuru who tried to kill him in that fire, and I have an alibi because I was with Fuyu.”

“Yes, but all of you have already lied to the police when you told them Izuru also dealt those bruises to Nagito. And this… Fuyuhiko is yakuza.”

“Yes, but now I think it is best to tell all truth and the fact Fuyu is yakuza has nothing to do with any of this.” I said and he paused.

“Very well.” He said and sat back, after a little time the Officers returned but knocked first to ensure we were done, and we resumed the interrogation.

“Are you ready to continue?” I drew in a deep breath.

“Yes. I received some photographs anonymously, they showed him… having sex with another man. I knew it was not me in those pictures and further conversation confirmed that when he told me when some of those times happened, I knew it was not me, there was no way it could be. That man turned out to be my twin brother, in the pictures, I saw a certain resemblance but in real life, he looks exactly like me. I believed from those pictures that Nagito had cheated on me and I was blinded by my emotion and my rage. My brother tricked Nagito into thinking he was me and they had sex on more than one occasion. My twin… who was supposed to have died when we were five years old, he had been stalking Nagito, but only recently did we realise it was him. Yes, I attacked Nagito and as that video shows my friend Fuyuhiko stopped me before I could really hurt him.”

“I’m sorry, we did not see that part, that was not in the video.” Yamamoto stated.

“That’s right, he didn’t send you that part. Togami knew about the video, and he noticed that part was missing.”

“You said he?” Kirigiri asked.

“That video was sent to you anonymously, right? It was my brother.” I said.
“No, actually it was not anonymous, but we cannot divulge that information.”

“Well, I knew he had someone working with him.” I said, “obviously someone had to have taken those photos,”

“The photos that no longer exist,” Yamamoto said.

“Why would I make that up? It was plain and simply my reason for attacking Nagito, if I am to be arrested and serve time for that then so be it, I deserve it. Nagito… he didn’t deserve any of this. He didn’t deserve my rage and he certainly didn’t deserve what Izuru put him through.”

“So, you have all claimed that this twin of yours Izuru, started the fire that almost killed Nagito?”

“Yes, he did.” I finished.

“We will hold you here and continue our investigations.”
“Excuse me, you cannot just hold him unless you intend to charge him. I demand he is released on bail until you gather further evidence in this matter. I also demand that we see the original version of that video!” Togami said.

“Right, I will get his phone and we will watch it.” Kirigiri said and shortly returned with it. They handed me my phone and watched as I searched the video. I opened the message up and pressed play, it showed Nagito being thrown into the breakfast bar but then the video image went fuzzy and distorted.

“What? No! This is not what it was… it played the full events where Fuyu… he pulled me off him and we left!” I couldn’t believe it, why was the file now corrupt? What the hell was going on? I felt the tears fall from my eyes. I was fucked. Unless they took Fuyu and Nagito’s word when they explained that I did not start the fire but… would that be enough to save me?

Chapter Text

I was released, they kept my phone and were going to attempt to recover that video. Nagito’s dad picked me up and paid the bail money. I was sat next to him in the car but there was a tense atmosphere and for a while no words were spoken. I thought we were going back to the hospital, but he drove to some random place and parked up. My heart was pounding, I felt like he might kill me, maybe he knew I was guilty.

“Hajime, did you hurt Nagito?” he asked me outright, his voice was rigid as though he was trying so hard to remain calm. It was terrifying.

“I…” tears began to fall from my eyes, I couldn’t hold it back any longer. “Yes…” I whispered, “I didn’t start the fire-“
“But you hurt him.” he now looked at me.

“Yes, and you have no idea how sorry I am, I don’t mean about getting arrested, I don’t care about that I deserve to be punished but I am so sorry I ever hurt him.” I was crying now.

“I know how much Nagito loves you, he was inconsolable after your arrest, he wouldn’t settle, and they had to sedate him, he was hysterical, it was affecting his health. He loves you so much and I know, I do know that you love him, and I was happy that he had you and I was confident that you could protect him…. I don’t need to know the details or the reasons why you attacked him but this anger of yours Hajime… Nagito is going to live with us until you get it fixed.”

“I understand.” I muttered.

“Do you?” Mr Komaeda reached a hand and took a fistful of my shirt at the shoulder. “Understand this, if I ever, ever, see bruising like that on my son again I will kill you and no-one will ever find your body.” He looked me right in the eyes as he made the threat, and I believed every word.

“Mr Komaeda, I want you to kill me if I ever lay hands on him in a rage like that. I welcome it.” I replied but the fear was still there. Mr Komaeda was quite terrifying when he was angry, and I believed the threat.

“Am I… still allowed to see Nagito? I don’t want to be apart from him too much whilst he is recovering.” He released me.

“I’ll take you there now.” he started up the car and we drove to the hospital.

“Your friend went home but he did say he would be back,”

“Yeah, the police want to question him again, he’s my alibi for the fire. I might pay for the assault, but I didn’t start that fire and trap him inside.”

“I know you didn’t,” Mr Komaeda said which had me feeling relieved. He likely had no idea I would have ever assaulted Nagito either, but it happened. I wondered if he could ever forgive me. I wasn’t sure I could forgive myself.

We arrived at the hospital and found Mrs Komaeda, she looked upset, and my heart sank as she came to us. My first thought was had Nagito taken a turn for the worst? Were there some complications with his breathing? Mr Komaeda said that my arrest had affected Nagito’s health but then Mrs Komaeda spoke.

“The police are with Nagito,” she said, and I was both relieved and scared but not as scared as I had been when I thought he might be in danger. I wondered what Nagito was saying to them. “I asked that they wait, he is still not in his right mind, he’s still distraught but they insisted, and I had to leave.” She said. I could see Mr Komaeda was pissed and he marched passed Mrs Komaeda and barged into Nagito’s room, and we followed.

“My son is not fit for questioning right now, he is still recovering!” he said firmly.

“It’s ok, they calmed me down.” Nagito muttered and then he saw me, and his expression brightened. “Hajime!” he gasped but then had to cough a little. Mr Komaeda was right, he was still in bad shape. I noticed Officer’s Yamamoto and Kirigiri share a look and then Officer Yamamoto spoke.

“Nagito is the victim of a serious crime, and we must question him again, would you please leave so we can continue?”

“Nagito, are you sure you can do this?” Mr Komaeda asked and Nagito just nodded. We were forced to leave them. I hoped he was now telling the truth, I feel at this point it would look bad if he stuck to his original story… the lie but knowing Nagito, he might do that to protect me. I could feel the sweat beading on my skin as we walked away to wait. I had the feeling I was heading for jail.

Chapter Text

The police and Byakuya Togami had professionals working on my phone, and they recovered the whole file of that video and it showed them my version of events was truth. Both Nagito and Fuyu had corroborated events as I told them too. I was not off the hook, but Nagito insisted he did not want to pursue the case of my violence against him, he was the victim, and their case was weak without victim testimony, but they did have my confession. They were looking for my brother, though, after Fuyu and Nagito also confirmed having seen him. Nagito had told the police everything. He even told them how Izuru had tricked him and led him to having sex with him. It was all truth and now police had all that truth. I could still serve prison time, that was still a threat, but Byakuya was working hard to stop me even having to go to trial. It had been a gruelling few months, but Nagito was finally released from hospital after his recovery. He was still suffering physically but his mental suffering ran deeper, I could see it in his eyes. My brother… the way he had manipulated Nagito and abused his trust… I could not help but see it as no better than rape. Nagito was my boyfriend, and nobody could touch him like that. I still harboured that anger, it was deep, my hatred of Izuru was seared into my soul. I would get my hands on him, and I will kill him for everything he has done.

Nagito was signing his discharge papers and his father was waiting to drive us home. Not our own home of course, that was burned, we were both staying with Nagito’s parents. It would be like our school days again. Mr Komaeda had warmed a little to me and I had agreed to focus on my own recovery, my anger did need to be fixed so I never risked Nagito’s life ever again. He was too important to me and too important to other people. His parents loved him so much and I had always been a little jealous of that but happy that he had parents like them. Nagito turned to me after thanking the doctors for all they did to help him recover. He smiled, but I couldn’t help thinking it was forced. I took his hand, and we joined his father in finally leaving this hospital.

“I’m so happy to see you recovered,” I said as we met Mr Komaeda. Mr Komaeda placed his hand on the back on Nagito’s head in an affectionate manner smiling at him.

“Let’s go home son,” he said, and we walked into the car park.

“I’m glad to be out of there.” Nagito said as we climbed into the car. We both got in the back and Mr Komaeda started up the car.

“Hajime, I’m happy that you can come and live with me at my parents, I thought my dad was going to stop us seeing each other.” Nagito said.

“Me too and I wouldn’t have blamed him,” I replied holding his hand tighter.

“Hajime understands how I feel about what he did to you, and we have an agreement he will never lay his hands on you again. I trust him to see to that anger, it makes him dangerous. I know now just how severe his anger is and that you have always been at risk. To be honest it makes me feel a bit sick,” Mr Komaeda said as he drove out of the hospital.

“Hajime loves me, dad, he doesn’t want to hurt me, he thought… I had… cheated on him and I can imagine the pain that caused him.” Nagito said.

“I understand that, but it doesn’t excuse his actions.” Mr Komaeda replied and Nagito went to respond but I spoke first.

“Nagito, he’s right. How I hurt you was not alright and it’s still weighing on me…” I didn’t finish that sentence because I was about to say how I had come so close to killing him. I knew in that state I was not going to take my hands off his throat, and he knew that too, so he struck me, trying to fight me off and then Fuyu stopped me finishing him by bashing his head in. I can not say how many times that whole scenario played on my mind. It was terrifying. Losing Nagito that was my worst fear, and it almost happened more times than I can take and had even almost been at my own hands. It was truly terrifying fearing yourself.

We were driving a while and were on a quieter road, the traffic was fine which was nice, Mrs Komaeda was waiting for us, preparing dinner, I was looking forward to it.

Suddenly we were hit, the other car went right into the side of us, on my side of the car and pain shot through me and we were thrown off the road, the car spun, and we crashed into something hard, and I believe I was knocked unconscious for a moment. I came around and firstly looked at Nagito. He was unconscious and I saw blood dripping from his head.

“Oh god…” I muttered. “Nagito!” Not again, I couldn’t bare to see him suffer again. His head… he was bleeding… his… brain injury… oh god. Pain was shooting through me too and I looked to Mr Komaeda who was also coming around.

“Nagito… Hajime… are you alright?” he asked sounding dazed himself. Nagito’s door opened, and I hoped it was rescue but what I saw sent a chill through me. It was Izuru. He took a hand to Nagito’s face, stroking his cheek.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you again,” he muttered and then he looked right at me.

“Get your hands off him!” I yelled and he unbuckled Nagito’s belt pulling him out of the car.

“What’s going on?” Mr Komaeda asked, and he was trying to get out, but his door was blocked by a tree that we had gone into. “Nagito!” he cried out. I opened my own door but in my hurry to get out I collapsed, something was wrong, I was badly hurt and I spat up some blood.

“I’m taking him, Hajime,” Izuru said as he lifted Nagito into his arms.

“Be careful with him! He’s hurt!” I yelled feeling the pain wrack my body.

“I’m going to take care of him, Hajime, I promise. Don’t try and find us, you won’t be successful.” Izuru said.

“Get your hands off my son!” I heard Mr Komaeda cry from the car and the sound of him frantically bashing the car door trying to get out to stop my brother. Please get out. I could do nothing but watch, I tried to get up again, but I just could not, all I could do was watch as Izuru walked off carrying my Nagito away from me. I started to lose consciousness and that was it, there was nothing I could do.

Chapter Text

I came to and the first thing I realised was that familiar sound of hospital machines and I was in a bed. I opened my eyes but felt groggy like it was taking me a while to really come around. Nagito…. Nagito!!! My eyes flew open, and I began to panic.

“Nagito!” I called and suddenly Mrs Komaeda was right at my side.

“Hajime… you need to calm down, sweetie you were badly hurt,” she said and stroked my hair affectionately the way I had seen her do for Nagito. Her voice was filled with sorrow, and she had clearly been crying.

“Nagito….” I muttered feeling tears fall from my eyes.

“Just stay still, I’ll get the doctor,” she said and left briefly. Nagito… where are you? Are you ok? The sorrow in my heart was the worst pain right now, I had no way to know if he was ok, what was happening? What was Izuru doing with him? Was he ok? His head injury could be aggravated from the knock to his head, it was far worse since he was unconscious and bleeding. What if… he never woke up? I couldn’t live without him, I knew that, if anything happened to him, I wouldn’t want to go on and now I had no idea if he was even alive. Mrs Komaeda and the doctor returned.

“Hajime, I am pleased to see you’re awake,” the doctor said. “You have suffered a minor head injury, some internal injuries, a punctured lung and some broken bones, we were able to stabilize you, but you were critical for a while.” The doctor said.

“How long… has it been?” I asked.

“You’ve been in a critical condition for about a week,”

“A week? Nagito’s been gone a week?” I asked and tried to move but pain shot through my body, and I cried out.

“Hajime, you can’t move, just stay still.” The doctor said and moved to administer some pain killer.

“The police are looking for him,” Mrs Komaeda said, trying to reassure me.

“They won’t find him….” I muttered. I feared I would never see him again and the worst thoughts came to my mind. Maybe I would but… he might not be alive when I did….

“Mrs Komaeda…” I muttered, my voice was just filled with tears, she came to my side again and took my hand. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… I couldn’t protect him like I promised….”

“Hajime, it isn’t your fault, sweetheart,” she was trying to be strong for me, that much was clear because I knew how much she loved her son. How much she loved Nagito, she must be in pieces underneath the surface. I’ve seen her worry for him before and it was always so full of emotion as though she simply could not contain it. A mother’s love like that… must be nice… I thought as she began to stroke my head, looking down at me lovingly as though I was her son... she really was beautiful... I felt my eyes growing heavy… a mother’s love... a mother's affection… must be nice….

Chapter Text

Nagito woke, his head was pounding, and he certainly didn’t feel right, he remembered they had been in an accident, and he must have hit his head. He was in a bed; did that mean he was back at the hospital? He opened his eyes and looked around, he was in a lavish bedroom on a bed which had four posts and some curtains tied to these posts. He wanted to get up, but he couldn’t, and he was worried hitting his head had aggravated his brain injury. His vision was a bit blurry, and he blinked hard trying to restore it. Where was he? The door to this room opened and he saw Hajime, relief washed over him.

“Hajime, where are we?” he asked, his voice was raspy.

“Its Izuru, you’re safe, this is my house.” Izuru replied and Nagito felt his blood run cold.

“No…. No what are you doing? Please let me go.” Nagito cried, he felt completely defenceless and could barely move. “I think I need to go to the hospital… I hit my head hard.” He pleaded.

“I have a nurse and she’s been taking care of you.” Izuru said.

“You know I have that brain injury, Izuru…. I should get checked out.” He muttered.

“I know, I’m sorry I hurt you again, but I needed you.” He said and sat on the edge of the bed, Nagito tried to move away but he couldn’t even manage that. “I don’t want to hurt you, Nagito, seeing you like this, what I’ve already done… is painful to me.” he muttered.

“Why can’t you just leave us alone?” Nagito whispered, the shock of Izuru’s presence taking its toll. He was still in recovery, although he had been discharged there was still recovery to be done, and now he was suffering from a head injury.

“I will. At least, I can leave Hajime alone, but I cannot leave you alone. I love you, Nagito.”

“I understand that but if you truly loved me then you would let me be happy with Hajime. You are causing me all kinds of pain, Izuru.”

“I am sorry, I see you suffer, and it does hurt me, but I just cannot let you go. I… need you, Nagito.”

“And I need Hajime…” Nagito said, his voice breaking with tears.

“I loathe my brother with all my being, but I am prepared to bargain with you. Allow me to have you, and I will use my connections to help Hajime so that he doesn’t go to prison.”

“Your… connections?”

“The family that adopted me are very powerful, it is possible.”

“What you ask of me is unfair, Izuru. You violated me in more ways than one.”

“What I did was very deceitful, and I know it was wrong but I just… I was lonely, Nagito. I know you can understand that. You and I share our darkness, Hajime has his own, but he could never understand us and the way we are.”

“I haven’t killed anyone.”

“But you did have a hand in Junko’s demise.”

“Yes, she put me through hell, and I still suffer,” Nagito replied.

“It hurt me when I found out what she did to you, how she almost killed you.”
“Then why did you not kill her? You were so quick to kill those two men at the theme park,” Nagito said as the tears flowed freely.

“Nagito, my offer of helping Hajime still stands but you have to leave him and be with me.”

“You ask me to give up my happiness, to give up… my Hajime… how can you?” Nagito asked with tears falling from his eyes, back into his hair.

“It is a selfish request, but I will not hurt you again, that I promise.” Izuru said. “I only want the chance to love you and to be with you.”
“The idea of letting you close again makes my skin crawl, Izuru.”

“Yes, I can understand that, I suppose,”

“You suddenly seem so reasonable, compared to before. Are you that… insane?”

“I never claimed to be sane so yes, perhaps I am. I have also experienced traumas in my life, Nagito and it is difficult to come away unscathed.”

“What you ask is… something I cannot agree to. Will you kill me now?” Nagito asked.

“No, I will not but I will be back to see if you would reconsider. Afterall, prison can be a nightmare all of its own.” With those words he left. Nagito felt all his physical pain return and it was accompanied by emotional pain. Izuru’s offer… could save Hajime but in the long run he and Hajime would both be unhappy. Prison though, that was an awful prospect and how long of a sentence would he get for such crimes? Nagito was the victim though and he would never testify against Hajime, but he was trapped here. Izuru… had he really given him the choice, if so, would he let him go? Nagito had no idea where he was or how to get home. Izuru, could stop Hajime from going to prison but Nagito would have to sacrifice his happiness. Why was this happening?  Why can’t this be over?

Chapter Text

Nagito had drifted in and out of consciousness, none of which gave him any beneficial rest, he was exhausted, but he had begun to be able to move. He was still suffering but tried to get out of bed only to fail and collapse to the floor. He held onto the bed post, sobbing, was he slowly going to die from his brain injury having been aggravated? He didn’t want anyone to come but he could not help but let out a loud cry. Izuru came in.

“You’re killing me, Izuru!” Nagito sobbed. “You have to let me get to a hospital!”

“I suppose… I can allow you to go to my family hospital, I don’t want you to die, Nagito. Come on, I’ll take you there.” Izuru lifted Nagito’s arm over his shoulders and carried him out of the bedroom. Nagito noticed pictures on the walls of the landing, but they all had a sheet draped over them to cover them, it was the kind of thing you might see in a horror film or haunted house. His vision was somewhat blurred.

“Izuru… I don’t feel right… I can’t do this…” he felt his body get heavy and Izuru suddenly lifted him in his arms instead and carried him.

“I am so sorry, Nagito… you might understand one day… how much I care for you and how I never wanted to hurt you and yet… that is all I have done so far.” Izuru said as he slowly took the grand stairs down. Nagito felt his eyes also get heavy.

“I think I’m dying….” He muttered.

“I won’t let you die, Nagito. I promise that.” Izuru replied.

“I can’t… stand you to touch me… it makes me… feel sick…” Nagito muttered, he felt like he was going to slip unconscious.

“Those words hurt me but… I understand them… I understand why you would feel that way and it is… my own fault.” Izuru replied and Nagito felt darkness take him.

 

When Nagito came around, he really was in a hospital, but Izuru was still at his side. He wondered how long he had been out this time. Something about this hospital felt… empty, as though there were not many people in it. Nagito just wanted to cry again, he was still trapped, and he was still being kept from Hajime.

“You’re awake,” Izuru said and moved closer. “I was so worried, you had a kind of seizure,”

“I think… I hit my head near to where I suffered the trauma from Junko….” Nagito muttered.

“They have checked you; there seems to be some complication but there is no bleeding or swelling on your brain.”

“No… brain damage?” Nagito asked.

“Minor damage, my nurse thinks that you will recover… motor skills seem to be impaired a little and your co-ordination, that much was gathered from how I found you and you couldn’t walk on your own.” Izuru took Nagito’s hand. “I promise you; we will take care of you.” At that a nurse came inside and she came to Nagito’s side.

“How are you f-feeling?” she asked in a timid voice.

“I want to go home, please… help me… Izuru… kidnapped me!” Nagito tried and the nurse just smiled. It was a creepy smile.

“I will take care of you, like my m-mother t-took care of Izuru… you will be s-safe here.”

“Mikan, please leave us a moment, I think he is fine.” Izuru said.

“No, please don’t leave. Get help, call the police!” Nagito tried.

“Oh, you don’t need the police, N-Nagito, you are right where you belong. Izuru has wanted you by his side for a while. He will take care of you t-too.” The nurse called Mikan said and Nagito felt a hopelessness fill his entire being.

Chapter Text

It had been weeks since Nagito was gone, I was still in the hospital, but his parents visited me every day. Fuyuhiko had also been by to see me, and he had his own men out looking for Nagito, but I knew he was long gone. Izuru would have taken him far away. It was no use. I was never going to see him again. I was still recovering but I had sunk into the worst depression of my life. I could barely speak only dwell on what Nagito might be going through. It made me feel sick being apart from him like this and not knowing how he was doing. If he was even still alive. I refused to eat, I just couldn’t, and they had to put me on intravenous sustenance. I could not stop my mind playing through various scenarios of what could be happening to Nagito. My brother… was insane. He was straight up insane and what he had already put Nagito through…. He was violent, even in sex. Oh god! I hope he was not…. My beautiful Nagito… everything he had been through… everything we had been through together… and now this. His mental state was fragile even at the best of times and now this… if I ever got him back, I could only imagine what a mess he will be. If I ever got him back… would he recover? He had recovered from traumas and mental breaks more than once but there was only so much one mind can take before it snaps for good. I had been lying here in my own head for so long it felt, and I forgot who was at my side. Fuyuhiko was with me. My real brother. He spoke alerting me to this fact.

“Hajime, do you need anything?” he asked me. I slowly looked at him, my whole body felt so heavy. Tears fell from my eyes. How many tears had I cried now? Sometimes I just felt numb and other times I could not stop the silent tears from falling.

“Nagito….” I muttered in a broken voice. Fuyuhiko looked concerned.

“We’ll get him back, Hajime.” He said but sounded uncertain.

“He’s dead. If Izuru doesn’t… kill him… he will probably kill himself…. Imagine what he is going through right now. He might already be dead.”

“Stop that, Hajime! Don’t think like that! Remember Nagito is stronger than that, he’ll survive this, just like he survived everything else before this. You have said yourself; he is the strongest person you know, and I don’t even doubt that myself.” Fuyu said and then he looked at the door and in walked Mahiru, Chiaki and Sonia. They had visited Nagito when he was lying in this hospital, others had too. I think more had visited me, but I don’t recall. They walked in looking sad.

“Have you… heard anything?” Mahiru asked and I felt fresh tears fall.

“Nothing yet, the police are still searching so are my guys.” Fuyu said.

“This is… terrible…” Sonia cried.

“I miss him.” Chiaki said.

“We all do, but imagine what Hajime is going through right now!” Fuyu snapped. I wanted to tell him to stop.

“We all care for Nagito, alright! We can be worried and miss him too, of course its worse for Hajime but… I really cared for him too.” Mahiru said.
“Cared? So, you think he’s dead too….” I muttered.

“No, I didn’t….” she went to speak but started to cry instead. Sonia held her.

“I don’t think he’s dead, Hajime, we have to believe that, right?” Chiaki spoke. “He’s alive and he will come back.” she added with a smile. I suddenly got angry, and I was able to muster some strength to move and I pushed over the intravenous causing the girls to jump back out of its way.

“Stop! Stop trying to reassure me! If he is dead, then I need to prepare for that! I need to… be ready! Fuck all of you! Fuck all this false hope! Fuck it all! He’s not coming back! I’ll never see him again and neither will any of you! Fuck this!” I yelled and started to pull the remaining medical aids from my body. “Fuck you!” I yelled and I hadn’t realised Chiaki had left and in came a doctor. I was hysterical, I was losing it completely, but the doctor injected me with something although I tried to push him off, others had to restrain me so he could administer something. A sedative it would seem because everything slowly went dark.   

 

Chapter Text

Nagito was still not quite right, but he was out of the hospital although back at Izuru’s house. He had been here for weeks now. He was sitting at the dinner table with Izuru, but he could barely eat, he was sure he had lost a lot of weight, when he was already thin. Nagito had not seen anyone else around the house, but he suspected Izuru had not made the dinner himself. The house was huge, very rich and he imagined there would be servants of some description. Izuru was just watching him.

“I hate seeing you so down, Nagito. It’s been weeks and you’ve hardly said a word, hardly eaten.” Izuru said.

“What do you expect from me, Izuru? To accept this?” Nagito asked but with less force than he had planned.

“I want you to be happy, Nagito, I want to care for you.”

“You know I will only be happy with Hajime,”

“I’m sick of hearing about my brother!” Izuru snapped slamming his hand down on the table causing Nagito to jump. “The only time you do speak it’s his name!”

“Then just kill me if it makes you so angry! I will only ever be happy with him; you just look like him but you’re not him! I love Hajime, I always will, there is no room for you, Izuru!” Nagito snapped finding a little more energy this time. Izuru looked down and Nagito noticed tears falling from his eyes. “Kill me, Izuru, you can never have me!”

“Why? Why does he get you? He tried to kill me when we were five years old, Nagito. I might be messed up too but to be a killer that young and your own brother….”
“So he did push you.” Nagito muttered.

“Yes, he did.”

“I’m sorry, that must have… been awful.”

“I don’t even remember how I escaped that hole I just remember being adopted and accepted into this household.”

“Were they… a good family?” Nagito found himself asking.

“Not really, no.” Izuru muttered.

“Where are they now?”

“Two of my sisters are dead. My father… isn’t around much.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I had care for them but… it isn’t much of a loss because of how they were and what they did.” Izuru muttered and then he looked at Nagito with darkened eyes. “Please eat something.” He asked and Nagito decided he would try. “My sisters, Nagito… Junko Enoshima and Mukuro Ikusaba. That is why I could not kill her for what she did to you.” He said.

“What?” Nagito asked feeling like the life just drained from him and he put down the cutlery and went to stand. “No… let me out of here!” he cried. “Oh god… what is going on?” he cried utter distress coming over him, he gripped the sides of his head, pulling his hair but he faltered, needing the table for support.

“Our father… Tokuichi Towa, that was how she had full reign of that industrial estate that night. It was a Towa industrial estate, right? He named us all of different surnames just so we could go into the world without obvious connection to him.”

“I…. What do you want?” Nagito cried out and the door behind him opened and in walked a familiar face.

“Your timing is terrible, Celeste,” Izuru muttered as she walked to his side.

“What?” Nagito asked but it was a mere whisper. Celeste walked behind Izuru and placed her hands on his shoulders.

“Izuru is my friend, the one I told you about,” she said with a smile.
“The one… at the hospital?” Nagito felt nauseous. “Celeste… I thought… we were friends… I thought… we were going to make tea together….” Nagito whispered and he began to feel dizzy. He was standing but had to use the table for support, even finding that began to take its toll. Izuru stood and moved towards him. “Get away!” Nagito pushed himself off the table, trying to avoid Izuru, but it was all too much, and he collapsed. Izuru caught him holding him in his arms, lowering him to the floor but holding him close. Nagito could only look up at him.

“Celeste, this is your fault, I had just told him about my sisters, you were supposed to wait for me to summon you. He is overwhelmed and still recovering.” Izuru said.

“I got bored.” Celeste spoke.

“Kill me….” Nagito whispered, tears falling from his terrified eyes. “Just… kill me….”
“I will not, I only want to love you.”

“But I… will only ever love Hajime….” Nagito replied. “Hajime….” He cried.

“You could love me, Nagito… I know you have the capacity… you’re a kind person.” Izuru said and lifted a hand to Nagito’s cheek gently stroking it.

“Please… I don’t want to live… not here… not with you… I can’t….” Nagito’s tears flowed freely.

“I think you need rest; I will take you to your room.” Izuru replied ignoring his words and with one last glare to Celeste, he helped Nagito up and to his bed. The bedroom was exquisite, but it felt like a prison cell.

Chapter Text

Nagito woke in the night, he felt like he might have passed out again, or fearfully had another seizure. He felt horrible and the dead of night brought about a lonely feeling, especially with the light of the lonely silver moon casting its cold glow through the bedroom window. He went to roll over but then realised someone else was in the bed with him and his heart began to pound. He slowly looked around to see Izuru, still fully clothed in a suit and lying on top of the duvet hands resting on his stomach. With the aid of the moonlight Nagito could see Izuru quite clearly, he really was exactly like Hajime in appearance. He was beautiful of course, just darker than Hajime in personality, cold and terrifying. Nagito could almost pretend he was Hajime like this, only the way Izuru was lying was as though he was lying in a coffin. Nagito felt so lonely, he wanted Hajime, he missed Hajime and part of him wanted to curl up beside Izuru, arm over him like he used to snuggle to Hajime and maybe… just for a moment… he could pretend Izuru was Hajime. No! He felt a chill at the very thought of it, he must be losing it to have even considered such a thing. He sat up and held his legs close to him resting his head on his knees. He felt so lonely. He had never wanted this feeling again and he never thought he would feel it this badly. It was bad when Hajime had been working too much but this… this was a whole other level. He always knew he would rather die than feel this way ever again, it was the worst feeling in the world. He felt the bed move and realised he had likely woken Izuru with his own movements.

“My apologies, I had not meant to fall asleep.” Izuru said as he shifted to sit on the side of the bed. “I wanted to be near in case you needed anything.” He added.

“Izuru… I’m so lonely,” Nagito muttered into his knees.

“I know that feeling all too well, I am sorry you feel lonely even in my company. You could… let me in, and then… both our loneliness will be eased.” He replied.

“You terrify me, Izuru….” Nagito said and Izuru moved closer, and he placed a hand on Nagito’s shoulder.

“I am truly sorry; you have no idea the sorrow I feel for all I have done to you. I only wish you would allow me the chance to make it up to you.” Izuru said.

“There is no way that’s possible. You have destroyed me, Izuru.” Nagito muttered in response, “you have destroyed me in both body and mind.”

“Would you… allow me to run you a bath, Nagito? Bathing is supposed to be therapeutic we have a large bath; it will feel quite… relaxing.” He suggested. “I will leave you to privacy but the door much remain unlocked,” he added.

“Fine.” Nagito replied and Izuru climbed off the bed, offering Nagito a hand to do the same. The bathroom Izuru led him to was large and the bath was indeed quite spacious. It did look inviting and Izuru ran the taps.

“I will leave you.” He said and then did so, but the door remained open. Nagito watched the water fill up the tub and when it was deep enough, he climbed in it allowing the water to hold him in its warm embrace.

“Hajime…” he cried and suddenly it dawned on him, and he allowed himself to sink under the water, allowing it to fill his lungs. Hajime’s arms… his warm loving arms around him… his smile… the love in his eyes… his laugh… his support… his body… hands on his hips… lips on his own…. Suddenly he was pulled out of the water.

“No!” Izuru cried and Nagito coughed up some water. Izuru held him close, one hand on the back of his head as he pulled him into his shoulder. Izuru was trembling. “Please… don’t do this. I cannot bear it.” Izuru whispered in his ear.

“Why do… you think you love me?” Nagito found himself asking, his voice was dull as though his emotions had left him, and he was just a cold husk of who he used to be. A cold, dead husk just like Izuru. Izuru guided Nagito away from him to look at him, holding him by his shoulders, the water dripping from his hair. Nagito looked at him with a blank expression.

“I do love you, Nagito, I have loved you ever since I saw that lonely smile. I wanted to talk to you so much but… I was so very different back then. My father… he hated the idea of two people of the same sex together, he hates it. My sister Junko was his favourite since she adopted his ideals. He loved her so much. I could not speak to you but in your eyes, I saw the same loneliness I felt inside. I just… wanted to hold you, to comfort you and… be comforted in turn. You are so special to me, Nagito.” He stroked the wet hair back from Nagito’s face and Nagito looked into his eyes, they were not cold, they were pained. He really was lonely. “The moment I left your burning house, I called the fire service, I did not want you to die but when you were carried out and… it looked as though they could not revive you I… fell to such despair… I had wanted Hajime to feel that but… I also felt it. I am so sorry.” He was now crying, the tears falling from his lonely eyes.

“Izuru…” Nagito muttered.
“Please… don’t try and hurt yourself again, I cannot bear it.”

“I’m… sorry….” Nagito whispered and Izuru placed a kiss on his forehead.

“I cannot bear it.” Izuru repeated.

Chapter Text

It had become a regular occurrence, dinner with Izuru, Celeste and Mikan the nurse. Were they his substitute sisters for having lost Junko and Mukuro? Nagito couldn’t help but wonder. His appetite had come back a little and he was eating some of the nice food that had been prepared. He found Mikan a little creepy the way she smiled over at him, and he still felt betrayed by Celeste, so this was by no means comfortable.

“I’m glad to see you are eating, Nagito, I was getting worried.” Izuru said from the opposite end of the table.

“The food is… good… thank you.” Nagito replied awkwardly.

“Nagito, I feel I must extend an apology for my own deceit, but I did intend to be your friend.” Celeste spoke now but Nagito did not respond, he just looked at her.

“Celeste is a dear friend of mine, she helped me simply because I asked her to.” Izuru explained.

“I must admit, I got a certain amount of enjoyment taking those photos,” she said as she casually and delicately forked some food into her mouth. Nagito blushed and felt a bit nauseous at the thought.

“That was… you?” He asked.

“Well, it had to be somebody r-right?” Mikan spoke now.

“You saw… I don’t feel well,” Nagito said now pushing his plate away, he felt completely violated and of course he had wondered who had taken those pictures, but he was not sure he ever needed to know. Izuru slammed his hand on the table glaring at Celeste.

“Must you keep ruining this?” he snapped at her.

“My apologies, I just wanted him to know that I took those pictures,” She said calmly. “There is no shame in it, Nagito, sex is sex, we all need it.” she said.

“There is shame in it! My shame! It wasn’t Hajime!” Nagito cried and then he gripped the sides of his head. “Ghhh,” he had no more words just sounds of distress.

“Leave us, both of you!” Izuru snapped and they obeyed him.

“My apologies.” Celeste said as she left with a bow. Izuru stood and walked to Nagito.

“I regret all of my actions, Nagito, I was not in my right mind but that is no excuse. I allowed the hospital or retreat to discharge me before I was ready.” He placed his hand on Nagito’s shoulder and Nagito found himself leaning into Izuru’s waist and Izuru extended some comfort, his arm moving around his shoulders, holding him.

“Izuru… I’m so scared… I feel so vulnerable…” Nagito muttered.

“You have nothing to fear, Nagito, my Nagito… nothing to fear.” Izuru replied softly but his voice was still always cold.

“I don’t feel safe.” Nagito added.

“It will all be over soon, there isn’t much time left.” Izuru said.

“Does that mean… you’re going to kill me?” Nagito asked.

“No, Nagito, I will not kill you.”

“Then… are you going to release me?” Nagito asked but got no answer to this question, he did not move away from Izuru but he closed his eyes letting the tears fall. This time, only a few tears fell, he had cried so much, he had none left.

 

***

 

Fuyuhiko was sat at the hospital beside Hajime, it was night-time right now, he had watched his friend spiral completely and now he was lying in the hospital bed completely unresponsive. He slept, sure, but when he was awake, it was like he was… not even there. The doctors had told him he was catatonically depressed, no movements, no words. It was like he had just… given up. They also said a person in this state is at risk of committing suicide and they are keeping him on watch, but Fuyuhiko and Peko were both here, alternating watch for their friend. Hajime had wanted to kill his twin himself but in this state that was not possible. If Fuyuhiko could just find him he would certainly kill him and bring Nagito back to Hajime. He hated seeing his brother in such a state, when he was awake, he would just stare and not respond to anyone. He felt a lump in his throat, his anger giving way to sadness, and he moved closer to Hajime. He lifted a hand and hesitantly, slowly placed it over Hajime’s the contact one he was not used to but his friend, his brother needed him. Hajime was sleeping right now and as Fuyuhiko looked at him, in the dim hospital night-lights he felt tears form in his eyes and they began to fall.

“Come on, Hajime, come out of this, you’re strong, you can get through this.” He said, “I… need you…” he closed his eyes allowing the tears to fall freely. Someone entered the room quietly, it was Peko.

“Fuyuhiko, would you like to get some rest?” she asked, and he wiped away his tears.

“I… want to stay with him a bit longer if that’s alright, Peko.” He replied and she went to him, she put her arm around his shoulders and placed a kiss on his head.

“Of course, but please, get some rest soon. I will check again shortly.” She said and left him.

“Hajime… come back to us…” he whispered looking at his brother sleeping. He wondered if Hajime dreamt right now or if he was simply in a dreamless sleep. If he dreamt… he hoped they were dreams of happiness and not pain.

Chapter Text

The sun was shining outside and Nagito looked out at it through the kitchen window as he got himself some water. It was a nice day, and the inside of this house was dark and dingy despite it being so lavish. Izuru… adopted son of Tokuichi Towa, he must be worth millions, or billions even. Nagito watched out the window as a bird landed on the windowsill.

“If I gave you a message, little bird, would you take it to Hajime for me?” he whispered as the bird looked right at him before flying off again. Nagito looked back out to the garden, it felt like it had been a while since he had gone outside.

“Would you like to see the garden?” he heard Izuru’s voice, but it didn’t chill him this time.

“Yes, I would like some air,” Nagito replied.

“Shall we go for a walk?” Izuru offered Nagito his arm and with some hesitation he took it and they headed outside. Nagito looked up to the sky, blue with some light fluffy clouds, he closed his eyes feeling the fresh air cleanse him.

“You’re beautiful, Nagito,” Izuru said, and he opened his eyes realising Izuru watched him. Nagito blushed a little.

“I’m not beautiful,” he muttered. “I’m a mess.” He added.

“Then… you’re a beautiful mess,” Izuru said and smiled ever so slightly. Those words… Hajime had said exactly that once when they were younger. They really were twins. “Come on, lets walk, the garden is quite something.” Izuru said and led the way. Nagito found himself walking into a flower garden with trellis growing over the pathways and cherry blossoms in full bloom. It was truly breath-taking.

“Izuru… this is… so pretty…” he said looking around him.

“Shall we sit?” Izuru asked and they took a bench beside one another. Izuru took Nagito’s hand and held it in his own.

“Izuru…”

“Let us just enjoy this moment, in the sun, under the cherry blossoms,” Izuru said and Nagito felt a pang inside of his chest as he looked at him. Looking at Izuru made him miss Hajime so much, he had his face, his hair… but not his smile or his heart.

“Izuru… is there any way I can… reach Hajime just to let him know I’m alright?” Nagito asked and Izuru turned his eyes to him, cold eyes once again.

“Must you ruin this beautiful moment? I do not get many like this.” Izuru said.

“Please, I just want him to know-“ Izuru cut him off by standing and walking off. Nagito felt guilty for asking. Izuru was right, he had ruined the moment. Izuru returned after having walked away a little and he crouched in front of Nagito and took his hands again, holding them.

“Nagito, I wish I could tell you everything but… this isn’t the time, not yet. All I want is… love… Nagito, I have not seen much of it.” he said making Nagito feel sorry for him.

“Izuru, you know it is not as easy as that,” He said and Izuru sat beside him again. Izuru’s hand reaching for his face and gently caressing the side of it with the back of his fingers.

“I liked you from the moment I saw you, and you do not even realise how special you are,” he said softly. “I think I should tell you something, but it might… make you hate me again, or hate me even more.” He said.

“I don’t think I can take much more in the way of surprises, Izuru, I am still struggling to process the fact that Junko once lived here and was your sister.”

“Do you want to see her room?” Izuru suddenly asked as though getting off track. Nagito’s face paled.

“No, thank you.” He replied quickly.

“What was I… going to tell you… oh yes, my father wanted revenge for Junko and Mukuro. I was to help him. He did not know it was my brother that killed her, but I did, I found out, I took the CCTV from that warehouse, it is now destroyed, my father would never know. After she died, I realised it had been you she had been tormenting in there and that… my twin was there. Again, I failed to protect you. If I had known her plans… I may well have killed her but… she was my sister, and I did have care for her.”

“Your father wanted revenge?” Nagito asked.

“Yes, and I began that act of vengeance starting with you, I had my own agenda too, of course but… I realised the love I had for you never went away. I lost it when you rejected me but… that was also part of my plan for my father to get his vengeance. I would get rid of Hajime so that I could have you but that was just a fantasy. I know now that I never will have you. I was going to tell my father after I succeeded in our revenge but… I did not want that; I did not want to hurt you, and then I switched my sights. I put in motion a series of events that would lead to my father’s death, for fear of him finding out about you.  I stand to inherit his fortune, but I have no use for it.” Izuru said. “I just got word that… my father is dead. His private jet… malfunctioned and crashed.” Izuru said and Nagito felt his legs grow weak, but he remained on his feet. “I am all alone in this world, aside from Mikan and Celeste but they… can be very trying at times.” He admitted. “I only want you, Nagito, I just wanted you, your company, your… love… at least for a while.” Izuru said and turned to Nagito.

“You really are so lonely, aren’t you?” Nagito asked.

“It is the worst feeling, I do not want to die alone, Nagito.” Izuru said and Nagito found himself involuntarily raising a hand to his chest where he felt a pang inside. Izuru took Nagito’s other hand and led him back towards the house but suddenly Izuru faltered.

“Izuru, are you alright?” Nagito asked steadying him.

“I’m fine… I haven’t been sleeping well, I probably just need rest.” He said and Nagito helped him inside. “My conscience is weighing on me, it has been keeping me up most nights.” He said and Nagito fetched Izuru some water.

“Would you get some sleep?” Nagito asked him.

“I should try, at least but what will you do? Will you try and escape?” he asked.

“You have men on every exit, don’t you?” Nagito asked.

“I do.” Izuru replied.

“Then there is no point.” Nagito muttered and Izuru thought for a moment.

“You like to read, don’t you, Nagito, allow me to show you to the library before I rest, feel free to select any book you want.” He said and proceeded to lead him. Nagito felt like he could easily get lost in a book and pretend he was somewhere else for a while.

Chapter Text

Where had I been? How long had it been? I became aware of myself as though; I had not been for some time. My body… felt stiff. I opened my eyes and was met by the sight of the hospital. That’s right, I was badly hurt… NAGITO!!!!

“Nagito!” I cried out and someone was beside me.

“Hajime, it’s alright, it’s alright.” It was Fuyu. “Doctor! Get a fucking doctor in here!” he yelled.
“What happened?” I asked in a small voice.

“You were… away for a while, lost. Just breathe and take it easy,”

“Where is Nagito?” I asked but I knew the answer.

“We have had no word, Hajime, I’m sorry.” Fuyu said and I felt my eyes fill with tears.

“I need him… I need him back… I need to know he is safe…” I muttered.

“I know, I know, Hajime, everyone is working hard to find leads but… nothing,” Fuyu said.

“Not nothing.” I heard at the door and looked to see Byakua walking in. “Good to see you have re-joined the world of the living, Hajime, it looks as though I have come at the right time.”

“What have you got?” I demanded.

“No, not if it’s going to upset him, he’s only just woken up, he was disoriented, and he might slip away again.” Fuyu said.

“Shut up, Fuyu!” I snapped. “Just tell me!”

“It is a small lead, but my organisation was able to find one. Izuru had ties to Junko Enoshima, it seems they were adopted siblings.”
“Wh-what?” I asked horrified. “How? Why?”

“What the fuck? Are you serious?” Fuyu snapped.

“He’s dead, isn’t he? He’s dead, I know it… my beautiful… Nagito…” I was breaking. I couldn’t take this. It was too much. I wanted to die.

 

***

Nagito was in the library again, he had grown fond of this place, all the books in it were varied so he had a lot of choice, he was getting through his third one right now, sitting on a comfortable chair. He began to wonder how long he had been sat here undisturbed and wondered where Izuru had gotten to. He had not seen him much this day. He had visited the library a lot since Izuru showed it to him and he had been left relatively undisturbed for most of the days. Now he was wondering where Izuru was, so he put his book aside and left the library, he checked all downstairs and the garden before he went upstairs to see him emerging from his own bedroom.

“Izuru, I was looking for you,” Nagito said.

“I was just about to come and find you.” Izuru replied and moved to do so then his bedroom door opened again and out came Mikan. Nagito frowned, unsure as to why she would have been in there. Izuru looked at her with his cold eyes as she hurried to leave.

“What… was she doing in your bedroom?” Nagito asked.

“Nothing.” Izuru replied.

“Are you… interested in… girls too?” Nagito asked.

“It is not like that, Nagito.” Izuru kept it plain once more. “What would you like to do this evening?” he asked changing the subject.

“Maybe just… talk for a bit?” Nagito suggested.

“If that is your wish,” Izuru replied and met him at the stairs. Nagito knew what he wanted to talk about. He had no idea how long he had been away from Hajime, but it felt like a long time. The evening was a nice one, so Izuru went to lead out to the garden, first he fetched some iced tea from the refrigerator but then paused. “Would you like wine instead? Or is iced tea adequate?”

“Should I… drink something like wine after my head injury?” Nagito asked unsure. “I do like it just…”
“Let’s take both,” Izuru said and handed the iced tea to Nagito and fetched a bottle of wine, he looked at it as though checking it was a good one, Nagito suspected all the wine Izuru had was expensive and would taste lovely. Izuru led Nagito out to the garden and to a beautiful luxury gazebo which had benches inside it as part of it and a table. He set down the drinks and Nagito set down the glasses and they took a seat. Izuru proceeded to pour out two small glasses of wine for just a taste and then he poured them both out some iced tea.

“Thank you,” Nagito said and reached for the iced tea first. “This is delicious!” he said smiling.

“Thank you, I made it, I find it very refreshing.” Izuru replied and also began with the iced tea. “I hope you are settling here, Nagito, you seem a little less distressed, I hope the medication Mikan prescribed is helping.”

“Yes, I think it is, but… one thing… keeps playing on my mind,” Nagito said, starting to feel nervous about approaching the subject, Izuru had been very calm lately, he had no violent outbursts and Nagito had begun to feel safe, but he knew he could likely still anger.

“You can talk freely Nagito,” Izuru urged and reached for his wine, Nagito decided he needed a little wine before he began and did the same. He could feel the sweat prickling his skin as he considered how he should word what he wanted to say.

“How long… have I been here?” he asked.

“It has been some months,” Izuru replied.

“M-months?” Nagito asked, his eyes wide. “Are you… am I to remain here… forever?” Nagito asked.

“I need you, Nagito, I need your company.” Izuru said not giving him a straight answer yet again.

“Please don’t… be angry but… if I am then, please, allow me to get a message to Hajime, please just let me tell him I am safe.”

“You keep raising this,” Izuru said and gulped a larger mouthful of wine, placing it back on the table. He stood and moved to sit beside Nagito on his bench. Nagito’s heart began to race as Izuru took his arm, holding him by the wrist, it was a little painful and he winced. “You are mine, Nagito, you are mine now.”
“Izuru…” Nagito whispered but any other words disappeared into nothing. Izuru then took hold of Nagito as though holding him in place. “Izuru… please don’t hurt me…” Nagito managed to say in a shaky voice.

“I will not, and it seems I cannot ask you to drop the subject of making contact with Hajime,” he said and leaned in closer. He buried his face in Nagito’s shoulder, in his hair as though seeking comfort and he released him, wrapping his arms around him instead. “I wish you really could just be mine,” he whispered. “You have no idea how much my heart aches,” Nagito found himself holding Izuru and Izuru let out a breath as though relief washed over him and Nagito just held him close feeling awkward as he did so, and he had no words but then Izuru spoke again. “I will consider it, but you must remain here and if I let you then you never mention my brother again, ever.”

“I… have no choice.” Nagito replied and Izuru pulled away from him looking at him, Nagito could see the loneliness in those cold eyes and as Izuru leant in to kiss him, he could not pull away, he let it happen but then he felt a pang in his chest. No! He was not Hajime! He pulled away shifting a little further up the bench. Izuru looked angry and Nagito felt the fear grip him as those cold eyes held his terrified ones.

Chapter Text

Byakyua and his company had found a terrifying lead, but it might help towards Nagito’s rescue if… he was still alive. I had to believe that he was, I just had to. I would completely shatter if I kept believing he was dead. Others had convinced me why would Izuru go to so much trouble if he was just planning on killing Nagito? They were right, even Nagito’s parents had hope but I imagine it was for the same reason I held onto it, for their own sanity. Fuyu had been a huge support to me, he had been to see me every day and, on some occasions, he even stayed the night. I could tell he was worried about me. That lead… Junko… my brother had been adopted by the same family? It turned out that family was the Towa family. It was no wonder Junko had so much influence beside her status as a popular model. Men and boys fell at her feet, although it seems the Towa connection was deliberately kept a secret from public knowledge. I looked over to Fuyu as he sat in a chair near my bed, he was on his phone, and I hoped I was not keeping him from his own responsibilities too much, but he had insisted on remaining with me. I felt a warm feeling in my chest as I looked at him, he had finally lost his baby-facedness and he had grown into a handsome man although, knowing him, he was probably just pleased he had stopped looking so young.

“Fuyu…” I started to speak getting his attention and he put his phone away immediately.

“Are you ok? Do you need anything?” he asked, and I just shook my head.

“I just… wanted to thank you for being here.” I said and felt tears in my eyes, my emotions were higher than they’d ever been.

“It’s alright, of course I’ll be here, I’ll be here until they release you then Nagito’s parents are going to have you stay with them.”

“They have been so kind… despite what I did.” I muttered.

“Mrs Komaeda wasn’t told about that. Mr Komaeda doesn’t want her to know how you hurt Nagito.” Fuyu said.

“He still… believes in me…” I whispered.

“He does.” Fuyu affirmed and then a nurse, I did not recognise walked in with a package.

“H-Hajime, this was j-just delivered f-for you,” she said with a bad stammer and handed me the parcel. It was strange to be delivered something to my hospital bed. “It’s a g-gift, s-someone is th-hinking of you.” She smiled but her smile was a little off although I returned it to the best of my ability right now and received the gift and she left. It was quite a weighty gift and I opened it up to find a camera wrapped carefully in bubble wrap.

“What?” I said out loud and began to unwrap it, I opened the screen and turned it on. It was full battery and there was a video. My heart began to race, and nausea hit me as a note dropped out of the wrapping.

Brother, I wish you a speedy recovery, although, this message may hinder that recovery.

Would… Izuru be so sick that he would… film himself murdering Nagito and… send it to me? That was the thought that raced through my mind, and I could feel my whole body shaking.

Chapter Text

“Fuyu… what if… this is… like a… what if…” I could barely form a sentence. “What if he’s killed Nagito and… sent it to me?”

“Do you think he’d be that fucked up?” Fuyu asked.

“I don’t know… everything else he did was fucked up.” I muttered; my voice sounded detached from my body like it was coming from someone else completely.

“You want me to… watch it first?” he asked. “If… it is that Hajime, you don’t need to see it,” he said, and tears fell from my eyes.

“It might not be,” I said but my voice was now just a whisper. I pressed play on the video recording, and I saw my brother sitting looking into the camera.

“I trust this has found you well, Hajime, this is a courtesy message. I am allowing you to see Nagito one last time.” He said and then looked off camera, “are you ready, Nagito?” he asked and there was movement and Nagito came into the camera view he sat on the chair Izuru had sat upon after he vacated it. He looked uncomfortable but he smiled. That smile. I felt a pang in my chest, he looked thinner than before, and his hair had grown. He was still beautiful. My heart ached as I watched him, and the tears streamed from my eyes.

“Hello Hajime, I wish we could actually speak, I want to hear your voice, but Izuru agreed to this, at least. I just wanted you to know that I’m ok, he hasn’t hurt me. I don’t believe he will, either. I’m safe and… its not so bad here. I have to stay; he is going to use his connections to get the case against you dropped with the police. That’s in exchange for me, he has treated me well. Honestly, I’m ok but… I just… really miss you.” He said trying to sound strong, but his voice gave him away, he wanted to cry, and I just wished I could hold him. “I’ll always love you, Hajime but… please move on from me, we… have to be over so you can move on…” he said, and the tears fell from his eyes, he was no longer able to maintain composure and he clasped a hand over his mouth. “Izuru, I can’t do this-“ he said off camera. “This is too painful!” he cried.

“Nagito…” I muttered. Izuru came onto the camera and he went to Nagito and held him, “what the-“ I muttered as Nagito accepted his comfort. It looked as though Izuru was whispered something to him, holding the back of his head, affectionately and Nagito seemed to compose himself and he looked at the camera again.

“I’m ok, I just miss you, but I have to forget about you… I am here now.” he said but I could still hear the tears in his voice. Izuru went to him again and stroked the side of his face.

“Don’t fucking touch him,” I hissed darkly.

“Nagito, I need a private word with my brother,” he said and Nagito looked back at the camera.

“Goodbye Hajime, please, have a nice life, live it to the fullest, I’ll be fine.” He said and obeyed leaving the room. I heard the door, Nagito was gone. Was that… really the last time I would… see my Nagito? Izuru sat back down looking into the camera.

“Hajime, you don’t come looking for us, you don’t allow anyone to come looking for us. If you do… as much as I love him too, and I really do love him, but I will kill him if anyone comes after us. I will do it just so you cannot have him back.” Izuru said. “You pushed me into that hole as children, it left me with a head injury, more severe than Nagito’s, I was just a small child. I have had difficulties since, and it took a lot of rehabilitation. It is even perhaps part of the cause of my mental illnesses. I hate you. I despise you with all my being in the same instance I love Nagito with my entire being. He is mine now, but I will murder him if you come looking. Call off the police, call off that Future Foundation or he will die, even though it will hurt me just as much as it would hurt you. This is my promise to you.” He said and then he stood going behind the camera switching it off. I stared at the black screen, I could not even blink, I could not even move.

“Fuck!” Fuyu yelled and kicked the chair at my bedside hard enough to tip it over and it was not a small chair. It snapped me out of my trance.

“He’s… gone… I’ll never see him again… Fuyu… what am I going to do?”

What am I going to do…? What am I going to do? What am I… going to do… without him?

Chapter Text

I was finally discharged from hospital, it had been months and I had no home to go to, not if Nagito wasn’t anywhere I could find him. Our own home was burned, and I was to stay with his parents. It was kind of them to have me but… everything there would remind me of Nagito. I told them about the video, I had to, and we agreed to call a stop on the search. Of course, the police wanted to see the video, so we showed them but… I didn’t want his parents to see it. I felt it would be too painful to see their son that way and hear Izuru talking like that and how he would kill Nagito, but they watched it anyway. They wanted to see him. I could understand that it was why I pressed play hoping it was not my worst fear realised on that recording and I got to see him, perhaps for the last time. I could hardly comprehend it. After everything we had been through together, after… I let him in, let him close… admitted my feelingsfell in love… completely and totally in love. My heart ached constantly, and my head felt like a dark fog and most days I found myself just staring off into space. I had to quit my job. I just couldn’t face it. Living in the Komaeda’s house was… difficult, all of us were highly emotional and Mrs Komaeda was often found crying. Mr Komaeda went from sorrow to anger quite often and every now and then he would change his mind, wanting to go and look for his son but I had to convince him otherwise. I feared for his life, but I wanted him back just as badly as they did. What wound me up most of all was Mrs Komaeda insisting on having the news running in the background of every room, whether it was television of radio. My heart dropped whenever they said an unidentified body had been found. It had been months and no word. I never would hear again. I still feared he would just turn up but not alive… his body found by the side of some road or in a ditch or shallow grave. It was maddening. I could hardly take it. Mrs Komaeda coped by mothering me but sometimes it was suffocating. I was not her son. He was gone. It really was as though he was dead. They say there are five stages of grief, we had all been through each of them even though as far as we knew he was still alive. The first thing I did when we got here was go to Nagito’s room, it still had some of his things in and I slept in his bed. Of course, it didn’t have his scent, he had not slept in it for so long and knowing the Komaeda’s the sheets were clean anyway.

It was just another day, I found it hard to get out of bed each day that rolled by some days I simply didn’t. Eating and washing was another thing that I found difficult, it seemed like such effort to do so. I was just existing. I was numb. Hollow. Empty. I was nothing without Nagito. I heard the phone ring and the usual hurry to answer it from Mrs Komaeda but this time it was followed with a sorrowful cry. My worst fear and theirs…. I jumped out of bed and hurried to her, Mr Komaeda doing the same.

“No! Oh god…” she cried, and she crumpled to the floor, Mr Komaeda taking the phone from her.

“Alright…” he said in a shaky voice, “I understand… we’ll be… right there.” he hung up the phone and looked at me. The tears were already falling. “They… found a body… matching Nagito’s description but its… been exposed to the elements and… decomposition has… started….” His voice broke, “it might not be him, come here,” he said and helped Mrs Komaeda up from the floor holding her. I was just staring at them… my tears fell in constant streams. “We have to…” he trailed off.

“Identify the body,” I finished, and he just nodded having lost his words. I felt a heaviness inside my chest. If it was Nagito, maybe he tried to escape and… Izuru… killed him for it…. Oh god. It was too much to think about. “Fuyu said… the last thing Fuyu said to me was… he would be there if… we had to do anything difficult and… I think he meant this.” I muttered.

“Would you… please call him?” Mr Komaeda asked, and I called him up and he answered quickly.

“Fuyu… they found a body… matching Nagito’s description, we have to identify it….” I could hardly speak.

“I got it; I’ll meet you there. Hajime, remember it might not be him.” Fuyu tried to reassure me.

“Not many people look like Nagito,” I just muttered.

Chapter Text

Fuyuhiko and Peko had met Hajime and the Komaeda’s at the mortuary, Mrs Komaeda was crying as though she had not been able to stop. Mr Komaeda was holding her, looking as though he was trying hard not fall apart as well. Hajime… Hajime just looked haunted. Fuyu didn’t want to see Nagito in that state either, but it might not be him, he kept telling himself.

“Fuyuhiko, do you want me to come with you?” Peko asked him and he just shook his head. He wanted her to stay with Hajime. “If you are certain,” she replied and stood beside Hajime as Fuyu was led into the morgue. It had that horrible smell of chemical cleaners with a hint of something else he did not want to think about. He saw it, the body lying on a slab covered with a sheet and he made his way where a coroner was waiting to lift that sheet. He could feel a sweat break out all over his skin, his heart pounded hard inside of his chest, and he could feel tears sting his eyes as he approached, the sheet was lifted revealing the body. He felt sick but he looked at the corpse before him. The first thing his eyes were drawn to were the horrible bruises on the neck but he had to identify it, the white hair… was not as white as he remembered but maybe it was just dirt, but he forced himself to look at the face. The face was a little sunken, the eyes were still open but glassy. This person… did resemble Nagito but… it was not him; it was not Nagito. “Ah fuck… thank fuck!” he said feeling as though he would collapse to the floor. “Shit! God!” he said clasping a hang over his mouth. “Its not him. Its some other poor fucker but its not Nagito Komaeda.” He said and the coroner nodded. Fuyuhiko hurried back out, but his legs felt weak, he wanted to tell them as fast as possible, but he had to lean against the wall a moment. He was shaking. “Fuck.” He muttered and drew in a breath heading back out. They all stood alert as they saw him. “It’s not him.” he said right away, and Mrs Komaeda cried again but this time it was tears of relief.

“Are you sure?” Hajime asked, “are you sure?” he yelled.

“Yes, Hajime, I’m sure.” Fuyu replied and Hajime came forwards.

“Maybe I should… go make sure,” he made to go past him, but Fuyuhiko took his arm.

“It’s not him, I’m sure of it, Hajime, you don’t need to see a body like that, not with everything else you have to deal with. It isn’t him.” Fuyu said again with certainty and Haime just collapsed but Fuyuhiko held him up. “Easy,” he said.

“He’s still alive.” Hajime whispered.

“Yeah, he’s still alive,” Fuyu repeated, and Peko came forwards placing her hand on Hajime’s back for comfort. “He’s still alive.” Hajime said again as though it had not sunk in. Fuyuhiko hated seeing him so broken.

 

Fuyuhiko and Peko were in the car heading home but Peko was driving, Fuyuhiko felt exhausted after that ordeal, at first glance he thought it was Nagito, but he was certain it was not. The face was a slightly different shape and the poor soul’s eyes were not the same shape as Nagito’s either. He didn’t want to have to do that again, but he would, so they didn’t have to.

“Fuyuhiko, it wasn’t him, was it?” Peko asked.

“I would have told them if it was!” he snapped. “I had a good look, alright, just to be sure,” he said.

“I’m sorry you had to do that,” she added.

“It’s alright, I’d rather it be me than any of you. That poor fucker though…” he muttered.

“Was it really bad?” she asked.

“Whoever that was… the fear was still in his eyes… it was horrible,” Fuyuhiko muttered, “but I was… too happy that it wasn’t Nagito, I feel bad for the guy whoever it is though. Someone is still dead.”

“Don’t feel bad, anyone would have felt the same at the verification it was not their own loved one.” Peko replied.

“Loved one?” Fuyuhiko snapped.

“We’re all family, we all love him, and we love Hajime… watching him go through this is painful.” She added.

“Yeah… we’re all family….” Fuyuhiko muttered. The truth was he did love Nagito but would never admit it out loud.

Chapter Text

Izuru had moved Nagito to a different location, he had abandoned that huge house and they were now in a beach house he had told Nagito nobody would find them there, it had no links to the Towa name. He was completely isolated now, there was nothing near-by. The beach was a private one but apparently still not in the Towa name nor his own. Nagito was just sat on the balcony looking out over the vast waters of the ocean. This was to be his life now. Mikan and Celeste had also come with them, so he was not here alone with Izuru but… he did not know if that made it better. Celeste came out carrying a tray with tea and she set it down on the table and took the other seat.

“How are you doing, Nagito?” she asked.

“I… miss Hajime,” he replied. “I miss him so much.”

“Would you care to try some of this new tea?” she asked and poured him out some. He went through he motions and accepted it, without much thought. “Nagito, I really do want to be your friend, I don’t have many and you have been kind,”
“And you betrayed me.” he replied dully.

“I… did yes, but you have to understand when Izuru asks something of me, I cannot say no.” she replied.

“Why?” Nagito snapped.

“I am sure you understand… I am in love with him. He is a man completely unobtainable since he has no interest in women but I still love him so I am content to just be his friend, but I will do anything he asks of me. He is both beautiful on the outside and his mind… his insanity is beautiful to me.” she explained.

“You’re in love with him?” Nagito had to question.

“Yes, hopelessly,” she replied with a small smile before she delicately sipped her tea. Nagito took a sip to try it. It was nice and had a comforting aroma. “I am so sorry; you must understand that too.”

“Must I really stay here?” Nagito asked.

“I do not believe he intends to keep you forever; time is always so short.” She said.

“What do you mean by that?” Nagito asked her but she did not answer and then Izuru appeared at the balcony doors.

“Nagito, may I have a moment of your time?” he asked and Nagito agreed standing and going with him. Izuru led him out onto the beach, and they just walked along it, the sand was so soft underneath Nagito’s feet, it was a nice feeling. He liked the beach, but he preferred that one he and Hajime went to. He wished he could go back there and lie in Hajime’s arms just as they had done on their runaway escape when they were teenagers. “Nagito, I have a confession to make,” Izuru began.

“Is this… going to mess me up?” Nagito asked having learned to fear revelations from Izuru.

“It will not be easy to hear but I want to be honest with you,” he said.

“I killed someone recently, a young man and I left his body near your hometown to be found by authorities there. He… resembled you, only not quite as beautiful. All this time spent with you… I am frustrated… I have you here and yet I cannot have you. I cannot be with you the way I want to.”

“You… killed another person?”

“We had sex and then… when the fantasy was over and I realised he was not you, I killed him.”

“Izuru….” Nagito muttered.

“I am sorry,” Izuru replied. “The sex you and I had before was… thrilling… but I have such a strong desire to make love to you to… be tender and show you what you mean to me.” he said.

“Izuru, you know I can’t do that,” Nagito muttered.

“But why?” Izuru snapped, fear gripping Nagito as he had angered the dangerous Izuru.

“You know why,” Nagito whispered.

“You and Hajime are over! It would not be a betrayal!” Izuru hissed.

“I would be betraying my own heart.” Nagito replied.

“Then… I will have to kill again, if I find someone who looks like you, which is rare but… possible,”

“You cannot put this on me, Izuru.” Nagito whispered.

“I stand by that I will not force you-“
“But you’ll manipulate me!” Nagito snapped.

“Do you… care for me at all?” Izuru asked looking saddened. “After all this time spent together… do have any care?” Nagito felt tears fall from his eyes as he just stared at Izuru with wide eyes.

“I… do… you terrify me and you… hurt me but… I do care, Izuru, you have been kind to me since I have been with you.” Nagito replied. “You have not hurt me physically, but the emotional pain is worse.” Nagito added and Izuru came forwards taking his hands.

“My love for you, Nagito, is strong… its powerful and I… cannot contain it, it is torture having you so close and yet… you are not close enough.”

“I am sorry,” Nagito closed his eyes, the tears falling as he looked away.

“Nagito, I do not have much time… I am… not well.” Izuru suddenly said. “If I do not get to have you in body… at least… please… let me have a taste of your love.” He said and Nagito looked at him again.
“You’re… dying?” he asked and Izuru just nodded. Nagito felt a pang inside his chest and realised he did not want Izuru to die. “What… is killing you?” he asked.

“My heart is failing, it is… a long-term effect of my head injury sustained when Hajime pushed me into that hole as a child. I have suffered many complications from that injury but this time… it is killing me.” Nagito felt his legs go weak and they buckled underneath him, but Izuru caught him and steadied him. Nagito looked into his cold eyes, but they were pained as they looked back at him and Izuru lowered him to the sand. Nagito felt helpless, utterly weak. As he laid him on the sand, Izuru climbed on top of him looking down. Nagito just looked back up at him, helplessly.

“Izuru…” Nagito muttered, his voice heavy with tears.

“The urge… to take you with me is strong,” Izuru said wrapping his hands around his neck, but he did not apply pressure.
“Izuru….” Nagito muttered. His mind was in turmoil, he could barely think, and he was terrified for his life again, he did not want to die here, he did not want to die without seeing Hajime again.

“Izuru, it is almost time for dinner,” Celeste had come over to meet them, stopping Izuru’s disturbing thought process and he seemed to snap out of it, climbing off Nagito and helping him up instead but before they headed back to the house, he took Nagito in his arms.

“I only wish you could love me.” he whispered in his ear.

Chapter Text

I was so relieved that the body had not been Nagito, but my fears for him were not gone, of course. The days went by so slowly and my pain grew with each passing one. Mahiru had given me a copy of that picture of us, since the old one was ruined, left behind in our burning house. She thought it was a nice gesture and she handed it to me with tears in her eyes but seeing that picture of our beginning, our first kiss when we were young only intensified my pain. I still thanked her, the thought behind it was kind. I sat on the floor of Nagito’s room now just looking at that picture. We had both been so nervous, he had been so cute, blushing at my forwardness, I had acted on impulse, I remember how beautiful he looked under that night sky, I had not been able to help myself, I just had to kiss him. Tears fell from my eyes as I remembered our time together, I had not always been kind to him, but he was so deserving of all the kindness in the world and yet, he had suffered so much more than most and his suffering was ongoing. My own, worse than it ever was. If I ever got him back, I would never let him go but I do not believe I would ever see him again. I just wanted to die, I could not live without him but that hope of seeing him again, of having him back with me is the only thing that kept me going. There was a knock on the bedroom door, and I invited entrance. It was Mrs Komaeda.

“Hajime, can I run you a bath?” she asked me, and I realised I had not washed for a while. Perhaps the idea of a bath is a good one.

“You don’t have to do that, Mrs Komaeda, I can run my own,” I replied.

“Please, Hajime, let me do it for you,” she said, her voice was shaking. We were all at breaking point. I just smiled allowing her to take care of me, but she needed just as much taking care of. Her son, who she loved more than anything was missing and in danger.

Mrs Komaeda ran my bath for me, and she even put some oils in for healing purposes, the smell was very comforting as it wafted across the hallway. I picked up a towel and made my way to it. As I locked myself inside their expensive looking bathroom, I felt even more alone. I looked at the water and began to undress, I found myself looking at myself in the mirror, naked, exposed. My mind flashed to the photos of Nagito and Izuru, we were identical, weren’t we? His hands on my Nagito…. Anger struck through me like a bolt, and I crouched gripping my head trying to contain it, once it dissipated it gave way to sorrow once again. I looked at the tub and pulled myself up using its edge. I looked to see a razor… that blade… could easily cut open my veins… I could allow my life to bleed out of me. What was life, without Nagito? I found myself reaching for it but suddenly I snapped my hand back holding it close to my chest. What was I thinking? I couldn’t do that to the Komaeda’s they were already going through so much and what if Nagito did return to find… that I had given up hope? I held onto the edge of the tub looking down at the floor, tears falling.

Chapter Text

Nagito was lying in bed naked, with Izuru at his side, Izuru’s arm wrapped around his waist. He had slept a little afterwards, but his guilt woke him and prevented anymore sleep. He did not want to move or disturb Izuru’s rest, so he just lay staring up at the ceiling. Izuru had been tender and obeyed Nagito’s every wish, Nagito had to fight tears back the whole time but Izuru’s gentleness during it helped him at least enjoy it after a while, he had been nothing but respectful and kind and Nagito had agreed to it. The fact Nagito had enjoyed it, is what left him feeling guilty. He had broken up with Hajime but unwillingly, through that video, so it was not exactly a betrayal, but it still felt that way to him. He looked at Izuru as he slept soundly beside him, he looked so much like Hajime right now in the peace of rest, it was painful. Nagito did not want Izuru to murder anyone else, he did not want him to die either. He should want him to, but he didn’t. Izuru was damaged in many ways, and it was due to Hajime. Hajime… Nagito found himself leaning forwards and placing a kiss on Izuru’s forehead although he was not sure why he did such a thing, but this caused Izuru to stir. He was not Hajime. Izuru opened his eyes, and it was immediately apparent they were his eyes and not Hajime’s. Nagito felt a pang inside of his chest as Izuru rolled onto his back.

“Are you alright, Nagito?” he asked.

“Yes,” Nagito whispered.

“I am sorry,” he added but Nagito did not know how to respond to his apology. It was due but he had no response. “I hope you do not regret last night,” Izuru said.

“Part of me does but… it helped you.” Nagito replied.

“You are a kind person, Nagito, it is part of the reason I love you so much,” Izuru sat up and proceeded to get out of the bed but as he stood, he faltered clasping a hand to his chest.

“Izuru!” Nagito cried and hurried out of bed to his side.

“I’m fine I just… I would like to wash, would you join me, in case I… need assistance?” Izuru asked and he agreed. They got into the shower together and Izuru did need some assistance. It was painful to watch him, it was as though he had deteriorated rapidly. Nagito poured soap onto his hands and washed Izuru’s back for him as the water pelted down onto them both. Nagito was gentle as he washed Izuru, his back, his shoulders. Izuru managed the other areas, but Nagito remained in case he was needed. After the shower, Izuru was breathless, but he insisted on getting dressed and Nagito helped him dress in his usual smart clothes, he always did look so nice. Izuru straightened up and fixed his tie checking it in the mirror. He looked strong again but that did not last, he collapsed to the floor, Nagito tried to catch him, but he was not strong enough to hold him. He panicked and hurried out of the bedroom.

“Mikan!” he called out and she hurried in. “He just collapsed,” he said terrified.

“Help me get him onto the bed,” she said without her usual stammer, and they lifted Izuru. After they had got him to the bed, Nagito realised Celeste was standing in the doorway. Her face stricken, no hint of her usual firm demeanour. Mikan checked Izuru’s vitals, and he came around opening his eyes.

“Mikan, it is alright, it is time,” Izuru muttered. Celeste clasped a hand over her mouth and Nagito looked from her back to Izuru tears in his own eyes. “Please, leave me with Nagito,” he asked and Mikan reluctantly obeyed taking Celeste with her. Izuru looked at Nagito and smiled, that smile… it was full of warmth. It was the warmest smile he had ever offered, but he rarely smiled.

“I have… left a tape with my lawyer and… another for you in case I do not have time to… say everything I need to say….”

“Izuru,” Nagito said taking his hand.

“I feel my body was holding out until I got my…final wish. Until I… got your love. Thank you for last night, I love you so much but… I am not very good at showing it. For all my problems, physical, mental, I blame my brother, but my actions are still my own… I am sorry for everything, Nagito.” He began. “The things I have done… unforgivable and yet… you still showed me kindness…” Izuru was struggling.

“Izuru… I don’t want you to die….” Nagito said, tears threatening to fall. Izuru just smiled at him.

“I… finally have… your love….” He said with tears falling from his own eyes, he suddenly winced and then gasped, arching his back ever so slightly before he drew his final breath.

“No!” Nagito cried as Izuru became completely still, no breath, no life in his eyes any longer, his beautiful eyes had just darkened. Nagito reached out and took a handful of Izuru’s clothes as though it would pull him back and he cried out, putting his head onto Izuru’s chest that had become so still and quiet and he cried. He was so confused as to why he was so upset but he was, and he let the emotion pour out of him, crying desperately and although there was sorrow and grief, perhaps it was mixed in with tears of relief, but he had no idea what his own fate was to be now that Izuru was dead, he had mentioned a desire for him to die with him and that would keep him prisoner, even in death.

Chapter Text

Nagito was just sat on a chair beside Izuru’s bed, he was looking at him as he lay, hands now resting on his chest, he looked as though he could simply be sleeping now but he was so still. He had no idea how much time had passed since Izuru died but he had barely moved from his side. Celeste and Mikan had also been here a while, they were grief stricken. They had clearly cared for him a great deal. Celeste sat the opposite side of the bed on another chair and Mikan was stood at the end of the bed. They were all just looking at Izuru, Celeste had cried quietly. Nagito’s tears had ran dry. The silence was broken when Celeste spoke.

“Nagito, I want to thank you for granting him what he always wanted,” she said but Nagito did not respond, he only looked at her through empty eyes. “He did love you, very much, I was always a little jealous but there was not much I could do anyway. I stayed up many nights with him, he had a lot of regret towards the end,” it sounded like she was trying to remain composed only a slight tremble in her voice gave her away. “He was sorry for all the pain he caused you, Nagito, I believe that was his greatest regret.” She added.

“Why did I… come to care for him?” Nagito asked and she just smiled.

“That was all he wanted,” she replied. “He regretted the pain he caused you.” She lifted something she held in her hand. “He left me this.” She showed an envelope and Mikan went to the bedroom door, two men in suits walked in and stood as though waiting. Nagito looked at them blankly and then back to Celeste. “This is my final instruction from Izuru, I will obey his last wish and it determines your fate, Nagito. He spoke to me about taking you with him in death, he loved you so very much. I could tell he was conflicted though, but he spoke to me in great detail about how he would want it to happen, he also said he would have Hajime and your family informed of your death so they have closure.”
“Are these men here to kill me?” Nagito asked, his voice emotionless as though he did not care either way.

“That depends on this note but if that is his decision, know that the death will be painless, he did not want you to suffer. An injection will be administered, and you will simply fall asleep followed by death.” She explained. “These men are here in case you struggle, Mikan will be injecting you.”

“He loved me,” Nagito muttered. Celeste smiled.

“Are you ready, Nagito?” she asked him, and he just looked back at her, and she began opening the envelope. She read it and then smiled again before she looked at the two men standing by the door and with a simple nod, they approached Nagito.

Chapter Text

I was just sat staring out of the living room window, Mrs Komaeda had left me a sandwich about an hour ago, but I had not touched it. I was just… numb… I felt like I was holding on by a thread, I could feel myself slipping away with each moment and I feared I would go into another Catatonic Depression. It felt like I was headed that way. I felt sick, I knew it was because I was not healthy, I had not taken care of myself. Mrs Komaeda tried to, but I was struggling. What was the point?

I noticed a black car pull up outside, I saw it through the gates and then I saw a flash of white hair through the bushes that blocked full view of the road. What? Could it be…? I must be going crazy but… I found strength and I stood hurrying outside to confirm. I burst through the gate and what I saw left me struck in disbelief. Nagito was standing right there, and the car drove off leaving him. I almost did not know what to do and he looked the same as we just stood looking at one another.

“N-Nagito…?” I said out loud as though I still did not believe he was just standing right before me.

“Hajime…” he muttered in a voice heavy with emotion. Suddenly we both broke into a run and collided in an embrace, but he could not stand, he was falling but I fell with him, and we crashed to the ground on our knees holding one another so tightly as though we might be separated again, and he cried hard into my shoulder, and I did the same. He was back, I had my Nagito back, he was here, in my arms, right here.

“Oh god!” I cried; I could not believe it trying to hold him even tighter. “You’re ok.” I muttered.

“Not really,” he muttered back but I barely heard him.

Mr and Mrs Komaeda had realised what had happened and came rushing out, joining our embrace, we all cried and sat on the pathway holding each other, tears of joy and relief shared between us, but Nagito’s tears seemed those of sorrow. Quiet but plenty.

“My boy… oh thank god,” Mr Komaeda said through his tears and Mrs Komaeda had no words, she just could not stop touching him and holding him. We eventually parted and headed inside and sat in the lounge. Nagito did not sit as close to me as I thought he would. In fact, he sat opposite all of us.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Izuru… is dead….” Nagito muttered. We all looked at each other. My brother, my twin was dead.

“Did you… kill him?” Mr Komaeda asked, and he looked at his father horrified.

“No! Hajime did!” he snapped annoyed and as though the death of his captor upset him. I killed him?

“What are you talking about, Nagito?” I asked.

“You pushed him in that hole all those years ago…” it sounded like he was angry with me.

“I…” had no words… did he… hate me? Why? Izuru was holding him captive.

“Hajime… I need to speak with you… alone.” He said and I agreed, his parents getting up to leave respectful of the fact this was between us.

“I’ll call Fuyuhiko, let him know you’re back, everyone was so worried.” Mr Komaeda said before he left. Nagito looked at me blankly. His whole demeanour was different and then he stood from his chair and began coming towards me and he stopped looking down at me. Those eyes…. Suddenly he slapped me hard across the face, my head snapped to the side, and I slowly looked back up at him. I had never seen him look that way. So much anger in those eyes as he looked down at me. He slapped me again. It hurt. Then he dropped to his knees and fell forwards onto my lap, his arms wrapping around my waist. I held him there rubbing his back and he just cried. My Nagito… what happened to you?

Chapter Text

After Nagito had finished crying on my lap, he went distant again, he was like an empty shell, and we ate dinner with his parents, but it was one of the most uncomfortable meals of my life. Mr and Mrs Komaeda tried to get information out of Nagito, but he offered none. I wanted to know what happened to him too, I wanted to know… exactly how my brother died. He said it was my fault. He offered no words, no explanation, nothing…. He barely ate.

“Nagito… you look so thin, please try and eat more.” Mrs Komaeda tried, and he pushed the plate away, a dark expression in his eyes.

“Nagito, eat more.” Mr Komaeda said.

“I’m not hungry,” Nagito muttered.

“You’ve lost weight you could not afford to lose, son, please eat.” Mr Komaeda insisted, sounding a little sterner and I expected Nagito to back down and obey but he just met eyes with his father. The tension rose.

“I said I’m not hungry.” He repeated, his voice bold. It was Mr Komaeda that backed down.

“I’m going to my room,” Nagito said and stood from the table.

“Oh, N-Nagito… I’ve been sleeping in your bed,” I said, and he looked at me.

“That’s fine, you can sleep in your own room now,” he was cold. His voice was cold and his eyes… his eyes when they looked at me… were cold. Did he really hate me now? What the hell happened between him and my brother? Nagito left and I pushed my plate away too, tears falling from my eyes, I could not even stop it.

“Hajime, he… probably just needs some time…” Mrs Komaeda said trying to offer me reassurance and comfort but her own voice was shaking.

“I think I’ll go to bed too,” I said and excused myself. I paused outside Nagito’s bedroom, wondering what he was going through. What was he thinking? But I did not stop, I continued to the room I had occupied when I lived her as a teenager. It was lonely and I thought we would be together, but he still needed that space. I climbed into bed and cried until I fell asleep. I had cried so much lately, I was exhausted and now Nagito was back, I was still crying.

In the middle of the night, I heard my bedroom door open. and I turned to see Nagito coming in, he didn’t say a word, he just slipped into my bed beside me wrapping his arm around my waist and I was certain I could hear him crying. I held him. I held him close. He needed me and I would be there for him and do anything he needed me to do to help him overcome whatever it was he was he was going through. At least he was home. At least he was safe. Back with me.

Chapter Text

I woke the following morning with Nagito still in my arms, I looked down at him as he slept, he must be exhausted I thought as he looked so cute sleeping soundly. I had missed him so much. Missed this. I had my Nagito back. I still felt a distance between us, our time apart and the emotional trauma created that difference. I still kissed him on the head, and he stirred looking up at me with tired eyes.

“How are you doing?” I asked him.

“It’s… all going to take some getting used to… being back and here with you again,” he said.

“Nagito, I don’t understand the way you have been you seem… distraught at Izuru’s death and… blame me.” I said and he sat up, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“It’s… very complicated.” He replied. “He didn’t hurt me, Hajime, he… tried to love me and… he treated me well. He left me a recording, there was a note, only you and I are to watch it.”

“Do you… want to do that today?” I asked him.

“I think we should but… it is painful, I will see him again… Hajime, I’m sorry but I came to care for him.” he admitted.

“Did you… love him?” I asked sitting up on one elbow. Not sure I could take it if he said yes.

“No, I never stopped loving you, Hajime, in all these months I just wanted to get back to you but… I did care for him.”

“Did you… sleep with him?” I asked not sure if I wanted to know that answer either but he offered none. I felt a pang as I realised the answer was probably yes. I was not angry, but I could feel tears in my eyes.

“Let’s freshen up and then… watch it,” Nagito suggested, and we did so.

We set up in his room, using the television to play the recorded disk. I went to press play.

“Wait!” Nagito said. “I have no idea what he is going to say on this recording but… please promise me it won’t affect our relationship. I love you Hajime and I don’t… want anything to come between us again.” he asked, and I felt my heart race.

“I promise, Nagito, I’m just happy that you’re safe”

“I wasn’t in danger,” he said but I doubted the truth in that.

“Are you ready?” I asked but was I ready?

“Play it,” he said, I sat beside him on the floor, and I took his hand. On screen, it was just a chair until Izuru moved to sit in it after beginning the recording.

“Hajime… my brother, I trust Nagito found it safely back to you by now. As I got closer to death, my regrets weighed even heavier. I hated you, I despised you… you ruined my life. You pushed me down that hole as children, I sustained a head injury and with it many complications arose over the years. I do not tell you this to make you feel guilty, I tell you simply so that you know. My emotions… the way I feel about things were affected, my mental health and physical health were impacted. I wanted revenge but… I also wanted Nagito for myself. I was conflicted in my approach for vengeance and many of my regrets are based upon that. I wanted to hurt you and killing Nagito or arranging circumstances to have you kill him would have been the way to hurt you most. My actions were a contradiction at times, because I had conflicting agendas. Vengeance against you and having Nagito. Hajime… the closer I get to death the more time I spend… wondering what our lives could have been like had we been part of a normal family, had we… grown up as brothers. It would have been nice. We are beyond reconcilement, but it is a nice thought. I am sorry for all the pain I caused you, truly. I know the things I did were unforgivable, and I do not expect or even hope for your forgiveness, it is not deserved.” Tears were forming in my eyes; it would have been nice… to have lived with him… grown up with him… in a normal family… nice to have him as my brother…. Nagito let go of my hand.

“You cannot blame him entirely for his actions, he took full responsibility but… I think you should take some too,” Nagito muttered, and I looked at him, his expression was dark.

“Do you… hate me?” I asked.

“No, I don’t hate you, but I feel angry that your actions caused someone so much suffering. My time with Izuru was complicated. I was scared but… as I said… I did come to care for him, he just needed love, Hajime.”

“Did you… give him it?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied, and I put my face in my hands. Nagito took the controls and pressed play on the recording I had paused as we spoke.

“Please… Hajime… forgive Nagito anything, he is a kind soul, too good for this world and… I did consider taking him with me, but I lacked the strength to kill him myself. I toyed with the idea of having him killed after my death and laid to rest at my side but the more I considered it, the more I realised how utterly pointless that would be and selfish. I wanted to give him back to you and I only ask that you give him the love he deserves. I understand these months apart and the pain it caused may create some friction between you but from what I understood from Nagito… your love is strong. You… are a very lucky man, Hajime and I am envious that you are the one he loves so completely.” Izuru said. “I sent another recording to my solicitor… I have inherited a fortune of which I leave the majority to both of you. My brother Hajime Hinata and my beloved Nagito Komaeda. At this point… from the bottom of my heart… I do wish you both… a long and happy life together. Hajime, please seek help for your anger so that Nagito can be safe, I have seen first-hand how you cannot control your actions when you get angry, it’s dangerous and I love him, as you love him, he deserves all the kindness in this world. Nagito… please be kind to yourself, never hurt yourself again, you are worth so much, believe it for it is true.” He said with tears in his eyes. I clutched my chest. My brother…

“Nagito….” I muttered with a voice heavy with emotion. Nagito paused it.

“He was very troubled, Hajime. I did not know he was dying until the day before he died, and he told me everything. I knew something was not right, he seemed weak… for such a strong man… he was weakening before me and when I knew what was happening it was too late. He killed some guy that apparently looked like me… he murdered him after the fantasy was over after he had sex with him. He told me he would kill again. I… slept with him, Hajime.” He admitted. That corpse Fuyuhiko identified… was Izuru’s doing?

“What?” I found myself asking. “He manipulated you into sleeping with him again?”

“Yes, in a way but I was… not completely unwilling… I told you I had come to care for him, Hajime. He just wanted… love… he just wanted to experience love. Of course, I felt guilty but… it was his final wish.” He said but then he started to cry. “Hajime… I’m so sorry!” his previous cold demeanour crumpled, and he was a mess again. I just held him.

“It’s ok,” I said, surprising even myself. “I forgive you… the circumstances were… extreme.” He composed himself.

“Let’s finish this,” he said and played the video again.

“My final note… Nagito, I love you with all my being, but I knew you could never be mine. Take care of each other, that is my true final wish… this life is cruel.” He finished and got up to turn off the recording. Nagito clasped a hand over his mouth and let out a sob leaning forwards as though he was in physical pain. I reached out and rubbed his back as my own tears fell. After he recovered, Nagito just stared off into space for a short while as though he grew distant, but I waited patiently.

“He wasn’t all bad, Hajime,” Nagito muttered with silent tears falling down his face.

“I know….” I muttered in a whisper. “Do you know where he is buried?” I asked and Nagito nodded. “Will you… take me there?” I asked him. “I want to… leave some flowers on his grave.” Nagito looked at me surprised.

"Hajime….”

“He was right, in another life we could have been close as brothers should be.” I said.

Chapter Text

Nagito and I were dropped off by a taxi to a graveyard and we walked among the graves. I stopped him a minute and he just turned to look at me, his expression was blank. I knew he had been through trauma as well; I know he loved me so much and I know he suffered being apart from me but he seemed so different now, he even carried himself a little differently, it was strange.

“Nagito… I can’t begin to imagine what these past months have been like for you… I might never fully understand what went on between you and my brother but… just understand that I have also been through hell. I didn’t know what the next news would be, I constantly worried about him killing you and… your body just… turning up somewhere. That was a constant fear, I saw for myself his rage.” I said. “It terrified me, and I knew you were living with him. I watched him carry you away from me, I was badly injured from the car accident but I… tried to stop him. Your father… was injured but not so badly, he was trapped in the car, he tried to save you too,”

“That accident made my head injury worse, but Izuru had me get the best medical treatment, his family have a hospital and I was treated there for a while.” He said.

“It’s… worse?” I asked getting worried.

“I think I’m ok, I just hope I don’t end up like Izuru but he said I seemed fine.” He muttered.

“Nagito… I love you and I want to tell you that every day for the rest of our lives.”

“I love you too, Hajime, and I have missed you so much, don’t take my… distance for anything other than… adjustment. I am finding this all very difficult.” He said and I smiled.

“I’m here for you, Nagito, we’ll get through this together,” I replied, and he smiled. He reached out his hand and I took it and we walked through the graves together until he stopped me by one. it was a simple grave among all the others, with my brother’s fortune and ties to the Towa family and Junko, I had expected it to be extravagant or even a mausoleum, but it was just like the others. I stepped closer with my bunch of flowers as Nagito stood back and then I noticed the name Hikaru Hinata. I looked around to Nagito who had a solemn expression on his face.

“He wanted to be buried as the person he used to be and requested his birth name engraved upon it.” Nagito informed me. I placed the flowers and then sat beside the grave putting my hand on it.

“Hikaru….” I muttered. “I hated him so much for what he did but… his words on that recording… make me wish it could have been another way.”

“I know,” Nagito sat down. “In another life, you could have been close as brothers. He may still have been in love with me though and we might have been some weird love triangle growing up or… what if I had ended up with him since you struggled to accept you were gay.” I looked at him and he smiled. He was teasing me, but it could have been a possibility. I smiled back and then took his hand.

“Can we… sit with him for a bit?” he asked.

“Of course. we can,” I replied. I was unsure how I had been able to accept what happened between Nagito and my brother, Hikaru but… it happened, and I could see how troubled he was at the end in that recording. Nagito said he had not hurt him, and I believed that now, I still cannot completely forgive my brother for the things he did, that is not possible, but I do feel guilt and I do feel bad for his suffering.

Hikaru’s final request, his final wish. I will take care of him, Hikaru. I will love him forever. I will never fully understand what went on between you and Nagito, but I will accept it. Nagito suffered in this too. We all did… even you. Hikaru Hinata. My brother.

Chapter Text

We had spent months in recovery, after Nagito’s return and I had intensive therapy for my anger, they medicated me, but it was only temporary, it helped to keep me calm during the first phases. I also believe Izuru’s… no Hikaru’s words helped switch something in my brain. I did not want to disappoint him if he was watching us. I had not forgiven my brother everything, he said himself his actions were unforgivable, but I could see he was remorseful as his life came to an end.

    Nagito and I had got our relationship back on track, he had completely warmed to me again but there was still something different about him, he seemed more… confident, he doubted himself less. I liked it and I wondered if Hikaru’s words and Nagito’s time with him switched something in his brain too. He started to become his usual sweet self but there were times when he still grew distant, I caught him staring into space lost in thought on occasions. Our journey to get here was not an easy one but then it never had been easy. Getting our sex life back on track was a different story altogether. He found it very difficult and at first, he would get emotional and refuse to go any further. It was painful to see him like that, I knew it was likely to do with any psychological trauma remaining from what Izuru did to him, but Nagito loved sex, so I knew it was just a matter of time and I was happy to wait for as long as I needed to. Everyone had been round at different intervals to see him. Fuyu and Peko came first, the expression on Fuyu’s face when he looked at Nagito, I could have sworn he had tears in his eyes and almost moved forwards as though to hug him but stopped himself. They had both been a huge support during the time Nagito was gone. It bonded us even more if that was even possible since we were already so close. I’d do anything for either of them it was clear they felt the same. Sonia and Kazuichi came together, and Sonia cried and held Nagito for a time, but I knew she noticed he had changed. Sometimes, it was almost as though he adopted my brother’s cold demeanour. It was a little chilling. Mahiru and Chiaki came and there were tears of relief, Mahiru really did care for him, they all did. Madoka had some tears in his eyes and held Nagito when he came round, relieved to see he was safe. Nagito left his café job. He had enjoyed it there, but he decided he did not want to go back. I think he had just been through so much it seemed like such a small thing to go back to an everyday routine of work. I had also quit. I wanted to have a career and maybe one day I would get back into it, but I felt the same as Nagito. We had come into Hikaru’s fortunes, the amount was dazzling, we were set for life with that amount, and we shared it out with our friends. Ibuki and Leon expecting a child, we made sure they would have everything they needed although they were both unsure of accepting much, Leon was working hard to ensure he could support them, but we were always at hand if they needed anything. We were all family and families help each other. Nagito seeing how much his absence had affected everyone and seeing how much they all cared for him was overwhelming to him. I believe it still took a bit of getting used to for him, going from having nobody to having friends he could even call family. He had been that lonely boy back in our school days until he met us. I loved him so much and although he was a little changed, he was still my Nagito.

We had bought a new house, this one a little bigger, we did not need a lot of space and Nagito had told me how big Hikaru’s house was, of which he had left for Celeste. That still bothered me, right from the hospital that whole plan had likely been set in motion and it still bothered me a bit that Nagito was in touch with her but again it was something I would never understand. He had even met up with her on occasions and spent hours with her. It was something I had to let go of.

Our new home, it was a decent size, Nagito had not wanted it to be huge, but he had requested we have a nice garden of which we found, and I had to admit it was beautiful. I was looking at him sitting out there right now on a bench under a blooming cherry blossom tree. He looked beautiful sitting there, soft pink petals occasionally falling. If Mahiru was here, I would be asking her to take a picture. He looked lost in thought but also at peace, the dark expression on his face was not there and I smiled. I do not know if this was the right time, but I knew I was ready. I drew in a deep breath, and I stepped outside to join him on the bench. He looked over at me and smiled as I approached but my heart was pounding hard inside my chest. I took his hand as I sat beside him; this could not be more perfect. This was the right time.

“Nagito… you are so important to me… you have been since I first started falling in love with you, you have been my world. My every breath is for you, my thoughts are always with you. I never wanted to be with anyone else, you are all I have ever wanted. I love you so much and my love for you has only grown stronger over the years. I have almost lost you on more than one occasion and I know it would destroy me, the most recent… almost did. I want to be with you forever, Nagito. I want to… hold you every single day and I know our relationship is still getting back on track but… would you… marry me?” I asked and held out the ring I had bought him. His beautiful eyes lit up and he smiled. I opened the ring box to show him, hoping he would like it.

“Hajime! It’s beautiful!” he cried. The ring was a simple band made of white gold, but it had different stones inset all around it. It had pink gems and glittering diamonds and a single blue and green stone to symbolise us, perhaps not the right choice with pink I suddenly realised but I knew he quite liked pink, damn it, Hajime. “I love it! Oh, and yes, definitely yes! Always yes! Hajime!” he cried out and threw his arms around me holding me so tight it almost hurt. I laughed holding him back. “Oh but… we can’t get married in this country,” he realised but I had already thought of that.

“We will be officially married in our own eyes.” I replied.

“Oh Hajime, this is so perfect!” I took the ring out of the box and took his hand placing the ring on. It fit perfectly. I had got Sonia to take him out getting ring sizes but disguising it as a friendly outing and they were trying it just for fun, he had come home thinking that Sonia and Kazuichi were getting married. He released me and I looked at him, his eyes were filled with tears and my heart felt warm. He looked down at the ring.

“Hajime,” he said with a pondering expression on his face, “I’m not sure the blue and green compliment the pink all that well,” damn it, he noticed! “But the blue and green represents us, right?” he asked looking back up and smiling.

“Uh… yeah, that’s it exactly!” I replied but felt awkward. “To be honest when I was designing it, I was getting… really nervous, I’m sorry if it’s not right. We can change it.”

“No, Hajime, it’s perfect, I don’t care, I think its beautiful.” He said looking back up at me.

“Nagito, I’m never letting you go again; I want to take care of you, and I’ll be here for you if you ever need anything.” I said and he smiled.

“Hajime, I don’t need taking care of, I’m fine. To be honest, I feel stronger, mentally, I feel like… I can finally put the past behind me. I have everything I need. I have parents who love me and have finally stopped fussing after my return,” he said and we laughed, “I have friends…” he smiled, “I have lots of friends… and I have you. All that gives me strength. Hajime, I love you and you don’t have to protect me or look after me, we’ll protect each other and look after each other.” He took my hand and then he stroked the side of my face with the backs of his fingers. “You are so beautiful, the warmth in your eyes, your smile… I finally have my Hajime back,” he smiled. His gesture took me off guard a little, quite forward for him, I was unsure what to say so I just said…

“And I finally have my Nagito back.”

Chapter Text

Fuyu and Peko had invited Nagito and me for dinner, it seemed a rather formal thing to do but when we got there, all we could hear was Fuyu cursing. We stepped into the kitchen to see them both at the stove, dinner bubbling in a pot and Fuyu covered in something, good thing he was wearing an apron, but the image was amusing.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” he was still cursing.

“Hello Hajime, Nagito” Peko said politely as ever.

“Shit!” Fuyu said realising we had walked in.

“Do you want a hand?” I asked.

“No! We’re cooking for you, I was just… rushing and fucked it!” Fuyu snapped.

“You have already done a lot, Fuyu, do you want to sit with our guests, and I’ll finish up?” Peko suggested, she had a warm smile on her face as she looked at him, clearly endeared to his temperament of which she had likely seen a lot of over the years.

“Shit, alright, fine.” He said reluctantly and he took off the apron discarding it in the washing pile. Fuyu led us to their large living room, his house was bigger than our own one and it was very nice. I was aware of how successful some of Fuyu’s family businesses were and now he was his own boss. I was also aware of how he had abolished the prostitution aspect since what happened to his sister when we were kids, he felt wrong being a part of that. It was wrong but it was all part of his way of life, and he was a good man, but I respected his decision on that part. There were still aspects of his businesses I did not agree with, but we were from different worlds in that respect. He fetched some glasses and poured out four glasses of wine and handed one to each of us, leaving Peko’s for when she joined us. He looked a bit apprehensive.

“Hey, Fuyu, relax, it’s just dinner.” I said as he glugged down some wine.

“Yeah, and I fucked it!” he snapped. Nagito and I exchanged a grin, Fuyu getting flustered over dinner was quite amusing.

“It is ready,” we heard at the doors, Peko had removed her apron and she was wearing a nice short black dress which had minimal sparkling bits on it and her hair was down. She looked stunning. She was always beautiful, but it took me off guard seeing her so dressed up. Fuyu was wearing a suit like he usually did, and he looked smart and handsome. Fuyu glugged the rest of his wine and then refilled it. Nagito and I had barely had two sips.

“What are we having tonight?” Nagito asked.

“I fucked your one up!” Fuyu snapped. “I was trying to make it y’know so it don’t taste like much but isn’t shit, the fuckin’ spices spilled out all over the fuckin’ place!” why was he so worked up? He was swearing more than usual too.

“Its fine, I fixed it.” Peko said and we were led to the dining room where the food was beautifully laid out and we took our seats.

“I gotta get this over with,” Fuyu said and glugged more wine. I began to feel a little nervous. It wasn’t more bad news was it? Not when we had finally gotten some peace and Nagito and me were on the road to recovery in our own relationship. I suddenly remembered that clan he had been warring with, the one where the new leader had ties to Junko. I’d had no update on that and now I feared this was to do with that situation.

“Fuyu, are you ok? What’s going on?” I asked.

“Just shut up, alright! Let me… do this…” he snapped, and I did so whilst taking an apprehensive sip of my wine and I noticed Nagito do the same. “We’re brothers, right, I always had your back and you always had mine. We’ve all been through so much together, the most recent one, definitely still haunts us. Hajime… you know Peko and I are… getting married, I know we probably already said at one point but… I want you to be my best man. Make sure I don’t fuckin’ run for it, ok?” he asked, and I let a laugh of relief. Was that it?

“Of course!” I agreed immediately, “I don’t think we gotta worry about that, though, right?” I added.

“Fuck.” Fuyu muttered. “Another thing I wanted to say….” Fuyu took another large glug of his wine, he should slow down on that. “Nagito… I wasn’t sure about you at the beginning but… its clear you guys… are meant to be together, and I have seen how much you love Hajime and… that’s enough for me. And after everything… when you were gone, it was terrifying, watching Hajime… fuckin’ fall apart the way he did. I also realised… you’re my fuckin’ family too and I wanted you back as well but there was nothing I could do. I had to… identify a body and when I first saw it, I thought it was you. It was fuckin’ awful, I didn’t want to go out there and tell Hajime you were dead and… I didn’t want you to be dead either. I wanted us all back together as a family. Now we are.” He gulped some more wine, “Nagito… I want you to be my back up best man or you can be a fuckin’ bridesmaid if you want.” Fuyu said and Peko and I laughed. Nagito looked touched.

“Back up… best man?” he asked. “You’d really want me… to be there like that?” I saw his eyes shining. He clasped his hands together. “Fuyu, I’m so honoured! This is amazing!” he jumped up from his chair and went around the table wrapping his arms around Fuyu before he could escape.

“Hey!” Fuyu protested but then suddenly he warmed and accepted it. “Alright, alright, you don’t need to get fuckin’ mushy.” He said but he now had a little smile as he patted Nagito’s arms. I was touched at the scene and then Nagito took it one step further and kissed him on the cheek before releasing him. “Urgh!” Fuyu protested but he blushed at the show of affection and Nagito returned to my side looking very pleased with himself that Fuyu had accepted his affection this once. He still had tears in his eyes.

“Thanks, Fuyu,” I said and smiled, I was pleased for Nagito that Fuyu had accepted him so completely. Fuyu wasn’t great at showing his affection, but I knew he cared about me and now I knew he cared about Nagito. We almost lost Nagito and when that body was found it all became too real. Fuyu had told me since our recovery that the poor young man had looked like Nagito but with some small differences, which soon made it obvious it was not him and I knew now that it had been my brother who had killed that man. That was a disturbing thought, but it had also become clear that Izu… Hikaru had not intended harm to Nagito, at least not deep down.

“So, who are your bridesmaids, Peko?” I asked and Fuyu glugged more wine, seriously slow down. I wanted to say.

“I was going to ask Sonia, Chiaki and Natsume.” She replied and took a more civilised sip of her wine.

“Just three?” Nagito asked.

“What the fuck’s that on your finger?” Fuyu suddenly burst and leaned forwards in his chair over his dinner. Nagito laughed awkwardly.

“Yeah, we were gonna tell you guys about that tonight, actually. Nagito and I are getting married too.”

“Shit, since when? Are you guys like, all good now?” he asked and Nagito stopped smiling and I felt awkward. I had talked a little to Fuyu about our struggles and right now that felt like a betrayal. Nagito gulped some of his wine and I was growing increasingly aware of Fuyu’s declining state of sobriety.

“We’re fine, Fuyu, it’s been difficult since Nagito returned but we still love each other. That never changed.” I replied.

“How much have you told Fuyu?” Nagito asked.

“Shit, I’m sorry, it’s none of my business,” Fuyu muttered sitting back.

“Did he tell you how we haven’t had sex properly since I returned? Did he tell you how I came to care for his brother when I’d been there a while? Did he tell you that I slept with Hikaru when I was there? Did he tell you-“

“Nagito!” I snapped.

“Excuse me.” he said and stood from the table taking his wine with him. I put my head in my hands.

“Shit, I better go after him,” I said.

“Hajime, I’m sorry,” Fuyu called after me.

“Its not your fault,” I replied and followed Nagito. He had gone outside into their beautiful garden area. It had some beautiful night lighting strewn through it but right now, I did not fit the mood. I looked at Nagito, he had a dark expression on his face. He still got that at times. “Nagito-“ he interrupted me.

“I get that you have to talk to someone but some of our life should stay private, Hajime, he already knew all that didn’t he?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m sorry but… he kind of helped me work through it. You have to understand it was difficult to come to terms with. I thought I accepted it all but after a time I realised it was difficult.”

“It’s been difficult for me too; do you forget that?” he fired at me casting cold eyes at me.

“Of course not, Nagito,” I replied softly and stepped a little closer standing facing him, opening myself to him. Would he accept?

“Hajime, I know you have tried to understand and accept. I appreciate how difficult it has been, but did you ever wonder if some of the difficulties we’ve experienced particularly when it comes to sex, is partly down to you too?” he asked and suddenly I realised he was probably right.

“And my part… in accepting the fact that… you slept with my brother willingly.” I muttered and I felt the tears in my eyes, and they fell almost immediately down my cheeks. I had been in denial. I had not accepted any of it not completely. “Nagito… you’re right. You’re totally right.” I was crying now, and I’d closed myself from him, moving away.

“Hajime, we both have to come to terms with everything, maybe not accept it. Hikaru looked exactly like you, he was beautiful. Yes, I willingly slept with him, but it wasn’t easy. I felt… such a mix of feelings because I cared for him, but he wasn’t you. He respected my every wish that time when before he refused to use protection, obviously I’ve been tested, and we know I was safe. The time I slept with him at his place, he was so gentle, and he used protection. He just wanted to feel loved, Hajime, I was able to do that… right before he died.” Nagito explained.

“Nagito… Hikaru was right… you’re a kind soul and I don’t deserve you.” I said as I slumped down on a near bench putting my head in my hands. He sat beside me.

“Hajime, I want to be close to you again, I want to feel you. I love you; I spent the whole time with Hikaru wanting to get back to you, I didn’t see an end to it, and I did try and… drown myself in the bath but he pulled me out, he was devastated that I tried to do that. I really did want to die when I thought I’d never see you again.” I looked at him, tears falling down my face.

“Nagito, I’m so pleased we both got through this, I am so happy that you’re safe and back with me, that my therapy has… helped, I don’t seem to get so angry so I’m not even a danger to you but… now… other aspects of our relationship are… failing.”
“Sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship, its just a bonus.” He said. “We’ll get there. After everything we have been through, we’ll definitely get through this.” He assured and then he placed his hand on my back rubbing it to comfort me. How had we changed roles and he was now the strong one?

“I want that closeness, that… love….” I muttered and he suddenly leaned closer and placed a kiss on my cheek.

“Hajime… I have never stopped loving you, like I said, sex is a bonus.” He said whilst he was still close, and I looked at him. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes of his now so close. I couldn’t help myself I just leaned forwards and kissed him on the lips, and I couldn’t stop.

“You fuckers just came here to make out?” we heard and realised Fuyu had come to check on us. We separated and laughed as though we were two teenagers caught out by a parent.

“We’ll come back in, sorry, Fuyu, just had some things to work out.” I said and we got up heading in with him.

“Right, I’m sorry I brought some shit up, that’s on me. I was… kinda nervous about talkin’ tonight,” he admitted, and I slapped my arm around his shoulders.

“Want some more wine?” I teased him.

“Yeah, I fuckin’ do.” he said, and we laughed, as we joined Peko, I think we could all do with a bit more wine. We finished dinner of which Peko had covered so it stayed as warm as possible, and the food was really good. After we continued consuming the vast amounts of wine Fuyu and Peko had brought in for our dinner. We were sat in the living room, they were on one couch, and we were on another, all a little tipsy at this point, especially Fuyu. I had never seen him drunk before. Nagito had taken to sitting with his legs up on the couch, leaning into me of which I welcomed his closeness, and I wrapped my arm around him.

“Hajime… you’re a handsome fucker… you better not outdo me at my… own fuckin’ wedding!” Fuyu slurred but I was also warm from the wine and tipsy and I leaned forwards being fully aware of my current state at this point.

“Fuyu, you know that won’t happen, you’re a handsome fucker too especially since you lost your baby face!” I replied.

“What did you say, bastard? Huh?” Fuyu snapped but the rest of us disarmed him by laughing. “Shit.” He muttered.

“You have become very handsome, Fuyu, I’d sleep with you.” Nagito suddenly said and I couldn’t help but crack up again laughing so hard my sides were splitting. Fuyu stammered around his next sentence but then resorted to cursing quietly which only served to fuel my laughter.

“Nagito… does have a thing for hotheads.” I couldn’t help but say and we all laughed again, except for Fuyu.

“Shit,” Fuyu muttered, he just didn’t know what to say.

“Honestly, Fuyu, I would do it.” Nagito was going for it, he was really fucking with him, but Fuyu was blushing not knowing what else to do, unless he was just flushed from the wine.

“Shut up!” he suddenly snapped but not quite as aggressively as I imagined he had intended. “Hey, Nagito, how about you put a fuckin’ dress on and we’ll see what happens, I heard you look pretty in a dress!” he said even more suddenly biting back with his own teasing remark and we were now all laughing so hard. More wine was shared around.

“Peko, what kind of dress are you thinking of having at your wedding?” Nagito asked after we had recovered from our laughter.

“I would rather not discuss it in front of Fuyuhiko,” she said and blushed. Peko was one of us that had not changed much as we got older. She was still quiet, and she still blushed when it came to Fuyu. It was cute and she really was a beautiful woman.

“What kind of dress are you gonna have at yours?” Fuyu burst and we were all laughing again.

“I’m wearing a suit, Hajime’s wearing the dress.” Nagito replied and we were set off with uncontrollable laughter. I most certainly was not wearing a dress; we would both wear nice suits.

“I’d love to see Hajime in a dress!” Fuyu laughed.

“I wanted to see Hajime in a dress.” Nagito said.

“You’re the pretty one, Nagito, it would look better on you.” I said.

“But you’re beautiful, Hajime,” he said and leaned into me. No, he was beautiful. My laughter subsided and I felt a little flutter in my stomach and a little tightness in my pants and in my drunkenness, I could not help but kiss him again, my hand reaching to hold his cheek, fingers in his hair. I was lost. Lost in him.

“Do you guys want a fuckin’ room?” Fuyu snapped but he wasn’t angry. We broke away and I looked over at him.

“You offering us one?” I asked with a grin. It was a great night and we continued laughing drunkenly and drinking more wine. We did stay the night but we didn’t have sex in Fuyu and Peko’s house out of respect but maybe… we could try again when we got home.

Chapter Text

Nagito and I had been trying to get our sex life back on track, we had worked through some of what was holding us back and this evening I planned to cook for him, we would have a little wine and then try again. I hoped so at least but I wasn’t telling him that was the plan so as not to put pressure on him, the pressure was on me instead. I loved him so much, I always say it, I always think it but ever since we first began, I knew I loved him and now I know him so well, I cannot believe I ever thought he was creepy. Sure, he was a little strange but when I think back to those days when we were kids, when I treated him badly, I don’t feel right, and it seems a lifetime ago now after everything we have been through since then. Hikaru was right, Nagito was a kind person filled with love to give and all he wanted in return was to be loved back and I did love him. So completely.

Nagito had been out with Madoka all day whilst I prepared the meal, and he was due to return any minute. I was feeling the pressure that was certain. I had tried to cook something fairly simple in terms of flavours and I hoped it was nice. Nagito suddenly appeared at the kitchen entrance, and he made his way to me, snaking his arms around my waist.

“That smells amazing, Hajime,” he said in my ear. He smelled of alcohol. I was a bit annoyed.

“You’ve been drinking, are you drunk?” I asked him.

“No, maybe a little tipsy but I’m ok,” he replied. I slapped the hand towel I was holding down on the side and moved away from him.

“Nagito, when you go out with Madoka, it always involves alcohol. I had this… whole thing planned and… it can’t happen if you’re drunk!” I snapped.

“Well, you’ve already proposed to me so it can’t be that so it must be… sex?” he asked, and I poured myself a glass of wine and left the kitchen. I should have known he’d be drinking already if he was out with Madoka. I went outside and sat on the bench under the blossom tree. He followed me and was also holding a glass of wine. This really can’t happen.

“Hajime, I’m not drunk, I drank slower than Madoka.” He said as he sat beside me.

“I can smell it on you,” I muttered.

“Of course, you can, you haven’t drunk anything,” he replied.

“I don’t want to do this if you’re intoxicated, it doesn’t seem right,”

“You’re treating me like a china doll again Hajime, I’m not fragile, I’m not gonna break and I’m not a child. It seems like you were looking for an excuse not to go through with it. We don’t have to force this if you’re not ready.” He said and as usual, he was right. Maybe I was looking for an excuse, but I wanted this. I wanted to be close to him so badly.

“Nagito, you got no idea how much I want you,” I muttered.

“Then have me,” he replied and took my hand. He didn’t seem too drunk now I think of it. I looked at him, meeting his eyes.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” I said, “shall we take some time to freshen up? I probably smell like cooking,” I said and forced a smile.

“Hajime, I feel I am ready but we both have to be.” He said.

“We’ll try, I think I am.” I replied and he smiled, we met eyes again and then we both leaned in for a kiss, a brief, gentle kiss but the passion was still there. “I am ready.” I added.

“Then let’s go freshen up, you take one bathroom, I’ll take the other,” he said.

“How about… we shower together like we used to?” I suggested.

“Sure,” he replied smiling, and he stood, taking my hand and we went back inside, took another sip of our wine, and then headed to the master bathroom where there was a large walk-in shower. We stripped and stood looking at each other naked once again, taking each other in. He was still so slim, there wasn’t much to his waist or hips, but he still looked perfect to me. He had the perfect form in my eyes, slim waist with broad shoulders that were still fitting to his slim frame. He was beautiful.

“Hajime, you’ve bulked up again, it’s hot,” he said, I had been trying to work on my muscles and strength again since our lives got back on track and that ordeal was over. He took a step closer, and I could feel the blood rushing to my manhood, but I felt awkward when before I would not have taken a second thought. He began to look uncertain too.

“Come on, lets shower,” I said and stepped in, he followed. I turned on the water and then turned to him. I took the soap and went to wash myself but then I looked at him. “Turn around,” I said, and he did so. I squeezed some of the shower wash onto my hands and slowly began washing his body, getting a feel of it, getting used to it once again, his shoulders, his slim waist, his perfect backside. He was trembling. “Are you ok?” I whispered and he turned his head over his shoulder slightly.

“Mmm hmm,” he just said, and I realised he was biting his lower lip into his mouth.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied. I slowly took one step further and slipped my hand between his cheeks. “Ah, Hajime, don’t tease me,” he gasped, and I kissed him on the shoulder.

“It isn’t teasing if we follow through,” I said softly. I was also trembling but feeling him and feeling his body had encouraged my erection to grown to its fullest. I wanted to put my fingers inside of him and by the feel of him, he did too. I slowly pressed him against the wall, gently and proceeded to rub his entrance, the water washing over us washing away the soap.

“Hajime…” he said in a breath. I slipped in the first finger, and he drew in a breath.

“Tell me to stop, if you’re not ok,” I said in his ear. I gently teased his entrance slowly pushing in further. I could tell he was enjoying the stimulation as he pushed back eagerly as though it was completely against his control. I still had that lingering uncertainty; it had been so long since we had been sexual with one another. I added another finger inside of him and he responded to the addition.
“Hajime… make love to me…” he breathed as I increased the movements of my fingers. “Ah… Hajime…” he said breathless from the exhilaration, so I hadn’t lost my touch in all this time. I pulled my fingers out of him and he turned to me. “Make love to me.” he said again and smiled. I pressed my lips against his and we were locked in a moment before I took his hand and led him to the bedroom. I took out the lubricant and a condom and we climbed onto the bed, dinner can wait, it would stay warm. I looked at him as he sat awkwardly on the bed now that it was time. This almost felt like back when we were both virgins and uncertain about ourselves, having never had sex before.

“Are you sure, Nagito?” I asked.

“Are you?” he replied.

“How do you want to do this? What position should we take?” I asked.

“I want you on top of me, so I can look at you whilst we make love.” He said and I smiled. He lay back and I got into position after applying the condom and lubricant, I gently lifted his legs moving my hips towards him, my erection was certainly still eager.

“Tell me to stop, if you need me to,” I said.

“Hajime… it’s fine,” he replied and smiled. I proceeded to enter him; I saw a fleeting look of apprehension in his eyes, but I went slow. His body had been violated through deceit of my brother; my soul had been. I could never know how he felt when he willingly gave his body to my brother but right now this was us. It was only about us. I pushed inside of him, and he allowed it. My erection was not going anywhere this time, I was ready. I pushed inside further and once there, I began to move my hips slowly, gently against him, he was looking at me the whole time, looking into my eyes. This already felt so amazing, but I kept taking it slow, it had been such a long time, pleasure rippled through my whole body, but it was a slow ripple, like a gentle wave on a peaceful shore.

“Ah… Nagito… this is… pretty intense,” I said smiling down at him.

“If you come early, that’s fine,” he replied, and I felt like that was entirely possible just like when we were kids.

“I won’t… I won’t” I said in a breath as I increased my movements, slowly, lovingly. He looked so beautiful and as he felt the pleasure, he arched his back slightly, head pressing into the pillow.

“My Hajime…” he whispered; the exhilaration evident in his breathing. I went a little more eagerly and suddenly we both came, crying out in pure ecstasy. It felt as though the orgasm was still happening even after we had come, but I knew it wasn’t I just felt so amazing. We had reclaimed our sex life, no waning erections from me, no tears or pulling away from Nagito. I slumped down beside him and he turned to me looking at me, a satisfied smile on his face.

“I missed you,” he said, and I smiled.

“I missed you too.” I replied and then we kissed. I had him back, I had my beautiful, weird, kind, Nagito back and I loved everything about him. He was different from how he was before due to his experiences but maybe, so was I and that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. We were growing up, life changes people but sometimes its for the better. I liked how Nagito had gotten a bit of confidence and I liked how I had become warmer and had my mental health issues were being seen to. We were growing, we were getting stronger, and nothing would stop us now. We had our whole lives ahead and nobody else would get in our way, nobody else will ever try to separate us again. I would not let them. Nagito was mine and I was his and the love we have, so strong. That was worth protecting and cherishing. That was all that mattered.

Chapter Text

It was the day of Fuyu and Peko’s wedding we had our suits, practically matching but with slightly different colours on the waistcoats. Peko had opted for red for her bridesmaids and as groomsmen we all matched. Nagito looked so handsome dressed in his suit and I couldn’t wait to see him at our wedding. He had pulled his long hair back in a low ponytail, still messy but that couldn’t be helped. Fuyu’s waistcoat had darker red, mine was a lighter red and Nagito’s lighter still. They were beautiful suits, and I could not wait to see Peko in her dress and the bridesmaids in theirs. Chiaki, Natsume, and Sonia. Nagito had told me who our bridesmaids were going to be, he excitedly told me but struggled to keep them to a minimum. Chiaki, Sonia, Mahiru, he had wanted Chihiro despite not being that close to her and then he changed his mind but suddenly one day he asked her anyway. He wanted Chihiro to have the opportunity to be a bridesmaid having never had that opportunity before. He had also wanted to ask Sayaka, he got carried away, but it was cute. We had not decided on our colour scheme yet, but we had time, today was Fuyu and Peko’s wedding. We were in the grooms dressing room with Fuyu who was agitated much like he had been when he asked us to be his best man. I had to stop him drinking too much liquid courage, it would be bad if he stumbled drunkenly up the aisle.

“I’m gonna be a married man,” he muttered, “shit, is this the right thing to do? Fuck!” he paced.

“Hey, Fuyu, relax, Peko and you have been together forever, that’s already a commitment in itself. She has helped you run your city as your partner, that is also a commitment. Peko has never let you down, don’t let her down now. Get a hold of yourself!” I said. There was a knock at the door.

“Just come in for fuck’s sake!” Fuyu snapped and the door opened to Nekomaru dressed in his usher suit.

“Hey, we pretty much got everyone seated, Peko is ready, Sonia just told me. You have to be at the front first,” he said.

“Yeah, I know.” Fuyu said. “Shit, I don’t say this often but I’m… scared… after marriage comes kids and… I don’t think I’d be a good dad… what if I’m not a good husband? What if I fuck this up?” Fuyu stressed. I went to him.

“Hey, you’d make a great husband and a great father, you’re my brother, we chose each other in that, doesn’t that tell you something about yourself?” I asked him. Nagito stood and went to the bottle of champagne sitting in an ice bucket, he poured out some glasses and handed them to each of us.

“One liquid courage before we head out,” he said smiling, “champagne is the drink of celebration and we are celebrating today, celebrating you and Peko’s love for each other. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world, to love someone so much. That is what today is all about, you’re marrying the woman you love, with your family, with us all around you. Today is a day of love and it’ll be the most wonderful day, Fuyu.” I smiled at him; his words were beautiful.

“Shit.” Fuyu muttered and we drank back our champagne together before we headed out with him. They were to marry underneath a beautiful garden trellis, the registrar was waiting, and we walked up the aisle together getting in place for Peko.

“Hey, Fuyu, you’re alright, you got this.” I said and then the music started up and soon we saw Peko walking to the aisle with Chiaki, Natsume and Sonia following behind her. They all looked so beautiful; Peko looked stunning. Her hair delicately styled, some pulled back, long bits coming down at the front, her dress simple yet beautiful with subtle bits of red flashing through.

“Oh my god,” Fuyu muttered. “Why does she… look so beautiful?” I looked at him and he was awestruck, it brought tears to my eyes since he was not an emotional man, at least when it came to the softer emotions. She joined him and she was blushing.

“You look so handsome,” she said smiling softly. Yes, he did look very handsome, and she looked absolutely beautiful. She was still taller than him, even though he had grown in height over the past years. I felt a warm feeling inside my chest as I looked at them standing ready to become husband and wife. Fuyu’s father and mother were also standing up here, I had some squinty eyed looks from his father, an intimidating man who I believe was not so understanding of my sexuality, but he had said nothing, only with his eyes. That didn’t matter today, all that mattered was two of my best friends were to be joined in marriage. They said their vows, ones they had written themselves.

“Peko, you were given to me by my father as a tool, as an extension of my limbs to do as I wished of you. I never wanted that. I never needed that. We grew up together, we became… close. I realised what I needed and what I wanted from you was… just you. I wanted you. Over the years you have proven yourself in more ways than one, you still support me, you act as my fill in when I am needed elsewhere and you became my partner, my father might not approve of that, but he can go fuck himself.” Fuyu said looking round at his father with a cheeky grin on his face and the intimidating man, the yakuza boss looked taken aback but then he laughed along with everyone else.  

“You better watch yourself, boy, it might be your wedding day but I’m still your father,” he said but his threat did not sound serious. I smiled and then looked at Nagito taking his hand as we stood side by side. Fuyu continued his vows.

“Peko, when I had you as my woman, my best friend, my… partner, I knew I’d made the right call when I fired you. I didn’t want you to be both, I just wanted you to be my girlfriend and I knew one day you’d be my wife. I was so nervous, I’m not gonna deny that Hajime and Nagito saw me at my weakest they can confirm what a mess I was but when I saw you walking up that fuckin’ aisle, all that went away. I know this is right.” He said and she smiled. “I’m done, let’s move this along,” he said, and I could see from here he was blushing.

“Fuyuhiko, yes, we grew up together, I was your tool, but I always felt strongly towards you. I tried to deny my feelings in order to fulfil my duty to you, an honour it was to be by your side, to be your tool but I, too, wanted more although I did not feel it was right for me to expect anything more from you. When you admitted your feelings to me and we became a couple all those years ago, I still acted as your tool, I knew you hated it, but I was so used to that being my role. After you fired me, I was able to show my true feelings. I had always thought you so handsome, and one of the toughest men I know but you also have a warm, kind heart. I will always be by your side; I will always support you, always protect you, but now I can do so as your wife.” She finished her vows. It was beautiful.

“You may kiss,” the registrar said.

“Huh?” Fuyu asked blushing fiercely.

“You have to kiss the bride, Fuyu,” I said.

“Shit,” he muttered, and they moved closer, he was not one to show affection so freely in front of everyone and all eyes were on them as they met lips. Suddenly Nagito started to clap, followed by Chiaki, Sonia, Natsume, I joined in and the whole service, all our friends, all Fuyu’s yakuza family were clapping.

“Was that some fuckin’ performance to you guys?” Fuyu snapped but we just laughed and then he laughed as he took Peko’s hand and they walked back up the aisle, we followed as the wedding party and were first in the hall for drinks and soon food. It was beautiful. The wedding party had a moment before the other guests joined.

“That was beautiful, you two!” Sonia said with glee in her eyes.

“Your vows really were special,” Chiaki added smiling sweetly.

“Yeah, that was something special, guys,” I said. Fuyuhiko’s father was off speaking with one of the servers sorting out what was to happen next.
“Wasn’t that touching?” we heard as a man appeared from the back.

“How the fuck did you get in?” Fuyu snapped.

“I get to avenge my Junko as well as eliminate the competition,” it was the new boss of that other yakuza clan, the Matsubara clan, the guy with ties to Junko Enoshima’s cult, it had to be. He pulled out a gun. No. He aimed it at Fuyu, no! I threw myself at Fuyu diving on top of him and two shots were fired, this wasn’t happening.

“Hajime!” Nagito cried out. Fuyu and I were on the ground both checking for injuries, Peko and Nagito coming to our sides. There was no blood, no pain and then that Matsubara Yakuza hit the ground with a thud but not before he had fired a shot but his did not hit.

“Nobody fucks with my son on his wedding day,” Fuyu’s father said, he was holding a gun of his own. He turned to Fuyu. “Why did you not take him out before?” he asked scowling at Fuyu as Peko helped him up and Nagito helped me up.

“I’ve had a lot on, lately, it became low priority with what Hajime and Nagito went through.”

“Nothing should side-line business,” his father said, that may be true, but I probably wouldn’t be here if Fuyu had not been by my side through all that.

“I fucked up; I’ll admit that but he’s dead so its fine.” Fuyu replied annoyed.

“I’ll delay the guests,” Fuyu’s mother said and left the hall.

“I’ll get some men in here to dispose of the body,” Peko said. My heart was still pounding, he was about to kill my brother and me by the sounds of it, but Fuyu’s father saved us. Shit. That was close, a beautiful day almost ended in tragedy, that guy must have been really stupid to come here but Fuyu said he had been amateur and definitely not deserving of the boss role.

“Hey, where does that leave the clan he led?” I asked Fuyu.

“We’ll worry about that later,” Fuyu replied.

“I’ll eliminate them, unless they can appoint a boss who follows the rules,” his father said. Wiping out a rival clan was a serious matter, even I knew that.

“That was scary,” Nagito muttered but he didn’t sound all that scared. “I thought that was it, he’d kill you both,” he said looking from Fuyu to me, he was holding onto my arm now.

“That Junko woman, she was the one that held you prisoner when you were teenagers, right? Left a bullet in your shoulder,” Fuyu’s father asked.

“Yeah, Hajime killed her, so it sounds like he was about to kill Hajime in revenge,” Fuyu replied, and his father looked at me, those eyes were so intense but then he extended his hand, and I took it shaking the yakuza boss’s hand.

“There’s more to you than I thought, Hajime, and you just risked a bullet for my son. He told me you were brothers, now I believe it. Your… boyfriend still looks weak though,” he said and turned to Nagito.

“Its true I’m not as strong as Hajime but I don’t crumple as easily as I used to but its ok if you still see me as weak. I don’t feel I have anything to prove.” Nagito said. I was proud of him, he had become so much more confident in himself, he was always strong, I knew that.

“Anyway, aint this the part where we celebrate?” Fuyu asked.

“I’m so happy,” Chiaki said smiling, “we’re all together, we’re all alive and safe.”

“It’s truly wonderful!” Sonia said with glee. We were all alive and we were all safe and happy. We had no more enemies, nobody else to stand in our way. We were free. The body was disposed of the blood cleaned up and nobody else would have to know it was ever there. The other guests were welcomed in, and we drank and ate together. I had to do a speech at dinner, the best man usually provided some jokes, but I was not that funny. I stood to make the speech, Nagito was at my side looking up supportively.

“Those of us that know Fuyu, know that he is a man of few emotions, they consist of anger, and… well, anger but those of us that know Fuyu well, know there is more to him than what you see on the surface. He is not a man of affection, but he doesn’t have to be, because I for one, know he loves me, even if he never says it.” I looked to Peko who had her arm linked through Fuyu’s smiling sweetly at him, I knew she was the same, he likely never said the words to her either, but he didn’t need to. “All those years ago when Fuyu and I first became friends, and he offered me the brotherhood cup, I was shocked and surprised because I knew how much that meant. We have been solid ever since, I’d do anything for him-“

“Like jump in front of a bullet for him!” Fuyu’s father interrupted and those of us that had been present, and any Yakuza informed of earlier events laughed.

“Yeah, I would do that. He already took a bullet once; I’ll take the next one.” I added laughing. “I know a best man’s speech is supposed to be funny but… we’ve been through a lot of bad shit in the past and… I can honestly say I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Fuyu, he’s the best friend, the best brother any man can ask for.” I finished. It wasn’t much but I said what I needed to, and I looked at Fuyu and he looked touched, but he swiftly brushed off that emotion. That was my Fuyu, my brother. There were claps for my speech and I could sit again and have some more wine.

“That was really good, Hajime,” Nagito said, and I placed a light kiss on his lips, smiling at him.

Nagito and I ended up getting quite tipsy drinking wine out the bottle attempting to hold one another up, arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders as though we were friends not partners but we had a fun stumbling through the wedding, running into others who were also indulging in the free alcohol. Kazuichi and Sonia both ended up a little drunk, we found Chiaki asleep on one of the benches that was in the garden and at that we decided to call it and get her home. It had been a beautiful day and I never wanted it to end. My brother, Fuyu and Peko were finally married.

Chapter Text

Today was the day, I had no nerves whatsoever, this is what I wanted. I was marrying Nagito, I know it would not be recognised as a real wedding in the laws of my country, but that didn’t matter. It was real to us. Nagito would be my husband and I would be his. We had no enemies left, nobody would try and keep us apart ever again. I was dying to see Nagito in his suit, desperate to just see him but we kept apart and were getting ready in our separate wedding suites. Fuyu was with me, Makoto and Nekomaru were also here as my groomsmen. Nagito was with the bridesmaids, loosely taking the role of bride but he didn’t mind that, he could be in a dress for all I knew! I wouldn’t care one bit; he would look beautiful in a suit or in a dress. He also had Madoka with him, as his best man. My suit was fitted, with green colours adorning the waistcoat patterns. My groomsmen had greys and silvers going through theirs. They all looked handsome. I remember Nagito telling me he was drawn to and attracted to Makoto, and how jealous I had been of that. How stupid that seemed now.

“Hajime, you seem really fuckin’ calm for a guy about to get married,” Fuyu said.

“I’m not nervous, not one bit,” I said. “I’m excited.” I replied smiling.

“You guys are meant to be together, that was so clear even when we were kids,” Makoto said smiling.

“Yeah, I feel that too,” I replied.

“Hey, Makoto, should we go check how everyone’s doing? We’re not really fulfilling the usher role staying in here.” Nekomaru asked.

“Yeah, we have to get the guests seated,” he agreed, and they left.

“Hajime, I know we already did the brotherhood cup when we were kids but… lets do a proper one today with alcohol,” Fuyu suggested, and he poured out some of the champagne. “Hajime, you’re my brother but you don’t even need me today you’re so calm,” he smiled.

“I do need you; I still need you to get my back,” I replied.

“Right, well you know I always will,” he said, and we sipped our drinks. “I’m gonna go do my role and check on the bridesmaids and Nagito to see if they’re ready.” He said and I smiled. He left and I took one last look in the mirror. This suit was so well made it fit me perfectly, even I thought I looked handsome, I smiled. If I felt I looked handsome then imagine how I’d feel when I saw Nagito. It left me with a warm feeling inside my chest. I hoped he was ok too.

“Hmm… so th-the opportunity f-finally presents itself,” I heard a female voice and a woman, a nurse stepped out from hiding.

“Who the hell are you?” I asked.

“Oh, nobody… you really do look j-just like him b-but you’re not him… you k-killed my b-beloved and you killed Izuru… I will avenge Junko and fulfil Izuru’s true f-final wish,” she said and laughed maniacally. I could see in her eyes how unhinged she was. “Oh, it was so wonderful, I knew what he r-really wanted… to have you dead and N-Nagito dead buried at his s-side. After I kill you… I will k-kill Nagito….”

“That wasn’t what he wanted, whoever you are, his final wish was to have Nagito and I live out our lives taking care of each other!” I yelled.

“N-no, that’s not it. He wanted N-Nagito by his side,”

“You’re wrong!” She suddenly brandished a knife and came at me, I managed to dodge her attack and I ran out of the groom’s room and was running down the hall, Nagito… I’ll protect you; I just have to get to you. She gave chase and suddenly she caught me and was on top of me holding the knife high, I held her knife-wielding arm back, she was stronger than she looked. It was almost inhuman because I knew I was strong. “I’ll kill you!” she shrieked her eyes were crazed. “I’ll kill you; I’ll kill you; I’ll kill you!” it was terrifying. The knife was getting closer and closer to my face. Shit.

“Hajime?” I heard Nagito’s voice and suddenly he appeared, “Mikan, stop!” he cried but she just laughed. He then he took hold of her and tried to pull her off, but she suddenly released me and was on top of him instead. No. You will not take him from me again! Fuyu ran forwards and we both pulled her off Nagito.

“No!” she screamed as we restrained her, she dropped the knife. “No!” she shrieked and thrashed.

“Mikan… why?” Nagito asked.

“You should be dead! You both should be dead, but you should be with Izuru!” she cried out. “I can’t forgive you! I can’t forgive either of you! Why didn’t you love him back?” she screamed at Nagito. “I will kill you; I will kill you all!” she cried. “For Junko, for Izuru!” Nagito’s face had turned cold, he just stood looking down at her. Slowly he began to remove his waistcoat and his shirt before he retrieved the blade she had dropped. No, Nagito don’t. I wanted to say but stopped myself, Fuyu and I released her immediately. He came towards us and then he crouched down and stabbed her through the heart.

“Oh my god!” Sonia gasped. This Mikan slumped to the ground and Nagito stood again.

“I had to do it. Hajime, even if she was locked away, we can’t have someone out there who would ruin our happiness, if she was left alive then we would always be watching our backs, right?” he asked.

“Shit, Nagito, what have you done?” I asked. The girl died almost immediately from the swift knife to the heart. We heard the sound of running heels clacking along the hallway and I looked up to see Celeste.

“I’m not too late, am I?” she asked panicked.

“Mikan is dead,” Nagito muttered.

“Oh, I see. She was ranting insanities about how Izuru wanted Nagito at his side in the grave and how Hajime should die. I tried to calm her, but she knocked me out with a sedative, I knew she would be heading to your wedding to ruin it. She would never have stopped.” Celeste said. Nagito disappeared into his room and came back with clean hands, he then put his shirt and waistcoat back on.

“Are we getting married, Hajime?” he asked but I had just seen him kill in cold blood. “I didn’t want to kill her, she cared for me when I was at Izuru’s, at Hikaru’s… but I am not willing to let anyone remain alive if they pose a threat to us. Hajime, she would have found a way to kill us, to separate us. Do you want to live in that fear again?” he asked.

“No,” I muttered staring at him with wide eyes.

“Don’t look at me that way, Hajime,” he said, and I realised I was looking at him horrified. “You killed Junko far more brutally than that, you killed her because she threatened us, threatened our lives, she would have separated us, but you made sure that didn’t happen. I was only doing the same.” He was right, but this side of Nagito, so cold, I had never really seen quite this apparent. I didn’t recognise him. His cold demeanour suddenly changed, and I saw tears in his eyes. “Hajime… please don’t look at me like that, I can’t stand it… why are you looking at me that way?” I could hear the emotion in his voice. I stood from where I was still on the ground, and I went to him taking his hands.

“I need a minute to process this but… then we will be married.”

“It is no different from when you killed Junko.” He muttered and perhaps he was right, that just didn’t happen on our wedding day.

“I’ll get rid of the body, Hajime, we getting on with this wedding?” Fuyu asked.

“Yeah,” I muttered and then I kissed Nagito. He was just protecting us. He was probably right; we would have lived in fear for the rest of our lives.

“Hajime… can you forgive me?” Nagito asked.

“There is nothing to forgive,” I replied, and he smiled. “Let’s finish getting ready and then get married.”

“Nagito… you just… killed someone and nobody is batting an eye!” Madoka cried.

“We’ve all seen it before; you weren’t there when Junko was killed, and we’re done with people trying to tear us apart.” Nagito explained.

“She was my friend, but I do not believe she would have ever stopped if she believed what she was doing was Izuru’s final wish. It was not. He wrote me a letter and I know he and I were closer than she ever was to him. He would trust me with his final wish, Mikan was… unhinged.” Celeste said.

“Are you going to leave me, then Madoka?” Nagito asked, his voice was so plain, no emotion as he asked this.

“I… no… of course not.” Madoka replied.

“After everything they have been through… I still do not think murder is the answer, but I understand it, why they feel it is the only way.” Chiaki said.

“Y-yeah, I guess so,” he muttered.

“Has this… set a bad tone for our wedding?” Nagito asked. “I don’t know… maybe we should… postpone it?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Fuyu snapped. “Everyone’s here and you want us to go out there and send them all home? Fuck that, Nagito!”

“It’s a bad omen… no… I’m not doing it.” he said and walked off. I ran after him.

“Nagito!” I yelled but he kept going and didn’t turn back. He was… abandoning me on our… wedding day. I dropped to my knees, tears falling from my eyes. I didn’t know what to do. He was leaving….

Chapter Text

Nobody could reach Nagito, he wasn’t answering his phone to anyone, and countless text messages were also sent to him. We had no idea where he had gone. Fuyu and Peko with the help of their guys got rid of the body and cleaned up, it was all done discreetly, and I didn’t really want to know about it. We were all now sat in the hall, I had no energy to cry as much as I wanted to, silent tears just fell down my cheeks instead. Nagito, we were supposed to be married by now. I should not have looked at him the way I did, who was I to judge him when I had committed murder twice? Killing Junko brutally and killing my twin slowly through a lifetime of suffering due to a head injury I caused him when we were children. I didn’t deserve Nagito, and I was starting to believe I didn’t even deserve to live. Why was I striving for happiness when I didn’t deserve it? Was I so conceited and entitled that I would try and reach it?

“Where’s the food I’m starving?” Akane asked.

“Seriously?” Mahiru asked, her voice filled with tears.

“It’s all paid for, right? We might as well eat.”
“What the hell’s wrong with you?” Mahiru yelled.

“She’s right,” I muttered. “It would be a waste, Fuyu, people need to eat.”

“I got it,” he said and walked to the front of the hall. “Right, any of you fuckers want to eat you might as well take your seats at the tables and I’ll get them to start serving.” He said and some people did so but hesitated beforehand. Fuyu returned to my side loyal as ever, my best friend, my true brother.

“I couldn’t possibly eat.” Sonia said, tears sitting on her lashes. I slowly looked from her to Chiaki who was comforting Mahiru. This felt more like a fucking funeral now.

“Why… did I ever feel I deserved him?” I found myself mutter.

“Hajime, what are you even saying?” Makoto asked. “Of course you deserved him!”

“No, I didn’t, I never did. He was… far too good for me… right from the beginning… he was kind… beautiful…I never deserved him…”

“Its like when he was gone, and we didn’t know where he was… it’s happening all over again!” Mrs Komaeda cried. She was right, of course.

“It’s all my fault… everything… is my fault….” I muttered and somebody moved to stand in front of me, I looked up, it was Fuyu. He was looking down at me angrily and suddenly he slapped me hard across the face. Some gasps sounded from our guests.

“Fuyuhiko!” Chiaki snapped.

“He needs to snap out of this! I’m not gonna watch him retreat into a fuckin’ catatonic state again! Get a fuckin’ grip, Hajime!”

“What the fuck do you expect me to do?” I yelled standing from my seat to face him. “We don’t know where he is, he’s not answering his phone! What the fuck do you expect me to do?” I yelled and then Celeste came forwards.

“Hajime… may I have a word?” she asked.

“No fuckin’ way, not without me there, you fuckin’ bitch!” Fuyu said, it was clear he was very worked up too. This situation was tense and horrible.

“Very well,” she said and began walking out of the hall. “You can stand here but Hajime and I will go over there.” she indicated and Fuyu agreed, he just wanted to keep an eye. I followed her. She looked to me. “Hajime… I may have an idea of where he went but I do not want everyone to rally and go after him because if I am right then it will be hurtful for him.” she said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Will you come with me?” she asked but I felt a little uncertain, she was accomplice to Nagito’s captivity with Izuru. I looked back to Fuyu. “You can bring him if you want to, I mean you no harm, I am not like Mikan. I wanted what Izuru… no, Hikaru wanted, forgive me, I knew him as Izuru for so long.”

“You don’t seem affected by the death of your friend,” I realised.

“I am, but my loyalty was always to your brother, I loved him completely which is why he entrusted his final wish to me.”

“I’ll agree to go with you but let me tell Fuyu, I don’t know if he will be happy me going without him, but I feel like I need to.”
“I promise you are at no risk, whatever a promise from me is worth.” She said.

I was right, I had a battle on my hands with Fuyu about letting me go alone but eventually he allowed it, taking over watching out for the guests at what should have been my wedding.

I followed Celeste and we got into the back of a car that must have been her method of travel here and we were driven away from my wedding and all my loved ones but hopefully towards Nagito.

“Where do you think he’s gone?” I asked.

“To Hikaru,” she replied.

“To the grave? Why would he go there on our wedding day?” I asked feeling a pang in my chest. If Celeste was right, then maybe I had really lost him. Maybe this was it and Nagito was no longer mine and we would not be together forever like we always meant to be. It was more than I could endure.

“I think his relationship with your brother became very… complicated… but I have no doubt of his love for you. The whole time he was with us he just wanted to get back to you.” She said trying to reassure me.

“Things change though, don’t they?” I muttered looking out the window. After some hours from the wedding venue, we arrived at the graveyard where Hikaru was buried. Nagito already had a head start from us by a couple of hours, I’m not sure why Celeste left it so long to say anything to me, perhaps she was just giving Nagito some space, would she really do something kind like that?

“Hajime… if he’s sitting by the grave just stay for your own peace of mind but let him have some space.” She said and I made no response I would not commit to that. I closed the car door and walked into the graveyard heading towards my brother’s grave. Would he be there? Why would he come here? It was disturbing to me. I slowly walked through the graves and sure enough, I saw that mess of white hair sitting in front of Hikaru’s grave. I went to approach but then I heard him talking. Talking to Hikaru.

“Was I supposed to die with you, Hikaru? Was that your true final wish? You ruined my life, I’m different now… I thought it was for the better, but I have… lost part of me and… I know it bothers Hajime. Was that your final torture having us be torn apart anyway? I didn’t think you were like that in the end, but I don’t think we will survive this. I know you said you wanted me to live and to go on but… I don’t think I can… if Hajime and I aren’t to spend our lives together, I don’t want this life. I hate you, Izuru and I love you… but you ruined it all. You ruined me. I thought about ending it, those thoughts don’t really leave… now I have nothing, Hajime is everything to me….” his words and the emotion filling his voice broke my heart.

“I’m still here, Nagito.” I decided to say, and I startled him, he turned around and looked at me, tears streaming down his face.

“Hajime….” He said in the most pained voice I’d ever heard. Part of me was beginning to hate my brother again for what he did to my precious Nagito, my sweet Nagito. Seeing him like this and thinking suicidal thoughts again. I would not have it. I walked towards him and sat beside him, I noticed he was holding a piece of broken glass.

“Nagito, please put that down.” I urged. “You might be a little broken but we’re not.” I said.

“Yes, we are, Hajime, we are.” He muttered and was still holding the sharp shard of glass.

“You’d rather believe that and end your life than be with me?” I asked him with tears in my eyes.

“We’re broken, Hajime!” he snapped suddenly. “I don’t want to live anymore,” he muttered.

“I won’t let you do this, Nagito.” I said more sternly.

“It isn’t your choice,” he replied and pressed the glass to his wrist, and I grabbed his arms forcing him to drop the glass and then I held his arms and forced him to look at me.

“Nagito! I will always fight for you, even if it’s you I’m fighting! If you don’t see reason, I’ll fucking knock you out and take you to the hospital! If you’re feeling this way, then you should be admitted again.” he looked at me with blank eyes.

“Hajime… why can’t you just let me go?” he asked with tears in his eyes.

“Because I love you, Nagito and it would destroy me. It would destroy me completely.” I said without hesitation as I knew if he were to die then I would certainly follow whether from heartbreak or my own suicide. I couldn’t live without him and if that meant we had an unhealthy relationship then I don’t care. I just couldn’t go on if he were dead. “Nagito… I’m going to let you go but please know that I would be utterly broken if you hurt yourself.” My heart pounded, I guess this was almost a test, if he picked up that glass and started cutting his wrists in front of me then that would decide things. He was already broken and perhaps this time, he would not be fixed. I released my hold on his wrists and sat back but not too far that I couldn’t stop him. I was stronger, it wouldn’t take much. He looked at me, silent tears falling from his beautiful but sad eyes, down his cheeks. He then looked to where he had dropped the shard of glass and slowly, he reached for it. No…. please…. I closed my eyes to blink out the fresh tears that were forming and clear my vision. He held the glass to his wrist with shaking hands but then he let out a sob and dropped the glass letting it fall to the ground beside him. I shot forwards, taking him in my arms and holding him close. He held me back and just cried on my shoulder. I thought he had been ok, but clearly, he was just trying to be strong, and it took its toll. We sat like this for I don’t know how long and after he stopped crying, we did not move, we still held one another close. I reached my hand to the back of his head cradling his head against me.

“Hajime… I’m sorry… I love you so much.” He muttered against my shoulder.

“I know, I love you more than anything. You’re my Nagito, beautiful, even if a little broken.” I whispered in his ear, and he held me tighter.

“It makes me so happy that you think I’m beautiful.” He said.

“You are beautiful, Nagito.” I said holding him tighter.

“Obviously… I still need some time but… I think… we should get married on a beach… our beach, I know the memories aren’t all good from that place, but I was really happy to be there with you, alone that time.” He muttered.

“Yeah, you were a mess then, too but it’s kind of amusing looking back on it. Some of it anyway, how you were so open and flirtatious, lost your inhibitions and all that.” I muttered with a smile.

“It’s a little embarrassing actually.” He replied.

“Before I realised you were on the verge of a mental break, I was pretty turned on by your forwardness.” I admitted and he laughed but just a little.

“Horny Hajime.” He muttered and I laughed.

“I like the idea of a beach wedding, Nagito and yes, I am still marrying you.” I said and he held me tight again. It was as though neither of us wanted to let the other go first, we stayed like this a little while longer.

Chapter Text

I had thought we were better, thought Nagito was better. Thought I was better. I thought we had recovered from the traumas we had endured. Nagito murdered someone, without barely a second thought. It was chilling. I had stopped him killing Junko that time because I had wondered if he would be able to cope with having taken a life, even one as vile as hers. I was right. He fell apart once we returned home from the graveyard, guilt consumed him. He insisted he did not regret killing that nurse called Mikan because he was protecting us and she had been affiliated with Junko, taken in by her ways but she also loved Izuru. He had told me about how she had cared for him after his head injury from the car accident, and in that was his regret. I had completed my therapy at the retreat, I would go back for regular counselling sessions but Nagito… he had to be admitted again after I found him cutting himself in the bathroom, his eyes, did not look right. He was having another mental break.

“You want me to take care of myself, Izuru? You want me to live after you ruined me? Ruined everything!” Is what I heard when I found him. It was worse than before, when he saw me, he attacked me. He thought I was Izuru. I had to restrain him and calm him, convincing him I was Hajime, he started to cry.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” he sobbed. That was when I knew he had to be admitted to the retreat once more. His feelings towards Izuru had become very confused. He cared for him one minute and resented and hated him the next but then felt guilty for doing so. His mental state had always been fragile from his past traumas, being kidnapped and held for ransom, more impactfully Junko Enoshima and now my brother, Izuru, Hikaru, whatever we should be calling him. Nagito was in the retreat for months and it was worse than I’d ever seen. His behaviour was strange and erratic, he was not himself at all.

I was heading to see him right now only to find his room empty as though he’d never been there. One of the nurses came up to me.

“You’re looking for Nagito?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I muttered in a daze.

“He… had another psychotic break, it is out of the remit of this retreat, so he is at the hospital building. It happened only this morning.” she explained.

“What… did he do?” I asked unsure if I wanted to know.

“He attacked one of the orderly’s and then he ran… we found him in one of the bathrooms having broken a mirror, he was… talking to someone who wasn’t there and holding a shard to his throat, but we were able to restrain him before he cut himself.”

“Nurse… what’s wrong with him?” I asked in a dull voice.

“The doctor will be able to tell you more, please, allow me to show you to his room at the hospital.” She said and I followed as though in a daze. I walked into his room, he was strapped to the bed by restraints, and I walked over to him. “He’s sedated right now.” she said. “I’ll get the doctor.” I took his hand but of course, he did not grip back, he was completely under, probably for the best. I did notice a slight cut on his throat, likely where he had held the shard.

“I’m still marrying you, Nagito, whatever’s wrong, I’ll still be by your side.” I felt tears fall down my cheeks.

“Hajime,” I heard at the door and looked to see Nagito’s doctor. He knew all about Nagito’s past, everything he had experienced. The staff here knew us quite well now.

“What’s wrong with him, doctor?” I asked. “Is he… losing his mind completely?” I asked and reached a hand to stroke his hair. Any reservations I ever had about being affectionate were long gone.

“Over these past weeks he has exhibited signs of… schizophrenia, talking to people who aren’t there, people who are no longer living and… lashing out at those that are. I believe it is a result of the trauma he has endured. We believe it is likely temporary schizophreniform disorder which is a form of schizophrenia but temporary. Although it doesn’t mean he won’t experience this again.”

“Schizophrenia?” I asked, “isn’t that… really serious? Will he be able to function normally?” I asked horrified.

“Yes, he will, with medication.”
“More medication…” I muttered.

“Now we are certain of a diagnosis we can treat him with the correct anti-psychotics, and he will get better, Hajime, he will lead a normal life. For one so young, he has experienced many traumas.”

“Anti-psychotics? Oh god… I don’t know how much more I can take… I feel so… heavy… so…” Burdened I believe is the word I was looking for. Too much had happened and the more I thought about it, the more I felt it was all my fault. If I hadn’t pushed Hikaru down that hole… given him that brain injury… perhaps Nagito wouldn’t be in this state now….

It was all my fault. All my fault.

Everything.

Chapter Text

Nagito’s parents and I had to experience watching Nagito have a psychotic episode, it was heart-breaking. The doctors had to get the correct medication for him and ensure they prescribed him appropriately so he wouldn’t be a danger to himself or to others. He was not a violent person, never had been.

When we were visiting, he attacked his father who was a lot bigger than him and stronger, he was able to take hold of him, restraining him, bent over the bed, arms behind his back and then a nurse came in with a syringe sedating him whilst his father stopped him moving or hitting out at anyone. Mrs Komaeda cried, his father had tears in his eyes and I had to stifle a sob. This was not Nagito. All this heartbreak, all this stress had likely taken ten years off my life. I was exhausted. Mentally and emotionally. It took a whole year before they were happy to release Nagito, he had not hurt anyone, to their knowledge of course, Mikan’s death was covered up. Her body never found. Fuyuhiko had disposed of it. Nagito had not been in the middle of a psychotic episode then when he killed her, he was just protecting us. They were now confident in their diagnosis. Temporary schizophreniform disorder but he still required medication. A year….

A whole year before I could have Nagito home with me again.

They told me what his medication was all for, he had sedatives, anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety. It was too much but I made myself familiar with them all. He finally seemed a little more like himself. Schizophrenia… or temporary schizophreniform disorder. I had read up on it of course, sometimes psychosis can be brought on by head injuries, he had endured two, the second aggravating the first. He had told me that when he was held captive after the car accident, he had experienced some form of seizures. I couldn’t bare this. But at least he was home now.

“Hajime…” he said, and I looked at him. “If this is all too much for you, I’ll be ok, you don’t have to stay with me,” he said. After everything you just say that now? I was angry that he would say that to me. I didn’t even give him a response I just sat down on our couch.

“So, this wedding of ours, at our beach, I’ve looked into it, and we can hold the ceremony there no problem. Obviously, we want a summer date, but I wanted to ask you what month you thought would be best,” I said trying to completely ignore what he had just said and acting as though he didn’t say it at all. He looked at me blankly a moment. He was certainly more himself with the hospital having levelled out his medication, but I think he was still a bit depressed. I could usually tell by the dull look in his eyes. He did not take a seat.

“Hajime, I’m releasing you from your obligation to be with me. We’re not getting married. I’m leaving.” He said and walked away. What? I was both angry and upset and I got up and followed him where I found him in the bedroom pulling out a suitcase, he was serious, he was packing clothes into it. I stood in disbelief a moment before I raged over to him taking out the clothes as he put them in.

“Hajime, what are you doing?” he asked dully.

“You’re not leaving me! After all this? After everything? I could have left years ago but I didn’t because I love you!” I yelled and he turned continuing to pack his clothes. I continued to unpack them. “You’re not leaving me!” I snapped.

“Hajime, you’re not being very helpful at all.” He muttered and continued packing. I growled in frustration, and I took hold of him holding him by his arms.

“Stop!” I snapped at him. “You can’t just do this.” I said feeling tears in my eyes, the blank expression on his face hurt, it was as though he felt nothing as though our years together and all the suffering we had gone through meant nothing.

“This is my choice, Hajime.” He said.

“So, you… want to leave me?” I asked hearing the pain in my own voice.

“Yes,” he simply said.

“Why? Because you think this will be too much for me? They sorted your medication, Nagito! You’re going to be fine; we’ll go through this together just like we went through everything else!” I yelled still holding onto him. I might be holding so tight it hurt but if I was then he didn’t show any signs that was the case.

“Hajime… I don’t think we’re good for each other, I don’t think we ever have been.” He muttered.

“No… you can’t… you can’t do this to me… I’ve waited a year for you to get out of that fucking hospital and you’re just going to leave me?” I yelled.

“Hajime, let go of me.” he said without much emotion or much of anything.

“I don’t want to….” I cried. He suddenly pushed me away freeing himself from my grip, brief anger in his eyes before he continued to pack. I grabbed his suitcase and dragged it out of the bedroom, tossing it over the banister, following it down the stair and proceeded to drag it into the garden, he followed me and tried to stop me. I was so upset and so angry, but I had learned to control my anger so much that I don’t act violently towards someone but towards an inanimate object that was not something I had to control. I kicked his suitcase as violently as I could and then I went back into the house, Nagito tried to drag the suitcase back inside and continue packing but I had other ideas. I pulled him away and then I tossed barbeque fuel onto it and cast a match onto the suitcase burning it in the garden. He just stood there and watched before he went back inside. I crouched on the porch of our garden head in between my arms.

“Bye Hajime.” I heard and looked to see Nagito with a backpack thrown over his shoulder. I stood up and ran after him, I grabbed his arm pulling him away from the front door.

“Don’t do this, Nagito! Please!” I cried with tears streaming down my face. Why did he look so cold? “Don’t you love me anymore?” I asked him.

“I’ll always love you, Hajime, but this is for the best.” he said.

“What the fuck’s wrong with you? Why are you like a fucking robot right now?” I yelled in his face.

“I’m trying to stay strong; this isn’t easy for me but once my mind was straight, I had plenty of time to think in the hospital. I think this is best for us both.” He said.

“You don’t get to decide that!” I yelled.

“One of us has to.” He said, “Hajime, let me go.” He added. “Please let me go.” Finally, a little emotion in his voice.

“I can’t… I’ll never let you go….” I muttered but he moved from my grip, and I had no energy left. He was gone out the front door. I heard a car start up; he already had a ride waiting. I just fell to my knees, and I don’t know how long I stayed there for, but it felt like a while… a long while. Nagito… left me… after everything… he was still gone.

It was over… we were over… after everything…. He was the only one I’ll ever love. I don’t want anyone else. I only want him, and I’d lost him.