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With nowhere to go

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Twins weren’t uncommon in Dixing. It was said that identical twins shared a soul, and the loss of one was the loss of half a soul. The surviving twin was a dangerous thing, prone to violence, loss of control. Maybe it was true, maybe not. It certainly felt like Chu Shuzhi lost half of his soul, half of himself when Nianzhi died. Maybe the violence afterward had been inevitable. He didn’t remember much of the time, everything a blur of anger and pain.
It still hurt, but he was used to the ache. He kept it to himself. He was fine, he was used to it. It was not something that would kill him.


It wasn’t like he’d been hit by a car- okay, yes, he did get hit by a car, but he was mostly scraped up by the asphalt he’d landed on. The Envoy was waiting for him when he returned to his bare apartment. His lips were pressed into a concerned line as he took in his torn clothes.

“You’re hurt.”

“It’s nothing.” it’d hurt worse scrubbing the road grit out of his skin than it did now, or in the morning when everything would be stiff.

“Let me see.” The envoy’s voice was low and soft, but it was unmistakably a command. And… something pooled warm and heavy in his belly as he took off his coat and shirt for him. the feeling grew as warm hands examined where the bruises were starting to come up.

This close, he could see his long eyelashes, taking in the burned stone and snow scent of him.

“You’ve fractured a rib. You should be more careful, you should not have been walking around with that.” the Envoy chided softly, his hands growing warmer as he healed the cracked bone. Something about this care made his throat tighten, the way he was being touched so gently. Every word, every feather-light touch was peeling a layer off of him. Getting hit by a car was one thing, but this was so much better and so much worse.

Those warm hands found the abrasions on his arm, gently healing them with a touch and… it’d been a very long time since anyone had touched him like this, softly, hands on bare skin. He’d been very young when he murdered his brother’s killer and a Dixing prison was not a place for soft things.

He needed-

He needed…

His free hand found the Envoy’s waist, pulling him closer. He was so very hungry for something and he did not know what the words for it were, how to ask for it. He was stripped to the waist in front of the most powerful being he knew of. The Envoy had soft brown eyes fringed with long lashes and it was doing something to his chest, he felt strong and firm under his hand and he should be murdered on the spot for even thinking that.

But he was not murdered, and he did not pull away, just held his hand, eyes wide under his mask. So Chu tugged him closer, just a bit closer. Just enough so if he tilted his head he could press his lips to that smooth jaw.

The Envoy shivered, tilting his head up as if in invitation. Maybe… his lordship needed him like this. And the thought of being /needed/ and /wanted/ made that warmth in his belly, twist and move to his groin in a way he hadn’t felt in such a long, long time.

So he mouthed that jaw and neck, pressing small kisses up to his ear, before becoming bold and nipping his neck. There was a breathy sigh in his ear, the Envoy pressing closer. The buckles of his brace were digging into his chest and there were far too many clothes between him and the skin he desperately wanted to touch.

“We shouldn't-,'' the Envoy murmured, but hands were gripping him tightly against him, one tracing the muscle of his back that was both too much and not enough. He was almost painfully hard now, pressed against one of the Envoy’s legs. The friction was not quite enough, not quite there, but he wasn’t sure what he needed. But he’d give him anything, everything-

Half aware of what he was doing, he tugged him towards his narrow bed. The envoy was heavy, solid as he pulled him down on top of him, but it was good. A pressure that felt safe and comforting, things he forgot he could feel. Things he forgot he needed.

“Let me-” he murmured into the Envoy’s neck, mouthing and nipping whatever skin he could find. The other man was breathing harder, making little sighing noises that went straight to his groin. He was making him sound like that, his body and touch the envoy was finding pleasure in, and something in his chest wanted to burst at the thought.

He fumbled under the Envoy’s robes, never thinking of asking him to undress. No, he found the ties to his trousers, tugging them off clumsily, finding the Envoy’s hardness underneath.

He’d never touched any other cock but his own, surprised by the heat of it. He gripped it, gave it a light squeeze and the noise the Envoy made tore through him. The angle was a little awkward at first, but then he was kissing Chu deeply, moaning into his mouth with every stroke.

“Shuzhi-” and hearing his name moaned like that was almost too much as the Envoy came into his hand.

For a few moments he laid limp on Chu’s chest, breathing hard and shivering with the aftershock. He couldn’t think of much, just pressing kisses to the envoy’s hair, murmuring soft nonsense noises. Then he reached under the waistband of Chu’s too-tight jeans and found his own erection and- that was so much better than his own hand, having someone else touch him there- he was sensitive and ready and it didn’t take more than a moment before his own orgasm crashed down on him, sizzling up his spine and exploding behind his eyes.

He felt deeply tired when he surfaced again, sleepy and warm. The bed was too small for two grown men, the envoy’s mask was digging into his chest, but that was fine. He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to end this. Reality would come soon enough, the aftermath of the line they had crossed. But for now… there was something warm and liquid in him, filling up all those hollow places his twin’s death had left behind. And he couldn’t deal with that again, not yet. Not when he could give all that love with nowhere to go to someone, for a little while. When he could embrace feeling safe and comforted for the first time in…

Reality would come soon enough for them. But for now...