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Tell Me All The Ways To Stay Away

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Dating Jasper is never easy. Becoming friends with him was slightly easier since friendships never required touch - however, after he asked you to be his one and only, it confused you. Jasper never touched you. For the longest time, you were calm and understanding about it. You knew that he struggled with self-control, your scent driving him wild wasn't necessarily a good thing.

Months passed and you began to feel irritated. When you'd step closer to him, he would step back with a pained expression. Jasper always felt guilty for doing this but never voiced it. Both sides craved it - to touch each other. All you wanted was to be held at night. Jasper wanted to kiss you, hold you, protect you. And with protecting you, that meant he had to keep a healthy distance. The small amount of space turned into avoiding each other. Well, more like Jasper avoided you frequently.

The truth is - Jasper couldn't handle feeling all the emotions you projected. Heartache, anger, confusion, and even a sense of grief. You felt as if you lost Jasper and it was clear as day to him. So, he had to walk away to heal on his own terms. It was the hardest thing he's ever done - even controlling his thirst felt easier than leaving.

Another month passed. Days wasted with nonsense, doing something dumb with friends and acting like someone else to forget all the pain you held onto as your old self. The Cullen family took notice of your absence - Rosalie secretly missed you, she often scolded Jasper for pushing you away even though deep down she understood. Edward and Bella never saw you in school and Emmett couldn't make you laugh like before. Esme worried about you non-stop, her motherly instincts never fading with your sudden, drawn out absence. Carlisle remained positive - He comforted Jasper, telling him that time will heal all wounds. Alice stayed out of the situation all together unless you came to her first.

Tonight you wanted a friend to talk to. Someone who wouldn't pick a side - all you could think of was Seth. He never raised his voice at you, never made you feel guilty for being sensitive. Ever since you got with Jasper, you slowly started to leave that precious friendship behind.

This realization brought you here - knocking on the front door of Billy's. Jacob answered with a small grin, happy to see you after all this time. Since you lacked the smell of Jasper, he was even more excited. Jacob lost Bella to those ‘bloodsuckers’ and feared losing you shortly after.

Jacob opened the door to let you inside - he clears his throat before speaking, gesturing towards the table covered with dishes, fresh meat and some muffins. “You can take whatever you like, we have more than enough.”

“Sharing your food with me, huh? What do you want?” you joked with him, laughing when he rolled his eyes with a playful scoff.

Jacob sat down beside you, stuffing his mouth with come chicken. You ate one muffin in silence, enjoying the calm atmosphere with Jake. The silence is broken too soon.

“Where have you been? Seth keeps asking about you and it's starting to annoy me because I don't have an answer to give him.”

You sigh and place the half-eaten muffin down, shrugging your shoulders and mumbling. “Sorry. I just.. Shit has been rough lately, you know? I don’t have the energy anymore.”

Jacob nods, understanding completely. Still, he pushes himself to lecture you in a softer tone. “Well maybe those bloodsuckers drained you mentally before they could physically.” he chuckles to himself to lighten the mood.

To your surprise, you find yourself laughing with a nod. “Maybe you're right.”

Jake offered a gentle rub to your back before getting up to leave when Seth came into view. Jake quietly said his goodbye, snatching a muffin and leaving seconds later. This left you alone with Seth - his eyes full of worry and not a drop of anger.

“Hey, Seth.” you breathe out awkwardly, his gaze hard to meet despite the gentle nature he carries.

Seth smiles and takes the seat next to you. He nudges your side with a low hum. “Do you wanna talk about what's going on? I know you're hurt, you always avoid people when you are.”

You turn to look at him. Seth holds a sympathetic smile, truly wanting to offer comfort instead of an argument or lecture. His warm aura and pure friendship adds to the constant pit in your stomach - tears blur your vision and spill out.

Seth quickly hugs you. His embrace is soft, just like his voice. “Hey, Hey, it's okay. You can cry if you want to, no one will judge you for it. I cry too, all the time.”

A muffled laugh vibrates against his chest as you remember all the times he has come to you with teary eyes - this is your best friend, of course it's okay to cry to each other. A part of you forgot what it was like from always holding in your tears around the Cullen's. They never cried, they couldn't - that made you feel odd, judged if you did show emotions so strongly.

Pulling away and sniffing, you sigh and chuckle again. “Yeah, thank you. Really, thank you for everything. I left without saying a word and you being so nice right now kind of makes me feel bad.”

Seth shrugs and shakes his head. “I have no reason to be mad at you. Remember when I disappeared for like a week? I never told you why until later, so..”

The warmth spreading within your chest makes you smile fondly at him. He's truly the sweetest, down to earth guy. Not having him in your life would feel like losing a brother and best friend in one.

For the next few days, you spent time with Seth, Jake, and the others. Your mind clouded over with whatever plans were made every night, Jasper no longer lingering inside your head. Or at least long enough to hurt you.

Seth helped you tremendously. Trips to La Push, sleepovers, bonfires, and anything else in between was enough to distract you. However, this couldn't last forever.

----

Alice arranged a small party at the Cullen's’ house for your birthday. You didn't have the heart to decline, she was so happy and full of energy. When you said yes, she jumped up and down a couple times with a soft squeal.

Inviting other friends became a slight problem. While Alice, Carlisle, and Esme were okay with Seth and Jacob coming over, the other Cullen's were not. Edward couldn't stand Jacob, Emmett liked to push the wolves too much, Rosalie hated the stench of them - Jasper.. He mostly kept his thoughts to himself (and Edward) to remain polite but the sight of you enjoying the presence of Seth and Jacob riled him up.

Edward taps into Jasper's mind with a smirk. It's amusing to him how Jasper lets himself be pushed to the edge. Edward knows Y/N isn't purposely trying to hurt Jasper by hanging out with the wolves, they are strictly family in her mind so that's why Edward can't step into the circle of drama even if he wanted to.

Carlisle is the first to hand you a gift. You smile shyly, still not used to his presence as he works most of the time whenever you do visit here. The gift is a beautiful necklace - similar to one Alice has. You thanked him quietly. Carlisle smiled lovingly at your reaction - He and Esme adore you.

Next, Alice gave you new clothes and a gift card. It didn't surprise you but of course you're still thankful even though the style she tries to push onto you isn't your favorite. Emmett gave you an empty box, a childish grin on his face when explaining that he already set up the stereo in the guest bedroom for you.

Edward and Bella already dropped off your gift last weekend at your house. Books and some CD’s - Bella definitely guided him into what genre you liked. Rosalie smiled brightly as she handed you a bag with some decorative paper sticking out at the top. You breathe out a low chuckle and take the paper out to reveal a box.

Rosalie understood you the most in some cases. She admired your desire to remain human - this fact inspired the gift she bought you. Soon you unwrapped the tape and paper and opened the box - a notebook? No, a scrapbook with a camera on top.

“For memories. I think it's neat to collect memories with a picture.” Rosalie explained herself, secretly hoping you’ll add photos of you and her together at some point.

“Thank you, you're all really fucking cool.”

Emmett nods in agreement and smirks. “Damn right we are.”

Everyone shares a laugh - it soon dies out when Seth and Jacob are mentioned. Bella reminded them, they forgot while chatting together in the corner.

“Oh! Yeah, hold on.. Here, it's small so don't lose it.” Jacob joked with a grin, handing you an old watch - its antique, something you love to collect from anywhere. Jake has given you seven by now, each one different in color and style.

Seth blushes when it's his turn. All eyes on him don't help either. Your best friend clears his throat and sits next to you on the couch, taking your wrist. Seth clipped a bracelet onto your left wrist with a nervous smile. The charm of it was a wolf - lightly colored like his own fur. The gesture of him putting it on for you meant more than the actual gift. Seth is always so gentle and thoughtful, it warms your heart.

Jasper kept himself calm and collected standing in the other corner. He stares at you then Seth. Edward nudges Jasper when he hears the insecure thoughts. Jasper couldn't help it - he trusted you deep down but didn't like how close Seth and Jacob were to you.

You glance around the room with a soft smile - it slowly drops when your eyes meet familiar golden ones. Jasper senses the sudden wave of sadness taking over you and clenches his jaw - he's frustrated with himself.

The rest of the night is spent playing outside games to cards inside. Esme cooked dinner for you and the two wolves happily. Edward and Bella already left. It made you feel happy for them, especially Bella. She deserves someone like Edward. She tries telling you that you deserve Jasper and that it only takes time for it to work out. While you do appreciate her positive look on it, you can't stop yourself from feeling annoyed.

“You okay, Y/N?” Seth asks with a pout. Crumbs fall from Jake's lips and you laugh.

“Yeah! Yeah, I'm good. Jake can't eat without making a mess though. It's annoying me.”

The two boys share a laugh. Jacob hums a sarcastic ‘uh-huh’ before eating again. Seth joins in - their appetite never slows and it's kind of funny.

----

You stand up and leave the living room to get some fresh air. The Cullen's’ house is surrounded by trees - the crisp air never disappointing your lungs.

Jasper is outside as well. He watches your every move, feeling your emotions drop into a negative frequency when away from everyone else. Jasper holds his hands behind his back and walks over to you slowly so he doesn't startle you.

“You can lie to them pretty well. But I know you aren't happy.”

A scoff leaves your mouth. Heat rumbles through your chest - you're beginning to feel angry, too upset to have a casual conversation with Jasper right now. Of course he can feel it - at least he won't manipulate your emotions into talking to him.

“I love how you brag about knowing me like the back of your hand but avoid me like some damn plague. That’s fucked up, don't you think?”

Jasper closes his eyes and sighs. Not that he needs to - he just enjoys partaking in human habits you contain. It makes him feel less empty, less of a shell and more alive.

“Not a plague.. More like a drug. You are dangerous to be around.”

You look over at him with a confused expression. With the silence you are asking him to explain further. Jasper catches on rather quickly and steps closer with his hands still behind his back. He swallows - looking into your eyes.

“I want you. I would like to hold you, touch you when you are not feeling well. But I'm afraid that I can't trust myself.'' The pained expression on his pale face sends a drop of guilt into your twisted gut from anxiety already swirling around.

Jasper has a valid reason. You understand that his control isn't the best - he didn't ask for this, to be tortured by thirst but at the same time you're done being patient. Maybe it's selfish to want him to risk it - to push him into coming closer even if it means you'll be hurt in the process. If he were to lose you - his world would no longer be so colorful and worth experiencing. Yet here you are - begging for him to risk your life all for his cold, comforting touch. You don't see a monster, you see the love of your life.

Tears roll down your cheeks. If Jasper could cry, he'd be a mess right now with you. That's yet another thing he curses about himself - not able to fully commit to emotions despite the gift he has. All of this is too much - Jasper knows he shouldn't for your safety but he can no longer watch you drown in heartache and loneliness.

You remain sitting on the grass refusing to look at him again. When you hear his footsteps you expected them to fade but they only grew closer, louder. You almost hesitate to look up - you're confused when you do because you see Jasper standing right in front of you, looking down into your eyes. One of his cold hands reached out. You silently place your hand in his, shivering at the temperature difference. Without any words, he helps you stand up to face him. You stare at his beautiful, golden eyes with hope and pure love. Jasper then swallows to shove any and all instincts down.

“Stay still.” Jasper whispers, almost too quiet for you to hear. His hand leaves yours to hover near your warm cheek. His gaze switches to your eyes to your lips - your cheeks, lips again, finally settling for your eyes.

The seconds pass painfully slowly. All you want is to feel his touch. Jasper can feel the explosion of emotions within you and you can swear that a small smirk appears on his face. It's washed away immediately, soon replaced with a more serious, apologetic expression. Jasper finally cups your cheek, his heart would be going into cardiac arrest if possible - the warmth coming from your skin sends him into shock.

Your first reaction is to pull away, step away to let him gain more control. But to your surprise, Jasper pulls you back to him, the grip on your cheek not as weak. Your chest heaves up and down feeling the adrenaline rush kick in. All of this is like a dream come true - you're waiting for the moment you often daydream about to become reality.

Jasper closes the gap to leave only an inch or so between your lips and his. Your breath fans against his cold skin - He can feel and hear your heartbeat. It's almost as if what he said minutes ago was true. You're a drug that is currently clouding his mind - Jasper can’t stop himself now even if he wanted to.

The new sensation of his cold lips pressing against your warm ones forces a shiver to travel down your spine and a gasp to follow. Jasper takes advantage of the gasp to deepen the kiss - both of his hands are now cupping your face, keeping you close while exploring your mouth with his tongue. The breath you once had is now drained away, his desire to continue kissing his mate is overshadowed by the basic knowledge he has about your abilities as a human.

You forcefully grasp his hands to push them away, inhaling shakily to catch some air. He looks down at you with a smile, you return the same gesture before leaning up to kiss him again. It's more smooth this time - not so unsure or full of fear. You wrap your arms around his neck to pull him in closer. Jasper doesn't stop you - he begins to encourage you by carefully pushing you against the closest tree.

You'd be lying if you said this wasn't enough to crave him more. To deny any heat between your legs - not like you could hide it anyways, Jasper can sense it the second it starts to spread within you. And much to your embarrassment but his amusement, Jasper pointed it out with no shame.

“Darlin’, You better tell me all the ways to stay away from you right now.”