You only have yourself to blame for this really. You were the one who burned down George’s house, you even dragged Ranboo into it. You were supposed to be responsible, we needed you to be responsible,
you’re you were the vice president, for god’s sake. We were so close to having a good relationship with Dream. He was starting to trust us, and you had to ruin it like you always do.
I just don’t understand why you value the discs so much. Surely our country, the country we both died for, is more important than some discs. Surely,
I’m everyone that lives here is more important.
I’ll try to fix it. He can’t keep you exiled forever. But it’s for the best that things are like this for now. Maybe some time away from it all will be good for you.
I hope you won’t hate me for it, in the end. It was necessary, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.
I miss you already.
You may not be a part of L’Manberg anymore, but it feels weird not to have you here to tell you these things, so. I considered talking to you in person, but Dream says you’re angry and you don’t want visitors, so I guess I won’t bother you. He has promised to take down the walls within the week, which is good. Still, Big Q and Fundy don’t trust his apparent good will, and I’m inclined to agree with them. They also both want to execute Technoblade for blowing up L’Manberg, and Dream too because we’ll never know peace when he can force us into doing whatever he wants. They’re right. I never wanted to choose between you and L’Manberg.
We’ve decided to go for Technoblade first – after exiling you Dream seems willing to cooperate once more, perhaps we can lull him into a false sense of security to make the job easier. I’ve been thinking a bit more on it, and while it was still wrong of you to burn down George’s house, I would never have had to exile you if Dream hadn’t pushed so hard for it. He was so adamant on it being exile too… I wonder why.
It’s too late to overthink it now. What’s done is done, and we have work to do regarding a butcher army.
I don’t think this letter will ever reach your hands – the minutes man warned me that if I don’t hand it directly to you Dream will almost certainly get his hands on it, which would be bad for obvious reasons, and I still don’t think I should visit you yet anyway. I didn’t send the last letter either but… this one contains confidential information which you don’t even have the right to, anymore, now that I think about it. I’ll keep writing you letters though. Next time I’ll try to write one I can actually send.
Ghostbur came by today, and gave me a compass that always points to you. He said he gave one to you too, that always points to me. I hope you keep it even though you’re angry at me right now. It’s nice, to have a reminder of you with me. Sometimes I turn around to ask your opinion on something and get surprised when you’re not there. I’m not sure I have any right to be surprised, but having a right to or not hardly changes what it is.
I guess I’m not sending this letter either. A little too honest.
Since it’s not going to you, I’ll write a little more about the butcher army. Originally it was just me, Big Q and Fundy, but Ranboo has been involved now too. Dream officially gave us permission to post propaganda against Technoblade all across the Dream SMP, not just L’Manberg – the first part of our plan. It’ll be much easier to get away with this if public opinion is against him. I don’t think people will take that much convincing. Most of them were there on the 16th. They saw the damage he’s capable of.
…To be completely honest, though,
I still don’t know if this will do anything but make the situation worse. Fighting violence with more violence seems like a bad decision, but what else can we do? Techno proved he’s capable of destroying our country, our home, once before. What guarantee do we have that he won’t do it again? He can decide to destroy everything whenever he wants and there’s not a single thing any of us can do to stop it. Like Dream.
Can we even kill them? They each have three lives, but if either of them kills me, I’m gone. But I don’t know what else to do. They’ll always be a threat if we don’t do anything.
I don’t think you’d have the answers. It would be nice to have you here to ask, though.
I… lost the compass. I was helping the others build a guardian farm and I must have dropped it and a creeper got to it. I spent so long looking for it, I promise, but I never found it. I hope you won’t be too mad. It really was an accident, I promise. I should’ve kept it in my ender chest, I guess, but I liked having it on me. Being able to check whenever I liked and see that you were where the needle was pointing.
…I should really go see you. But preparations for the Butcher Army are nearly complete. There’s no time to waste. We have to be prepared. Techno is far too powerful for this to succeed if we aren’t completely organised.
After this is over, I’ll come to see you. I’ve put it off long enough. You might hate to see me, but I miss you so much it hurts. I have to visit.
See you soon,
Tommy Tommy I’m so sorry its my fault its my fault if I had just visited if I had stood up to Dream if I sent you any of these letters anything anything I don’t want you to be gone it hurt so much to be apart and now I’ll never see you again and its all my fault. I’m so sorry I’ll do anything just come back just be okay please I can’t believe it I won’t believe it you need to be okay I need you to be okay
We spoke today. I wasn’t sure if it was even real but… everyone else saw you too, so it must have been. You’re alive, you didn’t die, and I’ve never felt so fucking relieved in my life.
You’re with Technoblade now, which I don’t think I have any right to be mad at you for. After all, I was the one who sent you away, and I didn’t visit you when I knew you were lonely, when people told me how you were struggling. Teaming up with someone who also has reason to hate L’Manberg, to hate me, makes sense.
I still miss you though.
But, as long as you’re alive, it doesn’t really matter to me whether you’re by my side or not. As long as you’re okay.
“Tommy?” Tubbo calls up the ladder inquiringly. “You ok there, bossman? Been up there a while.” Tommy jerks up his head from the letters he holds in his hands.
“Yeah, I just-“ His voice cracks embarrassingly, and he sits up and quickly shuffles over to the drawers to stuff the letters back where he had discovered them.
“Tommy?” Tubbo calls out again, voice slightly more concerned. Tommy can hear him coming up the ladder and quickly rubs at his definitely not at all watery eyes. Tubbo’s head pops out from under the trapdoor and shoots Tommy a worried look. The look swiftly gives way to panic as he climbs up into the little office room and sees the hastily stuffed away papers. “You weren’t- you weren’t meant to see those, I was just going to throw them away,” Tubbo says, “You don’t- I mean-“
“Tubbo.” Tommy interrupts Tubbo’s stammering. Tubbo shuts up immediately, but he won’t look Tommy in the eyes. “…Fuck’s sake.” He huffs out after a few moments of silence, and pulls Tubbo into a fierce hug. He may not be the biggest fan of touch, of contact at all really, after… getting out of prison, but he needs the comfort right now. Not just for him, he needs Tubbo to be comforted too. Tubbo freezes up, but relaxes after a few seconds, cautiously wrapping his own arms around Tommy, tentatively squeezing a little harder when Tommy doesn’t freak out.
“I’m sorry.” Tubbo whispers, face buried into the crook of Tommy’s neck. “For, for exiling you, for not visiting either, or even sending any of the stupid letters, I was so shitty, I’m sorry.”
Tommy scoffs. “I wasn’t exactly the best friend either.” Tubbo moves like he’s about to refute that, but Tommy interrupts. “Plus, Dream’s the one that forced your hand, right? You made the smart choice.”
“I don’t know if that’s true…” Tubbo confesses.
“I guess… Both choices were kind of shit, weren’t they?” Tommy sighs, and slowly pulls out of the hug. Tubbo clings on for as long as he can get away with. Tommy hugs are so rare now. “It’s like, in the past and shit now, though, innit? We can just focus on the present, now. ‘Stead of worrying about ‘what ifs’, y’know?”
“I went to visit, once.” Tubbo admits softly, and Tommy makes an inquiring sound. “You’d left by then, but I thought…” He can’t bring himself to say the words. “You weren’t there, and there was that tower, I just, I just assumed the worst.”
“I was going to,” Tommy says hesitantly, “I was going to jump.” Tubbo’s heart squeezes painfully. He had felt so… unmoored. After seeing the tower. He had already been struggling without Tommy as a constant by his side, but thinking that it had permanent, because of something that he was responsible for, he had just felt so fucking. Lost. “I thought about it more than once… But I didn’t! I ran off to Techno’s and survived, and now I’m here. And that counts for something, right?”
“What about now?”
“Do you still think about it?”
“Oh.” Tommy pauses contemplatively. “Sometimes, I guess.” He says with faux nonchalance. “Less. ‘Snot like there’d be any point though. Soon as D-Dream found out, he’d bring me back, wouldn’t he?” He adds bitterly.
“Still don’t. Please.” Tubbo mutters.
“Course not. I asked Puffy for help for a reason, I’m gonna try to get better. I dunno if I can just, make myself stop feeling like this but I’m not gonna act on it. I want to get better.” He’s braver than me, Tubbo thinks. “What about you?”
“Me?” Tubbo blinks, surprised.
“Yeah, you, dumbass. Therapy’s good for everyone, you’ve been through some shit too. You should definitely go.”
“I think other people probably need it more…”
“Oh, who cares. No one else is bothering with therapy but me, you’re not stealing Puffy off anyone. She’d want to help.” Tommy insists.
“I’m fine, though.” Tubbo says, because he has to be. Because Tommy and Ranboo need him to be. Tommy just shoots him a look that very clearly says think about it, but he drops the topic and they just sit in comfortable silence for a little while.
“Guys?” Ranboo’s voice eventually floats up from the floor below, obviously wondering what happened after Tommy and then Tubbo both disappeared.
Tubbo shoots Tommy an impish grin. “You think you have one more hug in you, bossman?”
Tommy gives him a disgusted look in return. “Not for Ranboob, that’s for fuckin’ sure.”
“Please?” Tubbo drags out the word and gives Tommy his best puppy dog eyes. He already knows Tommy will give in, he just needs to be needled until he does. “Up here, Ranboo!” Tubbo shouts in the direction of the ladder. He gets up off the floor to open the trapdoor just in time to haul up an unsuspecting Ranboo up into the room. Ranboo yelps, undignified, which Tommy reacts to with an unapologetic snort.
“Tubbo, what-?” Ranboo tries to get out but is interrupted by Tubbo dragging him into something that is less a hug and more a pile on the floor.
“Hug time! Tommy’s joining.” It sounds very non-negotiable. Ranboo gives Tommy a surprised but pleased smile, which Tommy does his best to ignore before rolling his eyes and joining in the pile on the floor.
Tommy will spend the entire time, of course, pretending as if he is an unwilling participant in the hug, but both Tubbo and Ranboo will notice the way his hands curl tightly around the both of them. They’ll both elect to not point that out, to allow him his dignity, naturally. But they’ll hug him tightly back, for as long as they all need.