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Cigarettes on my teeth (and my body).

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It might seem unbelievable, but Takemichi was a smoker. Or is.

It just seems so... untrue? A lie. The mere thought of it can make someone sick. Because there's no way he is.

There's no way someone as pure as him would do such a thing.

And that's what they're wrong about. He is not pure, he will never be pure. He's been shattered into pieces and put back with just glue.

One knock, and it's all over.

And maybe, that's why he always cried.

----

Smoking.

He hides this fact from everyone. He can't let them see this unbearable side of him. A disgusting part of him - he knows already that he is disgusting but it's nice to pretend.

And it's not like he smokes every day. It's just to ease the stress that keeps over-flowing him after every plan made to change the future was ruined.

He can't keep doing this, he knows that. But until he finds something else to be obsessed with, to help with his stress, anxiety, and fear, he'll keep going.

He likes the way the cigarettes taste in his mouth. The sweetness.

People would describe cigarettes to taste like shit. But for someone who smokes? It actually tastes nice if you know what to buy.

Honestly, he couldn't give a single fuck whenever he smokes. It just to ease his mind from all the worries in the world. But that's what's sad after he finishes his cigarettes, all of the worries come crashing down at him harshly, once it all wears off.

It's not healthy. At all.

At the moment everything came back to him. It made him want to puke it all out. Every piece of food, every drop of water, he wanted to let it all out.

And it's pathetic.

----

He stumbled over everything in his house. Throwing things around harshly.

He fails, again. He still remembers the way Chifuyu got shot in front of him. It's a sight that he wants to forget. Forever.

He opens his drawer, messily searching for his pack of cigarettes.

He then proceeds to sit in the corner of his bedroom. He took one of the cigarettes, his hands were shaking, making it hard to light it up. His breath hitches. After a few trys, he manages to light it.

Putting the cigarette to his lips, he inhales deeply, then exhales. Blowing the sweet smoke spirals into the air

The worries, the fear, were all replaced. He sighs mentally.

He was so so tired. He can't take it anymore. He wants to cry, so badly. Not the kind of 'I will not give up' cry, but rather the 'I'm never fine' kind of cry.

He let himself shrink into the darkness of his bedroom.

A few hours has passed.

Images of Akkun, Hina, Baji, and Chifuyu dying flashed through his eyes. And this time he lets himself cry.

He killed Hina. Naoto might have said that he was being manipulated, but he can't help but blame himself.

Pain shot through his body, he stood up and ran towards the toilet. He threw open the toilet bowl and puked it all out. All of the food and water that were inside his stomach is now in the bowl.

Tears run down his cheeks as he violently pukes. His throat hurts like hell. Just what the hell did his past self eat while he was gone?

Fucking nuisance. It's embarrassing to him that past Takemichi didn't do anything to make himself worthy. Well, it's his fault too, the kid was probably confused at how he suddenly got respected. But still, the other could maybe, try to have new hobbies? Try to focus on his study? Anything, as long as it matters to society.

He washes his face and hands, pouring the water into his mouth, and then proceeding to spit it out on the sink. He run his fingers on his badly dyed hair. He takes a deep breath of air and walks out of the toilet.

He feels his throat aching, that's right. His throat hurts, he rushes downstairs to the kitchen - not paying attention to how his living room looks like a mess.

He pours himself some hot water into a cup and gulps it down with only one thought that crossed his mind, that all he wants is to sleep.

So he went to the bedroom, ignoring the mess of the room, again, and he threw himself onto his bed. Yawning, he drifts off into a seemingly endless sleep.

Thankfully he didn’t have any bad dreams that night, he needed a peaceful sleep for once.

----

Mikey saw it for a second, the determination in Takemitchy's eyes disappeared. Like he expected all of them to disappear right before his eyes.

He start to observe him, sometimes he looked like a whole other person. One second, he's smiling but the next he’s just blankly staring.

He knows the guy hiding something, a big burden on his shoulders. But when he catches a smell, one that he’d never expect to be on Takemitchy, he’s left in wonder.

At first he hopes that it’s just a coincidence. But after a few times, he comes to the conclusion.

'He smokes, Takemitchy is a smoker.'

If someone were to tell him that statement, he would have laughed it off, because there's just no way that a guy like him could be like that.

But somehow, it makes more sense as to why he thinks Takemitchy is just like his brother.

His brother smoked too.

That didn't matter though, he doesn't like the guy because he was like his brother. But because he never gives up. Takemitchy saved Ken-chin, he was so grateful for that.

He doesn't care that he doesn't know how to fight properly, because even if that, Mikey would protect the him, the one he loves.

He knows it's wrong to love Takemitchy, not because he's a guy but because he already has Hina.

But he would do just everything to at least be someone special towards him.

It didn't matter if the guy he loves, doesn't love him back.

----

If Takemichi said that he loves Hina, that would be a lie.

He cares about her, of course. Just not love. He doesn't love her anymore. But he still wants to save her, save everyone he’s close with, everyone he cares about.

So here he is, standing infront of Hina with a sad look on his face.

He had to do this or he won't forgive himself. Because God, no matter how many times he tried, he couldn't just love her like how he used to. And it wouldn’t be right to lie to Hina about it. He doesn't want to play with her feelings.

"What is it, Takemichi-kun?" Hina speaks up, smiling gently. She knew where is this going.

"I...I'm sorry. I think we should break up," he looks down, "It's not you, it's me. I just couldn't love you anymore, not like I used to." he said, avoiding Hina's gaze.

Hina smile, assuring that it's fine, "I knew."

He look up, confused, "You knew?"

"Yeah, you don't look at me the way you used to. I didn't talk about it because I wanted you to realise it," she frowned, "And I guess, I just want to hold onto our relationship."

"Hina, I'm so-"

"I'm glad Takemichi-kun. It was nice having you by my side, I still love you just so you know, but it's okay, I don't want to force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

"Oh. You're too kind, Hina." he choked out.

"Me?" Hina laughed, a genuine one. "I'm not. You are too kind, Takemichi-kun."

"But-," he paused not sure if he should continue.

"You are. So I hope we can still be friends." She plastered a tight smile.

"Huh?" he perks up at that, "You want to be friends with someone who just broke your heart?"

"Don't mention that," she muttered, "I think we would be great bestfriends to be honest."

He hummed, "I think we would make a nice duo."

"Right? Now let's go, first thing we should do is go shopping." She grabbed his hands, dragging him behind her.

"Eh?! Now?"

"Now. You also need to buy me something, you just broke up with me."

"That's right. But now we're going shopping? You know I'm your ex now," he said, desperately trying to pulled away.

"Of course but we're bestfriends now. And the best thing that could help me from this heartbreak is shopping. You brought this upon yourself, Takemichi-kun." she smiled, this time it didn't quite reach her ears.

"How is that supposed to work?! It's best if you hang out with Emma-chan or Yuzuha-san instead."

"No. I don't want to bother them. You also need to buy new clothes." she insisted.

"What? Why?" he asked, frowning.

"Because I said so. Now shut up or you will buy everything I want."

He shut his mouth, not wanting to make the other upset.

Who would guess that Hinas coping mechanism is shopping?

He would, it makes sense.

----

Tachibana Hinata loves her (ex) lover so much and sometimes even too much. So when her eyes meet his, she was expecting a shiny love eyes too. But instead she got that generic pair of blue eyes that everyone's got.

Her breath hitched, and her heart was close to breaking.

'He doesn't love me anymore,' the thought crossed her mind whenever she looks in his eyes.

But of course, she didn't break things off. She wants him to realise it by himself.

It hurts her so much that she wants to cry her eyes out. It takes two weeks for her to finally accept it - that doesn't mean she's okay though.

Takemichi was -is- someone she admired (admires).

It crushed her heart when he broke up with her. But she shook it off, asking him if they could be friends instead.

And now they're consider bestfriends.

Unfortunately, she still loves him while he doesn't.

And it might takes a while for the feelings to go away. But she's fine. She will be.

----

Takemichi was pacing back and forth in his bedroom. Trying to make the uneasy feeling go away.

Suddenly, he feels his heart tighten, making it hard to breathe. He clenched his hands, feeling as if the room was slowest suffocating him.

Tears start to run down his red cheeks, he put his hands on both of his ears, trying to block the noises.

He pulled on his hair roughly. Then he sits in the corner, pulling his knees towards his chest, making himself tiny and small.

He choke out a sob, and if someone were to hear it, it might have broken their heart.

He sobbed harder, louder, more emotional and uglier.

"Stop. Make it stop please." he choked out between his sobbing.

He clenched his hands to his chest.

"It's so hard to breath." he stared at the ceiling, tired.