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Sam’s Mental Breakdowns

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“Sam? You alright?”

Sam blinked. He looked over to who was saying his name. Sharon looked at him with her eyebrows knitted together and her lips in a frown. He nodded and smiled his soft and sweet smile “Yea, Just spacing out.” Sharon didn’t look convinced but nodded anyway and looked back up at the senators. They were in a meeting with the senators and Bucky. The man in question was staring at Sam with a very blank face. Sam would crack a joke about his staring problem but the senators were here. “Okay, Any questions?” One of them said. The three heros shook their heads and the senators nodded “Thank you for your time.” With that they left. Sam was the first to walk out. Sharon started going after him but Bucky stopped her and went after him. Sharon sighed and left.

Bucky followed Sam to Sam’s apartment. Bucky knew Sam knew he was following, it was a weird thing. Sam let Bucky in his apartment building and left the door unlocked for him. Bucky walked in to find Sam quickly picking up things and throwing them away. Sam looked at Bucky when he was done. “What?” Bucky walked over to him and hugged him. Sam tensed which surprised Bucky and he pulled away. They stared at each other and Sam smiled and patted Bucky’s shoulder awkwardly. Bucky sighed “Sam..” Sam unwrapped himself from Bucky’s arms and went to the kitchen. Sam has been quiet since that night. Bucky frowns and follows Sam into the kitchen.

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“God damn it!” Sam yelled. He had been throwing and breaking things in his apartment for who knows how long. Sam had a nightmare and had a breakdown hours later. His breakdowns come and go. They stopped since he got in touch with Bucky again. He doesn’t know why but it works. He threw a mirror at the wall and bursted into tears. Sam fell to the floor. His knees hurt and he knew there were gonna be bruises. “Sam?” Sam gasped when he felt arms wrap around him. He knew who it was. “Bucky..” His voice cracked and the man shushed him. “You're okay. Don’t talk, just breathe” He heard the man. Sam leaned, sighed and let the tears go freely down his cheeks. He leaned into Bucky, Who nuzzled his face into the side of his neck still holding him. “I’m sorry.” Sam whispered, Bucky shook his head and walked around to be in front of Sam. He smiled at him, the same smile Sam saw in Louisiana, “Stop being so selfless.” He said. Sam dropped his shoulders and hugged Bucky fisting his leather jacket. Bucky just hugged him, rubbing his back and saying sweet things to him.

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They stared at each other. Sam sitting on his counter, Bucky leaning against his counter. Sam noticed he had the Sam leather jacket on. Sam noticed a lot of things. After the air force, after Riley, after Natasha and Steve, Sam noticed a lot of things. His anxiety was higher and he had horrible PTSD, those two combined, plus him not going to therapy or talking to someone, was probably the worst thing ever. Sam knew what it was doing to him but he stopped caring. When he watched daddy and mom die, he stopped caring about himself and instead took care of his sister. When he watched Riley die, he cared for other veterans. “Stop being so selfless” The words were ringing in his head since they were said. Sam stared at his hands, which were covered, and not because of the cold. “You know, I didn’t know you were capable of being quiet.” Bucky said nonchalantly which made Sam lose the fight with himself and smiled. “I want to see you smile all the time,” Bucky said softly. Sam looked up at him “Stop.” That threw Bucky off guard and he stared at Sam in shock. “What?” Sam teared up and his voice broke “Stop please.” Bucky had never seen Sam beg. Or so vulnerable. Well he had but not to the point were he was begging to Bucky. Realization hit Bucky and he shook his head walking to him “No.” Sam deflated. He inhaled sharply “Please Bucky.” The man shook his head again and stood in between his legs. “I’m not going to stop caring for you, Doll. No matter how many times you push me away or how many times you put on that fake ass brave face, I will care for you till the end of time.” Sam broke down shaking his head and begging “Don’t care.” or “Stop caring.” Bucky picked him up and walked him to the couch. The one armed man laid down and put Sam on his chest. The man fell asleep shortly after.