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Things the men of the Howling Commandos are no longer allowed to do in the SSR

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1. The SSR works as an adjunct to the regular armed forces, not as a superior. Therefore, no member of the Howling Commandos can countermand a senior army/navy/air force officer’s order.
2. Nor requisition vehicles from these services.
3. Especially if none of them can drive said vehicle.
4. After crashing an illegally requisitioned Lancaster bomber while taxiing, members of the Howling Commandos may not inform the RAF that it was “broken when we got it”.
5. “Borrowing” is regarded the same as illegally requisitioning.
6. Even if Falsworth did go to school with the First Lieutenant, and he does owe him a favor, HMS Anson is not there to provide cruises round the bay for Commandos and their dates.
7. The SSR may choose, due to the demands of wartime, to turn a blind eye to certain things. This does not mean that Commandos may discuss these matters openly.
8. Item 7 does not refer to Morita and Dugan’s cockroach racing betting scam, which we will not be turning a blind eye to.
9. The “discussing openly” of Item 7 not only covers speech but also any drawings, notes, official reports, morse-code messages or mock wedding invitations.
10. This goes double for anything which makes Capt Rogers blush or Sgt Barnes snicker.
11. Any scheme which causes two or more members of the Commandos to giggle can be assumed to be vetoed.
12. Capt Rogers’ code-name is not “mom”.
13. Nor is it “mummy”, “maman” or any variation on this theme.
14. Agent Carter cannot kill anyone with her mind, and the Commandos will cease telling new recruits that she can.
15. Even if Agent Carter encourages this rumour.
16. Not allowed to spread rumours of the effects of super-soldier serum on sexual performance.
17. Especially those rumours endorsed by Sgt Barnes.
18. Not allowed to incite Mr Stark into suggesting experiments testing the effects of super-soldier serum on sexual performance.
19. Not allowed to attempt to prove superiority of the SSR to other branches of service through drinking contests.
20. Not allowed to attempt to prove superiority of the SSR to other branches of service through games of strip poker, strip dominos, strip darts, or strip chess.
21. Every single one of the alternative versions of the lyrics to “Star Spangled Man With A Plan” are banned.
22. When first into a previously occupied area of Europe, not allowed to convince small children that “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” is the US National Anthem.
23. Not allowed to rephrase orders entirely as sexual innuendo.
24. Not allowed to tell regular units while on joint operations that rephrasing all orders as sexual innuendo is an SSR standing order to ‘confuse the enemy’.
25. Jones and Dernier are not allowed to teach anyone any ‘useful’ French phrases.
26. Ditto German, especially those phrases making the surrender of German troops to us embarrassing to all concerned.
27. Sgt. Barnes’ code-name is not “Mrs Rogers”.
28. Nor is it “wifey”, “war bride”, or “trouble and strife”.
29. The fact that Sgt Barnes finds these code names amusing is not relevant.
30. Not allowed to bribe five small boys to pretend there has been a “de-aging ray accident”.
31. Nor bribe five ATS girls to pretend there is “Hydra sex-change serum in the coffee”.
32. The fact that the SSR does not have a single set uniform for Commandos does not mean that you can wear what you like. Banned items include, but are not limited to: kilts, bathing suits, any and all items of women’s clothing, togas, woad.
33. Not allowed to respond to queries as to where your officers are with “SNRFB”. We know what SNAFU means, we have worked out what this means.
34. Not allowed to tell any story of an attack on a Hydra base which makes new recruits vomit.
35. Even if it’s true and in the name of ‘toughening them up’.
36: Not allowed to speculate as to whether the Red Skull is “red all over” in the mess, as it puts everyone off their food.
37. Sgt Barnes’ “Bucky Bear” is not part of the chain of command, and is not in charge of the unit when Cpt Rogers and Sgt Barnes are indisposed.
38. Sewing Corporal's stripes to the arm of the Bucky Bear does not make it a Corporal.
39. Bribing junior Lieutenants of the SSR to draft the Bucky Bear and give it a field promotion still does not make it a Corporal.
40. Not allowed to respond to any queries about your officers with lines from “Romeo and Juliet”.