Chapter 1
Notes:
Set pre-series and post-series, how Birkhoff chose the name Shadowwalker and Seymour. It could be a slight AU, but we don't know enough about the characters' past to say otherwise.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"You know. Someone's gonna notice you're not where you're supposed to be," Lionel startled at the sound of a girl's voice behind him. He should've been carefully watching his surroundings. He wasn't hacking in the safety of his bedroom anymore. He had to use free Wi-Fi at cafés until he found a place to settle. Until then, anyone could catch him with an illegal hack.
Fortunately, the preteen girl that had snuck up on him wasn't a real threat. She was small for her age, and for her clothes; the stuffed backpack she had on practically dwarfed her. The most harmful thing about her had to have been her smug grin and knowing brown eyes. She knew what Lionel was doing. At least, she knew a part of it. She wasn't studying his computer; she just studied him judgingly. The girl knew he had run away from home, "How did you…"
"You're way too suspicious," Rolling her eyes, the girl scoffed. Maybe she was right. Lionel had faked his death and established a new identity months ago, yet he continued to keep himself guarded and a bit too panicked. Of course she pegged him as a runaway. Though, he started to suspect that it took one to know one, "I can give you some tips. But it'll cost ya."
"Yeah, no. I'm good. Why don't you go back to your mommy?" Lionel tried to shoo her away. He wouldn't be running from town to town for long. Once he established himself as a hacker, he'd settle down in a nice big place and never have to worry about anything.
"Wow. You really are stupid," Collapsing in the chair across from him, the girl's snark never faded. Lionel wanted to kick at her to make her leave him alone, but then he noticed the many faded bruises along her tan cheeks and neck. His thoughts escaped him for just a moment.
She remained completely unfazed. Her backpack fell off her shoulders and she crossed her arms. It was as if the girl was daring Lionel to contradict her. He wound up taking the bait, turning his laptop to face her, "If I was stupid, would I be doing this?"
"What is that? A broken computer?" Confusion marred the girl's features. She tried to reach for the laptop, but Lionel pulled it away sharply.
"No. I'm hacking. You know, exploring the darkside of the internet," He wasn't certain why he bragged, but it seemed right. He had been doing amazing things lately, and all while sitting and typing. Soon, Lionel was going to make a huge name for himself; he just knew it. All he had to do until then was stay careful, and solve some of the problems he hadn't thought about.
Maybe the girl was right to offer him help. Running away was a lot more difficult than Lionel had first believed. He was constantly on his toes. But with her tips, he could possibly relax. All he had to do was pay for whatever she wanted, "If you buy me food, I'll teach you how to actually survive on the street and not get your ass kicked."
"Fine," That was simple enough. Lionel let the girl order whatever she wanted from the menu, which turned out to be a lot. He had made enough money from his latest hacking con, so it was alright. Also, in return, she happily gave him advice that was actually pretty solid.
Eventually, the conversation dissolved into the two teenagers joking and laughing. They were exceptional at poking fun at one another. However, in doing so, Lionel took his eyes off of his current hack. It wasn't as fun as talking to the girl, but he still should've paid attention. Cops walked into the café, clearly looking at anyone with a laptop. He was screwed. Anxiety gripped him tightly, "Shit. I didn't watch out for the firewall. The cops are here for me."
"It's okay. Just keep walking through the shadows of the internet or whatever dorky thing you said," Suddenly grave, the girl took off. Lionel didn't have the chance to tell her not to be a distraction. He'd hide the evidence and leave. But she already said she was a runaway. The cops didn't deem her important until she revealed bruises on her ribs and cried. She claimed it was from the streets, but Lionel knew the truth. She lied for him. Again, his thoughts escaped him.
"Yo, Lionel. You still owe me an explanation," Nikita kicked at Birkhoff's legs under the table. They had all gathered for some sort of family dinner once they settled into their new lives. Things continued to be a bit hectic, but when wasn't it for the team of former rogues. At least they had bright futures ahead of them that time.
"It's not that big of a deal," Attempting to dismiss her, Birkhoff shrugged. He knew Nikita was referring to why we went from Lionel to Seymour, yet he didn't want to get into it. Their dinner had been going so well. They didn't need to ruin it by bringing up the past.
"What's not a big deal?" With Sonya wondering what was occurring, however, Birkhoff knew he couldn't ignore it for long. She could always get him to cave one way or another.
"Why I chose the name Seymour Birkhoff," Sighing, Birkhoff admitted. The table instantly became far more interested in his story than the food and drinks on the table. Ever since the team discovered he had run away from home as a teenager, his past had become frequent discussion. He knew a lot about their lives, after all, so why couldn't they know about him.
The fact that Birkhoff had reunited with his estranged family recently added weight to any story from his past. The team wanted to wade through it all. And of course, make jokes like Alex expressed, "Wait. You chose something dorky after having the name Lionel? Weren't you bullied enough?"
"Nice," While the two giggled, Nikita high-fived her best friend.
Birkhoff rolled his eyes. He had expected ribbing from his friends. But he had his reasons for what he did. He didn't act without thinking like the others did, "You do know the most common way to get a fake identity, right?"
"Yeah. You steal the identity of someone born the same year as you, but has died," Michael replied. He had guessed that was what Birkhoff did to secure a new identity. Though, he probably added some hacker flare to it to be able to trick the government.
"Right. I was searching for a new identity, and I landed on Seymour because of that movie," Continuing, Birkhoff admitted that his name was ultimately decided by an old movie.
"Little Shop of Horrors," Sonya beamed. She had always thought about that movie whenever she heard his name. Apparently, that idea wasn't far off from reality.
"Spot on," Birkhoff shared his girlfriend's grin.
Nikita coughed in order to stop the nerds from lovingly gazing into one another's eyes. She had just eaten; she didn't want to throw up. Besides, Birkhoff had claimed his name change was more than just a simple explanation. She was a tad disappointed, "You said it was a long story, Nerd. That was just lame."
"Yeah. Now I know you're an even bigger nerd than I thought," Alex added. She and Nikita giggled once more. Michael soon chuckled along with them. Though, they couldn't say much about it. When hadn't the rest of the team made decisions based off of movies.
"I like Seymour," Ignoring the others, Sonya assured Birkhoff. There was a reason she called him by his first name, other than the fact that they were intimate. She liked the way it sounded. And, strangely enough, it really did suit him.
"Thank you," Birkhoff didn't try to make his gratitude a dig at his friends. He was sincere, smiling brightly and moving his chair closer to Sonya. She returned his adoring gaze.
As they kissed, Alex and Nikita scrunched up their noses in disgust, "Gross."
"Alright, we get it. You were resourceful when you faked your death," Somewhat chiding Birkhoff, Michael got Alex and Nikita to stop groaning. They could discuss other topics as they finished their dinner. Namely, the codename Birkhoff chose for himself, "What I want to know is where Shadowwalker came from. Cause that is the most pretentious name I've ever heard."
"Hey. Don't diss Shadowwalker," Instantly, Birkhoff defended his hacker codename. Sure that wasn't his name when he had first started hacking- it had evolved when he began to make his more notorious and criminally genius hacks. However, that didn't mean he wasn't defensive over it. The name was special to him.
"Yeah. Diss Shadownet and Shadowbot instead," Nikita smirked. Birkhoff attempted to kick her under the table, but she pulled her legs away just in time. He accidentally struck Alex instead, causing her to glare and mutter a curse in Russian.
"I already did," Flashing a crooked grin, Michael admitted. It was when he and the nerd were still Division, but he used to constantly make fun of those names. Birkhoff rolled his eyes.
"I knew we were soulmates," Nudging her husband, Nikita shot him a proud smile. It made Birkhoff groan, yet that was sort of the purpose. Well that, and Michael smiling in return.
It was the married couple's turn to kiss at the dinner table. Sonya didn't mind it, yet Alex and Birkhoff complained annoyingly. He successfully nudged them with his foot as she taunted, "What is up with the gross PDA tonight? It's as disturbing as Birkhoff nicknaming himself."
"Whatever. The point is Shadowwalker is a good codename, and you should drop it," Birkhoff was becoming tired of defending himself. Shouldn't they just move on already.
"Why are you so defensive over it? We're just messing around," With an arm still wrapped around Nikita, Michael wondered. Usually Birkhoff could fire back with his own quips and taunts. They must've truly upset him somehow.
"Did one of your hacker friends give it to you?" Sonya guessed. Her boyfriend was close to the hackers he used to run with. They were essentially his family before he joined the team. Maybe one of them called him Shadowwalker and that was why he cared for it so much.
Instead of answering right away, Birkhoff shook his head. He seriously didn't want to talk about it. He wasn't quite sure why- he could trust his friends with anything. Yet a part of him thought not telling the story would somehow protect the other person involved. He wasn't able to protect her the first time around. That time could be his chance, "No. Just forget about it."
"You know who you're talking to," Nikita indicated the former spies around the room. If there was one thing they hated, it was a lack of answers. They always discovered the truth.
"Look. It was in my early runaway days. I ran into this girl. She helped me out. And when she left she gave me the idea," Shortly, Birkhoff explained. He thought it would appease the others. But, unfortunately, they always wanted more.
"A girl, huh? Was she a special girl?" With a shiteating grin, Alex immediately teased.
"Yeah, Seymour. Was she special?" Sonya chimed in, lightly pushing Birkhoff.
"No. She was like barely thirteen when I was sixteen. She just gave me some pointers on how to be a runaway and live off the streets," Shaking his head at that ridiculous assumption, Birkhoff expanded. It still wasn't enough to satisfy his friends, however, so he continued, "She also took the heat off of me when the cops showed up once my hack got out of hand. Before she ran off, she made some joke about 'walking through the shadows' and it stuck with me."
Whereas Sonya, Alex, and Michael nodded in understanding, Nikita froze. She gaped at Birkhoff, shocked. Her mind attempted to adjust to what she heard. She was relatively ignored, though. The rest of the team continued to want more stories of the nerd's past. Alex, for one, wanted to know how exactly the girl made fun of him, "Okay. I need the context for that joke."
"She was making fun of how I described hacking," Shrugging, Birkhoff couldn't help but smile at the memory. That girl's sarcastic comments were something. He was still impressed.
"That sounds about right," Michael had been around Shadowwalker long enough to understand the need to make fun of him, especially in regards to how he described his process. Naming himself after a joke that he could walk through shadows was a great way to brag about his prowess. There were times where he was absolutely untouchable from behind a keyboard.
"Do you know what happened to the girl?" Although she doubted it, Sonya wondered. He never got her name, or anything else about her, yet that hadn't stopped him before. He was great at finding the impossible. Birkhoff could've kept track of the girl who had helped him so much.
"No. I wish I did though. She had some wicked bruising. And I think she was afraid to go back home, despite what she told the cops," Solemnly, Birkhoff replied. Decades had passed, yet he felt a small amount of guilt for what had happened. He should've checked in on her at least.
"If she really was a runaway, she did you a huge favor. She must've liked you," Alex nodded. A lot of the runaways she encountered were terrified of the places they had come from; they'd do anything to never go back. The girl's choice to sacrifice herself was monumental.
Understanding that, Birkhoff nodded as well. However, there was no point in dwelling on the negative aspects. They didn't know exactly what happened to the girl. She could've been perfectly happy at the moment. The team should think about more positive things, like how easy it was for the girl to like him, "I did buy her a lot of food so…"
"Where was this?" Finally, Nikita found her voice. Curious eyes cast her way, wondering what her outburst could've been about. But she ignored them, intently focused on Birkhoff.
"I ran all over the states at first. But I think this was in Detroit," Birkhoff wasn't quite sure of his answer. Where he was his first couple months with his new identity was a blur. He could only guess which cities he had stopped in before he found a place to permanently settle.
"Weren't you a runaway in Detroit?" Cautiously, Michael turned towards his wife. Sonya and Alex stared at her wide-eyed, and it was Birkhoff's turn to gape in shock.
There was no possible way the two had met each other as runaway teens. But sure enough, Nikita had the same knowing brown eyes and self-assured smirk Birkhoff remembered the girl having. And of course, she had the same sacrificial nature, "Oh, don't tell me…"
"I made fun of you and you turned it into a moniker?" Nikita couldn't believe it. Actually, on second thought, she could. Yet it still was outrageously insane, even for them.
"You went back to foster care for me?" That was the part of the story Birkhoff could never forget. The girl he had run into at the café sacrificed her freedom as a runaway, so he wouldn't be arrested for his mistake. She returned to what he knew was an abusive situation, so he didn't lose his chance at a life. He had never met anyone who was that willing to risk their heart for another's, until he met Nikita. But, apparently, they were the same goddamn person.
"Yeah," Darkness settled over Nikita's features; she was lost in the memory of her first runaway attempt at thirteen. Michael placed a comforting hand on the small of her back. He knew what Gary had done to her once she returned home. What she did for Birkhoff wasn't a small sacrifice. But before he could change the subject, she shook her head. A smirk slowly grew on her lips once more, "That means I've saved your life ten times now, Nerd."
"Ten! No way, Nikki," Instantly catching onto what Nikita was doing, Birkhoff scoffed. He could play along with her diversion. Besides, the number she stated was completely off.
"You're right. It's gotta be at least fifteen," Michael jabbed, quickly tagging along. That was always the best way to move past their terrible memories- jokes at each other's expense.
"And twice from the cops," Alex gleefully jumped in. Quips and taunts continued to flow from the family of former rogues throughout the rest of their dinner and night. It was the type of crazy fun they were used to. And it was what they expected of their insane futures together.
Notes:
P.S Check out my other Nikita one shot collections Homequarters, and the M rated Only Place We've Ever Had Any Fun.
Chapter 2
Notes:
Set after 2x21 "Dead Drop". The team tries to catch each other up on things they missed.
Chapter Text
Everyone was still trying to settle at the new safehouse after Division raided the old one. Technically, it was Ryan's safehouse, the team was just occupying it. Nikita, Michael, Birkhoff, Alex, and Sean crashed into the small space, ruining his peace. The analyst claimed he didn't mind. He could dig up intel while the team's antics unfolded around him; they didn't have to be separated anymore. However, there were moments where he wanted to take back his words. Apparently, Nikita was right to set him up apart from their insanity. Analyzing amidst rogue agent antics was a whole other level of difficult. Ryan couldn't focus.
At that moment, he blamed Nikita and Michael for his lack of concentration. The two weren't doing anything particularly distracting. They were simply washing dishes. Yet as they did so, they splashed each other with water, shared flirty teases, and giggled. Ryan had always been confused by their relationship, never quite understanding what was happening between the two. Since he had been in prison and then Division, it had only gotten worse. If there was one thing the analyst hated, it was not having all the answers, "When exactly did this happen again?"
The couple paused at his question. They hadn't even noticed he was working at the table behind them. As Michael turned off the water, Nikita turned to stare at her friend in confusion. After a moment, the two caught onto what Ryan was asking- mostly because he was studying how they stood so close they touched. Nikita sighed, "Remember when Kasim Tariq was shot and killed? Around then."
"It took killing a terrorist to get you two together?" Ryan gave up on reading through the newspapers he had gathered. Yes he needed to continue tracking Percy's movements since he had plutonium and bomb casings, but Nikita's revelation was far more interesting. Besides, if he gave himself a sort of break, he could return to his work with a clear head and fresh eyes. Things might jump out at him then.
"Well, he was the Division plant that bombed my family when Percy tried to kill me," Michael tried for a nonchalant attitude with his reply, yet acidity still slipped into his tone. His fists clenched as he tightly crossed his arms. The fact and memory continued to fill him with so much anger, it was nearly blinding. Thankfully, he had Nikita beside him to anchor him. She laid a comforting hand on the small of his back, and he took a deep breath.
Whereas the couple was unfazed, Ryan was left in shock. He knew about the death of Michael's family and that he was recruited on a lie. But Kasim had him rattled. Division was responsible for an infamous terrorist. He had so many questions. However, the first one that formed was that Michael, the head of agents, was originally a target, "Percy wanted you dead?"
"He wanted me out of the way, which was why he recruited me and then lied to me for ten years," Michael clarified. His fury over the past had calmed a little, turning inward at how he fell for Percy's lies and stayed loyal to him for so long. Nikita moved her hand from his back to settle in the crook of his arm. Despite how worked up he had become, he couldn't help but relax at her touch.
"See, Fletch. I illuminate the truth," Grinning proudly, Nikita pulled Michael's tensely crossed arms loose. A chuckle broke free against his will. She certainly had her way with people, and he would forever be grateful for that.
"You knew famous terrorist Kasim Tariq was Division?" Finally able to wrap his head around the horrific information he had learned, Ryan blurted. If Nikita had known a prominent member of Al-Qaeda was Division when she first roped him into the war, that would've been an important fact to know. He could've potentially helped the CIA hunt him down, or he could've possibly had more damning intel for his 'ghost unit'. How could she have kept that from him.
"No. Just that Michael lost a wife and daughter. The rest I found out with him," Nikita negated, calming Ryan. Of course she didn't sit on that valuable of information. Though, if she had, she would've told Michael first. He deserved the truth a long time ago.
"You had a wife and daughter?" Birkhoff nearly shouted. He, Alex, and Sean had been in the other room fortifying the safehouse's security and internet connection. They eventually joined the rest of the team, but apparently at the worst moment possible. Uneasy glances shot around the room as each realized they all knew varying amounts of information about Michael's past. Obviously, Nikita knew the most. Sean had some intel because of Oversight. And Alex had been briefed when he joined her as a mole. But Ryan and Birkhoff remained in the dark.
That wasn't fair to Birkhoff. He had known Michael for a decade; he should've been told what family members had been killed by Division, not just the vague response that it was people he had loved. Before the agent could begin apologizing and explaining to the nerd, however, Sean interrupted with a rivaling shout, "Kasim Tariq was Division?"
More awkwardness shifted around the room. At least Birkhoff knew that. Unfortunately the Navy Seal and the CIA analyst tasked with shutting down Division hadn't. The lack of information was strong, somewhat surprising Nikita, "We're really that bad at catching up?"
"I still don't know how you found Alex," Michael decided to reply to Nikita instead of Birkhoff. Although the nerd definitely deserved an explanation, he'd talk to him more in depth about his family when the rest of his anger subsided. A real conversation between them was long overdue. It should be done right.
"Yeah. I don't know that either," Alex chimed in. She was certain Nikita had her reasons for holding back. But she still wanted to know how the rogue managed to track down a human trafficking victim that eventually managed to escape.
"I want to know how you got an Udinov into Division without anyone knowing," After Michael gave him a nod that they would talk later, Birkhoff was able to move along with the conversation. There were a lot of things Nikita had slipped past the black ops group that the nerd continued to have questions about. The shell program was a particular former annoyance. Yet how she had slipped a supposedly dead Division target into the ranks was something else.
Nikita only shrugged, however. After she realized she could save targets under Percy's Amanda's noses- Alex, Ari, the guy she stole the counterfeit money from- she knew she could slip a lot more past them. The two weren't as smart as they thought they were. Dangerous, yes. But they underestimated their opponents too much, "That was actually pretty easy."
"Wait. Go back to how a terrorist was in Division," Nikita might've had an interesting story to tell, yet Sean didn't care at the moment. The more time he spent with the team, the more he realized how much Oversight kept from him. A government sanctioned terrorist was beyond horrific. It made him sick that he had ever thought them better than the rogues.
"He was planted in Al-Qaeda by Division, but he eventually went rogue," With an indication that the team should move to sit in the makeshift livingroom, Michael responded. There were a lot of things they had to cover. They might as well be comfortable.
"I thought Nikita was the first rogue," Turning towards Nikita, Alex questioned. Everyone always said she was the first to break ranks. They could've been lying. But with how deeply Nikita's betrayal seemed to affect Division, Alex didn't think that was the case.
"I was. I'm a trendsetter," Nikita was way too proud of herself. Her bright grin caused the others to roll their eyes. At least the mood began to lighten again. They had all been through too much dramatics lately between Sean getting shot and the director of the CIA having a Division planted killchip; the team deserved the chance to relax and actually tell each other things.
"Yeah. But according to Amanda, you're a slut," As he settled next to Alex on the couch, Sean shared what the bitch had insinuated about the rogue. Nikita instantly paled.
Whether Michael held her to keep her from launching at Sean or to settle her was anyone's guess. He did glare at the Seal, though. Nikita, on the other hand, floundered for words and grew increasingly irritated. The color returned to her bronze skin hotly. How dare Amanda say that about her. She never wanted to go on all those seduction missions she was forced on. Just because she excelled didn't mean she liked it, "What? She sent me on those missions…"
"No, he meant that Amanda claimed you seduced all of us onto your team," Instantly, Ryan clarified. Nikita didn't need to go on her seduction mission rant. Though, she didn't so much rant about them as scream in anger. No matter what, her emotions were warranted. No one should've been used like that.
"I am disgusted, and revolted," Shuttering at the thought of sleeping with any of her teammates besides Michael, Nikita scrunched her nose in disgust. That was such a ridiculous thing to assume of her, of anyone. After all, who would ever sleep with Birkhoff.
"Yeah. We all know she only seduced Mikey," The nerd in question taunted the couple before Nikita could actually voice the rest of her thoughts. Birkhoff only received a throw pillow to the face instead of torment.
"And maybe Owen. I'm still confused on how he joined," Alex added. Michael's glare shifted towards her, unappreciative of the comment. Even if she was serious, it wasn't funny.
"His girlfriend was killed by Division," With a roll of her eyes, Nikita cleared that up. She thought she had told Alex about Emily, but it must've slipped her mind during the chaos of the moment. Around the time Owen came alone, Alex was going through hell in Division. She honestly didn't need too much thrown at her too fast. Being a mole as well as a recruit was a harrowing enough experience.
"Owen had a girlfriend? See, Mikey. You were jealous over nothing," Birkhoff threw the pillow back at the couple. Michael didn't glare that time. A slight blush marred his cheeks at how easily he had been read. There was no use in denying it. His feelings for Nikita really were as bad as the nerd taunted him for.
Laughter and light 'oohs' were thrown in Michael's direction. Alex and Birkhoff led the ribbing. Nikita simply stared at him in awe. She knew he was jealous once they were together. But before they had even admitted their feelings, that was just so much better, "Jealous, huh? We weren't even together yet."
"Who's Owen?" While Nikita playfully nudged Michael, Sean asked. He never received a file on Owen. And he thought the team would've told him about another rogue, but that wasn't always the case with them. Even in their catch up conversation, he continued to play catch up.
"It doesn't matter. He's not answering our calls. Besides, there's still other things we have to catch up on. Like Ryan's time in Division," Clearing his throat, Michael tried to redirect the topic. He was given amused glances, but no one argued with him.
In fact, Nikita tucked herself tighter against his side. She elbowed him in the ribs, but it was out of affection. For the second time with her, Michael couldn't help but chuckle. However, once Ryan expanded on being held in Division, all amusement died out, "There's not much else to tell. Percy choked me out. I think Amanda came onto me. Standard torture stuff as I figured out their plans and tormented them by praising you guys."
"I'm sorry. Go back. What?" Alex wanted to ensure she had heard him correctly before she vomited. She didn't want to be sick over nothing.
"I don't know which one's worse. Choked by Percy. Or just Amanda," Nikita shuddered once more. That time, disgust rippled throughout the whole team. Everyone's experience inside Division was hell. No one had come out of it with happy memories. Though, some of those memories were more horrific and worrisome than others.
"Amanda," Michael answered for everyone. He also made Ryan explain what had happened a little bit more so they could have context. The analyst was reasonably hesitant to go into detail about his time with monsters. However, if anyone would understand him and be able to provide empathy, it would be the team. They did have that whole shared trauma thing going on. They could always provide one another comfort.
"How crazy are you guys?" After a long moment of silence as the team registered Ryan's story, Sean huffed in exasperation. Every second with them was an adventure. In fact, he was starting to think they were more insane than his Seal unit. Maybe that just came with fighting a war. Yet the rogues really were something else entirely, not that he was opposed to it.
Instead of actually answering, the band of rebels laughed once more. If that only proved their insanity more, then so be it. It wasn't even the wildest or weirdest thing they had ever done. Birkhoff pointed that out, "Oh this is nothing compared to last year."
"You're right. We are bad at catching people up," Ryan commented off of Sean's bewilderment. More laughter rang throughout the makeshift livingroom. The team built upon that fun by sharing more stories and answering questions. They weren't able to cover everything, yet that was alright. It was enough to help them take a break from preparing for their next mission, and fill in a lot of the gaps in their information. Hanging out as friends also helped them settle into a gentle peace of mind. Ryan was especially grateful for that. He might've needed quiet for analyzing, but he needed the others more to keep him sane.
Chapter 3
Notes:
Set during 2x09 "Fair Trade" before Nikita's and Birkhoff's talk at the end. Nikita's broken finger is explained.
Chapter Text
"Did I ever tell you 'I'm sorry'?" Nikita somewhat startled Birkhoff in the kitchen. She didn't mean to. They were just both stuck in their own heads, wrapped in complicated thoughts of what they had gone through. His hand was on the mend after a visit from the discreet doctor Nikita had in pocket, yet their emotions continued to be broken and frayed.
"You don't have to. It wasn't your fault," Waving her off, Birkhoff resumed his search for ice. It wasn't for his battered hand, he just needed a very strong drink. Some sort of blended margarita sounded perfect. He could forget about being tortured by Amanda and maybe sleep that night. The hacker doubted either of those could happen. They were too close on that mission- too close to losing it all.
"No. Not for that. Though, I am sorry," Nikita helped Birkhoff grab a large bowl from one of the cabinets. She might not have been the one responsible for destroying the bones in his hand, but she blamed herself for how it came to be. If she hadn't been so hellbent and narrowly focused on Oversight, her nerd wouldn't have gotten hurt. He wouldn't have been tortured, and she wouldn't have lost a black box. Though, she didn't care about that. It was all about Birkhoff. After all, she had hurt him enough, "I meant. Did I say I was sorry for the things I did when you were still Division? Because that was fucked up, and I shouldn't have…"
"Hey, no. I get it. I did some awful things to you too," Pushing his quest for ice aside for a second, Birkhoff focused on Nikita. Neither of them needed to apologize; they were in a war, and they were on opposite sides. But they were alright then. Well, almost alright. The two were teammates and friends. They helped and saved each other. The past didn't matter regarding them.
Nikita only nodded. Her guilt wasn't going to disappear that quickly. She knew she had fucked up. She accidently led Birkhoff to Amanda. Someone she cared about was hurt because of her rash and stupid actions again. Guilt, anxiety, and despair rose in her chest like bile. Forcibly, she swallowed it back down. She couldn't lose herself in front of Birkhoff. It wouldn't have been fair. So she cracked a small grin instead, "Yeah. I'm glad we're on the same side now. Then we don't have to be so sorry."
"Just extra annoying," Birkhoff huffed with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. A breath of laughter escaped Nikita; he definitely had a point there. Proud of himself for lightening the mood, the hacker resumed his ice mission. He figured the best way to fill the bowl was to use the ice dispenser from the fridge. It'd be slow and loud, but it'd get the job done. As he began filling the bowl, however, Nikita opened the freezer and pulled out a bag of ice.
"I don't know. You've mellowed out since I was a recruit," Smirking, Nikita helped him open and empty the bag. At first, she thought Birkhoff wanted something to dip his injured hand in, easing the throbbing pain. But once she noticed the bottles of alcohol nearby, she caught onto his intentions. She might join him when her anxiety settled a bit more. The last thing she should do then was use alcohol to numb her emotions.
"You haven't. Duct taping me to a rocking horse. You couldn't have left me anywhere else?" Although that incident occurred so long ago and so many things had happened since, Birkhoff could not let it go. Of all the places to leave him tied up after she kidnapped him, Nikita just had to tape him to a children's toy. It was so out of pocket for a dangerous assassin and furious rogue. Yet even just the memory of it left her laughing.
She could barely get a word out as she giggled uncontrollably. Birkhoff wanted to be annoyed, but her joy made him smile despite himself. The two definitely needed brighter moments after the stress and hell they'd been through recently. Nikita needed time to relax after what her heart had been thrown through, "Absolutely not. That was hilarious."
"Whatever. You know your boy laughed at that for far too long. It was the first time I'd seen him smile in months," Birkhoff accidentally dumped too much ice into the bowl. He might as well just empty the whole bag and place the dish in the freezer instead when he was done. Nikita, however, didn't notice his struggle. His words caused her to slump against the counter and become lost in thought. They hadn't talked about Michael since he left. The nerd wasn't even sure if the couple had talked since London. They should've, though, "He used to smile at a lot of the things you did to fuck with us. I don't think Michael ever stopped loving you."
Silence filled the kitchen for a long while. Birkhoff started to regret mentioning Michael, even if it was in a positive light. Nikita was certainly going through something in regards to her relationship with him, not that she'd ever tell her friend that. She'd simply keep her emotions close to her chest, ignoring it all for her mission. It was only going to catch up with her sooner or later. But when had she ever learned that lesson, "I never stopped loving him either."
Grabbing the alcohol, limes, and a glass, Nikita moved to the couch. Birkhoff followed with his bowl. He had set up his computer on the coffee table, downloading some speech to text software he could utilize with his hand out of commission. Hopefully, she was helping him finish the set-up rather than taking the alcohol all for herself. That wouldn't go well for either of them, "He still loves you. He'll be back. Mikey just can't stay away from you."
"I know. That's what makes it so hard," Nikita sighed. She placed the items for Birkhoff, before collapsing on the couch far from them. The nerd sighed as well, plopping down next to her. Her gaze remained fixed on the ceiling, more torturous thoughts bombarding her mind. She needed a distraction in order to relax. She really didn't want to think about recent events or how terribly she had been handling them. She had to have a break- a chance to breathe. Mindlessly talking to her friend had helped in the past. She silently begged that it would work again.
"You never told me what happened to your finger," It didn't take Birkhoff long to come up with a new subject. The rogue's injury had to be a less sore topic to discuss. She usually made jokes about some stupid way she hurt herself. Though, that had mostly happened in Division when they had Medical at hand. Injuries were far more severe as rogues.
"Oh, it's nothing. Just needed a splint," Immediately, Nikita dismissed his worry. Her finger was nothing compared to his hand. She was certain she could heal the broken bone on her own. Birkhoff needed a doctor and anti-inflammatories and so many other things that were difficult for illegal agents to obtain. All the focus should be on his healing. She would be fine. She was always just fine.
"You broke a bone and you didn't say anything? Do you need pain pills? I got tons," Birkhoff wouldn't let her dismiss her own pain, however. Just because Nikita was great at taking care of others, didn't mean she knew how to take care of herself. Somebody had to teach her that. And with Michael gone, that fell on Birkhoff.
"No! No. I'm fine. I dislocated it while running away from Sean Pierce. Then I fucked it up even more by popping it back into the socket wrong. In hindsight, I shouldn't have done it while sprinting," Hurriedly stopping the nerd from grabbing his medication, Nikita explained. Her finger really wasn't a big deal. She didn't need pain pills for it. She didn't think any of her injuries would be pain pill worthy. No matter what, she wouldn't medicate herself like that. If drinking alcohol while she was upset scared her, then narcotics definitely did.
"How'd you dislocate it? Did you fall or something?" Not quite satisfied with the explanation, Birkhoff wondered. Nikita didn't tell him much about her side of the op once things turned to shit. All she had said was that the man who had traded him was a member of Oversight's son, and that she was glad her nerd was safe. He had a feeling she was holding back something, however.
There was a lot she wasn't sharing with him. But those could be saved for later conversations when they weren't feeling so shitty. How she broke her finger, though, Nikita knew that would make Birkhoff's day. It was beyond embarrassing, which would make it perfect for him, "No… I hit a basketball wrong…"
"You broke a finger on a basketball?" Birkhoff couldn't help but shriek. He instantly dissolved into laughter, bringing Nikita along with him. That story was about as ridiculous as the rocking horse. Apparently, amidst their neverending drama and trauma, there was just absurdity. At least that helped them take their minds off things.
"I know. It's so stupid," Shaking her head and laughing, Nikita slumped against the couch cushions. The worst part was that she couldn't even claim that was her dumbest injury. A couple falls off her bike as a kid and an ill-advised stunt in Division were far worse. Her body could withstand bullets and knives, but not her own lack of thought. That seemed about right for her life, though.
"That is fucking hilarious. Nikita the assassin's only weakness is balls," Birkhoff was certain he was going to tease her for a long time. However, he couldn't form the right words while under the influence of his medication. The taunt came out way dirtier than he wanted, especially since it made Nikita glance at him with a shiteating grin. He already regretted everything he had ever said. She was going to make him pay for that, "Wait. Don't."
"Only one set of balls really," Ignoring the dark pull in the back of her mind whenever she thought of Michael, Nikita nudged Birkhoff. His look of disgust helped her chuckle and settle into joy once more.
"Ah, gross! God, why'd I have to say it like that? I'm gonna need bleach," Birkhoff was overreacting. He knew that. He also knew that he had said worse things. But that didn't mean he couldn't demand to wash the image away from his mind. Nikita just kept laughing at him. Her eyes rolled and she kicked at him gently with her foot, yet she was smiling brightly.
Forget pain pills, alcohol, sleep, and anti-inflammatories, joking with friends was the best medicine. Although it was cliché to admit, it was undoubtedly true. There was a reason Birkhoff, Nikita, and Michael gravitated towards each other in Division. Well, there were many reasons. But being able to help each other relax and breathe in that hellhole was a huge benefit to their friendship. They doubted they would've been able to survive that place without each other. Nikita knew she wouldn't have been able to survive her war much longer without her team, "That's what you get, Nerd."
"Are you trying to start another prank war? Cause if so, I'm gonna kick your ass again," Gently tossing a pillow at her, Birkhoff playfully threatened. Nikita's laughter was condescending that time. She never believed he could kick her ass. And though she might be right about that, he could hold his own in pranks and mind games. They used to mess with each other all the time in Division, and they were usually evenly tied. The nerd had a chance to take the rogue down.
"You've only won once," Nikita scoffed and threw back the pillow. She remained the reigning champ in their official prank wars- their unofficial, that was fair game. She wasn't going to ever lose it all to Birkhoff. There was no way.
"So have you. That second one became a draw once you brought Michael into it," Sitting up in excitement, Birkhoff negated. Michael largely stayed out of the two's antics inside Division, believing it would give him plausible deniability. But Nikita could make him break a rule sometimes. She had a way to draw him out of his shell.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," The rogue knew the nerd was right, except she wouldn't admit to it. That was good enough for Birkhoff. He smirked proudly and opened his mouth to brag. Nikita was about to kick him just a bit harder to preemptively make him shut up, but then her phone buzzed. She checked the ID, and her attention instantly became diverted, "Hey, it's Owen. I should take this. Talk later, okay? Then we can set up the rules for the prank war."
"You're on," Birkhoff agreed. Nikita nudged him as she sprang off the couch, but he chuckled that time. He felt a lot more grounded after their brief conversation. Another talk once she returned could be what helped them finally move on. In the meantime, the nerd could set-up the speech to text software and make his drink. The night just might be manageable after all.
Chapter 4
Notes:
Set pre-series in Nikita's Division days right before the St. Petersburg op where she and Michael kissed. A set-up to that, and a play on Kelly's line that Nikita could bat her eyelashes and Michael would let her get away with anything.
Chapter Text
Nikita was pissed. She had just gotten back from a mission and they were sending her on another one. 'Rising star' her ass. Percy and Amanda had to have been punishing her or something. Why else would they expect her to kill a drug kingpin in the jungle one minute, then seduce a target for intel the next. It was ridiculous, and it was bullshit. If she could've smacked that smug expression off of Percy's face she would've.
Instead, she had to shave her legs. God, Amanda's amused yet disapproving look when she handed her the razor and wax kit almost made Nikita snap. Of course she was dirty and 'rough around the edges'. She just ran around a forest. She also debriefed for that mission, briefed for the other, and only had a few hours to get ready before flying to St. Petersburg. Why couldn't any other agent go out. So what if she was geared up and the 'best option we have'. She was so tired she might make a stupid decision. And she definitely didn't want to look pretty.
There was no time to go home and relax before she had to leave. So Nikita was left showering, shaving, and primping in the Division bathroom. At least she had access to recruit shorts and a tanktop. She could change out of her dirty, bloody mission clothes and wait to pull on whatever dress Amanda picked out for her. She really hoped it wasn't too tight or confining or revealing. Couldn't she at least be comfortable while she did something she despised.
The thought of some gross man touching her, made Nikita shave a little harder than she needed to. A harsh razor burn was going to mar her perfectly smooth legs. So the fuck what. Maybe it'd keep his hands off her. That'd be the dream. In the meantime, she was stuck in the communal bathroom of hell, shaving at the sink because it was far more convenient than the shower. Though, it was less private. Any one could walk in on her. Worst of all, Kelly, "Seduction mission?"
"No. I just prefer to shave and wax inside Division. The lack of privacy really gets me going," Nikita bit. She glared at Kelly through the mirror, before resuming her harsh strokes. The other agent was unfazed by her lividity. She had just returned from the same mission. If she had to go out again, she'd be pissed too.
"You missed a spot," That didn't mean Kelly would be helpful, however. It was far more fun to watch Nikita get riled up. The fact that she nicked herself aggressively trying to clear the patch of hair made it even better.
"You wanna help? I could use an extra set of eyes when I wax," Forcibly slamming the razor down on the sink, Nikita turned to face Kelly. Her smug grin melted for a second at the horrible thought of helping her partner wax her more sensitive areas. Nikita simply scoffed and rolled her eyes at the idea, though. She switched her legs in the sink and began hacking away at the short, coarse hair.
"Why don't you ask Amanda? I'm sure she'd love to control every inch of your appearance," After a moment, Kelly was able to bounce back with her own sarcasm. She was certain it wasn't too far off the mark. Amanda did a lot of the makeup, hair, and dressing for seduction missions. Why not shaving as well.
"That's the most disturbing thing you've ever said," Nikita shuddered. Kelly only shrugged and leaned against a nearby sink. Sighing, the overworked agent returned her attention to her leg. She had to be in the right mood to stand her partner at times, and then wasn't it. She roughly pulled the razor over a trouble patch of hair, and reopened a cut on her knee. Splashing water on the wound, she hurriedly grabbed for a towel, "Fuck. Shit. Why can't these targets be into hairy women? My eyebrows, legs, whatever, can only take so much abuse."
Kelly grabbed the tweezers that had been abandoned on the counter and cleaned up a few of the stray eyebrow hairs Nikita had missed. Her plucking was far more harsh than gentle, earning her a glare and a hiss of pain. She ignored it, smirking, "I'm pretty sure you need a boyfriend for that."
"If only, right?" Snatching back the tweezers and pulling away, Nikita muttered. She had managed to staunch the bleeding (of the cut and her multiple nicks) and soothe the redness on her brow. If that was how tweezing and shaving was going, then waxing would be hell. She would so much rather let her seduction target shoot her.
"Nah. I'm good. Don't need that kind of baggage," Kelly replied offhandedly. The lies of Division were enough for her. She didn't need a boyfriend. Besides, the seduction missions could be enough at times. Not for Nikita, though. She actually had standards for that sort of thing.
"You don't want to carry theirs? Or you don't want to pass off the poor excuse of a life you pretend to have?" Smiling proudly, Nikita spared the briefest of glances at Kelly. She had to bite her lip to hold back her laughter.
"You're such a jerk," Annoyed, angry, and everything in between, Kelly attempted to shove Nikita. She knew the attack was coming a mile away. Successfully, she dodged the blow and pulled the razor away so she wouldn't cut herself. Her smug grin grew at the fact, while her partner got even more ticked off.
That was how it usually went between the two. They'd do well together on the mission, then be at each other's throats in Division. However, Nikita and Kelly couldn't work with anyone else. They sort of gravitated towards each other, and never backed off. They were the best each other had. So they learned to make it work- kind of, "You call that an attack?"
"Come here so I can kick your ass," Kelly charged after her partner. Nikita laughed as she ran away. It was a more snide, 'I got the best of you' sort of laugh; Division not one to bring out the joy in people. But it was a sound that captured the recruits' attention as the two sprinted past the locker room. Smiles rippled through the crowd. Maybe watching the agents be real people instead of killing machines for the black ops group was more beneficial to those newly forced into the system. It wasn't all lost. Knowing she could joke around certainly helped Nikita.
Though, there was a time and place to fool around in Division; Nikita had learned that the hard way. Hers and Kelly's chase was leading towards Ops, and that was the last place they could be at the moment. The antagonist either had to confront her partner and get into a fight, or change the game. She decided on the latter. Recently, Nikita had learned to scale buildings using parkour and her momentum. She bet she could use it in the hallway to get up into the rafters before Kelly turned the corner.
It was a struggle, proving she had to practice her skill, but Nikita was up where the lights dangled. She had to be careful of wires. Yet that potential danger was shoved aside as she watched Kelly confusedly stumble into the hallway. She couldn't figure out where her 'target' went; she had just seen her, and the rooms were locked. Her questions were fortunately answered soon as she moved further down the hall. Nikita dropped from her hideout, shouting "Boo."
Not proud of how easily that frightened her, Kelly quickly scowled. Nikita could only grin excitedly about her own accomplishments. It took her partner a second, but she soon realized why that was. She had scaled a bare wall in barely no time at all. Kelly's irritation vanished, "How'd you get up there?"
Rather than tell her, Nikita took off down the hall and jumped up the wall again. It was easier the second time since she knew what she was doing. She also utilized the fact that she was barefoot. Kelly chased after her, staring up in awe. Both began to laugh, triumph and amazement washing over them. That was how Birkhoff eventually found them. He saw Kelly standing in the middle of the hallway then Nikita in the rafters, then dropped his tablet and gawked, "What the fuck? Dude. Can it even support your weight?"
"Are you calling me fat?" Nikita mostly joked to watch the nerd squirm. As expected, Birkhoff stammered and tried to over-explain what he meant. She just laughed at him.
"You did eat a whole carton of ice cream yesterday," It was only a half-pint and Nikita had been starving, yet Kelly didn't need the full story to poke fun at Nikita. Birkhoff laughed that time as the agent in the rafters glared. Oh, she'd show her.
"Watch this, bitch," Nikita flipped upside down so her knees hooked one of the beams, and started to do crunches. She was definitely going to have to shower again later. But it was worth it. At least, she could rationalize showing Kelly up as worth it to herself. If she had to explain that to Amanda, she'd be screwed.
While Kelly rolled her eyes, Birkhoff stared at the rafters. He doubted they would snap with Nikita climbing around in them; though, he wondered just how much pressure they could take before the ceiling cracked, "Wait, how much weight can these beams hold?"
"Well hurry up and figure it out. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up," Flipping upside down instead of doing pull-ups or whatever was probably a bad idea; Nikita would admit to that. She'd have to pull herself back up and drop down before she fell. She could be fine if she did, even if she didn't believe Kelly would catch her.
"Nerd, you're heavy. Pile on," Kelly instantly nudged Birkhoff towards Nikita. She should've been the one to climb into the rafters, see if she could scale walls and hide in ceilings too. However, making the hacker do it seemed more fun.
"It's 'Birkhoff' to you," With a huff, Birkhoff stomped over to Nikita. Although it would've been smarter to simply grab weights from the training room, he tried to figure out how he was going to join the agent. She solved his problems by reaching out as if she were to lift him. He had to hop to make that happen, and he only hovered a few inches off the ground, but their experiment sort of worked.
Whereas the beam held their combined weight, Nikita couldn't hold both of them up. She wasn't that strong. Her legs buckled and she panicked, "Get off. Get off. I'm slipping."
Too late. Her legs untangled from the rafters, and she and Birkhoff fell. He managed to land on his feet first before stumbling to the ground. Nikita, on the other hand, crashed into Kelly and smacked her face on the floor. She was lucky it wasn't her head or her neck. Yet her nose did throb. And her partner groaned beneath her. All the noises and sounds of distress drew Michael quickly to the scene. For a moment, all he could do was stare. Once he saw blood on Nikita's face, however, he sprang forward to help her up, "What the hell is going on?"
"I'm fine. I'll get up on my own," Birkhoff mumbled as he grabbed his tablet (that luckily hadn't been cracked) and got to his feet. The others ignored him. In fact, Kelly was ignored too as Michael's gaze narrowed in on Nikita and her bloody nose. She lifted the hem of her tanktop to wipe it away herself, causing his eyes to drift to her bare abdomen. It was a brief second, but Birkhoff caught it. He chuckled slightly.
"Uh. Field training," That was the best Nikita could come up with. She blamed lack of sleep and the stunning blow to her nose; though, Birkhoff and Kelly didn't supply a better answer. They simply nodded to what she had said. Some partners and crime they were.
"Field training?" Michael wasn't buying the excuse for a second. The dark bruise forming around Kelly's eye from Nikita's stray kick as she fell didn't help. The two agents plus Birkhoff were a strange mix. They had to have been up to something. Their handler was just unsure if he wanted to know or not.
"Yeah, you know, practicing how to dangle off a building with your partner," Nikita was so clearly talking out of her ass, but she wasn't receiving any backup. She was lucky Michael thought what she said was a little funny.
"It happened to Greg and Russell," Finally, Birkhoff also supplied some sort of explanation. It wasn't great, yet it'd plausibly cover their asses. That was all they really needed.
Michael was certainly fine with it. Other things were more important than whatever shit the three were up to. He didn't necessarily care as long as they were safe. Nikita's bloody nose was of great concern. It wasn't broken, thank God. She had simply shocked it with the impact. Gently, he helped clear away some of the blood. His thumb brushed along her lip, and his hand cradled her cheek, "Are you alright?"
They were too close for Division's standards, yet Michael couldn't help move closer in the pretense that he was examining her injury. Nikita canted towards him as well, managing to block Birkhoff and Kelly from their view. His touch was so soft and caring, it had her a bit stunned. She also wanted to melt into it and never let go. The way he looked at her with such intense yet adoring eyes, she knew he felt the same. Her words became more breathed than spoken, "Yeah, yeah. All better."
"Your date won't even notice," Kelly interrupted, snapping the two apart and jolting them back to reality. Uncertain about what she had just witnessed, she stared at them. Michael and Nikita attempted to not let their expressions give her any answers. Birkhoff did his best to hide his amused smirk.
"Just be smarter on your mission," Clearing his throat, Michael advised. Nikita nodded. That was a given. She wouldn't be that rash in the field, as long as his gentle touch wasn't there.
"That'll be easy. The dumbasses are staying here," Nikita dodged swipes from both Kelly and Birkhoff, and made her way back to the bathroom. She had less time than before her little adventure, and more things to clean and prepare for St. Petersburg. Yet when wasn't she causing some sort of problem for Division. The black ops group should be used to it by then. Besides, she'd do anything to delay a seduction mission.
Watching Nikita leave, and once again ignoring Birkhoff and Kelly as they took off, Michael considered following her. Not to the bathroom, that wouldn't have been right. But what if he followed her to Russia. She was going to be all alone in St. Petersburg, she'd need a partner. And with a forming black eye and possible ill feelings, Kelly wouldn't have been ideal. He should ensure she stayed safe and smart, and that her seduction target wasn't too handsy. He could keep her safe. And he could stay close by her side, Division standard's be damned.
Chapter 5
Notes:
An AU for 2x12 "Sanctuary". What if Sean managed to shoot Nikita.
Chapter Text
The trigger was loose under his finger. He could've so easily pulled it- release his fury and fear in one swift move. It wasn't a real solution, but it'd certainly ease his anxiety. He wasn't entirely sure what had stopped him. His mind was clouded of all judgement. He could only focus on the blood on his hands and the moving target on the beach. Nothing else mattered, not even Alex struggling to take down the assailant. He needed to make him pay for what he had done, get vengeance, and gain justice. However, the back of his mind pulled back. He shouldn't shoot. Nothing was lost yet. There was still time to fix everything. And if not, then Sean Pierce died.
Michael should've expected something terrible would happen. He and Nikita were finally talking. Of course the universe wouldn't let that last for long. It also wouldn't let the conversation go smoothly. There was a lot to discuss after London. She had left, and he had stayed. They needed to talk about intentions, and emotions, and, most importantly, what it meant for their future. He didn't see the latter as a major cause for concern. He knew he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life. He could have her and his son. Yet she thought differently. The uncertainty in her eyes was palpable as she asked, "We beat Division, and then what?"
A few months ago, she probably wouldn't have had that question. Nikita would've made some quip about her and Michael retiring on a beach somewhere, maybe even with a dog. But at that moment, she was worried that their future had changed- that he didn't want that normal life with her. God, had he messed up if she believed that. He needed to make it right. However, the world around them had other ideas. As he drew closer to her, one of the wide windows facing the beach shattered. Shards of glass went flying, and the two dropped to the ground.
Recovering quickly, Michael reached for the closest gun and prepared to race after the shooter. He didn't have a clue as to where the shot came from, or how it came to be. But that didn't matter if the threat was still out there. He turned towards Nikita to see if she was ready to rush the beach with him. He hadn't heard anything from her, save for a grunt of pain. Once his eyes landed on her, though, he understood why. Dark red blood marred the bright blue of her blouse. The blood steadily grew with each frantic beat of her heart, seeping into everything. Blood bloomed along her abdomen. The stream of blood just wouldn't stop.
"Nikita! No, no, no," Instantly, Michael dropped to his knees and abandoned his weapon to press his hands into her side. Nikita groaned at the intense pressure, body seizing in pain. Tears sprang to his eyes at the sight, and dread clenched his heart. Yet he had to force it aside. She needed him; he couldn't go all deer in the headlights on her. It was just so hard with her blood pulsing against his hands and slipping through his fingers. He couldn't get it to stop. He needed it to stop, "Birkhoff! I need the med kit! Now!"
Birkhoff didn't need to be yelled at. He was already on his way. He had heard the gunshot from his room, and immediately sprinted to the livingroom to see what was the matter. Once he saw the blood, he dived for the medical kit under the sink. He also grabbed the burner phone by his computer. The number to the discreet (and expensive) doctor Nikita had called when his hand was shattered was probably still saved to the contacts. They could call and everything would be alright. It had to be okay.
Nikita kept pushing at Michael's shoulder, however. His hands were pressed harshly into her lower abdomen, and she shoved as hard as she could to make him go away. He thought it was because of the pain. The bullet and his attempts to stop her bleeding were too much to take. But he refused to back off; he'd do anything to just make the blood stop. That wasn't her reasoning, though. Her wide eyes kept casting towards the beach outside. Forming words past her pain and shock was increasingly difficult, yet she finally managed to choke, "Help Alex."
Following her line of sight to the shattered window, Michael spotted two figures fighting in the sand. One of them must've been Alex, the other the shooter. Leave it to Nikita to be more focused and concerned about everyone else while she bled out. However, Michael refused to abandon her side. He was terrified that if he let go of her, she'd slip away from him. He couldn't let that happen. They had their future to discuss, to plan. They had something bright to talk about- something that would dispel the darkness that they had fallen into. He couldn't let that go. Michael needed to stay by Nikita.
"Mikey, go. I have her," Strangely calm, maybe because he was so freaked, Birkhoff kneeled next to Michael and placed a clean cloth against Nikita's wound. A near scream tore from her throat at the force of both of the men's hands, but she swallowed it down- probably for Michael's sake. She shoved at him once more, so much fear and pain welling in her eyes. He had to help Alex before he helped her. If the shooter wasn't stopped, more of them could get hurt. And that was the last thing she wanted, even if her breathing was stuttered.
It took more strength than Michael thought he could muster to let Birkhoff take over. Nikita was in good hands, he was just letting his anxiety control him. He had to breathe, react like it was any other crisis situation (even if it definitely wasn't). The first step was to clear the danger. He grabbed for his gun again, and regretfully left the safehouse to storm the beach. His fear seriously needed to be squashed. He couldn't let it control him. Things might become worse if he did. So instead, he allowed his fury to boil over him. Rage seemed to be a much more manageable emotion for him.
Whoever shot Nikita needed to pay. They had to be punished in the worst possible way. Michael was ready and willing to kill them. Except, once he had Sean Pierce in his sights, he couldn't pull the trigger. A voice in the back of his head, that sounded just like Nikita, told him to wait; the team might be able to get information out of him. Considering the looming threat of Oversight and Division, Michael couldn't ignore the prompting. He switched his grip on his gun, and pistol whipped his target. The Seal collapsed unconscious against Alex.
She shoved him off of her, and struggled to her feet. Alex and Sean had been fighting since she had tackled him. Hopefully, her attack threw off his aim and he hadn't managed an accurate shot. If only she had spotted him perched low in the sand sooner, then he wouldn't have been able to shoot at all. Yet it could be alright. Michael had joined her on the beach, after all. It wasn't until she turned to him to express her thanks, that Alex saw the blood on his hands. Cold dread washed over her. Michael was there, but not Nikita. Shouldn't they have been together, partners in everything, "Michael, where's Nikita?"
He didn't say anything. He didn't have to say anything. One glance at the lividity in his gaze and his fierce grip on his weapon, Alex understood what had happened. She had been too late. It wasn't alright. Nikita had been shot. The young woman's first and only reaction was to kick Sean's unconscious body. It was the best way she knew how to express the shock and rage at what he had done. She thought she could've trusted him, but he was as horrible as the bastards that controlled him, "You son of a bitch!"
"We need to get him inside," Yanking Alex off of Sean, Michael found his head. The two had to clear the scene, tie up their captive, and return to Nikita's side; though, his main focus was solely on Nikita. Birkhoff was handling the situation, and promised to call their doctor friend if things worsened. But Michael couldn't take the risk of being away from her for too long. He didn't think his heart would've been able to handle it.
Alex and Michael struggled to carry the dead weight of a Navy Seal- plus his rifle- up the beach and into the house, yet they refused to complain. They just moved step to step and planned to deal with everything else later. Sean was eventually dropped into a chair to be duct taped to. His rifle was unloaded and placed far out of reach. Alex focused on securing their captive, while Michael returned to Nikita. Somehow, Birkhoff had gotten her on a cot. Her blouse had been ripped open, and her bullet wound was clearly visible. Before he was asked about what happened, the hacker shakily explained, "I tried to get the bullet out, but my fucking hand…"
"Go clean up and help Alex, then," Hurriedly washing his hands and pushing Birkhoff aside, Michael commanded. The hacker was a bit dazed, yet once he noticed an unconscious Sean, he snapped to attention. At least the situation with the shooter was resolved, or on its way to being resolved. Things could fall back under the team's control. They knew what they had to do, and they could focus on that. If only their adrenaline and anxiety would let them settle.
"Not quite… through and through… just muscle," Through harsh breaths, Nikita informed Michael. He should've guessed she had been the one to instruct Birkhoff on what to do; her emergency medical skills and field dressing ability were spectacular. But she had to let someone else take care of her. He could assess a wound and begin to heal it as well. She was right about the bullet only tearing through skin and muscle (thank God) and the bullet was still lodged in her abdomen. Birkhoff's damaged hand just created a mess of blood and fabric. Michael would have to clean the wound again, putting Nikita through more pain and discomfort.
"Shh, it's okay. We got it. Just try to relax," With gloves, some swabs of alcohol, and tweezers, Michael began removing the bullet. One of Nikita's hands clutched the fabric of her jeans, the other held tightly to his bicep. She wouldn't relax, nor would she let the pain drag her into unconsciousness. She bit her lip in an attempt not to scream, and grabbed anything she could so she wouldn't shove him away from her. It would've been easier if she wasn't so stubborn. Yet he simply ignored it and kept working. It'd all be over soon.
"Easy for you…" Nikita breathed, the slightest bit of laughter escaping her. The corner's of Michael's lips twitched upwards. At least she still had her humor. She relaxed a tad when he somewhat smiled, allowing him to remove the bullet without any further difficulty. They both sighed in relief. However, that was the easy part. He had to clean the wound once more, then stitch it closed. His sutures, though held well, were sloppy. Nikita's body tensed once more at the thought of it. Michael just took a deep breath and focused only on her.
As soon as he poured the disinfectant on the open wound, however, Nikita finally screamed in pain. All movement in the safehouse stopped at the heart wrenching sound. Alex and Birkhoff tore their attention away from Sean, and Michael stilled. His heart broke at the sound, especially since he knew there wasn't anything he could do to stop it. He just had to close the wound as fast and as securely as he could, and continue cleaning. Fortunately, the fight had drained out of her. She remained on the cot, eyes closed and full of tears, and breath shallow.
Slowly, Birkhoff and Alex returned to Sean. It was difficult to leave Michael and Nikita alone, but there wasn't anything they could do. Their captive had to be their priority. The two got him undressed and strapped to the chair, and began searching for anything that could tip off an awaiting Division team. There was nothing on the Seal. His phone had also been turned off, and the perimeter was clear. Birkhoff shared the confusing fact with Michael once he placed the bandage on Nikita's wound, "No coms or wires. And nothing on the perimeter. He's alone."
"He got here somehow. I think he followed me," Alex muttered, trying to figure out how Sean had found the safehouse. It was supposed to be a secure location; no one could arrive there unless they knew about it. The only possible way the Seal discovered the place was if he followed someone. And the only person he possibly could've followed was Alex. Tears sprang to the young woman's eyes at the revelation. She hadn't meant for that to happen when she reunited with the team. She just wanted to defeat Division. Approaching her best friend, she apologized profusely, "Nikita, I'm so sorry. I should've been more careful. I'm sorry."
"You got your watch back," Barely loud enough to hear, Nikita attempted to reach for the watch on Alex's wrist. Michael stopped her from straining herself. He secured a blanket around her, and gently brushed her matted hair off of her sweaty forehead. Her eyes slipped closed, but not for as long as he would've liked. She fought rest to glance at Alex. The young woman stared at her father's watch, a million thoughts firing off in her mind.
One thought soon broke through the fog, and Alex turned to Sean with fiery lividity in her veins. He had given her back her father's watch. He made it such a sweet and grand gesture, giving her back something that helped fill the holes in her heart. Yet it had all been a ruse. He used her so he could kill her best friend. Ripping the watch off of her wrist, she threw it harshly at the Seal. The watch face cracked on impact, "Ты гребаная ублюдочная крыса!"
"Wait until he's conscious. We've got a lot to discuss," Once again, Michael held Alex back from unleashing her full fury on Sean Pierce. As much as he would've enjoyed watching her tear him limb from limb- and as much as he wanted to join in- they wouldn't get anywhere while he remained unconscious. The team could interrogate him, maybe even torture him, once he could speak. Nikita seemed more interested in that plan. She stared at the Seal as if she was trying to understand his actions and motivations. Michael sighed.
Apparently, the rapid surgery wasn't the hardest part. Getting her to rest would be the challenge. But he found himself softly smiling at the fact. She wouldn't change, which meant there was hope their future wouldn't change either. The disasters they constantly found themselves in could all work out in the end. It had to. The team managed to survive from one crisis to the next, after all. They just had to get through all the hell first.
Chapter 6
Notes:
Set during 3x09 "Survival Instincts". Alex and Nikita talk before they talk to Sean and Michael respectively.
Chapter Text
Alex just collapsed on her couch and stared at the ceiling. She thought about grabbing a pillow and screaming into it, but that required too much effort. Instead, half of her body dangled awkwardly off the cushions and her mind turned to mush. She didn't want to think anymore. Thinking made her anxious, and stressed, and upset, and all the things she couldn't afford to feel. It was better for her to simply sink into oblivion, and let the darkness and emptiness of her apartment swallow her whole.
Unfortunately, a far too familiar knock on her front door forced Alex to be a person. She could've ignored it; however, ignoring the person at the door would only cause more problems. She might as well just turn on the lights and throw open the door. Her guest couldn't make her day any worse. That probably wasn't possible.
"I promised we would talk," Or, maybe it was. Nikita burst into the apartment, a to-go bag of food in hand. Alex sighed, slowly closing and relocking her front door. She'd rather melt back into the couch cushions than talk. Maybe she could do so as her best friend discussed whatever was on her mind. Talking didn't have to be a two person activity. One could rant, while the other listened with her mind turned off.
Once Nikita removed the contents of the food bag, however, Alex snapped out of her morose thoughts. She couldn't be upset if she was being handed a giant cup of ice cream. If that said anything about her emotions being tied too closely to her hunger, she didn't care. She just wanted sweets, "With milkshakes? Yes please."
A contented hum filled the young woman's chest the second she took a sip of the sugary shake. Chuckling softly, Nikita flopped onto the couch with her own ice cream. Alex curled next to her. They fell into silence for a moment, milkshakes and each other's warm company taking supreme importance. However, far too soon- for Alex at least- Nikita started to speak. She needed them to open back up to each other, "So how's meditation with Birkhoff?"
"I gave up and went back to punching a bag. It helps with the stress," Shrugging, Alex admitted. Her blue eyes returned to the ceiling while she slouched against the pillows. As much as she didn't want to discuss her efforts to remain sober after her relapse, she knew she had to. It might get rid of her remaining anxiety, and her remaining hunger for that high.
"Yeah. Beating shit up is always a great stress reliever," Nikita tried for humor, yet it fell flat; her mood just wasn't in it. After the last few days she had had, she didn't know how well she could laugh, especially when refusing to leave bed seemed far more appealing.
"Yeah, I saw the way you were pummeling that agent," Alex joked for them, nudging her best friend. Nikita chuckled once more, and nodded in acceptance. Obviously, the two were both struggling. Though, it didn't take a genius to see that. They were running out of ways to cope. If they didn't figure something out- if they didn't talk- it was going to destroy them.
"Did you know I broke a bag once? After Daniel," Although she knew talking to her best friend was the best way to quiet her too loud thoughts, Nikita went a roundabout way in doing so. It was easier that way. She could ignore her feelings for just a second longer.
"Michael said the chain was rusted," Alex refuted. She had heard that story before- kind of. When she was a recruit, Birkhoff tried to scare the newbies by telling Nikita horror stories. The rogue breaking a punching bag with just her fists and her fury was one of them. Michael quickly stepped in with the fact that the bag was already broken when she punched it, however, the damage had already been done. Alex laughed just as much then as she did in that moment.
"Damn him," Intending to joke along with her, Nikita giggled. Yet soon, her words caught up to her. Laughter fell apart on her lips, and she burrowed even further into the couch cushions. Months ago, the thought of her fiancé made her smile uncontrollably. Then, she wanted to cry. Self-hatred and fear gutted her over the fact. Things had changed, and it was her fault.
Abandoning her shake on the coffee table, Alex focused all of her attention on her best friend. She hardly knew the full details of what was going on between Nikita and Michael- half because she had her own shit to work through, and half because the couple wouldn't talk. But that had to change, "Has he come home yet?"
"He assigned Owen as my new partner," Voice hollow, Nikita shared. Her gaze dropped to her milkshake, and she absentmindedly stirred the contents with her straw. She didn't have the stomach for the sugar anymore.
"What?" Alex nearly shouted. Though, she was more upset that she didn't know that more than it had happened. How had she not caught onto that fact. Had she and Nikita really avoided any form of communication for that long.
"He's not going to be in the field anymore. He's moving on," Nikita's grip on her milkshake was ironclad. Her nails digging into the cup helped her hold it all together. She wasn't certain if she was going to cry again or explode in anger, but she couldn't do either. It wasn't only about her fucked up emotions. Other people were suffering too, namely Michael and Alex.
"But, it's Michael. He's never moved on from you. He pinned after you the entire time he was in Division and you were out being rogue. He could never leave you," Alex, however, was hung up on the information she had just received. She knew Michael wasn't going to go out in the field as much, but letting Owen replace him was something else. It wasn't right. That wasn't the Michael Alex knew.
Nikita didn't say anything for a long while. She had been thinking over Michael's decision since he had told her. Except, she didn't want to think any longer. She and Alex had to discuss other matters, "I thought Sean would never leave you alone."
It was Alex's turn to silently attempt to melt into the couch. At least the women were so close they were touching. The contact could ground them as their minds raced with thoughts of the men who were never supposed to leave them, but did. What the hell had happened in the course of their war. Wasn't killing Percy and shutting down Division their major win. Wasn't it supposed to be over. How come they were still suffering. Alex had no answers. The only thing she could actually respond to was Nikita, "Oh, yeah. Me neither."
"What happened there? One minute he was with us, the next, gone," Nikita finally asked. Sean had only told the team that he had things to do with the Seals and with his family. They had no reason not to believe him. However, Alex's rash actions and biting quips told a different story.
She should've told her best friend what had happened a long time ago, instead of turning to drugs. If she hadn't relapsed, she could've helped on so many missions. Hell, she could've been there when Michael's accident occurred; maybe then, the resulting damage wouldn't have been so terrible. Alex had fucked up, and she still wasn't exactly sure why, "I don't know. He said he loved me, then he just left. He wanted me to go with, to be safe. But the safest we've ever been has been…"
"Together," Nikita finished the thought somberly. The team had always been better together. Yet, look at them then; they were scattered beyond belief. Alex barely nodded, resting her head on her best friend's shoulder. Nikita wrapped an arm around her, and pulled her in tight. They needed one another's strength more than ever, "Is that why you started using again?"
"I don't know. I just wanted control," Hardly above a whisper, Alex voiced the small thought in the back of her head. Who knew if that was the main reason she had relapsed, but it certainly was a factor. She was tired of spiraling.
"Alex…" Nikita didn't know what else to say at first. All she could do was toss her milkshake on the coffee table and hug Alex tightly, ensuring she never let go. Although the young woman melted in her best friend's warmth, she didn't want to accept the embrace. She didn't believe she deserved it, not after what her actions caused.
"I know. I know I fucked up," Attempting to pull away, Alex practically whined. Self-hatred coursed through her so hotly, she returned to that bratty girl Nikita first met. The situations were similar, after all- she was trying to get clean after being hurt one too many times.
Despite her best efforts to keep shoving herself away, Nikita continued to hold Alex firmly. The young woman didn't get to escape her problem. They had to keep talking and facing the issue head on. It was the only way Alex could truly get clean. Nikita knew that well. Finding the reason for the drug use and dealing with it was how a person healed. That lesson was one of the good things Carla left behind, "Hey. I've relapsed too. It's nothing to be ashamed of."
"Yeah, but you haven't let this war get you so twisted up, you return to the one thing you know hurts you the most," Tears bit in Alex's eyes, yet she held them at bay. If Nikita hadn't cried when they talked about Michael, then she didn't get to cry over her relapse. Everyone said she was strong, even if she constantly proved them wrong. She was always weak and crumbling. But if Nikita never fell apart, then so couldn't Alex. She had to put her feelings in check.
"I wouldn't say that," Nikita muttered, brown eyes drifting towards the floor. Her hold loosened on Alex, allowing her to study the rogue carefully. She was almost afraid to ask what that was about. What had Nikita done. But before Alex could ask, her best friend shook her head sardonically, "God, what happened to us? Since when did we get so weepy over dumb men?"
"Some badasses we are," Gladly taking the way out of that conversation, Alex scoffed. So what if the two could kick ass in the field when all they did was whine and complain when they were home. It was almost as though they were living two different lives, and the ones they presented Division was only a mask.
The thought of masks wasn't an avenue either of them should venture. Nikita focused on them being badasses instead. They might have been struggling to keep their heads above water at that moment, however, the two were still indomitable. Their enemies couldn't even touch them, so why did they allow their emotions to weigh them down, "That's right. We are badasses. We don't just sit on our ass, wallowing in ice cream. We need to march right up to those dumbass men in our lives and kick their ass."
"How many more 'asses' can you fit in that sentence?" Rather than respond to Nikita's newest half-baked scheme, Alex poked fun at her wording. She was sure her friend had a point. She just wasn't up for anything just yet.
"I don't know. Like ten," Nikita grinned. The two dissolved into soft, light laughter. It wasn't quite the sound of joy it should've been, but they were getting there. They really should've talked more in order to reach that point, yet planning to kick Michael's and Sean's asses seemed far more cathartic. It was definitely an easier topic to discuss.
"So your master plan is to just yell at Sean and Michael?" Grabbing her melted milkshake, Alex relaxed on the couch. The dessert, along with the distraction, was working in full effect then. The fact that she didn't have to struggle to sip the thick ice cream was just an added bonus.
"Well, talking hasn't worked. We just need to confront our problems head on. If any of us just listened, it'll all work out," More optimism than she thought she could muster poured out of Nikita. It seemed too simple, but it had to work. The women needed it to work.
"Can we just do it in the morning? Sean is concussed and Michael is… well, Michael," Alex was slowly coming around to the idea, however, she didn't think then was the time to follow through with it. Sean remained in Medical after the concussion he had sustained on the mission, and neither Michael's nor Nikita's stubbornness should be tested after that stressful day. They should let things settle before they rush in.
"No. We do it now or never. And if it all ends horribly, then we'll crash back on this couch," Maybe just a bit too confident, Nikita sprang to her feet. She chugged some of her milkshake, hoping the sugar rush would give her an extra boost. Her entire energy, focus, and thought were being put into her haphazard plan. She had to have it pay off.
Although Alex was on the same page, reservations held her back. There was no guarantee it would all work out okay. They were exhausted from their mission and from near-death experiences. Someone was going to get hurt. The reward would be great, though. Hearts could finally be put back in place, "You really don't want to go home alone tonight?"
"Do you?" Quietly, Nikita asked. Alex shook her head vehemently. There was a reason the rogue suggested staying the night at her best friend's. Even if they couldn't manage to talk to Sean or Michael, they could at least remain together- they could always have each other.
"I'm so sick and tired of being alone," Alex admitted on a sigh. She downed the rest of her shake, ready to take the risk. Though, how much of a risk could it have been if they were talking to Michael and Sean. Things couldn't get any worse.
"Then let's just keep fighting," Nikita nodded in determination. She held her hand out to Alex, helping her jump off the couch. Their conversation probably didn't end the way it should've- they still had to completely address Alex's relapse and Nikita's strained relationship. But they at least had a positive to focus on. That could carry them through.
Chapter 7
Notes:
An AU for 3x22 "Till Death Do Us Part". Michael doesn't recover.
Chapter Text
The team had gathered outside the barn, ready to destroy every bit of Division once and for all. Yet Nikita wasn't with them. She had been missing for a while, needing time to herself. No one had pushed her to follow or do anything else; they knew she needed that space. Eventually, however, her disappearance became concerning. She knew she had to be outside as they blew the charges placed around Division. Staying in that hellhole meant death- it always had. She couldn't be consumed by the flames. She couldn't be another one of its victims.
A sinking, terrible sensation in the pit of Alex's stomach knew why Nikita chose to stay behind. The others could possibly guess her motivations as well- she didn't want to face the sun. But Alex knew it was much more than that. The kind of blow she was delivered, it was a wonder she even managed to talk to the team before pulling away. Someone had to go after her. She needed to be talked off the ledge.
Without a word, Alex broke off from the team to chase after Nikita. Hopefully, it wasn't too late. She could find the rogue setting a charge or… something. She wouldn't be gone- she couldn't be gone. Yet Nikita wasn't in her old recruit room, or even the shooting range. Alex found her in the weapons locker, the bricks of C-4 she was supposed to place sitting next to her on the bench. Michael's knife was in her hand, and the tip picked at the band of her engagement ring. Slowly, the young woman tried to approach, yet a hollow voice warned, "Get out."
Although the words came from Nikita's mouth, the person who spoke didn't sound like her. Maybe Alex was too late; her best friend was already gone, and all that was left was an empty shell. She wouldn't have been surprised if that was true. A month later, and she continued to only feel a shell of herself. Yet that was why she had let her friends in. If it weren't for them, she would've been lost forever. She couldn't allow that to happen to someone else, "Nikita…"
"No! Go! Get out of here," She wasn't frantic. Her screams weren't that of panic or desperation. Nikita was livid. Fury tightened around her throat and choked the tears in her eyes. Her grip tightened on Michael's knife, her wrist twitching as if she was going to throw it. Alex tried not to flinch, but she did step back. She knew better than to be in the rogue's line of fire.
"Nikita, we need to talk," Raising placating palms, Alex spoke softly. Apprehension prickled at the back of her mind, warning her of the many weapons that surrounded Nikita. She wasn't worried about the rogue hurting her, though. She was terrified her best friend would hurt herself. Michael's sharp knife was dangerously near her wrist. One flick, and it'd all be over- the worst case scenario would be reached.
"Get out of Division! You're not supposed to be here. You were supposed to take your new life. You were supposed to return to the Udinov estate. You were supposed to run off with Sean. So, go!" Nikita violently snapped to her feet. Alex had to take another step back. Fire raged in the rogue's gaze. She wasn't going to back down until the young woman finally left that hellhole. She had had so many chances to escape and never come back, live the happy normal life they all wanted. She wasn't supposed to be there. She shouldn't be involved in that hell.
"I'm not leaving you," Alex didn't care that she sounded so hurt. She didn't want to control her emotions- what was even the point. Nikita screamed, so why couldn't she. There was a reason she stayed with the rogues. It was her purpose. She had to stay and fight because that was what everyone else was doing; it was also what her friends and family needed from her. She could never abandon them, no matter the pain and heartache that burned in her chest.
"You're smarter than this, Alex. Everyone who stays with me dies. My birth mom, Daniel, Carla, Sean… Michael…" The last example broke Nikita. Tears she thought were long gone crashed to the surface and she crumbled. Alex was there to catch her, however. She held her tightly as she sobbed and as they collapsed to the ground.
She was too late. People always said she was fast, but she wasn't able to reach him in time. He had been under for too long. Even the strongest person she knew wasn't strong enough to fight that. But he should've been able to. She needed him to fight and be strong like he always had been. That couldn't be the thing that broke them. After everything, one last jab from Amanda shouldn't have been their downfall. But it was. Nikita clutched Michael's hands, begging for him to squeeze back. He was too still. She sobbed and pleaded, yet there was no reaction. He didn't even flinch. It was an eternity of nothing. Birkhoff had to be the one to call it, "Nikki."
"No! No! Michael, wake up! Wake up, Michael. Please… please wake up. Please," Ripping herself out of Birkhoff's comforting hands, Nikita shrieked. She shook Michael, hoping that would do something, anything to bring him back. Again, all she was met with was nothing. His heart had flatline with no chance of spiking. And in that moment, her heart had stopped too. All she could do was cry and scream, and never dare to let go of him. Eventually, Ryan had to drag her away from him. She fought so hard to return to his side, despite knowing that it would do nothing. She could do nothing. She had lost him.
Tired of crying, a dull aching anger coursed through Nikita once more. She was sick of it. She was done with it. Everyone in her life either died or were horrifically maimed because of her. She couldn't allow that to happen anymore. Her team needed to be free of the pain once and for all. So, she forcefully shoved Alex away from her and seethed, "And if you don't die, you're terribly injured or left to horrible men."
"None of that was your fault," Instantly, Alex reached out for Nikita. Although she couldn't say anything about self-hatred and blaming oneself for every little thing- she was just as bad at carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders- she could argue that Nikita was never at fault for the atrocities in their war. She only ever tried to protect and love her family.
"I cut off Michael's hand! I'm the reason the nano-toxins got into his bloodstream. I got Birkhoff's hand smashed. I got Sonya's killchip turned back on. I got Ryan shot. I made Owen disappear. I got Sean killed. And I gave you to the man who sold you to traffickers. Even when I save people, I hurt them. You can't be here anymore," Nikita was on her feet again, body shaking in rage. She had to do something to expel the lividity. Peace needed to return to her life. Yet with Michael gone, that would be impossible.
"What about all the good things you did? You got me clean. You saved our team and our family more times than I can count. You saved Division. You're a hero, and we need you. I need you," Refusing to give up, Alex followed after her. Nikita didn't give up on her after Sean. She joined her on a dangerous mission, willing to sacrifice her life in an effort to save her friend. She had done that a thousand times. Alex had to repay the debt.
"I didn't save him," The tears that threatened to fall were forcibly shoved aside by movement. Nikita returned to the bag she was packing before she was distracted by Michael's knife. It was filled to the brim with weapons. A special kill kit with one mission in mind, "But I can kill Amanda, like I killed Percy and Kasim. I'm going after her. You can't stop me."
Alex stared at Nikita for a second, attempting to process what she just said. Of course she had to kill Amanda- the whole team had to kill her. Yet it wasn't the right time. If they went after her then, while she was backed by the full power of the Shop, they'd be killed in an instant. Which was probably why Nikita was so determined to make a run at the bitch. She would go alone and it would all be over. Alex couldn't let that happen, "So you're going after her yourself? You can't. With the Shop and the whole world coming after you, you'll die."
"At least that bitch will be dead too," Nikita's grip tightened on Michael's knife once more, her knuckles turning white. She refused to be separated from it. She wanted it by her side until she plunged the blade into Amanda's chest. The rest of the weapons were to get past the Shop goons. She didn't care how they died. Yet the bitch would be staring into the rogue's brown eyes as the life slipped out of her and as she realized the horrors of what she had done.
"No. You're not going alone," Alex harshly yanked Nikita back to her. That was a terrible decision. The rogue shoved her away, slapping the handle of Michael's knife against her arm in warning. Unfortunately, the young woman had never been a great listener. She jerked the weapon out of her grip and it scattered to the floor. With their hands already on one another, there was nothing stopping them from fighting. Their arguments had to be won, and they had to ensure the other wouldn't get in their way.
Nikita pulled Alex's arms sharply behind her back and shoved her against the wall. Thrashing, the young woman managed to loop her ankle around the rogue's. She kicked and pulled, and the two went tumbling down. Alex pinned her friend to the floor, but only for a second. Nikita soon gained the upperhand with a fierce right hook, "Get away from me!"
Slamming her head into the rogue's, Alex squirmed free. Except, she couldn't move far. Nikita was right behind her, fists and elbows flying. There was only so much the young woman could block and return. She didn't have the same lividity coursing through her. It didn't mean she wasn't angry, though, "You're not the only one who loved him! We all loved Michael. He was our friend, our brother. You don't get a monopoly on feeling like shit."
"So you get to have a dangerous mission after Sean died, but I can't," Nikita tackled Alex to the ground. She just needed her to stop fighting. If she reigned down enough blows, the young woman would leave her alone, and she could rush off on her kill mission. Alex should've understood better than anybody why she had to go after Amanda. The bitch had destroyed her entire life. She didn't deserve to breathe the air Michael couldn't.
"I wasn't going to kill myself! You told me I have something to fight for, to live for. You do too. It's us, your family. We're your loved ones too," Matching the hits and strikes, Alex shouted. She had already lost so much. That day had only been another blow. If Nikita was lost to the war too, then who would she really have left. Her best friend couldn't give up or disappear in the darkness. It wasn't the life Michael tried to give her. Everyone had to keep living and fighting. It was the only way to keep their loved ones' memories and souls alive.
"Let me go!" However, Nikita wouldn't listen. She shoved the young woman into the ground, forcing the fight out of her. Alex had to let her go. They weren't the same. Alex could be Alexandra Udinov, return to her mother, save millions of people, and live an actual life. Nikita had never had a life, the closest she had gotten to one was with Michael. With him gone, so was that dream of happiness. Killing Amanda and dying was all she had left.
"You never let me die. So why would you think I'd let you," Alex shouted in her ear, breath harsh and panted. As the words washed over her, Nikita slowly let go. The young woman didn't shove herself away, however. She wrapped her arms around her best friend, instead, pulling her in for a tight embrace. After a long moment, the rogue returned the hold.
Neither said anything for a while. The air was simply filled with harsh pants and the formation of tears. As anger died out, and emptiness filled the breaks in the heart, crying was all there was left to do. Nikita couldn't stop it if she tried. And neither could Alex. The two held even tighter to one another as the tears flowed. They were each other's lifeline. They always had been, and they always would. They just had to talk. However, Nikita could hardly breathe. How was she supposed to talk about Michael, "How are you still breathing?"
In all honesty, Alex wasn't. She hadn't had a full breath of air since Sean had died. The only reason she could still move and live was because of Nikita. Her best friend got through to her when all she could think about was letting the darkness consume her. She helped her see her purpose, and reminded her how strong she was. Though, Alex had copied a lot of her strength from Nikita. She knew she could handle everything because so could her sister, "How'd you breathe after Daniel?"
"Escaping Division, Ketamine, and focusing on finding you," Refusing to look at her, Nikita admitted. She had merely jumped from one addiction to the next. Michael had accused her of such. She always had an obsession; she couldn't just live her life. She never truly got clean. Maybe if she had, if she gave up her crusade and settled down with Michael, he would still be alive. He would be smiling at her on some beach somewhere if she had only stopped fighting. She always thought her crusade would kill her, but never him.
"But I have you. I have my sister. If you throw your life away, it would all be for nothing. You're all this family has left. Please don't make me lose you too," Alex snapped Nikita out of her spiral. She pressed her forehead firmly into hers, forcing their blue and brown eyes to connect. Intense sincerity shone in the gaze. No one else was dying. The family wouldn't be able to survive if one more was lost.
Nodding, Nikita tucked Alex's wild brown hair behind her ears. The tears never seemed to stop, yet they were in control then. She had control over her thoughts and emotions. The rogue could still make her run at Amanda, but with the team by her side. Alex was right. If she left her family and if she died, then everything Michael fought for her to have- the last remaining pieces of him- would be gone just like him, "Amanda needs to die. For Sean and for Michael."
"Together, okay. The rest of us. No one else dies. No one else leaves," A quiet sob made her statement more desperate than determined; however, Alex's meaning was clear. Nikita nodded once more. The two remained on the floor, embracing tightly. How they were going to survive past all that pain and heartache was beyond uncertain. But at least they were together.
Chapter 8
Notes:
Set post-series. The team attends a memorial for Sean and they can't help the crazy jokes afterwards. A tie in to Only Place We've Ever Had Any Fun Ch. 67.
Chapter Text
The instant she stepped through the doors, Nikita made a beeline for her friends. She did not want to mingle with strangers, unlike Michael. Though he didn't want to either, he was pulled aside by Senator Chappell once he entered the room. The former rogue was able to make a clean getaway and join her team in the back corner. Apparently, none of them wanted to interact outside of themselves. They should probably get over that, especially with where they were. But why should they suffer through conversations with others, when they gave themselves hell.
"Wow, Nerd. I didn't think I'd ever see you in a suit. I gotta say, you look awful," Nikita started the taunting early, eyeing Birkhoff's appearance with a smirk. Whereas he huffed and rolled his eyes, Sonya hid a giggle. Of course he was in a suit. They were all supposed to look their best that evening; his lack of comfort shouldn't make him the exception.
Sean deserved the best from the team. After Ryan had received his star, plans were put in place for the Seal to be honored as well. The Navy wound up getting involved, resulting in a military memorial function. There were to be speeches and awards and a banquet. It was an important ceremony the team fully committed to with elegant outfits that actually didn't conceal weapons. Their fallen friends needed to be recognized as the heroes they were. Sean and Ryan had sacrificed everything; they needed to be honored.
That deep respect could begin once the event started, however. For the meantime, the team of former rogues could devastatingly rag on one another. Birkhoff had to retaliate for Nikita's sarcastic comment, after all, "Shut up. You're the one who came in with a stranger instead of your husband."
"That is my husband," Glancing towards Michael, who was in deep conversation with other soldiers, Nikita corrected Birkhoff like he was stupid. Michael didn't look that different in his dress uniform. With his identity restored (and with the posthumous promotion he received for his service), the retired Naval intelligence officer could wear his uniform to the military function. It was only out of respect for Sean. Once it was over, he'd hang it up for good.
His refusal to rejoin the Navy and his veteran status didn't excuse Michael from being completely in dress, however. He couldn't just slap on the uniform, he had to adhere to the regulations. For starters, PDA wasn't allowed, much to Nikita's dismay (God, he looked so good in uniform). Also, he had to be clean shaven. That fact was what threw off his friends. Birkhoff did a double take, and Alex gasped, "That's Michael? Where's his beard? That's not right."
"See, I'm not the only one," Nikita called out as Michael moved towards the group. He had caught them staring at him out of the corner of his eye, and used that excuse to break away from his conversation. He had been serious when he told his wife he was done with wars and being a soldier. He just wanted to focus on family.
"Yes, you're all overdramatic," Flashing his trademark smirk, Michael admonished the others. He was immediately met with eye rolls, scoffs, and rebuttals. Nikita was the loudest among them. But she had been like that since he had walked out of the bathroom beardless. It severely ruined the magic of him in uniform.
While Nikita, Alex, and Birkhoff expressed their shock at the unnaturalness of Michael's bare chin, Sonya turned towards her boyfriend. She thought her friend looked perfectly fine. The nerd with his shaggy appearance, on the other hand, "Michael shaved, but you can't?"
"Oh, now I get it. That's too much," Finally, Nikita ceased her complaining. Birkhoff with short hair, no beard, and a suit would've been a bigger shock than Michael's shave; it would've been far more unnatural. Alex vehemently nodded in agreement.
"Come on. Let's get our seats," With a roll of his eyes, Michael simply ushered his friends inside the banquet hall. They still had time to talk and joke outside, but it was better to move on. After all, the taunts would only grow worse. They needed to settle and become serious. Their reverence was needed for the ceremony.
Once the team was seated and the event began, they were beyond respectful and engaged. They listened to the speeches and gave their own. Alex's was by far the best and most important. She spoke of Sean's legacy: the lasting image of heroism, sacrifice, and love he left behind. Of course there was no sarcasm or taunting after that; the friends were in fierce agreement. Things eventually took a lighter turn when the team met Jill and Sandy Pierce, and as they honored Sean's memory. It wasn't all somber. They could experience a bright side as well.
As the banquet wound down, and others began to leave, the team lingered at their table quietly talking. Mostly, they discussed the event and some of the things they had planned for the next couple of days. At some point, though, Nikita threw a wink at a passing old man as he left. Michael saw the interaction, notably the shocked and embarrassed man, and instantly grew concerned. What the hell was his wife doing, "Who'd you just wink at?"
"One of my old johns," Nikita replied nonchalantly, nodding towards the man. He was a senator she had once been a date of so she could infiltrate a private function. The story wasn't that spectacular, but her wording caused Michael to choke on his drink and cough. It was more out of laughter than shock, however. She almost laughed along with him. Instead, she teased, "Get a hold of yourself. We're at a memorial function."
Michael laughed harder, bringing Nikita down to his level. As the couple laughed, the rest of the table stopped their individual conversations. Jokes were far more interesting. They had to join in on the fun. And Birkhoff knew the perfect way to keep making fun of Michael, "It's the lack of a beard. He loses all propriety."
"Do you actually know what that word means? Or is that the suit talking?" Alex snarked. The event was over, which meant the taunting could resume. Besides, if Sean- or even Ryan- were there, they'd have done the same. Making their friends relax and laugh was always the best.
"That wasn't very heroic, Ms. 'we can all be heroes'," In a very bad imitation of Alex- terrible, high-pitched, fake Russian accent, and all- Birkhoff picked at a line from her speech. It earned him a tousled napkin to the face, yet it was worth it.
"That's cause she was thinking about me when she said that," Nikita chimed in, saving the nerd from further torment. It was the one thing about Alex's speech that they could make fun of, namely because they never saw themselves as heroes before. That was just the public's reaction to them saving the world. The team had never been heroes, simply necessary.
"Yeah, right. You shot me," Instead of dwelling on that, however, Alex changed the subject completely. Lighter subjects should continue throughout the night. They needed the joy.
"Oh, get over it. I shot Michael and left him for dead, and we still fuck," Nikita probably should've ensured they were alone, or that she spoke quietly, before she responded. A guest shot the group of friends an offended look as they passed. Embarrassment blushed the former rogue's cheeks for just a second, but it was long enough for her friends to laugh at her. Her husband led the charge. Nikita turned to him with a glare and pinched his bare cheek, "Not tonight, though."
"Your loss," Michael smirked all too knowingly. Although Nikita was annoyed, she accepted her fate. She sipped some water as her friends continued to laugh around her.
More of the ceremony guests began to leave, granting the team of former rogues the freedom to become louder and livelier in their taunts. It was better when the friends were alone; they could be more themselves. They could also get away with saying mean things to each other, like Birkhoff did, "How do you win with that face? You look like an alien without your beard."
"You've seen me without facial hair," Sure, that was when they had both first joined Division. But Birkhoff had definitely seen Michael clean shaven before, just as the agent had seen the nerd with short hair. Their appearance couldn't be that shocking to one another.
"Exactly. You growing it in was the best decision you've ever made. And I'm including your marriage," Birkhoff indicated Nikita as if he had proven something, except all the married couple did was look at him like 'what the hell'. Even Sonya glanced at him strangely.
"That's true. They didn't tell us about it," Alex, however, added on to the nerd's claim. Despite the reception Michael and Nikita had afterwards, the team still wasn't there for their wedding- correction: elopement. After all the drama their friends witnessed, the couple eloped without them. So what if it wasn't planned, and they celebrated the happy event with everyone later. Their family should've been involved.
"You wanna bring up not sharing things?" Even though Alex's irritation was warranted, Nikita threw the comment back in her face. She had held important secrets from the team too; she wasn't that innocent. Mumbling a 'no', Alex let the topic drop- for that moment. Eventually, she'd bring it up again and make Nikita pay. She just had to think of a retribution plan first.
With a roll of her eyes, Sonya sighed. The team just kept jumping from one ridiculous thing to the next. As fun as it was, they somehow kept torturing the same points. It was time to move on, or at least express a different point of view. Not everything required the most dramatic of reactions, "I think you look great, Michael. Very dashing."
"Thank you, Sonya," Michael beamed. He shot a quick glance to Nikita as if to say 'I told you so'. But all he was met with in return was a challenging expression. Sonya tried not to, but she burst out laughing. She tried to get the team to settle, but she had forgotten who she was talking to. Oh well, whatever happened next was sure to be entertaining. It always was with the team, even if they were too much at times.
"Yeah, he's very dashing from those strong shoulders down. But elsewhere, I refuse to look at you," To make her point, Nikita held up a napkin to obscure her husband's face from her view. As Birkhoff, Sonya, and Alex laughed, Michael ripped the napkin from his wife's hands. She smiled oh so smugly at him. He wanted to kiss her so bad.
Yet he couldn't. And that made things worse. Nikita was spurred on to torture him. He received no reprieve, especially not from Alex, "You can't catch a break. Shaving your beard, marrying Nikita, since when did you become an idiot?"
"Well someone had to fill your shoes when you became a big star," Without much thought, Michael found himself replying. He wanted to blame his distraction with Nikita for the comment, but that sarcasm was building for a while. They had all made shots at Alex for her celebrity status. What was one more insult at the princess's expense.
"You did this to him. You made him a monster," Biting back her laughter, Alex accused Nikita for Michael's snide remark. Although he could be sarcastic on his own, that personal insult was inspired by his wife. Nikita's shrug of acceptance admitted as much.
"It's the beard. It had all of his sanity," Birkhoff quipped between chuckles. The chaos created from a clean shaven Michael was endless. His facial hair was what kept them sane.
"I thought it was the 'goatee of intimidation'," Recalling the old taunt, Michael attempted to trip the nerd up with his own words. It worked. Birkhoff stammered for a bit, trying to think of something else to say.
"See. I'm discombobulated without it," Soon, but not soon enough, Birkhoff copped out with a simple joke. He only received eye rolls and groans in response. He could've done better.
"Stop using words you don't know. The suit doesn't make you any smarter," Alex's joke garnered more laughter than Birkhoff's. It also let the taunts shift from Michael to the nerd. It was a good thing that he had cleaned himself up so well for the event, however, the strange clothing still had to be tormented. It was just how things worked for them.
Sonya knew that, she did. And she often joined in on the taunts. But she wanted to make fun of the team as a whole, instead of just her boyfriend. Besides, she liked Birkhoff's suit. She couldn't wait to take it off him when they were home. While they were in the emptying banquet hall, though, she jokingly chastised the team, "One thing changes, and you dissolve into chaos."
"Technically a lot of things have changed. Birkhoff is a real man. Alex is too good for us peasants. And my husband hates me," Moving incredibly close to her husband, Nikita bullied her friends. Birkhoff and Alex mumbled curses at her, yet she ignored them as she stared adoringly at Michael. He continued to fight the urge to kiss her.
Alex caught the struggle and smiled. She knew what Nikita was up to, well aware of the military's regulations on PDA in uniform. Helping her mess with her husband would be fun, "You're not gonna kiss and make up?"
"I can't while in uniform," Michael admitted ruefully. It was almost as though Nikita made herself extra cute and kissable after he informed the others of the regulation. She was going to keep teasing him until they got home, or until he found a way to make her stop. He doubted that was an option, however. He could never make her stop doing anything.
"Oh. So that draws the line on PDA," Birkhoff nearly shouted. He had every right to be exasperated, especially since they were the only ones left in the room. Michael could break the rules, and no one would know. Except, his damn code of honor was in effect. He would make the nerd suffer witnessing him and Nikita kiss at the safehouse (and other things he shouldn't have walked in on) but he wouldn't do anything in uniform. The disrespect.
"I don't wanna kiss a gross beardless man anyway. I'm going to see if my john's still here," Always the torturer, Nikita got to her feet. Michael grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back down. She was laughing too much to fight him, and he chuckled too much to glare.
Having not heard Nikita's previous comment about johns, Sonya, Birkhoff, and Alex glanced at each other in confusion. Sonya shook her head, "I'm afraid to ask what that means."
"Welcome to our future," Birkhoff waved his arms to indicate the insanity around them. The former rogues couldn't escape it if they wanted to. They were free from their strife, but they weren't normal. That was alright, though. The friends would rather be alive and together than normal. It made them happy, despite everything they had faced. Their family were the ones who lifted them up and gave them strength, after all.
"Let's hope it sticks," Holding up her glass, Alex called for a toast. As crazy as their lives always were, at least they could hope that laughter, joy, and fun would remain in their lives. The team clinked their glasses with hers.
"Like your beard should have," Nudging Michael, Nikita smirked. He poked her in the side, right where he knew she was ticklish, and she collapsed in giggles. Laughter from the others quickly followed. The family spent another hour talking and joking around before they finally called it a night; though, that was mostly because the cleaning crew had arrived. They promised to get together again soon as they parted ways. Although they annoyed each other, they needed their family. Their joy and ability to laugh together was what kept Sean's and Ryan's and so many lost loved ones' memories alive. They could be happy and free because of them.
Chapter 9
Notes:
Set after 2x23 "Homecoming". Michael and Birkhoff shenanigans.
Chapter Text
A giggle escaped Nikita without her meaning it to. Michael had only wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. Nothing was spectacularly funny. In fact, he was being cute and sweet as he held her in the kitchen. She should've simply beamed at him. Instead, her thoughts betrayed her. He separated from their kiss, and curiously eyed her over. For some reason, that only made her laugh more. He pulled further away from her with a sigh, "What is it?"
"Nothing, nothing. I just thought of a stupid joke. It's not worth sharing," Shaking her head, Nikita tried to pull her boyfriend into her arms and kiss him once more. It was a stupid thought to have. She wasn't completely sure why she even thought about it. She'd much rather kiss Michael than dwell on the image in her mind.
"Come on. I hear all your other bad jokes," Although he wrapped his arms back around Nikita, Michael didn't kiss her just yet. He smiled against her lips, their foreheads and noses brushing. He would love a peaceful moment with his girlfriend, one where they could just laugh at stupid jokes and kiss joyfully. There was nothing else they had to do. Division was defeated; they had won. They could spend the rest of their lives in blissful, simple moments like that one. After all, it was what they had fought so damn hard for.
"Okay. Um. You asked for this. But, I was just gonna say that Birkhoff's a better kisser than you," Giggles broke up Nikita's joke. It really was a ridiculous thought to have. There was no truth to it. The kiss she had shared with Birkhoff a couple days prior hadn't meant anything. Though, it was something to tease her boyfriend about, despite how much he hated it, "No, wait. Michael, come back. I was kidding. I was kidding."
Grabbing at his hand, Nikita attempted to tug Michael back. Unfortunately, he was on a mission. He marched towards the nerd at his computer station, undeterred. Birkhoff hardly noticed his approach; he was too busy packing up his equipment to move back into Division (just temporarily, for clean up duty). However, an irate shout got his attention, "Hey, Birkhoff."
Just as Birkhoff glanced up, Michael punched him squarely in the jaw. The unsuspecting victim went flying out of his chair. Nikita stared wide-eyed from the kitchen, yet she didn't move to help. The nerd was on his own, "Ow! Jesus fucking Christ, Mikey."
"That's for kissing Nikita in front of me," It didn't need to be said- Michael's motivations were clear. Though, once the deed was done, he wasn't angry anymore. He extended a hand to Birkhoff and helped him off the floor. The nerd accepted the offer immediately, struggling to hop back on his feet.
"Damn. That was a good one. I actually saw stars," Rubbing his sore jaw, Birkhoff scoffed. He should've seen the punch coming from a mile away. He was actually surprised it had taken Michael a couple of days to act on the kiss. Surely he would've punched him instantly afterwards. But a war had saved the nerd's ass. That wasn't the case anymore, however.
"You good?" Michael asked. He examined his handiwork, hoping he hadn't caused any damage. He had tried to hold back as much as he could. The agent didn't want to harm the nerd, just shake him up a bit.
"Yeah, yeah. I did say you could kick my ass," Chuckling, Birkhoff shrugged. It wasn't the worst strike to his jaw he had received. He would live- after some ibuprofen and ice.
Entering from another room, Ryan had the unfortunate experience of walking into the wrong place at the wrong time. He watched Michael strike Birkhoff and seethe, then act as though nothing had happened. The analyst felt like he was several steps behind on something important. He doubted he'd receive an explanation from the men. So, he turned to Nikita, who continued watching in the kitchen, for answers, "Did I miss something?"
"Birkhoff kissed me before Michael and I infiltrated Division," Nikita finally tore her eyes away from her boyfriend and the nerd to focus on Ryan. She explained the situation matter of factly, still surprised by Birkhoff's kiss and Michael's punch. No matter how long she had known the two men, they constantly puzzled her. And people said women were the bewildering and incomprehensible sex.
"Does he know we kissed twice?" Trying to speak at a normal volume, Ryan asked. A part of him desperately wanted to whisper the question to Nikita. He didn't want to be overheard. If Michael had punched Birkhoff, his closest friend, over a simple kiss, then what would he do to him. The analyst didn't want to find out.
"A, it happened before we were together. Who cares what happened then? And B, are you actually afraid of Michael?" Eyebrow hitching in intrigue, Nikita smirked. There was no reason for either her or Michael to be upset about things that happened before they were together. That was all ancient history. Ryan didn't need to worry about past innocent kisses between him and Nikita; Michael wouldn't do anything. That fact didn't stop the analyst from hastily walking away, however, "Fletch, come back here you coward."
Nikita taunting and chasing after Ryan was largely ignored by Michael and Birkhoff. The two didn't even know it had occurred. They were more focused on their own antics. Closing the gap between them, the agent studied the nerd once more. He really didn't want his friend hurt or upset. It was just supposed to be a simple punch, "Seriously, man. Is your jaw okay?"
"Believe it or not, your girlfriend fucked me up worse than this," Birkhoff pushed away Michael's concern and returned to his computers. He was fine, but pestering him about it would make things worse. Just because he sat behind a computer as the others rushed into the field, didn't mean he couldn't take a punch. Or deal harsh blows in return.
"When she bugged you then duct-taped you to a rocking horse," Flashing a crooked grin, Michael couldn't help but mention the fact. It was possibly one of his favorite stories to tell. After three years of silence from Nikita, she came back by fucking with Birkhoff. It had truly been the highlight of Michael's day- year. He still laughed about it from time to time, and proudly told anyone he could of his girlfriend's accomplishments.
"You owe me a beer," Birkhoff huffed. Out of all the people to lord that story over him, he thought it would've been Nikita, not Michael. Yet since it was his best friend, he could expect retribution in the form of alcohol.
"You really want to go to the store just for a beer?" Michael complained just a little bit. Going to the store was such a hassle; it wasn't worth it if they were only grabbing a beer. It took him a second to remember that the team didn't need to dodge the ever watchful eye of Division whenever they went out. They were actually free to walk around and linger in one place for long. Michael brightened at the fact, "Wait. We can actually go to bars now."
After taking a second to catch up to that train of thought, Birkhoff beamed as well. The team could interact with the world like regular people again. Except, there weren't any good bars near them, and he wasn't willing to drive far, "Yeah, but the closest one is that sports bar. And I don't want to be around loud, drunk sports fans."
"So you're saying 'no' to wings?" Already reaching for the keys to one of the cars, Michael questioned. With that as an option, he didn't need to wait long for a reply.
"Let's go," His wallet in hand, Birkhoff rushed towards the door. Michael chuckled. He didn't follow right away, however. First, he had to tell Nikita where they were going. Once she asked him to bring her back fries, he kissed her goodbye and chased after the nerd.
The two talked as they drove to the nearby sports bar, attempting to avoid their war with Division and the clean up they had signed up for in the aftermath. That couldn't be all they discussed. The agent and hacker were friends as well as teammates. They had been with one another in every annoying aspect of their lives for about a decade. Certainly they could talk about other things. What they settled on, however, was their new normal and where their lives had led them. Well, where Birkhoff settled, "Is it weird that we've never done this before?"
"I'm pretty sure we've done weirder," As they slid into a corner booth, away from overzealous fans watching a game on one of the many television screens, Michael shrugged.
"No shit. I'm just saying that we've been friends for years, but we've never gotten drinks at a bar together," Birkhoff rolled his eyes. Sure, he and Michael (and Nikita at times) had drank at each other's Division apartments and safehouses. But a bar was different. It was such a normal guy thing. He didn't think the two had ever had a normal experience together.
"It's like we've never had a normal life before," The sarcasm dripped off of Michael's tongue. There was some bite to his remark as well, but he refrained from diving into it. There was no use getting upset about their past, not when they actually had a future ahead of them.
Their conversation took a brief lull as a waiter handed the men menus and took their beer request. Not long later, two cold ones were plopped on their table. Birkhoff immediately grabbed his drink. But before he took a swig, he held the bottle up. A half-sardonic, half-cheerful smile split his face, "To being actual human beings again."
Michael clinked his bottle with the nerd's. They both downed their drinks. Whereas Birkhoff was completely alright with the bitter and watery taste, Michael pulled his beer away in disgust. He tried not to cough or gag, "Ugh. How do you drink this crap?"
"I don't know how you can still hate beer. We gotta find you a good brand," Shaking his head, Birkhoff poured over the menu. In all the years he had known Michael, the agent had hated beer. Whenever they drank, he went for the liquor, or the wine Nikita brought. He had a refusal for beer the hacker just couldn't understand. Maybe all the energy drinks he had consumed destroyed his taste buds, as Nikita claimed. Or Michael was the insane one.
"No, I'm good. I'd rather not get drunk off of beer," Michael passed his bottle to Birkhoff, distracting him from the various drink choices for just a moment. He had his reasons for not drinking so much beer that he got drunk. None of which he was willing to get into and ruin their fun night out with.
"These fruity drinks?" Pointing to the overpriced mixed drink section, Birkhoff eventually suggested. The sugary drinks would blend perfectly with their spicy wings and salty fries he intended on ordering. And, they were undoubtedly delicious.
"If you're buying," After a moment, Michael relented. The nerd had earned back enough of his lost money to splurge at the sports bar. Besides, if they were going to have a true night of freedom and fun and normalness, they might as well go big.
However, Birkhoff had another idea. A certain young heiress had entrusted him with securing and encrypting one of her many credit cards. It was a mistake she would pay for later. But for the moment, the hacker could pull it out of his wallet with a smug grin. He and Michael were certainly about to go big, "How about Alex is buying."
"We better bring her back so much food," Michael laughed. He knew that would calm Alex- after she kicked Birkhoff's ass. The men could have their fun as long as she was fed.
And the men definitely had fun. The two drank fruity cocktail after fruity cocktail as they ate countless wings and joked around. They became about as rambunctious as the sports fans across the bar, and about as drunk. Agent and hacker discussed everything they could, telling stories and cracking jokes. Eventually, however, their discussion drifted towards girls. Specifically, Michael gushed over Nikita as Birkhoff rolled his eyes, "No, no, no. Here's the thing. She's a bitch, and I love her so much."
"Two days ago, I so would've made fun of you for that. But I feel like I've become a changed man since Sonya," Birkhoff had to admit. He wanted to make fun of Michael for his comment about Nikita, but he saw his point. Strong attraction- hell, love- changed things. The stupidest things made sense under the spell. The nerd understood that then.
"All you did was kiss. Unless you guys are going on a date. Are you dating? Look at you, man. You found love and it made you so happy. That's all you need from life. To find someone to be happy with," Michael's smile was sloppy, and he knocked aside a basket of fries as he reached across the table to smack Birkhoff's arm. Yet he didn't care. Good for the nerd for finding someone. That was the hardest thing to do with their pasts, but he had done it successfully.
"And we can do that now that we're fucking free. Fuck Division!" Shooting to his feet, Birkhoff lifted his glass of sugary alcohol and shouted. Thankfully, the rest of the room was just as drunk. Other patrons shouted 'fuck Division' as well, unsure of what it meant. But it didn't matter. The joy and cheer were palpable through the laughter.
On the other hand, Michael was lost in thought over his girlfriend. Although Birkhoff couldn't hear him, he continued to babble, laying out his whole life plan in one drunken slur, "I'm gonna marry Nikki, you know. Once I get us an apartment, I'm gonna buy her a ring. And we'll be together forever…"
"Hey. Jackasses," An irritated and stern voice interrupted Michael's drunken ramble. Alex stormed up to the men's table, pissed. She had gotten an alert about one of her credit cards being used at a sports bar near the safehouse. After calling Nikita about it, she discovered Birkhoff had stolen her money. It wasn't that much (it didn't even make a dent in her finances), and she could make him pay her back easily. But it was the principle of the thing. Where did the two men get off in buying shit with her money.
"Alex!" Both Michael and Birkhoff grinned goofily at their friend. Alex tried so hard to remain mad at them, but their silliness got to her. She bit back a giggle as she approached the booth. Though, she soon busted out laughing when Nikita rounded the corner. At the sight of her, Michael leapt from his seat and wrapped her in a huge embrace. All she could do was stand in shock for a brief second. Birkhoff didn't help the confusion as he indicated the mess of food around the table, "Look at all the food we got you."
Alex and Nikita shared an amused glance. Birkhoff plopped back into his seat, and Michael dragged his girlfriend over to sit with him. The women just giggled, and Alex shoved at Birkhoff, "Scoot over, B."
Once they were situated, Nikita and Alex called the waiter over to order food for themselves. They also stopped the flow of alcohol. The men had had enough. Neither Birkhoff nor Michael complained. In fact, the nerd simply ranted about something as the agent pressed his face really close to his girlfriend's, "I love you."
"Aww. I love drunk-you too," Squishing her boyfriend's cheeks, Nikita bumped her forehead against his. She wouldn't kiss a drunk Michael, but she would sit incredibly close to him in the booth. That was perfectly fine with him. He would be near her regardless.
"To victory, bitches!" Birkhoff held up his empty drink for another toast. Michael clinked his glass with his. Laughing, Alex and Nikita lifted some fries. To victory. And to freedom.
Chapter 10
Notes:
Set during 1x01 "Pilot" and sometime in season 2. Alex's thoughts as she experienced her first day as a mole.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Although she had expected to wake up where she was, fear gripped her tightly. Nikita had said that would've been a good thing. If she was too apathetic, they would've thought something was wrong. But, on the other hand, if she was too afraid, they wouldn't think she was worth their time. It was all about finding a balance. That was what Nikita always preached. In order to survive Division and the rest of the hell that would be thrown at her, she had to be smart; she had to be conscious of her surroundings. With where she was, that was fairly easy. Her fear ensured she saw everything.
The room was bare, colorless, and far too bright. Alex's head already swam. The blinding lights of the room only made her pounding headache worse. It almost felt as bad as going through withdrawal- almost. The drugs Division forced into her veins in order to fake her death was no joke. No wonder Nikita told her not to fight it. She'd need her strength and her awareness to survive the fresh onslaught of her new reality. Despite her first mission, getting thrown into jail, and being kidnapped by a corrupt unit of the government, the action had only just begun. If she wasn't careful, hell would rain down so fast.
For example, Alex wasn't alone in the room. She couldn't calm herself and begin her intel gathering immediately. She had to sell the act of a scared girl, waking in a horrifying place. Allowing her fear to overwhelm her senses helped with that. There would be moments where she got to be real, and that was one of them. She really was absolutely terrified. So much could go wrong. What if she couldn't survive in Division- she hadn't been able to kill that target, after all. She could die so quickly, and the revenge she was fighting for would never be realized. Or, even worse, Division would discover who she was and she'd be sold back to the Russians.
As the man in the room welcomed her, his smoky voice breaking through the drug induced fog in her mind, Alex panicked for a brief second. He had called her Alexandra. He knew. The fake identity she and Nikita had created was worthless. Fortunately, those intrusive thoughts were short lived. The man was going off of her fake ID. It was alright. After all, she was talking to Michael. She knew exactly who he was before he even introduced himself. Nikita had described him well. Alex had nothing to worry about when it came to Michael.
She couldn't let her guard down completely. She had to continue her act, which was really only an act in her lack of knowledge; the fear was very much real. However, Alex felt a bit more comfortable that it was Michael talking to her instead of Amanda or Percy. Nikita's briefings had done an excellent job of making her wary of those in charge. They could get into her head and manipulate her if she wasn't careful. Hell, even if she was careful they could fuck with her head. There was no room for mistakes inside Division, as a mole and as a recruit.
Alex had already made one mistake as she launched out of her bed. Nikita suggested that escape attempts would throw suspicion off of her once shit started to hit the fan. That was more than likely true. Who would think the fearful girl was a well-trained mole. Her trying to run from the frightening room she woke in was convincing enough of her terror. It was Michael that hadn't gone according to plan. Alex was told he wouldn't hurt her. Yet as she passed him, he twisted her wrist and dropped her to the ground. The man who stared down at her with threatening green eyes was not the man she had heard so much about.
Well, Alex actually didn't hear too much about Michael. He was strangely one of the few things Nikita didn't talk a lot about. The young woman didn't question it before, but she definitely was then. Once Michael gave her her arm back, she crawled into the stiff and scratchy bed far away from him. She was going to have to spend more time figuring him out than she had intended, especially when he called her a 'meth whore'. There was no way that was Michael- not the way Nikita had described him. Wasn't he supposed to be more gallant than that.
Everyone else Alex interacted with on her first day acted as she had expected. Amanda was sickly sweet, almost like eating ice cream with a toothache. She kind of enjoyed holding the scissors up against her neck. Though, Nikita was right about some of the inquisitor's words sticking to you. The tears that fell as they talked about home and being sold to traffickers were real. That was still too fresh of a wound. And with everything else going on (namely her anxiety), it was hard to stay strong. Amanda actually got to see her vulnerable.
It was good for her cover, though. Being a mole was a tightrope act; that was what Alex had to keep reminding herself. Although she had to remain on guard for any information and potential danger, she also had to be herself. It was okay for her to be afraid and vulnerable and let people in. That made her human. She shouldn't allow the war with Division and her quest for revenge consume her entire life. Doing so would burn her out and destroy whatever was left of her. Nikita didn't want that to happen.
Unfortunately, that was the one piece of advice Alex wasn't sure she could follow. She had been running and hiding for five years- five long, painful, drugged up years. She couldn't do that anymore. She couldn't just drift, wishing for death in some heroin induced haze. Nikita told her to survive, her father told her to fight, and that was exactly what she was going to do. The girl Division had failed to kill, had invaded its bunker. She was beyond ready to tear it apart brick by shitty brick.
Nikita's first countermission being the amazing success and triumph that it was only added fuel to Alex's fire. She struggled to keep her smug grin off of her face. Although she didn't get to see Percy's face, she saw his urgency and heard his rage as he stomped back into Division after the rogue had ruined everything. Birkhoff chasing after him with a swollen jaw was just the icing on the cake. There was no going back then. The war had begun, and the women were just getting started. Division would fall to its knees soon enough. And they'd have no idea what hit them.
Honestly, all of that made up for being stuck in a place full of so much destruction. Alex could ignore the confusion she was met with while talking to Michael. He never explained his arm in a sling, or his depressed attitude after encountering the rogue agent; if you asked, you were given a harsh and menacing glare. And the encouragement he had given Alex was drastically different than the bastard she had met in her new room/cell. What was with that man. Maybe that was why Nikita didn't talk about him. He was far too dramatic and complicated. It probably wasn't worth Alex's time in figuring him out.
Besides, she had other Division personnel to worry about. Thom was nice enough, if not a bit too protective of her as a newbie. And Jaden was just annoying. Her assumption about Alex being like all the other recruits had been way off. She almost taunted the mean girl about it. There was no one like Alex; she would make certain they knew that. The young woman would have no problem in staying distant from the recruits and remaining on task- even if Nikita claimed having friends made it easier, and that everyone there was a victim of Percy's and Amanda's. She wasn't going to deter from her mission.
Being a disastrous mole was the first time in years Alex actually felt like she was worth the life given to her. Although everyone she loved and cared for died while she survived, she could use the life that shouldn't have been hers to avenge them. She needed to find balance, and that was it. The war with Division was worth fighting for. She could help Nikita kill Percy and destroy that hellhole once and for all. Alex felt really good about her decision to be a rogue and fight. She was terrified, anxious, and maybe a little over her head, but was also beyond determined. People would fear her for a change. She would be unstoppable.
"Nikita did a great job of preparing me for Division. I knew who everyone was on sight, and how to act around them. The only person I was confused about was Michael," Alex admitted with a shrug. Somehow, the conversation shifted to her time as a recruit. Birkhoff could probably be blamed for that. He wanted to know what Nikita had said about him before Alex infiltrated Division. Since the rogue only responded with sarcastic quips, it was up to the young woman to fill in the gaps.
"Me?" Bewildered, Michael glanced at his girlfriend. Nikita was just as confused as he was, however. She had no idea what Alex was getting at.
Of course the head of agents had been involved in Nikita's briefings. Michael was the one in charge of Alex when she was a recruit. Obviously, the rogue told the young woman about him. It would've been a mistake if she hadn't, "I told you about Michael."
"Yeah. But it took me a couple days to realize he was the same person you were talking about. Once he started looking out for me, making sure Percy didn't cancel me and Dadhich didn't hurt me, I was like 'oh, that makes sense'. Cause 'stand and your wrist breaks' Michael is drastically different from 'he has a great heart' Michael'," Alex couldn't help but be smug. It was so easy to make fun of the couple for how they behaved in the early days of their war. It was also easy to tease them about how she was caught in the middle of their drama. She was so glad that it eventually got resolved. They were far less annoying together.
"You said that? What else did you say about me?" Nudging Nikita, Michael flashed his endearing half-smile. She wouldn't look at her boyfriend. It wasn't as though she was embarrassed. Okay, she was a little embarrassed. Before they were together, she was possibly a bit too dramatic and sappy while talking about him. But he couldn't say anything about that. She knew he had been the same way.
"She said you were smart and kind. And that you were the only person worth trusting- in some aspects," Alex stared pointedly at Nikita as she told Michael. The rogue had said some mean things about him too, but of course the young woman didn't bring those up. Watching Nikita blush and Michael grin like an idiot was her goal. Birkhoff laughed in agreement to her plan. But only for a second. Alex had something to take him down a peg, as well, "She also said Birkhoff was the only person worth annoying."
"You sicked your protégé on me?" Laughter dying out, Birkhoff huffed. He should've known as much. The second he and Nikita had met again after being separated for three years, they snarked and pissed each other off. They would do anything they could to be annoying. It was a good thing they were friends, otherwise, they'd try to kill one another.
"I had to. Your ego got way too big without me there," Nikita finally composed herself enough to taunt Birkhoff. He only rolled his eyes, having learned not to raise to her bait. Besides, she kind of had a point. Michael's and Alex's nods proved as much.
They were getting off topic, however. The friends had gathered in the kitchen to discuss dinner plans, not just trash each other about their pasts. That could continue once they ate. Alex would make sure of that, "Are we gonna get takeout or not?"
"Come on. I'm buying, since I do have a great heart," Taking a hold of his girlfriend's hand, Michael led the way out of the safehouse. Whereas Birkhoff and Alex excitedly hoped after him, Nikita dragged her feet. She was seriously considering why she decided it was a good idea to have a team.
"I hate all of you," Nikita rolled her eyes and groaned. A smile did pull at her lips, though. How could she not grin.
"You brought this on yourself," Alex attempted to chide, but a giggle broke past her defenses. Nikita was the reason they were all together. Without her, they'd either be on opposing sides of a war, or dead. She was also there because of them. They had all saved each other and shown each other the truth. However, that was something they had all acknowledged a million times by that point. They didn't need to rehash the past. Their focus should remain on the present as they ate good food and hung out as friends.
Notes:
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I appreciate it so much!
Chapter 11
Notes:
Set between seasons 2 & 3. Nikita makes cupcakes.
Chapter Text
There were three reasons why Nikita didn't go into Division that day. One, she didn't want to. If she wasn't needed for a mission to bring in the agents who hadn't accepted the recall order, then she wasn't going to hang around the hellhole. It was so strange that she was fighting for that place. At least the team could have a shot of the life they deserved. That was, after all, the second reason she didn't go in; she and Alex were out enjoying their life. They wandered around different shops, got things they didn't need, and ate so much food. Some of the food they bought made it back to Nikita's apartment. But that was for her third reason for not going in.
She was going to make cupcakes for Michael. Her boyfriend had actually gone into Division that morning, his sense of duty outweighing the desire to just say 'fuck it'. Michael did encourage Nikita to spend her time as freely as possible. She deserved to have as much fun with her best friend as she could. Of course she would do that. But afterwards, she would do something to treat him. He deserved good things as well. And what was better than homemade sugary confections just in time for his upcoming birthday.
It was ambitious of Nikita to make cupcakes from scratch instead of from a box (at least, according to Alex it was); except, Michael was worth the effort. She found an online recipe to follow, and gathered all of the ingredients necessary; she even grabbed extras for decoration. Once she returned home (that was a fun new way to think of their apartment) she preheated the oven and tossed everything on the counter. She had to take a moment to think about how to begin, however. Her baking skills weren't necessarily the best, "Okay. First… the bowl."
As long as Nikita followed the recipe, she knew how to bake. Other than that, she wasn't exactly sure what she was doing. She could mix and measure the ingredients well, but how to ensure the cake didn't stick to the pan, or be too dry, or fall completely apart she had no idea. She just had to be careful and hope for the best. Though, the fact that she didn't have the right utensils and dishware probably wouldn't be helpful. She had been so focused on getting all the right ingredients, she forgot she didn't have a fully stocked kitchen. What she had would simply have to make do.
The medium sized bowls she grabbed from one of the cupboards was the best she had. It wouldn't hold all of the ingredients, but Nikita planned on halving the recipe anyway. She only had to make enough cupcakes for her and Michael (and Alex, since she begged for some after she had heard the idea). It should be fine. The wet ingredients went in okay; though, she did get a little bit of eggshell and yolk on the counter. And the dry ingredients mixed well together; she didn't even spill that time. Adding it together was just where she possibly went wrong.
Actually owning a hand mixer, Nikita was able to beat and whisk and whatever else. She began to add the dry to the wet, when things erupted. She didn't turn down the speed of the mixer, nor did she take her time in dumping in the flour mixture. White stuff exploded over her and the counter. Quickly, she turned off the mixer and tried to figure out what she did wrong. Reading the recipe, she cursed, "Add it gradually. Fuck."
With an exasperated sigh, Nikita did her best to scoop the mess into the bowl and try again. She kept the hand mixer speed low, overly cautious of the bowl size and her risk of spilling. Going slow seemed to do the trick. The cupcake batter formed perfectly. She didn't have any bubbles or clumps, and it smelled amazing. Tense shoulders relaxing, she grinned in satisfaction. Until the oven beeped aggressively at her. It had to remind her it had finished preheating, "I know. Shut up. I'll get to you in a minute."
Although talking to the inanimate object made Nikita scoff, it did help her focus on her next step. She had bought a cupcake tin while she was out with Alex. The tray probably should've been washed before she used it. Yet she figured covering it with cooking spray and placing little cupcake cups in the holes would be alright. Maybe that was why Nikita wasn't the best baker. She didn't have nearly enough patience.
That showed itself more as she poured the batter into the cups. Nikita wasn't gentle or easy with her movements. She just dumped it from the bowl into the tray. Cupcake batter spilled all over the counter and the tin, but the tray was filled and all the batter was used. She could simply pop it in the oven, set the timer, and not think about it for a while. Well, she would have to think about it a little. She definitely put way too much batter in the tray; things might explode again. There went being careful.
"Whatever. I overfilled the cups. But who cares. They're in the oven. It's frosting time," Nikita sighed, ruffling her annoying hair out of her face. The frosting would hopefully be less of an adventure than the batter. It was less ingredients and less steps, after all. She had also begun to learn from her mistakes. Not only did she read the instructions in the recipe, but the tips as well.
Her first step was to clean her previous mess before making anything else. A clear space might clear her mind. Nikita continued to ignore the dishes in the sink. But the spills and smudges on the counter could be wiped up- should be wiped up, especially where the egg had splattered. The ingredients she wasn't using should be put away as well. She didn't need to be so chaotic in the kitchen. Just because she wasn't used to operating in the space, didn't mean she could lose her mind. She had to treat it like it was ops or something.
Alright, there had to be something wrong with her when she thought planning missions and preparing weapons was more normal than baking. Nikita and the others used to use their dining table as weapon storage, for God's sake. Maybe they could use their time working to bring in the newly nicknamed Dirty Thirty adjusting back to a normal life. Or, as close to normal as they could be. Being completely honest, that was the more realistic option for the team.
Shaking away her distracting thoughts, Nikita readied the powdered sugar, milk, and butter for the frosting. She had to use the hand mixer again, but she was fairly certain she had gotten a handle on it. She'd start slow, gradually add ingredients, and keep the bowl steady. Although that went according to plan, the bowl she had grabbed wasn't quite big enough for its rapidly mixing contents. Powdered sugar puffed up in Nikita's face. She huffed, but at least it didn't explode everywhere. She could live with that.
Soon, the frosting was complete. Nikita just added a few drops of red food coloring to make it more colorful. She only added enough to make the white frosting pink, yet her fingers were still stained. It was like she couldn't win. She only got some of the dye off her hands when the oven beeped; the cupcakes were done and needed her immediate attention. Slipping on an oven mitt, she quickly pulled them out, turned off the oven, and slapped the tray on the counter.
Even though the cupcakes were huge, they looked absolutely delicious. Nikita smiled brightly to herself. The worst part was over. All that was left was decoration. She began to take the cakes out of the tray and place them on a plate, using a knife so she wouldn't burn herself. Unfortunately, she moved too quickly with the first one and dropped it. The cupcake landed top down on the counter, getting smushed instantly. Nikita couldn't sigh anymore. She just put it on the plate and moved more steadily with the rest.
"Okay. Wait. Hot cupcakes will melt the frosting. I should wait for them to cool," Remembering what the recipe stated, Nikita left the cupcakes alone for a moment. She left the kitchen completely, so she wouldn't be tempted. After only a few minutes of replying to texts and changing out of her flour and sugar covered clothes, however, she returned. The cupcakes were somewhat cool to the touch. They didn't burn her finger. So, she shrugged, "Good enough."
Since one of the cupcakes was already deformed, she decided to decorate that one first in case anything went wrong. The frosting did melt a little, yet it was alright. Nikita still managed to make it look good. Once that was done, she grabbed the container of sprinkles. She twisted off the top and tried to shake just a little on top of the frosting. Instead, a whole bunch spilled out. Hurriedly, she stopped and checked to see what had gone wrong- again. Apparently, the sprinkles' cap wasn't a twist off. For it to be the shaker she thought it was, she could've simply popped open the top. All she could do was nod, "I did that to myself."
After she tidied up one last time, everything else went off without a hitch. The cupcakes were beautifully decorated. She arranged them neatly on a nice plate. A candle was placed into the biggest one. And she decided to eat the deformed cake. Despite the numerous sprinkles, the cupcake was mind-blowingly amazing. Nikita's eyes slipped closed, and a joyful hum vibrated her chest. She could ignore the hectic baking if that was a result. It was so good.
Just as she finished devouring her cupcake (and contemplated eating another) the front door opened. Michael was finally home from Division. Nikita bounced excitedly on her toes. He was going to be just as delighted as she was about the confections. She couldn't wait to see his reaction. Calling from the kitchen, her smile was beyond clear in her voice, "Hey."
"Hey," Michael responded from the doorway. He removed his suit jacket and shoes, and shuffled towards the delicious smells wafting from the kitchen. He hadn't expected Nikita to be cooking when he got home; he hadn't even expected her to be home. Watching her move excitedly around the kitchen was a pleasant surprise in more ways than one. Once he was near enough to his girlfriend, he took her hand in his and pulled her in for a long, slow kiss. She smiled and hummed into the affection.
"Mhmm, you taste like sugar and vanilla," As they separated, Michael flashed a crooked grin. Nikita began to giggle, but it was cut short by her boyfriend kissing her again. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing his palm into the small of her back to pull her in close. She came willingly, encircling her arms around his neck. They remained that way for a while, simply drinking each other in. When they broke apart once more, Michael got a good look at Nikita's messy appearance. His grin grew exponentially.
"What exactly did you bake?" Picking out the frosting Nikita had accidently gotten into her hair as she ate her cupcake, Michael chuckled. She had flour and powdered sugar on her cheek and nose as well, which he gently wiped away. He was sad he missed whatever it was that made her such a mess. No doubt, he would've had fun watching her create chaos in the kitchen.
"Homemade cupcakes," Nikita beamed proudly. She moved from her boyfriend's arms to show him the cupcakes piled neatly on the plate. There was still more cleaning up for her to do, yet that could be ignored for the moment. She didn't want to clean right then anyway.
"Wow. Those look amazing. What's the occasion?" Michael was able to ignore the disaster zone of a kitchen, entirely distracted by the delicious cupcakes.
"Just something nice to do. And, you know, someone's birthday is coming up," Winking at her boyfriend, Nikita couldn't stop her wide smile. Michael's birthday wasn't for another couple of days, yet she had already planned on doing so much for the special day. The cupcakes were only a small part of it.
Recalling the surprise party Nikita had thrown for Ryan a couple of weeks ago, Michael quickly checked his surroundings. He had spent all day in Division without his girlfriend. He wasn't up for the rapid taunts of their friends just yet, "You didn't tell anyone…"
"It's our little secret," Nikita chuckled. She had told Alex about Michael's birthday, and the young woman was planning on a gift to buy. And Birkhoff knew when to torture his best friend on the day he grew older. However, at that moment, it was just the couple. They could enjoy each other's company without their ever present team near. It was why they had finally gotten an apartment of their own, after all. They could be free by themselves.
"Oh. Good," Smiling easily again, Michael sighed. When it was his actual birthday, he knew he'd be perfectly fine spending the day with his friends. In fact, he would love that. But with a long day of work behind him, he only wanted to be around his girlfriend. Nikita's smile reflected the same thought.
"Come on. Try one," Holding out the biggest cupcake, the one with the candle in it, Nikita commanded her boyfriend. Michael chuckled, and reached for the treat; however, she suddenly held it away from him. She hadn't lit the candle yet. That was the most important part. Hurriedly, she grabbed the box of matches and tried to do just that. The match wouldn't light, though. She kept swiping it against the side of the box, yet nothing happened. No matter how hard she rubbed, no fire started.
Michael eventually reached to help her, yet Nikita stubbornly pulled away. She could strike a match. The box just wouldn't yield. Desperate and frustrated, she glanced at her boyfriend. As she caught sight of his scruffy beard, an idea instantly jolted to her mind. She struck the match against his jaw and, sure enough, it was lit. Whereas she beamed, he stared at her bewildered, "Did you really just do that?"
"It worked in The Mummy," Shrugging, Nikita stated simply. She lit the candle then shook out the match. She was honestly surprised her idea had worked, but she wasn't going to say anything. She was just going to accept it and move on.
"You and Alex need to stop getting ideas from movies," Michael shook his head. One day, that tactic was going to get someone hurt. He didn't want to be around when that happened.
"Just make a wish," Rolling her eyes, Nikita attempted to glare at him. It fell flat as Michael stared earnestly at her, though. His green eyes pierced her brown for a solid moment, sparks flying. Then, he closed his eyes, muttered something, and blew out the candle. When he looked at his girlfriend again, he smiled brilliantly. She couldn't help but be drawn ever so closer to him, "What'd you wish for?"
"If I tell you, it won't come true. And I need it to come true," He didn't exactly tease. Michael was serious about needing his wish to come true; it involved his and Nikita's future. The expression she gave him would make him tell her eventually, so he distracted them both by taking a bite of the cupcake. Instantly, his lips lifted, his eyes closed, and he hummed. That had to have been the best cupcake he had ever tasted, "Oh. Wow. There's no way you made this. You had to have bought these."
"Jerk. You know what? For that, you have to clean the kitchen," Shoving Michael lightly, Nikita held back a chuckle. He simply continued to eat the cupcake as he glanced wearily at the dishes in the sink and the splatter on the counter. She followed his line of sight, and sighed. Fine, they could split the job, "Okay. The dishes. I'll clean the counter."
"A whirlwind who can bake. Who knew," Around one last bite of cake, Michael quipped. He had always thought she was a hellion out in the field. Of course that would translate to the kitchen. Nikita just couldn't stop moving. Nor could she be patient.
"There's a lot you still don't know about me," Her return quip wasn't necessarily true. Nikita and Michael practically knew everything about one another. Sure, some things from their past remained unsaid. But they continued to know more about one another than anybody else. It was a result of having seen each other's hearts. They knew their souls as though it was their own. Considering how closely tied they were, it almost was.
"Well, I'm willing to find out," Michael grinned, pulling Nikita in for another kiss.
"Happy early birthday," Bumping her nose lightly against his, Nikita whispered against his lips. Michael simply shook his head. Who cared about that. His day had become beyond perfect with her in his arms. The amazing cupcake just made it sweeter. He soon lifted her up, placed her on the counter, and continued to kiss her soundly. Smiles pulled at both of their lips throughout the soft affection.
Chapter 12
Notes:
Set after 2x21 "Dead Drop". Ryan discovers exactly why Nikita set him up in another safehouse.
Chapter Text
Ryan understood then why Nikita had set him up in another safehouse. He knew at the time it was so he wasn't constantly surrounded by death and destruction (Carla had just betrayed the team and died, after all). He could be removed from any more danger, and focus solely on his analysis and helping the team. He would've preferred to stay with the others, yet she had made some good points and he was eventually swayed. It was a great thing he had listened to her, though. Apparently, there was another reason he was separated from the team. They were far too crazy even for their own good.
They had only moved into his safehouse the night before when the antics began. After having to destroy the safehouse at the beach, Ryan opened his doors to his team. Although they had to shuffle things around so everyone could fit, it was a great idea. They needed to all be together. Soon, however, the analyst regretted his decision. He thought he could start his day off early with some coffee and by scouring the newspaper for any information. Alex and Nikita, on the other hand, had different plans.
The two women burst into the kitchen after an early morning run. They were both sweaty, breathless, and in desperate need of water. While Nikita threw open the fridge and fanned herself with the cool air, Alex collapsed on the cold hardwood floor. She let her body go limp and her words be expressed on labored pants, "It's so hot outside. It's like a sauna. Where's the breeze? I need the ocean, not a forest full of humid death."
"You're the one who blew up the safehouse," Nikita huffed, lazily tossing her a water bottle. Alex barely made an attempt to catch it. The humidity and bright early sun had been too much for their bodies, which were so used to the cool beach breeze. Nikita had somewhat managed to adjust by chugging water and standing in front of the open fridge. Alex, however, needed more. She struggled to her feet, threw open the freezer, grabbed an ice cream bar, and happily shoved it in her mouth. Her best friend tried to slap it out of her hand, "Hey! No ice cream for breakfast."
"You ate cereal for dinner last night. Time is an illusion and food shouldn't be affected by that," Alex mumbled around the ice cream. Although she only sluggishly moved away from Nikita, the rogue gave up the fight. She was too tired to really care. Besides, ice cream wasn't worth arguing over.
"I'm not letting you hang out with Birkhoff anymore," Rolling her eyes, Nikita closed the refrigerator and left the kitchen. Alex stayed a little longer, blissfully enjoying her frozen treat. Ryan had been ignored the entire time the women panted and argued. He was glad he was; he didn't want to be pulled into it. However, he hadn't been able to focus on his newspaper while they crashed around. At least with the two gone, he could return to his important task.
Unfortunately, that didn't last for long. Since the safehouse was meant for Ryan, there was only one shower. And Nikita was currently occupying it. He had to wait to get ready, as did everybody else. Alex compromised for that by dressing down to her sports bra; if she had to walk around sweaty, she might as well do it topless. The team didn't mind her fashion choice, besides Sean. He was absolutely dumbfounded by her appearance, causing them to crash into each other. When she got a good look at him, she was breathless again, "Hey. You're shirtless."
"And you're just in a bra," Sean replied lamely. He should've explained that it was still difficult to pull on a t-shirt with his injury, and that the jacket he had on the night before was being washed. He wasn't shirtless for nothing. He wasn't that kind of guy, not that it mattered if he was. His actions just had a purpose.
Alex barely nodded, struggling for thoughts. She had seen Sean shirtless countless times before. Why was she going brain dead then. Was it the kiss. Instantly, her lips began to tingle. They hadn't talked about their kiss. But, God, did they need to. She couldn't stop thinking about it. She wondered if he did too. Or was it just a simple action born from the fact that he thought they were about to die and life was fleeting. Instead of facing that panic and need for answers head on, Alex decided to flee, "Well… Nik's in the show… it's hot… you okay?"
"Michael was helping me with the bandage…" Sean tried to explain, but he was quickly distracted by a bead of sweat dripping down Alex's chest. He shouldn't have stared, but he couldn't help himself. There had to be something wrong with him. He usually wasn't so hapless around a woman he liked. Except, what was so usual about her. She was so different and wonderful, it was awesome.
"Shower's free… I should…" The second Nikita left the bathroom in only a towel, Alex turned towards her escape route. She had caught Sean staring, and a deep red blush flushed her cheeks. For some reason, she didn't want him to notice. Talking and having a real conversation really would have been better for them. If only they weren't cowards.
"Yep…" Hurriedly, Sean nodded and walked away. Alex barely noticed him as she dashed for the bathroom. Ryan sighed from his invisible perch on the couch. That was such an awkward conversation to witness. He thought the two had kissed because they were dating, not because they had crushes on one another and wouldn't admit it. No wonder Birkhoff told him to shut up. Sean and Alex were insufferable to watch as they danced around each other. Ryan needed a break from just that. Or, better yet, the two could go to their own apartments.
Although that wish didn't come true, Ryan was soon able to use the shower. He could relax and clear his mind under the cool shower spray (despite being hot, Alex and Nikita managed to use all the hot water). His time alone in the bathroom allowed him to reset for his full day of analysis and clue finding. The information Kendrick gave him should help substantially with finding a way to stop Percy. However, Ryan couldn't quite get to his computer to do any research. Birkhoff was setting up his equipment and network, rambling excitedly to Nikita about something nonsensical, "So it's like 'bang' and 'whoosh' and 'psssh'. Yeah."
Birkhoff moved haphazardly around the monitors, computers, and wires, his limbs shaky and his movements jerky. At one point, he almost fell over nothing and Nikita had to catch him. He simply nodded his thanks while moving as though nothing had happened. The nerd was in his own world, one where he had to keep chugging an energy drink to be a part of. She couldn't take much more of it, "What is wrong with you?"
"You know?" Waving his hands wildly instead of answering with actual words, Birkhoff wondered if she understood him. Nikita absolutely did not. She eyed him suspiciously, gaze narrowing on the giant can of energy drink in his hand. She ripped it out of his grasp, and read over the nutrition information. When she spotted the caffeine amount, she gasped.
"Nerd! This has three hundred milligrams of caffeine. How many have you had?" Full of shrill concern, Nikita shouted. Birkhoff had always had a caffeine problem, but three hundred milligrams at once was far too much. Even an energy junkie nerd couldn't handle that.
"Can two," Birkhoff admitted, taking the can back and chugging more of the drink. At least there wasn't any added sugars or anything like that. He could tell himself he wasn't putting too much junk in his body. Except, he was shaking just a bit too violently. His thoughts were also moving too fast for him to pin down. Maybe he had overdone it.
"Give me that," Nikita reached for the can, not caring if any sloshed on the computers as she attempted to take it away. Despite knowing she was only trying to help him, Birkhoff clutched his drink tighter and pulled away. Okay, fine, he had a problem. But, he'd fix it after he set-up Shadownet and Shadowbot on Ryan's safehouse's network. The rogue just wouldn't give him the chance. The two struggled for the drink, yelling taunts the entire time.
It wasn't long before Nikita had Birkhoff in a headlock, reaching for the can in his outstretched hand. Ryan wasn't sure how he could step in and intervene. Fortunately, he didn't have to. Alex walked in, assessed the situation, and called for the only person who could stop them, "Michael! Nikita and Birkhoff are fighting again."
Immediately, Michael rushed into the room and ripped the two apart. Nikita managed to make off with the energy drink, and she dumped it down the sink. Birkhoff whined. There wasn't anything he could do about it, however, so he slumped in his chair. The three agents left, satisfied (and confused) with their work. Ryan was a little confused too, yet he was glad to be able to grab his laptop. He moved to the livingroom, hoping for more peace. Again, he didn't get what he wanted. The analyst had to stop thinking it was going to be a normal day. Nearly an hour later, Birkhoff hadn't stopped shaking, "Is this what it's like to be high?"
"How are you feeling?" Sean replied as he walked by. Maybe he shouldn't have engaged. He had said enough stupid things that day. But the nerd had him curious. Birkhoff looked completely out of it in his chair. He swayed back and forth in his slouched position, unable to remain still. Whatever was up with him was bound to keep the bored Seal interested.
"Everything," Birkhoff spoke so fast, the one word was slurred and hard to understand. He had always thought those movie scenes of characters drinking too much coffee thus making the world move slow in comparison to them was an over-exaggeration. Apparently, as he regretfully found out, there was a kernel of truth to the comedy. He felt like he could run three simultaneous marathons.
"I'm gonna say yes. Though, the girls would know more than us. They used to live off that shit," Shrugging, Sean said absentmindedly. He really should've thought before he spoke. Nikita and Alex had caught his words from where they were cleaning the few weapons they had left. Instantly, they glared at him. Sean gulped. So he could keep making stupid comments, "How many feet did I just put in my mouth?"
"They're planning their revenge right now," Michael warned. The women abandoned their task, leaving him with all the work. He understood, though. It wasn't like there was much for him to do, anyway. The team still had to stock up on their weaponry after losing so much.
"Mikey, hide the duct tape," Birkhoff couldn't control the volume of his voice. He meant to whisper; instead, he screamed. Sean and Michael couldn't help but laugh at him. Ryan, on the other hand, decided it was about time he did work in his own room. It would be quiet and less hectic there. He needed to focus on whatever intel he could gather for the rogues. Percy and nuclear material was a terrible mix. They had to do something to stop it. They were basically the only ones who could.
Eventually, hours or so later, Ryan had to take a break. He had dug through enough information, and he thought he was on the trail of something significant. He simply needed food and water to keep his mind sharp. Once again, Nikita and Alex interrupted his time in the kitchen. They were messing around with the fridge and muttering to themselves. He attempted to ignore them, yet the head rogue just had to rope him in, "Sorry, Fletch. Wait 'til Sean gets something from the fridge. Then you can grab something."
"Do we have marshmallow fluff by any chance?" Alex abandoned the prank for a second to search the cupboards. Nikita rolled her eyes. Ryan didn't answer the question. He grabbed a piece of fruit from the counter and returned to his room. The women's laughter carried through the walls, but the analyst found himself smiling at the sound. It was annoying, yet sweet.
Quickly, though, his thoughts turned back to how annoying it was. Without substantial food in his system, Ryan was losing the ability to focus. He couldn't concentrate on the lines of conspiracy he was following. Things that had made sense before didn't any longer. Maybe if he walked around or something. Or just forced Sean to open the fridge to get it over with. He didn't really get a chance at either, however. As he walked out of his room, Michael brushed past him and went straight towards Nikita, excitedly exclaiming, "Hey."
"Hey," Nikita matched the smile her boyfriend shared with her. Michael kissed her. Neither cared that Ryan was right behind them in the hallway, which made that the second time the analyst had had to witness such blatant PDA. They were only consumed with each other.
"I love you," Eventually, Michael breathed against his girlfriend's lips. He kissed Nikita again, passion flowing through the affection. It was some time before the couple separated. When they did, Michael grabbed Nikita's hand, squeezed it, and went back to whatever he was doing. She remained in the hall, smiling like an idiot after him.
"I love you too," Mostly just to herself, Nikita whispered. Her cheeks flushed, her heart skipped, and she felt like dancing. There was no reason for Michael's expression; he just wanted her to know. Something about that made her want to continue smiling until her expression froze like that. Ryan didn't know how to process what he saw. It was better than Sean and Alex, though, that was for certain- still awkward to watch, but better.
"Birkhoff! Wake up!" Just as Ryan got his thoughts in order and figured out what he wanted to do next, Michael suddenly startled him. The smile on Nikita's face even faded when he yelled. Birkhoff was slumped at his desk, face smushed into the keyboard. Although funny to walk in on and notice, they couldn't leave him like that. Michael had to wake him.
"Fucking shit…" Birkhoff jumped awake. He hadn't even known he had crashed at his desk. The last thing he remembered was talking to Sean. That caffeine went through him quickly. However, his heart continued to beat rapidly. He had no idea what was occurring with his body. He did know he was never drinking that brand of energy drink again, though, "I think I'm having a heart attack."
"Yeah. I'm definitely watching after you for the rest of the night," Michael decided. Both Nikita and Ryan nodded. The nerd probably needed water in him too, yet the analyst was done with the conversation. He went to the kitchen, planning to drink more coffee in lieu of eating. The energy could keep him focused enough to finish what he was doing. It could also fill the hunger in his stomach. If he really wanted to solve his problems, he could've just opened the refrigerator. But, honestly, he was too afraid of what Nikita and Alex had planned.
Sean finally entered the kitchen to put the women's scheme into action. Ryan was half-grateful for that, half-irritated he was caught in the room. It was one thing after the next that day. He had no reprieve from his team. Being all together definitely had its drawbacks. At least Nikita was finding the joy in it as she smirked at Sean, "Hey. I know you kissed Alex. Nice move in the back of the car, by the way. But if you really wanna seal the deal, make her dinner."
"Really?" Sean practically jumped with excitement. Ryan fought an eye roll. Who knew a Navy Seal could be so gullible. He threw open the boobytrapped fridge, too wrapped up in his thoughts of Alex to notice anything- until it was too late. He was hit with flour first, then whipped cream. While Nikita laughed, he sighed, "I deserved that."
"You can use the fridge now!" Nikita informed the others through her laughter. Ryan was quick to grab something to eat before the team descended. However, he wasn't fast enough to clear out of the kitchen before it was crowded. They were all taking whatever food they could, talking over each other, and laughing at Sean. He was a good sport about it as he cleaned his face. But he did fire off his own taunts to get even. That caused more laughter and quips to fly.
"You guys are way too much," Ryan mumbled, maneuvering through the chaos to return to his analysis. Nikita stopped him before he could go far. She pulled him back to the group, and he was instantly involved in the jokes and giggles. The team knew he had important work to do, and so did they. Yet relaxing together was always best for them. Not only could they build team morale by becoming so close, they also got to have the close relationships they were always denied. Of course Ryan had to be wrapped into those antics at times. He was their family too. A fact he so willingly accepted.
Chapter 13
Notes:
Set pre-series. Nikita's search for Alex.
Chapter Text
The universe was mocking her. She was exactly where she was years ago- heartbroken, alone, and high. She was just another vagrant on the streets, trying to survive until the next day. It was as though the past few years meant nothing. It was all a fever dream she couldn't wrap her head around. She certainly didn't learn anything. She had made a grand escape, yet past that she didn't plan anything. She was a waif again. The world had torn her apart, piece by bloody piece.
Nikita should've thought ahead. She never thought ahead or of the consequences. As a runaway, she earned her GED, she had money and food and clothes, and she made certain no one could hunt her down. But once she was on the streets, she didn't know what she was supposed to do next. The bad crowd and drugs found her fast. After Division, a cruel twist of fate ensured the same thing occurred. She faked her death, she removed her tracker, she had money and weapons, but she was still high. She couldn't resist.
Though, honestly, she didn't try that hard to not get high. In a vie for resources, Nikita joined an illegal fighting ring; she needed connections if she was going to run from Division. She quickly found what she needed, yet it didn't get her far. Since she had escaped, her drive and passion to do anything didn't exist. She didn't have a purpose. Daniel was gone, and her shot at a real life was dead. She had only escaped to screw over Percy and Amanda (and Michael). That was accomplished, so then what. Her only answer was the drugs offered at the fighting ring.
Strung out, barely surviving, fighting, always running, that wasn't how Nikita was supposed to live. Yet, she couldn't find the motivation to do anything else. There was no reason left to live. She hadn't lied when she had told Michael that. She could just drift until she reached the end; who would care either way. The only people who had ever fought for her left, pushed her away, or died. It would be best for everyone and everything if she simply faded away.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on who was asked) she never got that chance. The universe really was mocking her. Nikita survived another fighting excursion, she made it back to her bare safehouse without being followed, and her hit did nothing to dull her anger, sorrow, and fear. She was left staring at the small TV that was somehow turned on. The news blared, but she attempted to ignore it. She didn't give a shit. Yet the world around her didn't care for her either. She was forced to listen. And she was forced to remember Operation Pale Fire.
It had been three years since the brutal attack on the Udinovs, yet Zetrov was thriving. The news of the Russian business wasn't what drew Nikita towards the television set, however. How could she have forgotten about that mission. It was the one thing she had ever done right. Out of all the pain, death, destruction, and hell she had caused, saving Alexandra Udinov was a bright spot. She wasn't what Division had forced her to become. She wasn't the monster she feared if she had saved an innocent's life.
God, just what the hell was she doing. She had escaped the hellhole, yet she was continuing to let it sink its claws in her. Hadn't she spent her years inside those walls fighting against everything thrown at her. So why the hell was Nikita wallowing in her anger and guilt then. She had proved time and time again that she was stronger than that. The fear of death hadn't stopped her from saving a life or falling in love. She had fought back.
So why had she stopped fighting once she ran. The allure of drugs couldn't have had that much of an effect on her. She had just given up. Which meant Amanda and Percy won in the end. If Nikita couldn't survive on her own outside of Division, then what was the point of screwing that place over. No matter what she did, the hellhole would've won in the end. That was the worst possible outcome. She couldn't let it all be for nothing.
She had saved Alexandra and had loved Daniel for a reason. Nikita wanted more than what she had; she tried to give herself and others better. Falling back into old habits destroyed what she had worked for- what Alexandra and Daniel had given her. She needed to keep fighting for them, despite Daniel's death being her fault. At least Alexandra was alive. Nikita's choices had actually done something good there. Maybe if she checked on the girl, saw the wonders of her efforts, she'd be strong again. Hell, she might even learn that she could fight for herself too.
First, however, Nikita needed to sober up. She had to get clean, break away from her terrible habits. Although she had done so before, it was beyond difficult going through the pain and ache alone. She just thought of Daniel to get through it- Daniel and Carla. They would've wanted that from her. It was the least she could do after the pain she had caused them. The destruction of her past couldn't be carried into her future. Although she never thought much of a future for herself, she knew she had to have one. She had to have some goal in mind.
All she could come up with was getting clean, and finding Alexandra. That was all she needed for the time being, though. Nikita was able to use the money and resources she had gathered to sneak into Moscow undetected. Tracking Nikolai Udinov's former driver from there was easy. He remained in the same place he had been three years prior. He was a consistent man, which boded well for Nikita. That meant Alexandra could still be safe.
"You… you're back…" As soon as Nikita climbed out of the car she had stolen and stepped onto the small property, the driver who had been doing yard work stammered to a stop. There was no doubting that he recognized her. Whether that was a positive for Nikita or not remained to be seen.
"I just want to know if Alexandra's okay," Raising placating hands, Nikita confessed. It could simply be a 'yes' or 'no' answer from the former driver. The second she knew if the only thing she had ever done right was still true, then she'd be on her way. She could find a new goal to achieve. However, the further she approached the man, the more frightened he became. Guilt and fear radiated off of him. It made Nikita pause, "Where is Alexandra?"
Maybe there was an edge to her voice, but it certainly wasn't enough to make the former driver panic the way he did. He was hiding something from her, something that didn't quite sit right with him. Nikita felt her own panic rise in her chest and choke her throat. Alexandra couldn't be dead. That couldn't have been it. Fortunately, the former driver reassured her. His statement was shaky, but he told his version of the truth, "She's safe."
"Safe where?" Nikita sighed. Although she didn't care where Alexandra was, as long as she was safe and sound, she still wanted to see her. She wanted to see with her own eyes that the girl continued to breathe. That should've been a simple request to fill, yet the former driver backed away from her again. He refused to look at her.
"With Zetrov gone, I needed the money and the protection…" His words were barely above a whisper. Shame coated the former driver's every word. It took Nikita a second to understand why. Of course he had needed protection after Zetrov was corrupted; enemies were everywhere, and he had Alexandra in his charge. But that wasn't exactly what he meant. Alexandra was a liability, and he needed money. He chose his safety over hers.
"You sold her? You said you'd protect her!" Nikita felt something snap inside of her. She thought she had felt anger before. She thought she had been angry at her foster parents, she thought she had been angry at Division, and she thought she had been angry at her life. But the lividity that washed over her was something she had never experienced before. She wanted to claim that she didn't understand it. But she knew why she was furious. She knew why she wanted to kill the former driver.
"The mob got her out of Russia. She's safer in America. They only know her as Sasha, not the heir to Zetrov," The former driver tried to justify his reasons for selling Alexandra to the mob, yet Nikita didn't want to hear it. Nothing in the world could excuse what he had done. He sacrificed a young girl for his own means. He gave her a fate worse than death.
"You sold a thirteen year old to the mob! Are you fucking stupid!" Instinct made Nikita bring a gun along with her to Moscow. She was sure (or paranoid) that she'd run into danger. Instead, she was just faced with rage. Instantly, she pulled out her weapon and aimed it at the former driver. He cowered away, but she closed the gap between them.
Clutching the fabric of his jacket, Nikita held the former driver in place. She shoved the pistol in his face, leaving no room for escape. He couldn't wiggle out of her hold if he tried. And he did try, "Please. What other choice did I have?"
"More than sex slavery if you ever stopped to fucking think," Nikita seethed. She had made up her mind. She was going to kill the former driver; she just needed information first. Her search for Alexandra wasn't over. In fact, it took a new shape. It had become another rescue mission, "Who'd you sell her to? What's his name?"
"Vlad. He operates out of New York City. That's all I know," The former driver gave up easily. His gaze was locked on her gun, shaking and close to tears. Nikita ignored him. She had what she needed. She readied her finger on the trigger. But then she heard a small voice from inside the house. It belonged to a child, calling to their father. Nikita cursed loudly and pulled away from the former driver. Even in her fury, she couldn't kill someone in front of their child. Kids shouldn't have to go through that trauma. They shouldn't know heart wrenching pain.
"If I find out you sold your own children too, I'm coming back for you," Pure rage and violence filled her threat. If the former driver harmed anyone else he was supposed to care for, she'd kill him. There would be no hesitation that time. He nodded frantically. She quickly and harshly pistol whipped him, and left him to wallow in his pain. He never once fought against her, nor did he raise any alarm.
That worked well in her favor. Nikita was able to sprint out of the yard, take off in her car, and begin planning to save Alexandra once again. Luckily, some of the contacts she earned in the illegal fighting ring had ties to the Russian mafia. A few of them might know of a human trafficker named Vlad. And if she tortured them enough, they'd give her the intel she needed. In no part of her planning or mad dash back to New York did she pause to think. She couldn't afford to stop. Alexandra couldn't spend another second with the mobsters. No one could.
Her torture methods proved beyond successful. In no time, Nikita managed to break into Vlad's brothel, kill any guard she ran into, and freed every girl she saw. There was no sign of Alexandra, however. God, she hoped she wasn't too late. She might just return to kill the former driver if she was. For the moment, though, she'd place all her murderous rage into finding Vlad and holding a knife to his throat, "Where's Sasha? The little girl from Moscow, where is she?"
"You think I'd remember every whore that came through these walls?" Vlad spat. Nikita dug the blade of her knife deeper into his throat, choking his laughter. She had taken him down easily. Without his guards or any girls to use as bargaining chips, the mobster was completely powerless. Killing him would be effortless.
"I'm not fucking asking," She just needed answers first. Nikita refused to give up. Not only did she owe it to Alexandra to actually save her and give her the life she herself never had, Nikita couldn't let the bad guys keep willing. Evil men had to pay for what they've done.
"She escaped. Bitch cut me and ran," Gritting past the pain and pressure, Vlad indicated the scar above his eye. Nikita nearly smiled. So Alexandra was alive, and she was a fighter. That was amazing. The relief of that fact was short lived, however. Vlad smirked at Nikita and pointed to a vial of used heroin on the ground. Her heart stopped at the implications. Alexandra was free, but not the junk the Russians had hooked her on, "But she won't be gone long."
Immediately, Nikita swiped her knife across Vlad's throat. It wasn't an instant kill. She wanted him to bleed out as she set fire to his brothel. Let him burn and drown in his own blood; he deserved it. When she returned to her safehouse, a sense of accomplishment washed over her. She hadn't found Alexandra, yet she was proud of her actions. She put the skills she was forced to learn to good use. The evil was defeated. A plan sprang to mind at that thought. What if instead of burning brothels, she burned Division. Percy and that hellhole deserved to pay as well.
Over the frustrating years it took to find an illegal junkie on the streets of New York (if Alexandra was even still in the city) Nikita built her own version of Ops. She gathered intel, kept her skills sharp, and tracked Division's movements as best she could. There were some missions she was able to ruin, yet it seemed as though they were just hiccups to the black ops group; it continued to always win. Nikita didn't allow all the things against her to weigh her down, however- that would defeat her purpose. She kept moving, and kept her head high.
Being a rogue agent was good for her. Nikita had goals, plans, and constant movement. She never had to sit and dwell on her dark thoughts for long as she searched for Alexandra and hunted down leads against Division. Everything would fall into place eventually. She could continue raising hell and fighting for vengeance, and she could find Alexandra. The resources and contacts she had acquired finally pulled through with the latter. The teen was tracked to a crackhouse she frequented. Nikita burst into it immediately, "Let the girl go."
"Who the fuck are you?" One of the drug dealers spun on her instantly. Nikita was fine with that, though. It made the men back off from a screaming Alexandra. She had broken in at just the right time. She could save the girl once and for all.
"Fairy Godmother," Each syllable of her answer was punctuated by a punch, a kick, and a strike. Nikita dealt with the dealers without exerting herself. They soon laid unconscious at her feet, allowing her to focus on Alexandra. Relief flooded her at the sight of the teenager alive. Yet, it didn't last for long. In her panic, the teen had grabbed a gun. And in her high state, she shakily pulled the trigger.
"Whoa. Hey. It's okay. It's okay," Gently, Nikita approached Alexandra- Alex, as the dealers called her- and tried to grab the gun in her hand. She couldn't let the teen accidentally harm herself. Yet Alex wasn't paying attention to Nikita. She was too encased in her fear. She pulled the trigger again, forcing the woman to act. Quickly, Nikita knocked Alex unconscious and carried her out of the crackhouse towards safety, "Hi, I'm Nikita. Nice to meet you."
Chapter 14
Notes:
Set in season 3, kinda AU-ish timeline wise. The boys + Sonya go to a haunted house.
Chapter Text
"Yo, Nikki. You wanna go to a haunted house?"
"Absolutely fucking not."
Nikita kept walking past the nerd cave, eyes glued to the tablet in her hands. Whereas Michael stayed to say something to Sonya and Birkhoff, she wouldn't even glance in their direction. One mention of a haunted house and she was gone. Birkhoff was undeterred by it, however. He had expected that reaction from her. Good thing he had other friends he could have fun with, "Mikey, you in?"
Michael had to take a moment to adjust. He had been so busy staring after his fiancée, that he missed what the nerd had said. He quickly shook himself out of it and asked, "What kind of haunted house?"
"One of those corn mazes outside the city. So we won't be in a confined space. And the workers can't touch us. There'll also be a bonfire after where we can hear ghost stories," Sonya replied excitedly. She and Birkhoff had wanted to go to a haunted house as a way to celebrate Halloween. But, knowing they weren't one for confined spaces anymore or for intense anxiety, the two settled on a lowkey haunting. They wanted to have fun, enjoy the spirit of the holiday, not be so scared they couldn't sleep at night. The nightmares they already had were enough.
"Sounds fun. I'm in," Shrugging, Michael agreed. Listening to ghost stories and wandering around a maze with friends would be a great way to unwind. Also, he was fairly certain anyone's scream or overreaction to a scare would be fodder for jokes for months. No way would he miss out on that.
"Awesome!" Birkhoff nearly shouted in enthusiasm. With all the drama the team had been hit with recently, actually having fun and relaxing plans with friends was amazing. The nerd was so excited by it, that when Sean and Alex passed he yelled, "What about you two?"
"What are we doing?" Glancing at Sonya and Michael for answers, Alex slowly entered the nerd cave. She didn't think it was anything too bad if Birkhoff was smiling like an idiot. But, then again, she never knew when it came to him.
"A haunted corn maze and ghost stories," Sonya matched Birkhoff's excitement as she explained. She figured if she said 'maze' instead of 'house' the two would more likely agree. Division had been enough of a haunted house. Monsters creeped in the halls and the fear of death was palpable. There was no way they'd subject themselves to that again.
"Yeah, I'll go," Joining the others in the tech den, Sean agreed. Through, he would've agreed regardless of the kind of haunted house. He loved all that fake horror stuff.
Alex, on the other hand, was hesitant. She wasn't certain if she wanted to actually pay someone to scare her. Although she had faced scarier things in her life, and she'd be with her friends who always made everything better, she didn't want to put herself through that, "I don't know. I don't want to freak myself out. Is Nikita going?"
"She chickened out," Birkhoff snickered.
"She didn't even consider the idea," Michael clarified.
Neither answer helped Alex make a decision. She really wanted to spend the night with friends, and make fun memories for once. But her apprehensions were holding her back, "Let me read about it."
Sonya already had the haunted house's website pulled up. She let Alex sit at her computer and browse through all the information, reviews, and pictures she liked. They wouldn't pressure the young woman into anything she didn't want to do. Besides, the group they had was perfect, "Just the four of us is good."
"Unless either of you want to go to a haunted house," As Ryan and Owen passed by, Birkhoff called out to them. Owen double backed first. Ryan had to be dragged away from the file he was reading. Yet, both were confused by the nerd's sudden question.
"Maze and ghost stories," Once again, Michael clarified.
That got Ryan to drop his file on one of the desks and completely ignore the information he was looking over. He was always willing to take a step back and not think just listen. Sitting around hearing ghost stories would be perfect. It'd definitely be a distraction from his stress. The whole team deserved something like that. Which was why Sonya thought they should all go through the maze together, "Do you think if Nikita knew it wasn't an actual haunted house, she'd change her mind?"
"No," Michael and Alex echoed one another as they answered. Nikita wouldn't even walk near the Halloween section at a department store. There was absolutely no way she would pay anyone to jump out and scare her. Her excuse was that she had had enough monsters, demons, and terrifying horror in her life; she didn't need to subject herself to more. Though, Michael knew there was another reason. She was just a scaredy-cat.
"I could use a break tonight. Where is it?" Well aware Nikita would never change her mind, Ryan pushed forward for information.
"Off the highway. I have the website pulled up," Eyes glued to the screen, Alex waved Ryan over. He joined her at the computer, and scanned through the reviews and details. Whereas he grew more sure of his decision as he read, Alex sank further into hesitation.
"That just leaves you, Owen," Birkhoff turned his attention to the silent man. It was unlike him to not add his two cents. He was either thinking of a quip to throw at the others as he agreed to tag along, or he was ready to refuse like Nikita had. The conflict on his face expressed the latter. The idea of a haunted house didn't sit right with him.
Owen felt too awkward to explain that, however. He was an assassin who survived a Russian prison, yet he was afraid of a haunted house. Well, actually, he was afraid of what he might encounter, "I don't know. I'm not a big ghost person."
"There's not really ghosts at haunted houses or mazes," Sean argued.
"It's just monsters and demons. Which aren't as scary once you read up on them," Sonya added with a shrug. Research and practicality often took the uncertainty and fear out of things. At least, for her it did.
"Nope. Nope. I'm out," Without warning, Alex screamed. All eyes were on her as she quickly scrambled out of the chair and dashed out of the nerd cave. One glance at what she saw on the computer explained her sudden departure, though. It was a grotesque, decomposing clown jumping out of the corn maze.
"Oh come on, Alex. It's not that bad," Sean tried to chase after her, but she was long gone- probably on her way to wherever Nikita had disappeared to. He'd have to text or call her later to check in on her. He didn't want her so freaked she couldn't sleep that night. Maybe it was a good thing she wasn't going to the haunted house with them after all.
The frightening image didn't disturb the rest of the team, however. They were just as ready to go as they had been. All they were waiting on was Owen. Trying to get him to make up his mind, Ryan joked, "Don't worry, I'm not afraid of no ghosts."
Chuckles around the room covered Owen's deep sigh. Of course he had to make himself clear to the others. The team never let anything go unless they had answers, "I'm not… look. I was on an assignment in an old house in Maine once. And there were these three entities- ghosts- that just wouldn't leave me alone. They weren't trying to kill me, just torture me. I didn't last long. I just did my job, then I was gone."
"Did the regiment really mess with your mind that much?" Unsure of how concerned he should be, Sean wondered. He had heard things go bump in the night before, and he had heard stories of people seeing strange things. But a person being attacked by a ghost, that just couldn't be possible. At least he hoped it wasn't possible.
"You were terrorized by ghosts in Maine? What are you, Stephen King?" Michael scoffed. He was sure something had scared Owen. But it wasn't ghosts. There was no way.
"Stephen King. And you call me a nerd," Birkhoff taunted, earning himself a retaliating smack in the arm from Michael.
"In or out, man," Rolling his eyes, Sean finally asked.
Sighing again, Owen glanced at his friends in the room. They stared at him expectantly, hoping he would tag along in their shenanigans. He had missed a lot while he was with Gogol and then in prison. That moment could be when he made up for lost time, even if he was terrified at what he might see, "Well if all the nerds are going…"
"You can always be as brave as Alex or Nikita," Sonya couldn't help herself. It was easy to tease the women since they weren't in the room to defend themselves or glare at her. But it did serve her point. Either Owen could join the nerds, or chicken out like the indomitable women.
Laughter reverberated off of the walls. Owen could only roll his eyes and rise to the bait. He'd join his friends for fright night. Ryan shook his head, "This is going to be an adventure."
It really was. The agents were lucky they had left their weapons behind. The demons and monsters that jumped out of the dark corn maze truly had them spooked. At one point, Michael instinctively reached for his missing gun. Sean almost punched a worker in the face- Ryan had to hold him back. Birkhoff jumped into Michael's arms; the agent actually caught the nerd and held him for a moment. Sonya ran several yards ahead, and shakily waited for the others to catch up. Owen covered his ears, closed his eyes, and just blindly walked towards the exit. And Ryan screamed so suddenly and loudly, he fell on his ass.
By the time they reached the bonfire, however, things calmed down. The ghost stories were far more tame than the jump scares; though, the echoing screams of other guests and the occasional sound effects did up the creep factor. Yet, the friends whispered jokes to each other and pulled pranks on one another as they listened. It helped ease their anxiety, and it got them to laugh. They began to wish Nikita and Alex had decided to join. No doubt the two would've pulled off the best pranks and would've uttered the funniest comments. Maybe the team could convince the two for next time- just the bonfire part at least. The fun should be enjoyed by all.
While the rest of the team had the shit scared out of them, Nikita and Alex watched a cheesy family Halloween movie. They ate snacks, talked, painted their nails, and played with one another's hair. It was a fun and simple girl's night that left them laughing hysterically. Before the others returned, though, the two decided to call it a night. They were exhausted, and actual sleep deserved to be in their future.
Texting her fiancé, Nikita claimed that she'd probably be asleep when he came home. Except, that was a lie. Michael's guard was completely down as he stepped through the front door. The apartment was pitch black, and a strange noise filled the air. He closed and locked the door behind him, and went in search of what the noise could be. As he strained to see and hear, a demonic voice harshly uttered his name, "Michael."
"Jesus. Fuck," Michael startled away so fast that his back slammed into the doorway. Laughing instantly, Nikita turned on the lights. He rubbed his sore spine and glared at her. Although he was relieved it was just her, he was annoyed at the fright. Well, annoyed that he had fallen for her prank so easily.
"Awe. Are you scared?" Nikita feigned concern, giggles continuing to pour out of her. She had been planning that prank since she left him with Birkhoff and Sonya. The result was well worth the wait.
"One of the ghost stories freaked me out a bit," Michael downplayed how much he had been startled. He only told Nikita the highlights of the night, mostly the things that had made the friends burst out laughing as they drove home. She laughed along with him, especially when he told her about Birkhoff leaping into his arms. A part of him expected some sympathy for the jump scares he had experienced, yet he forgot who he was talking to. Nikita would take any opportunity to tease him. Michael couldn't blame her, though. He'd have done the exact same.
"Well, suffer the consequences," Smiling brighter than her words, Nikita began to return to the bedroom. She stifled her laughter as he scoffed in disbelief. He was so easy to mess with.
"Yeah, yeah. Love you too," Although his eyes rolled, Michael couldn't help but flash his crooked grin. Nikita looked over her shoulder with a cocky smile and a wink. He chased after her towards the bedroom. Laughter drove the remaining anxiety out of his mind. A great night with friends was a soothing balm to all their minds, hearts, and souls. They could face the next onslaught of drama no problem. They could always rely on their team.
Chapter 15
Notes:
Set pre-series when Nikita was a recruit, then in early season 3. Michael goes all drill sergeant on Nikita.
Chapter Text
Michael had to do something about Nikita. It always felt like he had to do something about her since she had been recruited. He had to talk her off a ledge when all she wanted to do was fight and die. He had to show her that it was okay to trust people- not everyone was going to hurt her. And he had to teach her respect, and that there were consequences to her actions. The latter continued to be the bane of his role as head of agents. She just didn't care. The threat of cancelation didn't work on her as well as the others. Sure she wasn't fighting anyone anymore, but she was still raising hell. She was still sprinting towards her death.
How was Michael supposed to help Nikita if she didn't want help. She was stubbornly set in her ways unless she saw reason- again. She had to have been the most challenging recruit to ever come through those walls. Yet, he continued to fight for her. He knew it was because he believed the recruits deserved an actual chance. They shouldn't be killed simply because they were difficult to work with. If that was the case, even Birkhoff would've been canceled.
However, when it came to Nikita, there was something more to the way Michael fought for her. He refused to give up on her, no matter how many times she shoved him away. He wanted to prove to her that people would keep showing up. She wasn't always going to be abandoned. Why exactly he wanted to demonstrate that for her, he had no idea. No other recruit had gained that much devotion or protection from him. Maybe it was because he saw her unlimited potential. Maybe her terrible past brought out his bleeding heart. Or maybe it was something else entirely- something that inexplicably drew him to her.
Regardless, he wasn't going to give up on her. Michael would teach Nikita respect, accountability, and so many other things she needed to know in order to survive. How he was going to get that past her stubbornness remained a mystery. He couldn't go about it normally. He needed a drastically new tactic. Fortunately, an idea struck him as he watched her battle her Kabudo instructor. She was relentless, caustic, and let her pride get the best of her. Michael had seen the same thing occur in the Navy. Whenever that happened, the drill sergeants stepped in.
Although Michael had yet to fill that role as the head of agents, he would have to adapt that strategy quickly. Nikita got the instructor flat on his ass, and tauntingly stood over him. Usually that wouldn't have been much of an issue, but the other recruits were snickering at her actions and words. Her defiance and disrespect was spreading, "Awe. You couldn't make it with the agents, and now you're getting your ass kicked by recruits. What is Percy to do with you?"
"Nikita! Drop and give me twenty, now," Before Nikita could successfully walk away from the Kabudo instructor, Michael shouted. The training room fell silent. Recruits, agents, trainers, all looked in his direction. His attention remained on Nikita, however. He had to be unwavering in his stance. She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to him slowly. Her expression was difficult to read. Yet there was a glint of rage reflecting in her brown eyes.
"Twenty what?" Bewildered, Nikita asked. Michael nearly yelled at her again; the last thing either of them needed was for her to be insubordinate, especially since he wasn't quite sure if he could beat her stubbornness. But then he realized her confusion was genuine. She didn't know what exercise he expected her to do. The possibilities were endless.
"Pushups," Michael clarified. It was best to keep it simple. He crossed the room towards Nikita, causing the others to turn away and awkwardly resume what they were doing. No one else wanted to be drawn into their argument- or whatever it was that had the two staring so intensely at one another.
"Okay…" Nikita let her confusion mix with the attitude she gave her handler. She cast him a strange look, like he was the wrong one in the situation, and dropped to the ground.
As she cranked out some quick and steady pushups, Michael closed the gap between them. He soon realized that Nikita wasn't going to learn anything if all she did was a simple exercise. He had to make her do more, "Wait, wait. What do you say to a superior officer?"
"Fuck you?" Nikita flashed a charming grin to soften the blow of her sarcasm. Michael had to fight to hold back his laughter. He couldn't show that she had gotten to him, yet it was too late for that. She always found a way under his skin. Smugly, she finished out the rest of her pushups and hopped to her feet.
"You call them 'Sir'. And you just earned yourself five more. Start over," Michael had to pull Nikita back. Watching her start to walk away snapped him back to his thoughts. There was still a lesson to be learned. And a challenge to win.
"One, sir. Two, sir. Three, sir," Shrugging, Nikita dropped back down and began her next round of pushups. She refused to be bothered by Michael. It really was a challenge between them. They had to one up each other; they had to prove themselves superior. He shouldn't have fallen for it, but he couldn't help himself. Each 'sir' she practically shouted was sassier and more pointed than the last. He had to make her stop. Or at least prove it wasn't getting at him. So, he dropped to the ground in front of her. She just smiled up at him, "Hey."
Their noses brushed when she glanced up, and his heart skipped a beat. Michael excused it as a quick jolt of panic at realizing how close they were. He should've moved away from her, but he was glued in place. He had to shake his head to make himself focus, "Hey. Just making sure you're going all the way down."
"Four, sir. Five… ow!" Since she made it a point to drop only her butt and stare at him expectantly, he shoved her down to the mat. Nikita glared. Michael was unbothered.
"If your butt's going to be down, then all of you needs to be down," It was his turn to shrug. He could match her asshole attitude. The solution was only pitting fire against fire. One or both of them had the chance to burn. But it was worth it to see Nikita so irritated. At least Michael wasn't the only one who could be so strongly affected by the other.
"Six, sir," Nikita huffed, pushing herself all the way up from the ground. A small proud smile pulled at her lips. Michael had to reflect the expression.
"Good. You can do the rest of your pushups from the ground. Just make sure you don't drop. You have to lower yourself slowly," Though, Michael's pride in her was quickly replaced with her further torture. She still had to learn from her punishment. Nikita gasped then groaned.
"And if I don't?" She struggled with the latest pushup. More like that one, and she might not make it all the way to twenty-five. Nikita was actually concerned at what that might mean for her. Michael was proving he wasn't as much of a pushover as she had thought. Yet, she forced her question to come out as a dare. He couldn't know she was worried or that his tactic was working. She wanted to be unflappable.
Noticing Nikita's struggle, Michael felt the urge to be more gentle with her. Except, he honestly believed his strategy was working. If he piled on more punishment, then she might try harder to not be a little shit. The only thing he could think of to take away from her was the free time scheduled later that day. He knew how much she loved to wander Division without anyone watching her. It was her own personal solace. She'd be pissed if he took that chance from her, "Bye, bye, free time this afternoon."
"God fucking… sir," Nikita cursed under her breath. She continued her pushups, though. Furious determination fueled her. It made her counting and 'sirs' harsh, yet as long as she was following Michael's asinine orders she was fine. She refused to lose her cherished alone time over something as stupid as pushups. Even if she was defiant, she wouldn't have won anything.
"There you go. Just three more. You got this," Eventually, Michael encouraged her to keep going. The words seemed to hold Nikita through to the end. She gritted out the rest of her pushups, the last 'sir' expelling on a choked breath. He beamed at her as she finished. He was genuinely proud of what she had accomplished, "And you're done. Perfect."
Nikita plopped down on the mat with a huge sigh. Her arms were shaky and her abdomen burned. But she did it. She survived the punishment, somewhat proved Michael wrong, and kept her free time. She was satisfied, if not still annoyed, "Fuck off, sir."
Chuckling softly, Michael got back on his feet. Another idea sprang to mind once he noticed the sparring mat next to them clear out. He began to remove his suit jacket and roll up the sleeves of his dress shirt. Nikita watched his movements curiously, sitting upright. He just smiled down at her and nodded towards the other mat, "Come on. Now it's time to spar."
"What?" Her shriek caused heads to turn their way. Once again, the looks were ignored.
"There's consequences to your actions, Nikita," Michael held out his hand to her. Nikita immediately slapped it away. She got to her feet on her own, and stomped towards the other mat.
"You're fucking dead," Full of venom, Nikita cursed. Michael only flashed a smug grin. The smirk didn't last long, though. It was quickly wiped away once she handed his ass to him in the sparring match. Her muscles were tired, yet her anger more than made up for it. Rage made her good- damn good. She was going to be formidable once she became an agent. Meanwhile, however, her only focus was on the free time she had rightfully earned. She left the training room uninterrupted. Yet before she exited, she shot a self-satisfied grin over her shoulder.
From his seat on the mat, Michael laughed softly to himself and smiled back at Nikita.
As they sorted through old files in Ops, looking for any information on the Dirty Thirties, Birkhoff and Nikita found themselves taking a trip down memory lane. They couldn't help but gripe about their time in Division, especially as recruits. Soon, the conversation shifted and became about Michael- despite him being in the room with them. His actions and moody behavior deserved a special mention. The nerd had to taunt him for it, "Fucking drill sergeant over there. Went all power trip on us with those 'sirs'."
"Well, yeah. He had to command respect where he could. Otherwise everyone would know he was my little bitch," Nikita smirked, and Birkhoff laughed. Michael dropped the file he was reading to glare at the two. All that did was make them laugh harder, however.
"That's it. Drop and give me twenty," It was a long shot, yet Michael had to retaliate. Instead of laughing more, Birkhoff and Nikita immediately grumbled. They followed his sharp command without thinking. Maybe it was because they were actually in Division, or because they were just talking about it, but neither argued with him.
"God, you fucking… this is ridiculous," Nikita muttered as she automatically dropped into pushup position. It took her a second to register what she was doing. One glance at Michael's smug half-smile, however, caused realization to course through her. She snapped to her feet and accosted him, "Asshole!"
While Michael laughed and Nikita smacked his arm, Birkhoff finally collapsed from his pushup position. He couldn't believe he had fallen for the prank as well. He was going to blame the fact that they were in Division. Those walls fucked with their heads all the time. Except he wouldn't allow the hellhole to keep messing with him. To cover for his blunder, he pulled out his wallet and pretended as though he were literally following the order, "Here's twenty bucks, Mikey. Take Nikki on a date before she rips your head off."
"Oh no. I'm picking the restaurant. I'm also taking another twenty," Nikita negated. Yanking Birkhoff's wallet from his hands, she removed more cash. She had wanted to go out with Michael that night anyway. The nerd paying for it just made the idea of a date night better.
"Hey! Thief!" Trying to chase after her didn't go in Birkhoff's favor. Nikita just shoved him back down. She tossed his significantly lighter wallet back at him, and began to leave.
"Take it out on Michael. He has to learn there's consequences to his actions," Nikita glanced back at her fiancé with a glare. It might've taken years, but she finally threw his words back in his face. Michael just sighed. He spared an apologetic glance at Birkhoff, then followed his fiancée on another adventure.
Chapter 16
Notes:
Set in the latter half of season 2. A lazy Sunday discussing old cartoons with friends.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It was as lazy of a Sunday as the rogues could allow themselves. While they waited for any new moves made by their enemies, they cleaned, trained, talked, and relaxed. Michael and Nikita soon found themselves back in their bedroom, talking aimlessly as they remade their bed with freshly washed sheets. Once everything was nicely set in place, she ruined it by plopping down on the warm comforter. A hum of content vibrated her chest at the soothing feel of clean sheets. He rolled his eyes and nudged her. She nudged back. He tugged her foot. She glared. He moved his face next to hers, disturbing her peace and flashing his charming half-smile, "Hey."
"Hey," Nikita grinned warmly in response. Michael just had to kiss her. They weren't doing anything else that day. Who cared if they had to remake the bed again. Lying against the pillows, the couple kissed and caressed languidly. Eventually, he placed gentle kisses along her neck and slowly lifted the hem of her t-shirt. Her hips lifted slightly, causing him to chuckle against her skin. A quiet moan almost escaped her, but it was cut short by the door creaking open. Michael immediately stopped. He hurriedly pulled down her shirt, collapsed next to her as though nothing had occurred, and turned on the television in their room. Nikita bit back laughter.
Apparently, Michael was far more traumatized from people walking in on them than Nikita had thought. But maybe that was a good thing, as Alex was the one to enter their room. She had dealt with enough of their bullshit. The couple did their best to relax themselves as the young woman moved towards them. She didn't seem to have noticed what she almost walked in on. She just curled next to Nikita on the bed and asked, "Whatcha guys up to?"
"Just flipping through TV," Wrapping her arm around Alex, Nikita smirked at Michael. He sighed and rolled his eyes, but he took his cue to switch between television channels. The three silently watched the changing shows and movies, uninterested in anything. They simply laid together- Alex tucked into Nikita's side, and Nikita resting on Michael. Hiding soft smiles, the couple shared amused glances and eye rolls. They couldn't have their peace alone.
Somewhat watching TV together was nice, though. At least they could do something relaxing as friends; until Alex saw something she liked shooting across the screen. She scrambled over Nikita to wrestle the remote from Michael. Both were elbowed in the ribs, yet she didn't care, "Ooh. Saturday morning cartoons. I never actually got to watch these."
"It's Sunday afternoon," Michael grumbled, rubbing his sore side. Nikita moved to help soothe him, yet he just took her hand in his. He was fine, just more annoyed than before.
"Don't ruin this for me. My papa did enough as a kid," Alex was oblivious to the couple next to her. Eyes glued to the television screen, she couldn't care less about Michael and Nikita. That was alright with them; they could continue sharing expressive looks.
"Cause American cartoons are the devil," Settling back down into a comfortable position, Nikita teased Alex. Michael squeezed her hand as he laughed.
"Yes. All American entertainment is a distraction," Although Alex rolled her eyes, a smile pulled at her lips. She was alright joking about the things her father had said and done with her friends. Not only did they know when to draw the line, but they were also the only people who could understand the complexities of her life. Despite her dad being essentially a criminal and making her follow strict rules, she loved him with all her heart. And he loved her too.
The team was aware of all that, yet there were still missing gaps. Michael could've sworn Alex had seen the Disney princess movies. Whenever Birkhoff tried to compare her to one, she shot back with a well-referenced quip. How could that have been if her dad didn't let her watch them and she didn't have much access on the streets, "I thought you've seen Disney movies."
"Well, yeah. Mama would spoil me with a spa day and American movies after I did wilderness training with Papa," Alex explained slowly and completely zombified. She wasn't entirely sure what she was watching, but the cartoon had her captivated. It was the perfect mix of stupid, brainless, and distracting. No wonder her father had banned her from watching them.
Nikita couldn't help but laugh at Alex's statement. The two of them really had drastically different childhoods, "What's it like being an heiress?"
"It's alright," She didn't quite catch Nikita's question, but Alex shrugged anyway.
Quickly taking the remote away, Michael changed the channel. He couldn't have Alex completely zonked out on cartoons. Besides, whatever they were watching was annoying. The young woman tried to fight for the remote back, but Nikita shoved her aside. The squabble ended up not lasting long. Once the commercial ended and another cartoon played, Alex was distracted. Nikita, on the other hand, began to laugh. She recognized the old show immediately. Grinning smugly, she turned towards Michael, "Oh look, Michael. It's your favorite."
"I made one joke…" Groaning, Michael attempted to cover his face with a pillow. She would torture him forever for the dorky things he said if she could. Ripping the pillow from his hands and nudging his side, Nikita did just that.
"I'm missing something aren't I?" As the couple poked one another, Alex glanced at them in confusion. It was also her turn to be annoyed. Nikita and Michael jostled the bed and disturbed her peace while they messed around. She just wanted to watch her shows undisturbed.
"I told you, remember? Peters, Heilbrun, and Chang. Huey, Dewey, and Louie," Settling on top of Michael as if that was a way to win their mock-argument, Nikita reminded Alex.
"Yeah, I never got that," It was still lost on her, however. Alex didn't understand the joke when she was in Division, and she didn't understand it then.
Michael hoped pushing Nikita off of him would stop her from teasing him. He already heard enough residual taunts from Birkhoff for the old joke. He didn't need Alex piling on. However, the determined mischief in Nikita's eyes was too much to shove away, "Michael used to give agents nicknames based on cartoons."
"Just those three. They acted just like them," Michael defended himself. Alex only shook her head and chuckled. He wound up laughing with her, especially when he slightly remembered his nickname for another group of agents, "Oh, and that one pair. They were partners and best friends. The dumbass and the smart one. Uh, Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh."
"Charles and Robinson," Nikita found the names for him. Michael nodded in excitement, and the two laughed at the memory.
Once again, Alex was completely confused. Not over Charles and Robinson. She knew those two agents, and why they'd be considered stupid friends. What she didn't understand was the characters Michael referenced. She had only ever heard of Winnie the Pooh. How did the other factor in on that, "Who's Christopher Robin?"
"The little boy from Winnie the Pooh," Nikita shrugged as though it was obvious.
"What are you talking about? There's only animals," Except, it wasn't obvious to Alex.
"And Pooh's best friend," Sharing a look with Nikita, Michael added. He sat up and turned off the television. Neither woman complained as they sat upright as well. They were far more interested in their baffling conversation than kids' shows anyway.
"Piglet's his best friend. There are no humans in the hundred acre woods," Frim in her stance, Alex argued. She shifted on the mattress, needing to see the glances Michael and Nikita had been expressing to one another. Whatever it was they were thinking, she had to know.
Nikita and Michael weren't thinking much besides confusion, however. There was no way Alex could know about Winnie the Pooh but not one of the main characters. Either she hit her head, was misremembering something, or had possibly seen a completely different movie. Regardless, Nikita stared at her in bewilderment, "Are we talking about the same movie? Winnie the Pooh. The yellow bear with the red shirt."
Alex could feel herself becoming angry. She was absolutely positive she knew what she was talking about. She wasn't stupid. Michael and Nikita had to have been, though, if they thought Winnie the Pooh was yellow, "He's a brown bear. Piglet's the only one in clothes, and he's in pants. Oh, and Owl. But it's just glasses and a headscarf."
"Have I gone insane?" Unsure how to respond to that, Nikita turned sharply to Michael.
"Alex, type in what movie you're talking about," Handing over the tablet from his nightstand, Michael decided it was time to put the argument to rest. There was no need to keep fighting if they could simply use the internet.
Alex had to change the keyboard from English to Russian in order to find the movie she remembered, which honestly should've been her first sign that she wasn't as right as she believed. Soon, she found a picture of what she was talking about, and she showed it proudly to her friends, "See. He's brown."
"Ohmygod. There's a Soviet version of Winnie the Pooh," Ripping the tablet out of Alex's hands, Nikita squealed in excitement. She scrolled through the screen, needing more.
"There's a more popular American version, isn't there?" Alex wasn't sure if she should feel annoyed, stupid, or what. She settled on a whole mixture of emotions, as Nikita gleefully read about the Russian version of Winnie the Pooh and tried to find a video to watch of it.
"Your dad set you up for failure here," Although Michael felt sympathy for Alex's deficiency in pop culture knowledge, he had to laugh at the miscommunication. Before she could roll her eyes at him, he nodded for her to take the tablet off of Nikita's nightstand. When she looked up the Winnie the Pooh her friends had mentioned, realization struck her. She had seen toys and games of the American version of the character. She knew what they were talking about. She simply never put two and two together before.
"This is a masterpiece," In total awe, Nikita muttered. Michael and Alex glanced over to see what she was looking at on the tablet. Apparently, she had discovered a way to watch the old Soviet cartoon, and everything about it made her die in laughter. As Michael watched with her, he laughed uncontrollably as well. Alex simply recited the dialogue and songs she memorized long ago, making the two giggle even more.
The argument and ill feelings the friends had were instantly forgotten as they enjoyed a joyful and simple kids' show. Eventually, the three's fun and excitement drew Sean into the room. He had entered the safehouse, wondering what the team was up to that day. Seeing them laugh together was a great answer to receive, "Didn't know there was a party in here."
"I'd show you the video, but apparently your Russian isn't as good as a five year old's," Nikita glanced up from the cartoon to immediately taunt Sean. The Seal's inability to understand Russian was one of the first things Alex had told her when he was sent to be her bodyguard. There was no way Nikita would ever let that fact go.
Michael wouldn't either. Whereas Sean glared at the giggling trio in annoyance, the agent twisted the taunt deeper, "How'd you make it as a Seal without any Russian?"
"How'd you make it as head of agents while fucking her?" Sean attempted to fire back. He thought poking fun at Michael's and Nikita's relationship would do the trick. But the two just collapsed in laughter. He looked to Alex for answers, "I'm missing something aren't I?"
"You always are with these two," Chuckling, Alex shrugged. She wanted to help Sean, but there were times when even she couldn't wrap her head around the couple's relationship.
"That's what you get for listening to Amanda," Nikita somewhat explained to Sean why his assumption about her and Michael had been wrong. She also helped Alex understand why she never got a clear understanding of the couple's history. Amanda loved twisting facts and the past in order to further her own needs. But they didn't need to focus on the bitch's horrors at the moment. They could just keep smiling, "Or as Michael calls her, the Wicked Bitch of the West."
"I'm never telling you a joke ever again," Michael nudged Nikita. She nudged back.
"Thank God. You're not that funny," Before the two could escalate into another fake sparring match, Sean quipped. Alex instantly collapsed against the pillows in laughter.
"Well, no one can be as funny looking as you," Glaring at the Seal, Nikita snarked. Michael barely laughed as he rolled his eyes. And Sean and Alex shook their heads. The rogue didn't care, however. She laughed at her own joke and high fived herself.
Playfully smacking her with a pillow, Alex admonished her for her actions, "Don't hype yourself up over your own joke, weirdo."
Feigning regret, Nikita returned the pillow strike, "Did calling Sean ugly strike a nerve?"
"Yes," Michael answered immediately for Alex.
"I'm gonna go watch cartoons in peace. Come on, Sean," Unable to stand the knowing looks Nikita and Michael sent her way, Alex leapt off the bed with a tablet in hand and marched out of the bedroom. Sean stared after for a confused second before following.
"Can you close the door behind you? That way you won't walk in on us again," Nikita called after the two. Alex's answering disgusted groan made the admission more than worth it.
"EW!"
"If you went home, then that wouldn't happen," Shouting in reply, Michael reminded Alex of her own apartment. Nikita added onto it, yet the only thing they heard in response was Sean expressing his unresolved confusion.
Shaking his head, Michael climbed out of bed and closed and locked the door. Once their privacy was secured, he turned back to Nikita with a crooked grin, "Now. Where were we?"
Pulling Michael into her awaiting arms, Nikita kissed him tenderly and lovingly. The kiss was an extension of how the rest of the team's Sunday went- restfully, lazy, joyful, and fun.
Notes:
P.S. There really is a Soviet produced Winnie the Pooh. It is free to watch on Youtube with English subtitles. It is so cute and weird. I love it.
Chapter 17
Notes:
Set after 3x09 "Survival Instincts". Sean and Nikita help one another.
Chapter Text
Her hands clutched the edge of the counter. She tried to control the shake of her limbs by the sheer force of her grip, but her chest wouldn't stop heaving. Tears swelled in her eyes. Yet, whether she managed to hold them back or they couldn't fall when her breath was so ragged, she didn't know. She wasn't aware of anything. Her body doubled over on itself, knuckles white as they tried to ground her. She couldn't breathe. No amount of inhaling could get her to breathe. It wasn't quite hyperventilating. It was more choked sobs that were leaving her than air. She felt like she was falling. She felt like she was shaking so much she'd crack open and it'd all be over.
Only one thing came to mind on how to fix it. If she wanted to get a hold of herself, if she wanted her heart to stop beating so painfully, she knew what she had to do. Her solution was readily available to her. She knew how to get it without anyone noticing. Except, she couldn't move from her spot. Her feet were glued to the floor. And her mind seemed to catch on fire with the singular thought. She couldn't. But how else was she to stop shaking. She wouldn't fall down that path. But how could she stop the screams in her head if she didn't.
Movement happened without her say so. She pushed off the counter and rushed to the pantry. They only had cooking wine in the apartment. She knew herself enough not to have actual alcohol; she only drank it on special occasions. Yet what she had would have to do. She'd drink just the right amount to settle her nerves, then she'd score what she was truly craving. It didn't matter if she got it from the streets or from Medical. It was available to her in all forms. Her hectic breathing, pitted stomach, trembling muscles, and violent heartbeat could be controlled with one simple thing. There would be silence in her mind once again.
However, the instant she uncorked the bottle, a shot of rationality coursed through her. What was she doing- she knew better. She couldn't get high or drunk. That wouldn't fix anything. It'd only be a false sense of fleeting hope. She had to suffer, and remove herself from temptation. With the same force she had gripped the counter, she held tightly to the neck of the bottle. She thought of simply pouring it down the drain, but then the urge to drown her sorrows became deafening. Throwing the bottle into the sink was her only way to make it shut up.
Glass shattered upon impact. Shards exploded in the sink, some escaping into the kitchen. Dark oozing red liquid fell from each broken shard. Throwing away her temptation wasn't the catharsis she thought it would've been. The grating sound, the dripping red, it was too much for the screams in her head. She shut her eyes, needing to drown them out. Need for an easy solution coursed through her veins once more. Clutching her sides, doubling over, breathing so hard she cried, she backed as far away from the front door as possible. Her nails nearly ripped the fabric of her shirt. But she didn't care. She just had to make it stop.
Sean wasn't sure why he felt nervous. All he was doing was asking Nikita some questions. Though, the probability of him putting his foot in his mouth was high. He had just gotten things right with Alex and the team. He didn't need one little misstep to ruin everything for him. Squaring his shoulders and taking a deep breath, he knocked on the apartment door. There was no response. He tried again, knocking harder. Again, there was nothing. He could've sworn Nikita went home for the night; she had told Alex that. Suddenly concerned, he decided to use his extra key- maybe it was a good thing that they all had keys to each other's place.
"Hey, Nikita. You home? I want to ask you something," Sean shouted into the dark apartment. The lack of responses really started to freak him out. Reaching for his gun, he searched for any signs of Nikita- or even Michael, if he had finally returned home. He found the light switch, and immediately illuminated the place. The sight of the kitchen in front of him almost made him step back. Glass and wine littered the sink, the counter, and the floor. And Nikita was curled into the corner, hyperventilating. Sean couldn't help but panic, "Nikita?"
The sound of another person snapped Nikita out of her head. She hadn't even known Sean had entered her apartment until he approached her. She shook her head to make him go away, however. She had no other control. Her breath was caught in her chest, and her muscles wouldn't stop trembling. But she was able to push him away. No matter what, she could always push people away. It was what she was best at, "Just… go… or talk… just talk."
Sean didn't know how to react at first. He knew he had to put his weapon away- that was a given. But he didn't know what else he was supposed to do. Nikita was obviously in distress. He couldn't ignore her. He also couldn't approach her to comfort her; her tense body and panicked eyes made that abundantly clear. He'd have to follow her harsh command if he wanted to be of any use, "Right, uh… oh. You know Alex and I are officially together. Well, I was thinking of bringing her to meet my sisters next week."
Nikita closed her eyes, clutched the fabric of her t-shirt even tighter, and choked on a sob. Out of reflex, Sean closed the distance between them. As he neared her again, however, his shoe stepped on a shard of glass. The sharp sound made her flinch violently. She pressed her back further into the wall, and her head slammed back. He froze. She was beyond distressed- beyond the anxiety attack he believed she was having. He recognized a PTSD attack when he saw one.
"I feel I owe it to Jill and Sandy since I maybe talked about Alex just a little too much," Trying to get a better control over his own emotions, Sean continued. Nikita needed him to remain calm if she was ever going to calm down herself. He thought the self-deprecating joke would get through her muddled mind. She loved any chance to tease her friends. Slowly, her eyes opened. He smiled softly as he kept talking, "Though, they kinda heard two different versions of Alex. There's the agent and the heiress. I'm not sure which one I should introduce."
He knew better than to expect a response from her. But he did give Nikita the chance to say something. A long silent pause followed, but Sean used the time to focus his attention on the broken bottle and spilled wine. He'd clean that up for her. It was the least he could do after all she had helped him with, "You're right. That should be Alex's decision. I'll talk to her about it later. Probably after I make her talk about her relapse."
Glancing at Nikita, Sean wanted to know if the topic would send her into another spiral. She just looked up at him with wide unfocused eyes. Some part of her seemed to be registering his words and actions, however. The briefest flash of guilt crossed her gaze as he cleaned her shattered mess. He continued despite it. He'd do whatever it took to bring her back to reality.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I don't know how to address her relapse. I know I need to be supportive. And I know how I can help her control her anxiety. I just don't want to sound insensitive," Being cautious of the broken glass helped Sean keep his emotions in check as he admitted his problem. Alex deserved the best from him. He simply was unsure what his best should look like. Instead of stumbling through an answer and making another ass of himself, he decided to ask his friends for help. He didn't need to go it alone, just like Alex didn't.
"You had helped Alex get clean before. You also have a history of drug use. I just want to know what I can do to be helpful. I know it's an ongoing healing process. I want to be there every step of the way," Sean didn't look at Nikita. She didn't need eyes studying her, especially as he discussed such a heavy topic. The more space he gave her- the more he distracted her- the better. Besides, maybe speaking his thoughts aloud was the perfect way to solve his problems.
Eventually, a small voice haltingly responded. The words were broken and barely above a whisper. Yet, Nikita finally replied. "Tell her that. Tell her everything you told me. It might sound awkward, but she'll know it's from your heart. If she knows you're there for her, then she'll be fine. Show her your heart, and she'll know you're hers. Though, sometimes, you just need a person to talk to… or be around."
"No matter where you are in your life, addiction really is lifelong, huh?" Sean spared a glance at Nikita. She wouldn't look at him. Her forehead was pressed into the tops of her knees, and her arms were wrapped tightly around herself. Slowly, she breathed. And slightly, she shook. She must've been exhausted. Attacks like those were completely draining. He wanted to know what had caused it and where her head had gone. Except, he knew better than to pry. She'd tell him on her own time. For the moment, she needed rest, or at least a distraction. Picking up on something she had said, Sean went for the distraction, "What'd you want to talk about?"
Raising her head and resting her chin on her knees, Nikita stared at Sean for a long moment. He finished cleaning and moved to sit across from her on the floor. He continued to smile softly at her. She had to look away. Either embarrassment or shame reddened her cheeks and she didn't want to know which it was. She just wanted to melt away, but that wasn't an option. She had to continue talking. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how she truly felt) a question burned on her lips. She had to ask, "How do Navy men think?"
"Like dumbasses," Instantly, Sean replied. He was starting to know what had caused Nikita's attack. Breaking the wine bottle was her attempt to silence her urge to harmfully drown her demons. He shouldn't ask her about it. Or let on that he knew. He should only answer her seriously, "There's a lot of pride. We want to be strong, especially for those we love. If we feel like we can't protect them, we do something stupid. A major loss or injury can cause that."
Sean spoke from experience. Nikita read it all over his face. The Seal lost his mother, feared he'd lose Alex the same way, and pushed the girl he loved away. Michael lost his hand, believed he couldn't protect Nikita without it, and pushed the love of his life away. It was the same situation when it was boiled down like that. But Sean had come back from it. He fought through his "stupidity" and was with Alex. Michael could do the same, "How can I help?"
"It's the same advice you gave me. Talk to him. And if he's not listening, go full drill sergeant on his ass. You're strong and capable on your own. He should know that," Smiling brighter, Sean got to his feet. He nodded that they should move to the couch and held out his hand. Nikita didn't take it. But she did stand and follow him to the livingroom.
"I can talk to Michael again if you want. I think I have enough expertise to snap him out of it," Once Sean reclined against the soft cushions, he offered. His previous talk with Michael hadn't gone anywhere. The agent found a way to dodge the conversation by focusing on the Seal. But Sean was in a better place then. He could successfully ream Michael out for not being home. However, he wouldn't mention Nikita's PTSD attack to anyone. That was for her to share.
"No, Sean. You don't have to. I got it," Nikita instantly shook her head. She didn't want to keep pushing Michael. He had said that she had done enough, and their moment in the old training room proved as much. She had a plan to make everything right; it should only stay between her and Birkhoff. The less people that knew, the less word would get back to Michael. She didn't want him knowing what she was planning. He didn't deserve the false hope.
Nodding, Sean didn't argue with her. He trusted Nikita to know what she was doing. He should keep giving her space; though, he wasn't going to leave her just yet. He wanted to know she was herself again first, "Is there anything else while I'm still here? You can try to convince me that bringing Alex home to my sisters isn't as nerve wracking as I'm making it out to be."
"What's your family like?" Nikita asked simply. She didn't know much about Sean's family besides the basics. He mostly talked about them to Alex, which was fair. Out of everyone, she'd understand his family drama and dynamics the most; they both had power corrupt parents who they still managed to love, after all. But Nikita was curious to know how deeply his love and devotion for his family extended. She wanted to know who he had fought so vehemently for.
"Other than a corrupt mother, pretty normal," Sean shrugged and chuckled lightly. Nikita didn't appear able to respond to that comment. She had no idea what normal meant, especially in the context of family. He sighed. Sometimes, he forgot who was talking to whenever he had conversations with the team. Their sense of normalcy and civilian life was drastically different from his. Though, he was beginning to understand them, "Right. You and Alex are on two opposing ends of the strange families spectrum."
"The only thing I know about normal families is from TV," Chuckling softly to herself, Nikita admitted. She awkwardly ruffled her hair and tucked herself into the corner of the couch. She didn't know how much Sean knew about her childhood, and she didn't want to expand on it that second. She had just gotten past a torturous attack from her mind. She didn't need another.
"My family's not quite a sitcom. But we did get up to some shenanigans," Sean focused on the more lighthearted side of his family. That was easier for the night. Also, he had been serious when he asked Nikita to assure him that bringing Alex to meet his sisters wasn't as anxiety-inducing as he was making it. He had met her mother, after all. Knowing each other's families simply brought them closer as a couple; it proved how seriously they were taking their relationship. And he wanted Alex to know he was completely serious about her.
"What, like breaking your sister's nose with a football?" Nikita's slip back into sarcastically teasing her friends wasn't as seamless as she wanted it to be. She wanted to move on from whatever had happened in the kitchen immediately. The time it would take to heal didn't sit right with her. But Sean laughed at her reference, and that was good enough for the moment.
"She broke my nose actually," Still laughing, Sean clarified. Nikita couldn't help but burst out in laughter. She definitely wasn't expecting that. Yet since she had heard it, that was all she could picture and giggle about. Sean built off of her good mood by telling her more stories about his sisters. She continued to laugh and make sarcastic comments, but she never offered up her own childhood tales. That was fine with the both of them. He needed to get used to talking so openly, and she had to have the patience to simply sit and listen.
Another hour passed before the two decided it was time to part for the night. Sean had to talk to Alex, and the exhaustion Nikita felt earlier caught up to her. Yawning, she walked him to the front door. He double checked that she was alright before he opened the door and began to leave. Just before he stepped away for good, however, she called him back. "Hey. Thank you."
"You helped me. I helped you. It's what friends do," Although Sean tried to play it off as though their time together meant nothing, they both knew how meaningful their conversation was. He squeezed her shoulder tightly, sending her all the comfort he could. She returned to favor by squeezing his hand. They didn't need to say anything else. They nodded, smiled softly, and closed the door. Comfortable, weightless silence followed.
Chapter 18
Notes:
Set between 2x13 "Clean Sweep" and 2x14 "Rogue". Nikita cuts Michael's hair.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Here. Let me…" Noticing her struggle, Michael reached towards Nikita. They were finally getting around to fixing the damage Sean Pierce had caused with his bullet. Birkhoff was out fixing their security around the beach house's property, and the two agents were replacing the bulletproof glass and shades. Whereas they had worked together to replace the shattered pane, Nikita decided to put up the shades on her own. She struggled with the length, weight, and awkwardness atop the ladder. So, Michael tried to steady her. He only wanted to help.
"No. I got it," Yet, Nikita shoved him away. She could hang blinds over the window. She was almost done with her task anyway. Michael's interference was only getting in her way. She pushed his helpful hands off of her and set her determined gaze on the window, "I got it."
Michael rolled his eyes and huffed. He watched Nikita struggle with the blinds for a couple of minutes before she finally succeeded. As she made her way down the ladder, he attempted to help her again. And again, she shoved him away. He couldn't help but scoff, "You know, it's okay to ask for help every once and awhile."
"Yeah. I'm sure when I need it, I'll say something," Nikita brushed past Michael harshly. She began to clean their mess along the floor, completely ignoring him. She had been giving him the cold shoulder since they returned from saving Division and what was left of Oversight from Clean Sweep. He thought it was about his time in London, but she had seemed welcoming when he first returned. Something else was on her mind. If only she would talk to him.
There were plenty of things the two had to talk about. London and Clean Sweep were simply the heavy hitting subjects. Michael and Nikita had to sit and have an actual conversation- preferably one not interrupted by a bullet. However, as he chased after her, she pulled further away. He had to call across the room to her in order for her to listen, "What's that about?"
"Oh. I don't know. Maybe relying on Madeline Pierce for amnesty after this shit storm blows over," Nikita turned around sharply. As much as she wanted pardons for the hell she had raised and for the awful things she was forced to do, she didn't trust that her freedom could come from Senator Pierce. It was too good to be true. It was too great of a promise from the woman who never wanted the rogues to succeed.
"I know she's not completely trustworthy. But this is a real shot of something after our war," Gently, Michael neared Nikita. He knew she had had her reservations about trusting Senator Pierce. He was just surprised it took her so long to voice them. Sure it wasn't the ideal option, but it was their best chance of a life outside of Division's shadows. They had to take it.
"Yeah. Let's just follow the woman who tried to kill us, who sanctioned Division, and who rationalized child killing," Nikita threw the items in her hands into a box. She kicked it harshly towards the ladder and Michael. He could pack both away in the garage once she was done yelling at him. She wasn't going to let someone like Madeline Pierce ruin their shot at freedom. Not after everything she had worked so hard for.
Nikita was right. Senator Pierce was Oversight. She worked against the team, she sanctioned Division missions, and she was involved in the deal with Semak about killing the Udinovs for Zetrov. Madeline's sudden change of heart was something to be wary of, even if it benefitted her too. Yet Michael wasn't going to let caution hold him back. He wanted his freedom, and it wasn't as though they had any other real option, "So what? We end Division, then spend the rest of our lives hiding? I don't want that. Do you?"
"Rather that than trust our government. They've done nothing but fuck us over. So have fun chasing down a pipe dream, while I live in reality," Turning on her heels, Nikita marched out of the livingroom. She didn't even wait around to see Michael's reaction. She was done.
He should've chased after her. They had to talk. Letting the conversation just slip by wasn't going to do either of them any good. But Michael was just so goodman frustrated with Nikita. He tightly clutched his long hair as he brushed it out of his face and expelled a hot breath. If he wasn't going to follow after her, then he had to keep himself busy in some other way. Stopping to think would only make him more frustrated. Except, as he moved the ladder and box to the garage, he had to keep shoving strands of hair out of his face. The lack of cooperation from his own hair made him even more frustrated. It was like he couldn't win anything.
It was time he finally got a haircut. Yet, Michael couldn't just waltz into a barber shop and spend the time sitting defenseless in a chair. He'd have to cut it himself. Or have Nikita do it. He had seen her trim hers and Birkhoff's hair before. She apparently picked up the skill from Amanda. If he asked, she'd probably say 'yes', especially since he had made a big deal about asking for help. He showed he was willing to follow the same advice, then she'd be less stubborn. Or they could mend whatever strain was happening between them. Either way, he eventually found her in the bedroom, "Hey, Nikita. Can you cut my hair?"
"Uh. Yeah. Gather up some towels and newspapers, and I'll meet you in the livingroom," After taking a second to register what he had asked her, Nikita agreed. She gathered her haircutting scissors and Birkhoff's razor with the hair trimming attachment, while Michael set-up a mini salon for her. Newspapers littered the floor around the chair he sat in, and a towel was draped over his shoulders. She pulled over another chair to set her equipment in. Carefully, she tugged at his long strands and wondered, "How short do you want it?"
"I don't know. How it normally is," Shrugging, Michael decided. He hadn't put that much thought into his haircut, and he wasn't sure if Nikita's skills extended past trims. But she nodded anyway, the shears already making their first cut.
Running her fingers through Michael's soft hair after the fight they had had left Nikita's stomach in knots and her mind a complete puddle. She had to get herself in order. Maybe she could use that situation to talk to him about the things they were ignoring. Or, she could distract them both with a joke, "Percy's comment about your rebel without a cause hair got to you, huh?"
"I actually realized my hair would be as long as Birkhoff's was back in Division, and I panicked," Michael joked as well. Despite the need to, then really wasn't the time to talk. They'd figure it out later when their emotions were in better control. Laughing together was far better than yelling anyway.
"We can't have you looking like a nerd," Chuckling, Nikita chopped away at Michael's hair. Once she cleared the long strands, she'd worry about how even it was.
"I'd rather go bald," Michael shuddered at the thought of looking like Birkhoff. Nikita had to stop cutting as she laughed. Her giggles brought more laughter out of him. He looked back at her, flashing the crooked smile he only showed her. She beamed.
"Well, we don't want that," Tugging his hair lightly, Nikita shifted around so that she could cut his grown out bangs. Michael wanted to playfully swat her away, but she was standing so close to him. His hands had been awkwardly laying in his lap while she cut his hair; he wasn't sure what to do with them. Yet with her so close, he could reach out and touch her. That was all he wanted. So, as she moved even closer, he placed his hand on the back of her thigh.
Brown eyes instantly snapped to green. Michael absentmindedly ran his thumb along her leg. Nikita stopped moving as she stared down at him. They were trapped in their gaze, somehow drifting closer together. Their time apart made one locked glance between them magnetizing. Imagine how much more they could've been affected if they had talked first. For the moment, however, there was just the burning need to kiss after far too long apart. Their foreheads touched and their noses brushed. But then, Alex burst through the door, stealing the moment, "You're cutting hair? Great. The ends of my hair are completely fried. I need a trim."
Clearing her throat, Nikita tore her eyes away from Michael's. She resumed her movements as though nothing had happened between them. He followed her lead, removing his hand from her thigh. His hands felt even more awkward and lame sitting useless in his lap, but he wasn't going to touch her again. Not with Alex in the room. At least Nikita was the one to address her, "Maybe if you didn't curl or straighten your hair all the time, it'd be healthier. All that heat damage is gonna make your hair fall out."
"I use conditioner," Alex defended herself. Despite the eye rolls thrown in her direction, she collapsed on the couch and watched Nikita cut Michael's hair.
Since she had known Nikita, Alex had gone to her whenever she needed a trim. It was easier and better that way. Also, the rogue never judged her for her poor hair care habits. She simply stated facts, or helped her fix whatever damage she had done- like what she did with Michael, "Uh, oh. You have gray hairs."
"What?" Michael tried to shift to see Nikita, not caring that she had sharp scissors so close to his head. Gently, she righted him in the chair and plucked the few strands of gray away. It wasn't that big of a deal. She was able to solve the problem with a few plucks.
"I always knew Michael was an old man," Unable to stop herself, Alex quipped. Whereas she smirked, Michael glared. At least Nikita was in the young woman's corner as she laughed.
"Really? Cause when I braided your hair the other day, I had to pick out a couple gray strands," Nikita cast Alex a wry look. Michael instantly chuckled. The young woman gasped.
"You promised you wouldn't say anything," Alex bolted upright. She mostly didn't want Nikita telling Birkhoff when she had made her swear to secrecy. Yet, Michael could be just as awful with the information. He'd tease her relentlessly, just as she would him. There was no way out of that battle.
"I get gray hairs too. It's just stress. We eat healthy, stay active, find ways to relax, the stress won't completely kill us," Nikita offered a middle ground. Of course the stress of a war with Division gave them gray hair. It spiked their anxiety and caused them to have ridiculous fights with teammates. Why not also make them look older than they were. Fortunately, there were ways to battle the stress. And if there was one thing the team was good at, it was fighting.
"I'm not drinking a veggie shake or doing yoga," Shaking her head, Alex settled back against the couch cushions. Michael scoffed in agreement, which earned him a light smack on the back of his head.
When he tried to turn to glare at Nikita, she kept him looking forward by cutting more hair. She was practically done with the scissors by then. She simply had to clean a few things up. But she held him hostage by the blades as a way of payback, "That's how I stay healthy. You can do other things, you know."
"No. She has to emulate everything after you. You're her hero," Michael decided Alex was the easier target to tease than Nikita. After all, the young woman didn't have tools that could be quickly turned into weapons held against him.
"Oh my God," Groaning, Alex pushed off the couch and stomped away. Michael and Nikita simply laughed after her.
"Can you believe she's twenty?" Giggling, Nikita wondered. Michael's soft chuckles responded. She soon set down the scissors and grabbed Birkhoff's razor. Normally, she wouldn't use a razor as she cut hair. But the nerd had a hair trimming attachment she could use to clean up Michael's edges. She could also give him the extremely short locks he wanted with the more precise appliance.
Well, she would've if she would actually press into his head to cut his hair. Nikita barely grazed the razor over Michael. Her actions did nothing. He grinned softly at the fact. It was just like when she had helped him shave his beard when his arm was broken. She was way too timid using a razor, "You have to press harder than that to cut anything."
"I don't want to cut your ear," Nikita admitted. Her focus was entirely on attempting to cut the hair around his ear without cutting him in return. If Michael couldn't afford to spend time at a barber shop, then they definitely couldn't spend time at the E.R.
"I'll be fine. I trust you," Tilting his head back, Michael smiled at her encouragingly. She smiled wide in return.
Once she actually applied force to the razor, Nikita had Michael's hair trimmed and perfect in no time. It wasn't as short as he usually had it, but at least it wasn't the long mess it had become. It was also the best she could do with her limited skills, using basic equipment, and in a safehouse. Cleaning the hair off his neck and shoulders and removing the towel, she urged him to stand. She grinned at him in triumph, "There. Perfect."
"Thank you," Running his hand through his hair and examining his reflection in the windows, Michael beamed. He moved to help her clean up the mess on the floor, yet Nikita waved him off. She was about to cut Alex's hair. They'd deal with all the hair after that.
"I accept payment in food," Nikita continued to brush hair off Michael's shirt. Her quick movements slowed the more she felt his sturdy chest. She glanced up at him, only to find his green eyes already staring into her brown. The two drifted closer together once more.
"Anything you want," Full of sincerity, Michael captured Nikita's hand in his. He wanted to kiss her so badly; she interlocked her fingers with his, and she looked at him so adoringly. However, by the time he built up the courage to close the gap between them, Alex skipped back into the room. She took Michael's empty seat in the chair, impatiently waiting for Nikita to cut her hair. The rogue let go of the agent's hand with a roll of her eyes and a soft smile.
Although he moved to the kitchen to make her something to eat, Michael didn't take his eyes off of Nikita. Every so often, between snips of Alex's hair, she'd look back at him. There were so many things they had to talk about. They hadn't put aside a lot of the issues they were dealing with. But for the moment, they were good. Smiling and joking was good enough.
Notes:
Sorry for the brief hiatus. School work became more important. But I am back to regularly scheduled madness. And I thank you so much for sticking with me and continuously reading these stories!
Chapter 19
Notes:
Set sometime in season 2. Michael, Birkhoff, and Alex get food poisoning. And if you've ever had food poisoning, you know how easy it is to become a baby.
Chapter Text
It had been a good day. The team had managed to plan for their next moves against Gogol and Division. They cleaned their equipment. They hung out and relaxed. And they actually got to go to bed early; though, Michael and Nikita weren't necessarily sleeping when they collapsed on the mattress. Between grins and giggles and singing to the music they were listening to, they shared sweet kisses and tender touches. Their limbs were entwined, and they were completely wrapped in gentle bliss. Until Michael pulled away from their kiss with a grimace. Nikita chased after him, concern in her gaze and in her touch, "What is it? What's wrong?"
"Nothing. My stomach just hurts," Holding his abdomen, Michael actually groaned in pain. Nikita sat upright, alarmed. He tried to move past it. He wanted to keep kissing his girlfriend. But she held him back. Her thumb swept across his cheek, and she studied him as though she could figure out what was wrong through look alone.
"Are you okay?" Nikita asked softly. At least Michael attempted to nod. He had that going for him as he leapt off the bed. Rushing to the ensuite bathroom, he managed to hold in the intense sick feeling that washed over him. Once the door closed, however, it was all over. Nikita cautiously followed after her boyfriend. The noises in the bathroom kept her outside. Yet she still knocked and expressed her worry, "Michael?"
"Nikki. Do you have anything for a stomach bug?" A whine from the doorway pulled Nikita away from the bathroom. Birkhoff had creaked open her door, and slumped against the wall holding his stomach. Skin pale and clammy, he looked like he was about to drop right there.
"Jesus, Nerd. You look like shit. What happened?" Nikita abandoned Michael to help Birkhoff. She guided him into the room and had him sit on the bed. She pressed her hand against his forehead. Instantly, she felt his intense fever. She didn't need to take his temperature to know how sick he was, however. He let her fuss over him without any attempt to shrug her off.
Collapsing into himself, Birkhoff groaned. Nikita was about to get him a glass of water, when Michael stumbled out of the bathroom. He was as pale and as clammy as the nerd. He plopped next to him on the mattress, shuttering. Birkhoff groaned again, "The same thing that happened to Mikey."
Nikita ran a soothing hand over her boyfriend's forehead and cheek. Sure enough, Michael was just as feverish as Birkhoff. She had excused his warmth while they were kissing as excitement- a part of it probably had been- but she knew it was more than that then. She was in for a long night if both the men in the house were sick. She'd have to figure out a way to soothe them and get them medicine. Just as she was beginning to feel overwhelmed, however, Alex called. She sighed in relief, "Alex, great timing. I need you to go to the store…"
"I'm coming back. I threw up on the side of the road," Alex cut Nikita off with a sob. She had left to stay at her apartment for the night- mostly because she had clean clothes there- but she soon felt sick. She tried to push through it. Except, there was no ignoring her vomit. She managed to pull over before her stomach revolted against her. There was no release to her pain and discomfort afterwards, however. She still had to rush towards the bathroom. So, she turned towards the closest place, and the place that had others to take care of her.
"How the hell did all three of you get sick at the same time?" Racking her brain, Nikita tried to think of a possible explanation for their illness. Michael, Birkhoff, and Alex had all been fine earlier. And if they were all sick, shouldn't she have been as well.
"I don't think it's a bug," Michael groaned, laying on his back and curling into a ball. The pain in his stomach didn't come from some sort of virus. Besides, if he did have one, the way he had kissed Nikita definitely would've gotten her sick too. There must've been something he, Birkhoff, and Alex ate. Nikita didn't eat the same things they did, after all.
Nikita was on the same page as Michael. If all three of them had stomach issues at the same time, then whatever they ate got them sick. She couldn't think of anything they all ate at the same time, though. Well, except for the fish sticks. Birkhoff mostly ate them for lunch, but Alex and Michael snacked on a few. Nikita avoided the food. Yes, because she didn't eat animal products. But also, she didn't trust them. The fish sticks had been in the freezer for far too long. And before that, Birkhoff said he got them discounted at the store. No doubt, the food made them all sick. They had food poisoning, "The fucking fish sticks. I told you those were bad."
"Don't talk about food. Oh God," They were all lucky Birkhoff made it to the bathroom on time. Though, the sounds of his sickness made Michael green around the edges too. Fortunately (or maybe not so fortunately for the future) he was able to hold it back.
"Alright. Water. Electrolytes. And bleach," Sighing, Nikita ran through a list of necessities. She'd probably need more to combat food poisoning, but she couldn't leave to go to the store just yet. She had to get Alex safely back to the safehouse, disinfect the bathrooms, and find out just what the hell she was supposed to do with three sick teammates. Eventually, she decided to force the three to campout in the livingroom. They could sleep on the couch or in cots, making it easier to rush off to the nearby bathroom. If she kept the area they were in small, then there was less for her to clean. There was also less of a chance she got sick by association.
Alex was the easiest to care for. She showered, changed into borrowed pajamas, and set-up pillows and blankets on the couch all on her own. She only needed Nikita to help soothe her symptoms and to tightly tie her hair back. Birkhoff and Michael, on the other hand, were a whole different problem. The nerd complained about everything. He didn't want to sleep in the livingroom. He didn't want to share a bathroom. He didn't want to carry a trash bag around everywhere he went. But mostly, he didn't want to be sick. He just whined.
And Michael, well Nikita never actually thought about killing her boyfriend until then. He wouldn't listen to her. He stubbornly pushed through his illness as though he wasn't in debilitating pain. He was fine. He didn't need to be fussed over- unlike Birkhoff. He thought the trash bag was overkill, and so was sleeping so close to the bathroom. All he needed was water, and he'd be okay. He could fight through food poisoning easily.
After threatening Michael and Birkhoff to stay in the livingroom and listen to her, Nikita forced them all to go to bed. Again, Alex was easy. The men continued to grumble. Nikita ignored them as she cleaned up and returned to her own room. She thought she could have a restful night of sleep, but a few hours later she heard noises outside her door. When she threw it open, Michael was awkwardly standing on the other side, "Michael, what are you doing?"
"I wanted to sleep with you. But then I threw up in the hallway," Although he had cleaning supplies in hand, Michael hadn't done that great a job of cleaning. He blamed how weak and uncomfortable he felt.
"Go lay down. I'll clean it up," Exasperated, Nikita ordered. She could've fought with him about the trash bag or staying in one place. But it wasn't worth it.
"I got it," Michael attempted to shrug Nikita away. He ended up slouching against the wall and doubling over in pain, however. She easily ripped the disinfectant out of his hands and shoved him towards the stairs.
"Go," Despite how stern she was, he didn't listen. Michael moved to their room instead. Since he went to the bathroom before collapsing in bed, Nikita didn't have the chance to argue.
She still didn't have time to argue after she finished cleaning and disinfecting the hallway. Michael wasn't the only one in distress. In a weak and pained voice, Alex began to shout for Nikita. She sounded close to tears, "Nikita! My stomach hurts so much."
"I need another trash bag," Birkhoff followed the complaint with an order. It was Nikita's turn to whine. The nerd's need was met easily. She swapped out trash bags, throwing the used one outside in the same bin they put their bloodied bandages in (it was their designated biohazard trash can they took extra care in bringing to the dump). Helping Alex, however, was more difficult. There wasn't medicine in the safehouse that could relieve food poisoning pain. Nikita desperately needed to go to the store to get new supplies. In the meantime, all she could do was help soothe Alex back to sleep.
The rest of the night continued the same. Every few hours, Nikita was woken by a whine from Birkhoff and a stubborn move by Michael. By the time the morning came around and she had to clean both the safehouse and herself, she decided to call in the cavalry. She didn't just have to go to the store anymore. She had to escape. Ryan answered her call quickly and rushed over, "What is it? What's the emergency?"
"I have to go to the store. These three have food poisoning," Grabbing her wallet and keys, Nikita explained flatly. Alex was awake, and after showering and changing again, was silently watching television. Michael and Birkhoff remained in fitful sleep, having not gotten enough rest with all their complaining. And because Nikita kept forcing them back on the cots in the livingroom. She didn't care, though. She just needed them to lay down.
"I see planning the Zetrov coup is going well," Ryan regretted the joke the second it left his mouth. Nikita shot him with a murderous glare the entire time she left.
Although the food poisoning victims mostly dozed while he was there, Ryan soon faced the same problems Nikita had. At least Alex left him alone. When she was in pain again, she simply reached for her phone. Her mother would've been up and around by then. She could call her for comfort. Except, Katya wasn't the one to answer the phone, "Sean? Where's my mom?"
"She's taking a bath. Why? What's wrong?" Immediately, Sean heard the distress in Alex's voice. He figured something went wrong on a mission. Or that Amanda had hurt her. Although he was in Greece protecting her mother, he was ready to fly back home to help.
"Michael, Birkhoff, and I were poisoned by fish sticks. And I don't know how to feel better," Alex tried not to whine, but it was difficult as she curled into a ball on the couch. If she was being honest, food poisoning was worse than withdrawal. Yeah, she felt like her head was going to fall off as she got clean. But at least she didn't have to constantly go to the bathroom.
"Do you have water, electrolytes, and saltines?" Sean was so relieved he almost laughed. It was just food poisoning; there was no imminent danger. Everything would be okay soon.
"Yeah. Nikita's been taking care of us. But she's at the store getting some medicine, and I don't know how to make my stomach stop hurting," That time, Alex couldn't stop the whine. She knew she just had to wait for Nikita to return, but she was so tired of the stomach pain. She just wanted to feel better again.
Sean wished he had any answers for Alex. Yet his medical knowledge only extended to injuries, not illnesses. His best solution was to keep talking to her until Katya could offer her advice, "I don't know either. Want me to just distract you until your mom can talk?"
"Yes please," Alex gladly took the offer. His voice was soothing. And she didn't think about throwing up or rushing to the bathroom the entire time he talked. It was total bliss. So much so, that she almost didn't want to speak to her mom when she finally came on the phone. Sean was great. The advice her mother gave her to soothe her stomach pain wasn't nearly as wonderful as he was. Nikita's return with medicine wasn't as wonderful either.
Despite the urge to stay as far away from the safehouse for as long as possible, Nikita quickly returned. She couldn't leave Ryan to the giant babies. Especially since he was so relieved to see her again, "I don't know how you've been doing this."
"Nikki, do you have that medicine? If I have to shit one more time…" Nikita instantly cut Birkhoff off by throwing the medicine she bought at him. The pills weren't a cure for food poisoning. But that mixed with water and electrolytes should help with the vomiting and diarrhea. Birkhoff and Alex happily took the medicine and tossed the container back at Nikita. She felt more at ease since they had something that could actually help them.
"I'm ready to get my gun," Muttering to Ryan, Nikita rolled her eyes. He chuckled and helped her sort the other supplies she bought. She kept expecting Michael to stumble out of the bathroom, but he was nowhere to be seen. Concern quickly overcame her, "Where's Michael?"
Ryan nodded towards the stairs. Nothing he said could've kept Michael downstairs with the others. He was far too determined to go to his own room. Nikita groaned, grabbed the pills and a water bottle, and marched towards her boyfriend. Even though she scowled at him, Michael beamed once he saw her. He was so excited his girlfriend was back, and not just because he made another mess, "You're back. Good. I need help cleaning up."
"No. Michael. You need to rest. Why do you keep moving out of the uninhabitable zone?" Moving Michael out of the way, Nikita chastised. She shoved the medicine and water in his hands. While she began to clean, he sat on the bed. It wasn't much of a mess, but she scrubbed furiously anyway. It was better than simply yelling at all the sick people.
"I just want to be with you," Softly, Michael admitted. Nikita glanced at him laying completely defeated against the pillows, and her annoyance vanished. She finished disinfecting, then moved to be by his side. Instantly, he reached out to hold her. She wrapped her arms around him, placing a soothing kiss to his temple (and ignoring his hot, clammy skin).
"That's sweet. But if you don't listen to me, I will have to kill you," Nikita quipped. Michael laughed. She made sure he took the medicine and drank the whole bottle of water. But she didn't make him go back downstairs- not yet. They could have a quiet moment together first.
The moment didn't last long, however. As Nikita was starting to relax as well, Birkhoff shouted from across the safehouse, "Nikki! I threw up that medicine!"
"After I kill Birkhoff," Sighing deeply, Nikita slipped out of Michael's arms. Why the nerd didn't call for Ryan when he was the one downstairs, she had no idea. But she did know she was going to murder him for it. He was far worse with food poisoning than he ever was with a broken and useless hand.
"Nikita! I threw up on my blanket," Alex's sobs were clear. That was the most distressed she had ever been. She hated food poisoning so much.
"I'll give her this one. She's mostly been taking care of herself," Nikita couldn't help but laugh at the young woman's misfortune. It helped that Alex had been so good the whole time she was sick- far more than when she was going through withdrawal. Nikita hastily moved back downstairs, Michael on her tail. He collapsed on the couch as she and Ryan took care of the others. Since she had a partner, it was so much easier being the team's nurse. Ryan even gave her a well deserved break. She spent it sitting next to her boyfriend on the couch.
Michael curled into her side, and Alex scooted closer to her. Nikita managed to wrap her arms around both of them. Not wanting to be left out, Birkhoff piled pillows and blankets on the floor and sat near their feet. Although her eyes rolled, Nikita found herself grinning. Her smile grew as her boyfriend expressed, "I love you. You're the best."
"I love you guys too," Tenderly, Nikita kissed the top of Michael's head. Things eventually began to calm down. The medicine, fluids, and rest helped ease the food poisoning symptoms. By the next day, Alex, Michael, and Birkhoff were back to normal- if not still a little shaky. Ryan returned to his safehouse, after helping Nikita disinfect one last time. She was owed big for what she had done. But she shrugged the three sick people off. She accepted payment in terms of finalizing their next move against Amanda and Ari. That way, they could all move into separate places and she'd never have to take care of all of them ever again. Her friends agreed.
Chapter 20
Notes:
Set between seasons 2 & 3. Salex go on a date to a county fair. (Mikita does too, but their story will be the next chapter)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Hey," Michael was so glad to find Nikita alone. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek. Despite the fact that she was doing inventory in the weapons locker, she instantly relaxed in his hold. Who cared about how much equipment Division had when she could have a moment with her boyfriend.
"Hey," Nikita tilted her head back to steal a kiss from Michael's lips. He tightened his arms around her. The two stayed like that for a long moment. It was a sense of calm amidst the whirlwind of ending a war. There was no hurry to do anything else.
"You wanna go on a date with me?" Husking in his girlfriend's ear, Michael couldn't hide the brilliant smile in his voice. While he was running errands for Ryan and Division (that was weird to think about again), he found the perfect place he wanted to take her. They'd have to change into something far more casual. But they were bound to have a great night once they escaped from the underground bunker.
Nikita's reply was instant. She turned around so fast, Michael had to back up so he wouldn't get hit. Her smile was bright, overjoyed, and completely contagious. She didn't have to say 'yes' or 'no' to the idea. He knew that she was all for it, "Where are we going?"
"There's a county fair not far from here. I was thinking we could go and have fun," Michael matched his girlfriend's grin. When he spotted the fair from the side of the road, he knew he had to take Nikita there. He wasn't much for crowds or loud hectic noises. But he knew she'd love the lights, food, and absolute fun they'd have together. He could put aside his discomfort for her. They deserved a carefree night, one not spent worrying about their future.
"I've never been to an amusement park," Gasping in excitement, Nikita nearly bounced on her toes. Sure, a county fair wasn't the same thing. But it had rides and games and attractions. That was all she needed for the full experience. Well, that and her boyfriend.
"I know. But now's your chance," Settling her with gentle hands on her waist, Michael chuckled. There was a lot Nikita had missed out on as a kid. So, he was determined to help make that up to her. Honestly, he'd do anything to make her smile and look at him with that spark in her golden brown eyes. If she was happy, then so was he- no matter how that came to be.
Immediately grabbing his hand, Nikita started to drag Michael out of Division. She abandoned her clipboard and her inventory task, her sole focus on going on an actual date with her boyfriend. He followed her seemingly mad dash out of Division, keeping pace with each step. Until they almost ran over Alex in the carport. She stilled the beaming couple with a bewildered look, "Where're you off to?"
"A county fair," Nikita never let go of Michael's hand. She held it tightly as she grinned lovingly at him. He smiled down at her. Alex rolled her eyes. Although they were cute, they were beyond annoying. Nikita's reply also made her confused. She had to glance at an approaching Sean for any answers. The couple was too wrapped up in each other to notice her.
"It's like a pop up amusement park. For about a week, there's rides, games, attractions, then it all goes away," Sean only explained the basics of a county fair. There was more to it, but Alex didn't need to know specifics. The simple explanation soon had her smiling in excitement.
"I've never been to an American amusement park. I'm in," Alex nodded enthusiastically. She didn't have to think too hard about it. She had always had a blast when her parents took her to amusement parks in Russia and Europe. A fair with friends could be just as fun.
The quick look shared between Nikita and Michael told Alex everything. She was certain she had seen her parents share the exact same expression. They thought her statement was cute, but completely wrong. She wouldn't be tagging along with the couple, "Awesome. But you'll have to go by yourself. Cause Michael and I will be on a date."
Alex tried not to be disappointed. She was happy the couple was doing something for themselves. Yet she really wanted to have fun at an amusement park with friends. Sean caught her warring emotions instantly; it was all over her face. Fortunately, he knew exactly what to say to fix it, even if the simple idea made his heart race, "Hey. I'll just go with you. It should be fun."
"Great, see you there," Leading his girlfriend away, Michael called over his shoulder. While he and Nikita giggled, Alex and Sean were left awkwardly standing in the carport. Both wanted to go to the fair together; it seemed like a great time. But that wasn't why they hesitated. If they went to the fair by themselves together, then it was a date. Sean had asked Alex on one, but it hadn't happened yet. That would've been the first. As exciting and thrilling as the thought was, neither knew how to start it off. They simply avoided eye contact and shuffled their feet.
Eventually, Alex sighed and said something about how ridiculous they were being. Sean couldn't help but laugh. They were friends- they had kissed- going on a date shouldn't be scary or stressful. It'd be freeing. The two jumped into a car and drove to the location Michael had texted them. They talked and joked along the way, their awkwardness melting away. By the time they reached the fair, they were ready for what would hopefully be an amazing date. Sean wanted that to be undoubtedly true as he led her to a rollercoaster, "Come on, the rides are the best part."
Unfortunately for Alex, the rides were not the best part. Normally she liked rollercoasters, but the rickety one at the fair had her more stressed than entertained. She kept shaking her head as she and Sean stumbled off of it. There was no way she was ever doing that again, "That is not structurally sound. I don't think amusement parks should be 'pop ups'."
"Let's try the games then. They're rigged, but I think we can beat them," Chuckling to himself, Sean amended their plans for the night. He would never make her do anything she didn't want to do. Besides, they'd have more opportunities to talk and joke around if they weren't screaming on rides. Winning every game at the fair would be better for them.
"I think I'm going to beat you," Taking Sean's hand in hers, Alex dared. She meant to only grab his hand so they wouldn't get separated as they moved through the crowd. But as their fingers locked, her heart skipped a beat. She soon found herself never wanting to let go.
She had to let go once they reached the water gun game, however. There were a couple kids ahead of them in line, so the two had to wait. That worked well in their favor, though. As each kid lost, Sean and Alex noticed how the game was rigged and how they could beat it. They strategized the best way to win, and tried it out. Sean went first and almost succeeded. But it was Alex after him that claimed the prize, "Oh, what! That's cause I'm awesome!"
"Yeah you are," The praise slipped off Sean's tongue easily. Alex began to blush at the compliment. While she ducked her head and tucked her hair behind her ear, she heard the kids around her whine and complain. Although they tried their hardest to hit the target with the weighted water guns, they could never win. Her triumph faded, until she was struck with an idea.
"Can I get smaller prizes instead?" Alex asked the person manning the booth. They were unfazed by her request. She got to pick a couple medium sized stuffed animals instead of the gigantic one. Sean watched her curiously, unsure of what she was doing. Then, she turned to the disappointed kids around them. Each one got their own toy. As they laughed in joy and squealed their thanks, Alex smiled brightly, "Here you guys go. You all did such amazing jobs."
Sean's heart swelled watching Alex give away her prizes. She didn't make a big deal out of it. It was just something she knew she had to do. He couldn't stop staring at her in awe as she did it. When she turned her attention back to him, the look was plastered on his face. She blushed and smiled again. He took her hand in his, "Let's try to outwit all the other games."
"We're gonna dominate this fair," Alex beamed. She led Sean from game to game, talking and joking excitedly at each booth. The two worked amazingly well at spotting how the games were rigged and figuring out the best strategies to beat them. Apparently, their awesome teamwork extended past the field. They could do anything together.
After a while of winning fair games and handing out prizes, Alex's stomach growled. Sean nodded towards the food stands, hunger taking over him as well, "You wanna try some funnel cake? Or do you want fried Oreos? Oh, those giant Slurpee things are good too."
"I want everything," Studying the many food kiosks, Alex was beyond serious. She wanted every ounce of unhealthy fair food. Sean couldn't argue with her. He took her hand and led her through the crowd to the nearest stand. Neither of them let go of each other as they waited. It felt too nice and comforting to ever let go. The two drifted closer to one another.
Out of the corner of her eye, Alex caught Michael and Nikita waiting in line at the nearby ice cream stand. Her back was pressed against his chest, his arms were wrapped around her waist, and he was whispering something in her ear. They both laughed. Alex was mesmerized by their actions. In that moment, the two weren't spies, assassins, or leaders of a rebellion; they were just Michael and Nikita. They looked so normal and in love. It was awe inspiring.
Alex soon began to wonder if she'd ever have something like that- if she could ever have a moment to be her true self with someone she loved. Then, Sean tugged on her hand to bring her ever so closer. Butterflies erupted in her stomach. Blush crept along her cheeks. And a smile split her lips. Maybe she didn't have to look far for something like that. She glanced up at Sean, then returned her gaze to Michael and Nikita. The moment was broken once she did, however. Nikita made a silly face at her, and Alex had to return the expression.
One glance at Alex's silly face, and Sean doubled over in laughter. He could barely get through ordering. So, she did it for him. That meant the two ended up with way more food than they needed. Yet, it didn't stop them from gorging themselves on the different fried and frozen foods. Their light conversation and flirty teases continued as they sat at a picnic table and ate. Smiles never faded, which made Sean want to continue simply sitting and talking, "Do you want to see one of the horse riding competitions?"
"I want that bear," Alex barely registered what Sean had asked her. Her eyes caught hold of a giant, pink, fluffy, stuffed teddy bear, and she couldn't pay attention to anything else. She hadn't cared about any of the possible prizes except that one. She had to have it.
"You're done being nice with your prizes?" Glancing over at the bear, Sean couldn't help but laugh. There had to be a point eventually where she'd want them to be rewarded for outsmarting the fair games. He simply figured it would be in little prizes- something he could rationalize gifting to his niece and nephew. A big prize was great too, though.
"That's the only game we haven't figured out. And I want that bear," Her eyes were on her prize. Alex wouldn't give it up for anything. But with hers and Sean's combined skills, she would win her bear. It was only a matter of when.
"Do you even know how to play basketball?" Sean had to question. Alex kept avoiding that game, giving it a wary glance as she passed. She wasn't just trying to figure out how to beat it, but also how to shoot hoops. She was going to fail the second she walked over there. But that didn't matter to her anymore. There was a new grand prize and she simply had to have it.
"I am winning that bear," Getting to her feet, Alex moved towards the basketball toss. Sean hurriedly followed her after throwing away their trash.
"I believe in you. Let's do it," With that kind of determination, he knew she'd get anything she wanted. Alex marched right up to the high and far away basketball hoop, sizing it up as though she was some kind of expert. Once she began to play, though, she was far from it. She barely made one basket. She then turned to him with a pout. Laughing, Sean couldn't help but roll his eyes. He grabbed a ball and began to shoot.
It took him a couple of tries, but eventually Alex had her giant teddy bear. She hugged and squeezed it with all her might, giving Sean the biggest smile in the world. That was all the prize he needed. The two decided to go home after that. Their hands fit effortlessly together while they walked. He carried her bear for her, allowing her to keep beaming at him. He returned the adoring gaze. It wasn't until Michael caught up to them with Nikita on his back that they were ripped from their moment. Nikita eyed them knowingly, "Fancy seeing you guys here."
"She got you carrying her prize for her?" Nodding towards the giant teddy bear draped across Sean's shoulders, Michael smirked. Nikita copied his grin from above his head.
"His name is Big Floof," Alex patted her bear with her free hand. She planned on keeping the teddy bear in her room and using it as a pillow as she read or watched TV. It didn't go with her apartment at all, but that didn't matter. Everytime she looked at it, she'd happily remember her date with Sean. The warm feeling in her heart overpowered the clash in decorations.
Noticing that Michael carried Nikita the same way he carried Alex's teddy bear, Sean grinned smugly. He could easily tease the agent for being just as 'whipped' by his relationship as he was, "What's your prize's name? Nikita?"
"Michael, move me closer to Sean so I can kick his ass," Swatting at the Seal, Nikita glared. Michael just laughed. Not at Sean's comment (later, he'd get him back for jokingly calling Nikita a prize to be won), he chuckled at his girlfriend's antics. Even while receiving a piggyback ride, she tried to be as menacing as possible. Nothing undermined her confidence.
"You better run," Giggling, Alex warned. She knew that look in Nikita's eyes all too well. Sean had about two seconds before he was dead.
"Come on," Holding tighter to her hand, Sean pulled Alex with him as he ran away from Nikita and Michael. The two giggled the entire way to the parking lot. The others weren't chasing them, but that didn't stop them. They ran with abandon and laughed in joy.
It wasn't until they neared their car that they slowed down. Sean swung his and Alex's joined hands, and she continued to laugh. She was just so happy, "I had a lot of fun tonight."
"Me too," Softly, Sean smiled. His thumb swept gently over Alex's knuckles. The tender touch drew her ever so closer to him. Her blue eyes stared into his hazel. There was a spark in his eyes that made her heart leap to her throat. She was enchanted by him. And he was in complete awe of her. He didn't have to move far. With one simple move of his head, his lips were on hers. She kissed him back and smiled.
Notes:
Thank you so very much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate you all!
Chapter 21
Notes:
Set between seasons 2 & 3. Mikita's side of the fair date.
Chapter Text
"Hey," Michael was so glad to find Nikita alone. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek. Despite the fact that she was doing inventory in the weapons locker, she instantly relaxed in his hold. Who cared about how much equipment Division had when she could have a moment with her boyfriend.
"Hey," Nikita tilted her head back to steal a kiss from Michael's lips. He tightened his arms around her. The two stayed like that for a long moment. It was a sense of calm amidst the whirlwind of ending a war. There was no hurry to do anything else.
"You wanna go on a date with me?" Husking in his girlfriend's ear, Michael couldn't hide the brilliant smile in his voice. While he was running errands for Ryan and Division (that was weird to think about again), he found the perfect place he wanted to take her. They'd have to change into something far more casual. But they were bound to have a great night once they escaped from the underground bunker.
Nikita's reply was instant. She turned around so fast, Michael had to back up so he wouldn't get hit. Her smile was bright, overjoyed, and completely contagious. She didn't have to say 'yes' or 'no' to the idea. He knew that she was all for it, "Where are we going?"
"There's a county fair not far from here. I was thinking we could go and have fun," Michael matched his girlfriend's grin. When he spotted the fair from the side of the road, he knew he had to take Nikita there. He wasn't much for crowds or loud hectic noises. But he knew she'd love the lights, food, and absolute fun they'd have together. He could put aside his discomfort for her. They deserved a carefree night, one not spent worrying about their future.
"I've never been to an amusement park," Gasping in excitement, Nikita nearly bounced on her toes. Sure, a county fair wasn't the same thing. But it had rides and games and attractions. That was all she needed for the full experience. Well, that and her boyfriend.
"I know. But now's your chance," Settling her with gentle hands on her waist, Michael chuckled. There was a lot Nikita had missed out on as a kid. So, he was determined to help make that up to her. Honestly, he'd do anything to make her smile and look at him with that spark in her golden brown eyes. If she was happy, then so was he- no matter how that came to be.
Immediately grabbing his hand, Nikita started to drag Michael out of Division. She abandoned her clipboard and her inventory task, her sole focus on going on an actual date with her boyfriend. He followed her seemingly mad dash out of Division, keeping pace with each step. Until they almost ran over Alex in the carport. She stilled the beaming couple with a bewildered look, "Where're you off to?"
"A county fair," Nikita never let go of Michael's hand. She held it tightly as she grinned lovingly at him. He smiled down at her. Although Alex rolled her eyes at the couple, both ignored her. They didn't care if she was annoyed or confused. That was their little moment, and she couldn't ruin it.
"It's like a pop up amusement park. For about a week, there's rides, games, attractions, then it all goes away," Fortunately, Sean was there to answer Alex's unasked question. It was a simple explanation, yet she beamed nonetheless. Michael and Nikita rolled their eyes that time.
"I've never been to an American amusement park. I'm in," Alex nodded enthusiastically, quickly butting in on Nikita's and Michael's plans. That instantly ripped them away from each other. As much fun as they had with their friends, the couple wanted to do something that was just them. After living together in safehouses, they deserved to have private moments in their relationship. Their friends weren't the only ones who hated when they walked in on them.
Sharing a knowing look, Michael and Nikita couldn't help but smile softly. It was cute that Alex was excited to be with friends. They'd just have to hang out at a different time, "Awesome. But you'll have to go by yourself. Cause Michael and I will be on a date."
Alex's disappointment was all over her face. She tried to fight it and smile. But she clearly was upset. Nikita felt a pang of guilt for leaving her best friend like that. She wanted to find a solution where they could all be happy. Luckily, she didn't have to. Sean was quick with a way to make Alex smile brightly, "Hey. I'll just go with you. It should be fun."
"Great, see you there," Leading his girlfriend away, Michael called over his shoulder. Nikita giggled. Alex was fine with Sean; actually, the two of them would be perfect finally going on a date together. Michael and Nikita could focus on themselves and have their own fun. The couple talked and joked the entire ride to the fair. They also kept their fingers interlocked. They didn't want to stop holding one another. There was no reason for them to let go. They could keep holding hands as Michael led Nikita through the fair, "What do you wanna do first?"
"The games are scams and a waste of money; I'm not doing that. But I do want to go on all the rides, eat all the food, and see all the attractions," Nikita decided easily. She'd rather not waste money on games she didn't know if she was going to win and for prizes she didn't want. She wanted to have fun with her boyfriend. Rollercoasters were definitely the way to do that.
"Rides first, then we'll eat as we watch stuff," Grinning, Michael started to lead Nikita towards the nearest rollercoaster. That plan was perfectly fine with him. Whatever made her happy he'd gladly follow.
"Yes! Come on!" Nikita pulled Michael after her as she raced ahead. He chuckled at her joy. The couple continued to laugh, talk, joke, and even shriek as they jumped from ride to ride. Something about the drops and loops made them smile even brighter. Maybe it was because they were experiencing the exhilaration together.
Eventually, Nikita led them to the centrifugal force ride in the middle of the fair. Michael was hesitant to get on it, but she insisted. Afterwards, as the two stumbled nauseated off the ride, she regretted her decision, "That was a mistake."
"Let's go on the Ferris wheel to calm down," Michael staggered towards the next attraction, hoping fresh air would settle his stomach. He knew the centrifugal force ride was a bad idea. Neither of them liked being trapped. Spinning so fast they were stuck against the sides unable to move was the worst ride for the two. Nikita had wanted to go on it, however, which meant he had to follow. At least she agreed with him about the Ferris wheel.
While the couple waited in line, Nikita took in the sights and sounds around her. She was captivated by all the laughter and bright lights. Michael wanted to enjoy all of that with her, yet another idea struck him. He snuck away as she was distracted, and returned to her just as it was their turn to ride. She didn't get her answer of what he was doing until their car stilled at the top of the Ferris wheel. She sighed, "Did you bribe the operator to stop us at the top?"
"And if I did?" Michael flashed her a crooked grin as he shrugged. It took a lot of convincing to have the ride operator stop them at the top of the wheel. Except, he knew Nikita would love the cliché gesture. He was a simple romantic, and that made her smile brightly.
"Cheesy," Although she rolled her eyes, Nikita kissed Michael sweetly. She looped her arms around his bicep and rested her head on his shoulder. He placed a tender kiss to her temple before laying his head atop hers. Her thumb swept across his arm, while his hand caressed her thigh. The couple stared at the stars on the horizon. Dreamy smiles pulled at their lips. Michael believed it was the perfect moment. The only thing that could possibly make it better was an engagement ring to place on her finger.
The thought was so sudden it made him freeze. Michael hadn't even known he wanted to propose until that moment. As he glanced at Nikita and she gave him a loving smile, however, he knew it was the perfect thing to do. The two wanted to spend their lives together. They had no intention of ever leaving one another's side. That didn't necessarily mean marriage. But he loved her so much, he had to consider the idea. The thought alone had him smiling brilliantly. He kissed his girlfriend once more. She echoed his happiness immediately.
Continuing to share tender kisses and gentle touches, Nikita and Michael were disappointed when they finally dropped from the top of the Ferris wheel. They would've loved to stay in that moment forever. The growl of their stomachs directed them towards other matters, however. Once they jumped into line at a food kiosk, he held her lovingly. She hummed in contentment. The two whispered jokes to one another, especially when they caught sight of Sean and Alex holding hands and blushing. Nikita couldn't help but make a teasing face at Alex.
When the young woman returned the expression, Michael laughed at Nikita. She rolled her eyes. It wasn't long before the couple had all the food and drinks they wanted. Instead of sitting to eat, however, they looked for a show to watch with their 'dinner'. Michael noticed a sign for a horse competition, and started towards it, "Hey, look. It's a little rodeo."
"Ooh. Assless chaps," Without thought, Nikita commented. She didn't necessarily care what they went and saw; though, cowboys did seem appealing.
"You're gonna look at other men's asses while I'm right here?" Michael glanced at his girlfriend in confusion. He was certain she was joking, so he replied with his own quip. However, when it came to Nikita's pranks, he never knew how far they extended.
"Well, no offense Michael. But you don't really have an ass," Far too proud of herself, Nikita smirked. Michael's retaliation was instant. He took her food and began to cross towards the trash can. Panicked, she chased after him, "No. I was kidding. I was kidding. Don't make me pay for my mistakes."
He ended up laughing and giving her back her food. Giggling with him, she couldn't glare at him for his actions. The two ate and watched the horse show, unable to stop with the teases and banter. It was like their need to hold one another. It was all Michael and Nikita could do. When they finished their 'dinner' and left the little rodeo, it was no different. He held her hand tightly as he walked with her across the fair, "Tunnel of Love, my Love?"
Despite her look of disgust at his terrible line and at the idea of going into the tunnel of love, Nikita began to pull her boyfriend towards it. He laughed as she deadpanned, "Yes."
Jokes at the cheesy ride's expense filled the couple's experience. Neither Nikita nor Michael found any romance in the tunnel, only humor. That worked better for them anyway. Their arms linked together as they continued walking. Eventually, Michael spotted a boxing game on an inflatable mat. He turned to Nikita, excited, "Sure you don't wanna play one game?"
"Oh. Get ready for ultimate destruction, Babe," Noticing the same game, Nikita taunted over her shoulder and raced ahead. Michael was close on her heels.
"And they say romance is dead," Michael and Nikita were soon geared up with inflatable gloves. The goal of the game was to simply knock the other person off the mat. With the agents' skills, they figured that'd lead to a long and fun sparring match. Instead, they went too fast, too hard. The two flew off of the bouncy mat together. While they laid on the ground, they nearly screamed with laughter. After that, it was definitely time for them to go home.
When they neared the exit, the crowd became too dense to walk through. Michael and Nikita had to walk single file just to keep going forward. She wasn't a fan of that. So, she stopped her boyfriend and hopped onto his back. He caught her easily and- though he rolled his eyes- helped her shift into a better piggyback position. The couple moved to their car far more quickly like that. They were able to catch up with Sean and Alex, who were holding hands. Nikita eyed her friends far too knowingly, "Fancy seeing you guys here."
"She got you carrying her prize for her?" Nodding towards the giant teddy bear draped across Sean's shoulders, Michael smirked. Nikita copied his grin from above his head.
"His name is Big Floof," Alex patted her bear with her free hand. Michael and Nikita managed to cast each other a look. She was making it so easy to make fun of her. She was cute and sweet, but also very young. The two could easily tease her like a little sister. However, they dropped it for the moment. They couldn't bring themselves to ruin her moment with Sean.
Nodding at Michael carrying Nikita the same way he carried Alex's bear, Sean flashed a wry grin. Was it ridiculous for the agent to get on the Seal for doing the exact same thing he was, probably. He didn't need to be teased too, though, "What's your prize's name? Nikita?"
"Michael, move me closer to Sean so I can kick his ass," Swatting at the Seal, Nikita glared. Michael just laughed. Not at Sean's comment (later, he'd get him back for jokingly calling Nikita a prize to be won), he chuckled at his girlfriend's antics. Even while receiving a piggyback ride, she tried to be as menacing as possible. Nothing undermined her confidence.
"You better run," Giggling, Alex warned. Nikita glared at Sean like she was going to murder him. If he wanted to save his life, he had to leave- or simply apologize.
"Come on," Holding tighter to her hand, Sean pulled Alex with him as he ran away from Nikita and Michael. The couple glanced confusedly at each other then at their friends' rapid retreat. They soon burst into laughter.
"I'll just do it later," With a roll of her eyes, Nikita decided. Making Sean pay for his comment when he least expected it would be better anyways. She could have more time to scheme. And, possibly more importantly, she wouldn't ruin anyone's date.
Although the two were in the thinning parking lot, Michael kept Nikita on his back. Her warm weight pressing into him was comforting. Giving her a piggyback ride also allowed him to hold her closer than just their hands could. He never wanted her to stray far, "Good. We don't want a murder on our perfect date."
"It really was perfect," Nikita kissed Michael's cheek. Suddenly, he hoisted her up higher. She shrieked and giggled, her arms circling tighter around him. He chuckled.
"Just like you," Michael managed to turn his head and return Nikita's kiss. His sincere compliment and love struck gaze made her blush. She ducked her head into his shoulder. Gently, he placed her legs on the ground. Her arms remained around his neck. He turned so he could place his hands on her waist. Then, he kissed her. He kissed her so passionately, she couldn't refute his claim about her perfection. She kissed him back.
Chapter 22
Notes:
Set after season 2. The team catches up on the holidays they missed.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It was all Alex's idea. The team was packing up the safehouse and moving the boxes outside. Those that didn't have apartments finally got a place to call their own. No one had to live with the team ever again. At least, that was the hope with Percy dead and the former rogues taking over Division. They could start to live 'normal' lives. They simply had to clear out the safehouse Ryan planned on selling to gain more funds first. Piling the boxes wherever they landed, the majority just so happened to be tossed under a tree. Alex noticed, and had her 'best idea ever'. In a way to celebrate the end of the war, they should have Christmas in July.
It wasn't July, however. And not everyone celebrated Christmas. Upon hearing the suggestion, the rest of the team just stared at Alex. She sighed. So, it wasn't her best idea- she did just blurt it out, after all. Except, she was going to stick with the thought. If they changed some of the concepts, then it was still a good idea. Instead of Christmas in July, the team could simply catch up on all the celebrations they had missed over the years. There were birthdays, Valentines days, Christmases, Hanukkahs, etc. all to make up for. They wouldn't just be celebrating the end of their war, but also starting their new lives full of holidays once more.
The best way to do that was to have a massive party with gifts from the heart. The team couldn't say 'no' to that idea. It'd be a great way to send off their safehouse. And, it'd be a nice break from working on the new Division. Alex beamed as they all agreed. But before she could even start going overboard, Nikita put a limit on what they were doing. They weren't all heiresses; they couldn't get everyone expensive gifts. So, there was a limit of giving one gift per person, and the price couldn't exceed fifty dollars. Alex was the only one who slightly moped over the idea. Everyone else was completely fine with sweet and simple.
Ryan tried to get out of receiving presents- they had just celebrated his birthday- yet no one would have it. The whole team would receive and give gifts, and have as much fun as they could possibly have. After all, they all deserved it. They had gone through hell to get where they were. Percy and Oversight were dead. Amanda and Ari were in the wind. Division could be shut down and contained with their guidance. And pardons and futures were on the horizon. Celebrations were definitely in order. The team should let themselves be happy.
They gave themselves a week to buy presents and prepare for a party of 'epic proportions' (Birkhoff's words). Since she couldn't go all out on gifts, Alex maybe went a bit overboard on decorations, games, and food. She simply wanted every holiday they were celebrating covered. She also wanted to ensure their plans to have fun actually came true. The team had had their moments of fun over their years; they knew how to take a break and relax. That was just the first time they could relax without anything looming over their heads. No one was hunting them down anymore. The friends had the freedom to do whatever they wished.
Being obnoxiously loud and frivolous in their revelry seemed like the perfect way to express their newfound freedom. It was so normal, it was strange to some members of the team (Nikita specifically), and it fondly reminded others of their pasts (Alex and Michael). There was no doubt that having a holiday celebration was the best decision the team had collectively made. If only Owen answered their calls to come home and celebrate with them. The whole team should be together no matter what.
Which was why Birkhoff was urged to invite Sonya to the big celebration. The amount of times she had helped the team, she was practically a part of the family. Birkhoff held off, however. Sonya had had enough excitement with the team at Ryan's impromptu birthday party. Besides, he wanted to have a private moment with her to celebrate the end of the war, and maybe give her a present. His idea was met with 'awws' and other such praise. Although the teases made him blush, he decided to stick with his plan. It was obviously the better option.
When the day of epic celebration came, the safehouse was decked the hell out. Birthday decorations and holiday lights filled every corner. All kinds of cakes, pies, side dishes, and hefty main courses made up the kitchen and dining table. There were speakers, a large television, a selection of movies and music, a karaoke machine, and some card games (the team had learned their lesson when it came to board games). Everything the friends wanted to do to celebrate all the holidays they had missed they could. Literally nothing would stop them.
They decided on doing the gift exchange first. The team was far too excited for anything else. Not only were they going to receive new things from their friends, they were also giving something thoughtful and from their heart. What would've been better than seeing those they cared about light up in bright smiles. Gathering around the couch with huge plates of food and plenty of drinks, the team-family shouted in exhilaration as they passed around the presents. They tried to be orderly and neat with how they opened each gift; they tried to take turns. Instead, excitement overwhelmed them as they tore through bags and wrapping paper.
Ryan had a whole new collection of non-fiction books to devour once he finished opening his gifts. The topics ranged from history and logistics, to tales of espionage and battle strategies. He appreciated every book and vehemently expressed his thanks. Birkhoff's 'thanks' was more muddled. It wasn't because he meant it any less. He was just far more focused on the tech gear he got. He had new accessories for his gaming, and a couple things to help his eyes and back from staring hunched at a computer all day. He ripped through the packaging of everything, needing to try it out immediately.
Sean, on the other hand, was fairly certain he was being pranked. His presents did show that the team thought about him and obviously cared about him. But he was given the same thing from every single one of them (save Alex). He had a whole bunch of Russian language books and learner's guides to study. Sean didn't know if he should be grateful, or roll his eyes. Michael felt the same way with his presents. He was given a plethora of ties and mugs- like a father would on father's day. He appreciated the sentiment, but- God- was he annoyed with his friends.
Alex and Nikita squealing in excitement covered Sean's and Michael's scoffs and chuckles. The women were practically gifted the same items, but they didn't care. They were just happy that they had 'toys' to play with. They were also given more huge fluffy blankets to curl under, but the two shoved them aside for the more exciting presents. Apparently, there was an online store that sold defensive weapons disguised as makeup and hair products. Nikita and Alex suddenly had mace, tasers, pocket knives, and brass knuckles all disguised as things they could keep in their purse. They were a bit over enthusiastic as they tested them out.
In an effort to calm the armed women down, Michael and Sean gave Nikita and Alex their gifts. Michael bought his girlfriend beautiful earrings from a jewelry store he knew she loved to look at. And Sean bought Alex a case for her father's watch. He figured it was the least he could do after he had bugged it. She didn't wear it too much, for fear of damaging the memory. However, she didn't have anywhere safe to place it. He solved that for her with a simple yet elegant watch display case.
She expressed her intense gratitude with a huge embrace. Alex hugged Sean so warmly and tightly, that she forgot about the others in the room. Sean did too for a moment. Then, someone coughed (Birkhoff) and the two finally separated. It took Alex a moment to remember herself and that she had a gift for Sean as well. He had told her that he'd been trying to take his nephew to a baseball game, but he hadn't had the time or opportunity. She gave him both with tickets. He expressed his thanks the same way she had. The two hugged for a long while.
Nikita cornered Michael in the kitchen before she gave him his gift. She knew he'd rather open it in private than in front of their friends. He was surprised by her actions- he thought they were getting more pie- but he gladly opened his present while they were alone. As soon as he saw the photograph in the frame, he was glad it was only the two of them. Tears instantly welled in his eyes. He was so in awe and so shocked, that all he could do was stare at the picture. When he finally came to his senses, his tears fell and he embraced his girlfriend tightly.
Elizabeth's aunt was on social media, and had posted a picture of Michael, Elizabeth, and Hayley from a few years before they tragically died. Nikita found the picture, downloaded it, and framed it. It wasn't the best quality, as it was a download of an upload of a real photo. And it showed Hayley as a baby instead of a toddler. However, Michael loved it so much; he was beyond words. He didn't think he could ever repay Nikita for what she returned to him. The earrings he gifted her were lame in comparison. But she didn't care about that. The picture of his late family was only for him. She wanted him to hold a happy memory of his wife and daughter.
When Michael was able to collect himself (hugging Nikita helped control his tears), the two returned to their friends. They were able to place their gifts aside for the moment to finish eating, play games, and sing karaoke. The card games soon became as competitive and dangerous as when they played board games. So, the team-family decided to just sing karaoke. Most of their singing was an attempt to embarrass one another, though. They serenaded with silly songs (a favorite was Nikita replacing the lyrics in "My Girl" with 'Michael'), or chose difficult selections for others to try to sing. Every note was filled with laughter and jokes.
Eventually, the family put a movie on to watch together. They only made it about halfway through, however, before they became distracted. Ryan poured over each of his new books, highlighting and tagging the information he found interesting. Birkhoff played a videogame with his new accessories and gear. Michael curled under a blanket with Nikita, and whispered her stories of Hayley and Elizabeth as they looked at the old photograph of them. Calling his nephew, Sean excitedly told him about the game they were going to and all the fun things they were going to do together. And Alex gazed at her family enjoying their gifts, smiling brightly.
That really was her best idea ever.
Notes:
Whatever you celebrate, or not celebrate, I hope you have an amazing time with those you love!
Chapter 23
Notes:
Set after 3x19 "Self-Destruct". Michael and Nikita don't let Alex go home alone.
Chapter Text
"Come on, Alex. It's time to go home," Nikita took Alex's hand and led her away from Ops. It wasn't too surprising that she was the last one there. Usually, it would've been Ryan. But he was still recovering from being shot and being in a coma. He actually went home to clean up and rest. Birkhoff and Sonya did the same, needing to escape the hell Division had become once again. All that was left was Alex.
Nikita refused to let that be for long. She tried to drag her best friend to the carport, away from the destruction and horror. Yet Alex refused. She hadn't allowed herself to rest or sit still in days. She wasn't going to start then, "No. I should stay, monitor some stuff, clean, figure out what Amanda and Owen… Sam… plan on doing with the black box…"
"Alex, no. You're coming home with me and Michael. You're gonna eat, shower, and allow yourself to rest," Interrupting, Nikita commanded more than suggested. She knew the hardest thing for Alex at that moment was to take care of herself. But she wasn't going to sit back and watch her best friend self-destruct. Too much had happened. There had been too much pain and suffering. The friends needed each other more than ever, "Please."
Halfway between the destroyed Ops and the garage that led to fresh air, Alex stood still. She knew she had to leave that place. Any longer in the place where she had caused so much pain, and she might be drawn to the medicine cabinet in Medical. However, she shouldn't be around her friends. She had already hurt the person who mattered most because she wasn't in control of herself. If she did it again, if she kept hurting her loved ones, she'd never recover, "How do we know that what Amanda did to me…"
"How do we know that what Amanda did to me won't fuck us up too? Come on," Nikita wouldn't hear it. She had told Alex that she had to start healing herself. She let her know that the life they were given was a gift. They weren't death and destruction; they could help so many people. Of course, it would take more than a few hours for Alex to believe that. She needed time to heal and love herself again. Fortunately, she had friends that'd help her no matter what.
Michael was already waiting in the car to take them home. He and Nikita easily decided that Alex would stay in their guest room for the next few days. She shouldn't be alone. They'd go with her everywhere- their apartment, Division, her home with Sean. They had neglected and abandoned her enough. They weren't going to ever leave her again.
The ride back to the city was quiet. There were too many thoughts and emotions to share. It was still so complicated- still so raw. By the time they reached the apartment, however, Michael was fairly certain he knew what he should say. Yet, he preferred to do it in private. Nikita had talked to Alex privately in the car. Then, was his turn, "Why don't you go grab some of her things from her apartment? I'll talk to her."
Nikita didn't need to be asked twice. While Alex moved to sit awkwardly on the couch, she turned back towards the door to leave. Michael held her back for just a moment, though. He didn't want to leave his fiancée alone either. But it was the only option they had, "Hey. If for any reason you don't feel like yourself, even if it's just a little bit, call me. Please."
Squeezing Michael's hand, Nikita nodded. Amanda didn't even need to be there to keep fucking with the team. She made Owen Sam. She did something to Alex in that horror chair, making her worst fears come true. And she had to have fucked with Nikita's mind as well. The birch's horrors were endless. Yet whatever hell Nikita was about to go through didn't matter at the moment. She only cared about Alex, "She won't have the chance to escape if you talk to her while stitching up her calf."
Glancing back at Alex, it was Michael's turn to nod. He hadn't even noticed how torn up she was- well, physically at least. She made sure she had every ounce of her pain hidden. She hardly responded when Nikita informed her she was going to get her things. She sat stoically, attempting not to break. Michael needed to step in. She didn't have to hold it all together, "Come on, Alex. I'm going to clean your wound."
"It's fine," Alex argued. She had dealt with the gash on her calf in their field. It should hold up. And if it didn't, so what. She deserved the pain it brought her.
"That wasn't a question," Michael commanded sternly, already moving towards the bathroom. Alex sighed. She knew she couldn't argue against him or his tone of voice. Making her stay with them wasn't enough for the couple. They had to force her to heal too.
Once Alex finally limped into the bathroom (okay, with her adrenaline gone she could see that she needed more medical attention) Michael had the first aid kit ready for her. He made her sit on the counter, and he removed her shoes and socks. She could've done it herself. Except when she tried to interfere, he swatted her away. She huffed, but he ignored her as he rolled up her pant leg. The sight of the blood and angry gash made him hold back a gasp. Things really were worse than bad if she was going to let that fester.
Silently, Michael cleaned away the blood and disinfected the deep, long wound. Alex held back every wince and curse. She needed something to distract herself. She didn't want to think or feel anything. There had to be something else she could make more important than herself. Noticing Michael be awkward with his right hand gave her an idea. She almost forgot that it wasn't his actual hand. It looked so real, yet she could see the scar where it was attached to his arm. It was just another prosthetic, "It's still weird isn't it?"
"Just have to remind myself it's still a prosthetic. There's some stuff to get used to," Michael flexed the fingers on his fake hand. Although it looked very real, the carbon fiber bones underneath definitely weren't. He had some kind of super strength with that hand. How else could he explain what happened during his fight with Owen- Sam. He shouldn't dwell on that then, however. It was still all about Alex. Her pain was far more important than his, "I'm sorry I was too preoccupied with this to notice…"
"You don't need to apologize," Immediately, Alex shook her head. The team hadn't done anything. They were simply more victims of her actions. She was the one who had fucked up; she was the one who had to make amends.
"Yes I do. There's a lot I need to apologize for. I should've been there to help you. There were more problems than just my own. I shouldn't have left you," Stilling his movements, Michael glanced up at Alex. Sincerity was bright in his green eyes. He was more than sorry for how he treated his friends, and for how he treated his fiancée after he lost his hand. He made getting a better prosthetic a priority over them. That shouldn't have happened. He knew better than to push people away when he needed them most.
"Nikita needed you," Alex looked away. She didn't want to talk about it. She knew what went wrong, and it wasn't on Michael. He had to save Nikita from Amanda. Division wasn't his problem. It was all her fault.
Michael held in a sigh as he washed his hands and prepared to stitch her leg. He knew it would take time for Alex to listen to him. He shouldn't get exasperated; he just had to match her stubbornness with his own, "I'm not just talking about the coup."
"Why not? That's where I fucked up the most! I relapsed, I let Amanda get in my head, and I was so blinded by my own fear that I got people killed," Alex couldn't help but shout. Nikita had already talked to her about what happened. She didn't need Michael to as well. Especially when there was so much kindness and sincerity in his eyes.
Sitting back down on the stepstool in front of her, Michael gently squeezed Alex's foot. He wanted her to look at him, read the earnestness in his face, as he said, "It wasn't your fault…"
"I started the rebellion!" Voice hoarse, Alex screamed. She was the one who raised dissent inside Division. She was the one to let things get out of hand. She was the one who couldn't control the situation she started. All that blood was on her hands. And it was all for nothing- a false idea someone else planted just to destroy her.
"Did you pull the trigger?" Michael already knew the answer. He also knew Alex was mostly thinking about Sean. But that didn't stop him from asking, or from phrasing his question that way. He needed her to think past her hurt.
"I led to it by believing a false, stupid, fucking story! I shouldn't have let Amanda in my head. I should've listened to you guys. I should've listened to Sean. I was so afraid, and it's all my fault. I killed everyone! So stop trying to help me. I'm not worth it," Although Alex wanted to hop off the counter and run out of the apartment, Michael had given her wound the first stitch. She was stuck there until he finished. Hopefully, that would've been soon.
"Did I kill Hayley and Elizabeth?" Keeping his focus on stitching her leg, Michael changed the subject. He didn't talk to Alex about his family much. He had only told her the basics. He doubted she knew the full story. Of all the things Nikita had told her best friend, she wouldn't have mentioned his family. That was for him to tell.
Alex didn't know what to say at first. Michael had completely thrown her off guard. Once she shook away her surprise, however, she knew she had to refute him. How could anyone think he killed his family, "What? No."
"I left the briefcase in the car. I believed Kasim's lie that it was information. I trusted the wrong instincts, and the people I loved most suffered. I killed them, right?" Michael shrugged as though what he said wasn't weighing heavily on his heart. He might not have thought that way then thanks to Nikita. But those thoughts had berated him for nearly a decade. It was still difficult to think differently at times, even when he knew the truth.
"No, Kasim did under Percy's orders," Shaking her head vehemently, Alex reminded Michael of what he had told her. He wasn't responsible for his wife's and daughter's death. That was all on Percy and Kasim. The bombing wasn't his fault, no matter how it was spun.
"Right. Percy, who later manipulated my grief and pain and turned me into a monster," Michael tried not to let his anger affect his stitching. Despite the years that had passed, he remained livid over what Percy did. Yet he didn't show it to Alex. He stayed gentle with her.
"You're not a monster," Alex had no idea what Michael was getting at, but she had to stop the train of thought immediately. She couldn't allow him to hate himself.
Nodding, Michael focused on the next few stitches. He let the silence in the bathroom stretch out for a bit before he changed topics once more. Alex was probably going to be angry with him for what he was going to say next. But, again, he needed her to think, "Well Nikita's a monster. Amanda fucked with her head too…"
"Nikita has never been a monster," Sitting upright, Alex nearly shouted again. She always hated when her best friend thought of herself that way. To hear Nikita's fiancé say that, made Alex's blood boil. Where the hell did he get off.
"What about when she killed your dad and got you sold into sex slavery?" Michael was playing with fire when it came to those topics, but he had to say them. He was close to his point.
"She couldn't save my dad. She tried, but she couldn't save us both. My dad would've wanted her to save only me anyway. And she didn't get me sold. She just put her trust in the wrong person. He sold me to the real monsters. She tried to protect me," Alex didn't know why she had to defend Nikita in front of her fiancé, but she did so without hesitation. It had taken her time to understand Nikita's actions during Pale Fire. Alex wanted to hate her. But after experiencing Division and learning the full truth, she knew Nikita did the best she could.
Finishing the last stitch in Alex's wounded calf, Michael stood and washed his hands. He cleaned the mess around them. As silence stretched once more, he didn't spare her a glance. He wanted their conversation to sink in before he asked her one more question. She had to remember her answers before he said, "Right. But you killed Sean?"
"I trusted a lie! I let Amanda mess with my pain and guilt, and it turned me into a monster! Nikita said my self-hatred could be used by others, and look what happened! I never healed myself and others took advantage. I let myself be manipulated, I put my trust in the wrong person, I… oh…" As she ranted, she finally realized what Michael was doing. Alex didn't blame him or Nikita for doing the same things she was blaming herself for. She should cut herself some slack and make herself understand the full situation, like she had with them. But she couldn't. Whereas Michael and Nikita didn't deserve hatred, she did.
"It's easier to blame yourself. But you didn't kill Sean. There's so many other people to blame. Amanda put the false memory in your head and drove you to rebel. Rachel pulled the trigger. We didn't notice what was going on with you- that something was wrong. You are not to blame. You didn't hurt him," Michael gently tucked Alex's hair behind her ear and played with the strands that fell across her back. It was a move he had seen Nikita do a thousand times to comfort her. When he did it, however, Alex instantly burst into tears.
Alex tried to fight the sobs that choked her throat and blurred her vision, but it was too great. Everything was too great for her. She clutched the countertop to keep herself steady. But it was useless. Pain and grief hit her so hard, she couldn't breathe. She couldn't do anything but let the hurt consume her, "I… the bullet was for me… if I hadn't…"
"Sean made his choice. He chose to stick by you, to fight for you, because he loves you. He tried to tell us something was wrong, but we didn't listen. He had your back the entire time. Even when he had the chance to get the hell out of Dodge, he chose to fight for you. Everything he did was because he loves you. He knew you were worth it," Gently, Michael wiped the tears from Alex's too blue eyes. He refused to leave her side. She wouldn't cry alone that time.
"And I paid him back by…" Alex couldn't even say it. She couldn't admit that she led to Sean's death. It hurt too much. And, Michael's and Nikita's words were actually starting to sink in. She wasn't completely to blame; she didn't have to carry that weight.
"By loving him too," Michael finished the thought for her. Everyone knew how much Sean meant to Alex, especially Sean. The thought caused a more violent sob to rip through the young woman. Michael was there to catch her that time. He wrapped her in a tight embrace and whispered against her temple, "I know, Alex. It's not okay, and it's not alright. But I'm right here. We're not going anywhere this time."
Alex clung to Michael. She sobbed into his chest and dug her nails into the fabric of his shirt. He let her be racked in emotion. He simply rubbed her back and continued to murmur, "This hurt doesn't go away. But you can dull the pain with time, live with it instead of being controlled by it. You just have to realize that you're not to blame first."
Somehow, Alex managed to nod. Michael just hugged her tighter. Eventually, Nikita joined the two in the bathroom with her softest and warmest blanket in hand. Neither had heard her come home. She had kept her distance while they talked. But it was time for her to include herself. She wrapped Alex in the blanket, held her close, and kissed the crown of her head, "Come on, Alex. Let's just go to bed. You don't have to do anything until the morning."
There were plenty of things to do. Except, none of them mattered. Michael carried Alex to the guest room and placed her gently in the bed Nikita had already made up. The young woman curled on her side, clutched the covers tightly, and continued to cry. Her best friend climbed into bed with her, holding her while she sobbed. Tears pooled in her brown eyes as well, yet she held them back. Her attention was all on Alex, not saying anything, just soothing her. It wasn't long before Michael curled next to them and held them both. The three laid together, crying and comforting throughout the night. Although it was all they could do, it was enough.
Chapter 24
Notes:
Set in the later half of season 1. Michael has a terrible nightmare.
Chapter Text
He had to get to her. She was trapped in the car with the briefcase. He had to get to her. She was banging on the windows, the door, the ceiling, doing anything she could to escape. But she was trapped, and he had to get to her. No matter how fast he ran, however, he couldn't reach her. She screamed his name- she never screamed for help, always stubbornly pushed on. She knew what was about to happen. She called for him. She screamed his name. Yet he couldn't get to her in time. Just as he touched the car door handle, it was all too late. She was still trapped inside as the briefcase exploded.
The blast blew them both from the car. They went sprawling to the street, flames and debris falling around them. He fought through it, though. He still had to get to her. She wasn't trapped anymore, but she also wasn't screaming. She was so silent. She was so still. Collapsing to his knees in front of her bloody body, he scooped her up in his arms. She didn't react. She didn't breathe, "No. Nikita, no. Wake up. Wake up, Love. Come on, we gotta go. We gotta save the world. We're gonna live on that beach. We're gonna sit and do nothing and live happily ever after. Wake up. Please, Nikita. Please, don't go. Wake up."
Michael was the one to wake up, however. He jolted awake in the small bed, scrambling pillows and tossing the covers. His heart beat so hard against his chest, it actually hurt. He couldn't get control of his breathing. It was erratic and harsh, hurting his chest even more. Grabbing hold of the blankets, he tried to get ahold of himself. But the nightmare continued to course through him. He needed more to calm down. So, he reached over to the other side of the bed for the one person who could always give him comfort.
Nikita wasn't there, however. Her pillow and blanket were empty and cold. Michael snapped out of bed completely. The rational part of him guessed she was in the bathroom, or simply getting water from the kitchen. But his lingering nightmare wouldn't allow him to be rational. She had fallen asleep with him, yet then she was gone. There could only be one logical explanation. She was trapped in the car with that briefcase, and he had to get to her.
He didn't think of anything else. A part of him was sure that if he checked the bathroom or kitchen he'd find Nikita. Michael could calm down once he did. Except, his heart was beating so fast and he couldn't take a full breath of air. He couldn't focus on anything besides finding her. Luckily, he didn't have to look far. As Michael began to leave the great room of her loft, Nikita returned to him. Just the sight of her eased his heart and returned the air to his lungs.
"Hey. Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. It's just, after you and Owen managed to sneak in here, I couldn't sleep until I fixed my security. I don't really want any more surprises," Smiling softly, Nikita explained her absence. There was no way she could sleep peacefully knowing two people had managed to slip past her security measures. It felt as though she had left a door open. Fortunately, she was able to fix her problem easily. She could return to Michael in her nice warm bed and fall asleep in his strong arms. Though, looking him over, she doubted he'd been able to sleep peacefully while she was gone, "Hey, Michael. What's wrong?"
"Just… always glad to see you," Shaking his head, Michael faked a smile. Fear and anxiety hadn't slipped from his mind. He couldn't break away from his nightmare. He didn't want to wrap Nikita in his fear. It was better to ignore it and try to return to bed, even if he was certain that he wouldn't sleep for the rest of the night.
To distract himself from that thought, and every other tormented thought in his rattled head, Michael pulled Nikita closer to him. Whereas he remained in his boxers, she had stolen his button down to walk around the loft. She hadn't buttoned it up all the way, allowing him to grab the open tails and tug her into his arms. He believed the move plus his smile would distract her and help change the subject. Except, she still managed to read his mind, "Did you have a nightmare about me, and I wasn't there when you woke?"
"How do you do that?" Michael had to ask. Although he didn't want to admit the truth, there was no use lying to her. Nikita knew him too well. Even before they were together- as a team and as a couple- she could read him like a book. He always strived to keep his thoughts and emotions close to his chest. But she consistently found a way past his guard. She knew how to get into his heart like no one else.
"I think I know you pretty well by now. After all, you have been inside of me," Instead of answering seriously, Nikita joked. She had no idea how bad Michael's nightmare was. If it was something he could laugh off, then she'd help him truly smile again. He only chuckled lightly and bumped his forehead against hers, though. He wasn't in a lighthearted mood. She grew more concerned, reaching out to caress his stubbled cheek, "You wanna talk? They always say…"
"Yeah. Yeah, I know. I uh… give me a minute," Michael sighed. He was well aware that talking helped. It was what he always told Nikita, after all. He just couldn't admit what he had dreamed yet. His body still trembled at the mere thought of it. He needed time to simply breathe and hold her. With her in his arms, he should be alright soon.
Nikita understood. Slowly, she led Michael to the bed with her and sat on the edge of the mattress. He was stiff beside her. His leg bumped harshly into hers, and he clutched her hand tightly in his grasp. She turned to face him, but he wouldn't look at her. Eyes downcast, he only played with her fingers. It was as though he was trying to rely more on touch than sight to assure himself that she was there. There were only a few times when she had seen him like that- so afraid and helpless. Instantly, she knew what happened in his nightmare, "I died, didn't I?"
"Car bomb," Barely above a whisper, Michael admitted. He still didn't look at her. In fact, he was fairly certain it'd be worse if he had looked at Nikita. Yet he needed to say something. At least some of his nightmare had to get off his chest. It was constraining to keep it so close; it choked him. He had to let it out before the fear consumed him whole. Luckily, he was with someone he could entrust his whole being to.
"Oh. I'm sorry," Nikita squeezed Michael's hand just as fiercely. She knew his feelings towards car bombs. They were uncontrollable- mistakes could easily happen. They were mass destruction and pain. And they were weapons that took everything away from him. Anything involving them had his heart in a vise. A frightful nightmare was no exception.
"Why? No. You don't need to apologize. It was my stupid subconscious. I was the one who imagined you… there…" Michael started out strong. He wouldn't take Nikita's apology. It wasn't her fault that she had died in his dream. Whatever his subconscious was trying to do to him was the real villain. It kept tormenting him in waves. He couldn't stay calm for long. He remembered what he dreamt, and the absolute horror took hold of his heart once more. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think past the image of her- them- dying. Before he knew it, tears welled in his eyes and choked his throat. There was nothing he could do to stop it.
"Michael?" Upon seeing the tears in his eyes, Nikita finally made him look at her. She gently cradled his jaw and connected her concerned brown eyes to his tearful green. He blinked hard. When he couldn't clear away his building sob, however, he crashed his forehead into hers and squeezed his eyes shut. She held his cheek, knuckles scraping along his stubble. Her nose brushed his in an attempt to make him look at her again. He wouldn't.
There was something about connecting their foreheads that helped Michael breathe. Maybe it was because they were so close, so intimate. If he opened his eyes, he could see the flash of gold that shone amidst her brown eyes. However, he couldn't quite look at her. He needed to feel Nikita. His touch wouldn't betray him like his sight would. Or, like the words that caught in his throat and in his tears, "I've had nightmares about you before. But… this is the first time you… not dying but… you were in the car…"
Michael didn't need to finish his struggled thought. Nikita knew what he was trying to say. A normal car bomb hadn't killed her in his nightmare. It was the bomb in the briefcase on the military base. No wonder he was so overwhelmed. He literally had one of his worst nightmares, "It was me instead of Hayley and Elizabeth."
Nodding, Michael pulled away from Nikita. He didn't move far; he didn't think he could. Their thighs still burned against one another's. He simply removed his forehead from hers to tuck her dark hair behind her ears and cradled her cheeks. A part of him was grateful that she finished his sentence for him. He wasn't in a place to say it outloud. He hardly ever was in a sure enough place to discuss his late family. Except, of course, with her. She could always draw things out of him, even things he wouldn't allow himself to dwell on, "I shouldn't put that fear on you. I shouldn't have replaced them. I…"
"Hey. You're not replacing them with me. I would never do that. Your heart can hold us both," Patting his sturdy chest, Nikita grinned warmly. Michael just gripped her hand tightly. He kept it where it was, sweeping his thumb over her knuckles. After a moment, she shifted into a more comfortable position on the mattress. She really wanted Michael to look at her.
"I know. It took me a while to realize that, but I know. It took a long time to work past the guilt. I can move on and keep living my life. I can love again. It almost took too long to realize that," He finally glanced at her as he spoke quietly. His words were a bit of a rambling mess, yet he wasn't sure how else to express himself. It took a decade for Michael to heal from his guilt and grief over his family's death. And it took him five years to realize he wasn't doing anything wrong by being with Nikita. If he wasn't so consumed with rage and vengeance, he would've been in a better place earlier. He probably wouldn't have any lingering nightmares either.
"No. It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. Guilt and trauma are hard to work through. You should just be proud that you did," Nikita instantly reassured him. In St. Petersburg, when she had called him the strongest person she had ever met, she wasn't exaggerating. The pain Michael had lived through and endured was remarkable. She couldn't have done that. There were still things from her past she hadn't healed from. He was far better than her in every way.
"Then why did my subconscious replace you? Why does it feel so wrong to put you in their place?" The tears caught up on Michael again. It wasn't the fear and anxiety that time. Other negative emotions bombarded him, so much so that he couldn't name them all. He knew he felt guilty, though. He never wanted to compare Nikita and Elizabeth. They were two completely different women, and he wanted to treat them as such. Yet, his subconscious made them one person- one person who he was always bound to lose.
"You didn't replace us. I have my own place, and so do Hayley and Elizabeth. You just love us all so much, you're afraid of losing us in the same way," Nikita pulled Michael's hand to her lips and kissed his knuckles. She never felt out of place when it came to his late family; she never would. He had enough space in his heart for all of them. She didn't doubt that.
Returning their clasped hands to his chest, Michael tried to close the gap between them. He didn't know what he would've done without Nikita. Somehow, she always knew what to say and what to do to make him feel better. Maybe it was the wonders of letting her into his heart. He let her know him, and she became his life support. He didn't know how he could repay her for that. He could hardly even express it to her. It sounded more like a sarcastic comment than immense gratitude, "When'd you get so smart and supportive?"
"A lot of time to think when you're alone," Nikita shrugged. She tried to play it off as nonchalant. The moment wasn't about her. The time she spent alone and how damning that could've been on her psyche wasn't the focus of that conversation. Maybe later they could delve into it. But, honestly, she didn't want to. She'd rather keep focusing on Michael. He deserved more comfort than she did.
"You're not alone," Tenderly, Michael negated. Between him and Alex (and Owen and Ryan too he guessed) Nikita would never be alone again. She had built up too much around her for life to tear away at it again. That could possibly be how Michael repaid her for being so wonderful to him. He'd always ensure that she was never alone. Nikita would have her family.
"And you're okay. It was just a nightmare. You didn't do anything wrong. It's your big 'ol heart that's stupid. Not you," Joking, Nikita attempted to make Michael laugh again. She got a much brighter smile that time. He chuckled softly and reached to pull her into his lap. She followed his silent command willingly. Once they found a comfortable position together, they embraced one another tightly. Their foreheads brushed once again.
Although Nikita was aware that Michael wouldn't sleep throughout the rest of the night, she knew they couldn't stay like that forever. Sooner or later, one of them would get cramped from the position. They should also probably keep talking. All those complicated emotions couldn't have been solved just yet. But Nikita wouldn't force Michael into doing anything he didn't want to do. He had a voice, "Do you want to stay like this? Or watch a movie. Or…"
"This. I just want this," Michael tightened his arms around her. He buried his head in the crook of her neck and just breathed her in. With his shirt on, Nikita smelled distinctly like herself and a little bit like him. Somehow, that seemed to help calm him further. Not only was she there in his arms, she was also with him. They were together, safe and sound (at least for the moment). And they were alive. She was in his arms, heart beating against his chest and breathing in the same air. He couldn't allow that to not be true. Since he had her, he wouldn't let her go again.
"I'm not going anywhere," Reading his mind once more, Nikita whispered into his ear. She cradled his head as she held him and continued to mutter soft comforting words. She repeated a lot of the same phrases over and over, but that didn't matter. Her meaning remained clear. He was alright. She was there. And she loved him so much.
"I love you, Nikita," Eventually, Michael echoed in response. The three words barely scratched the surface of his emotions for her. Yet he didn't have to say more. She knew. They both knew what they meant to one another. It was beyond words.
Chapter 25
Notes:
Set after 2x19 "Wrath". Michael begins to teach Nikita to love herself.
Chapter Text
In all the years Michael had known Nikita, he hadn't actually seen her struggle with her drug addiction. He had heard about it. She told him vague stories of relapsing and of withdrawal. And he witnessed her rough transition into Division; though, that came from more than just addiction. He had never seen her slip back into the dark place she had escaped from. She always seemed stronger- more held together. If anyone could fight their demons and win, it'd be her.
Nikita just wasn't as perfect as Michael claimed. She still had bad days- days when she couldn't survive the screaming in her thoughts. Recently, it was harder to make it through the day. She couldn't silence her demons. Michael said he'd help, but she hadn't exactly let him in. She wasn't used to anyone helping. Nikita had always fought alone. It was too much to change then. Everything was too much.
It was easy to pretend it wasn't when she was with other people. She could be taunting on a call to Percy. She could be comforting to Sean. She could mess around with Alex and Birkhoff. But alone with her thoughts, that was when it was pure hell. Without a distraction, she had no chance against her thoughts. She couldn't sit still. She couldn't sleep. It was close to driving her insane. It just wouldn't stop. And all Nikita wanted was to make it stop. She didn't want to struggle. She didn't deserve to struggle. She should've been as strong as her team all thought.
The one sure thing Nikita knew would make her thoughts stop shouldn't have been her go-to. After all those years, she was supposed to have learned a new way to cope. But she didn't know anything better or more complete. It was the best way to forget. Demons couldn't survive it. They drowned in the numbness. Everything vanished once she felt numb.
And in a safehouse full of rogues, that solution was easy to find. It was in the kitchen with the other major first aid supplies. The kit was in easy reach for all of them in case something happened. Nikita didn't have to stray far to find the solution to her pain. She simply had to leave the warmth of Michael's side, and wander through the quiet safehouse. The sun hadn't even risen yet. No one else was awake. She was all alone in the world and with her thoughts. Nothing stopped her from grabbing the bottle.
Birkhoff hadn't taken all of the pain pills he was prescribed after his hand was shattered. There were a few left rattling in the bottle. The team kept the medicine around in case someone else got seriously injured. Considering they couldn't exactly be rushed to a hospital, they had to rely on whatever medical supplies they could gather. That created a haphazard first aid kit, but what else could rogues do.
Nikita certainly didn't mind it as she clutched the pill bottle. She had her escape. Finally, the thoughts since Brandt had resurfaced could be silenced. She wouldn't be a monster. She wouldn't have killed Senator Pierce. She wouldn't be at fault for Sean's pain. She wouldn't be to blame for losing the team their pardons. And she wouldn't have hurt Michael. It'd all go away with a few pills. She'd drift away. The screaming would stop. She could smile again.
Except, all she did was hold the bottle. She couldn't bring herself to open it and shake the life saving pills loose. Despite the burning need in her stomach, the flames licking at her chest begging her to fuel the ever dormant desire, she remained still. Nikita stared at the pain pills in the dark of the kitchen for who knew how long. Her insides were battling themselves. Above the demons tearing her mind to shreds, reasoning commanded her not to fall to past temptations. Everything she had worked so hard for would fall apart the second she swallowed a pill. She had to be stronger. She had to be the perfect beacon of strength they all thought she was.
Michael reached for Nikita in bed. His hand was only met with cold sheets, however. He sighed. The past few nights she hadn't stayed in bed long. She slept wildly, then as soon as she could, she'd leave to start her morning. She never talked to him about it- practically refused to. It was about time he did something about that. He couldn't leave her to keep suffering on her own. Even if she wanted to isolate herself, he would never allow that to happen.
He soon found her in the kitchen. He had to turn on the lights to be able to make her out clearly; the sun was barely rising outside the window. Michael thought he would've seen Nikita drinking water, making a simple breakfast, or even hiding out in the shadows. Instead, he saw her staring transfixed at a bottle of pills. Confusion hit him first. Then, as he moved closer and noticed the struggle in her eyes, he realized what she was doing. Michael had never seen Nikita that bad before. He didn't even know she continued to struggle with her addiction. He believed the temptation and aches were all over. Apparently, he was wrong.
The second Michael closed the gap between him and Nikita, however, she shoved the pain pills into his hand. She didn't look at him. She hardly acknowledged his presence. She just gave him the unopened bottle and pulled herself away- far away. Her hands balled into fists and she crossed her arms tightly over her chest. She shook slightly, but she fought to remain in control. She tried her best to forget about the pills.
"You didn't…" Michael didn't want to assume. He knew her better than to think she fell so easily. She was struggling to stay on solid ground. Nikita's head shake confirmed that. She hadn't taken the pills, yet she had been close. She had been so close to losing it all.
For a while he didn't say anything. Michael just dumped the pills down the sink and destroyed them in the garbage disposal. With Nikita's struggle and Alex's earlier theft (though, that was just to study the kind of medicine her mother was forced to take by Semak) it was better to get rid of them. The team could make do without pain pills in their first aid kit; they had before. Nikita studied his actions like a hawk. She was afraid of what his reaction would be. She understood him getting rid of the temptation. But what was Michael going to do with her since he knew she was weak. Turned out, he simply reached to hold her, "Okay. Okay. It's alright."
She was stiff when he pulled her into his arms. His touch was so gentle as he held her tightly and cradled her head. She honestly didn't know what to do with that. Nikita's head wasn't any better since the drugs were taken away. She still felt jumbled. She still felt as though she could fall apart at any moment. Yet Michael was there to catch her. He wasn't going anywhere, "Why don't we skip coffee this morning and just hop into the shower?"
When Nikita finally managed to nod, Michael urged her towards their bathroom. A few steps in, and she broke away from him. With a goal in mind, Nikita could remove herself from the moment. She could have other things to focus on. Michael thought about leaving her alone. She could collect herself in the shower. However, he soon thought better of that. She needed someone with her. Not that he didn't trust her alone- just that she shouldn't have to feel alone again. So, after a minute, he rushed to join her in the shower. She didn't react to him there until he grabbed the soap from her, "Here. I got it."
"Michael," Shoving him away, Nikita berated. She didn't need to be treated like a baby. Despite what had happened in the kitchen, she could take care of herself.
"Nikita," Michael ignored her harsh tone and tried to help her clean for the day. He was sure she was angry with herself for her near slip up. She was angry with herself for a lot of things that had happened lately. Yet he refused to let that drive him away. Her words in Brandt's torture dungeon hadn't sent him running. Her self-hatred wasn't going to make him love her any less. In fact, it made him want to teach her to love herself more, "I told you I'd teach you to love yourself. Well, the first step is taking care of yourself."
"I know how to shower," Nikita pushed Michael's hands away again. She knew she shouldn't feel irritated with him. He didn't do anything wrong. She just didn't want the attention or adoration. Although her thoughts were dangerous things, she wanted to be left alone. It was what she deserved.
"And I know how to make you feel good," Michael argued. Although his tone was light and flirtatious, he didn't move to touch her. He waited for Nikita's invitation. Wanting to help her shower was probably a little overkill. But he didn't know how else to prove to her that she was worth it. She never believed his words. Yet action was different. She'd know without a shadow of a doubt that he'd keep his promise to her.
Sighing, Nikita dropped her hands. She let Michael scrub her skin clean. He also scrunched her face when he soaped it up, but she fought her bubbling laughter. She wasn't in the mood to feel better. She wanted to keep sulking. He'd never allow that to happen, though, "I can't fight you, can I?"
"Loving persistence will beat your stubbornness. I promise you that," Softly, Michael smiled and began to shampoo her hair. Nikita relaxed as his fingers massaged her scalp. There was no more fight left in her. She soaked under the soothing warm spray while he cleaned himself. When they were both done, he turned off the water and towel dried them. He gently shook her and smooshed her cheeks again, and she had to giggle that time. Michael smiled adoringly at her before he kissed her sweetly.
Her smile came easily. So, he continued what he was doing. She picked out her own clothes, yet he helped her put them on. Nikita rolled her eyes the entire time, but there was no protest. She was starting to really enjoy how Michael cared for her, especially after he got dressed himself. He grabbed her hairbrush, sat her on the bed, and braided her hair. His fingers moved so tenderly against her head. He took extra care of her hair and scalp. He even placed kisses along her temple and crown. She hummed in contentment. He kept smiling at her.
Once her hair was perfect, Michael turned Nikita to face him. He placed his hands tenderly on her waist, his thumbs caressing her abdomen. She held his forearms, and traced her fingers along his skin from wrist to elbow. Eventually, he brushed his nose against hers and asked about the next part of their morning. He wasn't done showering her in love, "You hungry? What do you want for breakfast?"
"Cereal," Nikita shrugged. She didn't think she was that hungry. If she had to eat, a small bowl of cereal was good enough.
"So, fruit and juice and super chocolaty waffles," Michael amended, flashing his charming half-smile. It was a grin that sparkled his green eyes and trapped Nikita under his spell. He only reserved the look for her, which made her fall for it even more. He even stared at her as though she was special. How could the universe give her that gift after everything she had done.
Squeezing her sides reassuringly, Michael moved to heft Nikita in his arms. It wasn't an easy move, yet he soon managed to bridal carry her out of their bedroom. She wiggled and protested throughout the process. She had grown okay with the pampering. But he didn't need to carry her. She wasn't an invalid. She was perfectly capable of walking, and he had done enough for her already, "Hey. I can walk."
"Second lesson of loving yourself is knowing you should be treated like a princess," Holding her closer to his chest, Michael refused to let her go. He carried her back to the kitchen and set her atop the counter. Before she could hop to the ground, he held her in place and kissed her. She melted helplessly into the affection.
"You win this time," Shaking her head, Nikita couldn't help but smile. Michael kissed her again. In fact, everytime he made her smile, grin, laugh, giggle, chuckle, whatever while he told her jokes and made breakfast, he kissed her. It didn't matter that he was moving around the kitchen like a goofy maniac. He kissed her as often and as lovingly as he could. And he kissed her everywhere- lips, cheeks, forehead, crown, neck, shoulder, you name it. He kissed her and made her joy last forever.
When he nearly cut himself while slicing fruits in his effort to kiss her, Nikita realized what he was doing. Amanda had taught recruits and agents about anchoring feelings. They could win over a mark by anchoring one of their happy emotions to an elated feeling- like sipping alcohol or a teasing touch. It was a way to seduce a mark to do whatever they wanted. Although that wasn't Michael's intention, he was anchoring her feeling of joy to the love of his kisses. He wanted her to know that love could be joy, not heartache. She couldn't handle that fact. Tears bit in her eyes, and she shook her head. He had to stop, "Don't do that."
"Don't do what?" Michael wondered, tenderly caressing her cheek. Nikita pulled away. Her brown eyes wouldn't look at him again. She shut down once more.
"You don't have to… I'm not…" Nikita couldn't bring herself to fight Michael. She knew all the things he'd say to negate her. She couldn't win that argument, even though she wanted to. He always worked so hard for her to see herself as perfect. But she wasn't. She'd only drag him down to her level. Wasn't what happened with Brandt proof enough of that.
"You are beyond worth it. I'm just helping you see yourself how I see you," Cradling her cheeks in his hands, Michael made Nikita look at him. He caressed her skin, massaged her scalp, everything so that she'd look in his eyes and know how serious he was. He knew she had flaws. He knew she struggled. But that didn't make her any less perfect to him. That didn't make her any less strong. It was the fact that she always continued despite that that had him captivated, "I love you, Nikita. And I know you love me. I just want you to love yourself too."
Although she barely spoke, he understood her perfectly, "What if I can't?"
"I will never stop trying to teach you. Nothing you do will ever make me stop loving you. You're worth unconditional love, Nik," His confession brought tears to her eyes. Michael gently wiped them away, and Nikita surged into his arms. He held her tightly, swaying back and forth. He never let go, even when she stopped crying. Nothing could separate him from her.
Except, the burning waffles he left on the stove, "Shit."
Laughing brightly, Nikita hopped off the counter to help Michael. They worked together to finish breakfast, but he was the one to set the table. He pulled her chair out for her and ensured she ate all she could. She did the same for him. She wouldn't take his love without returning it. Once they finished and he cleaned their dishes, she moved to the livingroom to start a movie for them. Birkhoff, Alex, and Sean would be awake soon and would probably join them, so Nikita placed extra blankets and pillows. The whole team should be together. They deserved to be. And, as Michael would tell her, she deserved to be with all the love she had built around herself.
Chapter 26
Notes:
An AU for season 3, around the time Alex is brainwashed by Amanda. What if Alex yelled all those bad thoughts she had about Nikita to her face.
Chapter Text
Nikita and Alex shared a lot with one another; it was the perks of being best friends. They shared clothes. They shared makeup. They shared food, and blankets, and everything else. But mostly, they shared thoughts and feelings they didn't express to anyone else. They knew darker thoughts and worse fears than even Michael and Sean knew. Alex and Nikita's similar experiences and stories lent a hand in that. No one understood them like they did. The two were sisters in everything but blood.
Which was why it hurt so much more when they were fighting.
No one else used the old sparring gym besides the team of former rogues. That had its advantages; whenever they wanted to be alone, they could. However, if two people wanted to be alone and pummel a punching bag to destress at the same time, they were stuck without reprieve from one another. Usually, that'd be perfectly fine with Nikita and Alex. They loved to spar together, catch up on their crazy lives. Yet they had been at each other's throats lately. The two couldn't go two seconds without arguing. It was almost as though they were pulling away from each other- like they weren't friends anymore.
It wasn't without Nikita trying, though. She attempted to talk to Alex, break the weird tension that had formed between them after Alex was kidnapped by Amanda. But it never worked. Even then, the attempt at a joke blew up in Nikita's face. She had walked into the old gym and instantly spotted Alex beating the shit out of a punching bag. The quip flew out of Nikita's mouth before she really thought of it- maybe Alex would be less bitchy if she did meditation with Birkhoff again.
Normally, when the two best friends taunted one another with harsh language, it made them laugh. They knew the name calling was all in good fun. And it managed to shock them out of their bad moods, making them break into giggles. Not that time, however. Nikita's joke caused Alex to snap. She stopped punching the bag to turn her fiery gaze to her friend. Her words were like venom as they dripped off her tongue, "At least I never had to rely on other people to know what love is. A guy never had to be inside of me for me to know he liked me."
"What?" Nikita stepped back in shock. Alex's response seemed to have come from nowhere. It didn't relate at all to what Nikita had said. It was as though she had been looking for an excuse to berate her friend. She was simply screaming to scream. The fury was ripe in her mind, and Alex had to let it out.
That wasn't what made Nikita take another step back, however. She had told Alex those thoughts in confidence. She had once quietly told her that she wasn't certain what love really was until Daniel, and that sometimes she feared Michael didn't even like her unless he was kissing her. They were stupid thoughts to have- Alex had told her as much. She had comforted her, and told her she was always loved. She took back her words then, however. She threw Nikita's fears in her face, rubbed them in, and kept attacking with more.
"You control everything and everyone around you cause you're so desperate for people to love you. And the second someone breaks free of you, you believe something's wrong with them. You never stop to think that something is wrong with you. That your need for people to love you is crippling," Although Alex didn't move closer to Nikita, her shouts were enough to force her to take more steps back. The assault was unrelenting. She couldn't understand it.
"Alex, what are you talking about?" Struggling to keep the hurt out of her voice, Nikita begged Alex to at least tell her why she was yelling at her. Maybe she deserved it. Maybe after all she had done, she deserved to have her best friend use all of the dark thoughts she had shared with her against her. But she wanted to know what brought it on. Why would Alex just snap.
"You're so unable to be loved that you force people into it. But you twist it and make it perverse, cause you don't know what love is. Not unless someone is fucking you," Alex wouldn't listen. She simply screamed. It didn't matter what Nikita said or did. All Alex was going to do was vent whatever was in her mind. She lashed out and harmed her friend, needing to cut with her words.
Tears swam in Nikita's eyes. She tried to fight them. She knew crying would make things worse. Yet it was so hard not to quiver and cower when her best friend was repeating the dark thoughts she had once negated. Either Alex had lied in the past, or she was beginning to see her for the monster she truly was. Both options frightened Nikita, "Stop."
"Why? Cause you can't bear to hear the truth? You run away from everything that's hard. I was forced to take drugs, but you chose to. You chose to be so high you killed a man just cause you didn't want to deal with Gary. Was foster care even that bad? Or were you just too weak to handle it?" Stalking closer to the former rogue, Alex pointed an accusatory finger at her. She kept closing the gap between them, even when Nikita backed so far away her back hit the wall. Alex didn't want her running away. She had to hear every hurtful word.
"What are you doing?" Finding at least some of her strength, Nikita demanded. How could her quip about Alex's bitchy attitude turn into that. Was her own attitude so bad that Alex had to call her out. Or was something else going on. Was she really that unlovable.
"Someone has to tell you the truth," Alex spat. The tears repapered in Nikita's eyes. She tried to turn away from Alex; she wouldn't let her see. But it was too late. She scoffed at Nikita, nearly laughing caustically, "What? You're too much of a bitch to handle it? God, you're pathetic. Get over yourself, you solipsistic junkie."
The slap shocked Alex as well. It just happened so fast. One second she screamed at Nikita. The next, she hit her. She knew she messed up the second she struck her. After she dealt the harsh blow, she quickly drew her hand away and stepped back. Wide-eyed, Alex stared at her best friend. She wanted to apologize; she had to apologize. But Nikita turned to her, holding her stinging cheek, fear and hurt simmering in her eyes. She blinked, and that pain instantly became anger. It was at that moment that Alex realized Nikita had never been angry with her. Upset and disappointed, yes. But never angry. Until she crossed the line.
Nikita had been hit by Alex (and Michael) before. But those fights were different. They sparred in practice, or they fought tactically to subdue one another. The slap was something else. It came from a place of rage. It expressed intense fury and hatred. It was born from the need to belittle and abuse. That was why Nikita snapped. She couldn't help herself. She couldn't stop herself from responding to the abuse. She could only lunge at Alex and attack.
Tackling the young woman to the ground, Nikita just whaled on her. There was no form. There was no technique. She just threw punches and kicks without ceasing. Alex was able to remember her training during the assault. She flipped Nikita off her, but the move didn't last long. The former rogue continued to attack her. So, she fought back just as viciously.
For far too long, Nikita's and Alex's only aim was to hurt one another. Their hits and blows were beyond harmful- but no more than their intentions. The two didn't care about each other's wellbeing. It was all about their own pain. Who cared about the other.
Alex and Nikita had been missing for a while. Michael and Sean were growing concerned. They hoped the women were making up for their recent fights. But the longer they were missing, the more the men doubted it. Sean and Michael had to go looking for them. They started with the levels of Division they knew Nikita and Alex liked to hang out in. It didn't take long for them to hear the women in the old gym. And as the men got closer, it didn't take long for them to hear the screams.
The two Navy men burst into the room, prepared for the worst. Except, even that didn't prepare them for the sight they saw. Nikita wrestled Alex to her back and slammed her head into the mat. Alex clawed at Nikita to make her stop, but it was of no use. Hurriedly, Michael and Sean rushed to the women. They didn't care if they were struck by a rogue fist, they simply had to stop the two from killing one another. Michael managed to wrap his arms around his fiancée's waist and roughly yank her off her best friend, "Whoa. Whoa. Hey. Come on."
She continued to kick and scream despite being dragged away. Nikita wouldn't relax. Even in Michael's arms, she was feral. Sean ignored her as he helped Alex to her feet. She was sluggish, which forced him to frantically examine her for any injury. Alex waved him off, yet he wouldn't let her go. Sean was far too concerned. The overwhelming feeling quickly morphed into fear- and rage. Sharply, he turned to Nikita and shouted, "What is wrong with you?"
Nikita went rigid in Michael's arms. She looked like she was going to scream and fight and be all kinds of hostile. Instead, as Sean's words sank in, she froze. She stared at her best friend in horror. Alex stared back at her, self-hatred burning in her gaze. Nikita couldn't take any more of it. She broke free of Michael's arms and ran for the exit. Alex thought of following. Yet Michael had that covered. Sean had to turn his girlfriend away from the retreating couple to make her focus on herself instead, "Alex, are you okay?"
"Just keep Nikita away from me," Alex's voice was hollow. She refused to look at Sean; her gaze was firmly locked on the ground. He tried to comfort her, but she pulled away. Slowly and stiffly, she left the gym. She drew in on herself. Conflicted thoughts screamed and muttered inside her head. She couldn't shake them loose. She didn't know what was wrong with her.
While Sean attempted to settle Alex, Michael chased after his fiancée. He knew where she'd go to hide and be alone. No doubt after the fight, she wanted to be away from everybody. He still rushed to her, though. He had no idea what was happening. Nothing he thought would explain why Alex and Nikita attacked each other. He was almost afraid to find out.
He entered the abandoned shooting range regardless. Nikita sat on the shelf in one of the booths, curled tightly into herself. As Michael neared her, he could hear her choking on sobs. He immediately stopped trying a gentle approach. He just rushed to her and wrapped her in his arms. She was stiff in his hold, but he still held her and cradled her head to his chest. When she winced, he pulled away to examine her. One of her brown eyes had a long, deep scratch running underneath it. He couldn't help but gasp, "Nikita? Oh, God. Nikita, what happened?"
'Solipsistic junkie' kept repeating in Nikita's head. It was the only thing she could concentrate on. It played over and over and over again, the only thing changing was the tone. One sounded like Alex- harsh, angry, and followed by a slap. The other belonged to Amanda- caustic, biting, and surrounded by fire. The phrase wouldn't leave her mind. Not after two drastically different people had spat it at her, "She sounded like Amanda."
"So you hit her?" Gently, Michael tried to make Nikita look at him. All he wanted was to understand what happened and to help her. He couldn't do that if she pulled away from him. However, just tenderly touching her cheek didn't cut it. She was determined to shove him out.
"I didn't want to. She just hit like Gary first," Barely above a whisper, Nikita admitted. She hated what she had done. She never wanted to hurt Alex. Everything she did was in an effort to protect her. But all she ever did was lead to her best friend's pain. All the things Alex had said about her were true. She chose that for herself. She chose to be a monster.
"Why?" Michael tried to compose himself. He studied the gash under her eye, connecting the dots of the fight. Nikita was good at protecting her face and head during fights, unless she was caught by surprise. Based on how Alex fought, if she was ever going to injure her best friend's eye, it would be with an unsuspecting slap. But why would Alex ever strike Nikita. What kind of argument could they have had beforehand.
Shrugging, Nikita pulled away from Michael again. She didn't want to delve into Alex's motives. They didn't matter. Nikita had been the awful one in the fight. She shouldn't have lunged, "Cause I deserved it. She didn't say anything that wasn't true."
"That can't possibly be true. You don't deserve to be hit," Michael was extremely soft as he reached for Nikita again. Although she was curled in on herself, she let him into her space. He helped wipe her tears, soothe her wound, and comfort her. None of his gentle words had an effect on her, yet she stopped pulling away. He'd take that as a good sign until she was ready to talk.
The couple wasn't given the time to patiently wait for her to open up, however. Soon, Sean found them in the target range and stormed in. Alex never said more than a few words to him after the incident. She just kept running away. So, he turned his sights on Nikita. He was all rage as he approached her, desperately needing to know why his girlfriend was so hurt, "What the hell is wrong with you? Alex speaks her mind, and you attack her?"
"Your girl hit first," Instantly, Michael argued, blocking Nikita from Sean's warpath. The Seal stopped dead in his tracks. Noticing the cut on Nikita's eye, he knew Michael was telling the truth; the wound came from a dirty blow. The fact that it did explained why Alex wouldn't talk. And why she wouldn't look at him. The attack wasn't that simple.
Sean didn't like to think of it like that. He didn't want to add conspiracy to it. The fight between Alex and Nikita had to be taken seriously. He couldn't think little of it with his baseless idea. However, ever since he got Alex back from Amanda's clutches, she hadn't been the same. It wasn't just from being kidnapped and held by the bitch for days. Something else was wrong. He knew it. Her starting a fight with her best friend was just an extension of it. She wasn't herself, "I knew something was off with her. But this?"
"You think Amanda did something when she captured her?" Michael easily picked up on Sean's thoughts. Nikita claimed Alex sounded like the bitch before she hit her. What if Amanda said something to manipulate her when she held her captive.
Nikita was the only one left shaking her head. They couldn't assume Alex was manipulated because she yelled at her and hit her. It was out of the ordinary, but it wasn't completely unfounded. Alex simply came to her senses and realized Nikita wasn't worth loving. If only others would do the same, "Michael, just cause Alex told me off…"
"Yeah. I do. When we went back for Larissa I saw that chair you found Owen in. Alex denies being in it. But I think she just doesn't know," Sean interrupted Nikita. He should've told the team what he had seen earlier. But Alex had denied being strapped to the chair, and he had believed her. In hindsight, he shouldn't have. Owen didn't remember being in Amanda's chair, after all. Alex wasn't in control of herself. She thought she was, yet she was simply pure rage. Amanda must've had her claws deep in her.
"You believe Amanda brainwashed her?" That was a step above manipulation, but Michael was right there with Sean. The more Nikita thought of it, so was she. Owen's memory had been wiped by Amanda. Who was to say she didn't do something similar to Alex- just twisted her thoughts around until she was angry and vicious.
"It would explain a lot," Sean agreed. He really didn't want to think that because Alex was angry and brash there was something wrong with her. Except, she was different. He knew she was. She pulled away from him. She wouldn't talk about her feelings, just how irritated she was with Nikita and Division. She hurt her best friend, and wouldn't let her boyfriend comfort her. Something was wrong. Alex needed help.
Nodding, Nikita finally hopped down from the shelf in the shooting booth. A part of her continued to believe that Alex spoke from her true self- that she really hated her. But Sean seemed so adamant that something was wrong, and that they had to help. Of course she'd help her best friend. She'd still do anything for her. Michael nodded as well. Helping their own was a team effort. If one of them was hurt, they all were hurting. They'd figure it out together, before it was too late, "Let's look into it, then. Before more people get hurt."
Chapter 27
Notes:
An AU for early season 3. Although I love how Michael and Nikita got married (it's very them), what if they got to have a 'traditional' wedding with their entire family present.
Chapter Text
"Hey, Nerd. Can I ask you something?" Nikita had to shout over Birkhoff's turntables. She finally understood what Michael was joking about when he mentioned the nerd DJing their wedding. Birkhoff had really committed to his new music making hobby. Nikita would have to ask him about it later- maybe listen to whatever he was messing with. But then wasn't the time. She had far more important things to worry about.
"What?" Birkhoff shouted back. Rolling her eyes, Nikita yanked the cord out of the turntable. She wasn't going to play the shouting game. Birkhoff couldn't argue with that; though, he could grumble as he fixed whatever potential damage her stunt had caused.
Nikita used his fiddling as an opportunity to settle her nerves. She was actually nervous about asking Birkhoff something; she couldn't stop fidgeting with her engagement ring. It wasn't like she was going to discuss something bad. It was just serious. She was afraid he'd have a negative reaction. So, she waited until he looked at her to make certain her meaning wasn't misconstrued, "Well, I know you're dead-set on being Michael's best man. But Sean's gonna be standing up with him as well, and…"
"Oh, no. Mikey's not replacing me with a dumb Seal," Despite her efforts, Nikita's words were misunderstood anyway. Birkhoff was ready to go off on a rant about why he deserved to be Michael's best man over everybody else. He had known the engaged couple the longest. He was there for their highs and lows. He was also Michael's best friend. When the agent was brooding, the hacker was there to cheer him up. When Michael was being an idiot about his feelings, Birkhoff was there to give him a wake up call. And when it was time to hang out and relax, they did so together. How could Birkhoff not be the best man after that.
"No, Birkhoff. I just wanted to know if you would walk me down the aisle instead," Stopping him before he could rant himself into a hole, Nikita finally blurted what was on her mind. She had been thinking about that for a while. Although she wasn't much for tradition or doing anything like anyone else, she knew Michael wanted some sort of traditional wedding. He didn't pressure her about it, but of course she'd do something he wanted. That meant someone had to walk her down the aisle. She didn't have a father to do it- not that she wanted any father figure to be involved in her special day. Yet, she did have other family members.
Birkhoff blinked. He definitely wasn't expecting that. Michael and Nikita hadn't said anything about their wedding; they hardly said anything about their engagement. Birkhoff was surprised Nikita wanted something so traditional, and that she wanted him to be a part of it, "Seriously?"
Shrugging, Nikita kept twirling the ring on her finger. She had flipped between asking either Alex or Birkhoff to walk her down the aisle. Both were as important to her as Michael was. However, she eventually decided to ask Birkhoff. He was the better choice. Yes, Alex was Nikita's sister. But Birkhoff was hers and Michael's brother, "You're kinda the closest family both Michael and I have."
"Yeah. Yeah of course," Pulling her into a tight embrace, Birkhoff wholeheartedly agreed. Of course he'd walk Nikita down the aisle. She didn't have to doubt herself in asking him. Nothing could stop him from being with her on her special day. He just had to get a suit in time (he'd actually dress up for that event), "When are you guys getting hitched?"
"Uh. Tomorrow," Sheepishly, Nikita admitted.
Somehow, it was both Alex's and Michael's idea. Nikita was content waiting to get married until after they dealt with all of Division's dirty agents. That'd give them plenty of time to plan for their happily ever afters. She believed her fiancé thought the same. They had more or less agreed to it when he had first proposed. Except, when Alex made a leading comment about the wedding, Michael turned towards Nikita with the brightest and most excited green eyes. She had to say 'yes' to whatever he suggested.
Alex's comment wasn't anything special. She just nudged Nikita harshly as she told her that the dress she wore when they went to get her ring resized would be a perfect simple wedding dress. Although Nikita rolled her eyes, Michael became excited about the idea. What if the two had a quick simple wedding- just them and their friends. Alex jumped at the thought. She was ready to share more ideas that Michael built off of. Not long later, it was decided that as soon as Nikita got her ring back from being resized, she and Michael were going to get married.
The team didn't have any active operations at the moment. They could take a day off to hold a wedding. It didn't matter that it'd be rushed and hectic. The team did best with those kinds of plans. They could clean up the barn and decorate it with lights, flowers, and streamers. They could gather in their nicest clothes and best appearances. And Nikita and Michael could be married by their whole family.
Owen still hadn't answered any of their communications, however. The team constantly tried to contact him, yet he never responded. He just had to miss out on the wedding. Everyone else was in attendance. Sean was another one of Michael's best men. He stood next to him at the makeshift altar, leaving enough space for Birkhoff to stand once he walked down the aisle. Sonya and Alex stood on the other side, waiting to support Nikita. Sonya had been surprised when she was asked to be a second maid of honor. She wasn't as close to Nikita as Alex was. However, she was just as much a part of the team; she was just as important.
As was Ryan, but he had an entirely different role for the wedding. It was possible to obtain an officiant's license from the internet. He simply had to take a course. After that, he was legally able to marry Michael and Nikita. The fact that they didn't have their real identities yet made it a bit tricky- a reason the engaged couple had originally agreed to wait to marry. But they'd just have to cross that bridge when they came to it. Immediately starting their forevers together was more important.
In just a few days, everything was ready for a small family wedding. Formal wear and appropriate licenses were obtained, decorations were hung, and a haphazard reception afterwards with food and drinks was planned. Everyone was in place at the makeshift altar. All they were waiting on was for Nikita to be walked around the corner of the barn. That would've been soon, but Alex had to help with some last minute touches, "So. Here's something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue."
Gently, Alex helped Nikita with the traditional items. They were counting 'something old' as the dress she was wearing. Although Nikita had only worn it once while shopping with Alex, they were stretching the definition enough for their rushed plans to work.
The 'something new' was a pair of diamond earrings Alex had bought Nikita to celebrate her engagement. The jewelry matched her ring, everything glittering and shimmering in a beautiful shade of blue.
'Something borrowed' was a necklace Nikita had given Alex. It was a small and simple piece of jewelry the former rogue bought for the young woman's birthday when she was training her to infiltrate Division. Alex had held onto it all those years, even when the two were fighting. It was her connection to her best friend and sister. Nikita should have it with her for the day.
For the 'something blue' Nikita joked that the dark bruise on her shoulder from chasing after Liza should count. Alex instantly negated that idea. Instead, she took a blue ribbon, which was wrapped around one of the small bouquet of flowers that was bought that morning, and tied it onto Nikita's wrist. With that, she was perfect. She was ready to marry Michael.
"You sure Ryan got his officiant's license? Even though Michael and I don't have our real identities, we can still be legally married?" At least, Nikita hoped she was ready. She knew Ryan was working on it, and she trusted him to have gotten it. But she really didn't want anything to go wrong. The team's plans always had a wrench thrown in them. She couldn't let anything ruin her wedding. It had to be absolutely perfect. She and Michael deserved at least that much.
"When you guys get your lives back, you'll still be married," Squeezing her best friend's defined biceps, Alex beamed reassuringly. Nikita's brilliant smile illuminated her entire being. She practically buzzed in excitement. Laughter bubbled out of both women. They hugged one another tightly, swaying and bouncing in pure joy.
Awkwardly tugging at the sleeves of his suit and repeatedly adjusting his tie, Birkhoff approached the giggling women. It was about time they got the show on the road. The sun was beginning to set, and Michael, no doubt, was about to burst in anticipation. They shouldn't wait any longer, "You ready?"
"God, you're gorgeous," Alex couldn't help herself. She knew it was time to go, but she just had to pull Nikita in for another hug and place a kiss on her cheek. She was so damn happy for her best friend. And the excited smile that ignited Nikita's features made her the most beautiful woman in the world. Alex had to celebrate that warmth with her. She wanted to keep enjoying that happiness. But Birkhoff began to shove her out the door. She swatted him off of her, "Okay. Okay. I'll see you up there."
Hurriedly, Alex rushed to her spot at the altar. She nodded at the others, her smile never dimming. They were about to witness magic- a fact she just had to lean across and whisper to Michael, "You're going to die when you see her."
"Look at him all nervous, acting like he's never done this before," Sean smirked, clapping Michael on his back. He had been fidgeting with his tuxedo jacket since he reached the altar. He swayed from foot to foot, trying to catch a glimpse of Nikita around the corner as he waited for her. He wasn't anxiously nervous or anything like that. He was simply so excited he couldn't stay still. He was so ecstatic, he didn't know what to do with himself.
"I know. It must be weird for you to see someone actually make a move on the girl they like," Michael tried to distract himself by taunting Sean, yet his eyes never left the barn opening. The words also tripped and stumbled off his tongue with all his jittered energy. His focus couldn't be torn away from Nikita, even when Sonya and Ryan laughed at Alex's and Sean's awkward expressions. Michael was just so ready for his fiancée to enter the barn.
Once she did, he instantly realized Alex was right. Watching Nikita in a white dress walk towards him down the aisle with the most beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, dazzling, amazing smile on her lips was going to kill Michael. But if he did die, he'd have been sent right back to that moment. Because that moment with Nikita was heaven. Her golden brown eyes never left his lovestruck green. Her whole attention- her whole heart- was directed at Michael, even as she clung to Birkhoff's arm. He wanted to rush right to her, sweep her up in his arms, and kiss her senseless. But he knew he couldn't, not yet at least. He still had to wait.
Fortunately, the barn wasn't that big. The almost married couple didn't have to wait long to be in one another's arms. Birkhoff squeezed Nikita's arm and kissed her cheek before handing her over to Michael. She hummed softly at the affection. Yet once she was in her future husband's arms, everyone else disappeared. She splayed her hands across his sturdy chest, while he held her waist and cradled her cheek. She had never seen more love in his gaze than at that moment. She moved as close to him as she could when he breathed, "You're so beautiful."
"You're not so bad yourself, Sailor," It was an old tease Nikita always said with a smirk. Yet as Michael swept his thumb along her cheek, his future wife ducked her head and blushed. He chuckled at her reaction, bringing his forehead down to brush hers. Their noses bumped, and their lips ghosted over one another.
Clearing his throat, Ryan forced the two to separate. Stifled giggles floated between their friends. They shared bright smiles and happy gazes. They were certainly in for a show. After all, Nikita and Michael never stopped touching each other or staring into one another's eyes. It was as though they weren't even listening to Ryan's speech about how he knew the two were soulmates. They were in their own bubble, only coming up for air when addressed, "Michael Bishop, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I can't wait another moment," There was more to Ryan's line- something about sickness and health and whatever- but Michael didn't care. There were times when traditions weren't important. Then was one of those times. He just wanted to be married to Nikita.
Ryan just smiled. It was obvious that the couple would agree to love and to hold one another until death did them part. He didn't have to go through the whole speech. But he'd give that to Michael and Nikita; he could give them some normalcy, "And Nikita…"
"Yes. A million times yes," She didn't even attempt a joke. That was the most serious Nikita had ever been. She couldn't be misunderstood or misconstrued in any way. She had to be married to the love of her life and finally be home.
"Then, by the power vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you: husband and wife. You may kiss…" Ryan wasn't given a chance to finish that line either. At the word 'kiss', Michael and Nikita surged together. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed with every ounce of passion they had. The married couple's love was palpable. It was so strong that the barn almost seemed warmer and brighter. They were surrounded by pure, unadulterated happiness. Despite the fact that their mission to end Division continued, Nikita and Michael could begin living happily ever after. They had one another in their lives forever.
Lips bursting in grins, Alex, Birkhoff, Ryan, Sean, and Sonya couldn't be annoyed by the couple's public display of affection. They'd let them have it that time. In fact, the friends clapped and cheered for Michael and Nikita. The two finally tied the knot. Laughter broke the married couple apart from their kiss. They're family was ridiculous. But they were so glad they were there with them. Embraces and smiles could be passed around, the joy continuing until the sun disappeared from the sky. Then, Alex called for everyone to follow her, "Now to my kickass apartment for the best damn party you've ever had."
Cheers rang throughout the barn again as the family followed to the reception. They wouldn't stop celebrating the wedding for a long time. Even when the world crashed back into them with another mission, they'd ride the high that they could obtain their happiness and freedom. Michael would certainly enjoy that. While the others left, he pulled his wife back to him. He kissed her gently, tenderly, and lovingly. All the words trapped in his heart were expressed in the affection, "I love you."
"I love you too," Nikita returned the burning kiss. Michael picked her up in his arms and spun her around. Giggling cheerfully, she tried to keep kissing her husband. They laughed too much to allow that to happen. But their foreheads still fused together as he set her down. Their hands held one another, and they basked in their love- smiling like idiots. Until their family called for them. Hand in hand, they raced after to begin living forever together.
Chapter 28
Notes:
A pre-series AU (I had to mess with some ages and timelines). Nikita and Alex are foster sisters.
Chapter Text
Always sleep with a knife under your pillow. If you cannot get a knife, scissors are fine.
Be mindful of everything. Know who or what is around you. Know what you are doing and when. Be aware of what others want from you; don't go against that. If you want to go against orders, plan ahead of time and do not get caught.
Don't rat anyone out. It's better to play dumb. If they don't know how smart you really are, they won't expect as much from you.
Keep your true self locked away. They can't know your thoughts; they can't know your feelings. Protect who you really are at all costs. Once they know it, they'll destroy it.
And lastly, never- ever- let anyone know how hurt you are. You'll only wind up in a worse situation.
Those were the rules of survival Nikita taught Alex the very first night she spent in that house. She was so scared, so confused, and so young. The other's words didn't make it any better. But that wasn't Nikita's fault. She was just as frightened. And she was also so young. Her fear had only festered longer. It turned her jaded. She had to be tough and mean, or else she wouldn't have survived.
Alex would learn that soon enough. Yet her first night in that house, she had no idea what was going on. It was all so much. She couldn't help but cry. Nikita only stared at her for a second. She didn't know what to do, until Alex's small shrill voice cried out, "Я хочу домой!"
She wasn't supposed to be there. Even at her young age, she knew she shouldn't have been in that house. It felt so wrong. The house, the people, the situation, it wasn't right. She didn't want to be there. She wanted to go home. Why couldn't she go back home to Mama and Papa. She already had a family; she didn't need a new one.
The lady with the big curly hair had already told her why she couldn't go home, however. There was no home for Alex to return to. Her parents were dead. They died that terrible, horrible night at the hotel. The lady was only able to save her. While Alex screamed for her parents, she was pulled out of the fire. No one came to get her. Instead, she was taken to an entirely new and strange place. The lady claimed she would be safe from then on. Yet the fire had destroyed her life. She couldn't even call herself Alexandra Udinov anymore.
Over and over again, the lady made Alex repeat a new name. She fed the little girl, bought her new clothes, gave her a new stuffed bear, and kept her nice and warm. But constantly, the lady told Alex to repeat after her. Her parents were dead. They died in the hotel fire downtown. They were Russian immigrants. She, however, was not. She was born in the United States. She had no ties to Moscow or the businesses out there. She couldn't even speak Russian. Her father was not a rich and powerful man. She was a normal five year old girl. She only survived the fire because a fireman found her and rescued her.
It was a lie. Alex knew it and argued about it. She was Alexandra Udinov. Her papa was Nikolai Udinov, the head of Zetrov. Her family was only visiting America for one of his work trips. Alex had to go home to Russia. She didn't belong there without her parents. The lady told her that wasn't possible, though. She'd be dead like her parents if she went home. She was supposed to die in that fire too. But the lady saved her. If Alex really wanted to live forever, like her parents would've wanted, then she had to lie and remain in America.
Alex didn't like the rules, but she had no choice but to follow them. The whole week had been awful, and she just wanted it to stop. Except, her mama and papa never came to get her. She had to be brought somewhere else. The lady dropped her off at one building with a file she had made. And from there, people in the building brought her to a house. They kept saying it was the best they could do on short notice. After all, the house had an extra bed and another girl.
None of Alex's questions were answered. A woman took her to the new house, but she never looked at the five year old. Her eyes were always on the file, or the people she brought the girl to. Alex just clutched her bear and her papa's watch. The lady said she had to get rid of anything that was her parents'. Yet Alex held onto the watch. Her papa gave it to her before he died. She'd keep it hidden if she had to, but she'd never give it up.
"Alexandra Bennet, meet Caroline and Gary Mears. They're going to take care of you from now on. This is your new home," Once inside the weird house, the woman with the file finally spoke to Alex. She smiled at her too, but it wasn't a nice one. What the woman had said was terrible. No one else should be taking care of her. Who cared what the lady said. Alex should be home with her family. She held her papa's watch ever so tightly in her little fists.
"Hi, Sweetie. I'm Caroline. You don't have to call me 'mom' yet. But I'll take care of you just like she did," Ignoring her discomfort, Caroline squatted down on Alex's level and attempted to comfort her. As her untamed hair was tucked behind her ear, the little girl remained stiff. She didn't know that woman. She didn't know if she'd be like Mama. In fact, Alex highly doubted it was possible. That man, Gary, scoffing at Caroline's words solidified Alex's feelings. She shouldn't trust anything that was occurring.
Standing straight, Caroline sighed. She looked as though she was going to say something to Gary, but he was pulled away by the woman with the file. She had to talk to him about Alex- about how she arrived on their doorstep. The little girl was frightened about what could be revealed in that conversation. She didn't want the lady to be right about the danger she faced.
However, her fear was completely forgotten once she saw another girl in the house. She was standing in the corner of the room, arms crossed and expression angry. Alex was too distracted by her to be worried about all the things the lady had said. She was a strange girl. Although she was clearly older and taller, she was somehow smaller than the five year old. She was the smallest ten year old Alex had ever seen. She was also the angriest.
Gary noticed her just standing there and barked at her to get him a beer- she could at least make herself useful. When the girl passed by Alex, she studied her with hollow brown eyes. She didn't say anything, but the five year old took a step back regardless.
Before the girl reached the kitchen, Caroline pulled her over. Despite the soothing hand she kept on Alex's back, her grip on the other girl was fierce. Her smile was tight, barely reaching her eyes and coming across as mean. Whereas Alex tried to run from it, the older girl didn't even flinch. She seemed as empty as ever, "Nikita, meet Alex. She's going to be staying with us for a while. Alex, just like how Gary and I are your foster parents, Nikita's your foster sister. She'll take care of you too."
Nikita regarded Alex with those hollow eyes again. She also didn't speak to her again. She ripped her arm from Caroline's grip and stomped away. She was rough as she grabbed a beer from the fridge and shoved it at Gary. After doing so, however, Alex noticed that she practically ran to her bedroom. The door wasn't slammed; instead, the quietest click was heard as it closed. Alex had no idea what just happened, which made the house even worse.
She spent the rest of the day with Caroline. The lady with the file left without a word or a smile. Gary was too busy drinking and yelling at the TV to interact with her. And Nikita hid in her room. Alex was left all alone with Caroline and all her questions about her life. She was very sweet to the five year old, giving her treats and another new toy. But Alex was so terrified of saying the wrong thing. She just kept repeating what the lady told her to say, never saying anything else. Eventually, Caroline grew tired of the responses and sent her to bed. Maybe if the little girl wasn't so tired, she wouldn't be so difficult.
Nikita went to bed later than Alex. While the five year old was bathed, given soft and warm pajamas, and tucked gently into the extra bed with the best blankets, Nikita was shoved into the bedroom. She kicked the closed door in retaliation, then instantly regretted it. Hastily, she retreated further into the dark room. Her small hands balled into shaking fists. But nothing happened. Long minutes passed without any movement at the door. Finally, Nikita relaxed.
"What was that?" Quietly, Alex wondered. The ten year old startled at her voice. She hadn't expected her to still be awake. Yet the way she clutched her blanket was evidence enough as to why. She was too scared by her surroundings to close her eyes.
"Apparently, I was rude when your case manager was here. I should've just let Gary yell at me about it. Arguing is always more dangerous. That's always when he hits," Nikita didn't squash Alex's fear in any way. Except, she didn't care. Her ribs hurt too much. She also felt so stupid. She knew being a brat would hurt her. She shouldn't have done that, and she shouldn't have argued. Nikita knew better. But she couldn't learn her lesson. Besides, even when she did nothing, she gained a new bruise. She might as well blame herself than be constantly confused.
Alarmed, Alex stared helplessly at Nikita. She didn't understand what she was telling her. How could it be dangerous living at home. Home was the safest place she could be. Her mama and papa were there. No one could hurt her, especially not them, "Gary hit you? Why?"
"Cause that's what parents do," Nikita regarded Alex as though she was stupid. Of course parents hit their kids. How else were children punished when they did something adults didn't like. Teachers yelled, and parents hit. That was just the nature of the universe. If Alex couldn't understand that, there was no way she'd survive.
Alex remained confused, however. She didn't believe her. Why should she, though. Her mama and papa never hit her. But maybe she just never experienced it. Nikita was older, after all. She'd know what was coming as Alex grew up. The little girl was going to be hit eventually. Her new foster sister would simply make certain the damage didn't last, "Alright. Obviously, you need my help. I can't let you walk around clueless. That's how we all get hurt. But, don't worry, I have some rules you can follow. You listen to me, and you'll live forever."
Helping Alex was an easy decision for Nikita to make. The more the little girl understood, the less likely she'd be hurt- and Nikita wouldn't get hurt in the crossfire. It was always easier to survive whatever house she was in when she had a foster sibling. Usually, she was the youngest. But she was used to standing up for the others. Alex wouldn't be an exception. Actually, with all the knowledge she had gained over the years, Nikita could teach Alex to be just like her. They could be an indomitable team against Gary. No one would get hurt again.
As she changed into her patched pajamas and climbed into her squeaky and worn bed, Nikita kept the room dark and her voice low. They couldn't disturb Gary and Caroline with their conversation, yet she could tell Alex everything. Nikita informed her that since she had been in foster care her whole life (though, with different families), she knew how to help Alex survive the house. Caroline was fine at times. Who they really had to watch out for was Gary. It didn't matter that Alex was only five years old. She had to be careful, or else.
When Nikita gave Alex even more rules she had to follow or else she'd die, the little girl couldn't help but burst into tears. Everyone kept saying she would be safe, but that was as untrue as her name. She just wanted to go home. She wanted Mama and Papa.
"Shhh. Shhh. Please be quiet. You have to be quiet," Nikita launched out of her bed and joined Alex in hers. She held the little girl tensely in her arms, tucking her head into her shoulder to muffle the sobs. The ten year old eyed the door to their shared bedroom frightfully. Footsteps began to approach, the floorboards creaking. Nikita held Alex tighter, her breath halting completely. Fortunately, the heavy footsteps soon faded back into the abyss. Nikita sighed.
Alex absolutely hated where she was. She hated the people. She hated the house. And she hated why she was there. She wanted to go back to how things were the week before. She didn't want a new home with a new mom and dad. She wanted her family back. Why were they even gone, "Я хочу, чтобы мои мама и папа!"
"Is that Russian? Is that where your parents are? Did they get sent back to Russia, but you had to stay?" Nikita kept Alex in an embrace, mostly to keep her quiet. She whispered her questions, ever conscious of potential footsteps outside the door. The older girl had overheard some of what the case manager had said about Alex when she dropped her off. Apparently, Alex's parents were immigrants, but she was born in the States. She had nowhere else to go then, so she was brought to the Mears'. Poor girl.
"No. We were on a trip. Papa had business. Our hotel caught on fire. A lady saved me. She said Mama and Papa are dead. I have to lie about my name. If I go back home, I'll die too. I don't want to die. I want to go home," Alex clung to Nikita as she choked out her confession. She kept her voice low like she had said. But she wasn't able to follow the lady's rules. Alex tried, she really did. It was just so hard. She didn't know what to do or how to do it.
"What lady? Your case manager?" Bewildered, Nikita asked. That was the weirdest story she had ever heard; though, she believed Alex. Gary and Caroline had been watching a news story the other day about a hotel in downtown Detroit that was set on fire. A lot of people died. Alex's parents were probably some of them. Their deaths left her all alone.
"I don't know. Я не знаю," Alex continued to sob. She made it silent, which caused Nikita to squeeze her tighter. That conversation was only for them. They'd make sure of it.
"Okay. Then you have to stop speaking Russian. You need to lie about what happened to your parents. And you gotta stop crying," Nikita decided. She had already intended to help Alex deal with Gary and Caroline. She could help with that too. After all, neither knew exactly what was occurring. It was better if they just moved on completely and forgot about it.
Pulling away from Nikita, Alex searched her eyes. They weren't hollow anymore. Fierce determination flashed brightly. Alex really wanted to believe her. There were so many rules she had to follow, yet she didn't know what they meant. She didn't know what she was supposed to do. But maybe the ten year old did, "How?"
"You don't know anything. Do you?" Sighing, Nikita asked. Alex just shook her head. The older girl had heard Alex's case manager mention the weird circumstance in which child services found her; the five year old and her information were practically dropped in their laps. Nikita believed that lined up with what Alex had told her. The little girl was abandoned in a foreign country, left all alone, and passed around by people who didn't care about her. Nikita would have to change that. Someone had to care, "Okay. Well, then, I'll have to teach you."
Wide-eyed, Alex stared at Nikita. The ten year old simply nodded in all seriousness. She had no idea what was going on either. However, she'd help Alex. No adult had given her the time to answer her burning questions, but the older girl would. Alex was awestruck, "Really?"
"Да. That's 'yes' in Russian, right? Hey! Maybe you can teach me Russian. Then, we can have secret conversations and be like a team. But that'd be the only time you speak it. Okay?" Excitedly, Nikita rambled. Alex nodded enthusiastically, her tears finally vanishing. Both girls smiled brightly at each other. Though, when Alex moved for a hug, Nikita tucked her back into bed. She returned to her own bed across the room and softly informed her to go to sleep.
Although she didn't want to sleep- the unfamiliar house continued to scare her- Alex was soon overcome with exhaustion. Her eyes couldn't stay open. Nikita remained wide awake, on the other hand, staring at the door. She grabbed something under her pillow. When she spotted Alex watching her with bleary blue eyes, though, she smiled. The five year old beamed. Her situation remained horrible, but she found comfort in Nikita. Despite everyone else she had met, Alex knew the ten year old would actually take care of her, "Nikita, are we best friends now?"
"We live in the same foster home, Alex. That means we're sisters. And that means I'll protect you for the rest of my life."
Chapter 29
Notes:
Set after 1x13 "Coup de Grace" and sometime in season 2. Alex spies on Michael and Birkhoff playing videogames.
Chapter Text
Alex probably should've gone home. She had debriefed, changed, and did other Division shit. She had no reason to hang around the bunker. And yet, she wandered the halls aimlessly. Maybe she was moving on automatic; she couldn't stop being a mole for Nikita. Alex just wanted to dig something damaging up and use it to tear Division down. The faster everything burned to the ground, the better. She wouldn't have to keep going on gun-for-hire missions. Innocent people wouldn't be in danger anymore. And an evil organization that sanctioned the murder of children would be gone from the world. It was a dream she had to make reality.
Though, there wasn't much to find late at night after Nikita had ruined another operation. Most agents were home, and all of the recruits were in bed. Alex should've done the same. After rounding yet another empty corner, she considered finally leaving. She could be a double agent in the morning. No doubt she'd be more successful if she wasn't strung out post mission.
Except, she heard noises coming from Birkhoff's secluded area of the bunker. He could've been hanging around late at night to work on the black boxes or other 'engineer' stuff. If that was the case, she could easily spy on him. She didn't even have to use the air vents. She knew a back hallway that'd let her listen in and watch Birkhoff without him knowing. It was shocking how easy it was to spy on Division at times. She shouldn't be taking that for granted. But she would let the overconfidence fuel her for a bit.
When she reached the nerd cave, however, Alex only saw Birkhoff playing some first-shooter videogame. It wasn't anything interesting. He probably used the giant monitors in Division to play games a lot; she had seen him do it before. Sighing silently to herself, she decided it really was time for her to leave. She wasn't going to discover anything new that night. However, movement at the front entrance of the room caught her attention. She had to stay to at least see who the late night visitor was. Any information could be good information.
It was only Michael, though. He shuffled into the secluded area and plopped on the couch next to Birkhoff. He didn't say a word. The hacker remained silent as well. He just handed over an extra gaming controller. Alex was surprised that Michael took it and started playing. She never figured him as someone who played videogames, especially shoot-em-up games. But even slouched against the cushions, halfheartedly playing, he was holding his own against Birkhoff. It was truly a sight to behold. Mostly, though, because of Michael's appearance.
Just as Alex had never expected her handler to play videogames, she had never seen him out of a suit. Even when he was shot, he still had on slacks and a dress shirt. Yet, in Birkhoff's little nerd cave, Michael wore a t-shirt and cargo pants. Chances were, he barely took off his fake FBI tactical gear before stumbling over. His hair remained a mess from his gas mask. It wasn't like him to stay disheveled, or act like Birkhoff. Something must've been wrong with him.
Birkhoff guessed what was wrong before Alex could. As the game loaded another map for the men to play, Birkhoff reached for the mini fridge he kept by the couch. He pulled out two bottles of beer and handed one to Michael. Again, Alex was surprised that he took it. Birkhoff, not so much, "Nikki?"
Michael continued to not say anything. He opened the beer and took a sip. He grimaced at the taste, looking like he was going to spit it back up. Yet, he kept drinking anyway. Birkhoff scoffed. He opened his own beer and chugged, "Yeah. Nikki."
The two fell silent again, only playing the mindless videogame and drinking numbing alcohol. If nothing Alex had encountered was her cue to leave, then was certainly it. Whatever Michael and Birkhoff were going through, she shouldn't witness it. They were hiding in the hacker's cave for a reason; it gave them some sense of privacy in a place that never allowed it. Alex knew she craved time alone where she could be her true self. She wouldn't want anyone spying on her like she was doing to the men.
However, Alex was fairly certain the 'Nikki' that had Michael so twisted up inside was Nikita. Alex always wondered what was up between those two. Although they were supposed to be enemies, they hardly treated each other as such. The way they talked about one another seemed to hold far more emotional weight than two people who hated each other. Just the few things Alex heard them say led her to believe there was some sort of emotional baggage. Nikita and Michael also always managed to survive encounters with one another. It was almost as though they couldn't bring themselves to hurt the other. Something was going on between them.
Nikita never told Alex about it, though. The young woman tried to pry it out of her, yet the rogue always shut her out. Whatever Michael and Nikita had had between them would remain a secret. Unless Alex stuck around to eavesdrop on Michael's and Birkhoff's conversation. The hacker obviously knew more about the situation than she did. If anyone could make the handler talk, it'd be him.
No one said anything for a long time. The only sound was the blasting of videogame guns and bombs. Michael and Birkhoff jammed controllers and sipped beer. It wasn't until Michael's bottle was empty that he dared to talk. Once he did, his voice was hoarse and hollow- almost like he hadn't trusted himself to speak until that moment, "She's gonna get herself killed."
"Whatever. After she kidnapped me twice, I don't care," The way Birkhoff finished his beer and reached for another said otherwise. Alex didn't know the hacker as much as she knew her handler. She also wasn't aware of what his relationship used to be like with Nikita. But she could still tell that he cared for the rogue. Michael, Birkhoff, and Nikita seemed to have a hold on one another like no one else. They affected the others deeply, whether they liked it or not.
Grunting in disbelief, Michael kept his attention on the television monitor. Birkhoff rolled his eyes and slouched further on the couch. The two played another map silently. Whereas Michael was done drinking, Birkhoff continued. He drank that bottle much faster than the other. The alcohol probably gave him the courage to express, "She's still on that suicide mission."
Alex was really interested in discovering what that comment was about. Was it just about her attempts to burn down Division. Or was there more to that story- like she had tried to get herself killed before. Alex knew Nikita would never tell her. Maybe if she kept listening to the men, she could pick up more. Instead of talking, Michael hunched over and tried to make himself smaller as he played. And Birkhoff ignored the game long enough to study the handler. When the silence stretched on for too long, he quietly began to ask, "Do you ever think…"
"She's right," Whether Michael was only finishing the question or making that statement, neither Alex nor Birkhoff knew. They couldn't read it off his face either. His face was as pale as it had been when he entered the nerd cave, his voice continued to be hoarse and hold no emotion, and his green eyes remained hollow and directed at the screen. He was going to portray nothing. At least to Alex. After a moment, Birkhoff appeared to know exactly what he was thinking.
"Well she certainly believes it," The hacker huffed, returning his attention to the videogame. Alex fought hard to not laugh out loud. From Division recruit to agent to rogue, that fact hadn't changed. Nikita was apparently as stubborn and bossy as ever. Though, she really was right that time. Michael and Birkhoff would just have to wait and see.
"That's always been the problem," Clutching his controller tighter, Michael grumbled. Okay, maybe the men wouldn't come around and see the truth. Alex believed they were too angry and hurt to see what was truly right. At least Michael was.
"Remember game nights with her?" Birkhoff, however, didn't seem to have all of the information. While he smirked at a distant memory, he missed Michael's jaw tighten. Alex saw that all the way across the room. A part of her wanted to cross to him and explore it more, yet she had to force herself back. She couldn't be seen. She couldn't get involved. She was just an observer, gathering as much intel as she could. That wasn't nearly as easy as she made it seem.
Soon, though, Birkhoff noticed how taut Michael's muscles had become. He awkwardly studied him, unsure of how to comfort his friend. Michael didn't appear to want comfort. He wanted to stay angry. Birkhoff could only sigh and look away once more, "We'll never get back to that point will we?"
"Not when she kills herself," Throwing down his controller, Michael practically shouted. He stomped to the mini fridge, ripped out a beer, forced off the top, and chugged the disgusting alcohol. Both Birkhoff and Alex stared in shock. Michael was in his own world of hurt, however. He didn't care. He finished the bottle and plopped back down on the couch. The controller remained on the floor.
"What did she do to you?" Birkhoff voiced Alex's thoughts for her. What the hell kind of emotional baggage was between Michael and Nikita. And was it sparked anew after the recent mission. The two had to have run into each other when Michael posed as FBI. Nikita was still in the building when Division raided it. Did the two exchange harmful words. Did they try to kill one another. Did they ruin things between them even more. Was there even anything left to ruin. God, Alex desperately needed to know.
Whereas she might've gotten an answer from Birkhoff, she would never hear the full truth from Michael or Nikita. They would remain closed off about it, even to their friends. Michael silently picked up the gaming controller and absentmindedly played with the buttons. He had calmed considerably since his outburst, but he wasn't anywhere near okay. A strange mix of pain, rage, and longing flashed across his face, "She's just Nikita. Always has been."
"Yeah. Nikki," Eyes downcast, Birkhoff sighed. He and Michael stopped talking for good that time. No more would be shared between the two that night- and probably for a while. Alex couldn't rationalize sticking around any longer. She had to go home; she had heard more than enough. The next time she saw Nikita, Alex had to interrogate her about Birkhoff and Michael. There was a chance she wouldn't learn any more, yet she had to try. She had to know what their deal was. What had ever happened to their friendship- or whatever exactly happened to Michael and Nikita. And when things were all over, could they ever return to that point.
Scuffling sounds along the outside wall captured Michael's attention. When he turned to look, all he saw was a few tendrils of light brown hair whisking away. Someone had more than likely listened to him and Birkhoff. And he didn't doubt that that person was Alex. She was one of the few people that could still be inside Division. She was also the one person who would be snooping around. The agent who received the rogue over coms with a relieved sigh and a concern for her wellbeing would of course be where she wasn't. Of course it was her.
Turning around on the couch, Michael huffed. He slouched further into the cushions and harshly smashed buttons on the controller. Of course it was her. It always came back to Nikita. He couldn't escape her or the way he was drawn to her if he tried. And God did he try.
Alex spotted Birkhoff and Michael playing a videogame in the great room of the safehouse. They were far more engaged in the activity than they had been a year ago. Both sat on the edge of the couch cushions, trash talking each other as they smashed buttons. The men laughed and smiled and appeared to be having the most fun they've had in a long time. Just watching them from across the room made Alex smile. It was truly a sight to behold.
Eventually, Nikita joined the two men. She picked up a third controller and squeezed between them on the couch. She wasn't nearly as good at the shooting game as they were, yet she didn't care. That wasn't her goal in coming to play with Michael and Birkhoff. From her middle seat, she nudged and teased the men, intentionally messing them up. At first, they laughed along with her- Michael even kissed her adoringly. But when she managed to kill them in the videogame because of her meddling, they quickly turned against her.
Michael tickled Nikita's side while Birkhoff pressed random buttons on her controller. She tried to fight them, yet she was overwhelmed with giggles. In order to get control of herself, she had to leap off the couch. She proceeded to taunt her friends as she stood above them. She said something like she had always been the superior agent or whatever. It made Alex roll her eyes. Birkhoff and Michael, on the other hand, shared a shiteating grin. In the same fluid movement, they grabbed pillows from the couch and chucked them at Nikita. The force knocked her right on her ass. She was too busy laughing to retaliate.
Although Alex stifled her own laughter, wanting to remain in the background, Michael managed to hear her. He turned around on the couch and flashed the young woman a crooked smile, "You gonna join, Alex? Or just stand there?"
For a split second, based solely on the knowing glint in Michael's eyes, Alex thought he knew she had spied on him and Birkhoff the year before. She glanced at him curiously, yet he only shrugged. Alex decided it was better if she did too. So, she forgot all about it and ran to her friends. The first thing she did was pile onto the laughter by messing with Nikita as she laid on the ground. Call it payback for what she had put the others through. Except it was all in good fun. The four continued to laugh and play as though they didn't have to worry about anything. And for one brief moment together, they could pretend that was true.
Chapter 30
Notes:
Set before season 3. The team discusses family history.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Hey. All three of our names end in an 'A'," Alex commented excitedly from behind the laptop. She was in the process of making hair appointments for her, Nikita, and Sonya when she noticed the similarity. It wasn't that big of a deal, but Alex thought it was nice. The three women definitely had a lot in common.
Nikita and Sonya, however, just nodded at the fact and continued unpacking. Michael and Nikita had finally moved out of the safehouse and into their own apartment. The couple had planned on moving themselves, but Alex wanted to see the place. And once she was over, Birkhoff wanted to join to help setup security. The nerd brought Sonya with him to assist with the alarm system. The only reason Sean and Ryan weren't there was because they were busy with higher ups and the government. Otherwise, it'd be a full apartment. Michael and Nikita couldn't escape their friends. The team should've never started a texting group chat.
Except, the couple wouldn't complain. Alex, Birkhoff, and Sonya were a great help in unpacking and setting up the apartment. Nikita and Michael could relax and have fun. The group drifted between topics, simply enjoying their time together. At some point, Nikita mentioned wanting a haircut. Alex immediately became excited and insisted on treating the women to a salon day. The three deserved it after being trapped in safehouses and bunkers for so long.
As soon as Alex stopped working to make an appointment, Birkhoff taunted her. He called her 'princess' and a 'spoiled heiress', and he claimed that she was really leaning into her 'Udinov' identity since she had gotten her revenge. Birkhoff did stop teasing briefly when he learned Sonya's last name was Bunhili. That was important information he wanted to hold onto. Yet, once he filed it away, he went right back to torturing Alex. Her latest comment was an especially easy target, "Your name ends in an 'X'."
"Anyway…" Alex wasn't going to respond to Birkhoff. She'd simply let Nikita's and Sonya's bewildered glances and giggles express how stupid he was. While the nerd stammered over having forgotten that 'Alexandra' was her real full name, Michael led him away to work on the alarm system. The three women were alone, allowing Alex to continue listing their similarities, "We're also illegal immigrants. Well. I'm assuming you are, Sonya, since you had asked about gaining citizenship when we get our pardons."
"It's okay. You're right. I am illegal," Sonya chuckled lightly as Alex rambled. She understood that Alex didn't want to make any assumptions, but it was fine. Sonya did have a foreign accent, and she was in Division. It wasn't difficult to guess that she was undocumented.
Nikita, on the other hand, glanced at Alex stupefied. It wasn't concerning what she said about Sonya. Nikita had seen that fact a mile away. She was absolutely beyond curious as to why Alex would think she was an illegal immigrant too. She was born in America. That was fairly obvious with the hellish foster care she was placed in since birth, "I'm American."
"Birkhoff said you had a birth certificate from Vietnam," Alex argued. After she had warned Birkhoff about the Division plant posing as Nikita's father, she checked back in to see if they were alright. Birkhoff informed her of everything that had happened, including the birth certificate they had found on the black box. She was glad she had helped them when she did.
"That was fake. It was created by Division to freak me out or whatever," Instantly, Nikita negated. Her birth certificate in the black box was as fake as everything else in Division. As she said that, Sonya finally realized what the two women were talking about. She remembered that mission, and she absolutely agreed with Nikita. Percy wouldn't have baited the rogue with any real information about her past. He'd keep it twisted just to fuck with her.
"Are you sure it's fake? The best lies have the most truth," Throwing Nikita's words back at her, Alex kept arguing. It made sense to her. After all, wouldn't it have been easier to dupe the rogues with an altered real certificate than a completely fake one.
"I was in American foster care. How did I get from Vietnam to that hellhole?" Nikita was quickly getting fed up; though, not so much with Alex. She hated that she didn't know what exactly was real or not regarding her past. She didn't have any family history to support her claims. Nikita's guesses could be just as accurate or as wrong as Alex's wild theories.
The arguing drew Michael and Birkhoff over to the women. All unpacking and setting up seemed to be halted for the moment, and it probably wouldn't start up again for a while. The men could join in on the conversation. After all, Michael had his own ideas based on what he overheard Nikita and Alex say, "Didn't that one recruit, Sara, have a son that was sold into adoption? That could've happened to you."
"Human trafficking buddies," Alex was the only person in the room who could make that joke. She was also the only one to laugh and nudge Nikita. The others just let Alex have her moment of dark humor. After what she had experienced, she could have that.
While Alex giggled to herself and riled Nikita up, Sonya was struck by the information Michael had dropped. She wasn't aware of any recruits having kids, and that was something she would've noticed. It was also something the others would've spread rumors about. What exactly was she missing, "There was a recruit with a kid?"
"Must've been before your time," Birkhoff shrugged. He had no idea what Michael was talking about either, yet he wouldn't admit to that. He'd pretend that he wasn't still kept out of the loop on things that occurred before he was a rogue agent too.
"Yeah. When were you recruited? I don't remember you before you became head hacker," Picking up on what Birkhoff stated, Alex asked. If she was being honest, she didn't pay attention to any of the recruits after she was promoted to agent. But she could've at least noticed Sonya as she was hacking in the computer lab.
"I was in the last batch of recruits. About a month before Amanda took over," Sonya shrugged. She didn't remember Alex either, not until she became that free agent. They had just run in different circles.
"So I was too busy fucking with Division to notice," That wasn't entirely true. The month before Amanda took over, Alex had been scrambling for control. Yet, they didn't need to rehash that. All of those terrible experiences could remain in the past.
Nikita agreed with that sentiment, which was why she didn't tease Alex for her response. Instead, she turned towards her boyfriend with a shiteating grin. The instant Michael noticed it, he sighed deeply, "And Michael was too busy fucking me to be an effective handler. He left poor Sonya all on her own."
"I was too concerned with the possibility of my girlfriend getting deported," Michael couldn't help himself. He had to joke about it, despite the glare it earned him.
"Me being trafficked doesn't even make sense. I was strictly in foster care until Gary and Caroline. No one adopted me before them," Fed up, Nikita seethed. She would love to have answers to shut her friends up with, but she had nothing. They could keep going with their wild accusations and probably be right. Who could say otherwise. All evidence of Nikita had been erased when she entered Division. And anyone who could've answered her questions was dead.
"They could've changed their minds and given you up. Didn't you say a foster family once gave you back because they didn't want you?" Regardless of Nikita's annoyance, Alex continued. Maybe it was messed up for her to use a story Nikita had told her in confidence as evidence for her claim. But Alex was certain she was right. Or at least partially right.
"What the fuck?" Michael's sudden flash of anger at what happened to the woman he loved most covered Nikita's head duck. Alex was probably onto something. Nikita just didn't want to be reminded of foster care. It was hell enough the first time she experienced it.
Shaking her head, Sonya believed she had a plausible explanation to get Nikita to calm down. It couldn't answer all of her questions, but it could explain some of the things Division created for her fake birth certificate, "Your mother could've been an immigrant. That'd explain why you didn't have any family to take you in. You were born here, so you couldn't go to them- you were a citizen. And they couldn't come to you, cause immigration's a bitch."
"Thank you, Sonya. That's the most reasonable explanation," It was also the explanation Nikita was the most willing to accept. She hated thinking about her parents and how she came to be because of all the potential heartbreak. Yet the story Sonya spun seemed the easiest to swallow and be okay with.
Sonya only shrugged. She had seen that situation play out before. It was never easy for immigrant families, "My friend in uni went through that. Her family couldn't help her with the baby due to immigration. She didn't die, however."
"That's right. You went to Oxford. But you grew up in West Africa," Remembering what he had read in Sonya's recruit file, Michael commented. When Sonya nodded in agreement, he turned to Nikita with a crooked grin. She rolled her eyes, "See, I paid attention."
"You're an idiot," Nikita was unable to come up with a better quip. She could only lightly punch Michael's arm. That just made him chuckle, however.
"And you're adopted," Alex replied. Nikita shot her a look, yet she simply shrugged. Alex had no explanation for that besides wanting to back Michael up.
As that strangeness occurred, Birkhoff grabbed Sonya's attention. He wanted to know more about her life than just the small snippets he had received. It was bound to be far more interesting than the guessing game they were making of Nikita's past. Sonya wasn't so sure about that. But of course she would tell Seymour about herself, "I grew up in Nigeria."
"So you went to school abroad, wound up in America somehow, got in trouble, and Division took you before you could be deported?" Birkhoff attempted to put all the pieces together, but fell short. What he knew didn't make much sense.
"More or less," However, Sonya didn't necessarily want to expand upon it. She'd go over the basics, yet she didn't want a trip down memory lane. It was too much to revisit.
"What's more?" Tearing her attention away from Michael and Alex, Nikita asked. They had explored her missing past, so why not delve into more complete ones. Sonya was the least known member of their team, after all. They should get to know her, especially since she had begun a relationship with Birkhoff. All eyes turned towards the hacker, waiting for her to speak. She eventually did so with a long intake of breath.
"I grew up well with a politically active family. When I was at university, political tensions rose and my family was in danger. I couldn't go home, and soon my student visa expired. I thought America would be the best place for me. I could hide, be safe, and find a way to help my family. I was arrested after I tried to hack into the immigration agency. Percy said I could join Division, or return home and die like my family. I chose Division," That wasn't everything, yet it was all Sonya was willing to share at the moment. It seemed to appease the others; they had grown serious. That fact helped settle Sonya.
She didn't have to worry when it came to them. Sonya had known that with Birkhoff, but it was nice to realize that with the others as well. She felt as though she could share her thoughts on the matter. With Division defeated, she believed she could be given the opportunity to help her family escape to America or any country of their choice. She simply had to gather the right resources first, and remain strong like they had been, "Despite what Percy claimed, I believe my family's still alive. They're staying strong. I just need to gain enough power to help them."
Whereas Michael, Nikita, and Birkhoff simply nodded along, believing Sonya's conviction, Alex absolutely understood it. Once she had had the right amount of power, she was able to avenge her father and help her mother continue her life. It remained a wonderful feeling to have. Alex had made things right for her loved ones. She hoped Sonya could do the same some day, "I know what you mean."
"Alex, you didn't know your mom was alive until six months ago. And your father was basically a criminal," Nikita took Alex down a peg. Yes, Sonya and Alex were similar in that they had been tragically separated from their families and had worked towards returning to them. But the situations were not at all the same. For starters, Sonya's family was still in danger while Alex and her mother could take their massive wealth and run.
"And your father could be rotting away in prison for the rest of his life. That's why you don't know him," Alex instantly fired back. As much as Nikita wanted to fight her about it, she couldn't. Alex's idea was entirely possible. And if it was true, it would explain a lot.
"He's in a prison in Vietnam," Birkhoff's addition ruined it, however. Nikita became pissed again. It was bullshit that Division's ideas about her past held more water than her own.
The information Nikita had received from varying foster parents and case managers was barely enough to let her know she was Asian; though, she could've gathered that on her own. She was hardly certain that her birth mother had died. No one had ever cared enough about her to provide her with real answers. She could never form an identity. Which meant whatever her friends were suggesting could be wildly unfounded, "We don't even know if I'm actually Vietnamese. You guys could just be racist."
"Well it's better than just saying all of Asia," Michael admitted. It was true that the team didn't know Nikita's ethnicity; she didn't know it either. But there was a good chance she was Vietnamese. Percy wouldn't have made that up. After all, Asia was a huge continent. There were tons of different countries, races, and ethnicities. A person couldn't just lump it all into one thing. They had to be specific.
"That's true. Russia is in Asia," Agreeing with Michael, Alex added. Until they knew the full truth, they had to stick with partial information and wild guesses they believed made sense.
"You're a Muscovite. You're not Asian," Annoyed, Nikita refuted. It was true that Russia expanded across half the world, and many Asian people lived within its borders. Yet Alex and her entire family had been born in Moscow. She was European through and through.
"I didn't say I was Asian. I'm saying you could be Russian," Alex shook her head. She was fully aware of her family history and roots. Since Nikita didn't, the others could say anything that seemed even remotely plausible. Her being Russian could fit the facts. Michael, Sean, and Birkhoff did like to joke that Alex and Nikita were sisters. The two could have a lot more in common than they thought.
"So, what? My father got sent to the Gulag, and my mother ran off with me to America?" Chuckling dryly, Nikita highly doubted that was plausible. Even if she didn't know anything about her origins, she still believed she was born in the States. How she was unceremoniously dumped into foster care couldn't be explained if she came from anywhere else. She was an unwanted orphan, and the government cast her aside; it was that simple.
"It's possible. The Soviet Union was still around when you were born," Always willing to believe someone had once cared about Nikita, if only evil forces hadn't gotten in the way, Michael sided with the sarcastic story. Well, only partially. It was out there, but it could be an explanation. It also pissed Nikita off and made her glare at him again.
"Seriously!" Nikita huffed. Michael began to chuckle, causing Alex and Birkhoff to giggle as well. They were definitely getting off track. Except, it was fun. As long as they kept it light, their stupid speculations didn't matter. It was all part of the teasing game.
Watching the others, Sonya chuckled as well. She had been distracted by her thoughts of her family. Yet she was ripped back to the moment by Nikita's crossed arms and intense glare. Unable to control her giggles, Sonya leaned over to whisper in Birkhoff's ear. Although her family wasn't in her life at the moment, she was glad she had that over nothing, "My family history might be crazy, but at least I know it. I'd rather have that than chaos."
"I'm pretty sure we could say anything, and it'd have the possibility of being true," Grinning wickedly, Birkhoff suggested. That was his chance to torture Nikita after all the times she had taunted the hell out of him. He wasn't going to miss that for the world.
However, Sonya quickly beat him to the punch. She sized Nikita up with a devilish smirk. Once Michael's and Alex's laughter from previous jokes died down, Sonya voiced the cruel tease that had been bouncing around her head, "Do you think the reason Percy was so obsessed with Nikita was because he was secretly her father?"
"Oh my God!" Gagging, Nikita shrieked. That was, without a doubt, the worst thought in existence, and she was forced to experience it.
Sonya easily burst into laughter with the others. The joy and teasing was absolutely contagious. The team's friendship was a powerful thing. It sucked in others and made them feel like they could be a part of the fun. The team had love to spread around, even if it was disguised by slight bullying. Sonya hoped she could really supply to it one day. Although she wished to be reunited with her family, she also wanted to form a new one. She could be involved in the team's craziness. As long as nothing horrific happened to her, she could see that happening. The fact that she was Birkhoff's girlfriend didn't matter. They had all become friends.
Notes:
Thank you so very much for reading and reviewing! I greatly appreciate it!
Chapter 31
Notes:
Set post-series. Nikita flinches.
Chapter Text
She flinched. Her body recoiled. Her eyes shut. Her breath hitched. She prepared herself for the blow she knew was coming. It always came after screaming matches. She was always hit after she caused frustrations to rise and blood to boil. It was how she was forced to stop fighting. Hitting her made her shut up; it weakened her so she'd lose the argument. She couldn't be the dominant one. She was lesser than, weaker. She had to be put in her place. The least she could do was brace herself for the painful impact.
Except, it never came.
The hammer Nikita had seen raised didn't get slammed against her. The shouting that had been ringing around the house didn't continue. The anxiety that had been building within her all day had nowhere to release. Everything fell silent and still. Slowly, Nikita peeled her eyes open and glanced back where she had perceived the threat. Michael definitely held a hammer, yet it wasn't raised above his head. The tool was low to the ground, hovering above the nail slipped between two pieces of wood. No strike had been about to occur. The danger was all in her head.
However, the look of shock and horror in Michael's dark green eyes was beyond clear. His muscles froze and his jaw slackened as he stared at her. He couldn't believe what she had done. And honestly, so couldn't Nikita.
The two were just building a bookcase for the room they had decided would be their study. They had mapped out exactly how their new house should be, they simply had to gather the furniture and decorations to go with it. The two had a desk, some chairs, and many books to place in their study. All that was left was a bookcase. Michael and Nikita spent all day trying to find the perfect one that would fit in the space, hold all their books, and match the other furniture they already had. It was late by the time they found it. So late, that the married couple just decided to build it themselves instead of having the workers do it. That was a horrible mistake.
Quickly, the two became frustrated. It just kept getting worse as time went by. The instruction booklet didn't make sense- it was all pictures and no words. Parts and pieces were scattered around the floor, what they really looked like not matching their pictures in the instructions. The tools the bookcase came with were subpar at best, so Michael and Nikita had to grab the toolbox from the garage. And the whole process wasn't going the couple's way. If they were going to build their furniture on their own, they could've at least waited until the morning. Once they had reached the halfway point, they were ready to explode.
Scrutinizing the instruction booklet, Nikita huffed. She thought she had figured out what the pictures meant and what screw was needed where. It was all a matter of testing it out to see if she was right. Her husband, however, didn't have the patience to wait it out. He only wanted to jam things into place and hope for the best. Nikita was close to wanting to do the same. But that bookcase was going to be in their home for a long time. She wanted it to at least last longer than their carelessness, "That's the wrong screw."
"No it's not. It goes with this panel," Michael ignored his wife. She was probably right. He had to shove the screw into place, and the stupid little wrench the bookcase came with didn't work. Yet he didn't care. He just wanted the whole thing to be done with. He was tired. He was hungry. And he wanted their books off the floor and into the right place. It didn't matter what screw went where. The damn thing just had to be built.
"Well then that's the wrong panel," Making him stop what he was doing, Nikita argued. She was not going to let Michael mess up when they were close to finishing- well, about halfway to finishing. Then, they'd have to start all over. And that would be worse than taking their time.
"This is how you build it," Michael tried to shrug her off. He had built his fair share of furniture in his time. He knew what he was doing. The instruction booklet was just there to guide you. At least, that was what Michael was banking on. He had lost his patience so quickly. Nikita should've just let him do what he had to in order for the bookcase to be built.
"No it's not. It says it right fucking here!" Nikita waved the booklet in Michael's face. Just because he was fed up, didn't mean she was too. Okay, she was somewhat done with the whole thing. But that was why it had to be right. The two were going to build the bookcase as perfectly as they did everything else. Irritation levels be damned.
"Oh my fucking God!" Snapping in frustration, Michael grabbed the hammer to force the screw into place. As he reached for it, he heard Nikita inhale sharply. He glanced over in concern, wondering if she had gotten hurt. Once he noticed that she had flinched, prepared herself to receive a harsh blow, he froze. His insides iced over, and his frustrations melted away. What just happened. What had he done.
Michael had seen his wife flinch before. When he shouted at her for not knowing how he'd feel if he lost her, her breath hitched. When he was so pissed about Cassandra being Gogol, thus putting Max in danger, and threw items off the counter, Nikita crossed her arms tightly over herself. When Sean stalked towards her with empty eyes, demanding to know how his mother died, she bit her lip before responding. When Birkhoff yelled at her for losing his money, she clutched the desktop. When Michael snapped at her for cutting off his hand because he was too stupid to realize she had saved his life, she backed away from him. When she and Alex were fighting, and Alex hurled acidic words her way, Nikita tensed her muscles and stood stock-still. And when Michael moved to comfort her after a nightmare, she always slipped out of his arms. Nikita flinched often. But never like that.
A part of Nikita's mind was constantly fighting her. The fear that her family would hurt her like they always had before coursed through her. Except, she managed to battle that fear away with rationality. The family she had built around herself wasn't like the family she was forced into. No one would ever hurt her. Nikita knew that well, which was how she could push past her flinch and continue forward.
Yet that flinch was different. That flinch was worse.
Nikita fully believed Michael was going to strike her. So much fear ran through her veins, she braced herself for the pain she thought her husband would inflict. No rationality appeared in her actions. It was all instinct. Something he had done triggered the move. He made her flinch.
Eyes wide, Michael laxed his grip on the hammer. He couldn't believe he had done that. He didn't mean to. He never wanted to scare his wife. Dread, regret, and self-hatred sank his heart. He shouldn't have yelled at her like that. He shouldn't have gotten so frustrated. They were only building a bookcase. He should've walked away when he became overwhelmed. It shouldn't have escalated like that. There was no need for him to shout.
There was also no need for Nikita to flinch. She realized that a minute too late. The hammer rested against a nail in the wood. Michael hadn't raised it against her. Of course he wouldn't attempt to hit her with the hammer. Despite how much they yelled at each other, he'd never strike her. He wasn't like her foster parents. He was so much better. She should've known that. She did know that. She should've remembered instead of allowing her frustrations and stress to consume her. She should've been better.
Because she wasn't, she had hurt her husband. Nikita could see it all over Michael's face. He was so shocked and confused by her flinch. How could she believe he'd strike her. They were happily married and were building a home together. What was wrong with her.
She should leave. She had to leave him alone and fix herself. Michael deserved better than what Nikita just did. He could finish building the bookcase on his own. She'd only fuck up more if she stayed. She had to make herself better- whatever that was. Abruptly, she shot to her feet and stammered out an excuse to run away, "You're probably right. Just… you can finish."
"Nikki…" Michael tried to follow after her. Yet he was slower to his feet with all the screws and tools around him. By the time he stood, Nikita was long gone. He didn't hear either the front or back door slam, and he didn't hear the garage open. He could've gone to find her, she was still in the house. However, he soon thought better of it. Nikita hardly let him comfort her when she was that worked up. Michael would have to torturously wait until she calmed down before he could approach.
Nikita didn't know exactly where she was going. She just had to get away from her husband before she hurt him further. She felt as though she was on the verge of tears. The ridiculousness she felt for flinching clashed with the lingering anxiety attack forming from the perceived threat. Breathing was difficult. She was about to burst. She only made it as far as the bedroom before she fell apart.
Something was wrong with her. There always had been; she knew that. But how could she flinch away from her husband. How could she be in their home, preparing for their new lives together, and believe he would hurt her. For the whole entire day, the back of her mind screamed something bad was going to happen. Why did she have to believe it. Why did she have to give into her fear. Everything was fine. She didn't have to defend herself all the time, not anymore.
Collapsing on the edge of the bed, Nikita clutched the mattress and lost her battle to her tears. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want to wallow in self-pity over her flinch. But her anxiety attacks didn't manifest in any other way. She struggled for air, she shook, she scanned her surroundings frantically, and she cried. She felt every harmful emotion at once, unable to gain control. It almost seemed like she was losing her mind. For once, she couldn't fight against what was coming at her.
Michael didn't wait long before he chased after his wife. He gave her the time it took to finish building the bookcase to calm down (which, once he realized Nikita was right about the screw, only took ten minutes). Then, he searched for her. He heard her in their bedroom before he saw her. The panicked sobs were clear to understand. Although Michael wanted to burst right in and hold her in his arms, never letting go, he approached gently. Nikita didn't flinch. He was able to sit next to her on the bed and wrap her into an embrace. She curled right into his arms.
Tenderly, he kissed her anywhere he could. It was just soft brushes of his lips against her hair and skin, yet he needed her to feel his warmth and comfort in every form. Michael knew that usually helped ground Nikita once she was ready for another person's comfort. Her tears could soon stop, and her breathing could settle. It was her tense, shaking body that took longer to ease. Michael just held Nikita tighter. He held her tightly and kissed her softly.
"I'm sorry," Finding their voices, both Michael and Nikita whispered to each other. Their apologies were for drastically different reasons- their tone expressing that. Yet neither would take it back. They shook their heads and negated, "It's not your fault."
Both sighed. Nikita and Michael could continue like that forever. He'd put the blame on himself, citing that he shouldn't have yelled. Then she'd say he was fine, she had panicked over nothing like she usually did. Although they'd both try to assure each other, each trying to take the blame wouldn't get them anywhere. The two would be stuck in the same tenuous dance they always found themselves in. There was no point in sticking to it. They'd just leave it at their apologies and their acknowledgement that neither was at fault. It was just a shitty situation.
Silence washed over the married couple for a long while. Michael kept his arms wrapped securely around his wife, rocking them gently on the mattress. She melted into his embrace and tried to hold onto every ounce of strength he was giving her. It wasn't enough to take her guilt for flinching away. But Nikita did feel calmer and in charge of her anxiety for once. She had no reason to panic anymore. She was completely safe and sound.
"It's been a bad day," Eventually, Nikita mumbled. Her anxiety had been high all day. It started with a nightmare that woke her too early for comfort. Then, on her run, she swore a man had followed her; she had to take some wild turns to lose him. When she got home, she didn't know Michael had gone out to get them fresh fruit. The garage door suddenly opened, and it startled her greatly. By the time they went furniture shopping, she believed her anxiety had decreased. But then that whole fiasco occurred. Honestly, it was no surprise she had flinched so badly. Her anxiety had made her a ticking time bomb, ready to explode into a panic attack.
Nodding, Michael understood why Nikita was so worked up. He had had days like that. A nightmare turned into terrible events, which later became a panic attack set off by the stupidest thing. But that was no reason to be ashamed. It was bound to happen after all they had been through. The end of their war wouldn't end that, "It's okay to tell me about it. I understand."
"I'm supposed to be better," Nikita shook her head, muttering the words into the crook of his neck. She had probably said that so often it lost its meaning. However, it was still supposed to be true. Oversight, Gogol, Percy, Ari, Division, the Shop, Amanda, they were all defeated. Nikita and her family had survived (mostly) and were able to live their lives in complete freedom. Nightmares and anxiety attacks shouldn't be weighing them down anymore. There was nothing to worry about. They were free, which meant she had to be better than who she was.
"You are better. But that doesn't negate the fact that you're still going to have bad days. You have PTSD, Nik. We all do, in varying forms. Are you gonna say I'm not better because fireworks give me anxiety attacks? Is Alex not better despite the fact that she has some nightmares that makes her call us to ensure we're here? Is Birkhoff still struggling if he panics at the sight of blood?" Michael dared Nikita to contradict him. Of course their whole family had post-traumatic stress. No one survived the abuse they had suffered without being scarred. But that didn't mean they couldn't be strong and powerful. They could still be great.
"We're all doing far better than we ever have before. We simply have lingering fears that invade our senses. That's going to stick with us for a long time. We just need to talk to one another, know we'll always be here for love and support, and recognize that the bad days don't even come close to the good," Continuing before Nikita's stubbornness could find a way to argue, Michael reminded her of all the things she had told him, and Alex, and Birkhoff, and so many others. They were out of hell, but their minds continued to fight. They just had to keep relying on their loved ones' support to see themselves through.
There was no argument from Nikita. She just burrowed herself deeper into his warmth. Michael laid another kiss to the top of her head, and continued to rock. After a while, as her muscles finally relaxed, he figured the anxiety attack was finally gone. The two could focus on lighter things. Michael suspected that Nikita would like to do that instead, anyway, "I finished the bookcase. You were right. I had the wrong screw. But it was the right panel."
A brief chuckle slipped past Nikita's lips. The small sound made Michael beam. He needed to hear more of her laughter and see her smile once again. They shouldn't stay weighed down. They should be lifted up, keep each other afloat despite their treacherous minds, "You want to help me decorate it? I know you want the books in a certain order."
When she nodded, Michael squeezed her and rolled backwards so she'd be lifted into the air. The movement made Nikita squeal into giggles. As soon as she smiled, so did her husband. He placed more kisses along her temple and crown, and tickled his fingers along her side. She squirmed and laughed in his grasp. He didn't stop teasing her until she broke free and ran away.
The grin she threw at him over her shoulder dared him to follow. Michael was powerless against his wife. He and Nikita chased each other to the study, laughter filling their new home. The flinch and the anxiety attack weren't completely resolved; more thoughts and emotions would have to be sorted through. And Michael had his own share of issues to solve. But the couple had time to explore those later. They had all the time in the world to support and love each other. In the meantime, they could simply play around.
Nikita and Michael smiled brightly and enjoyed their freedom- their home- together.
Chapter 32
Notes:
Set during the events of 4x02 "Dead or Alive". Alex and Nikita have a much needed conversation.
Chapter Text
"Fuck!" Although she bit her lip hard enough to draw blood, Nikita couldn't stop the curse from spewing past her lips. She had tried to relax on her cot in the airplane, yet it was useless. The autopilot attempting to fight turbulence caused everything to rock violently. Her injured shoulder kept getting jostled and struck. She had no reprieve from the pain. After one too many sharp jabs of pain that felt as though she was getting shot all over again, Nikita had enough. She bit harshly into her burner cell as if that would solve all her problems, "Who's stupid idea was it to have a plane as a safehouse?"
Alex just laughed over the phone. When Nikita first found out about the airplane base, she praised the idea. It was the perfect way to stay off the Shop's or any government's radar. The team could also always be on the move, ready to deploy for any mission. Sure, there were some drawbacks, such as fuel and other resources. And living on a plane was almost like living out of a van. But it was the best the team could do. Good thing even their adequate was excellent.
Except when it came to injuries. Nikita cursed and mumbled some more, each jostle from the plane irritating her gunshot wound. Alex felt no sympathy for her. She brought it on herself when she went rogue from her team again. Nikita had to learn her lesson some way or another, "Aww. Is your gunshot wound bothering you? Suck it up, you whiny bitch."
"Wow. No sympathy from my supposed best friend," Nikita sighed. She should've expected that response from Alex. It was about time she faced the consequences of her actions. She just wished it didn't hurt so damn much.
"You never heard me complain that much when I was shot," Alex reminded her. Although she had been far too stubborn for her own good when she was shot, which led her to a lot of trouble, she didn't groan and complain. Getting shot hurt like hell, but they had managed to survive the pain. Besides, both Alex and Nikita knew experiencing withdrawal was far worse.
"The two times you were shot and had expert medical care and rehab afterwards? Yeah, not the same," Nikita knew she shouldn't complain. In hindsight, her gunshot wound was nothing. She was just fucking frustrated. Despite everything she had done, her team was still in a terrible situation; she still had to mend her torn-up shoulder with a field dressing and hope her muscles weren't permanently damaged. She had wanted better for her loved ones, but it continued to be utter bullshit. It wasn't fair.
"How many times have you been shot, then?" Understanding Nikita's frustrations, Alex simply moved the conversation along. Her best friend had called her to relieve stress, not feel more regret and anger. That'd just have to come later.
Attempting to ignore the pangs in her shoulder, Nikita sat up in her cot. She continued to be woozy from the blood loss, but sitting upright could've been better for her shoulder. She only wanted to be comfortable. Maybe that'd help ease her frustrations. It definitely helped her think of a reply, "Not counting ones to the vest or grazes, five."
"I don't even want to know what you consider a graze," Chuckling quietly to herself, Alex muttered. Chances were, Nikita didn't count any bullet that didn't pierce her skin as a real shot; it was how she could convince Michael she was fine when she really wasn't. But Alex wasn't able to confirm her suspicion right that second. Another sharp rumble of the plane caused Nikita to stifle her next scream of discomfort. That was probably the worst one yet. It was past concerning, "Jesus. Take a pain pill or something. It'll at least help you relax."
"No. No pills. I'm fine," Stiffly, Nikita refused. She could fight through the pain without any numbing drugs. She had to.
"You're clearly not," Alex mumbled. If the silent cursing wasn't her clue, then Nikita switching to quiet Russian definitely was. The enclosed space of the airplane base didn't really allow for private conversations. Speaking in another language only a few of them knew was the best way to not be overheard. Nikita didn't want Birkhoff, Ryan, or Michael to know what she was saying. Alex sighed deeply.
"I don't want to take them right now. That'd be too much," Even if she whispered it, even if she spoke only in Russian, Nikita regretted sharing the thought out loud. She had called Alex to distract herself from her jumbled up thoughts and emotions. She didn't want to delve into them. But with that thought released, her best friend was going to question her about it.
Whenever addictions were mentioned, Nikita liked to skirt the subject. She'd only share as much as it would take for Alex, or whoever else she was talking to, to know she understood their problems. She refused to talk about her own struggles for long. But since the cat was out of the bag, Alex was going to latch onto it. It was about time they had that conversation, "What would be too much?"
"Alex," Nikita warned.
"Nikita," Alex argued.
Silence filled the phone; Nikita wouldn't give in without a fight. Luckily, Alex could be just as stubborn, "Are you afraid you'll relapse?"
"First time I took pain killers in Division, I almost did. Amanda had to confiscate the drugs from me and talk me down," Explaining halfheartedly, Nikita hoped that would get Alex off the topic. She wasn't in the headspace to discuss drugs and addictions; she'd rather get shot again than talk about potential relapses.
"Yeah. Same thing happened to me," Alex sighed. It had happened after she broke her wrist as a recruit. She refused to tell Nikita at the time, believing she'd be seen as weak and unable to handle being a double agent. Fortunately, she knew better then. She wasn't weak, she was just human.
"I haven't taken pain pills since," There, that was it. The conversation was resolved. Nikita and Alex could resume discussing lighter issues- such as their ever ongoing war. That was easier to talk about, after all.
Alex, however, wasn't finished talking. She could've sworn Nikita had taken pain killers before. She had seen a bottle in her med-kit when they had lived together in her loft. She had seen her eyeing the pills at the beach house and in Medical after bad injuries. Nikita had to have taken pain medication before. Alex couldn't believe otherwise, "You haven't?"
"A couple temptations here or there. Alcohol I can handle. But narcotics? That's too much for me," Nikita wasn't sure why she kept sharing her thoughts so openly. It was only irritating her more. She had warned Alex that it would've been more than she could handle at the moment, and it was rapidly reaching that point. The conversation should just lie. Didn't the women know each other enough. They didn't need to explore further.
"Is that why there was an open, full bottle of pain pills in your loft? The ones I found and tried to OD on?" The question had been burning in Alex's mind for years. She had always wanted to know why a former addict kept such strong pain killers around. She wanted to know why the seal had been broken, but the bottle was full. And she wanted to know why Nikita never fucking talked about it. She would only focus on the fact that Alex had almost died in front of her, never the fact that she had the narcotics in the first place.
Nikita didn't say anything for a long time. She knew she owed Alex an explanation. She just couldn't make herself talk. The only thing she could think of to say, after too long of a moment of silence, was something she had told her best friend before, "You've always been stronger than me, Alex."
"Are you fucking kidding me? I've relapsed way more than you have," Alex snapped. Why was it so hard for Nikita to just talk to her. She always expected her to talk about her addiction and relapses. So why wouldn't she. What was Nikita holding back.
"That's not… Relapsing doesn't mean you're weak. You knew it was wrong. You had guilt and shame, and you wanted to be better even if you couldn't do it. I never… I didn't regret relapsing. I kept pills around because I thought… I thought that made me better, not the other way around. At the time, I didn't want to be stronger. Unlike you," Quietly, slowly, and in broken Russian that could only be explained as her fighting back tears, Nikita explained. She hated herself further with each word, and her injured shoulder repeated that with throbbing pangs. Yet Alex had to finally know. If anyone deserved the full story, it was her.
A thousand different responses filtered through Alex's mind. She could've said a thousand different things in response to Nikita. However, she didn't think her best friend was looking for support or reassurance. Nikita already knew she had that. What she really needed was for Alex to make her keep talking, "How many times have you relapsed?"
"Not counting slip-ups or temptations, three," Unlike with how many times she had been shot, Nikita didn't have to pause to think about that answer. She was well aware of how many times she had fallen apart- each one harder to come back from than the last.
"Did you relapse when you ran away?" Alex felt like she already had the answer to that question, yet she asked it anyway. She wanted to know where Nikita's head was at when she had kept herself away from her family for so long.
Although she easily could've lied, Nikita decided not to. She had to own up to her mistakes and terrible decisions, "Tempted. But no."
"What makes you stop yourself?" The two women should've had that conversation years ago. When Alex and Nikita first talked about the hells of getting clean and staying sober, they should've talked about their coping mechanisms. Maybe if they had, they wouldn't have been where they were. Maybe if they were brave enough to be truly open, it wouldn't have been so hard to be truthful then.
Nikita had once advised Alex that if she knew the reason for her pain, she could actually begin to heal. Except, she had never shared her reason. She never let her own pain be known. At least, until then, "I took drugs to escape my foster family, to escape Division, to escape the feeling that I was useless. I don't need to escape anymore. I need to fight for my family."
Irritation shot through Alex. Obviously the team was fighting for one another. They were fighting for the whole world. The question wasn't whether Nikita would fight or escape, it was if she realized her family was just as capable as she was, "Fight alone, or together?"
"I don't know," Barely above a whisper, Nikita admitted. She should've known the answer by then. She should've known that running away from her team didn't fix anything or keep them from harm. In fact, she had been the one to hurt her family by playing the martyr. But even after that, she wouldn't change what she did. She'd always sacrifice herself for her loved ones. They deserved better than her.
Alex never got the chance to argue with Nikita. There were so many things she wanted to scream at her best friend; there were so many things she wanted to say to force her to believe she was just as deserving as the rest of them. They were all better together than apart. But another bout of turbulence caused Nikita to cuss loudly in English again. That time, it seemed to wake someone else on the plane. Alex heard rustling over the phone, then Nikita's quiet voice whispering, "Oh. Sorry. Did I wake you?"
"I think your bandages need changed," Michael responded clearly. He didn't sound like he had been asleep at all. That made sense; he always tossed and turned whenever he had to sleep on a plane. And, of course, he never needed much sleep. He probably grew tired of Nikita's grumbling and came over. If he helped her out, he could go back to pretending to sleep.
"I can…" The protest died on Nikita's lips before she could fully state it. The stern look on Michael's expression wasn't what shut her up, however. It was the fact that after so long, despite the dark guarded reflection in his usually bright green eyes, despite the fact that there seemed to be something off between them, he would be touching her again. She could risk her stubbornness and pride just to feel his warmth. Three long months without it, and she felt as though her chest would cave in. She wouldn't be truly mended unless he held her. Nikita wouldn't be whole until Michael held her in his arms again.
Neither of them really spoke, however. Michael simply grabbed the med-kit and gently took care of Nikita's fresh wounds. She stifled groans of pain, biting her lip and clutching the burner cell in her hand. For a moment, she forgot she was even on the phone. Alex had to speak up, wondering what exactly was going on, for Nikita to remember, "Is that Michael?"
"Yeah," Without elaborating any further, Nikita answered.
"Are you guys… okay?" Alex didn't know how else to phrase her question. The last she knew about Michael's and Nikita's relationship was that Nikita left her engagement ring behind when she ran away. Neither said anything about where they stood. The others just had to guess.
Based on the dead silence on the other end of the phone, Alex assumed that the couple wasn't doing well. She should drop the subject and say something else, "Tell him I said, 'hi'."
"Alex says 'hi'," Forcing out a held-in breath, Nikita relayed the message. She was glad that Alex had gotten her silent hint and changed the subject. Discussing addictions had been enough. She didn't think she could talk about Michael as well.
"Hey, Alex. How are you?" Halting his movements for just a second, Michael replied. He had to move his face close to Nikita's in order for Alex to hear him over the phone. That was a bad move. Brown and green eyes clashed, trying desperately not to glance down at how close their lips were. If they just moved a centimeter, they'd kiss. Michael pulled away and went back to replacing her bandage. Nikita sighed and brought the phone between them.
"I'm good. Just trying to figure all this out. Sonya and I think we're onto something, though," At the sound of the call going on speaker, Alex relayed the information she had shared with Nikita. It wasn't much. But at that point in their war, they had to take anything they could.
"That's good. Keep us updated. And, please, stay safe," Although his words were directed at Alex, Michael stared at Nikita. She fought the instinct to look away.
"We will," Alex promised sternly before ending the call.
Michael and Nikita were left in silence once again. They sat stiffly next to one another on her cot- their thighs weren't even brushing. He made certain to quickly and efficiently clean and redress her wounds, so they could both rest apart from one another. However, the autopilot course correcting itself caused the two to tumble together. Antiseptic burned bitterly against Nikita's skin. Her eyes squeezed shut, tears and a scream slipping loose. Instantly, Michael's warm hands attempted to soothe her, "It's okay. Just breathe."
Keeping her eyes tightly shut, Nikita harshly breathed in and out. Michael continued to touch her gently. His hands never left her as he finished cleaning the bullet wounds and placing new bandages. The longer he remained by her side, the easier it was for her to breathe and relax. It helped even more when he caressed her arm. She was safe. She would be okay. Michael would take care of her, "I think we have some non-narcotic pain killers."
Nikita's eyes snapped open to search Michael's. Had he heard what she told Alex (he spoke Russian). Did he know how much she was struggling. In the darkness, she couldn't tell what he was thinking. He could've simply remembered that she avoided harsh pain killers. She hoped it was only that. Their relationship was strained enough as it was. She didn't want him thinking about her any differently. She needed him to remain by her side with his gentle hand on her arm. Maybe if she expressed how grateful she was, he would, "Thank you."
"Of course," Michael whispered, his thumb lightly skimming her bicep. That was the part where he'd kiss her. That was where he would squeeze her arm reassuringly, lean in, and kiss her. Nikita expected it. Her heart leapt. Her lips tingled. He was going to kiss her, and everything would be okay. He would kiss her, and the burning ache in her chest would subside.
Except, instead of bringing himself closer, Michael pulled away. He abruptly dropped his gentle hand from her arm and stood up. Nikita felt the lack of warmth at her side immediately. Her insides iced over, the emptiness in her chest gaping wider. Despite the pain in her shoulder, she reached out from the cot to bring him back to her. He was too far, however. He continued to slip out of her grasp, "Michael…"
"I'll get your medicine. You get some rest," Already walking away, Michael muttered. Nikita slammed her head back against the wall of the plane, creating a dull thud.
She was so goddamn motherfucking stupid. How was it that she kept ruining everything. Ryan had his 'wall of crazy'. Birkhoff hid in a new makeshift nerd cave. Michael barely looked at her, spoke to her, touched her. And she and Alex couldn't make it through a conversation without holding back their thoughts and yelling at each other. Nikita had only wanted to fix things. With her gone, it should've been fixed. Instead, everything was so much worse.
Staring at Ryan's 'wall of crazy' across the plane, Nikita's self-hatred and self-pity fizzled out of her. She was being ridiculous. So what if her past actions ruined things. Beating herself up wouldn't fix it all. She had to act. She had to be as fierce and determined as she had always been, and do something about her shitty situation. Pushing off her cot, Nikita stomped towards the dry erase board full of evidence. She wasn't wallowing or hiding. She was attacking. She was going to attack with her team behind her back like she had always done before. Her fear couldn't continue to choke her voice or hold her back. Nikita was better than that.
She was going to finally listen to her team. She was going to be the version of herself they all believed she could be. Nikita would be the person she had fought to become with her friends and family around her. She was going to attack Amanda and the Shop, and finally end things for fucking good.
Chapter 33
Notes:
Set in the beginning of season 3. Alex and Sean run into the paparazzi.
Chapter Text
Alex and Sean were having such a nice lunch. He had asked her out so they could escape paperwork; at least, that was his stammered excuse. Honestly, he just wanted to go on a date with her. Alex knew that instantly, but she didn't fight Sean on the idea. He had actually asked her during a non life threatening situation. Also, she enjoyed the thought of going on a date with him. It made her smile so wide her cheeks hurt.
The weather was absolutely beautiful that day, so the two decided to eat lunch outside. They found a little café with outdoor seating, and ordered all the food and drinks their stomachs desired. As Sean and Alex ate, they laughed and talked and greatly enjoyed one another's company. It was nearly perfect. Just being together almost always was. Yet that date was extra special. It felt like something the two could do forever. At least, it did before Alex noticed a strange and sudden flash of light.
When she searched for the source of the weird light, she spotted a man across the street with a camera. Her first reaction was to grab Sean's hand and run. They were in trouble. Somebody, possibly an enemy, had found them. The person intended to track them and was no doubt going to hurt them. However, upon second glance, Alex realized her alarm was for nothing. The man with the camera was too obvious, shabby, and excited to be an enemy agent. He was someone far worse and annoying than that. Exasperated, Alex slouched in her chair and groaned, "Ugh. Seriously?"
"What?" Startled by her sudden change in attitude, Sean instantly dropped what he was talking about. It wasn't really that important anyway. Whatever had upset Alex took precedence. The worried thought that he had something to do with it definitely caused most of his anxious desire to discover what was wrong. But, fortunately, her attention wasn't on him. She was glaring at something over his shoulder.
"Don't look," Before Sean could turn to glance at the paparazzi, Alex forcefully grabbed his arm. That only caused his anxiety to spike dangerously high, however. His body tensed, on deadly high alert. Alex instantly relaxed her grip and soothed his taut muscles. There was nothing for him to be worried about. She was simply fed up, "It's the fucking paparazzi."
Sean expelled a held in breath. The two weren't under attack. They were fine. Well, he was. At another flash of the camera, which he noticed that time, Alex glowered. She really hated having her picture taken by strangers, "Have they been following you since Russia?"
"Try before that. Ever since I crashed that press conference and revealed who I was, I've been followed by jackasses with cameras," Alex mumbled. She wasn't captured by the paparazzi often. But whenever she wanted a peaceful afternoon shopping and hanging out with Nikita, she'd spot a creep with a camera. It probably wouldn't have been that big of a deal if her friend didn't have to duck and hide everytime. Alex hated that their rare peace was ruined because of her celebrity status. People should just leave her alone for once.
"I haven't seen you all over the tabloids," Gently, Sean took Alex's hand in his and squeezed reassuringly. She seemed to relax at his touch. She leaned closer to him across the table and played with their interlocked fingers.
"Cause I avoid them and have Birkhoff delete any pictures they manage to capture," Alex admitted. They had begun the practice of deleting paparazzi pictures of her when the team was still on the run from Division. They didn't need Amanda and Percy being able to trace hers and the other's movements. With the bastard dead and the bitch in the wind, the former rogues didn't have to worry about tabloid photos anymore. Except, of course, when they wanted to keep a low profile as they battled their Dirty Thirties. That had proven to be a disastrous problem already.
Although Sean understood Alex's desire to completely run away from the creepy opportunist capturing their pictures, he didn't want to abandon their date. They had been having so much fun together. They shouldn't have to stop that because of the paparazzi. In fact, they should find a way to incorporate the persistent camera into their fun. Alex and Sean did enjoy working together. And if they got to mess with someone at the same time, that'd be even better, "Why don't we give them a little show before we do that?"
Alex's initial reaction was to argue. She didn't want to spend any more time around a camera. However, she didn't want to stop holding Sean's hand. She also considered that maybe posing for pictures would get the paparazzi off her back- even if the photographs were going to be deleted later. She should allow herself to have fun with Sean no matter what.
Yanking Sean to his feet, Alex smiled wickedly. They paid for their lunch inside, then ran off to do whatever crazy thing they could think of. The two made sure to keep the man with the camera close. They also made sure he had plenty of places to hide, and that he could capture the best possible angles. If he thought it was easy, he might stick around for the full show.
Sean and Alex had no idea what they were going to do to mess with the paparazzi, however. Besides lunch, they didn't have any other plans for a date. Hand in hand, they simply roamed the city until they found something to do. They kept their conversation light (and a bit gossipy in case they could be heard). The two tried to make each other smile and laugh as much as possible. The louder and more outrageous they became the better. They didn't care if they seemed annoying to other people. It was kind of more fun that way.
Eventually, Alex and Sean stumbled upon a park. They didn't hesitate before rushing inside. In fact, the two stopped thinking about what their next move should be entirely. They simply acted on whatever seemed like the most fun. They rented bicycles and tried to make each other fall as they rode together. Then they fed the ducks and chased them around (that was mostly to make the nearby kids laugh). And then they hopped into a rented paddle boat, sailing out into the small pond. The entire time Sean and Alex played around, they continued to try to make each other smile the brightest. Soon, they didn't have to work so hard to achieve that.
More paparazzi had joined their lone photographer in the park, but that only ramped Sean and Alex up. They had a much larger audience for their antics; though, the more they played with each other, the less they thought about those around them. Their adventure in the paddle boat was the same as their one on the bikes. Alex and Sean laughed and joked, and attempted to make the other fall into the water. Their hands were all over each other, smiles permanently on their lips. They were just complete goofs. It was the most fun either of them had had in a long time. They never wanted it to end.
Unfortunately, it was about time Sean and Alex headed back to Division. They had been out for hours, and their friends were beginning to wonder where they were. The paparazzi should've gotten enough pictures of the two by then. They could finally run away. Except, Alex had one last idea. The voyeuristic photographers deserved some sort of grand finale. And she was going to give it to them by grabbing Sean by the shirt and kissing him passionately.
She'd be lying if she said her heart didn't race. She had only kissed him as a part of her show for the paparazzi. But the tingle on her lips expressed otherwise. Alex wanted to kiss Sean again. Each time they kissed, she was always left wanting more. Yet it was never the time. That moment wasn't the exception. They were in public, surrounded by cameras. The two had to go. Although she kept herself wrapped tightly in his arms, Alex reminded Sean of that, breathing warmly against his lips, "I think this should be the part where we lose them."
"Right, yeah," Sean had to take a moment to remember how to think. Alex couldn't stop herself from giggling at him. Bumping her nose with his, he feigned annoyance. When that didn't stop her, he went in for a second kiss. She pulled away from him. He was shocked for a second, but then he saw the mischief in her bright blue eyes. She smirked, grabbed his hand, and yanked him along with her as she ran away. Naturally, he laughed and followed after her.
"What are you doing?" Ryan found Birkhoff scrolling through pictures on his computer in the middle of Ops. Usually, if he was going to do that, he'd stay in his cave. That was at least what the team taunted him for doing in the past. Ryan hadn't seen Birkhoff do anything like that, besides the occasional staring at Sonya's picture. Which was why he was so confused that the nerd would look at girls' pictures in such an open space.
"Deleting paparazzi pictures of Alex," Once Birkhoff explained, Ryan was instantly appeased. A rare photograph of Alexandra Udinov circulating the news wasn't that big of a deal. However, multiple pictures of her with their team- even if it was only Sean- was something to be cautious of. There couldn't be even a hint of a conspiracy spreading that Alex was involved in Division's activities. That could cause danger for them all.
So, Alexandra Udinov was erased from the public image. Though, the team did like to use her as a distraction out in the field. People were bound to flock to the ostentatious, rich, spoiled heiress, leaving the agents to sneak around and do as they pleased. It'd be easier for Alex to gain the attraction she needed on a mission if the public already had that impression of her. And, they'd get that impression if she was caught by the paparazzi more often.
Obviously, the cameras shouldn't capture everything. But a glimpse of Alexandra doing a variety of things around the city could be fine. Ryan would just make certain the team continued to control the story, "Wait. Only delete the ones where we clearly see their faces."
"Why?" Cautiously, Birkhoff stopped his hacking. He trusted Ryan had his reasons, but he didn't want to tempt anything- especially Alex's wrath. There was a strong chance she wouldn't like what would be decided.
"We want to establish Alexandra Udinov as a 'rich-bitch' heiress, right? She's gotta stay in the tabloids for that to happen," Ryan couldn't help but smirk. Creating an ostentatious cover for one of their agents would be tricky. But if they could pull it off- when they pulled it off- it'd be perfect. Also, it'd be kind of fun to mess with Alex like that.
"Like Bruce Wayne and Batman," Bursting out in laughter, Birkhoff soon followed Ryan's directions. Alexandra Udinov was about to be made into such a frivolous party girl in the tabloids, no one would suspect she was actually a spy. It was the perfect way for her to live her double life. Except, Alex was going to hate the idea. She was annoyed by that false version of herself already. Those pictures taken of her were only going to make it worse. Birkhoff just laughed harder, "She's gonna be so pissed when she finds out."
And she was, once she saw those pictures plastered across newsstands the following day. Alex went absolutely ballistic on Ryan and Birkhoff. Although Sean's figure and unclear face were featured in the tabloids as well (he was called 'unknown hunky man') he thought it was funny. He also agreed with the others that the paparazzi was a great way to maintain covers. Yet he didn't dare share that thought aloud. He just cracked jokes about keeping the picture of them kissing, and watched Alex blush and eventually relax.
What they were doing was a good thing. There was no reason to panic- about any of it.
Chapter 34
Notes:
A 1x08 "Phoenix" AU. What if Alex had managed to place the antitoxin in Michael's pocket.
Chapter Text
Sprinting out of Medical, Alex searched everywhere for Michael. She had the antidote Nikita needed. All she had to do then was locate the man they both knew would be on the mission trying to hunt the rogue down. It took longer than Alex liked to finally find Michael. He was already with the Alpha team, loading up on the elevator that led to the outside world. She had to stop him. She needed him to pause just long enough for her to slip the antidote into his pocket. The young woman had no idea how she was actually going to do that; though, she had to try. If she didn't try, Nikita was dead, "Hey, Michael. Can I talk to you for a second?"
"I don't really have the time…" Michael attempted to brush Alex aside. But before he could even finish his sentence, she turned him to face her. Her hands were slightly all over him as she dumped the life saving pill in his pocket. Immediately, Michael grabbed her arms as he jerked away from her. He studied the young recruit in alarm as though there were something wrong with her. Panic spiked through Alex. He was going to discover what she had done, and both she and Nikita would be dead. However, once he saw the new cast on her wrist, he relaxed. He probably thought she was acting weird because of her injury. She could play with that.
"I know what you did, to try and help Robbie and Sara. Even though Nikita got in the way. I know you tried to fight for them. And I just wanted to say thank you for always looking out for us recruits," Tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear and holding her wrist to her chest, Alex ducked her head as if she was shy and hurt. Michael sighed. Yet he didn't say anything to contradict her gratitude. He simply squeezed her shoulder and joined the Alpha team on the elevator. Alex expelled an anxious breath. She waited until the elevator was well on its way out of Division, then she made a hurried beeline for the computer lab.
"The antidote is in Michael's left jacket pocket," Alex messaged Nikita as quickly as she could. She didn't think she had ever typed that fast in her life. Yet she didn't know how long she actually had to spend in the computer lab. She also didn't know how much time Nikita had left. Did she even have a moment to check her computer before rushing off to stop Gogol, Division, and a corrupt senator. Had it been too long since her request for an antidote that she was dead. God, Alex hoped that wasn't true. She really needed her partner to fight that war.
Nikita wasn't feeling sick yet. She had a slight headache, her stomach was twisted up in knots, and her muscles were jittery. Yet that simply could've been her overwrought nerves. When she received Alex's message about the antitoxin, some of those symptoms lessened. Once Division crashed the scene, she wouldn't have to rely on Gogol anymore. She could save herself and screw over a whole bunch of men.
Her plan to defeat both Gogol and Division, and to reveal how corrupt Senator Kerrigan was, wasn't the most thought out. Nikita was mostly running on gut instinct and whatever she could improvise. Maybe for something as complicated as the screwed up situation she found herself in, she should've actually planned. However, in her defense, she was blindsided by Gogol's involvement, and she had been poisoned. There was a lot on her plate. Thinking things through just had to be sidelined.
Acting purely on instinct wasn't so bad, after all. As soon as Division arrived, Nikita was able to take out her Gogol 'handler'. She stealthily crept around the grounds of the estate and removed some Division agents from the equation. Taking one of their walkie-talkies, she located other members of the Alpha team in the kitchen. Adrenaline helped her break into the house and surprise the Division agents. The rogue silenced them before they could raise an alarm, and knocked them unconscious before they could do the same to her. Or before her adrenaline died out and her poisoned body turned against her.
"You're not Michael, and neither are you," Nikita picked her way through the unconscious agents, desperately trying to find Michael. Her headache was steadily becoming a migraine, and her stomach burned with nausea. She wasn't going to last much longer without the antidote. However, none of the agents in the kitchen was the man she needed. At least she spotted the freshly promoted agent Alex kept talking about. The young woman did a decent job of describing him. Nikita couldn't help but chuckle, "Huh. Thom. I can see how Alex likes you."
Shaking her head, Nikita had to force herself to refocus. It was not the time to get distracted. She seriously had to find Michael. No doubt, he was with Senator Kerrigan and the remaining members of the Alpha team. Maybe if she poked around on her stolen walkie-talkie she could find them. Or, she could just listen intently. Soon, she heard her former handler's distinctive smoky grunt, and the panicked sounds of a frightened senator. They weren't far from her. She just had to sprint some more, "Michael."
Senator Kerrigan was forcibly ushered into another room at the sight of Nikita. Under normal circumstances, she would've chased after and given the Alpha team hell. Yet that was definitely not a normal circumstance. She needed Michael. Fortunately, he was prepared to intercept her. When she approached, aiming to render him unconscious so she could steal the antitoxin, he fought back. His gun was raised, "You gotta stop this Nikita."
"Stop what? Ending corruption?" Nikita seriously didn't have time for that. She slapped the weapon out of Michael's hand, and kicked him as hard as she could in the abdomen. The longer her operation went on, the more the toxin was affecting her. She didn't strike Michael nearly as hard as she had intended. Their fight was about to turn into an all out brawl. God, she really should've thought that part of her mission through. She should've known asking Alex to put the antidote in Michael's pocket would lead to that. When weren't the two fighting.
"With Gogol?" Recovering quickly, Michael swung his fist at Nikita. It wasn't worth trying to grab another weapon. They always managed to wrestle it out of the other's grip. It was better if the two just tried to hurt one another the old fashioned way. Their strikes and blocks were normally evenly matched. However, as Nikita and Michael kept moving around the room, trading hit after hit, she began to falter. She couldn't hold her own much longer.
"Yes. Because I left Division for Gogol. Such a great trade in. Same criminal organization, but at least I can practice my Russian," Her sarcasm probably would've been more biting if Nikita wasn't struggling to control her breathing. It took all of her might to keep fighting Michael. Her strength was seeping out of her with each move. And her stomach hurt so fucking bad. She had to get Michael distracted just so she could survive the encounter. The best she could come up with was a Russian taunt, "Кто маленькая сучка, ты."
Annoyed, Michael made another grab at her. Nikita dodged the attempt easily. But then blood began to trickle out of her nose. She hadn't been struck in the face. So how could she have been bleeding. Oh, right. She really had to get the antitoxin out of Michael's pocket. Yet she hadn't figured out how she was going to do that without him noticing. He had always been able to notice everything about her. He spotted the blood coming out of her nose, and had the same confused and worried reaction. Nikita tried to use his shock to her advantage, but her fist was sluggish and wide. He counteracted, and slammed her against the wall, "Блядь."
"Are you actually sweating?" Michael wasn't sure why he decided to focus on that. He had her pinned to a wall. He could easily knock Nikita unconscious and deliver her to Division. However, he became distracted by the beads of sweat dotting her forehead. He didn't think he had ever seen her sweat so obviously before, besides in her early recruit days (but she was also fighting off a drug addiction then). Sparring exercises never seemed to wear her out so easily. Sure she'd pant, but she didn't sweat. It was almost like her body refused to show how tired she actually was. Something had to have been wrong if a short fight had her already fading.
"Guess fighting you really is that hot," Oh. Okay. Nikita was definitely dying. She would've never actually said that if her insides weren't literally melting. Michael stared at her, stunned. He was just as surprised as she was that she had said that. He pulled away from her, studying her in concern and bewilderment. Realizing that was her best chance to escape and finally take the antidote, Nikita hurriedly struck Michael in the jaw and shoved past him.
The maneuver allowed her to grab the antitoxin without him noticing- hopefully. With everything else going on, she really didn't need Michael wondering why there was a pill from Medical in his pocket. Nikita just had to take the antidote and continue her mission. The first part of that was easy. But after dry swallowing the pill, she needed a second to adjust. She rested against the wall of a secluded hallway, attempting to catch her breath. It was going to take some time before the antitoxin went into effect. Any way she could hurry that along, the better.
Unfortunately, Michael quickly caught up to her in the hallway. He managed to see her shove something in her mouth before furiously wiping away the blood from her nose. A part of him knew that was the perfect opportunity to capture her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Nikita looked like she was going to collapse right then and there. Obviously, something was very, very wrong with her. Slowly, Michael approached her. To do what exactly, he had no idea. Maybe help her. Yet once he got close, Nikita sluggishly pushed at him and tried to scramble away. Her head was swimming too much for her to go far, though.
"Stop. Stop," Grabbing Nikita's wrists tightly, Michael tried to force her to stop struggling. He wasn't going to take her in. Not anymore. Not when she already looked about to die. Yet she didn't know his change in intentions. Even with her depleted strength and poorly contained coughing fit, she tried to fight him. It wasn't until he gently cradled her cheek that she ceased all movements. She glanced up at him with wide bloodshot brown eyes. His thumb absentmindedly caressed her entirely-too-hot bronze skin, "What'd you just take?"
"Nothing," Although Nikita was well aware that she had to move away from Michael, she couldn't. He didn't have a fierce hold on her or anything like that. She just couldn't step away from him. His hand on her cheek was so soft. And the hand he placed on her abdomen soothed her in ways she didn't think was possible. Her breath came easier, and her muscles relaxed. Everything that had felt so wrong before began to melt away.
"You're not…" Michael stopped himself from going there. For half a second, he thought Nikita had relapsed. But he knew that wasn't possible. Not only did he believe she was stronger than that, she also didn't show any signs that she had taken a narcotic. Her pupils weren't dilated, nor was her attention scattered. Her breathing became even- not slow, just even- as did her heartbeat. Whatever he had seen her take seemed to be helping her. She was becoming stronger by the minute. It wouldn't be long until she'd be able to kick his ass.
"Look. As much fun as this is, I gotta go," After forcing herself to remember that it was the antitoxin that made her feel better, not Michael, Nikita shoved him off her. He actually stepped back. She wanted to spend a moment studying why he was doing all of that. Except, she didn't have the time. Division and Gogol agents were still trying to kill her. And she had to complete her mission. She wasn't done screwing men over yet.
Michael should've followed her. He shouldn't have just stood in the hallway, watching Nikita remove her mission clothes to reveal a cocktail dress underneath. He had to stop whatever she was up to. It was no doubt going to burn him and Division. Except, he was rooted to his spot, thinking over his weird encounters with Nikita that night. All of that seemed to disappear since she had taken the pill. She wasn't one hundred percent herself again, but there wasn't something wrong with her anymore. It was as though she was cured. That thought caused Michael to freeze. Did the pill she take actually save her life. How messed up was she, "Were you poisoned?"
"Told you I wasn't working for Gogol," Tossing her clothes at Michael, Nikita ran away one more time. It took him longer than it should've to chase after. He had simply been too shocked to move. She had almost died in front of him. He had almost watched her die. But then the two were back to their game of cat and mouse. They couldn't comfort or soothe one another over the fact. They were on opposing sides of a war. They didn't get to care about each other.
In the five minutes it took for Michael to catch up to Nikita, she had caused plenty of damage. She stole a gun from a downed agent, kidnapped Kerrigan, got what she needed from him, and used him as a shield while she escaped. There was nothing Michael could do but keep watching her slip away. Focusing on the fact that she could walk away from him helped settle the rest of his shock- somehow. She was still fighting. And she was still winning, "Stand down."
"Stand down?" Bewildered, the remaining conscious Division agents stared at Michael; they couldn't just let their rogue get away. The handler wouldn't reverse his decision, however. He simply stared at Nikita. Her non-bloodshot brown eyes connected with his green. He couldn't believe she had been poisoned. He couldn't believe that despite that she still managed to complete her operation and screw over both Gogol and Division. She had him in awe. It shouldn't have been like that, but Michael couldn't deny the truth. Nikita was remarkable. No wonder, despite his better judgment, he tried to help her.
"There are guards everywhere and she has a U.S senator hostage. Stand down," Sternly, Michael repeated the order. The Division agents lowered their weapons. Nikita appeared to thank him for that. Although it was dark and she was far away, Michael could've sworn she mouthed 'thank you'. Yet that thought didn't last long. Nikita soon shoved Kerrigan away from her and sped off into the night. She had survived to be a pain in Division's (and Gogol's) ass another day. Nothing could keep her down, especially when she received help from unexpected places.
Chapter 35
Notes:
Set after 2x18 "Power". Michael and Alex continue their brief conversation about Zetrov and her father.
Chapter Text
"Да, Мама. All we have to do is live our lives. We don't have to worry about money or anything else," Pacing around the safehouse, Alex explained the situation to her mother. She had caught Sean up on the team's successful operation, mostly telling him he was free to come home. There was no threat to her mother's life anymore. Ari and Amanda were gone. Zetrov was no longer corrupt. Everything was right in the world. Alex and her mother could be free.
It didn't exactly feel like that to Alex, however. Whereas her mother instantly wanted to celebrate and asked if she would be joining her in Greece, Alex felt as though something was missing. Despite the fact that she finally got revenge for what happened to her family, she didn't feel completely satisfied with the operation. It was almost like she hadn't quite done what she was supposed to. Maybe it was just exhaustion that made her feel like that. If she actually let herself relax, things could be better.
Once she hung up the phone, all Alex wanted to do was sleep. She hadn't been able to doze off on the plane from Moscow, and her sleep schedule had been screwed up ever since. She needed to just lie down and pass out. However, she didn't want to do that alone. She wanted to be with her friends- remind herself that she never had to be alone again. So, Alex trudged off to Nikita's room. She had seen her best friend disappear there a while ago. Chances were she was napping. If Alex crawled into bed with her, maybe Nikita would let her sleep with her- like they did after horrible nightmares, "Can I nap with you?"
"Sure. But it might be a bit weird," Michael's sleepy heavy voice replied as Alex collapsed on the bed. When he had heard the door open, he thought it was Nikita. Since he hadn't slept on the plane, he ended up falling dead asleep as soon as he laid down to rest. He guessed he had missed the sounds of his girlfriend coming home, and she had decided to slip into bed with him. The fact that it was actually Alex surprised him.
"I thought you were Nikita," Instantly, Alex shot upright in the bed. She wouldn't have collapsed on the mattress if she knew Michael was next to her; though, how she confused him with Nikita, even she didn't know. She must've been far more exhausted than she thought.
"Are you that tired?" Rolling over and turning on the bedside lamp, Michael attempted to shake the sleep off of him. He should probably wake up anyway. Sleeping too long wouldn't fix his ruined cycle; that was the price to pay after overseas missions. He should move around and be active until a reasonable bedtime. Then, he could actually sleep with Nikita.
Nodding, Alex tried to wake up (and hide her embarrassed blush). She rubbed her eyes and cheeks and sat up straighter on the bed. She definitely should've paid more attention to who was actually slumped in the bed. Even in the dark, Michael and Nikita could be told apart. Alex swore, though, that Nikita went into her room and never came out. She probably missed her leaving when she was on the phone. If that was the case, where could she have gone while her boyfriend slept, "Where is she?"
"Grocery shopping with Birkhoff," Michael sighed. Nikita and Birkhoff were the only ones who had managed to rest on the plane. Birkhoff could usually sleep anywhere, and getting asphyxiated drained all of Nikita's energy. So while exhaustion caught up to Alex and Michael, the other two were perfectly fine. They decided to replenish their diminished supply of food and toiletries to let their friends rest. If Michael had been more awake, he would've gone with them.
"You sent those two to get food together?" Alex voiced Michael's exact concern with the idea. Birkhoff and Nikita had the worst eating habits on the team. Both snacked instead of eating a real meal. If they went grocery shopping together, then they were just going to buy a whole bunch of snack foods mixed with fruits and vegetables. The rogues would still be out of food.
"We're probably still going to get takeout tonight," Chuckling, Michael admitted. The team lived off of takeout. Grocery shopping was usually their attempt to be healthier while they actually bought toiletries and other necessities. Fortunately, they had the money to be constantly buying food. Birkhoff had raked in some serious cash when he was a world famous hacker. And then they had an heiress on their side, "Or you can buy, Ms. Udinov."
Alex didn't laugh as much as Michael. She barely cracked a smile. He began to think that she was more than just tied. Something was weighing heavily on her mind. Maybe it was related to her phone call with her mother. Michael knew Alex continued to struggle with that relationship. Yet with Zetrov gone, the two could grow closer together. That was what he'd do, "What are you going to do with all that money? Join your mom in island paradise?"
"You and Nikita going to find an island of your own too?" Turning away from Michael, Alex deflected. She knew how obvious her aversion was, but she really didn't want to talk about what came next. Her mother had already asked that, and she still didn't have an answer.
"Why the brush off?" Concerned, Michael tried to regain Alex's attention. Sure, he avoided the same question directed at him- visualizing their futures in the middle of a war was always difficult. But he wasn't the one who was so visibly upset. Alex had been since she watched Levkin's first press coverage as CEO of Zetrov. Despite all the assurance, even the ones she made to herself, something about that still had her worried. Michael wanted to know what that was, "You still worried about Zetrov?"
"You think that since you were my handler you know me so well?" Alex finally hopped off the bed. That wasn't fair of her to say. But pushing Michael away could make him drop the subject. Besides sleep, that was all she wanted.
Unfortunately for Alex, Michael followed her. While she stomped out into the hall, he hurried to catch up with her. They were definitely having that conversation then. Once he calmed her down at least, "Absolutely. I know everything. Your favorite color's pink."
"It's hot pink, actually," Despite herself, Alex whirled around and responded. Really, she liked all shades of pink. Yet that wasn't the point. She shouldn't have engaged with Michael's statement, no matter how much she wanted to show him up. He only smirked at her response. There was his opening for a conversation.
"Oh. Excuse me," Michael didn't take it right away, however. He wanted to tease Alex, get her to lighten up. Although she didn't laugh, she did slouch against the wall and look at him. He moved to slouch next to her, and he gently bumped his shoulder against hers, "What about Zetrov is bothering you?"
Twisting the ends of her hair around her finger, Alex sighed. There was no use escaping that conversation. It would only come up again, potentially when her thoughts and emotions were so twisted up they might break. She should speak her mind then, especially since Michael was so willing to listen and help, "Ilya will be a great CEO. He's already dismantling all the corrupt structures and building the company back up. And my mom and I are set for life between inheritances and company shares…"
"But?" As soon as Alex dropped off her sentence, Michael prompted her to continue. He had known all that already. It was a part of the conversation they had had when he caught her watching Ilya Levkin on the news. He had thought she was holding back from the discussion then, but he didn't push for more. That time was different, though. He wasn't going to let her thoughts overwhelm her.
Their previous conversation, or lack thereof, already covered what Alex felt terrible about. Michael had already comforted her about her decision. Except, she still felt like it wasn't right. No matter what anyone said, she believed she had made a terrible decision. It wasn't what her father wanted, after all, "My papa always wanted me to take over Zetrov. I know what I did was the right choice. And you said he'd be proud of me. But I can't help feeling like I'm still letting him down by handing over control. I'm not the daughter he wanted."
"Hey. No. You battled corruption. You found someone who'd lead Zetrov well. You destroyed evil and got your revenge. All you have done is help people. You kept the heart your parents gave you, despite everything. You're amazing, Alex. Your father could never be disappointed in you. You'd always be his daughter," Michael was quick to try and change Alex's mind. Not living up to the expectations her father had placed on her when she was young didn't diminish how awesome she was. In fact, Michael would go as far as to say that she exceeded her father's expectations. Alex constantly did amazing things, showing off her incredible strength and heart. No one could be disappointed in that, especially not a father.
Michael knew that if Hayley had gotten to grow up, and she had become as strong, compassionate, smart, and awesome as Alex, he'd brag about her everywhere; he'd be so proud. He was that proud of Alex and she wasn't his daughter. Michael considered telling her that thought. But he was certain she already knew that. Besides, that wasn't the kind of comfort she wanted. He should share his first thought with her. It would, without a doubt, mean more, "If my daughter grew up to be just like you, I'd be incredibly proud."
"You'd be proud no matter what your kids did," Alex battled the tears that pooled in her eyes with a dismissive comment. She had no doubt that Michael was being completely sincere with her. It was a big deal for him to mention his children (and to talk that much). The sentiment meant so much to Alex, that it made her heart swell. However, she really didn't want to break down into tears at that moment. She'd rather make stupid jokes instead.
"Exactly. That's how fathers are," Nudging Alex with his shoulder again, Michael smiled. She cracked a small smile, yet that wasn't enough for him. He pushed at her harder until she stumbled off the wall. That got her to break into uncontrollable giggles. He smiled wider.
"Not Nikita's," Once she was able to compose herself, Alex just had to say. After all, if Nikita was there, she would've made a snide comment about her time in foster care. She loved being the exception, just like Alex loved being a contradiction.
"Fuck that," Rolling his eyes, Michael harshly pushed off the wall. Alex burst into laughter. It was mostly due to shock. Michael didn't cuss like that. He usually had more control over himself. Yet, that was just the effect Nikita had on him. Even allusions to her past had her boyfriend reacting strongly. It made Alex wonder if she'd ever have a relationship like that.
Just as quickly as that thought jumped to Alex's mind, she shook it away. She had had too many heavy thoughts that day; she didn't need more. Thankfully, she could distract herself by following Michael to the living room. The two could continue their conversation if it meant she didn't have to think about relationships- or who that relationship might be with. Alex had some questions she wanted to ask Michael, anyway. That moment seemed like the perfect time to bring them up, "What's your dad like?"
Abruptly, Michael paused. He should've expected Alex to ask him about his father. He knew so much about her family, but she didn't know anything about his. He only talked to Nikita about his family. It was probably time he began to change that. There was no need for him to keep his life a secret, "He was great. He encouraged me. He helped me with whatever I needed, even when I was too stubborn to ask. And I always knew he loved me, no matter what I did."
"Is he dead?" Alex couldn't stop herself from blurting. Michael never talked about his family. If he ever did, it was just about his late wife and daughter- and even that was in vague terms. Alex always felt like she was playing catchup when it came to his past. Any chance to learn more about him, she'd immediately take. They were friends, after all. They should know about their families.
"Both my parents died when I was in the Navy. 'Don't smoke, kid. It's bad for you'," Repeating the words his parents would ironically tell him, Michael shrugged. The only family he had left before Division was Hayley and Elizabeth. Fortunately, though it took a long time, he had started to grow a new family. And it was just as great and loving.
"I think I already learned that lesson," Alex laughed. Michael chuckled with her. That was a fair reply. No one had to worry about her beginning to smoke. She had far brighter things in her future than that.
Before Michael could bring up the topic of their futures again, loud noises came from the garage. Birkhoff and Nikita were back from the store. Alex and Michael were about to be greeted by chaos. Nikita's shout alone emphasized that, "Come help with the groceries!"
Rather than move to help, Alex and Michael began to think of ways to taunt Nikita and Birkhoff for their eating and shopping habits. Except, as Nikita passed by, Alex recognized an all too familiar white jar sticking out of the bag. She quickly became too excited for sarcastic quips, "Is that marshmallow fluff?"
Instantly, Alex hurried after Nikita to see all the wonderful things she and Birkhoff bought. She continued to let them carry in the bags. She preferred to dig through the contents instead as she pretended to put them away. Whereas Nikita only rolled her eyes at Alex, Birkhoff huffed. He shoved her as he walked past, "I'm not eating fluffernutter sandwiches for dinner."
Birkhoff and Alex soon dissolved into a bickering match. Michael and Nikita ignored them. He took a load of groceries off her hands and stole a kiss from her lips. She melted into the affection for just a moment, then moved to grab more bags from the car. Michael grinned after her. When the shouting in the kitchen became too much, however, he sighed and went to diffuse the argument, "We can just make our own sandwiches."
After a moment of debate- and some input from Nikita about what was actually bought- it was decided that they'd make their own food for dinner. However, once their individual meals were ready, they'd eat together and talk. The team had been running around all over the place lately. It was about time they settled. Doing so together seemed like the perfect option.
Chapter 36
Notes:
Set after 4x06 "Canceled". Alex and Birkhoff get back at Nikita and Michael for eloping.
Chapter Text
"Hey, Nikita. I have a question. Has Michael asked about you? In an operational context that is," Alex stared directly at her best friend, a shiteating grin etching its way across her lips.
"Oh God," Nikita collapsed her head in her hands, groaning.
It was family dinner night. The team had gathered together to hang out, relax, and catch up. There was no need for them to separate just because their war was over. They should stay together as best they could, like the family they were. It was difficult to find a time to meet with their new hectic schedules, but the team would make an effort. They had to for one another.
Nikita and Michael decided to host the first family dinner at their new beach house. The dinner could double as a sort of housewarming thing. Their friends could see how they were settling into their freedom (or not settling, based on recent events to stop vile men using child soldiers). Also, the newlyweds could celebrate their recent marriage with their family. Michael and Nikita's original intention was to tell everyone about their elopement at dinner. But since they had all already found out, they could just skip to the celebration. At least, that was what the couple wanted. Alex and Birkhoff had other ideas.
The instant the two stood from their seats, clinking their glasses like they had a toast to give, Nikita and Michael sighed. They had suspected their friends would be up to something. The initial reaction to their elopement wasn't a happy one. Alex and Birkhoff were irritated that they weren't there. The two appeared to be appeased after the newlyweds mentioned a reception type family dinner. However, that was only because the dinner gave them a chance at revenge. Alex and Birkhoff planned to make their friends pay for excluding them from the wedding.
Sonya, on the other hand, just wanted to bask in her family's happiness. If she had any control over the situation, she would've made Alex and Seymour stick to light teases. They didn't need to set up a laptop for a full presentation of torture. However, it was too late to stop them. All Sonya could really do was lean over to Michael and Nikita and apologize, "I just want to say, before the others get carried away, that I really am happy for you guys. You deserve the happiness marriage brings."
"Thanks, Sonya," Nikita and Michael mumbled, sinking into the cushions of the couch. Family dinner had been great so far. The friends ate, talked, laughed, and enjoyed one another's company. Then, they moved to the livingroom, and things spiraled out of control.
"In lieu of a toast, the forgotten Best Man and Maid of Honor have decided to make a powerpoint presentation," Once the laptop was set up, Birkhoff clicked open a powerpoint presentation. Michael and Nikita groaned. Sonya rolled her eyes. And Sam burst into laughter. It was unclear how long Alex and Birkhoff had worked on the presentation. Yet, whatever the two had prepared would definitely force the newlyweds to face the consequences of their actions.
"We want to highlight why it was so important to have a big family wedding, instead of some bullshit elopement," Excitedly pounding the 'next' key on the laptop, Alex proudly smirked. The reactions in the room became more exaggerated.
Leaning over again, Sonya did her best to distance herself from the two idiotic presenters, "Again, I'm really happy you guys were finally able to settle down."
"Yeah, yeah," Michael and Nikita sighed. They slouched further into the couch, shoulders, arms, hips, and legs touching.
"Number one: when I was Nikita's rogue, going between her and Michael was like being passed between two divorced parents. Seriously. I'd have to listen to Nikita talk about Michael being confused, and needing to see the light, and how he really is a good guy if he wasn't so blind. Then, I'd hear Michael rant about how Nikita was going to get herself killed because she didn't know when enough damage was enough, and she just had to be a martyr. It was infuriating dealing with you two," Alex didn't even have to read off the slide. She was prepared to rant about her time as a mole. It was only fair after what she had to do.
"Really? Cause it's infuriating dealing with you two right now," Burrowing into her husband's side, Nikita grumbled. She knew she couldn't do anything to stop the taunts. It was a long time coming. But she wasn't going to just sit there and take it.
"Let's talk about Michael and Nikita in Division," Birkhoff ignored Nikita's huff and Michael's glare completely. He was on a roll. It was his time to vent, "They openly flirted in Ops and in the training room, and they gave each other special privileges and attention. Watching them spar was like watching them have sex. And I should know. I've walked in on both."
"I can make comments about you and Sonya hacking," Nikita didn't want to bring Sonya into it; she didn't do anything wrong. Yet Birkhoff couldn't tease Michael and Nikita for something he also did. All of the couples had been awful with shameless flirting.
Alex bit back her laughter. Nikita was right. Birkhoff and Sonya hacking together was a lot like Nikita and Michael sparring. But the powerpoint wasn't about the nerds. The newlyweds still had to be taunted, "Did you ever notice that when Nikita and Michael fought, they never tried to kill one another?"
"That's right. Despite being enemies, they could never kill each other. In fact, there were times when Michael helped Nikita when she was rogue and he wasn't," Birkhoff added, flicking through more slides on the powerpoint. He wished he had photographs to support his bullet points. No doubt, it'd make Sam laugh harder, and it'd make Nikita and Michael more annoyed. His and Alex's memories would just have to be enough, though. A downside of being secret agents and rogues, which the team had never thought of before, was the lack of pictures of their family. They'd have to start fixing that.
"Were you serious about putting our weapons away during family dinner?" Whispering into his wife's ear, Michael seriously began to second guess her decision. He'd love to taunt Birkhoff in return with a weapon; though, a part of him did know he deserved that situation. Michael had already snubbed Birkhoff- his supposed Best Man- when it came to the proposal. A hidden elopement was way worse.
"No," Nikita shook her head, glaring at Alex. However, neither husband nor wife moved to actually grab their weapons. The couple simply sulked, and thought of ways to retaliate.
"Oh. This is getting good," Sam didn't think he had stopped laughing since he sat down in the livingroom. The powerpoint was the best after dinner entertainment he had ever had.
When Michael's glare shifted to Sam, Birkhoff covered his laugh with a cough. His and Alex's presentation was definitely working. It was time to pile it on, "Alex, do you want to run down all the times Michael helped the woman he was supposed to capture and kill?"
"No. Even with the things they actually told us, that'd take too long. Let's just go through the top three," Casting a pointed look at Nikita and Michael, Alex clicked on the next slide. The newlywed's lack of communication didn't only extend to sharing news about their relationship. There was so much the two didn't share with their team. They had to piece together all the little snippets just to understand what had happened, "Michael told Nikita all about the black boxes. He fought Division and the Triad for her. And he let her run away when he had the shot."
"Don't forget he gave a rogue agent his own weapon, and let her keep it," Birkhoff didn't need to brandish Michael's knife for everyone to know what he was talking about. Nikita still used his knife like it was hers. Even when she was an enemy, Michael had trusted her more than anyone else. It was ridiculous.
"Well that's because he couldn't lose her again. I mean, he did tell me that. And then Nikita let him take me to Division, where I could've died," Alex smirked as she recalled the distant memory. It had only been four years since then, but her activities as a mole seemed like a lifetime ago. A lot had changed; though not Michael's and Nikita's devotion to one another.
"Whoa. Michael wouldn't have killed you. He wasn't lying about protecting you," Instantly, Nikita argued. She had been there when Michael had said that. There was no concern for Alex's life- not when it came to her handler.
"You didn't get hurt. I wouldn't lie about that," While Nikita shouted, Michael negated Alex's statement. How could she still think that of him. He always hated cancellations.
There was no way Alex could keep teasing Michael and Nikita about her time as a mole. Despite what had occurred, she knew they'd always fight to keep her safe. However, as Birkhoff quickly pointed out, the newlyweds fought delusionally harder to keep each other alive, "Except, he never did lose her. Michael was the only one in Division who believed Nikita didn't die in Montreal. No one could convince him otherwise. He was that obsessed with her."
"I was right," Michael defended himself. He couldn't be faulted for believing in the truth, even if there was a plethora of evidence against the fact. And even if he based everything on an intense feeling that consistently surrounded his thoughts of Nikita.
"Why would you think Sam and I died in the St. Lawrence river?" Confused, Nikita glanced over at Sam. He only shrugged. Of all the ways the rogues could've died, Division really thought it'd be in a river.
"I think our first point has been made perfectly clear. So let's move on to the second: sharing a safehouse with Michael and Nikita," Alex continued without acknowledging the question (she didn't have an answer for it anyway). The newlyweds were well established as being insufferable when they were apart. Yet once they finally got together, they became even worse. Sometimes, Alex would rather take the lovelorn looks over catching them making out.
"Do you know how many times any of us have heard or seen you guys have sex?" With the tired expression of someone who had lived in far too many safehouses with the married couple, Birkhoff huffed. He was lucky he didn't have any pictures of that. The first time he had walked in on the two was enough.
"Or makeout in your underwear," Sam added. He had intended to stay out of the presentation. Birkhoff and Alex were doing amazing on their own. But he did have to mention how he first discovered the couple. He was still traumatized by it.
Glaring and huffing, Nikita called her friends out for their dramatics. She didn't complain that much for witnessing the same things, "We've heard and seen you guys have sex too."
"Half the time you walked in on us was your fault," Michael was kind of right. Just barging into the couple's room was the other's fault. But that didn't dismiss Nikita and Michael forgetting that they shared safehouses. They could've been more private.
"The PDA is off the charts. They are unable to keep their hands off each other," Alex was getting good at ignoring the newlywed's comments. It helped that she had years of practice.
"Once they could admit they were in love, they became disgusting," Birkhoff had loads of practice tuning the married couple out as well. The amount of times Michael and Nikita forgot he could hear them over the coms couldn't be counted. So, he learned to ignore and taunt the mushiness he always caught. And he learned how to brush off the annoyed glares that were always thrown his way as a result.
"Like we get it, alright. Just save it for when we're not around," Although those were points Alex and the rest of the team had complained about a million times over, it could still stand to be rehashed one last time. Whatever it took for the grievance to sink through Michael's and Nikita's thick skulls.
"Though, I'd take kissing in front of us over when they were fighting," Shrugging, Birkhoff admitted. As much as he hated the PDA, Nikita and Michael in a fight were way worse.
Nodding, Alex wholeheartedly agreed. She and Birkhoff didn't prepare many slides about Michael and Nikita fighting because, honestly, there wasn't much they could joke about. Watching them struggle in their relationship was awful. They hoped it never happened again for multiple reasons, "Oh yeah. Your fights as a couple were so angsty and dramatic and full of so much unneeded tension. I mean, all point three is, is the awkwardness of approaching either one of you when you were in a rough patch."
"It was really difficult to witness. Especially since when you were enemies, you still at least talked to each other," Even Birkhoff was unaware if he meant that teasingly or not. It was just a fact he pointed out. If it was weird, then that was on Michael and Nikita.
"I've never seen more stubborn people in my life than you two," Alex quickly brought the conversation back to a light one. They shouldn't venture down the darker roads of their past. She really didn't want to. The fun things should be all that mattered.
"Really? Have you looked in a mirror?" Nikita smirked. Although Alex tried not to, she glowered at her best friend. Nikita's proud, smug grin somehow widened.
"Fine. But just like everything else, we found a way to make up for our mistakes and happily move on," Rolling his eyes, Michael conceded to the fact that he and Nikita had been awful. Yet they were in a far better place then. The two had talked, made up, and moved on. Which meant their friends should move on from the conversation.
"Yeah. Cause of us," Alex, however, wouldn't let it go. The entire reason for hers and Birkhoff's powerpoint was to express why Nikita and Michael should've had their family at their wedding. Everything they had experienced should've had a payoff. They couldn't be ignored once things had settled, "We were there every step of the painful way. From tortured looks, to annoying bliss, your friends had had to deal with your bullshit."
"Which is why we should've been allowed to celebrate your happy day with you. We went through all the highs and lows. So where was our reward?" Flipping to the last slide, Birkhoff practically shouted in his hurt. Both Alex and Sam nodded along with him. Sonya was just as annoyed as the newlyweds. However, that didn't stop Alex and Birkhoff from grumbling. They loved Michael and Nikita. They should've been at their wedding, even if it was as rash and unplanned as the married couple claimed.
It was about time Nikita shut things down. She was beyond irritated with Alex and Birkhoff. Though, she didn't need to express that as harshly as she did, "Your reward is me not punching you in the face right now."
"They kind of have a point," Not quite sure if his wife was going to follow through with her threat or not, Michael placed a steadying hand on her thigh. She brushed it off immediately, however. Nikita's glare shifted to her husband, and he stammered. He wasn't completely agreeing with Alex and Birkhoff. What they were saying simply couldn't be completely dismissed. The family had their moments where they wronged one another, "We did put them through hell, just like we put ourselves through hell. But the same thing goes for all your relationships. No one is blameless."
"Exactly. That's why we should be happy Nikita and Michael finally made it. It doesn't matter how you two got married, or our roles in it. We should be happy we each have a future. After everything we went through, we deserve to chase happiness any way we can," Finally, Sonya snapped. Telling jokes at their friends' expense was usually fun and entertaining, yet the powerpoint stopped being fun a while ago. As soon as the team started fighting, Sonya knew it was time to stop. They should return to their celebration and lightheartedness. They shouldn't have had to fight anymore.
Alex sighed. She knew Sonya was right. She also knew she could spend the rest of her life making fun of Nikita and Michael for their elopement. The newlyweds had invited their family over to celebrate their happiness. That should actually happen instead of a petty presentation. After all, Alex was so happy for the two. She reached for her water and raised it in the air for a real toast. Her friends followed suit. She beamed, "To Mr. and Mrs. Bishop…"
"Mears!" Nikita interrupted, nudging her husband playfully.
"Mears-Bishop," Nudging his wife back, Michael compromised.
"Fine. To Mr. and Mrs. Mears-Bishop," Alex amended with a laugh. She thought she would've been able to make a whole speech, but after the interruption, she settled on one simple phrase, "Thank God."
"This was a long time coming. Congrats on finally saying 'I do'," Birkhoff followed with his own toast. Cheers rose through the air along with the clink of glasses. Excitement and joy zapped through the family. Soon, they clinked their glasses louder, calling for the newlyweds to kiss. Michael and Nikita rolled their eyes and laughed. Their friends went from railing against them for their PDA to calling for it. They were just as ridiculous as the married couple.
However, that didn't stop Nikita and Michael from kissing one another sweetly. They were met with cheers at first. But when the kiss went on too long for their family's liking, taunts were thrown about how gross they were. Nikita broke from the kiss, giggling. Her husband chased after her and stole a kiss from her lips. Groans and laughter continued to fill the room. It bounced off walls and made everyone smile, laugh, joke, and just have fun- just have their freedom. It was the night they were always meant to have.
"Come on, let's eat cake," Before Michael could steal any more kisses, Nikita told the others about the cake that had been saved for dessert. Birkhoff and Alex rushed back to the kitchen to dive into it; Sonya and Sam were right on their heels. Gently, Michael held his wife back from joining them. It was only for a moment, just long enough to give her a proper kiss. She returned the affection easily. Drinking in each other's warmth, the two stayed like that; though, not for too long. Their family was waiting. The newlyweds had to go join the craziness.
Chapter 37
Notes:
Set sometime in season 3. Sean and Alex have a sweet early morning.
Chapter Text
"Люблю…"
Nikita had once told Sean that if Alex was talking in her sleep, then she was well and truly out of it. She was completely dead to the world the second unconscious words tumbled passed her lips. Although Sean believed Nikita, he had only heard Alex talking in her sleep once. And even then, she quietly muttered and woke up soon after because she was cold. He hadn't witnessed the phenomenon Nikita had talked about until that morning. He woke as the sun rose to his girlfriend sleepily talking in Russian and smiling like a lovestruck idiot.
Usually, anything that disturbed his sleep made him grumpy- especially his alarm. But Alex happily babbling in her sleep made Sean grin. He couldn't be upset with her. She must've been having an amazing dream. After all, it made him smile dreamily as well.
"Я люблю… тебя…" Alex continued to mumble, the words broken up by little giggles. Honestly, her laughing in her sleep could be considered a little creepy. But she was just so adorable. She was relaxed and happy. Sean wanted to revel in it with her; though, he shouldn't wake her. He should just stare lovingly as she sighed, "Sean…"
The dreamy way she said his name combined with her sleepy giggles made him take out his phone and look up what she was saying. Sean had only the vaguest idea of how the Cyrillic alphabet worked, however, so he just typed in the sounds he heard. It took some digging around, but eventually he discovered what Alex was saying. He beamed, "Love you too, Alex."
Although the soft words didn't wake his girlfriend, Sean put his phone away and curled closer to her. She was so warm and serene, he couldn't help but lightly skim his fingers along her skin. She continued to mutter- her loving phrases soon sounding like nonsense- as he just caressed her. His fingers often drifted to her tattoos and scars they could reach. He was mesmerized by the permanent lines of her life. She had struggled and fought, but she always survived- always lived. It was remarkable. She was remarkable. Sean was lucky she had let him into her life. He could constantly be in awe of her strength and beauty.
So wrapped up in her, Sean didn't realize Alex stopped sleep-talking. He simply kept tenderly caressing her skin or gently playing with her hair, drinking all of her in. He thought he could spend forever doing that. Yet forever didn't last long. Soon, Alex's muscles tensed. Her beautiful blue eyes slowly peeled open, taking a second to adjust to the light. Sean instantly smiled at her. Once she registered his expression and where she was, she grinned sleepily. She stretched and collapsed into his side, "Morning."
"Morning. Surprised you can speak English this early," Wrapping his arms around her, Sean teased. From what he had gathered, Alex always spoke Russian in her sleep. But some mornings, she woke up so groggy she couldn't switch to English right away. Sean had suspected that to happen. Except, she must've had a more peaceful sleep than he had thought. Her dream probably had a hand in it.
"I'm smart," Alex mumbled, continuing to blink slowly. She didn't have the energy to keep her eyes open. She'd rather be half-asleep in her boyfriend's warmth than look at her surroundings. She could spend a couple minutes dozing. Her alarm hadn't gone off yet, after all.
"There's no doubt about that," Sean continued to chuckle. He couldn't help it. He loved those soft moments with Alex. There was no need for fake personalities to face the press, or badass strength and hardness to take down an enemy. The couple could simply be as silly and soft as they really were.
Alex didn't respond to the comment. She just burrowed into his side and hummed. Sean smiled. His fingers resumed tracing her skin, that time more focused on her back. He always loved tracing her butterfly tattoo. It was his favorite of hers. Yet that morning, his fingers kept going over the scar on her shoulder. The wound had healed greatly; there was hardly any evidence of it. He could still feel the exit wound of the bullet, however. He could still vividly remember what had happened.
Able to feel the sudden tenseness of Sean's muscles, Alex pulled away and looked at him concerned. He grinned as though it was nothing, but his fingers digging into her scar said otherwise. She shifted to see him better, gauge his serious expression, "What are you doing?"
"Your scar healed nicely," Sean admitted. The two were having a great morning. He shouldn't ruin it with morose thoughts from when she was shot. Grinning softly, Alex placed a sweet kiss on his lips. She was there. It was alright.
"Yours didn't," Sighing, Alex's fingers ran along the jagged scar on Sean's abdomen. Unlike her, he hadn't received the best medical care for his gunshot wound. Nikita did her best, but it wasn't like Division's medical skills. Yes, Sean was saved. Yet not without a nasty scar that continued to be stiff and harsh at times. Alex's gunshot wound was nothing compared to his. He didn't need to be worried about her.
"I've had worse," Sean shrugged it off. He had worse scars decorating his skin. And he had had worse injuries that kept him out of the field. A gunshot wound was nothing to him. Well, as long as he was the one being shot.
"Yeah. I know," Alex's fingers found the other scars peppered across Sean's muscular torso. A lot looked as though they came from an explosion. She hated the idea of that. She knew he was a Navy Seal, and she knew he had been on dangerous operations before Division. Except, she didn't like him facing constant near death experiences. It felt as though they had just found each other. She didn't want to lose him.
That was not how Sean wanted their morning to go. He wanted warmth and bliss, not pain and sorrow. That was just their lives, though. It was a strange mix of great joys and deep sorrows. They might as well learn to live with both facts, revel in the highs and lows together, "You can ask about them."
"Really?" Snapping out of her doze, Alex stopped tracing Sean's scars and sat upright. She had definitely not expected him to open up about past injuries. It was just something the team never did. They kept everything so buried- something Alex had learned when she lived with Nikita for a year, "Nikita never liked me asking about hers."
"Well, hers came from abuse, so that's understandable. Mine are just from war. And being an idiot," A lot of the information Sean had on Nikita's past came secondhand from the files he had read. But even then, he understood why she wouldn't talk about old scars. He was different, though. Although there was some darkness in his past, he wasn't afraid of it. He knew he was in a better place, especially since Alex was by his side.
"You can ask about mine. I'll talk about some of them," Alex shrugged shyly. It was only fair that she be open with Sean. However, there were still some things she wasn't ready to talk about. The memories just hurt too much.
"I won't force the ones you don't want to," Sitting up as well, Sean took Alex's hand in his and squeezed reassuringly. He was well aware of her slow process when it came to being open and vulnerable. Yet he'd be with her every small step of the way. He wouldn't rush her. After all, she always wound up in his arms eventually.
Instead of someone pointing out a scar and asking the story behind it, Sean and Alex offered the stories themselves. There was no need to pry; they were giving themselves up willingly. Sean started with the scars on his torso that Alex had grown so serious over. They were in fact from an explosion- an IED. It was by far the worst injury he had sustained. But he survived. And he was stronger than ever. There was no use fretting over it anymore.
The rest of their stories ranged from serious injuries from their wars, to silly tales from their childhood. Alex had a lot of little scars on her hands from forest survival with her father, and Sean had a weird looking one from falling while stupidly trying to do an ice skating trick. Their laughter about childhood accidents was sporadically replaced with somber silence when a more serious injury was discussed. Alex comforted Sean as he shared about a scar we received when his Seal partner was captured. And in return, he helped her talk about a rough Division mission. The two were there for their highs and lows. It was a comforting feeling.
Though, eventually, Sean and Alex just swapped goofy stories of their stupidest scars. He had a nasty one on his knee just from bumping it against the corner of his bed. And she had one on her chin from falling on the sidewalk. Nikita was with her for that one. They were walking to a tattoo parlor when some bike messengers clipped them. Although both women slammed into the ground, only Alex was permanently damaged, "Nikita's cut only became a scratch, which is so not fair. Cause now she fake pushes me in front of a biker when we see one."
"Asshole," Sean chuckled. Alex burst into laughter. As she collapsed in her giggles, he caught a glimpse of her butterfly tattoo. That must've been the tattoo she had gone to the parlor to get. Her others didn't seem as professionally done as that one. He wondered what had made her get the butterfly while she trained with Nikita for a year. No doubt the story behind it was deeply meaningful, "So you got this with Nikita?"
Taking his hand that traced her tattoo in hers, Alex focused on their interlocked fingers. She debated with herself about how much she wanted to share of her butterfly. Sean deserved to know everything about her. However, she was terrified of the sympathetic look he would give her. She didn't want him to pity her, or look at her any differently. He already gazed at her like she controlled the stars. But if he found out about everything that happened in the brothels, that might change. She never wanted it to change. So, she held back, "Nikita just brought me to the place. I always wanted to have a butterfly tattoo. I was just finally sober enough to get one."
"Why a butterfly?" Gently, Sean asked. He wouldn't mention her sobriety; the fact that Alex had even mentioned it was a feat unto itself. However, he wanted to keep scaling those petrified walls of hers. He wanted to know everything about her that he could.
"It's a new life," Alex gave simply. Sean appeared satisfied with the answer for the moment. Yet she knew it wasn't enough. Butterflies were so much more to her. She just couldn't open her mouth. She couldn't mention the brothels in front of him and have his loving expression morph into horror. So, like a coward, she changed the subject, poking at his own tattoos, "Any stories behind yours?"
"I'm in the Navy, and I'm basic," Sheepishly, Sean laughed. He only had his service tattoos to commemorate his team and the Seals. There was no deeper meaning behind them like Alex's. Besides, she was the one with the more powerful past.
Giggling with him, Alex ignored the look he was giving her. There he went again, deeming her more worthy than him. She wished she could've told him to knock it off. Yet their moment was quickly interrupted by her alarm chirping. Both sighed as he reached to turn it off. They had to finally get out of bed. They had to get ready and see what fresh hells were awaiting them in Division. Neither wanted to just yet. Sean and Alex wanted to stay cozy and warm together for a little while longer. However, her phone began to ring too. When she saw who it was, she scoffed good-naturedly, "Hey, asshole."
"Bitch, get in Division," Humor laced Nikita's voice. Whatever stressful situation she was calling about was lifted from her shoulders by her best friend's joke. Alex smiled proudly. That was at least one crisis averted.
"Want me to bring in breakfast?" Before Nikita could end the call, Alex asked. No doubt everyone would be stressed and tired over being called into Division too early. They shouldn't be hungry as well. The whole team should have a bright start to their day.
"Yes, please," Nikita agreed gratefully. They stayed on the line a minute longer to settle on a restaurant to order from. It shouldn't be anything too heavy, considering the missions they might rush into. But a light, healthy, and energetic breakfast would be perfect. Nikita decided she'd collect all the orders while Alex placed it and picked it up. That was reasonable to the young woman. It had been her idea, after all.
Once breakfast was dealt with, Alex dropped her phone on the bed and collapsed. She needed to get up and start her day. But she wanted to keep lying next to her boyfriend for just a second- just a minute, "Duty calls."
"I thought it was Nikita," Sean smirked. When Alex gave him an incredulous look for his quip, he couldn't help but laugh. She rolled her eyes and smacked him gently with a pillow. He just laughed harder.
"Idiot," Jumping out of bed, Alex threw the taunt over her shoulder. Sean didn't take the joke lying down. He chased her into the shower, where their laughter reverberated off the walls.
Chapter 38
Notes:
Set after 3x06 "Sideswipe". Michael and Nikita argue about her stepping in front of the bomb.
Chapter Text
"I don't care if you knew Amanda wasn't going to kill you, or whatever. You can't step in front of a bomb and expect nothing to happen," Michael shouted as he stomped after Nikita. She continued to huff and brush him off, but he wasn't going to give up. That wasn't a conversation she could dismiss. They had already gone too long without it.
The engaged couple had been attempting to decide what to have for dinner when the argument broke out. He had wanted takeout, while she wanted something homemade. While they civilly talked about what to eat, she made an offhanded joke about not wanting to leave the apartment in case she ran into another one of Amanda's 'lessons'. The conversation drastically dissolved from there. It was too soon to be joking about the bomb Nikita stared down on the mission. It was too soon since the team had discovered Amanda planned on killing them one by one. Nikita shouldn't joke, especially when she so willingly stepped into danger.
Nikita and Michael barely talked about what happened in Spain. They mostly focused on the disaster that was Romania and the damage done to their team. But they had to discuss her reckless actions. It wasn't something that could go unchecked, despite her protests, "I was fine! Amanda won't kill me until her stupid lesson is taught. But she can kill you, and Cyrus, and everybody fucking else. That's the last thing I'll let happen. I'll do anything to save you."
"But it can't be at the expense of your own life. Do you ever stop to think how I would feel if I lost you? If you die, I die," Michael threw the words back in his fiancée's face. Whether Amanda would kill Nikita or not didn't matter. She still jumped in front of a bomb and stared death in the eyes. She couldn't do that. Her life had far more meaning than that. She couldn't throw it away, not when she meant so much more to him- to their family.
"I wasn't going to die," However, Nikita brushed off his concern like it was all nothing. Michael shouldn't be so worked up. The bomb wouldn't go off with her near. She was never in any danger. So there was no need for another one of those arguments.
"That's not going to happen everytime you step in front of a bomb," Voice cracking, Michael snapped. The situation was a one off. Nikita didn't blow up that time. But each time she faced Amanda was going to be different. Nikita was going to be in more and more danger. She couldn't be so flippant about it. After all she had been through, she should know how unpredictable her luck was.
"When are you going to realize I can take care of myself?" Nikita wouldn't hear of it, though. No matter the dangerous situation, she knew she could handle herself. She was always going to be fine; she was smart and capable. Michael had called her that numerous times. So he didn't get to be overprotective. He should trust her.
"When you fucking act like it!" The shout reverberated off their apartment walls. In the dead silence that followed, it appeared even louder. Nikita stared at Michael with a blank expression. Whereas he continued to fume in lividity, she just blinked.
Once the shock of his words settled, Nikita seethed. Her fists clenched and she stalked closer to Michael. He didn't back down. He stood his ground, adding more power to his statement. That was it. Nikita was done after that, "Fine. I'll go off and take care of myself. You can stay here and act like you're the pinnacle of self-care."
Grabbing her purse, jacket, and shoes, Nikita threw open the front door and stormed out. She didn't look at Michael behind her. She simply slammed the door closed. He wasn't watching her either. As soon as she took hold of her things, he frustratedly stomped out of the room. If she wanted to act like a child, then so would he. They wouldn't have an actual conversation like adults. They'd yell and scream and storm off until they got what they wanted.
At least for a moment that was what Michael did. After some brief time to cool off and take some deep breaths, he realized he had screwed up. It wasn't fair for him to yell that at Nikita. It also wasn't right of him to just let her walk away. Unsure of where she had stormed off, he tried to call her. She didn't answer. He expected she'd ignore him. It was better to text her when she was upset; she always read her messages even if she didn't respond to them. If he wanted her to know something, he should simply type it, "I'm sorry."
"I shouldn't… I'm just…" Michael attempted to expand upon his apology, but nothing he texted sounded right. He kept deleting and retyping, hoping to find all the right words. He couldn't, however. Nothing was perfect. He sounded just as much of an ass as he did when he shouted at her. They weren't true apologies.
So after a minute, Michael simply texted the three words he always felt about Nikita. It was a constant that'd never change. No matter how much they fought or made asses of themselves, "I love you."
Habit and the need to know nothing was wrong made Nikita check her phone when it buzzed. She declined Michael's call. She didn't want to talk to him for a while. Maybe once she calmed down she would. In the meantime, she'd bitterly screened his 'I'm sorry' text and continued storming out of the apartment building. She had no idea where she was going exactly. She didn't even take the elevator, just angrily stomped down the stairs. It was only when she exited onto the street that she considered getting in her car. Driving seemed like a great way to collect her thoughts and calm down. After all, she'd be away from the bullshit that pissed her off.
As Nikita shoved her keys into the ignition, however, she received another text. Instinct made her check it. The fact that it was from Michael made her want to ignore it. Unfortunately, her eyes read the message without her intention. She read the three simple words and paused. Sighing deeply, she dropped her keys into her lap. Her reaction had definitely been over the top. She should go back upstairs and talk to her fiancé. After all, he loved her.
It just took her some time to return to their apartment. Nikita needed a moment to breathe. If she was actually going to have a conversation with Michael, she had to be calm. The two had had enough fights, frustrations, and stress. They needed peace.
After not getting a response from his fiancée, Michael dialed another number in his phone. He didn't want to be controlling or overbearing or anything like that. He was just worried. Nikita had expressed that she felt as though someone was following her. He didn't doubt her instincts. Except, if someone was following her, he wanted to know where she was going. He knew she could handle herself if something were to happen. But he'd feel better if he knew where she was. Just in case she needed help, he could be right by her side.
His first guess was that Nikita stormed over to Alex's. She was her best friend. If she wanted to vent about Michael, then Nikita would speed over there. He paced the floor, waiting for Alex to answer his call. It wasn't until the last possible ring that she finally did, "Hey, Alex. I don't want to bother you…"
"Then don't," Alex snapped into the phone. Michael had already tried to talk to her about her weird behavior on the recent missions. She didn't need to hear it again. She was fine, and she had gotten the job done. That should be all that mattered. The team was safe; though, there was a moment where that almost wasn't possible. If it hadn't been for Sean, who knew what horrors would've happened. All because Alex had frozen. If she had been able to act- maybe taken more performance enhancers- she could've been a greater help. She wouldn't have needed Sean. He didn't have to come back. He could've stuck with his decision to leave.
"Whoa, hey. I just wanted to ask that if Nikita shows up at your place, can you tell me?" Michael quit pacing, stumped by Alex's sudden forcefulness. She had been that aggressive out on the field, but he hadn't expected it to carry over to her relaxing time at home. He soon became worried about her too. She must've been going through something she was hiding from the team.
"Sorry. What's wrong?" Instantly softening, Alex asked. She shouldn't have snapped at Michael. She knew if he ever wanted to discuss something serious, he'd talk to her face to face. He saved phone calls for quick updates, requests to come into Division, or to ask something. She wasn't going to face his third degree then. As long as she got herself together that was.
A part of Michael wanted to delve right into what was going on with Alex. He had a suspicion that whatever had happened in Romania had hurt her. But he couldn't just shift gears off Nikita. He still had to know where she was, "I don't mean to drag you into this. We just had a fight, and Nikita stormed off. I only want to know if she's somewhere safe. You don't have to interfere or send her home. Just let me know if she's safe, please."
"Yeah. I can do that," Gently, Alex promised. The engaged couple was pretty good at not dragging the others into their fights. They vented to their friends, but they didn't make them choose sides. So if all Michael was asking for was the knowledge that his fiancée was safe, then Alex would do just that. She'd want someone looking out for her too.
"Thanks," Michael sighed in relief. He knew he could rely on Alex. Though, he didn't want to put too much pressure on her if she was struggling as well. She should have someone to rely on also. While he was on the phone, he could be that person, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Alex sharply ended the call. She didn't need Michael's concern. She had already received Sean's stupid concern in Division. After he had left, he didn't get to give it. She had proven time and time again that she could take care of herself. She was fine.
Michael was one hundred percent certain that Alex was not fine. Something was wrong. She was on edge, aggressive, intense, and unwilling to stop once she was set on a course. That wasn't like her, even when she was upset with someone. Her attitude almost seemed like the recruits he had seen drugged up on performance enhancers. He didn't want to make that assumption. Yet after her gunshot wound, it was a possibility.
Unfortunately, Michael couldn't focus on Alex at the moment. He'd have to figure out what was wrong later. Nikita's absence was more pressing. There was a chance she wouldn't drive over to her best friend's, but choose to go to Division instead. Hopefully, there'd be someone there when she arrived. Michael's bet was that it'd be Ryan, "Ryan, are you at Division? Great. If Nikita shows up…"
Hearing the front door creak open, Michael dropped his sentence. He hurried to see who it was, realizing a bit too late that he never relocked the door. However, it was only Nikita. He was beyond surprised to see her walk back through the door and remove her jacket, shoes, and purse. But he didn't question it. He just hung up the phone, "Nevermind."
On a quick afterthought, Michael texted Alex the same thing. There was no need to be on the lookout; Nikita was home. He dumped his phone wherever he could and rushed to his fiancée. A million apologies bubbled on his lips, "Hey. I'm sorry. And I love you. And…"
"I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have run off like that. I know better than to leave when things aren't going my way, or when my emotions are too much it's scary. I should stay and work it out with you," Stopping Michael in his tracks, Nikita apologized. She shared the thoughts she had had while she calmed down in the car, twisting her engagement ring around her finger. Her fiancé had put his foot in his mouth, yet she was the one in the wrong. She was all about growth and change, but she never learned her lesson.
She wanted to change, though. Nikita really wanted to do better- not just for herself and her team, but also for Michael. Staying to talk and admit to her rashness could be her first step, "You're right. I don't think. I was too focused on saving you and Cyrus, and on one upping Amanda, I didn't think about how you felt. Especially around bombs."
Michael hadn't thought of it like that. Yes, during the terrifying moment when Nikita marched up to Amanda's bomb he pictured losing her to the horrific flames like he had lost Hayley and Elizabeth. But since then, he only pictured losing her. He wouldn't be able to handle that no matter how it came to be. Gently, Michael pulled Nikita into his arms and brushed his forehead against hers. She remained tense for a moment, but as he breathed so did she, "Just stay. Talk to me, and stay."
"I'm sorry," Nikita whispered. Michael nudged her nose with his, ensuring her eyes connected with his. They kissed softly and hesitatingly at first. Everything couldn't be fixed with a simple kiss. Yet the longer their lips pressed lovingly against one another, the more things seemed to be alright. The engaged couple settled into their affection. The argument faded away, and things began to mend.
Talking would solidify the end of their fight. They simply had to part from their kiss. That took a while. Once it did, tender smiles lit their features. Michael trailed his thumb along Nikita's spine. She melted at his touch. He kissed her again, somehow more affectionate than before, and muttered softly, "Let's eat and talk, alright?"
"You just want your chicken nuggets," Recalling what he had jokingly suggested they eat for dinner, Nikita chuckled. Michael rolled his eyes, but his crooked smile betrayed his annoyance. He was always powerless to her smiles.
"You got me," Michael pulled Nikita even closer, making her giggle. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and just sort of swayed with him. It was an awkward dance. But it expressed the little joy they let wash over them after their fight. The engaged couple couldn't stay upset forever. They had each other, after all, "I just want my food and you."
"I love you too," Finally responding to her fiancé's text, Nikita kissed him once more. The two wound up ordering takeout once they finished swapping kisses. Michael and Nikita could spend their time focused on each other, discussing all the things they needed to over an easy meal. The conversation wasn't entirely light and breezy. But they didn't argue anymore. And they were eventually able to continue smiling and giggling. Nikita and Michael found a way to work it all out, just as they should as partners in crime and in life.
Chapter 39
Notes:
Set pre-series in Nikita's Division days. Nikita, Michael, and Birkhoff get up to mischief before and after the op that introduced the killchip.
Chapter Text
Nikita intended to hide in the shooting range. Thanks to Birkhoff's new equipment, recruits and agents used virtual reality for practice. It allowed them to actually train with moving targets and obstacles, and it didn't waste any bullets. To prepare for an op or a test, the videogame-like practice was better. However, if someone wanted solitude, they could hide in the outdated range. Sometimes, it felt as though that was the only place in Division a person could be left alone; apartments didn't even feel safe at times. In order to collect thoughts and breathe, the target range was a reprieve. So much so that Nikita wasn't the only person who believed that.
As she crept into the room, her gun on her incase she decided she also wanted to shoot to blow off steam, she spotted Michael already utilizing the abandoned place. He had a pistol in his hand and was facing a target, but he wasn't actively shooting. He seemed lost in thought. Nikita considered bursting his isolated bubble. However, she soon thought better of it. The two could just be alone together.
She chose a shooting booth far from Michael so they could continue collecting their thoughts separately. He didn't appear to notice her anyway. He just kept weighing his gun in his hand, eyes glazed over. His thoughts must've had a serious and heavy hold on him. Nikita really should leave him alone. After all, she had her own shit to deal with. That had to be a priority.
For just a moment, Nikita didn't want to think about missions or Division or death. She didn't want to think about the operation Percy just handed her, citing its importance to national security. Actually, her mission was important for the entire world. She could set back North Korea's nuclear weapons program by decades just by sneaking into one emergency surgery. A lot was riding on her success. It had to be perfect, or else.
Nikita didn't want to be perfect, however. Yes, she wanted to disrupt a nuclear weapons program; no one should have nuclear weapons- the U.S included. And she believed evil men should be punished. But she didn't want the stress that perfection placed upon her. She didn't want to face the consequences once she failed. Nikita only wanted to breathe and feel like she was free, even if that wasn't true.
She fired off a couple rounds from her pistol at the paper target across the room. She was relatively alone, and firing a gun at that point came as natural to her as breathing. Nikita could ignore her new operation for a second. She could simply be.
Unfortunately, that reprieve didn't last long. At the startling sound of her sudden shots, Michael was ripped out of his thoughts. He moved to locate the source of the sound, wondering who could've snuck in without him noticing. Of course it was Nikita. The sight of her instantly relaxed him. He holstered his weapon and leaned against the partition of her booth. She hardly registered him, her sights still set on her paper target, "Hey."
"Hey," Michael echoed. He watched her shoot another round, each bullet finding its mark. Nikita clearly didn't need to practice her aim. Her new mission didn't require her to have a gun anyway. There must've been another reason she was in the shooting range, just like he was. He wasn't willing to talk about his thoughts, though, "What are you doing here?"
Sighing, Nikita put away her gun and stared at Michael. A part of her wanted to tell him everything that was on her mind. Yet the more dominant part overruled the decision. She shouldn't let her emotions get the better of her right before a mission. That moment was the time to slip on her mask. The best way she knew how to do that was to be sarcastic and playful. So, she grabbed Michael's strong hands and placed them on her face. Before he could question her about it, she mumbled, "Just snap my neck and put me out of my misery."
Michael didn't hesitate. He slipped his hands off Nikita's soft cheeks and mimed snapping her neck; he even made a cracking sound with his tongue for the full effect. She instantly collapsed in his arms, eyes closed and mouth slack. Unceremoniously, he dropped her to the ground. Nikita fought a giggle. Michael did as well while he crouched down to her level and attempted to solve what the extreme reaction was about, "Is it the upcoming mission?"
"Shh. I'm dead. You can't talk to me," Eyes screwed shut, Nikita turned her head away from Michael and let her tongue flop out of her mouth. She might or might not have also let out a dramatic death rattle to emphasize her point. She didn't have to see Michael to know he rolled his eyes. His barely contained light scoff said everything.
"If you don't want to do it, just say something. I'm sure we can find another agent willing to infiltrate a Korean hospital this late in the planning stage," Snidely, Michael replied. He understood not wanting to do a mission, yet Nikita didn't get to pick and choose which orders to follow. She was stuck with the assignments she was given, just like the rest of them.
"How do you know about it?" Cracking one eye open, Nikita wondered. As far as she knew, she was the only one going on the operation. Percy had given her the orders, handing her the file in the secrecy of his office. The last time he had done that, they were the only two people who knew what she had done for Division (thank God). She figured that mission would operate the same. It was as dangerous. One little mistake would kill her in an instant.
"Who do you think is running the op?" Michael stood, flashing her a crooked grin. He wasn't exactly excited about the kill mission. But that was an important operation for the country- the world. Division was doing what it was intended for: solve the problems no one else could. He could get behind that.
"Great. Then I really am going to die," Nikita smirked as she melted further into the floor. Michael wouldn't allow her to get away with that. He poked her harshly in the side with his foot. Squirming, she shrieked, "You just desecrated a dead body. The disrespect."
"Come on. We need to go over some stuff with Birkhoff," Hefting Nikita to her feet, Michael sighed. He would've loved to spend the rest of the day goofing around with her. That would've been so much better than setting out to kill someone. However, they didn't have the luxury to be silly and lazy, not when there was a job to do.
"He's on this mission too? What'd I do to make Division want to kill me so badly?" Nikita dragged her feet as she walked down the hall. At least they were headed to Birkhoff's sectioned off nerd cave and not Ops. She could somewhat breathe in there. She didn't have to put up much of an act when she was around Birkhoff and Michael. Her mask didn't have to be too restricting. She could let loose. Slumping against Michael, Nikita dragged her feet even more. He had to push her just to get her down the hall. He didn't complain, though.
"You're annoying," His voice was low and husked in her ear. There was a light teasing to it that made it feel like he was smiling against her temple. Nikita's insides began to burn. She had no idea how else to describe the sensation in her stomach. She didn't have a name for it, and she didn't like it. Before Michael could notice, she had to battle the feeling away. The less she let the unknown wreck havoc on her insides, the more she could focus on important things.
"No. I'm rubber. You're glue. Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you," Nikita shot Michael a lopsided grin over her shoulder. His overexaggerated eye roll was easy to spot. But his own lips lifting into a cheerful smile was a lot smaller. Despite his efforts to hide it from her, she saw it. Her grin bloomed across her face.
Scoffing- it honestly sounded more like chuckling- Michael shoved Nikita into Birkhoff's hacker room. She smiled in triumph. Except, the grin soon melted into a taunting grimace at the sight of Birkhoff. He matched her expression with his own fake scowl. They were two steps away from just sticking their tongues out at one another. Instead, the hacker simply teased the agent, "Ah. There she is, the exotic beauty that'll slink past all that security."
"I can and will end your entire bloodline," Nikita deadpanned. She would never be in the mood to joke about how her body was consistently used as an object. Even on missions where her mind and skills had to be the sharpest they had ever been, she was still only relegated to the distraction and pleasure the sight of her brought men. It disgusted her; it made her skin crawl and stomach hollow. The last thing she needed was to talk about it, especially with her friend. That somehow made it all the more worse.
"Save it for the North Korean official," Michael tried to bring the two back on topic. Nikita and Birkhoff could and would devolve into a bickering match if they weren't stopped. Sometimes, it was fun to watch. But they couldn't be distracted that day.
"Wait. Is the military hospital in North or South Korea? Cause I'd be more concerned about getting in and out of the country than just dealing with some guards," Flipping through one of the files on Birkhoff's desk, Nikita readily dove back into the mission. She'd rather do that than discuss being a honeytrap. Which probably said a lot about her, yet she refused to acknowledge that. She simply put on another mask.
"Fortunately, for his surgery, the target's being moved to a South Korean hospital," Michael clarified. That was the reason the mission was such a great opportunity for Division. They actually had a chance at a North Korean official. They couldn't waste that shot.
"Cool. But besides you idiots, I'm soloing this mission," Setting aside the file, Nikita concluded easily. Percy had spoken to her alone because she'd be the only agent sent into the field. Michael and Birkhoff would provide support from Ops, but it wouldn't be enough. Everything remained all on her. If it went wrong, if she was in danger, she'd be all alone. She'd have to figure out how to succeed and survive without a backup team. Normally, Nikita would have no problem with that. At least she could pretend she didn't. Yet that mission was different. Of course it was when the North Koreans were involved.
"There won't be a cavalry. It's the only way this works," Regretfully, Michael reiterated the point. He didn't like the idea. Nikita shouldn't have to be thrust into danger without a support system. He didn't care that against a heavily guarded hospital wing and an important North Korean official, Nikita being alone was for the best. She should have protection. He should help keep her safe in the field.
Studying the dark shadow that passed over Michael's expression, Nikita believed for a half a second that she knew what he had been struggling with in the shooting range. He was really worried about her. She wanted to say something about that, possibly reassure him. However, Birkhoff interrupted her. His concern for her was far less severe than the handler's, "And if you hadn't called me an idiot, I would've helped protect you."
"Nerd. I'd be in more danger if you did have a gun. Stick to the computers," Nikita forced the nerd to refocus. She didn't want to think about him out in the field. She was certain that'd only bring her pain and annoyance. She had enough of those already.
"I could be great backup," Grumbling, Birkhoff began to hack into the hospital Nikita would be infiltrating. It didn't matter that he had never shot anyone, or his field experience was strictly limited to sitting in a van on his laptop. He had had similar training as the recruits. He could fight. And in a dangerous situation, he'd ensure his friend stayed safe.
"Yeah. In virtual reality," Michael rolled his eyes. They should simply stick to the roles they were assigned. The operation needed them at their best, so they should perform the jobs they were more than used to. They could mess around with what they did in Division later- possibly in one of Birkhoff's videogames.
Birkhoff huffed. He knew Michael was right. He couldn't say anything else on the matter. But when the mood in the room drastically shifted into something grave and morose as they studied the kill mission, he figured he could at least lighten the tension. Harsh feelings shouldn't weigh them down until after the op was complete, "How do you know this isn't the simulation?"
"Cause I have to sit here and talk to you," Nikita playfully nudged Birkhoff's head. He didn't retaliate right away. The two simply chuckled in the light moment before planning and executing the hellish mission.
"It's too good to be true, huh Nikki?" Rolling out his chair, Birkhoff intentionally bumped into Nikita's shins. He beamed. She harshly shoved his chair back into his desk. Michael chuckled along with them that time.
"You know it, Babe," Nikita's laughter soon turned sultry as she leaned down to husk against Birkhoff's ear. Blush crept up his neck and stained his cheeks. He tried to pretend that she didn't have that effect on him, yet she knew. She could always make the nerd squirm. It was her best way to shut him up while they had their arguments.
"You two done? Great. Let's concentrate on killing the target and helping our girl get home alive," Once he got control of his laughter, Michael instructed his agent and hacker. They were slow to get started, though. Birkhoff shot the handler a strange look for his phrasing, and Nikita smiled all too knowingly. Michael had to get them to move on and just get to work.
Once they were focused on their task, the three had their operation perfectly planned. Nikita was prepared to sneak around a heavily guarded hospital and plant a chip into the official's brain without anyone noticing. She honestly thought that'd be more difficult than it was. But with the North Korean undergoing surgery for a subdural hematoma, she didn't have to work too hard. She was in and out. The longest part (and worst in her opinion) was traveling to and from the hospital. Everything worked out well. Nikita almost felt as though she had worked herself up over nothing. However, her ill-feelings returned once they had to kill the target.
Percy was the one to finally pull the trigger. The chip Nikita had implanted in the official's brain went off. He died instantly. Although Michael, Birkhoff, and Nikita stood in transfixed horror at the sight, that wasn't the worst thing that had occurred. Percy mentioned implementing the killchips on the recruits. The suggestion made Nikita sick. She couldn't excuse herself from Ops fast enough. Though, she didn't go home to rest like she had claimed. She returned to the target range. Michael eventually caught up with her. He barely asked her what she was thinking, she blurted it immediately, "He won't actually put that thing in agents, will he?"
"Not while I'm here to stop it," Michael's tone and voice were so low and serious, they were almost frightening. Nikita snapped her eyes to his, studying every inch of him. The official's death had frightened him too. And the thought of recruits suffering the same fate more than pissed him off. However, he didn't hang around Ops to yell at Percy about it. He snuck out with Nikita to hide.
Michael had done that before. After her first kill mission, he didn't express his discomfort with the op. He went along with it until he nearly broke down in her recruit room. Nikita had the feeling he could explode again then. She wondered what could possibly push him over the edge. What would make him break his stupid loyalty to Percy and Division. Apparently, it wasn't going to be the killchips. He was quick to change the subject and ignore the whole thing, "You did great. The world's safer because of you."
"You really believe that," Nikita wasn't asking. She also wasn't talking about her performance. Did Michael really believe Division was what made the world better after everything they had done. Sure, missions like that one that took out North Korea's nuclear weapons were great. But what about the murder of an innocent and defenseless child. Where was the justification in that.
"We do some good here. Division does the things others can't. It's how we protect the world," Michael wouldn't admit that Division was the greatest institution in the world. There definitely had to be changes. And there was a lot he didn't like about it. Yet it wasn't all bad. Sometimes, more people were saved than killed on missions.
"As long as it's not a mission for hire, right?" Nikita fired back. She knew his reluctance to perform operations that weren't sanctioned by the government. Michael was aware that there was corruption in the root of Division. Yet he didn't act on it. He never acted on what he thought was wrong with the place. He was as loyal as the rest of them. She shouldn't delude herself into thinking otherwise. Their talks in private wouldn't amount to anything. He'd be loyal despite the dissension that grew in her heart.
Michael and Nikita stared at one another for a long moment. Neither spoke or crossed the widening gap between them. The two simply tried to adjust and react to the words that hung between them. After a while, they didn't think they could do it. That was just going to stay between them. Hopefully, it'd be resolved before it festered.
After the long and trying few days Nikita and Michael had had, maybe it was a good thing they didn't do anything about the words currently. Their emotions wouldn't be so raw that they'd hurt one another if they took a minute to cool off. They could keep acting like friends, or the strange equivalent of it that they were. Finding them in the target range, Birkhoff gave the two the perfect opportunity to do just that. They could go out to eat like normal people, "Sup? I'm starving and need fresh air. Who's up for dinner?"
"I can eat. As long as you don't pick the restaurant," Nikita flashed a smug grin at Birkhoff so she wouldn't have to look at Michael. She'd just distract herself with the nerd. That had worked for her before.
"I second that," However, Michael stole her attention back with his smoky voice. He nudged Birkhoff as if the restaurant comment was all his statement was about, yet Nikita caught the weight behind it. She just didn't know if that would change anything or not.
Chapter 40
Notes:
Set pre-series when Nikita was training Alex to infiltrate Division. Sometimes, there were bad days.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It wasn't that late, yet Alex was exhausted. She had been training with Nikita all day to eventually infiltrate Division, and it was starting to take its toll. She hadn't been doing well that day. Sometimes, the teenager killed it in all the practices her trainer had her do. Yet that day, Alex was struggling just to speak English. She somehow managed to get through it all. But there was no plus side. Nikita was soon handing her ass to her in their sparring lesson. Alex quickly had enough. She couldn't take it anymore.
The punch she threw at Nikita was the last straw. Not only was it not as strong as Alex had intended it to be, but when the hit landed, pain traveled up her arm. She recoiled instantly. Although that saved her from Nikita's retaliating hit, the teen wasn't grateful. She stomped around the makeshift sparring mat, attempting to shake her pain away. It didn't work. Her thumb throbbed even more. A tearful curse bubbled on Alex's tongue before she could stop it, "Блядь!"
"You alright?" Cautiously, Nikita approached Alex. She knew she was having a bad day, and she thought sparring would be the perfect way to blow off steam. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Alex appeared even more worked up. She was more than likely about to explode.
"I just…" Alex tried to hold it in, however. Having a bad day while training wasn't indicative of anything. It was one off day amidst many great ones. But what if she had terrible moments like that in Division. What if she made too many mistakes and was canceled. Hers and Nikita's mission would never be completed. Division would keep killing innocents. And it'd all be her fault, "I just feel like we're going nowhere. And we're stuck in place. We're never gonna destroy Division at this rate. They'll kill us and even more innocents before we have the chance. And… and I'm tired. I'm so tired. And my thumb hurts really bad."
"Hey. Hey, It's okay. You're okay," Crossing to Alex, Nikita tried to soothe her sudden tears. The teenager's bright blue eyes welled with more and more tears as she ranted. It all came tumbling loose as she complained about her thumb. Nikita didn't know what that was exactly about. But she could help ease Alex's frustrations with gentle words and wiping of tears, "I know it's frustrating right now. I'm probably not helping with my doom and gloom rhetoric. But we'll get through this. You'll finish your training, we'll find the perfect mission to get you recruited, then we'll kick ass. This is just the tedious part. But we'll get there."
"I still think I should be your inside man," Holding back her tears caused her chin to tremble, yet Alex attempted to be strong. Crying over her frustrations was pointless. She couldn't be a calm and collected recruit if she kept losing it whenever she was overwhelmed. She had to get herself together. Nikita didn't get all weepy when she was upset, after all.
"I know," Softly, Nikita continued to wipe the teen's tears. As they faded, she also tucked her loose hair behind her ear. Alex shouldn't beat herself up for crying. It was okay to be frustrated and stressed. And it was more than okay that she vented about it. Alex should get it out in the open. She could work on making it better instead of bottling it up. Going into Division with a clear head and a way to process stress was a better idea than trying to be emotionless.
Alex just tried to focus on her breathing. There wasn't anything else she could do to calm down. The embarrassment over losing control that soon heated her cheeks wasn't helpful. A part of her wanted to disappear from that moment. But she knew that wouldn't serve her in the long run. She had to stick it out- breathe. Although the tactic helped her frustrations, the teen's thumb only felt worse. Lamely, she held it up for Nikita to see, "But my thumb really does hurt."
"Let me see," Nikita took Alex's hand in hers. The teen didn't flinch when her teacher touched her thumb. But the second she applied pressure, a sharp wince filled the air. Immediately, Nikita tried to correct her mistake. Alex seemed to calm again. Except, she'd have to go through more pain in order for her injury to truly heal, "Ouch. I think you tucked your thumb in on that last punch. You dislocated it. Hold on."
"Ow!" When Nikita popped the digit back into the socket, Alex screeched. She ripped her hand away, and attempted to shake the pain away again. That time it worked. Her thumb was sore, but it was no longer in pain. She began to finally relax.
"Feel better?" Nikita smirked. The expression was only meant to lightly tease Alex. She'd never dismiss the teenager's stress and frustrations. There were times when those were important to feel. Yet since Alex was calm again, Nikita could make a few jokes- even if they weren't the best.
"Yeah," Rolling her eyes, Alex scoffed. She rubbed the remaining moisture from her eyes and finally moved off the sparring mat. Nikita moved with her; though, she kept her distance. She only followed her so they could put their sparring stuff away together. Alex was grateful for that. Since she had collected herself, she was ready to just move on. There was no need to talk about feelings, not at that moment. The two should keep moving with more training.
"Good. Why don't we just call it a night? We should rest, since you're so tired," Nikita, however, thought it was best to end the night there. As important as training was, so was rest. They couldn't keep running themselves ragged; that was potentially why Alex was so ready to crumble in the first place. The two had to relax.
Alex didn't look like she was ready to, though. She was tense and overwrought, and nursing her thumb a bit. She needed a distraction- something to focus on and relax with. Nikita considered suggesting a movie, but even she wasn't in the mood to sit down and watch something. The two needed something better. Once her stomach growled, Nikita had the perfect idea. Food could be used for comfort just as much as it could be used for subsistence, "Hey. What's your favorite thing to eat in the whole world?"
The question stunned Alex. She certainly wasn't expecting it. However, she wasn't going to not answer. Her stomach jumped excitedly at the mention of food. She needed to eat. If she had the chance to eat something she loved, why shouldn't she take it, "The whole world? Um. Probably fluffernutter sandwiches."
"What's that?" For some reason, Nikita was expecting to hear about a Russian dish Alex loved as a kid. She thought she'd hear something vaguely familiar that she could look up a recipe for and cook. Yet she had no clue what that sandwich was. It didn't even sound real.
"You don't know what a fluffernutter sandwich is? It's the best thing in the world. Way better than your veggie shakes," Alex couldn't believe Nikita didn't know about the sandwich. She had picked it up from some other young junkies on the street. She thought it was an American standard- like peanut butter and jelly. Almost everyone she knew had had one of the delicious treats. The fact Nikita hadn't was baffling. But, then again, she did think it was acceptable to replace a meal with a vegetable smoothie.
"My veggie shakes will bring world peace, just wait," Reaching to nudge the teenager, Nikita held back a chuckle. She was glad Alex was so excited about something. That was the perfect way to end a terrible day. They could laugh and smile instead of fighting frustrations.
"Yeah, but what's a nasty green smoothie compared to peanut butter and marshmallow fluff on bread," Alex returned the smug grin. She liked the veggie shakes just fine. But given the choice, it'd always be a fluffernutter sandwich. She didn't care how bad it was for her. All that sugar and stickiness was wonderful.
"That's what a fluffernutter is? Essentially candy?" Shaking her head, Nikita soon laughed. Of course the teen liked the super sweet sandwich. It was everything oh so delicious, yet oh so bad for you. It was the perfect food for a girl to find comfort in while on the streets. Nikita had had a few of those snacks. She still ate them on occasion. She couldn't fault Alex for doing the same. She deserved her treat.
And Alex was definitely going to get it. But she wanted her mentor to have a fluffernutter sandwich too. Everyone should have the joys of a sticky sandwich that was too sweet to be real. It always brought comfort and a smile, "You have to try it."
"We don't have marshmallow fluff," Nikita wasn't exactly saying 'no'. Of course she'd try Alex's favorite food. But the only ingredients they had for it were peanut butter and bread, and she didn't feel like going to the store. There were so many precautions she had to take to ensure Division didn't capture them on any cameras or whatever. It was too much of a hassle to do when she was tired. Shopping was a special trip. Being a rogue agent didn't allow for many mundane and normal things. Everything had to be carefully planned.
"Then let's go get some. And other little comfort foods," Except, the way Alex looked at Nikita couldn't be denied. She was so excited to eat and share her comfort food. The two could relax and bond over things that brought them joy and peace. That had to be worth the risk.
Taking a moment to think past her exhaustion (and laziness) Nikita couldn't deny Alex any longer. She was sure they could find marshmallow fluff in a small convenience store nearby. All their shopping could occur there without problem. Nikita sighed, "Alright. Let's go."
"Yes!" Practically jumping, Alex raced out the door. Nikita couldn't be annoyed. She just smiled brightly and followed the happy teenager.
Notes:
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!!! I appreciate it so much!
Chapter 41
Notes:
Set after 3x11 "Black Badge". Michael and Sean get some bonding time.
Chapter Text
“You’re the best at this stuff. You have a great memory, you know what is and isn’t useful, and you know how to use your equipment very well,” His hand in hers, Nikita led Michael to the armory. She walked backwards so her bright eyes and brilliant smile would be perfectly aimed at him. Although he wanted to question her, he couldn’t say anything against her beautiful expression. She could lead him off a cliff with the way she looked at him. He’d only smile dreamily, as he was then- especially as her melodic compliments and slight innuendo rang in his ears. Michael was trapped under Nikita’s spell, helplessly guided wherever she wanted.
“This is a great way to keep helping the team as you recover. You always know what we need, and you’re just about the smartest person for the job,” Bright and cheerful, Alex brought Sean to the armory. Her smile could’ve illuminated the sky as she fed her boyfriend compliments and stared at him lovingly. Sean was captivated by it all. He didn’t care why Alex was dragging him away, only that she looked at him like that. He’d do anything for that expression, including following her to destinations unknown.
Once in the armory, however, Sean and Michael quickly figured out what was going on. They were both dragged there by their partners, for starters. Also, although the brilliant smiles remained, Alex and Nikita weren’t as sweet. They unceremoniously dropped paperwork and clipboards in the men’s hands, then left the room. Michael and Sean were too stunned to speak, or do anything else for a moment. They simply stared at one another and their retreating partners. Glancing at the paperwork as well, Sean was finally able to connect all the dots. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, “Did we just get duped into doing inventory for them?”
“Well, Alex does have you whipped,” Sighing, Michael began to take stock of Division’s remaining weapons and equipment. Since he was already in that situation, there was no use fighting it. Someone had to do the job, and it obviously wouldn’t be Nikita or Alex.
“Like you don’t follow Nikita around like a puppy,” Sean huffed. He also started to work on the inventory; Alex had been correct in saying it’d help him help the team while he recovered from his recent injuries. But he didn’t appreciate that she had tricked him into the job. She could’ve just asked. It wasn’t as though he’d say ‘no’ to her. Which was why it was so easy for her to mess with him. She didn’t need to ask when she could prank him. Either way, he’d follow her. At least Sean wasn’t alone in that regard. Michael was just as wrapped up in his girl.
“She follows me around too. We can both sway each other,” Unlike Sean, Michael accepted his fate. He also recognized that Nikita was the same. They both had it bad for one another, and they both knew each other better than they knew themselves. Michael and Nikita could make the other do anything they wanted- within reason. They just had to find the right tactics, “In fact, I can make her rant until we turn in for the night. And I can do it in less than five words. No. Less than five letters.”
“Alright, bet,” Sean didn’t necessarily doubt Michael; he did know his fiancée best. He could easily find a way to get her riled up. But to do so in less than five letters, Sean couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t even sure he could do that with Alex. More than just a word had to be said in order to start a fight.
Smirking, Michael opened the armory door. Nikita and Alex had gone down the hall to work on something with Owen. He wasn’t sure what it was. But considering they had forced him and Sean to do the tedious work, they probably weren’t working that hard. Michael could easily distract his fiancée with one simple word- well, acronym really, “CPS…”
“Fuck child services!” Nikita didn’t need to hear anything else. She didn’t care what Michael could’ve been talking about. All she had to hear was CPS and she was ready to fight.
Closing the door and cutting off Nikita’s rant, Michael shot Sean an ‘I told you so’ expression. The Seal rolled his eyes. Everyone knew Nikita hated social services more than she hated anything else. Anyone could set her off with the acronym. Her fiancé wasn’t special, “I could’ve done that.”
“If it comes to the overall safety of a child…” Opening the door once more, Michael shouted. He stared at Sean pointedly as he let his sentence drop. He didn’t need to say anything more. That was all it took to make Nikita rant for the rest of the day.
“Do not fucking call CPS…” Once again, her shout could be heard clearly down the hall. And once again, Michael closed the armory door and smirked at Sean.
The Seal scoffed and shook his head. Michael had more than proved his point. He had gotten Nikita to rant, possibly forever. The thing was, though, could Michael eventually get her to stop. As soon as she figured out that he goaded her into a rant, she might go off on him. That was what Alex would do, at least. Sean didn’t think Nikita was any different, “Is she going to be pissed at you later?”
“Over the sentences she interrupted, no. She knows I agree with most of her points. When she finds out why I said that, definitely. But I’ll just apologize and feed her, and it’d all be good,” Shrugging, Michael returned to taking inventory. He was fully aware that Nikita would snap at him later, but he was prepared for it. He knew he shouldn’t have set her off, so he knew how to apologize. The only thing he had to figure out was what to make her for dinner.
“Food really is a saving grace. I don’t know how many times my unit would nearly tear each other’s heads off, then we’d eat and it’d be like nothing ever happened,” Laughing to himself, Sean set down his clipboard. Michael was definitely right that dinner (and an apology) would instantly fix things. Something about food just made everything better. It was magical.
“I’m gonna be honest. I’d rather eat an MRE than some Division food,” Losing focus on his task, Michael admitted. His choice could’ve been swayed by his differing memories of being in the Navy and being in Division. Yet, a part of his statement had merit. Some of Division’s food was a worse degree of government issued slop than a ready to eat meal.
“Oh yeah. MRE over mess anyday. Especially the peanut butter,” Sean nodded vehemently. He’d take somewhat spiced mush in a bag over flavorless, dry, lesser quality government food. Neither were ideal, but one was definitely better.
“I think the peanut butter in an MRE is better than from a store,” Again, Michael’s memories from the Navy might have been swaying his opinion. The familiarity and comfort of a little pack of peanut butter in a ration kit always made it taste better than it really was. A decade later, that comfort stuck with him. He certainly didn’t miss it, yet the thought was still warming.
“Dude. Have you ever mixed it with the coffee? It’s so good,” In hindsight, mixing the terrible instant coffee with just-okay peanut butter was disgusting. But being deployed overseas made it taste like the best thing in the world. Sean would never do it while he was home. Yet if he was ever out in the field again, he’d give it another shot.
Placing down his own clipboard, Michael glanced at Sean in concern. Sure, he had made his own weird concoctions while deployed. But he had never been that desperate, “Okay. I at least have some taste.”
“You’re missing out,” Sean shrugged. No Michael absolutely wasn’t. But the Seal couldn’t let him get away with the taunt.
“On pure sludge, yeah,” Michael rolled his eyes. He could see how Sean and Alex got along so easily. They both liked to ruin peanut butter with gross slop.
A sarcastic reply played on the tip of Sean’s tongue. He was ready to just tear Michael apart. However, Nikita’s shouts about child services grew even louder. Even with the door closed, the two men could hear it. Concerned, Sean glanced at Nikita’s fiancé to see if she was alright, “Is she still going?”
Cautiously, Michael opened the armory door. Sure enough, Nikita was still going (just as Michael had predicted). Except, her voice and words became louder and harsher with each passing minute, “The system doesn’t give two fucking shits about kids. I mean, look at Alex. There was no way they’d ever help her if they found her. She was a trafficked kid on drugs. They would’ve just sent her back to the hell she came from without a single care.”
“Yeah! Women’s shelters wouldn’t even take me cause I wasn’t old enough,” Alex easily added on. She wasn’t as passionate as Nikita was when it came to child services, but she was just as angry when it came to the wrongs she had suffered. There were hardly any resources for a young girl trafficked into the country. She had been fated to be cast aside and killed since the second she was sold. Even safeties in place to help women couldn’t help her. She wasn’t a consenting adult with her own autonomy, after all.
“See! It never ends. Abuse is just a cruel fucking cycle perpetuated by the system,” Nikita wasn’t making any arguments anyone would disagree with. She didn’t need to be yelling. But there was a lot of bent up rage that had to get out. Then was her chance.
“Should we save Owen from that?” Michael wondered. Alex appeared wrapped up in the rant, even supplying to it every once and awhile. Owen, on the other hand, seemed frightened by the screaming. He hadn’t started it, so why was he receiving the anger. For half a second, Michael and Sean considered helping him out. Then, they quickly closed the door, “Nah.”
Chuckling, the men returned to their work. Both swore they could faintly hear Nikita’s and Alex’s shouts, yet they didn’t pay any attention to them. They simply did what they had been tricked into doing. Sean thought a lot about that fact. He felt like he should pay the women back; getting them riled up wasn’t enough. There had to be something else he and Michael could do. After some time, Sean believed he finally found that idea, “Have the girls had MREs before?”
“Yeah they should’ve. Why?” Michael was far more interested in what Sean was thinking than the inventory. The Seal was obviously up to something. Whatever it was, the agent wanted to be a part of it.
“Just wanted to torture them a little bit,” Sean shrugged. He had originally wanted to trick Alex and Nikita into thinking that an MRE was amazing, only for them to eat it and be extremely disappointed. But since they had had one before, he needed to change up his prank.
Fortunately, Michael was right there with Sean. He had his own ideas in tricking Alex and Nikita. And some of them went well with his half-made plans for dinner that night, “We could pretend we’re making them a meal, then serve them barely heated crap.”
Before Sean could excitedly agree to the idea, there was still the matter of an angry Nikita. Would the prank even work while she was so pissed, “Would it get Nikita off her rant?”
“...and then once they adopt you, they have full control of you. CPS stops paying attention. The abuse can just get worse…” Opening and closing the door allowed the men to hear that Nikita was nowhere near done. She was going to argue with no one until she passed out.
“She’ll eat and rant without noticing,” Although his fiancée was livid about a very serious and important topic, Michael couldn’t help but laugh. He could never say she wasn’t passionate. Everything she did was with the power of the sun.
“...even if you run away, there’s no safety on the street…” Opening and closing the door on Alex produced the same result. She was just as riled up.
“Alex is involved enough to just blow right through the food,” Sean concluded. As fun as seeing the women’s reactions to being served MREs would’ve been, them eating the slop without noticing sounded even funnier. They weren’t the only two people who could trick their partners into something without their knowledge. The tables could easily turn.
Setting down his clipboard for good, Michael decided. After getting Nikita so worked up, a silly prank could make her feel better. She always enjoyed it when they were all making fun of one another and joking around. She’d be able to see some good in that day. Sean and Michael just had to torture her and Alex first, “You wanna swing by an Army surplus store?”
“We can stock up on the things we noticed were missing,” Tossing aside his own clipboard, Sean was ready with an excuse to get them out of Division. It wasn’t exactly an excuse. They should restock on what they could. However, the black ops group could be placed on the backburner for just a moment. The friends should focus on themselves. Or, more specifically, on the men proving they weren’t totally whipped by their partners.
After buying some nasty looking MREs (and the things for Division) Michael and Sean somehow managed to drag Nikita and Alex to the engaged couple’s apartment. The women continued to vent their frustrations about their past experiences throughout, even while they ate. Just as their partners had suspected, the two didn’t notice the MREs. They were consumed by their rant. Yet hours later, when exhaustion crept in, Alex and Nikita were fine with calming down and going to bed. Sean and Michael sighed in relief. That didn’t last long for Michael, though. Once alone, his fiancée muttered bitterly, “Dinner sucked tonight, by the way.”
Michael burst into laughter. He wasn’t expecting her to change subjects so suddenly. He also hadn’t expected her to make a comment about dinner so long after the fact. While he laughed, Nikita glared at him incredulously. She had been completely serious. Just because she was distracted by other things didn’t make it not true. After a long and shitty day, the dinner he had made her sucked even more, “What?”
“You’re passionate,” Flashing a crooked grin, Michael kissed his fiancée adoringly. He’d explain everything in a minute. For the time being, he’d just cherish the woman he loved.
Once home, Alex settled into bed before Sean. Not only was she still getting used to the fact that they lived together- especially because of what had happened to cause that- but she was also still lost in thought. She quietly stewed on what she and Nikita had said. However, as soon as her boyfriend joined her in bed, she was able to shake away most of her heavy thoughts. Only a few confusing ones remained. The loudest was the fact that Sean and Michael had made one of the worst meals she had eaten in a long time- even though she knew they could create delicious foods, “You and Michael cannot cook.”
“What? Oh, yeah. That’s cause we gave you MREs,” Placing a sweet (and apologetic) kiss on her cheek, Sean finally admitted. He was surprised it had taken Alex that long to say anything. She had been completely wrapped up in venting her past anger.
“I hate you. But I love you at the same time,” Alex confessed with a laugh. The rest of her worrisome, dark, and angry thoughts left her as she giggled. She just kissed her boyfriend and relaxed against the pillows. Sean smiled brightly into the kiss.
Chapter 42
Notes:
Set between 2x18 "Power" and 2x19 "Wrath". Birkhoff and Sean change oil together.
Chapter Text
Sean didn't intend to stay at the rogues' safehouse for long. He was just going to return a combat knife he had borrowed, then head back to his place. There were probably some work or family things he had to make up for after spending so much time in Greece with Alex's mother. However, as he dropped off the knife in the seemingly empty house, he received a text from Alex. Although she had received the alert that he had entered the safehouse, she obviously wasn't there. If she was, she wouldn't have instructed, "Sean! Tell me what cupcake you want, then ask Nikita for her order. She got sucked into the paperwork void and isn't answering me."
"Nikita!" Sighing, Sean replied to Alex and went in search of Nikita. He hadn't heard her- or anyone- since he had entered. But if she was absorbed in paperwork like her best friend had claimed, then that'd explain why. Sean had no idea what kind of paperwork a rogue even did, probably intel she was analyzing. But whatever it was, she didn't respond to his calls. He eventually found her files scattered on the coffee table in the livingroom, yet there was no sight of her. He wasn't sure if he should be alarmed by that or not.
He kept exploring, hoping to find her soon. Sean didn't want to leave Alex hanging as she ordered food at the bakery; though, he was sure she'd just pick what she thought Nikita would like after a while. Knowing what cupcake she wanted wasn't that detrimental. However, the Seal still went in search of the rogue, simply to know where she could've gone. He soon stumbled into the expansive garage where he finally found another person. It was only Birkhoff, yet at least that was someone, "Have you seen Nikita?"
"Is she not in the livingroom?" Setting down his phone, Birkhoff wondered. After receiving his cupcake order, Alex had asked him to find Nikita for hers. The nerd was certain she was still reviewing things in the livingroom. But if the Seal couldn't find her, then she probably took off somewhere, "Huh. Maybe she went on a run. She never says anything before she goes out. Why? What's up?"
"Alex just wants her cupcake order. It's not that big of a deal," Sean shrugged. He wasn't going to waste his time and energy chasing down Nikita for a dessert order. Besides, Alex was her best friend; she could make an educated guess.
Moving back to what he was doing, Birkhoff wondered why Alex was so hung up on their cupcake orders anyway. He thought she and Michael had just gone to the grocery store to restock their fridge. Maybe on the way she had swung by a bakery. But even that didn't make a lot of sense. She always complained the rogues didn't have healthy enough or filling enough foods, and Michael agreed. However, they were stopping to buy them dessert. It hardly made sense, "What's the point of only Michael and Alex grocery shopping anyway?"
"She has the most money, and he has the most responsibility," It was a simple answer. Sean didn't have to know the team long to figure that out. Alex was the heiress willing to help the team of rogues. And Michael didn't go shopping based on his stomach. Birkhoff really couldn't argue. He shrugged, and returned to his project. Sean turned to leave, but what the hacker was doing caught his attention. He began to fiddle with something under one of the cars' hoods. It was probably something mundane. Except, Sean never knew the team to be normal. Birkhoff was potentially up to something either genius or stupid, "What are you up to?"
"Oil changes and car maintenance," Turned out it was neither. Birkhoff didn't have much to do that day, so he decided to take care of the team's vehicles. Registration tags and license plates should be rotated out so the authorities and Division didn't catch onto them. And the vehicles should be well taken care of so they didn't crap out on the rogues in the field. It wasn't the most pressing or exciting of work, but it still had to be done. Fortunately, Birkhoff liked the simpleness of it. He could work with his hands and with his brain turned off.
Sean turned to leave once more. But again, he became distracted by what was happening in the garage. There wouldn't be much waiting for him at his apartment. He was still on military leave, and his sisters believed he was on vacation. He didn't have to leave the safehouse. He could hang out and be of some use, "Want help?"
"Depends. Can you actually change a car's oil?" Birkhoff skeptically eyed Sean over. The Seal had been pretty handy on missions, providing backup and serving as a bodyguard. But could he be handy with technology too. The other Navy man on the team couldn't.
"Uh. Yeah," Sean had no idea why Birkhoff was questioning his help. Maybe, despite his efforts to help the rogues, Birkhoff still didn't trust him. The last time just the two of them had interacted, Sean kidnapped the hacker in the name of Division. That wasn't something that could be easily forgotten, even if it was forgiven.
"Then you're already more handy than Michael," Handing over a wrench, Birkhoff smirked. Although he typically liked working on his machines and tech alone, he wouldn't mind Sean's company. The two should get to know one another more. They were bona fide teammates then. What better way to connect than by fixing up cars and motorcycles in the garage together.
"That's the difference between a Seal and an intelligence officer. I'm a jock, he's a nerd," Accepting the offering, Sean quipped. He and Michael had already been back and forth with their Navy taunts. They flowed more easily the closer the two became. At first, it was difficult for Sean to comprehend how a decorated and loyal Naval officer turned rogue. But the more he found out about Division, and the more he knew about Michael, it all eventually made sense. After all, he soon went rogue as well.
Chuckling, Birkhoff was a little surprised by Sean's joke. He knew the Seal could tease Alex, but the two had known one another for a while (they also seemed to be friends, if not more than). Birkhoff didn't think Sean was close with any other team member. He probably felt more comfortable with them after everything they had been through together. Those stressful situations usually caused new partnerships to form. And so did silly ones- to an extent, "Where were when Nikki and Mikey were making fun of me? I could've used a partner."
"I can dish it out against Michael. Nikita kinda scares me," Sean admitted with a small shrug. It wasn't that he still thought Nikita would kill him and his entire family. He knew that wouldn't happen. However, the murderous glares he had seen her throw at Alex, Michael, and Birkhoff had him terrified. He absolutely did not want to be on the receiving end of that.
"When she's your enemy. But when she's your friend, she's a huge dork," Rolling his eyes, Birkhoff laughed. He understood Sean's aversion to Nikita's glare and the harsh things she could do. But she was just a goof around her friends. She had to share the love she had for them.
"Yeah. Alex is kinda the same," Sean mumbled, smiling to himself. Alex had definitely been a tough nut to crack. She was surrounded by nearly impenetrable Russian walls. Yet once those walls were scaled, she was soft and sweet and strikingly silly. It was well worth the effort getting to know her.
Birkhoff spotted the dopey smile on Sean's lips across the garage and over the hood of a car. The nerd had seen that look on Michael's face a billion and more times when it came to Nikita. He could recognize it anywhere, including on someone else's face. Sean liked Alex. He really liked Alex. No wonder Nikita didn't have to bully him into being Alex's bodyguard in Russia, "So you guys are just friends?"
"What else would we be?" Sean was too busy with the car to glance at Birkhoff. He believed if he did, he would know what the nerd was talking about. Instead, he was left stumbling around, confused at the implications.
"Just checking," Birkhoff dropped it. He could've pressed Sean for more- maybe even tease him and rile him up. But he had the suspicion that Sean didn't even know he'd be anything more than just friends with Alex. After his experience with Michael, Birkhoff wasn't going to force that revelation. It should just come naturally.
"Well, what's up between you and Sonya?" Since they were talking about the women in their lives, Sean saw it fit to mention Sonya. Although he hadn't personally seen how the two rival hackers interacted, he had heard enough from Alex. Birkhoff and Sonya more than just fought over keyboards and screens. The harsh words they hurled at one another were far too flirtatious and light to be real threats.
"What about it?" Birkhoff, however, didn't understand why Sean would mention Sonya. What did she have to do with friendships- or more than friendships. She was in Division, and he was a rogue. They were enemies, and they'd stay that way until Division burned.
Biting his tongue, Sean decided against saying anything. He and Birkhoff were having a nice time just hanging out and fixing cars. Talking about the women in their lives, or lack thereof, would've ruined it. They should simply switch to topics they actually knew anything about, "Will you hand me that wrench?"
The two changed the topic off of girls. Sean and Birkhoff talked about themselves instead. It turned out that they had a lot in common. Besides both knowing how to maintain vehicles, they had also both spent a lot of time in DC because of their families. Neither wanted to talk much about them, especially the strained relationship with their fathers. But there were other things they could discuss, like comic books and superhero movies. Sean liked superheroes just as much as the nerd. He was able to catch a lot of Birkhoff's references. With that discovery, the two men dissolved into trying to outsmart the other with obscure references.
Once the Seal and hacker finished changing oil and completed the other car maintenance things in the garage, they ventured back into the safehouse. They continued to laugh and joke. As did Alex and Michael from the kitchen. The two had returned while Sean and Birkhoff were busy, and they were putting the new groceries away. At the sight of the others, however, they paused. Whereas Michael was pleasantly surprised that Birkhoff and Sean got along so well, Alex was pissed. Sean never texted her back. He had left her hanging, "Dude. I asked you to talk to Nikita. What happened? Where is she?"
"I couldn't find her. She probably went on a run or did yoga on the beach or something," Quickly, Sean defended himself. Nikita never resurfaced while he and Birkhoff were in the garage. She must've still been out; Michael moved to check. It wasn't Sean's fault that he wasn't able to get a hold of her. Alex should be getting on Nikita for leaving without a word and not keeping her phone on her.
"Nikita's right here," Michael soon called from the livingroom. Nikita had never left her files on the coffee table. She simply slumped on top of them, dead asleep. Sean probably wasn't able to see her past the top of the couch. Michael would've missed her too had he not moved around the furniture.
"You couldn't have walked two feet?" Alex snarked. If Sean had just walked further into the livingroom like Michael had, he would've found Nikita. Granted, it was shocking that she had even fallen asleep. It wouldn't have crossed his mind to check even closer; though, what kind of Seal was he if he barely swept the room.
While Sean tried to defend himself to Alex, Michael gently woke Nikita. He swept her dark hair out of her face and caressed her cheek. She must've really been out of it if their voices hadn't already woken her. She really needed a restful night's sleep- not one ruined by stress, nightmares, or injuries. She could sleep peacefully that night, but only if she didn't nap in a weird position all day, "Hey, sleepy baby. Have a nice nap?"
"Whattimeisit?" Snapping upright, Nikita slurred. She rubbed her tired eyes and tried to orient herself. Her team didn't help as they cracked jokes and laughed. She groggily glared at them, but that only made it worse.
Michael soon took pity on his girlfriend. He told her the time and helped her to her feet. For a brief second, she sleepily listed into his warmth and rested against him. Then, she woke up, pulled away, and flipped off a jeering Alex. The young woman's bright laughter helped Nikita relax. She chuckled quietly and prepared a quip to throw at Sean, adding to all the taunts. But Birkhoff joined her by the coffee table and ruined it. He had simply wanted to see what she had been doing, yet he was instantly distracted by the empty energy drink can on the table. Nikita had stolen his drink and chugged it all, "Hey! These are mine."
"Yeah. And they suck," Stifling a yawn, Nikita bit. When she had first felt the effects of her exhaustion, she stole an energy drink from the fridge. She thought it would help her get through some intel gathering. Instead, she fell asleep faster.
"Here. Have a sugar rush. Sorry I didn't know what kind you wanted," As Alex moved to pass out the cupcakes she had bought for everybody (Nikita happily ate hers, not caring what flavor it was), she threw a teasing glare at Sean. He threw one back; two could play at that game.
"You're welcome for the oil changes," Sean snarked. He didn't explain what he and Birkhoff had been doing in the garage. That could be shared later, preferably after he sassed Alex. He didn't want his teases to be undermined by his kind service.
"Whatever," Alex rolled her eyes. Before Sean could say anything else, she shoved his cupcake in his face and walked away. Despite the frosting dripping down his nose, Sean laughed and chased after Alex. Michael, Nikita, and Birkhoff were left rooted in the livingroom, confused and a bit concerned. But as the Seal's and young woman's laughter rose through the safehouse, they started to laugh as well.
Chapter 43
Notes:
Set between seasons 2 and 3. Birkhoff, Alex, and Nikita drive one another insane.
Chapter Text
They were going insane. There was no other way to put it. Without a mission, without all of their time dedicated to a specific task, without any breaks from one another, the team of rogues were losing their minds.
Actually, they were former rogues, and that was where part of the problem came in.
Since Nikita had killed Percy, Alex had killed Roan, and Ryan was working with the President to facilitate the end of Division, the band of rebels didn't have a job anymore. They'd help end Division- that much was clear. But the cleanup duty hadn't officially started yet. Besides paperwork, there weren't any missions or active things the team could do. They just waited for things to start up again. Until then, they had all the time in the world to do whatever they wanted. It was freedom.
Or close to it.
Division agents couldn't receive pardons for their actions or even real identities until after the hellhole was shut down. Their freedom was limited to those constraints. As time went on, it was easier to work around the barriers. But at first, and after being used to just hiding out in a safehouse, the team of former rogues didn't do much. They helped Ryan kick off the New Division, they tried to find their own places to stay, and they healed from their recent wounds. Most of that occurred when the team was all together. They couldn't find any solace from each other. For far too long, the rogues- former rogues- had not been alone from one another.
When they had a mission, that was fine. They were so absorbed in their tasks, they hardly realized others were there. Yet with nothing to do, the team was far too aware of one another. They noticed every little thing that they did. They had no problem with it at first. Some things they actually found endearing. But after a while, everything became so fucking annoying.
Alex and Sean were particularly annoying. They had their own apartments. They didn't need to stay at the safehouse with the others. Sure, due to her broken arm and electrocution, and his stab wound on top of his recently healed bullet wound, they probably shouldn't be left alone. But they had other options than the safehouse. Alex could go visit her mother (she actually planned to once she fully healed). Sean could stay with his sisters. Or, they could both hang around Medical- they had access to it then. They didn't have to be at the small, overcrowded safehouse. Except, the two just had to be together.
Sean and Alex had kissed. They had made some sort of declaration of love for one another (not exactly, but close enough). And they kept talking about dates. The two couldn't leave one another alone. Their friends thought it was sweet and cute and worth bullying the first few days. However, the constant flirting and dancing around each other became too much to witness. Why couldn't they just kiss again already.
Once Michael and Nikita had kissed and expressed their feelings (and gone through some other important things) they had dived headfirst into a relationship. Why couldn't Sean and Alex do the same.
Though, honestly, Nikita and Michael weren't the pinnacle couple to look towards. They were also extremely annoying. They might not have been pinning after one another, but they also couldn't leave each other alone. The couple was all over each other. They had ended their war, they had peace and an actual future. Those were things to celebrate. Those were things to celebrate loudly and passionately.
Still aware that they shared a safehouse, Michael and Nikita did keep their PDA to a minimum. They also waited until everyone had gone to their rooms for the night before they began their fun. Yet the walls weren't exactly soundproof. And everyone knew what they were doing and how much they 'fucking' enjoyed it. The couple seriously, seriously, seriously had to get their own apartment. They were trying desperately to, but that wasn't enough. Nikita and Michael had to have their own space.
The whole team just needed to get away from one another. As much as they loved each other, as great of friends they were, they needed time apart. It was the only way to preserve their sanity. It was also becoming the only way to save their lives.
One afternoon, all that annoyance nearly suffered a violent eruption. Ryan was hiding out in Division, and Sean and Michael had managed to escape to get lunch. Alex, Birkhoff, and Nikita were left to suffer in the safehouse. They were doing their own things for a short while. Alex was doing some stretches for her arm. Birkhoff was working on a computer program. And Nikita was apartment hunting. Yet that couldn't hold their attention for long. Again, they didn't have much else to do.
And idleness was the devil's plaything.
Nikita started it. She tabbed some apartments that she liked and wanted Michael to look at, then went to search for other things to do. She stumbled across Birkhoff first. He was hunched over a borrowed laptop, chugging copious amounts of energy drinks. She had messed with her nerd plenty of times while he was hacking. Sometimes it was a shove to mess up his typing, other times she taunted and distracted him. That time, she decided to change it up.
She knew Birkhoff hardly used the touchpad mouse; he preferred keyboard shortcuts over everything else. She also knew that the laptop he was working on had a special touchpad function. If she double tapped the left corner, the mouse would be disabled. As Birkhoff took another giant swig of energy drink, Nikita snuck up behind him and silently tapped the mousepad. She quickly left before he even noticed. It'd actually be a while before he noticed she had done anything. She bit back her giggles.
The next person she found was Alex. After doing her stretches, the young woman mindlessly flipped through channels on the television. Nothing could capture her attention. She was far too bored and far too tired to watch anything. She just sort of dozed. Which of course, was why Nikita decided to jump right in front of her and shout, "Wake up sleepy head!"
Alex was not proud of her startled twitch. Nor was she proud of the groan of pain that slipped past her lips as she jostled her arm too much. Nikita just smirked at her. The young woman glared the best she could while exhausted, and tried to make her friend leave, "Fuck off."
"You can't sleep during the middle of the day. That'd mess up your sleep cycle. Then you'll be more grouchy and annoying later. And I'm not waking you up when the boys come back with lunch. You should be pleasant when you're around Sean," Her smirk still tauntingly plastered on her full lips, Nikita teased. She plopped down next to Alex on the couch and nudged her playfully. The young woman's response was less than playful.
Aggressively, Alex shoved Nikita off her. Whereas the former rogue laughed, the young woman was in no mood. She sulked into the couch cushion and continued flipping through channels. Nikita left her alone for a bit. Alex was able to relax again. Despite her annoyance, she did heed some of her friend's advice. She shouldn't fall asleep in the middle of the day. However, the more she flicked through channels, the more she dozed.
At some point, Nikita crashed back into her on the couch. Yet she didn't shout or bother her. Nikita simply began to brush and braid Alex's hair. Alex wanted to ask what exactly her best friend was up to, but the movements were so soft and comforting. She started to drift again.
"Sorry for bothering you. You should rest and relax," Nikita spoke softly. She ever so gently brushed and braided, brushed and braided, brushed and braided. Alex couldn't keep her eyes open. Slept crept up on her and held her under. She could barely register anything besides the constant comfort. She was only aware of the brushing and braiding, brushing and braiding.
When Alex finally fell asleep, Nikita tugged on a strand of hair so sharply it woke her back up. She apologized and continued her gentle movements. Yet when Alex fell asleep again, Nikita tugged again. Although she also said she was sorry again, the cycle continued. Asleep, tug, sorry, brush, braid, asleep, tug, sorry, brush braid, and so on and so forth. Alex wasn't fully conscious of the sequence, always too exhausted to notice. But after a particularly sharp tug, she figured it out. Nikita was still fucking with her.
"Go away!" Jerking away from the former rogue, Alex hissed. She also whined, yet that was a warranted reaction. Nikita laughed and finally ran off. She took her things with her, so Alex hoped that was the end of it. Finding something on the television she actually wanted to watch, she attempted to relax for the last time.
Controlling her laughter, Nikita decided it was time to check on Birkhoff. He had to have discovered that something was wrong with his laptop by then. And if he hadn't figured out how to fix it immediately, he was no doubt freaking out. The hacker might've pretended like he was a chill and laid back guy. Yet if something wasn't going his way, especially if it was on a computer, he flipped out.
Sure enough, when Nikita checked on Birkhoff, he was pounding on the keyboard. He knew his mouse wasn't working, but his inexperience with the tool left him confused on how to fix it. Being unable to control a mouse also presented an obstacle to the problem. He just slammed and cursed and let his frustrations control him. Nikita smirked. She leaned against his desk, hovering over him, "Problem, Nerd?"
"I can't figure out what's wrong with my touchpad," Birkhoff admitted distractedly, pointlessly and furiously tapping on the keyboard. The laptop wasn't actually his; he was borrowing it from Ryan. That was probably why he couldn't make the computer do what he wanted. It wasn't his fault the mouse wasn't working. It was all the stupid piece of junk's.
"Have you tried turning it off and on again?" Snidely, Nikita suggested. Birkhoff managed to give her the dirtiest look he could muster before returning to his frantic banging. She stifled her laughter with the back of her hand.
"There's a command key that'll fix it. I just can't figure out what," Birkhoff was thinking aloud rather than asking Nikita for help. Although she knew her way around a computer, he was sure he could figure out what was wrong eventually. No piece of technology could best him.
A part of Nikita wanted to walk away and let Birkhoff solve his problem on his own. He was sure to feel embarrassed when he realized after all his frustrations that he only had to double tap the touchpad. But she wanted a more active role in his torture. She wanted to rub his Shadowwalker braggings back in his face. He wasn't the best hacker in the world (Sonya had given him a run for his money, after all). Nikita had her own tricks up her sleeve, "Try it now."
"What'd you do? How'd you do that?" Once the former rogue tapped the left corner of the touchpad, Birkhoff's problems were miraculously solved. He gaped at Nikita, yet she only shrugged and walked away. He couldn't wrap his head around what she had done. Until he double tapped the touchpad mouse himself.
That was why he didn't work on computers that weren't his; it was only out of complete desperation (or boredom in that case) that he would ever borrow a laptop. There were functions he wasn't aware of that could deter his work. The fact that Ryan's touchpad could be disabled with a keyboard shortcut was one of them. It really was the laptop's fault that the hacker couldn't work. Well, the tech and a very annoying Nikita. He couldn't let her get away with her prank, "Are you fucking with me? Get back here."
Birkhoff chased Nikita down the hall. As he did, she finally let her laughter loose. That only pissed the nerd off more, which of course made her laugh louder.
Although the safehouse was soon filled with taunting giggles and biting curses, Alex had fallen dead asleep on the couch. She had battled her exhaustion as best she could, and she had lost miserably. Even with Nikita constantly interrupting her earlier, and the television blasting, the young woman still succumbed to sleep.
It couldn't have been called a beauty sleep. Alex remained slumped against the couch cushions, remote in hand and mouth gaped open. The awkwardly hilarious sight was well worth taking a picture. The instant Birkhoff and Nikita stumbled upon it, they stopped fighting and contemplated taking a picture of Alex. The two could come together to mess with her. Usually, Michael was the poor victim of the rogue's and nerd's combined fuckery. It was about time they found another target. At least to save Michael from perpetual annoyance.
Nikita, however, probably should have left Alex alone. She had messed with her enough. But sleeping during the day wouldn't fix her exhaustion in the long run; she should just go to bed early that night. Nikita should help her best friend stay awake.
She also had a great idea that'd let her mess with both Alex and Birkhoff.
Reaching for a pad of paper left on the coffee table, Nikita tore off a tiny little piece. She balled it up and threw it at Alex. Her intention was to shoot the paper like it was a basketball and her best friend's open mouth was the net. Except, she missed her target drastically. The paper hit Alex's chin, then bounced to the floor. The young woman didn't wake up.
With a scoff, Birkhoff tore off a small piece of paper as well. He knew he could make a better shot. Yet, when he threw the paper ball, he only managed to make it bounce off Alex's lip. At least she stayed asleep. The two idiots could continue to try and beat one another in their stupid little game. Almost an entire piece of paper was used up before either of them made a 'basket'. Cheating by inching just a little closer, Nikita managed to get a piece of paper into Alex's mouth. Birkhoff was going to harshly call her out on it, but then Alex began to cough.
At the sound, Nikita bolted. She disappeared from the room like her life depended on it. Birkhoff could only stare after her in utter confusion. What the hell was that about.
He got his answer as Alex woke up. She frantically spat up the paper ball and noticed all the other bits of trash around her. The only explanation she could find for her predicament was Birkhoff. He stood in front of her, the pad of paper clutched in his hand. She glowered. He soon noticed her expression and the fact that he was left all alone. Despite his suddenly blanched features, she lunged, "Birkhoff!"
"It was Nikita!" Birkhoff screamed instantly. Alex wouldn't listen, however. She darted off the couch with him in her furious sights. He wasn't able to run away and disappear like Nikita had miraculously done. He was the young woman's hapless prey.
Soon backed into a corner, Birkhoff frantically searched for any sort of escape. He didn't have any options. Nikita was long gone; he couldn't pass off the rightful blame. And no one else was there to potentially save him. Seriously, though, where the hell were Michael and Sean. That moment would be the perfect time for them to return with lunch. Birkhoff really needed Alex distracted with either food or Sean, "I'm sorry… I didn't… don't punch me."
"Oh. I'm not going to punch you," Wickedly, Alex grinned. She roughly grabbed Birkhoff's arm and dragged him with her to the bathroom. A million different retaliations filtered through her mind as she chased the hacker. Yet, she was limited on what she could do with her broken arm. She settled on her best idea and planned to fully commit to it.
Knowing better to fight against Alex's devilish grin, Birkhoff willingly followed her. He suspected the worst and prepared to have his ass kicked; however, the young heiress never laid a hand on him. She just shoved him into the bathroom and grabbed her hair and makeup kit.
Relief filled laughter broke free of Birkhoff's lungs. But the sound soon turned to a grunt as Alex roughly brushed his hair. She wasn't going to give him any regular makeover. She was going to fuck him up like he was a Barbie doll and she was an angry tween. He quickly accepted his fate. There were worse things Birkhoff could suffer. Besides, the makeup wasn't permanent. Alex would have her fun, maybe take a picture to torture him in the future, then he could wash it off. Hardly any damage would be done. It was a fair consequence to his actions.
Though, it wasn't all Birkhoff's actions. Nikita was to blame for a lot of it. She had been messing with her friends all afternoon. Birkhoff and Alex had grown sick of it. She had to pay. Once the nerd and young woman came to that shared conclusion, they excitedly began to plan how they'd make it come to pass. Their combined abilities could definitely torture Nikita like she had tortured them. Maybe they could even one up her. That'd certainly teach her a lesson.
While Alex and Birkhoff were preoccupied, Nikita wandered aimlessly around the safehouse. She cleaned things up here and there, but otherwise she had nothing else she could think of to do. She considered taking Alex's place on the couch and watching television. Yet she didn't have the attention span for that. She needed to be active. Fortunately, she didn't have to be listlessly bored for long. After some time, there was movement at the front door. Although Nikita had a feeling of who it might've been, she watched the door like she would on a mission.
"Hey," At the sight of her boyfriend walking through the door, Nikita instantly beamed. She ignored the food in his hand, and she ignored Sean entering behind him. She just skipped up to her man and stole a kiss from his lips.
Michael wouldn't complain about that in the slightest. Sweetly, lovingly, warmly, and softly, he kissed her in return, "Hey."
Sean rolled his eyes at the two. He took the food from Michael and moved to dump it and the drinks he carried in the kitchen. It would be a minute before the couple would join him. The two were absorbed in their own world. Nothing would break them from it.
Which was exactly what Birkhoff and Alex were planning on. As soon as Nikita was blissfully distracted by her boyfriend (and once Sean had safely moved the food out of the way) the two attacked. Alex wound up a towel and flicked it out, striking Nikita in the back of the knee. She crumbled with a shout. Once she was down, Birkhoff rushed up behind her and dumped a glass of ice water down her back. She cursed even louder. Her attackers scurried out of her reach, snickering.
Speechless, Sean and Michael stared dumbfounded at Alex and Birkhoff. They were so deeply confused by the attack, especially as they regarded the hacker's appearance- why did he look like the doll from the Rugrats. The two couldn't have been gone that long. It wasn't long enough for chaos to erupt. What had they missed.
Apparently, a lot. As soon as Nikita recovered, she sprinted after Birkhoff and Alex. It was their turn to laugh as she loudly cursed, "Assholes!"
When she caught up to them, shrieks and shouts echoed around the small safehouse.
"Do you wanna figure that out?" Sean wondered, slowly continuing to set the takeout out on the table.
"Nope," Michael easily ignored the craziness around him. No matter what, that would always be a constant for the team of former rogues. They should just accept it, move on, and incorporate their annoying antics into their new lives.
Chapter 44
Notes:
Set throughout different times- during the show, or before and after. I had severe writer's block, and nothing I wrote was good enough. So here are snippets of ideas I typed but couldn't make into longer stories.
Chapter Text
Nikita and Alex fell asleep together on the couch. The rogue was the first to pass out- her head slumped against the pillow, and her eyes never opening again after a blink. Surprisingly, the young woman held out longer. But once she rested her head on her best friend's shoulder, she was gone. The tablet they had been studying laid forgotten between them. They were completely lost to the world as their exhaustion took over.
Walking past the couch, Sean instantly noticed the two women fast asleep. He never considered waking them. He just moved the tablet off the couch so it wouldn't accidentally break, and he draped a blanket over their shoulders. After all their running and gunning, Nikita and Alex deserved to nap. They should probably get some real sleep as well, yet resting on the couch was a good first step. After all, a horrific nightmare was less likely if they only closed their eyes for a second.
Sean was naïve to actually think that. When he walked past the two women some time later, pained expressions etched across both of their features. Alex mumbled something incomprehensible, and Nikita twitched. Approaching slowly, Sean debated whether or not he should wake them. Maybe the bad dream would pass on its own. Or maybe they weren't having a nightmare at all; they were simply reacting to the awkward position they had fallen asleep in.
Turned out the latter was definitely not true. As Sean moved one step closer to the women, the nightmare reached its peak. Alex screamed, and Nikita jerked. The movement woke Alex, and the sound woke Nikita. Residual fear from their nightmare caused them to react strongly to being woken so abruptly. Snapping violently into awareness, the two tried to jump to their feet to fight all the things that had frightened them. Unfortunately, neither of them got very far. How close they were sitting when they had crashed prevented any springs into action.
Alex's and Nikita's heads slammed together. The smack wasn't that hard; though it was audible. And the shock sent both of them collapsing back on the couch. Sean watched it all unfold almost in slow motion. It was one unfortunate event after the next. Except, once it was all over, he didn't feel sympathy for the women. He laughed. He kept laughing even as they glared.
"I really like him, so please be nice," Alex begged Nikita before they left for dinner. She was bringing her best friend to meet her new boyfriend, and it had to be perfect. Actually, it had to be beyond perfect. She didn't want her family and her love hating one another. They didn't necessarily have to be the best of friends. But they at least had to get along. They were all so important to Alex. She wanted them to feel the same love she did.
"I am nice," Instantly, Nikita defended herself. Sure, she was sarcastic, and abrasive, and tough to get to know. But she could be pleasant and nice to strangers. Especially if those strangers were important to the people she loved. She might get overprotective during dinner, but Alex had nothing to worry about. Nikita would be nice to her best friend's boyfriend.
Michael, however, didn't believe that. Nikita might've been kind, but she wasn't nice. She was going to give Alex's poor boyfriend the third degree all dinner. He hoped Alex found a strong one, because that man didn't stand a chance.
Catching the disbelief on Michael's face irritated Nikita. She wanted to argue against him, yet deep down she knew his reaction was accurate. No one knew her as much as he did, and he definitely knew that she wasn't nice. She'd still try to be, however. She'd also try to prove herself right, "I'm nice!"
"Michael?" Glancing towards her other friend, Alex wondered. Michael nodded. Although he had been an overprotective ass the first time he ate dinner with one of her boyfriends, he'd have her back that dinner. He'd be nice for Nikita, and he'd keep his interrogation to a minimum. If Alex really liked her new boyfriend- really trusted him- then he was a good one.
Also, Michael and Nikita were secret agents. They could just spy on the boyfriend afterwards. Then, they'd really know if he was good for Alex or not.
"Are you sure you want to marry her?" Ryan asked Michael after Nikita stormed out of the room. Her stubbornness had been off the charts recently. Yet during that briefing, she had reached new heights of not listening to anyone. It was her way or nothing else. Alex following her every move didn't help. Nikita's righteous stubbornness just kept growing.
Michael was very much aware of that fact. He was also aware that he'd have to talk to his fiancée about it sooner or later. She wouldn't listen to him, but he could still attempt it. Though, if he were being honest, he didn't think he'd try that hard. Nikita's stubbornness had its endearing moments. She was far more driven and determined than him at times. Also, sometimes Michael had to admit that she was right. Her passion saw her though, "I can't wait to marry her."
"Why does it smell like a hotel pool in here?" Walking into Ops, Owen wondered aloud. He knew he was interrupting important conversations and work by asking the weird question. Yet that was the first thing that hit him once he entered the room. It was so unusual, he had to mention it. He was also pretty sure that if he didn't have his question resolved, he'd never be able to focus on anything else.
"Thank you!" Birkhoff shouted from his station. He had been saying that for hours, but no one would listen to him. Finally, someone else acknowledged how weird the smell in Ops was. Though, on second thought, it was Owen who agreed with him. Maybe Birkhoff had gone insane like the others had said.
"Yeah, but you laugh in your sleep. Talking I can handle. And screaming during a nightmare is standard. But you laugh. That's fucking creepy as hell. What are you, possessed by the devil?" Nikita reamed Alex out. The young woman was already aware of her sleep-talking and screaming. But her sleep-laughing had to be addressed. That couldn't be swept under the rug any longer. The creepiness, which scared Nikita the first time she had heard it, needed to end.
"You kick and thrash around so much in your sleep, you fall out of bed. You're the possessed one always fighting demons," Rolling her eyes (and suppressing a giggle at the over dramatics) Alex fired back. Nikita couldn't get on her for her weird sleeping habits when she couldn't sleep like a normal person either. Her sleep-kicking was a serious problem. If it had caused her to fall out of her bed at the loft once, then there was no telling how Michael felt sleeping so close to her on the tiny thing.
"Yeah, I gotta fight the demons your laughter evokes," Nikita quickly retaliated. As her words hung in the air, however, she and Alex began to giggle. They were light and little sounds at first. The women tried to contain them, preferring to glare instead. But the laughter soon became overwhelming. Alex and Nikita laughed uproariously. Whatever they were attempting to fight about instantly disappeared. They just shared smiles and laughter.
"Do you ever think you need a break from one another?" Glancing between the two best friends, Sonya judged. She never figured out why they had started fighting. And she couldn't figure out why they had dissolved into laughter then. Nikita and Alex just cracked. They had spent so much time together, they went insane.
Sonya eventually did too after lunch with the pair. Laughter came easily with the friends.
Chapter 45
Notes:
Set between seasons 2 & 3. The team has to pack up the safehouse.
Chapter Text
"Wake up sleepyheads! It's moving day!" Alex burst into the safehouse just after the sun rose, arms full of boxes and body full of energy. The team of former rogues finally had their own apartments to live in, which meant they didn't need a safehouse anymore. They- thankfully- no longer had to live with one another. Their safehouse would be empty and quiet. They thought about just letting it be and possibly using it incase a problem arose later. Yet with how bright everything looked, they didn't see the necessity. They could just sell the place and use the money to kickstart New Division. All they had to do first was move all of their shit out.
"Where does she get her energy from?" As Alex dropped her boxes and moved to wake Birkhoff and Ryan, Michael muttered to Nikita. The young woman had texted them before coming over, so they knew to haul themselves out of bed and prepare some coffee. However, the two still weren't awake enough to start moving. Nikita and Michael just slumped against each other and the counter, and sipped their precious caffeine.
"Youth," Through a yawn, Nikita huffed. Michael chuckled around his mug. While Alex very rudely woke Birkhoff and Ryan and called Sean to order him to join, Michael and Nikita sipped their coffee and attempted to wake up. They still weren't as energetic as the young woman. But that might not ever be true. They simply had to stifle their yawns and start moving.
Once the team of former rogues were all together- and more or less energized- they decided to pack their belongings in groups. Some things were to be moved to Division, such as weapons and gear. Others were going to their individual apartments. It was obvious which of their personal belongings went where; whoever owned it got to keep it. As for communal items, such as dishes, entertainment, and furniture, those were difficult to separate.
The team somewhat decided that whoever needed the item the most should have it. Alex's and Sean's apartments already had everything they needed- and if not, they had the money or an actual job to buy more things. Birkhoff, Michael and Nikita, and Ryan had to take whatever they could to furnish their new places. So, they just split the communal items as best they could. The appliances were to be left for any future residents.
When their belongings were finally sorted, and the team was sufficiently awake (still not matching Alex's youthful energy) moving officially began. They worked in pairs. Ryan and Birkhoff gathered items and separated them into their respective groups. Alex and Michael boxed and labeled everything. And Sean and Nikita placed the boxes into the vans that would carry them to their destinations. It was a great working assembly line. Everyone had their jobs, keeping things organized and calm. At least, for a while.
Eventually, as it always happened with the former rogues, chaos soon reigned. It was a quiet chaos compared to all the events that had to suffer through. Mostly, their conversations just dissolved into arguments full of teases and taunts. But the different quips and shouts were difficult to keep track of. Especially the ones coming from Sean and Nikita. The two kept moving in and out of the safehouse, so only snippets of their conversations were heard. They started civilly at first- simply talking about their lives and things like that.
Yet it soon devolved from there. No one knew who to blame for the arguments, or even who started it. However, none of that mattered. Sean and Nikita stormed back into the safehouse, grabbing more boxes of weapons. She moved faster than him, which made him have to chase after her. He made sure his words were loud and clear enough for her to hear, though, "What do you mean you don't know what weapons you have?"
"I don't take stock of everything. Besides, you don't always need a weapon to hurt people. I'm great at improvising weapons. You know this," Smirking over her shoulder, Nikita replied. Sean rolled his eyes.
"Throwing my gun in my face doesn't count," Picking up a box with a heavy sigh, the Seal refused to accept the rogue's example. Taking his weapon and throwing it in his face wasn't improvised. She was just being annoying.
"What about a vacuum cleaner tube to kill a Gogol agent?" Nikita continued being maddening. She let the door close behind her, right in Sean's face.
"Are you serious?" He was too shocked to be irritated, however. Sean threw open the door and demanded answers.
After the commotion between the movers, Alex turned to Michael. If anyone knew what Nikita was talking about, it'd be her boyfriend. Her best friend certainly didn't. Except, as Alex stared at Michael, he only shrugged. He continued to pack up the pile in front of him, shaking his head, "Don't look at me."
"I don't understand a lot of the things she did that first year," Alex began to shake her head as well. She blamed the lack of steady communication for that. She and Nikita weren't able to tell each other everything as they had worked on different fronts to take down Division. They still didn't know about all the crazy situations they had faced during that time. At that rate, though, they probably never would.
"I actually still have a lot of questions for you about that. Figure now should be the time to ask," Changing the subject, Michael mentioned. There were some things left out of the debrief when he joined Alex and Nikita on their side of the war. They weren't that important for him to know. He was able to help and be successful without the knowledge. But since the war had finally ended, he wanted to have some loose ends tied up.
"For me?" Alex stopped packing for a second. She couldn't think of anything that she did during her time as a mole that would leave Michael confused. Okay, maybe a few choices she had made in her spying. But she wasn't the one running around with a deadly vacuum tube.
"You know Nikita likes to be 'mysterious'," Michael admitted. Alex would be far more honest than Nikita. If he asked his girlfriend, she'd only taunt him like she was Sean.
"You had what put where for how long?" For instance, something she had said caused Ryan to shout from across the room. Nikita only shrugged as she and Sean walked past him. No one was getting any answers from her.
Whereas Michael stared in bewilderment as his girlfriend, Alex attempted to get back on task. She labeled a box and signaled for Michael's attention, "What do you want to know?"
"How did Nikita find you?" Michael jumped right into it. Although Nikita had told him about Alex's true identity and how she had saved her from Division, she never told him how she found the lost heiress on the streets. He asked numerous times, but she never opened up. He could never understand why that was.
"I still have no idea," After taking a second to think, Alex admitted. She thought she could figure out how Nikita managed to track her down. But nothing she came up with made sense. And just like with Michael, Nikita never told Alex how she found her. She told her almost everything else she wanted to know, but not that. The young woman began to think that she didn't want to know. There could be a reason Nikita refused to talk.
"So I know it was your idea to help Nikita, and it was your idea to infiltrate Division. But what was your plan if it didn't work? What if Division never grabbed you from prison? What if we didn't even hear about you?" Michael asked his next series of questions, distracting Alex from her thoughts. He knew how Alex infiltrated Division. What he had to know was if there were any contingencies. There had been no guaranteed ways into the hellhole. It had to be the right amount of bad luck and ill-timing.
"I smuggled a phone into prison. I texted Nikita updates every night. So she knew when I wasn't taken and then when I finally was. If I wasn't grabbed in a few days, she was going to break me out, and we were going to try again," Alex explained simply. She and Nikita hadn't thought of a lot of contingencies. They were certain that their plan would have worked. Obviously, they had been right.
Michael nodded in understanding. He had suspected there'd be reasonable answers to his questions. Nikita and Alex had come up with a great plan, and they were usually pretty good at considering everything. Their schemes- including the insane ones- could be trusted. The two women were well trained and prepared to take on anything. That thought made Alex smirk. Michael had no idea how prepared she actually was to take Division apart from the inside, "Don't worry. We made sure Division would hear about me. Nikita taught me exactly what to do to capture your attention."
Before a very confused Michael could explore what that meant, Sean and Nikita came storming back towards the packed boxes. They were having the same argument they had been. The Seal simply wouldn't believe a single word the former rogue was saying, "There's no way you beat all those Gogol agents with improvised weapons."
"It's just Gogol. They're not that impressive," Nikita brushed him off and grabbed a box. She wasn't downplaying her own accomplishments with the statement. She was only saying that Gogol was no match for her.
"I thought they were the Russian Division. That's intense," Sean, however, disagreed. He was sure Nikita could take on a handful of Gogol agents. She had managed to take out an entire room of Division recruits and guards. But she couldn't have taken on as many agents as she claimed. There was simply no way she managed to kill one with a plastic tube.
"That's just old Cold War scare tactics Percy held onto to freak out the recruits. You've met Ari. He's definitely not as bad as Percy. I mean, he never used killchips," Moving back outside, Nikita informed Sean. Gogol was incomparable to Division. Gogol was legal and had actual hired agents. Division was a criminal organization that kidnapped messed up kids for fun. Although Gogol still had world destroying actions, which ones were the real villains.
"Oh yeah. Alex told me about those," Grabbing a box for himself, Sean muttered. He absolutely abhorred the idea of the killchips. He couldn't believe his mother had been a part of that. He also couldn't believe that there were potential bombs in many Division agents' heads. Fortunately, they could be turned off- which the team had already taken care of. But they weren't permanently disabled. Only Alex's had been. Yet even how that came to be was horrific. The killchips were the stuff of nightmares. Sean hoped they never made another appearance.
"You mean you didn't know about the killchips before Alex told you? You are the worst informed person who has ever tried to kill me," Nikita couldn't believe it. How had Sean even been a threat when he was hardly told anything about Division, Oversight, and the rogues.
Whereas Sean rushed after Nikita in a sad attempt to defend himself, Alex moved the topic along. She didn't want to discuss killchips; she wanted those things far away from her. However, she did want to reiterate Nikita's point about the Cold War. Neither Nikita nor Sean were around even more to hear Alex, but she could still tell Michael, "My papa held onto some of those Cold War sentiments about America. Guess it's an old guy thing."
"It was a huge part of their lives. They grew up in that fear and propaganda. Your dad didn't want you to grow up with the same atrocities," Gladly jumping onto Alex's change of subjects, Michael told her what he thought about her father's beliefs about American culture. He had his reasons for restricting the media she consumed and music she listened to. It was only to keep her safe. Which was in direct opposition of why Percy was so strict, and why he ruled by fear mongering. He wasn't aiming for safety, just blind soldiers, "Percy, on the other hand…"
Alex chuckled. Michael smiled. He was glad he was able to help her see some lightness in such serious subjects. She didn't have to be weighed down by them. Also, she could be redirected to another topic. Michael still had one more question to ask Alex about her time as a mole. Since they weren't being distracted, he could receive his answer, "Hey, I have another question. What was the plan if Nikita died while you were still in Division?"
"Her plan was for me to escape and take that identity packet she made for me. My plan was to avenge her too," Alex grinned wickedly. She never told Nikita that, but those had been her intentions. She wouldn't have let the rogue die in vain.
"Oh great. There's two of you," Michael lightly nudged Alex. The two chuckled and attempted to continue their work without any more distractions. They didn't have much luck.
"Wait! Michael!" Nikita's sudden shouts could be heard from the inside. She crashed back into the safehouse, slamming into walls in her haste. Michael stared at her in alarm. But she was unconcerned with her clumsiness. She desperately needed an answer to the horrible thought that came to her mind, "Ari's son. Who's his mother?"
Silence washed over the safehouse. Nikita's terrible thought raced through everyone else's minds. Ari and Amanda had had an affair for give or take fifteen years. That was about how old Ari's son was. Panicked eyes begged Michael for an answer. He panicked for a second as well. But, fortunately, he remembered his research on the former head of Gogol and sighed, "He had a wife, remember. She died. Or was killed. Or just ran off. All I know is that she disappeared. But she did exist, and she's the mother of his son."
"Oh thank fucking God. Can you imagine Amanda as a mother?" Nikita's sigh almost sounded like a relieved laugh. She couldn't believe she had even thought Amanda would've mothered Ari's son in the first place. It was so ridiculous.
"Yeah. She'd drug her kids, then invade their dreams to see what they really think about her," Alex scoffed. That bitch was no mother, despite her attempts to mother the recruits.
"If she didn't go full inquisitor on their asses before then," Birkhoff chimed in bitterly. He'd never get over what Amanda did to him. And why should he. She was a bitch.
"Mother of the year," Adding items to a pile that had to be packed, Ryan couldn't help but quip. The team broke into laughter. That was the most ridiculous thought yet.
Their laughter eventually helped them refocus on packing and moving. The team settled down and resumed their tasks. There was peace once again. Yet just like last time, it didn't last long. Sean and Nikita were right back to their argument about weapons and fighting abilities. It had escalated to a challenge, one Nikita was determined to win, "I so can to beat you up with an improvised weapon."
"Can you find one mid-fight without lowering your defenses?" Sean dared. He didn't doubt that Nikita could turn anything into a weapon. But he was certain that her searching for something deadly to use would cost her time and energy she couldn't spare. He could easily slip past her defenses and kick her ass.
"Oh, definitely. Let's go. I'll show you," Forgetting all about moving, Nikita dropped into a sparring stance. Sean copied her with a smirk.
"Outside!" Michael ordered before Nikita and Sean could begin their fight. He didn't know how it was going to go. But judging by the determined glints in both their eyes, it was going to be destructive.
"Why am I the only one still working?" Birkhoff huffed. Nikita and Sean moved their sparring outside, Michael and Alex were distracted by them, and Ryan was absorbed in a book he had found. The hacker should not be the only one still moving. It was all of their shit they had to deal with. They should've all been packing so they could get it done before the end of the day.
Reluctantly, Ryan put away the book and Alex and Michael stopped trying to watch Sean and Nikita through the windows. Birkhoff was right- for once. They should keep their focus on packing up an entire safehouse that they had all used. If they had to spend a whole other day moving, they might lose their minds.
Besides, they had no idea how long Sean's and Nikita's fight could last. The others should get as much boxed before the end of it so the two could immediately get back to moving the boxes to the vans. Maybe if they stayed busy, they'd stop arguing. As ideal as that seemed in theory, that wasn't true in practice. When Nikita and Sean eventually came back inside, he was massaging a sore shoulder, and she was only in her sports bra. Her t-shirt was rolled up in her hands. She had made her point. But he wasn't happy about it. He kept trying to challenge her, "Fine. But you can't kill someone with just a t-shirt."
"I can strangle you or snap your neck if I get the right angle," Tossing her t-shirt at Birkhoff's unsuspecting face, Nikita warned. She had twisted the garment up and treated it like a rope. In a real fight, she could've strangled her assailant or even snapped their neck with her twisted shirt. For sparring purposes, though, she only whipped Sean and pulled at his limbs.
"You're just setting up more problems for yourself," Sean was fed up with the whole thing. Improvised weapons would never be as great as the real ones. It didn't matter if they got the job done. They were hardly efficient.
"Keep doubting me, and I'll show you," Finally grabbing another box to move, Nikita glared at the Seal. Either he was going to drop the topic, or she'd make him.
"Sean. Sean. She once dislocated her own shoulder to win a fight. I wouldn't," Gaining the Seal's attention, Michael warned. He shouldn't go down that rabbithole with Nikita. There was only pain and more bruised egos on the other side.
Studying Nikita's retreating back, Sean decided to heed Michael's advice. He took a box and went outside. Alex spared a glance towards Michael. She knew what event he was referring to, and there was an important part he was leaving out. Nikita wasn't fighting just anybody when she injured herself to get the upper hand. She had fought her former handler turned boyfriend, "You're not going to tell him she did it while fighting you?"
"That's irrelevant," Michael deadpanned. Alex instantly called him out for that with a laugh. But she didn't say anything else. She just resumed her packing.
The next time Nikita and Sean came in for boxes, they were laughing. The Seal and the rogue had miraculously made up from their fight and had begun to joke around. Michael and Alex couldn't understand the sudden shift, but they could revel in it. They made jokes and sarcastic comments too. While Sean rolled his eyes as they moved back outside, Nikita stuck out her tongue and made a funny face. Michael laughed. Alex faced him in awe, "You know. I've never seen Nikita like that until you came along."
"What? Insane?" Rolling his eyes, Michael huffed. For as long as he had known Nikita, she had been insane and uncontrollable. Him being in her life didn't change that. She was never going to listen to him or anybody else.
"No. She's always been insane. And sarcastic. And bossy. But she wasn't really goofy, until you," Alex shrugged. She and Nikita had had their fun when it was just them against the world, but it wasn't the same as it was then. Nikita seemed far more free and happy since she had Michael at her side. He did too as Alex thought about it. He definitely wasn't her intimidating handler anymore, "You're not as serious either. Or scary."
Chuckling to himself, Michael couldn't help his wide grin. Alex was absolutely right. He and Nikita had softened since they had gotten together. It was a blessing. They were both the greatest things to happen to one another in a long time, "Believe it or not, love does that to you."
"Gross," Alex scrunched up her nose in disgust. Michael caught her sarcasm, however, and nudged her again. She broke into giggles.
"You'll figure out what I mean later," Noticing the charged gaze Sean and Alex shared when the Seal came over for another box, Michael muttered. He believed the young woman would be so caught up in Sean that she wouldn't hear him. She did, however. And as soon as the Seal left, she shot Michael a look.
Luckily, he was saved by Birkhoff. The hacker abandoned his task to move closer to the others. His stomach had loudly noticed how long they had been working. If he didn't bring it up to the others, chances were they'd keep working until they were dead on their feet. Or too cranky to function, "I don't know about you guys, but I'm starving."
"Pizza!" Whatever Alex had wanted to say to Michael was quickly shaken from her mind. She needed food, and she wanted pizza.
"You buying?" Ryan asked. He'd be down for pizza if the heiress paid for it. She had the money to buy good food- the kind that'd actually taste delicious and fill them up. After moving around so much, and spending so long as a rogue agent, the cheap stuff wouldn't cut it.
"Yeah. Come on, Sean. Help me pick it up," Instantly dropping her things, Alex rushed over to Sean. He didn't have a chance to say anything. She grabbed his hand tightly and yanked him out of the safehouse.
"Can't we just have it delivered now?" Sean was heard arguing as the door slammed shut. The others laughed, but they didn't stop Alex from dragging him away.
With her moving partner gone, and one of the vehicles taken to get food, Nikita decided to stop moving boxes. She invaded her boyfriend's space, resting her chin on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his waist. Michael quickly turned her around in his arms. He wanted to place his hands on her bare waist and look her in her eyes. Relaxing at his touch, she sighed, "I can't wait to get out of here."
"You'll miss it, though," Michael assured. The safehouse was loud, crazy, hectic, unbearable, and chaotic. But it was also full of family. It would be strange living without them.
"Homequarters? Right?" Recalling the silly made up name Michael had called the safehouse, Nikita beamed. Safehouses had been her home for a while. Although she might miss the time she had spent with her friends, she was ready for a new home. A home she could share with just her boyfriend.
"Definitely," With a crooked smile, Michael pulled Nikita closer to him. She hummed contently. Their lips brushed together in a soft kiss.
"Do you see how much stuff we have left to pack? Let's go," Finally throwing Nikita's t-shirt back at her, Birkhoff bit. Michael and Nikita continued their kiss just to spite him. He flipped them off, yet otherwise left them alone. Everyone couldn't wait to get out of the safehouse. But at least in the meantime, they could keep enjoying (or annoying) the company of their insane family.
Chapter 46
Notes:
Set after 2x07 "Clawback". Nikita apologizes to Michael.
Chapter Text
"I'm sorry. Instead of asking what you wanted, I made a decision without you. That was wrong. I know that you can handle yourself in the field even while injured. And especially when you have a son to live for. I should've trusted you. You're my partner. We do things together. I'm sorry," Nikita appeared in the doorway, fidgeting with the ends of her hair.
She had given Michael some space since he had stormed away from her. He had moved to another room to cool off and clear his head. When Nikita eventually joined him, she saw that he had also cleaned some of their equipment. He was keeping himself busy as he dealt with what happened; he wasn't stewing in anger. That was a good sign.
Possibly.
Maybe.
Nikita really hoped it was. Because while Michael seemingly kept his mind distracted by small tasks, she had paced the abandoned building for what felt like hours. She couldn't stop thinking about what he had said to her. She couldn't stop thinking about the way his voice cracked, and how his eyes glistened with tears. She had been so wrong. So very, very wrong. And she had to make it right.
Her apology had to be thoughtful, remorseful, and one hundred percent sincere. Which it was. It absolutely was. But it didn't cause the reaction she thought it would.
"Why do you always insist that my life is more important than yours?" Upon hearing her apology, Michael stopped what he was doing to regard Nikita. He gave her his full attention, yet she wasn't sure if she liked that or not. There was a look in his eyes that she couldn't recognize. She could usually tell what he was thinking by the way he looked at her- or not looked at her. But there was something else in his gaze that had her feeling uncertain. Hurt, anger, and something else were brewing in those dark evergreen eyes. It gave her pause. What had her choice done to him. What had it done to them.
"I love you," It was the lamest thing Nikita could say in response to Michael's question. Those three words were her excuse when she had drugged him and ran off on a dangerous revenge mission without him. It was a miracle that he had managed to catch up to her in time. Had he not provided snipper support from across the street, Nikita wouldn't have been able to escape Division and Oversight. Michael saved her life again- despite all her efforts to save him.
All Nikita wanted was to keep Michael safe. He was injured. He had a son. He was everything to her. Nikita needed him alive.
She wasn't able to save Ryan. And she wasn't able to help Alex. But Nikita could keep Michael safe. She had to keep him with her.
Despite her best efforts, however, Nikita's decision caused Michael to slip away. Maybe that was the something else in his eyes that she couldn't place. He had warned her that if she ever acted like that again, he'd leave her. It wasn't an empty threat. She had hurt him so much by drugging and leaving him. She apologized, and she meant it. But that might not be enough. It didn't seem as though it was enough. Michael continued to regard Nikita with that unrecognizable look in his eyes.
"I know. But do you know that I love you?" When Michael finally replied, he didn't move any closer to Nikita. He didn't pull away from her either. He just stood his ground and stared Nikita in the eyes.
She didn't know what to do with his lack of movement. Or with his question. She remained in the doorway, pulling on the ends of her loose hair and trying not to run from Michael's intense gaze, "Of course I do."
"You don't know how much you mean to me, or how I'd feel if I lost you," Instantly, Michael snapped. His emotionless, reserved tone disappeared as he repeated what he had accused her of earlier. It almost seemed like the tears were back in his eyes, scratching his throat and tightening his words. The fact that Nikita didn't know what she meant to him wounded him. After all they had been through together, she still had her doubts about what he thought of her.
And that was all on her. Nikita knew that. It was her fault she didn't know how Michael felt about her. He told her he loved her. He showed her he loved her. He loved her in ways she didn't think was even possible. No one else loved her- the real her- like he did. Yet, despite all that, Nikita was surprised to see the tears in his eyes when he had mentioned losing her. She never thought Michael would cry over her. She never thought she had affected him that much.
Again, it was all her fault for thinking that. Michael had done everything he could to communicate to her how much he loved her. Nikita just wouldn't accept it. She wouldn't think of herself in any other way. Michael wasn't to blame for everything that happened. Just Nikita was. It was all on her.
Nikita never responded to Michael's statement aloud, however. She just averted her gaze and shuffled her feet. She expected to hear a sigh as a result. Instead, only weighted silence followed. Nikita glanced cautiously up at Michael, afraid to know what he was thinking. She still couldn't read his thoughts. Either he was completely closed off to her, or she was missing something important.
"The overwhelming feeling you felt- the one that made you act without thinking- at just the idea of me in danger, I feel that as well. When I woke up and you were gone, I thought it was too late. I thought you were gone forever, and I couldn't breathe. So those intense emotions you feel that are just so much that they're scary and you don't know what to do with them, I feel it too. I'm overwhelmed by them too. But I still stop to think," The sound of tears continued to be present in Michael's voice, but his words were the clearest they had ever been. He wouldn't allow himself to be misconstrued. Nikita needed to understand.
Letting his words sink in, Nikita did understand what Michael was getting at. She knew what he meant, and she knew she had screwed up even more. No amount of times she could apologize would make up for drugging him and leaving him to rush into danger. But she could try, however. She could try to express her guilt and change her actions, "I'm sorry."
"Why do I have to live without you, but you can't live without me?" Michael finally moved towards Nikita. Hurt, anger, and fear were all expressed in his gaze. Once again, the thought of losing her had him weak and terrified. He couldn't survive the idea of it. So how could Nikita have expected him to survive the reality.
Except, she didn't. Nikita hadn't thought of her actions like that. She was only protecting Michael. It was only about him, not her. Her life wasn't the one that needed to be saved, "What?"
"You forced me to stay because you can't stand the thought of losing me. I'm too important to you and to my son. But if I'm so important, then how come you were going to make me live without you? I'm too important to die, but not to go through heartbreak? Not to die along with you? If I'm truly your partner, then we do everything together. Everything. The good and the bad," Continuing to stalk towards Nikita, Michael spoke sternly. Although he wasn't yelling in anger, the heavy emotion in his voice couldn't be ignored. He couldn't lose her just as much as she couldn't lose him. They were partners in that regard as well.
"You could… I'm not…" Stammering, Nikita attempted to say something- anything- that would answer Michael's questions. She had an excuse. Except, she knew he'd fight her about it. Anything she would say, he'd rebuttal. She had nothing to defend herself with because her actions weren't defensible. She screwed up. She had to pay the consequences.
"You're not what?" Michael wondered gently, at first. He noted the conflict on her features and became concerned.
However, the instant he realized what Nikita was trying to say, he grew irritated. After everything, how could she still think the worst. How could she still fight him. What exactly wasn't getting through to her, "Don't you dare say you're not important. Don't you dare think that you don't mean the world to me."
Nikita captured the words in her throat before they could be released. Michael was right, and she knew it. She couldn't say anything against the feelings he had for her. She couldn't fight his heart. She could continue to express how sorry she was, however. She was learning more and more about her mistake. And she was more and more determined to never pull a stunt like that again, "I was selfish. I'm sorry."
"I love you. So let me stay with you, fight with you, live with you. If I can't die, then you can't die," Michael spoke softly. He closed the gap between him and Nikita and placed a gentle hand on her cheek. Her brown eyes bore right into his green.
The anger in his gaze was gone. But the hurt and fear remained. The something else was also mixed in there, but Nikita thought she had that figured out by then. Michael loved her with all his heart, which gave him both his greatest joy and greatest pain. Loving her wasn't easy. But he still chose to stay by her side- as long as she stayed by his.
"I'm sorry," Barely above a whisper, Nikita admitted one last time.
"I know," Michael nodded and pulled her into a steady embrace.
That wasn't the end of the couple's discussion on the matter. Nikita's dangerous stunt and Michael's hurtful ultimatum still hung in the air between them. Apologies and a hug wouldn't fix everything. They had to finish the serious conversation they had begun. Both sides had to be made clear, and an understanding had to be reached. After that, the making up process could start. The couple could mend their relationship together and continue moving forward.
Until they could continue talking, however, Nikita and Michael just hugged one another. They hugged until they could barely stand on their own two feet any longer.
Chapter 47
Notes:
Set in early season 3. The team messes around in one of the training rooms.
Chapter Text
For once, it was Michael's lack of thought that was to blame. It wasn't Nikita who was reckless. Nor was it anyone else not thinking about the possible consequences. Michael was the one who was rash, insane, and not thinking. He was bound to have one of those moments eventually. Nikita did them enough that it was due to rub off on him. Fortunately, it happened in the Division training room instead of the field. Unfortunately, it still led to someone getting hurt.
Michael, Nikita, Alex, and Sean were sparring in one of Division's training rooms. They took up the space hardly anyone used, giving themselves some freedom to goof around. They played music over the speakers, taunted one another, and practiced some fighting moves that probably wouldn't deal that much damage in the field. Nikita was mostly teaching Alex how to perform some of her flying kicks. The young woman was also small and light, so she could benefit from learning how to use her opponent's strength and momentum against them.
Sean took the brunt of the sparring lesson. Nikita used him to demonstrate the moves and have Alex practice. He honestly didn't mind. He'd do whatever to help Alex sharpen her skills. Also, he should probably find a way to counter all the spinning moves. He hadn't quite figured them out, and Nikita took advantage of that whenever they sparred. He still couldn't get a handle on it during the practice. The women constantly got him pinned harshly to the mat.
Although Alex struggled a bit more than Nikita at utilizing the moves, she was quickly learning the new technique. Each time she made Sean tap out, she felt even more triumphant; Nikita giving her praise between suggestions on her form helped. Alex felt like she could take on the entire world. She was that unstoppable.
Until, tragically, Nikita pointed out something awful after Alex's latest attempt to flip Sean to the ground, "Alex, put your boobs away."
"What? Oh, shit," Glancing down at her chest, Alex quickly turned around. Her breasts weren't completely out of her top. However, her tanktop had slipped down enough that they were spilling over her bra. Cheeks flushed red in embarrassment, she quickly fixed her wardrobe malfunction. She also tightened the adjustable straps on her bra for good measure. It wasn't as comfortable, but she really didn't want to accidentally flash all of Division.
"Eyes up, Sailor," Nudging Sean, Nikita reprimanded him from gawking. There wasn't much to see before Alex turned around; regardless, the Seal stared at the young woman with only one clear thought behind his hazel eyes. Nikita tried not to laugh at the two. She just smirked and moved away from the oblivious pair.
While Sean, Alex, and Nikita had their adventurous sparring lesson, Michael pummeled a punching bag. He glanced over from time to time, mostly to taunt them or laugh at their antics. When his fiancée moved over to him, he paused his punching to beam at her. She pointed to Sean and Alex and rolled her eyes. He shrugged. There was nothing they could do about the Seal and the heiress. The engaged couple's energy was better wasted on themselves. After all, Michael had a somewhat important question for Nikita, "Why don't you do that to me?"
"What do you mean? I flash you all the time," Nikita smirked. She held the bag for her fiancé; though, his strikes weren't as harsh. He was too busy rolling his eyes and chuckling.
Stopping the swing of the punching bag, Michael shook his head at Nikita. She grinned. He scoffed and attempted to clarify his words, "I meant one of those flying moves. You've never used that against me, not even while we spar."
"I've never needed to. I can kick your ass without it," Lightly pushing the bag against Michael, Nikita's grin grew smug. He was right: she had never used one of her special moves against him. She had just never thought about using them. Those moves were mostly to give her an advantage against an opponent she either didn't know or couldn't otherwise beat. Nikita knew Michael well enough that she didn't need an extra edge to take him down.
"So you're saying you can't kick Sean's ass without a special move?" Michael raised a suspicious eyebrow. Besides the many assailants who had faced her spin moves in the field, he had only seen Nikita use them on Sean and Alex during sparring. She did it to Alex to teach her, but Sean faced the advanced techniques regularly. Was it possible that the Seal actually gave Nikita a run for her money.
"The only way I can beat him is if I scare him or surprise him. And I need to keep beating him. Look at him. Sean deserves to have his ass kicked," Nikita practically shouted the last part, ensuring Sean heard her. The Seal did have enough skills to give her a fair fight, yet she was never looking for fair. She just wanted to permanently put him in his place.
"You wanna say that to my face?" Sean called back to Nikita. He could antagonize her right back.
However, after he did so, Nikita began to sprint at him. Surprised, Sean quickly backed up. As he bent his knees to prepare for the former rogue's attack, Alex was the one to spring into action. She used his thigh to boost herself up and twist herself around his body. Sean was down on the mat before he realized what hit him. He glanced up at Alex in shock. She victoriously pumped her arms in the air and faced Nikita, who had stopped running as soon as the young woman attacked, "I got it! I got the move!"
"He's a good test dummy to practice those moves on," Turning back towards her fiancé, Nikita chuckled.
Michael, however, only rolled his eyes. He was seriously wondering why Nikita never even practiced one of her flying kicks on him. He could handle it. She wasn't going to hurt him. Besides, he wanted to help his fiancée practice. The better prepared she was, the more at peace he could be (though, her rashness could still probably give him a heart attack), "Come on. Why don't you just practice on me?"
"I don't know. I'm afraid if I do it, it'll awaken something sexual in you that I can't control," Nikita honestly didn't have a good enough excuse for why she had never practiced a flying kick or anything else on Michael. But since he kept begging her to do it, she was going to tease him. Her quip at least earned her a laugh from Alex. Nikita smirked. Michael sighed.
"Just do it. Besides, I think I know of a way to counter after watching you do it to other men," Dropping into a fighting stance, Michael tried to smirk in return. But as Nikita glanced at him funny, his words caught up to him. He stammered some sort of correction, and she laughed at him. His words were definitely going to bite him in the ass.
"Oh. Are you so sure about that?" Nikita prepared to leave Michael flat on the mat. His cockiness couldn't save him. She saw right through her fiancé, "Or are you scared?"
"Terrified," Michael flashed his trademark half-smile, the one he knew made Nikita weak in the knees.
"God. You're so fucking hot when you do that," Nikita cursed. Michael was too busy laughing to ready himself for whatever she was going to do to him.
She didn't give him any time to recover. Nikita leapt on her fiancé, swinging her legs around his neck, pushing her knees into his back, and forcing him to drop to the ground. As Michael slammed into the mat, she held onto his arm and wrenched it behind his back. He grunted more in surprise than in pain; however, she still checked in with him to make sure she hadn't gone too hard, "You good?"
"Yeah," Michael's response was muffled by the mat. He totally had that coming. Especially since then he knew that there was no real counter for what Nikita had done.
"Told ya," Shoving away his captured arm, Nikita rubbed it in. Sean laughed, glad someone else had experienced his pain. And Alex high-fived her best friend. Their celebration was short-lived, however. Soon, Michael sprang to his feet and retaliated.
Quickly, and without much thought, Michael grabbed Nikita from behind. He twisted her around before she could squirm too much, successfully holding her upside down. She squealed and thrashed, but it was of no use, "Michael!"
"Come on, Ms. Badass. Flip your way out of this," Michael tightened his arms around her waist and jostled her around. Nikita could only giggle uncontrollably. She weakly pushed at his arms, laughing so much that her stomach hurt. The room burst into laughter with her. Teasing his fiancée, Michael was the loudest amongst them. He made Nikita giggle even more. The joyous sound was music to his ears- far better than the music that continued to play over the speakers.
"Come on, Nikita! Show him up," Alex cheered her best friend on. Maybe if Nikita had flipped around right when Michael had grabbed her, she'd have enough momentum to pull off a move. But since she had been left dangling for a while, she had nothing working for her.
When Nikita attempted to swing her legs down to break Michael's arms around her waist, she wound up falling face first onto the mat. He managed to hold onto her the entire time, so as she fell he did too. He landed atop her head. First, a crunch was heard. Then, a muffled cry. Michael frantically scrambled off Nikita. He gently lifted her head from the mat and instantly cursed, "Oh shit."
"I'll get some ice," Upon seeing the blood gushing out of Nikita's nose, Alex hurriedly sprinted to Medical. Michael helped sit Nikita up and examined the damage done. The blood made it seem worse than it was. Although her nose was crooked, there wasn't too much swelling. She should be alright. They just had to stop the bleeding and swelling. Sean handed over a towel for the former. It was one used to wipe sweat from the mat, yet that didn't matter. Whatever worked to catch the heavy blood flow couldn't be complained against.
Ever so gently, Michael held the towel against Nikita's nose. She tried to take it from him to do it herself, yet she was struggling for breath. Her fiancé didn't like that sound. He moved closer to her, studying her intently. Besides the busted nose, he couldn't see what else could've been wrong. Panicked, he asked, "Are you okay? Can you breathe?"
"I'm trying not to laugh," Nikita admitted as she gasped for air. The tears in her brown eyes were a mixture of strained laughter, pain, and shock. How she had gotten hurt was so stupid that it was funny. However, laughing aggravated her throbbing nose. She had to try so hard just to hold herself together. Fortunately, her fiancé began to chuckle softly as well. He wasn't too overwhelmed with guilt for what had happened.
"Well, that's one way to win a fight, Mikey," Sighing in relief, Sean joked. Michael glared at him. Except, the harsh look didn't hold for long. He returned his gaze to Nikita, unwilling to take his eyes off her as he continued to examine her.
"I think you have to go to Medical," Michael said softly. He tenderly touched her crooked nose. He attempted not to hurt her, yet he had to see what kind of damage they were working with. Nikita didn't push him away as pain rippled through her. Hopefully that was a good sign.
"I can set it myself. I set my own shoulder after you yanked it out of socket," Nikita tried not to wiggle her nose. Despite the blood and pain, it wasn't too badly broken- a bone was probably more out of place than shattered. If she forced her nose back into place, she'd be okay. There'd be pain and swelling for a few days, but there wouldn't be any cosmetic damage. She wouldn't even need a splint.
"That's comforting," Muttering mostly to himself, Michael pulled Nikita closer to him. She had used his hold to dislocate her own shoulder, but that fact didn't matter. He was more concerned with the fact that she had dealt with the pain alone, and she was determined to do so again. She didn't have to be so stubborn about her medical care. Someone would take care of her.
It was too late to stop Nikita from what she planned on doing, however (not that she'd listen to Michael anyway). Taking a deep breath, she cupped her nose securely between her thumbs. She pushed at the misplaced bone harshly, setting it back in place with another crunch. The sound was worse than when she had fallen. At least, according to Sean it was. He recoiled with a shout, "Oh, that's vile!"
"See. Surprise and shock," Nikita smirked while Sean continued to gag at the sound her bone had made. Michael scoffed. He didn't scold her, though. There was no point.
Since her crooked nose was corrected, the swelling and bleeding had lessened. Yet it wasn't all fixed yet. Michael continued to hold the towel under her nose, and Nikita continued to wait for Alex to bring ice. The young woman wasn't gone for much longer. She hurried back into the training room, a bag of ice in hand and Birkhoff in tow. She had told him what had happened when she ran into him in the hallway. Curious, he had followed her. He took one look at the scene in front of him and laughed, "How many times are you going to faceplant Nikki before you realize that's not what you're supposed to be doing?"
"Falling on your ass is the best way to learn," Alex repeated what Nikita had once told her while she was teaching the young woman to fight. She handed over the ice, and the former rogue placed it on her nose with a wince.
"Or Flight Simulator. Right, Nerd," Glancing up at Birkhoff, Nikita snarked. She had recently told him that she had solely learned how to pilot aircraft from the videogame. He hated that fact. He wouldn't even consider that she was joking. It was too awful to think about.
"That's not funny. I was in that helicopter," Birkhoff huffed. Although Nikita's past stunt had saved his life, he didn't appreciate that she might not have been all that prepared for it.
Curious glances cast between Michael and Nikita. She hadn't actually learned how to fly solely from the computer program. However, she also didn't learn it from Division. Piloting a helicopter and plane were some of the extra skills she had picked up while she was rogue. If she refused to tell her friends where she had developed the skill, though, then maybe her fiancé would. Unfortunately, Michael just shrugged, "I don't know where she learned how to fly. Probably the same place where she learned those flippy moves."
"They have actual names. I can show you each one," Taking the towel from Michael, Nikita dared. Her words lost impact, though, as she wrapped the bloody towel around the icepack and winced sharply once more.
"Later. I don't want to get blood on me," Michael snarked. He helped shift the towel so it could both absorb the few droplets of blood left and cover the burning cold ice.
Instead of continuing to stand over the engaged couple, Alex sat down next to them. Their sparring session was over for the day. She might as well make herself comfortable as they talked. The mat was good enough to sit on for a while. It wasn't exactly soft, but it had substantially cushioned the blow when Michael and Nikita had fallen on it. Her injury would've been far worse had she faceplanted on anything else, especially on the floor of their old safehouses. Alex couldn't stop thinking specifically of the loft. Falls on that had hurt like hell, "I would've loved a mat to practice on instead of the floor at the loft."
"Sorry. At least it was spacious enough, unlike the safehouses," Nikita retroactively apologized. In hindsight, she wished she had gotten a mat to practice sparring at the loft. But it had worked out fine for the two women. They were both alive and well (sort of).
"The more you talk about it, the more I wish I could've seen the loft," Birkhoff joined the others on the floor. Nikita always talked fondly about her loft, even bragging about it at times. He wished he could know exactly what she was talking about. Then, he could effectively dismiss all her positive claims and taunt her about it.
"You did," Grinning slyly, Nikita nudged at Birkhoff. He had no idea what she was talking about. So, she jogged his memory, "Remember, Birkhoff. 'You found me'."
"You brought me to your loft! So if I had just paid a bit more attention, Division could've raided your place, and the war would've been over before it even started?" In complete disbelief, Birkhoff gaped at Nikita. Not only had she kidnapped him, placed a bug on his molar (that she didn't even listen to), and left him duct taped to playground equipment, the former rogue had also brought him to her hideout. She had taunted the hacker in every way possible, and he was still finding out more about it.
"Good thing I knew you wouldn't," As the rest of their friends laughed, Nikita shrugged. Kidnapping Birkhoff at that time hadn't been the most dangerous thing she had done. With her signal jammer and knowledge of the nerd, she knew she had been safe. He was never the threat.
Michael at that time, however, could've gotten to Nikita. If only his advice had been listened to, "I told you she knew what she was doing. If you had just listened to me…"
"You saying you could've brought her in?" Sean put a stop to Michael's 'I told you so'. There was no way the agent could've done what the Seal couldn't. Even if Percy and Birkhoff had listened to him at the very beginning, there was no way Nikita would've been brought in. She was far too good at being rogue.
"Was that before or after you let me go?" Nikita quickly reminded Michael that he had had a chance to bring her in- multiple chances in fact. He simply never did.
"You shot me," Michael attempted to defend himself. However, it didn't work. His fiancée's smile beamed too proudly.
"After you let me go," Poking where Michael's faded scar was, Nikita knew that she had him. She had once claimed that he had never been far away from her. Despite their opposite sides of the war, Michael had always been on Nikita's side. He wouldn't have let her die. He cared about her too damn much- past, present, and future.
Whereas the engaged couple were having one of their moments, the others rolled their eyes. Alex looked up at Sean with a heavy sigh, "You see what I had to deal with?"
"So, you'd let her go when she was rogue. But you'll break her nose when you're engaged?" Earning himself a scarily stern expression from Michael, Sean questioned. He did his best to ignore the scowl. Alex, Birkhoff, and Nikita laughing around him helped.
Soon thinking of an absolutely horrendous joke, Alex leaned close to Nikita to quietly mutter it in her ear. She wasn't sure how well the quip would be received. The former rogue made fun of her past with sarcasm and dark humor all the time. Alex could probably get away with it too. After all, she had gone through her own share of hell. If anyone could poke fun at terrible situations, it could be those two, "Nikita. Do you need to call a domestic abuse hotline?"
Instantly, Nikita fell on her back laughing. Although Alex chuckled at her own terrible joke, Nikita was the only one laughing. Sean and Birkhoff weren't sure if they should find something like that funny. And Michael pouted. He didn't like the comment, even if it was made completely in jest. His fiancée's abuse-filled past wasn't something he took lightly. Once her laughter died down, Nikita finally noticed how upset the joke made Michael. She sat back up and lovingly patted his cheek, "Aw. Baby. I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. I'd kill you before it ever happened."
"Do you want me to pay for your dinner?" Getting Michael's attention, Alex thought that'd be better than an apology. She could actually pay for the comment and make him feel better with some comfort food.
"I know I do," Sean cut in. Birkhoff shook his head, and Alex glared. Yet the Seal didn't back down from his statement. Of course he'd love dinner provided by the heiress.
"Come on. Team dinner at our place. Someone go drag Ryan out of his office," Finally getting back to her feet, Nikita decided. Sparring with her friends for the majority of the day had been great. Although she had gotten her face smashed in, she didn't want the fun to end. A somewhat peaceful dinner with her team- after they had showered and cleaned up- seemed like the perfect conclusion. The others absolutely agreed.
Birkhoff moved to tell Ryan about dinner, and Sean and Alex cleaned the mess left in the training room. Michael, on the other hand, became serious again as he hopped to his feet. He gently lifted the towel and icepack off Nikita's nose and guiltily studied her. She smiled softly. Taking his hand in hers, she glanced at him in complete adoration, "I still love you."
"I love you too," Michael rolled his eyes and smiled. He kissed Nikita tenderly, cautious of her nose. She only slightly winced. Regardless, he then shifted his lips to her cheek and kissed her repeatedly. She giggled; though, he didn't stop until she managed to pull away from him. He returned her adoring look. Smiling up at her fiancé (and placing the ice back on her nose) she dragged him home with her.
Chapter 48
Notes:
An AU for 3x04 "Consequences". What if Alex chased after Sean instead of running to the medicine cabinet.
Chapter Text
"I'm not going to stand by and watch this place destroy another person that I love," Sean snapped at Alex. He rounded on her in the hallway of Medical, hazel eyes ablaze.
That wasn't the place for him to make that kind of confession. He was supposed to have admitted his love for her in a romantic setting. He was supposed to have taken her on a date, held her hand, gazed into her beautiful blue eyes, and told her how much he loved her with everything in his heart. He shouldn't have yelled at her while they were surrounded by the latest destruction in Division. His words might not stick. It'd just be chalked up as an overemotional reaction to the latest bought of terror. Sean really needed to pick his moments better.
"What?" Alex blinked.
She hadn't expected their conversation to take that turn. Sean was yelling at her for stubbornly staying in Division, and she was arguing that there was where she needed to be. Despite the Sarin gas attack on Medical, and Amanda wrecking havoc, Alex was needed in Division. She wasn't going to run away at the sight of danger. She hadn't before. She could handle herself. Sean had nothing to actually worry about, even if his confession was true.
Whereas Alex stared at him in shock, attempting to process his words, Sean closed the distance between them. He pulled her into his arms- not as gentle of her wounded shoulder as he should've been- and he kissed her. The kiss was nothing like the one he had given her months ago in the back of Birkhoff's car. It wasn't passionate, it wasn't loving, it wasn't sweet. Sean was absolutely desperate as he kissed Alex.
When they finally separated, Alex continued to stand in shock. She couldn't believe he had just done that; she couldn't believe he had said all that. Sean could, however. He let go of Alex and stared at her intently. There was no light or humor in his eyes. He was completely serious. Although he continued to think that then wasn't the time or place to have that discussion, he needed to say his piece. She had to know where he stood, "I love you. But if that's not enough of a reason for you to leave, then I've got no reason to stay."
That was the end of Sean's argument. Alex hadn't listened when he expressed how much he hated Division, especially since the temporary part of the cleanup post had lasted far too long. Division was supposed to be over, yet it continued to bring hell. He was done with it. He had lost too much to it, and he was done. Alex had to be done with it as well.
But since he couldn't convince her with his words, he had to act. Sean gave her one last look before he walked away from her for good.
Alex couldn't wrap her head around what just happened. Her lips still tingled from their kiss. Her body still felt the warmth of his. Her ears still rang with his three words: 'I love you'.
She could barely register that Sean had walked away from her. Partially because she couldn't even fathom it. How could Sean walk away after he had kissed her and confessed his love. How could he command her to leave with him, then tell her that he loved her too much to lose her. It didn't make any sense. Wouldn't he want to stay in Division and protect her if he didn't want to lose her.
A sudden and sharp pain in Alex's shoulder snapped her out of her shock. She tried to adjust her sling, alleviate the pressure, but nothing helped. Fury and frustration began to boil her blood. Sean had left her. He left her, and her fucking gun shot wound continued to feel like it was tearing her muscles apart. She wanted to scream. She wanted to break down and cry. She wanted to tear her hair out and just collapse. It all felt like too much. It all crashed down on her without a chance to breathe. Alex still couldn't think about what was going on. All she knew was that her emotions and pain were too much to handle on her own.
The first clear thought that came into Alex's mind wasn't a good one. It just kept repeating the same thing over and over again. She knew how to fix her emotions. She knew how to dull the pain. She was in Medical. A simple solution to all her problems was within reach. She only had to enter a cleared out room and take what she needed. All the pain and turmoil would end with a simple action. She could be back to herself, and she could continue helping her team. That was what she wanted, after all. Alex wanted to help others above all else. She could achieve that with her solution. She knew what would make it better.
However, as she moved to the medicine cabinet, a voice in the back of her head stopped her. She was stronger than that. She didn't need to rely on drugs to face her problems. She had healed and made herself better than that. The voice that repeatedly pulled at the back of her head reminded her of that. Alex didn't have to get high in order to survive the onslaught.
What she needed to do was yell at Sean. as she forced herself to not to steal drugs and get high, the only other thought that broke through her fog was how livid she was with Sean. How dare he end the argument by just walking away. That didn't solve shit. He only said his piece, not even attempting to listen to hers. What was wrong with him. Shouldn't he have been more mature than that. He was a Seal for God's sake. He should've been able to handle anything thrown at him.
Storming out of Medical (and away from her last remnants of temptation) Alex went in search of Sean. It wasn't difficult to find him. He had only made it as far as the carport. There were Division agents in the room with him, yet that didn't stop Alex from marching over to him. He had yelled and argued and kissed her in front of others. Why couldn't she make a scene as well, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What?" Sean turned around. He hadn't expected Alex to follow him. He thought that had been the end of the discussion. But there she was, in the carport with him, staring up at him with so much venom in her gaze.
"You want me to leave Division, but you can go back to the Seals?" Alex shrieked. She wasn't stupid. She knew Sean wasn't going to leave both Division and the Navy. He was going to abandon his team of former rogues, only to jump back into his Seal team. He was still going to be fighting a war, just not hers. He deemed his actions and his feelings more important.
"That's my job," Unsure of why he had to explain himself, Sean matched Alex's tone. Like the agents in Medical, the agents around the two instantly put down what they were doing and left; they wisely didn't want any part of that. As they exited the room, they were ignored.
"What do you think this is? Some kind of sick hobby of mine?" Waving her arm around the bunker, Alex dared Sean to say something else. Just because she wasn't getting paid didn't mean that bringing in the Dirty Thirties and shutting down Division wasn't her job. It was no different than what he did when his mother had assigned him to Division.
Sean stalked closer to Alex. There continued to be a huge gap between them, yet neither were looking to close it. He just wanted to ensure she could hear his every word. He didn't want to be mistaken, "It's not your job. You don't have to be here. You have your money and your mom. You can actually live happily ever after. You don't need to keep fighting."
"But my friends do! What kind of person do you think I am if I'd just leave my friends to face all this shit alone. I have the skills to help them. I'm going to make sure everyone gets the same chance I had," Alex wished her arm wasn't in a sling, so she could effectively cross her arms and stand her ground. Instead, she only had her glare to weaponize against Sean. Good thing her harsh gazes always had a strong effect on others.
"There's other ways to do that," Trying not to falter under the hateful look in her eyes, Sean argued her point. Alex didn't have to be in Division to help their team. He was sure of that.
"Like what? Tell me how I can give pardons to my friends without helping them complete their mission," Alex, on the other hand, wasn't so sure. If there were any other way to ensure Division stayed closed and all the agents still trapped inside could be freed, she and her team would've found it already. What they wanted required more power than they actually had, however. They were able to make a deal, but they couldn't implement it on their own.
Alex could sense that Sean wanted to argue that she did have that kind of pull necessary to get them pardons. So, she instantly shook her head. An heiress could buy a congressman, but not a president or the full force of the military, "I have money, not political power. The only way we all get our freedom is if we do what the President asks."
He knew she did have a point there. The President was the only one who could grant Division pardons. Except, Alex didn't need a pardon. She and Sean had enough plausible deniability attached to their names that they could slip away unscathed. There was no reason for them to keep fighting and putting themselves in danger, "You don't owe these people anything! All Division has done is bring you pain and try to kill you. You don't have to stay, Alex. You can save yourself from danger and leave with me."
"And sit around doing nothing while you rush back into danger? How come I have to leave, but you can keep playing the hero? That doesn't make sense. It's not fair," Alex took a menacing step towards Sean. He was being completely unfair and irrational. What did he expect her to do while he went back to the Navy. She had to leave danger to sit around the house while he got to keep fighting. What kind of life was that. Why couldn't they both be heroes.
"But I love you, Alex," Sean's words softened as he told her once more.
"That's not enough, Sean! I am not the type of person to just sit on a beach, waiting for her love to return from war. I don't want the island paradise retirement Michael and Nikita want. I need to help people. And I have the power to help people here. No one else will die when I have the ability to save them. I'm not going to hide while everyone I love is still fighting. Everyone will be free. Not just me," Alex shouted. She wasn't normal; she was never going to be normal. She just had to make her life work around that. Sean was well aware of how 'awesome' and 'extraordinary' she was. He should know that her life would be different from others.
"Division will kill you!" Sean wasn't listening. Alex could have a million reasons to stay. He only needed her to see the one reason she should leave.
A frustrated scream almost tore its way out of her throat. Alex managed to hold it back, yet she still yelled at Sean, "No it won't! I can take care of myself. And if I can't, I have a whole team of people who will protect me."
"Oh, like they've protected you before," Rolling his eyes, Sean couldn't help but scoff. Alex's arm was currently in a sling because of the failures of her team. She had gotten shot because of them. That wasn't the first time. And it certainly wouldn't be the last.
"Yes, they have," Alex bit. She felt as though they had already had that conversation at Michael's and Nikita's engagement dinner. Sean had almost ruined their celebration by griping about Alex's injuries due to Division and her team. She couldn't take more of it. There was far more to the story than what he was boiling it down to. He refused to see anything besides her pain and how that affected him. Beyond fed up, Alex harshly repeated her earlier question, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"All I have ever seen is the death and destruction Division causes. I will not let it take you too," Moving closer to Alex, Sean indicated the dark space around them. Several Medical staff just died because they were forced to stay in Division. It was just yet another example of what the hellhole took. More horrors would follow, as it always did.
"It never has, and it never will," Tersely, Alex reminded Sean that she had always managed to survive what Division had thrown at her. No matter what, she always came out on top. The hellhole couldn't take her down. She was stronger than that.
Sean had once praised Alex for how strong she was. He had professed to the heavens how remarkable she was. So why would he think the opposite then. What could've possibly changed his mind.
It wasn't her gunshot wound. It wasn't the Sarin gas attack. Those weren't the examples he had frantically stated to make her leave. He had only mentioned the general hells of Division. And his mother.
Alex released a heavy breath; the fight soon left her. Of course Sean was so worked up. Of course he wasn't seeing reason. He couldn't stop thinking about his mom. She had been violently taken away from him, and he had never truly recovered. The trauma had lingered with him, waiting for its chance to resurface. Gently, Alex closed the gap between her and Sean. Her tone softened, as did her gaze. She couldn't be angry that he was so hurt and broken by his mother's death. However, the same fate wasn't going to befall her. He didn't need to be so terrified, "I'm not your mom, Sean."
With tears burning in his hazel eyes, Sean quickly lost the fight in him as well. He couldn't argue anymore. All he could really do was battle the warring emotions within him.
Although Alex wanted to comfort Sean, she wasn't done. She could talk to him about his mother later, and work with him to properly heal. At the moment, she had to continue explaining why she was staying in such a hellish place. She really needed him to understand. She wasn't simply choosing Division over him. She was just being who she always was, "Don't ever expect me to be like most people. Most people have never seen their father murdered before their eyes. Most people aren't sold into slavery. I'm not most people. I never have been."
"I know. I know. I should know that," Sniffling back his tears, Sean mumbled.
"Yeah, you should," Alex struggled with the tears in her eyes. She wasn't sure where they came from. Maybe after all her rage, all that was left was her pain. Regardless, she wouldn't let herself cry then. She hadn't finished talking. She couldn't let her tears drown out her voice.
"Are you angry?" Sean was so tempted to wipe the tears from Alex's brilliant blue eyes, yet he refrained. She could easily pull away again. He had to slowly work his way back to her.
"Yes," Honestly, Alex admitted. Sean dropped his gaze, too ashamed to look at her. She wouldn't allow that to last long. She stepped even closer to him and spoke sternly, "How can you expect me to choose between you and the other people I love? I'm not running anymore. I want a chance at happiness with everybody."
Carefully, Sean studied Alex. He could've sworn she had just admitted that she loved him too. She also said she could be happy with him. Though, the latter had a stipulation attached to it. She couldn't be happy with just him. Leaving with him wasn't enough, "And life with me won't bring you happiness?"
"It can, when I have the chance to help people too. Division's not going to take anymore people from you, Sean, not if you actually stay and fight. Leaving won't protect me. But staying by my side will," Alex knew she could be happy with Sean, yet not if she had to abandon more people who needed her. She had to help everyone, including him. She couldn't do that- she couldn't be happy- if he left. Everyone needed to stay. It was the only guarantee that they could have a happily ever after.
"I love you. But if that's not enough of a reason for you to stay, then I've got no reason to leave," Throwing his words back in his face, Alex leveled her own ultimatum. That was the true end of her argument. She had finally said as much as he had.
For a long moment, Sean just stared at Alex. Then, he held her and kissed her.
That time, it was actually a soft, loving, and affectionate kiss.
Chapter 49
Notes:
Set pre-series, early season 3, and post-series. Just some stuff about Daniel.
Chapter Text
"Is this The Cure?" Upon hearing the first few notes of the song, Nikita lifted her head from the couch pillow. She had crashed into Daniel's apartment after another horrible day in Division. She didn't want to do anything besides flop on the couch and be with her boyfriend- her fiancé. She still could hardly believe that they were engaged. She couldn't believe that Daniel loved her enough to marry her and run away with her. It was almost like a dream. She hoped she never woke up from that bliss. She'd find a way for them to escape Division and live the happy, peaceful life they promised one another.
"That's right. It's the cure for everything," Daniel's goofy smile graced his lips. He knew instantly that she had had another tough day; she was putting too much stress on herself trying to find a way for them to run and hide immediately. He wouldn't have her carry the weight of the world on her shoulders any longer. So, as she moped on the couch, he played music. He didn't think much of the song. He simply played something that could make her smile. He'd do anything for that brilliant smile of hers.
"Oh my God. That was so bad," Nikita giggled and groaned at the terrible pun, hiding her smile behind the pillow. Daniel beamed. He gently pulled his fiancée to her feet and began to dance to the music. It wasn't real dancing. Daniel simply jerked his and Nikita's arms to the beat. She collapsed in more giggles as a result. The tension in her shoulders finally melted away.
"'Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick/ The one that makes me scream' she said/ 'The one that makes me laugh' she said/ And threw her arms around my neck," Hoping to have her so relaxed she herself melted away, Daniel sang terribly. Nikita broke into bright, joyous laughter. He threw her arms around his neck while he sang the lyric, and he softly swayed with her. She continued to giggle. Her head resting in the crook of his neck as she did so.
"'Show me how you do it/ And I promise you I promise that/ I'll run away with you/ I'll run away with you'," Daniel whispered the next few lines. His voice dipped in sincerity, yet it was still light. He would run away with Nikita, and they'd be happy and free. Every moment they'd have together would be just like that one. They'd smile, laugh, dance, and be held so lovingly in each other's arms.
Lifting her head from his shoulder, Nikita stared into Daniel's eyes. He had claimed he'd follow wherever she led, but she always needed more assurance. She really needed to know that he was there with her forever. Smiling adoringly, he kissed her. She kissed him back.
And found myself alone, alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
Nikita arrived at the lake later than she had wanted to. She had planned to meet Daniel in the city and drive to his parents' cabin in the woods together. But Division held her back- because of course it did. Her fiancé was okay with that, however. He just told her he'd go early, get everything ready, then meet her at the lake. The fact that he was so relaxed and easy going about it helped calm her down. It would all be okay. Division couldn't ruin her amazing weekend with the man she loved.
Pulling into the driveway, Nikita felt so excited she could burst. That was it. A weekend away with Daniel was going to be the first look at the rest of their lives. She was so close to getting them both out of Division's clutches. After the Barcelona Op, she and her fiancé would run. Her happiness was right there. She was finally going to take it.
"Looks like you already beat me to it," Spotting Daniel in the lake, Nikita ran straight towards him. She was going to surprise him by jumping into the water in her most tantalizing swimsuit. Yet he was already floating in the lake, waiting for her. She smiled so wide, her cheeks hurt. She had never been so happy, so free, so in love. God, she couldn't wait for her life to start.
Except, as she moved closer to the lake, Daniel never moved. He continued to float in the water like he didn't even know she was there. Nikita paused at the edge of the dock. Daniel was so far out in the water. She couldn't see his expression. He could've been messing with her. He could've been silently daring her to swim out to him so he could splash her and dunk her underwater. However, he was too still. It was too quiet, and he was too still. Fear shot through Nikita, "Daniel?"
There was no response. Nikita wanted to tell herself that she was being paranoid. Maybe he didn't hear her. She probably did have to swim out to him to be with him. Yet it didn't seem right. Something was off.
The first odd thing she noticed was the boat. Daniel said his parents had one, but he didn't know how to drive it. He didn't even know how to start the engine. Except, the boat was in the water next to him and the engine was smoking.
Daniel never would've taken it out, especially if he knew he might wreck it.
Michael had warned Nikita that she was getting too close to Daniel and that Division wouldn't want the relationship to continue.
Amanda had started to ask more questions about Daniel.
Nikita had been delayed in Division long enough for a boating accident to occur.
Though, it wasn't an accident.
"Daniel!"
Nikita dove into the lake and swam as fast as she could to her fiancé. His body was warm when she reached him. But he had been floating upside down for who knew how long. She tried to drag him out of the water and away from the smoking boat, yet he was deadweight. She couldn't heft him back up onto the dock. The best she could do was pull him onto the rocky shore and pray that was good enough.
Daniel never responded, however. He didn't cough. He didn't move. He didn't breathe. Nikita frantically checked for a pulse. When she wasn't able to feel one, she desperately began CPR. But it was of no use. She knew it was of no use. Her heart dropped. Her dreams shattered. And the image she had of her bright future disappeared, "No, no, no, no."
They were going to say he drowned. That false evidence was everywhere. Daniel was killed in a boating accident. There was nothing more to it. No one would think the death was suspicious or worth investigating.
Choking on a sob, Nikita knew the horrific truth. She had loved Daniel with all her heart, and Division killed him. They murdered him because of her. She held her fiancé as tightly as she could, crying until she couldn't breathe. She had killed him. She was naïve to think they could run away and be happy. The world would never let her be happy. She had killed her fiancé trying to achieve a dream that would never become a reality.
"Please. Please. Not you. It was supposed to be me. Not you. Please. Not you."
"Why are you so far away", she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"
"Is that an engagement ring?" Alex startled Nikita from her thoughts. She had been perched on the edge of her bed, staring at her engagement ring. She didn't think the teenager would be awake for another couple hours. It was so early in the morning the sun hadn't risen yet, and they had been training non-stop. Alex should've gotten more sleep- they both should've. Nikita just couldn't stop thinking about Daniel.
"What? Oh… yeah," Sighing, Nikita quietly answered Alex. She didn't consider only telling a half-truth like she had done with other harsh subjects. She wanted to gain the teen's trust, after all. But also, she didn't believe she could hide Daniel's existence. He meant too much to her to be brushed aside. She had hurt him too greatly to just deny who he was.
"You're engaged?" Turning on the lamp next to their beds, Alex stared at Nikita incredulously. She was constantly learning new things about the other woman the longer she stayed in the loft with her. The engagement, however, was a huge shock. Alex had always believed Nikita was navigating the world alone, just like her. There was no one left to smile with, laugh with, live with. There was just darkness and revenge. Yet if Nikita had a fiancé, then that wasn't entirely the case. She had lied to Alex.
"No. I was. His name was Daniel," Nikita instantly dispelled Alex's shock, shaking her head. A faint memory of a similar conversation with Michael pulled at the back of her head, but she quickly shook it away. Her eyes remained on her engagement ring. Although it had been two years since he had died, she hadn't been able to take off Daniel's ring. She didn't think she ever could. She always had to keep a part of him with her. Despite the fact that she had ruined it, she had once been happy. Maybe after she destroyed Division, she could try to be again.
Alex relaxed once Nikita answered. That made a lot more sense than if she was still engaged. How could she always be at the loft with her, training her to take down Division, if there was someone somewhere waiting for her. The rogue agent was just as alone as the teen. And Alex suspected there was a similar reason behind that. Nikita wouldn't still be wearing her ring if she had simply broken up with her fiancé. Something tragic had happened. After all, she had spoken about him in the past tense, "What happened?"
"Division killed him too," Nikita's voice was barely above a whisper. Twisting her engagement ring around her finger, she attempted not to picture his body floating in the water. Instead, she focused on being open with Alex. The teenager had to know exactly what Division was like. The black ops unit of the government didn't just kill powerful people. The hellhole destroyed everything. Especially happiness.
"Why?" Alex wasn't sure if she should ask. She had never seen Nikita so downcast- so heartbroken- before. But the other woman knew everything about her; it was only fair that she knew everything about her in return.
"Because I loved him," Nikita tried not to cry. The tears burned in her brown eyes, but she refused to break down in front of Alex. Shedding any more tears over Daniel wasn't going to fix anything. She had to keep fighting Division. And with Alex stubbornly by her side, the two might just be able to burn the place to the ground.
Whereas Alex moved to comfort Nikita, the rogue agent got to her feet. They were both awake, despite the hour. So there was no need for them to both wallow in dark thoughts. There was still training, lessons, and planning to get done. Nikita and Alex should spend their time wisely. Talking wouldn't get them revenge. But action would, "Come on. We've got some training to do. I'm thinking forest survival today."
"Oh, that'll be easy. My papa already taught me that," Alex smiled softly. She wasn't just bragging when she had shared the fact, she was also trying to redirect the conversation. She wanted to circle back to Nikita and her fiancé, Daniel. She wanted to talk to the other woman, get to know her more. They could spend a morning just growing closer. They'd probably work better together if they understood one another more.
"O…kay? We'll just review then," Nikita glanced at Alex oddly. Her oligarch father taught her forest survival- that was strange. But then again, what did Nikita know about what was normal for a father and daughter to do, especially rich ones. She should ignore it and move on. There were more things she could teach. And, there was more she could be open about.
You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
"What is it?" Michael found Nikita curled on the edge of the bed, staring transfixed at her engagement ring. She didn't have the dopey smile she usually wore while gazing at the diamonds. She was so serious and so sad. He was anxious to know what she was thinking. She couldn't possibly be regretting the choice to marry him. There had to be something else on her mind. He really hoped there was something else on her mind.
"Nothing," Nikita tried to shrug it off. She dropped her hand and grinned softly at her fiancé. Unfortunately, Michael saw right through her act. She sighed. There was no use hiding anything from him. She had to own up to it and share her thoughts, "Just never thought that I'd have another engagement ring on my finger."
"Yeah. I know what you mean," Michael admitted quietly. He sat next to his fiancée, taking her hand in his. He had never thought he'd be married again after Elizabeth. Hell, he had never thought he'd be happy again after his family was killed. But there he was with Nikita, brilliantly happy and in love. She had proven his dark thoughts wrong, just like she always did.
And just like he would do for her. Michael nudged Nikita's shoulder with his and squeezed her hand. When she glanced at him, he brought her knuckles to his lips, "But you taught me that it's okay for us to move on. We're not leaving our loved ones behind. We're always carrying them with us in our hearts."
A small, grateful smile pulled at Nikita's lips, yet it never became a full grin. Michael was right. But it didn't seem fair to her that while he was thinking about his late wife and daughter, she was mourning a fiancé who didn't even know who she really was. It wasn't the same. He had suffered far more heartbreak than she had. He practically said as much a few years before, "Even if it was just a cover?"
"I never should have said that. I'm sorry. I know how much Daniel meant to you. I'm sorry, Nikita," Squeezing her hand tightly and moving ever so closer to her, Michael apologized for the things he had said out of hurt and anger. He had always known how much Nikita loved Daniel and how much he loved her. It wasn't just a cover. Being with him had been her whole life. She could be heartbroken about the loss of her late fiancé. It was wrong for Michael to have suggested otherwise.
Nikita just hung her head and let go of Michael's hand. They didn't have to talk about that anymore. They had just gotten engaged; they could focus on happy things. Yet Michael wasn't ready to move on until he could make his fiancée smile again. After only a second of thought, he knew the perfect thing to say to lift her spirits, "After all, you did finally listen to me. You lived the lie until it became your life."
Pressing her forehead into Michael's shoulder, Nikita collapsed in giggles. That was such a stupid thing for him to say. Yet it made her laugh, so he chuckled too. After a moment, he cupped her chin in his hand and connected his eyes to hers. He stared at her adoringly as his thumb caressed her cheek. When he leaned down to kiss her, she met him immediately.
"I know you're not just staring at me cause of my good looks," Smirking, Sam caught Nikita staring at his bare chest. The former team of rogues, assassins, spies, and hackers had gathered on the beach outside of Michael's and Nikita's new house. They played in the water, ate food, messed around in the sand, and had an amazing time as friends and family. But ever so often, Nikita would stare at Sam. he finally had enough of it.
"It's nothing. Sorry," Tearing her eyes away, Nikita shook her head. She shouldn't have stared at Sam. Often, she wondered which of the many tattoos decorating his skin belonged to Daniel. Sam remembered everyone he had killed for Division with some sort of ink. After she had learned that, she wanted to ask which one was for her late fiancé. But she knew better than to pry. She also knew better than to talk to Sam about Daniel. The one time they had, she had almost killed him. It was good for both of them to never talk about it. They could move on and heal in their own separate ways.
While Nikita walked away, Sam realized why she had looked at his bare chest. She was studying his different tattoos. He had seen her do it before. She was obviously looking for a specific one. He could've let her remain curious about it. But it was only fair that he finally showed her. They were in a secure enough place to handle it, "Hey."
When Nikita turned back around, Sam was pointing at a tattoo on his ribs under his arm. It was a small blue wave, extremely simple compared to his more extravagant tattoos. She had probably seen it a hundred different times as they sparred and as she patched him up. But she had never paid much attention to it. Until then. That was Daniel's tattoo.
Unsure of what to say, Nikita just grinned at Sam. he copied her smile and nodded. Soon, Michael shouted across the beach to them, stealing their attention and ending the moment, "Nik! You still want your slice of watermelon to be as big as your head?"
"Bigger," Nikita shouted in response. Annoyed, Sam rolled his eyes. She just laughed and joined the rest of her family around the giant watermelon being cut open. They continued to laugh, joke, talk, everything they could with one another. They had all the freedom in the world. Nothing was going to stop them or break their hearts anymore. Although it didn't look like they had once pictured, the family had their happiness.
Just like heaven
Chapter 50
Notes:
Set post-series. Nikita still manages to injure herself.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Fuck!" Nikita shrieked as she hit the ground.
"Fuck," Birkhoff mumbled as he dumped the controller on his lap.
While Nikita, Alex, and Sonya went to the local park for a walk after lunch, Michael and Birkhoff stayed in the apartment to play videogames. The family had all met at the nerds' place in London to hang out and relax for a couple of days. Their crazy schedules finally lined up enough for them to travel and get together. Although they hadn't engaged in their usual antics, the friends still had a blast with one another. It was fun simply being with one another. Since they had gained their freedoms, they didn't get to do that often. There were times when they missed being constantly by one another's side.
Except, as he played videogames with Michael, Birkhoff lost some of his fond memories of living with the others. He used to be able to kick his best friend's virtual ass without problem. Sure, Michael could win a round or two. But Birkhoff had almost always been superior when they played games. Tragically, the tables were turned then. The nerd was struggling to keep up with the former agent. The latest round wasn't an exception. He wanted to frustratedly cuss some more as he whined, "How the hell did you get so good at this?"
"Time for you to catch up, Nerd," Smirking slyly, Michael taunted. He honestly had no idea how he was doing so well that day. He didn't play videogames except for when he hung out with Birkhoff. Maybe he finally cracked the code after so many years of losing. Or, more realistically, he was just having a lucky streak while his friend was distracted. Regardless, Michael was determined to keep winning. The more it pissed Birkhoff off, the better.
Birkhoff was attempting to think of ways to pay his not-so-best friend back for his smirk and comment when a phone notification interrupted him. Someone had texted Michael, and, judging by his surprised expression, it was unexpected. Reading the message didn't make anything clearer. In fact, Alex's words made it all the more worse, "Come get your wife."
"Birkhoff, hold on," Michael stopped Birkhoff from starting another round. Alex's text not only had him confused, he was also extremely concerned. The women had just gone on a walk in the park. What could've possibly caused Alex to text Michael like that about Nikita. What could his wife have possibly gotten up to.
Before he could respond, Alex began typing another message. It took a moment to send. But once it did, Michael understood why. The newest text was a picture of Nikita. She was stretched out in the backseat of the car, scratches and bruises decorating her bronze skin and her right arm in a makeshift sling made from somebody's jacket. Alex managed to capture the picture from the driver's seat (hopefully taken at a red light) so the image was a bit blurry. Yet Nikita's injuries and bright smile were clear. The follow up text really sealed the effect of the picture in, "See what happens when you aren't around to control her?"
"Ah, fuck me," Dropping his head in his hands, Michael groaned. Of course Nikita would get herself injured while they were on vacation. They couldn't ever truly relax.
"What? What happened?" Immediately, Birkhoff wondered what was going on. He checked his own phone to see if the texts were sent to the group chat. They weren't. He'd have to rely on Michael for answers. However, he wasn't sharing anything. He took a quick second to get himself together, then he called his wife.
It took a few rings for Nikita to answer her phone. The instant she did, she was all smiles and fake excitement. She wasn't even trying that hard to cover up her misdeeds, "Hey, Babe! How are you? I'm great."
"What hospital are you going to?" Michael sighed. There was no doubt he'd have to meet her at a doctor's office to get her arm checked out. She just couldn't hurt herself mildly.
"What happened?" Snapping for Michael's attention, Birkhoff mouthed. He couldn't ignore what was occurring when words like 'hospital' were hanging in the air. Luckily, his friend didn't leave him in the dark for long. He placed the call on speaker and showed him the picture of an injured yet grinning Nikita.
Alex was the one to inform Michael and Birkhoff where they were going. There was an urgent care not far from the park. The women should be able to arrive there before the men even left the apartment; though, only if they weren't distracted by other things. And, according to Nikita, they were certainly distracted, "But we're stopping by the vet clinic first so Sonya can get the kitten checked out."
"What kitten?" Stumbling as he pulled on his shoes, Michael was almost too afraid to ask. First, his wife was hurt. Then, there was an animal involved. What the hell were the three women even doing at the park. They definitely weren't walking.
"This one," Birkhoff had received his own text from Alex while they were talking. Again, she had managed to get a picture from the driver's seat (at least that time it was confirmed that she was stopped at a light). Sonya sat in the passenger seat next to her, gently and lovingly holding a scrawny black kitten. Although she was smiling, she wasn't looking at the camera. Her whole attention was on the little thing in her arms. A caption was attracted to the photograph, somewhat explaining what that was all about, 'Hey, B. You got a new pet'.
Both Michael and Birkhoff rolled their eyes. It was expected for Nikita and Alex to cause trouble while they were together. Yet Sonya was the rational one out of the three. She wouldn't have let the other two run wild. Then again, she was holding onto that kitten so tenderly, she was probably swayed to follow along with the others' antics. Michael seriously had to know what all that was about, "What the hell happened?"
"All those lies I told as a kid about falling out of a tree finally caught up to me," Nikita played it light. Her husband didn't have to worry about her. She was actually able to go to a doctor for her injuries. She was fine.
"You fell out of a tree?" Michael didn't mean to shout. He was more annoyed with his wife than angry with her. However, that didn't take away his shock. Nor did it suppress his concern. Nikita could've gotten seriously hurt. More than just her arm could be damaged. He prayed she hadn't hit her head when she crashed to the ground.
"Why were you lying about falling out of trees?" Puzzled, Sonya finally drew her attention away from the cat. Although Alex shook her head at the question, Nikita shrugged.
"To excuse my broken bones," It was a far simpler answer than Nikita should've given Sonya, yet she didn't want to delve into her troublesome childhood at the moment. She had other things to worry about.
Her husband grumbling on the other end of the line was a much more prominent problem. He almost seemed to whine as he asked, "Why are you breaking bones?"
Nikita sighed. She should've explained what had happened right away. She just wanted Michael to calm down first. Considering she was hurt, that wouldn't have been a possibility. He was going to be worked up until he brought her home from the hospital. She had to rip the bandaid off the story and her slight stupidity, "Well, we went to the park…"
"Oh no. The baby's stuck in the tree," Sonya pointed up at a tiny black kitten high in the branches of a decaying tree. She had just arrived at the part with Nikita and Alex when she heard the very faint meows. There were a few strays in the neighborhood, so the sound wasn't too odd. However, those meows were so tiny and pathetic they couldn't be ignored. Sonya was glad she didn't. Once she looked up, she recognized the poor little kitten. Her heart broke at the sight.
Stopping abruptly in their steps, Alex and Nikita looked where Sonya was pointing. It took them a little longer to spot the kitten in the tree. When they did, though, they weren't as concerned as she was. She must've known more than they did, as questioned by Alex, "Do you know that cat?"
"It's a stray that lives around here. It used to always be with its mother, but I haven't seen that cat around for awhile. I think it's all alone now," Keeping her eyes on the terrified kitten, Sonya explained. She had seen a mother cat and her kittens wander around the neighborhood for weeks. However, as time went on, the number of cats diminished. They were either killed, or taken by animal control. All that was left was the baby in the tree. She couldn't bear the idea of something happening to it as well. It shouldn't suffer so much all alone.
"We have to get it. It could get hurt or killed," Without even a second of hesitation, Nikita marched over to the tree. She completely agreed with Sonya's concern then. Nothing could happen to that baby kitten.
"Careful. I think the tree is rotted," Noticing the caution tapes and cones around the tree, Alex warned. The tree was leafless and the bark looked sickly. It was more than likely diseased, and park maintenance planned to cut it down soon. The branches might not have been suitable for climbing. Nikita or the kitten could fall and get hurt.
"Even more reason to grab the kitten," Nikita studied the tree in determination. There wasn't a branch low enough for her to grab or hop up on. Normally, she would just run up to the tree and jump off the trunk to grab a branch and pull herself up. But she was afraid that might startle and hurt the kitten. She had to find another way up. Her best solution was to order Alex around, "Boost me up."
Despite her eye roll, Alex did help Nikita climb the tree. She cupped her hands under her best friend's foot and quickly lifted her in the air. Nikita managed to grab hold of a branch. Except, her feet swung wildly in her attempt to get enough momentum and strength to lift herself up. On one swing, she caught Alex in the chin. It was only a light tap, and she made it onto the branch after that. But Alex still felt the need to glare, "I hope you get scratched up."
"Already did," Nikita huffed as she finally placed her feet on the branch. The kitten wasn't too far away from her, thank God. She only had to jump up a few branches and shimmy over. After her struggled attempt at the beginning, the rest was easy. She just had to not think about the scratches she earned and the sickly way the tree felt.
"Be careful!" Anxiously, Sonya called out. She stared transfixed at Nikita and the kitten, fidgeting with the sleeve of her jacket. Alex, on the other hand, stared at the tree in contemplation. She believed there was a way she could climb up and help. Nikita could get to the kitten on her own. It was coming back down that was the problem. After all her time spent in the woods, Alex knew that for certain.
"It's okay. I got you," Finally, Nikita was close enough to the kitten to grab it. She gently cooed and slowly reached for it, continuing to smile and speak softly. The cat didn't come to her immediately. It had to be goaded into her arms. Yet once she had a secure hold, she held the kitten tightly to her. She wasn't concerned about squishing it or causing it to yowl. As long as it didn't squirm and she wasn't afraid of dropping it, she'd hold on as tightly as she could. They were both making it out of that tree.
Climbing down was far more difficult than climbing up. Not only did Nikita have to waste her left hand holding the kitten, she had to scramble across rotted tree limbs made even weaker by her earlier movements. Alex directed her movements from the ground, which helped immensely. But even her best friend couldn't see the rotted branch that was about to break. The second Nikita plopped her full weight on it, everything snapped. The world crumbled beneath her feet and she plunged so far down into the deep.
Honestly, Nikita hardly registered what happened next. She was only aware that she held the kitten close to her chest and tried to break her fall with her other hand. Obviously, whatever she did hadn't worked. She hit the ground with a loud curse. Alex and Sonya were immediately crouched down by her side. They helped her sit up and fussed over her, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Take the kitten. It okay?" Muttering tersely, Nikita held out the cat for someone to take. She had tried her best to protect the animal during the fall. She hoped it worked. Otherwise, she took the brunt of it for nothing.
"Scared, but seems fine," Sonya cradled the kitten close to her chest. It clung to her, shaking violently. It didn't make any sounds of pain or distress; the baby was only terrified. Just like Sonya and Alex. Nikita wasn't responding as much as she should have.
"What about you? Did you hit your head?" Cupping Nikita's chin in her hand, Alex examined her closely. Although she was extremely pale, her eyes weren't unfocused or dazed. She didn't have a concussion, but she definitely was in shock. Nikita remained on the ground, sitting absolutely still. A moment had to pass before she could even reply to Alex.
"No. I'm good," Nikita shook her head. She was fairly certain that she had tucked her head in during the fall. Besides, the only thing that was really hurting her was her right arm. Her shoulder burned, and she couldn't feel her elbow at all. Cautiously, she attempted to move it from its bent position. Nausea boiled in her stomach first. Then, her head swam. Then, one of the worst pains she had ever felt sent a thousand fiery needles up her arm. She unfortunately knew that feeling all too well. It made her curl into a ball and scream, "That's broken. Fuck, fuck, fuck. That's definitely broken."
The rest of the story moved simply from there. Sonya gave Alex her jacket so she could make a sling for Nikita. And the three- plus the kitten- slowly moved to the car so they could go to the hospital and the vet. Nikita was going to call Michael once they arrived at the hospital; she could assure him that she was fine when she was in a doctor's care. But Alex sent the taunting photograph before then. The same went for Sonya and the kitten. She wanted to tell Birkhoff about it after the visit to the vet. There went her surprise.
While Michael took a second to process the information, Birkhoff burst into laughter. Nothing was particularly funny. It was simply ridiculous. Nikita couldn't settle, and her husband had to deal with all the craziness that entailed, "You signed up for this when you said 'I do'."
"We're flying home. We have to go through security and customs. Then we have to find another doctor at home to take off her cast," Michael collapsed against the doorway. He couldn't complain about Nikita saving a poor little kitten. Yet he could complain about her timing- it was just as horrible as always.
He could also complain about the friends who encouraged her. His wife was impulsive, but the others knew better, "Alex, why didn't you stop her? Or, I don't know, get a ladder?"
"Like I can make her do anything," Alex bit. She had to admit that she hadn't thought about getting a ladder either. But even if she had, Nikita was already set on her course to climb the tree right that second. Nothing short of death could've deterred her.
Michael expelled a harsh breath. He couldn't argue or start lecturing. It would only fall on deaf ears. At least they were free to do anything with their lives. There wasn't a world shattering mission or war to worry about. Stupid injuries didn't have to have dire consequences. They could deal with them (and complain about them) like normal people, "I'll meet you at the hospital. And Birkhoff will meet Sonya at the vet."
"I love you," Nikita said brightly into the phone.
"I love you too, crazy girl," Michael chuckled slightly, then hung up.
Alex dropped Sonya off at the vet, and she was soon joined by Birkhoff. The kitten was uninjured from the fall; though, he did need his vaccinations and some flea treatment. After that, he was free to go home with the nerds. That wasn't what they had planned, but they gladly accepted the cat into their home.
When Michael met with Nikita at the hospital, Alex left them alone. She went to the store to pick up cat supplies for Sonya and Birkhoff. She also grabbed colorful permanent markers and stickers to decorate Nikita's cast. Her best friend couldn't walk around with something so unfashionable. Alex had to dress it up. She also had to torment Nikita over it.
Nikita's elbow was broken, as was her collarbone; though, after all the damage her shoulder had taken over the years, that wasn't a surprise. When she had fallen, she landed directly on her right side, completely protecting the kitten on her left. Michael couldn't help but smile at the fact. Of course she continued to sacrifice her own wellbeing to protect others. His wife the martyr.
She soon sported a cast, spanning from her wrist to her bicep, for her elbow and a sling for her collarbone. She'd have to keep them on and keep her arm still for over a month. That was going to be difficult. Nikita didn't believe she could be still. Michael didn't either. Yet he saw more humor in that than frustration (at least for the moment). Despite where they were in their life, she wouldn't change who she was. He loved her for that- even when she annoyed him. He'd never fault her for being her. And he was so lucky she felt the same about him.
Notes:
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I appreciate it so much! Your support keeps me writing.
Chapter 51
Notes:
Set pre-series in Nikita's early recruit days, then in late Season 2. What Michael could've said to Nikita to keep her from getting canceled.
Chapter Text
If I don't see immediate improvement, she gets a bullet in the brain. And you will be the one to put it there.
"You know why I'm here," Michael threw the door open to Nikita's room. It was close to lights-out; he thought he would've found her in bed. Instead, she was standing near her desk, inspecting a particular spot on the wall. At the sound of his voice, however, she frantically whirled around and acted like she wasn't doing anything at all. A part of him wanted to investigate what possible trouble she was up to. He could call her out for her bad cover up and ream her out for whatever she was doing. But what purpose would that serve. She would just keep getting into trouble. He had to talk her off the ledge.
Ensuring the door was closed behind him, Michael slowly approached Nikita. She remained stock-still. Only her chin moved so she could look up and stare at him. He couldn't intimidate her. No one could. He didn't really mind the fact at that moment. He didn't need intimidation for that conversation. He just needed to make her understand. Someone needed to finally talk sense into her, "If you don't get your act together, they will kill you."
"Okay," Nikita just shrugged. Her brown eyes continued to bore in his green. She didn't flinch. She didn't cower away. She continued to hold her ground. Michael blinked.
Any other recruit under the threat of death would've panicked. Or, at the very least, they would've put on a show of false bravado while fear gripped their heart. Nikita was different. There was real indifference in her eyes. She didn't care if she died. She had already faced some of the worst things a person could. What was death after that if not a blessing.
Michael attempted to not let that realization affect him. He had to stay on mission. He had to say something to save her. Though, a part of him did agree with her: what was the point of living with all that pain. It would've been easier to receive a bullet to the brain. But they couldn't take the easy way out. There were things they had to do, things they had to prove, "So you're going to give into everything anyone has ever said about you? You're just going to be scummy orphan trash they can toss aside?"
"Fuck you," Shoving her face into Michael's, Nikita practically growled. Her voice was so low, it dripped with venom. He had struck a chord. Good. He got her feeling something other than indifference. He could say something she'd actually listen to, even if she looked at him with utter hatred- the kind of hatred she could use to rip his head off.
Grabbing her roughly by the arms, Michael shoved Nikita away. He spun her towards her bed and forced her to fall onto the mattress. Before she could snap back to her feet or begin to scream, he shouted over her. His own anger mixed with his sternness, leaving her hardly any room to fight him, "If you die, they'd all be right. You're nothing. You always were nothing. And you'll always be nothing."
"Great pep talk. You really want to convince me to live?" Nikita spat. She didn't stand from the bed, however. Her glare didn't need to be at eye level to be menacing. She sat straight up on the edge of the mattress, pure rage continuing to burn brightly in her eyes.
"You don't want to prove them wrong? If you keep living, keep fighting, then all they've ever said about you would be wrong. You could prove how special you are," Softening his tone (at least removing the anger from it) Michael continued. Nikita appeared stubborn and spiteful enough to do everything in her power to prove others wrong. She wouldn't accept the labels people placed on her. She wasn't nothing. She was somebody who could make a difference.
"By killing other people who don't deserve to live," Nikita countered. She was under no delusion what Division did for the government. She was being trained to kill people those in positions of power deemed unworthy of life. They were no different than her. Other people decided their fates and refused to ever give them a chance.
Michael sighed heavily. He grabbed the hard plastic chair from the desk and sat in it facing Nikita. He didn't know why he had expected the conversation to go easily. Nothing about her had been easy. She had almost killed several guards and trainers. And she had attacked him and Amanda. Nikita was on her own path. She couldn't be diverted by Michael or anyone, "I can't convince you with the fact that you'll be serving your country and the greater good."
Nikita shot Michael a look that basically said 'well, duh'. He did everything he could to swallow down his frustration. Snapping at her obviously wouldn't make her listen. She was used to being yelled at. She could tune it out easily. What she couldn't ignore was someone asking about her wellbeing. It'd be foreign enough that she'd have to respond out of shock. Also, asking about Nikita's thoughts could help Michael actually talk to her instead of feeding her lines, "Why are you so determined to get yourself canceled?"
"I told you. I want out," Lying back against her pillow, Nikita stared blankly at the ceiling. She had made numerous escape attempts before. None of them had worked, regardless of the amount of guards she had attacked. She couldn't sprint out of Division. Even if she could, where would she go; she didn't have a home. Fortunately, running away wasn't the only way out. If she broke enough rules and caused enough hell, Division would take her out for good. She'd have the ultimate escape.
"Death isn't an escape," Somberly, Michael muttered. He knew he couldn't put much weight into the statement. After Hayley and Elizabeth died, he had tried to overdose on morphine. He wanted to escape the pain and drift away after them. The offer of revenge was the only thing that kept him going. Yet, he was still so close to choosing that escape. Nikita seemed to read it in his eyes. She regarded him in a way that appeared like she knew him. He wanted to dissuade that look. But before he could, she closed her eyes and nestled into her pillow.
"But I control what happens to me," Nikita admitted quietly. With her eyes closed and laxed position, she was not-so-subtly hinting that she was ready for bed and needed Michael to leave. He wasn't going anywhere, however. Not until she gave up her cancellation course.
"She won't live for spite, and she won't live for others," Studying Nikita, Michael voiced some of his thoughts aloud. He expected her to keep her expression blank; however, the corner of her lips lifted slightly. It was almost like she was proud of being difficult. She was sticking to her stubborn stance. He should just give up and leave.
Unfortunately for her, Michael could be stubborn in return. He leaned closer to her so she could feel his presence despite her closed eyes, "And it's not like I can convince you to live for revenge either. You never had anyone worthy to fight for."
Eyes slowly opening, Nikita raked her gaze over Michael. She soon sat upright, yet she kept her gaze on him. He couldn't tell exactly what she was thinking. Her expression stayed blank. Yet he assumed she was studying him in return. After a long moment of silence, she was able to call him out, "Is that what you're alive for? Revenge?"
Whereas Michael leaned back in his chair, Nikita sat forward on the bed. She continued to examine him with all-too-knowing brown eyes. She hadn't been in Division long, but she already seemed to be able to read him better than he could read himself, "You're not like the rest of us. You're not a criminal. You're definitely not a junkie. You're just government. And you're using Division to get what you want, like Percy and Amanda."
"What makes you think that?" Michael tried to keep his expression neutral. Amanda had been right about Nikita. The way she studied a situation, finding the best way to survive, was remarkable. She could read the place she was trapped in and the person she was trapped with better than any trained agent. If they could harness that ability, Division would be unstoppable. Though, Michael didn't believe Nikita could be controlled. She was going to do whatever she wanted. And if that included destroying the world, then she was going to achieve it. She already had him pegged. She could use that information to tear him apart then focus on a higher target.
"Cause you look like every main character in a cop drama," Instead, Nikita just made fun of his fashion choices. Michael couldn't stop himself from chuckling at the quip.
It was so unexpected he was caught off guard. She had that uncanny ability with him. He either couldn't predict what she was going to do next, or she found a way to slip past his guard. That had the potential of being a huge problem later. Michael had to get Nikita under control as soon as possible. Or, maybe he could simply learn to play along with her antics, "Alright. I'll give you that one."
Nikita continued to study Michael. But rather than a serious expression marring her features, she cracked a shy, confused smile. Hearing her handler laugh inside Division was jarring. She didn't believe such joy could exist in that place. Were they even allowed to be happy, "I didn't know we could laugh down here."
"You have a lot of freedoms down here. Much more than death can offer you," Michael tried to redirect the topic back to its original point. It didn't work. Nikita's small grin, an expression that hadn't existed for far too long, fell. She shifted back on the bed and glared at him. He sighed, defeated.
"What can I possibly say to make you want to live?" Although he attempted not to sound desperate, Michael was reaching his limit. How could he keep fighting for something Nikita so clearly didn't want. Why was he even fighting that hard. She was only one of many recruits that Division would swallow whole. If she wasn't willing to survive, why should he make her. Yes, he didn't want anyone to die; he didn't want the recruits who were constantly abused by the system and tossed aside to continue getting hurt. But there was only so much Michael could do to save Nikita from a bullet. So why was he fighting past that point.
She didn't have that answer for him. Nikita seemed just as confused as Michael was by his determination. She wasn't worth the effort- never had been, "Why are you fighting so hard? I'm just a recruit. Let me go."
"You are more than the labels other people placed on you," Strengthening his resolve, Michael refused to quit. He wanted to protect Division's agents in the field, and he wanted to keep the recruits on the right track. That meant he had to protect them from themselves as well. Nikita glared at him, but he ignored it. He moved as close to her face as he could, forcing her to hear every single word. He wouldn't let her argue. Nor would he let her think anything besides what he told her, "Prove them wrong. If not for spite, then for yourself. Be the amazing person you've always known you can be, even when no one believed in you."
Nikita's intense gaze dropped to her lap. Her rigged upright position also dropped. She slouched on her small bed, becoming lost in thought. Besides when she studied him, that was the first time Michael had seen her take a moment to think. She wasn't going to act on her first instinct. His words had stopped her. Whether he had completely stopped her from sprinting towards her death or not, he didn't know. And he wasn't going to press the issue. Just getting her to think meant he was on the right track. Nikita could be reasoned with.
The room was silent for a while. Michael patiently sat and waited for Nikita, though. He wouldn't rush her or keep piling onto her thoughts. She could take a moment to consider what he said. If she wanted to argue, he'd argue right back. That was his final say on the matter. After some time, Nikita appeared to recognize that. She looked back up at Michael, her gaze much softer. And when she finally spoke again, she wasn't focused on dying, "Was I right about you?"
"I'll let you know if you're still here in a week," Michael quipped. Nikita scoffed; though, her brown eyes lit up. There was a spark in her gaze that he had never seen before. He believed that spark was her finally fighting to live. Well, he was more hopeful than full of belief. Yet he was going to bet on that feeling. He got to his feet, put the chair back at the desk, and moved towards the door. There wasn't much else he could say to Nikita. What he had said was sinking in. She was beginning to see sense.
"Knowing more about you isn't as much of an incentive as you think it is," Nikita fired back. A full smirk pulled at her lips that time. It made Michael want to smile in return.
"Good night, Nikita," Before exiting her room, Michael flashed her a crooked grin. Although it was a quick smile, it reached all the way up to his green eyes.
"Night, Michael," Nikita echoed in the empty room. She remained completely still for a long moment. She couldn't move or think. When she could finally take a deep breath, she collapsed against her mattress. She brushed her hair out of her face and stared at her ceiling. Many different thoughts crowded into her mind, demanding her to make a decision. What should she think; what should she do. The lights soon went out in her room, and she was left alone in the darkness with her too many thoughts.
"Hey. What did Michael say to you as a recruit to stop you from getting canceled?" While she and Nikita cleaned their weapons in the safehouse, Alex dared to ask. She had been thinking about it for a while, remembering what Michael had said to her when she had almost gotten canceled for her behavior. The clear-cut fact that she was about to die made her shape up so she could be a better mole. Yet that obviously wouldn't have worked for Nikita. She had been a far different case. A whole mission had been created to keep her line for God's sake, "Cause the way Amanda and Percy tell it, they were shocked he even got through to your stubborn ass."
Chuckling lightly, Nikita shook her head. She wasn't that stubborn. She was just lost. Had it not been for Michael, she would've been lost forever. He had saved her that day and almost every day after, "It wasn't so much what he said but what he did."
"Which was?" Alex wondered. She placed down the gun she was absentmindedly cleaning and gave Nikita her full attention. She was too lost in thought to return it.
"He cared," Nikita stared at Michael across the room. Her eyes didn't have to be on him long for him to notice. He looked up at her and flashed his crooked smile. She beamed.
Chapter 52
Notes:
Set pre-series during the year Alex trained with Nikita. The two discuss periods.
Chapter Text
Alex felt wet. She was pulled out of her deep and sound sleep by the feeling that she had peed her pants. As she gained wakeful awareness, she really hoped that wasn't the case. She hadn't done that since she was a toddler. She couldn't start then. She had finally gotten clean, was eating well, and was staying healthy. A new problem couldn't arise. Her life was somewhat in order for once. Why did it have to be ruined by another catastrophe.
Quietly yet hurriedly, Alex scrambled out of bed and raced to the bathroom. Please, she didn't pee her pants. Please, she was just going insane and there was nothing wrong with her. Maybe she had still been dreaming when she thought she felt wet. It could all be nothing and she was overreacting. Please be nothing.
Unfortunately, when Alex dropped on the toilet, her underwear was absolutely soaked. But not with urine. Dark red blood coated her panties and left a few dots on her pajama bottoms. The curses flew out of her mouth right before the panic set in, "Дерьмо. Дерьмо. Дерьмо."
Although a part of her assumed Nikita had supplies to deal with the bleeding in the bathroom, Alex pulled her pants up and rushed back to the 'bedroom'. The crime scene in her underwear frightened her. The last time she had seen it she was thirteen years old. She had thought after five years of absence, it was gone forever; she'd never have to deal with the bleeding or cramps or headaches or breakouts ever again. But it had come back with a vengeance, and she had no idea how to deal with it.
Nikita would know what to do, however. Alex hurried to her bed and tried to wake her. The woman was slumped on the very edge of the mattress, limbs almost touching the ground as they hung off. For a second, Alex considered shaking her awake. But after remembering that Nikita was always in attack mode, she stepped back and whispered instead, "Nikita? Nikita."
Startling at the sound of her name, Nikita shot upwards and slipped off the mattress. She landed hard on her ass, dazed and confused. She looked helplessly up at an agitated Alex, not quite able to figure out what was wrong. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes and slurring her words, she at least tried to get a grip on reality, "Alex? What is it?"
"I need, um… I need a… I don't… гигиеническая прокладка," Alex stuttered. She couldn't remember the English word for what she needed. She had never had to say it in another language. When she had talked to her mother about it, she had only spoken in Russian. And the bleeding had stopped by the time she had arrived in America. The topic hardly came up since. So, she had no idea how to communicate with Nikita about it. Alex just had to hope that her Russian was that good.
"What?" Shaking her head, Nikita continued to stare at Alex in utter confusion. She got to her feet and turned on a bedside lamp. However, being able to see the teenager clearly upset and clenching her legs tightly together didn't help Nikita. She still had no idea what was going on. She also couldn't decipher the Russian phrase, having never learned or encountered it before, "I'm sorry, Alex. I don't know that word."
"I'm on my… I started my, uhh… У меня сейчас месячные," Once again, Alex couldn't remember the English word. She just helplessly spoke Russian and prayed for the best.
"Are you on your period?" Finally, Nikita solved the problem. She was slightly more familiar with the wording Alex had used that time; though, she was mainly able to guess the situation by glancing over at the teenager's empty bed and seeing a red stain on the sheets. Alex nodded vehemently. Nikita couldn't help but chuckle slightly as she nodded towards the bathroom, "Oh. Well, come on. I got tons of stuff."
Before she followed Nikita across the abandoned loft doubling as a safehouse, Alex grabbed new underwear and pajama pants to change into. She'd have to deal with her sheets later. Stopping the bleeding was far more important.
As suspected, Nikita had tons of period supplies stashed under the sink in the bathroom. She had the cabinet open by the time Alex joined her, and was proudly showing off the contents. The teen would never be in need while she was with her, "So if it's heavy, I have pads. Light, I've got panty liners. And for regular flow, or you need to move around a lot, there are tampons."
"It just started. I don't know what it'll be," Alex admitted with a shrug. As a kid, she had only used a pad. It was easier, and it worked better with her irregular, pubescent flow. Yet as an adult (or close to it) she had no idea what she'd need. Her period could've drastically changed.
"Just go with a tampon then," Nikita grabbed one from the box and handed it over. She was then going to leave Alex to it, but the look on her face held her in place.
Alex stared at the tampon in her hand as though it was a deadly weapon. She didn't like it, and she certainly didn't trust it. The thing was just far too unfamiliar. And she didn't want to get acquainted with it while she was attempting to deal with her period again, "I… I've never worn one before."
"Did you start your period for the first time ever?" Nikita tried not to sound too surprised. She didn't want to make Alex panic more than she already was. However, Nikita seriously couldn't spend the rest of her night teaching the teen all about periods. She needed to sleep.
"No. I got it when I was thirteen. But then it stopped, until right now. I don't know why. I always thought something was wrong with me. But I guess I got over it? Or maybe I'm dying," Quickly, Alex clarified. Her panic was from unfamiliarity, not newness. She more or less knew what to expect. Except when it came to the tampon, and to why her period took a five year hiatus only to return in her most peaceful moment.
"No, Alex. You… your period stopped because you were malnourished, on drugs, extremely stressed, and going through some serious bodily harm. But now that you're okay, and eating right, and taking care of yourself, your period's back," Struggling to contain her laughter, Nikita explained what was occurring. It wasn't funny. The hell Alex went through was very serious. But her reaction to her returned period was a bit over the top. The teenager definitely wasn't dying. In fact, her period meant she was very much alive.
Taking a moment to contemplate what Nikita had told her, Alex started to relax. There wasn't anything wrong with her- not anymore. She was okay. She was normal again, "Oh. Well, I guess I should figure out how to use a tampon."
"Here. I'll go outside and walk you through it. A friend had to do that for me when I first started my period. Which, you're lucky. You already know what it's like. I didn't get my first period till I was eighteen," Nikita took Alex's change of clothes out of her hands and put it on the sink counter. She guided her to the toilet, then turned to leave the bathroom. Although Nikita didn't completely want to go through the awkward conversation of walking Alex through inserting a tampon, she knew that she should. Carla had done it for her as she freaked about starting her period for the very first time. She should pass on the good deed.
"Really?" Alex asked, intrigued. It was rare for Nikita to share so much of her life. The teenager had to cling to any small crumb that she got. And hope her questions were answered.
"Yeah. Same reasons. Then I went into Division and it stopped again. Though, that's mostly because of birth control. When I went rogue, it started up again, and it's been hell," Nikita decided to continue sharing. She could see how much it helped Alex relax. Also, discussing her terrible menstrual cramps then meant the teenager wouldn't be surprised when she saw her suffering from them later.
Alex wasn't shocked to hear that Division would give their agents birth control, especially after hearing other pieces of information she had managed to pry from Nikita, "Did they give you birth control because of those seduction missions?"
"They give it to all the female recruits. Birth control also helps regulate menstrual symptoms, and it can stop periods in high enough dosages. Can't have a hormonal agent free bleeding on a mission," Nikita actually smiled at the memory. She hated everything else about Division, yet she did appreciate the birth control. It was so nice not to cramp or worry about ruining pants, "I really miss birth control. Tragically, you need a prescription to get it."
"So, I'm stuck with this?" Alex sighed, holding up the tampon. She knew she had to get a move on stopping the bleeding in her underwear. But she didn't want to deal with the thing in her hand. Although it was probably better for the life she was leading than a pad, a part of her just wanted to use something she knew and was comfortable with.
"Yes. Now stop stalling," Grinning slyly, Nikita finally left the bathroom. She closed the door behind her, leaving Alex completely alone.
Taking a deep breath, Alex continued trying to tell herself that she was alright. She didn't need to lose her mind over a tampon. Unfortunately, she couldn't talk herself down. She turned towards the door with a terribly stupid question, "Do I have to sit on the toilet for this?"
"Yes, and with your pants down. You have to insert it," It took everything in Nikita to not sound patronizing. Alex had every right to be curious and ask ridiculous questions. She hadn't had a period in five years, and she had only been thirteen at the time. She was still just a kid. Her fears were rational.
"Insert? Where?" Clutching the tampon with a vice-like grip, Alex's voice cracked. She knew exactly where it had to go. She just didn't want to put it there.
"Alex, in your vagina, where you're bleeding from," Nikita focused on sounding more clear than condescending. No doubt Carla had heard worse questions from her when she had started her period. Being worried about menstruation was just as much of a right of passage as the horrible thing itself.
"Oh. Right. Is it gonna hurt?" Alex sat on the toilet and prepared herself for what she was about to do. She was alright with the idea of a tampon, as long as it didn't hurt. Enough painful things had been forced in her.
"Not if you put it in straight and carefully," Softly, Nikita told her. All of the teenager's fears made so much more sense then. But Alex didn't have to be afraid of getting hurt anymore. She was safe in the loft, and she'd always be safe.
Breathing deeply, Alex squared her shoulders. She was going to get through the simple task. She had it, "Okay."
"Okay. First, unwrap it. The tampon is in the plastic applicator," Nikita started off simple and kind of obvious. Honestly, the whole process was simple once you got used to it. Yet breaking it up into easy, manageable tasks would help Alex. She'd be able to do it all on her own from that moment on.
"Do I take it out?" As she examined the brightly colored applicator, Alex wondered. Since she was calmer, she was fairly certain she could figure out the rest of the process on her own. But she kind of preferred Nikita walking her through it. It made her feel better.
"No. Insert the applicator by the big end. Then, push in the plunger. The tampon should come out and be placed," Nikita hoped she made sense. The process was so natural and mundane to her by that point that she had to take a moment to think through the steps. Describing it to someone else was a bit of a challenge. Though, she did gain a whole new appreciation for everything Carla had done for her.
"Then what?" Alex soon voiced that she was ready for the next few steps. Again, she was certain she could figure it out on her own. Just talking to someone else helped soothe her.
"Remove the applicator, wrap it up, and throw it away. When you need to take the tampon out later, just pull on the white string hanging down," Wrapping it all up, Nikita leaned against the doorway and waited for Alex to emerge. It took a little longer than she thought. And the teenager had grown completely silent. Nikita quickly became concerned. She hoped she hadn't led her astray and accidently hurt her, "Got it?"
"Got it," Alex beamed. She finished what she was doing, changed her pants and underwear, washed her hands, and burst out of the bathroom triumphantly. Feeling ecstatic about putting a tampon in for the first time was probably ridiculous. Yet she was relieved that she had crossed that threshold. It was just so normal and basic. Having that in her life again was amazing.
Nikita cheered Alex on. She was proud of her accomplishments, especially since it meant she could go back to bed. But, again, the look on the teen's face kept her from walking away. Something wasn't quite right, "Is it okay? Does it hurt or feel uncomfortable?"
"No. Just weird to think about," Alex admitted. She felt absolutely fine. She simply had to get used to the idea of a tampon. Since she was already getting used to the idea of having a period again, it shouldn't have been a huge adjustment, "How long do I keep it in?"
"Depends on your period. Since you just started again, I'd change it every few hours or so. But once you get more regular, you should know how your period works and all that," Shrugging, Nikita continued to teach Alex about tampons. Although she was ready to go back to bed, she wouldn't deny her answers. She deserved to know everything about periods and what her body was going through. Lack of information might actually hurt her.
"And I can do anything with it in?" Alex could probably guess the answer to that. A tampon was supposed to help people remain active on their periods. She could run around and do anything. Though, she still wanted to make sure it was okay.
"Pretty much," With a small chuckle, Nikita answered. There was no need for her to explain further than that. Alex could figure it out. What she might not soon realize, however, was some of the cautions of using a tampon. They were rare consequences, yet still very real and scary, "But, two things to always keep in mind. Do not reinsert a tampon. Once it's out, it's out. And don't leave it in for too long. That's how you get toxic shock syndrome."
Alex blinked. She had had at least some vague knowledge about everything else they talked about. Yet Nikita lost her there, "Toxic what?"
"It's a bacterial infection. You get high fevers, seizures, vomiting, stuff like that. You'd have to go to the doctor. Keeping a tampon in all day can cause that. So change it frequently," That wasn't the best description of toxic shock syndrome. But Nikita didn't feel like looking up all the information on the internet. Her answer should suffice as it was.
"I thought getting my period back would be a good thing," Alex sighed. When her period had first disappeared, she thought getting it back would solve all her problems. Yet five years later, it only introduced more things for her to worry about. At least she was in a stable enough place to handle it.
"It is. It means you're healthy," Nikita beamed. While Alex rolled her eyes, she started walking back to her bed. It was time they went to sleep. The longer she stayed awake, the less Nikita believed she'd be able to ever fall back asleep.
Following the other woman back to the 'bedroom', Alex couldn't help but beam as well. Having her period again was great. She was healthy. She was relatively normal. And a future she had once thought for herself seemed plausible, "Also means I can have kids someday."
Nikita stopped dead in her tracks. Of all the things Alex had said that night, she certainly wasn't expecting that, "You want kids?"
"Not now or in the immediate future. But the option's nice," At that moment precisely, Alex didn't think she wanted kids. But she had wanted them when she was preteen. And she liked the idea of maybe having them when she had a real life. It just felt great that she had the option. That hadn't been completely stolen from her like everything else. Although Alex was excited by the thought, Nikita seemed puzzled and a little weirded out. She didn't appear to like the idea of kids- at least in the same way. Alex wanted to explore that, "What about you?"
"I think I just had my fill of parenthood," Nikita deflected with a smirk, nudging Alex towards her bed. The teen laughed. Yet only for a second. The sight of her blood stained sheets ruined her mood; it was one more thing she had to take care of before they could go to sleep. Nikita continued to take it all in stride, however. She had Alex drop her soiled clothes on the bed and started to yank off the sheets, "Alright. Now it's time to teach you how to get blood out."
Nikita had Alex carry all the blood stained objects to where the washing machine was. She stifled a yawn while they moved, inadvertently making Alex feel awful for all the trouble she had caused that night. She didn't want to be a burden, "Sorry."
"No. It's good that you're learning. Though, now I gotta start buying more supplies," Nikita muttered the last bit. Having Alex live with her had doubled her budget for everything. She wasn't too concerned about it then. But the money she had could only stretch so far. Eventually, she'd have to find a way to earn (or steal) more.
"Is it true that menstrual cycles can sync up?" Cracking a small smirk, Alex pulled Nikita from her thoughts. She rolled her eyes and nudged the teenager again. Both laughed.
"God, I hope not," While Nikita groaned, Alex continued to giggle. The two joked and teased their way through the next lesson. Thankfully, getting blood out of clothes and sheets was a far easier discussion than dealing with tampons. Alex and Nikita were able to return to their beds (Alex with a fresh set of sheets) quickly. Though, they didn't go right to sleep. They stayed up a little longer, laughing, talking, and growing even closer.
Chapter 53
Notes:
Set between 2x18 "Power" and 2x19 "Wrath". Sean and Alex are enamored with one another on a mission.
Chapter Text
"You know, most bodyguards don't spend the night thinking of ways to kill all the other men in the room," Sean snickered as he caught Michael scowling at the group of leering men surrounding Nikita. She was only doing her job, flirting with and teasing different senators and congressmen. But she was starting to attract attention that her boyfriend did not appreciate. Michael was ready to rip out the eyes of every man staring at his girl like she was a piece of meat. It honestly cracked Sean up.
"Do they just stare hopelessly at girls, then?" Shaking his head clear, Michael managed to smirk at Sean. He hadn't been the only one staring at people all night. The Seal's eyes had never left Alex. Throughout the fundraising gala, and even when they were at the safehouse, Sean couldn't stop himself from looking at the young woman. Neither Michael's tease nor the mission was enough to break his gaze for long. He was locked in on Alex. And it all started when he was asked to meet the team at the beach house that afternoon.
Sean was barely able to close and lock the backdoor behind him before Nikita spotted him. She quickly waved him over to Birkhoff's computer station and tried to catch him up to speed, "Sean! Great. We can start outfitting you for the mission."
"What mission?" Sean stood in the doorway, hopelessly confused. When Alex had texted him to meet her at the safehouse, he thought they were going to discuss their relationship moving forward- the team's relationship. Division, Gogol, Oversight, and Zetrov had all been dealt with. Pardons were on the horizon for the rogues, and sanctioned government missions were in the Seal's future. He thought then that they were going to talk about what that all meant for them. Instead, he was brought in for another mission- almost like the fight had never ended.
"The one at the fundraising gala. It's the reason your mom invited you," Just as confused as the Seal, Alex attempted to remind him. It didn't work. He only became more confused.
"You roped my mother into a mission?" Soon, anger caught up with Sean's puzzlement. He couldn't believe the team would involve his mother in their mission. She had to stay out of it; her life had been in enough danger. Of all the people, Alex should've understood that. Sean had just come back from protecting her mother in Greece, after all. The young woman should've been protecting his mother in return. Madeline Pierce had to stay out of their war.
"She roped us in actually," Michael clarified, calming some of Sean's nerves. After their success in recovering the replicator and taking down Amanda, Ari, Gogol, and Zetrov, Madeline wanted the rogues for another mission. She knew of a fellow senator's illegal practice that led to horrific deaths. However, she couldn't prove his involvement. Although it had nothing to do with Division, she wanted the rogues to gather evidence that would take the senator down. They quickly agreed. How could they say 'no' to ending corruption and serving justice.
"You're not just her bodyguard. You're providing surveillance and backup for us," Alex explained further, hoping to completely soothe Sean. Senator Pierce would not be in any danger that night. Not only would her son and countless other bodyguards be there to protect her, but the team wouldn't allow anything to happen to her (she was in charge of their pardons, after all). Madeline Pierce was safe that night, as were the other fundraising gala guests. The only one who had to worry was the target.
"You're also getting us into places we probably shouldn't be in," Shrugging, Nikita added to Sean's list of duties. Although she and Alex were doing most of the work by providing distractions and stealing evidence, Sean still had to be on high alert. Anything could happen, especially with the team's luck.
Finally joining the others at Birkhoff's computer, Sean believed he was beginning to understand what they were doing. He needed clarification on what the mission was and what he had to look out for. Yet he was sure he'd receive that in time. At the moment, he wanted clarification on which rogue agents actually managed to get invited to a political fundraising gala, "You're all going?"
"Not me," Birkhoff chimed in sullenly. Although he was used to not actually going to the events the team crashed, he had sort of hoped to go to that one. He wanted to watch Alex slip into the party girl cover the team wanted to test out. There was no doubt that it would create lots of ways for the hacker to mess with her. He couldn't wait for all the jokes.
"B's hacking from the safehouse. He doesn't get to join the fun," Alex rubbed it in. She was glad he was staying home while she became the socialite Alexandra Udinov. Nikita already had jokes ready for the sight she was about to see. Alex didn't want Birkhoff to join in on that.
"Get me an invitation, and I will," Birkhoff dared. Alex rolled her eyes. Her money and influence had gotten her an invitation easily. The hacker had none of those. He was helpless.
"I got one through hacking. Though, I don't think you can pull that off," Smirking, Nikita nudged Birkhoff. He simply accepted the taunt.
Sean's confusion only deepened. He continued to have no idea what the team was talking about, nor did he understand why Birkhoff didn't rise to Nikita's bait and start hacking. He should've been able to hack himself an invitation, so why wasn't he. Sean was missing something. Hopefully he'd be able to connect the dots once someone answered his questions, "Wait. How are you all going?"
"It's about time Alexandra Udinov bought some congressmen," Alex stated glibly. There was no way she'd actually bribe a government official. But if the public suspected that, she wouldn't sway them. It was like her party girl cover that the team was trying to establish. If she acted so extremely and on par with what others thought of an extremely rich heiress, then no one would take a close look at her actual actions.
"She should also test out her new bodyguard, one that can accompany her on more missions," Michael added how he had secured an invite. Since Sean would be acting as one of his mother's bodyguards, Michael would be Alex's for the night. That not only worked for the current mission, but also potential future ones. Alexandra Udinov had more access to more places than the team of rogues ever could. By acting as her bodyguards, they could hang around her and be in certain places without suspicion. The earlier they established the cover, the better.
"I know a couple sites senators and congressmen use to get dates. So I worked 'em until I got one. Didn't take long," Nikita's invitation to the gala wasn't nearly as convoluted or dubious as the others. She simply faked being an escort. Her explanation helped Sean understand why she had teased Birkhoff about hacking; he couldn't pretend to be a call girl for long. But that was the only thing the Seal could wrap his head around. Everything else the rogue said made no sense.
"Wait. People bring prostitutes to these things?" Glancing between the rogues, Sean questioned. He wasn't naïve enough to think senators and congressmen wouldn't hire prostitutes. But he didn't believe they'd be so public about it.
"Escorts," Nikita and Alex immediately corrected the term. They believed that was more important than correcting his confusion.
Helping Sean out, Michael explained how unashamed of corruption, debauchery, and vice some people were, "Call girls are called frequently for these events. How else did you think we managed to have so many Division agents at political functions- besides waitstaff?"
While Sean thought that fact over, Birkhoff realized he had his own question. In Division, when they'd set a female agent up as a call girl, they'd take the payment to use for operations. But as a rogue, Nikita would've kept all the money for herself. Birkhoff knew she definitely wasn't using it to buy food or gear. So what was she buying, "What do you do with the money?"
"Buy pretty dresses and sparkly accessories," Nikita smiled brilliantly at all the beautiful things she had bought by stealing gross men's money. As she thought about it, she realized she should start getting ready for the gala. She was going to look killer in all her new clothes.
"Does she mean jewelry or weapons?" Turning to Michael, Birkhoff wondered. The other man only shrugged. He didn't know what Nikita was talking about most of the time either.
"Hopefully both," Excitedly, Alex followed Nikita to her room. She couldn't wait to see what wonderful things the rogue had bought for the mission. She also hoped that she could borrow some of the weapons.
"Come on. I'll fill you in on the details. I already got your stuff for you," Michael led Sean to one of the guest rooms. His gear for the mission and a tux had already been picked out for him. It was the least the team could do after inviting him on the op last minute. Sean needed a crash course to completely catch up (not just jokes). So the team doing the preparation for him was only fair. It was one less thing he had to worry about.
The rest of the afternoon was spent getting ready for the gala and putting the finishing touches on the mission plan. Sean also called his mother to confirm what the team had told him. It didn't take Michael and Sean long to dress as bodyguards. They just threw on a tux and secured their weapons. Since they had to wait for Alex and Nikita, they joined Birkhoff in preparing the tech they would need. It wasn't anything special, just the basic com, phone, and flashdrive. But it had to be perfect nonetheless.
When the women eventually rejoined the men, they were absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. Their makeup was done to perfection, and their dresses draped their bodies flawlessly. Nikita's gown showed off more skin than Alex's. Yet the young woman still managed the appearance of a party loving rich heiress. The only thing that seemed off was her hair, but Nikita, who had kept her own hair simple, was already fixing that.
As the women moved about, Sean couldn't help but stare. His eyes were glued to Alex, making him forget everything else he was doing. He just had to watch her.
Alex sat in a chair while Nikita stood on a stool behind her. The rogue fixed the young woman's hair, putting it in a fancy up-do and slipping in decorative hairpins. At first glance, Sean thought they were hairpins. But as Nikita very carefully put them in Alex's hair, he realized they were throwing knives. So those were some of the shiny accessories she had bought, "Alright. These are mostly plastic, so they should get you past security. If you need a gun, Michael and Sean will have theirs. Or you can just take one."
Trying to stay as still as possible while the rogue did her hair, Alex nodded briefly. Nikita put the finishing touches on her up-do. She ensured it looked more stylish than trying to hide dangerous weapons. She did a great job of it. However, before she could step down from the stool, Michael came over with an accessory for her. He brushed aside the slit in her dress and attached a garter to her upper thigh. She arranged it so it couldn't be seen when her dress moved but she could still grab at it easily. When Michael moved away, Sean understood what the garter was all about. Nikita had her own mostly plastic hidden weapons.
"Does that garter hold throwing knives? Where'd you get it?" Alex excitedly asked once she noticed Nikita's new accessory. She had to get her own. It was too cool not to have.
"With my call girl money," Nikita winked. The two women laughed while they regrouped with the men. Sean was well aware that he was still staring, and he was going to get caught gawking. Yet there was no stopping it. He could hardly think about anything else.
"Here are your clutches. Encrypted phones and flashdrives all ready for you," Michael handed Alex and Nikita clutches that matched their dresses. The items inside were unassuming enough to get past security (like their hard plastic throwing knives) but they were vital parts of the mission. The tech had the power to tear a senator to pieces.
After inspecting the contents of her clutch, Alex's bright blue eyes met Sean's. She knew then that he had been staring at her. He had to say something to her. Maybe talk about the mission or make a comment about her cool disguised weapons. Instead, the words that had been constantly circulating around his head came spilling out. He was in complete awe as he blurted out, "Wow. You look gorgeous."
"Thanks," Alex ducked her head to hide her blush. Nikita, Michael, and Birkhoff caught it, however. As Sean continued to beam at Alex, the others threw each other knowing glances.
"You think I look like a prostitute?" Ripping away Sean's attention, Nikita quipped. His smile instantly dropped, and he began to stammer for an appropriate response. Alex's blush disappeared as she rolled her eyes. Birkhoff choked on laughter. And Michael glared at the Seal, daring him to just say one wrong thing.
"We should get going," Eventually, Sean muttered. The gala was about to start, and he had to meet with his mother's other bodyguards before they entered. Nikita also had to meet with her 'date'. They didn't have the time for more jokes or taunts. Sean thanked God for that.
"Steal me some champagne!" While the team filtered out of the safehouse, Birkhoff shouted. He was instantly met with grumbles, taunts, and the doubt that he'd get what he wanted.
"Gawking's not befitting a senator's son. You should work the crowd," Michael brought the Seal back to the present as he continued to taunt him. Sean wanted to roll his eyes and tell the agent to refocus, but- of course- he was distracted by Alex laughing at something she heard Nikita say. He really was hopeless. At least Michael took pity on him and tried to help him out, "The dancefloor is the perfect place to study our surroundings."
"He's right. Come on, Sean," Overhearing the conversation over the coms, Alex quickly went over to Sean and grabbed his hand. She should probably be dancing anyway as Alexandra Udinov. She simply didn't want to dance with any of the men at the gala. Sean was the only person she felt comfortable with holding her so close. Besides, he had been her bodyguard in Moscow for a while- even sharing a hotel suite with her (separate bedrooms). Rumors had probably already spread about them. She could play into them for a night. Again, it would disguise her real activities.
The orchestra had been mostly playing slow songs, and that didn't change when Sean and Alex reached the dancefloor. A part of them wished that it had. Something fast meant they didn't have to awkwardly slow dance like teenagers at prom. They started out like that with stiff limbs and hesitant sways. But after they laughed at their ridiculousness, their movements became gentler. The two held each other comfortably close and moved around the floor to the soft beat of the music. They followed Michael's instructions to study the room as they danced for a moment. However, once their eyes met, that plan changed.
Holding one another closer, Sean and Alex soon forgot about the mission. The other people on the dancefloor also disappeared from their minds. The only things the two could think about was the feel of their bodies so close, the steady rhythm of their hearts, their shallow breath mixed together, and the way their eyes locked. They weren't even sure if they were still dancing. They were so enamored with each other. There was nothing else in the world save them.
Abruptly, Sean and Alex were ripped from their orbit and forced to crash back down to Earth. The orchestra had stopped to take a break, and people were applauding their performance. Nikita was also calling for Alex on the coms. Their target had arrived. The team needed to grab the evidence. Slowly and a tad regretfully, the two separated from their hold. Sean and Alex couldn't remain in their bubble forever. It was time to rightfully ruin a corrupt man's life.
Sean's mother was looking at him oddly when he rejoined her. He didn't understand the smile she gave him or the glint in her eyes. The expression was similar to the one she had given him months ago when he had said he planned on seducing Alex for information. Except the current look seemed softer and more affectionate. He horrifically learned why that was as his mother said, "Your father and I used to look at each other like that when we would dance. It's like the whole world doesn't exist. Maybe the next time you and Alex dress up and dance like no one else is around will be at your wedding."
"I should get going," Sean mumbled. He hoped to drown out the responses from the team at overhearing his mother on the coms, but they were way too loud. Both Nikita and Birkhoff burst into uproarious laughter (Nikita had to cover hers with some flirt to a senator). Michael choked on his own laughter, fighting hard to be a stoic bodyguard. And Alex turned beet red. It was one thing for the team to taunt Sean and Alex for their flirting (was that what it was). But it was a completely separate and mortifying ordeal for his mother to do it. He desperately needed to get out of that room. And the team really had to refocus on the mission.
Thankfully, the rogues returned to the task at hand without further problem. While Michael and Sean stood watch, and Birkhoff surveyed the cameras, Alex and Nikita went to work. They followed their mission plan exactly. They caused their distractions, and stole the evidence they needed. It all went fairly smoothly, which was a surprise for the team. Until their target caught onto their actions and attacked, then it was on par with their other missions.
The team of rogues tried to contain their fighting to the areas away from the gala. Alex and Nikita used, and subsequently lost, their new throwing knives. Yet they couldn't control people's reactions to gunfire. Guards swarmed in on the fight, and it was time to scatter. Michael and Sean used their covers to accurately take out the assailants. Meanwhile, Nikita and Alex hurriedly ensured Birkhoff received the evidence on his computer, so if they got caught they could dispose of their tech-filled clutches.
It was chaotic for a bit, but it soon worked out. The mission was, despite the gunfight, a total success. The rogues could evacuate the building with the guests, completely unnoticed. And Birkhoff would leak the evidence they stole once they were safely back home.
When Sean joined the rest of the team outside, Nikita stared at him with a shiteating grin. He didn't need to read her mind to know what she was thinking. Her burst of laughter after his mother's comment said it all. She was going to taunt him to death. He had to stop the rogue before Alex caught on. He didn't want her to be embarrassed.
"Shut up," Sean snapped at Nikita. She was too busy chuckling to actually reply. He wasn't sure why, but her just giving him a knowing look was worse than any quip she could've said. At least he could defend himself from a joke. Nikita's looks just held more power. Sean had to find a way to divert her. Luckily, he noticed her 'date' exit the building and search the crowd for her. That would get her off his back, "Your john's looking for you."
"Seriously?" Nikita ducked her head and bolted. She couldn't believe after all that mess her 'date' still wanted to bring her home. She could've confronted him about it, or had Michael do it. But that might have caused more problems, or lead to more danger. It was better to cut and run. Hopefully, he'd give up the chase.
"We should probably be her getaway car," Michael moved to get the car for him and Alex. He'd have Nikita meet them in a nearby alley. That should help her clear the scene and get a creepy man off her back.
Sean and Alex were left on the street with the panicked crowd. He should've probably checked on his mother, but she was safe with her other bodyguards. He wanted to stay by Alex's side. She could take care of herself incase anything were to happen. Yet that wasn't why he remained with her. He simply liked her company too much to leave. Her soft smile expressed the same thought. Drifting closer to Sean, Alex seemed comforted despite the anxious crowd. His own smile grew, especially as she said, "I had fun tonight. Besides the fight that broke out. But, you know, dressing up, espionage, dancing, it was all fun."
"Yeah. Dancing was great," Sean beamed, moving closer to Alex as well. Regardless of what his mother had said and how the team had reacted, he had had a great time with Alex. He would love to have more dances with her, or simply sit and talk when there was no one else around. He felt as though he could have fun with her no matter what. Just the way he felt when she smiled at him seemed proof enough of that.
Someone stumbled into Alex as they moved through the crowd, forcing her to stumble into Sean. He caught her easily and held her tightly. Her blue eyes snapped to his hazel. Breathlessly, the two stared at one another. It was like they were dancing again. It was only them, in each other's arms, lips tingling to meet. Before they could, however, Birkhoff called for them over the coms. It was time to flee the scene, "Hey Dancing With the Stars, you should probably get a move on. All these cops and security guards aren't good for us."
"See you back at the safehouse," Hiding her blush once more, Alex pulled away from Sean. She did so slowly, almost as though she wasn't ready to leave him. But she slipped out of his arms regardless, and got into the car Michael had pulled up in.
"Yeah. Yeah," Sean watched the two drive away to collect Nikita then go home. Once the car was finally out of sight, he left to find his mother. His thoughts remained on Alex, though. He couldn't contain his bright smile.
Chapter 54
Notes:
Set after 2x18 "Power". The team taunting each other over names and accents. The Russian comes from quick Google searches, so I apologize for inaccuracies.
Chapter Text
Nikita had just finished her yoga routine. She had taken up space in the great room to stretch, relax, and ease some of her sore muscles from the recent mission. Everyone else in the safehouse were more or less doing their own thing, so they didn't mind her taking over the room. Even if they did, that probably wouldn't have stopped her. She needed a moment to focus on her breathing. After that terrifying moment in Moscow where she couldn't breathe, she really wanted to just sit and relish the air filling her lungs.
Michael absolutely wanted to relish in the fact that she was still alive as well. He considered it a miracle that Nikita had survived two encounters with Amanda. That needed to be celebrated- along with all their other victories from the latest mission. But since Michael had the chance to have a moment alone with Nikita, he was going to celebrate her first.
Usually at the end of her yoga routine, she'd sit in an active pose on the mat and pretend to meditate. Michael knew she just used that as an excuse to hum along to her music and ignore everyone else; Nikita couldn't sit still and think if it was to save her life. So when he walked in on her 'meditating', he grabbed the tablet she was blasting music on and changed the song. She snapped out of her peaceful moment and shot him a glare. He ignored her, turning the music up louder. She hopped to her feet and tried to threaten him into changing the song back. But he had already begun to sing, "'Hey Nikita, is it cold/ In your little corner of the world'?"
"What are you doing?" Nikita chuckled slightly as she judged Michael's actions. He just kept singing to her, however, doing his best impression of Elton John.
"'Oh, I saw you by the wall/ Ten of your tin soldiers in a row'," Moving closer, Michael reached for Nikita. He swept her up in his arms and danced with her to the beat of the music. She didn't know whether to find the gesture sweet or weird. So, she just stared at him with a confused smile on her lips. He continued to sing, regardless.
It took a few more notes of the song for Nikita to realize what exactly Michael was singing to her. Once she did, she pulled away from him. He was not getting away with singing that song to her. She had heard it enough growing up from kids at school, "No. You're not singing this song to me."
"'Oh, Nikita, you will never know/ Anythin' about my home'," Michael sang through his laughter. He had known that Elton John's "Nikita" would get under her skin. Yet that was why he wanted to sing it to her. He wanted to hear Nikita laugh. He wanted to mess around with her, just be silly and carefree. They had had enough moments of stress and seriousness. They should've been able to be ridiculous as well. It was the perfect way to prove they were still so alive. Laughter was their best medicine.
"No. Absolutely not. You are not making a song about a Russian border guard romantic," Attempting to control her giggles, Nikita backed further away from Michael. The more he smiled, sang, and tried to dance with her, the more she wanted to fall under his ridiculous spell. But she refused to do so while "Nikita" was playing. That was not going to be the romantic song her boyfriend swept her off her feet to.
"'Nikita, I need you so'," Gently pulling his girlfriend back into his arms, Michael whispered the lyrics against her lips. Nikita hated that her knees nearly gave out. Alright, so that line was swoon worthy. Especially with the intense way Michael looked at her. But she wasn't going to give in that easily.
"You know this song's about a guy, right?" Jerking away just before Michael kissed her, Nikita teased. He chuckled, and her body melted against his.
"There's a girl in the music video," Michael husked as if that perfectly proved his point. Yet before he could attempt to kiss her again, Nikita slipped out of his arms. She didn't move far. She simply walked across the room and shot him a playful look over her shoulder. He smirked and continued singing, "'Countin' ten tin soldiers in a row/ Oh no, Nikita, you'll never know'."
Walking backwards, Nikita moved towards the tablet. She hoped to divert Michael from her goal to turn the song off. Her smile seemed to have him distracted enough. The words she threw his way simply became a bonus, "It's sung by Elton John. It's about a guy."
"Prove it," Daring her, Michael tried to close the distance between them. Nikita was right. A song by Elton John about a Russian named Nikita was undoubtedly about a man, no matter what the music video would have people believe. But Michael could twist the meaning for his girlfriend. He was singing directly to her after all, "'Nikita, do you count the stars at night'?"
"Give me the iPad," Nikita reached for the tablet. Before she opened the internet browser, she stopped the music. A proud grin only graced her lips for a second. Once the song ended, Michael scooped her up in his arms and squeezed her tightly. She nearly dropped the tablet. Yet that didn't stop him from shaking her around in an attempt to stop her from looking up the lyrics. She giggled uncontrollably and even squealed, "No!"
"'Oh, Nikita, you will never know'," Regardless if there was music playing or not, Michael would sing to Nikita. The fact that it annoyed her was a bonus. She was laughing and squirming in his arms as he held her tight and tickled her slightly.
It was a huge struggle for Nikita to type on the tablet. Michael kept messing with her, singing and laughing in her ear. She fought to control her giggles and to break her boyfriend's hold, yet it was no use. She let autocorrect do most of the work for her, and scrolled helplessly until she found what she needed, "Look, look, look. 'About a Russian border guard named Nikita'. So it's about a guy."
"Nikita's a girl's name too," Gently tossing aside the tablet, Michael turned Nikita in his arms. They were arguing about nothing by that point. But that honestly wouldn't stop them. They'd always try to one up each other. It was a challenge they hoped never ended.
"Not in Russia. And not when Elton John sings it," Nikita rubbed the fact in Michael's face. Literally. Her nose bumped his as she shook her head and grinned. Matching her smile, he moved his body flush against hers.
"Name a world famous Russian man named Nikita," Running out of things to argue, Michael simply tossed the words out there. Nikita laughed at him. He couldn't help but chuckle.
"Nikita Khrushchev," Sean interrupted. Michael and Nikita quit giggling to cast him a strange glance. They hadn't noticed him entering the safehouse. In fact, they hadn't even known he was back in the country. As far as they had been aware, he was still in Greece with Katya.
Stepping back so she wasn't too close to her boyfriend for Sean's comfort, Nikita shook her head clear. A part of her felt like the Seal's entrance ruined her moment with Michael; they couldn't freely flirt and tease when their team was around, not without being made fun of. But she could recapture some of their argument, at least enough to drag them to another empty room, "There's also professional hockey players named Nikita."
Upon hearing her say 'hockey' with an unmistakable midwestern accent, Michael and Sean quickly looked at each other. They bit back their laughter. Nikita, however, misinterpreted why they did. She believed the two thought it was weird that she knew hockey players. She hadn't caught the accent that had slipped out. And she wasn't aware that it got even worse with her next sentence, "What? I can't watch hockey? I am from Michigan."
Sean and Michael cast each other another glance before erupting in laughter. Nikita glared at them incredulously. Fortunately, her confusion didn't last long. Sean soon cleared up what he and Michael were silently making fun of her for, "Say 'hockey' again."
"You should hear her say 'bear' and 'hippopotamus'," Michael chuckled. For the most part, thanks to learning new languages and traveling the world, Nikita lost her Detroit accent. But some words, specifically vowel heavy ones, were drawn out like she was still in the midwest. Michael thought it was absolutely adorable- and hilarious.
"I forgot y'all are from New Orleans," Glaring, Nikita fired back at Michael with a (bad) southern accent. He had once, when tired and stressed, let a 'y'all' slip out. It reminded Birkhoff and Nikita that he was from Louisiana, and it was the topic of their jokes for a whole week. She would never let Michael live it down. It was too funny not to tease him for it.
"'I'll never know how good it feels to hold you/ Nikita, I need you so'," Flashing his crooked smile, Michael began to sing again. His girlfriend rolled her eyes and ran from him.
"Shut up!" Scurrying up the stairs, Nikita shouted over her shoulder. Her boyfriend wasn't deterred. He chased after her singing, despite the taunts she threw at him. Sean was left in the great room hopelessly confused.
At least he wasn't the only one puzzled about what was happening. Alex joined Sean, staring after the disappearing couple. She had heard music, laughter, and shouting in the other room, but she hadn't paid too much attention to it until she had heard Sean's voice. That was what eventually drew her out to investigate the strangeness, "What's that all about?"
"All I gathered was that they were making fun of each other's names. Then they made fun of their accents," Sean shrugged. He wasn't completely sure about the name thing, just that Nikita's name was a huge topic. And the accents seemed more like a fluke. The team didn't really have that distinctive of accents, probably because of their travels. Or, in their efforts to hide where they were from. Michael and Nikita just seemed like they were taking any opportunity to rile each other up. Sean had really walked in at a terrible time.
"You should hear them both say 'black boxes' when they're tired. The midwest and south really clash," Giggling to herself, Alex recalled. Time away from their home states, learning new languages, and being immersed in other worlds erased the team's regional accents; Alex's was the strongest example of that after her time on the streets. Yet when they were exhausted, words slipped carelessly off their tongues. It was clear where the rogues were from then.
"And your accent doesn't come out when you're tired?" After recovering from confusedly witnessing Nikita's and Michael's antics, Sean countered. Alex had fazed out her Russian accent completely when she was speaking English. Except for when she was exhausted, or when she encountered a new word. Unlike Michael's and Nikita's accents, it wasn't hilarious when Alex's slipped. It was simply further proof of all she had overcome. At least that was how Sean thought of it, especially after he had spent so much time with her mother, "You know, you sound a lot like your mom when it does."
Alex rolled her eyes. People had claimed that she sounded like her mother since she was a kid. Although it was great to hear again, the comment was still annoying. She'd rather just move on from the conversation. There were more things she wanted to talk about, anyway, "Speaking of my mom: what are you doing back so early? Thought you were coming home at the end of the week?"
"I was, then your mom insisted that she was safe and that I should stop you from getting into further trouble," Sean explained the change of plans. Since Semak and Zetrov were no longer threats, Katya had no further use for a Seal bodyguard. Sean was free to return to the States, and she could enjoy paradise in Greece. Before he left, however, she advised him to watch after her daughter. Alex wasn't ready for paradise yet, so Sean should keep an eye on her. Katya even compensated him for his trouble, "She also gave me money for the latter."
"Sean, give that back!" Instantly, Alex shoved back the wad of cash Sean had pulled from his pocket and presented to her. How could he have taken money from her mother. She needed it more than either of them did.
"I am! Don't worry. She wouldn't accept it in person, so I'm gonna send a wire transfer later. Relax, Саня. I'm not gonna leave your mom destitute," Chuckling, Sean assured. He had already tried to give Katya back the money before he got on the plane. But she had refused to take it with a stubbornness that rivaled her daughter's. He'd return it to her one way or another, though. He didn't need to be paid to protect Alex. He'd do that for free.
"What'd you just call me?" Alex took an involuntary step back. She hadn't heard Саня in so long, she had almost forgotten about it. So how did Sean know to call her that.
Sean hadn't expected that reaction from Alex. He hadn't wanted to freak her out with the nickname. Maybe he didn't say it right. Katya had teased him about his pronunciation when he had tried to learn a few Russian words. He probably called her by a completely different name than he had intended, "Sanya? Did I not say it right? Саня?"
"Did my mom tell you that?" Alex asked. Sean had pronounced Саня as well as she had expected him to. But that wasn't the issue. She needed to know where he had heard it, and why her mom would've possibly told him about it.
"Yeah. She said you're her little Алексаня," Sean nudged Alex and smirked. Katya had told him a lot about Alex's childhood while he had stayed with her in Greece. And he had loved every minute of it. Though, repeating what Katya had said earned Sean a harsh glare from Alex. He hoped it was only out of annoyance and not him stumbling over how to say her name, "Aleksanya? That's how you say it, right?"
"I don't know what's worse. My mom telling you my family nicknames, or you butchering them," Shaking her head, Alex sighed. Sean didn't actually say the nicknames wrong. He just didn't have the right accent; he sounded far more SoCal than Russian. The words sounded so wrong coming out of his mouth. It was honestly pretty funny. It almost made up for the fact that her mother had given Sean material to tease her with.
"I could just call you Волчонок. That's what your dad called you, right?" Tenderly, Sean repeated the other nickname Katya had told him. He wasn't sure if it was okay for him to say. But he figured it was worth the risk.
"You said that so wrong," Alex focused more on Sean's poor pronunciation than the name. Unlike Саня, she hadn't even remotely forgotten Волчонок. Her father's special name for her had stuck with her through the worst of her experiences. His voice always echoed it whenever she needed his strength. She never thought she'd hear the nickname again, let alone from Sean. The fact that he had said it so gently made her heart flip. She needed to focus on something ridiculous just to be able to breathe.
Unbeknownst to both Sean and Alex, Birkhoff had entered the kitchen behind them as they spoke. Also unbeknownst to them, the hacker was conversational in Russian- at least enough to pretend to be a mad Russian scientist per Michael's request. So when he had heard Волчонок, he was able to figure out what that meant. He laughed as soon as he did, "Your dad used to call you little wolf."
Instantly, Alex whipped around to Birkhoff and glared. He held up placating hands and moved out of the kitchen, "I'll go bother the other odd couple then."
As soon as he said that, Nikita and Michael broke into screams of laughter. Alex, Birkhoff, and Sean shared a confused look. No one still had any idea what the couple was doing. The hacker went to find out, though, leaving the Seal and the young woman alone again. Alex expelled a long breath. She had never thought that there would be consequences to asking Sean to be her mother's bodyguard in Greece. Yet she had just encountered some. Shaking her head, she began to leave the room, "I knew leaving you with my mom was a bad idea."
"Come on, they're cute names," Sean followed Alex, laughing softly. He wasn't calling her the nicknames to be mean; he just wanted to see her smile. That couldn't have been so bad.
"Not when you say them, Seanie," Attempting to even the playing field, Alex tried out a possible nickname for Sean. She'd have to talk to his mother and his sisters for embarrassing childhood stories about him. That actually sounded like a lot of fun for a multitude of reasons. Alex would love to talk to Sean's family. She'd also like to talk to Madeline Pierce outside the confines of Oversight. Getting dirt on Sean would just be a bonus.
"Nice try. My family never called me that," Though some people had called him Seanie before, none had been in his family. Sean could proudly smirk at Alex. She huffed and pouted just a little bit. All his resolve melted at that look. He relented and smiled gently, "Fine. Just teach me how to say your nicknames, then. Also, what does тупица mean? Your mom would roll her eyes and call me that a lot."
Alex couldn't help but laugh. Her mother used to call her father a тупица whenever he was oblivious about something. She didn't know what Sean could've been oblivious about, yet it was funny that her mother had clocked him on it, "You really need to work on your Russian."
"Did she call me an idiot?" Sean guessed. Katya never said it in a mean way, so he assumed it was just a joke. Probably at the expense of his language skills.
"Something like that," Giggling, Alex admitted. She was relieved to know that between sharing stories about her, she had made fun of Sean. That made it somewhat even.
"Come on, Sanya. Teach me some Russian. It might save my life on later missions," With his own eye roll, Sean somewhat pleaded. He was stationed more in the Middle East than anywhere else as a Navy Seal. So Arabic was more useful to him. But he never knew where he'd be sent next; the team of rogues had proved that. Learning Russian would be beneficial to him. And not just for operations.
"As long as you never call me Саня, Алексаня, or Волчонок ever again," Alex wasn't entirely certain if she was serious about that or not. She wouldn't completely mind if her team called her by those nicknames, especially if it was in English. They had become her family too in a way. The names could continue on with them. She'd simply have to get used to it first.
"Unless I earn them, right?" Sean closed the distance between him and Alex. He was trying to challenge her- tease her, and maybe flirt a little bit. But it backfired. Instead of playfully glaring back at him, she stared at him intently. He dropped his smirk and returned her seriousness. The two gazed at one another for who knew how long. They didn't say anything. They just sort of drifted towards each other.
Poorly contained laughter from above them broke Alex and Sean apart. They looked up to see Birkhoff, Michael, and Nikita upstairs watching them. Grinning wickedly, Nikita leaned over the railing and called down to Alex, "Hey, little wolf! What do you want for dinner?"
"Тупица," Alex muttered at Sean as her team snickered above her. Him and his stupid big mouth. Because he had shared her father's nickname for her in front of Birkhoff, she was never going to live it down. Next thing she knew, her code name for missions (that they hardly ever used) was going to become wolf related. Although Alex was grateful that Sean had protected her mother, and that he was sweet about wanting to continue her family's nicknames for her, she was annoyed that her friends learned about the names too. She needed new material to make fun of them with as soon as possible.
"Dumbass. See, I'm learning already," Following Alex upstairs, Sean finally translated the Russian word. Although the team laughed at him, he was proud of himself. Alex also gave him a small smile as she rolled her eyes. That made his translation all the more worth it. And, it carried him through the team dinner where everyone taunted each other- like a family would.
Chapter 55
Notes:
Set after 3x10 "Brave New World". Michael and Nikita finally talk.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It was almost as though they were hurting each other on purpose. The need to feel turned bitter and harsh after the months they had spent apart. Absence didn't make the heart grow fonder. It simply wounded it with too much pain and suffering. Weren't they supposed to be stronger than that. The two had survived so much already. Everyone looked to them as the pinnacle of juggling both war and love. But they were struggling. In fact, they might just die out.
Fear gripped Nikita over that thought. She wanted to tell herself that it was ridiculous. She had never really been insecure about her relationship with Michael- confused and desperate, yes, but never worried about them falling apart. Except, they hadn't touched each other in months. She had initiated a sparring match between them where she touched him and kissed him, but he didn't return the affection. She was starting to feel like the ground was crumbling beneath her feet. There wasn't anything solid for her to hold onto, not a feeling, not a look. She was afraid that one day she'd blink and everything would disappear. Even the conversation about her giving him hope was fleeting. She just wanted him back with her.
"Are you coming home?" Her voice sounded more like a pleading beg than she wanted it to. Yet her emotions were getting harder to control. Learning that there were people out there testing on kids made Nikita sick. She should've listened to Birkhoff. She should've never gone to Kosovo and gotten herself involved in that hell. Michael somehow found the positive in that, however. They had done the right thing in taking out monsters, and they had a lead on a better prosthetic for his hand. The latter ended up stealing all of his attention. The briefing with Ryan about how they had dug themselves into a deeper hole with Division couldn't even deter him for long. He was back in the nerd cave he had occupied to go over his intel.
Hours later, when everyone else had left, she had to find him and break him loose. But he wouldn't escape, "Yeah, when I'm done."
"Done with what? This, or pushing me away?" Nikita wasn't certain why she had snapped like that. Alright, she was somewhat sure. She had sustained a nasty head injury, and the resulting minor concussion gave her a headache. She was exhausted from traveling all over the world and battling with monsters. And she just wanted Michael to come home with her. They hadn't shared the same bed for as long as they hadn't touched. It drove her insane how distant he made himself. All she wanted was to hold him in her arms again, and for him to hold her back.
Was that too much to ask for. She missed him more than she thought was possible, even though he was right there in front of her. Something broke between them, and she didn't know how to fix it without breaking herself further.
"I told you I needed time for myself," Michael was far more calm than Nikita. But he was always better at controlling his emotions than she was. Well, better at hiding them anyway. He tore his eyes away from the information he was pouring through to look her over. She kept her distance from him, arms crossed and eyes ablaze with fury. Another emotion was buried in her gaze as well, yet for once he couldn't make it out.
For some reason, that pissed him off. There had only been a few times when he couldn't read her mind and vice versa. However a rift was growing between them that might make reaching out increasingly impossible. Although he was a large part of the problem, it irritated him that there was no immediate fix, "If you want to talk about pushing people away, then let's talk about you going into hostile territory alone."
"When are you going to realize I can take care of myself? I don't need you to protect me. I was fine. I saved myself, like I always do," She didn't step closer to him. She always stalked closer to him when they argued, but she continued to keep herself away from him. If Michael was going to hurt her by remaining distant, then Nikita could return the favor. If he wanted to put up walls after the hell they went through, then why couldn't she. She had survived on her own for years before him. For the majority of her life, she had been fighting alone. She didn't need a knight in shining armor to sweep her off her feet and rescue her from the beast. She was perfectly fine by herself. He could go ahead and leave.
"But you're not fine, Nikita. You never are. Just trust someone with your heart for once," Indicating the giant bruise and gash covering her eye, Michael instantly called bullshit. Nikita could've died on her mission. She didn't think things through or bring support, and she almost paid the price. As he listened to all hell break loose over her com, he nearly died himself. How many times did they have to have the argument about her sacrificing herself. She claimed her heart couldn't take it if she lost her family, but didn't she know they were consumed by the same sentiment. He didn't think he'd be able to breathe without her. He barely could while he was stuck in Ops and she was out in danger.
That was completely unfair for him to say at the moment, however. He called her out for not opening her heart when he wouldn't let her heal with him. He couldn't survive without her, yet he shoved her away. Nikita had enough of Michael's contradictions. They were both hurt and struggling. He hadn't adjusted to the loss of his hand, and she couldn't stop hearing his terrible screams. The two needed to talk; they needed to return to the closeness they once had.
Unfortunately, harsh words had been shouted between them, and it was going to continue, "Oh, you wanna go down that fucking path, Michael? Take a look at your stubborn ass first. You would rather gut yourself than let anyone see you suffer. Well, I'm not going anywhere you fucking bastard. So let me in."
Michael intended to fire back with a scathing response, but he finally recognized that other emotion in Nikita's shimmering brown eyes. It was fear. She was afraid of what was happening to them. The path they were going down had the potential to burn them both. Their relationship might not survive wherever they were headed. That was worse than losing one another to a knife or a bullet. Losing their heart, watching the other live a life without them, had the power to kill the engaged couple in more ways than one. Michael had really fucked up if Nikita thought their relationship was over. They had fought and had been separated before, but that fear hadn't been among all the other anxieties. Their very foundation had cracked.
He attempted to close the gap between them, however, she stepped back. She wasn't one to run from him. But she was going to stand her ground apart- away- just like he had. Michael shouldn't have gotten as furious as he did. The anger wasn't directed at Nikita. He was enraged at his own damn self for causing all that pain between them. If only they just talked to one another. If only they weren't too stubborn or stupid or afraid to communicate. They wouldn't have been where they were. Hell, a lot of the shit they had experienced wouldn't have happened if they actually talked. It was a lesson they should've learned a thousand times over.
Yet it wasn't going to occur then, not when he grabbed a hold of her so fiercely.
She didn't like that- she didn't like that at all. Too many times had she been forcibly grabbed. She never thought it would've ever come from Michael as well. Nikita shoved away from him, hard. Her expression was a mixture of so much anger and fear, that it could've been hatred she was directing at him. It only made him hate himself more. He reached for her again, and she swatted at his hand.
Quickly, their actions dissolved into some sort of sparring match. It was none of the playful or flirtatious moves they usually employed while squaring off against one another. They were intending to hurt, like they had almost a lifetime ago when they were on opposing sides of a war. Their hearts were too broken to attempt anything else.
Eventually, she was shoved onto the couch Birkhoff kept in his office. She immediately pulled him down on top of her, his suit jacket almost tearing under her grip. His prosthetic gripping the couch cushion near her head, Michael hovered over Nikita. Their noses were nearly brushing, and their breaths mingled on harsh pants. Green and brown eyes connected with a warring, contentious glare. The two silently dared the other to make the next move. Were they going to continue hurting one another, or were they going to talk.
Apparently it was neither, as their bodies betrayed their minds. It was possibly a Pavlovian response after falling into that position so many times. Regardless, their hips shifted and their lips crashed against one another.
Their hands and lips were wild as they immediately fell to temptation. Both were too angry for any kind of gentleness or even tenderness to be expressed. Teeth were bared with kisses, biting at lips. And nails clawed at the skin made free by tearing at clothes. They only managed to remove jackets, shoes, and belts. Michael's shirt was hurriedly untucked from his pants, while the hem of Nikita's dress was yanked upwards. Hips were bruising while they tried to thrust and grind together with enough force to prematurely send them over the edge. Neither cared about how harsh or cruel they were being. By that point, they'd do anything to make the other feel. That time he had forced them apart made their reunion bitter.
Maybe if they had let that go with words instead of action, the two wouldn't have attempted to forcibly leave their mark on each other. Kisses and holds stung with their harshness. Michael and Nikita should've known better than to devour one another on Birkhoff's couch. They should've stopped. Sex wouldn't fix anything. They were simply going to shatter more than they could handle.
But that just might be how they put themselves back together again. Something falling apart at the seams was the only way to know it had to be stitched. Michael and Nikita were barely holding on to anything around them. Focusing solely on their moans and thrusting hips at least made sense. It was rushed, and clothes were only shoved aside enough to give themselves access, yet they just had to succumb to the urgency of their bodies. No one could escape.
The two weren't finished hurting one another. Nikita bit Michael's lip as she kissed him, trying not to scream as she moaned. Movements rapidly grew faster and harder. Hair was pulled and bodies were clutched to keep themselves steady. It wasn't enough to keep them from violently reaching their peak however. They crashed down hard.
It took some time for their minds to clear afterwards. Once they did, and the two were left realizing what had just happened, they didn't dare move. Everything seemed too fragile to simply walk away. Nikita and Michael had to talk- acknowledge where they were. But most of the words were trapped in their throats. They just stared at one another in the eyes, wondering where they went from there.
"I'm going to shower," Nikita muttered when she and Michael entered their apartment. They had eventually decided to clean up and go home after their argument in Birkhoff's nerd cave (they especially cleaned the couch). They didn't say much as they did so. The most either of them said was when he had to grab his things from the room he had been occupying. They moved in silence, continuing to contemplate what should be their next move. Apparently, she had settled on just showering. He knew they needed to do more than that.
However, Michael would give Nikita space to collect her thoughts. While she washed off the day, he put away the things he brought from Division. She still wasn't done showering by the time he finished, so he made them dinner as well. There wasn't a lot of food in the apartment. Actually, there was hardly anything to eat. The best Michael could make was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Hoping that Nikita would soon join him in the kitchen, he ate his sandwich. She never came out of the bedroom. Several more minutes passed, and he was still alone.
Instead of immediately going to her side, Michael thought it was best to continue giving Nikita space. He put her sandwich in the fridge, changed into sweats, and freshened up in the half bath. That should've been enough time to finish showering, change into pajamas, and join him. Yet she continued to be absent. He couldn't ignore that anymore.
When Michael returned to their bedroom, Nikita was still in the running shower. He sighed and tried to open the bathroom door. She had locked it. Either she was trying to lock him out, or she was so deep in thought she couldn't refocus. Michael really hoped for the latter. He could still talk to her if it was the latter. He just had to be the one to initiate conversation, "What's on your mind? Heidecker and his group? The kids? Or us?"
The water finally stopped running, but Nikita still didn't respond to him. Michael knew she had heard him. He had knocked on the door and spoke loud enough that their neighbors probably heard him. She simply didn't want to talk yet. He was sure that he could make her eventually. He just had to stay by her side. And he had to fight. He should've always been fighting, "All three, huh? I told you, once we get what we want from that group, we're burning them to the ground. We've done stuff like this before."
"Look how well that worked out for us," Nikita huffed behind the door. Michael wasn't sure if she had intended for him to hear her or not.
"The kids are safe. They're in a good place," Regardless of her comment, he continued to talk to her. Michael and Nikita had ensured the kids on that plane were brought somewhere safe. They wouldn't be abused or taken advantage of again. They could have a chance at a good life.
"For now," Nikita mumbled again. The kids on the plane were just like her, and they were just like Alex. Someone else was bound to abuse them. They had been cast aside, left alone, and deemed unworthy of life. They were always going to be hurt. That was just how life went.
"We need to talk," Gently, Michael stopped Nikita's train of thought. The two could deal with the group Heidecker worked for and figure out a better solution for the kids later. Preferably, they could work on those things with their team and by using Division's resources. While they were home, they should focus on themselves. Their relationship had been severely frayed because they had ignored the problem for too long. What they had done in Division earlier that night was barely the first step in fixing what they had broken- what he had broken. Nothing else was going to exist that night. It was just Michael and Nikita.
Soon, the bathroom door unlocked. It wasn't opened, though. Michael had to be the one to cross the threshold. He did so instantly. Nikita's back was to him while she towel dried her hair. However, he still noticed that she was wearing one of his t-shirts. He couldn't help but smile to himself. The fact that she found comfort in the clothing gave him comfort as well.
Except, when she finally turned to face him, his small grin dropped. Without makeup on, Michael was reminded of how terrible Nikita's wound was. Her cheek and the area surrounding her eyes was angrily red and swollen. Although no bones had been broken, she had sustained a mild concussion. It was certainly scary to look at. Michael forgot what he had wanted to say to Nikita. All that came out of his mouth was concern for her eye, "I don't think you should've put makeup on. Your eye looks worse."
"It doesn't hurt as much…" Nikita began. Yet the second Michael caressed her cheek, she winced sharply and tried to pull away. Although the injury was only surface deep, the cuts and bruises were severe enough that she was going to have a nasty black eye for the next several days. Fortunately, she knew how to cover that up so no one stared. Unfortunately, the cuts didn't appreciate her foundation and concealer. The wound stung and continuously throbbed.
"Let me help," Reaching for the first aid kit, Michael blocked the door so Nikita couldn't refuse his care. She sighed and collapsed against the sink; she was too tired to fight anyway. Tenderly, Michael cleaned dirt and residual makeup from the cuts. Nikita winced at each sting of the alcohol swab, yet she didn't push him away. It wasn't the worst thing to hurt her recently.
Michael's left hand did all the work. He continued to be clumsy with his non-dominant hand, yet he had improved substantially. Meanwhile, his prosthetic laid limp at his side, almost like he was afraid he might hurt her with it. Nikita couldn't help but stare at it. He didn't wear a glove at home. The prosthetic was uncovered. She could examine it completely as her thoughts ran wild until they all landed on the same idea, "Did you only come back home because I gave you hope for something better?"
"I'm home because that's where you are," Michael tried to gain Nikita's attention with a smile. However, she only looked at him when he moved to put away the first aid kit.
"So you love me again?" Her voice sounded more like a pleading beg than she wanted it to. Yet her emotions were getting harder to control. Tears burned in her eyes (even more so in her injured one). Nikita tried to keep them at bay, but it was nearly impossible. After holding back a sob so many times, she couldn't do it anymore. She was ready to just break apart.
"'Again'?" Michael snapped his attention back towards Nikita. Upon seeing the tears in her eyes, he pulled her into his arms and gently cradled her cheek. She tried to avoid eye contact, but he stared at her intently. She couldn't misunderstand him or think anything else. He loved her- always had and always would, "Nikita, I've always loved you."
Breaking out of his hold, Nikita ran from the bathroom. Her used towel and dirty clothes were abandoned on the floor, and her engagement ring was forgotten on the sink counter. Michael pocketed the jewelry as he chased after her. He wasn't going to let her go. He had pushed her away far enough; it was time he brought her back into his warm embrace, "I don't know who taught you otherwise, but love isn't conditional."
"You could've fooled me!" Barely containing her scream, Nikita rounded on Michael with the same fear and anger she had in Birkhoff's office. Her brown eyes were drowning in it. The look made him freeze. She really believed that he had stopped loving her- that he had moved on from her. What kind of a man was he that he caused the love of his life to ever think that.
"Fuck! I'm a jackass," Michael wanted to kick his own ass. Angry, bitter tears blurred his green eyes. How could he have ever made Nikita cry. How could he have made her believe she was unloved. What the fuck was wrong with him. Sure, he had been upset, and in pain, and struggling with so much. Yet that wasn't an excuse. He should've never made her feel like that. He had no reason to break her heart.
Seeing the tears in Michael's eyes instantly made Nikita's anger vanish. He wasn't solely to blame for what she thought or believed. She should've known better. It was ridiculous to think that Michael would ever stop loving her. That was her own insecurities talking. It had nothing to do with him, "No. You were hurting. You had a lot to deal with. I should've…"
"No, Nikita, there's no excuse for what I did to you. Yes, you're right, I was hurting. But I should've never… I am so sorry," Slowly closing the gap between them, Michael shook his head. His pain was no excuse for his actions. Nothing could absolve him for how he treated the woman he loved. He was so truly sorry. Saying it once wasn't enough, especially since it took him too long to even realize what he had done to Nikita's heart. He had to keep apologizing. He had to make up for all the heartache and tears.
Nikita looked like she was about to argue with him. Even after everything, she still wouldn't let him carry all the burden. Yet Michael needed to. He had at least learned that on the ten hour flight to Kosovo, "You were gone for fourteen hours. You were in danger for fourteen hours, and I didn't even realize you were missing. Ryan had to tell me that you took off for a few days. I never noticed. Something could've happened to you in those fourteen hours, and I would've never known. I could've lost you without ever knowing you were gone."
"Well, I did leave when everyone went home for the night. So really, you didn't realize I was gone for about five hours. If that," Nikita shrugged. She had strategically left for Kosovo in a way that no one would notice she was missing. Michael shouldn't beat himself up for that. Going on a dangerous mission alone was her fault. She carried the blame for all the destruction and anxiety that had occurred.
"Don't. Don't make excuses for my shitty behavior. If I had been home with you, I would've known. I should've been home with you. Then you would've never questioned why I went to Kosovo to rescue my fiancée," Nikita's question when Michael had found her in Kosovo burned in his ears. She had been so confused that he had flown across the world to save her. She had studied him, and wondered what he was doing there. It should've been obvious. He loved her. He couldn't lose her. Of course he'd go on the mission to rescue her. But the way he had been acting recently, of course she'd question him. He had made her think otherwise.
"That could've been the concussion and twelve hours kept in a tiger cage talking," Shrugging, Nikita tried to take some blame off Michael. She hadn't even known that Division had heard her over coms after she had been captured. Alex had to tell her on the long journey home. She hadn't known anyone knew to rescue her, let alone Michael. However, he wouldn't accept the excuse. He shook his head again, and she shrugged again, "Sorry."
"I need to apologize, not you," Michael replied softly yet sternly. Her mission was reckless and dangerous, yet Nikita would've never gone after Heidecker had he not pushed her away for so long. She didn't need to apologize for what she had done. It was all Michael's fault.
"I did some shitty things too. I mean, I'm the reason Division is more fucked than usual," Nikita hung her head. The things her team had to do in order to rescue her jeopardized their future with Division. Their goal to just cleanup the hellhole had drastically changed. They were never going to escape that place and have a happily ever after.
"You normally are," Michael attempted to make a joke about Nikita's rogue activities. It was a terrible time to do so. She threw him a confused glance, and her mouth dropped open with an argument. He shook her head to cut her off. Taking her hand in his, he led her to the couch. They sat together, closely yet stiffly. Neither could relax in each other's presence just yet. But continuing to talk would get them there, "Look. You cut off my hand. Yes, it was to save my life. And I am so grateful that I have more time to spend with the woman I love. But it is still a difficult fact to get used to. It's all very difficult."
Michael tightened his grip on Nikita's hand to keep her from running away. Although the conversation was hard, he hadn't finished saying what he needed to. She needed to hear the rest, "However, I never should've pushed you away. I thought I could protect you from my pain and anger by healing on my own. But when I couldn't pull the trigger on that first mission, I was so scared. I'm not the same agent. Things have changed. And I was terrified that fact was going to hurt you too. I never intended to hurt you. I wanted you safe. But I know now just how much of an idiot I was for that. I shouldn't have pushed you away. I should've held you closer."
The tears returned to Nikita's brown eyes and immediately broke through her defenses. As she cried, Michael began to as well. He caressed her cheek with his hand and tried to rest his prosthetic comfortingly on her thigh, "Remember when I told you that I loved all of you? Not just a part, but all of you? Nikita, that's still true. The worst thing I've ever done is make you think I'd ever stop loving you. I love you more each and every day. Even when I'm an asshole and don't deserve it, you still fight for me- you always love me. You're so strong. I love you so much it scares me. You're the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, now and always."
Clinging to Michael, Nikita tried to control her sob. He pressed his forehead into hers, and that seemed to help. She managed to breathe before asking, "So you still want to marry me?"
"Yes," Chuckling through his tears, Michael removed Nikita's engagement ring from his pocket. A surprised smile broke through her sob. He gently grabbed her left hand and shakily slipped on her ring. She grabbed his hand tightly. Beaming, he tried to move even closer to her, "The second we have real identities again, regardless if I have my hand or not, I am going to marry you. It is going to be real, and official, and forever. I will never move on from you."
Instantly, Nikita crashed her lips against Michael's. She buried her fingers in his hair, anchoring him to her. He wasn't going anywhere, though. He kissed her back. As he held her in his arms, the kiss slowed from frantic desperation to adoring passion. There was no fear of anyone leaving forever. The engaged couple was there to stay. If their kiss wasn't enough to express that, then their tight embrace afterwards certainly was. Nikita and Michael hugged one another with all their might, burying heads into shoulders and breathing each other in.
The only thing that broke the engaged couple from their embrace was the loud growl of Nikita's stomach. Michael pulled away slightly, unable to contain his chuckle. She blushed and shrugged. Continuing to laugh, he got to his feet and pulled her along with him. They could move their conversation to the kitchen without problem. In fact, it might be easier to keep talking if she had food in her system, "I managed to make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."
"Yeah. I haven't really prioritized grocery shopping," Letting Michael lead her to the kitchen, Nikita admitted quietly. She was surprised there was even enough food to feed the both of them. Since the accident, she hadn't gone shopping for anything. She only really left the bunker to sleep. Nothing besides Division, her team, and Michael seemed important.
"Why don't we take the next few days off? We can run some much needed errands, and we can keep talking," Opening the fridge and handing Nikita her sandwich, Michael suggested. They were much better than they had been, but things weren't perfect yet. The two needed to continue talking. They also needed to spend time together and take care of one another.
Taking a bite of her sandwich, Nikita temporarily forgot what they were talking about. She took a few more bites of her delicious food, relishing in the amazingness that was the first thing she had eaten in a long time. Michael chuckled at her and handed her a glass of water. She washed down the sticky bread and smiled. Yet only for a second. Her mind quickly came back to her. She and Michael couldn't take time off, not then. There was too much going on, "I don't know if we should right now. We created a mess in Division and…"
"And there's plenty of other agents. Our relationship is more important," Michael interrupted. Their team could hold down the fort while they prioritized themselves. The others would understand. After all, Michael and Nikita deserved time alone together.
"I'm sure Ryan's pissed at us anyway. He'd be glad to get rid of us for a few days," Grinning brightly, Nikita relented. She took another huge bite of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich as if to finalize the decision. Michael laughed.
"I love you," Despite the fact that she was eating, Michael kissed Nikita's cheek; he just had to express how he felt for her one more time. Except, after he did, she choked on laughter. He couldn't even begin to guess why. Maybe her exhaustion or her concussion had caught up to her. Or, she was finally in a good enough mood to tease him, "What?"
"I love you too. But peanut butter…" Nikita fought to speak past the peanut butter stuck in her mouth. Michael collapsed in his laughter. After chugging water, she laughed with him.
Notes:
P.S. The beginning is an edited version of Only Place We've Ever Had Any Fun chapter 53. Check it out if you want to read a slightly more M rated version.
Chapter 56
Notes:
Set between seasons 1 and 2. Michael and Nikita enjoy dinner together.
Chapter Text
“Alright. I’m hungry. I’m gonna grab dinner at the diner down the road. What do you want?” Pushing away from the table, Michael sighed. He and Nikita had spent the last few hours studying the stolen schematics of the prison Ryan had been sent to. Nikita was determined to break him out. He didn’t deserve to be imprisoned after he had helped her save the CIA from Division. She had to set him free. Michael was willing to help her do that; however, he couldn’t think straight while he was hungry and tired. He needed a break. They both did.
“Veggie burger and fruit please,” Nikita hardly glanced up from the laptop. She could admit that she needed to eat, yet she was going to keep working until she couldn’t anymore. She wouldn’t let Ryan suffer in prison for doing the right thing. He should be free and able to fight Division on the outside with the rogues. He should also be back in the CIA, yet that was harder for Nikita to accomplish.
“Anything else?” Grabbing his shoes, keys, and wallet, Michael asked. He’d have to make Nikita stop working later. Whether she believed it or not, it was okay if she took a break. But while he got them dinner, she could keep thinking of possible plans. The sooner they broke Ryan out of prison, the better.
Nikita shook her head before she fully realized what Michael had asked her. She was okay with what she had ordered. She didn’t need anything else, “No. I’m good with just water.”
“Okay. But if I get fries, will you steal them?” Michael actually got Nikita’s attention. He had also thought they could just drink the water bottles they had in their motel room. He didn’t need her drink order. What he wanted to know was if she planned on being a little thief.
Smiling sheepishly, Nikita shrugged. There was no use in trying to deny it. She could never stop herself from stealing Michael’s food, “Yeah…”
“Yeah, I thought so,” Michael chuckled softly. He kissed Nikita sweetly, turning her embarrassed grin into a brilliant smile. He couldn’t help but kiss her again before he left the motel room, “I’ll be right back.”
It took Nikita a second to refocus on her task. Her mind was entirely too preoccupied by Michael and his kisses even after he left. She had to shake her head and remind herself that she had something just as important to think about (well, not equally important, but still important). Rubbing her tired eyes, she resumed studying the prison schematics. She and Michael had managed to steal blueprints of the prison’s layout and information about guards, cameras, and security measures. They had everything they needed to plan Ryan’s escape. They simply lacked the resources to pull any possible idea off.
When Michael returned, Nikita was staring blankly at the laptop, her hair clutched in her hands. He sighed. It was definitely time for a break. They’d figure something out after they ate and rested. Creating a plan while they were frustrated wouldn’t help anybody. Also, time away could give them clarity and spark ideas.
Dumping the food on the table, Michael handed Nikita her order. She didn’t take it. She continued to tear her hair out over a plan, unwilling to be distracted. She wouldn’t stop until she came to some sort of conclusion. Michael decided that the conclusion should be to stop thinking for a while. He simply had to get her to agree. Making her realize she was stuck could’ve done the trick, “You have any new ideas?”
“We fake a prison transfer and Ryan’s in the infirmary?” Nikita wasn’t entirely sure if even that would work. There were too many unknown variables. And she only had half thought out ideas. No exit strategies were considered, nor were any contingencies. She was absolutely stuck. She had no real way of rescuing her friend.
“How are you going to communicate that with him?” Michael threw another wrench in Nikita’s idea. He didn’t mean to. However, he had a point. The two should probably focus on communication with Ryan first. That could solve some of their problems.
“I don’t know,” Slumping in her chair, Nikita admitted defeat. She and Ryan had worked on a way of communication in the past in case he ever got in trouble for helping her fight Division. Yet she had no idea how she was supposed to discuss escape with him through that method. It might be too dangerous to do so; it could raise issues they weren’t prepared to face.
Finally closing the laptop, Michael called it quits for the night. He removed the computer completely from the table, and shoved Nikita’s food towards her, “Take a break. Eat.”
Softly, Nikita smiled and moved her hair out of her face. She hadn’t realized how hungry she actually was until she took a bite of her veggie burger. She completely relaxed as she ate, making Michael smile. The two enjoyed their dinner in silence for a moment. It wasn’t until she reached to steal one of his fries that either of them said anything. He hadn’t bought a normal order of fries; he had a huge basket full. It surprised Nikita. Usually, Michael was content with a cheeseburger and a regular sized portion of fries. He must’ve been starving. Or there was some sort of mistake, “That’s a lot of food you got there.”
“I got extra so you don’t steal all my fries and make me starve,” Smirking, Michael pulled the basket of fries closer to himself. He had once tried to order Nikita her own fries so she wouldn’t steal from him, but she took his food anyway; she had claimed that his tasted better. So from then on, he decided to just order a larger size for himself. He could eat all the fries he wanted, and she could steal freely.
“You can have the melon in my fruit cup,” Rolling her eyes, Nikita compromised. Michael wasn’t a food stealer; he waited until she offered, then he gladly ate it. But she could offer him that chance of retribution. It was somewhat fair.
“You mean the fruit you don’t like?” As he took the offered piece of melon, Michael called Nikita out. She only offered him the food that she didn’t want. Otherwise, she was weirdly protective of her meal or snack. He didn’t attempt to steal from her for fear of her retaliation. He had a feeling it’d be more than a smack of his hand.
“I like melon. I just don’t like to eat it,” Nikita tried to argue. When she did order an assortment of fruit, she never ate the melon. However, that didn’t mean she hated it. She just preferred all the other fruit. She liked watermelon, after all; that was somewhat related.
“You hate it,” Michael chuckled. He hadn’t known Nikita to be picky about her food- besides the fact that she was a vegetarian. So it was fun to know that there was something she refused to eat based solely on taste. The two continued to discover things about each other as their relationship progressed and became more profound.
Rolling her eyes again, Nikita stole more fries. Michael smirked and slid the basket closer to her. She fought a smile while she glared, “Oh. You think you know me so well, Michael?”
“I absolutely do, Nikita,” Moving closer to Nikita, Michael invaded her space. She pushed him away with a scoff. He just laughed some more.
“Is that how you knew it was me in the steam room?” Nikita asked the question that had sprang to mind while she had been pouring over the prison schematics, much to Michael’s confusion. He stopped laughing to stare at her in bewilderment.
Although Michael eventually realized that Nikita was talking about the steam room they had both broken into months ago to question the Russian mob about Alex’s disappearance, he had no idea why she was asking about it then. They had saved Alex (though, she was lost at the moment) and different problems required their attention then. He couldn’t grasp what Nikita was thinking. With her mind-leaps, he hardly could, “What?”
Nikita used the second it took for her to chew her food to think of how to explain herself. She had had that moment in the Russian steam room on her mind for a while. She had to ask Michael about it. Once he understood her, “So, I’ve been thinking about how we’re gonna know where Ryan is so we can break him out without causing too much trouble with the security system. But without hacking into the cameras, we can’t really do that. Then, I thought about how you knew I was in the Russian steam room and was prepared to counter my attack without any cameras. And I want to know how you did that.”
“Your mind works in weird ways,” Still trying to figure out how Nikita moved onto that topic, Michael commented. Her thinking was never straightforward or sensical. He always felt like he had to jump through hoops to catch up with her train of thought. It hadn’t become any easier since they were together. He was simply taken along for the ride.
“Come on. How’d you know?” Nikita repeated her question. There weren’t any cameras where the Russian mobsters met. And Michael couldn’t have heard her through the doors (otherwise, the guards would’ve known she was threatening their bosses in the room). So there had to have been some other way that he had known she was there. He couldn’t have guessed it. He had been far too prepared for her strike to have just assumed she was in the room.
“The guard was able to describe you pretty accurately,” Shrugging, Michael returned to his dinner. He didn’t really want to discuss the moment any further. His answer should’ve been enough. But, of course, Nikita wasn’t satisfied.
“Huh. I didn’t think he paid a lot of attention to my face,” Recalling the way the door guard had regarded her before she conned her way into the steam room, Nikita didn’t believe he had looked at anything besides her body. That was what she had wanted so she could question the mobsters without suspicion. She had also wanted the guard to be so distracted by her ‘assets’ that he couldn’t describe her accurately incase Division began investigating. But she guessed she had failed with the latter. Michael had still known it was her.
“He definitely paid attention to you,” Michael scoffed. Honestly, though, who couldn’t look at Nikita when she walked into a room. She stole attention wherever she went.
“What’d he say?” Curious, Nikita asked. She was far more interested in what made Michael think of her than what the guard could have ever said.
However, Michael wouldn’t answer Nikita immediately. He awkwardly ate his cheeseburger and some fries, and shrugged. He didn’t intend to say anything else, but her brown eyes bore into him. He had to say something just to make her look away, “You know, just that you had dark hair and long legs.”
“Okay? That’s pretty basic. Did he also describe my eyes or the tattoos on my arms? Or something that made you know it was me?” Nikita attempted to pry more information from Michael. Lots and lots of women had dark hair and long legs. The guard had to have said something more specific. What exactly was it that made Michael picture her. What about her always captured his attention.
“Yeah… something like that,” Michael should’ve owned up to his conversation with the door guard. Drawing it out only made his slight embarrassment worse, especially since Nikita could make him say anything she wanted.
“What’d he say?” Scooting her chair closer to Michael’s, Nikita made him look her in the eyes. She wasn’t going to let him avoid the topic. He had built it up too much by avoiding it. She needed to know, and he had to spill.
Sighing, Michael gave in. Though, he did have to shift his green eyes. Nikita would read too much in them, and find new ways to tease him, “He said you were hot.”
“That’s it! That was all it took! There’s like four million women in New York City. There was a one in four million chance that I was the woman in that room. But the second the guard said I was hot, you eliminated four million other women. I’m the only hot woman in the entire world. No one else is hot but me,” Nikita couldn’t help but repeat herself as she squealed in laughter. She couldn’t believe Michael knew she was in the room because the guard had called her hot. It was just so ridiculous. How much was she on his mind that he had assumed the hot, tall, brunette was her. She knew he had had it bad for her, but not that bad.
“Okay. Hold on. I already suspected that you were somehow involved with Alex’s disappearance. I had a feeling you guys were connected in some way, even before I knew she was your mole. So I made a guess that you knew to talk to the same Russian mobsters,” Immediately trying to defend himself, Michael backtracked. Yes, the guard’s description did make him suspect that Nikita was in the steam room. But, he had already assumed that she’d involve herself in the search for Alex somehow. The description only solidified the thought.
“Oh. Okay,” Nikita continued to laugh as she mocked him. Michael could try to defend himself all he wanted, yet she knew the truth. She was the only hot woman in his eyes.
“You don’t want me admitting that you’re hot?” Michael simply shot back. Arguing with Nikita over that topic would be a losing battle. He knew she had a reason to poke fun of him. Yet he couldn’t take his thoughts back. She was always beautiful to him.
“I want you to admit that you were obsessed with me,” Nikita glared playfully. She didn’t need Michael telling her how attracted to her he was; she could see it in his eyes whenever he looked at her. She simply wanted him to admit what they both knew- that she had had him wrapped around her finger longer than they had been together.
Michael could continue to defend his past actions. Or he could flip the script on Nikita and accuse her of all the times she had been obsessed with him. Instead, he decided to own up to the fact. He loved her. There was no reason to hide it, even if he could hide it. Michael loved Nikita, so of course he’d be obsessed with her, “Still am.”
Blushing vibrantly, Nikita grinned goofily and ducked her head. Michael smiled, took her hand in his, and kissed her knuckles. Her grin and blush brightened, “You’re an idiot.”
“I’m going to take that as an I love you,” Chuckling softly, Michael kissed Nikita’s cheek. She instantly turned her head so he’d kiss her on the lips as well. Both smiled into the affection. It was sweet and simple and perfect.
While the two kissed, Michael dared to steal more of Nikita’s fruit. He thought it was a good way to tease her back, and see if he was right about her possible reaction. Except, as he took hold of a strawberry, she broke from the kiss. He barely had time to pull his hand from the bowl of fruit before she attacked. Nikita grabbed his wrist, twisted, and crushed his hand in her grip. Michael was forced to drop the strawberry. She snapped, “Hey! Melons only.”
“So you do hate them,” Massaging his sore hand, Michael brought the conversation back to where it once was. Nikita rolled her eyes and pulled her food away from him. He smirked and moved the basket of fries out of her reach. Two could play that game.
“I like watermelon,” Nikita stood up and grabbed a fry, silently daring Michael to stop her. He continued to smirk. He knew ways to get back at her. She might’ve been quicker with taunts and jabs than him, but he could play the long game. Michael could retaliate when Nikita least expected it, which made it all the more fun for him.
“Oh. Okay,” Michael used the same disbelieving inflection on the words that Nikita had. She threw the fry at him. He jerked her chair even closer to him. Although the two attempted to glare at each other throughout their childish acts, they broke down in laughter. The rest of their dinner went like that. They laughed, joked, messed with each other, talked, and absolutely enjoyed their time together. They had so much fun, they decided to just spend the whole night like that. Forming action plans could wait until after they were completely rested. Michael and Nikita could simply fall into bed at the end of the night together, happy and in love.
Chapter 57
Notes:
WARNING: this chapter features mentions of drug and child abuse
Set pre-series. A look into Nikita's final run away attempt and her drug use.
Chapter Text
She didn’t know how good it could feel. Instant relief flooded her veins and numbed her thoughts. For the first time in a long time, her lips lifted in a smile. Maybe it wasn’t a real smile, but it was good enough. Her eyes could slip closed, and she could float away without her harmful thoughts. Finally, nothing was screaming at her too loudly to be silenced. The fear rotting her stomach was replaced by artificial bliss. She knew it wouldn’t last long, yet how could she care when she felt so great. Freedom felt as though it was coursing through her veins. She was unrestrained for one infinitesimal moment.
Her thoughts needed to be silenced. Nikita had been stuck with them for far too long. Ignoring her pain and everything else around her wasn’t enough- it wasn’t enough for her sanity. She was running without rest, and it was driving her insane. The cool vial of ketamine was meant to make the screaming stop. After a week of shrieking hell inside her head, she needed to relax. Nikita couldn’t survive if she continued to think of the deep, unbearable bruising on her thighs. She had seen drugs silence other people’s demons. There possibly wasn’t any other way to kill them. Besides, it was only to settle her nerves. Once that was over, she’d be fine.
However, the second she had a taste for the numbing, mindless elixir, she never wanted to go back to her pain. The medicine made her smile; it made her laugh and feel so fucking good. Nikita had found a way to escape, and she could melt away in bliss. She didn’t have to be a part of the harmful world anymore. She could drift along from one point to the next like a discarded, torn plastic bag. That seemed to have worked for Caroline and her white pills; she had always been calm and at peace. It couldn’t be so awful that she couldn’t do it too. Maybe Nikita could be more at peace than Caroline- slip into more oblivion.
She had been in Caroline’s tiny bathroom the week before. Her cheek had been busted open, a harsh blow breaking and bruising her bronze skin. With practiced skill, Caroline covered it up. Her touch was so gentle and sure, Nikita couldn’t help but study her through the cloudy mirror. A serene expression softened Caroline’s features. She was entirely focused on disguising her foster daughter’s wound. The parts the makeup covered didn’t look injured at all. There was no trace of deep purple bruising, or even swelling. Nikita was in awe of it. She always was whenever she sat on the chipped vinyl folding stool in front of the bathroom mirror. Caroline’s makeup skills were incredible.
Caroline’s skills to remain silent were also unbelievable. Nikita never heard her speak as she helped her cover the worst of her injuries. She didn’t ask about her day, or how she was adjusting to her new high school. A little concealer, a little blush, that was all that was exchanged between the two. Caroline would silently and stoically move around her, while Nikita sat stock-still, fighting the stinging tears in her eyes. She wasn’t entirely sure if she wanted Caroline to speak, however. Talking about what had occurred might make it worse. Burying it under makeup was for the best. If it was out of sight, then it was out of mind.
“There. You look perfect,” Caroline moved away from the mirror with a soft smile. Nikita pulled herself out of her thoughts enough to focus on her image instead. She didn’t like the girl she saw. She left an uncomfortable feeling in Nikita’s stomach. The sixteen year old girl in the mirror was far too amazing- far too fake. She was what Nikita should’ve been. Yet, no matter how hard she tried, she could never be that great. Her bruise was gone; though, to make that happen, the rest of her face had to be heavily made up as well. Dark eyeshadow and thick eyeliner made her deep brown eyes pop. Her full lips appeared even fuller with glimmering lip-gloss. And her complexion was absolutely flawless. She was the image of perfection.
Except, it was all wrong. Nikita knew all too well. The makeup only made her appear beautiful; underneath, she was weak and damaged. She didn’t even have to look deeply for that, she could’ve simply wiped off the concealer and blush to reveal the dark, marring bruise. She wanted to wipe it all away. She could simply hide in her cold room for the night instead of facing their rowdy guests. She wasn’t up for company anyway. Spending so much time with Caroline was enough for her. As Nikita leapt off the stool and tried to run away, however, Caroline held her tightly in place. Wordlessly, she led her to her closet.
Gary was having his new friends and coworkers over for some important football game or whatever, so Nikita had to look presentable. Not only did the bruises need to be covered, but she couldn’t walk around in her ill-fitting, grubby clothing. A simple, borrowed dress would do the trick. Nikita shook her head and pushed the pink floral fabric away from her. The serenity on Caroline’s face was quickly replaced with anger. A rare flash of rage flickered in her pale blue eyes. She forced the dress into Nikita’s hands and shoved her into the closet. She wasn’t allowed to leave until she had changed. Nikita dared not to grumble as she followed the command.
When she had changed clothes and pulled on a pair of high heeled shoes as well, Nikita slowly slipped out of the closet. Caroline had her gaze locked on the mirror, hiding her own yellowed bruise on her fragile neck with concealer. She paid her foster daughter no mind as she finally left the room. Nikita was fine with that. She knew how to fix the dress and shoes so that it laid right and didn’t appear too big. No one would know they were borrowed. If they did, though, it wouldn’t have been the worst part of the night. Plastering on a fake smile while her cheek still stung would be torturous. Except, Gary wasn’t one to disappoint, especially while his friends were around. She needed to be the perfect daughter he demanded of her.
Nikita looked the part, at least. She caught the eye of all of Gary’s new friends; Gary even flashed her a kind smile. Yet the peace of the night didn’t last long. Maybe it was the bitterness of her thoughts, the nonchalant expression on Caroline’s pale, made-up face, the loud alcoholic guests around her, or the pounding pain in her cheek, but Nikita snapped. She said one too many biting remarks to Gary and his new friends (seriously, how had he managed to find the same unbearable people to be with in New Jersey as he had in Detroit). Each “girl, food” and “drink, now” was met with a scathing sarcastic quip. Nothing unpredictable was happening on the television anyway. The men wouldn’t miss anything if they left the couch. Their precious bets on the rickety coffee table would be safe.
Gary’s caustic comments about her intelligence were probably right. Nikita was stupid for lashing out. It only made the demands harsher and louder. She should’ve bit her tongue like Caroline had. She should’ve kept her fake smile or shown interest in the game. Maybe she should’ve paid a compliment or two to Gary. However, when Nikita looked for Caroline, she realized she had disappeared from the night. She had silently slipped away from the television room and kitchen, far down the dark hallway. As the alcohol passed between Gary and his new friends, Caroline was gone.
She left Nikita to the laughing, betting, surly men.
At first, the only change was that more attention was paid to the young and pretty Nikita. She received more demands for chips and beer from the kitchen. She was paid more compliments- she looked so beautiful and grown up with that makeup. And her sarcastic comments about the game and the men’s reactions were met with more laughter than shouts. Nikita continued to be yelled at, however. Each time she dared to cross the television screen during a play, curses flew. She didn’t mind. It was no worse than the lunchroom at school, or the unruly senior boys in the hall. Except for when Gary cornered her in the kitchen.
The football game couldn’t be seen past the curve in the wall. There was the obvious glow of the television, the obnoxiously loud guests, the tangy smell of the wings and vinegar sting of dips, yet no other evidence of the game existed in the kitchen. It was only Nikita and Gary. The smile he had flashed her earlier in the night was long gone. It had been replaced by strong burning alcohol on his breath. She tried to skirt around him, but there was no escape. There was no help either. Gary’s new friends were too absorbed by food, alcohol, money, and the football game. They couldn’t see nor hear her. She braced herself for the wrath she didn’t know why she was receiving.
Except, she did know. A part of her always knew why she was hit and touched.
The borrowed pink dress tore, and more harsh bruises decorated her bronze skin. After what felt like an eternity of hell with Gary, Nikita finally managed to escape to her bedroom with ragged breath and a sore body. She wouldn’t let Gary’s new friends see the cracks in her wall as she passed them- she couldn’t. However, the fractures grew larger the more she pushed forward. Her fear and fury began to froth at the surface. It brewed and festered inside of her, begging to be unleashed. Despite the revelry in sports, food, and money continuing to rage nearby, the feelings she attempted to bottle up wouldn’t be contained. She needed to calm down.
The sparsely filled closet in her bedroom was as good a place as any to collect herself. Nikita kicked off her borrowed high heels, collapsing in the corner. She needed to breathe- in and out in a steady rhythm. She could convince herself she was alright. She was alive, wasn’t she. That was good enough. She was fine. It could’ve been far worse. She could still feel her heartbeat, even if it was rapid and tore at her chest.
Nikita’s tears came suddenly. They streamed down her face without ceasing. Her breath hiccupped and gasped along with her sobs. She was trapped. She was in hell. She fought and she struggled, but it was of no use.
Breathing erratically, Nikita held her head between her knees. Her body shook, and tears streamed down her reddened cheeks, but she couldn’t stop. Curled into a tight ball on the floor of her closet, she lost control. She thought she could hide behind the few thin jackets in the small, enclosed space, and collect herself in peace. No one would know what happened. No one would know that her fear boiled to the surface before she could control it. There was nothing she could’ve done to stop the onslaught, however, but hope it would be over soon. And hope that nobody ever found her.
She wasn’t certain how much time had passed. It felt like days, her body trembling and curled in on itself while she worked through the attack. That was what it was- an attack. Terror and rage assaulted her mind relentlessly. The ruthless feelings had her in a stronghold that she couldn’t break free of. There was no reprieve, and no battling it. All Nikita could do was ride it out until it finally ended. She started to believe that would never be the case, however. The sobs didn’t stop even when she had no more tears left to spend. She was left heaving on the worn hardwood floor.
Able to startle her through her fearful fog, the cracked door to her bedroom creaked opened. Nikita did her best to control her breathing and quiet her sobs. Panic lent a hand in attempting to calm herself. She didn’t want to think about what would happen if anyone saw her like that. She might get taken advantage of again. If she was seen as vulnerable and fragile, then there truly wouldn’t be an escape for her. The same feeling that came over her whenever she talked back to Gary or defended herself against his verbal attacks had to replace her fear. She needed to be strong. She had to conceal her trembling frame with a stern face.
Except, it was only Caroline. She easily found Nikita in the closet, and she silently sat next to her. Caroline helped her clean the ruined makeup and soothe her unbearable bruising with a worn, damp cloth. She returned Nikita’s comfortable yet shabby clothing but didn’t ask for the dress back. In fact, Caroline continued to not say a word. She helped Nikita look perfect again, then laid a gentle kiss to her forehead. She never screamed; she never cried. She glanced at her foster daughter with a soft smile on her thin lips and hummed lightly while she comforted her. She was as serene as ever. Nikita was in awe of Caroline.
Above everything, she wanted to be as calm and collected as her. Nikita wanted that peace; it didn’t matter how enraged she felt over Caroline’s serenity before. She just didn’t want to be afraid or in pain any longer. She wanted to smile and be able to sing along to her favorite songs. Instead of asking Caroline how she found any solace, Nikita went looking for it.
She had always been determined to run away. Ever since she was thirteen, Nikita had tried to escape Gary’s fist. Her attempts had never stuck while they had lived in Detroit. Either she had made a mistake and couldn’t live on her own for long, or the cops or her social worker or a friend of the family would find her. But she was much smarter then; she had learned from her failed experiences. She was also in a new state where no one knew her, would miss her, or had any paperwork on her yet. Gary had forcibly moved Nikita and Caroline out of Michigan. He claimed it was because of a new job. Yet Nikita believed it was because he had become paranoid that people were beginning to suspect abuse at home. He had to escape the allegations.
And Nikita had to escape him.
She waited a few days, gathering money, supplies, and her belongings. She didn’t speak to Gary or Caroline the entire time. Neither seemed to care. After the football party, they were perfectly fine ignoring her. Nikita was so, so glad. It made slipping out of the house one night so much easier. Her foster parents hadn’t been paying attention to her; it’d be a long time before they ever noticed she was gone. By then, she intended to be buses and cities away.
The city she had decided on staying in wasn’t her ideal choice. However, Nikita found a group of other runaways just like her. She could be safe with them. She could hide, earn money, and have shelter. She could also be taken care of. A week after the football party, and a few days after she had escaped for good, a vial of ketamine was presented to her. Her new friends told her it’d keep her warm. It’d also make her forget the bruises. Nikita took a shot of the bottle without thought. Then, she took another. And another. She took enough until she was numb. Until she felt serene bliss. Until her fear and anger were concealed.
Chapter 58
Notes:
Set during season 3. Alex comforts Sean during a thunderstorm.
Chapter Text
He was not proud of how hysterically he woke up. He gasped and spluttered and frantically kicked at the sheets. His heart pounded against his chest, his whole body shook, and he could barely breathe. That wasn’t the reaction he should’ve had to what had woken him. A part of him was aware that he was overreacting. It was nothing. It would all be alright. It was only a storm. He could lay back down and be lulled back to sleep by the rain pounding the pavement. Except, he couldn’t relax. He remained tense, ready for a fight that would never come.
Each flash of lightning and boom of thunder made it worse. He couldn’t lay back down. He only clenched the sheets, praying that the attack would go away. Everything was just too damn loud. He couldn’t find a reprieve from the onslaught. Maybe if he left the bedroom, he could find peace somewhere else. Yet there was no moving from the bed. He was rooted in his spot, eyes darting around the darkness trying to perceive any threats. There were none- obviously. It was all in his head.
Even so, he couldn’t make it stop. The fear, the panic, the need to fight, it wouldn’t go away no matter how rational he attempted to be. As the thunderstorm battled the world outside, his mind battled everything else. It was almost like he was in another warzone. Except that time, there was no safe base to run to.
Alex could sense that something was wrong. While she was trying to doze through the thunderstorm, she could feel that there was something wrong. She cracked open her eyes and glanced at Sean laying next to her. Well, he was supposed to be laying beside her. He sat rigidly on his side of the bed, breathing harshly and shaking. Alex’s own breath hiccupped. Something definitely was wrong with him. If he had simply had a nightmare, he would’ve cuddled her for strength. He was experiencing far more terrors than that, “Sean? What is it?”
“Nothing. I’m fine. Just go back to sleep,” Instantly, Sean dismissed Alex’s concern. It was just a thunderstorm. He’d be able to fall back asleep soon. His girlfriend didn’t have to worry, and she certainly didn’t need to lose sleep over him. She could have her rest. Maybe she could have it for the both of them.
“Is it the storm?” Alex sat up in bed and turned on her bedside lamp. She had also jolted awake at the crack of thunder and instantly panicked at the sound. Though, she had managed to eventually soothe herself back into a doze. Sean, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be able to settle down. She had felt how tense he was beside her. He continued to panic as the storm raged on. Even the sound of the rain couldn’t comfort him. He was too far gone to his fear.
“Did it wake you too?” Sean fought to force his thoughts away. Alex could be a lifeline for him then- she was in every other matter. If he talked to her, focused on her fears regarding the storm, helped her go back to sleep, he’d be okay. He didn’t have to fix himself. Healing others was a good enough solution for his screaming mind.
“Notice my lack of Russian,” Cracking a small smile, Alex joked. Her command of English wasn’t the greatest when she first woke up. Something Sean teased her a lot about. However, he barely reacted to her quip. Her smile dropped.
Tenderly, Alex reached for Sean’s hand. She was surprised that he was present enough to hold her hand in return. The soft light of the lamp filling the room probably helped him. Flashes of lightning had less of an impact if the room wasn’t pitch black. The thunder and rain continued to be a problem, but he was fighting gallantly. Or stubbornly. Judging by his responses, Alex was going with the latter, “It’s not the worst storm in a while.”
“No. But it’s still scary,” Alex argued. Things didn’t have to be the worst thing in the world to be terrifying. She freaked at the sight of a cockroach, after all. Sean was allowed to be overwhelmed by his feelings at even the quietest bit of thunder. As long as he addressed his fears and knew it was okay to let others help him, it’d be alright. He could make it through the storm with her. She was right there, “What are you thinking?”
“I feel like you already know,” Absentmindedly, Sean played with their interlocked fingers. He didn’t have to admit anything. His girlfriend could read his mind and that’d be it.
“Yeah. But I want you to say it,” Softly, Alex urged Sean to talk to her. Even before she turned the lights on, she could see how badly he was shaken up. It wasn’t the normal anxieties from a nightmare. He was so close to disappearing into his fear. He needed to address the problem, talk and heal. Ignoring it would make it fester until he blew. It had happened to him before. And Alex refused to let it happen again.
Sean couldn’t continue ignoring the topic, not with the way Alex’s blue eyes studied him. He had to say something to appease her and make her drop it. Before he could even try to lie, the truth slipped out, “The lightning’s lack a flash of a gun, and the thunder’s like an explosion.”
“It gets worse with each mission,” Nodding in complete and utter understanding, Alex gripped Sean’s hand even tighter. He squeezed back.
Although deadly missions with their flashing guns and booming explosions turned thunderstorms into horrific experiences, and it kept getting worse as time went on, Alex had always struggled with storms. Yes, since Operation Pale Fire. But also as a kid. She had never found peace in the loud noises and bright lights. Fortunately, her parents had been there to calm her down. She used to always be able to turn to them for comfort. Even years later, what they had done to soothe her had stuck with her, “You know, I used to hate thunderstorms as a kid. I had to crawl into my parents’ bed just to sleep.”
“Michael told me that when you would crash at the beach house, you used to crawl into bed with him and Nikita all the time after a nightmare,” Sean changed the subject. He didn’t want to keep talking about the thunderstorm. Addressing his irrational fears made them too real. They shouldn’t have been real. A thunderstorm couldn’t hurt him in any way. He didn’t need to freak out over nothing. His ridiculous anxiety had to be ignored and shoved deep down. Talking about other things should’ve helped with that.
“I did that once. And that’s not what I’m talking about right now. I’m trying to help comfort you,” Alex rolled her eyes. She was starting to think that Michael would never let that go. But she could focus on that (and yell at him) later. Sean and his anxiety were far more important. He couldn’t spend the whole night in a panic. She needed to soothe him.
“It’s just a thunderstorm…” Before Sean could even attempt to continue deflecting, another round of lightning and thunder cut him short. He held onto Alex’s hand as tightly as he could. A part of him knew he was crushing her hand, yet it was the only way he could ground himself. If he let go, his panic would consume him.
“Yeah. But remember, we’re not just normal people,” Ignoring the pain in her hand, Alex reminded her boyfriend. They would never react normally to anything, not after all they had been through. And that was okay. The two didn’t need to be normal. They simply needed to adjust and adapt- change the way they lived. Already, Alex had tools on how to adjust to intense anxiety and fear, especially in regards to thunderstorms. She could easily give them to Sean to utilize. He wouldn’t be able to say ‘no’, “You wanna know how I’m staying calm right now?”
“Is it because you’re actually talking about your problems, and because I’m right here?” Sean could guess what Alex was going to say. It always came down to talking. The truth would set you free, but first it’d hurt like hell.
Alex almost made a smartass comment in reply, yet soon decided against it. That wouldn’t have helped the situation. Sean only needed honesty and comfort, so that was all she’d give him, “Yes. Talking and having you here helps a lot. But mostly, my parents taught me some self soothing tricks that still work.”
“It’s not counting the seconds between lightning and thunder so you know how far away the storm is, is it?” Sean halfheartedly joked. He had always hated that calming tactic, even as a kid. Though, it was better than the line about thunder being caused by angels bowling in heaven.
“No. I didn’t even know that was a thing,” Momentarily confused, Alex tried to see if that fact was true. However, on the next crack of thunder, Sean began to panic again. His muscles tensed, his hazel eyes were blown wide, his breathing hitched, and his knuckles turned white as he clung to the sheets. Alex instantly abandoned her counting. She pulled herself into her boyfriend’s lap, cradled his head gently in her hands, and pressed her forehead against his. Breathing steadily in and out, she set an example for him to follow. All he had to do was breathe. Things would be alright if he just took a full breath of air, “Hey. Hey. Just breathe.”
It took him a moment. But by following Alex’s example, Sean eventually got his breathing under control. He continued to shake. And he had to close his eyes. Yet his breathing was an improvement. Alex tenderly caressed his cheek. She made certain he could feel her warmth. He had to know without a shadow of a doubt that she was there, “Think about where you are. You’re in bed with me. You’re nice and warm under the covers, and you’re safe in my arms. I have you, now and always. You can always rely on me for protection. But you don’t always need me. You are just as strong. You are just as powerful Nothing can get you.”
Sean wrapped his arms around Alex. He held her so close to him, they breathed the same air. She simply continued to soothe him, nudging his nose with hers, “Listen to my breathing. Steady, in and out. That’s the only thing worth hearing. I’m breathing, and so are you.”
After a long moment, Sean stopped shaking. He continued to hold her tightly, yet so did she. Alex wouldn’t let him go. She’d keep him in her arms until she knew he was okay. Even then, she might just keep holding him. Comfort didn’t have to only be given when one of them was hurting. They could always use love and support. It was the best way to heal and find strength. Everything else was just a bonus, “Distractions work really well too. You can breathe and think about other things.”
“What kind of distractions?” Sean was fine simply breathing in and out in Alex’s arms. But if she wanted to keep talking, or even watch a movie or something, he was completely fine with that too. Whatever would help the both of them survive the night would be perfect.
“My dad would rock me gently in his arms, and my mom would read me a fairytale until I fell back asleep,” With a soft smile, Alex fondly recalled the time her parents comforted her. She had always felt so loved. It was one of the best feelings in the world. She continued to cling to it even as her situations changed, “Nikita would just act like an idiot until I was laughing too much to notice anything else.”
How Nikita had comforted Alex during a storm was drastically different than her parents; it was more silly. She only told Sean about it to make him laugh. His eyes finally reopened and he grinned somewhat at the image of Nikita acting a fool. She beamed. He couldn’t help but chuckle quietly. Though, he was a tad confused about what Alex had admitted. It didn’t match what Michael had told him earlier, “I would’ve thought Nikita would be more comforting.”
“After a nightmare, yeah. But during a storm, she tried to distract us both,” Shrugging, Alex explained. There hadn’t been a lot of thunderstorms when she had stayed at the loft with Nikita. When there was, the two women spent the time goofing around. They both needed distractions from the flashes of lightning and sounds of thunder. Comfort was reserved for nightmares and anxiety attacks. Though, as Alex expressed that to Sean, he appeared to be thinking about something else- sort of like he wanted to make a comment. She instantly became curious, and a little defensive, “Why?”
“Just wanted to understand why you had to sleep with her after nightmares,” Sean smirked. Alex’s suggestion that he should focus on his and her breathing had helped substantially. He felt calm and steady. He could ignore the thunderstorm and only think of the two of them. Which then meant that he could joke around with his girlfriend. He’d love to hear her laugh or see her smile brightly. It’d be the best thing to witness before he fell back asleep.
“Okay. Michael is completely over exaggerating. It was one time, and after Nikita calmed me down I went back to my own bed. It’s her fault I even had to go to her anyway. When I had nightmares at the loft, she always joined me in my bed. She made me codependent,” Alex huffed. Michael loved to complain that she had disturbed his and Nikita’s sleep and had even kicked him out of bed. But that was completely false. She just talked to Nikita for a moment while she held her, then she went back to bed. It was nothing. And she had only done it once. Alex could normally soothe herself; that nightmare had simply scared her more than usual.
“Sure,” Poking Alex playfully, Sean teased. He had suspected that Michael was being a bit over dramatic when he had told him the story. Alex wasn’t one to constantly need others to battle her demons. However, she was one to be easily riled up. Teasing her over little things could draw huge reactions from her. It was adorable.
Finally, Alex moved off of Sean’s lap. She collapsed against her pillows with a huff. Her boyfriend laughed at her. Although the sound made her relax and want to smile, she fought the urge. She was going to remain annoyed. Sean couldn’t get away with his tease, “I’m done talking to you. Let’s just watch a movie till the storm passes.”
“But you’re my distraction,” Maybe Sean pouted just a little too much. Yet he had decided that all he wanted to do was share stories with Alex. There was still so much about his girlfriend that he wanted to discover. He had to know everything about her.
“Fine. We can talk,” Alex acted like she had to fight with herself to agree to the suggestion. However, she absolutely loved the idea. Talking to Sean before they fell back asleep seemed like the best way to pass the storm. Laying together in the warmth of their bed made it even better. They’d both be able to fall into a peaceful sleep and wake up happy and relaxed.
“More stories from your childhood?” Grabbing Alex’s hand again, Sean asked. He liked that little story she had shared about her parents reading her fairytales. He wanted to hear more of that, especially because of the way it made her smile.
“As long as you respond with your own,” Alex instantly fired back. She needed to know everything about him as well. And childhood stories were just so fun to explore.
“Deal,” Grinning brightly, Sean kissed Alex. It was a soft and tender kiss, something to express their sweet love and gratitude. When the couple was able to separate from it, they excitedly shared stories from happy parts of their past. They didn’t stay up too much longer laughing and smiling together. After less than an hour, they had fallen back asleep. The thunderstorm continued its torment outside (though, it had lessened and had begun to move away) but the two slept soundly. They were at peace in one another’s arms. Nothing could attack them while they were so safe, happy, and sound.
Chapter 59
Notes:
An AU for 1x17 "Covenants". Nikita gets shot.
Chapter Text
Nikita felt the sting of a bullet before she ever heard the sound of the shot. Pain erupted from her abdomen, dragging her to the ground. She was lucky that it did. She was able to duck and cover from the rest of the volley of bullets. Though, she wouldn’t be able to hide out for long. She was severely outgunned, and the blood from her wound was already pouring out of her. It’d take a miracle to save her from that situation. She had finally reached her limit. Her luck had always been bound to run out eventually. She just never thought it’d be then.
Eventually, the gunshots changed. The heavy machine gun fire was replaced with a sniper. After several last shots, things fell silent. Nikita struggled to get back to her feet. She had managed to drag herself and Kasim into an isolated room, but the danger was still present. She had to fight. She needed to ensure only Kasim died that day. Though, she was seriously starting to doubt that fact. It was getting harder for her to focus. She could barely listen to the footsteps racing to meet her. If someone was aiming to kill her, they might be able to succeed.
Fortunately, the man who burst into the room didn’t belong to the rescue team Kasim had called on the Division sat phone. He was the one who had killed everyone outside and had saved her. Nikita couldn’t help but grin at the sight of him, “Michael.”
“You’ve come a long way to be disappointed,” Kasim smirked. Michael ignored Nikita and stormed towards the terrorist. Honestly, that was fine with her. She’d prefer if he didn’t look at her. That way, she could rest her extremely heavy bodyweight against the wall and examine her wound without any concern. Blood had already soaked well through her coat. Lightly touching her abdomen only brought pain and more blood. She was definitely not okay.
“Get up,” Dragging Kasim to his feet, Michael ordered. He shoved him against the wall and pressed the barrel of his gun against the pulse pounding in his throat. That was his moment. Michael could pull the trigger, and all of his pain would end. He was going to kill Kasim, and his family would finally be avenged.
“I’m not who you think I am,” Except, before Michael pulled the trigger, Kasim tried to weasel his way out of death. That stupid smirk remained on his lips; Michael had to smack it off.
“Shut up,” Pistol whipping Kasim in the mouth, Michael shouted. He set up for another deadly shot, but he was stopped once more. That time it was by Nikita, who was fighting so hard to expose the truth.
“It’s true,” Nikita panted. It took all of her strength to lean against the wall. All her body wanted to do was collapse back on the ground and wither away. But she couldn’t do that. Not while Kasim was still a threat. And not when Michael needed to know the truth. She shakily pulled the broken satellite phone from her pocket and threw it to the ground. Michael just stared at it blankly. Nikita had to take a full breath of air just to respond, “He used it to call for help.”
The satellite phone was password protected. Only those who knew the code could make or receive a call. Since the sat phone belonged to Division, only agents knew the code. They never revealed it to anyone. The line stayed secure. Division only. There was no way Kasim should’ve been able to make a call on the phone. There was no possible way. Michael couldn’t believe any possibility. He simply pressed his pistol harshly into the terrorist’s neck and demanded to know, “How do you know how to use that? How?”
“You know how,” Kasim almost seemed to take pity on Michael. That would’ve enraged him if he didn’t feel like his reality was crumbling at his feet.
“He’s Division,” Nikita continued to gasp. Michael finally looked back at her, but he didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong. He was just confused about what she was telling him. There was no way Kasim was Division. If that were true, then Division had been the ones to kill his family. If that were true, then he had spent nine years fighting for a place that took his life away. He wouldn’t believe it. He couldn’t.
“No, he’s not,” Although Michael argued, his finger became loose on the trigger. He wanted to fight the claim. He wanted to kill Kasim and end it. But the back of his mind held him back. A part of him knew what Nikita was saying was true. How else could Kasim have unlocked the sat phone. And why else would Percy have tried to stop him that morning from completing his revenge mission.
“He works for Percy,” Trying to push off the wall, Nikita reiterated. She wanted to move to Michael, be his comfort and support. Moving off the wall, however, made her knees buckle, the room spin, and the world go dark. She couldn’t stand on her own. She had to crash back against the wall before she collapsed on the ground once more.
Neither Michael nor Kasim noticed her. They were too focused on one another. As the gun loosened against his neck, Kasim finally began to explain himself. Michael shouldn’t remain in the dark any longer. He had been in enough pain, “Percy told me that we must sacrifice the lives of a few in order to save the lives of many. Even if those sacrifices have to come from the blood of our own countrymen.”
Slowly, Michael stepped away from Kasim. He had always known he was the intended target of the bomb. But he had always had to guess why. Since he had an answer, he didn’t want to believe it. Kasim continued talking, regardless. There was more to the story than just the initial shock, “After a time, I came to see that Percy was not a man of honor. So I cut my ties with Division. And I joined those who I was sent to betray.”
The gun dropped to Michael’s side. He stared at Kasim, the man he had hated for nine years, in disbelief. What he was saying couldn’t have been true. There was no reason for the terrorist to tell the truth. Yet all the evidence was on his side. Michael had been tricked, his pain twisted and turned into a weapon. And Kasim knew the whole time. The bastard knew how much he had been played, “Percy walked into your hospital room nine years ago and has been using you ever since. He promised you vengeance against a ghost that he himself has created. You deserve to know the truth.”
That was all Michael could take. He couldn’t hear another word of the truth. He let his weapon fall to the floor and walked out of the room. He needed air. He needed to breathe if he was to process what he had learned. Honestly, though, he didn’t want to process anything. He’d prefer to live in denial. That way, he wouldn’t have to admit that he had let Percy manipulate him. He had worked for the man who had killed his family, he had protected him, and everyone knew but him. Michael was a Goddamn idiot. And he didn’t think he could live with that fact.
Left alone in the room, Nikita and Kasim stared at one another. He remained handcuffed, and she didn’t believe she could move from the wall. She was going to need a huge rush of adrenaline to be able to beat him. She had no doubt that he’d try to kill her. Just because secrets were revealed, didn’t mean Kasim wasn’t still trying to escape. She was his last barrier. He had to break her down, “I was following orders. Like you did so many times.”
“You and I are not the same,” Nikita hissed. She had fought orders that didn’t seem right. She didn’t join terrorists when she went rogue. She was and never would be like Kasim. No matter what she did, she wasn’t that monstrous.
“Oh, yes. We are,” Kasim matched her tone. Nikita wanted to continue fighting him, but the blood spilling out of her abdomen was a huge distraction. If the terrorist noticed her pain, he didn’t let on. His eyes drifted to the gun Michael had dropped on the ground instead, “If you were me, you’d go for the gun.”
“I would.”
Michael heard the gunshot from outside the house. He didn’t turn to look. He knew Nikita had managed to grab the gun before Kasim, and she shot him. It was over. Hayley and Elizabeth were avenged. Yet he didn’t feel any sort of relief. He just felt gutted.
The world he had tried to rebuild for himself had been shattered. He had nothing left to believe in. The good he thought he was fighting for was all an illusion. He had been made a fool- a pawn. It was almost as if the past nine years weren’t even real. He was a ghost of a man chasing other ghosts. He let a lie sweep him away, and that had only broken him further.
A strange thudding noise in the safehouse behind him broke Michael out of his morose thoughts. A part of him had thought that Nikita would join him outside; she’d try to say something to comfort him and rally him to her side of the war. However, she had never left the house. He turned back towards the door. It remained closed, yet he could hear commotion behind it. There was one more sharp thud. Then, Nikita howled in pain.
“Nikita?” Without hesitation, Michael sprinted back to the house. He burst through the door and found Nikita lying at the bottom of the stairs. She must’ve fallen down them. It wasn’t like her to trip and fall like that. Either she was pushed, or something worse had occurred. Michael didn’t see anyone at the top of the stairs. He kind of wished he had. Because when he looked back down, all he saw was Nikita, pale, shaking, and bleeding too much, “Shit, Nikita.”
Instantly, Michael dropped to his knees and tried to stop the bleeding. The instant his hands landed on Nikita’s abdomen, she cried out in pain. It wasn’t a wince. She actually screamed. If Michael didn’t know anything was wrong with Nikita before, he definitely did then. Things were bad; things were really, really bad. How had they even gotten that bad. He always believed she was on top of things, “I thought you shot Kasim.”
“I did. He’s dead. This happened before you arrived,” Battling her pain, Nikita admitted. She was honestly lucky that she had gotten that far with her injury. Her adrenaline must’ve helped. But since it was gone, she had nothing left to support her. The pain and blood loss could wash over her completely.
“There has to be a medkit around here. Where’s your bag? You still keep one with you?” Frantically looking around, Michael asked. He could stop the bleeding and patch Nikita up. She would be perfectly fine. All he needed was a first aid kit. They were in a deserted Division safehouse. There had to be medical supplies somewhere. And if not, Nikita always used to carry some in her mission bag; that wasn’t a habit she would’ve broken.
She managed to nod towards the room where she had last left her things. Michael hurried to retrieve them. He also ransacked the kitchen and the bathroom for a medkit. He soon found what he was looking for and ran back to Nikita. Somehow, she looked even paler. Michael fought his panic to attend to her.
“You know, I always thought I’d die on a mission. Glad my last one was spent helping you,” Nikita chuckled weakly. She wasn’t being pessimistic. She had been shot before. She had countless scars left behind from bullets. She was familiar with gunshot wounds. So she knew that time was different. She was losing far too much blood. She felt dizzy, sick, weak. She had to fight just to breathe. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.
“You are not dying. You’re too stubborn for that,” Michael flashed Nikita his wonderful half-smile. She grinned and relaxed at his beautiful expression. Then, her eyes rolled into the back of her head and the world went dark. She wasn’t aware that she had lost consciousness for a second until Michael frantically shook her awake. Pain roared through her, and her eyes snapped open. He crouched over her with so much concern that she almost cried, “Whoa. Stay with me.”
Soft groans slipped past Nikita’s parted lips. Michael didn’t think she was aware she was making any sounds. Tears had pooled in her eyes, and sweat began to dot her brow. She wasn’t fairing well. Anxiety in the pit of his stomach told him that she was suffering from more than just a bullet wound. Stopping the bleeding and giving her a field dressing might not save her. But he had to try. He wasn’t going to give up on her. There had to be a way to save her after everything she had done for him.
More quick than gentle, Michael picked Nikita up off the floor. He had to ignore her pain filled screams. He moved her to an empty, sturdy table and placed her on top. He then gathered all the medical supplies again, washed his hands, and went to work.
He attempted to remove Nikita’s clothes as best he could. With the amount of pain she was in, however, Michael only managed to pull aside her coat and lift her shirt. There was so much blood. Everything was sticky and dark, and he couldn’t get a clear enough look at her injury. Although he wanted to be gentle, the amount of blood she had lost and continued to lose wouldn’t allow that. He needed to staunch the bleeding as soon as possible.
Cleaning her abdomen so he could see the injury wasn’t as easy as he had wanted it to be. Her skin was feverishly hot to the touch, and she cried out at every move he made. Nikita tried not to. She bit her lip hard to keep from screaming, yet that only drew more blood. Gently, Michael tried to calm her. He’d take care of it. She’d be okay. Except, once he saw the grizzly wound, his reassurances stopped. The bullet had torn through more than just her skin and muscles. It was lodged deep in her abdomen. No wonder there was so much blood. She was bleeding externally and internally.
Realistically, there was nothing Michael could do for that. Nikita needed a doctor. She should’ve had expert medical attention the instant she was shot. But rogue agents couldn’t just show up at hospitals with unexplained gunshot wounds. They needed alternatives. They needed desperate acts made by desperate friends.
Grabbing sterile tweezers, Michael believed his best course of action was to remove the bullet and pack the wound. That’d at least do something about the bleeding. As for actually healing her, he had no idea. Hopefully, it’d come to him after he stopped the blood.
Nikita continued to groan and cry. Michael was surprised she was still conscious. Her eyes were closed, but she was fighting to stay awake. She was probably afraid to slip away. If she did, she might not come back. She was so close to death, that the instant she relaxed she might be gone forever. She wasn’t ready to go yet. There were more things for her to do. One of those things, she had determined, was to comfort Michael after what had just happened with Kasim. That was too raw to let go of just yet. He needed to heal from that if he was going to help her heal, “Just talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Michael sighed. Currently, his thoughts were a screaming mess of anxiety and fear. He couldn’t share that with Nikita. She needed something light. There was an old memory he had been thinking about on the plane to St. Petersburg. It was more bittersweet than light, but it’d definitely calm both of them, “I bought them a house. Elizabeth and Hayley. One night, Lizzy and I just started flipping through a housing catalog. Lizzy saw this house in Hawaii, and her eyes just lit up. So I tore out the page, and without telling her, I started saving up.”
The smallest of smiles appeared on Nikita’s lips as she pictured the image. Michael smiled as well. It had been a very happy moment for his family- a feeling he clung to in his darkest moments, “Before you knew it, I had enough money for the down payment. When I called the realtor and he said the place was still available, I nearly jumped out of my chair. My plan was to fly them there for a vacation. And tell them that that house was a rental.”
A quiet chuckle broke past Michael’s defenses. He didn’t mean to laugh. But remembering Hayley’s and Elizabeth’s excitement about a vacation to Hawaii just made him happy. Nikita seemed happy simply hearing him chuckle. Her body relaxed, and he didn’t have to fight so much to remove the bullet. He finally got the damn thing free. Before she could writhe too much in pain, Michael soothed her with the rest of his story, “And I know on the last day of vacation Hayley would just look up at me and tell me it’s time to go home. But I would look back down at her and I’d tell her ‘we are home’.”
His happy memory stopped there. As he began to pack Nikita’s wound, Michael’s thoughts turned bitter. That should’ve been the life he had. Instead, he was a killer. A ghost. Nothing. Everything he was supposed to be and supposed to have was ripped away by Percy. And he had let him get away with it for nine years, “Percy took that away from me. He made me into this. I’m going to go into his office and I’m going to shoot him.”
“If Percy goes down, this country will never recover. Do you remember telling me that?” Nikita replied quietly. She tried to reach for Michael, comfort him. But her arms felt so heavy. She could barely lift her fingers.
“I don’t care,” Noticing her efforts to reach for him, Michael gently grabbed Nikita’s hand. He held to her for a second, sharing warmth and strength. Then he went back to his task.
“I don’t believe you. You’re stronger than that. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. You do the things that other people won’t do. You sacrifice and you dedicate your life to people you know are innocent. I don’t think you're capable of not caring,” Her words slurred, Nikita argued. Michael couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Of course she’d be stubborn as she fought to breathe. And of course she’d try to comfort him, even when she needed all the strength.
Although her eyes were closed, Nikita noticed a darkness wash over her. She was losing her grip. First, she would slip unconscious. Then, her breath would stop. She had to keep holding on just a while longer. She had to stay conscious long enough to ensure Michael and Alex continued to fight, “You will find the rest of the black boxes, and then you will kill Percy. And he will not be able to do this to anyone ever again.”
“We. Not just me. You and I will find them,” Michael tried to sound more soft than stern. But Nikita had to get it through her thick head that she wasn’t going anywhere. She was staying right there with him.
“And Alex.”
“I was never going to hand her over to Amanda. I was bluffing. I knew you’d never gamble with her life,” Michael admitted. He probably would’ve told Nikita the truth of his actions eventually. But then was the perfect time to clear the air between them. The two shouldn’t leave things unsaid. They should fix their relationship and create a future to fight for.
“I know. I knew you wouldn’t hurt her. Why do you think I changed the deal?” Although Michael could see the corner of Nikita’s mouth twitch, she couldn’t actually manage a smile. She reached for him again, and he moved even closer to her.
“I lied to you. I didn’t get the locations. I was coming here to doublecross you,” Making another confession, Michael apologized. Despite the deal he and Nikita struck (well, ones they forced each other into) he was never actually going to deliver on it. He was far too focused on killing Kasim and getting justice. He didn’t care about anything else, including Nikita. He realized then how stupid he was. Vengeance wasn’t the only important thing. She could take up just as much prominence in his life.
“Well you didn’t,” Nikita’s breath almost seemed to rattle as she expelled the words. Michael tried not to think too much about the sound. She could’ve just been trying to sigh. She was only disappointed in him. There was nothing else wrong with her. She should be fine.
However, packing Nikita’s gunshot wound wasn’t enough. When Michael finished, he saw that clearly. He was too unequipped to save her from her injuries. Desperation couldn’t heal her. She needed a doctor. Despite the risk of Division (and Gogol thanks to him) she had to go to the hospital. There was no other solution.
Calling an ambulance was out of the question. Too many dead bodies surrounded the house. Michael had to take Nikita himself. Fortunately, the abandoned Division safehouse was close to a local hospital. He could rush her there in no time. And maybe he’d be able to bribe a doctor or two into silence, “This is bad. This is really… you need to go to the hospital.”
“Division…” Nikita couldn’t finish her argument; though, she didn’t really need to. The one word was enough. She couldn’t go to the hospital. Division would catch her in an instant and send someone to kill her. Which kind of felt like a moot point at the moment anyway. She was already dying. She’d just rather die in Michael’s arms than in a cold, sterile hospital room.
“I’ll worry about that. We have to get you somewhere safe,” Determined, Michael began to gather things to rush Nikita to the closest hospital. He’d have to worry about cleaning the scene later. Maybe he could just sight fire to the safehouse and be done with it. But that would have to be saved for after he rushed Nikita to a doctor.
She had a couple fake IDs in her bag that’d hide her at the hospital for a while. He pocketed those and her cash. He made sure he had his own IDs and cash, and he also checked that he had a passable fake Russian police badge. No one would ask questions if he waved that around. The two should be covered long enough for her to have surgery. After that, he’d have to come up with a more concrete cover. But again, that was a problem for later. All that mattered at the moment was Nikita. Michael couldn’t let her die.
Securing her clothes back around her, he also wrapped her in blankets and pulled a hat over her head. The bitter Russian cold outside could kill her, and so could shock. Michael wasn’t going to risk it. He had put Nikita in enough danger- he was the reason she had gotten shot. He’d do anything in his power to protect her. He owed her that much.
Once Nikita was bundled up, and Michael had everything he needed, he gently picked her back up. Her head fell against his shoulder. He held her as close to his chest as he could and rushed her out to his car, “Come on. I got you.”
Nikita was only aware of the fact that Michael was carrying her. Everything else seemed to just come and go out of her consciousness. She barely registered that he was placing her in his car. She couldn’t hold on. Breathing was too much. Yet she wouldn’t go quietly. There were things she needed to say, to ask for, “Look after Alex. She’s…”
“I know. She’s your mole. I’ll protect her,” Michael hastily secured the seatbelt around Nikita, then ran to the driver’s side. She wasn’t going to give him instructions from her deathbed. That wasn’t it for her. She could do everything she was saying herself.
“No. She’s just like you. Division killed her family, and she needs revenge. Make sure she doesn’t get lost,” Nikita forced the words out. She refused to leave Alex alone on her revenge mission. Michael had needed her, and so would Alex. But if Nikita couldn’t be there, then Michael could step in. She trusted him with Alex; she was safe with him.
“Look after her yourself,” Starting the car and tearing off down the road, Michael actually ordered Nikita. She had never listened to him before. But then could be the start.
“Help her find who ordered the hit. I could never find anything on Pale Fire…” Continuing her ramble, Nikita wasn’t entirely sure what she was saying. It all came pouring out of her, needing to be said. Alex’s secrets were hers alone to tell Michael. Yet Nikita couldn’t think to stop herself. It was a shock she was even still breathing. Everything was going to spill out of her whether it should or not.
“Pale Fire… Alex is Alexandra Udinov?” Bewildered, Michael glanced at Nikita. She had saved Alexandra Udinov. How. How did she keep her hidden. How had they teamed up to fight a war. How did she get her into Division. Michael had a million questions he needed to ask. But considering Nikita could barely nod in response to his first question, he couldn’t ask anything else then. He’d have to wait until she was safe and sound, “Alright. You’re gonna tell me all about that when you recover.”
Nikita’s breathing became less labored. Michael naïvely thought that was a good thing. However, when he glanced at her, he saw it was because she had finally lost consciousness. She wasn’t fighting anymore. Either she lost her strength, or she just gave up. Michael begged that it was neither, that she just needed to rest. He slipped his hand into hers and squeezed until she weakly flinched. Although it was a losing battle, he fought the fear in his voice, “Hey. Hey. Keep fighting, Nikki. You don’t get to give up now. You’ve been fighting all your life. You just gotta hold on a little longer.”
After a long moment, Nikita finally squeezed Michael’s hand back. Really she just touched him. She had no strength to squeeze. But he’d count it. She was still there. That was enough until he got her to the hospital, “You said I was the strongest person you ever met? Well, you’re way stronger. I’ve never been able to fight like you.”
He wasn’t getting any reactions from her. Maybe he should just leave her alone until they reached the hospital. They were almost there. It would be alright. Yet Michael was too afraid to risk it. He didn’t want Nikita to disappear in any way. He needed her to keep talking, keep fighting the strong pull of oblivion. Saying her three favorite words could do the trick. She’d always smirk if he said, “You were right.”
“No…”
“Yeah, you were right. If I had just listened to you five years ago, none of this… things could have been different,” Tears had appeared and disappeared in Michael’s eyes throughout the majority of the night. Mostly, he teared up thinking of Hayley and Elizabeth. But as he listened to Nikita’s hollow breathing, he finally cried. That was his fault. He had led her to that moment. He could’ve done so many things differently over the years. If he had, she would’ve been safe. She would’ve been happy. And maybe he would’ve been too.
“Things will be different,” Nikita had stopped groaning in pain. She sat limp in the passenger seat, her grip on his hand nonexistent.
“Nikita? Hey, Nikita. Stay with me. You need something to fight for? You have me. You’ve always had me,” Michael ignored the road; there were no cars in front of him. He could take a moment to caress Nikita’s cheek and press his forehead against hers. He couldn’t hear or feel anything from her in response. She was slipping so far away from him. For once, she didn’t have the strength to fight. It was easier for her to just submit. Even her stubbornness couldn’t help her. There was nothing for her to cling to.
Fortunately, Michael had one more thing Nikita could fight for. He knew just what to say to bring her back to him. It was something he had felt for years; he just finally had the courage to admit it. The timing was terrible, but he shouldn’t hold it back anymore. He needed to express his heart, and she needed to hear him and stay, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Michael could’ve sworn he heard Nikita faintly breathe before everything went silent.
Chapter 60
Notes:
Set between 2x21 "Dead Drop" and 2x22 "Crossbow". The team explores the woods outside their new safehouse, and Salex grow closer.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It was a beautiful day outside. The sun shone brightly, and the trees swayed gently in the breeze. After spending the majority of the morning and afternoon settling into their new safehouse and taking stock of their remaining supplies, Michael and Nikita decided to take a walk. There were a few paths that wound through the woods outside. The couple could simply pick one and explore their surroundings. It seemed like the perfect way to relax and escape.
The rest of the team came to the same conclusion as the couple left. They should try to rest and regroup by getting fresh air and stretching their legs. They didn’t follow Michael and Nikita, though. Everyone went their own way, choosing their own path to explore. They could be alone with their thoughts, or not think at all. It was all up to them. How the rogues spent the rest of the day was left for them to decide.
Hand in hand, Nikita and Michael leisurely strolled along a winding path. They talked on and off, mostly about nothing. The two were more interested in spending a moment alone together. They were comfortable enough in their relationship to do so in silence. All they needed was a hand to hold and a quick adoring smile to share between them.
Eventually, the couple’s path led to a small clearing in the woods. It was a beautiful place, bracketed by stunning trees and filled with stunning wildflowers. Nikita was mesmerized by the flowers, and Michael was mesmerized by her. The two excitedly explored the area for a while. They took in the wonders of nature and contemplated camping out there. It was perfect.
Until Alex suddenly hung upside down from a branch high in a tree and shouted, “Boo!”
“Jesus. Were you just waiting around to scare people?” Nikita tightened her grip on Michael’s hand. Neither jumped back or gasped at the surprise. But the two rogue agents were definitely startled. Alex had actually managed to scare them.
“Yeah,” Giggling, Alex shrugged. Once she had discovered that the different paths converged at a clearing, she decided to climb a tree and wait until someone passed by. She had wanted to enjoy herself while in the woods, and scaring her team was always fun. It was so satisfying to be able to startle trained spies and assassins. She had slipped right past the couple’s guard. However, afterwards, her plan began to turn against her. She couldn’t pull herself back up. Although Alex could curl herself upwards, she couldn’t grab hold of the branch again. She was stuck upside down. There was no way she’d let the others know that, though, “Got ya.”
“You can’t get back up, can you?” Noticing Alex’s struggle to pull herself back up, Michael smirked. Served her right for trying to scare them.
Ignoring Michael, Alex tried one more time to pull herself back up. She could do it. She just needed the right amount of core strength and the right momentum. Neither could be achieved in her current position, however. Her stubbornness, spite, and persistence couldn’t see her through that time. She had to admit defeat, “Help.”
“You got yourself up there, you can get yourself down,” Michael smirked. Both Alex and Nikita groaned at the comment. Nikita also dropped his hand. He laughed.
“Sometimes I forget your a dad, then you say shit like that,” Alex rolled her eyes and huffed. Michael just shrugged.
Taking pity on the young woman, Nikita sighed and climbed up the tree. She hopped off the trunk to quickly scurry up the branches until she reached where Alex was. Then, she gently perched on the sturdy limb, grabbed hold of it tightly, and reached out her hand. Alex should’ve been able to grab her arm and pull herself up. All she really needed to get unstuck was a lower handhold and the right leverage, “Come on. I got you. Give me your hand.”
Working together, Nikita helped Alex sit back up on the branch. The young woman was soon fine, and could move around the branches by herself from then on. As soon as Nikita was satisfied with that, she began to climb back down the tree. Well, climb was a strong word. What she really did was swing and jump from branch to branch. She put a lot of trust in her sparse acrobatic skills and upper body strength. Fortunately, it all worked out for her. She reached the ground without a scratch or bruise.
Michael looked like he was going to have a heart attack the entire time Nikita flung herself down from the tree. He didn’t relax until she was safely on the ground. Although she flashed a self-satisfied grin, he glared at her recklessness. He loved his girlfriend, but she constantly scared the crap out of him, “I’m gonna kill whoever taught you parkour.”
“I’m self-taught. That mean you’re gonna kill me?” Continuing to smirk, Nikita quipped. Michael sighed. He could’ve taunted her in return; instead, he simply turned and walked back down the path. Alex and Nikita were left laughing in the clearing. Soon, however, Nikita knew she should follow her boyfriend. Their little date shouldn’t end on that comment; they deserved more fun than that. Nikita simply had to make sure she didn’t have to help Alex again before she rejoined Michael, “You coming down?”
Alex considered joining Nikita and Michael on the ground, then she noticed Sean heading towards the clearing. Because of his recent injury, he was moving slowly. But his strength was returning with each new day. Taking a walk in the woods seemed to help him heal faster. He was gently moving around and breathing fresh air. Alex was glad the woods were so good for him; he could heal in every way he could. That being said, she still wanted to scare him like she had Michael and Nikita. Startling three highly skilled agents was far better than just startling two, “No. I see Sean coming this way. I’m gonna scare him too.”
Nikita wished Alex luck, then chased after Michael. Before she caught up to her boyfriend, however, she picked a dandelion from the ground. Alex wondered what that was about, until she turned to watch the couple. Michael was expecting Nikita to run to him. Although he kept walking, he held out his hands behind him. She quickly jumped into them, clinging to his shoulders as he gave her a piggyback ride. The flower she had picked was placed behind his ear while she whispered something into it. Laughing brightly, the two disappeared down the path further into the woods.
Shaking her head and laughing to herself, Alex refocused on Sean. Maybe with practice she could do what Nikita had to drop out of the tree. Yet then wasn’t the time to try. She just silently climbed down the branches until she reached one that was at a reasonable height. She could drop and swing down from there without injuring herself or Sean. All she had to wait for was the perfect moment to jump.
That time came sooner rather than later. Once Sean reached the clearing and didn’t have to worry about tripping over sticks or stones and pulling his stitches, he walked faster. Alex didn’t hesitate. She landed gently and easily, ensuring not to shock her feet and knees, and smirked proudly. She almost laughed at his gasp while she said, “Hello there.”
“Where the hell did you come from?” Sean startled backwards. In his defense, he had been lost in thought when Alex had decided to scare him. He hadn’t noticed any of his surroundings, let alone her. Honestly, though, how could he have ever missed her. She giggled as she answered his question by pointing up at a tree. When he had realized all she had done was drop out of a tree, he laughed as well. She had gotten him good. He’d have to find a way to pay her back. In the meantime, however, he could quiz her about her prank and gather information for his own, “Did Nikita teach you that?”
“She’s shown me some stuff. But my dad actually taught me how to climb in and out of trees,” Alex admitted. She knew some parkour tricks to move around easier, but most of her knowledge of climbing trees came from her father. He deserved all the credit.
“Really?” Sean was actually surprised. He would’ve never thought that an oligarch and his heir would’ve gone traipsing through the woods, roughing it, climbing trees, and getting dirty. Then again, he should know that affluent families weren’t always what they seemed. There was always more going on.
“Yeah. He used to drag me out to the woods around our house all the time to teach me how to survive in the woods. Don’t ask me why. I could never figure out his reasons. And Papa would just tell me it was important to know,” Alex was actually surprised that she had never told Sean that before. She was sure it had come up as they found her mother at their old family cabin. Though, to be fair, she was completely distracted by Ari, Amanda, and Zetrov at the time. So maybe it had slipped her mind.
“Sounds a lot like boy scouts. You learn life lessons while starting fires and tying rope,” Shrugging, Sean supplied what he thought. There were loads of things to learn in the woods. Life lessons just seemed to be the favorite of parents and scout leaders.
“Yeah!” Excitedly, Alex shouted. That was exactly what she had experienced with her dad. He had taught her about self-reliance as she started a fire by herself, and other examples like that. Everything he had shown her in the woods had a life lesson attached to it. Thinking about it like that finally put a lot of things into perspective. Alex couldn’t believe she hadn’t seen it before. She was basically a boy scout, “Oh that explains so much.”
Sean couldn’t help but laugh. Alex’s revelation was just so cute. And he was glad he could be a part of it, “Guess that makes you a girl scout.”
“Do I get boxes and boxes of cookies?” Alex matched Sean’s bright smile. She didn’t care what kind of scout she was as long as snacks were involved. And, if there were snacks, she’d definitely take a girl scout cookie.
“We can make some,” Wanting to keep Alex’s smile bright, Sean suggested. He wasn’t sure if the safehouse had all the things they needed to make cookies, but they could always go on a grocery run. Shopping and baking together could be fun.
“You know how to bake?” Moving closer to Sean, Alex somehow smiled wider. With her lack of culinary skills, she loved anyone that would cook or bake for her. The fact that it was Sean made it all the more sweeter.
“I know how to follow directions. And that vanilla and chocolate chips are measured with the heart- my grandma taught me that,” Sean wasn’t nearly the baker his grandmother and sisters were, but he could follow a recipe fairly easily. It helped that he remembered some tips passed down by his grandma- if you put love into it, you can do no wrong.
“You’re definitely making me some,” Alex decided. She’d buy anything they needed to bake chocolate chip cookies. As long as Sean made them for her, she’d love every bit of it.
Whereas Sean was all for the idea, he’d rather continue enjoying the woods for a while longer; they could start baking before dinner. Alex was okay with that. It was too nice of a day to go inside just yet. The two sat against a tree on the edge of the clearing and just talked. Sean continued telling Alex about the baking advice his grandma gave him, then the two swapped their ‘scouting’ stories. They were only interrupted by laughter and the need to squirm because of bugs. It was a great moment spent together; it was practically perfect.
Eventually, Alex and Sean began to hear more animal sounds throughout the woods. It was almost night time, so the trees and shrubs were coming alive. At one point, Sean could’ve sworn he heard a distant howl. It didn’t belong to a dog. At least not a domesticated one. Instantly, he thought of danger and the need to hurry back inside, “Is that a wolf?”
“No. The pitch is too high. It’s just a coyote. There are no wolves out here. Kind of wish there were, though,” A bit disappointed, Alex informed Sean. There were far more coyotes in America than wolves. Chances were, if you think you heard or saw a wolf, it was actually a coyote. Which was still cool. Alex liked to see the coyotes run in the woods. But it wasn’t the same as staring at a wolf from her bedroom window.
“If you want to see a wolf, you could always go to a zoo,” Relaxing, Sean chuckled. Sure, the team didn’t really have the free time to plan a whole visit to a zoo. But surely, if Alex really wanted to see a wolf, she could swing by for an hour or so. The world wouldn’t end if she took some time to do whatever she wanted. She was allowed some freedoms.
“Yeah. But it’s so much better to see them in the wild. You know, when they’re free and can be themselves. I’ve always loved that about them. There are no expectations. A wolf can just be a wolf,” Although Alex did like the zoo, and she loved the work conservations did, it had nothing on the wild. Animals living their lives as free as they could, unbothered by humans, was always the best. She’d much rather watch a wolf run in the distance than watch it sleep up close.
“And being the daughter of an oligarch didn’t offer you the same freedoms. I understand that,” Sean really did. It was different since he was an adult, but there were still pressures that came with a parent in a position of power. And that wasn’t even considering the media coverage that could come along with it. Sometimes, it really would’ve been better to be a wild animal.
“Yeah. But that’s why I always liked school. No one knew who I was. I could truly be myself,” The last statement wasn’t exactly true. She couldn’t be Alexandra Udinov at any of her schools. However, she was allowed to express her true personality. There were no pressures placed on her to act a certain way, nor were there expectations she was forced to conform to. She was just a regular student. She could be herself without repercussions (unless, of course, she talked during class, which she often did).
Although Sean wanted the cute smile on Alex’s lips to remain, he was absolutely confused about what she just said. How did no one at her school know who she was. Even if the kids were oblivious, teachers would’ve known she was an Udinov. So what exactly was she talking about, “What do you mean no one knew who you were?”
“I went to a private school under a false name. You know, to keep me safe,” Alex said so matter of factly, that it confused Sean more. She couldn’t understand why. Wasn’t it normal for children of powerful people to be hidden for their protection. It wasn’t like they could have armed guards at school. Anonymity was the safer and smarter option, “You didn’t have to do that? Your mom was a senator.”
“Yeah, which meant security and private schools. I never had to do anything under a fake name,” Sean remained bewildered. He had known tons of kids who were the children of influential politicians and wealthy businessmen, and none of them had to do anything under a false name. Sure, they populated private schools, and some had their own security. But no one had to go to the extreme measures Alexandra Udinov had to go through. Either her father was super paranoid, or that was just the danger of being an oligarch.
“Now I know how Nikita feels after she talks about her fucked up childhood like it’s normal and we just stare at her,” Alex sighed. She knew she had grown up differently than the rogues- especially Nikita. But she had assumed that Sean would’ve had some of the same experiences. He had grown up well off like she had (well, almost like she had). And he had a powerful yet corrupt parent, who loved and protected him fiercely despite the crimes they had committed. However, when it came to extremes, Alex was still alone. Apparently, having your identity hidden wasn’t as normal for affluent families as she had thought.
“Definitely not normal,” Sean chuckled lightly. He wasn’t making fun of Alex. In fact, he loved that she was so different than anyone else he had ever met. It made her special.
Although Alex rolled her eyes, she found herself laughing too. It was mostly because Sean was. Looking back, she could admit that her childhood was ridiculous. But at least she was surrounded by love and care. She never had a boring moment, especially when she got to be herself, “Whatever. I still had friends. We even made a club where we studied wolves.”
“Oh, man. Were you a wolf kid?” Breaking Sean’s and Alex’s peace in the clearing, Birkhoff interrupted. He had been aware that Alex liked wolves. But as he came across the two in the woods, he couldn’t help but overhear how extreme her fondness was. He hadn’t known it was that bad; she must’ve been so annoying when she was younger- more so than she was then.
“Weren’t you a bug kid? That’s way worse,” Sean shot back. Based on comments made by the hacker, and just his personality, the Seal was able to guess that he had been obsessed with bugs as a kid. Birkhoff owned up to it though. He just shrugged and claimed that was better than being a horse girl. Sean, whose sister had been one of those girls, couldn’t argue.
While the two men discussed the different weird kids they had encountered in elementary and middle school, Alex stared in bewilderment. She couldn’t understand anything they were saying. How did a favorite animal affect how weird or not a person was. It wasn’t like your entire personality revolved around that. At least not at Alex’s school, “Why are you guys classifying kids by the kind of animals they liked?”
“That’s just how the American education system works. You divide up in groups, then mercilessly bully each other,” Offering an explanation to the question he had overheard, Ryan joined the others. Alex could accept that answer; after all, Sean and Birkhoff agreed to it.
Once that was settled, Ryan suggested that it was time they went back inside. The sun was beginning to set, and there were still things they had to do that day. Although they grumbled, Alex, Sean, and Birkhoff agreed. The only ones missing from the discussion were Michael and Nikita. They hadn’t returned to the clearing, even as everyone else had gathered there. Ryan sighed. Of course the couple was doing their own thing, “Where are the other two?”
“Kissing in a tree somewhere,” Birkhoff guessed. It was the only explanation he could think of for Nikita’s and Michael’s long absence. Rolling his eyes, Ryan urged the hacker to follow him. They should bring the couple inside before it got too dark. Even highly skilled agents shouldn’t be in the woods at night.
Sighing, Alex hopped to her feet and helped Sean stand as well. With their team, the two were lucky that they got the amount of peaceful time alone that they did. They shouldn’t take it for granted. It was a great few hours. Yet it was time to go back to their war. Once they reached the safehouse, that was. Before then, Sean and Alex could keep sharing things with each other; they could keep expressing their passions, “I still like wolves.”
“I’m glad. Now come on. If we want to make cookies, we should do it before the others take over the kitchen,” Smiling, Sean held out his arm. With a soft chuckle, Alex took it. And arm in arm, they made their way back to the safehouse.
Notes:
Thank you so much for reading and enjoying!!!!!
Chapter 61
Notes:
Set throughout season 4. Michael's thoughts when Nikita's shot and blown up.
Chapter Text
All Michael had wanted to do was kiss Nikita.
He hadn’t seen her in three months- three long, torturous months. So when he had helped her down from the air shaft, and held her so gently in his arms, all he wanted to do was pull her into an embrace and kiss her thoroughly.
Yet he held himself back. He couldn’t kiss Nikita in front of Special Agent Graham. They needed to escape the scene. They needed to go somewhere where she couldn’t be grabbed, tortured, and killed. A real reunion would have to wait until later, even when she looked at him like she had just seen heaven for the first time. God, he really wanted to return her look and kiss her. But they couldn’t then. They had to focus on more important matters.
Giving her a rendezvous point, Michael walked away from Nikita. For some reason, he thought he could do that easily. He thought he could turn his back to her and leave her. But not even a few steps away, and he had to look back over his shoulder. Since she was back in his sight, he didn’t know how long he could go without being by her side. Yet he had to control himself. Again, there were more important matters to attend to than their fractured relationship.
After all, she had left her engagement ring behind. If she could leave him behind after all they had been through together, then he could turn his back to her.
An hour after Nikita was meant to meet with Michael, however, he realized he needed to chase after her. She had promised not to run as she talked to Ryan and Birkhoff on the coms; she knew the team was her only way to survive. So if she hadn’t met with him by the zoo, then something was wrong. Michael prayed that it wasn’t anything horrific. Maybe she just had to take a detour. Or maybe she had to ditch the car and make it on foot. But when he retraced her steps in an effort to track her, he found a crashed car and blood.
Too much blood.
Michael didn’t give himself any time to think. He simply ran off in the direction he believed Nikita would’ve gone. He informed Ryan and Birkhoff about the wreck and the fact that both Nikita and Graham were gone. Maybe they could find something on satellites and street cams. Though, if Nikita had mostly avoided those for three months, she wasn’t going to slip up then. Michael had to chase her on foot.
The whole time he kept telling himself that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Nikita had simply gotten hurt, and she was searching for a place to get assistance. It wasn’t anything serious. She’d just break into a pharmacy after it had closed and steal some bandages. Michael would find her then. And afterwards, he’d bring her back to the team.
More time than Michael liked past before he picked up on any sign of Nikita. As he passed a blind alley, he heard dogs barking wildly. Instinctively, he turned to investigate. He wasn’t positive what he’d find when he followed the sound, yet he hoped for the best. He somewhat found that. The barking dogs were located in a vet clinic that someone had broken into. Following the trail of glass, he found Nikita stumbling against a counter. He almost sighed in relief upon finding her. Then she collapsed on the ground and went still.
Michael dropped to her side and pulled out his flashlight. Her shoulder was a bloody mess, obviously from a bullet wound. She had been shot. Graham must’ve had a hidden weapon and shot her. It was a miracle she had even made it that far. But she wasn’t going to go much further without any help. She had already lost consciousness. He couldn’t let her lose anything else, “Shit. She’s bleeding everywhere.”
“What?” Frantically, Birkhoff replied. He hadn’t heard from Michael since he had told them Nikita was missing- again. The hacker assumed he was just intently focused on finding her- again. He didn’t know things were that bad.
“Nikita got shot, tried to fix it on her own, now she’s bleeding out,” More focused on getting Nikita off the dirty, broken glass filled floor, Michael barely replied. They could figure out what exactly happened later. He had to stop the bleeding first. There was so much pouring out of her shoulder. None of her attempts to stop it had done anything. In fact, trudging all the way to a vet clinic she could break into probably made it worse. If Michael didn’t do anything immediately, she’d be lost for good.
“You have to bring her back to the jet,” Ryan ordered Michael. Every single person in the tri-state area was looking for Nikita. She and Michael couldn’t stay in a broken into veterinary clinic for long. Someone was going to find them, and things would get worse.
“And patch her up when? While I’m driving? In a moving jet? I’m doing it here,” Michael almost yelled as he argued. The bullet had gone completely through Nikita’s shoulder. Although that meant he didn’t have to worry about removing the bullet, he had to clean, stitch, and bandage two wounds. That couldn’t wait. The veterinary clinic had all the supplies he needed, even more than the jet had to offer. The best place for an emergency operation was there; it was the reason Nikita broke into the place, after all.
Examining her wound, Michael soon realized that he’d have to rip off Nikita’s shirt before he’d be able to do anything. He almost hesitated there. He knew how much she panicked when she woke up without her clothes or in different clothes. She wasn’t going to like what he was about to do, but he didn’t have any other options. He’d suffer her wrath later if it meant she lived, “I’m sorry, Nik. I know you hate this.”
“Mikey, someone’s gonna find you and take her,” Birkhoff tried to warn him. Nikita couldn’t be on the ground, especially after her stunt with the FBI. She was safer traveling to the jet while injured than having her gunshot wound stitched up right then and there. Michael had played things so smart and careful before then. He couldn’t begin to slip up. They still needed at least one sane member on their team.
“Then be my look out. I’m not letting her suffer,” Michael had already begun to operate. He pulled over a lamp, not willing to turn on the lights. He washed his hands and grabbed gloves. And he began to disinfect Nikita’s wounds as she laid on a sterile table. As he worked, she winced, but otherwise stayed unconscious. He was going to count that as a good sign. She was still with him. Once the bleeding stopped, she’d be fine.
When the bandages were placed, and all evidence of them had been cleared, Michael carried Nikita all the way to his car. She seemed to curl against him as he held her close, but he wasn’t entirely sure if that was true. He could’ve just been hoping for that. He shouldn’t, though. He shouldn’t be distracted by thoughts of their relationship- or lack thereof. She had left him. Even if it was in a misguided attempt to save his life, she still left him behind. She didn’t want to fight for their relationship, so he’d rather not pursue it.
He did, however, keep his eyes on Nikita after he eventually laid her on a cot in the jet. Michael would watch her until she woke. He didn’t want her to wake up confused and scared. He also didn’t want the jet’s turbulence to pop one of her stitches. A part of him wanted to reach out and touch her; he wanted to soothe her and hold her and ensure she was perfectly safe and sound. Yet, just like with everything else regarding them, he held himself back. He’d just watch her until she woke, then he’d leave her alone for good.
Because if he reached for her, if he crossed the line and touched her or kissed her, he was only setting himself up for more heartbreak.
He never saw her leave the building.
Michael turned to look at the exit, and he never saw Nikita sprinting out. The missile struck, the building exploded, and Nikita had never made it out.
Despite the roaring fires, despite the raining debris, despite the fact that he had been knocked on his ass and he could barely stagger to his feet, Michael stumbled back towards the destruction. Everyone else who had made it out were hurrying to the medics who had arrived on the scene. But he didn’t care about his own scratches and bruises. He also didn’t care about the danger he was walking back into. Nikita had never left the building. He had to find her.
Scanning the wreckage desperately, Michael prayed to whoever would listen that he’d be able to find Nikita soon. The amount of smoke and fire in the air wasn’t good. He needed to get her out; he needed to bring her somewhere safe. He knew she was still alive. She had to be. She had to be breathing and just waiting for him to scoop her up in his arms. He wouldn’t believe any other outcome. There could be no other sight waiting for him in the flames than Nikita breathing.
“Nikita?” Michael’s voice didn’t sound like his own as he called out into the debris. There were other bodies on the ground- other people who hadn’t made it out. But the medics could focus on them. He just had to find one person. He just had to see her breathing in the wreckage. By some sort of divine intervention, he managed to spot long legs in unnecessarily high boots behind a crumbled wall. He didn’t waste a second in scrambling over to them. He knew who they belonged to; he knew instantly who he had found.
“Nikita! Nikita,” Michael collapsed to his knees by her side. He pulled her limp body into his lap, cradling her head ever so tenderly. She didn’t react to him in any way. However, he could feel a slow, small pulse in her neck. Nikita was alive. She was barely holding on, but she was alive. He didn’t thank God just yet for that. She needed to be safe first. Someone had to help her and ensure she continued to breathe, “Medic!”
It was going to take some time for the medical team to make it to him. He silently urged them to hurry as he held Nikita securely to his chest. Michael pressed his forehead against hers, hoping that his breath would help her. She still didn’t stir. Frantic, Michael smoothed her wild hair out of her dirty, bloody face. He held her lovingly against him, rocked slightly back and forth, and caressed her cheek. Her shallow breathing didn’t even change. She was almost too far gone to come back to him. Tears blurred his vision, “Hey. Stay with me, Nik. Stay right here.”
Taking one of her limp hands in his, Michael squeezed tightly. He brought Nikita’s knuckles to his lips, and he kissed them softly. Then he brought his forehead back to hers and kissed her cheek. He couldn’t leave her alone. She had to stay with him. She had to keep breathing, and he’d do anything to make that happen, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Stay with me, please. You’ve been through worse, right? You always say you’ve been through worse. So fight. Wake up. Wake up please, Nikita. You can’t go now. I can’t lose you.”
His tears fell on Nikita’s cheeks as he held her, yet he didn’t care. All he wanted was the constant rise and fall of her chest. If he cried on her, if he held her too tight, so what. He’d stay with her forever. Nothing could break them apart again, including their own rashness and stupidity. He’d make sure of it.
Even when the medics finally whisked her away, Michael desperately stayed by her side, reaching to grab her hand in his.
Michael’s dark green eyes were fixed on Nikita. Since they had been dropped off at a military base and given the all-clear from medics, Michael had not taken his eyes off her. She remained unconscious. He had to carry her into the house and lay her gently on the couch. She didn’t so much as stir. Although the medics had claimed she’d be okay, Michael couldn’t help but think otherwise. He wouldn’t know if she was safe until she woke up. She had to look at him with those golden-brown eyes of hers for him to know everything was okay. Until then, he’d watch her like a hawk. If anything was wrong, he’d be the first to know.
He kept his hand on her leg. He sat on the couch at her feet, watching the steady rise and fall of her chest, and he kept his hand on her leg. Just as he wouldn’t dare take his eyes off her, Michael wouldn’t stop touching Nikita. He had to feel her- know without a shadow of a doubt that she was there. Sight wasn’t enough for him. Touching her let him know that she was actually safe and sound, that she’d actually wake up. He hadn’t lost her yet. There was no way he was ever going to lose her.
While Michael kept watch, Birkhoff and Ryan made calls. Ryan called Alex and Sam, telling them everything that had happened since they last talked; he also told them to stay away. They didn’t know what was going to happen to them yet. So it was better if Sam and Alex kept their distance until the team knew they were truly safe.
Birkhoff called Sonya. He could’ve advised her to stay away as well. But they had been separated for so long, and he had to see her. She could be safe with them while they were moved to the next military base. Besides, it wasn’t as though she was as high-profile as Alex or as volatile as Sam. Her presence would be calming and helpful to the team as they faced government action. Also, again, Birkhoff really wanted to see her.
The others were mostly tuned out as Michael stared at Nikita. He trusted that Ryan and Birkhoff were making the right calls when it came to their team and for their steps moving forward. He didn’t have to worry about all of that. He could just focus on Nikita and picture their future together. They were going to have a future together. There was no question about that. Michael and Nikita were going to spend the rest of their lives together.
Although he had once stupidly thought otherwise, his future was clearly set. He was never leaving Nikita’s side ever again. He couldn’t lose his love, no matter how much pain and hurt they were going through. She had left him; he had left her. That wasn’t right. The two needed to survive together. They had survived together. They were done being stupid; they were done making rash decisions based solely on overwhelming decisions. Michael and Nikita had to be together until the end. Their war was over, but not them- never, ever them.
Thinking so much about his future with Nikita, Michael began to picture it clearly. He could see her by their house on the beach; the sunlight bouncing off her dark hair, creating golden rays. He could see her smiling at him so brightly, the sun dimmed. He could see her running in the sand and water, laughing as she fooled around and made a mess. He could see her lying beside him in the warm sand, staring up at the stars and falling asleep as the waves crashed against the shore. He could see her so beautifully and lovingly, that he prayed they could be on their beach right that second; then they could kiss and hold each other as much as possible.
It wasn’t until his body stumbled into the couch cushions that Michael realized he was actually dreaming. He had fought the pull of sleep while he watched over Nikita for so long, he hadn’t even known when he had lost. He had to shake himself awake, shift in his seat, and reaffirm his tender touch on Nikita’s leg. That only slightly helped. He began to drift off again, lost in the images of her so happy and free on the beach.
After days of fighting and months of sleeping on a perpetually moving plane, Michael couldn’t stay awake on the soft couch with Nikita in his grasp. He needed to stay alert. He had to be right by her side when she woke. She couldn’t be scared or confused by her surroundings. She was safe; they all were at the moment. He didn’t want her to be terrified and think otherwise. They had won. They were free.
Despite his resolve, however, exhaustion gripped him tightly. Michael couldn’t keep his eyes open. The sight of Nikita on the couch blurred with dreams of her on the beach. He couldn’t keep them straight, no matter how many times he rubbed his eyes and moved around.
Birkhoff soon noticed Michael’s struggle and sighed softly. He didn’t need to torture himself over Nikita. It’d all be okay soon. He could relax as well, “Mikey, if you need to go or do something, we can watch her.”
Although Michael was startled awake by the offer, he was hesitant to take it. Even if he left for a second to wake up, he couldn’t bring himself to leave Nikita’s side.
Ryan rolled his eyes and smiled at him. Of all people Michael could trust his love with, Ryan and Birkhoff were completely safe. At least Nikita thought so. Michael would too if he just thought straight, “What? You don’t trust us?”
Michael actually managed to chuckle sheepishly. Ryan and Birkhoff were right. While he went to the bathroom and splashed water in his face, Nikita would be perfectly alright. He’d be back by her side in no time.
When he soon returned, Nikita was already sitting up. Bewildered, Michael glanced at Birkhoff and Ryan. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t still dreaming. They nodded. It was real. Nikita was awake and reaching for him. He didn’t hesitate to sit on the couch with her and hold her. Michael’s hands landed on Nikita’s thighs and wrapped around her hips. She stared into his eyes, desperate to understand what was going on. He moved closer to her and held her even gently. It was okay. She was alright. The team was safe, “Hey…”
“Is it over?” Unable to understand why the men were excited, Nikita begged to know that they had actually won. She clung to Michael, helping herself stay grounded to reality. He held her tighter so she could feel how real the situation was. When her imploring brown eyes met his green, he smiled brilliantly. It was the first real smile he had flashed in months. It was over. The war was over. The team was free. Michael and Nikita could fix their frayed relationship and have their little house on the beach. It was over. The two could finally live happily ever after.
Nikita wrapped Michael in a tight embrace. He was surprised by the speed of it, considering she had been unconscious for almost a full day. But Michael soon melted into her warm hug. His lips landed on her shoulder as he pulled her even closer. Despite the dirt, and grime, and smoke, he breathed her in. He couldn’t help but squeeze her tighter. He just had to hold her forever, kissing every inch of her skin that he could reach and reveling in the feel of her. She held him as tightly as she could manage, and then some.
Eventually, Nikita pulled away from their embrace to press her forehead against his. She cradled his head in her hands, her fingers slipped through his short-cropped locks. Michael’s hands pressed into her waist, ensuring she never moved far from him. As her eyes connected with his again, he kissed her. He couldn’t hold himself back. Michael had to kiss Nikita. He thanked God that she kissed him back
The two had a real future ahead of them. Finally, there was an actual light at the end of the tunnel. Michael and Nikita could see their happiness, and they were going to face it together.
Chapter 62
Notes:
An AU set between 3x09 "Survival Instincts" and 3x10 "Brave New World". Nikita has a pregnancy scare.
Chapter Text
“What’s it say?” Bursting into Nikita’s apartment, Alex called. She had dropped everything and ran straight over after receiving one of the scariest calls from her best friend. Nikita had had a panic attack over the phone. She called Alex already crying, and it steadily got worse from there. It took too long for Alex to calm her down. She had never seen her like that before. She had seen the former rogue stressed, tired, upset, and scared. But she had never seen her best friend lose control like that. It was absolutely terrifying.
However, Alex understood why Nikita was so panicked. When she finally calmed her down enough to speak coherently, she discovered that Nikita believed she was pregnant; she hadn’t had her period in months, and she felt sick and tired all the time. She had bought a pregnancy test when her anxiety became too much. She just had to know. But as she was waiting for the results, she became so terrified she couldn’t breathe. She needed her best friend to help her calm down. Alex didn’t hesitate to rush over.
She found Nikita still in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet lid. Her skin was pale, her body was shaking, her breath was shallow, and her eyes were blown wide with fear. Looking at the test in her terrified hands, Alex quickly knew what was wrong. It was positive, “Oh shit…”
There was no doubting the test results. Alex had asked Nikita over the phone if she was sure she was pregnant, and the timing worked out. She hadn’t had her period since the last time she and Michael had had sex- since before the accident. She had thought it was stress at first. But when her period continued to be missing, and she had started to feel sick, she couldn’t use the excuse any longer. She was pregnant.
“What happened to safe sex is best sex?” The only thing Alex could think to say was a horrible joke. Nikita got on her all the time about being as safe as possible during sex; she should’ve followed her own advice. However, when Alex tried to lighten the mood by throwing the words back at her best friend, tears pooled in Nikita’s eyes. Her breath hiccupped, and she shook more violently. She was going to have another panic attack. Immediately, Alex dropped to her knees in front of Nikita and tucked her wild hair behind her ear. She placed her hands firmly on her shoulders and squeezed, hoping to help her stay grounded, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
Although the tears fell from her eyes, Nikita didn’t fall into a panicked spiral like she had on the phone. She didn’t repeat ‘I can’t’ over and over again. However, Alex knew she was thinking it. Nikita had always avoided the topic of kids, claiming she wasn’t mother material. Since the very real possibility of becoming a mother was in front of her, she couldn’t accept it. It was too much of a shock; it was too terrifying. She didn’t believe she could raise or protect a child, especially not then.
A part of Alex wanted to argue with those thoughts, yet then wasn’t the time. She needed to calm Nikita down. She also needed to call Michael. He had to know his fiancée was pregnant. Alex had tried to get Nikita to call him earlier, but she had refused. She hadn’t wanted him to worry if it had turned out to be nothing. Well, it certainly wasn’t nothing then.
As Nikita stared at the positive pregnancy test and cried, Alex attempted to think of what she could say to soothe her fears. She couldn’t think of anything to say to promise that it’d all be okay. A pregnant Nikita while Amanda and the Dirty Thirties were still causing trouble wasn’t good. The target on her and her loved ones would only increase. A baby couldn’t come into that world. It was far too dangerous.
But maybe a baby wouldn’t come at all. Alex had heard of false pregnancy tests; the sticks from the pharmacy weren’t the most reliable. Maybe Nikita wasn’t pregnant at all. Maybe her stress really was so bad that it made her sick and continuously miss periods. That wasn’t a pleasant thought, but it was an easier fact to swallow than pregnancy, especially for Nikita, “Maybe it’s a false positive. You have been stressed.”
“Yeah. Yeah… it’s false,” Barely nodding, Nikita fought with herself to agree. She threw the pregnancy test into the trash can and tried to forget about it. But she couldn’t breathe past the rock that had settled in her stomach. Nausea violently waved through her, and she had to hold her head between her knees to keep from vomiting. Alex ran her fingers through her hair and rubbed her back. Nikita finally felt like she could breathe and stop crying.
“Medical can double-check,” Quietly, Alex suggested. For an accurate result, Nikita should go to a doctor. A hospital was out of the question, but they could threaten a doctor in Medical into silence. Alex hoped it was just stress for Nikita’s sake. A baby would only make a horrible situation so much worse.
“It’ll be nothing. It’s nothing,” Managing to stagger to her feet, Nikita repeated to herself. Alex followed her to her feet. But when she reached for her best friend’s hand to continue comforting her, she pulled away. Nikita was on a mission then. She was going to prove that it was all nothing so help her God.
Watching Nikita hurriedly scramble for her shoes, coat, and purse, Alex fought the urge to make her think of all the possibilities. Yes, it could very well have been stress making her so sick. But what if it wasn’t. What if her luck really was that bad, “What if it’s not?”
The tears had mostly stopped since Nikita had a mission to follow and the hope that it was nothing. But they came back as she considered the worst. What if everything was falling apart. Shaking her head, she didn’t allow herself to fall down that rabbit hole again. It was nothing. She was going to believe she wasn’t pregnant until she was undoubtedly proven otherwise. Because if Nikita was going to have a baby, then the world just might crumble down around her, “Then I have to talk to Michael.”
“Maybe you should talk to him now,” Following her best friend to the door, Alex mumbled. Even if she wasn’t pregnant, Nikita had to tell Michael what was going on. He deserved to know. But the glare Nikita shot Alex after the suggestion kept her from saying more. They should just focus on one crisis at a time, “Right. Let’s go threaten Medical into silence.”
It was easy for Alex and Nikita to threaten a doctor into silence. Their reputation and Nikita’s anxious desperation were a winning combination. Without a word to anyone, the doctor sat Nikita in a room away from everyone else and ran a blood test. The best way to know what was going on with her was to test her blood. An ultrasound could be saved for if she was actually pregnant; they could gain more knowledge from a blood test first. Nikita was perfectly fine with that. She could keep telling herself that it was nothing if all she was waiting for was results from a blood test. It really was nothing; she was fine.
Her thoughts were dangerous things while she waited, however. Alex had to talk to the team so they didn’t worry about where Nikita was, and she had to take care of a few things. Nikita was left alone. She didn’t have her best friend to distract her or her fiancé to support her.
Nikita should’ve called Michael. She didn’t want him to worry if it was nothing. However, she really needed him by her side as she waited. She was so terrified of the results. She didn’t want to be alone with them. She didn’t want to face the potential life change by herself in Medical. She needed someone to hold her and tell her that it’d all be okay. She needed someone to help her battle her nauseous anxiety and help her breathe. She needed Michael.
But he wasn’t there. He was never there.
Why wasn’t he home.
As tears threatened to spill from her eyes once more, the doctor returned with her results. Nikita swallowed her anxiety and focused on preparing herself for the worst. She could tell herself all she wanted that it was nothing, but she knew she never had that much luck. She was going to hear the worst news ever. She better prepare for it immediately, so she could break down in private and not in front of the doctor.
She wasn’t pregnant.
Thank God.
Yet as Nikita breathed a sigh of relief, the doctor continued to read her results. She wasn’t pregnant, but her stress levels were dangerously high- like heart attack and stroke risk high. The normal chemicals and hormones in her body that should’ve eased her stress were missing due to lack of sleep and improper nutrition. Because she wasn’t sleeping or eating, her anxiety had been allowed to make her dangerously sick. If she wanted to feel better, she had to start taking care of herself. Her stress would be a lot more manageable if she did.
After she thanked the doctor (and threatened him into silence again) he left her alone. Nikita could leave Medical and go about her day as normal. But she couldn’t move off the cot just yet. So much relief had washed over her when she had learned she wasn’t pregnant. However, fear continued to grip her. She couldn’t shake her anxiety. She knew then that it was because she wasn’t sleeping or eating. But she was also certain that more was making her anxiety worse. None of her normal calming techniques worked. Usually, when that happened, she had Michael to turn to. But he wasn’t there. He was still never there.
If she had called him while she was waiting for the results of the pregnancy and blood tests, would he have even come. Michael had been pulling so far away from her, Nikita wasn’t sure. She didn’t know if he would’ve ran to her if she was having an anxiety attack like Alex had. She didn’t know if he would’ve answered her call.
Nikita had remained in Medical for so long, her body was stiff as she finally hopped off the cot. Slowly, she made her way down the hall, unsure of where she was actually going. She knew she didn’t want to join her team. She didn’t want to face what she had been through that day. She also didn’t want to see her fiancé after all her thoughts. She’d rather just be alone. She was used to that.
Unfortunately, Division wasn’t the place to go when you wanted solitude. The last person she wanted to talk to caught her coming out of Medical. She wasn’t able to keep walking. He called to her immediately, “Nikita? Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just… it’s nothing,” Instantly, Nikita brushed aside his concern. Saving Michael from her pain was automatic. He had other things to worry about than her. After all, it was nothing.
“Hey. Talk to me. What’s wrong?” Seeing right through her, Michael tried to close the distance between him and Nikita. He thought that would’ve comforted her. Instead, her gaze snapped up to glare at him. There was pure fire in his eyes. It made him step back.
“You want me to tell you what’s wrong? I should talk about my feelings with you?” Nikita snapped. She tried to hide her frustrations, but she was just so tired. It was hard to control herself. She just exploded, “I have been talking! I’m the only goddamn one talking! You’re the fucking one stewing in silence. You never share your fucking thoughts. So why do I have to say anything now? Why do I have to tell you anything when you just keep pulling further away?”
Michael was startled by the outburst, especially when he noticed the tears in Nikita’s eyes. What was going on. Why was she so upset. Did it have anything to do with why she was in Medical. Was there something horribly wrong, “Nik…”
“No! No. I’m just… I’m done. I can’t anymore. I… I’m so tired,” When Michael reached for her again, Nikita violently jerked away. She couldn’t be near him. She was going to say or do something she’d regret if she stayed. She was too worked up to think straight. Before she hurt anyone, she had to run away. She had to escape Michael before she severely wounded him again.
Frozen in his spot, Michael watched as Nikita ran away. He knew he had to chase after her. Yet he was so confused. How upset was she that she wouldn’t let him touch her. What had happened to her. And why wouldn’t she talk to him about it.
Instead of asking Nikita about it, Michael stormed into Medical. He marched up to the first doctor he could find and backed him into a corner. He glared as threateningly as possible and demanded, “What’s wrong with Nikita?”
“You need to ask her or Alex,” Cowering, the doctor blurted. Michael gripped his shirt and shoved him against the wall. He didn’t have time for games. But the doctor stood his ground. After all, there were scarier people in Division than Michael, “They made me swear not to tell.”
Sighing, Michael let the doctor go. He couldn’t fight against a threat from Alex and Nikita; the battle wasn’t worth it. He just had to get one of them to talk to him. Fortunately, Alex hurried into Medical at that moment. She seemed to be looking for someone- probably Nikita. She definitely knew what was going on. Michael didn’t hesitate to cross to her and ask, “Alex. Please. What’s going on with Nikita?”
“She didn’t tell you?” Confused, Alex wondered. She had hoped to find Nikita and learn what the real results were. Yet she was long gone; only her fiancé remained. Alex sighed. She honestly should’ve expected that. The engaged couple hadn’t talked about anything recently. Of course Nikita wouldn’t start with such a heavy subject. Yet Alex couldn’t either. She didn’t know as much as she wanted to, “I only know half of it.”
“I’ll take any information I can,” Michael practically begged. He just wanted to know why his fiancée was crying and on the verge of a panic attack. Maybe if he had been home with her, he would’ve known. But he couldn’t berate himself then. He simply needed the truth.
Collapsing on one of the landings in the silo, Nikita pressed her forehead against the railing. She fought to control her breathing and calm down. She shouldn’t have snapped at Michael like that. She would’ve just told him she was stressed and needed to rest at home for the day. That was the smartest thing she could’ve done anyway. Yet she didn’t want to go back to her empty apartment. She didn’t want to wander through the rooms like a ghost. She wanted to be with someone, talk with someone, laugh with someone. But that someone wouldn’t go home with her. So she was left fighting a sob in the silo.
A part of her wanted to keep screaming at Michael. It felt so good to finally get that pain off her chest. She wanted to scream and cry and just make him listen to her. But that wouldn’t have been fair to anybody. Calling Alex in a panic hadn’t even been fair to her. Nikita had taken her away from Sean after they had just started a relationship. She couldn’t ruin anyone else’s happiness just because she was struggling. Her problems were her own to fight. She just had to solve them all by herself, just like she always had.
She must’ve dozed off as she fought so hard not to cry for the millionth time that day; because the next thing Nikita knew, she could hear Michael crawling through the air vents to join her. She wondered how long he had spent searching for her. Her spot in the silo wasn’t easy to access, and it normally wasn’t the first place anyone looked for her. That was why she had chosen to hide there, after all. No one should’ve been able to find her for a long time. But Michael had. Maybe that was a good sign.
“I knew I’d find you here,” Stumbling onto the landing (no one was graceful as they climbed around the air vents) Michael tried to quip. Nikita didn’t respond. She just lifted her head from the railing and stared off into the distance.
Tentatively, Michael sat next to Nikita. She didn’t respond to that either. Studying his fiancée, Michael noticed dried tears in her eyes. Nikita must’ve finished crying. And when she did, her anxiety had been replaced with anger. The tenseness of her jaw confirmed his suspicion. She was worked up about far more things than just her pregnancy scare. He could understand why. He was increasingly becoming more and more terrified about the future that might be ahead of them. He wanted to scream and cry as well. Yet he had to hold it together until he had the truth. He desperately needed to know, “Nikita, just tell me. Are you…”
“No.”
Breathing in relief, Michael felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. Despite his desire to one day have a family with Nikita, then was definitely not the time. If they didn’t have their lives or freedoms yet, then they couldn’t give a life to a child. Nikita seemed to have had the same thoughts as him. Her tense shoulders relaxed once she repeated that she wasn’t pregnant. It really was just a scare.
But, although she wasn’t pregnant, there was still something wrong. Nikita’s sickness and missed periods weren’t normal. Her body was going through some serious torment. And if she didn’t heal herself, things would go from bad to worse.
Knowing who she was and what she did to herself when she was too focused on helping others, Michael knew what was wrong with Nikita. She was so concerned about Division, the team, her friends, her family, and him to focus on herself. She had to help all of them, protect them from Amanda. And in doing so, she couldn’t take care of herself. She was going to waste away trying to support her loved ones. That bad habit needed to be stopped. Michael should’ve stopped it months ago, “Are you that stressed? Are you not sleeping and eating?”
He was met with silence again, which further confirmed his knowledge. Nikita stopped engaging in the conversation completely. Tired- so tired- she closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against the railing once more. Michael reached to soothe her by rubbing her back. However, she flinched at his touch. He quickly drew away.
Honestly, he deserved that reaction from her. After not reaching for her for so long, he had to earn the privilege to touch her again. He had caused her to recoil at his comforting touch instead of melt into it. That was all Michael’s fault. It was also his fault that she had to face the terror of her pregnancy scare alone. Yes, Alex was with her. But who Nikita really needed was her fiancé. He should’ve been with her. He should’ve been with her long before to help soothe her anxiety. She had been right; he was stewing. He should’ve fought through the cloud and been with her. What kind of fiancé was he that he didn’t, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”
“You’re not the only thing I’m stressed about,” Nikita mumbled. It was true. She was also constantly worried about Amanda, the Dirty Thirties, Division, her team, the President’s ultimatum, and her new mission to get Michael a new hand. There were many reasons why she couldn’t sleep at night and why she was never in the mood to sit down and eat. Michael wasn’t the only reason she was so twisted up inside. But the fact that he was never around to help settle her nerves didn’t help.
“I shouldn’t stress you out at all. I’m supposed to help you relax. I’m supposed to be your rock when the world is pulling you down. I shouldn’t make you cry,” Ignoring Nikita’s attempt to pardon him, Michael scooted closer to her. She shouldn’t have to make excuses for him. What he had done was awful, and it needed to be atoned for.
“Why?” The one word was all Nikita could manage to say as the bitter tears choked her voice. Why was he doing that to her. Why wasn’t he talking to her. Why was he pulling away. Why was he trying to fix things then instead of weeks ago. Just, why.
Staring out at the airy expanse of the silo, Michael soon understood why Nikita liked to run there and hide. It would’ve been the perfect solace for a recruit trapped in fearful hell. It was her own slice of freedom- an escape that wouldn’t get her killed.
The fresh air in the silo also provided clarity. Not only did Michael feel like he could breathe for the first time in weeks, he felt as though he could actually think. And the resonating thought in his head was how much of an ass he had been. He had hurt Nikita. So much so, that he wouldn’t blame her if she left him. There was no excuse for that. Michael had just been a jerk. He had to say more than just ‘sorry’ to make up for his actions. He actively needed to do better- be better, “I know what you did saved my life. I know you have far more strength than I ever could. I don’t think I could’ve done what you did. You’re my hero.”
Slowly, Nikita peeled her eyes open and looked at Michael. His gaze remained on the empty space in front of him. He found strength in the isolation and openness of the silo. He could finally say the things he should’ve at the beginning, “But I was so angry about what happened. This isn’t easy, and I’m so frustrated. I didn’t want any of that to fall on you. You did what you had to. You shouldn’t have to face my wrath. I’ve hurt you enough.”
Nikita lifted her head from the railing. Michael caught the movement in the corner of his eye, and he finally turned to look at her. Tentatively, he reached for her hand. She let him hold it. He squeezed as tightly as he could, “I’m an idiot. I didn’t want to hurt you, so I pulled away. And that only hurt you more. I even thought Owen would be a better partner. After that first mission back, I was so scared. I couldn’t pull the trigger, and I thought that’d get you killed one day. My fear of you dying because of me outweighed my fear of losing you. I thought you’d be safe.”
“I can take care of myself. I always have,” Nikita argued. She had been alone for as long as she could remember. No one had ever looked out for her or had her best interest at heart; she had to be that for herself. When everyone else let her down, she always had herself to rely on. She didn’t need protection.
“I know. But you shouldn’t have to. You’re not alone anymore. You’ll never be alone again,” Staring intently at his fiancée, Michael argued back. Yes, she could save herself. But she never needed to. Everyone would be there for her. He’d be there for her.
Tears pooled in Nikita’s eyes once more, and Michael moved to wrap her into an embrace. She beat him to it. She hugged him tightly, burying her head into his shoulder. He placed tender kisses on her cheek as he returned her embrace. Since Nikita was in his arms again, Michael wasn’t going to let go. He’d soothe her anxiety, help her get her stress levels down, and talk. The two would seriously talk about their relationship and what the future had in store for them. Because they were going to have a future. He could promise that, “I’m not pulling away anymore. I’m not done fighting. I will never move on from you.”
Chapter 63
Notes:
Set around the latter half of season 1. Mikita talk about their relationship.
Chapter Text
Michael didn’t hesitate before going over to Nikita’s loft. The instant he was free of Division, he drove straight over to her. He couldn’t bear another second without her. He knew they were supposed to play it safe; they couldn’t let anyone know of their relationship. But he just had to be with her. He had to be around her at all times. Since he had her in his life, he could never let her go. She was it for him.
As soon as Michael rushed into the loft, he located Nikita in the kitchen and scooped her up in his arms. She barely had time to register that he was there before he kissed her passionately and began to carry her to bed. She kissed him back, yet she did try to still his movements by tightening her legs around him. He was a man on a mission, however. Nothing could slow him down, “God, I can’t fucking get enough of you.”
Kissing Michael just as feverishly and thoroughly as he kissed her didn’t help Nikita’s argument. She really did need to stop him. But he just felt so good, and she desperately wanted to go to bed with him. Unfortunately, then wasn’t the time for passion. It took everything in her to pull away and husk, “I can’t get enough of fucking you either, but Alex is in the bathroom.”
Sighing, Michael dejectedly put Nikita down. That was on him. He should’ve paid better attention to what was going on in the loft, and he should’ve made absolutely certain that they were alone. He was then all worked up and excited, and he had nowhere to put that energy. Maybe he’d calm down soon. But Nikita’s proximity and the way she smiled at him didn’t help. She caressed his cheek gently and gave him a sweet kiss. She tried to return to what she was doing, yet Michael held her in place. Quickly, and sheepishly, he dispelled her curiosity, “I’m… uh… I’m already a little excited.”
One look at Michael’s pants had Nikita bursting out into laughter. She couldn’t help it. She was excited herself that Michael reacted that way to her, but- damn- he had the worst timing.
As Nikita laughed, Alex finally exited the bathroom. She was surprised to find Michael in the kitchen when she reentered; she was also surprised to find him hiding slightly behind a giggling rogue. But Alex didn’t want to question it too much. She didn’t want to know more about the new couple than she already did, “Hey, Michael. I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“I didn’t know you’d be here either,” Michael tried not to grumble. It wasn’t Alex’s fault that his moment with Nikita was ruined. But he couldn’t help but feel upset by her presence.
“We were just talking about some stuff,” Alex shrugged. She was mostly hanging out at the loft to get away from anything Division related. She needed a break for the day. Since she was going to meet Nathan at one of his Djing gigs that night, she figured she could just spend the day with her friend once her Division duties were dealt with. It seemed like a relaxing enough idea. After all, Michael had the same thought.
“And we were about to sit down for dinner,” Nodding towards what she had been doing in the kitchen, Nikita added. Michael really missed a lot while he was laser focused on kissing her. He hadn’t noticed that Nikita was slicing up the meal she had just pulled out of the oven when he had barged in. He simply had blinders on when it came to her.
“But I can leave now. It wasn’t really that important,” Grabbing her belongings, Alex began to head towards the door. She should probably start getting ready to meet with Nathan anyway. She didn’t want to be late for his gig. She also wanted to spend as much time with her boyfriend as possible.
Although Michael was relieved that he’d truly be alone with Nikita, Nikita reached for Alex. She didn’t want her to feel like she was being kicked out just because Michael was there. They had made plans to eat dinner together; they could stick to that. They’d just add an extra plate for Michael. There was enough room and food for everybody, “Oh no. Alex. Just because Michael’s on our side now doesn’t mean you’re any less important.”
“I know that. I just meant I can give you alone time with your boyfriend,” Alex laughed mostly to herself. She didn’t worry about where she stood on the team (wow, the lone rogues were really becoming more like a team as they gained new people on their side of the war) since Michael was in the picture. She just didn’t want to be around as the new couple shamelessly flirted. Somehow, that was worse than when she had watched them struggle with their baggage.
“Fine. But take some food home with you,” Already reaching for to-go containers, Nikita ordered. She could at least make sure Alex ate if she wasn’t going to argue with her to stay.
“Oh, I planned on taking the majority of it,” Before she even had a container to put it in, Alex began to scoop out half of the food in the dish. Nikita was ready for her actions with a giant tupperware bowl and paper towels.
Watching the two women, Michael wondered how many times Alex brought home leftovers from the loft. She and Nikita seemed used to the routine; Alex had even made extra space in her shopping bags to hide the food from potential spying eyes. Michael couldn’t help but chuckle a little at the fact. The two really had all of their movements planned. They could one up and screw over Division in every possible way.
Catching Michael’s bright eyes, Nikita beamed. She was so glad she was about to be left alone with him. But maybe they didn’t have to jump into her bed instantly. Although the night would definitely end there, the two could simply be together first. She had made all that food. They could sit down and eat it- maybe even pretend it was a date, “Want some too?”
“What’d you make?” Finally examining the salad, bread, and food recently pulled from the oven, Michael wondered. There really was a lot to eat, definitely enough for leftovers to last a few more meals. That made sense considering their hectic lives. It was better to make tons of food when you had the time, so when you didn’t, you could just reheat and go.
“Eggplant parmesan,” Nikita proudly showed off her homemade dish- well, the half that was left after Alex’s greedy destruction. Despite the fact that the food smelled good, Michael couldn’t stop his nose from wrinkling. Eggplant didn’t seem all that appetizing to him. Nikita rolled her eyes at his reaction. He and Alex were a lot more alike than they thought. Both were averse to trying new foods, especially when vegetables were involved. It was almost as if Nikita was trying to feed children, “It’s good, trust me. And there’s enough cheese, sauce, and breading that you can ignore the eggplant.”
“And garlic bread. You guys are fine just sharing one piece, right?” Stealing practically all of the garlic bread, Alex moved back towards the front door. Michael and Nikita tried to stop her and make her return some pieces. But she was long gone. That was what they got for being so focused on sharing gross love glances that they didn’t notice her, “Bye. Have fun.”
As the door shut, the couple sighed. It didn’t escape their notice that in all the food Alex took, none of it was salad. Laughing softly, Nikita and Michael just shook their heads.
The two moved around the kitchen together, grabbing plates, glasses, and silverware, and sat at her small table. While Michael served the food, Nikita poured them some wine. She shrugged at the action like it was no big deal. But as she moved to put away the bottle, he reached out and squeezed her hand. It was a brief moment- the two didn’t dwell on it long. However, it conveyed a lot. Although they couldn’t necessarily be public with their relationship, they’d do what they could to make it as real as possible. A homemade dinner at her loft together seemed like the perfect date for them.
They fell into easy conversation as they ate (after a few tentative bites, Michael had to admit that the eggplant parmesan was delicious). Nikita and Michael talked, ate, joked around, shared the last slice of garlic bread while making fun of Alex, and really enjoyed their time alone together. For a blissful moment, it felt as though they were the only people in the world. Nothing else existed besides them- not even their war. It was almost like heaven.
Eventually, though, the world had to catch up to them. Once the two finished eating, Michael claimed that he’d clean up since Nikita cooked. She happily sat at the table and watched him move around so comfortably in her kitchen. A dreamy smile pulled at her lips. But then Alex’s words from earlier caught up with her. Nikita and Michael had never labeled what they were to each other. They were just going with the flow. Yet, could he truly be her boyfriend. Was what they were doing what a real boyfriend and girlfriend would do. Could they be that normal. Or would she never have that, “So, like, are you my boyfriend?”
“Who else would I be?” Flashing Nikita a crooked smile over his shoulder, Michael asked. If he was being honest with himself, he didn’t know how to classify his and Nikita’s relationship. Boyfriend and girlfriend seemed too simple for what they were. Yet he didn’t want to pressure her into anything she was uncomfortable with. Whatever she wanted to label them, he’d be perfectly fine with. As long as they were together, he’d be fine with anything.
“Uh… Michael?” Nikita shrugged awkwardly. Maybe it was just the newness of everything, but it felt way too weird to call Michael her boyfriend. It was just easier to call him hers. He was her Michael. Simple as that.
“Not your love?” Chuckling to himself, Michael recalled his favorite term of endearment she was joking around with the other night. Nikita had absolutely loved the word as well, especially when he had husked it into her ear. They could simply call one another their loves. It might seem annoying to other people (namely Alex). But if it worked for them, who cared.
“Oh, well. That too,” Nikita smiled brilliantly at her love. He abandoned the dishes to steal a tender kiss from her lips.
Michael stared adoringly at his love once they parted. He caressed her cheek, and she canted into the soft touch. He had to kiss her a few more times before he could remember what else he was trying to tell her, “If it means anything, I think of you as my girlfriend.”
“That means everything,” Nikita tugged Michael down for even more kisses. As they grew less tender and loving, and more hungry and passionate, he pulled her to her feet and slowly walked her to the bed. Leftovers were put away, the counters, table, and stove were wiped down, and the dishes were mostly done. The two could move out of the kitchen and remain in bed for the rest of the night. After all, their date deserved a very happy ending.
Before the couple could move too far, however, Nikita tried to stop Michael. She wanted to fall into bed with him as well. But she didn’t want to leave a mess in the kitchen. She didn’t want to have to be pulled out of bed later. They could delay their satisfaction for a little while longer. Besides, if they did, it just might make their blissful release all the more powerful, “We should finish cleaning up first.”
“The dishes need to soak,” With that final argument, Michael picked Nikita up again. She gladly let him carry her to bed that time, kissing him passionately the whole way.
Once perfectly sated and content, Nikita and Michael continued to kiss softly and caress one another gently. They kept their naked bodies warm in bed with their loving touches and close proximity. Neither wanted to burst their bubble. However, the dishes left soaking in the sink eventually called to Nikita. She sighed against Michael’s lips and regretfully pulled away, “We should definitely finish cleaning up now.”
Although Michael grumbled, he couldn’t argue anymore. The few dishes Nikita had couldn’t get all moldy and gross; they had to finish cleaning in the kitchen and probably tidy up the bed as well. The two decided to divide and conquer. He’d deal with the dishes he had neglected, and she’d clean up their passionate path of destruction. As soon as he was back in his boxer briefs, and she was in her underwear and his dress shirt, they parted with a kiss. The two shouldn’t be apart for long, yet that didn’t matter to them. There were years of kisses to make up for. Michael and Nikita were just trying to cherish each other as much as they could.
It didn’t take Nikita long to tidy up. She soon joined Michael in the kitchen while he furiously scrubbed at the cheese and sauce that had caked onto the dishes. Hopping on top of the counter next to the sink, Nikita laughed and made fun of him. Michael splashed her with water.
Instantly, the two dissolved into a fight of taunts and splashes of soapy water. Somehow, the dishes were cleaned and dried in the process. The couple, on the other hand, got wet and dirty (again). Michael, particularly, got covered with more specs of sauce than he could scrape away in the kitchen sink. He’d have to shower to be able to clean it all away. Going all the way to his apartment just for that venture seemed excessive. But maybe Nikita would let him invade more of her space, “Mind if I shower?”
“I’d love it if you smelled like me,” Teasingly, Nikita smirked. She swung her legs out and kicked Michael playfully. When he tried to retaliate, she scooted away from him on the counter. He had to try harder than that to one up her.
“You could always join me, you know,” Lowering his intense gaze to Nikita’s slightly exposed chest, Michael husked. She automatically gravitated towards him. He tugged on the open tails of his dress shirt and pulled her off the counter. She followed his lead willingly, her eyes glued to his lips.
“I’ve never showered with anyone before,” As Michael crowded into her space, his lips just a breath away from hers, Nikita admitted. It wasn’t as though she never really wanted to. It just never happened with the only other man she had been willing to have fun with.
“Really?” Michael didn’t know why that fact made him as excited as it did. But he was ecstatic to introduce Nikita to something fun and somewhat normal, “Well, let me be the first.”
“And last,” Nikita kissed Michael. She began to nudge him towards the bathroom, but he remained in his spot. She couldn’t figure out why until she pulled away and looked at him. Her words had him absolutely confused. He wasn’t upset by them; he just couldn’t understand what she was talking about. With a deep blush creeping up her cheeks, she tried to quickly explain herself. Her meaning continued to be jumbled and awkward, however, “Not that I don’t want to shower with you ever again after this. Just that… you know… I want to be with you for a while… and uh… I don’t really want to be with anyone else besides you. You’re it.”
“I’m it? Like you want to be with me forever?” Wrapping his arms around her waist, Michael attempted to catch up to Nikita’s thoughts. She didn’t make it easy for him. She nervously avoided eye contact and went stiff in his hold.
Whereas Michael inched even closer to her, Nikita broke completely free of his arms. She needed space to get her thoughts in order. They were running wildly, and him not being on the same page as her didn’t help, “I know we’ve talked about how real this relationship is; we both have feelings for one another. But, we haven’t really talked about the seriousness of it. Like, is this a forever thing? Is it a long time thing? Are we both just getting our rocks off while we fight this war? Will we end when the war ends? How serious is this whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing? Cause, yeah, I love you, and I want a really long time with you. But if you don’t…”
“I do. I really do,” Michael grabbed Nikita’s hand to make her stop moving. She was working herself up over nothing. When he had told her how real his feelings for her were, when he called her his love and his girlfriend, when he asked if she wanted to spend forever with him, he was being absolutely serious. He wanted their relationship to last just as long as she did. He was in for the long haul.
“You really want to be with just me? Not Nikita the spy, or Nikita the assassin, or Nikita the fantastic in bed? You’re okay with being with just me forever?” Tentatively, Nikita asked. A part of her knew she was being ridiculous. She normally didn’t doubt the kind words Michael told her. But just her was never enough for people before. Why would it change then.
“I’m more than okay with that,” Tenderly kissing Nikita’s knuckles, Michael promised. Although she reflected his adorning smile, she didn’t seem completely convinced; she still wouldn’t meet his eyes. He brought her further into his arms and gently lifted her chin, “Nikita, why do you think I’m here right now?”
“You were horny,” Glancing down at Michael’s boxers, Nikita shrugged. He had been very happy to see her since he had stepped into the loft. Obviously, he had shown up to make out with her and have sex. Everything else they had done was just a happy accident.
“I meant on your side of the war,” Michael tried not to huff or roll his eyes. He needed to remain soft as he helped Nikita understand the full extent of his feelings.
“You hate Percy,” Nikita understood that clearly. She had witnessed Michael stand in the freezing cold and swear that he was going to kill Percy for what he had done to him and his family. There was no way to misconstrue that rage. It was palpable and painful.
Tucking her hair behind her ears, Michael cradled Nikita’s head in his hands. He ensured their eyes were connected and that there was nowhere for her to run. She was going to hear him and understand him completely. Then was not the time for miscommunication or any lingering confusions, “I love you more than I hate him.”
“Wait. Really?”
“Yeah.”
Nikita kissed Michael. The intensity of it sent him stumbling back against the kitchen counter. Yet that didn’t stop her. She needed to express just how wonderful and loved his confession had made her feel. Although he wanted to experience amazing, earth shattering pleasure with her again, he put a stop to her actions. He had a much better idea for them- one he knew she’d enjoy, “Here? Or in the shower?”
“Shower,” Yanking Michael after her, Nikita didn’t hesitate before deciding. The two laughed, smiled, and kissed their entire way to her shower.
Chapter 64
Notes:
Set during season 2. The team scares one another.
Chapter Text
She wasn’t sure why, but she had been anxious all day. She knew something terrible was going to happen. It had been too quiet for too long. Something bad was going to happen. Bad things always happened when she was at peace. Either she or someone she loved was going to get hurt. She knew it. She could feel it. Something bad was going to happen.
Nothing did happen, though.
Nikita had been vigilant. She constantly looked over her shoulder. She paced around. She stayed active incase she had to spring into action. She even constantly checked the security measures. She was so ready for an attack. But it never came.
Maybe she was just being paranoid. Again, Nikita didn’t know why she anxiously believed something was going to happen. Maybe her nerves had gotten to her. Maybe she hadn’t been able to shake off the terror of a nightmare. Or maybe a thought or a memory caused her to spiral into hysterics. She couldn’t grasp at anything. It all seemed just out of her reach, besides the intense feeling that she or someone else was going to get hurt.
One intrusive thought bombarding her mind was that the safehouse wasn’t actually safe. Division had found the rogues’ other hideouts. Sean Pierce had found the current one and shot at her. And the team had held Percy captive in the livingroom. Although they had knocked him unconscious as they transported him, and they had prevented any way he could assume where they were, Nikita was afraid that he’d be able to find them. Percy could track down the rogues and kill them all. With his resources, it wouldn’t have been that difficult. Sooner or later, the safety of the safehouse would run out- just like the others.
The thought almost seemed to have a chokehold on Nikita. Sure, it had been a concerning thought before. Yet there was never much weight to it. Until that day, for some reason. Every sound made her jump, and every door opening made her flinch. She was so ready for a fight. She wouldn’t let herself or anyone else be killed. She had to protect everyone from everything- even if it was all in her head.
However, nothing happened. It was a completely normal day for the rogues. Nikita had been anxious for nothing. She had realized that after she finally sat down and ate. Unfortunately, her anxiety wouldn’t go away. She was still tense and prepared for a fight. Talking about it could’ve possibly settled her down. Yet she didn’t want to put words to her fears. She’d rather just relax on her own. Unfortunately, nothing she did worked.
When night came, Nikita’s anxiety seemed to worsen. With the help of food and water, she knew she was being ridiculous. But she was still fidgeting and reacting to every noise like it was a threat. The shadows that creeped into the safehouse as darkness settled over everyone possibly made it worse. Who knew what was lurking in the dark, ready to pounce. Who knew what creatures she could see, preparing to attack the second her back was turned. There was nothing but monsters in the shadows. And the safehouse was covered with them at night.
None of that would let Nikita sleep. She knew she needed to; she knew that sleep might finally dispel her anxiety. She just couldn’t settle down.
Water could’ve helped. Instead of following Michael to bed, Nikita went to the kitchen for water. If she chugged a whole bunch, maybe her mind would clear. She could then relax in bed with her boyfriend and be held throughout the night. That was all she wanted after a long day of freaking out over nothing. She just wanted to be surrounded by warmth and silently promised that it’d all be okay. Water could help get her there. It needed to help get her there.
After a glass or two, Nikita did feel more steady. She at least believed she could turn the lights off in the kitchen and walk in darkness to her bedroom. Except, as she made her way up the stairs, she saw something in the shadows. It wasn’t her eyes or her fear playing tricks on her. She knew for a fact something was lurking in the darkness, waiting for her.
Slowly, Nikita reached for the light switch. She didn’t have a weapon on her. But maybe she could surprise the assailant with sudden light and get the drop on them. Keeping her eyes on the shadows where she spotted slow, dangerous movement, she filled the hallway with bright light. She wasn’t met with a Division agent or anyone like that, however. Once she could see clearly, Nikita found a monster waiting for her.
She couldn’t stop herself from screaming in fright as she lunged.
When Birkhoff had seen the Halloween mask on sale, he knew he had to buy it. It was disturbing, terrifying, disgusting, deformed, and it kind of creeped him out. The horrifying clown mask was perfect for scaring and tormenting the others. Although he was supposed to be at the store to buy food and toiletries, he prioritized getting the mask. He just had to find a way to torment the team. After all, they tormented him by being annoying.
His original plan was to scare Alex. She had stolen his food and drinks, messed with his desk, and made faces behind his back; she was more annoying than Nikita. But Alex had gone to bed early to talk to her mother in Greece. Birkhoff was left with Nikita as his victim. He’d have to change how he scared her, yet he was fine with that. It’d be so worth it.
Seeing Nikita go to the kitchen for water, Birkhoff quickly pulled on the demonic mask and hid in a dark corner of the hallway. He wasn’t going to pop out at her like he had planned to do with Alex; he knew better than to jump at a rogue agent always prepared to kill. However, he could just stand there and startle her when she walked past. He’d be spared a hit that way, and he’d get under her skin.
When Nikita finally came upstairs, though, she surprised Birkhoff. He didn’t think she’d be able to tell he was hiding in the darkness. He didn’t think she’d snap on the lights. And he certainly didn’t think she’d scream.
A full on horror movie scream tore out of her throat once she saw the clown mask. It scared the shit out of Birkhoff. He stood stock still while she clawed at his face. In her panic, she didn’t know it was just him. She just attacked the clown. All she managed to do, though, was rip off the mask as she fell on her ass in surprise.
It all happened so fast. The scream, the mask attack, and the fall to the ground all occurred in just a second. Afterwards, Nikita and Birkhoff just stared at each other- her in dumb realization that was scary clown was only Birkhoff, and him in shock that Nikita had screamed.
Then, the hacker laughed uproariously.
With a huff, Nikita got back to her feet and kicked the horrid mask at Birkhoff. He kept laughing. Picking up the mask, he waved it playfully at her. She flinched. Birkhoff doubled over and laughed harder, “That actually scared you?”
“What is it? What happened?” As he and Alex crashed into the hallway, Michael frantically demanded. The two were instantly on red alert when they heard Nikita scream. They grabbed weapons and burst out of their rooms. Seeing Birkhoff laughing, however, dispelled some of their panic. No one was being attacked. But Nikita didn’t look happy. She backed away from the disgusting mask Birkhoff held and glared. Alex and Michael lowered their weapons.
“Just get that fucking thing away from me,” Crossing slowly to Michael, Nikita kept her eyes on the horrific clown. Michael and Alex were able to piece together what had happened then. Nikita had been on edge all day. And she had finally been pushed over by Birkhoff scaring her. He must’ve really gotten the drop on her if she was that upset and he laughed that hard. Alex and Michael kind of wished they had seen it.
“Oh come on, Nikki. It’s just a mask,” Continuing to laugh, Birkhoff waved the demon clown at Nikita. She kept moving to Michael. Alex didn’t blame her for that. Once she got a good look at the mask, she also backed away. No wonder Nikita screamed. Alex almost did too.
As soon as she reached Michael, Nikita clung to his hand. He instinctively put his arm in front of her. She seemed absolutely freaked. He was starting to believe that it was about more than the mask- especially when her voice screeched as she warned, “Stop it, Nerd!”
Admittedly, it was amusing to see run-straight-into-danger Nikita so startled by a Halloween costume. But her fear stemmed from more than just the clown mask. Michael could feel it in the way she clenched his hand. He needed to help calm her down and get her to talk about what had really scared her- preferably before they went to bed. That conversation wouldn’t be possible with the demonic clown mask around, though. If they all wanted peace that night, it had to go away, “Alright, Birkhoff, knock it off. I don’t want to sleep with the lights on tonight.”
“You afraid of the dark, scaredy cat?” Smirking, Birkhoff tossed the horrifying mask at Nikita. She hurriedly climbed up Michael’s back and jerked him backwards. He held her arms against his chest so she wouldn’t choke him; however, he didn’t move. There was no reason to run away. Yes, the clown mask was creepy. But it was just a mask. She’d be fine- as long as she didn’t make her obvious anxiety worse.
Clinging to her boyfriend as tightly as she could, Nikita really wanted to go away. She wanted to be in bed, safe, with him. But Michael wouldn’t move. Instead, he rolled his eyes and mouthed ‘terrified’ in response to Birkhoff’s question. The nerd laughed. That was the last straw for Nikita. She was tired of being scared, she was sick of being anxious, and she just really wanted to go. So, she jerked Michael back again and screamed at the annoying hacker, “I will rip off your dick and shove it down your throat!”
Birkhoff’s laughter stuttered to an awkward halt. Alex, on the other hand, began to chuckle. Rolling his eyes, Michael sighed. There was no use in diffusing the situation. He should just carry Nikita to their room and make her talk, “Yeah. I think it’s time for bed.”
“Sweet nightmares,” While Michael carried Nikita away, Birkhoff was brave enough to call out. Nikita tried to jump off her boyfriend’s back, but he held her in place. She had to settle with flicking the hacker off as she was brought into her room.
Laughing again, Birkhoff began to return to his room. He was going to grab the clown mask on his way. Except, he spotted Alex lingering in the hallway, trying to avoid the thing on the way to her room. Apparently he had found a way to pay her back after all. Maybe he could jump at her when she picked up the disturbing mask she was so skittish of. It wasn’t a full blown scare. But it was good enough, “Can you pick that up for me, Princess?”
Alex briefly glanced at the clown mask, regretted it, then glared at Birkhoff. When he smirked, she threatened him menacingly, “If you scare me with that damn thing, I’ll follow through on Nikita’s threat.”
Birkhoff rolled his eyes and scoffed. Alex’s threat didn’t hold the same terrifying weight as Nikita’s; he didn’t think she could actually pull it off. Yet as he grabbed the Halloween mask and walked away, she managed to unnerve him with a tone only the heiress to a Russian oligarch could muster, “Remember, B, she taught me how to kill before Division did.”
She smirked as she finally returned to her bedroom. However, Alex didn’t relax once she closed the door. She hurriedly locked it behind her and checked her entire room for surprises. Of course she didn’t find any. The demonic clown just had her paranoid. After a couple of funny videos online, she’d be fine. She’d be able to go to sleep without the lights on. The terrifying mental image of that damn mask just had to go away first.
Her plan to expunge the mask from her mind did work. After a couple of mindless, funny videos, Alex was ready for bed. She turned off the lights, but she kept the door locked. She just felt safer that way. No clowns could come in and surprise her.
Eventually, Alex found herself in an abandoned warehouse. She wasn’t sure how she got there. But it looked familiar. And Nikita was with her. They were probably going to kill or save some target, whatever the opposite of Division’s plans were. With Nikita leading the way, though, Alex would gladly follow.
Except, the two were soon broken up. Alex was trapped across the warehouse, helplessly watching while Nikita bled out on the floor. She had been shot. Someone had shot her. She couldn’t breathe. And she was looking at Alex so hopelessly. So accusingly.
Alex was the one who had shot her. She hadn’t meant to make her bleed, though. She was only trying to save the rogue. Division would’ve actually killed her. Alex was giving her a chance, like Nikita had given her. She was going to live, and they were going to burn Division to the ground. That was the goal. That was the plan. The two had to stick to it. Nikita couldn’t die.
But Roan was coming with his cleaning kit. Alex attempted to stop him. He couldn’t just dissolve Nikita’s body. She was alive. She was breathing. She could fight. However, Alex couldn’t move. She couldn’t even yell. All she could do was watch as Roan began the cleaning operation. He injected Nikita’s body with a whole ton of chemicals. He had done the same with Jaden, but at least her body had a reaction to it. Nikita did nothing. She was supposed to wake up. But nothing happened. Then the chemicals came out.
Every ounce of her strength wasn’t enough. Alex couldn’t scream or move. She just watched. Nikita’s body was dumped unceremoniously into a tub. Then, Roan dumped the bleach, acid, and other toxic chemicals all over her.
Nikita’s screams were piercing. They were so full of pain, agony, and fear, Alex could feel it shooting through her like a bullet. The screams never stopped. They just kept getting louder and louder. As the smell of the putrid chemicals filled the air, Nikita’s screams were ear shattering. The rogue was in so much pain, and it was all Alex’s fault. She had made her scream like that. She had killed her. She had poured the acid on her, she had made her scream. And she had killed her.
Alex had to scream in return.
Nikita wasn’t able to sleep with the lights off. Although she talked to Michael about being anxious all day about someone breaking into the safehouse, and although he had comforted her, she wasn’t brave enough to face the shadows that night. She needed at least a lamp on. Michael relented and turned on his bedside lamp. That way, he could easily reach to turn it off once she fell asleep. She smiled and kissed him in soft appreciation.
He intended to hold her as she fell asleep; Michael would protect Nikita from her fears and ensure she felt safe as she finally relaxed. Surprisingly, though, he was the first to fall asleep. Nikita had fought the pull to just close her eyes. She laid her head on her boyfriend’s chest, and stared at their locked door. Michael attempted to soothe her by gently tracing his fingers along her skin. Yet that had made him doze off instead. At least she felt comforted by the steady rise and fall of his chest. His deep, even breathing helped her to finally relax.
A scream from Alex’s room soon startled Nikita and Michael awake. Thankfully, a light was already on in their bedroom. The two were quickly able to grab their weapons and sprint out into the hall.
While Michael turned on the hall light and checked the area, Nikita tried to crash into Alex’s bedroom. The door was locked, however. The screaming inside had stopped. But who knew if that was a good thing or not. Nikita kicked and pulled at the door frantically, seriously thinking about just breaking the door off the hinges. But maybe she should try to be more rational first, “Alex? Alex, open up!”
Upon hearing Nikita’s voice, Alex leapt out of bed, turned on the lights, and unlocked the door. Both Michael and Nikita stormed in with guns in hand, but only Michael swept the area. Noticing the panic in the young woman’s wide eyes, the rogue rushed to her. She gently pulled her into her arms and tried to soothe her fear. It didn’t exactly work while she was panicking too. But maybe she could at least get Alex to stop shaking, “What happened?”
“I had a nightmare,” Trying to catch her breath, Alex explained. Her scream had woken her up as well. She hadn’t even known her scream in her dream was real until she was sitting up in bed, heart pounding and mind racing. A part of her wanted to turn on all the lights and actively battle her fear. But she couldn’t get out of bed. She was trapped, nearly hyperventilating. The sudden banging on her bedroom door didn’t help. Fortunately, it was just Nikita. She could soothe the young woman- prove she was alright and alive.
“That bad?” After making sure there wasn’t anything or anyone in the room (mostly for Alex’s benefit) Michael asked. He knew Alex talked and sometimes shouted in her sleep. Yet a scream like that was extremely rare; it came from somewhere deeply terrifying. Michael had a feeling that it somehow involved that fucking clown mask. He was going to destroy that thing the second he could.
It was Nikita’s fearful scream that had set it off. Alex had had nightmares of people she loved dying before. Recently, she had had a bad one about Sean and her mom. Yet that one was different; it was filled with real screams. The sound kept echoing in Alex’s ears. It kept making the associated images play in her mind, no matter how tightly she closed her eyes. She couldn’t get it out of her head. Talking probably wouldn’t even help. If she expelled the terror, it would only come back to her. There was no escaping the horror, “You never woke up after I shot you, and Roan cleaned you while you were still alive.”
Eyes blowing wide, Nikita soon reflected Alex’s fearful expression. She had seen some cleanings, she had heard Roan’s screams when she had splashed acid in his face, and she had heard the horror stories agents told recruits about botched missions where targets were cleaned alive. If she were to fall asleep again that night (big if) she’d have the same nightmare. And, honestly, so would Michael. The three definitely weren’t going back to bed. They were going to stay awake the remainder of the night, praying for their anxieties to go away.
While the two women clung to each other in feeble attempts at comfort, Michael soon believed he had an idea that’d help. It wasn’t a surefire solution. But after hearing both Nikita’s and Alex’s fearful screams that night, he’d take any distraction he could get, “I’ll find us a kids’ movie to watch.”
Both Alex and Nikita relaxed at the thought. A feelgood movie was just what they needed to get their mind off the horrors. When Michael left the room, however, they heard yet another shout. The two rushed out, terrified of what else was wrong.
It was only Birkhoff holding his sore nose, however. Apparently, he had startled Michael, and he had punched him. It wasn’t anything to worry about, even if the nerd complained, “Jesus! I just wanted to know what was going on!”
“Sorry,” Quickly, Michael apologized. He hadn’t seen Birkhoff in the hall when he had walked out of Alex’s room. His presence had surprised him. Fortunately, he hadn’t punched him too hard. Unfortunately, after all the scares and shouting, not even a movie could help them fall asleep. They’d just have to settle their nerves and hope staying up all night didn’t make them too grouchy in the morning, “Guess no one is sleeping tonight.”
Soft chuckles filled the hall. It wasn’t a completely soothing sound, but it relaxed the team of rogues enough to move. They gathered blankets to cuddle under, lighthearted movies to watch, and some snacks to eat, and they settled together on the couch in the livingroom. All the lights in the safehouse were on.
Chapter 65
Notes:
Set before, during, and after the series. Just some snippets of shenanigans.
Chapter Text
Birkhoff was paying attention to Percy. He had been called into his office to discuss the latest mission. The hacker was interested in learning about it and in knowing what he had to do for it. But Percy had left his door open. It was so Michael could easily slip back in after he dealt with something. Yet the secure door was still open, which meant distractions could come in.
The worst distraction was Nikita.
She just so happened to walk by. When she noticed Birkhoff, she made a little face. He tried to wave her away without Percy noticing. Only the hacker could see her. He didn’t want the two of them to get in trouble for messing around. They could act up around Michael, but not Percy. That man was not one to be messed with.
Nikita was undeterred, however. She made even more faces behind Percy’s back and did everything she could to throw Birkhoff off. It worked. He couldn’t concentrate on a single thing that was being said. All he could focus on was not reacting to the childish and stupid faces Nikita was pulling. If he was being honest with himself, it was a little funny; he also needed a laugh after all the stress he had been facing. Except then wasn’t the time. He couldn’t risk anything in front of Percy.
Fortunately, Percy soon turned to grab something. Birkhoff was able to steal a pen off his desk and chuck it at Nikita. She finally left the doorway. He finally paid attention.
After some time, Michael returned to Percy’s office. His first move, however, wasn’t to update his boss on what he had been doing. Instead, he handed Birkhoff the pen he had thrown at Nikita. Whereas the hacker stared at it wide-eyed, Michael fought a smirk, “You dropped this.”
Michael woke to Nikita throwing the covers over herself and groaning. At first, he believed she was having a nightmare. Yet the way she curled into the blankets (and the fact that the bathroom door was left open) proved she was wide awake. Something else was wrong. Michael shot upwards and reached for Nikita. When he touched her back, however, she pulled away; she groaned in pain once more. Regardless, he reached for her again, “What’s wrong?”
“Go away,” Nikita muttered harshly. She buried completely under the covers with no intentions of coming back out.
“Are you okay?” Shifting closer to his girlfriend, Michael asked. If she was in pain, he wasn’t going to leave her. He had to help her feel better, despite how much- and how angrily- she pushed him away.
“My head and uterus hurt. Just go away,” Nikita seethed. She almost sounded like she was close to tears. Michael wanted to hold her tight and comfort her. But he knew better than to push her when she was menstruating. He had to comfort her with words instead.
Reaching for his tablet, Michael searched for the best ways to alleviate menstrual pain. He soon found some options for Nikita and gently told her, “I know you feel bad right now. But moving around and exercising is the best way to combat cramps. Eating some fruit, like bananas, should help too. Also orange juice and water. Pain pills, like ibuprofen, can eliminate symptoms, but it’s not long lasting. The best…”
“Michael. I swear to God. Shut the fuck up and leave me the fuck alone,” Although she was curled in a tight ball and was dwarfed in the comforter she had wrapped around herself, Nikita was beyond menacing. If Michael said one more word, she’d rip out his tongue. It didn’t matter if she loved him; she could not stand him at that moment. He had to go, or else. He didn’t waste any time in following her command.
He left her in their bedroom, gently closing the door and hurrying to another room. Michael tried not to hold Nikita’s anger and annoyance against her. She had every right to be upset and hormonal- she was in pain, and she felt like shit. It just made him upset as well. She wasn’t the only one who needed space then.
Fortunately, Birkhoff was in the kitchen and could provide Michael a distraction from his thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, as he joined the hacker, he became annoyed all over again. Despite how early it was, Birkhoff decided to make chicken nuggets and tater tots for breakfast. Michael rolled his eyes and huffed, “Nice breakfast choice.”
“I keep telling you man, the types of food we eat should not be regulated by time. If ‘breakfast foods’ can be eaten for dinner, then ‘dinner foods’ can be eaten for breakfast. Our stomachs don’t care, as long as we’re fed,” Birkhoff instantly defended himself. He wanted to eat nuggets and fries, who cared what time it was. Some restaurants sold the food all day, so why couldn’t he eat it all day. It wouldn’t hurt him. As long as he was fed, who cared.
A part of Michael could see Birkhoff’s point, so he just shrugged and let it go. He searched the kitchen for his own breakfast, and that was when he noticed the kind of nuggets Birkhoff was preparing to throw in the oven. They weren’t made of chicken. They were the tofu and vegetable nuggets Nikita had found and had excitedly bought. There was no way Birkhoff would actually want to eat those. He was about to make a grave mistake in more ways than one. Michael should take pity on him and warn him, “Those are Nikita’s.”
“So? She eats my popcorn all the time. It’s only fair I eat her nuggets,” Birkhoff ignored Michael. Nikita didn’t run the household, even if she wholeheartedly believed she did. She couldn’t control what he ate, especially since she stole his food all the time.
“Have fun with that,” Michael scoffed. He couldn’t wait until Birkhoff took a bite of a veggie nugget expecting chicken. And (a bit selfishly as it’d take some heat off himself) he couldn’t wait for Nikita to tear the nerd’s head off for stealing her food. It’d be great entertainment as he enjoyed the cereal he had settled on.
Birkhoff rolled his eyes as he began to preheat the oven. He wasn’t afraid of Nikita. What could she actually do to hurt him.
Since they were on a team together, what could she do to hurt him.
If she found out, what would she do.
Maybe Birkhoff should hide the fact that he was a thief. He could quickly make the nuggets and tots and eat them in his room. Hopefully he had enough time to do all that, “Where is Nikki, anyway? Aren’t you two usually up and annoying me at the same time?”
“She’s sleeping in. She has a migraine and a cramp,” Michael muttered. Maybe after some more sleep, Nikita would be in a better mood. She’d definitely feel better. And that was the most important thing. Though, Michael would also feel better if he didn’t have to walk on eggshells around her.
“She went on a run already?” Confused, Birkhoff wondered. He hadn’t heard an alert of anyone entering or leaving the safehouse. And it still wasn’t light enough outside for Nikita to have gone on a full run. So how was she in pain.
“Not that kind of cramp,” Michael clarified. He cast his gaze to Nikita’s veggie nuggets as a way of warning. Birkhoff caught on quickly.
“Oh,” Returning the nuggets to the bag (only then did he notice they were vegan) Birkhoff decided to only eat tater tots for breakfast. No food was worth Nikita’s hormonal wrath.
Returning to the safehouse after a supplies run, Birkhoff and Michael were met with screaming. Their first reaction was to rush to the source of the sound, weapons at the ready. But as they took a brief second to listen, they realized it was just singing. It was bad, awful, and more shouting than actually singing, but it was singing nonetheless. The men quickly relaxed and chuckled softly at their paranoia. Things didn’t have to always be that dramatic; they were allowed some mundane moments. Nikita was certainly enjoying one of those. Birkhoff laughed louder as he realized she was the one who was trying to sing, “Is that Nikki?”
“Nikita?” Michael called out, placing the shopping bags on the table. There was no response. She just kept screaming/singing somewhere on the other side of the house. Michael smirked, “I think she has her headphones in.”
While Birkhoff put away their supplies, Michael went in search of Nikita. He soon found her cleaning their bathroom, blasting music through her headphones. She didn’t notice him standing behind her in the doorway. She was completely in the zone, belting out songs without a care in the world, “‘The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out/ You left me in the dark/ And no dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight/ In the shadow of your heart’.”
Michael couldn’t help but chuckle. Nikita was just so cute. She wouldn’t let cleaning the bathroom ruin her day; she’d make it as fun as possible by being her goofy self. He was so glad that she was able to find moments like that. No matter what, she could find joy. It made him want to always find joy with her.
Eventually, Nikita turned around. When she spotted Michael, she gasped. She fought the embarrassed blush on her cheeks at being caught. Hastily, she paused her music and removed her headphones, “How long have you been standing there?”
“Throughout the chorus,” Michael beamed at her. Nikita rolled her eyes. He couldn’t help but chuckle again as he finally closed the distance between them, “You having fun?”
“Yeah. I am,” Nikita decided to just own up to her terrible singing. The way Michael smiled at her, how could she not. Yet before she could pop her headphones back in and play her music, her boyfriend disconnected her device. She was going to snap at him, but then he played her music out loud. The two laughed, sang, and cleaned together.
“Look what I found discounted at the store,” Proudly, Birkhoff showed off his latest grocery find. He handed the actual things the team needed to Ryan and Michael, who proceeded to go through them and put them away, but the rest he gave to Sean, Alex, and Nikita. Sean and Nikita were the most excited by his discovery.
“Oh, fuck yeah,” Pulling out the candy, Nikita dug through it for all the blue raspberry flavored ones. She knew it was purely artificial, but she loved how blue it made her tongue. Sean and Birkhoff accepted her thievery and just settled for the other flavors.
“What are Pop Rocks?” Alex was the only one who held back from the pile Birkhoff dumped out of the grocery bag. She had no idea what the others were so excited about. She had seen the item on shelves before, but she had no clue what it was.
The three stopped their excited candy stealing to stare at Alex in bewilderment. Sean was soon the first to ask, “You’ve never had Pop Rocks before?”
“No. What are they?” Shaking her head, Alex reiterated her question.
“It’s just hard bits of flavored sugar. It’s good. You’ll like it,” Nikita offered Alex a pouch. The young woman loved super sugary things; she practically ate anything sweet that was put in front of her. She was going to absolutely love Pop Rocks. She just had to get over her confusion first.
“And I just shovel it in my mouth like Birkhoff’s doing?” Alex glanced over at Birkhoff, who just poured the entire content of the candy package into his mouth. He then moved to Michael, opened his mouth, and held it up to the other man’s ear. Alex had no idea what that was about, yet it pissed Michael off. She could’ve sworn he was about to commit murder.
Sean and Nikita could’ve told Alex what to expect when she poured Pop Rocks into her mouth. But after a quick shared glance, they decided not to, “Yeah.”
With a shrug, Alex ripped open the packet and dumped all of the candy into her mouth. As it began to fizzle and pop in her mouth, her jaw gaped open in surprise. The candy just kept sizzling on her tongue. It didn’t hurt, but she definitely didn’t like the feeling. She stared at Sean and Nikita in utter shock, but they were of no help. All they did was laugh at her. Although she wanted to cuss them out, the candy distracted her, “Oh! What the fuck!”
Mostly to get away from how annoying Birkhoff was, Michael took pity on Alex. He pulled her over, explained what exactly Pop Rocks were, and told her that it was supposed to be eaten in increments, not shoveled in like a gremlin. She calmed down once she knew that. Also, the fizzing stopped and the sweetness of the candy settled in. She liked how it tasted then. Maybe she could eat more of it if it was in bits at a time.
Nikita and Sean just kept laughing. The surprised and somewhat betrayed look on Alex’s face had them in hysterics. They needed to give her more candy like that. When Sean was able to control himself, he suggested they keep feeding her shocking pieces of candy. The worst ones to have on the tongue, the better, “Do you think she’s had a Warhead before?”
“Birkhoff keeps a stash at his desk,” Nikita was already on her way to steal a piece of the sour candy to give to Alex.
“Steal me one!” Sean called after her.
As soon as Nikita had a few Warheads, she and Sean convinced Alex to eat one. Once again, as the intense flavor hit her tongue, she looked at them in shock and betrayal. The two burst into laughter. At least Alex could cuss them out that time. Though, when the sourness faded and she was left with the sugary sweetness of the candy, she reached for another one.
Heat swelled through the stiff air, creating beads of sweat all over her sweltering body. It felt as though she was about to die of heat stroke- or something dramatic like that. Taking one of the many blue pens around her apartment, Sonya attempted to change the thermostat on the broken A/C unit. However, all her effort did was to make the room seem even hotter.
Every window in the hacker’s apartment was wide open; though, the outside air pushed the heat around more than anything else. Sonya grabbed the ice cream container she was using to combat the stiff heat and pressed it firmly against her forehead. She had once welcomed the chill of her ice cream, but its sweatiness then only added to hers.
Steadily becoming miserable on her first day off in- well- forever, Sonya desperately reached for her phone. She hoped her idea wouldn’t back-fire.
“Hey, Sonya, open up,” Seymour Birkhoff knocked on her door twenty minutes later.
“You came!” Sonya beamed. She was beyond excited to see Seymour stride into the apartment carrying a tool box.
“I thought you’d be out celebrating the death of Division with your team,” Honestly, Sonya didn’t care that she was standing in front of Seymour in a tank-top and boy shorts while strands of her hair not being held in a bun clung to her sweaty frame. As long as he fixed her A/C unit, Sonya was perfectly alright.
Seymour shrugged, “Nah, that’s later. Right now, I have to witness the hacker who always claimed she was better than me actually ask for my help.”
“It was either call you or suffer a heat stroke. For some reason, I find you better than death.”
“Nice. I do something for you and you insult me,” A half smile started to form, “I can’t work in these conditions. I guess I’ll have to leave you to your…”
Seymour glanced around the broken A/C unit in utter confusion, “Blue pens and ice cream? That's how you were going to fix it?”
“I thought I could change the temperature with the pens. The ice cream was to cool myself down. It’s more like soup now though,” Sonya tossed the warm ice cream container in the trash. It had done its purpose.
Examining the air conditioning unit again, Seymour nodded, “Yeah, I can fix it. But there’s a price.”
“You said you’d do it for free! After all, ‘that’s what I’m here for’,” Sonya imitated Seymour’s voice as she finally allowed the heat to get to her.
“Yeah. Yeah. That is what I’m here for. But I was… I was just wondering if you’d actually want to go on a date with me? After we fix the A/C unit, of course.”
Sonya paused for a long moment, “Oh. Yeah. I’d love that.”
“Great,” Seymour’s half smile grew into a bright and shining full one, “So you wanna help me out? You can’t use your pens if you do.”
“Pfft. You wish,” Sonya picked up a blue pen from the floor and joined Seymour.
“Do you think I can pick Michael up?” Nikita asked Alex while they were in the training room. Sean, Michael, and Owen were sparring in another corner, and she couldn’t help but glance over every once and awhile. Alex had wondered what Nikita was thinking about. As it became clear, she laughed.
“Yeah, probably. But why would you want to?” Sizing Michael up, Alex shrugged. Nikita was incredibly strong- she was able to lift herself out of chains. She could probably pick her fiancé up. But there was never any need for her to. Unless he was unconscious or something.
“Because he knows he can pick me up, and he does it all the time,” Nikita admitted. Although she loved it when Michael picked her up and carried her to bed, she was beginning to get annoyed at how often he did it to mess with her. Just the other day, he kept picking her up and moving her around the apartment. She had to pay him back.
“So you need to repay the favor,” Alex assumed. She always returned the kisses Sean gave her. Maybe the picking up and carrying thing was just how the engaged couple expressed their feelings.
“No. I need to reassert my dominance,” Thinking about how she was going to interrupt Michael’s sparring session with the others, Nikita clarified.
Doubling over in laughter, Alex shook her head. There was never any doubt about who was the whipped one in the engaged couple’s relationship. Nikita didn’t have to reassert anything, “I don’t think anyone questions that.”
“I’m gonna do it,” Honestly, without much thought, Nikita hurried over to the men in the corner. When they saw her coming, they broke apart in confusion. No one could tell what she was about to do, especially not Michael.
When Nikita managed to lift her fiancé over her shoulders and smiled proudly, he broke into surprised laughter. Sean and Owen did as well. Only Alex wasn’t laughing. She thought Nikita was going to actually pick Michael up, not heft him over her shoulders in a fireman’s carry. That was designed specifically for carrying heavy weights. Of course she could lift him that way- most people could. Alex had to call her out for her coping-out, “That’s a fireman’s carry. That’s cheating.”
“No, Michael. There is something up with that tattoo parlor,” Entering Alex’s penthouse apartment, Nikita argued. She should’ve let it go by then, but she knew she was right. She’d argue with her husband about it until the day she died- much to his annoyance.
“I’m sure there is, Nik. But not to the extent you’re thinking of,” Sighing, Michael rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time. They had intended to go on a drive in the city to relax and spend peaceful time alone. But of course something had to ruin that. He just didn’t think it’d be an argument about a sketchy tattoo parlor.
“It’s absolutely to that extent. You have tattoos. You’ve bought jewelry before. You know those prices are bullshit,” Nikita had probably made that point before, yet she had to get her point across. There was no way the place they saw was a real business.
Emerging from the other room, Alex stared at the married couple in bewilderment. The friends had gone out to dinner together. But afterwards, they lost track of Michael and Nikita. They had assumed the two went somewhere to get some privacy. Instead, they were fighting. Alex couldn’t make sense of it, “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Michael tried to brush it off. The friends’ time together shouldn’t be ruined by something as stupid as the tattoo place. It was better just to move on and forget about it.
“No. Shut up. Alex will agree with me,” Unfortunately, Nikita couldn’t forget about anything. She just had to keep going until she was proven right, even if it meant dragging everybody else into her argument, “So after dinner, Michael and I drove around. We took random turns and routes, just talking and enjoying our time together. Well, eventually, we ended up in a sketchy part of town. And we drove past a tattoo parlor that’s completely fishy. But Michael doesn’t think so.”
“No. I know it’s fishy. I just don’t think it’s worth investigating,” Shaking his head, Michael tried to explain. Yes, the tattoo place gave him awful vibes. But it wasn’t their problem. They weren’t agents anymore. Unless there were actual wrongs that needed to be corrected, they didn’t have to do shit.
A part of Alex wanted to agree with Michael and just drop the whole thing. But Nikita’s passion had her intrigued. Maybe she was onto something, “What’s up with it?”
“First, tattoos start at ten dollars,” Excitedly, Nikita made her list of points and paced the apartment. She started with the least strange thing first. She felt that if she built up to the tipping point, she could sway the others to her side of the argument.
“That doesn’t seem right,” Finally joining the conversation, Sonya commented. She shared a look with Birkhoff and he nodded. That certainly wasn’t right.
“That’s cause it’s not. Then, they only charge five dollars for piercings,” Listing her second point, Nikita spared a glance at Michael. He rolled his eyes, but he didn’t stop her.
“What about jewelry cost? Do you just bring your own?” Alex was becoming increasingly intrigued by the tattoo parlor. There was no way prices like that could exist for a real place. Something else was going on. It could be just basic criminal stuff like Michael suggested. Or it could be so much worse.
“Exactly. And last, but certainly not least, ladies get service for free,” Nikita finalized her argument with the worst point. Michael did agree with her that that was suspicious and creepy. Specifically advertising that women get free tattoos and piercings felt like a trap. It was almost as if they were luring certain people and not for anything good. The place should be avoided at all costs, and it should probably be shut down for good.
“Oh. Don’t ever fucking go there. That has to be a front for something,” After that last point, Alex was ready to kick ass and take names. She couldn’t let something as suspicious and creepy as that slide, and neither could Birkhoff and Sonya.
Whereas Michael did agree that the tattoo parlor should be investigated and shut down, he held to the belief that they shouldn’t be the ones to do it. Other people can do the saving, especially when it didn’t seem that dire, “A front for what? Trafficking? Guns? Mob activity? Look. I’m not saying criminal activity isn’t happening. But I do think you guys are digging way too much into this.”
“It’s called Drago’s Tattoos. It could be Russian mob,” Ignoring her husband, Nikita told her team her last thought about the tattoo parlor. The others were completely on her side, and they were ready for action.
“Let’s look into it,” Birkhoff reached for his laptop. Sonya, Alex, and Nikita quickly gathered around it. Michael sighed.
There was no use in trying to reason with his wife- just because they were married, didn’t mean Nikita listened to him more. But maybe Michael could still try to talk sense into the others. Someone else had to be rational, “What are you going to do? Take down the Russian mob just like that? It’s nine o’clock on a Tuesday.”
“He’s right. We should start recon tomorrow and strike this weekend,” For once that night, Nikita agreed with her husband. Michael sighed. He should just take that win and go along with the team. Besides, he could be proven right- that it was just normal criminal activity, nothing extreme- while they did recon. No one had to go to war or fight conspiracies. They just needed to beat up a couple of creepy guys with a back room.
After some brief research the next day, the team realized how true that was. The Russian mob wasn’t involved, only some guys. They were just selling drugs; it wasn’t an intensive criminal organization. And the team of former rogues and agents managed to ruin the criminals’ operation and pass the ringleaders off to the authorities by Thursday. That gave them the weekend to act like normal people. Unfortunately, that would never be the case. The family of former spies and secret agents just couldn’t be normal. And that was completely fine with them.
Chapter 66
Notes:
Set between seasons 2 and 3, and in season 3. Salex discuss their relationship and share their joy.
Chapter Text
"When did you know you loved me?" Sean asked Alex as they drifted off to sleep in each other's arms one night.
"Well it definitely wasn't when we first met," Alex muttered into his chest, smiling smugly once he scoffed in offense.
"What is that?" Peering over her sunglasses at Sean, Alex asked. He was walking around the Mediterranean beach with a foam board underneath his arm. The two had traveled to Greece to visit her mother before their missions to clean up Division began. While Alex and Katya decided to sunbathe on the beach one day, Sean was up to some antics. Eventually, Alex had to call him out on it. A part of her was curious, but she was mostly annoyed. Why couldn't he just relax like the rest of them.
"A boogie board. That kid sold it to me," Sean excitedly showed off his prize. He had mostly followed Alex to Greece to act as the Udinovs' bodyguard again. Although there was no active threat on either of them at the moment, Alex wanted to ensure her mother would be okay alone while she helped clean up Division. So Sean was in Greece as a preventative measure. He largely left the mother and daughter alone as he did his own thing. That was why he was so excited to find a boogie board. He could be entertained with that for hours.
"Did she rip you off?" Spying on the kid happily showing her friends the money she had earned and pointing at Sean and laughing, Alex assumed Sean had paid way more than he needed for the piece of foam. His scant amount of Greek was better than hers, but he couldn't help looking like a hapless tourist. Alex kind of thought it was cute. He tried to take in the sights and learn about the culture, yet he was still very American. No wonder the kids made fun of him. Alex wanted to as well. However, how cute he was held some of the taunts on her tongue, not that she'd admit that outloud.
"Yeah. Probably. But it's worth it," Sean shrugged. He didn't care that he paid the kid so much; it made both of them happy. Also, he could dive in and out of the waves with his board and have fun while Alex and Katya relaxed. Some small part of him also wanted to show Alex how to boogie board. He loved boogie boarding in the Pacific as a kid. He wanted to share that with Alex. But only if she wanted to. Even if he was excited for it, he didn't want to make her do anything she was uncomfortable with.
Alex rolled her eyes and went back to reading her fashion magazine while Sean ran to the sparkling sea. If he was having fun and leaving her alone, she didn't care what he did. Though, every once and a while, she glanced up to watch him. He happily jumped in and out of the waves and rode the foam board through the water. It was almost like he was surfing, but not exactly. Alex didn't get it. She watched him more, interested in everything he did- especially when he just laid on the board and relaxed in the water. Tossing aside her magazine, Alex called out to Sean, "What are you doing?"
"Enjoying the sun and the surf. Come on, I'll show you," Sitting up on the board, Sean dared Alex to join him in the warm Mediterranean sea. He didn't doubt that she would. She wasn't the type of person to just sit on the beach and do nothing. Sure, she enjoyed talking to her mom, basking in the sun, and reading her magazine, but she needed to be active; she had to run around and have as much fun as possible. Sean believed she could find that in the sea on a boogie board- and hopefully with him.
"I know how to have fun better than you," Alex leapt up from her beach towel, tossed aside her sunglasses, and abandoned her mother's side. Katya didn't mind, however. She was content resting on the beach by herself. Besides, it was better for Alex to have fun with her friend while she was on vacation. And she absolutely had fun the instant she jumped into the beautiful blue sea. She pushed Sean off his boogie board and laughed as he spluttered in the water. He quickly retaliated by splashing her.
Instead of riding the boogie board as Sean had intended, he and Alex dissolved into a water fight. They splashed and played around and tried to dunk each other under the waves. Alex also kept pushing the boogie board further into the sea, forcing Sean to frantically chase after it. Their laughter, taunts, and squeals probably annoyed the others around them, but they didn't care (and neither did Katya as she took numerous pictures of the pair). Their only focus was on their joy. They wouldn't let anything ruin their joy.
Eventually, Sean got Alex on the boogie board. When she wasn't giggling and making fun of him, he managed to teach her how to balance on the board while the water rolled underneath. She was a natural; she had the core strength and the right sense of balance to stay upright and ride around the waves. Sean would've praised her if he also didn't have to return her taunts. She was too busy laughing to really be annoyed with that. Also, she doubted anyone could be upset while on top of a board, bobbing up and down in the sea. It was so relaxing and calm. Despite the teases Sean tossed out, she couldn't help but smile.
Although Alex could balance and ride a few waves on the boogie board, she couldn't pull off all of the stunts Sean could. He tried to teach her, yet she was more content just watching and pretending to judge him like an Olympic judge would. He was content with that as well. Not only could he show off his very impressive skills, but the two got to keep laughing and playing around. It truly felt like a paradise vacation then. There was no looking over their shoulders- no need to worry. Sean and Alex could just have pure, simple fun together.
"Yeah. Alright. I was an ass at first. But you weren't all sunshine and rainbows either," Sean admitted. He and Alex definitely hadn't met under the best circumstances, or when they were their best selves. It was understandable that they didn't like each other at first. Yet as they let their guard down and showed who they really were, it was easy for love to bloom.
"You didn't like me when we first met?" Poking Sean's side, Alex teased. She knew he didn't like the traitor and rogue he was made to think of her as. But that was okay. She didn't like the self-righteous ass he presented himself as. It was a good thing that wasn't who either of them were. They had let their guards down around each other, which let them burrow into their hearts.
"I grew to love you. And I've loved you ever since," Sean whispered against the crown of Alex's head, his lips peppering her with kisses as he spoke. There was no defining moment that sparked love for him. One day, he woke up and she was all he could feel. That was how he knew his love was real. It would never go away.
"You're not going to fall through the ice, come on," Rolling her eyes, Alex stood on the frozen pond and sighed. After their latest harrowing mission, the team had the day off to rest, relax, and recuperate. Michael, Nikita, Sean, and Alex agreed to eat lunch together and hang out for a bit. As they walked through the snow covered park, they came across a frozen pond. Alex excitedly checked if it was solid enough to skate on: it was. Once she realized that, she tried to convince the others to skate with her. Nikita and Michael refused. But Sean was on the fence. He knew it'd be fun; he just didn't want to fall through the ice and sink into the freezing water.
"This isn't Russia. Are you sure it's cold enough for the ice to stay solid?" Sean stayed rooted in his spot far from the frozen water. He was positive that Alex was right. She had been ice skating since she could walk; she absolutely knew what she was talking about. Yet he couldn't help but notice Nikita 'there's nothing worse than a Detroit winter' Mears avoid ice skating on the frozen pond. She had whispered something to Michael as she pulled him away, and he had made a very concerned face- so there was probably something else to her avoidance. However, Sean would not move closer to the pond.
"I think I know ice better than you, boogie boy," Alex taunted. It'd probably be better to rent skates at the local ice rink and ice skate there. Yet no one else was on the pond; the couple could be completely alone. Besides, Alex wanted to own her own pair of ice skates again. She wanted to enjoy the things she had as a little girl and share them with the person she loved. If only her love wasn't so hesitant. She didn't know why he was holding back; he had certainly faced worse dangers. It wasn't as though he wasn't some kind of action hero or anything, "I thought you were a Navy Seal."
"If I get pneumonia, I'm blaming you," Finally, Sean relented. Alex's excitement wore him down the most. He couldn't say no to her when she smiled at him like that. Agreeing to her idea, after all, earned him the biggest smile. Alex kissed Sean excitedly, then hurried to the nearest sporting goods store to buy them ice skates. Hopefully, the two could use them for more than just that instance. Maybe they could make going to a local ice rink a weekly thing. They could stay active, have fun, and spend time together. What could've been better than that.
Alex and Sean were on the ice in no time. Whereas she glided effortlessly, even with new skates and on uneven ice, he stumbled and nearly fell. He could at least balance on the thin blades, yet that was all he could do. Alex skated circles around him, literally. However, as Sean kept stumbling, she took pity on him. She took him by the hand and slowly led him across the ice. She skated backwards so he could see how to move his feet; he had to glide, not stomp around. After a few tries, he finally got the hang of it. He began to glide like her, and his smile bloomed across his face.
She matched his smile easily. Except, once she began to teach him how to stop, her grin turned into bright laughter. Sean tripped and stumbled and almost fell even more. He was so ungraceful, Alex couldn't help but tease him. He would've been annoyed if she wasn't so cute. She was also a great teacher once she stopped making fun of him. After many trials and errors, he figured out how to break with ice skates. He was still wobbly, and he wasn't nearly as graceful as Alex, but he could skate. Both considered that as a success.
Eventually, while Sean just practiced gliding around in circles, Alex tested to see if she could still do some of the jumps she used to be able to do. The simple jumps she was able to land with no problem. But when she tried to up the ante, she landed on her ass. Sean panicked, believing she was injured and that the ice would crack. Alex only laughed uproariously and tried again, however. Sean decided to hang back and watch. He cheered her on and laughed with her. He was also finally able to get his own taunts in. Though, he enjoyed that more than Alex did.
When the sun began to set, the two decided to go home. Alex had to be promised that they'd go skating at an ice rink sometime so she wouldn't feel too sad about getting off the ice. Walking home with Sean soon improved her mood, though. They stopped for hot chocolate and dinner to-go on their way, and they settled in her apartment with a roaring fire and cozy blankets. They cuddled and ate and laughed and talked. Their fun wouldn't end, even as they just sat in silence in front of the fireplace. It was a perfect improvised date- a perfect day.
"Okay. But when, though?" Shifting in her position, Alex glanced up at Sean. If he was going to ask her when she loved him, it was only fair that she returned the question.
"I don't know. It just happened," With a shrug and a soft smile, Sean confessed. He couldn't trace when he knew he was in love. He was in the middle before he ever knew it began.
"It just happened to me too," Alex copied his gentle grin, kissed him sweetly, then went to sleep in his warm, caring arms.
Chapter 67
Notes:
Set after 1x18 "Into the Dark". Mikita discuss London, and Alex finds out about them.
Chapter Text
“Does Division have supersonic air travel now? How are you getting places so fast?” Nikita probably should’ve been surprised by Michael’s presence in her loft. But after weeks together, he had become a permanent figure in her home. She actually would’ve been disappointed if he wasn’t there waiting for her after she returned from London. She didn’t think she could ever happily walk into her empty safehouse again. It was always better with him there.
Michael had left London before Nikita. While she took care of Owen, he debriefed with Percy. After leaving Division, he thought about returning to his apartment and waiting for Nikita to call. Instead, Michael cleaned up, packed a bag, and went to the loft. He felt far more comfortable and free there. He could actually relax as he waited for her; he could also doze off a little on the soft, warm bed that smelled so wonderfully of her. He didn’t really mean to fall asleep. However, it was nice to wake up to her voice, even if he was confused that it was only her returning from London, “Where’s Owen?”
“He’s going on a personal journey. You know, find a way off the regimen, try and figure out what exactly he’s trying to do by going rogue. He wants to heal himself on his own, which I kinda get,” Nikita sighed. She had tried to bring Owen with her to the safehouse; it was better if the team of rogues were all together. Yet she understood why he needed to be on his own for a while. Between losing his girlfriend, going rogue, and the regimen withdrawal, Owen needed time to figure things out. As helpful and supportive as the team could be, there were just some things they had to do on their own. A self-journey was one of them.
“He just doesn’t want to be a danger to anyone again,” Sitting up on the bed and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Michael understood Owen’s decision. He had hurt Nikita and nearly destroyed the world; he needed time away from others. Hopefully, he could fully heal then, and from more than just the regimen withdrawal.
Nikita just shrugged. She removed her rain splattered coat, dropped her mission bag, and moved further into her loft. When she went on missions outside the state, she turned off all the power and heat in her loft. She didn’t want to waste energy while she was away for who knew how long. So as she shed her wet coat, she expected to be hit with a freezing blast of air. Instead, her loft was incredibly warm. She glanced at Michael, who was comfortably sitting in short sleeves, in surprise. He smiled at her, “Did you turn my heat on?”
“I know how much you hate the cold,” Michael rose from the bed and crossed to her. Nikita’s smile bloomed. He didn’t simply remember she hated being cold, he knew her. Even after three years apart, and months of fighting, he still knew her. Her smile couldn’t reflect how much she loved that fact.
“It’s way colder here than it was in London,” Rubbing her cold hands together, Nikita complained. When she had stepped off the plane and hurried to a vehicle to take back to her loft, she nearly froze. The short walk from the street to her building also had her shaking violently. The weather she returned to was so much worse than what she left. She sort of wished she never returned at all because of that.
“It’s the rain,” Taking Nikita’s hands in his, Michael rubbed some warmth into her fingers. The sun and lack of wind and rain in London helped them survive the bitter cold. But the damp air and rainstorms in New York made everything so much colder and worse. The two were lucky to be inside together. They could keep each other safe and warm.
“Fucking rain,” Nikita grumbled. Michael chuckled. He breathed hot air on her hands, and gently pulled her closer to him. She came willingly.
Michael remembered how often Nikita used to complain about the cold. Freezing rain, cold snaps, and snow had received harsh verbal assaults from her. That was partly why he was surprised she set up shop in New York. Yes, tactically it made sense to have a safehouse close to Division. Also, she did love all the different food she could eat and shopping she could do in the city. But Michael was surprised she was even there. She had gotten out of Division; she was free. She could be miles away, warm and happy. She deserved that at least, “You know, I half expected to find you on some tropical beach somewhere. Always warm and always happy.”
Nikita grinned softly. She had once thought about running away to live on a beach and bask in the warm sunshine. She had wanted to do that with Daniel, and she was beginning to want to run away with Michael. However, there were things she had to do. Division needed to be taken down before she could truly be free. She couldn’t have peace while she could do something to stop the evil and corruption. Though, she could be happy. Every second she spent with Michael, she became even happier and warmer. He was her own paradise, “No, I’m stuck here. But I’m getting happier each day with you.”
Smiling brighter and warmer than any sun, Michael brought Nikita’s arms around his neck and kissed her adoringly. She beamed into the affection, until he touched her waist. As he hugged her tightly, she winced. Michael quickly drew back. That was the second time she groaned in pain after he held her. She was far more hurt than he had thought. Worried, he anxiously looked Nikita over, “Where exactly are you injured?”
“The better question is where aren’t I injured,” Nikita sighed. After so many fights and incidents, she was bruised all over. It would take days to recover. She could manage, she’d just be stiff and uncomfortable.
“Can I see?” Michael asked cautiously. He was curious about Nikita’s injuries. He knew she had been hurt, but she never explained how badly. If she was still in pain, it must’ve been serious. He just hoped it wasn’t fatal.
“It’s just bruising. I can breathe fine, so nothing’s cracked or anything,” As Michael helped her remove her sweater, Nikita reassured. Her bruising wasn’t that bad. Sure it looked deep, dark, and horrific. But it was only skin deep. She could move and breathe; she was fine.
“Owen did this to you?” Michael’s gaze turned dark. Nikita’s bruising stretched all the way down her right arm and side; the purple splotches even expanded down her hip and thigh. He slid down the waistband of her jeans to get a better look at the damage. Although he tried to heal her with his touch, he knew it wasn’t enough. She was beaten badly. And he knew exactly who to blame for that.
Caressing Michael’s cheek, Nikita tried to soothe him. He had instantly known Owen was the one who had caused her pain back in London. Yet they had already gone over that. It was time to move past the mission and the terrifying regimen withdrawal and just relax. Besides, there were plenty of things that had hurt her in the field other than Owen. She was simply hesitant to admit one of them, “No. This is from the Guardian, the strike team… and a car…”
“He hit you with a car!” Michael couldn’t stop himself from shouting. He knew he should’ve taken the shot when he had it. Owen had almost killed Nikita because of his inane obsession. Michael couldn’t let that action go unpunished.
“You said it yourself. Owen wasn’t himself; his brain was fried. And he just pushed me in front of a slow moving vehicle to stop me, not to kill me. I’m fine,” Gripping Michael’s hand, Nikita stopped him from rushing off and doing something stupid. The regimen withdrawal had been controlling Owen’s actions; if he had been in his right mind, he never would have hurt her. But it was all okay then. Owen had the regimen, and Nikita was safe and sound. Michael didn’t have to worry about a thing, “Come on. You know I’ve had worse. In fact, I was once…”
Noticing the troubled expression on Michael’s face, Nikita stopped herself from admitting she had been poisoned. If he could barely handle the fact that she had been hit by a car, then she definitely couldn’t tell him Gogol had once poisoned her. Any thought of her in danger seemed to twist him up inside. She wondered if he felt like that when they were on opposing sides of the war. Had he always been worried about her, or had the feeling grown stronger with their new relationship. What exactly was going through his head, “What?”
Gently, Nikita cupped Michael’s chin in her hands and made his green eyes connect with her brown. He sighed. He had hated how long it had taken him to reach her in London after he found out about the regimen. He knew she’d be in danger, yet he wasn’t able to protect her. Maybe if he wasn’t in Division anymore. Then he could always keep Nikita safe, “If I had just been there sooner…”
“No. We’re not doing ‘what ifs’. I’m okay. I’m here with you now. That’s way more important. I can kiss you all I want, and you can keep me warm in your arms,” Nikita shut down that train of thought immediately. The two could drown themselves in ‘what ifs’ if that was all they thought about. They needed to focus on the positives of where they were rather than the tragedies of the past. Where they were could be perfect if they just lived in the moment.
“I can definitely keep you warm,” Michael smirked. Although Nikita shook her head, she threw her arms back around his neck and kissed him. He was far more gentle as he held her waist that time. She was able to melt into the affection rather than jerk away in pain.
Before the couple could move their kissing to the bed, unfortunately, they heard an interruption coming up the stairs. At least Alex introduced herself before walking in on them. They weren’t as surprised as they had been with Owen, “Hey, Nikita. You wanted to talk?”
“Every fucking time,” Michael muttered against Nikita’s lips. She rolled her eyes as she scoffed and (regretfully) moved away from him. She had to fix her jeans and pull her sweater back on before Alex reached them. The young woman had been through a lot of stress and shocks lately. The rogue couldn’t add to it.
It was too late, though. Nikita was able to right her pants, but Michael distracted her from pulling on her sweater. He stole one last touch of her soft skin and one more kiss from her lips before Alex entered the room. That was what she walked in on; Nikita and Michael pulled away from each other with dreamy smiles and sparkling eyes. Alex couldn’t fathom it. She also couldn’t fathom Michael outside Division and outside a suit (who knew he actually owned jeans and a t-shirt). Nothing made sense. So she just focused on the one thing she could wrap her head around- the one danger that was present, “What’s Michael doing here?”
“Whoa, hey. Alex. It’s okay. He’s with us- with me,” Noticing Alex reach for her gun under her coat, Nikita protectively stepped in front of Michael. Michael also raised his hands in a placating gesture. It was alright. No one was there to hurt anyone.
Alex would’ve believed that had she not seen the extensive bruising along Nikita’s side. Fury burned in her bright blue eyes. She grabbed her gun and waved it threateningly at Michael, “Did he do that to you?”
“What? No. No. I got that in the field. It’s okay,” Nikita slowly approached Alex, keeping her body in front of Michael’s. She smiled softly to show she was okay and tried to calm the young agent down. Alex wasn’t able to relax, however, until she saw Michael’s expression. Her accusation had upset him. Not because she had said it, but because he had led her to believe he could actually do such a thing to Nikita. She finally lowered her weapon. There was definitely more going on than Alex knew. They needed to start catching her up immediately.
“Owen pushed her in front of a car,” Still upset, Michael attempted to explain. He only confused Alex more however, especially with how angry he sounded.
“And you once launched a grenade at him,” Finally throwing on her sweater, Nikita huffed. Michael only rolled his eyes. Alex just continued to stare. Nothing they were saying alleviated her bewilderment. In fact, the two only made it worse.
While Michael and Nikita glared in annoyance at each other, Alex busied herself with putting away her gun and shedding her rain-soaked coat. There had to be some way she could figure out what was occurring. Michael had to be in the loft for a reason. There also had to be a reason why he saved her from Amanda. He wouldn’t just lie for her, unless he was planning something. Or unless he knew she was the mole. Or unless Nikita had asked him to. Glancing between the two, Nikita’s words quickly caught up with her. Michael wasn’t just with the rogues- he was with Nikita. Alex gasped, “Wait. Are you… are you together-together?”
“Yeah,” Nikita stated simply. Michael nodded. He almost made a comment about how Alex figured that out faster than Owen, yet he bit his tongue. There was no point in being mean to the former Cleaner then. Explaining things to Alex was the greater concern.
“Since when?” Alex didn’t care that she shrieked. She had always guessed that there was something going on between Michael and Nikita, but she had never thought that they actually acted on it. How long had that been going on. Did she miss something important while she was distracted by Nathan and Amanda. How much did she miss. What the hell was going on.
“Since your trip to the Hamptons,” Nikita glanced at Michael to confirm, and he nodded. They had only been together for a few weeks, but it had been some of the best few weeks of their lives. They honestly couldn’t wait for more like it.
“Wait. The one that you let me go on? So when you came back to Division all moody, when you let me go, you then came here and… he knew where you were this whole time… that was two weeks ago… Why didn’t you say anything? What the fuck is happening?” Stammering, Alex tried to piece together what had happened. Had Michael known about the loft. Was why he was so moody two weeks ago because of Nikita. If all of that was happening, why wasn’t she told anything. Did it have anything to do with the broken computer and mission Nikita refused to tell her about. What kind of adventures had she been missing out on.
“We’ve been trying to figure things out first. We needed to catch up, figure out what comes next and how things change, actually talk and communicate,” Gently, Nikita explained. She knew she should’ve told Alex everything sooner. But it was important for her and Michael to figure things out on their own first. Their relationship needed to be solid before they brought others in on the secret. Also, Nikita wanted to just exist in a bubble with Michael for a while; she wanted to pretend it was only them in the entire world.
“Do you know who I am?” Cautiously, Alex asked Michael. She figured he knew she was the mole- he wasn’t surprised by her presence in the loft, and he had covered for her with Amanda- but did he know why she was trying to take down Division. Could Michael be that trustworthy. A part of Alex believed he was. After all, he had once sworn to do everything he could to keep her safe, and he had followed through on that promise. Judging by the way Nikita talked about him and stuck by his side, Alex could guess that Michael had kept a lot of promises he had made to her as well. Despite his gruff demeanor, he was one of the good ones.
Michael considered just admitting that he knew Alex was Alexandra Udinov. However, he wanted to gain her complete trust, and he wanted to prove that he was completely trustworthy. In order to do that, he had to offer up a part of himself. He needed to be as honest as possible, “I know you’re trying to get revenge for your family, like me.”
“Division killed your family too? What?” Alex went right back to shrieking in shock. She was never going to not be confused. Each new piece of information only bewildered her further.
“I just found out. Nikita helped me uncover the truth,” Approaching Alex, Michael tried to help her out. He knew it was a lot to take in all at once (no wonder Nikita had wanted to wait). Yet it was important to learn. The three were all on the same team. There should be no more secrets between them. They needed to trust and believe in each other above all else.
“Come on. There’s a lot to discuss,” Taking a hopelessly confused Alex by the hand, Nikita led her to the makeshift livingroom. Michael followed. The three should sit down before further revelations were revealed. They should also order themselves some food; it was going to be a long day. But getting all that information out would be worth it. They’d truly be a team of rogues. And once they were all on the same page, Division wouldn’t stand a chance. A warm and happy future was definitely ahead of them.
Chapter 68
Notes:
Set before the epilogue in 4x06 "Cancelled". Mikita mess around in the grocery store.
Chapter Text
Although the Shop was defeated, Amanda was locked away in a hole, and the former rogues were seen as heroes, they couldn’t live their happily ever afters just yet. Paperwork and red-tape for their pardons and reinstated identities had to be cleared, and a lot of questions still had to be answered. Until then, Michael, Nikita, Birkhoff, Sonya, and Sam were stuck on the military base. Alexandra Udinov, who had already had her identity reinstated, could have her own place, but she was also constantly called to answer questions. The team was free. They just couldn’t live their own lives yet. They had to wait a few more months.
Michael and Nikita made the best of it. They used their time on the base to look for a beach house to eventually move into. They also made plans for the future that was so undeniably theirs. The most concrete of their ideas was their marriage. The instant the two had real identities, they were going to get married. It was going to be completely legal and completely binding. Nothing could break them apart again.
While they waited for their bright futures, however, they had to treat their borrowed house on the base as their home. Michael jokingly called it their starter home. Although Nikita rolled her eyes and groaned at the thought, she secretly loved it. She loved even more that, while they were living on base- and while the government was figuring out their reparation payments- they were given a stipend. Most of that went to clothes, toiletries, and food. But Nikita saved some away for their real home. Michael agreed that that was a far better use of the money.
Since the two didn’t know when they’d be free of the military base, they tried not to buy too much food or toiletries when they shopped; they didn’t want them to go to waste once they moved. Going to the grocery store then became an almost weekly thing. Neither Michael nor Nikita minded it. They liked the normalcy of it. They liked feeling like real people and a real couple. Because, for once, they were. There were no more missions, no more looking over their shoulders. It was just them and their new boring life. It was perfect.
It was also freeing. Nikita and Michael felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off their shoulders. They didn’t have to be so careful in public. They didn’t have to remain on guard. They didn’t have to be so serious all the time. The two were allowed to be silly and ridiculous, always making jokes, pulling pranks, being annoying, and getting under their skin. All the engaged couple wanted to do then was laugh and smile. After the hell they had been through, especially recently, they deserved it.
They also didn’t hold back from it. Even while the two were shopping, they were as ridiculous as possible. That week was no exception. As soon as the couple entered the grocery store, Nikita became distracted. The featured foods were being presented near the shopping cart corral, and there was a sale on fruit that she could not ignore. Michael let her be distracted. She could grab some fruit while he grabbed a cart. He should’ve been able to take one before she was done, yet every cart he grabbed had squeaky or wobbly wheels. It quickly irritated him, “Is there a buggy without a broken wheel?”
“What did you just say?” Nikita turned towards Michael with the biggest shiteating grin on her face. She had never heard another word for a shopping cart (besides when Alex once forgot the English word for it). So hearing Michael mutter one under his breath was a complete surprise, especially since there was a slight southern twang on it. ‘Buggy’ was probably one of those regional words- like saying pop instead of soda. In his frustration, Michael must’ve reverted back to his Southern roots. Nikita was going to have fun messing with him for that.
“Cart,” Blushing, Michael knew it was too late to correct himself. No matter how many times he repeated ‘cart’, Nikita would only hear ‘buggy’. He was screwed.
“No. You said ‘buggy’,” Nikita burst into laughter. For some reason, she always found it hilarious and endearing whenever Michael exposed his Southern roots. Maybe it was because it gave her a glimpse of him he tried not to show. Or maybe it was because it gave her easy ammo to tease him with, “Is that how y’all talk down south? ‘Alright, y’all, Imma go to the county store and wrangle me up a buggy’.”
“Why do I talk to you?” Michael hid his chuckles at her terrible southern accent behind a sigh. He grabbed the first cart he could and wheeled it over to Nikita. They just ignored the sharp squeaks. It’d fade as they talked and laughed.
“Cause you love me,” Standing on the front end of the shopping cart, Nikita dumped the fruit she had grabbed into the basket. She beamed at Michael. He had to fight his own bright smile to remain annoyed.
“Yeah. Yeah. Whatever,” Michael tipped the cart, making Nikita lose balance and stumble backwards. While she glared at him, he finally laughed and smiled. She just rolled her eyes and led him further into the grocery store.
Soon, they reached the produce section, and he stopped the cart to fish for their shopping list out of his pocket. Nikita decided to pay Michael back while he was distracted. She climbed into the cart, shoved aside the fruit she had already grabbed, and made herself comfortable in the basket. When he glanced up and saw her, he instantly became annoyed. Even mundane tasks were made more difficult by her. He did enjoy that sometimes, just not when he was the one who suffered, “Get out of the cart.”
“Why? You said you wanted to hit up the gym more. Here’s your chance to do some weights,” Nikita made herself more comfortable in the cart. She didn’t really accomplish that. Yet she did annoy Michael more, which was always fun.
“Fine. Stay in the cart like the baby you are,” Shopping list in hand, Michael pushed the cart forward with a harsh shove. Nikita jostled against the side and gasped in offense. Michael copied her gasp and shoved the cart again. Her glare probably would’ve been more menacing if she wasn’t sitting in the cart like a little kid.
Shaking his head, Michael chuckled and carried on with the shopping. Nikita wasn’t done being a nuisance, however. The instant his hands were off the cart, she grabbed hold of a shelf and pushed herself down the aisle. Michael could only laugh when he noticed her. She smiled proudly and surged towards her destination, “I’ll just grab the tomatoes.”
Nikita and Michael continued to shop like that for a while. As they grabbed food and shared taunts, they used the cart to annoy one another. Their laughter and smiles never waned; though, sometimes, they were mixed with glares and eye rolls. The engaged couple had fun while they checked off the items on their list. It might’ve been stupid, but it made them happy.
Eventually, Nikita spotted some familiar faces in a nearby aisle. Birkhoff and Sonya were also on a joyful shopping trip, laughing at their own little jokes and comments; though, neither of them were in the shopping cart. Nikita scooted her way down to them, leaving Michael behind. That made Birkhoff laugh harder, and it made Sonya cross to her and pull her faster down the aisle, “Well, well, well. Look who it is.”
“Even in a cart she can wander away from you,” Birkhoff couldn’t stop laughing. He had spotted Michael and Nikita first, and had pointed them out to Sonya with a snarky comment. It wasn’t surprising that Nikita had climbed into the shopping cart, and that she was using that to mess with Michael. It also wasn’t surprising that he gave as good as he got. It was just nice to see the two so happy and playful (it was made better by the fact that Birkhoff didn’t have to witness their shenanigans while trapped in a safehouse with them).
“It’s a buggy actually,” Before Michael could snarkily reply to Birkhoff, Nikita found a way to make fun of him. The hackers glanced at the engaged couple in confusion, yet Nikita looked up at Michael with a proud smirk. He glared.
“Bye,” Michael pushed the shopping cart further down the aisle. Whereas Nikita gasped in disbelief, Sonya and Birkhoff laughed- especially when she had to grab hold of a shelf to keep from going too far. Michael’s proud half smile pulled at his lips. She probably would’ve been more mad at him if she didn’t find that expression so attractive. He knew that, which was why he had no problem adding to the insult by ordering her, “While you’re down there, get some cereal.”
She only grabbed the cereal she liked, but Michael was alright with that. He waved goodbye to Sonya and Birkhoff, knowing they were going to talk and meet up later; then he hurried to join Nikita. The two continued what they had been doing. But by the time they reached the cold foods section, Michael attempted to put an end to it. They were running out of room in the shopping cart, and he didn’t want to pile cold and frozen foods on top of Nikita. She had to be an adult then, “Okay. It’s time to get out of the cart.”
“What cart? This is a buggy,” Although Nikita agreed that it was time for her to climb out, she kept giving Michael hell. He immediately jerked the cart back and forth, slamming her against the side. She settled the food in the basket before she threw her retaliating taunt, “Give me whiplash. I dare you.”
“Go grab milk. I dare you,” Michael playfully shoved his face into Nikita’s. She glared for a second, then she kissed him. He was so surprised by her actions, he couldn’t think of another way to retaliate. He just laughed and helped her get out of the cart.
While Nikita got the milk, Michael grabbed some other items in the section. He was too busy thinking about their kiss and smiling, that he didn’t notice her coming up behind him. Until she pressed the freezing cold milk against the back of his neck. His knees buckled as he yelped, and she squealed in laughter. That was it. Their games were over. They were going to start playing to win, “Alright. That’s it. You’re going down.”
From that moment on, Michael and Nikita tried to make the other jump by placing the cold food they grabbed against the other’s skin. Nikita was faster and sneakier than Michael, so she quickly gained the upperhand. But he wasn’t far behind, especially since he knew how easily distractible she was in a grocery store. Once they reached the ice cream aisle, he had the perfect opportunity to strike and even the score. She caught onto his plan, however, and she escaped with the cart into the next aisle.
There, Nikita found Sonya and Birkhoff again. She quickly ducked behind Birkhoff and frantically studied the area for Michael. Both hackers were startled and confused, yet Nikita didn’t offer up any explanations, “Hey guys. Fancy seeing you here.”
“Where’s Michael?” Glancing around the aisle, Sonya wondered. Nikita and Michael must’ve been up to new antics if she was out of the shopping cart and running around. Sonya wanted to know what they were. Not so much to satisfy her curiosity, but so she could turn to Birkhoff and make fun of them for it.
“Trying to kill me,” Nikita still didn’t explain. She probably could’ve successfully avoided Michael if she roped Sonya and Birkhoff into their ridiculous game. But where was the fun in that.
“Glad you’re having fun,” Birkhoff rolled his eyes. He was going to move away from Nikita, but then he saw Michael creeping up the aisle. He held up a tub of ice cream, pointed to his fiancée, and motioned for Birkhoff to stay quiet. The hacker soon caught onto what was occurring. He blocked Nikita’s view of her fiancé and distracted her from his approach. Michael was then able to sneak up behind her, lift her blouse, and press the frozen ice cream against the small of her back.
Nikita squealed and stumbled against the cart. Michael, Birkhoff, and Sonya burst into laughter. She couldn’t remain annoyed while they sounded so happy. She just ripped the ice cream out of Michael’s hands and tossed it into the shopping cart.
The two stayed in the aisle for a bit longer, talking to Sonya and Birkhoff. They agreed to have dinner and go see a movie together that weekend, then they finally parted ways. Michael and Nikita headed towards a checkout line. They chose the shortest one, but they still had to wait a while. As they did, Nikita eyed the nearby candy and treats. When she thought Michael wasn’t looking, she took a pack of bubblegum and tried to move it into the cart. She wasn’t as sneaky as she believed that time, though.
“I can see you,” Michael stared at Nikita. She didn’t break eye contact. She just kept slowly moving the bubblegum into the shopping cart. He sighed. He had no reason to actually stop her. She could buy whatever she wanted, and so could he, “Grab me one too.”
They made it through checkout without any further incident. But when the engaged couple were back in the parking lot, the antics started up again. Nikita stood on the shopping cart and had Michael push her along. He did so without complaint, but that was only because they were approaching a hill. The instant they reached it, he let go of the cart with one last shove. Nikita and the food went sailing down the asphalt.
Her bright peels of joyful laughter could be heard across the lot. Michael laughed along with her as he slowly made his way down the hill. Unfortunately, her giggles quickly turned into curses. A car began to back out of its spot, not noticing Nikita or the shopping cart. She hurriedly jumped to her feet and jerked back the cart. She had to drop into a squat to be able to abruptly stop the squealing wheels. She managed to avoid impact just in time. Although she then sighed in relief, Michael frantically called out as he hurried to catch up, “You okay?”
“Yeah!” Nikita called back. She stood back up and waved her apologies to the driver. They ignored her. She just shrugged and waited for them to pass and for Michael to catch up to her. He was by her side in no time. Seeing for himself that she was fine, he was also able to shrug off the incident. The engaged couple shook their heads and laughed awkwardly. The rest of their trek to the car was slow and careful; though, they still found things to smile about, “And you thought our adventures were over.”
“Never,” Michael kissed Nikita. Both beamed. They soon reached the car, loaded the groceries into the trunk, returned the cart, and drove to their starter home. Of course their adventures continued as they put the food away and settled in for the night. Yet the engaged couple were okay not having a quiet moment. Their happy laughter was better than anything else in the world. There was nothing holding them back or weighing them down. The two were free.
Chapter 69
Notes:
Set after 3x12 "With Fire". Mikita set a date for their wedding.
Chapter Text
After they returned home from Division, cleaned themselves up, and ate dinner together, Michael and Nikita continued to plan for their wedding. It wasn’t that detailed. They mostly focused on how they were going to marry on Varca Beach with all their friends. They weren’t entirely sure if they wanted a whole huge ceremony for their wedding, or just a simple affair. Simple probably would’ve been better. It could just be them and their family.
Besides where they wanted their wedding and who would be there, the engaged couple didn’t plan much else for their big day. They would’ve, but they were quickly distracted. Nikita straddled Michael’s lap at some point, and the two made out.
It was difficult not to kiss while they were planning for their future. Michael tried to stay focused on their wedding, yet Nikita just had to kiss him and express her love. When she climbed into his lap, he didn’t even bother attempting to refocus her. They simply kissed, caressed, and moaned softly. Neither had any intentions of doing anything else the rest of the night. They were completely content in making out for as long as they could. They probably would’ve had a thought not popped into Nikita’s head. She pulled away from Michael, confused, “Wait. Did you say you’d withstand torture for me?”
“Yeah. Glad that finally sank in,” Michael smiled. He tucked Nikita’s hair behind her ear, and caressed her cheek. He had told her he wouldn’t break under torture if it was for her hours ago. She didn’t seem to have paid attention to his words at the time, but they finally clicked then. Kissing him must’ve helped. Though, he began to wonder what about kissing him made her think about torture. She always had the weirdest thoughts at the strangest times. He could never understand her brain, “What do you think about when we kiss?”
“Sorry I haven’t really been present lately,” Nikita chuckled dryly. She definitely should’ve been paying better attention to Michael. He had been so sweet and gentle with her lately, and she had completely ignored him. Hell, she had assumed he was messing with her when he said he’d withstand torture for her. She should’ve realized how sincere and affectionate he was being at the time. Waiting hours to truly respond to him was far too long.
“You were saving the world. I get it,” Michael shrugged. He didn’t hold anything against Nikita. She was focused on stopping the terrorist and saving innocent people. If anything, it was his fault for trying to express his heart to her while her mind was elsewhere. Although it did help her find a way to break Ari, he should’ve waited. Maybe he should’ve waited for when they were making out. Then they could’ve continued to kiss.
“You were being sweet, and I didn’t take it seriously. Though, I shouldn’t be surprised that you’d hold out during torture for me,” Nikita moved to climb off Michael’s lap. They should have that conversation like actual adults. However, her fiancé held her in place. He actually preferred if they stayed close; she could continue to see the serious affection in his eyes.
“The only reason to hold on and keep fighting is for someone you love. And I’ve always been fighting for you,” Gently tilting Nikita’s chin so her eyes would connect with his, Michael confessed. She smiled and kissed him tenderly. That sentiment had clicked with her the first time he said it. Yes, she then used it to make Ari finally talk. But she couldn’t dismiss Michael saying he loved her. She had tried before, yet he had instantly shut that down. He would always love her- every single part of her. Nothing she could do would change that.
Pulling away from their kiss, Nikita rested her forehead against Michael’s and wrapped her arms around his neck. He tightened his hold around her waist and somehow pulled her closer to him. She sighed. She knew she had to tell him what she was actually thinking about when she said she should’ve known he’d willingly withstand pain for her. Yet it was still a topic that was difficult for her to open up about. It took her a minute just to build up the courage. And it took her another to force the words out, “You also gave yourself up to Brandt for me.”
Upon hearing Brandt’s name, Michael pulled slightly away from Nikita. Even after the torture they had received together, she refused to talk about that mission. He wondered if he could pry it out of her then. Keeping it to herself obviously wasn’t good for her. She was back to being sullen and withdrawn. He needed to help break her out of that. They should only feel happy when they were home together, “You still haven’t told me much about that.”
“There’s not much to say,” Finally, Nikita slipped off Michael’s lap. She was fully aware that she was running away both mentally and physically. But the night had been going so well- mostly well. It couldn’t be ruined by the horrific things she had done. When she had tortured Ari for hours, she had almost lost herself to that monstrous side of her. She couldn’t bring all that up again. She was trying to be better- trying not to lose herself completely. Dwelling on the horrors she had caused wouldn’t help her.
“Bullshit,” Michael, however, chased after Nikita. He had the opposite view than her. Bottling up her feelings and trying to run and hide wouldn’t help anybody. He should know. What he had put himself and his fiancée through recently by not talking and pulling away couldn’t be repeated. The two needed to talk.
Reluctantly, Nikita stopped in her tracks and turned back towards Michael. She really didn’t want to discuss Brandt or the person she had become on that mission. The two were relaxing at home after too many stressful and terrible days. Did they really need to ruin that. Michael seemed to think so. He wouldn’t let her rest if she didn’t open up to him. Nikita sighed. There was no use fighting with him. When it came to making her talk, he was always going to win. He wanted to know her, comfort her. He didn’t care what she revealed.
Though, she was always so terrified to reveal her past- even to Michael. And she always told him less than the full truth- just incase it saved her from any negative reactions, “I clawed out his eye when I brought him to Division.”
“Whoa,” Michael couldn’t help but respond. Although that definitely made sense considering Brandt’s feelings towards Nikita, he wasn’t expecting it. Sure, Nikita had her violent moments. But clawing out someone’s eye was extreme. She must’ve been pushed pretty far by Brandt to react that way. More had happened on her Division mission than she might ever be willing to share. Maybe one day he could ask for more of the story. Yet for the time being, what she had shared was enough. It certainly said enough, “Is it weird that I’m proud of you for that? I mean, the guy absolutely deserved it. He was a monster.”
“It takes a monster to destroy a monster. Percy told me that,” Nikita just sort of shrugged. She hadn’t expected any positive reaction from Michael. The fact that he was proud of her shocked her, and she had no idea how to respond to it. So she simply focused on the one thing she could understand: the fact that she was a monster.
Michael stared at Nikita for a moment. He could’ve sworn she had said something like that to Ari before he had walked in to take over the interrogation. Was that what she was thinking about as she desperately tried to beat vital information out of their captive. Could that have been what was really distracting her when he confessed his love. Did his fiancée still think she wasn’t worthy of his devotion, “Was that what was going through your head as you tortured Ari?”
Again, Nikita just sort of shrugged. Michael crossed to her and tenderly caressed her cheek. It took her a moment, but when she finally glanced up at him, he smiled softly and spoke gently, “Are you seriously going to believe Percy over me?”
While Michael’s grin turned crooked, Nikita scoffed. He definitely had a point. She shouldn’t base what she thought about herself on something Percy had said. That bastard had never known her. Yet her fiancé did. She should listen to him, learn to see herself how he saw her. It was far more accurate, after all, “Yeah. You’re right. It’s stupid.”
Nikita didn’t step away from Michael, but she did take his hand off her cheek. He made sure she didn’t drop his hand completely. He tightened his grip and pulled her closer to him. The two didn’t need to spend any more time apart. They should try to be as close as possible everytime they were together, “I know it’s easier for you to believe the worst about yourself because that’s all you’ve ever heard. But I will always help you see the best in yourself. I will keep teaching you to love yourself the way I love you for the rest of my life.”
“That’s what this ring means, right? Forever?” Playing with the engagement ring on her finger, Nikita asked. She already knew the answer, but she wanted to hear Michael say it again. She didn’t want any doubts in her mind that her fiancé wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. She already had so many negative thoughts, her life with him shouldn’t be one of them.
“Yes,” Staring deep into Nikita’s brown eyes, Michael brought her knuckles to his lips. She smiled brightly as he kissed their conjoined hands. When he grinned just as brilliantly, she wrapped him in a tight embrace. He didn’t hesitate to hug her back and place kisses along her crown. She hummed in contentment and melted into his warmth.
Her peaceful happiness didn’t last forever, unfortunately. Nikita soon remembered something Ari told her, and she frowned. Placing her chin on Michael’s chest, she looked up at him. He instantly tried to erase her frown with a kiss and a caress. But the expression wasn’t going anywhere. She had thought she could’ve ignored Ari, yet the words had hunted her down. She could never escape the doubts, despite how secure and in love she felt at that moment, “Ari said that there is no forever in this business.”
“Ari also told me that if our relationship meant anything, we wouldn’t still be in Division,” Michael responded with a shrug. Whereas Nikita began to pout, he shook his head. He only repeated what Ari had said to show how ridiculous it was. The engaged couple were nothing like Amanda and Ari. They weren’t using each other, nor did they have perverse ideas about love. Whatever the former head of Gogol had to say about their relationship was bullshit. He had no idea how happy Michael and Nikita could be, “But Ari’s full of shit. He spent so much time with Amanda, he forgot what real love and hope and happiness is like. But I haven’t.”
With her brightest smile of the night, Nikita kissed Michael. He held her close to him as he returned the affection. Whereas he wanted to return to their make out session, she soon pulled away. There were other things on her mind that she wanted to discuss, “Is that why you changed your mind about our wedding?”
“What do you mean?” To his knowledge, Michael had never changed his mind about marrying Nikita. The instant he had thought about marrying her, he began to search for the perfect engagement ring and started to plan the perfect proposal. He wanted nothing more than to spend forever with Nikita. Yes, he technically didn’t have to marry her for that to happen. But it’d be the perfect expression of their love. Nothing could tear them apart; they were one hundred percent committed to each other.
“You said we should wait until we had real identities before we got married, that way it’s real and permanent,” Nikita recalled what they had discussed after Michael proposed. Both had agreed that getting married after they had completed cleaning up Division was the best course of action. That way, all the paperwork they’d have to fill out would be real and legal. They could actually stay together forever.
“I still want that. But I also just want to be married to you. We can renew our vows after we have pardons and identities. Until then, I want my forever with you to start now,” Michael revised his previous statement. At that point, nothing to him was as important as marrying Nikita. He might’ve foolishly expressed otherwise in the past. But he knew better then. She was all that mattered, “So when do you want to get married?”
Honestly, Nikita hadn’t thought about when exactly she wanted to marry Michael. She probably should’ve been planning for it since they got engaged (Alex had urged her to). But no date jumped out at her. Their relationship had always been wild; they didn’t technically have an anniversary, and they had met when she had arrived in Division- which really shouldn’t be celebrated. The two didn’t have a special date they could marry on. Though, after some thought, Nikita realized there was a day that held a lot of meaning for them. It wasn’t the happiest day, but it did bring them together. And that had been the best thing ever, “February 27th.”
“It’s March,” Michael responded, bewildered. He knew Nikita was bad at keeping track of the days when she was focused on a mission. But there was no way she didn’t notice that they were in a new month.
“February 27th of next year. That gives us a year to stop Amanda, secure our pardons, and have real lives,” Chuckling, Nikita clarified. She wanted their future together to start immediately as well. But stopping Amanda and having their pardons first would’ve been nice. That way, they wouldn’t have to worry about anything as they lived happily ever after on some tropical beach somewhere. The two, plus their team, could obtain all that within a year. And if not, then at least they’d have hope to hold onto, “And even if we don’t, we can still have something to look forward to.”
“Sounds perfect,” Michael kissed Nikita. She grinned softly, then stepped away from him to write the date down. She also started to look at plane tickets to Goa around that time, and if they could reserve a portion of Varca Beach for a ceremony. Michael continued to stare at his fiancée with a dreamy look on his face. He couldn’t believe that was real. He and Nikita were actually going to have a happily ever after, and it was going to start on February 27th.
As he thought about it, Michael began to wonder why Nikita picked that specific day. It seemed so random. However, it obviously meant something to her. He simply couldn’t place why, “But, uh, why that day?”
“Cause that’s when you stormed into my loft, kissed me, and told me I was right,” Nikita flashed a sly grin. A hell of a lot more happened on February 27th than Michael admitting that she was right. Yet they deserved to focus on the light side of things. They deserved to laugh and joke around after the destructive hell they had struggled to prevent. The two were discussing their wedding, after all. There should be an overabundance of joy.
Michael was stunned for a moment. He wouldn’t have considered February 27th as the happiest day in their history. He had hurt her repeatedly in his attempts to kill Kasim, and his whole world had been turned upside down when he discovered the truth. Though, the day did end with them finally expressing their love between the sheets. It wasn’t perfect, but they had been together. Their future together wasn’t always going to be perfect either. However, the two would remain by each other’s side. No matter what they faced, they’d be together. Their relationship had started that way, and it’d end that way.
Instead of responding seriously, however, Michael decided to play off Nikita’s sly grin. He crossed his arms over his chest and hitched an eyebrow. She stared back at him, daring him to say something. He wouldn’t disappoint her. After a few seconds, he knew the perfect way to retaliate, “See. I withstand torture everytime I talk to you.”
Instantly, Nikita threw a pen at her fiancé. He failed in his attempts to catch it, causing it to smack him in the cheek. But she didn’t gloat. Rather, she asked Michael the ridiculous question that had been pulling at the back of her mind since she had realized what he had said about being tortured, “So, even if a Bond villain has you strapped to a table and threatening to run a laser through your dick, you still wouldn’t break if it meant hurting me?”
“I would lose my dick for you,” Michael deadpanned. Nikita might have only been messing with him by referencing one of the James Bond movies. Yet his statement still held. If she was on the line, he’d never break- no matter the torture.
“I knew it,” Nikita smirked. The engaged couple couldn’t hold it together after that. They erupted in laughter, eye rolls, and head shakes, unable to take things seriously anymore. Fortunately, they didn’t need to. They had said all that they had needed to that night. The rest of their time together could be spent in silly joy.
“There’s my Nikita. I was wondering when her ridiculousness would return,” Moving across the room to rejoin her, Michael smirked. It had been a while since Nikita had said something truly off the walls. He had missed it. Luckily, they had managed to return to a solid and steady place in their relationship where she could be as ridiculous as she wanted. There was no need to be so serious all the time. The engaged couple could let their guards down around each other and be absolutely silly and stupid.
“Right around the time you stopped being so serious and brooding,” Crossing her arms, Nikita fired back. Honestly, Michael hadn’t been brooding for a while. When he had let her back into his life, he finally began to smile again. That had been her invitation to be silly with him again, but it took her a moment to accept it. She wanted to ensure that it was all for real. She was so very lucky that it was.
“I thought I was very serious Michael, always so serious Michael,” Gently pulling apart her crossed arms, Michael repeated a tease Nikita had once told him. She could only look at him in pleasant surprise in response. He took the opportunity to step into her hold and kiss her.
The engaged couple let their hands roam their warm bodies as they kissed sweetly. Nikita also smiled throughout the affection. She had teased Michael about being always serious within their first few weeks together. She was surprised he had even remembered it, especially since they were making out at the time. The fact that he did made her want to kiss him harder- and wait a few more minutes before she pulled away to comment, “I’m surprised you remember that.”
“I always pay attention when I’m kissing you,” Michael husked against Nikita’s lips. She canted her body towards his, and he pulled her flush against him. There was no need for them to talk the remainder of the night. The two could just keep kissing, touching, and loving each other.
“Let’s put that to the test,” Breathily, Nikita dared. Michael crashed his lips against hers. The engaged couple stayed as close as possible as they moved to their bedroom. Everything else was ignored. They only focused on each other and their joy, leaving blissful smiles in their wake.
Chapter 70
Notes:
Set post-series and before 3x01 "3.0". Mikita and Bonya discuss their relationships.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“So, how’s married life treating ya? Have you had a fight over how to load the dishwasher yet?” Birkhoff asked Michael and Nikita with a snide smile. He and Sonya had met the married couple for dinner, drinks, and general merriment. Whenever their schedules aligned, the friends didn’t hesitate to hang out and catch up. Unfortunately, Alex was too busy that night to meet with them as well, but she promised to have brunch with them that weekend. The couples were completely okay with that. After all, Alex was doing important work. Also, they had always wanted to have a double date. The fates had finally aligned to give them that chance.
“Yeah. We did that in front of you, remember?” Nikita rolled her eyes. Most of hers and Michael’s little domestic arguments had occurred when they were living in safehouses together. They had fought over the best way to make the bed, the best way to do laundry, the best way to clean the bedroom and bathroom, and- of course- the best way to do the dishes. Poor Birkhoff had been subject to that fight. Yet it hadn’t lasted long. Once Nikita said something highly concerning, all arguments stopped.
Chuckling to himself, Birkhoff remembered that fight. It wasn’t the most awkward argument he had witnessed between the two (the one after Daniel’s death came to mind) yet it still wasn’t fun for him to witness; though, he did make some sarcastic comments that definitely didn’t help. But when Nikita dropped a fact from her childhood, things turned from awkward to horrifying, “Oh yeah. That’s when we realized how traumatized you actually are.”
“I thought that was normal,” Nikita mostly knew by then what was normal and what wasn’t about her childhood. However, she still had moments where she’d say something fucked up without knowing, causing the others to stare at her wide-eyed. She always hated those moments. Not because her friends made her feel bad about what had happened or what she had said, but because she had been so conditioned to think that the worst was okay. Her terrible childhood still had its hooks in her. Despite everything, she couldn’t quite escape it.
“No,” Michael and Birkhoff responded lightly. They flashed Nikita reassuring smiles, and her husband rubbed her back comfortingly. It was alright then. She had learned what it was like to have actual healthy, happy, loving relationships. Her past was something that could remain where it was. She and everyone who loved her would make sure of it.
Sonya couldn’t quite follow what the others were talking about. She didn’t know that story, and it didn’t seem like they were going to elaborate on it. Oh well. Sonya was fine not knowing- or waiting for Seymour to tell her when they got home. The friends could move on with the conversation then. They should focus on the happy things instead, “To be fair, you’ve never really had anything normal. I mean, look at your relationship. I bet you didn’t even say ‘I love you’ in a normal way.”
“The first time we did, yeah,” Glancing at Michael to back her up, Nikita argued with Sonya. The first time the married couple had said aloud that they loved each other was in a quiet, peaceful moment in her loft. They were alone together, kissing and holding one another gently. The words had spilled out on their own, full of emotion and sincerity. There had been no extreme violence or near death compelling them. They simply expressed how they felt in the most tender and endearing way. It was perfect.
Although Michael agreed with his wife, and would normally back her up, he had the chance to tease her. He wouldn’t pass that opportunity up for anything. Nikita would’ve done the same, after all, “What are you talking about? The first time you said you loved me, we were staking out a building full of human traffickers.”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t say ‘I love you’ then,” Perplexed, Nikita tried to understand what Michael was getting at. Birkhoff and Sonya, on the other hand, were bewildered for an entirely different reason. When the hell had something like that happen. Yes, the team had fought human traffickers before. But that was after the couple had become official. When did they take down traffickers during their time apart. The only time Birkhoff could think of that made any sense was when Alex had been kidnapped by her former abuser. But Nikita hadn’t been involved in that- had she.
“You almost did,” Michael smirked. Although Nikita had stopped herself short and had rephrased her sentence, he knew what she had truly meant to say. He sort of regretted that he didn’t act on her admission then (even though they were busy saving Alex’s life). Yet that was all in the past. Their present and future were far brighter, which meant he could make all the jokes he wanted, “Remember. What you did, you did out of love.”
“I did not say ‘love’,” Annoyed, Nikita huffed. Sonya and Birkhoff were still hopelessly confused about what the married couple was talking about, but they were definitely interested in finding out what had happened between them. Whatever it was, it must’ve been a defining moment for them; otherwise, they wouldn’t have remembered it. They also wouldn’t have been arguing over it, trying to rile each other up.
“You almost did. That counts,” Repeating himself, Michael taunted his wife. Years removed from the situation, and almost a year removed from their war, it was easy to make light of those things. In that moment, though, the weight of the pause between her words had nearly suffocated them. They had just stared at each other, unsaid words strangling their throats. He was so glad that they were then in a place where they could express their love so freely. They should never return to that moment. They should keep saying ‘I love you’ until death did them part.
“Oh? You wanna start counting almosts?” Arching an eyebrow, Nikita dared Michael. His smirk instantly fell. He focused on the plate of food in front of him, and silently begged for the topic to change. Sonya and Birkhoff burst into laughter. They still didn’t have the explanation they wanted, but they’d accept that outcome. It was satisfying enough.
Nikita soon nudged Michael, and he chuckled. The married couple was back to their playful antics, making Birkhoff roll his eyes. They were always like that; at each other’s throats one second, best friends the next. It had been exhausting when they had been in Division and when they had fought against each other. But since they were together, it had become cute. It was all a part of their dance. A dance that Birkhoff absolutely deserved to make fun of them for, “See. You totally were dating then. Just took you a couple months to figure it out.”
“Right. Really healthy relationship full of broken bones and gunshot wounds,” Michael grumbled. There were plenty of things he had done during the war with Division that he wasn’t proud of. His actions towards Nikita weren’t exceptions. He was very lucky that she had chosen to forgive him; otherwise, he would’ve never forgiven himself.
“That’s pretty standard for me,” Eating her dinner nonchalantly, Nikita attempted to joke. It didn’t land well. Her husband choked on his drink and stared at her aghast. Sonya and Birkhoff shifted awkwardly in their seats. Instantly, Nikita began to backpedal. She turned towards Michael and softly caressed his cheek. He relaxed at her touch, but she still had to verbally rectify the situation, “I’m kidding. Though, it was a codependent relationship for a bit.”
That joke made Michael laugh. The couples were able to relax again with that all cleared up. Sonya assumed that Nikita’s second, better joke was a reference to something from hers and Michael’s past. She wouldn’t be surprised if it was. The married couple had years of stories between them. The others would never be able to learn them all, even if they had a guide, “There is so much history between you two, you could write a textbook.”
Michael and Nikita rolled their eyes. The others always acted like their relationship was the outlier. Yes, the two had had wild times together. But they weren’t the only ones. Their friends had had dramatic relationships as well. In fact, Birkhoff and Sonya started out as enemies, and then had some sort of on and off thing. They couldn’t make fun of the married couple when they had done the same thing. Not unless, of course, they wanted to be made fun of in return, “I don’t know why you two are acting like our relationship is so novel when you two went through the same thing.”
“What are you talking about?” Birkhoff had a feeling he knew what Nikita was specifically referring to. Except, he didn’t want her to bring it up then. It would’ve been completely fair if she did. And the story was the perfect example to prove her point. He simply didn’t want to remember it.
“I’m talking about the server room incident,” Nikita smirked. Sonya groaned and tried to only look at her food. Birkhoff glared. However, his glance didn’t have any power; it never did against her. Nikita’s sly grin only grew.
On the other hand, Michael was puzzled. He hadn’t heard of that story. Which was strange since it seemed so impactful to the others. He was missing out on something, and he wanted answers, “What’s the server room incident?”
Birkhoff’s embarrassment was quickly replaced with confusion. If Nikita knew about what had happened in the server room, then Michael should’ve known as well. By that point in their lives, the married couple shared everything with each other. There were no secrets between them anymore. So how could Michael still not know something Nikita had witnessed years before, “You never told him?”
“You told me not to,” Shrugging, Nikita replied. She was instantly given disbelieving glances. She told Michael everything- almost everything. If she had encountered drama between Birkhoff and Sonya, the first person she would’ve told about it was Michael. Nothing Birkhoff could’ve said would’ve stopped her. Nikita sighed. Alright, so she had always planned to tell her husband what had happened. But it had always gotten away from her; her focus always shifted, “Fine. I was going to tell him when we got home that night. But I got distracted. Then the next day we were in Hong Kong, and then we were engaged, and then I forgot all about it.”
That made a lot of sense. A lot of the married couple’s problems had been forgotten when they had gotten engaged; they simply lived in bliss for a moment. Michael probably would’ve forgotten to tell Nikita about an incident between Sonya and Birkhoff as well. But there was nothing to distract them then. Also, at least one story had to be explained that night. So Michael asked once more, “What’s the server room incident?”
Sonya and Birkhoff sighed. They could’ve changed the subject or distracted their friends with other comments. But they weren’t as skilled at that as the others. The hackers were stuck telling the story, clearing things up for Michael and proving Nikita right, “It happened while Seymour and I were broken up. We were in the server room, fighting like we usually were.”
“It’s not my fault the tech in Division turned to shit after I left,” Birkhoff snapped at Sonya. Ryan had asked the two to check on some of the servers in Division to ensure they were ready for any Dirty Thirty missions. Both had hoped it’d be a simple task that’d only take them a few minutes. They didn’t want to be around each other any longer than they needed to be, not since she had called it off between them. The hackers couldn’t go two seconds without getting on one another’s nerves. Eventually, they were going to snap. And one of them might end up dead.
“Oh, cause you’re the only one in the whole world who can hack,” Rolling her eyes for the umpteenth time, Sonya snarked. The servers were a worse mess than they had thought. The two had been stuck in the server room together for nearly an hour. It had steadily become the worst hour of their lives. It’d probably would’ve been better if they just worked silently. But they couldn’t stop arguing. He was an ass, and she was determined to knock him down a peg. Neither would quit until their goal was reached.
“That’s right, sister. I’m completely fucking untouchable. No one is on my level, not even the stooges that Division tried to replace me with,” Slamming a panel closed, Birkhoff replied. Although he had once praised Sonya’s hacking abilities, he wouldn’t admit to it then. His judgment was probably just clouded by his feelings for her. Since that had been rebuffed, he could see her with clear eyes. He was still the best hacker around, no contest.
Groaning in frustration, Sonya nearly shoved at Birkhoff instead of a stuck panel. Both were stupidly stubborn. Yet Birkhoff was the one with the huge ego. What the hell was up with that. Hadn’t she beaten that out of him before. Why did he have to keep insisting he was the best. And why had she ever thought that was fun and cute, “Oh really? Then explain all the times I kicked your ass out of the servers.”
“A lapse in judgment,” Birkhoff lied. Sonya did have skills that gave him a run for his money. Yet, for some reason, he refused to admit that. He’d rather be superior. Maybe it was his way of hurting her after she had hurt him. If so, then he was an absolute ass. But he couldn’t make himself do better. He couldn’t think or act right around her.
“No. A lapse in judgment was dumbing down my hacks so Percy wouldn’t kill you,” Bitterly, Sonya huffed. There were a few times she had tried to protect the rogues from Percy, particularly near the end. She had begun to believe in their cause and had wanted to help. But good intentions and hope always shattered. There was no point in doing anything. Everything led to heartache and despair anyway.
“Sure. That’s what you did,” Ripping open another panel, Birkhoff rolled his eyes. A part of him suspected that she was telling the truth. However, his sarcasm had won out. It was just so much easier to fight than to be sincere. That way, when they inevitably hurt one another, they had a chance to retaliate.
While Birkhoff struggled with the server he was working on, Sonya fumed. That was it. She couldn’t take his comments and holier than thou attitude anymore. She had to make him shut up once and for all, “Get out of my fucking way.”
Sonya harshly shoved Birkhoff away from the server. Before he could cuss at her in return, she began correcting his many mistakes. Whereas he had struggled to figure out what was wrong with the system, she had it solved in no time. She also slammed the panel closed before he could see what she had done. She had him beat, and he’d always be left wondering how, “Just because I don’t have some dumbass moniker, doesn’t mean I’m not a great hacker. I can write code around you, but you don’t see me acting like a god.”
Although Sonya angrily stormed out of the room, Birkhoff knew he wasn’t alone. Frozen in the doorway clutching a tablet was Nikita. He didn’t doubt that she had heard everything; she had the annoying habit of sneaking up on people and knowing way too much. Yet he wasn’t in the mood for one of her sarcastic comments. Or worse, her caring advice. She should just leave him alone. He didn’t deserve company then, “Don’t say it.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Okay, maybe Nikita was going to quip that she should ask Sonya for help instead. But after seeing Birkhoff’s heartbroken expression, she quickly changed her mind. There were only a few times where she had seen him that upset- one of them was after someone had died. Sonya must’ve really affected him, more so than Nikita had thought, “Are you okay?”
Avoiding eye contact, Birkhoff refused to answer. He was afraid that if he did, thoughts and emotions he didn’t want to confront would come tumbling out. He’d rather bury them all and focus on distracting things, like whatever Nikita had for him, “What do you want?”
“For you to not be an ass. Just be the human I know you can be sometimes and talk to her. I’m sure it’ll work out,” Nikita tossed Birkhoff her tablet (he could figure out what she needed) and left him with his thoughts. He stared blankly at the tablet in his hands, uninterested in hacking anything. Nikita was right. If he just talked to Sonya, they could fix the rift between them. He didn’t understand why it was there, or what had gone wrong. But talking could help. It had to have been better than stewing in hurt and confusion.
“And it did work out. Thank God,” Smiling adoringly at his girlfriend, Birkhoff concluded the story on a happy note. That was the main takeaway. Despite the argument and their hurt feelings, he and Sonya got to have their happily ever after. She echoed his grin and his sentiment, and she kissed him sweetly.
While the hackers expressed their love, Nikita flashed a bright smile at Michael. Although he rolled his eyes, who was he to deny his wife. He kissed her lovingly. The couples were absorbed by their love for a moment, relishing their time together. But they had to separate eventually. They were all in public, after all.
“Let’s cheers to that,” When they had gathered themselves back together, Nikita raised her glass. Her husband and friends clinked their drinks against hers. They shared a few more stories from their pasts- Michael and Nikita finally explained what they had been talking about earlier. But after some time, the couples focused more on the present. They didn’t need to relive those moments or dwell on their mistakes. They had already learned and grown from them. The present and their futures were more important. That was where their love was after all.
Notes:
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It means so much to me!
Chapter 71
Notes:
Set pre-series, throughout the series, and post-series. Mikita and their good luck charms.
Chapter Text
Michael had been avoiding Nikita. Since their confrontation in her room, he thought it best to stay away from her for a while. They both needed space, and he needed to get his thoughts in check. For some reason, he found that to be impossible when he was around her. There was something about Nikita that just…
Michael wouldn’t allow himself to think about it. She was a recruit- a recently promoted agent. And he was her handler. They shouldn’t be anything more than friends. They had to be professional. And he had to remember why he was in Division in the first place.
However, Michael couldn’t avoid Nikita forever. Not only did his thoughts inexplicably return to her, but she also had something he needed. He was supposed to have taken it back from her when she reported to logistics after her mission. But she had hid in her room. And he had…
Regardless, Michael had to take the keycard back from Nikita then. They could talk without bringing up what had happened in her room. After all, they never discussed that moment in the training room he also tried not to think about. The two could be professional. There was nothing to worry about- or feel guilty about, “I’m going to need that keycard back, Nikita.”
“Why give it to me if you only wanted it back? I’m going to be an agent now, right?” Turning away from her things, Nikita questioned Michael. After her promotion to agent, she had been ordered to pack up her recruit room and prepare to be moved to an apartment in the city. She wasn’t technically allowed to keep the things she had been rewarded as a recruit, but no one would know if she stole a few things as she finally left the damn bunker. They did give her a few things to take with her, like some clothes, cash, and an ID packet. So what if she took a few more things. It was the least Division owed her after everything.
“You’ll get your own badge soon, among other things. This was just sort of a good luck charm,” Michael held his hand out for the key card. It had been for provisional access only. Which really meant he should’ve taken it back from Nikita a lot sooner. Yet she hadn’t taken it and run like she would’ve in her early recruit days. She had grown a lot in her time in Division. Michael couldn’t help but feel incredibly proud of her.
“A good luck charm?” Flicking the keycard at Michael, Nikita stared at him skeptically. Was he seriously going to consider what had happened on the mission as good luck. Nothing good had come out of that kill; she couldn’t even consider finally being allowed to leave the bunker as good, not how she had achieved it. Michael wasn’t that dense to think otherwise, even if he would blindly follow Percy over a cliff.
“You managed to complete and survive the mission, and you brought the badge back to me. It’s good luck,” Shrugging, Michael tried to own up to what he had said. He wasn’t entirely sure why he had called the badge a good luck charm. He simply said the first thing that came to mind that he believed Nikita wouldn’t argue against. She had the uncanny ability to make him almost back down from his position- emphasis on almost. He didn’t want to get into another fight with her. Things would be easier if she just listened to him, and they could move on from the conversation. Though, a part of him seriously doubted she’d ever listen to him.
“Whatever,” Rolling her eyes, Nikita returned to her packing. She didn’t want to dwell on the keycard or her fist kill mission any longer. However, she couldn’t stop herself from cracking a small smile. Maybe it was the fact that Michael cared if she survived or not that made her grin softly. It was probably stupid, yet she couldn’t help it. Especially when Michael reached around her to help her hide a CD she liked in a pile of her clothes.
Before Nikita could leave for her latest mission, Michael stopped her. Maybe he was being paranoid; he shouldn’t be that concerned about an agent’s mission- especially if they were as capable as Nikita. Except, he was worried about her mission in Paris. She was going to face off against an experienced killer alone. He wanted to go with her so she’d have at least somebody watching her back. But he couldn’t drop everything just to be by her side. Instead, he had to simply give her something that’d help. At least, he really hoped that it would, “Here.”
“What’s this?” Curiously, Nikita examined the silencer Michael was handing out to her. She had her own silencer attached to the gun she was using; she didn’t need another one. It wasn’t as though she could make a gunshot even quieter. She’d be fine with what she had. Amanda had already assured her of that.
“It’ll help you with your shot,” Michael insisted. He was definitely being paranoid. There was no way one silencer would help Nikita more than another one. Yet it’d give him peace of mind if she took the offering. It was possible that it’d give her peace of mind as well. She looked as though she needed every ounce of encouragement she could get. If that came in the form of a silencer, she’d gladly take it. And he’d gladly give it.
“What, like a good luck charm?” Finally accepting the silencer, Nikita quipped. If Michael insisted that the key card was a good luck charm for her first mission, then he’d absolutely try to give her another one for her mission in Paris. Though, that time, she doubted she’d argue against him. She really did need that luck.
“If you want to think of it that way. Just make sure you bring it back to me. The mission’s not complete unless you do,” Smiling softly, Michael replied. Nikita clutched the silencer tightly against her chest, and smiled softly in return.
Nikita was beginning to expect to talk to Michael in private before she jetted off on a mission. Yes, he always talked to her in logistics about the operation. But a habit of him finding her alone and talking to her about somewhat normal things had started to form. It was as though they could have their own little bubble of friendship inside the restricting walls of Division. She really liked those moments. And she believed Michael did too. Otherwise, he wouldn’t keep showing up with that crooked smile he only showed her.
That time, when he found her alone in the weapons locker, he had something for her. She already knew what it was before he said anything. Though, she wouldn’t take it just yet. She had to tease him first, “Another good luck charm I suppose.”
“It’s a dangerous mission. You need all the luck you can get,” Although Michael’s tone was light, his dark green eyes were full of deep concern. All of Division’s missions were dangerous. Yet that one was something else. He wasn’t going to risk anything when it came to Nikita’s- or any of his agents’- life. Whatever he could do to help, he’d do. Though, a good luck charm didn’t offer much in terms of protection or help. But at least Nikita would have something. And at least Michael could be with her in some way.
“And of course, the mission’s not over unless I bring this back,” Nikita was aware of what Michael was doing. By giving her the charm, he wasn’t just ensuring that she’d fight for the mission, he was ensuring she fought for herself. Even if she killed her target, the operation wouldn’t be a success until she returned the charm to him. She had to survive. For both of them.
“And I’m going to need that back,” Michael dropped the object in Nikita’s outstretched hand. It wasn’t a silencer or a keycard. There was nothing actually useful to the good luck charm he was giving her. Yet that didn’t matter to either of them. She simply put it in her mission bag and moved to transportation. When Nikita would finally return to Division, the object would be back in Michael’s hands, safe and sound.
Sprinting towards the elevator, Michael tried not to assume the worst. He had heard the chaos over the coms. He knew how bad things had gotten out in the field. But he wouldn’t believe it until he saw it. He wouldn’t even think about what he was told until he saw for himself. He had never been able to trust his thoughts before. Then wasn’t an exception. He couldn’t allow himself to think about her lying there. He couldn’t think about all that blood…
Unfortunately, when the elevator doors opened, Michael was met with the worst thing he had imagined. Nikita was leaning on Kelly, blood pouring out of a gash above her eye. There was a poor excuse for a field dressing wrapped around her head that attempted to stop the bleeding. But it was of no use. Most of Nikita’s body was covered in blood. Her blood.
Michael frantically rushed to her and anxiously looked for any other injury. Judging by the way she leaned against Kelly, he didn’t doubt that there were. Yet Nikita ignored his concern and questions. She pushed away his need to help her and put something in his hands instead, “I got it back to you. You’re welcome.”
While he stared at the object in confusion, Nikita was carried away by the Medics that had arrived. Michael fought the urge to follow. He shouldn’t pressure the doctors- or show more panic than he did. He had to stay professional.
However, it was hard to think straight when the object Nikita had returned to him was the good luck charm he had given her before the disastrous operation. It was cracked and covered in blood. Her blood. But it brought her back to him. Michael clutched it tightly against his chest.
Michael had Kasim in his sights. He could see the man he hated more than anything so clearly through his rifle’s scope. The trigger was loose under his finger. All he needed was an unobstructed sight and he could kill the bastard. Unfortunately, that never came. He could see Kasim. He could squeeze off a shot. Yet it wouldn’t be a clean kill. Michael didn’t have a direct shot. People kept getting in his way. If he tried to shoot Kasim, he’d either accidentally shoot someone else and cause him to run, or he’d only injure the bastard. He was so close. He had a chance to avenge his family, but it was no good. He had nothing, “No sho t.”
Nikita could feel Michael’s frustration. Literally. They were shoulder to shoulder as they hid behind the trees on the hill. They could feel every move and breath they took. It was for tactical reasons. She could be a better spotter if she remained right by his side. However, it was distracting feeling his warmth burn against her bicep. The adrenaline that had hit when Kasim was out in the open had helped her refocus. But she had to remain focused. Helping Michael get his revenge was far more important than what she felt.
Spying through her scope again, Nikita noticed a propane tank in the back of the house. That’d certainly cause enough of a distraction to get Kasim back into the open. Michael would have another shot at the man who had taken everything from him. She’d make sure of it, “There’s a propane tank out back. It goes boom, they run out, you tag Kasim.”
“No, it’s too dangerous. I can’t let you go down there alone,” Michael instantly negated. He couldn’t argue that it wasn’t a good plan; an explosion would definitely give him another chance to kill Kasim. Yet it was too risky. Nikita could get caught by a guard, or she could get caught in the explosion. It was safer to just wait until the meeting ended, even if it wasn’t ideal.
“Can’t wait it out. We have to control the play, Michael,” Putting her scope away, Nikita had already made up her mind. They didn’t know how long Kasim would be in his meeting. They could be sitting in the woods for hours, growing tired and getting cold. They could also get caught by guards. Or, worst of all, it could be dark by the time Kasim left and they’d lose their window to kill him completely. The two had to control the outcome. They had to force the kill to happen or else it never would.
“You’ll have to take out his car,” Eyeing the situation through his scope, Michael relented. Nikita’s risky plan was worth it if it meant being able to kill Kasim. Honestly, anything was. But at least there were ways to make it less of a risk. Only those who deserved to die would that day. And despite what Nikita had done by going rogue, Michael didn’t believe she deserved to die- especially not for him.
“I know,” Nikita sighed. She made sure she had her knife and her gun before she began to move down the hill. The propane explosion should give her enough cover to race back to Michael. If not, she could always find a way back to the hotel. Honestly, her exfil wasn’t that important to her; she’d come up with an escape plan once Kasim was out of the building. As long as Michael had peace, she didn’t care about anything else. She didn’t even care about him being in Division. She just wanted him to be happy.
Right before Nikita could take off, Michael held her back. He trusted her to draw out Kasim, but still didn’t like the idea of her going alone. He’d feel a lot better if she was as equipped as possible. So, he unsheathed his knife and held it out to her, “Alright, take this.”
“I have,” Nikita refused to take the offered knife. She had her own knife stashed in her boot that was perfectly capable of slashing tires and taking out guards. Michael’s wasn’t that much more impressive. Though, it was bigger and sharper.
“Mine is better, and I don’t need it up here,” Michael rolled his eyes. If it was possible, Nikita had become more stubborn since going rogue. Couldn’t she accept someone else’s help just once. Although he couldn’t go down with her, he could still be of assistance. He’d give her something that’d help. He’d provide luck and encouragement even from his position on the hill, “As long as you bring it back…”
“This mission’s over. I know, Michael. I’m a big girl now. I don’t need a good luck charm,” Nikita huffed. Michael seriously didn’t have to worry about her. She wasn’t a scared recruit anymore. She could handle herself on a mission without needing something to clutch to her chest. She also didn’t need the hope of returning his knife to him to carry her through. Ensuring he had peace was enough.
“Take it anyway, big girl,” Holding out the handle of the knife one more time, Michael smirked. Nikita couldn’t make herself argue with him anymore. She just fought her own smirk as she finally accepted the knife.
Kissing Michael felt so good. Nikita could spend forever just lying in bed, caressing and kissing him. That was certainly her goal for the night. The two were completely, absolutely, totally alone together- no Division, no war, no drama. They could spend all their time in bliss; she could kiss and touch him all she wanted. However, as she burrowed into the pillows and pulled him with her, she suddenly remembered there was something else she had to do. She had something of Michael’s that needed to be returned. Although Nikita had to stop kissing him in order to do that, she knew it was important enough, “Wait. I have something for you.”
Nikita scrambled out of bed and hurried to her desk. Michael followed. He didn’t know what she was doing, but he’d go along with it if it meant they could quickly return to kissing in bed. Rapidly, Nikita searched her desk until she finally found what she was looking for. She held it out to Michael proudly, “The mission’s over. I can give this back to you now.”
“I thought I lost this,” Chuckling in surprise, Michael took back his knife. He absolutely remembered giving it to Nikita, yet he had believed that she had dropped it in the chaos. He obviously didn’t know her as well as he had thought. Of course she’d hold onto something he had given her. Especially if it was supposed to bring her luck. She had to return it to him one day- keep her promise. He knew then that she’d always keep her word when it came to him. He never had to doubt. He could trust her, “I guess I wasn’t looking hard enough.”
Smiling adoringly at one another, Michael and Nikita kissed sweetly. As their warm bodies drifted back towards each other, their kiss grew more impassioned. Michael soon put his knife back on the desk in favor of picking Nikita up and carrying her to bed. He could grab his weapon when he left in the morning. In the meantime, he’d much rather be focused on her.
“What? No good luck charm?” Nikita eyed Michael over skeptically. Ever since he had joined her in her fight against Division, they had gone on every mission together. That was the first time they were splitting up. He usually hated being apart from her, especially on missions. That was why he gave her something to hold onto. He could be with her always, protecting her in his own weird way. Just because the situation was different then, didn’t mean the tradition had to stop. They could keep holding onto things for each other, and fighting to return them.
“I thought you were a big girl now,” Flashing his crooked grin, Michael teased Nikita. Although he was concerned about her being alone on the mission, he wasn’t worried about her returning to him. The two would always fight to be by the other’s side; they’d always find their way back to each other.
Except, while he smirked, she glared. She wasn’t going to leave without something to hold onto. Michael rolled his eyes as he caved. He didn’t have a charm to give her, but he did have the next best thing, “How ‘bout a good luck kiss?”
Nikita accepted the offer happily. She kissed Michael goodbye and patted his cheek. After they parted, however, he didn’t let her go just yet. He wanted to look at her and smile for just a moment longer. She gave him another kiss, then ran off to do what she did best.
The couple spent the afternoon talking. Michael and Nikita had a lot of things to discuss, especially concerning their relationship. Although they treated the topic seriously, they made certain that the conversation stayed light. They had futures ahead of them- real, actual, free futures. They didn’t have to be grim about anything anymore.
Well, most things they didn’t have to remain serious about. Studying the engagement ring that was back on Nikita’s finger, Michael grew solemn. He had always wondered why she had left behind her ring when she ran. He knew then that she actually wasn’t leaving him behind. Yet it definitely felt like that at the time. There had to have been a reason why she had abandoned her ring. She had done it to the team in an ill-advised attempt to protect them. So what about her ring, “If you still wanted to marry me, why’d you leave your ring?”
“I’m sorry,” Nikita continued to apologize for leaving; she was positive that she’d be doing that for the rest of her life. She never should’ve left her team or the man she loved. She had only intended to keep them safe. However, there were so many horrible consequences to her actions. One of which was that Michael believed she didn’t want to marry him. But that wasn’t true at all. She had always wanted to be with him. She hadn’t left her ring behind to break up with him, but to save him, “I knew my ring would be safer with you then with me. And, incase… incase anything happened to me… you’d at least still have something of mine.”
Michael tore his eyes away from the engagement ring to stare at Nikita. She held his hand tightly in hers, and forced herself to stare back. Although she felt guilty for leaving, she wouldn’t shy away from her thoughts. She had had good reasons to leave her engagement ring behind. The last one she knew Michael would agree with, “It was also a good luck charm. As long as you brought it back to me, the mission was over.”
Unsure of whether to roll his eyes or laugh, Michael continued to stare at Nikita. She was absolutely serious. He had given her so many good luck charms over the years, she had to return the favor. She had given him her engagement ring to help him, protect him, encourage him, and give him hope when she couldn’t be there. She had given him her ring to ensure that one day he’d come back to her.
Of course he had returned to her side. It took them time to get back to where they were, yet it was worth it. They had since sworn until death did them part. The two weren’t going to be separated ever again. There was no more need to fight to remain by each other’s side. And there was no more need for good luck charms. Michael and Nikita were in each other’s arms for good.
Caressing Nikita’s cheek with his free hand, Michael smiled. He was so glad that her plan for her engagement ring had worked out. But that was the last time they would ever be doing that. No one was going anywhere. Also, they were both too old for good luck charms, “I’m a big boy now. I don’t need a good luck charm.”
“How ‘bout a good luck kiss?” Nikita grinned softly. Chuckling, Michael accepted the offering. The two kissed gently at first, but it soon grew impassioned. They eventually forgot all about talking for a while and simply kissed, caressed, and lied in bed for as long as they could.
Chapter 72
Notes:
Set after 3x12 "With Fire". Alex is worried that Sean doesn't know she loves him.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“I think I’m messing things up with Sean,” Alex told Nikita.
The former rogue had left Ops to relax in the old gym. The search for Ari’s son, Stefan, hadn’t yielded anything yet. It had only been a few days, and he was supposed to remain hidden from those like Division. However, it was still frustrating that the team couldn’t immediately save him from whatever Amanda intended to do to him. She was probably going to kill him.
The team had to stop her. But they had no leads. So, Nikita removed herself from the frustration that was driving her insane to calm down with yoga. She hoped to be alone for a second. Unfortunately, Alex didn’t leave her alone for long. She soon followed to talk about the other things in her life that were causing her trouble. Maybe she should stay focused on Stefan, yet she couldn’t. She couldn’t stop worrying about Sean.
Alex had thought the former rogue had seen or at least heard her approach. However, she actually surprised her. Nikita fell from her complicated yoga pose, landing awkwardly on the mat in the old gym. She shot Alex a brief glare. But when she noticed how anxious the young woman was, it dropped. She should seriously respond to Alex instead of making a quip or being huffy about her interrupted yoga. So with a sigh, she sat cross-legged on the mat, patted the spot next to her, and asked, “What? Because of the whole recruitment thing?”
“No. Well… kinda,” Collapsing in defeat on the mat across from Nikita, Alex admitted. Weeks later, she continued to feel guilty about faking Sean’s death and hiding him in the bunker. Yes it saved his life. But he was separated from his family, thought of as a traitor, and trapped in Division for who knew how long. He could never return to his family; he could be dead forever. And it was because of her.
She had pushed for the team to save Sean from Amanda’s frame job no matter the consequences. He might’ve chosen to go along with the plan, but she had put it in motion. Alex had ruined his life- just like Amanda wanted.
However, that guilt wasn’t what had her heart in a vice-like grip that day. Alex and Sean had talked about his recruitment. He didn’t blame her for what had happened, and he had faith that she’d get him back home again. His positivity helped take some of the weight off her shoulders. Yet his recruitment wasn’t the only thing wrong between them.
Alex had messed up in so many ways. When she had returned from the field the other day, she knew she had ruined things with Sean. By not being open, by being so ridiculously scared, she had made him doubt. Her words couldn’t even assure him afterwards. He didn’t believe her- he doubted her feelings. God, she had really fucked up. And she didn’t know how to fix it, “It’s just… I sometimes think that he doesn’t know that I love him.”
“What makes you say that?” Utterly confused, Nikita asked for clarification. She wasn’t aware that Sean and Alex were having any problems besides the whole recruitment mess. Granted, she had been distracted by Ari, Amanda, and Stefan. But things couldn’t have gotten that bad for the couple. Nikita didn’t doubt that Alex loved Sean. It was painfully obvious with the way she looked at him and the way she acted. If Sean didn’t know that his girlfriend loved him, then he was an idiot. Although Nikita might teasingly call him that, he definitely wasn’t. He knew what he meant to Alex. Everyone did.
“Because I haven’t said ‘I love you’,” Shrugging, Alex sheepishly explained. She was also certain that Sean doubted her affection because she wouldn’t tell him about her butterfly tattoo. It wasn’t as though she never wanted to tell him about it. She was just afraid. She was always so stupidly afraid. Talking about the brothels and her abuse and her addiction with Sean was so difficult. She didn’t want him to pity her or see her differently. Opening up to Owen, a stranger with his own share of abuses, was easy; how could he judge her if he didn’t know her. But Sean, she couldn’t stand to think about him knowing the worst things about her.
Nikita had to understand Alex’s fear. She knew the former rogue still hadn’t told her fiancé everything about her troubled past- hell, she continued to avoid talking about Brandt even after everything that had happened. If Alex explained the butterfly tattoo situation to Nikita, she would’ve completely understood and would’ve probably offered some advice. Or make a tension braking quip. However, Alex couldn’t bring herself to mention it again. Not because of the brothel- Nikita knew the most about them- but because she couldn’t admit to her fumble. It was easier to just say she hadn’t confessed her love. The tattoo story should just be forgotten.
How Nikita looked at her helped take her mind off of butterflies. Her best friend seemed confused, and a little amused. The fact that Alex hadn’t said ‘I love you’ to Sean wasn’t a big deal to her. Saying those three words wasn’t everything in a relationship. Love could be expressed in so many other ways. The engagement ring on her finger was a perfect example of that, “So? Michael and I don’t say we love each other all the time.”
“Yeah. But you’ve said it. You’re also Michael and Nikita. Everyone knows you love each other because of all you say and do,” Alex argued. Of course Michael and Nikita didn’t have to say that they loved each other. Everything they did proved that. Even when they were too clueless to realize they were in love with each other, everyone else saw it. The two were obsessed with each other, “I’ve seen you smile like an idiot when he just talks. And I once watched him walk into a doorway because he was too busy staring at you.”
“He did that?” Nikita was unable to stop a brilliant smile from blooming on her lips. She knew she had a strong effect on Michael. But she never imagined it’d cause him to be so clueless. Okay, maybe a little. Still, the fact made her feel deliciously happy and giddy. She wanted to laugh brightly, hop excitedly to her feet, and run to her fiancé’s warm arms.
But that moment was about Alex and Sean. Nikita needed to clear Michael from her mind (which was nearly an impossible task- as learned when she was rogue and he wasn’t) and focus on her best friend. She seemed so beaten up over those three words. Something else had to have been on her mind. After all, if Alex could point out how obvious Nikita’s and Michael’s love was, then shouldn’t she be able to recognize how obvious hers was as well, “Anyway. What you say and do isn’t enough for Sean?”
Opening then closing her mouth, Alex couldn’t respond for a moment. Nikita had a point. She knew that Sean loved her not only because he had actually been brave enough to say the words, but also because of all the things he had said and all the things he had done for her. What she had done for him had to have let him know she loved him in return. Except, she had screwed up by not telling him about the butterfly. She didn’t show him that she loved him enough. She had to say it. She just couldn’t for some reason, “I think he needs to hear me say it. But I just… I don’t know. I do love him. I just can’t…”
“Are you scared?” Interrupting Alex, Nikita asked. Honestly, she wouldn’t blame the young woman if she was. Saying ‘I love you’ took a great deal of vulnerability that could be terrifying. Especially with the life they led. Their happy futures that they were fighting so hard for could go up in flames in a second. Admitting to a great love that could easily be ripped away was terrifying. There were no guarantees; there were no forevers. Not in their business.
“I haven’t really had the best luck with loved ones,” Alex muttered softly. She had lost her father, girls in the brothel, friends on the streets, Thom, and Nathan. And she had almost lost Sean more times than she liked. She couldn’t risk losing him forever. If she said ‘I love you’ then the universe would know how real her feelings for him were, and it’d take him away. Yes, that was an absolutely ridiculous fear to have. The second she thought it, she knew how stupid it was. Yet it seemed so very real. She had lost so much love, she was bound to lose more.
“Yeah,” At least Nikita agreed with her. Then again, the former rogue always understood her. They had similar stories. The world had shat on them, and they had to fight to survive. They’d never have normal. They’d never have the appropriate responses to situations or emotions. So of course they’d be afraid to love someone. It was just one more odd stacked against them- one more punch to the gut.
“Did you know that I was too scared to say ‘I love you’ to Daniel? I thought if I did, he’d hurt me. Or Division would kill him. They did that anyway, so I guess it’s a moot point now,” Nikita tried to chuckle lightly. However, the way she awkwardly ruffled her hair and looked away let Alex know that Daniel’s death was one gut punch that Nikita had yet to fully recover from. Despite her attempt at a joke, she continued to carry the guilt of her late fiancé’s death. The fact that she never actually said ‘I love you’ probably added to it
Though, Alex could’ve sworn that Nikita had said she and Daniel were happily in love- well, as close as they could be with Division. How could that have been if she had never said ‘I love you’. Daniel couldn’t have been happy with that, “Daniel never knew you loved him?”
“Just because I never said it, didn’t mean he never knew. We were engaged. And he did promise to run away with me,” Nikita smiled wistfully. A lot of her memories of Daniel were bittersweet. Her time with him ended so tragically, but the time they did have together was full of love. She could never forget that or let it go. It was a shining spot in her life- just like Michael was. Though, the loves were different. But that was okay. Love wasn’t supposed to be the same. It was just supposed to be powerful, “My love was expressed in other ways. There are different types of love languages you know.”
While Alex sat and thought about what her best friend had said, Michael interrupted the two. He entered the old gym with takeout for him and his fiancée. Nikita hadn’t been expecting that. Surprise and excitement was written all over her face, and she nearly forgot about Alex as she hopped to her feet.
Before she sprinted to her fiancé, however, she did remember her best friend. She opened her mouth to say something, but Alex waved her off. It was alright. Nikita could have dinner with Michael. Their conversation was over; Alex had a lot to think about.
Though, as she watched Nikita rush to Michael, give him a chaste kiss, and walk arm-in-arm with him to another room, she soon had a solution to her troubling thoughts. She didn’t hesitate to put it into motion. Hesitation and uncertainty had held her back too much. She should just act. It would be far better for her in the long run if she simply bore her heart on her sleeve instead of locking it away. Sean would certainly love it. There was no need to have her walls up around him. She knew he wouldn’t hurt her. And if the universe did again, she was resolved to not care anymore.
About an hour or so later, Alex dragged Sean down the hall to a secluded room in Division. She didn’t tell him anything. She just promised that he’d be surprised and took him by the hand. Sean followed willingly.
Once they reached her destination, she threw open the door and stepped aside. Sean was confused at first, then he saw all that she had done. In the hour since she left the old gym, Alex had bought the two of them a nice dinner. She then decorated the empty room with a little table and chairs, candles, and flowers. It was like a fancy restaurant, but for only two people. Sean was in complete awe. He gaped at it for a moment before he was able to ask, “What’s all this?”
“I thought we could have a date. Just the two of us. Completely alone,” Closing the door behind her, Alex replied. She tried not to be shy. Bearing her heart didn’t have to be awkward. She was sure in her feelings, so she could bravely express them. Sean would keep her heart safe, and he’d warm it with that smile of his.
“In Division?” Although Sean absolutely loved the idea, he couldn’t help but snark. He was finally out of the news cycle. He still couldn’t jump right into a public space and draw attention to himself, but he could get out of the bunker and go to Alex’s apartment. They didn’t need to remain in the depressing bunker. The two could enjoy the sunshine together- or at that time of night, the moonshine.
“We can reclaim the space. Like we did with the recruit room,” Smirking slightly, Alex shrugged. Yes, Sean was out of the news cycle and could go up top. She just didn’t feel comfortable with him so out in the open yet. Division was safer. It was also more private. The two could talk about anything they wanted; they could bare their hearts. She could bare her soul. She hadn’t been able to while they were in bed about her butterfly tattoo. But she could in that room. She could say anything to him- anything he wanted. It was what he deserved, “And you can ask me any question you want. I’ll answer everything. No holding back. Complete honesty.”
Sean glanced at the food, table, candles, and flowers again. Did Alex really set that all up just to tell him about her butterfly tattoo. She didn’t have to. She didn’t have to do anything special for him. All they had to do was talk. Too much time had been spent doing otherwise. They had to do better as they moved forward in their relationship. They didn’t have to be showy, just open, “Why are you doing all this?”
“I don’t want to ever make you doubt how much I love you,” Alex made sure to look directly in Sean’s eyes as she responded. She was so glad she did. Because then she got to watch his smile bloom and his eyes sparkle as he pulled her in for a kiss.
Notes:
I hope everyone had a happy holidays!
Chapter 73
Notes:
Set post-series. Michael helps Alex with her grief.
Chapter Text
Michael and Nikita were making out on the couch. They had been watching a movie, but kissing and caressing each other became far more important. Eventually, Nikita turned the TV off, and Michael pulled her into his lap. They began to move against each other- grinding, gasping, touching, kissing- and they were starting to pull at each other’s tops. But then Nikita’s phone rang. Her husband urged her to forget it. However, her curiosity got the better of her and she peaked at the caller ID. Once she saw who it was, she jerked away, “Mhmm, it’s Alex.”
Although Michael sighed, he didn’t stop his wife from talking to her best friend. She remained in his arms, after all. He could keep touching her while she excitedly picked up the phone, “What’s up, Warrior Princess? Where you at now?”
“I’m in Pedernales,” Alex responded shortly.
“Oh, you must be helping with the earthquake relief. Wait! You’re only an hour and a half away from here,” Nikita beamed. She hadn’t seen Alex for a while. Lately, her UN job had her traveling all over the world with hardly a moment to breathe. But since she was in the same country, the two best friends could actually meet up and talk.
“I know,” Alex gave another clipped reply. There was a long second of silence before she said anything else. But when she did, her voice sounded like it was about to break, “Is that room for me still available?”
“Yeah, of course… why? What’s wrong?” Growing suspicious of Alex’s tone, Nikita slipped off of Michael’s lap. Her best friend wasn’t calling just to chat. And she wouldn’t leave a relief team just to visit. Something must’ve happened.
What that was, though, Alex wouldn’t say. She just continued to give long pauses before responding briefly, “Nothing. I… I just wanted to visit.”
“What’s wrong?” Nikita asked more forcefully that time. It got the attention of Michael, who had been moping at the loss of his wife’s touch; however, hearing her sharp tone, he began to worry about the phone call. He tried to ask about it, yet Nikita held up a silencing finger. She’d tell him in a second. Her focus was just on Alex for the moment.
Her pause that time was caused by her attempt to take a deep breath. It didn’t work. Alex’s voice shook and cracked, and she was close to tears. Emotions she couldn’t name or even describe poured out of her, “I don’t know… I just… I don’t want to be alone right now.”
“I’m coming to pick you up,” Instantly, Nikita decided. She couldn’t figure out what was making Alex cry, yet that didn’t matter. She simply had to make sure she wasn’t alone.
“What is it?” Watching his wife scramble for her keys and shoes, Michael frantically wondered. Was Alex hurt. Did something happen during the disaster cleanup. Was there a new catastrophe that the team of former agents and rogues had to take care of. What was going on, and would everything be alright.
“I don’t know. But Alex is really upset- like, can’t be alone upset. I’m gonna go get her and bring her back here,” Moving the phone receiver away from her mouth, Nikita shrugged. When she saw Alex in person, she’d ask her what happened. For the moment, though, she was only worried about ensuring there was someone by her side. Being in that emotional state, knowing you couldn’t be alone, was dangerous. Especially for former drug addicts. The fact that Alex had admitted that she needed to be with someone was good. Yet Nikita wouldn’t let her struggle on her own for long.
Michael handed Nikita her purse and helped her with her jacket. He didn’t have a clue as to why Alex was so upset, yet he’d still help her as best he could. While she told Nikita the address for the hotel she was staying at, he typed it into his phone and showed his wife the best and fastest route to take. Nikita nodded and prepared to leave. But when Michael went to put his phone away, he noticed the date. Realization hit him like a ton of bricks. That explained everything, “Wait, Nik. It’s April nineteenth.”
“Okay? And?” Pulling away her phone, Nikita stared at Michael bewildered. What did the date have to do with anything. Alex was hurting, who cared what the day was. Yet, as her husband held her back and glanced at her sorrowfully, she began to understand. That day had meaning- a very powerful and painful meaning, “Oh.”
Sean had died on April nineteenth three years ago. The anniversary of his death plus working on a relief team for an extremely deadly and disastrous earthquake must’ve sent Alex into a tailspin. No wonder she couldn’t be alone. A part of her was dying all over again. Except, when Nikita sprinted towards the door to get to her, Michael held her back again. Yes, Alex couldn’t be alone that day. But Nikita couldn’t be the one to comfort her. For that kind of hurt, Michael was the better balm, “I’m gonna go get her.”
“Wait. You sure?” Confused, Nikita asked. She was fine driving and talking to Alex. She had comforted her before, and she could do it again. It was no problem.
“I think I need to,” Gathering his shoes, wallet, and jacket, Michael replied. Nikita was always great at helping and soothing her best friend. That wasn’t the issue. Michael simply believed that he had more comfort and advice to give. After a brief moment, Nikita agreed.
Passing her husband the car keys, Nikita pressed her phone back against her ear and updated Alex on the change, “Hey, Alex. You still there? Michael’s gonna come get you. I’m gonna set up your room, put some really warm and fluffy blankets in there, and make your favorite meal for dinner. That okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah…” Alex sighed. She sounded like she had a better control of her emotions, yet she was still shaky. It was going to take her a long time to continue to heal.
“Arrange a flight to DC for tomorrow,” Michael told his wife as she removed her shoes and jacket and moved to set up Alex’s guest room. She glanced at him in confusion again, then it clicked. Alex should spend some time with Sean’s sisters. And she should visit his grave. After the truth had come out, Sean had his honors restored to him, and he had been buried next to his mother. The team had been there for the service. However, Nikita didn’t know how often Alex visited it. It’d be good for her if she did.
“Alright. Be safe. Call me when you have her,” Nikita gave her husband a chaste kiss goodbye. He accepted her request, then raced off to reach Alex. Nikita didn’t hang up the phone just yet, though. Moving to the guest room, she continued to engage her best friend in conversation. Even if she couldn’t be with her physically, she could still ensure she wasn’t alone; she never would be, “Okay, Alex. Michael’s on his way. Why don’t you stay on the phone with me for a little while more. We can talk about anything you want. Just take a second and breathe.”
“I’m okay. Really… But can you talk? Just for a few minutes. Then I can finish up some paperwork and pack,” Alex could wait until Michael reached her. With the things she had to do, she’d be fine until then. Though, it’d still would’ve been nice to listen to her best friend talk for a bit. It could help her stay grounded.
“Yeah, of course,” Nikita responded softly.
Speeding and breaking a few other traffic laws, Michael reached Alex in less than an hour and a half. He texted her that he was there and waited outside the car for her. She came down with her suitcase a few minutes later. He instantly reached out to pull her into an embrace. She didn’t hesitate to accept it, “Hey.”
“Hey. I’m okay,” Alex muttered into Michael’s shoulder. She really was feeling better after listening to Nikita, focusing on some work, and knowing that her friends would drop everything and come running just to make her feel better. She didn’t need to be treated like she was fragile. She’d be back to her normal self soon enough.
“I know. But you still don’t have to be alone,” Pulling away, Michael grinned gently. He took Alex’s suitcase from her and put it in the trunk. She couldn’t help but smile at his kindness.
While Alex climbed into the passenger seat, Michael called Nikita. It took her a moment to answer- he had gotten back into the driver’s seat by the time she did. But he assumed she was just cooking, “We’re on our way back.”
“Cool. Hey, Alex. I’m thinking about making some fluffernutter sandwiches for dessert. Remind me again, do you like crunchy or smooth peanut butter?” Nikita sounded far away as she replied. She definitely was in the kitchen cooking and had placed the call on speaker. Yet her sass continued to be loud and clear. She was goading Alex into a response.
“You get that blasphemous crunchy peanut butter out of my sandwich,” Alex warned Nikita, earning some light chuckles from the married couple.
“Good to know. See you guys in a bit,” Nikita ended the call and left the two in silence.
Alex had a feeling she knew what Michael and Nikita were doing. By getting a rise out of her and waiting for her to speak first, they were trying to gauge how okay she was. She didn’t think the two had actually planned to do that together. But nearly a decade’s worth of partnership had left the two on the same wavelength. It would’ve been sweet if she didn’t see it coming from a million miles away, “You know, some of her tricks are predictable.”
“Still not predictable enough,” Michael chuckled softly. He knew his wife better than anyone, yet she still managed to surprise him.
“What’s it like being married to that maniac?” Smirking, Alex hoped to take the subject off of herself. Talking about Nikita would certainly distract Michael for a while. It’d give Alex a chance to calm down on her own and not need to rely so much on the others to stay sane.
“It’s the best decision I’ve ever made,” Michael couldn’t stop the loving smile from blooming across his lips. But, honestly, why would he want to. He loved Nikita, and he was so glad that they were married. They got to spend the rest of their long, happy lives together in domestic bliss. It was perfect.
When Michael glanced at a suddenly silent Alex, however, he remembered that their happily ever afters wasn’t so perfect for everybody. The young woman (God, she was still so young) had envisioned her life after their war with Division so differently. Sure, she was happy then. But it wasn’t the same. She had lost the future she had wanted years ago. And although she was fighting for other people’s futures, and she loved every second of that, she was still struggling to find her own, “It’s been three years…”
“I know,” Curtly, Alex cut Michael off.
“On March twenty-first, it had been fifteen years since I lost Hayley and Elizabeth,” Michael had expected resistance from Alex, so he continued talking as though she hadn’t said anything. He had been where she was. In fact, there were still some moments where he grieved and mourned like he had just lost his family. The pain came and went in waves. It wasn’t anything you got over; you just learned to cope.
“Really?” Curiously, Alex looked at Michael. She hadn’t realized that it had been that long. It almost seemed unimaginable. How could anyone carry that around for so long and not snap. She didn’t believe she could do that, especially with how she felt then.
“The guilt and grief sneak up on you when you’re in a good place,” Quietly, Michael shared his experience with the loss of his love and family. Although he was happy then and in a great place, the guilt continued to attack him. It was possible that because he was so happy, his grief struck. He just had to keep reminding himself that it was perfectly okay that he was moving forward with his life and finding more happiness. And the same could be said for Alex.
“I don’t think I can deal with this for twelve more years,” Slouching in her seat, Alex practically wined. It had been only three years, and everything still hurt. There was no way she could last fifteen years- or longer.
Sparing Alex occasional glances from the road, Michael tried to formulate a response that’d give her hope for her future. Unfortunately, he couldn’t think of anything good enough to say. He had once felt the same as her, and nothing had helped him- except for the thought of revenge. He had since learned that that wasn’t healthy, so he wouldn’t dare offer it as a solution. But maybe he could make her see that her pain was bearable if he related it to something else. Sean wasn’t the first person she had lost, after all, “Your dad died twelve years ago.”
“Yeah. But that’s different. You know that,” Crossing her arms over her chest, Alex gazed out the passenger side window. The death of a parent was drastically different than the death of a lover. Even if both were devastating and violent. Michael had lost both his parents before he had lost his wife and daughter. He knew that they were different types of pain, and he knew they required a different healing process. They couldn’t be compared, not even in the slightest.
“It’s hard living our lives when the person we’re supposed to spend it with is gone. How can we be happy when the person who had made us the happiest isn’t here anymore?” Michael repeated some long ago thoughts. He didn’t feel that way anymore- at least not as strongly- but it was important that he shared them with Alex. It was what she was thinking then, and it wasn’t an isolating thought. Many people had experienced it before. How one overcame it was what was defining. You had to learn how to move forward and not be so weighed down by the past.
Alex had no idea how to do any of that. Nikita had given her some advice based on her experience with Daniel, yet Alex couldn’t make it work. She needed a longer lasting solution. Maybe Michael could provide her with that, “How did you… how did you move on?”
“I didn’t move on. I moved forward,” Michael corrected.
“What’s the difference?” Alex couldn’t understand why Michael felt the need to make that distinction. Hadn’t he moved on when Kasim died and he started a relationship with Nikita. He had found a new future without his family. Wasn’t that moving on.
“Elizabeth and Hayley are still with me. I will always carry them in my heart. But I learned to open my heart up to more people,” That was actually something Nikita had told him once. Michael had woken from a nightmare, feeling hopeless and guilty and awful. And she had soothed him with those words. He hadn’t replaced anyone in his life; he had simply learned to open himself up to more- more people, more love, and more happiness.
“Open it to Nikita,” Alex rolled her eyes.
“And Max. And Birkhoff, and Sonya, and you,” Again, Michael corrected. Nikita wasn’t the only loved one in his life. His son and the family he had built around himself also had places in his heart. He wasn’t alone, and he didn’t have to push people aside. There was plenty of joy and happiness to go around- plenty of reasons to keep living.
Of course Alex shouldn’t have assumed that Michael only meant Nikita. He had proven time and again how much his friends meant to him. In fact, he was proving how much he cared about her then. Yet she didn’t want to focus on that. It was easier to narrow in on the name he didn’t say than open up that can of feelings, “But not Sam.”
“Yeah, well…” Michael shrugged. He could maybe consider Sam a friend. But even when he was Owen, the two had had a rocky relationship. It was going to take more time and effort for the two men to get closer. And neither of them wanted to work that hard at it.
When Alex chuckled, Michael decided to keep talking about the heavy subjects. She was in a better headspace to be able to hear them. He also felt secure enough to openly discuss them- to say the things only one other person had really heard, “It did take me ten years to open up my heart, though. And that was far too long. I kept Hayley and Elizabeth all to myself. No one knew about them, except for Percy and Kasim. And Amanda. And then Nikita.”
Although Alex stared down at her lap, Michael knew she was listening to him. She was simply trying to take it all in, “It was actually a huge relief to talk about them with Nikita. It felt like all of the things I was carrying around had finally lifted. But even after five years, being happy felt wrong. Like, I couldn’t allow myself to smile while their killer was still out there.”
That story sounded familiar to Alex. She was fairly certain that Nikita had told her about the time she and Michael almost got together in Division. She never really explained why Michael had held back, though. Nor did she really explain the whole situation in general. But if Michael’s grief for his family had been the cause for his hesitation, then that’d make sense. He couldn’t move forward yet, “I think Nikita told me about that.”
“I’m sure she did,” Michael chuckled. Nikita didn’t share a lot of the things he told her about Hayley and Elizabeth; she left that up to him. But he knew she had talked about their kiss in Division. He couldn’t blame her for that. It was certainly something powerful and memorable. A part of him wished that he hadn’t backed away from it. He should’ve allowed himself to be happy a long time ago, “Sometimes, I wish I had let myself move forward then. I wish I had let myself be happy. It’s what Lizzie would’ve wanted.”
Honestly, Alex was shocked by Michael’s words. She wasn’t surprised that he was opening up to her; he had told her about his family in the past. But she was still shocked by what he had said. She didn’t think she had ever heard him call Elizabeth ‘Lizzie’. That seemed far too open for him. But that was probably the point he was getting at. He had learned to be open, and he had learned to stop punishing himself for his family’s death. He definitely wanted her to learn that too. Except she still didn’t know how. How could she not punish herself for what had happened, “What helped you realize that?”
“Nikita,” Michael shrugged. He could sense Alex’s eye roll beside him, and he knew he had to explain himself. His love for Nikita wasn’t what helped him; it was the fact that she was there. She was always there for him, “Not because of our relationship. But because I talked to her, and I listened to what she had to say.”
“So talking is the only way to heal?” Alex huffed. Of course the one thing she hated was the one thing that’d help her. Nothing could ever be easy for her.
Talking wasn’t the only way to ease the pain. That was just what helped Michael. It was okay if Alex needed more than that. She could find closure in other ways. Visiting Sean’s grave was one of them. It probably seemed as pleasant as talking did, but it really could help. She had to have known that deep down. After all, she had been the one to make Sean visit his mother’s grave, “When’s the last time you visited his grave?”
Alex was almost ashamed to admit the answer. She had only visited her father’s grave once after the war was over. She just couldn’t face those headstones. It didn’t seem right, and it certainly wasn’t fair. They should be right next to her, not six feet under, rotting away in a dark, disturbing place, “The service.”
Michael couldn’t fault Alex for that. She was busy, and walking through that cemetery was hard. It took him well over a decade to visit Hayley’s and Elizabeth’s graves; though, there were some extenuating circumstances there, “Because of Division and the Shop, I was never able to visit Hayley and Elizabeth. Their bodies aren’t buried there cause, well, you know. But they have a placard in the family mausoleum. My name’s there too.”
“It is?” Bewildered, Alex gaped at Michael. She never knew that he had been considered dead too. Though, thinking about it for more than two seconds, it did make a lot of sense.
“My death was faked when I was recruited into Division too,” Michael explained with a smirk. The two should probably talk about his recruitment and time in Division more; there were a lot of gaps in her information. Which surprised him, considering who taught her.
Yet that could be a topic for another time. There were still important things to discuss, “Anyway. These past few years, everything has been going so well. Nikita and I eloped. We got our house on the beach. We’re really happy. But one day, when I stood with her on the balcony, staring at the ocean, the guilt just struck.”
That moment had happened a few months after his and Nikita’s elopement. All of a sudden, Michael had felt wrong about living in a beach house with someone other than Elizabeth. It had been a strange feeling to have. It still was. Yet he understood why he had felt it, “Lizzie and I had talked about getting a house on the beach. I had even bought a house for us in Hawaii. We were supposed to move there after my assignment. But it never happened.”
As Michael explained, Alex began to realize why living on the beach had been so important to him and Nikita. It wasn’t just a beautiful paradise where they could relax and finally have no worries. The beach was where they could feel free enough to find a real home. Apparently, Michael had always thought that. He just never got to physically have it until then, “But you got that chance with Nikita.”
“I love her. You know that. But for some reason, when we first moved into our house, it didn’t seem right. It didn’t seem fair,” Michael admitted a tad shamefully. He had achieved his dream with Nikita, but it had taken him some time to accept that. Grief really was a hell of a thing. It could destroy beautiful things if you weren’t careful.
“How did you stop feeling like that?” All Alex thought was how unfair and how wrong everything was. There had to be some trick to not think like that anymore; something had to work against her guilt.
“I talked to my wife,” Michael chuckled dryly. All he had done to make himself feel better was talk to Nikita. He was so lucky to be with her. She knew just the right thing to do to make him smile again. Even though, at the time, he thought it’d be too painful, “She suggested that I finally go see Hayley and Elizabeth and talk to them too.”
“And you went?” Alex had never heard about the two traveling to Louisiana. The former rogues and agents tried to keep each other updated on everything that was happening in their lives. But Michael and Nikita never mentioned that trip. Then again, they never mentioned their elopement, so what did Alex know.
“We flew to New Orleans together. But I had to build up the courage to go inside the cemetery. Nikita went ahead of me and introduced herself to Hayley and Elizabeth. She talked to them for a bit- she said she warmed them up for me,” Michael recalled fondly. When he couldn’t step foot into the cemetery, he had thought Nikita would stay by his side. Instead, she talked to Hayley and Elizabeth on her own.
He never knew what she had said. It didn’t matter anyway. The fact that she had done that gave him the courage to speak. He finally got to say his ‘goodbye’s’, “It felt good just talking to them. Even though they couldn’t talk back, even though it was just their names, it felt like I could say ‘I love you’ again.”
For a long time afterwards, Alex didn’t speak. She just let Michael’s words sink in as they drove to his and Nikita’s beach house. She had a lot to think about. And she’d probably spend the rest of the night doing that. But that was a good thing. She actually had to let herself think about Sean, what had happened, and how she was healing. It was the surefire way to be better. Alex had to allow herself to feel, “Thank you.”
“Of course,” Smiling softly, Michael nudged Alex. She chuckled again. They talked on and off the rest of the drive, the topics drifting from serious to light. When they arrived at the beach house, Nikita had dinner ready as well as a huge embrace for Alex. They talked about Sean and grief again for a little bit, but then they focused on other things. That night didn’t have to be completely serious and painful. The friends could find some light together. It made visiting Sean’s grave the next day even easier for Alex. She didn’t have to be weighed down by everything. She could still find ways to be lifted up.
Chapter 74
Notes:
Set after 2x20 "Shadowwalker". Just the team acting like a family.
Chapter Text
Alex found the kitchen already bustling with activity when she went downstairs. She shouldn’t have been surprised; Michael had woken everybody up, demanding their coffee and breakfast orders for the café down the road that they had always wanted to try. However, Alex was surprised that Michael hadn’t left yet. She had showered and dressed, but he was still in the kitchen with Nikita. Alex couldn’t hear what they were saying at first- the blender was whirring loudly. But once the appliance stopped, she overheard Michael say gently to his girlfriend, “Are you sure I can’t get you anything? I can go somewhere else. I can make an extra stop…”
“No. It’s fine. You guys want to try the place. I’m not going to stop you. I’m perfectly okay with my veggie shake,” Nikita chuckled lightly. She poured her freshly blended veggie shake into a cup and began to drink. Her diet shouldn’t deter the others from trying new restaurants. She could adjust on her own. She had long been okay with that. Besides, she was still getting a coffee, so it was all good.
“Text me if you’re not fine, okay?” Michael insisted. He always felt bad when Nikita had to resort to eating sides or just waiting to eat at home whenever they went out to eat. She shouldn’t have to be left out because of her diet. It wasn’t fair.
“I’m fine. Now go before Alex and Birkhoff get hangry,” Shaking her head, Nikita pushed her boyfriend away. He shouldn’t be so worried about her. What he should really be concerned with was how irritated Birkhoff and Alex would get if they weren’t fed soon. Michael rolled his eyes and kissed Nikita goodbye. She shoved at him again, making him laugh.
As Michael left, Alex made her way into the kitchen. Nikita didn’t acknowledge her; she just put her smoothie ingredients away and drank her breakfast. Alex stood there for a second just watching her. When she realized that Nikita wasn’t going to say anything, she sighed and asked, “What was that about?”
“The café you guys want to get breakfast from doesn’t have vegetarian options. Well, they do. But I don’t want to eat a pastry or a plain croissant,” Nikita explained with a shrug. Alex quickly understood why Michael had tried to go to another restaurant. She didn’t want Nikita to be left out either. But before she could say anything, the rogue cut her off, “It’s fine, though. Really. I have my shake.”
“With protein powder. That’s new,” Eyeing the container of protein powder that Nikita put away, Alex commented. She remembered being forced to drink veggie shakes when she was detoxing in the loft. They were mostly full of disgusting vegetables with some fruit as sweetener. The supplement was a new ingredient that kind of surprised her a little bit.
“Yeah, well, Michael says I need to supplement my diet more. Apparently he cares about me, or something,” Chugging her smoothie, Nikita smirked. With her diet, she had found some creative ways to get the right amount of protein and other nutrients into her system. It was Michael’s idea, however, to add protein powder to her shakes. After she began doing that, she realized that she was building more muscle and staying more energized. He had been on to something with his idea; maybe she should listen to him more.
“Since you guys started dating, I have noticed that you filled out a lot more,” Alex commented. She couldn’t help but notice that after the two began dating, Nikita didn’t look so stick-thin. Michael probably helped her eat regularly. However, once the words left her mouth, Alex realized how they sounded. Nikita raised an eyebrow and stared at her in offense. Instantly, Alex tried to backpedal, “Not in a bad way. Definitely not in a bad way. You just look really healthy now- and less like a skeleton.”
Scoffing, Nikita took an irritated swig of her shake. A part of her knew that Alex was right- she was a whole lot healthier since she had someone in her life that ensured she was eating properly. But she didn’t appreciate the dig. She rolled her eyes once more and attempted to think of a way to change subjects. Noticing the hair stuff Alex had brought into the kitchen, she figured that she could just ask a question, “Do you want something?”
Alex gladly accepted the topic change. She held up the brush and hair-ties in her hands and asked for what she had originally gone downstairs for, “Can you braid my hair?”
“No,” Nikita replied flatly, leaving the kitchen.
“Please. You Dutch braid so well,” Alex pleaded as she followed. When she had brushed her hair after she had washed it, she considered what she wanted to do with it that day. She didn’t want to blow-dry it, or straighten it, or curl it, and she definitely didn’t want to just throw it into a bun. However, when she thought about braiding her hair- specifically how Nikita braided her hair- she got excited. She could do so many things with her hair, and it’d all look so good.
“I thought the purpose of me braiding your hair the other day was to teach you how to Dutch braid,” Turning around, Nikita questioned Alex. The young woman had had her braid her hair before they went on a run on the beach a few weeks ago. She had claimed that she wanted Nikita to do it so she could learn how to do it on her own. Obviously, that had just been a lie so she could get away with being lazy. But the rogue wouldn’t let Alex get away with it that time. She was a grown woman; she could do her own hair.
“And you did teach me. But I can only do a single Dutch braid on myself. And it’s not that tight. You do the tightest, bestest double Dutch braids that make my hair look really pretty and curly the next day. So, please. Can you braid my hair?” Alex was not above flattery and begging to get what she wanted. Yes, she could braid her own hair. But if she wore Nikita’s braids all day and slept in them all night, then she’d wake up with the best hair day ever. Her best friend couldn’t deny her that.
“Do you want to look pretty for Sean when you see him tomorrow?” Nikita snarked. Sean had been in DC the past few weeks, mourning his mother, spending time with his sisters, and helping with the things one has to do when a family member died. However, he was planning to swing by the safehouse soon to catch up on the rogues’ business and see how he could be of assistance. Alex had been excited to see him again. No wonder she wanted a good hair day.
Alex opened then closed her mouth. There was nothing she could say to Nikita in response. If she argued, she’d be teased. If she agreed, she’d be taunted. The best she could do was strike a deal with Nikita to get her to do what she wanted. Spotting the messy blender, knife, and cutting board in the kitchen, Alex soon knew how she could get Nikita to shut up and just do her hair, “I’ll do your dishes for you.”
Although Nikita wanted to keep teasing Alex for wanting to look pretty for Sean, she couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get out of cleaning. So with a sigh and a roll of her eyes, she relented, “Alright. Sit down.”
“You caved way too easily. I would’ve asked for more.”
Hearing the strange voice coming from the front door, Nikita and Alex whirled around on high alert. Fortunately, it was just Ryan coming for a visit. Nikita instantly beamed, “Fletch!”
“Hey, Ryan,” Alex greeted brightly. Ryan waved at both women.
“Hey. Michael just left to get us coffee and breakfast at that café you drive past on the way in. If you text him, I’m sure he’ll get you something,” Ushering Alex towards the couch, Nikita informed Ryan. It wasn’t too late; the analyst could still join the others for coffee and breakfast. They didn’t have to only be about business.
“Thanks. But I saw him when I was coming in. He already got my order,” Ryan informed Nikita. He had pulled into the driveway just as Michael was pulling out. They stopped to talk to each other for a bit, and Michael had made sure to get his breakfast order. Just because Ryan was in another safehouse, the team of rogues always ensured he was in the loop. Mostly information wise, but sometimes that included grocery runs and food orders.
Once Alex sat on the couch, Nikita began to brush and separate her hair. The young woman smiled blissfully, making Ryan laugh as he sat in the chair across from her. She was too content to care. Though, she did wonder what Ryan was doing at the beach house. He must’ve found something or had some kind of an update that made traveling all the way there worth it, “So what’s up? I’m sure you didn’t voluntarily come to this madhouse.”
“Were you guys involved in the armored truck explosion that destroyed millions of dollars?” Ryan asked. He had seen the report of an explosion that had caused the loss of millions on the news. Since the police had no idea where the millions originated from, he figured the rogues were involved somehow. They either stopped some criminal, or fucked up really bad.
“Hell yeah we were,” Alex puffed her chest out in pride. When Nikita muttered ‘because you’re awesome’ behind her, though, her pride turned into a harsh glare. Nikita just laughed.
Ryan continued to glance at the two in confusion. Starting to tightly braid Alex’s hair, Nikita decided to help him out and clarified, “It was Percy’s money.”
“Well, that’s gonna make things a lot more interesting,” Impressed, Ryan reclined in his chair. The rogues had landed a serious blow against Percy. The bastard was no doubt going to start scrambling to regain control. And in his panicked scramble, he was going to make mistakes. That certainly boded well for the team. They could gain some serious ground in their war.
Nikita and Alex continued to smile proudly. The overall process in destroying Percy’s money had been hell- and Birkhoff sadly got hurt in the process- but the payoff was amazing. Nikita couldn’t wait to see what other things they could do to ruin Percy’s plans. After spending so much time doing his analyst thing in his own place, Ryan had to have had some ideas. He could direct the rogues on their warpath, “Why? What do you got?”
“I’m still trying to figure out what Percy wants to do with the nuclear material he got from Brandt. How did he even get it from him anyway? The CIA never broke him. I’m sure Percy breaking him out of the black site wasn’t enough to get him to talk. Also, why kill Senator Pierce? Is there something I’m missing?” Speaking his thoughts aloud, Ryan wondered. The team had very briefly told him about Brandt and the nuclear material he had given Percy. The analyst continued to have so many questions about how that all went down. None of it made much sense. There had to be some information he was missing.
While Ryan asked his questions, Nikita fell silent. She became intently focused on braiding Alex’s hair. She soon had the first one done, and hid behind her veggie shake before she started the other. Ryan noticed her strained silence almost instantly. He moved to say something, yet Alex cut him off, “A Division agent captured Brandt and handed him off to the CIA. Brandt wanted revenge, and Percy told him he could get the agent out of hiding if he went after Senator Pierce. I don’t think Percy wanted her dead. But Brandt was crazy.”
Ryan easily caught onto what Alex wasn’t saying. Nikita was the agent that had originally captured Brandt. Her silence expressed that his horrible, crazed ploy to draw her out had actually worked, and he had gotten his painful revenge. She was no doubt still reeling from it, so Ryan didn’t want to push her too much. However, he still needed some answers, “And I assume he got his revenge.”
Although they weren’t facing each other, Alex and Nikita made the same expression; they both acknowledged that his assumption was right, but they weren’t going to say a single word about what had happened. That was fair. Ryan probably wouldn’t want to talk about all those tragic events either. Unfortunately, his curiosity wasn’t satiated easily. He caught sight of a terrible wound on Nikita’s bicep and blurted, “Is that how you got that?”
Putting down her empty cup, Nikita glanced at what Ryan was looking at. The bullet wound in her bicep had mostly healed- a few stitches and a bandage had been all she needed. But a nasty mark on her arm remained. It’d go away soon. Not to be cliché, but it was only a flesh wound, “No. That’s from trying to get the banker that Percy used to funnel his money.”
Nodding, Ryan let the subject drop. Silence stretched on in the room for a long moment. Nikita continued braiding Alex’s hair, focusing to make sure it matched the other. After a while, Ryan figured he had to say something to break the tense silence. It had to be a joke. If he poked fun of something, then laughter could bring them out of their depressing funk. He simply needed a topic to joke about. He tried not to put too much thought into it. That might ruin his joke. Just blurting could work the best, “So you’ve had your ass kicked a lot lately?”
“Hey!” Although she was offended, Nikita couldn’t help but laugh. Alex and Ryan laughing with her helped her keep smiling. She couldn’t not grin when the others were happy.
“That’s surprising for such a kick ass warrior,” Ryan continued, making Alex laugh harder. Nikita wanted to be annoyed; she rolled her eyes and everything. Yet she couldn’t really be upset. Ryan’s trick to make her feel better had worked, after all.
“Not really. Nikki gets her ass handed to her all the time,” Tilting her head back to smirk at Nikita, Alex teased. Although Ryan kept laughing, the rogue glared.
As she finished the braid, Nikita pulled sharply on Alex’s hair. The young woman whined in discomfort, but her best friend ignored her. She simply tied off the braid and replied coolly, “Oh, I do? What about you, Princess?”
Once Nikita let go of her hair, Alex massaged her sore head. Alright, she had to admit that she also got her ass handed to her out in the field. None of the rogues were perfect. They met their match, then they learned and adapted. At least through all that time, Alex had stayed fair. Nikita, on the other hand, would always be a dirty fighter, “Well, at least I don’t fight dirty.”
“Or strap people to rocking horses,” Finally joining the others in the livingroom, Birkhoff added. While he had slowly woke himself up and got ready for the day in his room, he had heard constant commotion in the safehouse. He wasn’t surprised that it all came from Nikita and Alex. Though, he was shocked to see that Ryan was feeding into the chaos. He probably got bored at his own safehouse and decided to use the beach house as free entertainment.
“You deserved that,” Nikita shrugged. She didn’t think Birkhoff would ever let the rocking horse thing go. But she didn’t care. She honestly didn’t think she’d ever not make fun of him for it; Michael was definitely on the same page as her there.
While the nerd glared at her for still being so rude, Nikita handed Alex her brush and the empty cup; she could return her stuff to her room, then start on the dishes in the kitchen. With her attention on Alex’s eye roll, Nikita didn’t notice what Birkhoff was up to until it was too late. A small hard piece of candy hit her face then the floor. She looked at it, then at the nerd, bewildered, “Did you just throw an M&M at me?”
“You deserved that,” Birkhoff smirked, eating the other pieces of candy he had in his hand. He had only intended to eat a few pieces to hold him over until Michael returned. However, using them as ammunition worked too.
“It’s eight in the morning. What are you doing with M&M s?” Nikita could understand why Birkhoff threw candy at her. Yet, she couldn’t wrap her head around why he would eat some before breakfast. Didn’t it make him sick. Or were his eating habits that fucked up.
“They’re Skittles actually,” After eating the free piece of candy that had landed on the floor (in her defense, she was starving) Alex corrected.
When Nikita turned to Alex, shocked and disgusted that she had eaten food off the floor, Ryan burst into laughter. He had watched the whole interaction in amusement, but something about that expression- and Alex’s innocent shrug in response- made him lose it. After a beat, he was able to pinpoint what it was, and he was able to explain it to the others when they looked at him, “Sorry. You guys just remind me of me and my brother.”
“You have a brother?” Alex asked, curiously. She just then realized that she didn’t know much about Ryan. Yeah, she had had to make that fake conspiracy thing about him when she was a recruit, but all she really knew was that he had been a CIA analyst, he had discovered Division on his own, and he always wanted to uncover the truth. She should probably spend the time getting to know him better. The whole team (Sean included) should probably just sit down and talk to each other like normal friends.
“Had. He died in Afghanistan,” Ryan explained quietly.
“Oh. I’m sorry,” Alex wasn’t sure what else to say. Ryan just shrugged, though. It had happened a while ago. Although he still mourned his brother, he wasn’t weighed down by grief. He could laugh at the fond memories and the reflection he saw of him in the rogues.
Just like what Ryan had done for her earlier, Nikita attempted a joke to lighten the mood. She didn’t poke fun of the analyst, though. She went for a far easier target, “Well, I told you before Fletch, you’re welcome to join this family. Just keep in mind that some people, like Birkhoff, are insufferable.”
Birkhoff launched another Skittle at Nikita. She then launched herself at him, “That’s it!”
“Get him, Nik!” Delaying doing the dishes, Alex cheered. Birkhoff threw his remaining Skittles at Nikita to try and slow her down, yet she soon caught up to him. She threw a light punch just for payback. However, he was able to deflect it. Both were surprised by his actions. Chuckling, Nikita managed to recover quickly and held up her fists to goad him into a sparring match. Birkhoff accepted her challenge gladly.
For a minute there, Birkhoff was able to hold his own against Nikita; Michael had been teaching him well. Unfortunately, she was still much faster than him. It didn’t take her long to have him in a submission hold. He frantically tapped the ground to make her let him go and shouted, “I yield! I yield!”
“I’m sure you deserved that,” Walking in on the chaos, Michael immediately quipped. Nikita scrambled off of Birkhoff and jumped to her boyfriend. She gave him a chaste kiss, then took the drinks from his hand and brought them to the table. Birkhoff would’ve been annoyed by what had happened, yet he was too distracted by food. He hopped to his feet, took the food bag from Michael, and dug through the contents for his breakfast. Alex was soon right by his side, digging for hers. Ryan and Michael at least waited for the chaos to die down before they grabbed their food. But the chaos would never really die down. That was just who they were.
Chapter 75
Notes:
Set in early season 2. Birkhoff, Michael, and Nikita catch up on a few things.
Chapter Text
Nikita was walking towards the kitchen when she noticed Birkhoff sleeping at his desk. He looked as though he had intended to just recline back and rest his eyes; his tablet was on his chest and the screen saver on his computer was turned on. Chuckling to herself, Nikita moved to take the tablet off his chest. She didn’t consider waking him- she wasn’t in the mood to face his post-nap grouchiness. But since she didn’t want to hear it if he accidentally broke his tech, she made the risk to near him. So very carefully, she put his precious tech back on the desk and slowly backed away.
She managed to complete her trek to the kitchen and grabbed the water that she had wanted. As she took a sip, however, Nikita heard Birkhoff begin to snore. It took everything in her not to spit out her water. She had to bite her lip to keep from squealing in laughter. Fortunately, her torment didn’t last long. With a loud snort, Birkhoff managed to wake himself up. Nikita exploded in laughter. She nearly doubled over as she shrieked, “Did you wake yourself up snoring?”
“I was resting my eyes,” Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Birkhoff grumbled. He was certain that he only fell asleep for a second. He was just resting, not napping. Though, he did eventually realize that Nikita had moved his tablet without him realizing. He must’ve really been out of it. Maybe his exhaustion was worse than he had thought. He was definitely getting crankier the more Nikita laughed at him. He probably needed a real nap.
“Yeah. Sure,” Rolling her eyes, Nikita smirked. She was sure that was what Birkhoff’s nap started as- staring at his multiple screens must’ve strained his eyes. But there was no doubting the snore that she had heard. The nerd’s energy drinks had finally backfired on him.
Continuing to blink and rub his eyes, Birkhoff tried to wake himself up. Nikita stopped laughing at him for a moment to glance at him in concern. His eyes must’ve been really strained; he deserved to rest them, or at least wear something to protect them. Nikita thought that was what his glasses were for in Division. Birkhoff used to wear them on and off in the bunker. Except, he hadn’t worn them once at the safehouse. She wondered why, “Where’s your dorky little glasses, Nerd?”
“I don’t need them anymore,” Birkhoff huffed. He had worn glasses on and off in Division because of the dim lights in the dungeon. His eyes always hurt like hell after a long day staring at computer screens. In the safehouse there was at least tons of natural light and a chance to rest. He could actually save himself from eye strain. Except for that day apparently.
“Liar,” Handing Birkhoff a glass of water, Nikita taunted. Based on how varyingly the nerd had worn them, she doubted they were corrective lenses; they were just sort of reading glasses. But he still definitely needed them, even if they were dorky.
“I just need a break,” Birkhoff continued to grumble. Although he appreciatively drank the water, he didn’t back away from the computer. He didn’t think he needed that extensive of a break. His chair was comfortable enough to relax in.
Nikita, however, didn’t believe so. She yanked Birkhoff’s chair back and tipped him out of it. He was forced to his feet, which he snapped to with a glare. Nikita only smirked and walked away, “Then take a break. Drink your water. Go for a walk. Stretch. Take a real nap on a horizontal surface.”
“How can I do anything when all you do is annoy me?” Birkhoff snapped at Nikita. She didn’t go away or look offended at his outburst, though. She simply seemed amused. Birkhoff soon realized why. He had proved her point by remaining so grouchy- he needed an actual break. He shook his head and sighed, “Alright. Maybe I will nap.”
“You’re worse than living with a teenager,” Nikita scoffed, moving back to the kitchen to drink the rest of her water. Once she had sobered up, Alex wasn’t actually that bad to live with. It had been fun spending that year together; they both weren’t so alone anymore. Nikita missed that. A part of her wished they could go back to that moment. Yet she had messed up too much. Her stupid choices ruined one of the best friendships she ever had.
Birkhoff stared after Nikita in confusion. He didn’t doubt that he was being moody and that he definitely needed to eat, drink water, and nap, yet Nikita’s comment had him puzzled. What did she know about living with a teenager. Unless she was talking about herself, which he doubted. She was referring to something specific that he just couldn’t understand, “When did you live with a teenager?”
“When I lived with Alex before she decided to be my mole,” Nikita explained. Alex had been eighteen, so she was closer to being an adult than a teen. Yet she certainly had her bratty moments. Not that Nikita could blame her. She knew she was worse when she had lived with Carla when she was eighteen.
“Right. Alexandra Udinov,” Realization finally dawned on Birkhoff. He was aware that Alex had been planted in Division by Nikita and that she was really Alexandra Udinov. But that was practically the extent of his knowledge. There were tons of gaps in the story that he needed filled. Namely, he had to know how Alexandra Udinov had survived the hit on her family. Had Nikita always been rogue. If so, then props to her, “How’d that all work? Like, how’d you save her? How’d you get her recruited? What happened between you two?”
Nikita finished her water and poured herself another glass before she even attempted to respond. She didn’t want to get into it. She still hated herself for lying to Alex and hurting her, and she didn’t want to discuss that with Birkhoff- she hardly wanted to talk to Michael about it. The nerd should just let the subject drop, “It’s a long story.”
“I’d love a bedtime story,” Nearing Nikita, Birkhoff pressed for her to open up. He could wait a few hours and just go to bed early. Napping wasn’t that important. But sharing all their information was. The rogues were all on the same team; they had to keep each other informed. They didn’t want anyone looking stupid when they said the wrong thing at the wrong time.
“Sit down,” With a long sigh, Nikita set down her glass and pointed towards the couch. She probably wouldn’t tell Birkhoff everything- some things were still only for Alex to tell. Yet the least she could do was go over the basics. Birkhoff shouldn’t remain in the dark. He had agreed to work with the rogues, after all.
Once comfortable on the couch, Birkhoff listened intently to what Nikita had to say. He actually let her talk without interrupting, even though it was clear that she continued to hold things back. She at least did a great job in answering his questions so he wasn’t left confused or wanting more. Though, after all was said and done, he did have one thing to say- something that had been bothering him for months, “Wait. So that shell program was there since you were a recruit? Why’d you keep it?”
“Of course your main takeaway is the hack,” Nikita chuckled. Although she was glad that Birkhoff only wanted to talk about her old hack, it wasn’t surprising that he was so hung up on it. Honestly, she was surprised that he had never mentioned it before. He griped about the rocking horse and the bug on his tooth, but not the shell program. But maybe that had been a good thing, since she didn’t really have an answer for it, “I don’t know. Maybe I wanted to fuck with you a little bit. It did take you years to notice that it was there.”
“Don’t act like you’re the better hacker. Especially when you’re dating Michael,” Birkhoff huffed. He had no real excuse for why he never caught the shell program. The best he had was that he never thought to look for a recruit shell program on the servers. But he couldn’t get away with saying that to Nikita, so he just tried to make fun of her instead.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” It was Nikita’s turn to be confused. How did dating Michael affect her hacking skills. Sure, he wasn’t the most technologically savvy or handy man. But that didn’t diminish her skills.
“He never told you how he almost ruined my system with a hack?” Birkhoff couldn’t stop himself from already laughing. Since he wasn’t in the middle of the hacking crisis, the situation was hilarious. Michael never learned how to work a computer, and he probably never would.
“No?” Nikita started to laugh as well. She could clearly picture Michael fumbling around on a keyboard. Though, she couldn’t imagine what he was doing with a hack in the first place. That was something he always delegated.
Birkhoff continued to laugh. Of course Michael wouldn’t have admitted his blunder to Nikita. He hardly owned up to his mistake around Birkhoff. But that wouldn’t stop the hacker from making fun of the rogue in front of his girlfriend. She deserved to poke fun of him too, “Yeah. He was looking for echoes or something. The hack was so bad, he almost brought down Division before he ever went rogue.”
“Echoes?” Bewildered, Nikita chuckled. Her boyfriend confused her so much sometimes. He always joked that her insane thoughts left him clueless, but the same could be said about him. He had wild theory moments as well.
“Yeah. Something about finding where Alex had been before she was kidnapped by the mob. Which, I’m now realizing that he was trying to find where you were,” About half a year later, Birkhoff finally realized what Michael was doing on the computer. He had already figured out that Alex was the mole (somehow) and was tracking her past locations to find the rogue. Birkhoff probably should’ve figured that out sooner. Of course the only reason Michael would hack would be to find Nikita. Why else did he do anything.
“Well, yeah. He does everything because of me,” Nikita agreed with Birkhoff. Michael did tell her that he was able to find the loft because of something Alex had said, but knowing that there was more to the story helped his claim make sense. The failed hacking attempt was a fun twist, though. She’d have to tease her boyfriend about it later.
“Like go rogue,” Birkhoff responded more seriously. It had been made pretty clear that Michael went rogue because of Nikita. Even before he actually worked to take Division down, he had been breaking rules because of her. There was something about Nikita that drove Michael to do things like nothing else. He had claimed that it was because she helped illuminate the truth. But Birkhoff knew it was more than that- it was so much more than that.
Nikita didn’t agree with Birkhoff there. There were plenty of reasons Michael went rogue; he had plenty of reasons to hate that damn place. She was hardly one of them, “Eh. That’s more because of his family than me. Though, I was enticing.”
“That’s what you think,” Joining the two in the room, Michael smirked. Nikita instantly threw a couch pillow at him. He only managed to catch it after it hit him. Yet he recovered quickly by throwing it back at her and collapsing right next to her on the couch. The couple continuously nudged each other until they were too busy laughing to tease.
Scooting further down the couch, Birkhoff rolled his eyes at the couple. He couldn’t complain too much about the shift in their relationship when they had always been like that. At least then they weren’t so intense around each other. And for that, he was grateful for. Birkhoff had grown tired of the brooding Michael, especially when Nikita was rogue and he wasn’t. Which then begged the question, when exactly had Michael joined his girlfriend on her side of the war, “When exactly did you guys hook up? Wait. Hold on. I think I can figure it out. Let me just track Michael’s moodiness.”
Whereas Nikita laughed, Michael glared. He wanted to say something biting to the nerd, yet Birkhoff had been serious. He was fairly confident that he could determine when Michael went rogue based on how much he was brooding. For example, when he was too broody for his own good, then he definitely wasn’t with Nikita, “Not after Uzbekistan.”
“No, definitely not then,” Nodding vehemently, Nikita replied. Michael hung his head, disappointed in himself for how he had let his grief and pain twist him like that. She didn’t blame him for that, though. She completely understood his choices. What mattered then was that nothing like that would ever happen again between them. They were better, they were on solid ground. And that pain couldn’t control them anymore.
“Was it around the time you helped the Guardian in London? Cause you were definitely different around then,” Birkhoff questioned the couple, bringing them back to the moment. Michael had started to act differently around the time he was sent to London to stop the rogues; he seemed less weighed down, less angry. That could’ve definitely been because of Nikita. Birkhoff had also noticed that Michael tended to smile more whenever she was around. She was certainly his bright spot in the war.
“Not that different,” Michael wasn’t sure why, but he felt like he had to defend himself a little bit. He hadn’t changed completely because of what had happened in St. Petersburg. Yes, he was more sure of himself and what he was doing. And yes, he was more open about his thoughts and feelings. But he was still himself- just more.
“It was a few weeks before London. Though, Michael didn’t help the Guardian. He helped me and Owen kill him and destroy the black box,” Proudly, Nikita responded. She could’ve backed her boyfriend up and argued with Birkhoff. However, she agreed with the nerd. Michael was different. That wasn’t a bad thing. After all, she was different because of him.
“I went rogue after my trip to St. Petersburg. I found out some stuff about Percy that changed my mind about Division,” Rather than continue arguing with Birkhoff, Michael did a better job at explaining why he left Division. He knew his remark only scratched the surface of the whole story, but he wasn’t willing to tell it then. He knew it would kill the playful mood the rogues were in. Maybe during a more serious moment, he’d tell Birkhoff everything. He should know about his family. The hacker was his friend (best friend, practically); he should know about all the important things in his life.
Birkhoff nodded. Just like with Nikita’s story about Alex, he knew Michael was holding back. But, again, he wouldn’t push. Michael would tell him eventually. He was more sure of that then than he ever had been in the past. Michael actually and willingly talked to Birkhoff about things since they had both gone rogue. It was just another example of how he was different, “Nikki definitely changed you, Mikey. Good. You needed that.”
Michael threw the couch pillow at Birkhoff while Nikita rolled her eyes. The nerd wasn’t even close to being able to catch it. But that didn’t matter. He was too busy laughing good-naturedly at the couple, “Seriously. I’m glad you guys got together. Now there’s no awkward tension between you.”
“What awkward tension?” Michael played dumb. He knew exactly what Birkhoff was talking about; he simply didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. The nerd had plenty of other things to make fun of the couple more. Michael refused to add to it.
“Fuck off and take your nap,” Shoving the nerd’s thigh with her foot, Nikita bit. Although she doubted that he’d go to sleep then- he seemed far more energized after swapping stories- she would like it if he left the two alone.
“Even as a couple, you’re still clueless,” Getting to his feet, Birkhoff snarked. When they were in Division, he never would’ve had the guts to taunt Michael and Nikita for the feelings brewing between them. But as rogues trapped in a safehouse together, he had free range. There were years of pent up quips dying to get out. The two better prepare themselves.
“And I can still kick your ass,” Michael warned. He also glared at Birkhoff, yet that look didn’t hold as much power as it used to. Living together and witnessing soft moments between the couple definitely dulled any threat the rogues could level. They were far too close to one another. And they were starting to know each just a little bit too much.
“Nice choice in men, Nikki,” After moving out of striking range, Birkhoff fired off one more jab. A part of him seriously did mean that. He was glad that his friends managed to find happiness despite everything. But, of course, he wouldn’t say that aloud.
Before Michael could retaliate, Nikita sprung to her feet. She took a threatening step towards Birkhoff and flinched like she was going to fight him. He didn’t wait around long enough to know if she was being serious or not. He made a break for the safety of his bedroom while she shouted after him, “That’s what I thought.”
Once the nerd was out of sight, Nikita plopped back down on the couch completely satisfied with herself. She snuggled next to her boyfriend, wrapping his arms around her as she relaxed. Michael chuckled and lightly kissed the top of her head. She hummed softly, content. With another kiss to her crown, he wrapped his arms tighter around her and muttered in her ear, “Wow. You’re so tough.”
“Shut up,” Nikita dug her elbow into Michael’s ribs. When he groaned in pain, she giggled. He was able to retaliate by tickling her side. Instantly, she squirmed out of arms and to her feet. She glared at him in warning, daring him to try something else. He thought about it for a moment, yet he soon called a truce to cook dinner. Her rumbling stomach agreed.
Soon smelling food, Birkhoff rejoined the couple in the kitchen. Taunts and stories continued as the rogues cooked, ate, cleaned, and settled back on the couch to watch a movie. Agreeing on what to watch was another struggle for the friends, but Nikita’s choice ultimately won when she deployed some dirty tricks. After about an hour, though, it didn’t matter what they had picked. They all fell asleep- first Birkhoff, then Nikita, and eventually Michael- curled together on the sofa, happy and momentarily at peace.
Chapter 76
Notes:
According to the fake birth certificate in the black box, Nikita's birthday was this week. So, here's a post-series fic of Nikita celebrating her birthday.
Chapter Text
The alarm woke Nikita up way too early. She knew she had set it that early so she could enjoy a run on the beach while the sun was still low. But she didn’t want to get up yet. Her bed was so warm, and Michael had wrapped his arms around her. She could stay in bed for five more minutes. There wasn’t anything she actually had to do that day. She was allowed to be lazy.
Michael, however, interrupted Nikita’s attempt to doze back off. He kissed her neck and her cheek, and he tightened his arms around her waist. Before he could also pull him tighter against him, she turned in his arms. He beamed the instant he saw her face. She couldn’t help but caress his cheek and smile in return, “Hey.”
“Good morning,” Michael’s excited greeting didn’t echo the sleepiness in Nikita’s voice. He was far more awake than her and far more eager to start the day. She wasn’t sure why that was. Yet she didn’t care enough to question it. Her husband began to kiss her awake, and she happily kissed him back.
Michael kissed his wife passionately and caressed her warm bronze skin. She came alive under his touch. He gripped her ass and pulled her flush against him. She threw an impossibly long leg over his hip, and his hand immediately landed on her phoenix tattoo. Softly, their hips rolled together, making them moan into their kiss. It was a great start to their morning, and Nikita definitely wanted to continue it. Unfortunately, Michael quickly ruined the moment by pulling away and whispering against her lips, “Happy birthday.”
Whereas Michael attempted to keep kissing Nikita, she pulled away in confusion. What was he talking about. It couldn’t have been her birthday. Could it have been.
Rolling away from her husband, Nikita reached for her phone. She checked the date, and sure enough, it was her birthday. She was surprised. She hadn’t even realized the day was coming. So how did Michael remember, “Oh… that is today.”
Her muttered response was certainly not the reaction Michael had expected. Nikita sat up on the mattress and brushed her wild hair out of her face. He followed her upright and attempted to reach for her; however, she began to draw away from him. She didn’t let him get a good look at her face- it was almost like she was attempting to hide her thoughts from him. He couldn’t understand it. And she didn’t give him much time to think about it before she deflected, “Thanks. Um. I’m gonna go on my run. You wanna come with?”
“I was actually gonna make you breakfast,” Michael replied, still confused by Nikita’s reaction. He had only wished her a happy birthday. He knew that they had never had time to celebrate it before- something was always going on (especially between them) during her birthday. But they were free then. They could celebrate her all they wanted. So what was the problem. What was wrong.
“Oh. You don’t… thanks,” Sliding out of bed, Nikita smiled shyly. Michael knew that she had almost told him not to do anything special for her. But she must’ve suspected that he’d argue, so she dropped it completely. That didn’t negate the fact that she still believed she wasn’t worth all the trouble, though. They were married, and it was her birthday, yet she continued to have that doubt. Michael opened his mouth to say something, yet Nikita quickly moved to the bathroom- under the pretense that she was getting ready for her run- to hide.
For the time being, Michael let the topic drop. He was certain that Nikita would tell him what was going on eventually. After she woke herself up more, and after she cleared her thoughts with a run, she’d talk. And if not, he could get her to open up once he fed her. He had a lot planned for his wife’s birthday. The day was going to be spent showering her in love and reminding her how special she was. Whatever was on her mind couldn’t be allowed to weigh her down for long. She had to be happy on her day.
While Nikita went to run along the beach- and hopefully clear the depressing thoughts that had invaded her mind- Michael moved to get things ready for the day. He hadn’t just planned to make breakfast as she ran; he had also planned to set up for a few surprises. He shot off some texts, cleaned the house, and put together a part of one of her gifts. Fortunately, Nikita liked to go on long runs. Michael had plenty of time to get everything ready and start making breakfast by the time she returned. She seemed more at ease as she walked into the house, and he smiled. It was going to be a good day.
“Hey. How was your run?” Handing his wife a cold glass of water once she entered the kitchen, Michael asked cheerfully. She easily matched his smile, and he felt relieved. The mysterious funk she had fallen into was gone. They still had to talk about what had happened, but it wouldn’t weigh down the rest of their day.
“Good,” As she thankfully drank her water, Nikita surveyed the kitchen. Her husband had been slicing fruit, mixing up pancakes, scrambling eggs, and frying some ham and tofu while she was gone. He really was going all out for her birthday. For some reason, the thought made her blush. She honestly shouldn’t be surprised, yet even after all those years his kindness for her always threw her off guard, “You seriously made all this for me?”
“It’s your birthday,” Michael shrugged. Why shouldn’t he spoil his wife on her birthday. They never actually got to celebrate it before, and she had once made a big deal out of his birthday. She deserved the special attention.
Setting down her glass, Nikita fought to maintain eye contact with her husband. She shouldn’t run and hide from him again. She knew he wouldn’t judge or hurt her or whatever. She just had to be honest with him. He’d understand, “Yeah, I know. But…”
“But, what? You make a big deal out of our birthdays,” Interrupting, Michael reminded Nikita. Although there were times when they couldn’t have all out parties for one another, Nikita still made certain that their family recognized and did a little something for each other’s birthdays. It didn’t always work out because of the many different things that were going on, yet she still tried (and so did Alex at times). Since the war was over, though, the family could actually devote time to one another’s birthdays. No one could be the exception.
However, that wasn’t exactly what Nikita was thinking about. She didn’t believe she was unworthy of any celebration. She was fine with receiving attention and being spoiled. What had her weirded out was simply the fact that it was her birthday.
For as long as Michael had known Nikita, she had never drawn attention to her birthday. She had never dropped hints about birthday presents; she had never joked that she should be treated like a princess because it was her day (Alex and Birkhoff on the other hand). She had always ignored the day. It wasn’t difficult for Michael to understand why. Those kinds of things always had the same reason, “You didn’t celebrate it much as a kid.”
“It was never a big deal. Maybe I’d get a cake. Maybe I’d get a present. But no one took much time to celebrate it. I didn’t really either,” Nikita admitted quietly. For as long as she could remember, her birthday had never been paid special attention. She never even had a party. It was just another day in the year; the only difference was that she changed age.
“You didn’t care?” Michael wondered. Sure, as an adult he didn’t really care about his birthday. He’d celebrate with his family. But other than that, it wasn’t that big of a deal. When he was a kid, however, his birthday was the best day ever. He couldn’t imagine a kid not being excited to have a day meant just for them. Except, Nikita had never been a normal kid. Her dreams and wishes had been drastically different than other children’s. A birthday probably didn’t even make it on a list of the things she wanted.
“The older I got, the more it became just like any other day,” Nikita confessed. There had been some years where her birthday had passed without her even noticing. There had never been a reason for her to make the day special. Especially when there were moments where she didn’t believe she’d make it to the next one.
Although her husband turned away from her to attend to their breakfast, Nikita knew he was still listening to her. He’d listen intently to everything she’d share with him. She simply had to be brave enough to speak all her thoughts aloud, “You know, there was a point where I resented my birthday. I was never able to picture a future for myself. I just kept thinking that each day was another day I might… I never thought I’d make it past eighteen. Technically, I didn’t. So, you know…”
Fidgeting with the ends of her ponytail, Nikita let her sentence drop. Michael knew what she was going to say, she didn’t need to continue. She just played with her long dark hair and tried not to let her past thoughts overwhelm her. Luckily, she had her husband. He ignored their breakfast for a moment to grab her hand. He squeezed it tightly, looked her deep in the eyes, and promised as sincerely as possible, “You have a future now.”
“I know,” Smiling softly, Nikita kissed Michael’s knuckles. He kissed hers in return, then he dropped her hand so he could finish cooking. She stayed close to his side, continuing to grin. She really did have a whole life in front of her. Nothing would stop her from being happy for the rest of her life. She had begged for that, she had fought for that, and then she had that, “For the first time ever, I can see myself living forever. I mean, I’m thirty. I didn’t think I’d ever be this old, and here I am. I have an actual life ahead of me. I can have seventy more birthdays. I can have a hundred more. I actually have something ahead of me. And it… it just feels so surreal.”
Putting the final touches on their breakfast, Michael turned to his wife with a smile. He knew exactly what she meant. It was weird at times to think that they could live the rest of their lives without looking over their shoulders. But it had been a hard-fought victory. They should celebrate their freedom and revel in their happiness as much as possible, “Then we should get you used to celebrating your birthday now.”
“Starting with breakfast,” Nikita excitedly grabbed plates for all the food her husband had made her. Her run had left her starving, and she was so ready to eat- especially since all the love and care Michael went into his cooking made the food look even more delicious.
“Yep. This is your day. It’s gonna be extra special,” Matching his wife’s excitement, Michael promised. He had begun planning her birthday months ago. He swore to do all he could to cherish her that day. Cooking her breakfast barely even scratched the surface.
“And, let me guess. It’ll end with dinner with the family,” Nikita had noticed that while on her run Michael had done more than just cook breakfast. The house was cleaner and looked more put together. The others must’ve been coming over for her birthday. They hadn’t seen one another in a while, so it’d be a nice end to her day if her whole family was there with her.
“Actually, no. Sorry. Everyone was too busy to make it today. But, the next time we get together, we’re gonna celebrate your birthday again,” Michael focused on plating the food so his wife wouldn’t read his expression. He wasn’t hiding anything from her. He just didn’t want any surprises ruined. And since she had the uncanny ability to read his mind, he had to avoid her a little bit. It’d only make the day better, though, so it was worth it.
“That’s okay. I’m happy with just you,” Taking her plate from her husband, Nikita beamed. Although she was a little disappointed the others wouldn’t be joining them, she understood. None of the former rogues could sit still for long, even in retirement. But they were free to choose what to do with their hectic lives, so that was a blessing. They’d spend time together whenever they could. The family couldn’t stay away from each other for long.
The married couple sat close together at the table as they ate and talked. Their conversation shifted from serious topics to silly nothingness. They mostly wanted to make each other laugh and smile around bites of delicious food. Eventually, when they had both finished eating, Nikita began to clear the table. Michael quickly put a stop to it. She didn’t have to lift a finger that day, “Don’t worry about this. Go shower. I’ll clean up.”
“You don’t wanna shower with me? It is my birthday,” Walking backwards towards their bedroom, Nikita smirked. Cleaning up could wait. There were far more enjoyable activities she wanted to do on her birthday. Fortunately, her husband didn’t hesitate to join her.
Once the two were sated, clean, and dressed, Michael cleared the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. Nikita sat on the counter, half talking to him and half just watching him. They shared various adoring glances and quick kisses while he worked.
As soon as he finished, Nikita tried to suggest that they cuddle on the couch and watch a movie; however, Michael had other plans- literally. They were going to spend the rest of the morning shopping in town. Nikita was confused by what her husband meant, yet he soon cleared that up. After they got coffee from their favorite place and drove to the market, his plans unveiled themselves. The two weren’t shopping for necessities. Their trip was a shopping spree for her. Whatever Nikita wanted, she could buy. Money wasn’t an issue (thanks to the latest criminal organization they had taken down).
Kissing her husband excitedly, Nikita giddily bounced between the different stalls at the market. Michael mostly watched his wife have fun, but when she needed him to hold or carry something, he was right there beside her. The two spent a few hours shopping and wandering the market; Nikita wanted to look at everything, and of course Michael let her. They eventually walked back to the car with various shopping bags and items piled up in their hands. Despite that, they walked arm and arm, giggling like the lovebirds that they were.
Before heading home, the married couple grabbed a light lunch at a nearby café. Michael didn’t have any other plans until dinner, so Nikita took over from there. She put all her new belongings in their place at home, then she turned on some music. She and her husband danced, sang, and laughed around their house until they couldn’t stay on their feet any longer. They collapsed on the couch and finally played a movie; however, their attention didn’t remain on it for long. Soon, Michael and Nikita stumbled towards their bedroom, kissing, caressing, and making passionate love between the sheets.
Nikita received texts from Sonya, Birkhoff, and Sam throughout the day. They all wished her a happy birthday, and they all promised that they’d get together and celebrate soon. When Michael began to take food out of the fridge to cook dinner (after they had tidied up themselves and their bed) Alex called the birthday girl. Nikita went to another room to talk to her, and the two stayed on the line for a long time, talking about everything and nothing all at once.
When she finally rejoined her husband in the kitchen, dinner was already in the oven. Nikita attempted to guess what Michael had made, but most of the ingredients were already put away. A part of her thought that he was trying to hide what he had made from her. But that would’ve been ridiculous. He had surprised her enough, “Whatcha making for dinner?”
“You’ll find out,” Michael smirked. Nikita glared. Again, he used focusing on the kitchen as an excuse to hide his true expression from her. He still had a few more surprises in store, and they couldn’t be ruined then. Though, he was beginning to suspect that she was catching onto him. Her glare soon turned scrutinizing.
Michael needed to do something to distract Nikita. As he opened the fridge to put the rest of the remaining food away, he figured letting her take a peek would keep her preoccupied. She spotted the salad he had also made, and that seemed to satisfy some of her curiosity. Though, there was something else in the fridge- or, more specifically, the lack of something else- that really caught her attention. She turned to her husband as he closed the fridge again, confused, “Wait. No birthday cake?”
“It’s an ice cream cake. It’s getting delivered,” Michael explained. Nikita had always enjoyed ice cream more than cake, so he figured an ice cream cake was the best idea. Based on the smile she gave him, he had been right.
“Fuck yeah,” Bouncing in excitement, Nikita beamed. She had always wanted an ice cream cake. So, of course, it was no surprise that her husband was the one to eventually buy her the desert. He’d do anything to make her happy and smile at him like that.
Chuckling, Michael pulled Nikita into his arms to settle her back down. He was going to suggest that they finish their movie until dinner was ready. But then his phone buzzed in his pocket. He didn’t have to check the text to know what it said. It was about time he pushed his final plan along. Ushering his wife out of the kitchen, Michael surprised her once again, “You know what. Why don’t you open your presents now.”
“You got me presents?” Nikita watched her husband hurry to another room, bewildered. She had thought the things she bought on her shopping spree counted as her presents. She couldn’t believe that Michael had bought her more. And she couldn’t believe that he had gotten her gifts, wrapped them, and hid them without her noticing.
Soon, Michael returned with two wrapped boxes in hand. Again, Nikita stared in bewilderment, trying to comprehend how her husband did all that without her knowing. He must’ve had help. But before she could think about what kind of help, Michael handed her the bigger of the two boxes, “Here.”
Although she remained skeptical, Nikita couldn’t stop herself from ripping open the wrapping paper. She was left staring at a black case that Michael indicated she open. She did so gently, and she instantly gasped. Inside the case were five multi-colored throwing knives. When one was to throw them, the spin created a rainbow. Nikita had wanted knives like those since she saw them in a catalog years ago. She thought she’d never get them, but she was so gladly wrong, “Are these the throwing knives I wanted? You remembered?”
“Of course. Sorry I couldn’t get them for you sooner. But, my stipulation still stands. You can’t use them and lose them on a mission. These are for practice only. Which, you can do in the backyard with the sandbag targets I set up,” Grinning warmly, Michael replied. They hadn’t been able to get the throwing knives when Nikita had first seen them because money had been tight (they had been living in motels, making it by on money they had stolen from black box villains). But they weren’t struggling then. They could have whatever they wanted, including rainbow throwing knives that were too nice to use on missions.
Turning towards the backyard, Nikita was ready to try out her new knives immediately. Michael must’ve set up the targets while she was running (that was something she definitely would’ve noticed him doing). They were just waiting for her, begging to be used. However, her husband didn’t let her run off just yet. He pulled her back gently and chuckled, “Wait. Wait. There’s still more presents.”
Nikita set the knives down on the counter and accepted the small box from Michael. Again, when she ripped away the wrapping paper, she was met with a case. That one was white and clearly held jewelry inside. Prying it open, she instantly froze. She was too stunned to even gasp. The necklace her husband had bought her was absolutely breathtaking. The gold chain was thin and held a small charm. Despite its size, the charm drew all eyes towards it. The design was elegant and powerful- a golden phoenix rose out of a fiery red gemstone. Nikita was mesmerized by it. She felt like she could hardly speak, “Oh my God. Michael. This is beautiful.”
“It’s garnet. Your birthstone,” Removing the necklace from the box, Michael explained. He helped his wife clasp the jewelry around her neck, then he placed a kiss to her temple. He had seen the necklace in a jewelry store months ago, and he instantly knew he had to buy it for her. Nothing else seemed to be her style. Except the fiery phoenix was perfectly her.
“I love it. Thank you so much,” Turning in her husband’s arms, Nikita protectively clutched the charm of her necklace. Michael tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled tenderly. She kissed him.
Whereas Nikita intended to kiss Michael until dinner was ready, another text on his phone made him pull away. He still didn’t need to look at it to know what it said. He simply pressed his forehead against his wife’s and beamed, “You’ve still got one more gift.”
The doorbell soon ringing confused Nikita. She wanted to assume that it was only the ice cream cake being delivered. But Michael’s smile expressed otherwise. He pushed her towards the door and urged her to open it. As she slowly followed his silent orders, she quickly began to realize what was going on. On their doorstep, delivering the cake and holding a whole bunch of other goodies, was their family. Alex, Sam, Birkhoff, and Sonya burst into smiles upon seeing Nikita and shouted, “Happy birthday!”
“You fucking liar!” Nikita instantly yelled at Michael. She wasn’t angry at him. She was just so excited she didn’t know how else to react. Her family took her reaction in stride. They laughed warmly and swarmed into the house.
Everyone’s arms were too full of luggage, gifts, desert, snacks, and drinks for any proper hugs. Yet that didn’t stop them from loudly exclaiming how much they had missed each other and how excited they were to see everyone again. Nikita closed the door and led them further into the house while Michael took care of luggage. Sonya eventually made it through the jumble and headed towards the kitchen. She had the ice cream cake in her hands, and she made sure that it didn’t get more damaged than it had in the car surrounded by people and things, “Where do you want the cake and gifts?”
“Is dinner almost ready? I’m starving,” Dumping the sodas and chips that he had brought on the table, Birkhoff grumbled. Michael ignored him to help Sonya. They set gifts on the counter and piled food on the table. The main course would be ready soon; there was no need to complain. Besides, if Birkhoff was that hungry, there were chips and salad.
“Please feed the nerd. He hasn’t stopped complaining since we picked up the cake,” Sam grumbled as well. He and Birkhoff glared at each other for a moment. Yet they soon rolled their eyes, laughed, and helped Michael with the paper cups, plates, and cutlery.
“Did Michael give you that? It’s gorgeous,” Spotting the phoenix necklace around Nikita’s neck, Alex asked. Once her hands had been freed, Alex had managed to hug her best friend. She kept it brief, however. There was too much chaos in the room for a long embrace.
“Yeah, he did,” Unable to stop her brilliant smile, Nikita adoringly spun the charm of her necklace. Michael had undoubtedly gotten her the best presents for her birthday; she loved every single one of her gifts. She had already excitedly told Alex about what she had bought on her shopping spree while they were on the phone (which she then realized was a distraction so she wouldn’t see what Michael was cooking). So she wanted to show her the rainbow throwing knives as well. She was pretty sure her best friend would love them too, “You have to see the knives he also got me. We can throw them in the backyard.”
As soon as Alex saw the multi-colored knives, she begged to see them in action. She and Nikita began to move towards the backyard, but- once again- Michael stopped that from happening. He noticed the two women run away as he pulled the various homemade pizzas (enough to feed the whole family with their different diets) from the oven, and he quickly called them back, “Wait until after dinner.”
Somehow, everyone managed to settle at the table. The family was still crazy and loud, but it was contained to their laughter and fun. They caught each other up on their lives while they ate, drank, and watched Nikita rip open even more presents. They couldn’t run out of things to talk about. They had to share everything with one another, making them laugh and smile.
After dinner, dessert, cleaning up, and finally putting luggage in guest rooms, the family made their way to the backyard. Michael and Nikita’s backyard was basically their own private stretch of beach. They mostly sat out there to stargaze or bask in the sun. But that night, they had a birthday party. Michael built a bonfire with Sam’s help, and Alex and Nikita used the blazing light to throw the rainbow knives. The two’s excited squeals caused the others to throw them as well, and a contest soon formed. The family quickly lost track of the score, however. They were too busy laughing and poking fun of one another.
The night stretched on, and the former rogues lost their energy. They sat around the bonfire, talking aimlessly and enjoying one another’s company. Nikita sat next to her husband. He wrapped his arm around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder. The two happily listened to their friends, warmed by the fire. Eventually, Nikita turned to Michael and gazed up at him. Every ounce of love she had for him reflected in her brown eyes as she said, “Thank you. This was the best birthday ever. I love you.”
“I love you too,” His green eyes flashing his love for her, Michael kissed his wife. She melted into the affection, and he held her closer to him. When they separated from the kiss, he pressed his forehead against hers and kept her in his arms. He was going to keep her with him for a long time. They had forever together- a million more birthdays together- and they had to cherish every single moment, “Happy birthday, Nikita.”
Chapter 77
Notes:
Set during the end of 2x16 "Doublecross". The aftermath of Carla's death.
Chapter Text
Someone had to take charge. There was a dead body in the safehouse, and the team had to get rid of it; they also had to clean all the blood, glass, and bullets that were littered across the floor. Ryan was too confused about what he had walked in on to be of much help. Birkhoff was too shocked about what he had done. And Nikita was too distraught about Carla. So that left Michael. He had to put aside his feelings about the situation and start taking action. He began with getting the hacker out of the way. He needed to breathe and calm down, so Michael had him focus on himself for a moment, “Birkhoff, go clean yourself up.”
Birkhoff did as Michael said without a word. He moved somewhat on automatic, using Michael’s order as his only thought and guide. His actual thoughts, feelings, and shock had to be dealt with. But that would have to wait a moment. There was still a dead body to take care of. Nikita continued to cry over it, unable to move from her friend. Michael didn’t want to yank her away. However, she couldn’t stay there forever. Gently, he crouched beside her and laid a comforting hand on her back. She didn’t react to his touch. He had to softly urge her with whispered words, “Nikita. Hey. Nikita.”
Nikita seemed to spur into action at the sound of her name. She shot to her feet and furiously wiped the tears from her eyes. Although she continued to tremble, she sniffed back the rest of her tears and straightened her shoulders. She could ignore how she felt when there was a mission in front of her. It didn’t matter what the mission was; focusing on action instead of thought would help her settle down. And she seriously needed to settle down, “I know. I know. We have to move the body.”
“Nikita. Why don’t you clean up in here instead? Ryan and I got Carla,” Michael followed to his feet and replaced his hand on her back. He knew Nikita needed to do something, but she shouldn’t have to deal with Carla’s body. Cleaning the glass and the bullets would be a better way to calm her down. Michael and Ryan could handle the worst of it- a thought shared by a still confused yet nodding anyway Ryan.
Thankfully, Nikita accepted Michael’s offer without argument. She moved to sweep the area and collect the bullets and spent shell casings, leaving Ryan and Michael with Carla’s body. Honestly, neither knew what to do with it. Dissolving the body like Division Cleaners did was completely out of the question. And burying her somewhere along the beach house property didn’t seem like a long term solution. There had to be something else they could do.
Ryan was the one to come up with that answer. Since they had already called a doctor the rogues trusted to help Carla, why didn’t they use the doctor’s connections to hide her body in the morgue. It’d take more hush money and some false paperwork, yet the idea could work. Moving the body out of the room- and out of Nikita’s and Birkhoff’s sight- Michael put that plan into action. He also caught Ryan up on all he had missed while he had been in prison and while he had been presumed dead. Surprisingly, despite all he had to share, explaining everything to the former analyst was easier than disposing the body.
With the rogues’ doctor friend’s connections, it didn’t take Michael and Ryan long to hide Carla’s body in a nearby morgue. They were able to return to the safehouse just as Nikita finished cleaning the glass and bullets. Birkhoff had finished cleaning the blood off himself as well, but he didn’t move to help Nikita. Instead, he stood still in the kitchen, staring blankly at the blood stain left on the living room floor.
Michael moved automatically to comfort Birkhoff and help ease his shock, but then he noticed Nikita focus her cleaning efforts on Carla’s pool of blood. He could wait a few more minutes before talking to Birkhoff. Michael had to stop Nikita first. She shouldn’t have to be the one to clean that up; she shouldn’t even have to be near it, “Hey. I got it. I got it.”
Once again, Nikita accepted Michael’s offer without argument. She let him clean the blood that even she was having trouble trying to dissociate from, and she attempted to find something else to pour all her focus into. She knew if she stopped moving, the thoughts and emotions crowding her mind and bringing tears to her eyes would win. She couldn’t let them win. She couldn’t let herself think those thoughts or feel those emotions. So she had to stay busy. She had to do something.
There were still bullet holes in the walls to fix and broken computer equipment to throw away. Nikita could focus on that. Yet as she moved, she noticed Ryan standing awkwardly in the living room (he was still trying to adjust to what had happened). Before Birkhoff had called and told them what had happened with Carla, Michael and Nikita had intended to tell Ryan that they had gotten him his own safehouse. He could stay out of the rogues’ danger and maybe find some peace after the hell he had gone through.
After everything that had happened, that had probably turned into a moot point. However, Nikita was going to urge Ryan to stay in the other safehouse anyway. At least one of them should be away from all that pain and heartache, “We’re setting up another safehouse. You can lay low until this all blows over.”
“You think it’s ever gonna blow over?” Ryan couldn’t help but respond with pessimism. He finally escaped Amanda’s clutches in Division, only to walk in on heartbreaking death and destruction in the supposed safe house. There wasn’t any place their war didn’t touch, affect, or deeply corrupt. Could any of that really ever blow over. Or would the rogue agents be living like that for the rest of their lives.
“It has to,” There was far more bravado, conviction, and determination in Nikita’s voice than she felt. She was probably overcompensating- trying to make up for the pain hollowing out her chest. But a part of her did believe her words. The war had to end some time. And when it did, the team of rogues could truly be happy. After all, there wouldn’t be any more death or loss.
Ryan opened then closed his mouth. He wanted to make another comment about the rogues’ (and honestly his as well) war with Division, yet he stopped himself. Despite the fact that she had stopped crying- for the most part- Nikita was still reeling from her friend’s death. No matter how much she moved or changed the subject, that heartache kept creeping up on her. She hadn’t dealt with it yet; and unless she slowed down, she never would, “Are you alright?”
“You can crash in one of the extra rooms tonight. We’ll get you moved into your own place in the morning,” Nikita wouldn’t even let herself think about Ryan’s question. She simply showed him a room he could stay in for the night and made plans to move him out in the morning. Maybe Birkhoff could help him set up his safehouse; it’d be good for the hacker to be away from the beach house for a bit. Maybe it’d be good for her too. But Nikita couldn’t think that far ahead for herself. She just had to move one step at a time.
Her next steps led her to Birkhoff. The two hadn’t said a word since Carla had died; though, they were the two that needed to talk the most. Nikita didn’t know what she could say. She knew she didn’t blame Birkhoff for what had happened. She had heard the story, she had heard his frantic, tearful confession, and she had seen the evidence of the gunfight. Birkhoff was blameless; he was only trying to save himself. But Nikita couldn’t bring herself to speak. Thankfully, the hacker spoke first, “I don’t know what happened, Nik. I told her to stop. She wouldn’t stop. The gun just went off.”
Nodding, Nikita wrapped her arms around Birkhoff’s bicep. He didn’t need to apologize. He never had to apologize for saving himself. Nikita couldn’t hate him for that. Besides, the gunfire was all Carla’s fault. She had doublecrossed them. She had tried to hurt them. She was the blame for everything that had happened. Birkhoff should never carry that guilt, “Hey. She knew what she was doing. You got that? She knew.”
“Yeah,” Birkhoff barely muttered. Nikita rested her head on his shoulder as a rogue tear fell from her eyes. Although she knew that resting meant thinking, she rested on her friend for a moment. They needed one another. They needed to know that they were okay, that there was comfort no matter what.
Except, when the tears kept spilling out of Nikita’s eyes despite her best efforts, she left Birkhoff standing alone in the kitchen. He shouldn’t see her cry; the misplaced guilt he felt was enough; she couldn’t add to it. Besides, maybe if she cleaned herself and got ready for bed, her tears and thoughts would stop. She just wanted them to stop.
Birkhoff remained frozen in his spot in the kitchen even after Michael finished scrubbing the blood out of the floor. The hacker looked over the scene of the crime, horror, shock, and pain etched across his features. Although Michael wanted to chase after Nikita, he knew he had to finally give Birkhoff his attention. So after tossing the cleaning supplies and scrubbing more blood out of his hands, he approached his friend and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. Birkhoff flinched at his touch like he wasn’t aware that he had even approached. Michael remained gentle, and he slowly guided the hacker to his bedroom, “Come on, Birkhoff. Come on.”
Once in the hacker’s bedroom, Michael had him sit on his bed. Besides his apology to Nikita, Birkhoff continued to say nothing and act nearly robotic. Michael understood. He had seen so many recruits try and fail to process their first kill. Hell, he had also failed at processing that. It just felt like too much all at once. The guilt was too painful. The fact that Birkhoff had killed Carla definitely made it all worse. Yet Michael wasn’t going to let him stay silent and robotic. He had to talk about it. It was the only way he could move past it, “You alright?”
Birkhoff just looked at Michael. The rogue agent chuckled dryly. That was a lame question to ask; he knew. Yet he had to start somewhere. And since he knew he had Birkhoff’s attention, he could actually help him, “Look, Seymour. The first time you take a life… It’s always hard, no matter who you hurt. It’s not something you can get over easily. I mean, each time someone dies, it takes away a part of yourself. Trust me.”
The hacker did trust Michael. That was part of the problem. Dropping his gaze, Birkhoff fidgeted with the hem of his t-shirt. He battled the tears that had been forming in his eyes for the thousandth time and tried to even his breathing. He didn’t have much luck with any of that. He was falling apart at the seams. He might as well just accept that and beg Michael for any advice that’d help him keep it all together, “So how do you get over it?”
“When I figure that out, I’ll let you know,” Michael attempted some kind of joke. Birkhoff scoffed at him, so he took his attempt as a success. Though, he didn’t flash a proud smirk. Instead, he became as serious as he ever was. He wanted Birkhoff to know that he wasn’t alone and that he wasn’t at fault. The sooner he realized that, the sooner he could heal. And the sooner he could heal, the sooner he could gain back the part of him that had been lost, “Seriously, though. Just try not to let the pain drown you out. Talk to us. Know you’re not alone. Know you’re not at fault.”
Nikita had said something like that to Birkhoff; she had tried to get him to believe that Carla was at fault, not him. However, even with both of the rogues telling him otherwise, the hacker couldn’t force away his guilt. He knew how much Carla meant to Nikita. He knew she’d do anything for her. And he had taken her away. That couldn’t be forgiven, “Nikki loved her.”
“She loves you too,” Michael argued. Despite how annoyed Nikita got at Birkhoff, he was still her nerd. He was one of her best friends- the closest thing to a brother she had ever had. She would never want to lose him, not in a million years. It’d never matter what happened, as long as she had him in her life, she’d be perfectly happy, “At the end of the day, I’m positive she’d rather have you. No matter what you do, she’d rather have you here.”
It took everything in Birkhoff to agree with Michael and not let his dark inner voices argue. Nikita did love him, and he loved her. But that wasn’t enough to absolve him. It was something Birkhoff had told Carla right before he shot her. Nikita always forgave the people she loved. Even if they hurt her over and over again, she still loved them and she still did what was right. She was going to do the same thing with him. Hell, she already had by the time she laid her head on his shoulder. Even if he berated himself, she never would, “She always forgives the ones she loves. No matter how many times we hurt her.”
“You didn’t hurt her, Seymour,” Michael spoke softly. Even if he hadn’t truly spoken to Nikita since Carla’s death (though he didn’t like it, giving her space and time first was for the best) he knew with absolute certainty that Birkhoff didn’t hurt her. He could never hurt her.
Michael waited until Birkhoff nodded before he said anything else. The hacker couldn’t argue with him, especially when they both knew he was right. Nikita and her nerd would be okay. They had survived that long; they simply had to get through the rest of the night. Clapping a comforting hand on Birkhoff’s shoulder, Michael double checked that he was okay. When he got another nod, he smiled softly and gave him one more piece of advice, “Get some rest, okay? I’ll always be here to talk. So please talk to me.”
The rogue agent received one more nod before he went to his own bedroom. He instantly found Nikita in the bathroom wearing his shirt and brushing her teeth. He didn’t talk to her immediately, though. Instead, Michael leaned against the doorframe and watched her. Her brown eyes were blurred with tears, and her muscles were tight- the same as they had been hours earlier. Yet, she wouldn’t break. She was going to keep going, refusing to collapse. Michael had to put a stop to that. He waited until she finished brushing her teeth before he approached her, and he asked as gently as possible, “Are you okay?”
“How’s Birkhoff?” Nikita asked rather than answered. Michael sighed. After he had taken over cleaning, he had seen her talk to Ryan and then Birkhoff. Although it was sweet and wonderful that she was still trying to comfort her friends, Nikita had to stop. She couldn’t keep going forever. That pain that had washed over her when Carla had died needed to continue being felt. She needed to process, grieve. She didn’t have to be so strong all the time. It was okay if she allowed herself to crumble.
“Upset. You know how hard it is the first time… He’ll be alright,” Although Michael responded to Nikita’s question, he stopped himself from saying what exactly Birkhoff had done. He was aware that Nikita didn’t hate him or blame him or anything like that for Carla’s death. However, Michael didn’t know how she would react to hearing pointblank that one of her closest friends had killed someone she cared for. He didn’t want to upset her further. He only wanted to bring her peace and comfort.
Unfortunately, Nikita refused to accept it then. She brushed past Michael, leaving the bathroom and heading towards the bed. She didn’t actually plan on sleeping. Letting her thoughts invade her as she fell asleep wouldn’t be ideal. But she could settle under the warm covers and distract herself with something on her tablet.
She could also focus on taking care of Michael. He must’ve been exhausted and stressed after having to carry the emotional weight of the team for the night. He deserved to rest and take care of himself too, “You should shower.”
There was no point in arguing with her. Not only did Michael actually have to shower, but also he couldn’t push Nikita to talk when she obviously didn’t want to. He’d simply have to wait her out. Taking a shower and getting ready for the night should take him long enough. By the time he reentered their bedroom, she’d be ready to talk. At least, he hoped she’d be. If she bottled up any more of her tears, she might explode.
Nikita was under the covers when a freshly cleaned Michael emerged from the bathroom; however, she wasn’t lying down. In fact, she wasn’t doing anything. She simply sat and stared at nothing. Michael had assumed that’d happen eventually. She hadn’t processed Carla’s doublecross either (he had tried to get her to talk about it after she had made the discovery, but she just focused on the mission). Nikita had suffered two heartbreaks in one day. And all of that damage was violently tearing her to shreds.
He couldn’t stand to see her like that. Michael had to get Nikita to open up. He sat close to her on the edge of the mattress and reached for her cheek. She didn’t pull away. He was able to gently caress her skin and wipe away a tear that had formed, “Are you ready to talk now?”
The instant Michael caressed her cheek so softly and so tenderly, the dam Nikita had built broke. Her thoughts came flooding in, and she could no longer hold back her tears. Carla was dead. There was no hope of ever reconnecting with her. Though, honestly, that hope had faded long ago, starting with when Nikita realized she had doublecrossed the team, “I shouldn’t be so upset. She… she helped Percy instead of us. She… she almost got Alex killed. She almost… she almost killed Birkhoff. Carla wasn’t… she’s not who I remembered. She wasn’t my friend… she… she picked Percy over me…”
“Hey. Hey. Shh. Come here,” Michael immediately moved to pull her into his arms. Nikita scrambled out of the blankets to rest in her boyfriend’s lap instead. Cradling her head with his steady hand, he held her tightly. She sobbed into his shoulder. He didn’t mind the fierce grip she had on his t-shirt that caused her nails to bite into his skin. Whatever she needed for comfort, he’d allow. He’d simply hold her and soothe her.
Ever since the team had learned of Carla’s deception, Michael had some thoughts he wanted to share with Nikita. It wasn’t a solid explanation for everything. But it could answer some questions. And it could soothe some pain, “Being on the run for so long, it changes you. Carla got twisted up while she was out there, and she lost herself. But deep down was the woman who had cared for you and helped you. Of course you still loved her. How could you not? Deep down, she was still the woman you loved.”
Although Nikita wanted to believe her boyfriend’s comforting words, she just couldn’t think that way. The Carla Bennet she had encountered was not the same Carla Bennet she knew. Where was the selfless woman who always wanted to help people. Where was the kind woman who saw the best in everyone. Where was the loving woman who opened her heart to those who needed her. Where was the woman who was the closest thing Nikita had to a mother.
Carla was no longer that woman. She had almost killed Alex because of her desire to get revenge on Amanda. She had almost killed Birkhoff because he accidentally shot her. Nikita didn’t know who that mean, vindictive, single-minded woman was. She wasn’t her mother.
Though, Carla still fit the mold of her other mother figures. Every one of them had hurt her- had fed her to the wolves. Carla wasn’t as special as Nikita had thought. Caroline chose Gary over her. Amanda chose Division over her. And Carla chose Percy over her. It was all the same. No one chose her. Why did no one choose her, “I thought she loved me.”
Nikita’s voice breaking over those words froze Michael. His heart seemed to stumble and fall, and his thoughts stopped processing. Was that really what Nikita had been thinking. Did she truly believe herself to be that unlovable. Michael instantly wanted to argue otherwise. However, the words caught in his throat. He didn’t know Carla enough to change Nikita’s mind.
She had hardly spoken about Carla before the rogues had rescued her. Michael understood why. Carla came from a very difficult part of Nikita’s past. She didn’t like talking about when she was in foster care, when she was a junkie runaway, or when she was in jail (pretty much her whole childhood). However, the things she did have to say about Carla were always so kind. Nikita always spoke of the woman with praise. Carla had saved her, had cared for her, had given her a chance when no one else had. There had been no one else like her in Nikita’s life. So of course Nikita would have believed she had loved her.
And maybe Carla did love Nikita. Deep down and long ago, Carla really did love Nikita the way she loved her. However, Michael couldn’t think of a way to say that to his crying girlfriend. ‘Maybe’ wouldn’t be enough for her. He needed real evidence to comfort her. He wished he had some. However, he only knew one or two stories about Carla in the past. And the Carla he knew in the present was a drastically different person. There wasn’t much Michael could say to negate Nikita’s statement- to prove that Carla did love her. Especially after all the pain she had caused her.
But Michael couldn’t just sit there in silence while Nikita sobbed. Even if he couldn’t say anything about Carla, he could still say something. There were other people that loved Nikita. And unlike Carla, it was very obvious and clear that they loved her.
Michael squeezed his girlfriend as tightly as he could and kissed her temple. She trembled in his arms, trying to contain her sobs. He kissed her again and ran a soothing hand up and down her spine. He waited until she quieted down a little before he whispered sternly in her ear- he had to make certain she registered and believed every single word he breathed, “I love you. Okay? I love you.”
Nikita choked on another sob. She tried to burrow into Michael’s warmth and strength, clinging to him with all she had. He kept repeating that he loved her. He rocked her, and held her, and kissed her ever so gently. Even when she eventually quieted her tears, he continuously soothed her. Michael wouldn’t let Nikita go. At least one of the people she loved more than anything in the entire world had to remain by her side and love her back. And (although he knew Alex, Birkhoff, Ryan, and even Owen would express the same sentiment) Michael was determined to be that one.
Chapter 78
Notes:
An AU for 3x11 "Black Badge". It's Salex turn for a pregnancy scare.
Chapter Text
Alex woke to the feeling of Sean tracing the lines of her butterfly tattoo. He hadn’t meant to wake her with his touch; he simply had to touch her in the soft morning light. She hummed in contentment. That was the best feeling in the world to wake up to. She just wanted to lay with her boyfriend in silent joy for as long as possible. Unfortunately, after only a few short moments, Sean popped her soft, contented bubble with a question about her tattoo, “When are you gonna tell me what this means?”
“Is that what we do now? Tell each other all of our stories?” Alex deflected. Everything was so nice and peaceful that morning; she didn’t want to ruin it by talking about the brothel. Maybe some other time- when she wasn’t so happy and warm.
“Tell you anything you wanna know,” Sean muttered, placing a kiss to the butterfly on Alex’s back. Although the affection normally would’ve made her melt, she stiffened at his actions and words. Something about them snapped her out of her happy daze and reminded her of the anxious thoughts she had had the night before. She hadn’t shared them with her boyfriend yet, not wanting to alarm him if it was all nothing. But thinking about it again, Alex soon realized that he deserved to know what was going on.
It concerned him too, after all. Alex couldn’t keep it all to herself. Even if she could, her growing anxiety wouldn’t let her. She had to talk about it. She had to express her concerns and what that might mean for them moving forward. There was a chance that everything would change. Or there was a chance that she was paranoid and overreacting. Honestly, she was hoping for the latter, “Yeah… maybe we should…”
“But we probably don’t have time to share everything. I deploy in two weeks,” Sean interrupted, blurting the information out like that might make it sting less. He should’ve told Alex about his deployment as soon as he heard about it. But he wanted to wait for the right moment. A soft, loving moment in bed seemed like the perfect one.
“Deploy? You’re going back to the Seals?” Snapping upright, Alex stared at Sean in shock. Since when had he rejoined the Navy. Was it after the rogues’ raid on Division and he went to smooth things over with the Marines. Was it when he had left Division. Was it when he was concussed. Why did he never tell her he had joined back up. That was definitely something she should’ve known.
“I never really left. I was on special leave, but the term is up,” Sean instantly followed Alex upright. He hadn’t expected that reaction from her. If he had, he definitely would’ve broken the news to her in a different way. It was just that he never thought she’d be so scared about the idea. She knew he was a Seal- that his life revolved around putting himself in danger so others wouldn’t have to be. So why would she panic at the thought of him leaving. Was there something he was missing- something she wasn’t telling him, “Hey. What?”
Then really should’ve been when Alex told Sean about her anxiety, her nausea, her exhaustion, her moodiness, and her missed period. Instead, she shook her head. She’d rather believe it was all nothing than give into the thought that it was anything more. Then wasn’t the time for anything more, “I don’t know. I guess I just… I thought, since we were together…”
“I was going to join you back at Division?” Sean raised his eyebrows. Sure, he was happy helping Alex and the team while he was on leave. But the Navy was his life. He couldn’t give it all up for that place. He was needed elsewhere, “Hey. I dedicated my whole life to being a Seal. I can’t just walk away from that, it’s who I am.”
“Yeah…” Alex turned away from Sean. She definitely couldn’t tell him what she was thinking then. She couldn’t let her fear affect him before he deployed. He had to have a clear head if he was going to return home in one piece. She needed answers first before she told him anything. Although staying silent made her anxious thoughts worse, she figured it was for the best. The Navy was Sean’s life. She didn’t want to ruin that.
Tenderly, Sean lifted Alex’s chin so that she would look at him. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking; though, he had at least one idea. His decision to not leave the Navy had nothing to do with their relationship. He loved Alex, and he would fight everyday to return to her. Serving his country was just something he had to do. She could understand that. She served her team with the same devotion. Whereas she had to help Division earn their freedom, he had to protect the freedom out in the world, “This has nothing to do with us.”
Alex only managed a nod before her ringing cell interrupted them. She answered it with a sigh, having absolutely no clue about the shitstorm coming their way.
Pacing Medical, Alex anxiously curled and unfurled her fists. Sean was in surgery then. He should be fine. He was going to be fine. Despite the gunshot wound and his reaction to the drug cocktail, he was safe and sound inside Division. Amanda couldn’t hurt him anymore. She couldn’t kill him and take him away from her.
Even with all those facts, though, Alex still couldn’t get a handle on her anxiety. The thoughts she had hid from Sean that morning were assaulting her mind then. There had been different moments throughout the horrific shitstorm where she constantly thought about them. Yet she still never voiced them. She also still never got an answer for them. She was forcing herself to stay ignorant so she didn’t have to face another terrible situation. However, there was only so much torment she could take. She was going to shatter soon. Unless she finally acknowledged what she was so afraid of.
Forcing back frantic tears, Alex never saw Nikita approach. All of a sudden, she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, stopping her mad pacing. She whirled around to face her best friend, fearful words ready to spill out of her. Yet Nikita stopped those as well. She held a lifeline out to Alex- something that’d put an end to the thoughts she refused to address, “Here. Take this.”
Alex stared at the pregnancy test Nikita was handing out to her, absolutely bewildered. When had she had time to buy a test- Alex hadn’t. And how had she even known that she’d need it. Was Alex really that bad at hiding things. Or did her best friend have some kind of supernatural abilities she didn’t know about, “How’d you know?”
“I’m psychic, remember?” Nikita smirked. Honestly, she had just made a wild guess based on how anxious Alex had been lately and how much emphasis she had put on not wanting to separate Sean from his family. Nikita figured she was being too paranoid by buying the test for her best friend. But, apparently, she wasn’t the only paranoid one in Division. It was a good thing she sprung for the nice test, “This is one of the good ones. It’s easy to use, easy to see the results, and it’s fast and fairly accurate.”
With shaking hands, Alex took the pregnancy test from Nikita. It was time she finally answered whether she was pregnant or if it was just a scare. But she couldn’t move. She wanted to live in denial just a little while longer. Things were easier that way. After all, she didn’t have to make any difficult choices just yet, “But aren’t they not that reliable?”
“It’s a good way to get answers before you make a doctor’s appointment. Which, I recommend using a Division doctor,” Nikita replied softly. A pregnancy test wasn’t a definite answer. But, it would calm some of Alex’s anxiety until she could schedule a doctor’s appointment. Although she had an actual life that’d allow her to go to an actual doctor’s office, it was safer to remain in Division. The news wouldn’t break to the press or to her enemies if she did. A pregnancy was the kind of secret in their line of work that had to stay locked down, “There’s a private bathroom down the hall. I’ll be outside the door the entire time.”
“Have you ever taken one of these before?” Alex stalled. She clutched the pregnancy test tightly in her grasp and pretended like she wasn’t about to take it. It was ridiculous- and probably damaging- to force herself to remain in limbo like that. Yet she still couldn’t move. Her anxiety and fears wouldn’t let her do anything but deny and stall. She should’ve taken a test that morning before things had turned to shit. She had been at least able to think and move then. Whereas at that moment, she just wanted everything to disappear.
“Yes…” Barely above a whisper, Nikita admitted. Alex’s eyes snapped up to stare at her in shock. She definitely wanted her best friend to elaborate, yet Nikita refused. It wasn’t about her or the terrible things in her past then. Alex needed the focus and concern. Gently, Nikita placed a hand on her back and urged her to the bathroom. No more talking and stalling. It was time for answers, “Come on.”
Slowly, Alex made her way to the private bathroom. Nikita was true to her word. She stayed right outside the door the entire time, and she even offered a few more words of comfort. Although Alex was grateful for that, she couldn’t actually find any comfort. She was as anxious as she had been, especially with the test in her hands. Her whole life could change once the results showed. She wasn’t certain if she was ready for that. Sean’s life had just recently been changed forever. She couldn’t introduce more. She couldn’t turn the world upside down twice. She had tried so hard not to do it once, “I was so careful.”
“Life finds a way. Look at Max,” Nikita shrugged. Max, the son of an undercover Gogol agent and an undercover Division agent, had been a complete and utter accident. Both his parents had been so very careful not to conceive. But it happened anyway. There was no way to predict if all the precautions taken would actually work. Life always found a way.
Honestly, Alex didn’t want to think about Cassandra and Max; she didn’t want to think about the fact that their deaths had to be faked in order for them to live. She’d rather be distracted than think of anyone’s death or the possibility of having kids. So, when she finally left the bathroom, she turned her focus to Nikita. She had said something interesting before. Maybe she might elaborate on it, “When you took the test, was it…”
“It was negative. It was only a scare- a really, really bad scare,” Nikita answered bluntly. She really didn’t want to talk about the worst scare she had ever had in her life. It had happened when she was too young to be buying pregnancy tests- something Alex could probably relate to. It was best if that story stayed in the past. It shouldn’t have the power to terrify her anymore.
“When was this? Does Michael know?” Alex immediately pried for more. If Nikita had thought she was pregnant recently, surely, as her best friend, she would’ve known about it. So when would’ve Nikita taken a pregnancy test. Had Alex missed something.
“No, he doesn’t. But it was before him, so it doesn’t matter,” Nikita tried to put an end to Alex’s questions. She should never have admitted to taking a pregnancy test before in the first place. But she had wanted to soothe her best friend, show her that she wasn’t alone in her fear and anxiety. Unlike what Nikita had been at the time, Alex wasn’t alone. She had friends and family available to help her no matter what the results said.
She’d also be surrounded by loved ones no matter what she decided to do with the results. It was a difficult thing to consider. Alex couldn’t make a choice lightly. She had to think about everything immediately. So enough about Nikita. Alex had to think about herself, “What are you going to do if you are pregnant?”
“Talk to Sean,” Alex shrugged. She should’ve been talking to Sean. Yet none of that mattered then. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t change the past. But she could start taking steps to plan for and change the future. She simply had no idea how.
“And after that?” Softly, Nikita questioned. She knew without a doubt what she would do if she discovered she was pregnant in the middle of all that shit. However, Alex wasn’t like her. Alex had a life; she had a chance. She had more options available to her. She just had to pick one and follow through, no matter where it might lead.
“I don’t know. Maybe if we hadn’t just recruited Sean, I would know. But things are so complicated now. I mean, he’s dead. What are we supposed to do?” Tears threatened to spill down Alex’s cheeks. If she had discovered she was pregnant just two days ago, she and Sean could’ve had real answers about what they were going to do about Division and a baby. But since he was dead, there wasn’t much they could do. He was Division’s newest recruit. He couldn’t hide, play dead, and be a father. She also couldn’t fight the deadly targets Amanda had painted on their backs and be a mother. They were stuck- trapped. What could they possibly do.
Nikita wished she had answers for Alex- she really did. However, she had no clue what she should do either. The best Nikita could offer was some information that’d help Alex come to a conclusion, “You know, Division is really good at hiding people. Give us a month, and we can make Sean a whole new person- erase his DNA from any system, give him a new identity that even the CIA can’t flag, and turn him into a ghost. They used to tell us that being recruited was a chance at a new life. We can give Sean a new life.”
“A new life to do what?” Alex questioned. Since recruiting Sean, she had been dying to know what kind of life he could have. He had claimed that his whole life had been about the Seals. So what would it be without it. Who was he if he wasn’t protecting others or saving the world. Who was he if he was on the run and hiding from his enemies instead of facing them. Who was he if he was a ghost. There wasn’t much of a life for him past recruitment. He might’ve been alive. But what kind of life was he left living.
“Run,” Nikita replied simply. It definitely wasn’t hardwired in either Sean’s or Alex’s DNA to just run away from danger; they had to fight injustice, and they had to protect others. But they might not be the only ones in their lives. A huge change was coming their way, and they had to alter everything to meet it. Running would’ve been a great way to do that. After all, Nikita had always been pushing for Alex to escape Division, “I’ve always wanted you out of this war. Guess now that’s coming true.”
“Nikita, I told you before, I can’t just run. I wasn’t built to just sit on a beach while everyone I love is stuck in this hellhole. I have to help. I have to make things right. This started with us, so it has to end with us,” Alex immediately disagreed. How many times did she have to have that argument. She wasn’t running. She would never run. She had a real chance to help people by staying in that fight. She couldn’t just give up on that. No one else had. Just because she was an Udinov didn’t mean she was exempt. She was using her life to help people. If Sean had been allowed to do that with the Seals, then she could with Division. It wasn’t any different.
“It started with me. And I’m not going to let this place hurt you any more than it already has,” Nikita quickly corrected. She went rogue first; she had started the war that never ended. She had only saved Alex in the hopes of giving her a life- a chance- that she had never had. However, Alex chose to help Nikita; she chose to get revenge for herself and others. Although Nikita appreciated all she had done, and loved her so much for it, that wasn’t supposed to be her life. Alex had always been meant to have better. She had to take that chance then. If not for herself, then for the child she might’ve been carrying.
“You sound like Sean,” Unable to find another point to argue, Alex just huffed. She was a big girl; she could take care of herself. Division wasn’t going to kill her too. Though, it could keep hurting her. Sean’s death had just been faked because of his ties to that hellhole. What could that place then do to her child (if she was actually pregnant). She might’ve been fine, but her baby might not have been.
“Good,” Nikita replied. If Sean already agreed with her, then she’d have an easier job helping Alex make a decision. She didn’t want to coerce her best friend into making a decision she didn’t want to make- it was her life, so it was her choice. However, Alex needed to be fully aware of the consequences she was facing. They were going to be life long, “Look, Alex. You might be pregnant. And I know you. You’d want to keep the baby if you are. But you cannot have a baby and stay in Division. It’s just not possible.”
“So isn’t running. Ignore the fact that I want to stay and fight. If Sean and I run, Amanda will be after us. She’d kill us and our baby. The safest place either of us could be is here,” there was one problem with the running plan; it wouldn’t work. Amanda would find Alex and Sean eventually and kill them. They couldn’t be safe on their own. Especially after the attempt on Sean’s life Amanda had just made. And especially if they had a baby. They two could only be safe in Division surrounded by friends and family who’d protect them with everything they had. The team was always stronger together. That’d never change.
Although Alex had a point- the team had just recruited Sean into Division to save him from Amanda- Nikita had a better one. It was something she had been thinking about for a while. Amanda had said that everything that happened was her fault. Maybe the bitch was right. Maybe if the team separated from her, they’d be safer, “Amanda won’t chase after you. The only reason you and Sean have targets on your backs is because of me. If you get away from me, you’ll be safe. Think about it. If Amanda really wanted to hurt you, she’d go after your families. She only wants to hurt me. And she’d know that you leaving would hurt me enough.”
Alex opened then closed her mouth. There was a very real possibility that Nikita was right. If Alex left Nikita, Amanda wouldn’t chase after her. However, Alex didn’t want to think about leaving her best friend. Surely, having a baby didn’t mean that she had to leave so many friends and loved ones behind. She wanted to have her whole family around her. If she did, then her baby would never feel alone. There had to be something else she could do besides run. Nikita always had a million different ideas. So what was her crazy plan for that situation, “What would you do if you were pregnant?”
“That’s the thing. I’m not you, Alex. I don’t have the Udinov name or the Udinov fortune. I don’t have a life I can run to. I’d always be fighting and hiding. If it’s not Amanda, then it’s the government, or… I don’t have the luxury to choose what to do. While Division is still around, I’d only ever have one option if I was pregnant,” Nikita hardly glanced at Alex as she confessed to her thoughts. She and Michael had talked about that before. And that had both agreed on what they’d have to do. But it didn’t make it any easier to think about. While Division was around, Nikita had no life. She still had to wait to do normal things.
But Alex didn’t. She could have normal then if she wanted to. Nothing was hindering her choices, “Look, Alex. You have the money, life, and protection to run. You can finally escape this danger, and build a great life for your kid. You wouldn’t have any enemies chasing you down. You wouldn’t have anyone hiring a strike team to kill your entire family. You and Sean can be safe. You wouldn’t be entirely free, not while Sean’s technically dead. But you’d have what a baby needs- and that’s a safe, secure life.”
“So my only options are to either get rid of the baby, or to run and hide? You taught me that there’s always more than two choices. I can find another way,” Alex wasn’t sure why she kept fighting so hard. Maybe it was because she was so scared. She was terrified of all the changes a baby would bring. She didn’t want things to change. Her life had been uprooted enough times. Couldn’t she just live happily without sacrificing anything. Was that too much to ask for. Could she at least have one good thing in her life without having to give up another.
“Maybe you can. Maybe after we shut down Division we can get Sean a pardon too, and he could come back to life. But, Alex, there are more important things than helping people and doing the right thing. If you are pregnant, and if you decide to keep it- which I know you will- then you need to promise me that your baby won’t grow up like us,” Taking one of Alex’s hands in hers, Nikita squeezed tightly. Alex looked her best friend in the eyes and was met with absolutely sincerity. She had to promise. No more kids like them.
As she nodded, her blue eyes fell back down to the pregnancy test in her hand. The results had finally appeared.
The second Alex was told she could see Sean, she hurried to his Medical room. She was determined to be there for him when he woke. She had to be the one to welcome him to his new life. He needed a familiar, loving, kind face to ease him. He also needed her to finally tell him what had been going on with her. Though, she’d have to ease him into that too. Getting him to relax as soon as he woke was already a struggle, “Hey. Hey. Try not to move too much. Takes a while for that cocktail to wear off.”
“My sisters, I have to call them,” Sean’s words were slurred. He tried to push against Alex’s steadying hands, needing to get out of bed and reassure his sisters that he was alright. It took everything in Alex to remain calm and soothing. She hadn’t expected Sean to be so confused when he woke. Shocked and scared, yes. But not forgetful. That was going to make things a hell of a lot harder. And after the emotional turmoil she had gone through in the hallway, she didn’t know if she had the strength for it.
“You can’t,” The words were hardly above a whisper. Alex wished she could’ve told Sean any other answer. Yet he couldn’t have any contact with the outside world. It was the only way to keep everyone safe. Although it was painful- it hurt so damn much- she knew he’d rather have his sisters safe than anything else. All he ever cared about was protecting his loved ones. That had to stay the same even as his world turned upside down.
Conceding to the fact that Sean couldn’t just lie back against the pillows when he had so many questions that needed answered, Alex helped him sit up easily on the bed. Although he was more relaxed, he still wasn’t completely satisfied. He had to talk to his sisters. He had to let them know that he was alright. And he had to know if they were alright. Whatever evils Amanda was up to couldn’t affect them. They at least had to stay out of Division. They couldn’t be hurt by that place too, “Why? Did they get hurt? What happened?”
“They think you’re dead, Sean. The whole world thinks you’re dead. The FBI, the Navy. Your funeral is on Wednesday,” Alex gently informed her boyfriend. She and Nikita wound up talking for another hour or so. Then Nikita gave her a tight, reassuring hug and left her to talk to Sean’s sisters. Jill and Sandy were the ones who told Alex about the funeral details. She refrained from telling them her news. There were still things she had to figure out first.
“This is insane,” Sean quietly muttered. What Alex was telling him couldn’t have been possible. He knew that he had shot himself so Division could smuggle him out of the FBI building. But wasn’t dead. He couldn’t have been dead. That was insane.
“I know. This was your choice. I fought so this could be your choice,” Alex continued to struggle to remain calm and steady for Sean. She had believed it was clear what Division wanted from him when they had suggested the Article 134. It was ultimately his choice what to do, yet they had instructed him to kill himself. That message should’ve rang loud and clear. But, apparently, the team had been wrong. Sean might’ve chosen to let them help him escape, yet he didn’t exactly sign up for recruitment. He didn’t want to die- just be saved.
While Alex battled the guilt and pain that realization brought, Sean attempted to come to terms with his decision. He hadn’t thought the consequences through. He seriously didn’t think how his actions would affect his sisters or the world until after he woke in Division. He should’ve taken longer to think over the team’s letter. He had changed his future, and he had only then realized it, “So to the world, I died a criminal? A traitor?”
Tears burned in Alex’s eyes. Yet, rather than let them fall, she shoved them and the past behind her. They couldn’t get hung up on things they could’ve done. Their past couldn’t drown them out as they tried to move forward. And they definitely had to move forward. A huge future was in front of Sean and Alex. It was new, it was challenging, and it was terrifying. Yet it could be better than their past, “When a new recruit wakes up in Division, they’re told that their old life is over. But they’re offered a chance at a new one. Maybe this new one can be something better.”
Taking her boyfriend’s hand in hers, Alex almost thought about placing it on her lower abdomen. However, that seemed way too cliché. He deserved more than just a stupid gesture. She had to actually talk to him. Everything she knew, everything she was thinking, he had to know. There was no point in hiding anything from him. Her life was his life too. Whatever she went through, she’d always have him by her side. Just like she’d always be by his side, “Sean… I have something to tell you.”
When Sean glanced at her with his curious, hurt-filled hazel eyes, Alex momentarily lost her resolve. She still hadn’t come to a decision. She still had no idea what to do with the news. Maybe she shouldn’t burden him with all that until she did. After taking a deep breath, though, Alex managed to square her shoulders and press on. She couldn’t allow her fear to weigh her down. Sean needed more from her. And so did their baby, “I know the timing is awful. And… and I wish- I really wish- that things were different. Maybe then it wouldn’t be so hard. It could actually be something we can smile about. But… Sean, I’m… I’m pregnant.”
Although pain and confusion still reflected deeply in Sean’s eyes, he looked up at Alex with a bright sparkling gaze. He smiled. She smiled back.
Chapter 79
Notes:
Set post-series. Bonya celebrate Valentine's day.
Chapter Text
“What’s this?” Sonya entered hers and Seymour’s apartment after her afternoon yoga class, absolutely bewildered. Bags littered the living room carpet, and Seymour was setting up some kind of work table, complete with a computer and his comfortable gamer chair. She wasn’t aware of any mission for Alex or project for their tech company they were supposed to be working on. Unless something had come up while she was gone. Or- more likely- her husband (they were still considered newlyweds, and the fact that she could call him her husband still sent a thrill of excitement up her spine) was up to something.
“I thought we could build legos together. I found the instructions online, so we can each build a bag at the same time, instead of taking turns and sharing the book,” Welcoming his wife (he loved that word) home with a kiss, Seymour explained what he was up to. There was more to his plans for the day than just building legos, but he’d continue to keep that to himself. He wanted to fill Sonya’s day with surprises. It was their first Valentine’s day (well, almost Valentine’s day) as a married couple. He wanted it to be as special as possible.
“What are we building?” Dropping her bag and slipping off her shoes, Sonya easily agreed to Seymour’s plans. She couldn’t remember the last time she had had time to just sit and build legos. But she’d absolutely carve out time to build with her husband. It seemed like the perfect way to relax and spend time together- especially if they were splitting up instead of frustratedly sharing the sections and the instructions.
“You’ll find out when we finish,” Seymour smirked. The legos they were constructing were just another part of his series of surprises. He had considered building them while Sonya was at yoga and presenting them to her once she returned. But spending time together doing something they both loved seemed like the better plan. Based on the bright loving smile his wife gave him, he had been right.
“And what will stop me from flipping to the end of the instructions?” Settling on the floor, Sonya smirked. She preferred to lay on her stomach and flip through the instruction book as she built. Seymour could have the table and computer. That worked perfectly for him. He had given her the beginning sections to build. She wouldn’t know the final project until he finished. Unless, of course, she peaked. She had half a mind to, mostly just to tease her husband. But it looked like he had put a lot of work into his surprise. She couldn’t ruin that for him.
“The thrill of the surprise,” Seymour simply shrugged. Sonya couldn’t really argue with that, so she just chuckled and began to rip open the bags of legos. Her husband sat at the worktable and did the same.
The married couple turned on music and alternated between talking while they built and simply sitting in companionable silence. They didn’t talk about anything important. They just shared stories of building legos throughout their childhood- and the rare moments in their adulthood where they had had time- made one another laugh, and little comments about random things. Eventually, though, Sonya came across a confusing bit of construction. She fell into silence as she concentrated on what she was doing. She could feel her husband staring at her as she focused. But it wasn’t until he laughed at her that she snapped, “What?”
“Nothing. Sorry. It’s just, you stick your tongue out when you’re really focused. It’s adorable,” Seymour instantly appeased his wife. He wasn’t trying to make fun of her; he only thought it was absolutely adorable how her tongue poked past her lips a tad when she was in deep concentration. He had seen it a few times when they were hacking, but he had been too focused on his own hack to comment on it. While they relaxed together, though, he could truly appreciate how cute Sonya was.
Despite how long they had been together, hearing her husband call her adorable made Sonya blush. She smiled blissfully to herself as she refocused on her set of legos. Seymour chuckled to himself as he did the same. The couple fell back into companionable silence, happily listening to music while they constructed the toy. After she got past her confusion, Sonya made great progress on her section. Seymour, on the other hand, ran into a snag. While he was distracted by his wife, he had accidentally built a part wrong. He had to remove the pieces and start over. Unfortunately (at least in that instance) removing the lego bricks was difficult.
Sonya soon heard Seymour struggling at his worktable. She sat up to look at him and saw that he was gnawing on a couple of lego bricks. Instantly, she became concerned, irritated, and exasperated, “What are you doing? Don’t bite the legos. What are you, feral?”
“I couldn’t get it off,” Spitting the lego piece out of his mouth, Seymour defended himself. He had tried to use his nails to pry off the brick, yet it hadn’t worked; in fact, he had broken a nail chipping at the pieces. Although it was messy, his teeth worked wonders. And it saved him from further pain.
“Use the tool. And patience,” Tossing her husband the bright orange separator, Sonya rolled her eyes. Yes, at times, the tool wasn’t that helpful. But with patience and determination the separator would do its job and save your nails. There was no need to leave teeth marks on the toys; they weren’t children- well, for the most part.
“You’ve always been better at that than me,” Slowly and carefully, Seymour used the orange separator to remove the legos. It wasn’t any faster than his teeth or nails, yet he wasn’t damaging the bricks. Considering the legos were a gift for his wife, he could make that sacrifice. He could also copy her and work on his patience. Though, that seemed more difficult. Maybe some other day. There was a countless amount in their future, after all.
When Seymour mentioned that to his wife, however, she threw an extra lego piece at him. He instantly burst into laughter, and Sonya couldn’t remain irritated at him. She chuckled and shook her head and returned to her building. Her husband didn’t let her return in silence. He continued to crack jokes, each more ridiculous than the last. Sonya didn’t want to encourage him, yet it was so difficult to not laugh at his crazy antics. That, of course, only made him ramp it up even more. He’d always do anything that’d make her laugh.
The only downside, however, was that playing around with Sonya delayed his lego building. She was going to finish her section before him, and that might spoil his surprise. Seymour had to hurry to catch up. He wasn’t completely silent as he built, though. He made mumbled comments to himself, especially as he figured out complicated connections. At one point, he chuckled in satisfaction as he finally understood how to put pieces together. His wife had left him to his own devices while he intently built, until then. Hearing him chuckle like that made her burst into laughter again.
Seymour glanced at her, confused. She shook her head, waving off his worry. Sonya wasn’t responding to his triumphant laugh; she was reacting to the thought that had come to her mind. Once she was able to contain her giggles, she was able to explain, “Sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing at Alex. Did you know that she started making fun of you by imitating that laugh? But she did it so much, she now does it unironically.”
“That’s what she gets,” Seymour scoffed. He was aware that Alex liked to make fun of him. He usually got her back with his own taunts. But when he wasn’t around to put her in her place, he was glad to know that she set her own self up for failure.
Sonya continued to giggle while she finished her set of legos. Once he finished his, Seymour smiled at her adoringly. He could honestly stay like that forever. He could just look at his wife smiling and being completely awash in joy for the rest of his life. Yet her smile didn’t last that long. When she completed her section of the legos, her joy melted into bewilderment. She couldn’t even guess what she had made. She could only stare at it as she hesitantly turned it over in her hands, “I honestly have no idea what I just built.”
“Maybe this will help,” Grinning brightly, Seymour joined his wife on the floor with his section of legos. The second he put the two together, Sonya beamed as well. While she had constructed what turned out to be a vase, he had built her flowers. She had a lego bouquet she could display permanently in their home. Every single day she could walk past it and be reminded of her husband’s love. Sonya’s smile bloomed so wide she could almost burst. Leaning in for a kiss, Seymour chuckled adoringly, “Happy Valentine’s day.”
“But that’s not today,” Once again, Sonya’s grin was replaced with confusion. Valentine’s day was still a couple days away. Although the married couple hadn’t decided on what they were doing to celebrate, she was positive they were going to go out for dinner or something. The gift of a lego bouquet was a complete surprise. Quickly, Sonya began to wonder if Seymour had any more surprises in store.
“Right. It’s on Tuesday. But since it’s in the middle of the week, I figured we could spend the weekend celebrating instead,” Helping his wife to his feet, and being very careful of the legos, Seymour explained. The two were usually fairly busy during the week. It was much easier to go on dates and have any kind of celebrations on the weekend. Especially since those days allowed the two to spend as much time as possible together.
“That’s a great plan. I love it,” Sonya finally returned her husband’s kiss. Although she honestly would’ve gone along with whatever they decided to do for their first Valentine’s day as a married couple, she was glad it was something special. It could then be something they could hold onto for years. And, it could be something she strived to beat as she planned to surprise him for the next year’s Valentine’s day, “I really love it.”
“Great. Now go get ready. We have dinner reservations,” Nudging her towards the bedroom, Seymour smirked. Sonya didn’t hesitate. She passed off the lego bouquet, left him to clean up the living room, and excitedly got ready for dinner. She didn’t need to know which restaurant he had made reservations at; she trusted him (she also kind of had an idea). Besides, after the beautiful legos he had built with her, she didn’t care what else they did that night. Spending quality time like that with him, doing something they both loved, was enough for the day to be absolutely perfect.
Once the married couple was cleaned up and in their finest clothes, Seymour drove them to the restaurant. Sonya’s suspicions had been right. The restaurant that she had wanted to go to for months but couldn’t make the time to make a reservation and stick to it was the one her husband picked for the night. She kissed him passionately before they left the car. He didn’t stop her. The two lovingly and happily kissed in the parking lot until they were almost going to miss their reservation. Then, they begrudgingly separated and rushed inside.
Light and easy conversation filled the two’s dinner. They tried to hold hands the whole time, yet when their food arrived, they did have to let go. Fortunately, their smiles and laughter kept them connected throughout their meal. Even when they didn’t have anything real to talk about, Sonya and Seymour continued to thoroughly enjoy one another’s company. Sure, there were times in their relationship where not everything was perfect and they had to work to make it through the day. But that night was perfect. Mostly because they just let their love flow.
When dinner and dessert was finished, the couple walked aimlessly back to their car. At least, Sonya thought that was what they were doing. Seymour kept pulling her in another direction away from their car and the parking lot. She couldn’t imagine that he had anything else planned for the night. It was getting late, “Where are you going? The car’s this way.”
“Right. But the arcade’s this way,” Seymour tugged on his wife’s hand, leading her to the arcade around the corner. He honestly hadn’t known an arcade- an arcade that doubled as a bar, so it stayed open late- was there until he had looked up directions to the restaurant the other day. Once he had learned about it, though, he instantly made plans to go with his wife. It didn’t matter if he was still in his suit and she was still in her dress from dinner. The best way for them to end the night was to play games together.
“I love you,” Sonya absolutely agreed with her husband, hurrying ahead of him and pulling him after her. She wasn’t entirely sure where she was going, yet she was too excited to care. It had been so long since she had been to an arcade- almost as long as it had been since she built a lego. She couldn’t wait to experience that fun again with Seymour.
“I love you too,” Chuckling, Seymour caught up with his wife. He guided her to the arcade, and the two excitedly dashed instead. Neither really cared about the alcohol component of the bar/arcade. All their attention laid on the many videogames they could play together.
They hit up the classics first, playfully taunting one another as they tried to outmaneuver the other (their total scores for the night claimed that Sonya was the ultimate winner). After they had gone through their favorites, the married couple attempted games they weren’t as familiar with. Teases still flew as they tried to learn the new games. But they were more nonsensical. And more of a way to cover up the fact that they didn’t know what they were doing.
Eventually, the two made their way to the pinball machine in the back. Sonya had grown tired after the hours playing all the other games, so she was content with just resting on her husband’s shoulder as he played a few rounds. The same type of comments he’d make while he hacked slipped off his tongue as he played, making her giggle. Seymour smiled. Though, it was just for a second. He soon smirked proudly as he successfully kept the ball in play with a trick he had picked up. Sonya was instantly intrigued by it and asked, “Where’d you learn to do that?”
“Surprisingly, Nikita,” It had been more than a decade since Nikita had taught him that trick, yet Seymour was still surprised by that fact. Sonya questioned him about it, yet he didn’t have much of an answer for how Nikita had even known that. It was just another fact about the former rogue, “Yeah. She’s some kind of pinball wizard. And pool shark.”
The way Seymour grumbled the last fact made Sonya burst out laughing. There had to be a story that connected the two thoughts of Nikita being surprisingly good at pinball and pool in his mind, yet she didn’t care to hear it then. She only wanted to know how much money her husband had lost to their friend because of her con, “How much did she steal from you?”
“Three hundred bucks. And an additional five hundred from Mikey. I seriously thought he was gonna beat her. But then she pulled this trick out of nowhere and crushed us,” Seymour shook his head at the distant memory. That story was so long ago, it almost didn’t seem true. The three of them had been completely different people then- blind agents trapped in a crushing system. Though, one thing that had remained the same was how Michael smiled at Nikita. Seymour used to make fun of him for it. However, after he had found Sonya, he understood.
“Like that?” Sonya’s question snapped Seymour out of his memory. He had done another trick on the pinball machine that left her in awe. He smirked proudly that time, though. He hadn’t learned that trick from Nikita. Although there was a chance she could crush him at pinball like she had at pool, he still had his own tricks up his sleeve.
“Oh no. That was all me, baby,” Seymour flashed a smug grin and wiggled his eyebrows. Sonya rolled her eyes and nudged him. He had almost missed a ball after she pushed him, and he had to scramble to save it in time. Fortunately, he was lucky. Unfortunately, his wife then had a wicked idea. While he kept playing, she kept nudging and teasing him. It was frustrating; however, he wasn’t annoyed by it. When she laughed and teased, so did he.
Soon, the last pinball was dropped, and Seymour’s game was ended. He simply shrugged off his loss, grabbed his wife’s hand, and walked with her back to the car. She slipped her arm in his and rested her head back on his shoulder. They had to walk slowly to the car so they could stay so close. But that was kind of the point. They didn’t want the day to end; they wanted to keep living in that perfect moment, “I had a great time today.”
“Me too,” Seymour echoed. He kissed his wife tenderly and held her close to him. When they finally parted, she nudged her nose against his, and he whispered the three holy words he would never stop saying against her lips, “I love you.”
Chapter 80
Notes:
Set sometime in season 3. The unstoppable force of Michael's protective nature clashes with the immoveable object that is Nikita's stubbornness.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Alex and Sean agreed to meet Nikita and Michael at the coffee shop around the corner for breakfast before they had to fly back to Division. After their mission the previous night, the agents crashed in a nearby motel. Not only were they absolutely strung out and exhausted, but also, some heat had to die down first before they could leave the country and travel home. Resting before they returned to the constant shitstorm the black ops group always fell into was a good thing anyway. The four could take a moment to breathe and relax.
Sean and Alex had been able to, at least; they woke up the next morning feeling fresh and peaceful. Michael and Nikita, on the other hand, were more pissy than they had been after the mission. The second anyone looked at them funny, they were going to snap.
Walking into the coffee shop, Alex instantly sensed that something was wrong between the engaged couple. Nikita sat alone at a table, slouched in her chair and slowly sipping her coffee, and Michael stood stiffly at the counter, waiting on their breakfast order. With one glance at Sean, Alex silently ordered him to talk to Michael (and buy their breakfast) while she talked to Nikita. It was a simple enough plan; however, as Alex neared her best friend, she had the feeling that she might be too upset to talk to. She really didn’t want to be yelled at that morning, so she tentatively asked before she sat, “Is it okay to approach?”
“It’s okay if you do,” Nikita muttered as she sipped her coffee. Kicking out a chair for Alex to sit down, she shot a glare in Michael’s direction. He quickly caught the look and rolled his eyes in irritation. His fiancée huffed and shifted in her seat so her back was towards him. He turned his back to her as well.
Witnessing the entire interaction, Alex felt even more awkward and confused than before. The night before, Michael and Nikita had entered their motel room hand in hand. What could’ve possibly happened to make them despise each other in the morning. Alex probably shouldn’t pry. Yet she didn’t want to deal with the engaged couple fighting all day. Even if she was uncomfortable, it was better to get involved and help resolve the tension than to let it fester, “So, uh, what happened to you two last night?”
Nikita sighed and slid further down in her chair. It was then that Alex noticed how exhausted she looked. The caffeine in her giant cup of coffee wasn’t going to help her. She was bone tired, about to die on her feet. A long, strenuous mission plus a bad night left her ready to collapse- and maybe scream, “We got into a fight. And because of that, we didn’t sleep well.”
“Was it about the mission?” Alex wondered. The only thing she could think of that the engaged couple could’ve potentially fought about was the recent mission. However, the op had been fairly standard. Nothing too dramatic had happened, and it pretty much went according to plan. There couldn’t have been anything to fight about; Nikita, for once, hadn’t been reckless. However, with Michael and Nikita, anything was possible.
“No,” Rubbing a tired hand over her face, Nikita replied. She wished she and her fiancé had fought over the mission. Then, they could’ve at least come to some sort of conclusion or compromise. Fighting over nothing just left them confused and hurt. It was as though there was no real end. But maybe if Nikita talked about it- specifically, ranted about it- then maybe she could find an answer.
Nikita had collapsed in bed first. After she showered off the mission and pulled on clean underwear, she crawled under the covers and let exhaustion drag her down. Michael had taken over the bathroom after her, and by the time he was ready for bed, she was already asleep. Well, mostly asleep. She had opened her eyes and poked her head up when she heard the bathroom door open. But when she saw that it was only her fiancé, she fell right back to sleep. Michael couldn’t help but chuckle softly at her. She had come a long way from freaking out over every small noise he made during the night. Although she was still on guard, she found comfort in him.
Michael found comfort in Nikita as well, and he couldn’t wait to crawl under the covers beside her and cuddle with her as they slept. However, when he moved to the empty side of the bed, he noticed a problem. It wasn’t that big of a problem. He tried to ignore it. But a nagging anxiety had settled in his stomach, and he couldn’t let it go. He had to do something about it if he wanted to be able to sleep that night. And God was he so fucking tired.
Maybe if they were staying in a hotel, he would’ve been fine with it. Hotel room doors were interior- to even get to a room, one had to be waved through the front door and then had to walk past a desk full of people. There was more security and peace of mind with a hotel. However, at a motel, the doors to the rooms were all exterior. Anyone could just come in at any time. There was nothing stopping someone from just bursting into their room and attacking whoever slept closest to the door.
And Nikita was sleeping closest to the door.
Michael had to move her before he could go to sleep. He had to be the one sleeping closest to the door. Incase anything were to happen, he had to be able to protect her. Unfortunately, moving a sleeping Nikita was no easy task. It was like poking a sleeping bear. The instant Michael hovered over her and nudged her, she woke up and growled, “Michael, what the fuck are you doing?”
“Moving you so I can sleep on this side,” Michael explained briefly. He definitely should’ve explained himself further, especially if he wanted Nikita to move. But he was tired, and he didn’t want to hear her complain about him being overprotective. So, he just left it at that and attempted to push her over again.
“It doesn’t fucking matter,” Nikita refused to move. With her eyes still closed, she curled into a tight ball and somehow found a way to burrow into the mattress. Michael couldn’t make her budge despite all his efforts. For such a small and light woman, she was impossible to move when she didn’t want to. It felt like he was dealing with Hayley when she had thrown one of her temper tantrums, but way worse.
“Yeah, It kind of does,” Again, Michael definitely should’ve just told his fiancée what he was thinking. But did he really have to give her an explanation whenever he wanted her to do something. Or could she just listen to him for once.
“Since fucking when?” Eyes snapping open, Nikita glared at Michael. Even in the dark motel room, he knew that look well. He better drop the subject or else she’d rip his head off. The fact that she was exhausted wouldn’t diminish her destructive anger. In fact, it enhanced it.
“Since fucking always,” Although Michael knew better than to argue with his fiancée over nothing while they were in their current state, his anxiety couldn’t be stopped. He had to follow through with his plan to move Nikita and sleep closest to the door. Otherwise, neither of them would be sleeping that night.
Sitting up on the mattress, Nikita maintained her glare. She had no clue what had gotten into her fiancé, yet she really didn’t care. She just wanted him to shut up so she could sleep, “Why are you so stubborn?”
“Why am I stubborn? You’re the one who won’t move over,” Plopping down on the mattress next to Nikita, Michael continued to try and move her. She still wouldn’t budge. She was rooted in her spot, refusing to give up her position. The two were reaching the point in their argument where, no matter what, they wouldn’t back down from their side. Even explanations wouldn’t get them to back down. Their stubbornness and pride were on the line, after all. They were going to explode.
“And you’re the one making a big deal out of nothing,” Nikita couldn’t care less that she was whining. She didn’t understand why her fiancé couldn’t just lay on the other side of the bed and hold her as they slept. There had been no need for him to wake her and make a big fuss over who slept where. They’d be back in their own bed and on their own sides tomorrow. Couldn’t he just suck it up for one night.
“It’s not nothing,” Michael should’ve told Nikita about his intense anxiety over just the possibility of her getting hurt. That was the main reason he wanted her to move, not because of some stupid side of the bed. His anxiety wasn’t something he could ignore. It was also something his fiancée had to know about. However, he couldn’t find the right words to express that. Maybe in the morning when he wasn’t strung out and tired after a mission he could actually say what he needed to. But then, all he could do was stare.
“Fine then,” Unable to read her fiancé’s expression in the dark (and too sleep deprived to even understand it if she could read it) Nikita grabbed the comforter and some pillows from the bed. It was Michael’s turn to be confused. He watched her frustratedly move around, having no idea what she was up to. Then she cursed at him again and muttered harshly, “Have it your way. I’ll sleep on the floor.”
That was absolutely not what Michael wanted. Even though Nikita was sleeping on the floor on the other side of the bed away from the door, he did not want to go to sleep without her next to him. He tried to make her stop, yet it was way too late. She had already made up her stubborn mind, “Nikita…”
“Goodnight,” Wrapping the comforter around herself, Nikita collapsed on the floor and shut her fiancé completely out. With a frustrated groan, Michael gave up. He simply flopped onto the mattress and tried to find warmth in the thin sheet she had left him.
There were a lot of comments Alex could’ve made after Nikita finished telling her story. The main thing she wanted to ask was why was Nikita so damn stubborn that she chose to sleep on the floor instead of just moving over. But, knowing how grouchy (bitchy) her best friend could be when she was tired, Alex refrained from saying anything (that was probably the same conclusion Michael had come to when he hadn’t stopped his fiancée from sleeping on the floor). Instead, she asked a simpler question that might help them get to the bottom of things, “What do you mean he had to sleep on that side of the bed?”
“I don’t know,” Nikita collapsed in her chair and slammed her head against the table. Honestly, if it was dead silent in the coffeehouse, Nikita could fall asleep right on that table. She had not slept at all on the motel room floor. If she had, it was only a slight doze. One good thing about flying back to Division was that she could sleep on the plane. The bad thing was she had to deal with an airport while sleep deprived.
“Is that the side of the bed he sleeps on?” Alex couldn’t help but wonder. Sean had a specific side of the bed he liked to sleep on. Maybe Michael was the same way, and Nikita had never noticed until then.
“No. That’s the thing. We’ve never had a consistent side of the bed that we sleep on. Each new bedroom we’ve had, we’ve changed,” Lifting her head, Nikita whined. She still had no idea what Michael had been thinking the night before. She had tossed and turned all night trying to figure it out. Yes, the motel floor was uncomfortable and gross. Yet, she had slept on worse. Her mind had only been on her fiancé and what could’ve possibly been wrong with him.
“Huh,” Alex could not understand Michael’s thought process either. If he hadn’t cared about which side of the bed he slept on before, then what had changed his mind. Spotting Sean and Michael approaching their table, Alex just decided to ask him. Michael looked just as exhausted as Nikkita; he probably tossed and turned as he shivered with the sheet he had been forced to sleep with, feeling terrible for making his fiancée sleep on the floor. He was probably so exhausted that he’d answer any questions thrown at him. So Alex just blurted, “Michael, which side of the bed do you sleep on?”
Michael sighed. He had been expecting that question all morning. In the clarity of daylight, he realized he seriously should’ve just told Nikita about his anxiety; she would’ve moved and comforted him if he had. She would always comfort him if he told her. He planned on telling her soon just so they could talk. However, he wouldn’t say anything about it in front of Sean and Alex. That was a conversation he was more comfortable having with just Nikita. So, for the meantime, he handed his fiancée her breakfast, sat in the chair next to her, and answered, “The side closest to the door.”
“Hey. Same,” Sean smiled. Unlike the engaged couple, he and Alex sat so closely that they touched as they ate their breakfast. Except, when Sean admitted that he slept on the side closest to the door, his girlfriend pulled away from him in confusion. Nikita also glanced at her fiancé, puzzled. She didn’t stop eating, though. She’d probably listen and understand better if she had food in her stomach.
“What?” Alex, on the other hand, put down her breakfast to better comprehend what her boyfriend had said. She thought he slept on the right side of the bed. That was the side he always landed on, at least. Though, as she thought about it, Alex realized Sean was correct. He did always sleep by the door. The door just happened to be on the right side of the room. Seemingly reading her thoughts, Sean solidified the idea with a nod.
Nikita mostly ignored the other couple as she ate and worked out what Michael had confessed. Eating really was working wonders for her. She was able to relax next to her fiancé, and he was able to relax next to her (also feeling better with food in his system). Eating also helped Nikita think. She soon had an example that argued against Michael’s statement. He didn’t always sleep by the door, “Wait. But our bed at Birkhoff’s faced the door.”
“But you were on the side of the bathroom that had the locked door,” Michael shrugged. There were going to be exceptions to his own rules. But, as long as he could find a way to keep his fiancée safe- like having her sleep by a door that locked so she could have a place to hide just incase- he was alright. Admittedly, thinking like that, Michael could understand why Nikita said he was paranoid and overprotective. He probably did have a problem. But he wouldn’t stop trying to keep his loved ones safe.
“Smart,” Sean was on Michael’s side. Even kickass warrior women girlfriends needed to be protected too. They simply had to come up with creative ways to keep them from constantly jumping right into the fray.
“How is that smart?” Alex immediately questioned. She was glad Nikita was just as confused as she was. Their boyfriends were acting so weird. Why were they that obsessed with the doors in their bedrooms. As long as they locked, were they really that big of a deal.
Sean considered how he should phrase his answer before he replied. He and Michael talked briefly about the engaged couple’s fight the night before, and he found himself agreeing with one particular thing: he didn’t want to hear the same arguments from Alex. If he went into detail about how smart it was to have your girlfriend sleep on the interior side of the bedroom, he’d only hear about how she could protect herself just fine. But that wasn’t the extent of it, “Well, if someone were to break in…”
“That’s why you were so anal about which side to sleep on last night? Why didn’t you just tell me?” Nikita hastily interrupted Sean (much to his relief). She finally figured out why Michael was so pressed about which side of the bed he slept on. He had to sleep near the door so he could protect her from whatever might come crashing in. Of course he couldn’t have let that go and left her alone. She swore, his need to protect her would be his undoing.
“Because I didn’t want to hear the whole ‘I can protect myself’ thing,” Michael admitted a part of the truth. He honestly didn’t want to keep having the same argument with Nikita. He knew she could take care of herself. That was never what protecting her was all about; he wasn’t dissing her ability. She should know that. There was no need to keep fighting.
“I can,” Nikita couldn’t stop herself from saying. The words, however, didn’t have the same usual stubborn bite to them. She simply softly reminded and gently reassured her fiancé that she’d always be alright.
“I can too,” Giving her boyfriend a pointed look, Alex added. Later, she would love to hear what he’d have to say about the bathroom door. Although she suspected it had to do with his need to protect her, she wanted to hear his explanation for how that was the smartest and safest option. Because to her, it just sounded ridiculous.
“I didn’t say anything,” Sean wasn’t sure what exactly he had to defend himself against. But the glare Alex shot him wasn’t something he could ignore. Unless, she was just messing with him. It was hard to tell before he had finished his morning cup of coffee.
Leaning against his fiancée- mostly because he was grateful she wasn’t going to argue with him, and partially because he was still exhausted- Michael sighed. They were approaching the part of the conversation that he’d need more caffeine to be able to get through. But he could at least make one comment while he looked at Nikita for strength, “It’s not that you can’t. It’s that we want to keep you safe.”
“So, have you always been like this? Or is this a new thing?” Nikita recognized the look in Michael’s eyes. How had she not seen it earlier. His anxiety had gotten the better of him last night. That happened sometimes on the nights right after a mission. She should’ve been more understanding. He couldn’t stop his fear, especially when it came to those he loved. Which, made her wonder, had that anxiety always been there. Or, had it appeared after Hayley and Elizabeth. When they talked in private later about what had happened, Nikita could ask Michael more directly about that. For the moment, though, she hoped he’d catch her vague hint.
“Since OCS,” Michael grinned softly. He had understood what Nikita had meant. And, although Hayley’s and Elizabeth’s deaths had made it worse, he had always had anxiety regarding his loved ones’ safety. They could discuss it more in depth when they were free to talk in private. Until then, he’d just hold his fiancée’s hand under the table and squeeze tightly.
“Officer Candidate School,” Sean explained for Alex’s sake. Apparently, he had been remiss in teaching her some Naval lingo. The next time she sat him down to teach him some Russian, he’d share some phrases with her. At that moment, though, he’d just focus on partially explaining where some of his protectiveness came from, “And same.”
“Oh. So this is an inherited trait,” Eyeing both Sean and Michael, Nikita smirked. It was about time they brought some humor into their conversation. Michael and Sean were easy targets to poke fun of. So why not start lightning up by dragging the two Navy men.
Nikita, after all, had Alex as an ally. If she decided to tease their boyfriends, then her best friend would happily tag in. She already had a quip at the ready to taunt with, “So overprotectiveness plus Naval training turns you into dumbasses.”
“Who forget that we can kick their ass,” Nudging her fiancé, Nikita proudly added. Whereas Alex smirked in support, Michael and Sean grumbled and rolled their eyes. If she wanted to make claims like that, then she had to be prepared to back them up. The men doubted she could. They had some stories that contradicted her.
“I beat your ass sparring all the time,” Michael started the list, nudging his fiancée in retaliation. He also stole a melon from her fruit bowl that he knew she wasn’t going to eat. She, in turn, took his coffee and drank it. The glare the two leveled at one another was nothing like the threatening ones they had thrown the night before. It was all flirtatious and teasing. They had moved past their stupid little fight, just like they always did, and they were far better then.
“Oh no. We flirt and then you pin me to the mat. That’s the last thing I want,” Mockingly, Nikita negated Michael’s claim. Sure, there were times when she was a recruit and a few instances after where Michael had actually beat her in a sparring match. But recently, whenever they trained, she let him pin her down so she could pull him against her and kiss him. She was positive that he had known that. But if he didn’t, she had other examples that proved she was the better fighter (or at least the fighter who’d do anything to win and survive), “Besides, out in the field where it counts, I beat your ass every fucking time.”
Alex and Sean had been laughing at the engaged couple throughout their latest tiff, but Nikita’s latest comment sent them over the edge. Michael was not amused. Okay, maybe a little. However, if he was going to be put in his place, then he had to drag someone else down to his level. The easiest target was Sean, “I don’t know why you’re laughing when Nikita was able to neutralize you with just a basketball.”
While Sean fell silent, Alex and Nikita erupted in laughter. It was true that each of the agents at the table were incredible fighters. Each had their own skill sets and strengths that made them unbeatable. However, some of them were just a bit more creative in the field, putting them up top. Trained by the Navy, Michael and Sean were a bit more tactical and precise in their fights. But raised on the streets and in dangerous situations, Nikita and Alex were scrappier. In a dirty fight, they’d win every time. Which was why, according to Alex, they might be better fit to face an intruder if there ever was one, “Maybe we should be the ones sleeping by the door.”
“Ooh, and that sidewalk thing. What is it again?” Nikita added. Michael had told her something about sidewalk etiquette before. She honestly didn’t think it was as overprotective as the bed thing. And she did prefer not to walk near the street while on the sidewalk. But it was still something ridiculous she and Alex could make fun of the men for.
“The man walks on the side closest to the street,” Michael replied. His father had actually taught him that when he was a kid. It was just basic chivalry that applied to any man and woman- their relationship status didn’t matter.
“And, if single file, the man walks in front,” Sean knew about the sidewalk rule as well. Though, he never actively thought about it; he just did it. He was fairly certain that, no matter who he was with, he’d always walk in front or along the side of danger. That was just what he was built to do- protect and serve, and save the world on occasion.
Opening then closing her mouth, Alex didn’t know what to think about the information. She had noticed Sean following that etiquette or whatever, but she had never really put much thought into it. When she tried then, she couldn’t decide if it was insane or sweet. She soon settled on both with a shake of her head and a slight joke, “What are we? Invalid?”
“Nah. We’re precious,” Nikita decided. It was fairly obvious that protection was one of Sean’s and Michael’s love languages. Both believed it was their duty to always care for their loved ones, and wrap them in maybe too much bubble wrap. Although Nikita was often annoyed by the lengths Michael went to at times to ensure she was safe, she loved that he cared so much. She had never had anyone look out for her the way that he did. She would never trade that for anything, not even the right to sleep on a certain side of the bed.
“The difference food and coffee makes,” Michael couldn’t help but comment on Nikita’s attitude shift. It earned him a sharp elbow to the ribs. Yet he managed to catch her arm and hold her close to him while Sean and Alex laughed. Jokes and laughter finished out the agents breakfast and carried them to the plane home. Once they were thousands of feet up in the air, however, the engaged couple fell asleep slumped together and with their arms wrapped around each other for protection.
Notes:
Thank you so much for reading!!!!!
Chapter 81
Notes:
Another fic set after 3x12 "With Fire". Michael and Nikita talk about their past and their future.
Chapter Text
Michael and Nikita went straight home after leaving Division. They showered off the day (and the torture), ate dinner, and continued planning their wedding. Besides moments where they had to pause their discussion because they were too busy making out, the engaged couple got a lot planned; they even picked a temporary date. It was a great night after so much hell that day. The fact that they were so happy together made it all the more better.
After some fun between the sheets, Nikita and Michael got ready for bed. He wrapped an arm around her as they laid down, and she moved over so that she was curled into his side. His hold on her only tightened as they turned off the lights and attempted to drift off to sleep. At first, Nikita thought the way her fiancé held her had something to do with all the love they had expressed that night. But, when his tense muscles never relaxed, she realized that wasn’t it. The events of the day had left him seeking comfort. With nothing to distract his thoughts, Michael couldn’t help but think of horrible things and of terrifying similarities.
Saalim Nassar had killed so many people because of the tragic loss of his daughter. And Stefan Tasarov, a fifteen year old boy, was in serious danger because of the choices of his father. Although Michael never made a comment on it, Nikita knew what kind of thoughts he had about the situation. He couldn’t stop thinking about Hayley and Max. She couldn’t blame him; she thought of them too. However, Michael didn’t have to suffer through those thoughts alone. She was there. They could talk. Whatever he thought about the similarities, he could share with her, “Saalim lost his only daughter in a violent accident with a weapon that wasn’t meant for her.”
“Yeah… that’ll do it,” Michael cinched his arm even tighter around Nikita. Although what Saalim did with the Crimson Resistance was unforgivable, Michael could understand how he came to that point. The rhetoric the terrorist had spewed made sense after the horror he had been forced to witness. That kind of pain was impossible to heal from. It could turn a person dark and twisted without them ever noticing. Of course Saalim had tried to punish those he held responsible for the worst moment of his life. Most people would.
Nikita could feel Michael’s heartbeat underneath her head and fingertips. It had started out strong and steady. Yet as they talked, it turned hurried and erratic. He was livid about what had happened to him and to Saalim. His grief and pain had turned into a bitter anger that could never go away. Michael at least fought to move forward despite that. He fought to be better than what others had made him. Saalim hadn’t. Or, at least, he never had the chance to begin to try, “Amanda twisted his grief until that was all he was.”
“Until he was a monster. I know. Percy did the same thing to me,” Reaching to also hold his fiancée with his left arm, Michael muttered. He had had those thoughts after he learned about Saalim Nassar. That was why he dived head first into planning his wedding to Nikita. Thinking about his bright future with her was the only thing that saved him from the harrowing realization. Because of Percy, Michael had been so close to becoming someone like Saalim. But because of Nikita, he never went that far. He owed her his life in far more ways than one.
Sitting upright, Nikita stared at her fiancé in concern. She left his arms wrapped around her, and she kept her hands on his chest. She simply wanted to look at him clearly as she refuted his claim. Except, Michael stopped her before she could. He knew what she was going to say: he wasn’t a monster; he had never been that far gone. She had said that all before. And he believed her. He wasn’t the brooding, angsty, hurt man he used to be. She had saved him; she had helped him become better. That was one of the amazing things she had done that he’d always love her for, “I’m glad I had you to help pull me out of the darkness.”
“Are you okay?” Gently, Nikita asked. If he wanted to talk more about what he was thinking and feeling, she’d be all ears. The late hour and her exhaustion didn’t matter. She’d stay up all night with Michael if he needed it. They had spent long hours before talking about Hayley and Elizabeth; Max; his anxiety; his battle with grief, survivor’s guilt, and depression; and what Percy had done to him in Division. Each new talk brought him to a better place; they also brought the couple closer together. He had found immense comfort in sharing his thoughts and feelings with her, and she’d do anything to help comfort him.
“Yeah,” But Michael didn’t need to talk then. The two had had conversations about his current emotions before, and he was good. What she had said then had stuck with him. He didn’t need more words of comfort. However, he wouldn’t mind physical comfort. Tenderly caressing his fiancée’s cheek, Michael pulled her down for a sweet, loving kiss. She melted into his arms again, happily returning the gentle affection.
When the two finally separated from their kiss, Nikita tried to return to lying curled into Michael’s side. But he moved her. He pulled her atop him so that she was laying on her stomach and using him like some sort of body pillow. Although she was certain that she’d move to a more comfortable position as she fell asleep, for the moment, she wrapped her arms around him and snuggled into his warmth.
With Nikita acting as a kind of weighted blanket, Michael began to drift off to sleep. Nikita wished she could’ve joined him in that peacefulness. However, her mind continued to race. Saalim wasn’t the only similarity they had encountered that day. Stefan Tasarov had to have also stirred up uncomfortable thoughts for Michael. She wondered how he was coping with that. He was probably fine if he was able to drift off to sleep. But she didn’t want him to have a nightmare caused by all the unsaid things. It all had to be out in the open. That was the best way to heal, “Hayley would’ve been fifteen now, right?”
“Yeah. She would’ve been,” Startling out of his doze, Michael sighed. He cradled Nikita’s head in his hand and kissed her crown, drawing even more comfort from her. He usually tried- and usually failed- not to think about where or who or what Hayley and Elizabeth would’ve been had they survived that day. Those thoughts only brought guilt and pain, and only tore him further up inside. Since being with Nikita, Michael had gotten better about that. He could just think of them as they were, instead of who they could’ve been.
There were still times, though, when he thought about what Elizabeth would’ve said in a particular situation (she would’ve killed him for the way he had treated Nikita after the accident) or when he considered how Hayley would’ve acted as she grew older (she would’ve been hell as a teenager- worse than her parents had been). But, for the most part, Michael only focused on the present and on his possible future with Nikita and with the family he had built around him. Those were things he could control. Those were moments he could fill with joy and happiness.
“You’d be teaching her how to drive,” Nikita couldn’t help but share the thought. It just seemed so normal- so mundane. Had it not been for Percy, Kasim, and the bomb, Michael would’ve lived a normal, peaceful life. He and his family would’ve moved to Hawaii. He and Elizabeth would’ve raised Hayley and maybe would’ve had a couple more kids. Everything would’ve been happy and perfect; the only problems would’ve been teaching a stubborn teenager how to drive. But all of that happiness had been violently ripped away from Michael. And all he was left with was living mission to mission and a never ending war.
“Considering how stubborn she was at four, I’d have let someone else deal with that,” Rather than acknowledge his darker thoughts, Michael decided to joke. Although he loved his sweet, adorable, cuddly daughter more than he loved anything else, he had to acknowledge that she was a stubborn terror at four years old. He couldn’t even imagine what she would’ve been like as a teenager. If she had grown to be anything like him or Elizabeth, though, they probably would’ve just signed her up for Driver’s Ed at school. Then neither of them would’ve had to deal with that awful world of shouting matches and hurt feelings.
As Michael chuckled at his own joke, so did Nikita. More and more often lately, Michael had been able to talk about his late wife and daughter with more joy than pain. He could smile, share happy memories without tearing up, joke around, and laugh. Nikita absolutely loved that for her fiancé. He had allowed himself to heal, and he was constantly doing better because of that. He was happy. He had found his way home again.
Sweetly kissing her fiancé once more, Nikita settled back down atop his chest. He kissed her temple, and they both squeezed their arms around each other. While they drifted off to sleep, their secure hold lessened. But the engaged couple remained as close as possible in each other’s arms. Most nights, the two were content just lying on their own sides of the bed and only reaching out to touch when they needed to (Michael tended to reach out and touch Nikita in his sleep often). Yet some nights, the two needed more from each other. They needed as much comfort and warmth as possible in order to sleep peacefully.
Whereas Michael began to drift off back to sleep, Nikita struggled to turn her mind off. Division was running Ari’s intel on Amanda; they were sure to get a hit soon, and they could finally end the bitch before she could cause more damage. So there was nothing pressing about work that should’ve been bothering Nikita. And, despite the intense emotions of the day, Michael was doing just fine. So there was nothing for Nikita to worry about at home. She could actually have a restful night’s sleep.
If only she could silence her thoughts. They just kept running and running, jumping from one topic to the next. There was one specific topic that they kept circling around. However, Nikita wouldn’t allow them to land on it for long. She and Michael had just ended their conversation on a happy note. She should let it rest and ignore the topic for as long as possible. It wasn’t as though she and her fiancé needed to discuss it right then and there. It was a conversation for the future; it should stay that way. Unfortunately, her thoughts were just as bad as he when it came to listening, and she eventually blurted, “Do you still want kids?”
“Not now,” Although Michael was annoyed at being startled awake again, he couldn’t help but chuckle at Nikita’s blurted question. A part of him had expected it. Despite a few words after Max, and a few awkward glances after Alex had said something about a nosey woman at the jewelry store, the engaged couple hadn’t talked about kids. With the lives they chose, children weren’t a part of the plan. Yet since they had begun planning for their future, it was a topic they should start considering. How big could they see their family. Where they willing to add their own mix of chaos into that crazy world. Or could they be content as they were.
“Well duh not now. I meant, in the future,” Sitting upright, Nikita rolled her eyes. Obviously, she and Michael couldn’t have kids then. Their lives were far too dangerous and unstable for any kid. Just look at Max and Stefan. The two had to be hidden because of the world their parents lived in. Nikita’s and Michael’s kid wouldn’t be the exception. If they were ever going to have one, it’d be way after their war ended and way after they received their pardons. Though, the emphasis there was on ‘if’. Maybe they had kids; maybe they didn’t. Nikita, honestly, was leaning towards the latter.
Michael caught Nikita’s tone instantly. Although she was asking for his thoughts, she didn’t want to hear his answer. She didn’t want to hear him confirm what she was already thinking. Bewildered, Michael wondered why that was. If she knew his answer, then why ask- why be afraid of what he was going to say. What exactly did she think about having kids. He knew she was anxious about the thought of being a mother. But was it more than that. Did she not want that kind of future with him, “Do you?”
Nikita hid her expression from him by bowing her head and letting her hair fall in her face. Michael sighed. He sat up against his pillows and turned on the bedside lamp. The light still didn’t help him read her expression, though, he didn’t really need to see her face. His fiancée’s tense shoulders and fidgeting fingers was enough for him to know what she was thinking. For some reason, she was afraid to admit what she wanted- or what she didn’t want. Michael couldn’t have that. He took Nikita’s unsteady hand in his and squeezed, “Nikita, just tell me.”
“No,” Nikita blurted. For as long as she could remember, she had never wanted to have children. She hadn’t wanted to have children when Daniel mentioned it. She hadn’t wanted to have children everytime she and Alex talked about that possibility. And she didn’t want to have children with Michael then. It just wasn’t something that could be in her future. She had said it before: she wasn’t mother material. She didn’t even know what a mother was.
Finally glancing at her fiancé, Nikita saw the shock in his green eyes. That was what she had feared. She hadn’t wanted to hurt Michael by crushing his dreams of ever having children again. He was meant to be a father, but she could never be a mother, “I mean, come on, Michael. After all I’ve seen and done, I can’t be a mother. I can’t be what a kid needs to be happy and healthy. Look at me. I’m an addict. I’m a flight risk. I’m stubborn and rash and selfish. I’m a goddamn assassin. I just tortured Ari within an inch of his life. I’m a monster. I can’t be a mother. I’m fucked up, and I’ll fuck our kid up too.”
Opening then closing his mouth, Michael wasn’t aware of what to say. Well, he did know that he had to refute what his fiancée had said. Half of those words didn’t belong to her; they were things others had told her to belittle her and control her. They weren’t true. Michael had to ensure that she knew that. As for her not being mother material, he didn’t really have an argument. At least, it wasn’t an argument Nikita would listen to. For the time being, he should just focus on negating the first part, “Nikita…”
“No. Don’t start with the whole ‘you’re perfect’ thing. You know I’m right. Our life isn’t conducive for kids. Even when we’re free, we’ll never be able to put aside what we’ve been through. We can’t put kids through that. I can’t put our kid through that,” Scrambling out of bed and onto her feet, Nikita cut Michael off. She wasn’t looking for compliments or for comforting words. She simply wanted her fiancé to understand why she didn’t want kids. Maybe if he did, he wouldn’t be so upset with her.
“I know it seems like that. But when your child looks at you and smiles for the first time…” Michael began. He could admit that the idea of fatherhood had completely freaked him out when Elizabeth had been pregnant. But when he had held Hayley for the first time, it just clicked. That wasn’t to say that there hadn’t been any difficult days. Nor had he known everything about being a father. But he knew he loved his little girl with all his heart.
Shaking away his dreamy smile, Michael got to his feet and rounded the bed. He neared his fiancée, holding his hand out to her. He wouldn’t try to convince Nikita to have something she didn’t want. That wasn’t something one could do when it came to kids. Although he wanted to have a child with her, it wasn’t only his decision to make. They had to both be involved. They had to be partners in every way, “Yes, Nikita. I want kids with you. I want… I want our family to grow and be full of so much love. But if you don’t want to have kids, then we won’t have kids.”
“But you want to,” Nikita didn’t accept Michael’s extended hand. She had already felt terrible about all the hell she had put Michael through (his hand was the latest offense). The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him further. By not wanting kids, she knew that was what she was doing. Her fiancé loved Hayley and Max more than anything in the entire world. He loved his kids, and he wanted that love to grow; he wanted to actually raise a child and see them grow happy and healthy. Nikita was taking that all away from him by saying ‘no’. He deserved better than that. She should’ve been better, like he had become.
“I just want you,” Closing the gap between them, Michael corrected. Yes, he wanted kids. But he wanted kids with Nikita, not in spite of her. He wanted to raise a child with her. He wanted to share the highs and lows of parenthood with her. He wanted to have a big, happy, loving family with her. But if she didn’t want that, then he could change his plans. As long as Nikita was by his side, Michael would do anything. It didn’t matter to him. He simply wanted to be with the love of his life.
Tenderly caressing his fiancée’s cheek, Michael tilted her chin up so she would look at him. When she finally brought her brown eyes to his green, he smiled gently. Nikita never had to feel guilty for not wanting kids. That was her decision, so he’d respect it. After all, children weren’t a light decision, “Look, having kids is a lifelong commitment. It’s a decision we have to seriously think about and discuss. It’s not to be taken lightly. We have to be one hundred percent on board. And if we’re not, then we shouldn’t have kids.”
Nikita didn’t immediately argue with Michael, which was a miracle. She was actually going to hear him out, so he eagerly continued. He pulled her warmly into his arms and stared at her intently. If she was really going to listen to everything he said, then he was going to make it count, “I’m not going to force you to go through that if you don’t want to. After all, we both know that a child needs parents that want them more than anything.”
That last comment caused Nikita to scoff. But that had been Michael’s point. She never wanted anyone to be like her; no child should grow up like she had. The best way to ensure that was to surround that child with love. So if Michael and Nikita were to ever have children, then they were going to love and want that child more than anything else in their lives. Until then, though, they could be happy with each other. They would be happy with one another. They were enough for a family- always had been and always would be, “You’re enough family, Nikita. I just want to live happily ever after with you.”
Biting her lip, Nikita struggled not to cry. How did Michael always know to say the things she had always wanted to hear. She wrapped her arms around her fiancé and buried her head into his chest. He immediately returned her tight embrace and placed yet another kiss to her crown. Neither said anything for a while; the engaged couple only held one another and swayed slightly. Eventually, however, when she was able to speak, she huffed and muttered into his sturdy chest, “I was supposed to be comforting you after Saalim.”
“Thinking about you has already helped,” Michael smiled. Nikita squeezed her fiancé as tightly as she could, making him grunt in shocked pain. Both quickly dissolved into laughter. As they giggled, Michael picked Nikita up and carried her back to the bed. They fell onto the mattress together, and curled under the covers. The engaged couple remained in each other’s arms the rest of the night. Even when they both finally fell asleep, they stayed tightly wrapped around each other. It was the best comfort they could find. It was always the thing that could bring them peace and make them happy. It was enough.
Chapter 82
Notes:
Set before the epilogue in 4x06 "Canceled". This could be a slight AU. I don't know. Nikita had a nose ring in like one or two flashbacks, and I've always wanted her to have one again. So I wrote this. Then it took on a life of its own. So enjoy.
Chapter Text
“Hey!” Alex called out when she entered Michael’s and Nikita’s house. Nikita had texted her, telling her to come over and to let herself in. Alex didn’t have anything else to do that day, so she figured why not. She was up for a little adventure with her best friend. And considering the vagueness of her text, that was exactly what was in store.
“Hey! I’m in the bathroom!” Nikita shouted in reply. Curious, Alex quickly locked the front door and hurried to join her friend. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but a counter covered in small earrings, alcohol swabs, antibacterial soap, q-tips, a tablet, and some needles definitely wasn’t it. Staring at the cluttered mess, Alex attempted to piece all the information together. But she was honestly at a loss. Even after all those years, there were still times where she couldn’t comprehend what was going on through Nikita’s head. Honestly, though, that was probably a good thing; it meant she wasn’t insane.
“Whatcha doing?” Leaning against the doorframe, Alex wondered in amusement. She had noticed that Nikita had more and more piercings in her ears lately, but there was no way she was doing that on her own. She had the time and money to go to a piercer and do things the smart and safe way. There was no need to hide out in their homes and do everything in secret. The team of former rogues could enjoy the light. They could be real people.
Nikita was well aware of that. However, for what she was doing, it was just easier to do it on her own. Besides, she wasn’t really putting a lot of thought into it. She was mostly acting on her impulse desires. Michael had said that she should start doing the things she had always wanted to do but couldn’t either because of the war or because she was controlled by others. Nikita wasn’t going to let overthinking, anxiety, or logic stop her then. She was just going to go for it, no matter how potentially stupid it was, “Okay. Bear with me…”
“Oh no. This can’t be good,” Laughing, Alex interrupted. The fact that Nikita’s most insane plans hadn’t even started like that, Alex was in for a ride. She was excited for that, though. She was in for some senseless, crazy, low stakes fun.
“Shut up,” Rolling her eyes, Nikita huffed. She couldn’t help but smile though. She was excited for some fun with her best friend where they could laugh without thinking about the next day or any looming threats. No matter how long the team of former rogues had been free, that was a weird thing to think about. It was going to take a while to adjust to normal. Well, as close to normal as the crazy rogues could get.
“What is it?” Still laughing, Alex pushed off the doorway and entered the bathroom. She had already decided that whatever Nikita was up to, she was all for it. She just hoped that the insanity was more manageable than most of the shit the two had run into.
Nikita sighed before she started her explanation. She probably didn’t need to completely explain herself or her motivations. But it could save her from some taunts from Alex. And she always wanted to avoid that, “So, I had a nose ring before Division. Amanda convinced me to take it out so I could be a classy lady or whatever the fuck.”
“Yeah. I lost a couple ear piercings because of that,” Alex nodded. There wasn’t much recruits could do about their tattoos, but Amanda made it a point to remove facial piercings, body piercings, and excessive ear piercings. Agents had to be presentable, after all. Though, honestly, that was probably more of a way for Amanda to assert her control rather than making sure the recruits and agents were poised and proper ladies and gentlemen. Alex was so glad that the bitch was out of their lives for good.
“Right. I took out my nose ring and a few earrings. And when I went rogue, I thought the holes had closed up, so I didn’t bother putting jewelry back in them. But then, I was reading the other day. And apparently, there’s a way you can open them back up,” Nikita continued enthusiastically. She had thought that she didn’t care about her closed piercings. But learning that she had the opportunity to open them again had made her excited. Michael had claimed that it had something to do with the fact that she could physically reclaim something Division had taken from her. But Nikita didn’t see it that way. She just thought her piercings were cool.
“Wait. Seriously?” Alex was instantly as excited as Nikita. She had liked the different earrings she had been able to decorate her ears with. And since she had tons of money to burn, there were so many beautiful pieces of jewelry she could adorn her ears with. She just didn’t have enough space for all of them. But, if she re-pierced her ears, that wouldn’t be a problem anymore. She could have as much jewelry as she wanted. No one was stopping her.
“Yeah. I already tested it out on my ears, and it worked great,” Proudly, Nikita showed off the various earrings in her ears. They were still healing from being re-pierced. But, otherwise, they looked amazing. She was glad that she had gone through with that idea. Hopefully her next one would work out just as well.
Admiring Nikita’s work, Alex was becoming more and more convinced to re-pierce her ears. She needed to know what to do, and she needed to do it immediately- probably before her conscience caught up with her, “You have to send me that article.”
“I will. After you help me re-pierce my nose,” Nikita promised before she shared her actual idea. Re-piercing her ears had been rather simple. But her nose was going to be tricky. She needed some help. Since Michael was gone for the day (and since he probably would’ve talked sense into her) Alex was a good choice as assistant. After all, she would buy her a rocket to go to the moon. Which meant that she’d definitely help her pierce her nose.
Alex simply had to get over her shock first. Pierced ears were one thing. But Nikita with a pierced nose completely surprised her. It wasn’t something she’d expect. Though, it was something Alex could easily picture. Especially with the badass style the former rogue had already curated, “You want a nose ring again?”
“Not an actual ring like I used to have. Just a little diamond stud. I think it’d be cute,” Nikita shrugged. She had seen people with small diamonds in their nose, and she wanted that. It wasn’t as gaudy or flashy as the ring she used to have; it’d be simple, stylish, and cute.
Also, it could be a bridge between her past life and her future. She had been trying more to reconcile with her past actions and accept the person she had been. She was both monster and hero- a force of chaos and good. She could reclaim her wild style from her past and put an elegant spin on it. So maybe Michael had been right. Nikita was physically taking back her stolen past. She had finally accepted who she was, every last inch of her. And she was going to take that and soar right into a bright future.
“And badass,” Alex added with a smirk. Nikita laughed herself out of her thoughts. Although it wasn’t the main motivator, her appearance was definitely a factor. Nikita was ready to up her fashion game since becoming a real person again. Maybe she could ditch all the black Alex complained she wore too much off.
“So you’re gonna help?” Nudging her best friend, Nikita brought Alex back to the point. She had texted her to come over for a reason; though, she did appreciate the compliments. She’d take that over the taunts the former rogues always threw at each other any day.
“Absolutely. I want to live vicariously through you,” Alex beamed as she grabbed the tablet Nikita had set on the counter. She’d have to look at whatever her friend had been researching if she was going to truly help. She could also get an idea of what she had to do when she re-pierced her ears later. She had learned numerous times that it was better to be prepared than to jump into crazy ideas blind.
“You want a nose ring?” Intrigued, Nikita wondered. Alex hadn’t talked about piercings she wanted before. If anything, she just talked about tattoos she’d like to have. If the young woman wanted a nose ring, though, then Nikita would definitely help her get one. The insane lengths the best friends went for each other extended wide on both ends.
Shrugging, Alex didn’t necessarily have an answer to that question. A part of her would like a nose ring. Or, at least, a part of her liked the concept of a nose ring. But the majority of her would rather not have her nose pierced, “Kinda. But my mom has already gotten on me a lot for my tattoos, and I don’t want to hear it if I get a nose ring. Also, I don’t want to deal with the pain. Or that thing where if you hit a nerve you can paralyze your face.”
Nikita paused upon hearing Alex’s last point. She had heard that rumor before. Yet, it hadn’t deterred her when she first pierced her nose (though, she honestly didn’t remember having her nose pierced- it just was one day). At that moment, however, she did greatly consider fucking up and paralyzing herself- even though she was only putting the stud in a hole she already had. Once again, there was a chance that she hadn’t thought her plan all the way through, “Is that even a real thing?”
“I don’t want to find out,” Alex shrugged again. There was a chance that it was only a myth. But with the kind of luck she had, she didn’t want to tempt it. She could be fine just watching Nikita do it. Like she had said, she could live vicariously through her best friend.
“So you’re just gonna watch while I do the stupid and potentially dangerous thing?” Nikita scoffed. She shouldn’t really be that surprised. After all, she could go to a professional piercer to re-pierce her nose. But then again, she already had a small hole in her nose. She only had to open it back up. She should be fine.
“Always do,” Alex smiled and nudged her best friend. Of course, if anything did go wrong, she’d step in and do something. But Nikita was always capable. Alex was just there to provide support and the occasional quip.
“Enabler.”
“Dumbass.”
The two tried to glare at each other, but they very quickly collapsed in giggles. Nikita managed to compose herself first, and she began to wash her hands. If they didn’t start re-piercing her nose then, they were never going to do it. And she wanted it done that day, preferably before she second guessed herself (and preferably before Michael got home so she could surprise him), “Just help me find the hole.”
With Alex’s help, Nikita found the site of her old nose piercing. From there, she was able to do what she had to to open the hole back up and put in the small diamond stud. As she watched her, Alex’s already slight desire for a nose ring waned. The sight of Nikita digging around in her nose was not a cool or badass one. Alex didn’t want to have to go through that just to have a piece of jewelry on her nose. She could be content with just her ear piercings. There was no need for more, “Yeah. Nevermind. I think I’m good without a nose ring. I don’t want anyone digging around in my nostrils like that.”
Nikita rolled her eyes. She was too busy securing the stud to say anything in response. Fortunately, there were other ways she could retaliate. Instead of immediately washing her hands once the diamond was in place, Nikita moved to wipe her fingers on Alex’s shirt. The young woman barely escaped in time, “You’re fucking demented.”
Smirking to herself, Nikita washed her hands and cleaned up the mess she had made of her nose. The diamond shone brightly against her bronze skin when it was all cleaned. Although it was sore and would be tender for a while (and absolutely hell the first time she blew her nose), she was glad she followed through with her idea- just like with her earrings. All that pain and risk led to amazing rewards. Nikita couldn’t help but beam as brilliantly as her new diamond stud, “How’s it look?”
“Awesome. Michael’s gonna go insane when he sees it,” Alex matched Nikita’s smile. The small stud had been a great call. She looked amazing. And the blush that crept on her cheeks at the thought of Michael’s reaction made her smile even brighter. Alex had half a mind to joke about it, but then confusion hit her. She realized that she hadn’t seen or heard Michael at all since entering the house. Considering what Nikita was doing, that was odd. He’d at least be hovering or supplying a voice of reason. He had to have been out of the house. Doing what, though, Alex couldn’t even guess, “Where is he anyway?”
“Oh, he’s just dealing with some coming back to life shit,” Nikita sighed. Alex had warned them that reclaiming their identities required a lot of paperwork. But since they weren’t heiresses, the team dismissed her warning. God had they been so wrong. There was so much red tape that had to go through just to live their lives. It was starting to get annoying. Yet soon they’d be on their own. Then they could have everything they dreamed about as they had waited for the long and disastrous war to end.
“Is he going back to the Navy?” Alex asked. Michael had had a life before Division intervened. Since he had his identity back, he could return to it. Well, he could return to a part of it. Alex could picture him as a Naval intelligence officer again. After his experience in Division, he’d fit the role well. Or maybe he could even be some kind of trainer for the new sailors. He definitely had experience helping recruits adjust, learn, thrive, and survive. He was also really good at it. If it wasn’t for Michael looking out for her, there was a chance Alex wouldn’t have survived her early days in Division.
“I asked him, but he says he’s done with war. He wants to focus on other ways he can help people,” Nikita replied, beginning to clean up the counter; Alex helped. If Nikita was being completely honest, a part of her was glad that Michael was officially retiring from the Navy. She didn’t think she could handle it if he was deployed and she was stuck at home. Wherever he went, so did she. That definitely included a war zone.
Unable to stop herself, Alex thought about what Sean would’ve chosen if he was still alive. Would he have retired, or would he have tried to be a Seal again. Before those thoughts could completely overwhelm Alex, though, she shook them free. She couldn’t dwell on that. It might kill her if she did. She had to focus on something light instead. Making fun of Michael seemed like the easiest choice. She could express a joke that at least one of them had expressed before, effectively changing the subject and changing her thoughts, “He just doesn’t want to be away from you when he deploys.”
“You think I wouldn’t follow after him? If he’s going to war, I’m going to war,” Nikita stated. Following each other into hell, that was what Michael and Nikita did. The Navy couldn’t change that; it’d just make it harder for her to follow him around the world. But she’d still try. For him, she’d always try.
“You’d join the Navy?” That was a thought that completely distracted Alex. She couldn’t picture Nikita in any sort of military role. Honestly, she could hardly picture her as a recruit. The former rogue could not follow a rule to save her life (literally). There was absolutely no way she could serve in the Navy. She’d go rogue again before her first operation.
“Oh hell no,” Vehemently shaking her head, Nikita negated. Even if Michael had rejoined the Navy, there was no way in hell she would’ve signed up with him. She had been done listening to orders for years. She wasn’t going to start again then.
Laughing, Alex didn’t know why she would ever think otherwise. Whereas Michael was a soldier, Nikita was insane. If she was going to follow him into war, she’d do something wild and out of pocket. In reality, Alex didn’t think she could ever imagine specifically what Nikita would do for Michael- practically everything was on the table. But, hypothetically, she could joke about ridiculous and unrealistic things she could picture her best friend doing, “What would you do then? Climb into his mission bag so he has to carry you with him?”
“I’d fit.”
“Bullshit.”
“I fit in that cart,” Defensively, Nikita recalled. She had managed to fit in the cart Alex had wheeled around a maximum security prison. Sure, it was a bit uncomfortable and awkward. But the idea had worked. She could do something like that again. Though, maybe with some better stretches beforehand.
“A cart is bigger than a bag,” Rolling her eyes, Alex pointed out. She might not have been as familiar with Michael’s mission bag as Nikita, yet she did know that it was nowhere near the size of that cart. There was no way the former rogue could scrunch herself up enough to fit. It didn’t matter how determined she was. She wasn’t that tiny.
“I’d still fit,” Finishing cleaning the counter, Nikita attempted to argue. A large part of her knew Alex was right. However, she just couldn’t admit defeat. She was going to find a way to hide herself in Michael’s mission bag if it was the last thing she did.
“Prove it,” Flicking Nikita’s freshly re-pierced nose, Alex called her bluff. Her best friend recoiled in pain, flipped her off, then stormed to hers and Michael’s bedroom. Smirking in triumph, Alex followed.
Nikita had to dig Michael’s mission bag out of the closet. Alex had brought it from her plane when she had met with the team on the Marine base, and then it was immediately stored in the closet. The former rogues weren’t using it. There was no need for it besides to help them pack things when they eventually moved. The bag still had Michael’s mission gear stashed away, though (not the weapons- those were confiscated). So Nikita had to dump it out before climbing in it. Alex shook her head at the actions. To her, that seemed like cheating. Michael would have a full back when he deployed, after all, “It doesn’t count if you have to remove the gear.”
“Would you rather have me lay on top of the guns, or the guns lay on top of me?” Nikita snarked. Neither was safe. But if Nikita were to really lay in a bag full of weapons, it’d be better if she wasn’t jostling on top where either she or someone else could get hurt. Alex couldn’t argue against that, so she let her friend proceed.
Haphazardly dumping out Michael’s gear, Nikita almost missed something else that was in his bag. She only spotted it when she was trying to figure out how she could possibly fit inside the duffel. The thing poked out of the lining, just like the picture of Max she had found years before. Curious, Nikita reached to see if she could pull the thing out or see if it was just the tag or something. When she realized the item was removable, her curiosity grew exponentially, “Wait. Does he have something else hidden in the lining?”
As Nikita pulled the item from the bag, Alex moved to her side; she had to see what it was as well. But it wasn’t anything that interesting- at least at first glance. The hidden item was just a bundle of folded papers, haphazardly tied together. Turning it over in her hands, Nikita noticed Michael’s handwriting scrawled on top of the pages. He had addressed them, whatever they were, to her, “‘To Nikita’?”
Immediately, Alex ripped the paper from Nikita’s hands. She pulled a page from the loose binding, unfolded it, and hastily read what was written on it. Her face blanched as she did. Nikita reached to pull them away from her, but she turned her back on her best friend and quietly muttered a gutted, “Oh.”
“Why? What is it?” Nikita attempted to reach for the pieces of paper; however, Alex kept jerking them away from her. If she wasn’t so curious, Nikita would’ve been livid. She just wanted to know what Michael had hidden from her. Was it something bad. Alex wouldn’t have reacted like that if it was anything good. Nikita needed to know what it was. What kind of secrets was Michael keeping from her. What couldn’t he just tell her.
Folding the letter, replacing it in the bundle, and re-hiding it in Michael’s bag, Alex had to take a moment before she could answer Nikita. She knew her friend deserved immediate answers. But the young woman had to collect her thoughts first. It was a lot to take in at once. Especially when the memories were so fresh and raw, “I found a couple notes like that after Sean died. Soldiers write them for their loved ones in case they never make it back home.”
Glancing between the hidden notes and Alex, Nikita could only open then close her mouth. If she had any thoughts, then maybe she could respond to that information. But she just sort of short circuited. The best she could do was sigh in heartbroken realization, “Oh.”
Although her fingers itched to take the letter out and read it, Nikita refrained. She didn’t think she could put herself through that- and Michael was alive. She couldn’t even fathom reading those if he was gone. It’d probably break her. Just like the memory of finding notes like that after Sean’s death seemed to break Alex.
Composing herself, Nikita gently approached Alex and laid a comforting hand on her bicep. The young woman hardly reacted. She just stared at Michael’s mission bag, helplessly and hopelessly lost in thought. Nikita had to draw her friend out of her head; she had to help soothe the pain in her heart. However, she was fairly certain that Alex had enough of the others talking to her. She needed to talk instead, “So you found a letter from Sean?”
“He gave me letters to give to his sisters after he was recruited. But, um… I… I didn’t look for mine until the months you were gone. I couldn’t…” Quietly, Alex admitted. Although she knew Sean had written a letter for her too, Alex hadn’t had the strength to look for it for a long time. And it took her an even longer time after that to even read the letter. She just couldn’t bear to read Sean’s words to her after she had caused his death. She didn’t want to remember how sweet and loving he was to her. The pain had been easier to live with than the unconditional love he had had for her.
A part of Nikita wanted to ask Alex what the notes said. However, she knew better than to pry like that. If her friend wanted to tell her what she read, then she’d tell her. Nikita shouldn’t ask about the contents; she shouldn’t dig up painful feelings. Though, she had to keep Alex talking. It was good for her to let her emotions vent. She knew then that bottling them up was going to destroy her. Alex had to talk. Fortunately, Nikita would always be there to listen, “How’d it make you feel?”
“Honestly. Better,” Alex managed a small smile. After her initial sobs and heartbreak, reading Sean’s words to her had helped her immensely. It was something physical of his that she could carry around with her forever. She could also always hear his voice and picture his smile when she read his words. Sean was gone; however, he’d always be with Alex. And that wasn’t just her thoughts on the matter. He had told her exactly that in his love letter, “It still helps when it starts to hurt again.”
Softly matching her grin, Nikita squeezed Alex’s bicep. She was really glad that Alex was healthily grieving and healing after Sean’s death. But reading his letter wasn’t the end of the process. It was a journey she had to keep going on; it was something she had to keep talking about, “So does talking. Or so I’m told.”
Alex rolled her eyes and scoffed. She was well aware of the magic of talking- of venting. But she really didn’t want to go through all of those heavy and harsh emotions. She and Nikita had been having so much fun before they had found Michael’s hidden letter. Couldn’t they return to that. It was easier not thinking and only laughing. It was easier being senseless and careless, “Can we just go back to being stupid?”
“How ‘bout we be stupid while we talk. I can help you with your old piercings, and you can bear your soul,” Nikita compromised. She had seen how excited her best friend had become at the idea of re-piercing her ears. If they did that while she talked about Sean, maybe it’d be easier for her to express her guilt and pain. Or maybe she could just vent with cusses as she went through the uncomfortable process of re-piercing. Either way, when she was done talking, she’d have ears full of beautiful jewelry to show off. It was a painful process, but she’d still have something she’d love and cherish.
“Oh fun,” Although Alex muttered, she let her best friend drag her back to the bathroom. It wasn’t until after Nikita explained how to re-pierce her ears that Alex began to talk. Her words were clipped and muted at first. Also focusing on her ears didn’t help. Yet as the piercing process became easier, so did talking. All the pain and discomfort she felt was soon forgotten as she put her thoughts into words. It felt so good just to get them out. She didn’t have to hold it all against her heart and let it damage her. She could find a way to ease the pain and smile.
Once Alex was done re-piercing her ears and talking, she and Nikita cleaned the mess they had made and moved to the living room. Spent after all she had let out, Alex plopped on the couch and asked to watch a movie. Nikita complied easily. She also gave her best friend a blanket and let her use her lap as a pillow. The young woman curled up on the sofa and- with the former rogue playing with her hair- only lasted a few minutes into the movie before she dozed off. Nikita let her sleep. She continued to soothe her by playing with her hair, and she turned the volume down. Alex could rest for a moment. It was the least she deserved.
That was the scene Michael walked in on when he returned home. Nikita was silently watching a movie on the couch while Alex napped in her lap. He chuckled softly to himself and smiled warmly as he locked the door behind him and moved further into the house. Hearing him, Nikita tore her eyes away from the movie and grinned. Michael quickened his steps so he could join her in the living room, “Hey.”
“Hey,” Nikita echoed. She kissed Michael lovingly once he reached her, smiling brightly into the simple affection. He copied her grin instantly, and kissed her again. Since they had found their way back to each other again, the couple didn’t hold back on their kisses, touches, and smiles. They were happy and in love, and everyone had to know it. Especially themselves.
“Hey, Alex,” Remembering that Alex was also on the couch, Michael separated from the kiss and squeezed the young woman’s shoulder. She didn’t react. Though, it was obvious that she had woken when the front door had opened. She simply didn’t want to get up yet.
“Mhmm,” While Alex whined and burrowed deep into her best friend’s side, Michael and Nikita fought to contain their laughter. Despite everything they had been through, waking Alex when she didn’t want to wake up was still a nightmare. The couple just had to let the young woman finish out her nap on her own terms. If they did, she’d be a much more pleasant person to talk to when she woke.
“So what trouble have you guys been up to all day?” Talking only slightly above a whisper, Michael asked. Nikita and Alex must’ve had some kind of adventure while he was gone. He didn’t doubt that whenever the two best friends were together. It must’ve been eventful though if Alex was so tired. He began to wonder if they really had gotten into trouble. While they were still on a military base, he really hoped they didn’t.
“Oh. Nothing,” Nikita couldn’t help her smug little grin as she shrugged. It had taken Michael a second to notice when she re-pierced her ears, so she didn’t doubt he’d need a moment before he noticed the diamond stud in her nose. But she couldn’t wait for him to see it. She couldn’t wait to see his green eyes light up.
“Wait,” Studying Alex and Nikita, Michael slowly caught onto what the two had done. He saw the new earrings in Alex’s ears (the one he could see anyway) first. Then he saw Nikita’s nose piercing. He had to turn her head to make sure that he had seen it right. When he did, she laughed at him. He was too stunned to react for a moment. Once he could, though, it was all praise, “That looks good. That looks really good.”
While Nikita continued to laugh, Michael kissed her. She settled down with the affection. Yet when they separated, he kissed her nose, and she started to laugh again. Michael easily laughed with her. He always loved it when she was so blatantly happy. Nikita must’ve had a really great day with Alex (even if the young woman was then angrily napping in her lap). He wanted to hear all about it. After all, it was undoubtedly better than the hellish paperwork he had to deal with all day, “So that’s all you guys have been doing? Playing piercer? Or am I in store for other surprises?”
“We also made a bet to see if I could fit in your mission bag,” Nikita admitted before she truly thought about it. She hadn’t intended to tell Michael about her talk with Alex. She was going to say that they had talked for a while about Sean, yet she wasn’t going to go into details. That was for Alex to share, not Nikita.
“And? How’d that go?” Intrigued, Michael sat on the coffee table in front of the couch. He doubted Nikita could fit in his bag. However, he was interested to hear how she approached that problem. She probably found a loophole or something to ensure she won the bet. Or maybe she actually admitted she was wrong. She’d truly be growing as a person if that had happened.
Nikita opened then closed her mouth. Her gaze fell to Alex in her lap, who had grown accustomed to the noises around her and had dozed off back to sleep. Nikita could tell Michael that she had found his letter for her. They could talk about its contents and how that made them feel. Yet she soon decided against it. She never needed to know the words Michael had written on that page, not while she had him in her life to tell her, “Alex was right. I couldn’t fit.”
“That’s probably a good thing,” Michael chuckled. He couldn’t imagine the kind of shit Nikita would pull if she knew she could fit in his mission bag. It was an absolutely amazing thing that she couldn’t. He had dodged a bullet there.
Lightly playing with Alex’s hair, Nikita kept her gaze on her best friend. It was a good thing that Nikita still had Michael in her life. She had almost lost him numerous times, and she had almost stupidly thrown him away. Yet she and Michael always managed to find their way back to each other. They didn’t have to go through any more heartbreak. They’d always be in one another’s life. It was unfair that others couldn’t have that luxury; they couldn’t be so lucky. Michael and Nikita were extremely lucky.
Connecting her eyes with her fiancé’s, Nikita swore to never take that for granted. She was going to cherish every moment of her new life with her love. When it came to their relationship, she wasn’t going to be stupid, “Yeah. We’re lucky.”
Chapter 83
Notes:
Set between 2x18 "Power" and 2x19 "Wrath". The rogues share some bittersweet memories.
Chapter Text
Sean expected to walk in on madness and confusion whenever he entered the safehouse. The rogues were always up to something. They were either trying to take down Division, trying to survive the day, or simply trying to live in a house together. When Sean walked into the beach house that afternoon, he was met with the same antics as usual. Michael was helping Alex with something on the computer. Nikita was shoveling a handful of grapes in her mouth. And Birkhoff was staring blankly at the slowly brewing coffee maker. Of the three actions, Sean was most interested in what Alex was doing. So he ignored the others and went straight to her.
While Alex sat at the computer station, intently staring at the screen, Michael stood behind her, instructing her on what to do. She picked up on what he was saying fairly quickly, but she continued to listen to every single word he said; she wanted to make sure she understood it all. Eventually, though, Alex had a pretty good handle on things. So before Michael could go on another long explanation, she dismissed him, “I got it. Thanks.”
Michael doublechecked that Alex really did have it, then he left. He joined Nikita on the couch, stealing her grapes and helping her do whatever she was doing. Sean stepped up and filled the space the agent had been occupying. Finally, the Seal could see what Alex was doing on the computer. Though, honestly, that didn’t make it any less confusing. It looked as though she was listing the Udinov mansion and the land it sat on to be sold. But that couldn’t be right. Wasn’t she supposed to move in after she was done with Division. Where else was she going to live if the house was sold, “You’re selling your house?”
“It’s not really my house. That burned down. I’m selling Semak’s cheap imitation,” Alex explained briefly. After Semak’s death, Zetrov acquired the property, the mansion, and all the artwork inside. And since Alex was the sole heir of everything Zetrov, that acquisition then passed on to her. She instantly sold and donated the art. She didn’t want anything Semak had touched or considered lovely; she didn’t want the poor-man’s copy of her father’s home. Her next step was then selling the house and the property.
Although a small part of her wanted to keep the property and rebuild her own house atop it, the land was too steeped in bad memories. Alex didn’t think she could completely reclaim the area- she could build a happy life on the scars. However, she could get rid of the shitty aspects- literally and figuratively- and cling to her warm, joyful memories.
Smiling brightly thinking about her childhood home, Alex finally looked away from the computer. She turned to Sean, who instantly returned her smile, and began to gush about what the Udinov estate used to be like, “I wish you could’ve seen the original house. There were so many beautiful sculptures and paintings. There was a bright, lovely garden and a swimming pool. Ooh. And there were stables near the forest and the meadow.”
“Stables? You had horses?” Chuckling softly, Sean asked. Alex had mentioned little details about her childhood home that Semak had changed when they had been in Moscow. Yet hearing her talk so enthusiastically about it was new and exciting. Sean had to cling to every word, and he had to pry as much information out of her as he could.
“Yeah! Some of them were race horses. But I used to ride the other ones all the time. It was so much fun. Especially riding in the meadow near the house. It was so beautiful and peaceful. And you could go so fast,” Alex swore her smile grew even brighter. For a long time, she hadn’t allowed herself to think about her childhood for fear that the horrible memories and moments would drag her down. But since she had returned to Moscow, she found herself remembering her joy more and more. She’d also been sharing that joy with her friends. It just felt so nice- so freeing.
Sean absolutely wanted Alex to keep smiling and to keep cheerfully telling him stories from her childhood. However, when he took a step closer to her, he just so happened to look up. And when he looked up, he noticed Nikita’s dumbfounded expression for the first time. The sight caused him to burst out into laughter. He had never seen the rogue look so stupefied before, and it honestly made him lose all sense.
Unfortunately, his sudden laughter made Alex believe he was poking fun of her. Her smile turned into a pout, and a crude remark was building on her tongue. The instant Sean noticed that, he began to shake his head. He would never laugh at her, especially while she was being so open with him. He had just been distracted, and- truthfully- continued to be, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. It’s just… Nikita’s making this face…”
Peering past the monitors, Alex glanced over at Nikita. She and Michael were still on the couch, but she had turned to look at Alex. Her face was screwed up in a disbelieving, ‘what the fuck’ expression, and she seemed to be thinking hard about something. Alex couldn’t think of anything she could’ve possibly said that would’ve made Nikita react like that. She racked her brain, but she came up with nothing. Maybe the rogue was just being ridiculous, “What?”
“I once spent a whole winter without a coat. What the fuck,” Nikita stated blankly. She and Alex had talked about how differently they had grown up before. But just how shitty her life was in comparison hadn’t really ever hit as hard as it did then.
Whereas Sean and Alex couldn’t help but chuckle at the way Nikita had shared the depressing fact, Michael grew concerned. A part of him felt like she had shared that story with him before; she had once said something about having to wear multiple sweatshirts and jackets instead of a coat one year. However, he was still shocked and appalled by her admission. Despite how many times she shared a horrible fact about her childhood, he’d always get so angry. That shouldn’t have happened to her. It shouldn’t have been that way, “Why did they make you go through a winter in Detroit without a coat… Actually, you know what. I don’t want to know.”
“We almost watched Michael invent time travel,” Alex couldn’t help but continue laughing. It was obvious how much Michael hated Nikita’s foster parents (in fact, Alex believed that he hated them more than Nikita did). But in that moment, it actually seemed like he wanted to travel through time just to kill them.
“Good thing you eventually shot Gary, huh?” Nudging Michael, Nikita managed to smile. There was no point dwelling on the past or how shitty her life had been when things had worked out for the better. She had taken control of her life, she had found a way to carve out happiness, and the people who had hurt her couldn’t touch her or anyone else ever again. She was good then, and only getting better. Michael was a huge reason for that.
As much as Michael would love to claim that he had killed Gary, and as much as he wished he had, he couldn’t lie to Nikita. She had to know the truth, “Uh… Nik, I… I didn’t actually shoot him.”
“What? I thought Gary died. I told him about Division to bait you guys and to kill him. And he didn’t even die?” Practically shrieking, Nikita questioned. The only reason she had returned to that deplorable hellish house was to bait Division and to make Gary pay for all he had done to her and kids like her. But if the latter had never happened, then what had been the point of dragging herself back through those awful memories. Why face that man and that pain again if he was never going to die.
“No. No. Gary’s dead. I just didn’t shoot him. Roan did,” Quickly, Michael clarified. Nikita had been right: telling Gary about Division had been the death sentence she had wanted it to be. Unfortunately, it had been an impatient Roan who had carried out that sentence, not Michael. Had Michael actually been given the time to question Gary, yeah, he would’ve shot him afterwards. He simply hadn’t been quick enough.
“Oh,” Nikita slouched against the couch cushions. She couldn’t help but feel disappointed by the revelation. Of course, she was still glad that Gary was dead. But Roan killing him didn’t mean that much. It just made the act like every other Division cleaning.
“What?” Noticing Nikita’s slight pout, Michael moved closer to her on the couch. He couldn’t believe that she didn’t want Roan to have killed Gary. With her hatred of him, he had thought that anyone killing him would’ve been a good thing. But maybe it was more complicated than that. Things certainly were when it came to Caroline.
Nikita shook her head, negating the thoughts Michael had. What she was thinking was kind of stupid. It didn’t make a lot of sense, even to herself. It’d probably be better if she just didn’t elaborate. However, Michael would never let it go if she did; he’d keep pushing her to open up. She had to share every thought in her head with him, no matter how stupid, “Nothing. Just… if I couldn’t kill Gary, I at least wanted you to.”
“I did want to. But Roan beat me to it,” Michael completely understood what Nikita meant. He had felt that way after Kasim had died; although he wasn’t the one who had killed the bastard, he was glad Nikita had. He wished he could’ve given her that revenge. But it was too late to change the past. The best he could do was to keep protecting her in the future.
“I know your dad was a sonofabitch and absolutely deserved what he got. But hearing you talk about his murder like this is… jarring,” Speaking up, Sean reminded the couple that they weren’t the only ones in the room. He and Alex had silently listened to their conversation in varying degrees of interest. Whereas Alex nodded in agreement with what the two were saying, Sean felt a little weirded out. The casual way they discussed murder- though appropriate for someone like Gary- just seemed so odd.
“Not as jarring as what he did,” Nikita muttered harshly. She understood where Sean was coming from, yet she didn’t care. Roan only shooting Gary was honestly still too good for him. Much worse should’ve befallen the bastard. Someone should’ve hurt him just as much as he had hurt her and all those other foster kids.
Noticing the sudden silence in the room, Nikita realized that she had brought the mood way down. She hadn’t wanted that to happen; especially since the team was having one of their nice, relaxing, happy days. She had to get everybody laughing again. Quickly, she thought of something else she could tell about her past- something absolutely ridiculous. Fortunately, she had one at the top of her head, “You know. That winter without a coat was the first time I seriously ran away. I almost made it to Canada before I got caught.”
“You tried to run away to Canada?” Laughing, Alex finally abandoned her task on the computer and moved to join Michael and Nikita on the couch. She could finish dealing with Semak’s estate later. The new direction the conversation took seemed far more fun.
“Well, yeah. Windsor, Ontario’s right there,” While her friends laughed, Nikita shrugged. When she had first started running away, getting to Canada was her main goal. She had believed if she made it there, she’d be okay. As an adult, she knew how silly that thought was. Though, sometimes she wondered what would’ve happened if she had actually made it.
Blinking, Alex slowly sat on the couch. Despite her years in America, her geography of the country was still lacking. She knew Detroit was in Michigan, and she knew Michigan was near Canada. But she hadn’t known that it was close enough for a teenaged Nikita to run away to. At least not plausibly, “Wait. What?”
“The only thing separating Detroit from Canada is a two mile wide river. You just drive through a tunnel for a couple minutes, and boom, you’re in a different country. In fact, it’s the only border crossing in the States where you drive south to get to Canada,” Nikita explained excitedly. She had no love for her hometown- or anywhere she had lived as a kid. But there were some cool things about Detroit that she liked such as the border and the river walk.
“Is that how you tried to get to Canada?” Michael chuckled softly. Nikita never talked about her runaway attempts; she never even told him how many times she had tried to escape before it finally stuck. So it was refreshing to hear her open up about it, especially since she had found a way to tell the story lightly. He felt like she was truly starting to heal from all that trauma. Later, when they were alone, he’d kiss her for that.
“Yeah. On my bike,” Nikita began to laugh. In her comfortable situation then, she could call herself out for being stupid and ridiculous. She had really thought she had everything figured out at thirteen years old. She still didn’t have things figured out.
“You tried to cross the border on a bicycle? No wonder you got caught,” Having followed Alex to the couch, Sean sat right next to her and instantly made fun of Nikita. Since she was laughing about it, he assumed he could tease her without the mood shifting again. Hers and Alex’s past were very gentle subjects. The last thing Sean wanted to do was hurt anyone’s feelings. Going along with the already established jokes, though, he felt like he was okay. Besides, if he wasn’t Alex (and Michael) would let him know.
“I was thirteen. I didn’t know any better,” Nikita somewhat defended herself. Though, she had always known her bicycle could never get her far. She had never even made it to the border on that stupid thing, “I hardly even made it into the tunnel. A cop saw me riding my bike on a major highway, stopped me, then took me home.”
The room erupted into laughter at the image of a thirteen year old Nikita stubbornly peddling her bike on a busy highway. The circumstance behind that attempt wasn’t funny, nor was her obvious desperation to escape. But the fact that Nikita had always been her ridiculous, determined, risky self caused smiles to bloom. The biggest smile was on Michael’s lips. He liked finding the good in Nikita’s past; it was good to know that it wasn’t all bad. That could lead to light conversations, and little throwaway comments that’d make her smile and laugh, “You and I lived totally different lives at thirteen.”
“Yeah. I was planning to run away to Canada, and you were chickening out of asking a girl to dance,” Nikita smiled smugly. When Michael had told her that story, he had quickly followed it by stating his fear that Nikita would always tease him for it. He, of course, had been right. But she did it out of love. She thought what he did was adorable and cute. He could still be that way sometimes, especially in private moments with her. And she absolutely loved that.
“He still chickens out when it comes to asking girls to dance,” Birkhoff chimed in. He had finished caffeinating himself in the kitchen, so he was finally ready to join the others in their supposedly hysterical conversation. He was glad he had joined them then. It was the perfect moment to make fun of Michael and take him down a peg.
Nikita fought her laughter while Michael rolled his eyes. He could easily drag Birkhoff regarding his experience- or lack thereof- with women. However, he decided to refrain. He could save those for when the hacker was particularly annoying. At the moment, proudly building off the story Nikita had started was the better move, “Yeah. Well. I was her first dance at her bat mitzvah. So it worked out.”
“Wasn’t that also your first kiss?” Recalling the information, Nikita’s smug smile turned soft. Michael smiled softly in return. It had been a long time since he could recall those memories with a grin. He had her to thank for that. He always did.
“There you go. You manned up,” Sean clapped Michael on the back. He and Alex had been laughing throughout the others’ back and forth, and that didn’t stop then. Making fun of their teammates was the rogues’ favorite pastime. It was the easiest way they could laugh and relax. And, oddly, grow closer together.
“She kissed him,” Despite wanting to keep looking at Michael’s soft smile, Nikita had to make it known that he wasn’t that smooth. He could absolutely be romantic, and supporting, and loving. But he often stumbled when making a movie. She could never fault him for that, though. It made him even more endearing to her. It also made her feel better about not being smooth either. They could be awkward and clumsy together. As long as they could make each other smile, though, what did it matter.
“Now that sounds more like it,” Birkhoff chuckled. He had noticed Michael enter numerous holding patterns with Nikita, never willing to break the barrier (the two of them were in one then). So it was only natural that the same thing happened with Michael and an old girlfriend. He needed an extra push to get things going. Hopefully, that pattern broke soon and he came to his senses about Nikita.
“I’m honestly surprised that you were the one to propose,” Nudging Michael, Nikita teased. Maybe she was also dropping a hint. Though, she quickly shook that thought out of her head. Their pardons from Madeline Pierce might’ve been on the horizon, but that didn’t necessarily mean marriage for Nikita and Michael. She was still uncertain about their future- about if they really could last forever. Maybe marriage shouldn’t be thrown into the mix. They should just keep things how they were- baby steps.
“So was she,” Michael admitted. Although he and Lizzie had discussed marriage before, the proposal had been a complete surprise. He had loved seeing the shocked, beautiful, brilliant smile on her lips when he had dropped to one knee. That was something he could picture himself doing again. He never thought he ever would. But he had found someone who changed his mind.
Alex had been so distracted by laughing on the couch with Sean, that it took her a moment to realize who Michael and Nikita were talking about. Once it clicked, she gasped, “Wait. This was Elizabeth? You guys started dating when you were thirteen?”
Sean and Birkhoff stopped laughing to glance at Michael in bewilderment. They had had no idea that he had been talking about his late wife the entire time. That changed things. But before the tone of the conversation became too serious again, Michael waved his hand. There was no need to become somber. Just like Nikita had with her past, there were moments from his past he could talk lightly about. The life he had had with his wife and daughter had slowly become one of those things again, “No. We didn’t officially start dating till high school. We just had crushes on each other in middle school.”
“Wow. You really are ride or die,” Sean chuckled softly. He had always known Michael was super dedicated to Nikita. But he hadn’t known how intensely he had also been dedicated to his late wife. Sean didn’t think he could ever have that level of commitment. Well, maybe he was starting to begin to.
“You’ve never been that committed to someone?” Alex wasn’t entirely sure why she asked Sean that, nor did she know why she waited for his answer with baited breath. But, she would love to know what he had to say about relationships.
“At thirteen? Hell no. I was just being an ass to my sisters,” Sean laughed. Although Alex chuckled along with him, she couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed by his response. Michael and Nikita caught the reaction and instantly shot each other a look. Oh, they were going to have fun with that one.
“You still are an ass,” Just after Birkhoff was through with Sean. After living with an annoying couple for months (and also dealing with the same couple when they were dancing around each other in Division) the hacker had learned to pick up on all the things not said. And, currently, there were a lot of things unsaid between Sean and Alex. Those two needed to start figuring things out, so they didn’t end up like Michael and Nikita, who also needed to figure things out. Honestly, it was all a huge mess that Birkhoff was tired of being in the middle of. He needed time alone more than the couples did.
Regardless of Birkhoff’s sarcastic tone, and the other’s laughter, Sean became annoyed at the comment. It was about time that the taunting turned to the hacker. Though, he had to rely on Nikita’s nickname for him to do it, “What were you doing at thirteen, Nerd?”
“Starting my badass hacking career,” Birkhoff puffed out his chest in pride. Although he had been messing around with computers since he could remember, he didn’t start seriously hacking until his early teens. From there, his talents and skills exploded into a legendary and awesome career- except for when he was in Division.
“You mean being annoying,” Before Birkhoff’s ego could grow too big, Nikita ensured to keep him in check. It was one of the things she did best, after all. No one knew how to press Birkhoff’s buttons like she did.
“And you weren’t?” Birkhoff snapped. Nikita was annoying as a recruit in Division, as an agent in the field, and especially as a rogue living in the same house as him. There was no way she wasn’t annoying as a teenager as well. It was just in her nature.
“No. She was trying to get to Canada on a bicycle,” Bringing the joke back around, Alex giggled and nudged Nikita. The rogue began to laugh again. Alex had a feeling she knew the much darker version of the escape attempt on the bicycle, but she’d never bring it up. Nikita had had the right idea to turn it into a ridiculous, silly story. It was much easier to deal with the memories that way.
As Nikita caught Birkhoff up on the joke he had missed out on while he was too focused on his afternoon coffee, Michael thought of another taunt he could pile on top of Alex’s. It was something he had made fun of Nikita for before, and it was something he’d probably always make fun of her for. Yet that wouldn’t stop him from leaning into her space and flashing the crooked smile he knew made her melt “Honestly, though. Of all your crazy, stupid, rash ideas, that’s not the worst.”
“Thank you,” Nikita wasn’t quite sure if Michael had given her a compliment or not. Or if they were going to get into an argument about her schemes or not. So she just stated her gratitude blandly. He only shrugged and scooted closer to her.
“So what would be the worst?” Genuinely curious, Sean wondered. He had read Nikita’s file when he had worked for Oversight, he had heard Alex’s and other agents’ stories, and he had seen the rogue in action; and from what he could tell, her crazy ideas usually worked. So what could Michael possibly think the worst one was.
A real answer was on the tip of Michael’s tongue. However, a warning look from Nikita kept it at bay. He didn’t want to get into an argument that day, nor while the others were around. So he quickly backtracked and thought of a less serious answer to give. It took a while. But eventually, Michael recalled an event from what felt like a lifetime ago, “When she decided to take on the Triad by herself.”
“I just took on Victor Han. And you said that how I took him down was one of my most brilliant plans ever,” Nikita smugly reminded Michael. She could also remind him that he had saved her life on that mission instead of killing her like he had been ordered to do. Yet she kept the attention focused solely on herself. She could remind Michael of his rogue activities later that night when they were alone and she could truly tease him.
“Wait. I know this one. Han was your first mission, and he later turned out to be a Triad plant,” Excitedly, Sean beamed. Most of the time, he was playing catch up on the rogues’ history. But he had known about that mission from Nikita’s file.
“You’re so smart,” Sarcastically, Alex patted Sean’s back. Unlike his reaction to Birkhoff’s taunt, Sean laughed at Alex’s patronizing comment. She beamed, missing the others’ pointed looks. It was a long moment after Alex started smiling at Sean that she remembered the conversation. She slowly tore herself away from the Seal to be able to focus on it. But even then, she couldn’t help but feel somewhat distracted as she asked Nikita a question she had never really gotten an answer for, “How did you take down Han, by the way?”
“Peanut oil lipstick,” Nikita beamed proudly. Michael smiled proudly as well. The rest of the team, however, stared at her in confusion. They could not see the genius in her actions, only the insanity. So, with a sigh, she explained, “Han’s severely allergic to peanuts. So I covered my lips in peanut oil before I met him.”
That partially explained how Nikita took down Han, yet there were still tons of questions on her teammates’ lips. First of all, how did peanut oil on her lips do anything. Second of all, how had she known when she was going to meet Han- how did the lipstick not fade before then. And third of all, how in the hell had she even put peanut oil in lipstick. What kind of resources and thought process was Nikita working with. Birkhoff had long ago come to the conclusion that he would never know. So, he asked the question he figured would have the simplest answer, “Yeah. But. How’d you get the oil into his system?”
“He had made gross comments when I was his nanny. And he was a corrupt, evil bastard in a position of power. I knew he’d take advantage of me, so I used that against him,” Nikita tried to keep her answer light to match the tone of the conversation, but she couldn’t hold it for long. Her disgust for Han took over, and she sneered. She was glad she had decided to search for answers about his death. She had revealed the truth and had taken the bastard down. If only other bastards went down with him.
“Corrupt, evil men are all the same,” Joining Nikita in her bitter anger, Alex added. She had assumed where Nikita’s story would go when she had mentioned lipstick. There came a point when the bad guys they faced became predictable. There were always evil men out there controlling and taking advantage of young women. The rogues had been able to take out some, but there were still tons out there. Alex hoped they all rotted in hell.
Somber silence fell over the team as those thoughts floated in the air. No one could say anything after that. In fact, no one wanted to say anything. Sometimes, the enormous weight of all they were up against- all the evil in the world- rose up and crushed them. There wasn’t much the team could do to fight off the feeling. But at least they were feeling it together. If one of them cracked, they all did.
Eventually, Birkhoff decided to break the tension. If he failed, well then at least they could get off the couch and move on with their afternoons. But if he could get it right, they’d smile again. He simply needed to find the right words. Long moments of thought didn’t spark any inspiration. He just had one stupid question circling around in his head. It was better than nothing. And, maybe, stupid was what they needed, “So… how’s everyone’s day going?”
Quiet, awkward chuckles finally broke the silence. The rogues relaxed on the couch again, and began to smile easily once more. They could survive the crushing weight of the world when they were all holding it up together. They were already pretty good at helping one another. They could lift spirits as well as take down villains. They could just find the little things- like stupid quips and taunts- to get them through. Or, maybe the big things, like Nikita had heard Michael and Alex doing on the computer but she had yet to make fun of, “Pretty good. I learned how to sell a billion dollar house.”
“It’s just a couple million now with the art gone,” Alex knew better than to make that correction. A million dollars or a billion dollars, it was still way too much money for one person to have. She shouldn’t have made that distinction. Especially since it earned her an annoyed glare from a huffy Nikita.
“So you’re buying lunch?” Before Nikita could say a biting, sarcastic remark, Michael recommended the next activity the team could do together. Their next round of jokes and fun trips down memory lane might be easier if they had food in their systems. Also, some of the things they had put off by stopping to talk could be refocused on after lunch. Food was the perfect way to reset and relax. Especially when someone else was paying.
“Sure. If you guys want to get out of here and actually sit down to eat,” Alex agreed, but only if the team went out to eat. She wanted to get out of the safehouse for a bit. Also, whenever they got takeout, they usually ate while running around doing other things. She wanted to truly relax with her friends, and she wanted to continue talking. The small restaurant down the road where they wouldn’t be noticed would be perfect for that. And since she was paying, Alex doubted the others would say ‘no’ to her.
“Let’s go,” Birkhoff instantly hopped off the couch. He was always down for things if other people were paying; he was tired of his money always being used. Hand in hand, Michael and Nikita quickly followed him.
The three were out the door before Sean and Alex had cleared the livingroom, which honestly just made Alex laugh. Sean had wanted to roll his eyes at the rogues, yet her bright, warm laughter stopped him. He just stared at her instead, smiling softly. He knew he had to hear more of that laughter and see more of her smile in his life. Both of those had come easily when she was talking about her childhood home. So, as the two finally walked towards the others in the garage, Sean nudged Alex and reminded her of their interrupted conversation, “You gotta tell me more about the horses.”
Although Alex rolled her eyes, she continued to smile brightly. Despite the strong negative emotions that could overwhelm them, talking lightly about their past was good for the rogues. It was good for Alex. She could feel the weight lift off her shoulders as she brightly remembered the good things from her past. She could spend the rest of the day sharing that brightness with Sean- with her friends, “My favorite’s name was Buttercup…”
Chapter 84
Notes:
Set after 2x21 "Dead Drop". The team adjusts to some changes.
Chapter Text
After their last safehouse had blown up, Michael, Nikita, and Birkhoff kept extra weapons, clothes, bedding, toiletries, and food in a hidden and intensely secure storage container. It was incase anything happened to their new safehouse, so they wouldn’t have to start all over again. Buying all those supplies again and again was a pain in the ass. Unfortunately, those extra supplies were miles and miles away from Ryan’s safehouse. It was too late and they were too exhausted to grab them as they settled in for the night. They’d just have to make do until the morning when they were more willing to make that run.
Thankfully, Ryan had extra sleeping bags and bed rolls for the rogues to use that night. They could camp out in the livingroom until they had the beds to claim actual rooms. The beds in the storage container were nothing more than those cheap recruit beds, but that’d work for the time being (Michael and Nikita, though, were determined to push two together instead of sharing just one again). As rogues, they had quickly learned to make do with what they had. It made things more difficult at times, yet they were excellent at utilizing the full extent of their limited resources. Hopefully, with Kendrick as their ally, that wouldn’t have to last for much longer.
Although Sean had his own apartment he could crash in for the night, his recent gunshot wound forced him to stay with the rogues. They wanted to keep him close and monitored incase something happened. Alex also technically had an apartment. But as that was still owned by Division, she hadn’t been back since before the Zetrov coup. She had the money to post up in a hotel for a while, however, she didn’t want to leave Sean’s side. At least not while he was so hurt. She had to ensure that he was okay.
Normally, Sean and Alex staying with the rogues for the night wouldn’t have been a big deal; they had done so at the beach house without problem. However, Ryan only had four extra sleeping bags and bed rolls. Birkhoff took one set immediately and settled on some rickety bunk away from the others. That only left three for Michael, Nikita, Sean, and Alex. There was also the couch to sleep on. And ideally, Sean should’ve done that. But he was too big to lay on it comfortably, especially with his injury.
The best solution Alex could come up with was that Sean take her bed roll and pillow and she’d sleep on the couch. Although there were pillows and cushions for her to comfortably sleep on, there were no blankets for her to use; she’d still need a sleeping bag. That was when Michael and Nikita tossed one of theirs over. They also gave Sean an extra pillow and bed roll so he could spread out and not get so stiff during the night. The couple was fine sharing. They were kind of used to it anyway. Besides, even if they had slept in their big bed in the beach house that night, they probably would’ve still curled tightly against each other.
With dirty mission clothes and no pajamas, the rogues simply stripped down to their underwear to sleep in. No team probably should’ve been as comfortable as they were to walk around nearly nude in front of each other. But, honestly, how could they really care. They had all faced so much worse than seeing their friends in only their underwear. They could survive a night like that. It wasn’t as though that was going to kill them.
Before anyone could truly settle down, Nikita changed Sean’s bandage and redressed his wound. She then gave him painkillers she had found in Ryan’s medkit. With those in his system, he soon fell asleep and stayed asleep; nothing short of an explosion could wake him. The others weren’t so lucky. They tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable and trying to shut off their thoughts. After the last few days they had had, the latter was nearly impossible. The rogues simply had to hope that exhaustion would wear them down and knock them out.
Alex merely dozed on the couch. Every so often, she’d open her eyes and stare at Sean across the room. The lights were out and the blinds were drawn closed, but she managed to strain her eyes enough to watch the steady rise and fall of his chest. Nikita had claimed that the worst part of Sean’s injury was over. From then on, he’d mostly be dealing with the awful pain of recovery. However, Alex couldn’t stop herself from fearing that she might lose him during the night. What if something happened. What if he was more hurt than they thought. She couldn’t take that risk; she couldn’t take her eyes off him for long.
After a few hours of rolling in and out of sleep, Alex realized she wasn’t the only one awake anymore. She heard noises beside her and propped herself up on her elbows to check it out. In the darkness, she only managed to see the forms of Nikita’s and Michael’s bodies moving around in their sleeping bag. For a panicked moment, she wondered just what the fuck they were doing. Then, they settled down in a new position and stopped moving. Alex breathed a sigh of relief. The couple had only shifted around in their confined space to get more comfortable. They weren’t going to do anything else that night- at least not with the others in the same room.
Silence filled the livingroom once more. Alex believed that meant the couple had fallen back asleep. She laid down on the couch to do the same. But then she heard Nikita’s voice. It was quiet, barely above a whisper. However, in the stillness of the room, anyone awake could hear her whisper to her boyfriend, “Hey, Michael. I have a confession to make.”
“What?” Michael muttered and nuzzled closer to Nikita. Alex propped herself up on her elbows again to spy on the couple. She should probably leave them to their somewhat private moment, but she was curious about what Nikita wanted to confess. If she was willing to have a conversation in the middle of the night, then it must’ve been serious. Or even detrimental.
“I don’t know the difference between Shadownet and Shadowbot, and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask,” Nikita admitted woefully. Michael instantly dissolved into laughter. From where Alex sat, it looked as though Nikita’s back was to his chest, and Michael was using her hair to muffle his laughter. The noises they were making didn’t stop her from continuing her joke, however. She kept speaking nonsense into the dead of night, “Nerd’s just gonna talk to me like I’m an idiot, and I’m gonna have to give him a wedgie.”
Alex muffled her own laughter with the palm of her hand. She could so easily imagine Nikita giving Birkhoff a wedgie. And so could Michael, judging by the giggles he buried in the crook of his girlfriend’s neck. Once he was finally able to compose himself, he decided to add to the hacker’s potential future torment with even more ways to bully him, “Why don’t you just give him a swirly? Shut him up and take care of that greasy hair.”
The couple fought so hard to smother their laughter. They used the sleeping bag, the pillow, and each other to muffle the sounds. Alex wasn’t as lucky with stifling her giggles. A little sound squeaked out, alerting Michael and Nikita to the fact that they weren’t the only ones awake. They immediately quieted back down. But they didn’t stop talking. Their words became barely audible, as did their laughter. Though, Alex could still tell they were being silly and ridiculous. Once the couple had started laughing together, they didn’t want to stop.
Alex’s mother called that kind of unstoppable, nonsense laughter in the middle of the night ‘маленькие ночные смешки’. At some point, you get so tired that everything becomes the funniest thing in the whole entire world. Obviously, that was what had overcome Michael and Nikita. They wouldn’t stop giggling until exhaustion knocked them out again. It didn’t matter what joke they said. They were going to laugh the same no matter what.
Lying back down on the couch, Alex wondered if Nikita and Michael would still be laughing like that during the day. The two could make each other smile like no other. So it was reasonable to assume that they could get each other to laugh at the stupidest things no matter what time it was. Honestly, that was so weird for Alex to think about. If someone had told her just a year and a half ago that Michael could show any other emotion besides brooding, she’d think they were insane. But there he was, smiling and laughing like an idiot- the happiest Alex had ever seen him.
Could she ever be like that. A decade ago, Michael had lost his family in a horrifically tragic way, and that loss had broken him. He had been shattered, destroyed, lost in the dark. There had been no possible way he could ever be happy again. Yet that all changed when he had found Nikita. He found someone to help bring him back into the light. He found someone to hold again in the middle of the night, laughing at nothing. He found someone to help fill his heart back up with love. Michael hadn’t remained broken after the deaths of his wife and daughter. He pulled himself back together; he outlasted the pain. And he was happier than ever.
Could Alex ever be like that. Could she wake up one morning without feeling sad. Surely if Michael had, then she could. Escaping the brothel and the streets, learning the truth about Pale Fire, knowing her mother was really alive, leading to Semak’s death, killing Vlad, and restoring Zetrov to what it was supposed to be all helped her heal. Yet it wasn’t enough. Alex could still feel an ache in her chest that she didn’t believe would ever be filled. Too much had been taken from her. How could things ever be alright again.
Eyes landing on Sean, Alex took a deep breath of air. She watched the steady rise and fall of his chest, and found herself matching the rhythm of his breathing. The act calmed her. Her thoughts quieted; the dread and despair she had begun to feel disappeared. She was strangely at peace as she breathed along with Sean. She could convince herself that it was alright. She could believe that it was all okay. As long as she kept her eyes on Sean.
“What, Love?” Nikita’s quiet voice startled Alex awake. She hadn’t even realized she had fallen asleep until she had heard her best friend whisper. The concerned words had her more curious than how she had fallen asleep, however. So, once again, she was up on her elbows and spying on the couple.
Nikita and Michael appeared to have changed positions again. That time, they seemed to face each other- their foreheads touching, and their hands caressing each other’s cheeks. Although Alex couldn’t see their expressions in the dark, she knew the look that had to have been on their faces. It was the adoring, tender, affectionate, warm, loving look they gave one another either when the other wasn’t looking, or when they thought they were the only two people in the entire world. Whenever Alex saw the couple have that look on their faces, even her heart skipped a beat. It was so genuine and real. No one could ever think they weren’t in love.
Was that what Birkhoff had been talking about when he told Alex that everyone could see that she and Sean cared deeply for one another. Did she and Sean have that look on their faces whenever they glanced at each other. Could they have possibly been so in love with each other that the feeling was etched into their very souls- that it became so clearly apparent in their sparkling eyes when they looked at one another, like Michael and Nikita. Before their kiss in the back of the car, Alex would’ve doubted that. But afterwards…
“Don’t get shot,” Michael’s heartbroken response to Nikita’s question, stole Alex from her musings. A part of her was glad that it had. With all the other thoughts and emotions she had had that night, she didn’t want any more complicated ones. But Michael’s words and the way he had said them left Alex just as concerned as Nikita. What exactly was he thinking. What had the couple been talking about before then. Had he also fallen asleep, and then had woken up from a nightmare. Did what happened to Sean fray all their emotions.
“I’m faster than a speeding bullet, remember?” Softly, Nikita smiled. It wasn’t her usual response to her boyfriend’s concern about her safety. No ‘I’m fine’ or ‘I can take care of myself’. She simply shared an old inside joke between them. It was something to make him smile or even chuckle. It was something gentle that assured she was there and wasn’t going anywhere.
Michael didn’t say anything for a long time. Alex assumed he was studying the new scar on Nikita’s bicep from when she was shot not that long ago. She had healed from the injury just fine, yet it had still rattled Michael. Alex could clearly remember the desperate sound of his voice when he had called Nikita’s name after it had happened. She wondered if she had sounded the same after Sean had been shot. Maybe that was why Birkhoff had claimed her affection for Sean was obvious. After all, Alex wanted to express the same sentiment to Sean that Michael did Nikita, “Just get faster, huh? For me.”
“Done and done,” Nikita kissed her boyfriend sweetly. He returned the affection with equal tenderness. The couple continued to lay facing each other for a couple more minutes. Until finally, Nikita nudged Michael to roll over. He did, and she pressed her chest against his back, spooning him for a change. They settled into comfort. Then went still.
Alex settled back down on the couch. She had no thoughts after spying on Nikita and Michael that time- besides the fact that she should stop spying on her friends. She simply laid on the couch and stared at Sean again. His gently rising and falling chest was almost hypnotic. It lulled her back into a sense of peace and back to sleep.
The next time Alex woke, it was morning. The blinds had been drawn open, and early morning light streamed through the windows into the safehouse. Stretching her stiff muscles, Alex groaned. She didn’t want to get up yet, but she knew she had to. It was going to be a long day for the rogues as they officially moved into the new safehouse. The sooner they began gathering their things and moving them around, the better. Then they could delve into the intel Kendrick had given them and would continue to give them.
Michael appeared to have had the same idea as Alex. he was already up and in the kitchen (he was also probably the one who had opened the blinds). Nikita, on the other hand, was still asleep. She laid on her stomach, drooling, and the sleeping bag was kicked around her haphazardly. There was a chance that Michael had woken up so early because Nikita kept kicking him. The thought made Alex laugh. And the sound made Nikita snap awake.
She groaned as she pushed herself upright. Feeling the drool on her cheek and seeing the puddle she had left on the bed roll, she groaned again- that time in disgust. Alex continued to laugh at her. Nikita would’ve been annoyed, and probably would’ve said something, had Michael not re-entered the room with two mugs of coffee and a smile, “Morning.”
“Morning,” Alex replied with a sleep-addled voice. Nikita didn’t say anything. She simply made grabby hands at Michael. Alex thought that was because she wanted her boyfriend back in her arms. But no. Alex couldn’t have been more wrong. Nikita didn’t want Michael; she wanted coffee and the paper towel he gave her for her drool.
Shaking her head, Alex just stared at the couple. From silly, sweet, lovey-dovey, and comforting the night before, to annoyed and grouchy in the morning, the couple really was something. And what was even more ‘something’ was the cranky, early-morning scowl Nikita threw at Alex for staring. Her scratchy, just-woke-up voice matched her glare perfectly, “What?”
“Where’s my coffee?” Alex asked simply. She could’ve told the couple all her thoughts from when she was spying on them. But, one, she didn’t want to share those with them; two, she didn’t want to hear Nikita’s jokes in response; and three, she didn’t want to seem like a weirdo for staring at them during the night. So, she just kept to herself and complained about how it was too early to be awake.
“There’s hot water for some tea,” Sitting close to his girlfriend on the sleeping bag and bed roll, Michael explained. His proximity to Nikita calmed her grouchiness. She happily drank her coffee and ignored her best friend’s real reason for staring.
“Oh. Awesome. Thank you,” When she registered what Michael had said, Alex scrambled out of her sleeping bag and hopped off the couch. She tried not to drink too much caffeine, preferring tea to help wake her up in the morning. She was surprised Michael had noticed that. Then again, he had noticed whatever was budding between her and Sean. Maybe he paid more attention to her than she thought.
When Alex returned to the livingroom after making herself a delicious, sweet, warm tea, Nikita and Michael were wrapped around each other. They sat so close together as they sipped their coffee, that it was difficult to tell whose limb was whose. Alex seriously began to wonder if exhaustion had something to do with the couple’s PDA levels. It was almost as though the more tired they were, the more they leaned on one another for warmth, strength, and comfort. Alex considered asking them about it, or simply just teasing them. But before she could open her mouth to speak, Nikita asked her a question, “How is he?”
It took Alex a moment to realize that Nikita was nodding towards Sean. Instantly, she turned around to study him. He looked just like he had when she had left him. His breathing was steady- in and out- and he was deep asleep. In the pale morning light, though, his pale skin seemed a little flushed. Worried, Alex crouched down and felt his forehead. He was no warmer than normal, which was good. He was okay. He was perfectly fine- besides his wound, of course, “No fever. But I think his bandaid needs to be changed.”
“Let’s do it now while he’s asleep. The less he moves, the better,” Nikita sighed. She untangled herself from Michael, handed him her coffee mug, and grabbed the medkit again. Thankfully, there was no need to re-dress anything. Nikita only had to ensure everything was clean and that Sean was saved from infection. As she worked her medical magic, Alex’s hand remained on Sean’s forehead. She hardly even noticed it was there. She just watched over him, her fingers absentmindedly caressing his skin.
When Nikita began to clean up the medical supplies, Alex finally (and regretfully) pulled away. She should let Sean sleep until the painkillers wore off; he had to rest. However, before Alex could return to the couch, her best friend stopped her. She shot her a half-knowing, half-gentle expression and kept her in place, “No. Keep doing that. It’s keeping him calm.”
It was true that Sean seemed to relax even more in his sleep at the feel of Alex’s fingers caressing his skin and playing in his hair. She could continue those motions if it’d help him rest. The bed rolls were comfortable enough for her to sit on as she drank her tea. There was no reason for her to leave Sean’s side.
If Michael and Nikita shared a pointed glance, Alex ignored them. Her only focus was on Sean sleeping peacefully in her arms (somewhat). The only thing that had pulled her attention away was the sounds of Birkhoff stumbling out of his bunk. He grumbled a curse under his breath and staggered to the kitchen. His only sights were on the coffee pot and the blissful caffeine it was supposed to contain. Yet it was empty once he reached it. Low and cranky (almost as much as Nikita), he cursed at the others, “You bastards couldn’t save me any coffee?”
“No,” Michael and Nikita echoed one another. Alex remembered what the couple had said about Birkhoff the night before and struggled to hold back her laughter. Birkhoff just ignored them all and started brewing a new pot of coffee.
Nikita purposely brushed past him as she put the medkit away. He only grumbled at her, making her laugh. She thought of torturing him some more, but considering the hour, she didn’t want to incur his wrath. So, she focused on scrounging up some breakfast instead.
There was a basket of apples on the counter that appeared appetizing. Nikita grabbed one for herself. Then, after thinking about it, held up another to see if Michael or Alex wanted one. Both raised their hands. Since she was closest, Alex was tossed one first. She, however, used that fact to gloat, “I’m the favorite.”
Michael was too busy rolling his eyes to realize Nikita had tossed an apple at him. It almost hit him in the face before he managed to catch it. When Alex and Nikita laughed at him, he nearly chuckled good-naturedly with them. But then he noticed Birkhoff checking out his girlfriend. To his credit, the hacker did try not to. But with Nikita in her underwear, it was hard for him to look away. Michael fought the urge to get up and punch him in the face. That wouldn’t fix the situation. Clothes would, “We seriously have to get our things this morning.”
“I think I have some clothes in the trunk Nikita can borrow. But I don’t think you guys would fit them,” Alex smirked around a bite of apple. She had started keeping clothes and toiletries in the trunk of her car just incase (no pajamas, though, which was something she had to rectify). Although that’d help her and Nikita, the men were out of luck. Unless she stretched her clothes out a whole bunch.
“I don’t know. I personally would love to see Michael in a crop top,” Nikita racked her eyes over her boyfriend and smiled wickedly. Despite his eye roll, Michael started to laugh. Between the crop top and Robin Hood tights she wanted to dress him in, he was going to look more like a poorly designed nineties superhero than a secret agent. If it made her happy, though, then maybe he could suffer through it. At least, in theory.
While Nikita walked back into the livingroom, she decided to eat her apple in a different way. She had seen videos of people ripping an apple in half, and wondered if she could do the same. It didn’t take her long to figure out how to do it. And once she did, she managed to split her apple in half with just her hands and her powerful muscles. She was incredibly impressed with her actions, and smiled in triumph. Alex, on the other hand (although also impressed) scoffed, “You think you’re so cool.”
“Are you saying I’m not?” Nikita smirked as she bit into one half of the apple. She rejoined Michael on the floor, who was very impressed and very amused by her actions. She just shrugged as though she wasn’t surprised that she had actually ripped an apple in half.
“Your bra is twisted,” As soon as she noticed that fact, Alex knew she had to take Nikita down a peg. Confused, Nikita twisted around to see what her best friend was talking about. It took her a moment, but finally, she noticed that one of the bands was horribly twisted. Somehow, Nikita had gone a whole day- and then some- without ever noticing the twist. She couldn’t comprehend how that was possible. She must’ve been really distracted.
Unhooking her bra was the easy part. Yet untwisting the band without taking her bra completely off was a challenge. Fortunately, Michael reached over to help. Unfortunately, Birkhoff was finally getting caffeine into his system, and he was back to his normal self when he joined the others in the room, “Oh, come on, man. We’re all in the room.”
“Take it off,” While Michael glared at Birkhoff’s sarcasm, Alex jokingly called for Nikita to undress. That would’ve been a simple, funny joke if Nikita had any shame. But since she was always willing to go one step further, she actually began to slip out of her bra. Her knees had been pulled up to her chest, so no one would’ve really seen anything. However, Alex still frantically stopped her best friend before she went too far, “No. Wait. I don’t want to see that.”
“She’s saving herself for Sean,” Michael couldn’t help but tease Alex. Nikita laughed as her bra was finally correct and re-hooked. Alex wanted to shoot back a tease or a quip or anything. But she was blushing too much to do anything but stammer. The fact that her fingers remained in Sean’s hair didn’t help.
“Won’t have to save herself for long. Not after the kiss they shared yesterday,” Birkhoff didn’t help either. He hadn’t had the chance to tell Michael and Nikita about the show in the backseat of the car the night before. He had wanted to; things had simply gotten in the way. But then, as they spent the morning relaxing, was as good a chance as any to finally start teasing the Princess and the Seal for their makeout session.
Nikita had been taking a drink of coffee when Birkhoff dropped the explosive fact. She instantly became so excited, she gasped. Coffee filled her lungs, and she was left coughing and spluttering. Alarmed, Michael rubbed and patted her back in an attempt to soothe her. She waved him off, though. She didn’t care about herself. She could only ever possibly care that Alex and Sen had kissed- and had kissed in front of Birkhoff. She needed answers. She needed the story. So, while she was busy coughing, her boyfriend asked for her, “You guys kissed?”
“From when the beach house blew up to when you called, those two were making out in the backseat,” Birkhoff answered for Alex. He had given Sean and Alex the night to discuss the kiss and figure out what happened next. But since it seemed as though nothing had happened between them, he had to bring in Michael and Nikita. They had to say something that’d push Alex forward, especially Nikita. However, the new information made her take in another sharp intake of breath, and she was coughing all over again.
“I’m honestly so glad you’re choking right now,” Alex muttered. She had no doubt that Nikita would’ve been throwing one quip after another at her for what had happened with Sean. But thanks to the sudden cough, Alex was saved. At least for the time being.
The instant Nikita got enough of a hold of her breathing, she was ready to tease Alex. A million thoughts had raced through her head upon hearing the news. But she figured a simple approach would be best. It’d definitely get her point across the clearest, “I knew it.”
They had all known it, though. The whole team had known Sean and Alex really liked each other. Except, apparently, Alex. When she turned away from the others, Michael became concerned. There was more about the kiss than Alex was sharing. He was curious to know what that was, “So, are you guys a thing now?”
“I don’t know. Nothing’s certain,” Alex focused on her apple, her tea, and Sean. What she was physically looking at and holding were certain things. She could count on them. But a relationship with Sean didn’t seem so concrete. It wasn’t as though they had talked about it. Yet maybe that was the problem. She and Sean should’ve been talking. And if not before, then certainly after the kiss. Things weren’t going to magically happen between them. The two actually had to talk and work for it. Alex actually had to open herself up and talk.
“That kiss seemed pretty certain,” Birkhoff mostly teased, but there was some sincerity in his tone. He didn’t know why Alex was questioning anything. He had seen that kiss between her and Sean, and it had looked very real and genuine to him. Alex had to have felt something for Sean- something that’d make things easy and certain.
“I think now’s the time to ask him out, Alex,” Nikita urged. Obviously, she’d need her best friend to tell her the whole story before she could offer any real advice. But that seemed fairly basic, especially since it should’ve happened already.
“Really? Now?” Arching her eyebrow, Alex challenged. She understood. She had to talk to Sean. But when was she supposed to do that. He was grieving the violent loss of his mother. He was healing from a life threatening gunshot wound. And he was currently passed out on painkillers. There was no good time to talk to him. It’d be better if she just waited until their war with Division ended. At least then she’d have time to actually do what she wanted.
Glancing at an injured, sleeping Sean, Nikita had to admit that Alex couldn’t talk to him then. But in the next few days or so, he’d be one hundred percent available to her. She simply had to not be closed off again by then, “Okay. Fair. But there’s no point denying it anymore.”
Alex opened then closed her mouth. She wanted to argue with Nikita; it seemed easier to argue with Nikita. But there was nothing she could say. Her best friend was right. Yet, thankfully, she didn’t have to admit to that at the moment. Ryan soon came out of his room and stopped short in the livingroom.
Seeing all the rogue agents in their underwear sitting on the floor with coffee mugs and apples caused him to short circuit. It took Ryan a moment before he could speak, “Please tell me you guys are getting your stuff today. I don’t want to keep waking up to an underwear ad.”
“As soon as we wake up,” Michael promised, holding up his almost empty cup of coffee. He would’ve already been heading to the storage locker if he hadn’t shared a sleeping bag the night before. That typically didn’t lend to the most restful night’s sleep, especially when sleeping next to Nikita. He swore, there was never a moment where she could be still.
“And finish our conversation,” Nikita said pointedly to Alex. She could let go of the jokes. However, she wouldn’t let go of the topic. Nikita and Alex were going to talk about Sean and the kiss. Then she was going to have Alex talk to Sean.
Ryan had a feeling that the conversation Nikita was referring to was about Sean’s and Alex’s kiss the night before. He didn’t want to get involved in it if it was. Witnessing the makeout session had been enough for him. That morning, he only wanted to focus on breakfast and the intel Kendrick had given them. Unfortunately, when he walked into the kitchen, Ryan noticed that his coffee grounds had already seriously been depleted. There wasn’t enough food for all the rogues in the safehouse. That was going to become very disastrous very soon, “You’re also going to get groceries, right?”
“Yeah, Princess. We can buy them as we talk about that kiss,” Nikita was definitely beating the point to death. Yet, she felt like a lot of things lately had been getting in the way of any serious, lengthy conversation with her best friend. It was far past due that they had one. Going grocery shopping together should’ve given them the opportunity to talk in peace and without interruption.
“Why do I have to buy them? Birkhoff has money now,” Alex whined. Although a part of her wanted to accept her best friend’s invitation to shop and talk, she wanted to figure out her thoughts about Sean first. Maybe if she had a handle on them, she could clearly make a decision. And she could take Nikita’s generally good advice without fighting her.
“I don’t trust him to buy groceries,” Nikita immediately shook her head at the idea. Birkhoff focused a lot more on snack foods than actual meals whenever he took care of the groceries. Nikita didn’t not want to deal with that in the new safehouse, especially when there were so many more people living in one place. A real adult had to handle the food buying.
Before Birkhoff could quip that Nikita was also a bad grocery buyer- shopping more based on her stomach than on a list- Michael interrupted. They didn’t have to worry about food for a while. There were some in the storage locker. Once they saw what they were missing, then he and Ryan could go on a grocery run, “There’s some non-perishables with our stuff. That’ll hold us over while we take stock. Then, I can make a grocery list.”
“Busy day. Let’s get going,” Ryan urged the others to get up and follow him. Coffee and tea had been drunk, and apples had been eaten, so there weren’t any excuses the rogues could fall back on. Grumbling and stretching, they cleaned up their sleeping bags and bed rolls and re-dressed in dirty clothes. Thankfully, the latter was only temporary. Once they had their things, they could shower and change. There was a chance that’d make them feel better as they went about their day. It wasn’t going to be that bad; they just had to get moving.
Although Alex had moved away from Sean to help the team clean up, she returned to check in on him one last time. She wanted to ensure he was okay before she went with the others to the storage locker. She also wanted to leave him a note since he would more than likely wake up while they were gone, and she didn’t want him to panic. However, as she lightly dusted her fingers across his forehead again, his hazel eyes opened. They blinked several times. But eventually, they landed on her. Once they did, they shone brightly and he beamed, “Hey.”
“Hey,” Alex smiled. And immediately, she felt at ease.
Chapter 85
Notes:
An AU for 3x13 "Reunion". What if Amanda and Nikita weren't pulled out of the fire in time.
Chapter Text
Alex had just reached where Amanda’s men were holding Stefan, when Krieg finally made an appearance. He must’ve been following her, waiting to surface when he actually had Stefan in his sights. Alex admired his dedication- she really did. But they didn’t have time for their misunderstanding anymore. Stefan was going to get hurt if they didn’t start working together to protect him. Alex had to convince Krieg to trust her. He had to believe her just long enough to save the boy, “Krieg, you have to listen to me…”
“No talking. Just give me the boy,” Krieg interrupted. His gun was trained on Alex, prepared to kill her if necessary. She really hoped he never found it necessary. But if she wasn’t able to talk to him to convince him, then they were going to be stuck at an impasse. She had to find a way to gain his trust. She probably had to get a little creative.
“I don’t have him. But I can help you get him. He’s in there,” Alex attempted to tell Krieg the truth. But regardless of the validity of the fact, he was never going to believe her. The only people he trusted were Stefan and Ari. talking to Stefan was completely out of the question. But talking to Ari wasn’t. If Alex called Division, they’d have to put Ari on the phone. He’d clear up the confusion in no time, and finally the real enemy would be revealed. Then, they could actually do what they were supposed to, “What if you talked to Ari?”
Krieg almost stopped Alex from pulling out her cellphone. But she managed to call Division before he could put too much thought to his actions. Soon, the ex-special forces soldier was connected with his employer and friend. They talked for some time, mostly about Stefan’s safety, until finally Krieg was convinced to trust Alex. He ended the call, handed Alex back her phone, and almost smiled, “Enough nonsense. Let’s get the boy, yes?”
“Yes,” Alex sighed in relief. Together, she and Krieg created a plan to save Stefan from Amanda’s henchmen. It wasn’t the most well-thought out plan, yet it’d definitely work in a pinch. Krieg went ahead of Alex, putting their scheme into hasty action. She hung back for a moment, waiting for the perfect time to strike. She also made a phone call. It was just as a backup plan- something Nikita had taught her. But she still thought it important to make. With a teenager in Amanda’s clutches, they couldn’t take any chances.
Unfortunately, although Stefan was saved, Alex’s and Krieg’s plan led to the ex-special forces soldier to get shot. The bullet embedded itself deep in his thigh, leaving him unable to walk without assistance. The three were left at a severe disadvantage as they tried to escape the building before more of Amanda’s goons arrived. Alex did her best to take the lead and protect them from assailants. But she could’ve really used help. If only Nikita hadn’t been kidnapped, “This would be so much easier with Nikita.”
“We’ve hit a deadend,” Krieg brought Alex from her musings with a harsh reminder of reality. Just because Stefan was saved didn’t mean they were out of the words yet. They still had to escape the armed mercenaries trying to kill them and the maze of a building. Between a teenage boy and an injured agent, their options were limited. Going out the front door was way out of the question. And staying where they were was going to get them killed. The three needed options immediately.
“The service tunnel leads out of here. I can hold them off while you go,” Remembering the schematics of the building Birkhoff had sent he once he had a ping on one of the goons’ locations, Alex led Krieg and Stefan back down the hall. The two could take the service tunnel to safety while she kept the mercenaries off their tail. That’d leave them injured and alone once they were free, which Alex didn’t like. Yet that was the best plan. Stefan’s safety was of the utmost importance, after all.
“You’re not gonna come with us?” Whereas Krieg urged Stefan to start down the tunnel, the teenager turned to Alex, worried. She honestly thought his concern was sweet, yet it was misplaced. She’d be alright. Of all the people he had to worry about, she wasn’t one of them.
“I called the cops. I should be fine,” Alex smiled reassuringly. That was the trick Nikita had taught her. If she was ever outgunned, call the police. She then would have to figure out how to escape the police, but they were at least easier to handle than mercenaries- especially once Division discovered what happened and broke her out of jail. She was going to be fine. Her escape route was covered. Stefan and Krieg only had to focus on themselves from then on, “Just take care of each other.”
Once Krieg and Stefan were safely in the tunnel, Alex raced back off to face Amanda’s mercenaries. She was able to hold them off just fine until the police arrived. They began to take the bad men into custody, and all the gunfire stopped. Alex was then going to step out of her hiding spot and let herself get arrested too. But she couldn’t stop thinking about Krieg and Stefan. A teenager and a badly injured man were left all alone in the wilderness. They were going to get hurt. They might not make it out alive. Alex couldn’t leave them to that fate. Not when she could do something about it.
So, she took off running. She heard orders for her to stop. She heard guns start firing again. And she felt the hot, singing graze of a bullet against her ribs and against her shoulder. But she didn’t stop running. Through the tunnels and into the outside air, she never quit. She had people to save. That was more important than anything else.
Fortunately, Alex had lost the cops by the time she caught up to Stefan and Krieg. Both were surprised to see her. And they were even more surprised by her wounds (she was lucky they were mostly skin deep). But she just waved them off. She was there then; the focus could return to their safety, “I told you I’d be fine.”
“Krieg’s not doing so well,” Stefan took Alex’s brush off for what it was and drew attention to his caretaker. Krieg had instructed the teenager on how to create a tourniquet to staunch the flow of blood, but that wasn’t enough to heal him from the bullet wound. He needed medical attention. The bullet had to be removed, damage had to be accessed, and infection had to be staved off. A field dressing wasn’t going to work in that situation. It was too bad.
While Alex examined the wound, Krieg tried to urge her and Stefan along. They could figure out that problem once they were out of the woods. If they lost focus at that moment, then all of them would die, not just him, “Just get me a car. My storage is near here. I can gather medical supplies.”
“And I can get Nikita,” Alex stared at Krieg. He nodded. If she brought him to his storage location, then she could finally have Nikita.
Ensuring Krieg and Stefan would be alright for a moment, Alex sprinted towards her car. She had parked it out of sight from the building somewhere in that area. Hers and Nikita’s mission bags were in the trunk, as well as a medkit. When she reached her car, she hastily patched up her grazes; she had to be taken care of first if she was going to take care of the others. As soon as she was alright, she hopped in the driver’s seat and sped back to Stefan and Krieg.
The medkit had been left in the backseat for the ex-special forces soldier to use. He patched himself up as well as he could while directing Alex on where to go. Stefan sat in awed silence. Until Krieg made a joke. Then, the teenager and his caretaker smiled and talked excitedly about their future. It was the closest the two had been in the years they had known each other, and the fact made Alex smile as well. Going back to help them, despite her injuries, had been the perfect choice. Stefan and Krieg had the chance at a great future, and it all started then.
That happy, joyful feeling crashed and burned at the sight of smoke, however. The closer Alex drove to Krieg’s storage location, the thicker and darker the smoke became. It wasn’t difficult to guess where the smoke was coming from. Even parking a few miles away from the storage location, the brutal, horrific, deadly flames were easy to see. The whole place was on fire. And it was close to burning right to the ground.
Krieg didn’t understand how that was possible. Yet, Alex wasn’t listening to him. She could only think about how Nikita had been trapped in that building. Had she made it out before the fire started. Or did she get caught in the flames. Was she safe. Was she alright. Was she out there, struggling and needing help. Alex couldn’t fight the dread that had seeped deep in her gut. Whatever had happened, it wasn’t good. In fact, the worst thing possible was about to come out of those flames. She knew it. Terrible things always came from fires.
It took Alex a lot of effort to shake her head and refocus. Assuming the worst case scenario wasn’t going to let her help Nikita. She needed to take a deep breath and act, “I have a black badge. I can figure out what happened and get you supplies. Just stay right here.”
Krieg and Stefan nodded. Quickly, Alex climbed out of the car, grabbed a fake badge from the trunk, and approached the scene. Firefighters and paramedics were too absorbed with the raging fire to notice her. She was able to slip into the fray without anyone stopping to question her. She breathed a sigh of relief at the fact. That was one less thing to worry about. She could then solely focus on finding Nikita. Hopefully, she had remained nearby.
It thankfully didn’t take Alex long to find her best friend. Next to one of the ambulances on the scene were two stretchers with two unconscious women atop them. Alex rushed over, her feet moving faster than her mind. Just like when she had seen the fire, she didn’t want to assume anything. But it was difficult not to think the worst. Nikita could’ve been severely injured. She could’ve been burned. Being trapped in a fire couldn’t be taken lightly. The flames were unforgiving. Alex should know.
Except, when Alex reached the two women, there was nothing glaringly wrong with them. They simply laid unconscious on the stretchers, dirty from ash and soot. Alex nearly sighed in relief, but she caught her breath. Both Amanda and Nikita were still and unconscious. Neither stirred at her approach or all the noises around them. They were probably really out of it, severely dragged down by the flames. But there was no doubt that they were going to wake soon. Then, the hell would begin again.
Alex had to get Nikita out of there. She needed to steal medical supplies for herself, Krieg, and Nikita, and she had to move her unconscious best friend out of the area. Amanda, on the other hand, could stay and rot for all Alex cared.
Glancing at the bitch’s unmoving body, something in Alex pulled at the back of her mind and told her to check for a pulse. It was possibly her morbid curiosity. She wanted to know if Amanda was unconscious or dead. And she hoped it was the latter.
Tentatively, she reached to touch the pulse in Amanda’s neck. Her skin was warm, but there was no other feeling underneath Alex’s fingers. She couldn’t feel a pulse. She couldn’t feel a heartbeat. There was nothing.
Amanda was dead.
Alex felt like laughing. She wanted to laugh, shout, smile, celebrate. Amanda was dead. The bitch was finally dead. She wouldn’t torment the team anymore. She wouldn’t try to destroy the world anymore. She was dead. And Division was free. The President had to grant them pardons then. There was no more war to fight. They could go home. Everyone could go home and be free and be happy. The worst was over. The hell was over. Amanda was dead. And Alex and her family could have their happily ever after.
Excited, Alex turned to the other stretcher. Nikita laid there unconscious and unstirred by the commotion beside her. Alex gently placed a hand on her shoulder and shook her. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to wake Nikita so soon after being pulled out of a fire. She had to rest, recuperate. Yet Alex was too excited. She wanted to celebrate with her best friend. She wanted to see the end of the war with the woman who had started it all, “Nikita. Hey, Nikita. Hey. It’s me. It’s Alex. You can wake up.”
Nikita continued to not stir. Despite Alex’s shaking, she didn’t flinch, her eyelids didn’t flutter, and she didn’t gasp for air. She remained unconscious; she remained unmoving. Alex shook her harder. She stopped expecting Nikita to jolt awake. Instead, she just wanted her to move. Even if she was unconscious, as long as she reacted, as long as she breathed, it would be alright. But she continued to do none of those things. Alex began to scream, shaking her best friend so hard she almost fell out of the stretcher, “Nikita! Nikita, it’s okay. Amanda’s dead. Krieg’s on our side. Stefan’s safe. It’s okay. You can wake up. You gotta wake up.”
Nikita didn’t wake up.
She didn’t move.
She didn’t breathe.
Frantic, Alex checked for a pulse. Her fingers easily found the pulsepoint in Nikita’s neck, and waited to feel the steady signs of life. They didn’t feel anything. Alex checked again. Maybe she had the spot wrong. But her fingers still didn’t feel anything. She checked again, and again, and again, needing to feel Nikita’s pulse. But no matter where she moved her fingers along Nikita’s neck, no pulse was found.
There was nothing.
Hysterics threatened to destroy Alex. No. That couldn’t have been possible. Nikita couldn’t not have a pulse. She was Nikita. She was so full of life, and justice, and vengeance. She was always so active, so wild. Her heart was always racing, always active, always so full of compassion for others. It couldn’t be stopped. It couldn’t be silenced. Nikita had to have a pulse. She had to have a heartbeat. She had to breathe.
Alex refused to accept that she didn’t. No. No. She could get Nikita to breathe again. She could start her heart. Amanda had once restarted Alex’s heart after it had stopped beating. Alex could do the same for Nikita. She could force her to stay with her. She could force her best friend to not leave her too.
Thank God there were ambulances nearby. Alex could rush to one and hectically search through the medical supplies. There had to be adrenaline somewhere. Adrenaline was what started her heart. It was what the movies did to restart people’s hearts. Alex had to find it. She had to find it and rush back to Nikita and start her heart. Eventually, she found what she was looking for. Alex had the adrenaline; she had the syringe. She didn’t know how much she was supposed to us, or how quickly or deeply she had to plunge it into Nikita’s heart. But she had it, and she could save her best friend.
Stumbling as she hurried back to Nikita, Alex clutched the adrenaline like it was her own lifeline. She ripped open her best friend’s jacket, then without a chance to overthink anything, plunged the needle into her chest and pushed out all the adrenaline in the syringe. Alex didn’t know what she expected to happen. Maybe it was really like the movies, and Nikita would wake up in a jolt, spluttering and breathing erratically. Maybe it’d be like what happened to Alex, and Nikita would gasp and cough and feel a terrible pain in her chest. Or maybe Nikita would just wake up. She’d wake up, and they’d all go home.
But nothing happened. Nikita continued to not move.
To not flinch.
To not breathe.
Tossing aside the empty and useless adrenaline, Alex resumed shaking Nikita. She could get the drugs to work. She could force the miracle to happen. By shaking Nikita, by screaming, by begging, Alex could bring her back. She could restart her heart. She could put air in her lungs. She could make her wake up, “Come on, Nikita. Wake up. Wake up! Amanda’s dead. We won. You gotta wake up. Wake up, Nikki!”
Why did Nikita have to be so fucking stubborn. She wouldn’t wake up, no matter what Alex did. But Alex wasn’t going to give up. She could be more stubborn than the rogue.
There had to be something else in the ambulance that’d help her- something else to revive Nikita. Alex spotted the AED almost instantly. She frantically scrambled to grab it and frantically hurried back to her best friend. She was hastily placing the pads on Nikita when people finally noticed her. Her screaming and stealing had brought attention. With the fire still raging, it wasn’t much attention. But the fire was mostly out. And she was steadily becoming the center of curious attention.
Just as she sent the first electric jolt from the AED through Nikita’s body, people began to pull Alex away from the stretcher. They claimed in languages she hardly understood that she couldn’t be there. They claimed she was tampering with things. They claimed it was too late. Nothing else could’ve been done. It was too late for the women who had been pulled from the fire. Alex had to stop. She had to go away. She had to give up.
Yet Alex refused to give up. She refused to leave Nikita’s side. She fought the hands holding her back and tried to send another electric jolt through Nikita’s body. However, more and more hands kept pulling her away. Some hands even began to pull Nikita away. Alex kicked and screamed and fought. But it was no use. Everything she did was of no use. She was just left screaming at nothing, “No! No! Nikita! Wake up! Wake up! You can’t die on a mission. We won. You have to go home. We can finally go home. You can marry Michael. You can stop running. We can be happy. So, get up! Wake up!”
It was quiet in Ops after Michael had talked with Ari and had dealt with the Owen situation. He hadn’t expected much when he returned. Alex should’ve had Stefan and should’ve been on her way to Nikita then. But the stillness was a little concerning. Alex would’ve checked in with Division once she had completed her mission, or had at least turned her com on. The lack of information was troubling. But Michael didn’t want to start raising red flags just yet. He could’ve simply missed something while he had been gone. It was better to just ask about it rather than let his assumptions worsen his anxiety, “Have you heard from Alex?”
“Not since she made that call to Ari. But her tracker’s been on the move. Maybe she got out with Stefan,” Birkhoff replied with a shrug. Alex had turned her com off while Krieg had been talking to Ari to cut back on feedback, and she never turned it back on afterwards. Since he could still track her, Birkhoff didn’t think it was that big of a deal. He saw her moving away from the building and figured she had been successful. She had an ex-special forces soldier as backup, after all. And Amanda was out of the picture, trapped in a building somewhere. Everything should’ve been fine. Division would definitely know if it wasn’t.
“Turn her com back on. I want an update,” Michael ordered. He was sure Birkhoff was right. If there was a real problem, Alex would’ve told them. But Michael still wanted to make sure. It’d be better to have all the information than to be left guessing.
Nodding, Birkhoff clicked a few buttons on his keyboard. Alex’s com soon crackled to life. There was no sound coming out, however. It was eerily quiet. Neither Michael nor Birkhoff tried to think too much about that. She could’ve just been having a quiet moment. They’d found out exactly what was going on once they asked her. In their line of work, they had learned it was no good to assume. That just made things worse. Vital information was how they survived. It also made things better, “Hey, Princess. How are things going?”
“Amanda’s dead,” Alex responded hollowly. There was an emptiness to her voice, like she was responding automatically rather than on her own. Yet that was ignored, as what she had said was of far greater importance than how she had said it.
Excited murmurs erupted in Ops. Was it true. Was Amanda really dead. Was the war really over. Birkhoff shot upright in his chair, pure excitement buzzing in his veins. He couldn’t believe it. Though, he wanted to. If the bitch was dead, then they were finally free. They could all be happy and live real lives. After spending so long in the shadows, he was so ready for the light. He nearly shouted as he asked, “Seriously? The Wicked Witch is dead?”
“Amanda’s dead,” Alex repeated herself, the same hollow inflection in her voice. But no one noticed. They were too busy celebrating the bitch’s death.
Michael was absolutely ecstatic. With Amanda dead, it’d be so much easier for Division to gain their presidential pardons. They could consider Division cleaned up. They could permanently shut down, and no one would chase after them. They’d be free. Everyone would be free and clear to live their lives as peacefully and as blissfully as they wanted. And all Michael wanted to do with his new, free life was marry Nikita.
They were waiting for their real identities. Then, they could marry legally, officially, and permanently. A hypothetical date had already been picked, as well as a location. And those hypotheticals could then become reality. The couple could go to Varca Beach whenever they wanted, and they could start their happily ever afters with their pardons and freedoms intact. It was finally going to be perfect for them. They could have all they wanted and more.
So happy he could burst, Michael needed to talk to Nikita. Alex had to have been reunited with her if she knew Amanda was dead. His fiancée had been freed, and she was safe and sound and ready to return home to him. But he couldn’t wait to talk to her then. He needed to hear the excitement in her voice. He needed to hear her so beautifully happy and alive. He didn’t care if Alex had more to update the team on about Amanda or Stefan or whatever. He just wanted to talk to Nikita, “Is Nikita with you? Get her on the coms.”
“Amanda’s dead…” Alex repeated again. There was something else she had to say. There was more news to share with Ops- with Michael. She just couldn’t say it yet. She wouldn’t say the words that had taken her far too long to accept.
A part of her still didn’t accept them. A part of her still believed that she’d look over at the stretcher and see her best friend wake up. But that was never going to happen. The paramedics had already taken her body away (and Amanda’s). There was no point in hoping for an unscathed victory. It was never going to happen. It was too late to happen. The firefighters had been too late. Alex had been too late. The fire and war had consumed everything.
It had killed Nikita.
It took everything in Alex to accept the truth. And once she did, the words came out of her, haunting and broken, “Nikita’s dead too.”
Silence.
The entirety of Ops fell silent at Alex’s words. Celebrations immediately died on lips as the truth brutally sank in. Amanda wasn’t the only loss that day. Her death, as wonderful and freeing as it was, wasn’t the only one. Whatever had killed her had killed Nikita too. And no one could celebrate that.
The death of a fellow Division agent was always difficult. It reminded everyone that to the system, they were nothing but weapons to be discarded. But the death of a leader- of someone who had fought for them to be more than weapons- hit so much harder. Nikita had always been invincible to Division. She was the rogue who had caused so much trouble, who finally took a stand against the evils in that hellhole. And she had been successful at it. No one had been able to knock her down. She always fought and she always won. She continued to fight and continued to win no matter what.
Yet she had been killed.
Disbelief rippled through Ops. No. That couldn’t have been possible. Nikita couldn’t have been dead. She had survived shootings, bombings, torture, the worst kinds of pain. She had faked her death a million times to screw over her enemies. There was absolutely no way she was dead then. There must’ve been a mistake. There had to have been a mistake. Either Alex or someone or something was wrong. The truth was still out there. They had to dig for it. They needed to hear everything.
Except, when it came to asking questions, only Birkhoff could speak, and all he could muster was a simple, “What?”
Krieg had come to Alex’s rescue after the firefighters and paramedics dragged her away from Nikita. He had heard her screams, grabbed another black badge from her trunk, and came up with a story that’d let them walk free and give them answers. Alex couldn’t listen to the explanations, however. Her eyes remained on Nikita’s not moving and not breathing body, and her mind disappeared. She grew numb. She grew cold. The firefighters answered Krieg’s questions, and the paramedics patched up their wounds. But Alex wasn’t there anymore. She had joined Nikita- wherever she was.
By the time Birkhoff contacted her through the com, she hadn’t snapped out of her fog. She just regurgitated the information Krieg had to repeat to her to Division without thought or feeling, “There was a fire. Faulty wiring. A wire short circuited. Firefighters came. But, Amanda and Nikita were chained to their chairs. They had to be cut loose. Firefighters came too late. They suffocated in the smoke.”
Birkhoff blinked. He had heard what Alex had said. He could believe that was what had happened to Amanda. Yet he refused to believe that Nikita had suffered the same fate. It just wasn’t possible. She was too powerful, too important, to be taken down by smoke. It had to be a lie- a trick. Nikita was known for them. That time wasn’t any different. They just had to catch onto her schemes and end them, “Well, then, you have to wake Nikita up.”
“I can’t…” Alex tried. Yet her voice was too hollow and tight. And Birkhoff was too upset to hear her protests- hear reason.
“There are ambulances there, right? Grab some adrenaline and wake her up,” Birkhoff demanded, shooting to his feet. That was Nikita they were talking about. There was no can’t. Nothing was ever impossible. Nikita defied the impossible. She laughed right in its face. Alex could wake Nikita up; she had to. There was no other choice.
“I can’t…” Alex tried again. She had tried; she had really tried. But it hadn’t worked. It never worked. The universe was never that kind or gentle. It was only harsh. It only took and took and took, until there was nothing left.
Wiping the tears from her eyes, Sonya reached for Birkhoff’s hand. She knew there wasn’t anything she could say to comfort him, not when she was falling apart herself. But she could stop him from spiraling. She could help him accept the harsh reality, even though no one wanted it to be true, “Seymour…”
“No! Three times! Three times, I heard that Nikki was dead. And each fucking time she woke up and raised hell. She’s not dead. She can’t be dead. So wake her up, Alex!” Furiously, Birkhoff rubbed the tears from his eyes. How could everyone accept Nikita’s death. It wasn’t true. It had never been true before. Each time Birkhoff had believed it, he had been proven wrong. He couldn’t believe it then. It wasn’t true. Nikita was alive, and she was going to start raising hell any minute. It was what she did. She always survived.
“You don’t think I fucking tried! I tried adrenaline! I tried an AED! I tried everything! Nikita’s dead! She’s not waking up this time,” Alex snapped. The tears finally fell from her eyes, yet she didn’t do anything to stop them. Why should she. She wouldn’t have been strong enough to. Nikita had been strong enough- good enough- to bring her back from the brink of death when she had overdosed in the loft. But Alex hadn’t been good enough to bring Nikita back. She couldn’t save her best friend when it had really mattered. So why should she care about anything. Why should she stop her tears. Why should she walk away from the scene.
Since hearing the words ‘Nikita’s dead’, Michael hadn’t moved. He hadn’t spoken. He hadn’t thought. He hadn’t felt. And he hadn’t breathed. The ground had split underneath him and swallowed him whole. He was surrounded by darkness. The pain and grief were so immeasurable, he was left numb. He couldn’t even cry. He just became a statue and shattered. He was a million pieces being scattered in the darkness with no way of being rebuilt. All he could do was just give up and crumble.
But, before he could, a weight in his pocket burned him alive. He absentmindedly reached for it. His hand shook the entire time, and his prosthetic twitched violently. The feeling of the weight was unfamiliar in his hand. It was cold and hot and rough and smooth. He had to bring it into the blinding lights of Operations to be able to tell what it was.
Nikita’s engagement ring shone blue in the light.
Michael found Nikita in the weapons locker. He always seemed to find her there before an operation, gathering last minute supplies and thinking over the mission in private. Although she valued her time alone, especially when considering heavy topics, she let him into her bubble. He was always allowed to find her, no matter where she was, what she was doing, or what she was thinking. He always provided her safety and comfort, after all. She’d rather have that than complete solitude any day.
Before Michael could ask Nikita what she was thinking, she turned to him with a smile. He couldn’t help but smile in return. He tried to move closer to her as well, but she held out something to him that stopped him. Whereas he was momentarily confused, she dropped her engagement ring into his left hand. Her smile never waned, “Hold onto this for me.”
“What? Your mission bag isn’t good enough anymore,” Michael chuckled. Usually, Nikita just stashed her engagement ring in her mission bag whenever she was out in the field. She didn’t want to lose or damage the ring, so it was kept hidden on whatever transport they had used. It probably was safer with Michael in Division. But Nikita didn’t think to take it off as often as she should. She just never wanted to part with the ring. Since it was on her finger, she intended to never take it off. Her ring and her fiancé were going to be in her life forever.
“Consider it a good luck charm. As long as you bring it back to me, the mission’s over,” Shrugging, Nikita weakly explained her reasoning for giving Michael her engagement ring. She didn’t want to delve into her thoughts about Amanda or how she should’ve killed her with Michael then. She had to keep her head on straight for that mission; Stefan needed her to stay focused. So she only shared a part of her reason for wanting Michael to hold onto her engagement ring. It was a good enough reason on its own. It had made him laugh, after all.
“I thought you were a big girl now,” Pocketing his fiancée’s engagement ring, Michael finished the memory. He was certain that there was something Nikita wasn’t telling him, yet he wouldn’t push her about it. Whatever it was, she’d tell him eventually- probably when she returned home from the mission. He could wait until then. In the meantime, he could simply pull her into his arms and cherish their private moment together before she had to leave.
“Just don’t want to tempt fate this time,” Quietly, Nikita muttered. Amanda had gone after too many innocents in her quest for revenge against Division- against Nikita. Stefan couldn’t be added to that list. Nikita wouldn’t let it. But, despite her conviction, she felt like she was constantly losing the war against Amanda. Each new win led to more losses. When was it going to end. When was the world actually going to be saved. When would she be happy.
If she had killed Amanda when she had had the chance the year before, Division wouldn’t be in that situation. The agents would’ve been free, and her family would’ve been safe and sound. But she just had to play the hero. She just had to do the right thing. Maybe if she was more ruthless, if she had stopped caring, everyone she loved would be safe and happy.
Gently, Michael caressed Nikita’s cheek. He could guess what she was thinking, and she didn’t need to go down that path. Thinking about all those what ifs was only going to harm her. She should only focus on the present, on things she could control. And protecting the innocent had always been what she was best at, “Hey. You, Alex, Stefan, you’re all going to make it home. You’re all going to be safe. Amanda’s not gonna win this time.”
For Michael, Nikita attempted a smile. He grinned brightly, an example for her to copy, and bumped his forehead against hers. She was forced to look at him and hear his next words. They weren’t as serious as the first, but he didn’t need them to be. He just needed them to make her smile and relax, “You don’t want to miss out on my cooking tonight, do you?”
“I wouldn’t miss that for the world,” Nikita chuckled softly. Michael echoed her sound of joy, tucking an errant strand of her hair behind her ear. She wrapped her arms around his neck and brushed her nose against his. He chuckled again and kissed her.
The engaged couple weren’t aware of how long they had kissed. The sweet, gentle, tender, loving affection had swept them away and left them in a bubble of bliss and joy. The only thing that could burst it was Alex. She found Michael and Nikita making out in the weapons locker and threw her jacket at them. The material smacked them both in the face and ripped them apart. Whereas they glared at her, she rolled her eyes, “Let’s go.”
Nikita slipped out of her fiancé’s arms to throw her best friend’s jacket back at her. Alex caught the material and ran before more retaliation came her way. Nikita had half a mind to seek revenge for the ruined moment, but Alex had been right: the two had to go.
Sighing, Nikita grabbed her mission bag and began to move towards the door. Michael held her back, however. He took her hand in his and smiled at her lovingly. Although she had to go to Geneva, Nikita returned to Michael’s arms. He kissed her sweetly once more, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Nikita matched Michael’s loving grin. Squeezing his hand, she brought his knuckles to her lips and kissed them. She gave him one last long adoring gaze. Then, she dropped his hand and walked away.
Michael must’ve blacked out. Because the next thing he knew, he was storming into the cell he had had security bring Owen to. After the former Cleaner had been treated for his wounds in Medical, Michael asked security to bring him to the cells. He rationalized his actions by claiming that it was Owen’s punishment for assaulting a guard. But it was more than that. Michael wanted Owen in an isolated place incase anything happened to Nikita. That way, no one could interrupt him for what he was about to do.
Yanking Owen violently out of his cell, Michael instantly began to beat the shit out of him. His prosthetic laid several brutal, bloody blows to Owen’s face before he even realized what was happening. As soon as he did, the former Cleaner attempted to fight. Yet Michael was too enraged to fight off. He just rained blow after blow, never letting up, never letting go of his fury, never letting go of his pain.
Owen eventually managed to shove Michael off of him. It was with great effort, yet he kept him at bay. He had absolutely no idea what was occurring, and he needed to find out. Had Michael finally lost his mind. Had all that brooding finally made him snap. Or had something happened- something to Nikita. Judging by the murder in Michael’s eyes, it was the latter, “What is it? What happened? Where’s Nikita?”
“Nikita’s dead,” Michael’s voice didn’t sound like his own. How could it, though. He had died in the flames along with Nikita.
Shock rendered Owen useless. He put his arms up to defend himself from Michael’s attacks, yet he didn’t fight back. Eventually, when his shock settled, he let his arms drop entirely. But Owen never tried to stop Michael. He let him beat the shit out of him. He let him turn him into a bloody pulp. He let him curse at him, scream, remind him of all the reasons why he was terrible. Owen had led to Nikita’s death, after all. If he hadn’t knocked Ari unconscious, Nikita would’ve been safe. She wouldn’t have been trapped. She would’ve been home.
“She was trapped in that building because of you. She was trapped in that fire because of you. You killed her. You let her die,” Michael kept those thoughts fresh in Owen’s mind with each new punch. That fire wouldn’t have consumed Nikita if Ari had been able to talk to Krieg from the very beginning. But because of Owen’s fucking impulsiveness, that had been impossible. Nikita died because of one stupid decision. It shouldn’t have happened. That never should have happened.
It was all Owen’s fault.
When Owen had taken all the punches that he could, Michael dropped him to his knees. His prosthetic was covered in blood, yet he didn’t care to wipe it off. Instead, he pulled out his gun and held it against Owen’s forehead. The former Cleaner didn’t flinch. He had known that was coming. He had known that a bullet was destined for his brain. It was long overdue, “Do it. We both know I deserve it.”
Michael would’ve gladly pulled the trigger. Yet his finger halted on the trigger. He was using his left hand, not wanting his prosthetic to glitch out on him. However, that shouldn’t have stopped him. He still should’ve been able to pull the trigger- and he’d make his target at that close of range. But Michael couldn’t do it. Staring at Owen, he couldn’t pull the trigger. He couldn’t make sense of it. He had never liked the guy. And he had led to Nikita’s death. So why couldn’t he do it. Why couldn’t he kill him, “I… I can’t… I can’t…”
“Why not?” Owen snapped. He wanted Michael to kill him as much as Michael did. So why couldn’t he just get it over with. He had the anger- the opportunity. He could’ve just pulled the trigger and it would’ve all been over. So why didn’t he.
Michael tried so hard to pull the trigger. His finger was right there, all he had to do was bend it back. But it was almost as though something was stopping him. An invisible hand was on his own, holding him back. Staring at the man who had led to the love of his life’s death, he tried to fight that hand. He had to kill him. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t kill Owen.
He couldn’t kill Nikita’s friend, “She loves you.”
Owen stared up at Michael, mouth agape. Yet Michael was no longer paying attention to him. Tears began to fall from his eyes, and the gun dropped to his side. He didn’t have the strength to stand anymore. He stumbled against the closest wall and collapsed to the ground. His tears fell heavier, and it became hard to breathe. Gasping and sputtering, Michael tried to contain the sob in his chest. But there was no use. It exploded out of him at full force, “She loved you, and she’d forgive you, and… that’s all she did. She loved us all so much. She loved us and she forgave us no matter what we… what I did to her… she just loved me.”
Michael knew he had hurt Nikita. However, that never made her stop loving him. She had always loved him and forgiven him, even when he didn’t deserve it. How could she have ever been that perfect. How could someone so perfect, beautiful, amazing, wonderful, loving ever been in his life. He hadn’t deserved her. Not after what he had done. But she had remained by his side. She had loved him. She had loved everybody. And she was gone.
The gun dropped out of Michael’s hand and he helplessly grabbed her engagement ring in his pocket. It wasn’t fair. Why was she gone. Why did she have to leave, and not him. She had done everything for others. She was so selfish and strong and perfect. So why was she gone. Why did she have to die for a world that had always discarded her. She had started the war; she should’ve seen it through to the end. The universe shouldn’t have had to kill her too just to make the fight stop. She deserved to finally be happy. She deserved to finally know what peace was. Why did she have to go. Why was Nikita always hurt, “Nik… she…”
“She was better than us,” Assuming what Michael was trying to say through his sobs, Owen responded hollowly. It was undoubtedly true. Nikita was better than both of them. Whereas they hurt each other, she loved and forgave. They should strive to be like her.
That wasn’t what Michael wanted to say, though. He actually had no idea what he was trying to say. He just wanted to say Nikita’s name. She wasn’t just better than him and Owen, after all. She was the best of them. Her compassion, her strength, they never waned. No matter what hell she had been forced to go through, she always tried to protect and love others. Michael could never be like that. He could never be perfect. She was everything.
Nikita was his everything. She was all he had had left. The first time he had lost everything, he didn’t want to live anymore. All he had wanted to do was die. But that time, he didn’t want to exist anymore. He wanted to just fade away forever.
The hope and love and bright future he had rebuilt with her help had all been destroyed. He had pieced his broken heart back together; he had found sunlight and happiness again. But it had been violently ripped away from him once more. His heart shattered into even more pieces, and there was no use even attempting to put it back together. The heart could only take so much damage. And being taped up and rebroken had done it for him. He couldn’t go through that again. The ache ran deeper- the pain slaughtering him. His soul being ripped to shreds the first time had killed him. The second annihilated him.
So the fuck what if Amanda was dead, and the war was over, and presidential pardons were on the way, and he could live a real life again. Because he couldn’t live a life without Nikita. Michael couldn’t breathe without her. He couldn’t exist. There was no happily ever after on the horizon for him anymore. There was no future. It was just emptiness- darkness.
Nikita was dead, and so was Michael. The war had killed them both, claiming them before it finally ended.
Chapter 86
Notes:
Set between 3x10 "Brave New World" and 3x11 "Black Badge". Nikita and Sean buy coffee together.
Chapter Text
Alex wandered into Ops, searching for something to do, when she noticed Nikita sitting hunched at a computer. She was focused intently on something. But since she was out in the open, it thankfully wasn’t a secret. She was probably just looking at some intel or something. Whatever it was, Alex decided to go over and look with her.
As she neared her best friend, Alex noticed that she was wearing Michael’s suit jacket. It normally didn’t get cold in Division. Besides Birkhoff’s frozen office to battle all that computer hardware, the bunker had a warm, comfortable internal temperature. There was hardly a need for jackets. Recruits were still given them just in case- probably so they could feel somewhat comfortable while in hell. And apparently, Nikita still felt the need to steal Michael’s. Alex rolled her eyes and smirked at the fact. Her best friend really was dramatic at times, “Let me guess: you were one of those recruits that always wore her jacket.”
“I get chilly,” Nikita abandoned her task to respond to Alex. She even emphasized her point by wrapping the suit jacket tighter around her. It was true that Division didn’t get cold. But she still got chilly when she was by the vents. Exploring the air ducts as a recruit was mostly why she wore her jacket a lot. At that moment, though, she didn’t have much of an excuse for why she stole a jacket. Besides the thin material and cap sleeves of her dress.
Plopping down in the chair next to Nikita, Alex scoffed. Although she could get chilly at times in Division too, and would definitely steal her boyfriend’s jacket, she wasn’t going to stop teasing Nikita. She slipped back into her Russian accent and taunted, “Weak little Americans. Cannot even handle A/C. You never see us Russians struggle. We are born for winter.”
“We grew up in similar climates, you weirdo,” Nikita laughed. She was more surprised that Alex felt comfortable joking around in her Russian accent than for her dig. But she was glad her best friend could be playful about aspects of her past- especially after her recent relapse.
“That is how I know you baby,” Alex quipped, nudging Nikita’s chair with her foot. She had never realized before how much she sounded like her mother when she spoke with an accent. Apparently, Sean had been right to tease her when he had returned from Greece. She wouldn’t take back the taunts she had thrown at him in response, though. He had deserved them.
Glaring, Nikita kicked at Alex’s chair. Even if it was a joke, she wouldn’t take being called a baby lightly. She had to threaten in response, “You better watch yourself, Alexandra Nikolaevna Udinova.”
“Don’t say that name,” Returning to her American accent, Alex paled. She only heard that name whenever she was dealing with legal matters, like when she had recently returned from the dead, or very, very formal matters, like some Zetrov dealings. It was completely odd, and jarring, to hear her friend say it. She shouldn’t say it again. Especially since Alex didn’t want the others to hear it. She didn’t need Birkhoff knowing her middle name. Though, if he knew anything about Russian patronymic names, he could guess it.
“What? Your full government name?” Despite her steady glare, Nikita chuckled. She knew Alex would hate hearing her full legal name, but she hadn’t thought she’d blanch upon hearing it. That was going to be a fact Nikita would have a lot of fun with.
“I’ll call you by your government name,” Alex attempted to threaten in return. Unfortunately, everyone already knew Nikita’s full name, so the threat didn’t hold any power. If Alex really wanted to retaliate, she had to taunt instead, “Nikita No Known Family.”
Nikita fought the urge to laugh. It was a good joke; Alex had gotten her good. But she wasn’t going to give in to the taunts that easily. She was going to continue to retaliate. Scotting her chair closer to her best friend’s, Nikita dropped her voice low and said in her most menacing voice, “I know where you live. I will kill you in your sleep.”
“Good thing I sleep with a Navy Seal,” Easily calling Nikita’s bluff, Alex pushed her away. She was going to regret sharing so much information later, yet it was fun for the moment. Especially with the shocked and delighted expression her best friend gave her.
“Okay,” Laughing, Nikita had no other response for Alex. She simply shared in her joy about being in a loving, committed relationship, and giggled over nothing.
When Sean eventually joined the giggling pair in Ops, he was instantly amused by their laughter. He knew it was going to be a good day in Division if Alex and Nikita could find time to joke and play around. He simply wondered what they were joking around about. After a tense couple of weeks (months, if he was being more precise), it could’ve been anything, “What’s going on over here?”
“Nikita threatened to kill me, so I said she had to kill you first,” Alex beamed while Nikita continued to laugh. She could’ve answered her boyfriend completely, but where was the fun in that. It wasn’t anything serious or important. So why bother sharing.
Sean simply nodded. As long as Alex and Nikita were laughing, he didn’t have to pry; he could just roll with it. Besides, there was a good chance his girlfriend would tell him everything later. For the time being, he could simply move on to other topics. He had more confusion he had to clear up. While they were in a good mood, he might as well ask about what he had noticed. Though, based on her laughter, he doubted he’d get a serious response from Nikita as he turned to her, “Why are you wearing Ryan’s jacket?”
“I was cold. I was in his office. He wasn’t wearing it, so I asked if I could,” Shrugging, Nikita responded. Ryan had placed his suit jacket on the back of his chair while he and Nikita talked in his office. She soon got cold, so she wondered if she could wear it instead. He gave it to her without a word. It was a pretty simple story, no need for a real explanation. In fact, she could probably return his jacket to him then with a simple thanks and an answering shrug.
Whereas Sean nodded again (and was silently surprised by the straightforwardness) Alex gawked in bewilderment at Nikita. She had absolutely made the wrong assumption about who’s jacket Nikita had stolen, and she absolutely could not fathom it, “Wait. I thought you were wearing Michael’s jacket.”
“Michael has his jacket on,” Sean pointed to Michael, who had stopped to talk to Birkhoff. The two had been in the weapons locker before moving to Ops after Ryan had asked them about some intel. That was how the Seal knew Nikita wasn’t in her fiancé’s jacket but her friends. What he didn’t know, however, was why her wearing Ryan’s suit jacket wasn’t that big of a deal. Michael had seen her in it; he had stared at her adoringly while she laughed. Yet he didn’t react at all to his fiancée wearing another man’s jacket. Sean thought he would’ve, especially considering how he reacted to Owen, “I’m surprised Michael isn’t the jealous type.”
Suddenly confused, Nikita and Alex shared a glance. Michael was absolutely the jealous type. Nikita had tons of stories- both funny and irritating- she could share about that particular trait of his, “No. He gets jealous.”
“He created a whole task force out of jealousy,” Alex recalled. To Division, Michael creating a task force to spy on CIA analyst Ryan Fletcher had simply been seen as a precautionary measure; they had to keep close tabs on all of Nikita’s allies, especially those allies in the government. But as Nikita’s mole, Alex knew that part of Michael’s reasoning was his jealousy over Ryan and Nikita. He had wanted to work that closely to the rogue- to be the one with her. Luckily for him, he eventually got that wish.
“But he doesn’t care that your in someone else’s suit jacket?” Sean, for some reason, couldn’t wrap his mind around that. Maybe his own thoughts and opinions were seeping into the matter, obscuring his judgment. He should probably sort that out before he said anything else about Michael.
“I wear Birkhoff’s jackets while I’m in his nerd cave. And I used to wear Ryan’s robe in the safehouse. Though, he did voluntarily give that to me so I’d stop walking around in my underwear,” Nikita continued to explain, not understanding why Sean thought it was weird. They were a team; they were friends; they were like a family. Clothes sharing was not that big of a deal, “As long as I’m warm and taken care of, Michael doesn’t care. Especially since he knows we’re just friends. I mean, it’s not like I’m wearing another quarterback’s letterman.”
“Would you get jealous if I wore another man’s jacket?” Intrigued about Sean’s thought process, Alex wondered. He didn’t actually answer her. He just blushed and stammered a little. Honestly, deep down, Alex was enamored by the fact that he’d be jealous. Yet, mostly, she was confused by it. There was nothing for Sean to feel threatened about in their relationship; they were strong and steady. So being jealous was pointless. It’d only lead to hurt feelings, something the couple had had too much of, “Why do you care so much?”
“Haven’t you heard? He’s my fiancé,” Although Nikita had no idea why Sean cared about sharing clothes, she did have an idea on how to tease him. A conversation about jealousy had the tendency to get very serious and very destructive very fast. The three could not go down that road. They should stick to lighter and far less severe topics. Also, Nikita had been dying to tease Sean for what had happened that morning all day. She had simply been waiting for an opportunity to do it in front of Alex. Then was her chance.
“What?” Already laughing, Alex wondered. She knew whatever story she was about to be told was going to be good. She simply wished she had popcorn for it.
Sean groaned. He had hoped that Nikita wouldn’t mention what had happened that morning. But he should’ve known better. Of course she’d tell her best friend about their trip to the coffee shop. The only surprising thing about her actions was how long it had actually taken her to share the story. Maybe Sean should be grateful for that, though. He could actually be there to ensure Nikita told the story right, “It happened at the coffee shop this morning.”
The team of former rogues had only been in Division for an hour before they needed a coffee run to keep themselves going. Nikita volunteered to run to the closest coffee shop, and she voluntold Sean to tag along with her. He had wanted to tell her off, but she made a fairly convincing argument as to why he should follow. He honestly didn’t begin questioning it until they were in line at the shop, “It’s my turn to pay?”
“Yeah. Remember in the group chat we abandoned, we agreed we’d take turns getting the morning coffee. It’s finally your turn,” Nikita shrugged. The team had had a group chat where they texted each other important and unimportant things; one of which was deciding who would go on food runs and when. Yet as more and more shitstorms began brewing in Division, it fell out of disuse. They should probably start it up again- better their communication with each other. They seemed to be in a more solid place then. A group chat would improve things even more.
“I thought Division paid, and we just got it, not we had to pay too,” Trying to remember the conversation, Sean argued. He was fairly positive that if they ate while working, Division would foot the bill. They didn’t actually have to pay out of pocket. Considering that, for most of the team, their salaries were contingent on Division, that was a good thing.
“You really think tight-with-money Ryan would let Division pay for our coffee when we have the means to?” Nikita rolled her eyes. Ryan was always going on and on about the operating budget for Division. He wouldn’t waste money on coffee. At least, one would think. In reality, he did justify food expenses. Yet Sean didn’t have to know that.
“I want to stop you right here and say: Sean, you were right. Nikita, you’re a fucking con artist,” Alex interrupted the story to support her boyfriend and bash her best friend. She had wondered why Nikita had ordered Sean to go with her, but then it made perfect sense; the former rogue was a little thief. If she had done that to Birkhoff, Owen, or even Ryan, Alex would’ve laughed about it. But since Nikita had targeted her boyfriend, she glared.
While Nikita snickered, Sean rounded on her. He had suspected that something was off about their trip to the coffee shop, yet he had figured it was because of other things. No, Nikita had just played him. He had to find a way to get her back. In the meantime, though, he wanted restitution, “I knew it! You owe me forty bucks.”
Nikita knew she’d have to pay Sean back eventually. She had planned on transferring money into his bank account later that day. Or maybe the next. Honestly, whenever he caught her. But she could do it right that second too. She spotted Ryan walking towards them- maybe coming to ask for his suit jacket back- and she immediately held out her hand to him, demanding, “Hey, Fletch. Give me forty bucks.”
Ryan didn’t hesitate. He took out his wallet and passed two twenty dollar bills over to Nikita. She then handed them to Sean with a smirk, “Here you go. Here’s your reimbursement.”
It took Ryan a very confusing moment to realize what had happened. But once he figured out that Nikita had used his money to pay Sean back for something Division related, he became upset. And he felt used, “That’s my own money.”
“Then why’d you give it to me?” Nikita questioned. She hadn’t thought her idea would’ve worked. She had thought that Ryan would question her or just say ‘no’. The fact that he had handed money over to her so willingly wasn’t like him. Or so Nikita wanted to argue. Yet she knew it was a losing argument.
“Cause what I said at the coffee shop is true,” Sean almost seemed to rub what had happened in Nikita’s face. It was rare to feel vindicated whenever the rogue was concerned. So he wanted to revel in that moment for as long as possible. Especially since she had just made him look like a fool- and had maybe proved him wrong about one thing said that morning.
Before Sean could think too long about Nikita’s lie of who would pay for coffee, she changed the subject, “Do you have the orders?”
“Yeah,” Sean pulled the sticky note out of his pocket. When Nikita had voluntold him, he went around collecting coffee and tea orders. Everyone’s was pretty straightforward and simple, except Birkhoff’s. He couldn’t make sense of it. Hopefully, Nikita could. The Seal didn’t want to bring the un-caffeinated hacker the wrong order, “Do you know what Birkhoff means by ‘the usual’? Cause I don’t.”
“That little…” Ripping the note out of Sean’s hands, Nikita bitterly read what Birkhoff had written. That little fucker didn’t have a usual anything; he always liked to mix it up. He just wanted to mess with Sean and make him look like an idiot. But that was what Nikita was doing on that coffee run. The nerd couldn’t steal that from her. Angrily, she removed her cellphone from her purse and called him. She didn’t let him say ‘hello’ before barking, “Nerd. What do you want at the coffee shop?”
“The usual,” Birkhoff’s smirk was audible over the phone. But Nikita didn’t respond to it. She went quiet, using her silence to speak volumes. At first, Birkhoff scoffed, completely unaffected. But as the silence stretched on, he grew less confident. And more fearful. Nikita and Sean only moved one spot in line before he broke, “Uh. A red-eye. Cup of drip, shot of espresso, no cream or anything else.”
Rolling her eyes, Nikita voiced her thanks, hung up the phone, and wrote the order on the sticky note. Sean couldn’t help but stare at her in awe. If he had called Birkhoff, he’d still be prying the order out of him as they reached the front of the long line. Yet Nikita had done it in less than a minute- and without a word. It was remarkable, “How do you do that?”
“Bully Birkhoff? It’s pretty easy,” Nikita chuckled. Her silent reactions to Birkhoff’s assholery usually worked better in person, anyway. She could get him to crack with just about anything. But specifically with a certain look. He really was an easy mark.
“No. Have Division completely wrapped around your finger,” Shaking his head, Sean argued. Since he had been thrust into the war between Division and the rogues, only one thing had remained constant, and that was the other’s devotion to Nikita. Learning more about the rogues and actually spending time with them, Sean knew that that devotion went both ways; everyone on the team cared deeply about each other, and everyone would do anything to keep the others safe. But it had all started with Nikita. It was her team; there was no doubt about that.
“Division? That’s a big step up from just Michael,” Nikita eyed Sean over curiously. She was aware of the jokes that she had Michael wrapped around her finger (that may or may not have actually been true). But Division was a new one. Even after working together for a year- give or take- did Sean still think she had that much sway. He couldn’t have been serious.
“Oh come on. You got Birkhoff to back out of his joke without saying anything. No one else can do that. Except maybe Sonya,” Sean continued to argue. He had plenty of other examples of Nikita having the team wrapped around her finger. Yet he figured one of the lighter ones would serve him best. After all, getting Birkhoff to stop making sarcastic quips was a momentous feat. Only a few people could actually claim success.
“That’s because Birkhoff and I have known each other for years. We don’t need to say anything at times. We know what the other’s gonna say,” Nikita refuted whatever claim Sean was trying to make. The only reason she and Birkhoff could get under one another’s skin like they did was because of how long they had known each other. They were basically siblings by that point. Neither one of them had the other wrapped around their finger, especially her. That was just their friendships- there was no swaying, just annoyance, “I don’t have him wrapped around my finger. I don’t even have Michael wrapped around my finger at times.”
Nikita was more serious with her latter statement. She averted her gaze from Sean and fidgeted with her engagement ring. Although things were on the mend for the engaged couple, they weren’t back to normal yet. Michael was finally back home, and the two had taken time off from Division to talk and fix what had been broken. But what had happened between them after the accident was going to take a long time to heal. More serious talks and time devoted to just each other were ahead. Hopefully, that’d be enough to make the couple happy again.
Sean had been too busy helping his sister with her sick kids to help the team in Kosovo. Yet Alex had told him what had happened. Nikita had done something reckless, and that finally snapped Michael out of it. Sean had also been busy dealing with other things when Michael had suffered the accident. He only knew what had happened after Birkhoff had called him, concerned about his friend and wanting a fellow sailor to talk to him. Sean had tried, but Michael refused to listen. It took his fiancée hurtling into danger for him to realize he had fucked up. Although he finally did, and he was finally home, it wasn’t enough. There were still things to mend.
The Seal believed the engaged couple could survive the rough patch, however. He hadn’t known them as long as the others on the team. But he had been around them enough to know that they could survive anything. Their relationship was even more remarkable than Nikita’s sway on the team, “From what I’ve heard, he’s been yours since you were a recruit.”
“Was that something else Amanda told you that you just regurgitated without thinking about?” Not wanting to be serious at the moment, Nikita quipped. When Sean had first worked for Oversight, there were a lot of things Amanda had told him about the rogue’s relationship with her team that he had believed to be true. The fact about Michael being hers since the beginning seemed like another one. After all, she had lived through their decade long relationship. She knew when they were at the best and when they were at their worst.
“Alex told me,” Sean rolled his eyes. Yes, it wasn’t his smartest moment believing everything Amanda said. But after Alex had opened his eyes to the truth, he actually began to question things. He owed her so much for that. She really was his light in so many ways.
“Oh. So you’re still blindly following,” Nudging Sean, Nikita smirked. If Alex had said something about Michael and Nikita, then it was more than likely true. But even if it wasn’t Sean still would’ve believed it. Anything Alex said, he believed. If he truly wanted to tease Nikita for supposedly having Division wrapped around her finger, then he needed to realize that his girlfriend had the same effect over him.
Sean wanted to argue with Nikita about blindly following Alex. But he knew there was some truth in her words. He also knew arguing would lead to more teasing. So he just changed the subject and prayed Nikita would drop it, “Seriously. When has anyone in Division ever said ‘no’ to you?”
“Ryan says ‘no’ to me all the time,” Their very first mission in the New Division had almost been a disaster because Ryan had said ‘no’ to Nikita- and because she didn’t listen. What she said didn’t always go. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, there were times when the others had better, smarter, and safer ideas than her.
“But does he actually stop you from running off?” Sean countered. Nikita opened then closed her mouth. The Seal had had her there. Although she was told ‘no’, no one had ever figured out how to get her to listen, and no one had figured out how to stop her. For the most part, she got to do what she wanted. Which often landed her in trouble. Recent events were the best example of that, “No one stopped you from going to Kosovo alone. People also kept secrets for you, secrets I don’t think I’d ever keep.”
Nikita knew that she shouldn’t have kept Kosovo and Bechiraj a secret from Michael. She knew that she should’ve told him about the leg and Heidecker and her mission. The mess that had occurred had been her fault. She was the only one to blame. Birkhoff shouldn’t receive any shit for keeping secrets for her. He had only done what he thought his friend needed. No one could fault him for that. If they did, Nikita would prove that any one of them would’ve done the same, “I’d keep secrets from you if Alex asked.”
Before Sean could wonder if Alex had ever asked her best friend to keep secrets from him, Nikita stepped up to the counter and read the orders on the sticky note to the barista. She then ordered for herself, and urged Sean to do the same. After he did, he paid, and the two moved to the other side of the shop to wait for the drinks. They quickly fell into silence. Neither had anything else to say for a while. They only had things to think about.
Eventually, Sean couldn’t take the silence or his thoughts any longer. He had to say something else. Maybe apologize, or clarify his point, or just something that wouldn’t make things so awkward between them, “I’m not bashing what you did. I get it. But if you had asked me to lie to Michael about you being in danger, I wouldn’t have done it.”
There was nothing for Sean to explain. Nikita knew he would see himself in Michael’s shoes; he could easily picture himself panicking over Alex being in danger that no one had told him about. It was a fucked up thing to put someone through. And Nikita knew how badly she had fucked up by hurting her fiancé like that.
But that was all in the past. Nikita and Michael were trying to move forward together. And- hopefully- Sean never had to worry about him and Alex being in that situation. Their attention could better be served in other areas, like continuing to joke around. If they could never find the humor in things, after all, then how would they ever truly survive the darkness, “Right. But I have everyone else wrapped around my finger.”
“Michael did once say that just because you two are engaged, it doesn’t mean that you listen to him more,” Sean chuckled. Michael’s reply to Ryan had been funny the first time he had heard it. But the more he hung around the team, the funnier it was. No one knew his fiancée or how much he was wrapped around her finger more than Michael. He might’ve forgotten that for a while. But, thankfully, he was back to that point.
“I bet he waited until I was out of the room before he said that,” Nikita laughed at just the thought. She didn’t know which of her numerous stunts had caused Michael to say that. Yet she could guess that he had made sure she wouldn’t overhear him. That was a surefire way to make a bad situation worse.
“He doublechecked you couldn’t hear him,” Continuing to laugh, Sean confirmed. That was what had made Michael’s comment so funny in the first place. Before he had said anything, he had checked the door to ensure Nikita had left the room. He wouldn’t do anything to test her. After beginning to date someone just as passionate and stubborn, Sean didn’t blame him.
Once they returned to Division, Nikita would have to ask her fiancé about his past comment. Until then, though, she had more questions for Sean. So far, he had claimed that she had Birkhoff, Ryan, and Michael wrapped around her finger. But what about everyone else in Division. She could assume that Owen would be his next target- and maybe even Alex. Yet what about him. What did the Seal have to say for himself, “So I have everyone wrapped but you?”
“I think I’m smarter than that,” Sean nudged Nikita. He wouldn’t say that he wasn’t her friend. Sure, the two weren’t as close as the others. But they still joked around and had each other’s backs. Sean and Nikita were friends. He just didn’t follow her blindly.
“I’d wait to have the full information before I got cocky,” Nikita smirked. She could’ve easily said that he was too wrapped up in Alex to be swayed by her. But that was low hanging fruit. To really taunt Sean, she had to make him stop and think. Alluding to the lie she had told him to get him to the coffee shop was a far better dig.
Again, before Sean could wonder what Nikita meant, she moved to talk to the barista. She gathered their many finished drinks on carryout trays, and handed the Seal one of them. During all that, the barista noticed Nikita’s engagement ring shining brightly on her finger. They instantly gushed over it, “That’s such a beautiful ring.”
“Thank you!” Nikita’s brilliant smile could rival the diamonds in her ring. Sean couldn’t help but softly smile as well. According to Alex, it had been a long time since Nikita could think about a happy future with Michael. Yet her grin expressed that those thoughts had changed. The engaged couple were on their way to their happily ever after again, proving without a doubt that anyone could survive the worst storms as long as they were with the person they loved.
Glancing between the two’s happy smiles, the barista began to beam and to drastically misinterpret the situation, “You two excited for the big day?”
“What?” Both Sean’s and Nikita’s smiles dropped in a flash. They stared at the barista and at each other in complete bewilderment. Until it finally clicked.
Nikita and Sean burst into laughter. They absolutely could not believe that someone had thought they were engaged. They also couldn’t imagine themselves as engaged. It was so ridiculous and crazy, they couldn’t stop laughing. It was a miracle they didn’t spill any of the drinks. It was also a miracle that they managed to choke out any words, “No. No. He’s not my fiancé. Definitely, definitely not my fiancé. We just work together.”
“Yeah. No. I’d never. We’re just friends,” Sean echoed Nikita, still laughing. The barista soon left them alone, looking embarrassed. Nikita and Sean managed to quiet their laughter when they noticed that. The two hadn’t wanted to make them feel bad. They simply didn’t know how else to respond to the absurdity.
Although they were quieter, the two hadn’t completely stopped laughing. They didn’t think they ever would. Nikita, for instance, already had jokes in mind to keep the laughter going forever. Some of them would have to wait for when they were with Michael and Alex. Then, they could join in on the fun. Yet the others could be shared as Sean and Nikita left the coffee shop and traveled back to Division, “You’d never, huh?”
“I’m a committed man,” Sean shrugged in response to Nikita. He had mostly meant that he and Nikita could never be a couple because they had never had those types of feelings for each other. But a part of him was also thinking of Alex. He couldn’t picture himself with anyone but her. Since he had her, he would never let her go.
“You better be,” Nikita threatened. She stopped Sean in the doorway with a murderous glare. One glance at it, and he knew she was completely serious. If he ever hurt Alex, she’d kill him. Fortunately, he’d never have to worry about that threat. He’d never hurt Alex, not again.
“And yet you’re engaged to another woman,” Once the story began to wrap up, Alex teased Sean. He tried to glare at her, but it fell apart when he saw her smile.
“If he’s your fiancé, then you should wear his jacket,” Ryan pulled his suit jacket off of Nikita. She didn’t fight him on the action; she actually helped him take it back. But despite her compliance, she still glowered at him.
Ryan avoided her harsh, powerful gaze as best as he could. However, he couldn’t escape Nikita completely. As he hurried across Ops, the former rogue called after him tauntingly, “You’re just mad that you gave me money without thinking.”
“Cause you have him wrapped around your finger,” Sean reminded Nikita. Whereas she rolled her eyes, Alex couldn’t help but quietly laugh in agreement. Her boyfriend’s assessment of her best friend had been fairly accurate. She did have a lot of sway on their team. Yet that was just because they loved her, and they knew she loved them too. Whatever she could get away with or make them do, they could do the same to her.
While Sean, Alex, and Nikita glared and giggled, Michael finally joined their group. It hadn’t taken him long to realize that his fiancée had stolen Ryan’s suit jacket. Once he did, he told the former analyst to steal it back. Nikita kept a sweater in the car incase she ever got cold; there was no reason for her to bully the others out of their jackets. Michael went to grab it as the others talked about what had happened that morning. He missed a lot of the conversation, yet he was sure he’d be caught up later, especially since they were having so much fun making fun of each other, “Who’s wrapped around your finger?”
“Apparently everyone in Division but Sean,” Alex laughed. It hadn’t escaped her notice that Michael draped Nikita’s sweater around her shoulders as he asked his question. But she was certain that he knew what he had done. Michael had long ago accepted the hold Nikita had on him. He knew he was whipped.
“That’s because he’s wrapped around your finger,” Michael replied matter of factly. Alex blushed, and Sean shrugged sheepishly. Michael and Nikita just rolled their eyes. At least the two were admitting it that time. It made things easier and less annoying for the engaged couple.
Though, Michael wasn’t in the mood to taunt Alex and Sean, at least not then. He had other goals in mind- some of which involved eating lunch with his fiancée. If he played his cards right, he could get them that lunch for free. Then, they could save their money for a proper date night later that week, “Hey. If you really have everyone swayed, why don’t you convince them to order Chinese for lunch.”
“Okay,” Excitedly, Nikita hopped to her feet. She slipped her arms into her sweater as she chased after Ryan, already on a mission to eat a lunch that Division paid for, “Fletch! I’ll pay you back by buying you lunch!”
“Now we know who’s finger she’s wrapped around,” Alex couldn’t help but snark. Though, that was a well known fact- especially after Kosovo. Nikita was just as swayed by Michael as he was of her. All the couples, all the friends, the entire family, they all had each other wrapped tightly. That was simply what love did. And they would never let that go.
Chapter 87
Notes:
Set after 1x17 "Covenants". Mikita discuss how real their new relationship is.
Chapter Text
“Michael,” Nikita whispered into the dark and still loft. The two had quieted after they had ripped each other’s clothes off and had wrestled between the sheets of her bed. Lingering kisses and touches passed between them. Yet after they were spent, exhaustion settled in. They sort of dozed in one another’s arms, not able to speak just yet. They were able to breathe each other in, though, and that had been enough for the moment.
Yet that moment soon passed. A million thoughts rushed into Nikita’s mind, desperately needing to be expressed right that second. She couldn’t sleep with all those things left unsaid. They’d never leave her alone. They’d plague her and torment her and drive her insane. They had already battled her exhaustion and left her painfully awake. And since she was so awake and alert with no sleep in sight, she was so very, very awkwardly aware of Michael beside her.
The two weren’t lying shoulder to shoulder on her small bed. Michael was partially draped over Nikita, his arms wrapped around her waist and his head nestled in the crook of her neck. One of her hands absentmindedly played with his hair while the other traced the lines of the tattoo on his shoulder. But she stilled completely when she realized what he was doing.
Michael Bishop was cuddling with her. Michael Bishop was curled into her side post-sex and while they were both naked. Michael Bishop, the man who had wanted to kill her a few days ago, the man who had taught her and had protected her in Division, the man who was more important to her than anyone else in the world, was holding her so gently and tenderly that it could’ve been described as lovingly.
And that completely freaked Nikita out.
Yes, she wanted to cuddle with Michael and be held in his warm, strong arms. But she had wanted that so badly and for so long, she was afraid that it wasn’t real. She was terrified that when Michael woke from his doze, he was going to be the Division agent assigned to kill her again. Whatever bliss the two had found between the sheets would be gone as soon as the morning came. She was going to lose Michael again. And that time, it was going to be so much worse. Because they had actually crossed that line together. They had actually had sex.
Five years ago in St. Petersburg, Nikita and Michael had kissed. They had kissed deeply and passionately and with the full intention of wanting to have sex. Yet they didn’t move farther than kissing and feeling each other up on the bed. They couldn’t cross that line then. But they eventually had. And since they had gotten naked together, since they had moaned one another’s name in pleasure, since they had reached such amazing bliss, there was nowhere else for them to go. They couldn’t return to how things used to be. They couldn’t take a step back. All that was left for them was the future- the uncertain, terrifying future.
Nikita wanted to know- needed to know- what exactly was to come for her and Michael. They had had sex. Michael Bishop, the head of Division’s agents, the agent in charge of the task force to kill her, had kissed her, had undressed her, had given her pleasure and had received pleasure in return. So where the fuck did that leave them. He couldn’t seriously go back to trying to kill her after that. Could he. Could he wake up and decide that he didn’t want to be there anymore, that he didn’t want her, that it had all been a mistake.
Had it been a mistake.
There was a sharpness in Nikita’s whisper that made it sound like a shout in the quiet of her loft. Michael jolted at the sound of his name, yet he didn’t panic. He simply tightened his arms around her waist, nestled deeper into her side, and hummed against her skin, “Mhm…”
Nikita’s breath hitched in her chest as she paused that time. She could’ve sworn that Michael was peppering her skin with butterfly kisses as he laid so close to her there was no room for air. He was so gentle with her. He was so gentle, and tender, and soft. When had Michael Bishop- so serious, so stern, so brooding- ever been soft. He had been kind. He had been caring. But Nikita had never seen Michael soft. Who was the man next to her.
Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe she had completely misjudged what Michael would do once he woke up and came to his senses. He had already come to his senses. When he had stood in the doorway of her loft hours ago with an apology on his lips and regret in his eyes, he had already come to his senses. Michael went there for her. He wasn’t there for some emotional release to unhealthily cope with his pain and guilt. He wasn’t there just to get his rocks off. He was there for Nikita.
Pulling away from Michael, Nikita couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think either. She needed answers. She needed him to talk to her and tell her what was on his mind. Because her mind was a mess. And she desperately needed to know, “What is this?”
Michael peeled open his beautiful, deep, green eyes when he heard her sharp question. He pulled his head out from the crook of her neck and finally seemed to notice that she had begun to inch away from him on the small bed. There wasn’t a lot of room for the two to actually move around. But it was obvious when one of them was trying to escape the other. Much more alert and awake, Michael shifted so he could see Nikita’s face. He must’ve been able to read the panicked curiosity in her eyes because his muscles tensed underneath her hands. He sat up on the mattress and turned on her bedside lamp.
Once the soft light was on, Nikita was brutally aware of how naked the two of them were. Neither had bothered putting clothes on after they had been ripped off. And with the lamp on, they could see every inch of each other. Although Michael had seen Nikita’s naked body when he had undressed her and when he had worshiped her body in caresses and kisses, that time was different. Michael Bishop was studying her with concerned eyes, attempting to figure out what was wrong. She felt exposed. She felt bare and vulnerable in all the wrong ways. She needed to make him stop staring at her. She needed to cover up.
Pulling the sheet up towards her chin, Nikita wound it tightly around her bare chest. She tucked her knees into her chest as well, also keeping them under the sheet. Despite not knowing what was wrong, Michael copied Nikita’s actions. He covered himself with the bedding before shifting towards her. His hands landed gently on her thighs, and he lowered his gaze to match hers. She wanted to pull away and run even more. She wanted him to be sincere. But that seemed like too much. Especially for the thoughts she was having. Especially with her confusion about what he wanted and what they were really doing there.
She simply needed to suck it up and ask. Nikita couldn’t be held back by her fear, nor could her negative assumptions weigh her down. She just had to rip the bandaid off and ask what happened to them in the morning after, “What is this? Like, what are we doing- together? Are we… is this real? Is this an actual thing? Are you with me? Or is this some sort of emotional outburst after everything that happened today? Like, are you gonna leave as soon as you’re satisfied, or you’ve calmed down?”
“I’m not leaving,” Michael replied instantly and sincerely. He pressed his hands firmly into her thighs and moved so close to her they shared breath again. Nikita’s eyes implored Michael’s, begging to know just how serious he was. He was serious. Of course he was. He would never be that flippant. Of all his serious moments, then was his most. He wasn’t leaving. He’d never leave. Nikita’s negative assumptions had definitely been wrong. She wasn’t with Michael Bishop, the Division agent. She was with Michael, the man who had always cared for her, “I’m with you, Nikita.”
“With me in this war, or…” Nikita couldn’t help but ask. She knew exactly what Michael meant. The way he looked at her left no room for misinterpretation. They had kissed, had had sex, had dozed off in each other’s arms because he wanted to be with her. He had no other motivations. He wanted her. Yet she still needed to hear him say it.
Noticing the tense rise in Nikita’s shoulders, Michael reached for his button down shirt. He vaguely knew that it had been tossed somewhere over the side of the mattress. He soon found it and held it out for her to where. She didn’t need to stay wrapped like a mummy in the sheets. She could cover up with his clothes- whatever she needed to do to be comfortable. He wanted her to be comfortable, after all. It’d make it easier for her to listen to him, “I’m with you. Wherever you are, I’m with you. This is real.”
Nikita was slow to pull on the offered shirt, too focused on Michael’s confession to truly move. Having sex wasn’t just physical for him. She had known as much after St. Petersburg five years ago. Michael didn’t see sex was purely physical. It was always emotional for him. If he was going to commit to someone like that, then he was going to commit all the way. Nikita wasn’t the exception. Michael had had sex with her because he was hers. He wouldn’t leave and go back to Division; he wouldn’t try to kill her. Wherever she went, so would he.
Gently, Michael helped Nikita slip into the button down. Once it was draped over her small shoulders, he then began to slip the buttons through the holes. Nikita held onto his forearms as he did, completely in awe of everything he did. He kept his eyes locked on hers, “When I said you were right five years ago, I wasn’t just talking about the fact that I should’ve believed you’d help me get Kasim. I meant, you were right about ignoring everything and just being together. I should’ve been with you since the beginning. You were right.”
“And you were hurting,” Tenderly caressing Michael’s stubbled cheek, Nikita added. She had always known why he had stopped himself five years ago. He had been grieving the tragic loss of his family, and he couldn’t move forward until that pain had subsided. She had understood. After Daniel, she had understood even more. There was nothing Michael had to apologize for regarding that moment. It was okay for him to grieve.
“Not hurting so much that I had to deny myself this,” Kissing the inside of Nikita’s wrist, Michael admitted. She couldn’t stop herself from pausing again. Fortunately, Michael was ready to remind her of how very real things were between them. The sheet still covered their laps, yet his hands were on her waist, pulling her to practically sit atop him. He bumped her forehead with his and ran his thumbs along her abdomen. Nikita’s breath began again by matching Michael’s. And by soon realizing that ‘this’ was the softness that she had never seen from him but he had always wanted to be.
“You’re here now, though. Right?” Nikita wondered quietly, her hand dropping from his cheek to his shoulder. Her fingers continued to absentmindedly dance along his soft, warm skin, however. Since she had begun touching him, she didn’t believe she could stop. She had to feel every inch of him. She had to memorize each line of his tattoos, each dip of his muscles, each scar, each faint freckle. Even if he might pull away, she had to touch him; she had to feel him.
“Yeah. Yes. I’m here now. I’m always here,” Michael swore. He promised. He guaranteed. He pledged. Squeezing Nikita tight, he vowed that he was there and that he would always be there. He had made the decision to be with her on the flight back from St. Petersburg. Nothing would take him away from her that time. He was with her until the end of time. If she would have him.
Whereas Nikita beamed brilliantly- her smile igniting the gold in her brown eyes- Michael hesitated. Doubt began to creep into his mind, marring his features and tensing his relaxed muscles. He knew where he stood and what he wanted. But after all he had done, Nikita’s thoughts and feelings were a mystery. There was a chance his latest stunt had caused him to lose her. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if it had. Though, there was a good chance he deserved it, “Are you here with me? I’d understand if you’re not after what I’ve done. But… is this… is this real for you too? Are you… will you stay with me?”
Nikita tried not to chuckle at Michael. If he needed to ask questions in order to assure himself, then she’d absolutely answer him. However, it was just so sweet to see him stutter and trip over his words. He cared so deeply for what she thought and what she felt, that he couldn’t remain his stoic self. He crumbled whenever she was around. He better get used to that, though, because she’d always be around, “Yes. Michael. Absolutely. Yes.”
Michael was so elated by her response that he hugged Nikita. She laughed joyously into their embrace and squeezed him as hard as she could. When they eventually separated, he pressed his forehead against hers again. The way she looked at him while they were that close was possibly the greatest thing in the world. Her brown eyes were all on him, bright, adoring, and clear. He always wanted to stay like that. He always wanted her to look at him like that.
More importantly and more powerfully, though, Michael wanted to kiss Nikita. He wanted to hold her warm, lithe body against his and kiss her soundly. Brushing her nose with his, he almost pressed his lips against hers. However, doubt held him back. What if, although she was with him, she wanted to take things slow. They had been through too much lately (actually, ever since they had known each other, they had been through a lot) sex couldn’t fix it all. What if she wanted to go slow to ensure that he was really there with her. If that was the case, he’d do it. He simply had to make sure he knew what she wanted first, “Can I kiss you?”
Laughter erupted out of Nikita before she could stop it. Michael hadn’t hesitated before kissing her hours earlier. But after they had had sex, he became shy. She found that fact absolutely adorable. And sweet. He didn’t want to hurt her, or make her uncomfortable, or push her too far. He just wanted her to be happy. Luckily, with him, she already was, “Baby, we’re together. You can do whatever you want.”
Chuckling in pure bliss, Michael kissed Nikita. That kiss was nothing like the ones they had shared earlier. It wasn’t passionate and biting and full of unsaid feelings. It wasn’t sweet and chaste and tentative. Their kiss was full of smiles and laughter and absolute joy. The two could hardly kiss for long before they were collapsing from giggles. But that didn’t stop them from continuing to kiss over and over again.
Eventually, Michael flashed Nikita that crooked smile of his- the crooked smile he reserved just for her. She hadn’t seen that smile in such a long time; seeing it again felt like she had been holding her breath and had finally remembered to breathe again. A part of her wanted to spend the rest of her life just making Michael smile at her like that. It’d be a life well worth living if she could. That smile and accompanying laughter and freedom from him was the Michael she had always known. That happiness, kindness, and sweetness was the Michael she had fallen in love with- the Michael she wanted, “There’s my Michael.”
“He’s been missing for a while, huh?” Michael muttered sheepishly. He attempted to duck his head in shame, yet Nikita held his eyes to hers. She cupped his chin in her hand and swept her thumb along his cheek. He didn’t need to hide. She understood him. And as long as he was himself around her, she wouldn’t complain.
Michael just had to kiss Nikita again. He had messed up with her the first time around. But he swore he wouldn’t make dumb mistakes that time. He couldn’t lose someone so perfect. He couldn’t lose the person he had realized had mended his broken heart, “Nikita, you’re the first person in a very long time that has made me happy. I mean, truly happy. The only reason I can smile and laugh is because of you. You brought that back to me.”
Nikita smiled so brightly her cheeks hurt. She was also fairly certain that her cheeks flushed beet red. Judging by Michael’s chuckle, that was a correct assumption. But she couldn’t stop from blushing even if she tried. Not only was Michael saying some of the best things in the world to her, she was also so brilliantly happy. The joy of having what she wanted had to be expressed. And it had to be shared, “I’m happy too.”
Their laughter filled kiss soon grew passionate. The bed sheet was kicked away from their legs, and they laid back down against the pillows. Excited hands began to travel along newly explored skin, wanting to feel more than before. The buttons of his dress shirt were slowly slid out of place until her chest was exposed. Michael dared to separate his lips from Nikita’s to take advantage of that. He kissed her cheek, then her jaw, then her neck. When she moaned slightly, he couldn’t help but expel a breath against her heated skin and husk in utter excitement, “Can I tell you what I want?”
Smirking, Nikita was going to make a quip about how badly Michael wanted her. But then his stomach growled. She doubted his hunger had made him stop kissing her, yet the coincidence couldn’t be ignored. She giggled and wondered cheekily, “Food?”
“No… Wait. Well, yeah actually. Do you have any?” Distracted, Michael asked. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until his stomach had growled and Nikita had mentioned food. But since that thought was on his mind, he couldn’t shake it. He would love a snack right about then. Or maybe one of the meals he hadn’t been able to eat while his thoughts had been plagued with her.
“Yeah. Let me go get some,” Giggling softly, Nikita went to move towards the kitchen. She could eat something too; she probably should eat something too. She didn’t think she had eaten a proper meal since Michael had first broken into the loft. She had been far too preoccupied with other things. But things were better then. They were much better.
“Wait. Let me say this first. Then we can get something to eat,” Pulling Nikita back into the bed, Michael stilled her actions. Food could wait for a moment longer. There were still some things he had to share, and he’d rather do that then before any more doubt invaded his senses.
Taking Michael’s hand in hers, Nikita gave him her full attention. He smiled softly at her, beyond appreciative of her presence. Especially then, when he really needed it, “All I’ve ever wanted was peace. I had that with Hayley and Elizabeth. And after they were gone, I thought I’d find that again when I killed Kasim. But I was wrong. Being blinded by rage, grief, and revenge hasn’t brought me anything but more pain.”
Michael inadvertently squeezed Nikita’s hand. But she didn’t let go of the harsh grip. Instead, she brought his knuckles to her lips and kissed them. She hadn’t necessarily thought about the affection before she did it. However, it seemed like the perfect thing to do. The sorrow that had settled over Michael lifted with the simple kiss. He smiled at Nikita and pulled her into his arms with his free hand, “But you, Nikita, you have brought me peace. Being with you, I don’t feel hurt or lost. I just feel happy, and at ease… and in love.”
Gasping softly, Nikita thought she had misheard Michael. Did he say he was in love with her. Did he actually feel that strongly for her. The light in his green eyes said ‘yes’, and she was gasping all over again.
Copying Nikita’s earlier motion, Michael kissed her knuckles. He brought her back to the moment just long enough to knock her off her feet again. He wasn’t done confessing everything in his heart. He had locked it away for so long, that opening the doors then caused it all to come flooding out. Yet he wouldn’t stop it. Nikita had to hear him. And he needed her to know without a doubt where he stood, “You brought light to the darkness I had surrounded myself in. You gave me the peace I wanted and so much more. You saved me.”
Staring helplessly at Michael, only three words screamed in Nikita’s head. They were the same three words that screamed in St. Petersburg five years ago. They were the same three words that screamed when she saw him again for the first time in three years. They were the same three words that screamed when they were planning a mission in Uzbekistan. They were the same three words that screamed in that airport. They were the same three words that screamed on that rooftop. They were always on her mind, ready to explode. She simply could never let them lose until then. But then she could say them freely. Then she could finally say, “I love you.”
“I love you,” Michael replied instantly and sincerely. Nikita didn’t need to study his green eyes to see who serious he was that time. She knew. Without a shadow of a doubt, she knew that Michael loved her. She could feel it in the same breath in her lungs, the same beat of her heart, that she felt her love. Nikita and Michael loved each other. And they were going to start a relationship together. It was real.
Kissing one another passionately, the two collapsed against the pillows once again. Their hands remained clasped for a moment. They couldn’t let go of one another as they kissed. However, the need to explore their bodies and finally rip away the button down became too strong. The two let go of their hands so they could feel the rest of each other. When his dress shirt was back on the floor, Michael resumed his kisses on Nikita’s neck. She wanted to melt into the sensation, but something they had said the last time they were in that position came to her. She couldn’t help but snark, “I thought you wanted food.”
“Later. I want you more,” Michael husked against Nikita’s lips. She chuckled into their next kiss and rolled with him on the bed. Although he was ready to experience indescribable bliss with her again, he still needed one more doubt cleared up. Before they moved forward, he needed to know if they were on the same page. From that point on, it was going to be Michael and Nikita against the world. He was ready to dive into that with her; he was ready to spite Division- spite God- for her. But was she. Did she love him in the same way, “Are you still with me? Do you want this?”
“Yes,” Nikita promised against his lips. Then she kissed him deeply, resolutely, and lovingly. He kissed her back, a brilliant smile illuminating his features. The couple- the newly established couple- continued to smile, laugh, kiss, and say ‘yes’ as they soon made love between the sheets. They were there. They were together. Their love was real. And nothing would ever change that.
Chapter 88
Notes:
Set sometime in season 2. The rogues recover post-mission.
Chapter Text
Most post-mission recoveries for the rogues were a nightmare. They had to clean themselves and their weapons, take stock of injuries and equipment, and take care of themselves and each other without the luxuries of Medical or a mess hall. But that post-mission took the cake. Michael, Nikita, and Alex had been tired even before the mission. Afterwards, they were exhausted. They were also bloody, broken, beaten, bruised, and all other letters that began with a B. Recovery was hell. But putting it off was an even worse hell.
The three rogue agents had to work together to clean and mend bloody wounds; they also helped each other as much as they could with showering and changing clothes. Thankfully, Birkhoff took over the weapon cleaning and equipment inventory. He usually avoided that kind of work. But the agents were too messed up to bother with that sort of thing. So he actually helped out while Michael, Nikita, and Alex completely focused on stitching, bandaging, scrubbing, and finally resting.
Michael collapsed on the couch with a wince. Ever since his fight with the Guardian, his lower back consistently gave him problems. He twinged it again on that mission, and he was already frustrated with how long it’d take for the pain to go away. Nikita helped him where she could. She came over and gently rubbed IcyHot on his back. Then she gave him an icepack and some ibuprofen, and she helped him settle into a comfortable position against the cushions. She also gave him a kiss on the forehead for good measure. He smiled softly as she promised, “When you’re less stiff, I’ll guide you through some stretches that’ll help ease the pain.”
When he nodded, Nikita limped around the couch to somewhat clean up their mess. She had twisted (practically sprained) both her knee and ankle on the mission. She had already slipped a brace over her knee, but she had only wrapped an icepack around her ankle with an ace bandage- the injury Michael knew was the worst one. He pulled her back to him, despite the seize of muscles in his back, and forced her to collapse on the couch with him. She had done enough to help take care of him and Alex. It was time someone took care of her, “Sit down.”
As soon as Nikita’s ass hit the cushions, Michael pulled her feet into his lap. He passed her ibuprofen, applied IcyHot to her knee and ankle, and adjusted the icepack, ace bandage, and brace so it’d do a better job of helping her muscles. She had remained upright as he began to take care of her. But when he started to massage her sore feet (and after she accidentally kicked him in the already bruised thigh out of reflex to the discomfort) she laid back with a heavy sigh.
Alex yawned as she joined the couple in the livingroom, upsetting her dislocated shoulder held in a sling. She just popped some ibuprofen and adjusted the icepack to deal with it. She also focused on Michael and Nikita to distract herself. She knew Nikita’s torn and tired muscles mostly stemmed from the types of shoes she wore on missions. Watching Michael then deal with the aftermath of that made her chuckle. She stole a pillow from the couch and collapsed on the floor in front of the couple, smirking, “You can’t wear sneakers on a mission?”
Glancing at Alex on the floor, Nikita copied her smirk. The young woman relaxed her tied muscles on the hardwood, rested her head on the pillow, and used her good hand to play with the strands of her hair that wouldn’t stay in the bun. Although it had been terrifying when a knife grazed her forehead, resulting in an even more terrifying wound that had to be stitched, the fact that her hair was cut in the process was kind of funny. Nikita couldn’t help but laugh at it, “You can’t tie your hair back for a mission?”
Adjusting the icepack so it’d lay on her shoulder as she laid on the ground, Alex sighed. She deserved that quip. If she had just thrown her hair up in a bun beforehand, she wouldn’t have been dealing with awkwardly cut strands of hair then. She needed a serious haircut to fix the problem- and a pack of hair ties to bring around with her. Hopefully, though, it wouldn’t be anything too drastic, “Do you think I can pull off bangs?”
“No,” Nikita responded bluntly. Fortunately, Alex didn’t need bangs to fix her hair. With her heiress money and connections, she could have a professional hair stylist do wonders to the mess. There were also tons of styles she could choose from that’d leave hair looking more beautiful than ever, “But you can pull off layers.”
“That’s something I’d have to go to the salon for, huh,” Alex grumbled. She liked getting her hair done. She simply hated coming up with lies to excuse how her hair got messed up in the first place. With some broken strands of hair, she could possibly just say it was a curling iron incident or whatever. She’d just have to be more awake to pass the lie off, which meant she had to wait until the next day before anything was done.
“Yeah. But I could help trim it up,” Nikita offered around a yawn. When she could keep her eyes open (Michael massaging her feet and calves seriously wasn’t helping) she’d grab the hair trimming scissors and do what she could for Alex’s hair. Alex agreed to the idea; she simply voiced that it could wait for when she was willing to sit up.
Silence washed over the livingroom for a moment. Nikita began to doze on the couch, and Alex considered allowing herself to sleep on the floor. Unfortunately, just as her eyes slipped closed, pain rolled through her lower abdomen. Alex winced and pulled her legs up to curl into a ball. Nikita startled awake at the sound. And Michael tried to reach for her, but his back kept him anchored to the couch. The best he could do was ask, “You okay?”
“Yeah. It’s just a different kind of cramp,” Groaning, Alex complained. What was even worse than dealing with injuries post-mission was dealing with menstruation cramps while trying to be a superspy. Her body just would not let her rest. Blood and pain were everywhere.
“There’s Midol and a heating pad in the kitchen,” Fruitlessly rubbing sleep from her eyes, Nikita informed Alex. She’d offer to get up and grab it for her, but after laying down, she was certain her knee and ankle wouldn’t let her walk again that night. Michael also wasn’t an option; his back would never let him get off the couch without major help. Alex was left on her own. Luckily, most of her injuries were above her waist. She could walk around just fine.
“Do you think IcyHot would work for period cramps?” Pushing herself up off the floor, Alex wondered. She should probably try the muscle pain relief cream on her shoulder. But she was curious to know if it’d do anything for menstruation cramps. Michael and Nikita had no answers for her. So she just shrugged with her good shoulder, “I’m gonna try it.”
As Alex took more pain relief pills and threw the heating pad in the microwave, Birkhoff joined her in the kitchen. He had finished with the weapons and equipment, and after his furious typing during the mission, his right hand was killing him. He needed some relief. All the ibuprofen and IcyHot were in the livingroom, but he’d grab that in a second. His only focus was on some ice for his still healing hand. When he opened the freezer, however, there were none. The agents had taken them all, “Do we seriously not have any more icepacks?”
“There should be some frozen peas,” Nikita called in response. The rogues had thought that three icepacks would’ve been enough, but they were clearly wrong. That was something they should probably fix when they replaced all the medical supplies they took from their various first-aid kits. Until then, they at least had frozen vegetables to utilize.
“There’s only frozen chickpeas,” After searching the scant freezer, Birkhoff called back. The rogues had to get better at grocery buying. Yes, takeout was easier and more convenient. But they hardly even had freezer food they could keep and store for months. It was a struggle they shouldn’t have had.
“It’ll do the same fucking thing, Nerd,” Nikita huffed. She didn’t even know why she had to tell Birkhoff that. Anything frozen would help whatever injury he wanted to ice. The peas had only been a suggestion.
“You’re cranky post-mission,” As he grabbed the frozen bag of food and placed it on his hand, Birkhoff grumbled. He joined Nikita and Michael in the livingroom, taking some ibuprofen and some IcyHot and collapsing in one of the chairs. He received a glare from Nikita and an eye roll from Michael as he moved. Yet he ignored them. He stood by what he said. Everytime Nikita returned from a mission, she was always a bit meaner than normal. That was probably her exhaustion and stress talking. Except, it was still an attitude she should adjust.
“Oh my God. It’s like we got our asses kicked or something,” Alex defended Nikita with harsh sarcasm. She pressed the burning hot heating pad against her lower abdomen and resumed her position on the floor. The ice she replaced on her shoulder and the heat on her stomach was honestly a fairly relaxing feeling. She could melt away into the floor. But not without taking another dig at Birkhoff first, “Why are you even complaining?”
“Contrary to popular belief, I work my ass off on missions too,” Birkhoff was annoyed. Yes, the rogue agents suffered more injuries. Although they had been successful on that mission, they were severely beat to hell. But Birkhoff didn’t have an easier time on missions. Sitting behind a computer didn’t mean all his troubles went away. He still performed all kinds of drastic feats. He was still stressed over the fate of the mission. And, sometimes, he still suffered near-fatal injuries.
Noticing Birkhoff flexing and stretching his right hand under the bag of frozen chickpeas, Michael quickly understood where his frustrations came from. The cast had been removed, yet he continued to suffer the effects of Amanda smashing his hand. A pang of sympathy coursed through Michael, “Your hand still hurts?”
“Yeah,” Birkhoff sighed. Most of the pain had faded. But after extensive work typing, hacking, and cleaning, the recently healed bones, tendons, and muscles protested. A part of him worried that he’d never truly heal from the injury; it was going to be something he lived with the rest of his life. He simply hoped it became more manageable.
Silence washed over the room once more. There wasn’t much the rogues could express in response besides sympathetic smiles. After that, they were left with awkward silence. Alex didn’t want to deal with that for long, so she looked for a way to change the subject. Zeroing in on the food Birkhoff had grabbed from the freezer, Alex decided to ask how it had even gotten there in the first place, “Who’s even eating chickpeas anyway?”
“I gotta get my protein from somewhere,” Nikita shrugged. Although she couldn’t remember when she had bought the frozen chickpeas, she knew they were a good supplement to her diet. She just had to cook more food at home to be able to use them.
“How hard is it to be vegetarian and rogue?” Curious, Alex wondered. There were a lot of things that were difficult to obtain as a rogue agent- like proper medical care. However, she had never heard Nikita complain about food, even with her strict diet.
“Not that hard. It helps that there are tons of options out there now for vegetarians,” Nikita admitted. To be fair, she had to do a lot of research at times to find the right replacement food or dietary supplement. But it was no more difficult than everything else she did. In fact, there were times when it had been easier.
Glancing down at his girlfriend, Michael thought about when she had first become a vegetarian. It had happened right as she graduated from Division recruit to agent, almost like she had planned to switch to that diet as soon as she had been able. He wouldn’t have been surprised if that was the case. Nikita was staunchly committed to her choice. The fact that she had stuck to it all those years, especially when things had been rough, was amazing, “How long have you wanted to be vegetarian?”
“Since I was a kid. Just never had the freedom to be picky about my diet until I was a Division agent,” It was weird to think that she had had freedom in Division, yet in some small part, Nikita had. Growing up and running away, she could only eat what was given to her or what she could scrounge up; there had been no real choice. But when she had become an agent, she finally had the means to change her diet. Once she did, she never looked back.
“Have you ever thought about going vegan?” Alex couldn’t help but wonder. She figured Nikita was already mostly vegan- she had already cut out most animal products from her diet. Why couldn’t she just commit completely. If anyone could, it’d be her. She had the discipline and knowledge for it.
“Yeah. But I might just have to have a little more freedom to pull that off,” Nikita admitted. She had read up on veganism. But that lifestyle required a lot of stability. And the one thing she absolutely lacked was stability.
Birkhoff started to grow curious as well, but not about what Nikita was saying. He was curious as to why Alex was even asking her all those things. She wasn’t a vegetarian, so why did it matter. Unless, she was looking for change, “Why? Are you thinking about it, Princess?”
“I don’t know. I already prefer almond milk to regular. And I don’t eat that much meat anyway. Thanks, in part, to my time with Nikita. I think I could make the switch,” Alex confessed. Although Nikita hadn’t forced her diet on Alex while they had lived together in the loft- in fact, she had encouraged Alex to eat whatever she had wanted- the young woman was influenced by the rogue. She enjoyed eating more fruits and vegetables and less meat. And in cases like drinking almond milk over regular milk, her body appreciated it too. Maybe she could one day become a vegetarian or something. It was at least worth considering and learning about.
“Marshmallow fluff isn’t vegan,” Smirking, Michael added. He was sure that Alex could change her diet if she really wanted to. But she’d never cut out fluffernutter sandwiches. He was pretty sure she loved those more than anyone on the team.
“I’ll consider other dietary options,” Reconsidering her idea, Alex realized that she needed to do a lot more research before changing her diet. Michael and Nikita couldn’t help but laugh at her expense. She laughed along with them, though, knowing she was ridiculous.
The only one not laughing was Birkhoff. He was too perplexed to poke fun of Alex. What Michael had said about marshmallow fluff didn’t make sense to him, especially in conjunction with what Nikita had told him the week before as she ate a loaded baked potato, “Wait. Marshmallow fluff isn’t vegan, but bacon bits are?”
“They’re soy, not bacon,” Nikita informed Birkhoff. Most brands of bacon bits, specifically the one she had bought, were made of soy, not bacon. That made them perfect to sprinkle on salads and potatoes. That also made them perfect to shatter Birkhoff’s entire world.
“You just broke his heart,” Chuckling, Michael pointed out Birkhoff’s crushed expression. In the hacker’s defense, Michael also didn’t know bacon bits were soy until Nikita had told him. But he hadn’t been as upset about it as Birkhoff. The nerd was just so devastated by the fact that he wasn’t eating as much bacon as he thought.
Although Nikita and Alex had been laughing with Michael, Alex’s laughter soon grew into groans of pain. Her dull, rolling, menstrual cramps were back with a vengeance, and she squeezed her legs against her chest again. The pressure and remaining heat from the heating pad helped, yet it wasn’t enough. Alex needed more relief, much more relief, “Are there any foods that help with cramps?”
“Chocolate. Orange juice. Bananas. Just avoid salt. That can make you more bloated,” Nikita empathetically listed off the things Michael told her when she was suffering from cramps. Although she was always too hormonal and in too much pain to listen to her boyfriend’s attempts to help her, maybe Alex would heed her advice. However, even if she did, none of those foods were in the safehouse.
“But I want french fries,” Alex whined as the intense food craving washed over her. There was a chance that she wanted something so salty after sweating so much on the mission. But she really, really, really wanted to eat a whole bunch of fries and a whole bunch of other junk. It just seemed so perfect right then. Her growling stomach was dying for it.
“A big, greasy, bloody burger sounds so good right now,” Stomach growling, Michael agreed with Alex about needing fast food. Something quick and hearty was absolutely needed post-mission. And the less they had to move to get it, the better. Based on Alex’s and Birkhoff’s resulting stomach growls, they were all for Michael’s suggestion. The team of rogues needed some burgers and fries stat.
“Oh. Royce’s Diner has such good veggie burgers,” Mouth already watering at the thought of such a delicious meal, Nikita gave the perfect suggestion of where the team could grab food from. The only problem was how far it was away from the beach house.
“The question is: who’s gonna make the run?” Michael almost grumbled as he asked. Not only were the rogues far too beaten up to leave the safehouse, but Royce’s Diner was also thirty minutes away from them- which meant it’d be a whole hour before they could have food. That was way too long for their empty stomachs and tired bodies. Despite how amazing burgers and fries sounded, the rogues needed something faster. And something that required less movement.
“We can ask Sean to grab it for us. He’s usually on his way over to hang out with Alex, anyway,” Lifting her head up to search for where she could’ve possibly dropped her phone, Nikita supplied. She hadn’t meant to tease Alex with her comment- she was too tired to even try. She was just stating a fact. Her best friend glared at her anyway, however.
Alex was not in the mood to be teased for her friendship with Sean. She was too exhausted and too hungry and in too much pain to deal with that. It’d be easier to just eat at the safehouse in more ways than one, “Is there any food here?”
Sighing heavily, Birkhoff pushed himself out of the chair and moved back towards the kitchen. Before he got too far, he was handed the rogues’ no-longer-frozen icepacks. He tossed them in the freezer for the three along with his bag of chickpeas. He then opened the door of the fridge and examined the scant amount of food they had left lying around, “Uh. There’s leftover Chinese… oh, that’s just rice. Umm… there’s frozen pizza.”
Soft grumbles followed the suggestion. None of them were really in the mood for pizza even if it was quick and available. There had to be better options. Especially since, as Michael pointed out, the pizza they had wasn’t the best, “Yeah. But the pepperoni one has that disgusting fake cheese on it.”
“Why?” Alex asked in bewilderment. Everyone in the safehouse ate dairy, especially cheese. So why was there a pizza without any. Had they bought it by accident. Or had one of them tried something and failed.
“Because somebody can’t digest dairy,” Nikita said pointedly to Birkhoff. Sure, the hacker could handle one or two slices of cheese pizza. But the stomach cramps he complained about after consuming more than just a little bit of dairy were concerning. As a result, Nikita was the one to force him to eat dairy free products. She couldn’t have her nerd in pain. And she couldn’t have him ignoring his lactose intolerance and destroying his body just for food.
“I watched you eat an entire pint of ice cream the other day,” Confused, Alex questioned Birkhoff. If he really was lactose intolerant, would he have actually done that. Or had Alex misjudged how stupid and weird the hacker really was.
“And guess who had to give him his lactose pills as he was dying in the bathroom,” Glaring at Birkhoff, Nikita shared. Birkhoff’s lactose intolerance wasn’t that bad. He only got cramps if he ate more dairy than he should have. Yet he ate more dairy than he should have too often. There was going to be a point where Nikita stopped helping him ease the pain, and she was just going to let him suffer his mistakes.
While Alex laughed at Birkhoff, he glared at Nikita. Unfortunately, his intimidation tactics never worked on her. He wouldn’t be able to get her to back down. He could, however, go after her boyfriend. That could take the heat off him, and it could direct some attention to Michael and his disgust from earlier, “You know, Mikey. You’re gonna have to get used to fake cheese and fake meat when you’re living with Nikki for the rest of your life.”
“I can still eat meat and cheese,” Incredulous, Michael argued. Neither his nor Nikita’s diet affected the other. They simply ate their own separate things- and had fun in the kitchen cooking those things together.
“I don’t know why you’re acting like my husband and I can’t have different diets,” Laying back on the couch, Nikita stifled a yawn. Just because she and Michael planned on being together forever didn’t mean they had to become the same person. They could keep their individual likes and dislikes. They could do different things while still being madly in love.
Before Nikita could elaborate on that, she noticed that the safehouse had become eerily quiet. Peeling her eyes open, she glanced around to see what had happened. All she was met with were smirks, however. She opened her mouth to ask what that was about, but Michael cut her off. His voice was light, bright, and teasing as he asked, “Husband?”
Instantly, what Nikita had said clicked. She was so tired as she thought about her future with her boyfriend that she skipped through several steps of their relationship. But that was simply how she pictured their life to be once the war was over. The two of them would be married and happy and finally know peace. There was nothing wrong with that- was there, “I thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.”
“Yeah. I do,” Chuckling, Michael beamed at his girlfriend. Whereas Alex and Birkhoff smirked at Nikita because they were ready to tease her for what she had said, Michael smirked at her because he couldn’t believe she had thought about marriage between them. He had thought about that too; however, he had never brought the issue up with her. He hadn’t known how she would take the idea. But knowing then that Nikita saw him as her future husband, Michael could start planning for her to be his future wife.
“Doesn’t that mean marriage?” Nikita cautiously wondered. She and Michael should’ve had a conversation about what their future life together looked like earlier. They should’ve also not have had that conversation in front of Birkhoff and Alex. Yet the train had already left the station. The two were going to talk about marriage while their friends were close and prepared to tease them, while they were hungry and tired, and while they were beaten and broken. It wasn’t the best time. But Nikita and Michael never did have great timing.
“It can if you want it to,” Squeezing Nikita’s foot, Michael’s smile turned soft. He would absolutely marry her if she wanted to marry him. All she had to do was say the word, and he’d buy a ring and propose.
Nikita propped herself up on her elbows to better address her boyfriend. However, before she could say anything, Alex interrupted her. She couldn’t let Michael and Nikita get too far in that conversation while they were heavily bandaged and could hardly move. Even if they were suffering from their post-mission anxieties of losing each other, they had to wait for a better moment to start their future together. That exhausted worn-out moment shouldn’t have been their most memorable one, “Whoa. Hold on. If you two are gonna get engaged, it’s gotta be a hell of a lot more romantic than this.”
“And I’d much rather have food in my system if I’m gonna have to watch,” Birkhoff couldn’t help but chime in. He didn’t think Michael and Nikita were going to finish that conversation right then and there. However, he did think that he had to annoy them. It was only fair after how much they had annoyed him.
“I thought you were looking for food,” Slowly tearing her eyes away from Michael, Nikita snapped. She and her boyfriend were definitely going to finish their marriage conversation in the privacy of their bedroom. She wasn’t going to let it go after that. But she would drop it for the moment so she could rest and eat. Once her mind and body could restart, Nikita would be able to pour her all into the serious discussion with her boyfriend. And she knew that once they were away from the others, Michael would be able to do the same.
“I am! The only other thing we have is canned soup and maybe enough stuff for grilled cheeses,” Birkhoff quickly defended himself. He had continued to look for food, but there remained nothing for the team to eat. Post-mission, no one wanted soup, even if it was served with grilled cheese. They needed more.
Finally finding her cellphone mixed amongst discarded first-aid supplies, Nikita reached for it and dialed the number they should’ve called minutes earlier, “Hey, Sean. Are you on your way over here… Oh, perfect.”
Upon hearing that Sean was in fact on his way over to the safehouse, Nikita smirked at Alex. The young woman groaned as the rogue continued her conversation, “Have you passed Royce’s Diner yet… great, can you bring us something to eat… yes, we’ll pay you back… okay, I’m gonna put the phone on speaker.”
“Hey, guys. What do you want?” Once he was on speaker, Sean asked. He had received texts from Alex about the progress of the chaotic mission and the progress of the hellish recovery. Since things had seemed to calm down a bit, he decided to join the rogues in the safehouse and help them out wherever he could. His timing was impeccable. By bringing them their favorite food, he was their hero. And possibly the only thing to get them through the post-mission process.
“Burgers, fries, and shakes,” Alex answered excitedly. In her hunger, she had added an additional item to their order. But no one world object to her. Milkshakes would be the perfect thing to cap off their meal. It would also give them the sugar rush needed to make it through the rest of the day before they could finally crash without messing up their sleep cycle.
“But no shake for Birkhoff, no matter what he says,” Michael couldn’t help but add. Nikita and Alex at least appreciated the joke. Birkhoff, on the other hand, glared as he finally moved back into the livingroom and collapsed back in his chair.
Not knowing what that comment was about, Sean just moved the conversation along. He gathered the orders for the burgers and the different ways the team wanted them prepared, and he got their different milkshake flavors. After he repeated everything back to them, and they were satisfied, Alex beamed. She owed him a lot more than money for bringing the team food. She wasn’t certain that her thanks would cover it, yet she had to start somewhere, “Thank you so much for doing this.”
“Hey. I get it. Post-mission recovery sucks,” Sean waved off her gratitude. Although he’d love to accept the bright smile he knew was on Alex’s lips, getting food for the team of rogues was no big deal. The diner was on his way, after all. And the team had been through enough that day. He’d do whatever he could to lift their burdens.
“We’re lucky we have you,” Sincerely, Alex replied. That should’ve been the end of the conversation. Nikita could hang up then and let Sean get their food. But she just had to say something under her breath to Michael about Sean and Alex getting lucky, and Alex just had to shriek in response once the words registered, “Shut up, Nikita!”
“What was that?” Sean asked half-concerned and half-amused. Only listening to the team through the phone definitely was interesting. However, he knew he was drastically missing information. Michael, Nikita, and Birkhoff were laughing too much for him to believe otherwise.
Blushing, Alex tried to excuse what had happened. She absolutely did not want to repeat what Nikita had snarked. But she also didn’t want to leave Sean confused. After a stuttering moment, she settled on just changing the subject all together. There were still some things the rogues had to do around the safehouse. They should finish that up before they ate, “Nothing. We just need to clean.”
“Why? He knows what we’re like,” The safehouse wasn’t that much of a mess. The worst of it was just medical supplies left strewn about. Nikita was certain Sean would understand when he saw that. He was very familiar with the team and post-mission recoveries. Nothing would be shocking. Except for maybe some of their bloody injuries.
“That’s not very housewife of you,” Alex quickly taunted. Later, she’d find a better way to retaliate for what Nikita had said about her and Sean. But until then, she’d tease her best friend for her earlier slip of the tongue. It was effective enough for the moment.
“If you don’t think Michael would be a househusband, you seriously don’t understand their relationship,” Smirking, Birkhoff added to the taunt. He instantly earned a goatee-of-intimidation glare, yet he was starting to grow immune to them. Michael couldn’t make him take it back, especially since a part of it was true.
“You’d be my trophy husband?” Nudging her boyfriend with her foot, Nikita smiled. She couldn’t see either one of them not working in the future. Though, she could see herself teasing Michael forever. And that was the far better option.
“Depends on how much money you make,” Flashing his girlfriend a crooked smile, Michael decided to play along with Nikita. That honestly made him question what he and Nikita would do for money once they were free from their war. But that could be something they discussed when they privately continued their marriage conversation. Their future wasn’t so close at hand that they had to seriously make detailed plans. However, the two could seriously consider where they saw themselves and how their happiness could unfold. It was something they had never really delved into before, yet that could change.
Laughing in disbelief, Sean could not comprehend what he was hearing. However, he soon determined that that didn’t matter. He’d just bring the rogues their food and join in on their fun later, “You guys are so weird. I’ll be there soon.”
“Can’t wait,” Alex beamed once more. That time, Nikita did end the call. Except, various smirks shot the young woman’s way. She ignored them all with an eye roll and a determined push off the floor, “Shut up and help me clean.”
There was more humor in Alex’s response that time. It helped to stir the others to join her in cleaning. However, Birkhoff wound up doing most of the cleaning again. Alex only managed to return her cold heating pad to the kitchen and to throw away some trash before she had to curl up in one of the chairs. Nikita and Michael couldn’t move far from the couch, so they simply handed things for Birkhoff to put away or toss. He did so without complaint. He knew they were trying to push past their injuries and help. But they weren’t superheroes. They were allowed to be a hindrance at times.
The rogues calmed down as they cleaned, exhaustion and pain washing over them. They got things as tidy as they could. Then, they collapsed against pillows and cushions and tried not to fall asleep. Fortunately, once Sean arrived with the food, they became lively again. The rogue agents were able to bounce back and have fun with one another. Their injuries remained persistently painful and annoying, specifically when they had to change some bandages and apply more ice. But the post-mission recovery process drastically improved with one another’s company. They were alive and well, after all. How could anything be hellish when that was true.
Chapter 89
Notes:
An AU for 3x06 "Sideswipe". Sean finds the drugs in Alex's mission bag.
Chapter Text
“Hey. You stuck around,” Spotting Sean in the weapons locker, Michael couldn’t help but comment in surprise. He had thought once the mission was over, Sean would return to whatever he was doing before he was called in to help. He had seemed so busy lately, hardly keeping in touch with what Division was up to. Michael assumed the Seal would have to rush back to that. But apparently he had been wrong. Maybe he didn’t know as much about what was going on with Sean as he had thought.
“Well, I had to debrief,” Sean shrugged. Although that was true- he had had to talk to Ryan about the mission- he had mostly stuck around in the hopes of talking to Alex. The two hadn’t had the chance since he had left Division. He had called her, but she never answered. He had left voicemails, but she never called back. He had tried to start a conversation on the plane ride back to Division, but she busied herself with other things. Hopefully, by sticking around, he could find a way for her to talk to him. Sean couldn’t have their last conversation be the one they had had in Medical. More had to be- needed to be- shared.
“Right. But you didn’t stick around last time,” Michael added. In all honesty, he was fishing a bit with that response. Neither Sean nor Alex expressed why he had been away. The team assumed it had to do with the Navy. Whenever Sean was absent in the past, he was doing things with his Seal team. But if that had entirely been the case, then Sean wouldn’t have been as available as he was when Michael had called. There was more going on than was being shared.
One look at the shame that crossed Sean’s face, Michael believed he knew what was going on. He could then turn that moment into a lecture and admonish Sean. However, the Seal already looked like he had beaten himself up enough. Michael should just leave him be for a moment. He could talk to him more in depth after they both had some rest- and hopefully after Sean accomplished what he was really in Division for. Until then, Michael would just grin and say, “Thanks for coming when you were needed.”
“Anything for Alex,” Sean nodded. There was a chance he would’ve helped the others if he was needed. If Michael and Nikita had needed him to help them confront Amanda, for example, he’d have been there in a heartbeat; of course he’d help Division kill Amanda. But he knew it was different with Alex. He’d drop anything to be by her side, no matter what the problem was. There was no second guessing when Michael had called him to help. He was by Alex’s side as quickly as he could.
“Right,” Michael continued to study Sean. What he had said wasn’t a surprise. The team had known that Sean and Alex would do anything for one another for a long time- probably even longer than the two realized that. Sean had once dropped everything to be her bodyguard in Moscow; then dropped everything again to be her mother’s bodyguard in Greece. Michael hadn’t questioned if Sean would’ve shown up if he had called for help. Instead, he questioned why he had to have called in the first place.
In his quest to avoid Michael’s eye contact, Sean stared at his mission bag. Maybe he should’ve asked to talk to Michael. There was a strong chance that he could’ve helped him. But Sean just couldn’t bring himself to say anything. It felt as though it’d be pointless. He should just talk to Alex. His lack of communication with her was where the problem lied. The only way to fix it was to talk to her, not other people.
Besides, he had wanted to find and talk to Michael for an entirely different reason. Staring at his mission bag helped Sean remember that he had something to return to the agent. He should’ve returned it weeks ago. But with everything else that had been going on, it had completely slipped his mind. Thankfully, he had begun to come back to himself. He was realizing what he had to do more and more. Returning something he had borrowed was just one of those things, “Oh. Hey. I still have that knife you loaned me.”
As Sean opened his bag, however, he couldn’t find the knife Michael had let him borrow. He had sworn he had thrown it in there when he had packed, and he hadn’t used the knife on the mission. So where could it have gone. That question was quickly answered once Sean began to pull things from the bag. Besides the standard weapons and ammo, there was also a jacket. Sean knew for certain that he hadn’t placed a jacket in the bag, especially one so small. That wasn’t his bag. He must’ve grabbed someone else’s when he got off the plane, “This is not mine.”
“That’s Alex’s bag?” Pulling the bag closer to himself, Michael immediately asked. He wasn’t so concerned about the knife. It was just one of Division’s; there was nothing special about it; Sean honestly didn’t need to return it. However, he was interested in whether the bag Sean had accidentally grabbed belonged to Alex or not. Michael had been concerned about Alex recently. The way she had been acting didn’t seem normal. He had suspicions as to why. And if he could look through her bag, maybe he could receive some answers- preferably before he made any harmful accusations.
“Yeah,” Recognizing the jacket he continued to hold in his hands, Sean agreed with Michael’s guess. His and Alex’s bags had been tossed next to each other on the plane. It was possible she had grabbed his and he had grabbed hers on their exhausted way out. Accidentally switching bags wasn’t that uncommon. The team constantly mixed their gear up. It had gotten to the point that it wasn’t that big of a deal anymore (at least it hadn’t been before Sean left). However, Michael eyed Alex’s bag with extreme interest. It confused Sean and made him feel like he was missing out on more than he originally thought, “Why? What is it?”
Michael opened then closed his mouth. He considered telling Sean everything he had noticed that had been going on with Alex since she had been shot; however, that was a can of worms he was afraid to open. He hadn’t even told Nikita what he had noticed for fear that he’d say something that could never be taken back. He couldn’t go around making those assumptions, not without proof- proof that maybe her bag could provide, “Nothing. Just… Alex’s been acting weird lately. Extremely tense, hyper-focused, intense and quick to anger. It’s a lot like…”
Before Michael said anything else, he shut his mouth tightly. He stared at Alex’s mission bag, seriously thinking about what he should do next. Sean didn’t like that. He didn’t like that even after the disastrous duel missions they had, Michael still decided to not share what was on his mind. If there was something wrong, the agent had to say something. Keeping it to himself wouldn’t help anybody, especially not Alex, “It’s a lot like what?”
“I don’t want to make any assumptions without concrete evidence. That could be far more harmful than helpful,” Michael should’ve just told Sean what he thought. He also should’ve told Nikita what he thought when he had first started noticing that things were off with Alex. he was only keeping it to himself because he feared what would happen if the accusation was released. The accusation could be dangerous. And he didn’t want to hurt Alex; he wanted to help her. The best way he could do that was talk to her and figure out what was going on without spreading damaging rumors.
Sean didn’t appreciate Michael’s vagueness. If something was wrong with Alex, he should just say it. Though, after hearing his reasons for being quiet, Sean somewhat understood Michael’s hesitation. The agent had dealt with addicts turned recruits most of his Division career. He knew the danger that could come from falsely accusing someone of relapsing. Yet Alex wasn’t a recruit anymore. She didn’t need protection; she needed help. So if Michael thought she was on drugs, which was what Sean thought he was thinking, then he needed to just say it, “You think she’s on drugs?”
“Not narcotics,” Michael quickly assured. If he thought Alex was using narcotics, he would’ve told Nikita, and the two would’ve confronted Alex immediately. Nikita probably also would’ve clocked the relapse instantly if it was narcotics. No, Alex was possibly on something else. Something Michael hadn’t seen in a long time, “There’s this performance enhancer that Division tested out on some of the agents. The trial stopped when they began showing adverse effects, but Percy kept the drug in Medical. I think Alex’s showing the same symptoms.”
Glancing at Alex’s bag, Sean understood why Michael was so interested in it. There could be evidence of Alex’s possible relapse hidden in the pockets. All they had to do was search through it. Michael was incredibly tempted. But the thought of violating Alex’s privacy held him back. How trusting of her would he be if he assumed she relapsed just because she was acting differently. He should give her the benefit of the doubt; he should talk to her rather than go through her belongings, “Again, I don’t want to make any assumptions. Suggesting she relapsed just because she’s acting differently… It’d probably be best just to talk to her first.”
Although Sean knew why Michael wanted to talk to Alex first, he was ready to dig through the bag and find answers. He could talk to Alex after he found evidence- or not found evidence- of a possible relapse. Obviously, something was off with her. Waiting to talk could make things worse. Yet Michael was sticking to his decision. After all, he had other problems he had to deal with, “I’ll do it tomorrow once she’s had some rest. And after I talk to Nikita.”
“Oh, about stepping in front of a bomb?” Suddenly remembering what he had heard about Michael’s and Nikita’s side of the mission, Sean asked. Michael seemed tired as he nodded. The Seal couldn’t blame him for that. Not only had Amanda placed a target on everyone involved with Nikita’s back, Nikita was still putting herself in danger to protect the ones she loved. Michael had a long talk ahead of him as he tried to get his fiancée to not be sacrificial. He’d also have a difficult time trying to get her to listen. Sean had a pang of sympathy for the agent, “Good luck.”
Michael rolled his eyes and offhandedly waved goodbye. As he left the room, however, his eyes landed on Alex’s mission bag and stared at it somberly. Besides when he talked with Nikita, he was going to think about what was going on with Alex all night- he was probably also going to plan how he was going to talk to her. Although Sean respected Michael’s decision to wait and to talk, he didn’t have the same level of patience. If something was wrong with Alex, he had to know immediately. Who cared if he made the wrong assumption or if he broke trust and personal boundaries. He had to know what was wrong. He had to go through Alex’s bag.
Pocketing what he had found in Alex’s bag, and slinging her bag on his shoulder, Sean raced to find her. Hopefully, she hadn’t left Division yet. Hopefully, she had been caught up in her debrief with Ryan or in a conversation with Nikita. She could still be roaming the halls, and he could still find her and talk to her. Fortunately, Sean’s luck was on his side that time. He found Alex near the recruit rooms, possibly walking towards the elevator. He stepped into her path, forcing her to look at him. When Alex’s bright blue eyes met his, however, Sean lost whatever he was going to say. He simply stared at her and stammered, “Hey.”
“What are you still doing here?” Alex asked harshly. She had just finished talking to Nikita about knowing Amanda’s threat for Division- that the team of former rogues were all in danger because of the bitch’s obsession with Nikita. And her best friend had not-so-subtly- suggested she find a way out of Division. She wasn’t in the mood for any more stress or anger. Sean should leave her alone and go back to wherever he had run off too. She didn’t want to see him or talk to him. She had been through enough hell that day.
“We gotta talk,” Sean remembered why he had sought Alex out. The two needed to talk about what he had found in her bag, about why she had been acting so differently, and about what had happened between them. The last point was something Sean had thought about as he had searched for Alex. when he had left, something had broken between them. He had hoped it wouldn’t, but he had been wrong. Of course he had been wrong. In that situation, how could he have been right. He had hurt both of them. In what world was that right.
“Oh, now you want to talk?” Alex bit. When she had wanted to talk before he had left her, he had shut her up with a kiss and a love confession. Honestly, in any other conversation, that would’ve been perfectly fine- wonderful even. But stopping her from saying anything in return and just running away had been a dick move. He should’ve stayed and actually talked to her. He should’ve been there for her, and she could’ve been there for him and helped him with whatever the hell he was going through. It was too late to talk then. Sean had lost his chance, and Alex didn’t want to give him another one.
Sean knew Alex had a point. The time to talk to her had been in Medical weeks ago. He shouldn’t have run; he should’ve stuck it out and talked to her. It was too late to change the past, though. He had to live with what he had done. And he had to make up for his actions in the present. Knowing they shouldn’t be having a serious conversation in a Division hallway, Sean grabbed Alex by the arm and pulled her into a recruit room. She absolutely did not like that. As soon as he grabbed her arm, she shouted and tried to pull herself free, “Let me go!”
After Sean locked the door behind them, he finally released his grip on Alex’s bicep. Fury burned red on her skin. She was about to curse Sean out in the nastiest Russian she knew- words he couldn’t understand but would definitely feel the full weight of. Yet he stopped her by quickly pulling something out of his pocket. Whereas she froze, he was emboldened by the object, “What’s this?”
Alex made no move to grab the bottle of pills Sean had stolen from her mission bag. She simply stared at the performance enhancers in complete silence. All fight had drained out of her. She couldn’t be angry anymore; she couldn’t even come up with an excuse. She could only stare, “Where’d you get that?”
“We switched bags by accident,” Dropping Alex’s bag on the ground, Sean only somewhat explained how he had found the drugs. He didn’t need to get into how he had searched her bag and had rushed to her after he had found confirmation of Michael’s assumption. He only had to show her the pills and ask about them gently, “What is this?”
She had been so careful. Alex had been so careful to hide her drug use from everyone, especially Nikita. The last person she had ever suspected to find the pills was Sean. he had been gone; he had shown he hadn’t cared. So how would he ever know she had slipped up and started using again. Though, she wasn’t exactly using. The drugs weren’t narcotics. They were simply enhancers. And she was only using them to help with recovery. As soon as her shoulder was one hundred percent, she’d quit. She wasn’t dependent, only struggling, “It’s just for my shoulder…”
“An experimental performance enhancer?” Sean tried to remain gentle. He didn’t want to be accusatory or harsh. He simply wanted to understand what was going through her head. He knew how difficult and painful it was to recover from a gunshot wound. But taking whatever pills she had found in Medical wasn’t the answer. Even if it wasn’t narcotics, it was still a dangerous idea. What was she thinking. How badly was she hurt.
There was a long pause before Alex responded. She didn’t need to explain herself to Sean. She could take her mission bag and leave the room without another word. She owed him nothing. However, she couldn’t force herself to leave the room. For some reason, she couldn’t leave Sean. Even though he had left her, she couldn’t just walk away. She had to say something-anything. Staring at Sean, Alex eventually decided to go with a more bitter jab than a real response, “You were gone. You don’t understand.”
“Make me understand,” Sean tried. He understood if Alex wanted to shut him out. Maybe he deserved that after how he had left things. But if she just talked to him, if she just opened up to him, he’d be able to help her with whatever she was struggling with. She wasn’t alone. She didn’t have to carry the burden of her problems all on her shoulders. He could take some of it. Since he was there, he could help alleviate all the pain in her life.
“Make me understand why you left,” Alex immediately shot back. She was completely aware that she was avoiding the topic. She knew she was ignoring Sean’s attempts to talk about the pills he had stolen from her bag. But what did it matter if she refused to talk or not. He had refused to talk first. And he was still holding back from her. What was with his double standards of wanting her to talk, wanting her to run from danger, but he never did. He was such a hypocrite. She couldn’t stand it.
Opening then closing his mouth, Sean didn’t know what to say. He thought it was clear why he had left Division. He couldn’t stick around to watch the hellhole destroy another person he loved. Though, despite running away, he still witnessed his loved one lose herself. Had it all been for nothing. Or had Alex not heard him the first time. Whatever the reason, he was going to assure his motives and feelings were clear, “I told you…”
“You told me that I should be sheltered and hidden because I can’t take care of myself, but you’re free to go sprinting into danger whenever you fucking want,” Alex couldn’t restrain herself. When she and Sean had traveled back from the field, she hadn’t said a single word to him. She had kept herself a part and far away the entire time. She had wanted to continue that. Even in Division, she wanted to stay as far away from Sean as possible. If she did, she could keep her emotions in check. She wouldn’t explode; she wouldn’t lose it. Sean would’ve never known how deeply he had hurt her.
But, when he had opened that door and shoved her inside, she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She had to explode. She had to release the angry, hurt-filled thoughts she had had since he had left her alone in the destroyed Medical room- since he claimed his love for her, then left like he never loved her at all.
“That’s not what I meant,” Sean instantly tried to argue. He could never insinuate that Alex wasn’t capable of taking care of herself. He knew how strong and awesome she was; she was stronger and more awesome than anyone he knew. He didn’t need her to leave Division because she couldn’t handle it. He needed her to leave because he couldn’t handle it. None of his loved ones should’ve been in danger; it didn’t matter who they were. Maybe he should’ve done a better job of explaining that. No. He definitely should’ve done better.
“Then what did you mean?” Alex demanded to know. What was the point of him confessing his love and then leaving. What was the point of him pleading with her to be safe only to take his protection away from her. If he didn’t want her hurt, then why did he hurt her. Sean opened his mouth to explain, yet Alex cut him off. She didn’t want to hear his excuse. He had done all the talking already. It was her turn now, “I’m not some fragile fucking porcelain doll. I can take care of myself.”
“Then what the fuck is this?” Shoving the pills in Alex’s face, Sean nearly shouted. He had wanted to address the topic more gently. He had wanted to calmly talk about the performance enhancers and her relapse. But Alex’s anger led him to snap. She couldn’t keep deflecting. She couldn’t keep burying her pain and ignoring the problem. The two had to talk. She had to open up to him so they could talk.
Alex continued to not take the bottle of pills. She didn’t even look at them. All she did was glare at Sean. What the fuck was wrong with him. He wanted to yell at her for being unable to deal with things even after all he had done. What the fuck was up with that. He should keep leaving him alone like he had for weeks. The two were better off that way. Sean had to stay out of her life, “You shouldn’t have been snooping in my bag.”
“Michael already suspected that you were using. He recognized the effects of the drug, how it’s hurting you,” No matter how many times Alex tried to push Sean away, he was going to push back. After all, he wasn’t the only one in her life who cared about her. Michael had been the first to be concerned about how she had been acting lately. And if it wasn’t for him saying anything, Sean wouldn’t have suspected that something was that wrong. Alex had too many people in her life who cared about her to push any one of them away. They’d always keep fighting for her, especially Sean.
“I’m fine,” Crossing her arms, Alex refused to budge from her position. She really did believe that she was fine. Although she was hiding her drug use from the team, and especially from Nikita, she didn’t see it as a problem. If it was helping her stay focused and recover from her gunshot wound, then how could it be wrong. It wasn’t like they were narcotics. She wasn’t getting high. She could quit any time.
“No, you’re not. Just admit that you’re not,” Sean was growing tired of the constant back and forth. Why couldn’t the two just talk to one another. Before he had left, talking to one another had been as natural as breathing. He and Alex could share everything with each other. There had been times where it seemed like they had. The two had known one another more than anyone else. But now, they were avoiding calls, circling around conversations, and hardly looking one another in the eyes. It was becoming far too frustrating to deal with. If the two didn’t start talking soon, Sean was going to lose it.
“Just admit that you’re not fine,” Just as frustrated as Sean, Alex snapped. If he was going to stand there and accuse her of not being fine, then she should’ve been able to do the same to him. He was so very clearly not okay, she couldn’t understand why he was acting like he was the only sane one in the room. He was just as messed up as he was accusing her of being, if not more so. After all, he had been the one to give up and leave, “No okay person tells someone they love them and then fucking leaves.”
“I don’t want to lose you to this place,” Sean reiterated what he had said weeks ago in his attempt to get Alex to leave Division with him. As he did, however, he realized what Alex was talking about by claiming that he wasn’t fine. There were far better ways he could’ve told her that he loved her for the first time. There were also far better places he could’ve passionately kissed her than in a destroyed Medical. The way he had gone about things was born from panic and desperation. Those were not the feelings of a man who was okay. He was struggling too. He should admit the truth outloud if he wanted Alex to do the same.
“You lost me when you left,” Alex had meant to be scathing with the response. She had meant to stab Sean right in the heart- hurt him just as much as he had hurt her. But as the words crossed her lips, all the bitterness and lividity disappeared from her tone. She was just left sounding as heartbroken as she felt.
There was nothing Sean could say. He knew he had to say something. However, he couldn’t think of the right words. All he could think was that he hadn’t known. He hadn’t known that leaving Division would shut the door on him and Alex. And he hadn’t known that she’d be heartbroken watching him leave. Like an idiot, he had thought that since she hadn’t chased after him, she hadn’t cared that he had left. The exact opposite was true. She had cared so much, she was left devastated- heartbroken- by his actions. And there had only ever been one way she had dealt with that pain, “Which pain are the drugs helping? Your shoulder, or your heart?”
Although she had denied herself from thinking that her reason for taking the performance enhancers was Sean, hearing him ask her that question put things into perspective for Alex. She had been fine with her shoulder and gunshot wound until he had left. Then, she looked for immediate solutions to heal herself and to distract herself. Using the performance enhancer to ignore all her pain to focus on ending Division seemed like the best idea. If she ended Division, then a lot of her problems would go away. However, using drugs only presented more problems. Something she had wanted to ignore, but Sean had brought to the forefront, “Both.”
The quiet way Alex responded let Sean know that that was the first time she had admitted the full reason for her relapse. Obviously, there was more to it than that simple word. But the fact that Alex was beginning to open up to him and to herself was great. If only he didn’t feel like more of an idiot in the process. He had been so absorbed in his own thoughts and emotions, he had missed Alex’s. What did that say about him. Or, more precisely, what did that say about what he was going through, “How was I supposed to know?”
“How did you not know?” Alex nearly shouted as she asked. Was it not obvious how she felt about him. Was it not obvious that she was as scared about losing him as he was about losing her. Was it not obvious that she loved him and would do anything for him. Sean should’ve known what her reaction would’ve been when he had decided to confront her in Medical and place that ultimatum on her shoulders. How could he have not known that his actions would’ve hurt her deeply. Was he really not okay, or was she really not that obvious.
There was no excuse Sean could give, not anymore. The best he could do was own up to his mistakes and try to do better in the future. He knew in order to do that he’d have to heal past the anxious and depressing mindset his thoughts had taken on lately. He wasn’t sure how he could do that on his own. But he could talk to Alex- after he apologized for not talking to her before, “I’m sorry. I… I’m sorry.”
Finally starting to close the distance between her and Sean, Alex connected her blue eyes to his hazel ones. There was a lot of pain and anguish in his gaze- almost too much. Despite his time away from Division, he hadn’t healed from the reasons he had left. Since she hadn’t healed either, she guessed they could help each other get better. However, she still had things she had to say- specifically, one thing that had been on her mind for weeks, “I don’t want to lose you, or anyone else, to this place either. But that’s why we stay and fight.”
Maybe Alex was right about staying; she was definitely right about talking. Together in Division the two could help each other and the world. They simply had to solely focus on helping each other first. Sean couldn’t be completely useful to the team if he remained so anxious. And Alex shouldn’t do anything until she healed from her relapse. According to Michael, the performance enhancers could have lasting damaging effects. They weren’t narcotics, but they could be just as bad. Alex needed to stop taking them. She needed to do what she had told him to do, “Do you call this fighting?”
No. Taking the performance enhancing drugs was definitely not fighting. Alex was running and hiding just as much as Sean was. She had deluded herself from that fact before. But being locked in the recruit room with Sean forced her to confront everything. She wasn’t fighting wars, she was giving in to demons. She had been better than that- like Sean had been better than running away. They both just got so messed up they couldn’t be themselves anymore. Since they had recognized that, though, maybe things could change. After all, they were on the same page, “I guess it’s the same as you leaving.”
So there the two of them were: absolutely broken people who did not know how to cope. At least they were confronting their problems then. Yet it wasn’t enough. They had to do so much more. Tossing the pills back into the mission bag, Sean gazed at Alex in determination. They were both done running. And they were both done suffering in silence. Those two strategies only brought more pain and destruction. It was time they started healing and working through their pain instead of burying it, “Well, then, we both need to shape up.”
“Together,” Alex tentatively held out her hand. Sean took it immediately. Talking became a lot easier after that. They decided to go somewhere more private and comfortable to talk, so they moved to her apartment. Once there, their conversation flowed without argument, without avoidance, and without deflection. The two were open with one another- not as much as they had been weeks ago, but enough for them to heal the rift between them. Sean and Alex still had a long way to go before they healed themselves. But being together helped. They weren’t alone, so they didn’t have to fight alone.
Chapter 90
Notes:
Set throughout season 2. The team acting like a family in the safehouses they shared.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Shouldn’t we wake Michael and Nikita?” Owen had thought he was the last one to wake in the safehouse. The rogues had a lot of things to do that day; they couldn’t waste time sleeping in. However, when Owen moved towards the livingroom, he realized he and Birkhoff were the only ones awake. Nikita and Michael were surprisingly still asleep. Owen never figured those two to sleep longer than necessary. Things must’ve changed a lot since he had been gone.
“Is their door closed?” Birkhoff asked. Owen walked towards the couple’s room, then nodded. He was going to go knock on the door, yet Birkhoff quickly stopped him. The hacker shuddered, shook his head, and warned gravely, “Never go near that door when it’s closed.”
Owen laughed. He had walked in on the couple making out before. He could only imagine what Birkhoff had then seen while living with the pair. If he shuddered at just the thought of it, then it must’ve been terrible. Sharing a space with a very active couple was not for the faint of heart- or the prude, “What’s it like living in a safehouse together?”
Birkhoff’s unamused, annoyed, and disgusted face said it all. Owen laughed again.
Groggily rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, Nikita trudged into the kitchen. The coffee pot was thankfully already turned on. She could immediately pour herself a mug of hot caffeine and start her day. However, as she reached for a mug, Birkhoff stole the last of the coffee. Nikita couldn’t help but whine, “Hey. I wanted some.”
Eyeing the sleepy pout on Nikita’s face, Birkhoff decided to take pity on her- well, some pity. He spat the coffee he had already drank back into the mug and offered it to her with a smirk.
She glared at him menacingly. The look normally would’ve scared him off. But her just-woke-up appearance ruined her intimidation. Birkhoff just scoffed at her. Nikita’s irritation quickly bubbled to the surface, and she bumped the mug in his hand as he took another sip. Hot coffee spilled all over him.
While Nikita smirked, Birkhoff hastily put the mug down and tried to wipe the burning coffee off his skin. Thankfully, he was only scalded, not burned. However, he was still pissed at what Nikita had done. She never thought before acting violently, and he was sick of paying the consequences. The day she got her ass kicked for her actions was the day he was going to celebrate, “What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you a fucking gremlin? Michael, whatever you do, don’t feed that fucking thing after midnight.”
“You’re not supposed to get gremlins wet either, but every night, Michael…” Nikita began. But Birkhoff refused to hear the rest of it. He covered his ears, sang loudly, and ran away.
Instead of grabbing the ladder from the garage, Nikita climbed on top of the kitchen table to help Birkhoff wire the safehouse. She was pretty steady on it, and there was no chance of the furniture giving under her weight, so she didn’t see any problem with her decision. And neither did Birkhoff. The only person who would’ve was out of the room.
Despite the fact that Michael was nowhere to be seen, the instant the table creaked as Nikita moved around, he shouted from some other room, “Get off the table!”
Nikita instantly climbed down off the table and looked around to see how Michael could’ve possibly seen her. She couldn’t figure it out. Yet Birkhoff had an idea. He simply had to get control of his laughter first before he could share it, “Told you. He has a sixth sense for whenever you’re in danger.”
“So, are you gonna sit at the computer all day, or are you gonna train with me?” Michael shoved at Birkhoff’s desk chair after he had noticed the nerd had been sitting there all day. He had to get up and move around at some point. Continuing the boxing training he had begun in Division would be the best way Birkhoff could stay active. That would give Michael and Nikita someone else to spar with, after all.
“Watch out, Mikey. I can totally kick your ass now,” Readily accepting the invitation to fight Michael, mostly because his eyes and back were starting to hurt from staring at a screen all day, Birkhoff shot out of his chair and held up his fists. There was a chance he was being a bit too cocky, but he had some tricks up his sleeves. He could probably take down Michael if he tried hard enough.
Michael’s smirk alone said otherwise, however, “Yeah. Okay, Nerd.”
Not even two seconds on the sparring mat that the agents trained on, Michael had Birkhoff on the ground, tapping out. It was going to be a long boxing session for the nerd.
Having already been married, and having been a father to a little girl, Michael had long ago learned to simply accept his fate when something was gooped on his face, in his hair, and on his nails. He just went along with it, knowing it made his girls happy. Ten years later, he was back to accepting his fate with Nikita. She didn’t often make him up (she did like to play with his hair). But when she did, it was always messy.
That night, after applying a moisturizing face mask on herself, she turned around and smeared it on Michael’s face. He didn’t fight her. He only asked that she cleaned up the mess she was making on the sink counter with the goop.
When she was done with him, he left the bathroom and continued what he had been doing in the livingroom. Birkhoff soon saw Michael’s goop-covered face and began to make fun of him. Michael only shrugged. Nikita, however, emerged from the bathroom and planned to make Birkhoff eat his words.
She had the nerd pinned to the ground in record time. She then began to cover his face with the remaining goop. Birkhoff tried to fight her at first. He kicked and thrashed and shouted, all while Michael laughed. Eventually, though, Birkhoff just accepted that Nikita would always best him. So, he laid there and let her do what she wanted to his face- and soon his hair.
When Michael returned from taking out the trash, he heard fighting and screaming coming from the living room. Nikita, Alex, and Birkhoff were arguing loudly about something; judging by the sound of the TV channels changing, it had to be over the remote. Michael sighed. He was not in the mood for whatever insane antics the others were up to. He just wanted a quiet peaceful night without arguing or drama. So, as he made his way back into the house, he shouted, “Whoever’s screaming, knock it off!”
Silence immediately followed. Michael smiled.
“Can you make your stir-fry?” After his stomach growled one too many times, Birkhoff asked Nikita to make dinner. He could honestly pop something fast in the microwave or oven, but he wanted a meal that’d last and actually be substantial. Nikita’s stir-fry was the most delicious option he could think of. And once it was in his head, it was all his empty stomach could focus on.
“Ugh. Yeah. But you gotta be my sous chef,” Nikita sighed as she agreed. She could go for a healthy, hearty, complete meal too. But she wasn’t willing to do all that work by herself. At least one other person had to help her.
Although he had suggested the idea, Birkhoff didn’t want to help cook. He grimaced at the thought, making Nikita roll her eyes and complain, “You expect me to make the veggies, rice, chicken, tofu, and sauce all by myself?”
“Fine. I’ll do the rice and chicken,” Birkhoff relented, yet only for the sake of his growling stomach. That was good enough for Nikita.
“And the others can clean up,” Moving towards the kitchen, Nikita offered. It was only fair that after she and Birkhoff cooked, Michael and Alex cleaned. Everyone had to do their share in the safehouse, after all.
“Now you’re talking,” Laughing, Birkhoff was all for helping Nikita cook then- especially with how messy the two of them could make the kitchen.
After the dinner was prepared, there were tons of dirty dishes and utensils. Oil and food had splattered everywhere. And discarded food scraps were left on the counters. Rather than immediately tidying up what they could, Nikita and Birkhoff ignored it all. Their only focus was on the food, joking around, and planning to torture Michael and Alex. Each step was easier than the last. Eventually, everything was ready, and Nikita nodded in approval and satisfaction, “Can you tell the others the food is ready?”
Instead of actually going to get Michael and Alex from wherever they were and gather them into the kitchen, Birkhoff remained where he was and shouted, “Michael! Alex! Dinner!”
Nikita instantly glared at him, but his shout worked. Michael and Alex soon flooded the kitchen and excitedly grabbed for plates.
Michael and Nikita had disappeared from the chaos of the safehouse to go for a drive. That and walking along the beach were the closest they could get to privacy and some sort of date as rogue agents. Since they were able to spend time together in relative peace, they wouldn’t complain. The two would simply make the best of the situation. Sometimes, that involved making out in the car or in the sand. Other times, it was getting dessert to share.
That night, when Nikita and Michael returned to the safehouse after driving around the town, they had an ice cream sundae to share. Nikita had thought they were going to eat it inside, so as Michael parked, she grabbed the takeout bag and unbuckled her seatbelt. She wasn’t able to move far, however. Before she could get out of the car, Michael stopped her and took the bag from her hands, “Let’s eat in here. The second the vultures spot food, we’ll lose our dessert.”
Rolling her eyes, Nikita wanted to say that Michael was overreacting. But then she remembered watching Alex kick and screech at Birkhoff when he had made a grab at her popcorn earlier that day.
Nikita took their sundae and some spoons and napkins out of the bag while Michael unbuckled his seatbelt. The couple continued their date, ate their dessert, talked, laughed, and made out in the car.
Alex hurried as fast as she could to Michael and Nikita’s room. She thanked God that the door was open. She could run right in and make her demands. Hearing the shower running only slightly deterred her. She pounded on the door and silently begged it was the person she wanted on the other side of it, “Nikita, are you in there?”
“Yeah!” Nikita shouted in reply.
“Can I steal a tampon?” Sighing in relief, Alex asked. Although she had some clothes and some toiletries at the safehouse, she didn’t have everything she needed to permanently stay there. Once she stole a tampon from Nikita, she could go to the store and remedy that situation. She wouldn’t have any more close calls in ruining her underwear- or potentially ruining her sheets.
“Yeah!” Nikita shouted again, continuing to shower.
Alex assumed that Nikita was going to have her wait until she was done showering before she gave her a tampon. But Alex couldn’t wait that long. She didn’t want to ruin the few changes of clothes she had with her, and she hated the uncomfortable feeling of free bleeding. So, as Nikita continued her long shower, Alex picked the lock on the bathroom.
At the sound of her bathroom door opening, Nikita curiously poked her head out of the shower. The instant she saw Alex rummaging under her sink, she shrieked, “Did you just break in here? Get out!”
“I need a tampon now!” Alex shrieked back. Nikita sprayed her with water until she left, a tampon clutched in her hand.
Noticing that the door was slightly open, Alex barged into Michael and Nikita’s room. They rolled their eyes at her entrance but ultimately ignored her as they continued making the bed. She collapsed on the mattress just as the comforter was straightened out and wondered, “Can I tell you about the weird dream I had?”
“Sure,” Nikita shrugged, moving to place their discarded clothes into hampers. Michael, on the other hand, began to pile the pillows on top of Alex.
“So, I dreamt that when Percy told me that your fake dad was fake, he also told me that he was your real dad. And when I told you about it, you just curled up and died,” Alex ignored the pillows Michael piled on her as she talked. She only shared the dream so she could set up for jokes she could tease Nikita with later. Otherwise, the dream wasn’t anything worth mentioning. It certainly wasn’t her weirdest, or scariest. For her, it just sort of seemed normal.
“Yeah. That’d be my reaction,” Nikita scoffed, not wanting to think about the possibility of Percy being her biological father.
“I’d want to die too if I found out the woman I’ve been sleeping with is the spawn of Satan,” Michael smirked. Whereas Alex laughed, glad someone else wanted to tease Nikita about the idea, Nikita grabbed a pillow off the bed and hit her boyfriend. He didn’t hesitate before retaliating. The couple soon dissolve into a pillow fight full of lighthearted taunts and laughter. Alex watched cheerfully from her safe position on the mattress.
Her own taunts and laughter, however, soon turned the couple against her. With a glance at one another, Nikita and Michael focused their pillow attacks on Alex. She barely managed to slide off the bed and escape the room.
With Nikita sitting in front of him on the floor, and with the newspaper lacking anything interesting, Michael couldn’t help himself. He cast aside the boring newspaper, sat up on the couch, and began to braid Nikita’s hair. She hummed in contentment.
The couple was not left alone in that peaceful moment for long. As soon as Alex saw them, she excitedly hurried over and plopped down in front of Nikita. Although she didn’t say a word, her desire was clear: she wanted her hair braided too. Nikita rolled her eyes, yet she soon did as Alex silently asked.
When Birkhoff soon walked by, he didn’t say anything about the braiding train, but he did make a face at Alex. She stuck her tongue out in return. He made another face at her- that one more taunting- so she decided to pay him back in another way. Before Birkhoff could move too far, Alex pulled away from Nikita and wrestled him to the ground. The nerd tried to put up a fight, but just like with everyone else on the team, he easily lost. He was trapped in Alex’s grip as she moved back to Nikita and had her hair re-braided.
The young woman then began to braid her captive’s hair, adding the nerd to the braiding train. Birkhoff very quickly decided that he should stop fighting the girls on everything. His life would be easier- and full of less bruises- if he just caved like Michael did.
“Birkhoff! Alex! There’s one donut left. Who wants it?” Fighting her laughter, Nikita called Birkhoff and Alex into the room. She had stretched Saran Wrap over the doorway, so when one of them tried to run in, they got snapped back. She had seen the prank on the Internet, and wondered if it’d actually work. Since Birkhoff and Alex were easy targets, and since she was annoyed with them for eating her leftovers (she didn’t know which one was the real culprit, so she was punishing both of them), she decided to test it on them.
Only Birkhoff fell for the prank, though. Alex noticed something covering the door and stopped short. The hacker kept running until he slammed into the Saran Wrap. He fell on his ass, hard. The woman burst out into laughter.
It took Birkhoff a moment to realize what had happened. Yet, once he noticed the Saran Wrap, he sprung to his feet and chased after Nikita, “You’re dead.”
With her head start, she almost got away. But Birkhoff soon tripped on some wires, and as he stumbled, he reached out and accidentally pushed Nikita.
It really was an accident. Birkhoff hadn’t meant to hurt Nikita. Yet when he had pushed her, she lost her balance. She pitched forward, and her lip smacked against the sharp edge of the couch. Blood instantly pooled in her mouth. Alex stopped laughing and gasped. Birkhoff hurriedly rushed to Nikita and helped stop the blood, “Ohmygod. Ohmygod. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It was an accident. I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry. Don’t tell Michael.”
Despite the pain, Nikita just laughed. She deserved the small injury for what she had done to Birkhoff, after all. Alex agreed, and laughed as she came over to help. It wasn’t until it was clear that Nikita was alright before Birkhoff laughed. And once the blood was cleaned away, he worked on ways to pay her back for the Saran Wrap.
Nikita threw open Alex’s bedroom door early in the morning, startling her awake. The young woman wished she had thought to lock the door the night before and whined at the intrusion, “Get out of my room!”
“Do you wanna go on a run?” Nikita asked simply. Alex looked at her with bleary eyes and noticed that she was dressed for a run along the beach. She probably hadn’t been able to convince Michael to go with her. So, in her desire to not run alone, she turned to her best friend.
Alex wanted to say ‘no’ and go back to sleep. But the more she thought about running along the beach with her best friend, the more awake she felt. That actually sounded like a great way to start the day. Also, the two could talk and catch up on the things they had missed while they had been separated. Sitting up, Alex yawned, “Yeah. Sure.”
An energy drink in one hand and a hot pocket in another, Birkhoff sat at his computer to finish his work. The second he tapped on his keyboard, however, he noticed that somebody had messed with his set-up. It was obvious who it was. Only one person kept changing his font to the ugliest settings. He sighed, “Knock it off, Princess, or I’ll change the gate code on you again.”
His warning didn’t get a response. He believed that was the end of it then. But a second command on the keyboard triggered another one of Alex’s tricks. Her voice, generated through the shell program Nikita had created, played loudly over Birkhoff’s speakers, “Can you repeat the command?”
“Alex!” Birkhoff shot out of his chair to chase her down.
Nikita and Alex were hanging upside down from the back of the couch while they watched Michael teach Sean how to tie a bow tie. They mockingly repeated the instructions, somehow making fun of both men. Michael only rolled his eyes. Sean, however, eventually snapped, “You wouldn’t be so smug if you were learning how to do this.”
“My papa already taught me,” Alex stated proudly. Her father had taught her how to tie all kinds of ties after she had once asked him about it. Like their time together in the forest, he used the simple lesson to teach her life lessons. Patience had been the key one then. Though, admittedly, she was still learning to practice that virtue.
“Amanda taught me,” Nikita shrugged, not too proud about that fact. Amanda had taught her how to tie different ties so she could place bugs on seduction targets. She didn’t want to think about that, though, so she didn’t expand on her answer.
While Sean stared at the women in bewilderment, trying to understand their different reactions, Michael took pity on him, “It’s okay. My dad only taught me how to tie regular ties too. Percy was the one who taught me how to tie a bow tie.”
“How’d that go?” Nikita and Alex giggled. Percy had never been much of a teacher inside Division. Imagining him in that role was nearly impossible. Michael must’ve had a hell of a time trying to learn from that bastard.
“About as well as you’d suspect. But at least I didn’t have a peanut gallery mocking me,” Michael taunted the women. They both stuck their tongues out at him.
“So you had it easier,” Sean smirked at Nikita and Alex. They made faces at him until he laughed. After he lightened up, learning to successfully tie a straight and neat bow tie became easier. He wouldn’t thank the women for that, though. They couldn’t have the satisfaction. If anyone ever said their jokes were a good thing, they’d never stop. And although it made them smile, it was so annoying at times. Not so much from Alex, but definitely Nikita.
Ryan was lost in thought as he peeled an orange over the sink. He hardly noticed anyone else in the kitchen with him. Until the orange in his hand squirted juice. Then, he heard Nikita chuckle, “Hey. Look at that. You got it to squirt. Most guys can’t do that.”
“Get out. Get out of my kitchen. I open my home to you, and this is how you repay me? No wonder Birkhoff calls you a gremlin. You’re a menace to society. Go stand in the corner and think about what you’ve done,” Once the innuendo clicked, Ryan ranted. Nikita only laughed at him. It took a minute, but he was soon laughing with her.
It was late, and Sean and Michael couldn’t find Nikita and Alex. The two looked in their bedrooms, but neither were asleep in their beds. They then searched all over the safehouse. Eventually the men spotted the women asleep on the couch. Alex was laying on Nikita’s lap while her feet were stretched out on the coffee table. It didn’t look like either of them had intended on falling asleep; they simply couldn’t fight their exhaustion anymore once they were finally resting and comfortable.
Once glance at each other, Sean and Michael decide not to wake the women. Neither wanted to interrupt their well-deserved sleep. And neither wanted to hear their sleepy grumbles and curses. So, silently, the men picked Nikita and Alex up off the couch.
Birkhoff happened to be walking past the room as Michael and Sean were struggling with Nikita’s and Alex’s sleep-heavy bodies. He immediately scoffed and smirked, “Don’t forget to lift with your knees.”
Although Sean and Michael rolled their eyes, they followed the advice. The Seal soon had Alex in a bridal carry, and she nuzzled against him in her sleep. The agent soon had Nikita wrapped around him, and she tightened her hold in her sleep. Gently, and still ensuring not to wake them, the men walked down the hall with the women. They ignored the snickers from Birkhoff as best they could. Except, he wasn’t the only one willing to taunt the group. When Ryan spotted them, he snarked, “Man, I wish I had someone to carry me to bed.”
Nikita had just woken up enough from the noise and jostling to flip him off over Michael’s shoulder. Ryan and Birkhoff nearly choked on their barely contained snickers.
Whereas the rest of the team was being productive with their time, Sean and Alex were teasing each other for the things they had said and done when they had first met. She was much better at those kinds of jokes than he was. Though, she had more to tease him for. Even he had to admit that he had been an ass at times. Yet it wasn’t entirely for the reasons Alex had believed, “I didn’t hate you. I just…”
“Thought I was a traitor because I was a part of the rebel alliance?” Alex quipped with a bright smile. She knew that Sean didn’t hate her. However, it was still fun to tease him for it. Especially since he was so quick to dispel any negative thoughts about her and praise her.
“Yes?” A bit confused, Sean replied. He knew Alex was quoting something, but he didn’t exactly know what. Until he did, he wasn’t sure how he should respond to her.
Alex had not expected Sean to be confused by her reference. It had seemed extremely fitting for the topic, and she thought it had made the most sense. But Sean’s bewilderment was making her question things. Namely, she wondered if he had even seen Star Wars .
While Alex and Sean stared at one another, trying to read the other’s mind, Nikita took the snippet of conversation she had heard and ran with it. Without stopping what she was doing, she did her best Princess Leia impression and began the quote Alex had used, “Darth Vader, only you could be so bold. The Imperial Senate will not sit still for this. When they hear you’ve attacked a diplomatic…”
“Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you,” Birkhoff continued the quote with a deadpan Darth Vader impression. He also didn’t stop what he was doing. Neither he nor Nikita had to think too much about Star Wars to rattle off quotes. They had seen it enough times, and had quoted it enough times to each other, to not have to devote all their attention to recollection.
Birkhoff’s and Nikita’s nerdy back and forth pulled Alex’s attention away from Sean for just a moment. She turned to Michael and asked around her giggles, “Is there any way we can turn them off?”
“When I figure it out, I’ll tell you,” Michael chuckled. Nikita and Birkhoff had been making movie, TV, and book references for as long as he had known them. That was just how they communicated. Though, he had a feeling that sometimes the two did it on purpose just to fuck with him.
Ignoring Michael and Alex, Nikita continued the quote. She had to get to the part Alex had said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan…”
“You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor. Take her away!” Although Birkhoff’s order was simply a quote, Michael decided to follow it. He picked Nikita up and threw her over his shoulder. She screamed in his ear, yet it had no effect. He carried her away while Alex, Birkhoff, and Ryan laughed.
Sean was the only one left still confused. It took him an extra few seconds to understand what had happened. Then, realization struck, “Oh. Star Wars .”
“Have you never seen Star Wars ?” Ryan asked, bewildered. Sean should’ve realized what movie Nikita and Birkhoff were quoting from the very first word. Even those who had never seen the movie knew Darth Vader was the bad guy in Star Wars . Where had Sean been the past few decades, living under a rock.
“Like once when I was a kid,” Sean shrugged. He honestly never cared that much for the sci-fi, so most things about it escaped his mind. If he had remembered it, though, it definitely wouldn’t have been like Birkhoff and Nikita. They took nerdiness to a new level, especially the hacker. He wasn’t at all like that, “I’m not a nerd like them.”
“You’re right. You’re just lame,” Alex teased once more before joining Michael, who was spinning his girlfriend around, in messing with Nikita. Ryan decided to abandon his work too, and he joined Birkhoff in talking about Star Wars . Sean was left where he was, yet he was okay with that. He could then stare at Alex as she laughed and played around with a smile on his lips.
Nikita had started it. An old pop song came on the radio, causing her to jump around Michael and sing to him. He laughed at her antics, but he didn’t stop what he was doing to join her. Alex, on the other hand, did. She quickly joined in on the silly dancing and singing, riling up Nikita’s antics. When the two women then changed the music to only play old pop songs, Ryan couldn’t help but nod his head to the beat and mouth along to the words. Eventually, Nikita broke Michael out of his shell, and he was dancing and singing with her. Birkhoff couldn’t miss out on the fun after that. And neither could Sean once Alex dragged him into the silliness.
The team abandoned their work for the rest of the night as they danced and sang to old, familiar, favorite music. Laughter and fun filled the safehouse, lifting stress and anxiety off the rogues’ soldiers. There was nothing to worry about for the moment. All they had to do was laugh and smile together. With each other around, that was easy.
Notes:
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!! I love you all!
Chapter 91
Notes:
Set between Seasons 2 and 3 and during 3x01 "3.0". Mikita and their engagement.
Chapter Text
“If you didn’t want to care about us, you should’ve killed me when you had the chance,” Nikita taunted Sean. The two were in the safehouse kitchen, cooking dinner for everyone. Having volunteered to feed the whole team, Sean was mostly cooking by himself; Nikita was sitting on the counter occasionally peeling vegetables, but mainly teasing Sean. He tried to fire back, and though he got a few quips in, his last comment about not wanting to cook or care for the rogues anymore set Nikita off. She claimed it was his fault that he was stuck in that position. And, honestly, there wasn’t much he could argue against that.
“And have Michael go all Wyatt Earp vengeance ride on me? No thanks,” Deciding to build off of Nikita’s light tone, Sean joked. When he had first started battling the rogues, Michael honestly hadn’t seemed like much of a threat, especially compared to Nikita. But after getting to know the couple, Sean knew that if anything happened to them, the other would go ballistic. If Sean had killed Nikita, Michael would’ve killed him. It was that simple.
As if proving the Seal’s point, Michael joined Sean and Nikita in the kitchen and glared at the man who had tried to kill his girlfriend. It was all in jest, however, so Sean just rolled his eyes and returned to his cooking. Nikita, on the other hand, reached for her boyfriend and pulled him into her arms. He came willingly. She gave him a quick peck on the lips and beamed, “Aw. Am I your Huckleberry?”
Chuckling softly, Michael bumped Nikita’s nose with his. He then stole the vegetables from her so he could actually help Sean with dinner. The Seal greatly appreciated that. Though, Michael’s help was only so beneficial. Ryan soon entered the kitchen, crowding the space and causing distractions, “That is not how that expression is used.”
“No one asked you,” Rolling her eyes, Nikita snapped. She didn’t need Ryan correcting her when she was being cute. Especially when he did it with a smirk just to piss her off.
“How is it used?” Genuinely curious, but also just being an ass, Michael asked. Nikita stuck her tongue out at him. He returned the expression, causing Ryan’s and Sean’s light laughter to explode. The sounds drew Alex and Birkhoff into the kitchen. They didn’t help with dinner, though. They simply added to the chaos- and to poking fun of Nikita.
“‘I’m your Huckleberry’ basically means ‘if that’s the situation, I’m in’,” Once in control of his laughter, Ryan shared. Honestly, it wasn’t important what the real meaning of the phrase was. He only wanted to rile Nikita up. With Michael playing along, it was surprisingly easy.
“So it could still be romantic,” Nikita argued. She could make anything work to prove herself correct- even a quote from a movie Michael had once forced her to watch with him. Ryan’s logic couldn’t best her. She’d always find a way on top.
“How?” Although Ryan didn’t doubt that Nikita would try to be right, he did question her thought process. The quote from the movie was supposed to be intimidating. She couldn’t make that sweet and cute. Well, actually, considering hers and Michael’s relationship and the fact that their romantic gestures were often linked to dangerous situations, maybe she could.
“Ask me a romantic question,” Smirking, Nikita dared. Alex, Sean, and Birkhoff broke out in laughter and jeers, goading Ryan to rise to Nikita’s bait. He just stammered for a moment.
Maybe it would’ve been easier for Ryan to respond if Michael wasn’t staring at him as he chopped vegetables. A part of him knew that Michael was just joking. But Ryan couldn’t help thinking about how Birkhoff had gotten punched for kissing Nikita, and now her boyfriend was holding a knife. Ryan continued to stammer for another long moment before rationality caught up to him and he finally realized what he should say, “Uhhh… what would you say if Michael asked you to marry him right now?”
A chorus of laughter and praise for the smart response surrounded Ryan. Yet the couple wasn’t a part of it. Their focus shifted entirely to each other, imagining what it would be like if Michael did propose. Nikita beamed. Michael stopped chopping the vegetables and crossed over to her. She grabbed his hands as soon as he reached her and looked adoringly into his eyes. He crowded into her space just as she teased, “I’m your huckleberry.”
“Is that a ‘yes’?” Alex squealed in excitement. She knew Michael and Nikita had talked about marriage. And now that their war with Division was over, that hypothetical future could become reality. Alex had hoped that the couple could’ve had a more romantic proposal than what just happened. But she’d take anything that got the two of them together.
“The phrase technically works,” Ryan couldn’t help but instigate. There still could’ve been a better way for Nikita to use the phrase. But that didn’t matter, not when the others could tease the couple for the weird way they progressed their relationship.
Whereas the team joked and teasingly congratulated the couple for their ‘engagement’, Michael and Nikita kept their focus on each other. That wasn’t at all how they wanted a proposal to go, so neither would count it as real. However, they would allow the moment to plant ideas in their heads. The one that struck Nikita the most was the image of Michael slipping a ring on her finger. She couldn’t stop smiling brilliantly as she shared, “Get me a ring and I’m yours.”
“Done and done,” Keeping his gaze locked on Nikita’s, Michael raised their clasped hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles. She just stared at him agape. She had wanted to make another joke, tease her boyfriend for being so serious even while he flirted. But his promise of buying her a ring and properly proposing had her stunned. She couldn’t speak; she could hardly think. All Nikita did was stare at Michael as he smirked.
Soon, however, Michael pulled away from Nikita to hand the vegetables he had chopped to Sean. She continued to stare at him, sitting silently on the counter for the first time. Sean couldn’t help but laugh uproariously at the turn of events. He had been trying to shut Nikita up for so long. Turned out, all it took was for Michael to agree to buy her a ring. The rogue wasn’t as tough or as complicated as he had thought. She had her weaknesses, just like everybody else, “So the best way to incapacitate a rogue agent is for Michael to be romantic?”
“Always has been,” Birkhoff easily quipped. That snapped Nikita out of her daze. She retaliated against the nerd, sending the two- plus Ryan and Sean- into a taunting and petty conversation. Michael shot his girlfriend a smile, then left the chaos. There were things he had been doing in the other room that he wanted to wrap up before dinner- namely, finding himself and his girlfriend an apartment.
Alex also left the kitchen while the others traded barbs. She didn’t return to what she had been doing, though (it hadn’t been that important). Instead, she chased after Michael. She needed confirmation on what he had said to Nikita. If he was serious, which she was certain he was, then she had to be a part of his plans. She knew just what to do to make his proposal to her best friend perfect. And she knew how to completely surprise Nikita, “Wait, Michael. Are you seriously going to get an engagement ring for Nikita?”
Chuckling softly, Michael felt himself blush at the idea. Yes, he wanted to marry Nikita. The two had discussed spending their freedoms and futures together, and both of them saw marriage involved with that. The two simply hadn’t discussed when they would be married. Michael had thought about it, though. Since their war with Division was over, he thought about buying an engagement ring and proposing to Nikita soon. All he needed was the perfect jewelry and the perfect timing, “Uh, yeah… I mean…”
“OhmyGod! Okay. I know the best jewelry store; Nikita loves it. And there’s this fountain in the city that at night, wow, it is so beautiful, Nikita will have to say ‘yes’,” Practically bouncing on her toes, Alex began to plan everything out. Nikita hardly talked about the romantic side of her relationship, yet her best friend knew she liked to be swept off her feet. She just wanted to be treated like she was special- like she was a princess. Alex had no doubt that Michael could do that for Nikita. He just needed a little help.
“Are you planning my proposal?” Putting a stop to Alex’s rant, Michael questioned. In all honesty, he hadn’t completely thought out how he was going to propose to Nikita. He knew what he wanted to say when he was down on one knee. But other than that, it was blank. Maybe they could spend the day at the beach- their favorite place. That seemed like a special enough day to propose on. Especially if it was just them for a whole day.
“Well, you’re gonna need some help if you want to surprise Nikita,” Alex shrugged. Fine, she should let Michael handle the majority of the proposal planning. But she’d definitely help him keep the romantic schemes underwraps. Nikita deserved the surprise of a traditional proposal. The rogue couple could at least have something normal in their relationship.
“When I have a ring, we’ll talk,” Rolling his eyes, Michael promised. His only priority was asking Nikita to marry him. Whether that was a surprise or not didn’t matter. But he did want it to be a special moment. With some help, he was sure to make the happen.
Michael had gotten a ring. He had found the most beautiful engagement ring while exploring the store Alex had suggested, and he had bought it instantly. It was perfect. Nikita was going to love it. He couldn’t wait to give it to her.
He had planned to take her to the beach for a day. They’d enjoy the day in the surf and the sand, and as the sun began to set, he’d drop to one knee and ask her to marry him. He had known what he had wanted to say to her as he proposed for a long time. Michael loved Nikita; he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. And since they had fought so hard to take down Division and be free, they could have that future.
Unfortunately, the weekend he was going to put his plan into place (with help from Alex so Nikita never guessed what was going on) was the weekend they got the call for their first Dirty Thirty mission. Michael and Nikita were flown to Hong Kong to track down the Division agent who hadn’t accepted the recall order and stop him from killing more CIA agents. The proposal had to be delayed so the two could save the world. Michael shouldn’t have been that surprised by the complication. It was on par with other events in the relationship, after all.
Though, Nikita and Michael always managed to find one another while in the middle of hell. Why couldn’t they also start their new lives that way. They were going to be busy with Dirty Thirty missions for a while. Waiting for the perfect time would be maddening. Michael should make the time. He should take every moment he had with Nikita and make it perfect.
So when he had learned that he and Nikita would be in Hong Kong for a few days while Birkhoff searched the entire city for their Dirty Thirty, Michael changed his plans for the proposal. He hid the engagement ring in the weapons-loaded gift basket Division was going to send to their hotel room, and thought of how he could take Nikita on a date while they were technically on a mission. He was certain he could figure something out. He refused to waste an opportunity to ask her to marry him. They were going to be engaged before the weekend was over. They were going to start their new lives together immediately.
Once in Hong Kong, Nikita and Michael posed as a married couple and stayed in a beautiful suite. Since Michael had checked them into their room and introduced themselves as Mister and Missus, Nikita had been beaming at him and clinging to his arm. She only let go when she saw the gorgeous view of the city outside their window. He couldn’t blame her. After hiding out in safehouses, basking in the open light of the day was fantastic. Especially with the view that stole her breath away, “Wow. This I could get used to.”
“May have to. Extended stay, huh?” Michael fought to control his smile. Her excitement was infectious. Yet he had other goals in mind. He checked their smuggled weapons in the gift basket that had been sent to their room, and he pocketed the ring he had hidden amongst them. If he could just convince Nikita to go on a date with him while they stayed in Hong Kong, then everything would be perfect. He had the ring and the words, he just needed the girl.
“Well, Birkhoff will be doing his sweep of the street cams, and that will take at least a couple days so…” Finally turning away from the window, Nikita sauntered back towards Michael. The two had tons of time to kill together. They might as well make it worthwhile.
“Yeah, that’s right,” Michael was on the same page as Nikita. The two could explore the city, find a nice restaurant, have the perfect date, and plan their futures in the time it would take Birkhoff to find their Dirty Thirty rogue agent Martin. There was no point in staying in the hotel any longer. The couple should have their fun then.
“So I was thinking, maybe you should take your jacket off, Mister. Stay a while,” If only Nikita’s idea of fun wasn’t so different than Michael’s. As he tried to move her towards the door, she molded her body against his and began to remove his suit jacket. Her lips also brushed against his in a tantalizing ghost of a kiss. In normal circumstances, he would’ve let her remove his clothes, and he would’ve kissed her. But that moment wasn’t a typical one.
“They got the air blasting in here, don’t they?” Awkwardly, Michael fought to keep his suit jacket on. If Nikita got her way and his jacket fell haphazardly to the ground, the ring might fall out. And if the ring fell out, the surprise would be ruined. Michael couldn’t let the surprise be ruined. The couple had to have at least one normal, traditional moment between them. He was determined for it to be their engagement- and possibly their wedding too. So Nikita couldn’t see the ring; she couldn’t even see the ring box, not until the moment was perfectly right.
“I’ll keep you warm,” Pulling Michael flush against her, Nikita tried to take his jacket off again. She knew all the right moves to keep him hot under her hands. He didn’t ever have to worry about the A/C with her.
Knowing that there was no way he could deter Nikita from getting him undressed, Michael quickly shed his jacket. If he draped it carefully on the chair behind him, then there was no chance the ring could fall out. He could still surprise Nikita; things could still be perfect, “Whoa. Whoa. Hi, okay, alright.”
“Are you okay? Because you seem a little jumpy,” Finally noticing how nervous Michael was, Nikita asked. He had been fine when they had walked into the room. But all of a sudden, he was jumping all over the place. What had happened. What was he thinking.
Michael knew he was being uncharacteristically jumpy. Yet he couldn’t help it. He was so focused on perfection, that he couldn’t take anything that ruined his plans. The proposal couldn’t go like most of their missions did. Everything had to be right. They deserved that. The two deserved the best foot to step into their futures with. Michael just didn’t know how to tell Nikita that without spoiling everything, “Heh. Well…”
“Hey. Hey. Is it the mission? You know there’s always a mission. Might as well enjoy it,” Cupping Michael’s chin so his wild green eyes would settle on her, Nikita smiled comfortingly. Just because they were cleaning up Division instead of tearing it down didn’t mean that their missions had to change. They were still taking out a bad guy and saving the world. It was the same as it ever was. There was no need to be nervous or scared. They could handle it. They were together, after all. They could do anything.
“You’re right. There’s always gonna be another mission. Our lives may be mission to mission for a while right? So it would be pointless to wait until things were normal,” Michael knew that was his moment. He could drop to one knee right then or whisk her away to a romantic outing in the city. Either way, right that moment, as Nikita stared at him with her beautiful brown eyes, was his moment to propose. It was time to cement their discussions of their future and start living happily ever after.
“I hate waiting,” Unfortunately, Nikita’s mind wasn’t on the future. She was entirely focused on getting what she wanted in the present. She whisked off Michael’s belt that she had undone without him noticing, and she pulled him into her arms for a heated, passionate kiss.
“Wait…” Michael tried to slow Nikita down; they could start making out after he proposed. But Nikita was on a mission. She continued to kiss him and undress him, and she even managed to shove him to the bed. Honestly, Michael could’ve stopped Nikita if he really wanted to; it wouldn’t have been difficult for him to push her off him. However, when she kissed him, even when all he could think about was proposing to her, he couldn’t focus on anything else. All he wanted was to kiss her back.
“Man cannot survive on mission alone,” Unbuttoning his dress shirt, Nikita husked against Michael’s lips. She rolled her hips tantalizingly against his and kissed him passionately once more. Michael finally came alive under her impassioned kiss. He kissed her back, held her close, and unzipped her dress. He was just about to unhook her bra as well when she suddenly pulled away, “Wait, wait, wait.”
“What?” Startled, Michael asked. A part of him wondered if Nikita finally realized what he had been talking about before she had kissed him. If so, then he’d roll out of bed and quickly grab the ring from his jacket pocket. His proposal plans kept changing, yet he didn’t care at that point. He simply wanted to profess his love for Nikita and marry her.
“Ryan said Martin was on extended assignment for six years. Six years? Was the guy a monk? I don't think so,” Excitedly, Nikita shared her epiphany and scrambled off of Michael’s lap. He propped himself up on his elbows and stared at her incredulously. What did she think about while she made out with him. It obviously wasn’t about them. Her mind had wandered to their Dirty Thirty, and she was off to complete their mission. Michael couldn’t catch up with her. He was simply left dumbfounded and in a constant state of whiplash.
Though, as he watched Nikita with her dress still unzipped call Birkhoff and share her idea (after she taunted the nerd), he couldn’t help but smile. That was the woman he wanted to marry. The crazy, sarcastic, caring, amazing woman was going to be his wife. He was absolutely certain of it. He couldn’t wait for things to calm down enough for him to propose.
“Let’s go!” Nikita called for Michael. Martin was dead. CIA agents were safe. The police and MSS were distracted. It was time for Division to go. They needed to get out of Hong Kong as fast as possible. More heat would fall on them if they didn’t. And the amount they were dealing with- plus the fact that Amanda had decrypted the black box- was enough. They had to save themselves, regroup, and deal with the fallout.
However, Michael wasn’t willing to go just yet. The second he reached Nikita, he began to wrestle for the gun in her hands. She fought him off, confused as to what he was doing. Yet he was determined. He wouldn’t go until he got what he wanted, “Give me the gun!”
“Why?” Of course Nikita would give Michael her gun if he needed it, but he didn’t. Alex was covering them from above; they just had to focus on running somewhere safe.
“Give me the damn Glock,” Finally, Michael ripped the pistol from Nikita’s grasp. He didn’t have time to explain. He had to go back and get the engagement ring he had stupidly brought into the field with him. He should’ve known something terrible would’ve happened. It always did. And now he had to keep fighting for what he wanted most.
“Where are you going?” Standing dumbfounded in the middle of the road, Nikita shouted. She couldn’t understand why Michael was sprinting back towards the police station. He was free; he had gotten out; it was time to go. But despite the handcuffs and the hell that was occurring, he was determined to go back. It was as though he was on his own mission. The rest of the world could be damned because of it.
“To get your engagement ring!” Michael shouted, and Nikita’s ears rang. She continued to stand in the middle of the street and stare at Michael agape. In hindsight, she probably should’ve gone to help Michael get her engagement ring back from the police. But in the moment, all she could do was smile dreamily at the idea of her and Michael married.
“Go!” A distant voice commanded, ripping Nikita out of her daydream. She looked around confusedly at who could’ve shouted; then, she noticed Michael running towards her. He shouted again, and that time, the words struck, “Go, go, go!”
Frantically, Nikita snapped herself out of her happy, dreamy shock and ran to the driver’s seat of the MSS SUV she had stolen. Michael climbed into the backseat and managed to close the door just as she took off.
Nikita, however, didn’t look at the road as she drove. After all the trouble they had just been in, she absolutely should’ve watched out for more dangers. Yet she couldn’t help but look back at Michael. He was too busy breaking out of his handcuffs to notice her. She was okay with that, though. Only a part of her concern was on him. Mostly, she was curious about her engagement ring, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Michael brushed off Nikita’s concern. He hadn’t been hurt, and he had gotten back what he needed. All was great, especially if they got out of Hong Kong safe and sound. Since things were deescalating, that should’ve been possible. Of course, that was as long as Nikita watched the road, “Watch out!”
“Shit,” Nikita swerved to avoid hitting the car she had no clue she was about to hit. Once she corrected, she paid more attention to how she was driving. But, occasionally, her eyes drifted to Michael. She couldn’t see a ring box. Even as he uncuffed himself and climbed into the passenger seat, she didn’t see her ring. She was beginning to fear that he hadn’t managed to grab it. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world if he had lost it. There were millions of other engagement rings out there he could buy her. But, even without seeing it, she wanted that one. It was the one Michael fought so hard for, “Did you… did you get it?”
“Yeah, I did,” Proudly, Michael patted his pocket and smiled. He wouldn’t have been able to leave Hong Kong without Nikita’s engagement ring. Although he could’ve bought another, he knew he could never find a ring like that one. It was perfect. It was Nikita’s.
Before Nikita could ask Michael if she could see her ring, Alex called. A part of her was tempted to ignore it. She wanted to talk to her boyfriend about her engagement ring. But, a mission was still going on. Michael answered the call while Nikita remained in her stunned silence, and Alex updated the two on what was occurring, “I’ve got a fresh car, and Sean’s with the Alpha team packing up the hotel room. I’ll send you the coordinates where to meet me.”
Michael took over navigation as Nikita struggled to split her attention between him and the road. She was getting better at it the further from downtown they moved. However, she was still thinking up what she should say when he began to give her directions, “Turn right.”
“You were going to propose?” Nikita eventually decided to blurt. It was the only reason she could think of that’d explain why Michael had her engagement ring with him in Hong Kong. How it had gotten confiscated by the police, she had no idea. Yet he had the ring back, so it didn’t matter. Michael could propose to Nikita now. He could complete what he had set out to do and the stupid mission had interfered with.
“That was the plan,” Michael huffed. He wasn’t annoyed with Nikita. He honestly should’ve known better than to try to propose to her while a mission was occurring. Her attention could only go one way or another; he shouldn’t have expected her to be fully engaged in their engagement. He had just been so excited. He couldn’t wait anymore. He honestly still couldn’t. But racing out of Hong Kong was definitely putting a damper on things.
“You were going to propose to me on a mission?” Bewildered, Nikita tried to clarify Michael’s thought process. She knew their relationship had its non-traditional moment. But did that also have to extend to their engagement. She guessed it sort of had to. How she had discovered he was going to propose definitely wasn’t normal. The two simply had to make their relationship work for them as best as they could. Waiting for things to become normal was pointless. They should just find happiness together in whatever way they could.
“We were supposed to be spending days in Hong Kong. I was going to take you out, be romantic,” Michael defended himself. It wasn’t as though he was going to propose to his girlfriend in the middle of a firefight- though, that was technically what happened. He had planned to be romantic. Their crazy life had just gotten in the way- as it always did.
Remembering how jumpy and weird about his jacket Michael had been in the hotel suite, things finally began to click for Nikita. She turned to her boyfriend and gasped, “Is that what you were doing in the hotel room?”
“Yeah, thanks for finally noticing,” Michael couldn’t help but tease. A part of that was on him; he should’ve been more direct. But, Nikita’s single-mindedness was a problem at times. There was something both of them had to work on.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Nikita shrieked. If Michael had said he had wanted to propose, she would’ve waited to take off his belt. And she probably wouldn’t have thought about their Dirty Thirty. Hell, she probably wouldn’t have been able to think about anything. In the middle of a fight, she hadn’t been able to move or think after just the mention of her engagement ring. Just the idea of marrying Michael had her in a spell. She wondered what it would be like once they were married. She bet it would be bliss.
“I did. But then you did that thing with your tongue, and I got distracted too,” Smirking, Michael leaned over to smear a kiss to Nikita’s jaw. She was too confused to respond. Yes, she knew which kisses of hers drove Michael wild- that wasn’t what had her puzzled. What she couldn’t wrap her head around was that her boyfriend had been serious and romantic, and she had completely missed it. Had that happened before. How many times had she missed sweet, endearing moments from Michael because she couldn’t stop thinking about something else.
Nikita wasn’t given long to dwell over that thought. As she thought through hers and Michael’s relationship, he stopped her and pointed to someone slightly ahead, “It’s Alex. Stop.”
Slamming on the brakes, Nikita managed to stop the SUV before she hit Alex. The young woman glanced at her incredulously for her suddenly poor driving skills, yet Nikita had no excuse. She was still too distracted by her engagement ring to really do anything. Michael didn’t help. He jumped out of the car and forced her to follow. Nikita stumbled as she did so, which further confused Alex. She must’ve missed something while she had been on the roof. Hopefully, it wasn’t anything bad, “What happened? What took you?”
“I had to get the ring back,” Michael admitted. There was nothing for Alex to worry about, just past stupidity that had been resolved. Everything should’ve been good from that moment on. Michael had the ring and Nikita, so he was sure of it.
“You brought it into the field with you?” Bewildered, Alex questioned. Bringing the engagement ring with him on the mission was one thing- it had been an extended assignment and he would’ve had opportunities to propose. Yet chancing the possibility of losing it in the field wasn’t like Michael. He must’ve been so distracted by the idea of marrying his girlfriend that he hadn’t been able to think straight.
“I didn’t want to leave it behind incase something happened,” Michael honestly had no real excuse for why he had brought the ring with him. It was true that he didn’t want to leave it behind incase anything happened. But a part of him also didn’t want to separate from it. He couldn’t take the ring out of his pocket until he put it on Nikita’s finger. Only then would he know it was safe and where it belonged.
Whereas Alex and Michael moved towards the car Alex had secured, Nikita remained rooted on the street. She glanced curiously between her boyfriend and best friend, more thoughts and realizations clicking in her mind, “Wait. You knew?”
“Yes. Now get in the car,” Alex ordered. The two could talk on the way home. But in the meantime, they had to escape the country. Snapping herself out of it for the hundredth time in just a few minutes, Nikita hurried to catch up.
After talking to Ryan in his office about what he had done during the op, Nikita was furious. The plane ride to Division had been full of debriefing- both about the mission and the engagement ring- and post-mission exhaustion. Although Nikita had managed some rest, talking to Ryan about his choices made her frustrated and tired all over again. She could not understand him. Since taking over Division, he had changed. She couldn’t possibly understand why. Maybe there was more going on than she had realized. Or maybe he was just being a dick.
While Nikita sulked in the hallway, Michael found her and took her hand. He assumed Ryan had her pissed off. Fortunately, he had the perfect solution to make her feel better. He squeezed his girlfriend’s hand tightly and led her to the carport, “Come on.”
“Where are we going?” Although Nikita let Michael lead her through Division, she still questioned him. After her discussion with Ryan, she wasn’t in the mood for anything besides going home, curling on the couch, and eating junk. Michael better have been leading her to those things. If not, she was going to drag her feet and whine.
“Out,” Michael said simply. After talking with Alex, he realized that he could salvage the proposal. If he took Nikita to a fancy restaurant and brought her to that fountain Alex had mentioned, his proposal- his real proposal- could be romantic and magical. What had happened in Hong Kong was only a setback. He could still do things right.
“Like a date?” Just the thought of going out with Michael instantly perked Nikita up. She smiled softly. He grinned in return, excitedly whisking her away.
However, as they moved closer to their car, he was suddenly filled with apprehensions. She couldn’t understand why he’d be nervous for a dinner date. They had gone on several by that point. Then, she remembered. He still planned on proposing, “We can stop by the apartment first to change and freshen up, but I made reservations at…”
“Reservations? So this is like a real date? Are you still trying to propose?” Nikita stopped Michael. If he wanted to propose to her, he didn’t have to make a big deal out of it. She was fine with something simple, especially with the day they had had. Take-out in their pajamas while a movie played in the background sounded amazing. No pomp, no frills, just the ring she had yet to see (Michael refused to show it to her) on her finger. It was simple and sweet.
“Well, I haven’t actually done it yet,” Flashing a crooked grin, Michael pulled Nikita into his arms. Despite their exhaustion, the two deserved the real proposal with love on their lips and in the air. She deserved to be treated special. And he deserved to express his love. A mission couldn’t take that away from them.
Although Michael didn’t drop to one knee and ask her to marry him, Nikita felt as though she had already said ‘yes’. He was hers, and she was his. There was no need for any of that. Michael didn’t have to stress himself out with the most amazing and spectacular proposal in the world. The amazing things he had done for her were enough. She was already brilliantly happy with him. She didn’t need more, “Yeah, but…”
“So you don’t want to go on a date with me?” Michael teased. There was no way Nikita could say ‘no’ to that, especially since going on that date would make him happy. She was soon taken to their apartment to freshen up and to change into something befitting a proper date. When both Nikita and Michael were ready, he whisked her away to a perfect night.
Michael honestly didn’t have to try so hard to make things perfect. Nikita knew about the ring; she knew he wanted to marry her. He didn’t have to make a grand gesture with a proposal. He could simply slip the ring on her finger, and she’d be with him forever. There was no doubt that she wanted to marry him as well. They had discussed their futures enough that their next steps were clear. Regardless of her assurances, however, after eating at an expensive, fancy, romantic restaurant, Michael led Nikita to a beautiful water fountain. She attempted to pull away, but he only held her hand tighter, “Just trust me. Okay?”
“Michael. Michael. You don’t have to do this,” Nikita was smiling from ear to ear. Michael was so sweet and endearing. He wanted to give her the perfect romantic proposal that she deserved. But she didn’t need any of those things. She was perfectly fine not having cliché or normal or whatever when it came to their relationship. She loved how it was already. As long as he was with her, she was happy.
Michael wouldn’t listen to Nikita or let her stop him from proposing that time, however. He was stubbornly set in his ways. He brought her to the fountain and held her in his arms. That was his moment.
“Yes, I do. It’s tradition. I’m a traditional guy. And I went through hell to get this ring. We’re going to do this right,” Michael was so serious. He was normally a very serious man- her serious man. But he looked at Nikita with the most earnest green eyes she had ever seen. She was captivated by him. There was no fight left in her as he helped her sit on the edge of the fountain and dropped to one knee.
When he pulled the ring box from his pocket, his hands shook. She gasped, tears welling in her eyes, the second he showed her the beautiful engagement ring. Diamonds decorated the small band, and each one- especially the giant one in the center- glittered blue in the moonlight. Nikita couldn’t breathe as she stared at it. It was well worth the wait to see. And well worth it for Michael to steal her gun and rush back for.
Before Nikita could just reach out and take her ring, Michael stole her attention by the way he gazed at her. He looked at her with every ounce of love he had and breathed, “Nikita…”
“You had me at ‘give me the damn Glock’,” She couldn’t help herself. Nikita was so damn excited for the proposal, she was so fucking in love with Michael, and she couldn’t wait to be engaged. She was sure he had a whole speech prepared. He was going to speak from his heart and tell her how much he loved her. Yet she knew all that already. He was down on one knee, after all. He also laughed at her joke. The two didn’t need love declarations or heartfelt speeches. Their actions were enough. And so was the way they looked at one another.
Smiling brighter than the stars in the sky, Michael took Nikita’s hand in his. Both shook as he finally slipped her beautiful ring on her finger. Pure joy and happiness flowed through the newly engaged couple. They just had to smile, laugh, hold one another, and kiss.
Slipping his fingers through her dark hair, Michael cradled Nikita’s head. His other arm wrapped around her waist, holding her close. She melted into the affection. She clung to the back of his suit jacket to ensure he wouldn’t go away. Though, that wasn’t even a question. He’d stay with her until the end of time. Smiles split their kiss. They didn’t mind. In fact, their happiness only made the moment all the more better. The newly engaged couple practically swayed in their kiss. They were nothing but smiles, especially as he whispered, “So, that’s a ‘yes’?”
Nikita bumped her forehead against Michael’s, laughing and beaming. There were tears in her eyes, but they were born from pure bliss. She was so happy and so in love. She couldn’t believe she was going to marry the love of her life. And with an absolutely stunning ring on her finger. He did an amazing job picking one out. She couldn’t wait to wear it for the rest of her life.
Eventually, the newly engaged couple wrapped their arms around each other and walked back to their car to go home. They were all giggles and smiles, too ecstatic for words. They simply swapped kisses and caresses as they walked, basking in their bliss. The two were on cloud nine. And there was no possible way to bring them down. Not even the insistent buzzing in the pocket of Nikita’s dress as Alex repeatedly texted her and begged for an update, “And?”
Finally reading the messages, Nikita chuckled to herself and replied to her best friend. As she typed her message, she thought that a picture of her with her ring on would’ve been a far better reply. So, she stopped Michael and held out her phone to take a selfie, “Wait. For Alex.”
Since he was grateful for Alex’s help in finding the perfect ring and in planning the proposal, Michael joined Nikita in the selfie. The newly engaged couple smiled brightly as she ecstatically showed off her engagement ring and took the picture. It was an adorable photograph of the two, and they both wanted to keep it. So, Nikita quickly saved it before she sent it to her best friend with the simple caption, “We’re engaged!”
“Tell me everything!” Alex texted back instantly. After never knowing what had been going on between Michael and Nikita in the past, she deserved to know everything about their engagement. Of course Nikita would tell her. She was too happy to keep all that to herself. Her future with Michael was something she had to revel in. It was all she had ever wanted and more.
“Tomorrow. Right now, I’m going home with my fiancé,” Nikita replied, then put her phone back in her pocket. Alex could wait for the details. Nikita still wanted to live them. And so did Michael as he picked up his fiancée, twirled her around, and kissed her.
Chapter 92
Notes:
Set after 3x02 "Innocence". Just wish there were more fun moments between the team in season 3 before all that hell and drama broke out.
Chapter Text
“Did you just slap me?” Nikita pulled back from Alex in shock.
The two had been sparring in the old gym in Division, music blasting over the speakers as they trained and joked around. At some point, Nikita got Alex into a hold that she couldn’t break. Rather than admit defeat and tap out, Alex reached around and struck on instinct. Nikita recoiled in shock and let her go. The two stared at one another for a moment, bewildered and slightly amused. Slapping someone was definitely one way to get ahead in a fight. It was certainly unexpected.
“I didn’t know how else to break the hold,” Alex admitted sheepishly. She honestly couldn’t think of any other way to get Nikita to let go of her. In a real fight, that would’ve been when she’d break a bone or get knocked unconscious. She had to start figuring out how to escape the position so it’d never happen again. Nothing came to mind besides slapping Nikita. It wasn’t the best, but it was surprisingly effective.
“Clearly,” Nikita chuckled. She should probably start teaching Alex how to escape the hold so her arm wouldn’t keep getting broken on missions. However, that thought didn’t cross her mind at the moment. Instead, Nikita smirked and commented on how Alex had spent her summer after recovering from her latest broken arm, “Did all that time in Greece with your mom and your boyfriend make you forget your training? Too good living in paradise?”
Alex glared at her best friend, unamused. Yes, spending time with her mother on an island paradise in Greece was amazing, especially with Sean there (though, he had mostly tagged along to fulfill his bodyguard role). But, she didn’t appreciate Nikita taunting her about it- more specifically, about her not so strictly defined relationship status with Sean. Alex swore she had heard enough jokes about it from Birkhoff when she and Sean had flown from Greece to Hong Kong. She didn’t have the patience for any more, “I’m gonna slap you again.”
“Don’t slap people, Alex. You were trained better than that,” Stepping off the elevator, Michael chided. Nikita laughed and reached for a tablet to turn down the music. Alex rolled her eyes. She was going to throw out a sarcastic comment in response, yet Michael continued. He was nowhere near poking fun of what he had overheard, “Or did all that time in Greece with your mom and your boyfriend make you forget your training?”
Whereas Nikita burst into laughter, Alex gaped at Michael in shock. There was no way he had heard his fiancée when she had made that quip. The elevator hadn’t even stopped on their floor yet. He just somehow managed to say the exact same joke the exact same way. Nikita thought it was hilarious. Alex, on the other hand, was increasingly annoyed. She had liked Michael better when he was simply her handler. Since he was her best friend’s fiancé, and her friend, he was a lot more sarcastic, “I’m beginning to think those agents were right: Nikita has corrupted you, Michael.”
Nikita doubled over in her laughter while Michael glared at Alex. Birkhoff, who had also stepped off the elevator but had been too engrossed in his tablet to engage in the conversation, snapped his head up. He would take any opportunity to tease Michael and Nikita, especially after they had gotten engaged without telling him. He wasn’t going to let them get away with that. They had to pay for excluding their best friend in one of the best moments in their lives. After all, he deserved some reward for putting up with them in multiple safehouses, “At least he hasn’t started biting people. Then you know her feral instincts are rubbing off on him.”
“I don’t bite people,” Nikita stopped laughing. She’d admit that her fighting style was not conventional, and she’d admit that she fought dirty. But she didn’t bite people. She wasn’t that crazy in the field.
“What about that guard?” Birkhoff recalled. He knew not to go into detail about that incident; Nikita definitely wasn’t the same person as she had been when that had happened. However, he still had to remind her of it. She was still capable of those actions.
Ducking her head and tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, Nikita didn’t have anything to say in response. She could just mutter that she had changed and that she never wanted to be that person again, “Anymore.”
“Liar,” Alex had no idea what Birkhoff was talking about. However, based on Nikita’s reaction, she knew she had to lighten the mood. Referencing a rumor she had once heard seemed like the best option. It drew both Michael and Nikita’s attention, after all. And, it made Birkhoff burst out into laughter.
“For the last time, I did not bite that Gogol agent,” Nikita huffed and shoved at Alex. She had absolutely no idea how that rumor got started, yet she hated it. There had been so many cool fighting moves she had pulled off in the field, yet no one talked about them. They were, instead, focused on painting her as some kind of unstable villain. Although that did make her greatly feared, which she admittedly liked, it also made her look insane. She didn’t want to be insane. She just wanted to be awesome.
“That’s not the story I heard,” Alex smirked. She didn’t honestly believe the rumor. Though, that wasn’t why she kept bringing it up. Every single time she mentioned it, Nikita got pissed. Her reaction made the strange rumor far better than what it was.
“So you’re gonna believe Gogol over me?” Bewildered, Nikita asked. How could Alex ever believe Gogol. She knew better than to listen to crazy tales about the enemy. When she had been a mole inside Division, she always rolled her eyes at what the recruits would whisper about Nikita. It was all just crazy speculation. Believing it was to be insane.
“I didn’t hear it from Gogol,” Alex finally shoved Nikita back. She also had no idea how the rumor got started. But she did know who spread it. And if Nikita knew, she’d kick their ass. Alex had to protect them somehow. Being vague wasn’t the best way to do that. However, it would make Nikita confused enough to pause the conversation, and in that pause, someone would change the topic.
Rolling his eyes, Michael soon realized that the rumor discussion was going to go nowhere. It was better to shift focus than to have everyone talk in circles. So while Birkhoff continued to laugh, Alex continued to smirk, and Nikita continued to stew over the false story, Michael recalled a true fact about someone biting others, “Alex, I don’t know why you’re so hung up about this when you bit people in prison.”
Once again, Alex glanced at Michael incredulously while Nikita laughed. Birkhoff continued his uproarious laughter at the women’s expense, eventually managing to spit out, “Why are you guys biting people?”
“Nikita said I had to get Division’s attention. So why not be feral? It worked for her,” Nodding towards Nikita, Alex attempted to defend herself. Killing that future Division target hadn’t been enough to get her recruited. She had to act up in prison to cement the idea. Nikita had mentioned that she had been a terror in prison, and that was why Division had grabbed her (well that and Carla’s fingerprint, but she hadn’t discovered that until recently). So Alex had then thought she should be an absolute menace to her cellmates and the guards. Biting had just seemed like a part of that deal.
“You really did teach Alex everything you know,” Birkhoff quipped. Everytime he learned more about how Nikita had trained Alex to infiltrate Division, the more it seemed obvious that she had been the mole. Division really shouldn’t have been as clueless as they were. Alex and Nikita were spitting images of each other as recruits. That hadn’t just been a coincidence (that Birkhoff admittedly thought Michael was insane for seeing at the time); it had been done on purpose.
“Stop telling people I’m feral,” Nikita was beginning to think that Birkhoff had told Alex the Gogol biting rumor, but she had no proof. At least not then. A few more minutes of glaring, and maybe a punch or two, and he’d fess up to his crimes.
“Make me,” Without thinking, Birkhoff dared. Nikita instantly smirked and stalked closer to him. He tried to run away, but it was too late. She already had a plan to fuck him up, and there was no stopping her, “No, wait!”
Michael had the foresight to take the tablet out of Birkhoff’s hands. As he did, Nikita performed one of her fancy, flying takedowns. She had the hacker shoved against the mat in no time. Yet she didn’t get off him immediately. She wrenched back his arm in a similar hold she had had Alex in earlier, causing him to repeatedly tap the mat and call out, “Uncle. Uncle!”
“Why do people say ‘uncle’ when they yield?” Not moving to help, Alex wondered. Birkhoff was fine; Nikita wasn’t actually going to hurt him. Besides, the hacker also complained that he wanted more field training; his boxing sessions with Michael weren’t enough. What better way to teach him, then to just throw him right into the chaos.
“Nikita, your phone,” Hearing his fiancée’s phone chime in her bag, Michael called. Nikita made no move to let go of Birkhoff. She and Alex were too busy taunting the nerd while he had to lay there and take it. Sighing, Michael rolled his eyes and moved to answer the phone for her, “I got it.”
The message on Nikita’s phone was simply an alert, not a text. Her engagement ring was finished being resized at the jewelers, and she could go pick it up. Smiling brightly, Michael excitedly showed the alert to Nikita, “Hey, your ring’s ready.”
Although Nikita was excited to wear her engagement ring again and to keep it on her finger forever, the thought of going back to the jewelers made her groan. She finally let go of Birkhoff and flopped onto the ground. Grateful for the chance to escape, the hacker scurried away from her. He didn’t even care to figure out what her reaction was about; he just had to get away- far away. Alex, on the other hand, neared Nikita, poked her side with her foot, and snarked, “Don’t get too excited.”
Nikita groaned again. There was a chance she was being too dramatic. Yet after the mission they had recently had, she didn’t want to talk about kids for a very long time. Seeing the woman at the jewelers again, however, would change that, “I don’t want to talk to that lady again. Michael, you go get it.”
“You have to try it on to make sure they sized it right,” A part of Michael did sympathize with his fiancée. She had told him what had happened when she had dropped off the ring, and he did have to admit that it was weird. However, she had to be the one to pick up her ring. He, apparently, had no idea what her ring size was. If Nikita wanted to make sure it didn’t slide off her finger, she had to go and try it on.
“Why do I have to suffer because you don’t know my ring size?” Nikita continued to complain. She knew she couldn’t blame Michael for that, though. She didn’t have any rings he could look at to accurately know her size. And she hadn’t been entirely certain of her size herself until she put on her engagement ring.
“I tried to ask you, but you kept saying that you prefer bracelets, necklaces, and earrings,” Michael recalled with a soft chuckle. One night, he had tried to pry information about rings from Nikita. However, she was not forthcoming. She kept insisting that she liked other jewelry besides rings; if he was going to get her anything, it should be one of those. He had wanted to keep the proposal a surprise, so he hadn’t pushed the issue. Also, the ring he had eventually chosen on his own was perfect. The only problem was the sizing, and that was an easy fix (even with a pushy old woman).
“I thought you were buying me a gift, not an engagement ring,” Propping herself up on her elbows, Nikita defended. If she had known what Michael had planned to do, she absolutely would have answered his questions. Though, he had done perfectly on his own. So maybe it was for the best that she had had no idea.
“Even though you guys had been talking about marriage? I thought you were smarter than that,” Alex giggled. She was surprised that Nikita had had no idea that Michael had planned to propose. She knew the two had talked about marriage now that pardons were on their way. But, despite all the things the former rogue had noticed and pieced together, that had remained a mystery. What could’ve Nikita been possibly thinking that she had missed all those clues. Either Michael was a far better spy than Alex had previously thought, or Nikita really was oblivious when it came to him.
“Hey, Alex. Maybe it’s time for another shot,” Nikita fired back. She had heard countless times how Sean had tried to tell Alex he had wanted to kiss her again but she had thought he wanted more pain meds. The young woman was far more oblivious in her love life than Nikita. At least the former rogue finally figured it out.
As Michael and Birkhoff snickered, Alex glared at her best friend. Nikita simply smirked. Alex couldn’t think of a way to immediately get back at her. So, in the meantime, she said, “You know, I was gonna get your ring for you. But not after that.”
Nikita once again collapsed on the mat with a groan. His curiosity over what the others were talking about finally drew Birkhoff back to the group. He would risk getting tackled again if he meant he could understand what was going on. After all, once he understood, he knew could start teasing somebody. With his lack of fighting abilities, that was one of his best ways to retaliate, “What did this lady say to you?”
“Nothing. She was just weird about marriage and babies,” Nikita sighed, resigning herself to her fate. She just had to suck it up and face the jeweler again. Hopefully, she wouldn’t be there, or she wouldn’t try to make any more comments. Nikita wasn’t that lucky, though. She should start preparing herself and holding back her tongue then as she got to her feet.
“Tell her your life story. That’ll shut her up,” Birkhoff sarcastically suggested. If the pushy woman knew the truth of where Nikita came from, she’d never talk to the former rogue again. She also might call the cops. But that was a risk Birkhoff knew Nikita was willing to take.
“Oh yeah. Tell a stranger but not your best friend,” Crossing her arms, Alex huffed. She was mostly building off of Birkhoff’s fake suggestion. Though, a part of her was upset that Nikita still hadn’t told her a lot about her life. Knowing the things she did, it made sense why Nikita didn’t want to delve so deeply into her past. Yet Alex still wanted to know more. Or at least receive serious answers to her questions.
“Are you still mad that I won’t tell you Michael’s last name?” Nikita scoffed. When Alex had asked at the jewelers a few days ago, Nikita had only given her a joke answer before they rushed off on Division’s latest mission. She would’ve given her a serious reply eventually. But the way Alex kept asking for it when she didn’t answer immediately made Nikita want to torture her with the information. It was more fun that way.
“You don’t know my last name?” Chuckling, Michael questioned. He had thought his full name would’ve been one of the first things Nikita had told Alex about him. Even if she hadn’t, after years of knowing him, Alex should’ve learned it. The fact that she hadn’t was odd, and kind of funny. A part of Michael wanted to keep her in the dark.
Rolling her eyes, Alex tried to ignore the others’ laughter. If Sean had been there, he would’ve told her Michael’s last name; he had to have known it since he had been assigned to hunt the rogues down. Unfortunately, Sean was busy with the Seals. Alex was left on her own to deal with her annoying friends, “I keep telling you guys. Nikita didn’t tell me jack shit about Michael before I joined Division.”
“I thought I said his last name was Poopy-Pants,” Nikita giggled, recalling one of the fake last names she had rattled off after the jewelers. Michael wasn’t appreciative of the joke. Yet Birkhoff was. His shiteating grin nearly eclipsed his laughter.
“Mr. and Mrs. Poopy-Pants. Seems fitting,” Staying away from Nikita, Birkhoff quipped. Turned out, she didn’t have to be the one he had to worry about, however. Michael quickly had him in a headlock and gave him a noogie. Nikita and Alex only laughed at the hacker as he struggled to escape yet another hold.
“If it makes you feel better, Alex. Nikita didn’t tell me anything about Michael either. I had to learn his last name from Division’s files,” As he walked past the four in the gym, Ryan decided to butt in on what he had overheard. It earned him an eye roll from Nikita, yet Alex was appreciative of the fact- glad that she wasn’t the only one who had been weirdly kept out of the loop. She was even more glad, though, when Ryan soon told her what she had been wondering for years, “It’s Bishop, by the way.”
“Thank you!” Alex shouted in relief. Ryan simply waved as he continued on his way. She wasn’t that surprised that she had to discover Michael’s last name from an outside source (she was about to text Sean and ask him) but she still didn’t like the fact. What was with Michael and Nikita keeping secrets from everybody. They obviously trusted the team; they considered them their family. So why did they never talk to them about anything.
Letting go of Birkhoff, Michael stared at his fiancée in confusion. He couldn’t comprehend why Nikita hadn’t told anyone about him. He had been the head of agents in Division while she had been rogue. Her allies should’ve known about him. It wasn’t as though she didn’t have anything to tell them. She knew him better than anyone in the whole world. So why had she kept him a secret- why not tell everyone everything she knew about him, “Why didn’t you talk about me?”
“I don’t know…” Nikita shrugged. A part of her did know why she had never been able to open up about Michael. Yet she didn’t really want to explore it while in the old Division gym, surrounded by Alex and Birkhoff. So in its place, she quoted something she had once read in a book, “What’s that quote? ‘If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more’.”
Ignoring Alex’s and Birkhoff’s playful disgust at the romantic sentiment, Michael smiled softly at his fiancée. He reached for her hand, and finally agreed to her suggestion from earlier, “I’ll go get your ring. Give me the ticket.”
“She’s playing you, Michael,” As Nikita excitedly and gratefully kissed her fiancé and dug in her bag for her claim ticket, Birkhoff and Alex joked. The two continued to be ignored. They were used to that, though. The whole world always melted away when the engaged couple looked at each other like that. Their friends could never penetrate that bubble.
Eventually, Michael pulled away from Nikita to go pick up her engagement ring. After a beat, Birkhoff decided to follow. A trip to the city was better than what he had been doing on the tablet, “Wait. I’m going with. I gotta see what ring was worth beating cops up over.”
“You’re acting like that didn’t make me want him more,” Nikita winked at her fiancé. She could tell that he wanted to roll his eyes at her remark, yet he was too busy smiling at the memory of how she had kissed him when they had gotten engaged. She easily copied his grin.
“We also still gotta talk about our trust issues,” Ignoring the couple, Birkhoff reminded Michael of the conversation they never got to finish. He didn’t want to be excluded from any more major developments. Michael- and Nikita- had to loop him in.
Whereas Alex contemplated what Birkhoff meant, Nikita understood what he was miffed about. Michael had told her about his conversation with the hacker- mostly about how he had automatically assumed he was the best man. Nikita had then told Michael that he needed to ask Birkhoff to fulfill that role before the nerd’s head exploded. Apparently, her fiancé hadn’t followed her order. He continued to torture their friend, making her roll her eyes, “You still haven’t asked him to be your best man? I already asked Alex to be my maid of honor.”
“And I was honored to accept the proposal,” Alex beamed. The day after Michael had proposed to Nikita at the fountain, the two women had gone to lunch, and Nikita had told her best friend everything. She had also asked her to be her maid of honor at the eventual wedding. Of course Alex had accepted.
“See, this is what I keep talking about, man,” Birkhoff whined as he continued to follow Michael. So much had occurred involving Michael and Nikita’s engagement, and he was still the last to know. That so wasn’t fair. Birkhoff had lived with the couple for a year and had dealt with their shenanigans and dramas for even longer. He deserved some kind of reparation.
“Birkhoff, shut up. You already are my best man,” Jabbing the button for the elevator, Michael sighed. He and Nikita hadn’t set a date yet, or talked about their wedding at all, so appointing the best man and the maid of honor seemed pointless- especially since it was obvious who they would be. But torturing Birkhoff about the whole thing had lost its fun (who knew he could whine that much). Michael had to cave.
“Yes. Thank you,” Relieved, Birkhoff stepped onto the elevator. Since that was out of the way, he could then help the engaged couple focus on finally getting married. He knew somebody had to push them past their cleanup duty and towards the altar. And he was the best person for the job, “Now, as I said, I’m the best with the planning phase, and I’ve already got some great ideas for your wedding.”
“You say ‘no’ to everything he says!” Nikita shouted at her fiancé as the elevator doors closed. Although she had no ideas for her wedding, she knew that Birkhoff could not be involved in the planning process. He was bound to suggest something stupid that absolutely could not come to fruition- like him DJing the reception.
Chuckling, Alex cast one more confused glance at Nikita. With everything that was going on, she thought the bride-to-be would’ve wanted help planning her wedding. After all, she and Michael shouldn’t just elope and not celebrate their big day. They deserved a fancy and romantic wedding with all of their friends and family. Help was definitely needed to pull that off, even unwanted help like from Birkhoff, “I thought you didn’t have anything planned yet.”
“We don’t. But that doesn’t mean I want Birkhoff’s input,” Nikita shuddered at the thought. She and Michael had decided to wait on any wedding stuff until they were free from Division. Their focus should remain on cleaning the place up and securing their freedoms. Their friend’s focus should be on that as well. So before Alex could make another comment about wedding planning, Nikita offered to continue sparring with her, “Come on. Let me teach you how to break that hold I had you in.”
“Finally,” Alex exclaimed. She turned the music back up and prepared to finally learn how to stop getting her arm broken. Hopefully, by the end of the lesson, she could also force Nikita onto the mat. She’d truly feel successful if she could.
“I can also teach you how to move things along with Sean, Agent Pierce,” Recalling the alias Alex had used on the recent mission, Nikita teased. She hadn’t been focused enough on it during all the chaos to tease her best friend for the choice. But since things had died down, and since the new Division seemed to be on the right track to fulfill their mission in cleaning up and shutting down, Nikita could taunt Alex all she wanted.
“Oh, it’s going down, Mrs. Poopy-Pants,” Alex swore. For a while, the two women were too full of laughter and jokes to truly spar. Yet they didn’t care. It wasn’t as though there was anything pressing for them to worry about. They had bright, happy things in their future.
Chapter 93
Notes:
Set at the end of 4x03 "Set Up". Birkhoff and Nikita talk about their childhoods and their futures.
Chapter Text
Birkhoff hadn’t left his sectioned off corner of the plane since they had boarded. Nikita didn’t blame him. He needed time to think and process what had just happened with his dad and the Double. But all that time alone with his thoughts wasn’t good for him. He shouldn’t sit there forever with dark clouds over his head and the weight of the world on his shoulders. He should talk once he was ready. So after a couple of hours, Nikita went to check on him in his nerd cave. He looked as though he had been crying, yet he had stopped by then. His thoughts were finally in order and he could finally share, “He was a son of a bitch, but he didn’t deserve this.”
Sitting next to Birkhoff, Nikita instantly wrapped her arms around him. It was the best way she knew how to comfort him. She should also say something, yet she didn’t know what. She had never been the best at processing the kind of complex grief Birkhoff was feeling. Carla’s and Caroline’s death continued to torment her. She felt upset about losing the people she had cared about and even loved. But at the same time, they had hurt her greatly; a part of her didn’t miss them. She knew Birkhoff felt the same about his dad. Except, she didn’t know how to make the pain go away, “I know what you’re feeling; I just don’t know how to make it better for you.”
Scooting closer to Nikita, Birkhoff just nodded. She didn’t need to try so hard to comfort him. He would be alright with time. He would also be alright if he fought to be optimistic. Although Amanda had involved his father in her schemes, at least Birkhoff had finally gotten closure with him. He was able to talk to him as they hacked, and was able to express the things he had been sitting on for years. If it hadn’t been for Nikita, then Birkhoff would’ve never had that opportunity. And for that, he was grateful, “Well, at least I got to talk to him. If you hadn’t pushed me to send that message, I never would’ve had the chance.”
“I wanted to keep my promise. I’m so sorry,” Nikita squeezed Birkhoff tightly. She hadn’t wanted anything to happen to Birkhoff’s dad. Enough people had gotten hurt in that war- enough people her friends cared about had been hurt because of her. She hadn’t wanted to add to that list. But the Double was going to kill Birkhoff. If Nikita hadn’t shot him, he would’ve stabbed the hacker with the gardening tool he had picked up. She had to save her nerd, even though she had to break her promise in the process.
Again, Birkhoff nodded. He knew she had tried to keep her promise to keep his dad safe. He also knew that shooting the Double was the only way to save his life. Nikita had nothing to apologize for. Well, at least when it came to his father. For what she had done to the team three months ago, that was something she still had to atone for. Fortunately, Birkhoff had thought of a way she could do that, “You want to promise me something? Promise me you’ll take your own advice. Stop running. What you run from, you run into.”
“You never cease to amaze me, Nerd,” Smiling softly, Nikita responded. If someone had told her years ago that Seymour Birkhoff- the annoying, nerdy, super hacker from Division- would be giving her emotional advice, she would’ve died from laughter. But there he was being her rock while the whole world turned to shit around her. Birkhoff had grown, matured, and changed so much in the past few years- more so than her. He was amazing. And she was so glad that he was her friend- her family.
Resting her head on Birkhoff’s shoulder, Nikita continued to hold him tight. Birkhoff laid his head on hers and wrapped an arm around her. The two stayed like that for a brief moment, giving as much comfort as they could through touch. But soon, Nikita was on the move again. There were some calls she had to make; she had to check on Alex and Michael and thank Sam. She should also let Birkhoff call his girlfriend. Sonya, no doubt, would provide better comfort and care than Nikita ever could. Though, before she left the nerd cave, she could make one more promise, “This is not over.”
Sonya called Birkhoff almost immediately after Nikita left. He spoke with his girlfriend for a long time, and she did a fantastic job of comforting him. She knew just the right things to say to help him breathe easily again. He felt so much better after hearing her voice. When they eventually had to part, he believed he could actually get some sleep that night. Before he could, though, Nikita was back in his area of the plane. She didn’t seem to have had as good a phone call as he had. She was more worked up than she had been earlier, “I’m sorry about your dad. You were right. We shouldn’t have involved him. I should’ve listened to you. I’m sorry.”
“No. You’re not to blame. Amanda involved him first,” Birkhoff quickly shook his head. He didn’t know where that guilt had come from. Maybe something had been said during her conversation with Michael and Alex that had struck a chord with her. Whatever it was though, she shouldn’t start blaming herself for the things that had been done. Amanda was at fault for what happened to Ronald Peller; she was at fault for a lot of the problems in the rogues’ war. Not Nikita. She always tried to do the right thing, and that right thing did help the team, “At least because of you I got to talk to him again.”
Taking the seat next to Birkhoff again, Nikita didn’t say anything for a moment. She hated that her friends’ loved ones were constantly hurt because of her. She tried to protect everybody; she tried to save everybody. Yet she consistently failed. What kind of hero did that. Though, there was a chance that Ronald Peller wasn’t dead. A death of a Double couldn’t always mean the death of the original. Birkhoff could see his dad again if wanted to, “We don’t know that Amanda killed him now that his double’s gone. Maybe you can still see him again.”
That was a possibility that Birkhoff had been considering, especially since Sonya had said the same thing. Just because the Double had been killed, didn’t mean Ronald Peller had too. There was a chance that The Shop still had plans for him. He could still be rescued and returned home. And maybe Birkhoff could return home too. Though, even if he chose to do that, his family still wouldn’t be complete. In the years that he had been gone, his mother had died. That was a fact he was continuously reeling from. He had only learned about it an hour before seeing his dad’s double die, “Maybe. But not my mom. I didn’t even know she had died.”
“I’m sorry, Nerd. Really,” Nikita continued to try her best to comfort Birkhoff. Though, she was surprised that he had never checked on his family after he had run away. She understood why he might not have while he was in Division. Contacting family meant death for them and anyone else you cared about. He had also probably wanted to keep his real identity a secret; the less Amanda knew about you, the less weapons she had to tear you down. But while he had been rogue, Birkhoff could’ve looked up his family- seen how they were doing. He really had cut all ties with them after faking his death. More must’ve gone on at home than he had shared.
“I should’ve been there for my family. I shouldn’t have been so selfish and stupid,” That was a thought that had been circling around Birkhoff’s head for a minute. Once he had grieved the sudden news that his mother had died and coped with the fact that he had watched a man look just like his father die right in front of him (after he had tried to kill him) Birkhoff thought about what his siblings must’ve been feeling. They had never been close- the gap in their ages was too great. But all that death in their family must’ve gutted them. Birkhoff should’ve been there to help instead of thinking only of himself.
“You were a kid, a scared and hurt kid,” Nikita absolved Birkhoff of his actions. She knew she wasn’t the one who could do that, but it was still something he had to hear. Birkhoff shouldn’t carry that guilt. He had done what he had needed to do when he had been fifteen. Yes, Nikita had been shocked when he had first told her about faking his death. But after hearing the explanation, Nikita agreed with it. A part of her also wished that she had thought to do the same when she had started to run away; maybe then, she wouldn’t have constantly been returned to the Mears’. Birkhoff had only reacted out of fear and pain- something Nikita completely understood.
However, Birkhoff wouldn’t accept Nikita’s pardon. He was determined to keep carrying around the guilt of the things he couldn’t control. That was something else that Nikita completely understood. However, she refused to let Birkhoff fall down the same paths she had. He had to forgive himself for what he had done as a scared and hurt kid. If he didn’t, he’d end up just like Nikita. And absolutely nobody should be like her, “You know, my mom… my foster mom… she uh… she died shortly after my last runaway attempt.”
“She did?” Birkhoff was more shocked that Nikita was opening about her past than he was about the fact she had shared. The most he knew about her childhood was from what he had gleaned from the file about her that was on the black box, and from the little sardonic comments she had made. She never told him anything about foster care; he was fairly certain that she hardly told Michael and Alex anything. Birkhoff honestly couldn’t fault her for that. He understood not wanting to live through your past by telling stories. Which was why Nikita opening up to him was such a big deal. She really wanted to help him- show him that he wasn’t alone.
“Yeah. She had been sick for some time, and it had gotten really bad… really, really bad… we moved, and I finally saw a way to escape. I could run for good. I didn’t think I’d hurt her by running… I found out in Division that she had died shortly after,” Eyes focused on the ground, Nikita elaborated. Amanda had told her about Caroline during one of their sessions. It had taken her a while to realize how fucked up that was. Amanda had really put her all into making Nikita emotionally dependent on Division. Nikita wished that the bitch’s tactics hadn’t worked. But sometimes, she still followed the advice shared in those sessions.
The psychological damage done to her in Division wasn’t important at that moment, though. Nikita had to finish telling her story to Birkhoff so that he would know he wasn’t alone. He should not feel any guilt in running away from that situation. Nor should he feel guilty about not being there when his mom had died. It wasn’t on him to carry the emotional weight of his family, just like it wasn’t on Nikita to be the caretaker in hers, ”Maybe if I had stuck around, it wouldn’t have been so bad for her. She took care of me after the worst of it. I could’ve done the same. But I ran when things got hard cause that is what I’m best at.”
Birkhoff was already shaking his head before Nikita finished her story. Although the topic of her always running, especially from the team, was definitely a conversation they had to have, Nikita shouldn’t have stayed in that foster home. She shouldn’t have cared for her foster mother, and she shouldn’t have taken on all those responsibilities and burdens. She had only been a kid. She should’ve been allowed to be happy and carefree, “Nikki, from the very few things I’ve heard about your past, you absolutely should’ve run.”
“From what I’ve heard about yours, you should’ve too,” Nikita finally got to her point. If Birkhoff didn’t place all those negative things on her head, then he shouldn’t place them on his own. He had escaped a terrible situation by running away from home. Sure, he had done so using extreme measures. But when hadn’t Birkhoff been extreme. He didn’t owe his father or his siblings anything. He definitely didn’t owe them the emotional support they had never given him. He didn’t have to be there for them after his mother had died. If anything, they should’ve been there for him as he was growing up.
“It was nowhere near as bad as yours,” Birkhoff shook his head. When he had been fifteen, faking his death and running away from home had been the perfect idea. He could escape military school and pay his father back for what he had done to his pet tarantula, Lovecraft. But years later, he realized he had overreacted. That had not been the way to deal with things. Even if he had been neglected and was given some terrible punishments, he shouldn’t have acted that way. After all, his childhood wasn’t at all like Nikita’s had been; he hadn’t gone through hell and back every single day just for existing. If he had stuck around, things could’ve gotten better.
“Neglect and abuse is still neglect and abuse, B,” Nikita comfortingly rubbed Birkhoff’s arm. She always hated the belittling argument about not having it as bad as someone else. Yes, she often said it to herself when she was belittling her own feelings and experiences (something Michael had been helping her stop doing). But she couldn’t stand it when someone she cared about dismissed their hardships and emotions. There was no level of badness. If things had been bad, then they were bad- full stop. Birkhoff had still suffered as a kid, no matter how it compared to someone else’s past. He should heal from that just as Nikita should.
Birkhoff wasn’t so sure if he’d agree with Nikita. Faking his death still wasn’t the reaction he should’ve had to his childhood. Nikita, on the other hand, definitely should’ve. He guessed she technically had when she had gone rogue from Division. There were certainly some parallels between that hellhole and their fucked up home life. Maybe that was why Amanda and Percy had had such ease controlling and manipulating the agents. They hadn’t known any better, “Is that why we got so brainwashed by Division? It was just like home?”
“Michael seems to think so,” Nikita scoffed. She and Michael had had many conversations about Division and recruitment, especially when she had said that it had been the only home she had ever known. He had once made it his mission to teach her what a real home should’ve been like. But of course she had screwed that up. What she had said to Birkhoff earlier when she was trying to discover what he was hiding hadn’t been a ploy. She really did believe she messed things up on purpose because she was terrified of the unknown. She couldn’t learn better, which was something else Michael had mentioned, “He called it the cycle of abuse.”
“Well, you broke it, Nikki,” Birkhoff responded proudly. By going rogue, Nikita had proved that they were more than the abuse they had suffered. She was better than their orders; she was more than the person they forced her to be. She also showed the other agents that it was possible to break free. The rogues had learned it first; then the rest followed. They could take charge of their own fate. They could have a voice in their own lives. Everyone else tried to beat that out of them, but Nikita showed them it was possible to be free; it was possible to be happy.
“Not really. Not yet,” Nikita debated. If she had truly broken the cycle of abuse, then the war the rogues were forever stuck in never would’ve happened. Alex wouldn’t have been recruited; Ryan wouldn’t have gone to jail; Birkhoff wouldn’t have been tortured; Sonya wouldn’t have been used; Michael wouldn’t have lost his hand; Owen wouldn’t have been lost; and Sean wouldn’t have died. Nikita going rogue from Division hadn’t stopped the pain or fear. She had just perpetuated it in new ways.
A part of Birkhoff wanted to continue arguing his point; however, he knew Nikita was right. As long as the war raged on, the cycle continued. The only way to end all that pain and fear was to finally stop Amanda and destroy The Shop. They were close to doing so. At least, they hoped they were close. But once things did end, where did the rogues go. They had no home. The ones they had known were long gone. They couldn’t just pick up the pieces and go back. They were too far removed from their pasts to ever go back. Their futures were completely uncharted. Nikita was right to think that was terrifying, “We have no home to run to.”
“That’s why we make our own. Or at least we try,” Nikita attempted to be positive. The rogues could make their own futures, and they could make them as bright as possible. Though, it might not always work out. She had tried to build a future and a home with Michael, and she had blown it. She had hurt him so badly by running away that she didn’t think she could ever fix it. The war would end, but she wouldn’t have Michael back. She had broken his heart beyond her repair. And she was going to have to live with those consequences even after the team got their so-called happily ever after, “But sometimes, we’re never there for the people who need us.”
“You’re always there for me,” Nudging Nikita, Birkhoff smiled softly. Despite the fact that the two consistently annoyed one another, picked on one another, teased one another, and even bullied one another, no one had Birkhoff’s back like Nikita (except, of course, Sonya). Whenever he needed support and comfort, Nikita was there for him with a hug and a head on his shoulder. Even after he had shot Carla, she had still done everything she could to make him feel better. Birkhoff always had Nikita to rely on. She was always there.
“And you’re never selfish when I need you most. Stupid, maybe,” Copying Birkhoff’s grin, Nikita nudged him in return. He scoffed. As sarcastic and taunting and egotistical as Birkhoff could be, he was also sweet and kind and caring. When Nikita absolutely needed him to be serious, he was. He had had her back just as many times as she had had his. He wasn’t just her nerd or her friend, he was her brother. And no matter what happened in that war, she never wanted that to change, “Let’s keep being the family we never had.”
“Deal,” Birkhoff held out his pinky finger. Chuckling, Nikita hooked her pinky with his. They squeezed each other’s fingers tightly, taunted one another with a goofy expression, then roughly pulled their pinkies apart. The two instantly collapsed in laughter that seemed utterly ridiculous considering their current situation. Yet it felt so good to just be encased in joy. For a moment, there was no grief, no pain, no fear; it was just two best friends- two siblings- doing all they could to see the other smile. And maybe that was how they built their new homes. Forget their past, and even their future, just focus on being happy with each other in the present.
Chapter 94
Notes:
Set between seasons 2 and 3. The team celebrates the 4th and get into an argument over a medal.
Chapter Text
“These are our salads?” Skeptically, Alex looked at the spread of food in front of her. She had been excited to have a Fourth of July barbeque with the others- she had wanted to know what all the excitement was about- yet she was losing some of her enthusiasm then. Yes, getting away from the city, the crowds, and the fireworks by hiding out with her friends was still a fantastic idea. However, Alex didn’t know how she felt about all the traditional foods the others had bought. The mayonnaise slathered ‘salads’ in particular was what threw her off. There was no way anyone actually ate those. They looked way too slimy, and way too yellow.
Nikita couldn’t help but laugh at Alex. Honestly, it was kind of fun culture shocking Alex, especially with certain sour candies. One day, she’d have to let the young woman expose her to the Russian foods that hadn’t made it across the ocean. In the meantime, Nikita would continue weirding Alex out with very American foods, “Yep. We’ve got a regular, leafy salad; potato salad; and macaroni salad. The classics.”
“Don’t forget Snickers,” Ryan called as he entered the kitchen. There were already so many potato chip bags, veggie trays, fruit bowls, soda bottles, and cookie and brownie tins piled high in the kitchen (and there was even more food being grilled), but he had to add to it with a homemade dessert he had promised Nikita he’d make. It was difficult without his mother’s input. But it was definitely worth it when he saw the excitement on Nikita’s face.
“You actually brought it?” Ignoring Alex’s deepening confusion and disgust, Nikita bounced over to Ryan. She had mostly joked about the Snickers and apple pudding-type dessert with Ryan; it was just a weird thing they had both eaten as kids. But she was absolutely thrilled that he had made it; then, they could subject the others to the strange desert. And maybe Nikita could form some good memories around the thing.
Although Alex could admit that the Snickers salad looked more appetizing than the potato and macaroni ones, she couldn’t help but stare at it like it was some sort of alien creature. She was a firm believer of ‘don’t knock it until you try it’. But, she was absolutely going to mock those American foods even as she tried them.
Before she could say anything about the ‘salads’ then, however, Michael stuck his head back into the house they had rented for the holiday and called for her, “Hey, Alex. You wanna learn how to grill?”
“Yeah!” Excitedly, Alex hurried out of the food and drink laden kitchen. She was always looking for new things to learn how to cook. Nikita had eventually taught her how to make some vegetarian dishes, and Sean had taught her how to bake some desserts. Alex was getting pretty good around an oven and stove. What she hadn’t quite mastered, however, was anything with too much flame; she was prone to burning, and a little bit of fire. Under Michael’s guidance, though, maybe she could finally figure it out.
Michael mostly taught Alex how to flip and mind the burgers and hot dogs on the grill. He showed her how to adjust the heat and the propane, and how to turn it on and off; however, he didn’t let her touch them. Even Alex agreed that was for the best.
The two stood around the grill for a while, aimlessly talking and cooking. Eventually, Nikita joined them outside with a plate full of veggie burgers. Michael glanced at her skeptically, “That enough veggie burgers?”
“I can share,” Nikita smirked, then plopped the food on the grill. They were making enough food for a feast (and some leftovers). She figured some people might want to eat her burgers as well as the regular ones. She knew at least Alex wanted to try one, and Michael would eat anything she asked him to. The team could have some variety in their choices. Even if some of them (Birkhoff) were pretty predictable eaters.
Although Michael scoffed at his girlfriend- like she would ever share food- he complied with her wishes to make that much veggie burgers. Nikita continued to stay outside with Alex and Michael, joining their conversations and helping to grill. They were having a fun and relaxing time until a booming firework sounded in the distance. All three tensed at the sound, but Michael was particularly put on edge. He couldn’t calm back down even after realizing there was no threat. Gently, Nikita patted his back, kissed his cheek, and gave him an excuse to go inside, “Why don’t you go check on the corn. We got this.”
Nodding silently, Michael stiffly moved inside. Nikita wasn’t sure if he comprehended the fact that she had asked him to check on the corn on the cob boiling on the stove, but she was certain Sean would help him once he saw him. She ensured her boyfriend was alright, then she returned her attention to the grill. She had thought Alex would’ve been focused on the grill too, yet she was still trying to look inside the house. It didn’t take Nikita long to figure out why. She smirked and nudged her best friend, “I’m sure Sean’s fine too.”
“I was checking on Michael,” Alex rolled her eyes. Okay, she could admit that a part of her was trying to see if Sean was okay. With the team’s horrific histories, fireworks were not their friends, especially the two Navy men who had lost loved ones to explosions. Although they knew the difference between fireworks, gunshots, and explosions, the sounds were close enough to set them on edge. None of them wanted panic attacks that night; that was why they had gotten away from the city. Unfortunately, they hadn’t gotten far enough away. Hopefully, though, there were other ways to battle the sound and their nerves, “You think if we play loud music…”
“We’ll be fine,” Nikita promised with a small smile. Their distance and loud noises would drown out the fireworks. And if not, then the friends could calm each other down. The one good thing about everyone on the team being traumatized by guns and bombs was that they could help each other process their trauma. They all had tips and tricks that’d help each other. And they completely understood one another. The team of former rogues would make it through the holiday just fine.
By the time the women came back inside with trays full of burgers and hot dogs (they had Michael turn off the grill, and he was glad they did), everything was ready for the friends to sit, eat, and joke around. They gathered around the table with full plastic cups and paper plates, and excitedly talked over the music they had blasting over the speakers. There was no importance to their conversation. The friends simply shared the first things on their minds. That led to a lot of laughs and just as many eye rolls.
At some point, Sean noticed the cheap looking medal Birkhoff had around his neck. He couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of it and snark, “Whatcha got there? A medal of honor?”
“What? Oh, no. I was playing around with my new 3D printer. A medallion seemed like the easiest thing,” Birkhoff shrugged off Sean’s attempt at a joke. The hacker had gotten a 3D printer for Division and had been messing around with the functions and settings. The best he had made so far was some sort of medallion that Sonya had said would look good on a ribbon (he had tried to invite her to the barbeque, but she hadn’t wanted to celebrate the holiday). Of course Birkhoff had taken her advice and had thrown it around his neck. He was extremely proud of his creation and boastfully showed it off, “Looks pretty good, don’t you think?”
Without much thought, and with a side glance to Alex, Sean reached over and stole the medal from around Birkhoff’s neck. He had it around his own neck before the hacker could even react, and he showed off his prize proudly, “Yeah it does, Thanks for the honor, B.”
“Uh, no. If anyone’s getting an award, it’s me,” Ignoring the others’ laughter, Birkhoff tried to take back the medal. He hadn’t made it to reward himself. However, he would definitely take an award for what he had gone through during their war against Division. They were still in their ending phase- cleaning up the godawful place before they could be free. But Birkhoff would accept his prize then. It was, after all, well-deserved.
“Why should you be getting an award?” Alex pushed Birkhoff away from Sean. Yes, the whole team deserved awards for their service. But that was manifesting as pardons and real identities. A medal was a ridiculous trinket that none of them needed to know that they had saved the world. Though, Alex had to admit, Sean did look good with it on- almost as good as when he wore his decorated uniform.
“Cause I had to deal with the odd couple for a decade,” Birkhoff ripped Alex from her train of thought by once again complaining about Michael and Nikita. He had more or less got his complaints out about living with the couple and feeling like an awkward third wheel at times. However, he would always taunt the two for how they had acted in Division. The drama and pinning and unsaid feelings had been unbearable to witness. Especially since they pretended that none of that had been going on.
“It hasn’t been a decade,” For some reason, Nikita just debated that point. There were far better ways she could’ve shut Birkhoff up, yet she was hung up on that fact. She and Michael hadn’t been insufferable for that long. They had somewhat gotten their shit together before it had become too long. Didn’t that count for something.
“I still had to put up with the most during your crusade. I need some kind of reward,” Rolling his eyes, Birkhoff amended. However, the instant the sentence left his mouth, he regretted it. He had gone through a lot, but it was by no means the most. That title was definitely held by someone else.
The whole table erupted in arguments against Birkhoff’s statement- there was even a slice of a tomato thrown at him (by Nikita). Alex’s argument was the loudest and- objectively- the most correct, “Oh, you went through the most? Bullshit.”
“That’s right. Alex should deserve the medal. She deserves everything,” Gently placing the medal around Alex’s neck, Sean smiled at her. Her irritation with Birkhoff immediately dropped. She smiled back at Sean and leaned in her chair closer to him. That would’ve been the perfect moment for them to kiss; his hands were still brushing the skin on her neck, after all. If only it weren’t for their friends around them. Their snide comments quickly burst their bubble.
“Of course you would say that,” Michael nudged Sean with his foot under the table. Alex and Sean jerked away from each other, unable to hide their blushes as they returned to their food and drinks. The team, in turn, were unable to hide their snickers.
“Well, I think that the medal should go to the sexiest and most badass agent,” Composing herself first, Nikita expertly snatched the medal from Alex. Everyone rolled their eyes and jeered as they thought that the former rogue meant herself. Except, she surprised everyone by placing the medal around Michael’s neck. Nikita beamed at her boyfriend, and he kissed her sweetly. More eye rolls and jeers rose around the table.
“Gross,” Alex and Birkhoff were the loudest and most articulate with their playful disgust with the couple. But having dealt with their comments for years, Nikita and Michael were able to ignore them easily.
“Shouldn’t it go to you then?” After another loving kiss, Michael passed the medal to his girlfriend. The couple was far better at ignoring their friends as they had a sweet, adorable moment. They continued to kiss and touch one another like no one else existed.
“Gross!” Alex and Birkhoff threw napkins and crumbs that time to break Nikita and Michael apart. When food eventually hit her cheek, Nikita was quick to retaliate. Michael hastily stepped in before a food fight could break out. As much fun as that would be, no one wanted to spend their time cleaning. And no one wanted to be responsible for messing up a rental home.
When things finally calmed down and laughter quieted, Ryan couldn’t stop himself from starting things up again by stating who he thought the medal should belong to- besides the person who had created it, “The medal should go to the person who started this all.”
“That’s right,” Nikita proudly showed off the 3D printed medal sitting awkwardly on her chest. She was the reason they were all there, so she absolutely deserved a shiny award. Though, she’d prefer one better than the crude practice medallion Birkhoff had made.
“Alex,” Smirking, Ryan completed his thought. Although it was true that Nikita was the original rogue, she wasn’t why they were all there. Alexandra Udinov was.
“What?” Nikita shrieked in shock. The table erupted in laughter once more. Yet Nikita’s focus wasn’t on her friends, or even her boyfriend. She was narrowed in on the analyst and his wild and untruthful claim.
“If it wasn’t for Alex, you would’ve never gone rogue,” Ryan argued. He had said somewhat the same thing to Percy once. But he didn’t need to revisit that conversation ever again. All he had to do was point out that Operation Pale Fire had made Nikita who she was. And, by extension, it made the rest of the team who they were. The crusade hadn’t started when Nikita ran away from Division. It started the first time she ever disobeyed orders.
Laughing triumphantly, Alex reached to take back the medal. Nikita was too stunned to stop her; the young woman was able to get exactly what she wanted, “Damn right. Gimme that.”
“Still going to the sexiest and most badass agent,” As Alex put the medal back on, Sean muttered just to her. Well, he had wanted his flirt to only be heard by her. Unfortunately, he wasn’t as quiet as he had thought. The whole table heard what he said. And the jokes and snickers started instantly.
“Gross,” Nikita and Birkhoff echoed one another. Alex attempted to kick both of them in the shins. However, Nikita easily read her movements and moved out of the way. Only Birkhoff was struck. To pay Alex back, he glared at her and ripped the medal away, “I can’t let you have this. Not after that. I’ve suffered enough.”
“It wasn’t easy living with you either,” Michael huffed. The team should just agree that they were lucky to not live together anymore. Although it was perfect operation wise, living wise not so much. It was best for their friendships if they separated and took breaks from one another every once and a while. Too much of each other definitely got on their nerves. It was a wonder they never killed each other during their crusade. Though, there had been some close calls.
“If we’re going with suffering because of where we lived, I think I deserve the medal,” Ryan argued, yet he didn’t reach for the medal. Others on the team had been locked in prison and had been trapped in Division before, after all. Though, none of them had been locked in a cell with Percy. Ryan had them beat there.
Although arguments could be made about suffering in prison, Division, and safehouses, no one could say they lived worse than in a cell with Percy- at least throughout the duration of the war against Division (before was a different story). Maybe Ryan should’ve gotten the medal. Except, Birkhoff held tightly to it. He still claimed that since he had made it, he should keep it. The 3D printed medallion showed off his incredible talents, after all. He deserved to flaunt it, “You know what, I made this, and I deserve this for all my impeccable work. I’m keeping it.”
With plates empty and stomachs full, the fight for the medal had died out of everyone. They should simply return to easy conversations they didn’t have to think too much about. However, glancing at the crudely made medallion around Birkhoff’s neck, Nikita had to get one more quip in, just for her own satisfaction, “You look like a jackass.”
“And you are a jackass,” Birkhoff fired back instantly. All it took for Nikita to glare at him for him to want to take back his words. He prepared his shins for another kick.
“I don’t think anyone should have this,” Fortunately, Birkhoff was saved from further harassment by Michael. He took the medal and tossed it onto the table. No one should wear it; it should just be decoration. However, finally looking at it closely, Michael realized how rough of a first draft Birkhoff’s use of the 3D printer was. The hacker definitely had to mess around with the technology more before he could even become somewhat proficient with it, “Man, you should absolutely practice with that 3D printer.”
“Then we can all have one,” Alex excitedly brought up her original idea. Only Sean and Ryan backed her up. Michael and Nikita made jokes about if everyone was special no one was. They obviously didn’t put much weight into the saying. Yet it was fun to tease Alex with it.
“Don’t bring that commie shit in here; it’s our independence day,” Birkhoff joked without thinking. Again, the second the sentence left his mouth, he regretted it. However, no arguments followed that time. Laughter erupted around the table, especially from Alex. Birkhoff continued to feel awful for his comment, even though he laughed with his friends, so he passed the Russian his brownie as a peace offering. She split it in two and shared it with him.
The team’s laughter was soon cut short by the sound of fireworks breaking through their defenses. It was a vibrant set of explosions that was no doubt igniting the sky in beautiful colors. But the sounds left the rogues, agents, and soldiers shaken. Hands fell on each other comfortingly, and they all scooted closer together. When the sounds had died out, their ears couldn’t stop ringing and their hearts couldn’t stop racing. They needed more reassurance and comfort that it was all okay- that they were safe and sound and that there were no guns or bombs after them. After a long moment, Nikita finally had a suggestion, “Movie time?”
“Nothing with explosions,” Sean immediately suggested as he got up to clear his plate from the table. No one objected to the idea. Action movies were off the table.
“I’m not watching one of those chick flicks,” Clearing from the table as well, Birkhoff said ‘no’ to the idea before Nikita and Alex could suggest. Although they whined, they accepted the demand. The friends should watch something they all wanted to. Also, the women didn’t want to hear Birkhoff annoyingly make fun of a movie.
“I feel like I don’t need to say this, but no horror or suspense or whatever,” Michael stated the obvious once he cleaned up his area of the table. If the team couldn’t do bullets and explosions, then they certainly couldn’t do blood and gore. They shouldn’t do anything to make their anxiety worse. Which meant that they often avoided the horror genre.
“How about a documentary?” Throwing away his empty plate and cup, Ryan threw out an idea. It was immediately rejected, and not in a nice way. He rolled his eyes at all the taunts and name calling, “Fine then.”
“Kids’ movie?” Alex followed the other’s example of cleaning her section of the table. The friends didn’t have to watch a kids movie specifically. But one of those lighthearted or even stupid comedies that didn’t require much thought seemed perfect for them at the moment. They could continue laughing and continue having the fun that cleared away their panic.
“I’ve got the perfect idea,” The last to clear the table, and the first to start on cleaning the kitchen, Nikita beamed. She knew a great, simple comedy that was perfect for the group of friends. It was something she was certain most of them had seen before, so they could laugh and make jokes easily. They could also ignore the movie for a second to just talk and hang out. That was the kind of night they needed now that their crusade was over. The team of former rogues needed simple and sweet and perfect and each other. That was the best way to battle their lingering anxieties. And the best kind of award.
Chapter 95
Notes:
A pre-series AU. What if Nikita had gotten seriously hurt when she had attacked and burned down that brothel.
Chapter Text
Nikita had nowhere else to go. She couldn’t escape to her hideout. She knew she’d die if she tried to return there on her own without help. The blood spilling out of her abdomen was too great for her to contain on her own. She was going to bleed out and die alone in a dirty alley like the trash she was unless she sought help. Yet she had no help. There was no one left for her to run to. Everyone she had had in her life had been taken away from her. She was left all alone- and she was left dying. It hadn’t been some tragic twist of fate that had left her there. She was always destined to end up alone, scared, and cast aside.
Maybe she should just try her luck at a hospital. There was a chance that she wouldn’t wake after surgery, though. As soon as Division knew she had checked herself into a hospital, they’d never let her check out. The police would get a report of her injuries (hospitals had to report life threatening knife wounds), they’d question her, possibly detain her, and Division would show up and kill her. Although a hospital would easily save her, all their paperwork and reporting would be the death of her. She’d have to go into the emergency room with a cover story and escape plan already at hand if she wanted to survive. Yet she couldn’t come up with one.
All the blood seeping out of her abdomen made her head spin.
She couldn’t create a solution to get her out of that mess. She had hit a deadend, and there was no way to save herself. She should just give up. Instead of struggling through the streets of New York in the middle of the night, she should just drop to her knees and do what everyone believed she would always do. She couldn’t survive on her own, so why even try. She was losing too much blood to put up any fight. She couldn’t think. She could barely breathe. It would be so easy to collapse in an alley and let it all stop. It wouldn’t be long before it ended. Just a few more minutes of agony, then finally peace.
Nikita had just made up her mind to stop, when she noticed what building she had stumbled towards. It looked familiar. However, it took her another moment to remember why. Either it was just a coincidence that she was there. Or, her subconscious had led her right to his doorstep. She couldn’t decide which was true. And it honestly didn’t matter anyway. She had found a possible salvation. And maybe proof that she wasn’t as alone as she had believed.
The only thoughts in her head prompted her to break into the building and find the door to his apartment. She had enough presence of mind to break in through the back door and avoid the cameras in the lobby and elevator. But after climbing the stairs to his door, she couldn’t do anything more. Breathing and walking and thinking was too much. Her body moved of its own accord. She was soon outside his door, trailing blood and ready to drop. She couldn’t even knock. The best she could do was slam her body against the door and pray.
It wasn’t clear how long Nikita waited for a response. She felt as though it had been an hour. But, in reality, it could’ve only been a couple of seconds. She lost all sense of what was occurring a few ounces of blood ago. She could barely feel the blood pouring into her arms as she held her abdomen. She simply gasped for breath and fought to stay on her feet. The latter was getting harder and harder by the second. Fortunately, she didn’t have to fight much longer. The door threw open, and Michael gaped at her from the doorway, “Nikita… what…”
“I didn’t know where else to go,” Canting forward, Nikita hardly explained herself. She didn’t even have an explanation for herself as to why she had shown up at Michael’s Division controlled apartment. It was almost instinctual. Despite the danger, she had to go to him. He’d keep her safe. He’d save her.
All Michael could do was stammer at Nikita for a moment, however. When he had heard something hit his door in the middle of the night, the last thing he suspected was to find Nikita close to death on his doorstep. She was so pale. Her breath was ragged and short. She was barely standing with her weight pressed against the frame. More blood that should’ve been possible was pouring out of her abdomen. And her bronze, glowing skin was so pale. Michael paled as well as he looked at her. It took him a moment to think. But once he was able to again, he quickly pulled Nikita into his arms. “Okay… come on. I got you.”
Michael had to support the entirety of Nikita’s deadweight as she shuffled her feet towards the couch. It probably would’ve been easier if he had just carried her. Yet he didn’t know the extent of her injuries; he didn’t want to make anything worse. He also couldn’t think clearly. There was no rational thought crossing his mind. He simply helped Nikita lay on the couch, then he rushed into action.
He closed and locked his door, grabbed his medkit, and dropped in front of Nikita. Her brown eyes had slipped closed, and her chest hitched with each rapid, shallow breath. Her hands continued to hold her abdomen, hardly able to stop the flow of blood. Michael had to fight with her to be able to move her hands and assess the wounds. She wouldn’t let go. He wasn’t entirely sure if she was conscious of that or not. She hardly seemed there with him. When he was finally able to see her injury, he undoubtedly understood why. He did his best not to gasp in horror at the sight of it, “What happened?”
“I tried… I tried…” Nikita tried to speak. The words barely came out; they were too choked by her haggard breath. She didn’t attempt to force herself to respond. She let the words die out, and focused instead on keeping the blood inside her weak, cold body.
Not wanting to move Nikita too much, Michael cut away the clothes obscuring his access to her wound. Getting a better look at the bloody mess only made things worse, however. Whatever had cut her- no way it was just a standard run-of-the-mill knife- had left a horror scene in its wake. Nikita’s guts were practically spilling out of her along with her blood. It was a miracle she had managed to make it to his doorstep. She should’ve been dead already. It was going to take more than what was in Michael’s med kit to heal her. If she even survived the operation that was.
Michael attempted to not think so negatively. His only focus should’ve been on repairing the damage and closing the wound. Yet seeing Nikita so hurt after not knowing if she was alive for months shook Michael’s hands. He had to get himself under control. He couldn’t save her if he panicked. But how else was he supposed to react to the shock. It was all too much in such a short amount of time. He couldn’t get a handle on himself.
Nikita’s breath shallowing helped snap Michael out of it. No matter what he was feeling, he couldn’t let Nikita die. So, he began to clean her wound and ignored the groans of pain the disinfectant caused. There were less than he thought there would’ve been. Either she was experiencing too much pain in her abdomen to truly notice, or she was beginning to grow dumb. One glance at her face, Michael was leaning for the latter. Nikita was slipping away from him. He had to keep her right there with him, “You tried what?”
Maybe it would’ve been better if Michael had let Nikita lose consciousness. He could operate on her without her screaming or tensing. However, he was afraid that once she lost consciousness, she’d never regain it. Her wound was that bad, and judging by how pale she was, so was her blood loss. She had gone through hell and back just trying to get help. What kind of hell, Michael could only assume based on how close she was to death, “Division? Did you try to attack Division on your own?”
The barest of head shakes responded to Michael’s question. He moved on then, desperately seeing what he could do to repair the damage. He had to recall not only on his emergency medical training, but also on the operations he had seen in Medical. He didn’t have nearly the same equipment or medicines. But he could make it work. Nikita was fighting to respond to him, after all. If she wouldn’t slip away so easily, then he wouldn’t give up so easily.
It remained silent for a long moment- besides her gasps for breath and groans of pain- as she struggled to speak and he struggled to heal her. Eventually, she managed to grit out a word that somewhat explained what had happened. Now that she had a chance to survive, she was going to cling tightly to life. Or, more simply, she was going to cling to Michael and his anxiety-filled questions, “Russians…”
“What were you doing fighting the Russian mob?” Michael knew he wouldn’t receive an answer to that question then. It was too complex for Nikita to even think about. But, hopefully, if her mind was running with the idea, and she was still fighting to talk, then she’d stay conscious. He wouldn’t lose her on his couch as he tried to save her from the brink of death.
“Al…” Nikita’s one reason for doing anything burned on the tip of her tongue. But Michael did something as he operated on her that made her scream in agony. All thoughts and words left her as she was lost to the debilitating pain. She just screamed until the breath in her lungs was completely spent.
Her scream stopped Michael’s heart. He was only trying to stop her bleeding; the last thing he had wanted was for her to scream. Yet, he soon realized that no matter what he did, she was going to succumb to her pain sooner or later. The wound was too great for her to keep fighting. She had to lose consciousness eventually. Although he hadn’t wanted her to slip away, he should think of it as a good thing. If she wasn’t conscious, then her hands weren’t getting in the way. And if she wasn’t conscious, then she wasn’t screaming. He could operate on her in peace. He could save her without worrying too much about her.
That second statement was a lie, though. Every few seconds, Michael checked Nikita’s pulse to ensure that she was still alive. He couldn’t stop worrying about her as he patched her up the best that he could. With her blood loss and injury, what he did might not have been enough. She could slip away easily even after the bleeding had stopped. His eyes had to be on her at all times. Michael couldn’t let Nikita slip away from him again. She needed to stay right there for as long as possible.
In his Division controlled apartment, maybe that wasn’t the best idea. Someone was going to discover that she was there, and all his efforts to save her would have been for nothing. As the head of agents, Michael did have more freedoms than the rest of Division. He wasn’t constantly surveyed, and his motives weren’t as harshly questioned. There was a chance that Nikita could remain undetected in his apartment for a few days. It wasn’t a risk he should chance. But, as Nikita had said, there was nowhere else for her to go. She had to remain right there if he was going to keep her alive.
And Michael was so determined to not have Nikita leave. He didn’t allow himself to ponder why exactly that was. He simply used that dedication to fuel his actions. He patched her up, cleaned up all the medical supplies and blood in and out of his apartment, and took care of Nikita as best he could.
Her clothes were ruined, so he swapped her shirt and pants for some of his. He was extremely gentle as he dressed her, and as he cleaned the blood and soot off the rest of her body (only then did he realize she was wearing Daniel’s engagement ring on her finger, and he took extra care to clean it of blood). There was no other injury besides the one on her abdomen. The blood covering her either came just from that, or it had belonged to someone else. Michael desperately needed to know what had happened to Nikita. But she wouldn’t be able to talk to him for a long time. He was left thinking the worst over and over again.
Leaving Nikita’s side to go to Division was out of the question. Sure, he could leave her for short bursts to clean or rest. But he could not take his eyes off her for long. He feared once he did, her chest would stop raising and falling. Also, there was no way he could focus on anything besides her. And in Division where there were prying eyes everywhere, that was a terrible idea. He had to call in sick in order to give himself a passable excuse for why he would be missing for a few days. He was so very lucky that a flu was going around the bunker. He could feign that he had caught it, and he was free to stay in his apartment.
He let Nikita take the bed, however. After cleaning and dressing her, he gently moved him to the comfort of his bed. He tucked her under the covers to keep her warm, and checked her pulse for the umpteenth time. It was weak, but still beating. She was still fighting.
It took Nikita another day or so to gain consciousness, however. In the meantime, Michael changed her bandages and hovered over her. He didn’t have any medications to give her, so he didn’t doubt that she was extremely weak and in so much pain. It was probably another miracle that she had managed to wake up at all. Yet when she did, and when she glanced at him with her sparkling brown eyes, he couldn’t help but sigh in relief. He almost smiled as well. However the fear and pain that quickly etched across Nikita’s features stopped it.
Once she realized she was staring at Michael- at Division- Nikita attempted to escape the bed. Her muscles didn’t follow her orders like she had wanted them too. She stumbled with the covers and with the baggy clothing. The intense pain in her abdomen also slowed her down. She couldn’t escape. Before the panic could completely overwhelm her, though, Michael gently laid her back down. He was soft and soothing, and he even grinned reassuringly. Seeing Michael’s face light up like that finally settled Nikita down. It was okay. She was safe, “Easy. Easy. You’re alright. You’re alright, Nikita.”
Nikita slowly relaxed against the pillows and attempted to find a comfortable position that would suit the pain in her abdomen. Michael helped with that as well. That was when Nikita noticed that her clothing had been changed. She still had her bra and underwear on (despite the filth, Michael hadn’t been able to bring himself to completely undress her) yet her pants and shirt had been removed. Another strike of anxiety boiled in her chest. However, Michael quickly dispelled it with another smile and a quip, “I had to take off your shirt to get to the wound. And your pants were way too bloody to have on my nice clean sheets.”
Honestly, Nikita was more confused about Michael’s joke than where she was or what she was wearing. She glanced at him in bewilderment, attempting to understand him with a very clouded mind. Michael didn’t really elaborate, though. He simply handed her a bottle of water and instructed, “Drink. Slowly. You’ve been out for a while.”
Actually following instructions, Nikita sipped at the water. Later, Michael would have to give her something to eat- probably broth or crackers or anything light. But for the meantime, the water was revitalizing on its own. Nikita was able to clear some of the fog in her mind and wake herself further. She was also able to clear her throat and voice her gratitude for everything that Michael had done for her, “Thank you.”
Michael at least waited until after Nikita had finished sipping some water before he asked the question that had been plaguing him for so long. There had to be a reason she showed up on his doorstep half-dead. There was some explanation for why she had been gutted and covered in other people’s blood and soot. She hadn’t just run away to some island paradise when she had escaped Division months ago. She was still active. She was still fighting. And she was still getting into trouble. Michael didn’t get it. All she had wanted was to be free- specifically with Daniel. So why was she back to the same old shit she had left, “What happened?”
Sighing, Nikita knew that she had to give Michael an explanation. She couldn’t just slip away once she was strong enough. She had crossed a line by asking him for help while Division was hunting her. Michael risked everything to bring her back from the dead. She couldn’t ice him out and pretend like nothing happened. That wouldn’t be fair. On the other hand, Nikita couldn’t tell him everything. It was more than just her life on the line. She might’ve been okay risking herself, but never the other person, “I got into trouble with the Russian mob.”
“I can see that. What happened?” Sternly, Michael asked again. Half answers weren’t going to cut it for that conversation. Nikita had to explain herself in as many details as possible. Consider it a payment for his services; he took care of her, and she told him what she had been doing since going rogue.
“I was completing a mission,” Nikita kept it vague. Again, she was aware that it wasn’t fair. But Michael couldn’t know who she was saving or why. Nikita had struggled to remove Division’s target from the potential victim the first time. If Division found out they were still alive, that second target would be so much harder to fight against. Especially since the person was all alone. Nikita couldn’t have them get hurt. She had failed to keep them safe, but not anymore. She was going to keep fighting to ensure that person didn’t end up like her. She couldn’t fail them again.
“A mission? For who?” Michael could already feel his patience waning. While she had been fighting to stay conscious during the operation, she had almost told him who she was helping. But since she was fully alert, Nikita was back to her stubborn self. She wouldn’t admit anything; she wouldn’t budge. Apparently, him saving her hadn’t been enough for her to completely trust him. He had burnt that bridge during the Daniel situation, and she refused to build it back with him.
“I should go,” Shifting slightly on the bed- on Michael’s bed- Nikita attempted to leave. If she couldn’t admit the truth, then maybe she shouldn’t be there anymore. She wasn’t the only one in danger by being in Michael’s apartment, after all. By saving her, he had made himself an enemy of Division as well. She had to go before he began to be hunted like she was. He still needed Division’s resources to avenge his family. Nikita couldn’t be the reason he didn’t have that anymore. Michael needed to stay on his mission, just as she needed to stay on hers.
Immediately pushing Nikita back down against the pillow, Michael blocked her path to the door. No. She didn’t get to cut and run when things got difficult. She had to stay and face the consequences of her actions. She had gone to him for help, which meant she had to explain herself. He wasn’t going to let her go without any answers. He didn’t go through emotional hell watching her almost die on his couch for her to leave without a word. They needed to talk. She owed him the truth, “No. You don’t get to show up on my doorstep half-dead and then not say anything. What the fuck happened?”
Biting her lip, Nikita fought the shout that burned in her throat. Her abdomen was screaming, yet she refused to call out in pain. She was going to battle the agony just as she would battle Michael’s demand for information. She wouldn’t cave so easily. She wouldn’t stop protecting who needed to be saved, “I raided and burned down a sex trafficking ring run by the Russian mob. One of the bastards tried to gut me before I slit his throat.”
“What do you mean tried to gut you? He succeeded,” Michael shot back instantly. Although a part of him was incredibly proud of Nikita for taking on a criminal organization and burning it to the ground, he couldn’t just forget the fact that her actions had almost gotten her killed. What had she been thinking. Since she was a rogue agent, was she trying to become a vigilante. That was pure insanity. She was just running from one death sentence to the next, like her suicide mission after Daniel’s death wasn’t over yet, “What were you even doing at that brothel? What were you trying to do?”
She had been trying to save someone who should’ve never been in that brothel. Nikita had thought she had saved the person years ago, but when she had checked on them, she had been proven wrong. All Nikita had wanted to do was prove to herself that she wasn’t what Division had made her. She wanted to prove to herself that she was more than a monster that should drown herself in drugs. So, she went looking for the one thing she had done right. She went looking for the one girl she had saved so she’d never end up like her.
Yet Nikita had failed. That girl was just like her. The man Nikita had trusted her with had sold her to sex traffickers. And now, that girl was addicted to drugs and had been abused in all the worst ways. Just like Nikita. The rogue didn’t save her. She had led her down the horrific path she herself constantly tried to escape. She really was Division’s star monster. Nothing she could do would change that.
But at least she could use those monstrous ways to burn those who dared to hurt little girls. She hunted down the traffickers that had bought the girl and destroyed their entire world. Nikita had hoped to find the girl in the process, but she was long gone. Apparently, she had escaped and had tried to scratch out her captive’s eye in the process. Nikita felt a twinge of pride at that fact. Maybe it wasn’t too late to save the girl. She was obviously still fighting. Maybe Nikita could then save her from the streets, get her clean, and ensure she didn’t end up in Division like she had.
Until she could, however, Nikita had to heal from her injuries, and relish in the fact that she had slit the head sex trafficker’s throat and left him to bleed to death in the flames of his business. That was a victory that could keep her going- could fuel her desire to fight.
Yet it wouldn’t give her the push to tell Michael the whole truth. Nikita needed to keep him in the dark for his own good, even if it remained completely unfair, “I was just completing a mission. It doesn’t matter.”
“It does fucking matter! Nikita, you almost died,” The crack in Michael’s voice forced Nikita to study him closely. There looked to be tears swimming in his evergreen eyes. Yet he refused to let any fall. Instead, they choked his voice as he desperately questioned her, “Why are you even here? You’re not supposed to be here. You were free. You had gotten out. You were gone. What the hell are you doing back?”
Nikita never should’ve involved Michael. If she had known how distraught he’d be- how torn up inside he’d get- she never would’ve shown up at his door. He hadn’t deserved to have seen her like that. He had done nothing wrong to have seen her almost die. She shouldn’t have dragged him through the emotional ringer like that. And she shouldn’t have kept hiding the truth from him. She should save him from further harm and tears by leaving his life again, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have involved you. I should go.”
Once again, Michael instantly shoved Nikita back down on the bed. He was more gentle than he was before; however, his actions were stern. He still had more questions for the rogue. Since she refused to answer why she had been fighting the Russians, then maybe she’d tell him why she was at his apartment. There was a reason she had knocked on his door instead of anyone else’s. She had claimed that it was because she didn’t have anywhere else to go. But it had to have been more than that. She was suffering on the streets outside Division, and there had to be a reason why, “Why don’t you have anywhere else to go?”
“I don’t know, Michael. Why the fuck don’t I?” Nikita snapped violently. Michael knew damn well why she didn’t have anywhere to run to. Division had killed her, had molded her into a weapon- into a monster- killed the one person in her life who had ever loved her and who had never abandoned her, and then they had torn her heart to shreds and had thrown her to the wolves. Division destroyed her and her life. She was nothing because of them. Of course she had nowhere to run. She was a ghost even though she was free.
Michael stared at Nikita for a long moment. It had been her decision to go rogue. She had been the one to fake her death, cut out her tracker, and go on the run. No one had forced her to burn all her bridges and cut all her ties. No one had forced her to become suicidal. As he continued to study Nikita, his eyes drifted to Daniel’s engagement ring. Months after his death, she continued to wear it; she continued to cling to him. Although Michael couldn’t fault her for that, rage swelled in his chest. Was she really going to risk her life for revenge. Didn’t she know better than that, “Was this mission about revenge? Are you seriously going after Division?”
“Oh get fucking off it, Michael. You’re in it for revenge too,” Nikita huffed. She knew full-well that Michael was only in Division to kill the man who had killed his family. He wasn’t a recruit; he wasn’t a patriot. He was a devastated man who just wanted peace. If he thought he could achieve peace through revenge, then why couldn’t she. If he could kill Kasim Tariq for what he had done to his wife and daughter, then why couldn’t she slit the throats of vile men who had hurt and abused girls. It was the same bloody revenge and twisted sense of justice. None of them was better than the other.
Rage continued to simmer in Michael’s chest. Nikita couldn’t compare her experience with his. Yes, she had lost someone she had lost. But her life with Daniel wasn’t hers. She was living as the cover identity Division had created for her. He had warned her not to get emotionally attached, yet she had fallen head over heels. She had been so swept up in the lie that she hadn’t been able to see the truth. She hadn’t lost all she was, just a part. So she didn’t have to keep throwing her life away and nearly killing herself, “That wasn’t your life. It was your cover.”
“It was my damn life, and you fucking know it!” Nikita shot upright in the bed and punched Michael as hard as she could. Despite the pain in her abdomen and her weak muscles, she managed to land a solid hit to his jaw. How dare he fucking say that to her. She had loved Daniel with all her heart, her Division cover be damned. She had been prepared to run away with her fiancé and finally live happily ever after. That absolutely was her life. And Division had stolen it again because they had seen her as nothing but their tool to use and abuse.
“So now you’re gonna throw your life away?” Massaging his sore jaw, Michael snapped just as furiously. Just because Nikita had lost everything didn’t mean she could keep throwing herself into suicide missions. Having her heart broken wasn’t enough to let herself get killed. She had to keep living and fighting and doing all the things she did best. One death shouldn’t have been the thing that destroyed her. Losing her heart wasn’t enough justification for losing her life.
“I don’t need to explain anything to you,” Nikita shot to her feet and seethed. The instant she was standing, she regretted it. She felt faint and dizzy and about to lose consciousness again. However, she fought the feeling to glare at Michael and stand her ground. He couldn’t shout at her for losing it after Daniel died when she knew he had lost it after losing Hayley and Elizabeth. They were the exact same. Their lives were equal. If he threw his life away, so did she. Their pain was etched deep into their bones, interwoven with the very breath they took. Neither could be completely separated from it. They both lived and died by it.
“Yes you fucking do,” Michael harshly shoved Nikita back onto the bed. When she hit the mattress, the glare that had been etched across her features instantly disappeared. Sharp, searing pain erupted in her body. She fought to contain her shout and even her wince; she fought to show that she was still so strong and capable. But biting her lip, tensing her muscles, and squeezing her eyes so tight she saw stars didn’t help the pain. The agony continued to rip through her, unrelenting and unforgiving.
Until Michael touched her.
Quickly realizing that he had fucked up by pushing her, he reached to soothe her. Michael dropped to the side of the bed and gently eased Nikita’s tight muscles. He helped her take in slow, steady breaths, and he got her to drink more water. Soon, the color returned to her cheeks (though not enough to cover how pale she still was) and she was able to relax. Her eyes remained closed, however. Michael assumed it was so she wouldn’t shed the tears that had formed. It would’ve been okay if she did. He’d completely understand.
Especially when he lifted her shirt- his shirt- to examine her bandage. In all the movements and harshness, a few stitches had popped and blood soaked the bandage. Michael needed to redress Nikita’s wound. He glanced at her for permission first. Of course she gave it. Despite everything between them, she trusted him. He wouldn’t hurt her.
Michael tried not to hurt Nikita or make her uncomfortable as he recleaned, restitched, and redressed her wound. His touch remained soft and gentle. She was much more at ease as he took care of her that time. She did continue to try to take over and help, not completely able to lie still and accept care. But he was able to brush her hands aside easily. He had her well taken care of. If she continued to rest, she would be okay. She wasn’t on death’s door anymore. She could continue to live and fight and do whatever the hell she had been doing out there.
The thing that had almost gotten her killed.
If Nikita hadn’t shown up on Michael’s doorstep, she would’ve bled out and died in some alleyway- probably even trying to save herself, but failing tragically. He was so lucky- she was so lucky- to have found his apartment and barged in. Though, with Division after her, it was a bad idea; she was jumping from the frying pan into the fire. But she deemed the risk worth it. It was even more worth it than going to the hospital. Michael couldn’t understand why. Doctors and medicine would help her far more than he could. So why had she gone to him. Why risk her life with him and not a doctor, “Why’d you come to me?”
Nikita stared at Michael as he studied her with imploring green eyes. Although he had finished taking care of her and had moved to clean up the supplies, he was back to kneeling beside the bed with his hand on her abdomen. The excuse was that he had been helping her pull back down his shirt. Yet his hand lingered, touching and caressing her oh so tenderly. Hesitatingly, she slipped her fingers between his. She stared at their interlocked hands and the ring on her finger for a moment before admitting, “Because I knew you’d protect me.”
If Nikita had gone to a hospital, there was no guarantee that Division wouldn’t find her. No one would’ve protected her from their kill order. She would’ve been all alone. But at Michael’s apartment, she had a friend- or whatever the hell they were. Michael would shield Nikita from Division’s wrath just as he had done when she had been a recruit and an agent. He had stopped her from getting canceled. He had stopped her from being used as a honeytrap. He had stopped her from losing herself. He always had her back. That would never change, even if she was rogue and he was Division.
Except, since she was rogue, Michael couldn’t always shield her from Percy and Amanda. He couldn’t always keep an eye on her. He couldn’t always defend her. She was on her own against the big bad wolf. Although he knew she could protect herself, that wasn’t going to be enough. It clearly hadn’t been enough against the Russians. Michael couldn’t be there for Nikita like she’d always need. He wouldn’t be able to save her everytime she was hurt, “I can’t protect you anymore.”
Nodding, Nikita continued to stare at their interlocked fingers. Michael began to play with hers, gently twisting her engagement ring. He was right. He couldn’t be her savior anymore. She was on her own against Division. She was positive she could handle that, though. She had been on her own before, and she had survived. She could do it again.
She could also look out for others. Nikita had saved all those girls trapped in the brothel before she had burned it down. She could save other girls. She could find the one she was supposed to have saved years ago and keep her safe from further harm. No one was looking out for Nikita anymore, but she could look out for the girl. She could be her savior, her fairy godmother, “But I can protect her.”
Michael wasn’t sure if Nikita had meant for him to hear what she had said or not. She had barely muttered it, almost like it was a vow she had to speak out into the universe to make it true. He might not be supposed to know who she wanted to save and keep safe. He assumed it was the same person she had gone to the brothel for. Yet she continued to keep that information to herself. If she told him, though, then maybe he could help her. They could both protect who needed to be saved, “Who, Nikita? Who are you protecting?”
“I can’t say,” Nikita was being completely honest with Michael. To protect him and the girl, she could not tell him her name. That information was deadly to anyone who knew it, especially if they were tied to Division. And even after all that had happened between her and Michael, Nikita didn’t want him to die. She thought that she’d die all over again if he did.
“Why?” Despite his frustrations and continuously being kept in the dark, Michael asked softly. He squeezed Nikita’s hand and stared into her deep brown eyes earnestly. She could trust him. Whatever it was, he wouldn’t use that information to hurt her or anyone else. He’d continued to be protective. He’d do what was right and save people.
“They’ll kill you too,” Fearfully, Nikita gripped Michael’s hand as tightly as she could. She didn’t actually know if Division would kill Michael if they knew what she had done. However, they’d definitely kill the girl if they knew she was actually alive. Nikita had already fucked up so much when it came to that little girl’s life. She couldn’t ruin it even more. She had to remain hidden at all times, even when Nikita eventually brought her somewhere safe. That little girl had to be protected at all costs. Especially if protecting her meant protecting others.
“Who will kill me? Division?” Michael was more stunned than curious. Who would Nikita protect that would cause Division to kill anyone who knew about it. They couldn’t have been a terrible person. Nikita had gone rogue, not evil. So who was she saving from Percy and Amanda. Studying her, Michael couldn’t find an answer. He just saw fear in her eyes. Tenderly and almost instinctively, Michael brushed her wild, dark hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek. She calmed at his touch, yet it wasn’t enough. She was still terrified of what the truth might bring. It began to scare Michael as well, “What did you do?”
Nikita had done the right thing- that was what she had done. Even if she had failed, and saving the girl had blown up so disastrously in her face. She had still done the right thing. She had proved that innocents didn’t always have to die. She had proved that Division was the monster. She had proved that the black ops group’s claws hadn’t dug that deeply into her. She had proved that she had still managed to save her heart, “I told you. I had to prove to myself what kind of person I’ve become.”
He had heard her say that before. Nikita had said that to Michael before; he simply couldn’t place when. He knew they had been in the weapons locker when she said it. And she had been packing for a mission that he wasn’t going on. But what mission was it. Why had she said that. What had been going on.
Then it hit him.
Operation Pale Fire.
Michael had offered to replace Nikita with Kelly for the op, even though he had no real say in the matter- Percy was running it, not him. Nikita hated operations with civilians. She didn’t want to go to the Udinov estate and wipe out the entire family. Michael didn’t want that mission to happen either, but they didn’t have a choice in the matter. At least, that had been what he believed. Nikita, however, had had other ideas. She had wanted to prove herself. But she wouldn’t have done that by killing someone. No, Nikita would’ve saved someone.
She would’ve saved a girl who could’ve easily been kidnapped afterwards and sold to the Russian mob as a sex slave, who would’ve needed saving a second time, and whose existence had to be hidden from Division or else she would be hunted down all over again.
Nikita had saved Alexandra Udinov, “How long have you been rogue?”
“Longer than you know,” Nikita couldn’t help but crack a small smile at the sound of awe in Michael’s voice. No matter how she felt about how badly she had fucked up by trusting Alexandra Udinov with the wrong man, Michael just proved that saving her was still the best thing that she had ever done. Alexandra might’ve been in hell at the moment, yet it wouldn’t be for long. Nikita was going to save her again and give her a life. That girl was going to be happy again eventually. She wouldn’t be used and abused anymore. She was going to have a shot at the life people were determined to steal from her- all because of the rogue.
God, she was amazing. Nikita Mears was the most amazing, wonderful, remarkable woman Michael had ever met. She was literally Wonder Woman- an angel. She had risked everything to save Alexandra Udinov, and she continued to do so. Division and the Russian mob be damned. Nikita was going to defy them all to protect an innocent child. Michael could only wish he could be that heroic.
What was even still doing in Division. Yes, to kill Kasim. But he had known for a long time the kind of dirty missions Percy performed- Operation Pale Fire was just one example. How could Michael still be supporting that. He didn’t have to in order to get what he wanted. Nikita clearly didn’t. He could be just as defiant. He could just take what he wanted, then run.
Slowly getting to his feet, Michael slipped his hand from Nikita’s grasp. He regretted it the second he did it. But it was necessary. Neither could remain by each other’s sides for long. If they wanted to complete their missions before it was too late, they had to start moving, “You can stay here for another night. Then you have to go.”
“What are you gonna do?” Watching Michael start to leave, Nikita wondered. She didn’t think that he was going to run to Division and tell them everything. But she was curious to know what he was going to do with her and the information she had shared. She didn’t expect him to go completely rogue. He still had his family to avenge. But she liked to think that he would join her; that he would fight beside her rather than against her. That he would fight for her.
At that very moment, Michael was going to the kitchen to get Nikita something to eat. He was probably also going to get her a Gatorade so she could put some electrolytes back in her system. But what he was going to do after he took care of her and after she returned to her rogue life, was exactly what she had been doing since Operation Pale Fire, “I have to prove to myself what kind of person I’ve become too.”
Before Michael left his bedroom, he flashed a crooked smile at Nikita. She beamed.
Chapter 96
Notes:
A pre-series AU. What if the intel on Alexandra Udinov was wrong.
Chapter Text
Nikita was missing. The mission had ended, yet she was nowhere to be found. She hadn’t appeared at the rendezvous point. No one could get her on coms. And her tracker had gone offline. She had found a way to disappear completely from Division’s radar. Or, someone had forced her to disappear. The latter wasn’t likely. The mission she had gone on wouldn’t have left anyone alive to capture her. In fact, it was far more likely that she had died in the chaos of the raid. Yet Michael wouldn’t believe that idea. She was stronger and smarter than that. Something must’ve happened to her- something bad.
While everyone else had given up on her, Michael searched high and low for where she could’ve gone. He wouldn’t leave Nikita to suffer alone and cold in the Russian wilderness. He was going to find her, save her, and bring her back. He didn’t care what the protocol was. He refused to leave Nikita. She couldn’t die. He couldn’t lose her.
A few days passed before Michael finally got a lead on where Nikita could’ve gone. Security footage captured a woman with her appearance stealing a whole bunch of food, clothes, and medical supplies. It wasn’t the best footage; Birkhoff couldn’t clear it up, and no clear features could actually be seen. There was a strong chance that the woman wasn’t even Nikita. But Michael wouldn’t let that lead slip past him. He rushed as fast as he could to the small Russian town the footage originated from and searched every street for a potential sign of her.
Michael eventually got that sign from a run-down motel. It was a cash only business that didn’t seem to mind who the people were that rented the rooms. A few guests only paid for a night or two. But one room had been rented out for an entire week; the guest had also asked to be left alone the whole time. Since he was paid with more cash than the room was worth, the manager didn’t question anything. He let the guest do whatever they wanted, not even bothering to go by the room.
The guest had to have been Nikita. Michael couldn’t think why she’d need to crash in a motel for a week. If she needed to recuperate from her injuries, she could’ve found a way to contact Division and have them send her coordinates to the closest safehouse. There was no reason to lay low in such a decrepit place. But, if Michael found Nikita alive in the room, then he wouldn’t question her motives. He’d just be so glad to see her.
He knocked on the door, but there was no response. Michael could see light shining under the door. However, when he knocked again, there was no movement or sound. Panic spiked in his chest. What if something had happened to Nikita. What if she was unconscious- or worse. He couldn’t leave her alone in that motel room if his worst assumptions were correct. She needed him then more than ever.
Except, when Michael burst open the locked motel room door, he was met with a gun pointed right at his face, “Whoa, Nikita…”
“Don’t make me do it, Michael,” Nikita warned. She aimed her weapon at Michael’s head, not even giving him a chance to survive the potential wound. She wouldn’t hesitate to kill him. Her finger on the trigger and her angry, fearful expression told him that. Though, her stance was a little less sure. She hardly placed any weight on her right leg. Glancing at it, he noticed a thick bandage wrapped around her thigh. She was injured- bad. He could take her down easily with one swift kick to the wound. Maybe that was why she was so far away from the door. Nikita could pick anyone off before they got too close.
“Put the gun down, Nikita. I’m not here to hurt you. I’m just gonna to bring you back to Division,” Gently, Michael assured Nikita. He fought the urge to draw his own weapon and slowly entered the room. Without taking his eyes off her or her gun, he closed the door behind him. The lock was busted, but that wasn’t going to be much of an issue. Not if he could get Nikita to settle down and come home with him.
“I’m not going anywhere. Not yet,” Shaking her head, Nikita tightened her grip on her weapon. She stopped Michael from moving further into the room, and from seeing anything past the bed. He had to leave. Before anyone got hurt, and before anything got worse, he had to leave.
Yet Michael wasn’t getting that hint. He noticed Nikita attempting to block his eyesight to something on the other side of the bed, and he was instantly curious as to what that could’ve been. With their height difference, and her injured leg slowing her down, he was able to easily look around her. The first thing he managed to see was a pile of blankets. Then, he noticed something sleeping under them. Alarm rang through him. What exactly was Nikita doing in that motel, “What’s that?”
“Stop!” Nikita tried to stop Michael from approaching the bundle. But he kicked her injured leg, and she collapsed to the ground with a pain-filled groan. He ignored the heart wrenching sound and moved as quickly as he could to the blankets. Once he saw what was being hidden, however, he paused. He couldn’t believe it.
Sleeping under the blankets and on top of a play-pad was a baby.
She couldn’t have been more than a year old. Michael stammered at the sight of her. How was that even possible. Nikita had only been on a Division mission, where had the baby even come from. What kind of trouble had she gotten herself into, “Nikita, why do you have a baby? Did you kidnap her?”
“What else was I supposed to do? It was the only way to save her,” Gritting her teeth, Nikita got to her feet and retrained her gun on Michael. The last thing she wanted to do was shoot him. But if he touched the baby, she’d have no other choice. She couldn’t let anything happen to the little girl. They hadn’t gotten that far for things to end badly then. Nikita was going to finish saving the baby, even if it was the last thing she did.
“By taking her from her family?” Livid, Michael rounded on Nikita. He knew he shouldn’t wake the baby, yet he couldn’t stop the rise in his voice. What the hell had she been thinking. She couldn’t take away a baby from its parents. Even if the parents were terrible, there were better options for the baby to go than with Nikita. She couldn’t raise a child. Division would kill her and the baby before she could even carve out a life.
“Yes!” Nikita shouted. That was the last sharp sound the baby could take. She woke and instantly began to cry. Nikita abandoned her weapon on the bedside table and picked the little girl up. She was so gentle as she soothed her. She lightly bounced the baby in her arms, softly rubbed her back, and sweetly whispered calming Russian words into her ear. Michael stared, absolutely dumbfounded. Especially as the baby soon began to quiet and nestled into the comfort of Nikita’s arms. Just what the hell was going on.
Once the baby had settled, Nikita finally explained it to Michael; though it didn’t answer his question, “She’s Alexandra Udinov.”
For the thousandth time that night, Michael’s thoughts failed him. How. How was that baby Alexandra Udinov. Although Michael hadn’t been a part of the mission- he couldn’t be involved with something like that- he knew about Operation Pale Fire. He knew that Division had been hired to kill Nikolai Udinov, his wife Katya, and his daughter Alexandra. But Alexandra was supposed to be a teenager. She wasn’t a baby. The intel had said she was a lot older, “What? No… she’s… she’s supposed to be thirteen.”
“The intel was wrong. She’s thirteen months old, not thirteen years old,” Nikita held Alexandra tightly. She had thought it was odd that there had been no pictures of Alexandra in the briefing packets; shouldn’t they know what the target looked like. But Percy had commented that Nikolai, Alexandra’s father, didn’t like pictures being taken of his daughter. There were none for Division to use. Nikita would just have to find the girl’s bedroom and act from there. And that was exactly what she had done. Just not to Division’s specifications.
Seeing the baby awake, alert, and staring at him with big, blue eyes, Michael snapped himself out of his shock. He disarmed Nikita’s weapon on the nightstand and his own in his holster, and he moved them out of the baby’s possible reach. Nikita and Alexandra watched him carefully the whole time. But he didn’t make another attempt to approach them. He kept his distance. He wouldn’t hurt either of them. All he wanted from then on was answers, “How’d you get her out of the house?”
“When I realized the mistake, I couldn’t just leave her. So I grabbed her and a couple stuff from the nursery and just ran,” Nikita somewhat explained. She knew she had to tell Michael more than that, but her attention was stolen by Alexandra. Though sleepily cuddled against her chest, the baby wouldn’t fall back asleep. Nikita tried rocking her, but there was no use. Alexandra was awake, and she’d want to start exploring soon. So Nikita caved and gave her a sippy-cup full of milk from the mini-fridge. The baby excitedly took it.
“I gathered that. But how’d you slip past everybody?” Michael continued to ask. Just like Alexandra had been, there were tons of baby supplies out of sight from the door. There were blankets, toys, books, diapers, food, and a play-pad. Michael was certain there were also tons of things in the bathroom and mini-fridge just for the baby. Nikita had her well taken care of. But how had she gotten a baby past several Division agents and all the way to a motel in the middle of town without being noticed. Surely, Alexandra would’ve cried, tipping people off. Unless Nikita had planned the escape.
Nikita continued to keep her attention solely on Alexandra. There was no point hiding anything from Michael. He knew the most shocking thing she had done. However, she couldn’t bring herself to admit that she had planned to go rogue from the beginning of the operation. She could never follow her orders. She didn’t care if that got her killed, just as long as it saved the girl, “I’ve been planning to rescue Alexandra since I was assigned the op. I already had an escape route planned for her.”
Her plan, however, had hinged on the fact that Alexandra was supposed to be thirteen. Since Nikita discovered the truth, she couldn’t think of a new plan. She had panicked. And now she was certain that she and the baby were worse off than they had been before, “But… but that was when she was thirteen… when she could fight and defend for herself. I mean… I had survived on my own at that age. She could too… but now… now, she can barely walk. She can’t survive on her own. I had to take her. I had to… I had to do something.”
Slowly, Michael finally approached Nikita and Alexandra. He absolutely agreed that she had to do something to save the baby, and he loved that she had always planned to go against Division’s horrific orders. However, Nikita’s tight hold and strained voice caused Alexandra to fuss in her arms. She had to let the baby go. Gently, Michael held out his hands to take the baby from her, “Here. You’re freaking her out. Let me hold her.”
Instinctively, Nikita pulled Alexandra away from Michael. That didn’t help the baby’s fussiness. She whined and squirmed in her arms, yet Nikita wouldn’t let her go. Michael had to try again, much more gentle and soft, “Nikita, I’m not gonna hurt her. Just trust me.”
Hesitatingly, Nikita passed Alexandra to Michael. He took hold of her easily, and the baby quickly settled in his arms. Nikita relaxed as well. Of course she could trust Michael. He wouldn’t hurt her, which meant he would never hurt a baby. He would never be a threat. Unlike the other problems Nikita had run into since escaping with Alexandra, “I was able to grab some food and diapers before crashing here. But I don’t know how long it’ll last.”
Bouncing Alexandra lightly on his hip and smiling brightly, Michael got the baby to smile and rest against his shoulder. She must’ve been used to being passed off to different caregivers. She was comfortable with whoever held her gently and cared for her. And whoever gave her food. She had lost interest in drinking her milk, so Nikita took the sippy-cup from her and gave Michael a pouch of applesauce to feed her instead. Alexandra perked up at the sight of it and babbled excitedly. Michael chuckled softly as he helped her eat it.
While the baby ate, he began to wonder what other foods Nikita had been feeding her. He didn’t doubt that Alexandra was well-fed. However, he didn’t see a single bottle lying around. The baby probably had been drinking any formula since she had been rescued (she definitely wasn’t drinking breast milk). Was that okay for Alexandra, though. Was she already used to that diet, or had that drastically changed for her too, “Is she off the bottle?”
Nikita hadn’t thought about that. She had mostly been relying on her knowledge of baby care from when she had posed as a nanny years ago and on what she could read on the internet. She had absolutely no idea what she was doing otherwise. Hopefully, she wasn’t harming Alexandra, “I don’t know. I didn’t see any bottles in her room or formula or… I don’t know…”
“Hey. It’s okay. They’re usually weaned off at this age. Has she been eating the food and milk you got just fine?” Michael instantly calmed Nikita. He had seen Alexandra easily drink her milk and eat her applesauce. So even if she was still being bottle fed, her parents must’ve been weaning her off it. Alexandra should be okay with what Nikita had managed to grab. Nikita nodded in confirmation, and Michael smiled reassuringly, “Then she’s okay.”
Directing his attention back to Alexandra, Michael repeated that she was okay in light Russian. The baby babbled and tried to squeeze the applesauce pouch with chubby, greedy hands. Michael chuckled and helped her eat the rest of it. He couldn’t help but sway her in his arms as he did. Nikita watched him curiously. He seemed so comfortable with a baby in his arms. He also seemed to know a lot more than she did. He must’ve had more experience than she had ever had. Yet she couldn’t think of how, “Have you done this before?”
“Yeah…” Michael’s smile dropped as he sighed. He gently wiped applesauce off Alexandra’s cheek, then set her down on the floor. She excitedly crawled around, picking up and tossing aside toys. Whereas Michael watched her, Nikita’s imploring brown eyes were trained on him. She wasn’t going to let his answer go. She needed an explanation as to how he had taken care of a baby before. However, Michael wasn’t in the mood to delve deeply into that then. Besides, there were more important things he and Nikita needed to discuss than his past, “Nikita, what are you planning on doing? This can’t be long term.”
“I know. I know. It’s just… I can’t figure it out,” Nikita admitted in defeat. She had struggled to take care of and hide Alexandra for just a few days. There was no way she could keep that up forever. But what exactly was she supposed to do with her. It wasn’t as though she had found the baby abandoned on the street. She had saved Alexandra from mercenaries- mercenaries that would hunt her down if they knew she was still alive.
Beginning to pace the small motel room, Nikita began to panic. What was she supposed to do with Alexandra Udinov. How could she keep her safe forever, “If I drop her off at some orphanage here, someone will figure out who she is. And if I bring her to the States, Division will find her. Also, I can’t just dump her in some random country. She can understand Russian, and she’s already starting to babble. If she’s brought somewhere that doesn’t speak Russian, she’s gonna fall behind and that language barrier might hurt her. And that’s not even considering the system she’s gonna be thrown into.”
It was obvious that Nikita had been thinking about what to do for a while. As she had taken care of Alexandra and had hardly taken care of herself (Michael noticed the low amount of supplies that were meant for Nikita) she had been contemplating what to do. Unfortunately, there was no clear answer. Michael couldn’t think about what to do either. The only thing he did know was that they couldn’t hold onto her. Alexandra needed to get as far away from Division and from her own name as possible, “We might just have to take a risk with an orphanage in Russia. Far from Moscow, but…”
“But what? Leave her to a broken system that’s not gonna care about her? Have her get tossed aside and shat on? Have her get hurt over and over and over again by people who only view her as an object?” Frantically, Nikita snapped. She knew her tense voice caught Alexandra’s attention, yet she didn’t care. She had to get Michael to understand that foster care could not be an option. Alexandra wouldn’t have been safe there. She’d suffer her entire life in the system, always hurt and never happy.
“Nikita, you don’t know that’s gonna happen,” Softly, Michael tried to change Nikita’s mind. He had read her file. He knew she had gone through hell and back in the foster system. But there was no way of knowing that the same thing would happen to Alexandra. She could be well taken care of at the orphanage. She’d at least have a much better life than her current situation of being stuck in a run-down motel room.
“Why not? It happened to me,” Nikita huffed and collapsed on the floor next to Alexandra. Dishearteningly, she gained the baby’s attention with a stuffed animal. She made the bunny dance, making Alexandra smile and steal it from her. She roughly attempted to copy Nikita’s movements and babbled. A slight smile somehow found its way on Nikita’s lips.
“So what? You’re gonna keep her and run from Division?” Although Michael doubted that Nikita would actually run away from Division with Alexandra, he had to ensure she knew that was a ridiculous idea. A baby would not be able to survive a life on the run, no matter who was looking out for her. Alexandra needed a much safer environment than that if she was ever going to grow and thrive.
“I could protect her,” Barely above a whisper, Nikita muttered. She tucked a strand of Alexandra’s wild, curly blonde hair behind her ear and played with the ends that fell on her back. Yet she only did it for a moment. She soon pulled away and shook her head, “But, no. I can’t be a mother. And she needs something stable and safe. A life on the run won’t provide that.”
What had Nikita actually been thinking by saving Alexandra. Even if she was thirteen years old instead of thirteen months old, she still would’ve had a horrible life ahead of her after being saved. There was no guarantee of safety or happiness. Sure, she was alive, but she wouldn’t be living. Maybe Nikita shouldn’t have even bothered trying to save her. Not if she was always going to suffer, “God, I fucked up so bad.”
“You didn’t fuck up,” Michael responded sternly. Although the situation was a mess, Nikita had not fucked up by saving Alexandra Udinov. She had done the right thing. Never in a million years could that ever be seen as bad.
“What happened?” Nikita blurted. She couldn’t ignore the fact that Michael had some personal story involving a baby and loss anymore. He had to explain himself. Though, her blurted question wouldn’t get her an immediate response. Michael only glanced at her in confusion. Gently, Nikita clarified, and tried to garner a real answer, “You said you’ve done this before. What happened?”
Expelling a long breath, Michael sat next to Nikita and Alexandra. He added another stuffed animal to her collection, and she absconded the one in her hand for that one. Despite the pang in his heart, he smiled at her. He wasn’t certain if the baby’s presence helped him open up to Nikita or not. However, he did know he couldn’t stay silent anymore. He had to talk about Hayley and Elizabeth. The fact that he was sharing them with Nikita at least made it a little easier, “I had a daughter. And a wife.”
“You did?” Nikita gaped at Michael. She knew he was different than most agents in Division, but she could’ve never guessed that he was that different. Though, honestly, a part of her wasn’t surprised. How he protected her and recruits and how he had cared for Alexandra showed how he was used to being kind, caring, and fatherly. He was a family man. Which meant that some kind of tragedy had turned him into a Division man.
“I did,” Quietly, Michael replied. Nikita stared at him with her imploring brown eyes again, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at her. Instead, he kept himself buoyed by playing with Alexandra. He couldn’t laugh and smile with the baby. But he could fight for the words that brought him back to the worst moment of his life, “They’re gone. They were killed in a car bomb… March 21st, 2001.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Squeezing Michael’s hand, Nikita tried to comfort him. However she had no idea what she was supposed to say to such horrific news like that. Her touch seemed to be enough, though. Michael squeezed her hand in return.
“Nobody knows… Only Percy and Amanda… And now you…” Finally, Michael looked at Nikita. She scooted as close to him as her wounded leg would allow and caressed his stubbled cheek with her free hand. He canted into her touch. But just for a second. Soon, the rage of what had happened to Hayley and Elizabeth overwhelmed him and he seethed, “And Kasim.”
“As in Kasim Tariq?” Nikita pulled away in shock. She hadn’t meant to, but she couldn’t help it. She had heard about Kasim Tariq while studying different terrorist groups in one of her recruit training sessions. But how and why had a known terrorist killed Michael’s family. Did it have anything to do with the Navy connections she knew Michael had. If so, then what was the full story. How had Michael lost his family in such a horrific way to such a horrific person.
“Before 2001, Kasim wasn’t a famous terrorist. He was a low-level snitch. Then all that changed when he betrayed me. After he killed my family, he became a hero in the ranks of Al-Qaeda,” Michael managed to choke out. Nikita knew better than to ask him for more than that at the moment. Maybe later he would tell her the full story. Then, though, she’d squeeze his hand again and help him get through the terrible pain. He squeezed back and continued darkly, “That’s the reason why I joined Division in the first place… To find him. And kill him.”
Nikita was going to promise Michael that she would help him get revenge for his family. But he suddenly looked at her with such intense green eyes that the words got trapped in her throat. He pulled her even closer to him by their clasped hands and made her listen to his every word, “So, no, Nikita. You did not fuck up by saving Alexandra. You did the greatest thing in the whole entire world.”
Unable to stop herself, Nikita’s eyes landed on Michael’s lips. Some part of her wanted to close the small distance between them. And she could’ve sworn he felt the same as he stayed so close to her. But then Alexandra babbled loudly, and the two pulled away.
The baby only shouted as best she could because she wanted Michael and Nikita to play with her. Chuckling, of course the two did. They tossed Alexandra toys, and responded to her attempts at speech with silly Russian phrases and goofy expressions. Eventually, she crawled into Michael’s lap and held her arms up. He instinctively scooped her up and threw her into the air. Her squeal of laughter caused the two adults to beam. He tossed her up again and again as many times as she demanded- the three laughing the entire time.
At some point, however, Nikita stopped laughing. The happy moment wasn’t enough to keep the dire situation from her mind. She and Michael still had to figure out what they were supposed to do with Alexandra. If they didn’t figure it out soon, Division or whoever had hired the strike team could find them. The fact that two highly trained agents were looking after the baby didn’t matter. She still had a target on her back. Just a year old, and evil men wanted her dead. Nikita couldn’t understand it. She wanted to scream, “Division condoned a child’s murder… God, what are we gonna do?”
Slowly, Michael dropped Alexandra to his lap. She threw her arms up to be tossed up again. But when she received no response, she realized the game was over, and she crawled back to her toys. The baby was hardly paid attention to. Michael and Nikita were lost in thought again, contemplating what to do.
After another moment of thought, Michael believed he had a solution. It was going to take time to pull it off. Yet it’d be worth all the effort. A little girl would get to live, after all. He and Nikita had to do everything they could to make that possible, “We do what Division does best- fake people’s deaths and hide them right under people’s noses.”
“You want to bring her to Division?” Nikita glanced at Michael warily. She doubted that was actually what he was referring to. All three of them would be killed if they returned to Division together. Yet she was interested in what his thought process was. How could they hide Alexandra Udinov so efficiently and so permanently.
“No. I’m saying we can fake paperwork- good, official paperwork- and bring her to an orphanage far from Moscow,” Michael clarified. With their combined skills, he and Nikita could bring Alexandra somewhere safe without any questions or connections to her parents. Although that was the only safe option they had, Nikita continued to want to refuse it. Michael could see the protest all over her face. But before she could say anything, he grabbed hold of her hand, “I know. I know foster care was hell for you. But this is our only chance to save Alexandra.”
Nikita fought the protest on her lips. Although she would always hate the idea, there was no use fighting it. Alexandra would be safest at an orphanage, especially if she and Michael could create fake paperwork for her.
But where would Nikita be safest. After she and Michael helped Alexandra, where was she supposed to go. She had disobeyed orders and had run away from Division. Returning would get her canceled. Not even Michael could protect her from that. She had doomed herself as soon as she had saved Alexandra. It was worth it, though, “And then what’s gonna happen to me?”
There was a chance that Michael and Nikita could come up with an elaborate lie that’d let her return to Division without the risk of cancellation. But, honestly, why should they even bother. There was nothing in Division worth returning for. There was no honor; there was no duty. Not in a place that sent agents to kill a baby. Nikita was better off dead than risking her life fighting to return to that hell. And maybe Michael was too- if he didn’t have a mission to complete, “You got shot during the raid. I found your body.”
“You’re letting me go?” Bewildered, Nikita questioned. She had destroyed her com and had cut out and destroyed her tracker, but that had been for Alexandra’s sake, not her own. She hadn’t actually thought about escaping Division. Though, if she had the chance, she would absolutely take it. She never wanted to return to the hellhole. She’d much rather run around the world forever than be trapped in those fucking walls.
“I wouldn’t be lying,” Michael indicated the bandaged wound on Nikita’s thigh. He had assumed it was a bullet wound after her reaction when he had kicked her. That shout had been pretty consistent with the pain caused by one. Also, she had been wearing shorts around the motel- probably so she could have easy access to her bandage. He could see a round pool of blood start to form as the wound reopened. Michael wondered how much time Nikita had devoted to caring for it while she also cared for Alexandra. He suspected that it wasn’t a lot. But that was okay, because he could take care of her then.
As Michael grabbed the medical supplies from the bathroom, Nikita lined up books, toys, and blankets to block Alexandra’s path from her bloody leg. The baby hardly noticed what was going on. She kept playing and trying to get Nikita’s and Michael’s attention. They paid her what they could with bright smiles and soft Russian. But when Michael finally removed the soiled bandage and saw how bad the barely treated wound was, he gasped. Nikita sighed, “A gift from Nikolai Udinov. He caught me while I was surprised.”
“Did you kill him?” Michael asked. Since Nikita had been shot by Nikolai, he wouldn’t put it past her to shoot him back in retaliation. Not out of malice, but out of instinct to protect herself from further harm.
Nikita shook her head, however. She had almost shot Nikolai, but then she thought of asking him for his help with the baby. She had ripped off her mask and urgently told him that she was there to save Alexandra. She figured that he had seen the pure intentions on her face, and that was why he had decided to help her. Or maybe he had just been so desperate to save his daughter, he had to trust her. Nikita didn’t want to think too much about it. She simply went over the basic facts with Michael, “I told him I wanted to save Alexandra, and he helped me pack the bag, then let me go. I’m sure he’s dead now, though.”
“He is. But it’ll make it easier to hide Alexandra from Division. And whoever had hired the strike team,” Michael informed Nikita. Both Nikolai and Katya Udinov had died during the raid. Alexandra had no family left. Although that was a horrible fact, it did make it easier to hide her in the system. No one would be looking for her. And everyone in the entire world would believe she was dead. Alexandra could actually be saved. No one could hurt her ever again.
“And if you run, you can check in on her from time to time,” Michael added as he finished patching her up. Obviously, Nikita wouldn’t be able to stay in one place for long, and she wouldn’t be able to stay near Alexandra. But she could check on the baby. She could watch over her as she grew up, make sure she stayed safe and sound. It’d be like she was her fairy godmother. Nikita would always be there to protect Alexandra.
And maybe Michael could join her one day. After he killed Kasim and avenged his family, he could join Nikita. There was no reason for Michael to stay in Division besides using them to get revenge. He couldn’t be a part of an organization that condoned killing children and babies. That wasn’t what the black ops unit of the government was supposed to do. They were supposed to help people when others couldn’t. They had lost their way when Percy started accepting missions for hire. Once his mission was complete, Michael vowed to get far away from that corruption before it corrupted him too.
“You think she’s gonna be okay?” Quietly, Nikita asked. A part of her believed that Alexandra wouldn’t be. She was going to be alone. She was going to grow up without knowing where she came from, who she was, or who her parents were. She was going to be consistently lied to. She was going to be consistently bounced around until she was adopted- if she ever was. She was going to grow up just like Nikita, and probably end up just like her too. Alexandra would never be okay. Sure, Nikita had saved her, but what kind of life was she giving her.
Abandoning her toys, Alexandra babbled excitedly and crawled over to Nikita. She scooped the baby up in her arms and held her tightly. Chubby little fingers reached to play with her hair and pat her cheek. Nikita couldn’t help but chuckle at the sweet girl’s silliness. She pressed her forehead against Alexandra’s and made a goofy face. The baby burst into laughter. She squished Nikita’s face to make her do more silly expressions. She complied to the baby’s demands, even bouncing her on her good leg to draw out more joyous laughter.
“I think you gave her a chance,” Michael replied softly, watching Nikita play with Alexandra. A smile pulled at his lips that he didn’t think he could ever wipe away. It was going to be rough, especially when Alexandra was old enough to ask questions and wonder, but he believed she would grow up happy and healthy. She’d be safe and sound, and she’d never know of the terrible men who had murdered her family and had tried to murder her.
And if Alexandra did grow up to be like Nikita, then that wouldn’t be so bad. She’d be a strong, remarkable, awesome woman, who led with her heart and tried to do the right thing no matter what. Despite the hard choices the consequences of Nikita’s actions forced them to make, her heroics were worth it. Especially since it gave Alexandra a chance to live, to be happy, and to become a hero just like her savior.
Chapter 97
Notes:
Set post-series. Mikita have a beach day, watch a movie, then discuss families.
Chapter Text
She smelled like sun, sand, surf, and strawberries. Michael pulled his wife tightly against his side so he could breathe her in. She hummed in contentment and nuzzled into his warmth. Her arms wrapped around him, yet she was too tired for any tight hold. She simply used him as a blanket and pillow as she flipped through movie selections. Michael chuckled against the top of her head, placing a kiss to her crown and breathing in her wonderful scent once more.
The two had spent all day on the beach outside their house. They had their own private stretch of sand and sea as their backyard. They wandered away from their little oasis from time to time to walk around, explore, and grab something to eat. Yet, for the most part, they swam, played, and relaxed in perfect isolation. It was absolute paradise on Earth, and Michael was so glad to have spent it with her- with Nikita.
They had stayed as long as they could outside, watching the sunset and the stars shine together. Yet a chill came with the night breeze that brought them inside. After a shower and a change into pajamas, the married couple settled on the couch with take out, and they began to flip through different streaming services for a movie to watch.
Michael could feel his sunburn begin to heat and tighten his shoulders and cheeks, but that didn’t stop him from smiling softly. Despite the slight discomfort brought on by the burn (and the taunts he knew Nikita would throw at him for how fair skinned he was) he had never been so happy. He was in heaven. He had had the perfect day of sun, surf, and bliss. And he was with the perfect woman- his love, his heart, his life. He would never change anything about that day. In fact, he would give anything to live that day over and over again.
Even when she bolted excitedly upright out of his hold and glanced at him with a shiteating grin, “I found the perfect movie.”
“What?” Michael asked. However, Nikita clicked on the movie before he could get a good look at the television screen. That was his fault for paying more attention to her than what she was scrolling through. He didn’t have a chance to veto her choice. She usually picked a good movie to watch, so there wasn’t much for him to worry about. Except, of course, for that smug, taunting smile she gave him.
“It’s your one true love’s favorite movie,” Nikita tossed the remote on the coffee table so Michael couldn’t rip it out of her hands and change the movie. She had plans to tease her husband, and she wouldn’t let him ruin that.
It took Michael a moment to figure out what Nikita was talking about. He liked her favorite movie, so there was no reason for her to glance at him like that if she had played it. And if she had played Elizabeth’s favorite movie (which, he wasn’t sure if she even knew what that had been) she wouldn’t have made a joke about it, especially one that excluded herself from also being the love of his life.
Michael had absolutely no idea what movie was playing or who Nikita was teasing him about. Until he saw the title card. Then, he groaned and tried to bury himself into the couch cushions, “Oh God no. Not Mac and Me .”
“Have you actually seen this movie?” Nikita couldn’t stop herself from giggling. Her first instincts had been to scroll past the movie and continue searching for something to veg out on the couch with her husband to. However, before she could click next, a distant memory pulled at the back of her mind. With everything that had happened after Michael’s reconnaissance mission into Bellfar Systems, Nikita never got the chance to properly tease him for seducing another woman. A year after everything had settled down seemed like the best time to bring that back up. She could tease him without the heaviness of the aftermath weighing them down.
“No. Have you?” Michael grumbled. He was half-tempted to reach for the remote and turn the television off. But Nikita had settled back into the cushions and was digging happily into her dinner. She was perfectly content watching one of the worst movies ever made. Which meant he had to suck it up and make himself content as well.
“Nope,” Nikita admitted. She was only aware of Mac and Me because of commercials when she was younger and clips that had resurfaced on the internet. Yet that didn’t stop her from knowing that she and her husband were in for a treat. They were absolutely going to hate the movie. Though, they still might manage to have some fun, “But you did say you wanted to watch a new movie. So here we go.”
Shaking his head, Michael chuckled softly. He wasn’t going to win any arguments, so he might as well just go along for the ride. He followed his wife’s lead and relaxed against the cushions as he ate his dinner. The two didn’t say much as the movie got off to a weird start. They simply shot each other judging glances while they stuffed their faces. But after a while, Nikita’s bewildered amusement turned into wary trepidation. Michael couldn’t help but laugh at the attitude change, “Is this actually freaking you out a little bit?”
“I stand by the fact that this movie is creepy as hell,” Nikita couldn’t take her eyes off the creepy puppets that were moving around in the chaos they had created. The movie wanted her to feel sympathetic for the aliens, but all she wanted to do was burn them. Absolutely nothing should look that demented.
The creepiness of the aliens never faded. Yet Nikita was able to move past it and make fun of other aspects of Mac and Me - notably that one of the characters shared the same name of her husband, “His name is Michael!”
“Oh God,” Once again, Michael groaned. Whenever a character in the movie they were watching had the same name as him, Nikita would shoot him looks and make jokes based on the action and dialogue in the movie. He was positive that the taunts she came up with based on Mac and Me were going to be next level. He’d be able to survive them, though. After all, he could tease her back for being so freaked out over the puppets’ design.
Eventually, the married couple finished their dinner and cuddled on the couch again. Michael quickly lost interest in the nonsensical action taking place on the TV and instead completely focused on his wife. He held her tightly in his arms, tucked her beach-waved hair behind her ear, and placed light kisses wherever he could. Nikita would’ve turned her head to return all the affections, but something on the TV completely captured her attention. She burst out into uproarious laughter, making Michael turn towards the television as well.
On screen, the main character- a wheelchair bound child- flew off a hill and into a river. The scene was not supposed to be hilarious, but the editing and effects looked so ridiculous, especially when the alien puppet popped up out of nowhere. Nikita couldn’t stop herself from laughing at it. And, honestly, so couldn’t Michael, “Your sense of humor is fucked up.”
“You’re laughing too,” Between her squeals of laughter, Nikita called Michael out. The scene they had just watched was one of the clips she had seen people make fun of online. It was funny on its own. But, in context, it was even funnier. Mac and Me was one ridiculous turn after the next. Nothing could be taken seriously. Nikita and Michael began to make fun of everything they saw, drawing out smiles and laughter that the movie alone could never do.
Besides the character named Michael, the creepy puppets, and just terrible everything, the married couple found themselves making fun of all the McDonalds mentions in the movie. It felt like every two seconds they were being advertised the fast food. Most of it could be ignored at least. Except for the random dance sequence with even more creepy puppetry. Nikita couldn’t laugh at it; it was so weird. All she could do was turn to her husband and ask, “So, uh. You wanna go to McDonalds after this?”
“Did the advertisements get to you?” Michael chuckled. He had heard that Mac and Me was created by McDonalds, but he had no idea that the whole movie was basically just an advertisement for the restaurant chain. Well that, and Coca-Cola. The product placements were just as bad as the effects and puppetry.
“I’m not immune to propaganda. Or middle of the movie dance sequences at a McDonalds,” Nikita shrugged. Michael chuckled and pulled her even closer to him.
The movie quickly got boring- and too much like E.T - after that. Michael and Nikita lost interest again, and turned their attention to each other. They shared soft and tender kisses and touches that slowly but steadily grew more heated. When her hand landed in his lap and her fingers dusted his inner thigh, Michael decided it was time to end the movie. Who cared about the rest of Mac and Me . There were far better ways the married couple could end their perfect day, “Why are we still watching this movie?”
“I don’t know,” Nikita sighed. The boring moments of Mac and Me stretched on for far longer than the scenes they could make fun of and laugh at. The movie wasn’t worth watching anymore- unless they wanted to see how many more product placements could be squeezed in. Neither did. So, Nikita reached for the remote to finally turn it off.
Except, just before she could, an explosion randomly occurred in the movie, and the main character somehow died even though he was nowhere near the blast. Michael and Nikita instantly looked at each other with the same shocked expression, “What the fuck?”
When that big climatic moment turned out to be another ridiculous event of bad effects and terrible writing, the couple laughed and ignored the movie again. They didn’t resume kissing and touching, however. Instead, the two worked on cleaning up their take out trash so they could move things to the bedroom without worrying about cleaning up later. Michael took the cartons and utensils to the trashcan while Nikita straightened up the couch. She reached for the remote again to turn off the movie when, once again, she noticed something absolutely wild, “Shut up. Shut the fuck up.”
“What?” Michael rushed back into the livingroom. For a brief second, he feared something was wrong. There was, just not with Nikita.
“The aliens are being sworn in as U.S citizens,” Pointing to the television, Nikita squealed. The couple stared dumbfounded at the movie one last time before bursting into laughter. Of all the ways Mac and Me could’ve ended, they never would’ve guessed that. It was completely out of left field, and just felt like the cherry on top of the ridiculous weirdness that was the movie.
Continuing to laugh, Nikita finally turned off the movie. There was at least one more scene to watch, but it didn’t matter; what they had seen was enough. Besides, there were other activities that the married couple wanted to return to, and Mac and Me was definitely not a part of those plans.
Kissing once more, Michael and Nikita fell to the couch in a tangle of lips and limbs. They weren’t slow and tender anymore. Their kisses and caresses had a specific goal in mind. And that was to bring absolute mind-numbing bliss to the end of their perfect day. The two were making great progress on that front. Soft moans were already filling their kisses. However, at some point, a thought popped into Nikita’s head that she couldn’t keep to herself. She tried. Yet it burst out of her with a giggle, “Michael, I have a confession to make.”
“Oh God. What?” Michael tried not to laugh, but he knew Nikita was about to tell one of her so bad they were good jokes. Why else would she stop kissing him.
“I love Mac and Me . In fact, it’s my favorite movie,” Nikita couldn’t help but tease. After all, Michael’s ‘flirtation’ with the other woman, Darlene, had been her reason for playing the movie. Her husband groaned and collapsed his head into her shoulder. She laughed and kissed his temple, “I love it so much that I never, ever, ever want to watch it again. Except maybe with Alex and Birkhoff.”
Although Michael had to admit that watching Mac and Me with Alex’s and Birkhoff’s jokes and comments would be fun, he hoped his wife was serious about never watching that movie ever again. He lifted his head from the crook of her neck and glanced at her suspiciously. Nikita beamed. He shook his head, “I’m not letting you pick another movie for a whole week.”
“That’s fair,” Nikita nodded. She and her husband continued to giggle as they resumed their kisses and caresses. Who cared about movies anymore. There were far more important things the couple should concern themselves with, like the wonderful feeling of one another.
Though, when his wife thrusted her hips against his, Michael couldn’t fight the urge to pay her back for all her teasing. He pulled slightly away from her and husked playfully against her lips, “Let’s watch E.T next time- the far superior alien family movie.”
Michael expected her response to be an eye roll, a curse, a taunt, and a desperate surge to kiss him again. However, Nikita only sighed. Her thoughts weren’t on the same page as his- at least when it came to the joke. She took it more seriously and replied almost dejectedly, “Eh. I don’t want to watch another reunited with family movie.”
Whereas Nikita moved to continue making out with her husband, Michael pulled even further away. The last thing he had expected Nikita to think about while watching Mac and Me was families. Sure, the movie featured a strong family theme. But the plot was so nonsensical, that it didn’t really matter; it could be ignored as all the ridiculousness took center stage. Except, for someone who was always looking for her family, that part of the plot would’ve struck deep. Michael softly caressed his wife’s cheek and stated apologetically, “I didn’t know you were still thinking about that.”
“I wasn’t,” Nikita argued simply. But when her husband sat up and stared at her, she knew she had to explain herself. Sighing, she sat up on the couch and tried to form her words. It wasn’t like Michael was thinking. She wasn’t still deeply upset about not knowing her birth family. She had mostly moved past that. It was just that the lack of knowledge snuck up on her at times, and she couldn’t fight the feeling that a huge part of her was missing, “During the boring parts of the movie, I kept thinking about Darlene, then your hand, then your family, then my family, and… I don’t know. I thought I was over it.”
“Nikita, it’s okay to wonder about your family. We all wanna know where we come from,” Taking her hand in his, Michael placed a loving kiss to Nikita’s knuckles. She didn’t have to be over the fact that she didn’t know a single thing about her birth family. It was okay if she remained upset about that. The fact that she was denied knowledge and lied to as a child wasn’t normal. She should’ve been told about her family. Her lingering pain and resentment were completely understandable. Even Michael felt that way when he thought about her past.
“Yeah. But the last time I looked, you and Birkhoff almost got killed,” Nikita squeezed her husband’s hand. What was the point in looking into her past if all it brought was pain. The last time she had pushed so hard for answers, Michael and Birkhoff had almost been blown up. She couldn’t bring that about again. No piece of information was worth losing them.
“Hey. We don’t hold you responsible for that. Percy and Amanda were the ones who preyed on that desire. But they’re gone now. You don’t have to worry about that anymore,” Michael reassured his wife. She could never be faulted for needing to know about her past. She deserved to know who her parents were and how she wound up in foster care. That giant question mark regarding her past wasn’t fair. Especially since she had grown up with people who had never wanted her to erase that.
Nikita paid more attention to their entwined fingers than to her husband. It was never going to be easy for her to discuss her family. Michael certainly understood that. Though, just like she had helped him talk about his family, he’d help her talk about hers. She wasn’t alone, “And that wasn’t the last time you looked.”
Bewildered, Nikita glanced back up at Michael. He smiled softly and kissed her knuckles once more, “I saw you reading your file when we took over Division.”
Averting her gaze, Nikita quietly scoffed. She had thought she had been so sneaky when she had dug up her Division file. But of course Michael had discovered her. She appreciated that he had never said anything about it. She definitely wouldn’t have been able to talk about it at the time. Honestly, she still couldn’t really open up about it. However, she could at least try for her husband’s sake, “I just wanted some answers.”
“Did you get any?” Gently, Michael asked. He could assume that the answer was ‘no’. If Nikita had found a lead, she would’ve chased it down already. Though, based on their current conversation, there was a chance that she had been too terrified to. She could’ve thought that another incident like Richard Ellis would’ve occurred, so she never bothered to get answers. But with all their enemies long gone, there was nothing for her to worry about. There would be no deception or pain in her future. So she could delve into her past without any repercussions.
Rather than respond, Nikita dropped Michael’s hand and got to her feet. She should’ve never said anything about E.T . She should’ve just rolled her eyes at her husband and continued kissing him. Bringing up her family ruined the bright, happy mood they had had all day. Her past always ruined things like that, “I’m sure there’s a logical explanation, like with you and Max…”
“Nikita,” Michael hopped to his feet and reached for his wife. She didn’t have to rationalize with him. She also didn’t have to look at the bright side of things. She could rant and rave all she wanted. She was allowed to see the negatives in her situation. After all, since she had no information, there was a chance that there were no positives.
“No. My birth certificate wasn’t even in there,” Mumbling, Nikita admitted. Michael should’ve known that, though. He had read her file when she had arrived in Division. Also, years ago, she had asked him about what he had read in there. He had said that it was only a summary of her childhood, not an official report. When she had eventually poured over it, nothing had changed. It was the same basic information she had always known. There was no paper trail of her family anywhere. She had nothing to cling to or follow.
Gently pulling his wife into his arms, Michael tilted her chin up so she’d look at him. Just because Division hadn’t had exact details of her past didn’t mean no one did. He was certain that if they started searching, they could find something. It wasn’t completely hopeless. Nikita could someday have all the information she needed, “If you still want to look for your family, we can. You can do some investigating, take a DNA test…”
“And have another organization have my DNA on file, no thanks,” Nikita quickly shut that idea down. She’d be lying if she said that she had never considered it. However, the thought of giving her DNA to some random company didn’t sit well with her. Division and The Shop had had her DNA and they could’ve done horrific things with it. She doubted a civilian company would do the same thing, yet it still wasn’t something she was willing to mess with.
“Yeah. I can’t really fight you on that one,” Flexing his prosthetic, Michael muttered. They probably weren’t going to encounter another organization like The Shop, but that wasn’t something they were willing to risk.
Despite relaxing in her husband’s arms, Nikita didn’t seem to be completely present in the moment. Her gaze shifted towards an unfocused point, and she became lost in deep thought. Michael gave her a second to collect herself before he expected her to continue the conversation; the topic wasn’t something they could rush through. It also wasn’t something they had to have a solution for at that very moment. However, Nikita remained in her head. Michael had to draw her out to ensure she didn’t remain permanently lost there, “What are you thinking?”
“I don’t think I care anymore,” Connecting her eyes with her husband, Nikita shrugged. Yes, she still wanted to know who her parents were. But it wasn’t an all consuming need like it once had been. She could live the rest of her life not knowing, and she would be completely fine. She didn’t need to find them in order to have a family. She had a very real one right in front of her, “I mean, I have the family I built on my own. Who cares about the one who gave me up.”
“Even if they had given you up for a good reason?” Michael hadn’t expected that response from Nikita. Though, he was glad that she was beyond content with living the rest of her life with the family she had built. She didn’t need her birth parents to be happy. All she needed was him and their friends.
“If it was for a good reason, then I owe it to them to be happy and not dwell on the past, huh?” Nikita tenderly caressed Michael’s stubbled cheek. Although she had desperately needed to know why she had been abandoned to foster care when she had been a kid, as an adult, she had realized that there were good reasons for letting your child go. Michael had demonstrated that to her years ago with Max. Sometimes, the safest place for a child was away from their parents. It wasn’t ideal. But as long as they were happy and safe, then it was worth it.
“Yeah,” Michael kissed his wife’s palm. The two had talked about that before when he had led Cassandra and Max go. It wasn’t something they had to revisit then. He was okay with his decision. His son was safe and could be happy, after all.
Watching Michael begin to lose himself to his thoughts, Nikita stepped even closer into his hold. Wherever his mind had gone, he could share it with her. She’d comfort him and assure him in any way he needed, “What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking we finally go to bed,” Michael flashed his wife a crooked smile. There was nothing left for them to talk about. They had come to the conclusions they had needed to when it came to their families, and they knew they were in a far better place then than they ever had been. The married couple could return to their unbridled joy and happiness. And Michael could continue to wish to live in that day forever- the good, the bad, and the weird.
“Ooh, yes,” Excitedly wrapping her arms around his neck, Nikita beamed. She and Michael resumed their heated, passionate kisses and shuffled towards their bedroom, clothes disappearing along the way. Nothing could interrupt them then. They were back to having the perfect blissful day- happy forever with the life and family they had built together.
Chapter 98
Notes:
Set after 3x10 "Brave New World". Salex try to make a cake for family dinner, but things keep getting in their way.
Chapter Text
“Great! So we have all the ingredients… but where’s your mixer?” Glancing around Alex’s bare kitchen, Sean lost some of his enthusiasm.
Jill’s kids were recovering from their illness, which meant that family dinner with Alex was back on. She was extremely excited to meet her boyfriend’s sisters, so much so that she decided to bring a homemade dessert. Sean absolutely adored his girlfriend’s eagerness and desire to make his family happy. However, he also knew her baking abilities. She was going to need serious help baking a cake from scratch. Fortunately, both were able to get the entire day off from their various Division and Navy duties, so they could spend as much time as needed trying and failing to bake together.
Opening and closing her mostly empty cabinets, Alex shrugged. She and Sean had spent most of the morning looking up recipes and buying ingredients from the grocery store. They were more than prepared to start baking. The only things they were missing were the baking equipment Alex’s kitchen sorely lacked, “I don’t think I have one.”
Sean should’ve expected that. He knew Alex hardly cooked, let alone baked. Of course she wouldn’t have a stand mixer. But that would be alright. The recipe they were following wasn’t too difficult. There could be other ways they could mix the ingredients, “Okay… we can probably use a hand mixer, or just a whisk.”
“I don’t have those either,” Alex closed the last empty drawer. She and Sean should’ve taken stock of the tools in her kitchen, not just the food she had had, before they had gone to the store. Neither should’ve assumed they could’ve just started baking- not in her kitchen, at least.
“You wanted to make the cake at your apartment, but you don’t have any baking supplies?” Sean scoffed. Alex had made a huge deal about wanting to make the cake in her apartment and drive to his sister’s house with the dessert rather than bake in his apartment in D.C. He hadn’t put up much of a fight since his kitchen didn’t have that much more food or supplies than hers. But he had assumed she had at least some of the tools they would need. He didn’t think that she wouldn’t even have a whisk.
“You said it yourself: my oven is way better than yours,” Alex argued. The last time they had made homemade pizza together, Sean had commented that her oven worked way better than his. Since that was the case, the perfect cake she wanted to make should’ve been made with the better oven. Also, on the rare occasion that she had cooked, she had managed to do just fine with the few things she had in her kitchen. Baking shouldn’t have been that different, “Also, I figured we could make do, like when we cook.”
“Cooking and baking are two drastically different things. We need actual equipment and tools, which means another shopping trip,” Although he was a little annoyed, Sean wasn’t mad at Alex. He had learned long ago to just accept and enjoy the process with her. It made things far more enjoyable. And he always wanted to have fun with her.
Alex deflated against the kitchen counter. She had just gotten back from the store; she didn’t want to go back out, hunt down all the things they needed, and fight the crowds to check out and return home. There had to be an easier solution to their shortsightedness. Thankfully, after another second of thought, Alex was able to think of one, “Wait. Nikita made cupcakes for Michael’s birthday. I think she might have all the stuff we need.”
Quickly, Alex texted Nikita, who thankfully was also taking the day off, what was going on and what she needed. It didn’t take her best friend long to reply with a yes and an invitation to come right over. Alex beamed, “Okay. She says we can borrow it. While I walk down and get it, why don’t you make a list of exactly what we need.”
“It’ll be a long list. Walk safe,” Sean smirked. Alex barely had time to roll her eyes before her boyfriend kissed her goodbye. Her smile turned dreamy, and she hardly remembered to grab a box and her keys as she left her apartment.
It was only a short walk to Nikita’s apartment building. They lived within a block or two, which made hanging out and getting bites to eat together extremely easy. Alex was banging on her best friend’s door in no time, intentionally trying to annoy her, “I’m here to steal your shit.”
“You need that big of a box for a stand mixer?” Throwing open the door, Nikita glared. She had barely read Alex’s text message. All she had seen was that she and Sean were trying to bake for family dinner, and she knew that they’d be missing supplies. However, Nikita didn’t think it was so much that it could fill a giant box.
“Sean texted me a list of other things I need. Apparently, I don’t have any baking supplies,” Alex immediately made her way to Nikita’s kitchen. She had felt her phone buzz often as she had walked. Sean had been right about it being a big list. She didn’t have a single thing they needed for her perfect homemade cake.
After Alex texted her boyfriend that she had arrived, Nikita scrolled through the texts to see everything that was needed. The stand mixer, cake pans, cake container (for when they drove to Sean’s sister’s house) and parchment paper were expected items. Alex never baked, so of course she didn’t have those. But according to the list, she didn’t even have basic kitchen tools. Nikita scoffed in disbelief, “You don’t even have mixing bowls, a whisk, or measuring cups? How have you been cooking?”
“I can make do with what I have,” Once again, Alex defended herself. Her best friend didn’t believe her as easily as her boyfriend did, however. Nikita shot her a disbelieving look that instantly made her crumble, “There’s also a lot of takeout and leftovers- and some of those leftovers come from you.”
“Honestly, at this point, you should just hire a personal chef,” Nikita rolled her eyes. She didn’t cook that much more often than Alex- especially recently. But at least she had recipes, food, and cooking supplies whenever she did.
“Ooh. That’s tempting,” With all the money that Alex had, she shouldn’t continue to live like she had used to. She should find more creative ways to feed herself. Though, honestly, since she had started dating Sean, she learned she could rely on him for food. He’d cook, or teach her how to cook, whenever takeout became too much. So why hire a chef when she already had the perfect man milling around her kitchen.
Nudging Alex as she passed, Nikita chuckled and began to fill the box with baking tools and supplies. After she had completed everything on the list, she also added some frosting bags, decorating tips, and food coloring. That way, Alex wouldn’t be over later, demanding more things, “Here. I’m gonna give you some decorating stuff too- make your cake all pretty.”
“Thank you!” Alex beamed. She could make her perfect cake look better than she had imagined with the added supplies. She’d have to find a way to save Nikita a piece as a thankyou.
While the women had been filling the box with baking supplies, Michael had been folding laundry in the other room. Alex’s excited voice had eventually grabbed his attention, however, and he soon poked his head out to quip, “Hey, Alex. Finally learning how to make things other than pizza and burgers?”
“You’re home!” Alex couldn’t help but exclaim when she saw Michael. She excitedly glanced at the engaged couple, so utterly glad that they had worked on whatever they were going through and were finally mending their relationship, “When Ryan said Nikita was also taking time off, I thought it was because her concussion was way worse than she was willing to admit. I didn’t think it was because you two were…”
Midway through her sentence, Alex finally noticed the expressions on the engaged couple’s faces. Michael appeared ashamed of himself; he looked away from Alex and seemed to be having an internal war with himself. Nikita, on the other hand, shot her best friend a panicked, warning look. Then was not the time to bring that up. The two were mending slowly, trying to get back to how things used to be without dissolving into any arguments. The fact that Michael hadn’t been home was a particularly sore subject- especially since Nikita had almost been killed without him noticing. It should not have been brought up by Alex.
She should probably leave right that moment. Grabbing the heavy box of baking supplies, Alex awkwardly shuffled backwards towards the door, “Thank you again for this, but uh… I should go. Sean’s waiting.”
“Make sure to clean all that stuff before you return it. And text me when you’re home,” Nikita opened the door for Alex. She quickly nodded and left the engaged couple alone again. Hopefully, with her gone, they’d be able to talk instead of just standing there awkwardly.
Before she stepped out onto the street, Alex set down the box and texted Sean that she was on her way. She made sure that he had read the text before she picked the heavy, cumbersome box up again and staggered down the sidewalk towards her apartment building. She half-considered texting Sean to just meet her on the street and carry the box for her when- all of a sudden- a man stepped in front of her path. Alex barely managed to stumble to a stop before she slammed into him. He didn’t mind, however. He simply smiled, “I’m sorry to bother you, but that’s a really nice looking stand mixer. I was wondering where you bought it.”
“Oh. It’s actually not mine; it’s my friend’s. But I think she got it at like Target or something,” Alex readjusted her grip on the box. She wasn’t exactly sure where Nikita bought all her stuff; it probably came from different stores as she and Michael had slowly decorated and supplied their apartment. But Target was a good place to suggest. Alex and Nikita (and Sonya at times) liked to aimlessly wander the aisles there, after all.
“I’m Bryan. I’m new in town, and I’m still figuring out where everything is. Do you think we could swap numbers, and you could text me the address?” The strange man continued to smile brightly at Alex. Except, whatever genial feelings she had had towards him instantly vanished. Telling him where Nikita had potentially bought her stand mixer was one thing, giving him her phone number, however, was completely out of the question. Where did that guy even get off turning a simple conversation into something gross and opportunistic. Why couldn’t he just ask a neighborly question, then leave.
“It’s Target. You can just look it up,” Alex tried to give the man her best ‘fuck off’ face. But she was afraid that it came off as more of an uncomfortable grimace. She used the cumbersome box to keep her distance from the man and began to inch around him.
She wasn’t fast enough to escape him, unfortunately. He stepped in front of her again, racked his eyes over her, and continued to push his luck, “Look, I normally don’t do this, but I would really like to take you out for a coffee sometime.”
Alex’s heart dropped to her stomach at the stranger’s admission. She clutched the box tighter against her and stuttered uncomfortably, “Oh, no. I have a boyfriend.”
“Not like that. We can go as just friends. You can introduce me to the city. Or we can just swap numbers or something,” The man continued as though Alex’s response didn’t matter. Alarm bells began to ring loudly in her head. She had to escape that conversation. No matter what she said or did, that man- whose name she had completely forgotten- would keep pressing and pressing until he got the answer he wanted. How Alex felt or thought didn’t matter. He only wanted his own satisfaction. She had to escape before that ever happened.
Unfortunately, the man had her path blocked on the sidewalk. Alex didn’t think she could get around him, especially with the heavy box in her hands. She had to find some other way out of there. Glancing quickly around her, she noticed some people crossing the street. If she backed up a little bit, she could be on the crosswalk. Then, she could cross the street and be as far away from the guy as possible. She’d have to cross the street again in order to get to her building, yet she didn’t care. As long as she was away from him, she’d be fine, “Again. No.”
“You’re really beautiful. I’d really like to take you out,” The man tried one last attempt to get Alex to go out with him. In her opinion, that was his worst move yet. She wanted nothing more to escape that conversation and never ever see him again. If she had to drop the box of baking supplies so she could make a hasty exit, she would. She just couldn’t be there anymore.
“Okay. No. I gotta go,” Alex stepped off the curve of the sidewalk and hurried across the street without looking for cars. The other pedestrians crossing let her know she was safe, but she wasn’t entirely sure that was the case until she looked behind her. The man who had pressed so hard for her number lost interest in her the second she walked away. He simply waved her off and continued walking on the sidewalk as though nothing had happened.
She kept her eyes on him until she lost sight of him in the crowd of people. Then, she finally made her way home.
By the time Alex returned home, the bright happiness she had felt that morning had completely disappeared. She dragged her feet to the kitchen and unceremoniously dropped the box on the kitchen counter. Sean grinned at her, yet she didn’t have the energy to return it, “Hey. That took a bit. The box slow you down?”
When all Alex did was slump against the counter, Sean instantly went on red alert. He ignored the cake, the recipe, and the supplies, and just focused all of his attention on his suddenly upset girlfriend, “What is it?”
A part of Alex wanted to tell Sean everything about what had happened. Except, she couldn’t form the right words to phrase it. After all, in the grand scheme of things, her conversation with that man wasn’t a big deal. It had only been a weird and off putting encounter. It wasn’t worth thinking about anymore. Alex should just try to move on with the rest of her day, “Nothing. Nothing. I just need to text Nikita that I’m here.”
Sean waited for Alex to finish texting Nikita before he attempted to ask what had happened again. Clearly, her walk back from their friend’s apartment hadn’t been as uneventful as he had hopped. She had seen or heard or experienced something that had greatly upset her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah,” Alex expelled a shaky breath. She was safe and sound. There had been no real threat. She was fine. Except, she couldn’t stop thinking about the man and how he wouldn’t leave her alone. She couldn’t even redirect her focus towards the thought of making her perfect homemade cake for Sean’s family. That man had completely dragged her down. She had to say something to expel him from her mind. And, also, her boyfriend deserved to know if a creep had tried to pick her up or not, “It’s just… there was this guy on the street…”
“What happened?” Sean demanded harshly. If there was a creep out there who had hurt Alex, then he was prepared to hunt him down. He wouldn’t be able to get away with what he did. Sean would make him pay in all the worst ways possible.
“Nothing. He just kept asking for my phone number, and he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. And he was just being pushy. He didn’t touch me or follow me. He was just weird,” Alex instantly dispelled Sean’s worries. She hadn’t been in any immediate danger. The man had only been pushy about getting her number and not accepting a ‘no’. It wasn’t really anything to get too worked up about. Though, Alex continued to feel like shit after the encounter.
“I’m surprised you didn’t tell him off,” Sean tried to lighten the mood, yet he wasn’t certain how well it had worked. Alex continued to fidget with the ends of her hair, worry her lip between her teeth, and glance at everything in the room but him.
“I want to now. But in the moment… I don’t know… I just kinda froze,” Alex huffed. She had a lot of choice words floating around in her head that she wanted to yell at that man. She simply wished she had been able to think of them during the conversation. Maybe he would’ve left her alone sooner. Or maybe things would’ve escalated and she wouldn’t have been able to walk back to her apartment.
Alex’s shoulders were so tense, Sean could actually see her muscles tightening. He attempted to soothe her with a gentle touch. And although her shoulders dropped back down, she was nowhere near alright. Her anxiety continued to run high, as did her frustrations towards that man and towards herself, “In all other situations, my fight or flight instincts are purely on fight. I mean, if I saw that guy hit on another woman like that- like if I had been with Nikita or Sonya- I would’ve fought back. But during moments like those… when I’m by myself, all I want to do is run. By myself… it’s just… it’s harder to just protect myself.”
“It’s scary when you’re alone. You don’t know what’s gonna happen,” Sean ran a soothing hand along Alex’s bicep. He had heard his sisters and girl friends have similar conversations. No matter how tough they were, during moments like the one Alex had experienced, all bravado left them. The focus shifted from fighting back to running away. It was easier and safer to de-escalate things rather than potentially make things worse. After all, one wrong word or one wrong move could make a terrifying encounter turn into another statistic.
“Nothing would’ve. I mean, it was in broad daylight, and other people were around. But… it’s just so hard to not think of the worst sometimes. Like, I couldn’t help but feel that that was when something bad was going to happen,” Alex confirmed what Sean had said. She wasn’t in any real danger, but it didn’t matter. When the man continued to not listen to her, she lost all of her Division and rogue training. She was no longer Alex the spy, or assassin, or doubleagent, or even heiress. She was a scared little girl, terrified of the men who leered at her and took what they wanted from her. And she hated it. She hated being so scared and so helpless.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” Sean replied softly. He didn’t know what else he could say or do to make it better, so he just wrapped Alex in a tight embrace. She instantly crashed her head against his sturdy chest and held him tightly. He kept her in his arms for as long as he could, swaying her gently and placing tender kisses to her crown. It wasn’t until she was completely relaxed that he kissed her temple, slightly lessened his grip, and whispered sweetly, “Is there anything I can do?”
Honestly, the best way Alex knew to release the frustration and uncomfortable feelings in her chest was to rant about them. But she didn’t think Sean would’ve wanted to hear her say how much she hated men. That was better reserved for her best friend or her mother. Her boyfriend, on the other hand, could just keep kissing her and holding her in his strong, warm arms, “Another hug?”
“Of course,” Sean chuckled softly. He gladly squeezed his girlfriend tightly again and cradled her head as she laid it against his chest once more. The two swayed slightly back and forth, letting comfort and warmth wash over them. A loving embrace like that one was the best medicine either of them could think of, and it truly worked as a perfect balm. Alex was soon able to hum in contentment and be one hundred percent at ease. Finally, she could convince herself that it really was okay and that she was one hundred percent safe and sound.
Thoughts of the cake ingredients sitting on the counter made Sean want to pull away from the embrace. He could deal with those and make the dessert while Alex continued to calm down. He knew she’d want to talk about what had happened more, preferably to another woman who would know exactly what she had gone through. He could give her the chance to do that as he baked. He was okay by himself if she was being comforted, “I can bake the cake by myself if you wanna call Nikita or your mom.”
“No. I wanna make the cake with you. That jerk shouldn’t ruin the rest of my day,” Alex pulled enough away from Sean’s embrace to look at him as she responded. She still really wanted to make a homemade cake with her boyfriend. She wanted to have fun and to bring smiles to family dinner. A terrible moment while walking home shouldn’t have stolen that from her. It couldn’t have that much power over her.
Though, Alex was fairly certain that she would call Nikita in the morning and try to schedule a lunch date with her. She definitely still wanted to rant to her best friend- to someone who’d completely understand her frustrations and anxiety- about what had happened. She also wanted to catch up on what was occurring in Nikita’s life. There were a lot of new developments, specifically with her fiancé, “Besides, I’ll probably just call Nikita tomorrow. She’s gonna be too busy with Michael tonight.”
“Michael’s home?” Sean asked, delightfully surprised. The last he had heard regarding the engaged couple was their adventure in Kosovo. Though, based on what Alex had told him about the mission, he wasn’t shocked to discover that what had happened had finally caused a change in Michael’s and Nikita’s strained relationship. It had taken a life or death situation for Sean to get his priorities regarding Alex straight, after all, “Hearing his fiancée almost die probably snapped him out of it.”
“You should’ve seen his face when it happened. He absolutely snapped out of it,” Alex snickered. Now that Nikita was safe and sound, making comments on how Michael had reacted to the situation was way easier. In fact, Alex could make a lot of jokes about it. Yet she wasn’t going to do so at that moment. There were far more important things she could’ve been doing, like making the perfect cake with her boyfriend, “But let’s stop talking, and start baking, huh?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Sean instantly agreed. He and Alex dissolved into bright laughter that made following the recipe difficult at first. But they soon figured it out, and after some trial and error, had the perfect cake to bring to their happy family dinner.
The more time Alex spent smiling and joking around with Sean, the more she forgot about the man on the street and the creeped out feelings he had given her. He in no way could occupy the same space in her mind as her boyfriend. She’d forget about him completely and he’d have no impact on her life. Unlike Sean. She was going to keep him and the happiness and comfort he brought her forever.
Chapter 99
Notes:
Set after 2x02 "Falling Ash". The rogues deal with some nightmares.
Chapter Text
Michael woke with a start.
He wasn’t surprised to have had a nightmare. With the resurgence of P9, past actions haunted him wherever he went. He was going to have nightmares about what he had seen and heard on Operation Falling Ash for a while. It was nothing completely new. Demons from past missions and actions haunted him all the time. He had more or less found ways to cope with them and could sometimes go back to sleep. Unfortunately, nightmares like the one he had just had weren’t the ones he could settle his racing heart from. He was going to be awake the rest of the night trying to fight back those demons and fears. He was lucky he didn’t need much sleep.
He was also lucky to turn over and see Nikita sound asleep beside him. She was sprawled out across the mattress, taking up an incredible amount of space for such a small person. One of her feet nearly kicked him while the other dangled off the bed. She had one hand snaked under a pillow and the other held the comforter over half of her face. Her long, dark hair was splayed all around her, and a little bit of drool spilled past her parted full lips. As graceful and refined as Nikita was when she was awake, in sleep she was the exact opposite. The fact made Michael smile, and he reached over to clear her hair and the comforter from her face.
Although he knew better than to disturb Nikita while she slept, Michael couldn’t stop himself from continuing to caress her cheek. Even in sleep, she was so alive that she took his breath away. Her presence was definitely known; there was no ignoring her. Not that Michael would ever want to. He wanted to keep touching her, staring at her, scooting so close to her that they shared breath. He could never let her go.
He could never lose her.
His nightmare about the P9 victims- both new and old- was horrifically twisted with thoughts of her suffering like they had. The sounds of her struggling over the coms bounced around his head. Her screams of fear and pain- heart wrenching sounds he had prayed he’d never have to hear again- plagued his thoughts. Her blood covered the walls, her body, and his hands. Everywhere he went, she suffered. No matter what he did, she was always screaming and bleeding. Michael kept losing Nikita over and over and over again.
Even awake, Michael couldn’t shake those terrifying images from his nightmare. If it hadn’t been for Birkhoff’s and Owen’s help, it could’ve all been true; Michael could’ve lost Nikita to Mars. He was beyond grateful that he hadn’t. His heart swelled at the fact that he could continue to see her, touch her, hold her, kiss her. She wasn’t stolen from him. She never would be; he’d make certain of that.
Unfortunately, as Michael tried to hold Nikita in her sleep, she grumpily turned away from him. He had bothered her too much. She made an irritated sound, and she rolled to her side, pulling her outstretched limbs into a tight ball. Michael bit his lip to keep himself from chuckling. She was so touchy and lovey-dovey when awake. But asleep, she was so grouchy; she hardly wanted to deal with his cuddling or caresses. Any sweet moment he wanted to have with her during the night never lasted long. She’d always rather sleep than do anything else.
Knowing that Nikita consistently suffered from nightmares, Michael couldn’t fault her for trying to sleep whenever she could. He’d prefer it if she was less grouchy (and mean), but he really should let her enjoy her rest. He could cuddle with her later- probably while they were watching a movie or something. At that moment, he should try to get some sleep as well. After the mission the rogues had had, he deserved the rest.
However, everytime he closed his eyes, he remembered his nightmare and what had happened to Nikita.
Michael couldn’t stay in bed any longer. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t keep bothering Nikita. He needed to do something else to occupy his mind. Getting water from the kitchen seemed like the best solution. The walk, the open air, and the hydration would do his mind good. He could breathe and settle down and constantly remind himself that his love was not lost. Nikita was safe and sound, and so was he. No one was losing each other like he had been made to believe. The sky wasn’t going to turn dark again.
Quietly and gently so as not to disturb his girlfriend again, Michael slipped out of bed. Nikita usually woke whenever she heard a door open, so he did his very best to sneak out of their bedroom while barely opening the double doors. He didn’t hear the telltale gasp from Nikita that told him she was awake, which greatly relieved Michael. His nightmare and ways to cope didn’t affect her. Though, he was certain that when she did eventually wake and didn’t see him next to her, she’d make him talk about it. By then he’d be calm and controlled enough to discuss his nightmare- at least, he really hoped so.
When he neared the kitchen, Michael saw that the light was already on. He thought that he and Nikita had turned all the lights off when they had turned in for the night- Birkhoff having gone to bed long before them. It wasn’t like either of them to miss something like that. There must’ve been something wrong with the switch or the wiring.
Or, more accurately, Michael wasn’t the only one awake in the safehouse. As he stepped into the room, he noticed that Birkhoff was grabbing a midnight (more like 3 A.M) snack. The agent wasn’t too shocked to see the hacker up and alert. It was easy to guess that he had had a similar nightmare. So Michael didn’t say anything as he moved about the kitchen. He simply reached around Birkhoff to grab a glass from the cupboard. As he did, the hacker finally noticed him and nearly jumped out of his skin, “Jesus. I thought I was the only one awake.”
“Couldn’t sleep,” Michael shrugged, pouring himself a glass of water. It wasn’t much of an explanation, but he honestly didn’t need to say much. Birkhoff was already nodding in understanding. Memories of Falling Ash had already kept them awake for days. What was one more night of mental anguish.
“P9?” It was more of a huff than a question, yet Birkhoff had to ensure that he wasn’t the only one being chased by demons. If someone else was around that knew what he was going through, then it’d make it easier to talk about. Or just vaguely hint at since talking was far too painful and difficult, especially at three o’clock in the morning when they were both battling the aftershocks of nightmares.
“Yeah. Something like that,” Around a sip of water, Michael muttered. P9 was undoubtedly the root of his nightmare, but there were a lot more horrors than that. He didn’t want to delve into them then, though. So, he turned the conversation towards Birkhoff despite already knowing the answer to his question, “You?”
“Yeah…” Birkhoff sighed. He tossed aside the popcorn he had grabbed from the pantry, no longer hungry. Helping the latest victims of P9 had helped a lot with the nightmares and haunted memories. However, delving deeper into Falling Ash on the black box had not. Secrets like those should’ve been locked away. Those kinds of monsters should not be out in the open. Even if they were battled away, their shadows lingered for far longer than they should’ve, “Their screams, man…”
“It’s hard to forget,” Michael agreed softly. He had told Nikita before that there was some good to Division. Stopping the corrupt and helping the innocent when others couldn’t was something great that Division had done. Falling Ash, however, was no one of those instances. All those innocent people didn’t deserve to die. They should’ve gotten help. Division should’ve been a real rescue team.
Tense silence filled the kitchen. Neither Michael nor Birkhoff knew what else to say. The best comfort either of them could provide was that they had saved the P9 victims that time. No one else would be hurt like that ever again because of them. Yet, both of them already knew that. It didn’t need to be said again.
There were other things the men could discuss. The problem was starting the conversation. Birkhoff copied Michael and poured himself a glass of water. Hopefully, that would fill the silence. And hopefully taking sips could give him the courage to state the others thoughts running in his mind. They weren’t as terrifying as Falling Ash and P9, but they were as heavy. The hacker didn’t know how to move past them. But maybe Michael could help, “Can I tell you something else on my mind? And I’m only gonna say it because Nikki keeps saying that talking helps, and I wanna see if she’s right.”
“Who do you think has to keep telling her that?” Michael scoffed. Nikita always helped others with their pain and suffering, but she never took the same advice she dished out. She had a big heart. However, at times it almost seemed like she didn’t deem herself worthy of her own care and affection. Michael didn’t like whenever she did that. Yet he didn’t know how to make her stop. One day, he’d figure it out and help Nikita help herself. Until then, he’d simply match her stubbornness with his own.
“Yeah, I figured,” Birkhoff couldn’t help but chuckle. Neither Michael nor Nikita could claim to be more emotionally mature than the other- both definitely had their problems. Bur Michael was better at getting Nikita to talk and listen better than anyone else. Whatever advice she had to help people express their problems came from him. He continued to be her teacher.
The kitchen was soon filled with silence once more. Although a part of Michael would rather not talk about what was plaguing their minds, he knew that wasn’t healthy. Also, he knew it was rare for Birkhoff to open up like that. He shouldn’t let him close off again. The hacker should be given the chance to talk. His fears had to be absolved and his problems had to be solved too, “What’s up?”
Expelling a heavy breath, Birkhoff took another sip of water. He didn’t know how exactly to start. He didn’t think he could share every single part of the nightmare that had woken him just yet. Yet maybe he could share a part of it- the less scary and screamy part, “Alicia… She just uh… she had a huge life ahead of her, you know.”
“She still does,” Michael immediately reassured. The team had successfully stopped Alicia from following her heinous brainwashing and had gotten her the help she needed. The P9 conditioning would be wiped away soon, she’d remain clean, and she could continue doing great things in her life. All hope hadn’t been lost with her. No corrupt, vile people had completely stolen her life. Her future was bright.
“Yeah. I know,” Not looking at Michael, Birkhoff grumbled. He had gathered that much while watching the news report. What had happened wouldn’t hurt Alicia. She would be safe and happy. And she wouldn’t remember a damn thing.
Studying Birkhoff, Michael tried to understand where his sudden dejectedness came from. He remembered the hacker staring longingly at the news report featuring Alicia. And when she had claimed that she couldn’t recall the last few weeks, he had looked so sad. He had said that he and Alicia had talked for a bit while the others were at the Vory clinic. But he didn’t say about what. Michael was starting to get an idea then. He glanced at Birkhoff with amusement as he wondered, “Do you like her?”
“She uh… she knows her way around computers,” Not doing too great of a job at hiding his blush, Birkhoff admitted. He and Alicia hadn’t spoken for long, but he had enjoyed talking to her. She was funny, smart, kind, and had all the same interests as him. He would’ve really liked to have gotten to know her better. Unfortunately, he would never get the chance.
“You like her,” Nudging his friend, Michael smirked. He had never seen Birkhoff with a crush before. He knew he was a flirt when it came to women, especially on the internet. But what he felt for Alicia was entirely different. He liked her- really liked her.
“Doesn’t really matter now, does it,” Pushing his water away from him, Birkhoff huffed. He wasn’t exactly sure if he wanted a relationship or even a friendship with Alicia, but what he wanted didn’t matter. Alicia forgot all about him and reaching out to her could be too dangerous. She was safe from P9 and Division. Birkhoff couldn’t endanger her. He should just let her go and forget all about what he had felt.
Setting down his glass of water, Michael dropped his smirk and any tease he could’ve said to the hacker. He hadn’t realized how upset Birkhoff was at Alicia forgetting him. Though, he couldn’t fault him for that. The amount of loss the team of rogues suffered because of Division was immeasurable. And it always seemed to hurt, no matter what that loss was. Comfortingly, Michael clapped a hand onto Birkhoff’s shoulder and tried to think of the best way to make it better for him, “I’m sorry, Buddy.”
Shaking his head, Birkhoff negated the need for sympathy. He would be alright. There was nothing to truly get hung up over. After all, it wasn’t as though he and Alicia could’ve had a real relationship, not with Division and Oversight in the way, “It probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. Not in this war.”
Birkhoff expected Michael to deny the claim and say something sappy about his relationship with Nikita. But when he glanced at the agent, he saw that he was lost in thought. Something he had said caused his friend to spiral and fall into deep, contemplative silence. Birkhoff couldn’t figure it out by studying him. For a brief moment, he feared that there was something terrible going on behind the scenes that he wasn’t aware of. But that couldn’t have been right, not with Michael and Nikita, “No comments?”
“Mhmm? Oh. It’s nothing,” Michael shook his head. A part of him did want to argue with Birkhoff’s assumption about relationships and their war with Division, yet he had become too lost in thought. Another conversation had come to mind, and he couldn’t shake it loose. Especially since it was at fault for some of his nightmare.
“Everything’s not all good in paradise?” Birkhoff taunted. He highly doubted that that was true. If the couple was comfortable making out in front of him, then there wasn’t anything to worry about with their relationship. Michael and Nikita were secure and gross in their love; they hadn’t fought for years to be together for it to not be. Birkhoff believed that their love would always be that strong for as long as they both shall live.
“No. It’s not that. It’s just…” Michael struggled to find the right words. Nothing was wrong with him and Nikita. Their earlier fight had been resolved, and they were as happy together as ever. Their relationship wasn’t the problem. It was everything else around them that troubled Michael. Specifically, something Owen had said about the war and their relationship. But Michael shouldn’t put too much stock into his words. Owen didn’t know what he was talking about. He had been separated from the team for months. He didn’t know what Michael and Nikita had gone through just to be together, “There was something Owen said. It’s stupid.”
“What he says normally is,” Birkhoff scoffed. He had only spoken briefly with the former Cleaner, but he already knew that he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. No wonder Percy had reassigned him as a Guardian. He was better suited for a role that didn’t require thinking.
Michael didn’t respond to Birkhoff’s quip. He was still trying to sort out his thoughts about the situation. The hacker could’ve left him to do that alone. But he had gotten him to talk; he should return the favor, “What was it?”
“Nothing. Just… he told me to take Nikita and run before we lose each other. Because that’s always what happens when Division’s involved. People lose each other,” Michael admitted slowly. He was aware that it was ridiculous to be so hung up on what Owen had said in the car. He wasn’t going to lose Nikita. She wasn’t Emily and Daniel, and she wasn’t Hayley and Elizabeth. Michael wasn’t going to have his love ripped away from him again. She was going to stubbornly stay by his side forever.
Though, there had been that terrifying moment where he did almost lose her. Nikita had saved herself from Mars and the Venezuelans, and Owen and Michael removed the rest of the treats. Yet if things hadn’t gone the rogues’ way- if Birkhoff hadn’t been available to hack the clinic- Nikita could’ve been brainwashed or killed or…
Michael shouldn’t dwell on that fear any longer. Nikita was safe and sound, and he should just cling to that. His nightmares wouldn’t become reality, no matter how terrifying they were, “It doesn’t help that almost immediately after he said that, something happened to Nikita.”
“Is she okay?” Birkhoff wondered. Nikita hadn’t talked about what had happened at the Vory clinic; though, that was probably because she was more focused on helping Alicia. She had seemed fine. She had even managed to threaten him. Whatever threat had been made didn’t appear to have affected her too deeply. Then again, if it had, Birkhoff wouldn’t have been the first to know. Michael would’ve had to have pried that information out of her, and he’d have to be the one to share it with Birkhoff, “Mars didn’t…”
“No. No. No one touched her. Thank God. She’s fine,” Immediately, Michael dismissed Birkhoff’s worry. Nikita had admitted that she had been scared when she had been grabbed and pinned down. But after battling her fear, the situation hadn’t been anything she couldn’t handle. She was fine. She was as strong and capable as ever, “In fact, she had everyone knocked out by the time Owen and I caught up with her.”
“Nikki can definitely take care of herself,” Birkhoff chuckled. It was a relief to hear that Nikita was not only okay, but could also always save herself. There was no situation too great for the infamous rogue. She could consistently kick ass and take names. Which meant that whatever Owen had been talking about couldn’t possibly be true. Michael and Nikita wouldn’t lose each other. They’d fight tooth and nail to make sure that ever happened, “Man, you shouldn’t listen to Owen. He doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. Nothing’s gonna happen to you and Nikita. You’re both way too stubborn and protective.”
Rolling his eyes, Michael nudged Birkhoff. The hacker was right; he shouldn’t listen to Owen’s doom and gloom. That pessimistic way of thinking had the chance to harm him and Nikita more than a mission could. Besides, there were more concerning things that Owen was doing than stating an ill-advised warning. Michael still hadn’t been able to comprehend how the former Cleaner had gotten his expensive equipment, and he had never been forthcoming about it, “I don’t know what to think about Owen. Did you know he had like ten thousand dollars worth of gear with him? Where does he even get that kind of money?”
“How’d you and Nikki get yours?” Curious, Birkhoff asked. The couple had to have had some money before they began mooching off of him. And Nikita had to have had a steady supply of cash somewhere to be able to wage a war against Division. Where could all of that have come from. And- more importantly- where had it all gone.
“You know that few million dollars we were short on Operation Super Dollar?” Michael smirked. That theft wasn’t his to brag about, but he was incredibly proud of Nikita for her planning. She hadn’t escaped Division with nothing. She had managed to secure a living space and millions of dollars. She could’ve been set for life. But she had to take down Division- and not just for revenge. She had always done the right thing. And the right thing then was to end all the pain and destruction caused by Division and Oversight.
“That makes so much more sense,” Birkhoff was relieved to have so many mysteries solved at once. The theory in Division had been that Nikita was working for their enemies. But that obviously wasn’t true. She was just smarter and more badass than any of them could’ve possibly imagined. No wonder Michael would fight to hide his smiles at all the stuff she had done to fuck with Division; she was awe inspiring.
“Yeah. But when the loft blew, we lost some of that. So then we started stealing from bad guys,” Michael explained what happened to the rest of Nikita’s stolen money. She had managed to save some of it, but the majority was lost in the explosion. She and Michael then had to make do with what they could steal from black box baddies. They were lucky to be with Birkhoff and his fortune then. Running, gunning, and stealing was not a sustainable way to make the money needed for a war with Division. Which made the fact that Owen had ten thousand to drop on a weapon that much more troubling, “But it definitely wasn’t enough to get what Owen has.”
Birkhoff could’ve surmised that much. Michael and Nikita had gone on a shopping trip with his money to gather more food, clothes, supplies, and equipment. Funding a rebellion was definitely not a poor man’s game. He was so very lucky to have millions of dollars. There was no way, though, that Owen was rolling in that much cash. He had to have been doing something on the side. But Birkhoff couldn’t hazard a guess as to what, “So what do you think he’s doing?”
“What he has to do in order to survive alone,” Nikita answered from the entryway into the kitchen. Both Birkhoff and Michael startled at the sound of her voice. Neither had realized that she had woken up and joined them. She only smiled at their confusion and joined them in the room, “Hey. You guys having a party without me?”
“What did you do before attacking Division?” Michael blurted. She had never told him what she had been doing throughout the years before she had made her run at Division. He only had vague answers, like the fact that she had found then trained Alex. He didn’t know how she had kept her skills sharp; he didn’t know how she had found Alex; and he didn’t know how she had managed to survive alone for so long. She kept avoiding the topic whenever he brought it up. She did the same thing whenever he mentioned her childhood. There were things- dark, scary things- that she didn’t want to share with him. And he didn’t know if she ever would.
Nikita brushed her wild, sleep-mussed hair out of her face. She had woken from a nightmare to discover that Michael’s side of the bed was empty. The double doors were cracked open, so she figured he had gotten up for some water. Not being able to go back to sleep, she had gotten up to join him. Seeing him talking to Birkhoff was a nice surprise. However, it did deter her from talking about her past. She didn’t want to open that can of worms with the nerd around. She’d rather keep things light and breezy, “That’s a conversation for another night. Why don’t we spend this one celebrating the fact that we saved a whole bunch of people.”
“What do you have in mind?” Intrigued, Birkhoff asked. He’d prefer to have some fun instead of standing around and talking. The friends were due for some laughter and smiles- a return to how things used to be between them.
With a smirk, Nikita reached into the freezer to answer the nerd’s question. She dug around for a bit, then pulled out a tub of ice cream. Birkhoff gasped at the sight of it. How had he not known there was ice cream in his house, “What? How’d you hide that without me knowing?”
Nikita only shrugged in response. She grabbed a spoon from the drawer and moved to the table. Birkhoff hurriedly grabbed a spoon and followed. While the two sat and instantly dug into the tub, Michael remained in the kitchen. Someone had to be the sensible one and get them some dishes to put the ice cream in. While he did that, though, Nikita leaned back in her chair and called for him in a sing-song voice, “Mikey…”
“I’m getting bowls cause apparently I’m the responsible one,” Michael rolled his eyes. They could better control how much they ate if they had bowls. Also, there’d be less of a mess of germs and spilled ice cream. They shouldn’t be eating straight out of the tub. Just because they were rogue didn’t mean they were uncivilized.
“You’re the responsible one?” Birkhoff scoffed around a bite of ice cream. He could list off a whole bunch of examples of Michael being irresponsible. He wasn’t better than them just because he had grabbed bowls. That just meant he didn’t like to have fun.
“You put chips in the fridge,” Nikita argued. When she and Michael had moved into the nerd’s house, there had been a lot of housekeeping to do. The food situation had been the biggest offense. There had been more energy drinks and junk than actual food. Birkhoff had claimed that it was because he preferred takeout, but that wasn’t much of an excuse. Even if they ate out most of the time, they needed real food to stock the fridge and pantry.
As Michael scooped ice cream into bowls and returned the tub to the freezer, Birkhoff realized Nikita had a point. He was just as lucky to be with those two as they were to be with him. They definitely kept him in line and looked out for him. He was grateful to not be alone anymore. Especially since he had a stocked kitchen, “I will admit that I do appreciate the groceries that you have bought.”
“It’s almost like we’re better when we’re not alone,” Michael finally sat at the table. Although there was a strong desire at times to shoulder things all on their own, none of them had to. They had friends- a support system- to help them no matter what. From wars and nightmares to food and crushes, they had each other’s backs. They were a team through and through.
“Yeah. Let’s keep it that way,” Nikita held out her spoon like it was a glass. Michael and Birkhoff clinked their spoon against hers like they were striking a deal. Laughter immediately echoed throughout the safehouse. And it lasted well into the morning light.
Chapter 100
Notes:
Set pre-series, throughout the series, and post-series; the timeline's flexible. Nikita finally gets the family she always wanted.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“So, Nikita, what is it that you want?”
The counselor asked Nikita, already seeming bored with the mandatory session. He didn’t want to be there, and neither did Nikita. She knew that no matter what she said she would be marked as a problem- troubled- not worth anyone’s time. The boxes had already been checked off before she had walked through the door. The counselor had read her file, saw how she had been written about by other careless and tired counselors who hadn’t deemed her worthy of their time and patience, and copied the same words and concerns.
She was helpless- a lost cause. She should continue to be passed off- passed around- to be other people’s problem- their burden.
No one had actually wanted to hear what Nikita had to say. They didn’t care about her fears, her desires, her pain. Why should they? She was troubled. She was always going to be a problem. So why solve it? Why should they give a damn about her?
Nikita had learned quickly to not say anything. She wordlessly followed commands, silently shoved her clothes and scant belongings into trashbags, and didn’t fight the new ‘family’ she would be staying with until they didn’t want to handle her anymore. Speaking up was talking back, raising concerns was whining, disagreeing was more evidence that she was a problem child. Talking was pointless- about as pointless as her mandatory counseling sessions.
Even if she answered the counselor’s question, she would never get what she wanted most. Her desires would be completely ignored- unimportant to those who simply didn’t want her to be their problem anymore. All her words would fall upon deaf ears, like whenever she mentioned the pain that was inflicted on her. She was never believed, never taken seriously. So, why bother? Why should she speak up and speak out?
The counselor didn’t care whether she talked or not. He lost patience with her quickly, and turned his attention towards other things. Nikita curled into her chair and directed her gaze out the window. She didn’t bother to touch the toys in front of her. They were for younger kids anyway- kids who hadn’t lost hope yet. Nikita had lost her hope a long time ago- maybe around her fifth foster home. But then again, who was really counting how many ‘families’ didn’t think she was a good fit for them. They all sort of blurred together.
As did all the harsh words that had been yelled at her and the furious hands that had struck her.
Nikita curled her small body into a tight ball on the chair, trying to take up as little space as possible. It was always better that way. The less she was noticed, the less pain she would feel. She didn’t want to feel pain anymore. Yet she had already learned that that was too much to ask for. That desire was a pipedream. Every ‘family’ brought more of it. Being hurt was as inevitable as being moved to the next house.
She didn’t want to move to another house, however. She didn’t want new ‘parents’ with their short-lived smiles and promises that were soon to be broken. She didn’t want parents at all anymore. Not if they acted that careless and harsh- and they were always careless and harsh.
No, Nikita wanted more than parents. She wanted what the other kids had- the ones at school. They all had more family than she ever would. They had family that would stick by them no matter what. They had family that was so close it was impossible to separate from them (unless they were in foster care like her). They had instant best friends, partners, protectors. They had someone to lean on as they went through the hells of life together. They had someone who would always love them.
They had siblings.
Nikita really wanted a sibling. She knew of other foster kids who had been separated from their siblings as they were moved from ‘home’ to ‘home’. And, sometimes, she thought she was one of those kids. She thought that one day she would be reunited with a long-lost sibling, and she would have someone by her side to always protect her and love her. She wouldn’t be alone anymore. She would always have a friend as she was shoved into a new school, and she would always have someone to talk to when no one else would listen. Nikita just really wanted a sibling- she just really wanted to not be alone.
It didn’t matter if she had an older or younger sibling- or even a long-lost twin. It also didn’t matter if she had a sister or a brother. Nikita only wanted a family- a real family.
Though, if she got to pick, Nikita would love to have a sister. Who understood one another better than two (or more) sisters. She wanted sisters to play with, to swap clothes with, to try makeup with, to squeal about boys with, to dance around to the radio with- all the things sisters did in movies. But, most importantly, Nikita wanted sisters to laugh at nothing with, and to tell all her secrets to.
“What the fuck, Nikita?” Hovering the nail polish over her nail, Sonya nearly collapsed in laughter. The two had simply been talking and doing their nails together, enjoying a quiet afternoon before everyone went out that night, when Nikita said the wildest thing imaginable. To Sonya, it had come out of nowhere. It was a completely baseless comment that left her laughing in confusion, shock, and side-splitting humor.
“I’m dead serious. You think I’d joke about this?” Nikita fought her own laughter. If she was being honest, she hadn’t truly thought about what she was saying before the words left her mouth. But since they were out there, she wouldn’t take them back. She’d simply pile onto Sonya’s laughter with more ridiculousness.
“Yes. You constantly say the stupidest things,” Fighting to control her laughter, Sonya taunted Nikita. She had believed that would get her friend to start laughing uproariously too. But she had been wrong. Instead, Nikita was more riled up than ever to be a nonsensical idiot.
“Well, buckle up, bitch, cause I’ve got a million more things to say, and each of them is worse than the last,” Nikita attempted to threaten Sonya, but her laughter ruined her menacing tone. The two friends collapsed in their giggles, unable to continue painting their nails or speak. Eventually, one of them laughed so hard they accidentally snorted. Sonya and Nikita laughed even harder, nearly falling out of their chairs in the squeals of joy.
Watching movies was a standard relaxation technique in the safehouse. If the rogues picked the right movie, they could forget about their troubles and stressors for nearly two hours. Unfortunately, that day, Nikita and Alex didn’t pick the right movie. Well, at least for Nikita. As she watched the action unfold on the screen, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about one of their latest missions. She tried not to be lost in those thoughts and emotions. Yet all her efforts failed. They soon overwhelmed her, waiting to explode. She didn’t know how to stop them. So, she let herself crumble, “Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone before?”
“Mhmm,” Eyes still focused on the television, Alex replied. Although she pretended that Nikita’s question wasn’t a big deal, Nikita knew that Alex was excited to hear whatever secret she had to share. It wasn’t often that the rogue let people know everything about her; she hardly ever bared her soul. Yet she had her reasons for that. The things she kept locked inside wouldn’t just harm her; they would harm everybody. They couldn’t be spoken about. They had to remain buried so far down that Nikita could hopefully one day forget about them.
The cat was already out of the bag for that secret, however. Nikita couldn’t protect herself and others from it any longer. She probably shouldn’t anyway. What she had to say was something that needed to be talked about. Letting those thoughts and feelings fester would only make them worse. They had to be shared, especially with someone who was already familiar with the somber idea, “Sometimes… on missions… when a gun is shoved in my face… I don’t want to fight back.”
Alex went still on the couch beside Nikita. Although the rogue had spoken quietly and haltingly, the young woman absolutely understood what she was talking about. Some days, it was easier not to fight. After running and struggling for so long, it was easier to just give up. Who could blame them if they ever did? The pain and exhaustion seeped into their bones and made it so hard to continue- to get up and fight. Sometimes, the thought of not doing that was so much more appealing. After all, there would be no more pain. Maybe there could be happiness and bliss if they finally let go, “Yeah… I know what you mean.”
In all reality, that conversation was best to have with a therapist. Alex and Nikita could mention their shared thoughts and feelings on the matter, but they shouldn’t delve into them. They should save that for the mental health professionals they’d have to visit once the war with Division was over.
What the two women could do in the meantime, though, was comfort one another. Nikita pulled Alex into her arms and squeezed her tightly. The young woman returned the gesture, burying into her best friend’s side. Instinctively, Nikita kissed the top of Alex’s crown and said with all sincerity, “I’m glad you do fight back.”
“I’m glad you do too,” Alex squeezed Nikita even tighter. The two fell into silence after that, eyes glued to the movie in an attempt to forget about what had been mentioned. Though, absentmindedly playing with each other’s hair as they laid together on the couch worked as a better salve for the friends. They were comforted by each other’s presence- by the knowledge that they were both there, fighting and surviving.
Eventually, Nikita decided that she should lighten the mood. She should probably also change the movie since that wasn’t helping to clear her thoughts. But that could happen after she made Alex smile and laugh again, “Can I tell you another secret?”
“Yeah,” Alex sighed. Again, she pretended to not be excited about the idea. Although the last secret had been dark and haunting, she still wanted to know more about her best friend. She had so many questions, specifically about the rogue’s past, and she knew those secrets would dissolve them. She could finally start getting answers after all those years.
“I had a crush on Michael when I was a recruit,” Nikita shared the worst kept secret in the whole world. Even people who had only heard stories about Michael and Nikita’s shared time in Division knew that they had massive crushes on each other- they themselves had known about it. Their feelings had alway been difficult to hide. They had always been so powerful that they had to be expressed.
“That’s not a secret, dumbass,” Alex huffed and tried to escape her best friend’s hold. Nikita held tight, however. And when Alex tried harder to break free, Nikita tickled her side. The young woman’s immediate squeals of laughter made the rogue laugh as well. Soon, the movie and their dark thoughts were completely forgotten. The two friend’s only focus was on making each other scream with laughter.
Nikita was used to never getting what she wished for. So, if she couldn’t have a sister, then she could easily settle for a brother. It wouldn’t actually be settling. She would love a brother as well. She had seen how they acted on TV and at school. Brothers were always gross and easy to pick on. Nikita could have fun messing with a brother (or more). She had also seen brothers be caring and protective; they took the hits so their siblings didn’t have to.
Nikita was always the one to step in front and take the blame. She always took the hit so the others wouldn’t have to. But if she had a brother, he would take the hit for her. Maybe he would even be brave enough to hit back. No one would ever hurt her ever again if she had a brother. No one would pick on her anymore either.
Except for her brother. She, of course, would pick on him in return. He would be such an easy target- as his sister, she would know all the right buttons to press. They would endlessly torture each other just to make the other laugh. Nikita wanted brothers to mess with- just as much as she wanted brothers to help take care of her, to protect her.
It was so easy to rile Sean Pierce up. All Nikita had to do was occasionally throw a paperclip at him when he wasn’t looking. Everytime one made contact, he whirled around, attempting to figure out what had suddenly hit him. When he couldn’t find the source of the random torment, he became frustrated. That went on for a while- before Nikita got cocky. She thought she could throw several at him at once without him noticing. She was dead wrong. As Sean was pelted with paperclips, he whirled around to face Nikita. She attempted to smile as he glared, “What are you looking at?”
“An idiot,” Sean finally launched a paperclip back at Nikita. When it found its target, she glared at him. After growing up with sisters and hanging around Alex for so long, Sean had thought he had grown immune to death glares. But the one Nikita shot him was another level of terrifying. Maybe because he had heard so many horror stories about the rogue from Division and Oversight. Regardless, Sean didn’t want to discover what kind of threat was hidden behind that glare. He quickly turned around and walked out of the room.
“Yeah, you better run,” Nikita rolled her eyes and tried not to chuckle. She wouldn’t chase after Sean; her paperclip torment had been enough. Eventually, though, she would continue to tease the Seal. And if he kept retaliating, then it’d become so much more fun.
Seeing Birkhoff asleep at his computer, Nikita’s first thought was to fuck with him. She stealthily grabbed a permanent marker off his desk and poised to draw on his face. However, after a second thought, she decided against it. Birkhoff had been working really hard lately. She shouldn’t punish him for falling asleep on the job. She should at least wait until he was awake before she pranked him.
“You’re lucky this time, Nerd,” Barely above a whisper, Nikita remarked. She grabbed a water bottle from the kitchen and used the permanent marker to write ‘drink me’ on the label. She also grabbed some ibuprofen and slapped a sticky note with the words ‘eat me’ written across it on the lid.
Before she completely left Birkhoff alone, Nikita grabbed a blanket off the couch and wrapped it around his shoulders. She was certain that if she woke him, he wouldn’t go to bed; he would keep working. To prevent that, she just had to ensure he was comfortable as he slept in his chair. The warm blanket and provisions for when he woke should’ve been sufficient. The nerd would be fine.
“Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don’t let the viruses bite,” Gently, Nikita kissed the side of Birkhoff’s head. She turned off his computer and desk lamp. Then, she went to bed herself.
Nikita woke with a start. She heard rustling beside her and instantly panicked. Frantically, she shot up on the small corner of the hospital bed she had fallen asleep on and glanced around the medical room for any signs of danger. Her arms instinctively flew over Michael, who remained asleep, needing to protect him. She couldn’t lose him, not after everything she had done to keep him in her life. That wasn’t how it was supposed to end. They were supposed to be happy, not steeped in more horror.
There was nothing to be scared of at that moment, however. As Nikita’s panicked senses settled, she realized that she and Michael were safe in a Medical room. Also, the noise that she had heard didn’t originate from something that was coming to hurt her fiancé, it was only Ryan standing by the bed, “It’s alright. He’s okay.”
Needing to confirm that statement for herself, Nikita glanced at the heart monitor next to Michael. It was steady. She then looked at her fiancé who continued to sleep too much. She knew it was so his body could recover from the great shock he had received; the deathly pallor of his skin was slowly fading as blood was bumped into his veins. But she didn’t like how close to death he was. Especially since she had caused that. She had saved him from the burning vehicle, yet she had also endangered him. She had made him bleed so much. She had made him scream.
Before anxiety could completely overwhelm Nikita, Ryan tightened the warm, heavy blanket he had brought her around her shoulders. He also squeezed her biceps and rubbed them soothingly. There was no need for her to panic. The worst was over. She had saved Michael. He was safe, and he was going to pull through. It would be alright. There was nothing for Nikita to worry about, “He’s okay. He’s gonna wake up soon. You can go back to sleep. I’ve got everything taken care of.”
Instinct made Nikita want to argue with Ryan. However, exhaustion let him win without her being able to say a word. He gently pushed her back down on the cot next to her fiancé and helped her settle comfortably under the blanket. He then kissed her forehead, squeezed hers and Michael’s hands, and left the Medical room.
Normally, Nikita wouldn’t have been able to fall back asleep. She would’ve kept her eyes wide open, keeping a vigilant watch on her injured fiancé. However, knowing Ryan (and quite possibly the rest of the team) was keeping watch for her, helped her relax. She wrapped Michael in her arms, careful of his heavily bandaged right arm, and nuzzled into his uninjured left side. It didn’t take long for exhaustion to drag her back into sleep. Yet she didn’t wake up terrified again, not with Ryan nearby taking care of everything.
“Don’t you dare touch her!” Nikita heard Owen’s enraged shout before she even perceived the threat approaching her.
As she turned to investigate what that was about, she witnessed Owen tackle a gunman to the ground. The assailant had had his weapon trained on Nikita, but not after her partner had him pinned against the pavement. Owen then pummeled the gunmen to a bleeding pulp.
Honestly, Nikita should’ve pulled the former Guardian off him sooner, yet she was in shock. It had been so long since anyone had had her back like that in the field. Usually, she was all on her own- fending off every single attack by herself. But not anymore. She had a partner. And he was going to protect her even at the risk of his own life.
Thinking realistically, Nikita knew that she didn’t have a long-lost sibling. Despite how much she wanted one, there would be none coming to her rescue. She hadn’t been separated from anyone when she had been placed in foster care. Her mother had died giving birth to her, and she had been left all alone. She had no family to claim her. She had no one to love her. She was all alone- troubled and destined to bounce from one place to the next.
But, that couldn’t have been right. Nikita couldn’t just have nobody. Her mother was dead, but that didn’t mean her father was too. He could be out there. So could an aunt, or an uncle, or a cousin, or a grandparent. There had to have been someone out there that wanted her. Nikita had to have family that wanted her in their home, that loved her- really loved her.
Was that too much to ask for? Was it really that hard to get someone to love her? Why wouldn’t anyone love her?
More than anything, Nikita wanted someone to love her. More than she wanted for the yelling and hitting to stop, more than she wanted a sibling, more than she wanted a family, Nikita wanted someone to love her- really love her- love her more than the entire world.
“Do you have to touch me while I’m sleeping?” Nikita muttered as she slowly peeled open her bleary eyes. She had been sleeping peacefully- no nightmares, for once- when she suddenly woke to the feeling of Michael’s hand caressing her cheek. She didn’t exactly mind the fact that he was touching her so tenderly, but she could’ve done without the interruption of her sleep. They were going to spend their whole lives together. Michael had a million other opportunities to touch her. He definitely didn’t need to do it then.
“Sorry. It’s just the only time you’re still enough for me to look at you. Well, for the most part,” Michael chuckled softly, continuing to caress Nikita’s cheek. He had been so enamored by her, that he couldn’t not stare at her as she slept. And when he realized that it was one of the rare nights that she wasn’t tossing and turning, he couldn’t not touch her. She was his everything, and he had to revel in that as much as possible.
Staring back at Michael, Nikita thought over what he had said. Earlier, he had held her in front of the mirror and had told her that he wished she saw herself how he saw her. But how did he see her? Maybe he had told her once before. But Nikita couldn’t think of it then. She continued to think of herself as she always had. Though, Michael had once claimed that he’d help her change that- help her love herself. So why not continue those lessons then, “What do you see when you look at me?”
Smiling softly, Michael gazed at Nikita with the most love stricken green eyes she had ever seen. She was taken aback by them. Yet Michael continued to answer her question with all the seriousness he always had when it came to his feelings for her, “I see Nikita Mears: the most amazing, stubborn, passionate, badass, loving, goofy, beautiful woman in the entire world. I see the love of my life- the woman I want to spend forever with. I see you.”
Nikita wanted nothing more than to crash her lips against Michael’s and spend the rest of the night expressing her love for him between the sheets. But her damn self-consciousness held her back. Her gaze dropped to his right hand- his advanced prosthetic that had nearly killed him- and she reached to touch the faint scar that ran all the way around his wrist. It was a permanent reminder of all the horrible things she could do- of all the pain she could cause. How could anyone love her when she was capable of that much destruction- when she was nothing more than a monster, “Even after everything I’ve done?”
Michael propped himself up onto his elbow and kept his ever-so-serious and ever-so-loving gaze on Nikita. Even in the darkness of their bedroom, there was no mistaking the intensity. He still loved her with all of his heart. It had never changed before, and it never would, “Love is not conditional, Nikita. I love all of you, not just a part, all of you.”
He had said those words to her before- in a basement full of evil, torture, pain, and fear. Michael had told Nikita how much he loved her- every single inch of her- and how he could never feel differently. He had poured his heart out to her then, just as he was doing now. She had no reason not to believe him. When it came to his love for her, he never held back- not since he had kissed her all those years ago in her loft. No matter what she did or who she was, Michael Bishop would always love her.
And Nikita would always love him too, “I love all of you too.”
“I know. Otherwise, you would’ve killed me for interrupting your precious sleep,” Michael couldn’t stop himself from teasing. As he flashed his crooked grin, Nikita pushed him onto his back. His laugh was quickly cut short by her kiss.
The couple pulled one another into their arms and continued to kiss lovingly. They didn’t fall back to sleep for a long time- much more enjoying the feel of each other’s love- but both of them were perfectly alright with losing sleep for the other. They’d do anything for those laughs, those smiles, those kisses, those touches. It showed how much they loved each other and how dedicated they were to the new and bright future ahead of them.
Burying her head in her knees, Nikita refused to cry. Not that the counselor would do anything if he saw her crying. He would simply make another note about how troubled she was. Her situation wasn’t worth crying over. The tears wouldn’t fix anything, after all- nothing would. No amount of wanting, wishing, begging, praying would change things.
She was going to a new house soon: the Mears’s. Nothing would be any different while she was there. She hadn’t met her new foster parents yet, but she knew. She knew the smiles and excitement wouldn’t last long. She knew that she wouldn’t be what they wanted- she wouldn’t be the perfect daughter. She knew more yelling and pain would come. And she knew when she finally left there, she’d be placed somewhere else that was exactly the same. Nothing ever changed. It was the same ‘home’- same ‘family’- over and over again.
Because no one cared about her. No one thought not to cast her aside.
Nikita would never have what the other kids had- the kids that weren’t labeled troubled or a problem. She wouldn’t have a happy, loving family. She wouldn’t have bright smiles and silly laughter. She wouldn’t have a moment without pain.
That life wasn’t meant for her. So she should stop wanting it. A real family would never be hers. Nikita’s future could never be that bright.
It was a rare night- almost a miracle- all of them together. Nikita, Alex, Owen, Ryan, Michael, Birkhoff, Sean, and Sonya had managed to go to dinner together after a long day of paperwork and intel gathering in Division. It had taken a while to agree on a restaurant and when to arrive and how long they should be. But they had made it work, like they always did.
Dinner, of course, was loud and wild. Everyone just had to say something, making their opinions known or making the others laugh. No one could sit still either. They had to taunt one another and continue messing around even in their supposed quiet moments. The team- the friends- were simply so excited to have a moment like that. It seemed so surreal after everything they had faced. Yet they deserved the sense of normalcy. They deserved to smile and laugh and be crazy without consequences.
“Wait, everyone, shut up!” Suddenly, Nikita called out to her team. She was instantly met with strange looks and sarcastic quips, yet she ignored them as she fished for her cellphone in her purse. As soon as she had it, she wiped it out, opened the camera, and held the device out for a group picture. Nikita didn’t know what had inspired her to take a photo of all of them together, but she knew she had to act on that impulse. The friends would need a memory of the good times as they continued to clean up Division.
After some rearranging, everyone was ready for the picture. Nikita flashed a peace sign as she beamed. Alex smiled dazzlingly and a bit goofily. Owen was a bit confused by the rushed need for a picture, but he grinned anyway. Ryan smiled softly, attempting to keep the exhaustion out of his gaze. Michael and his longer arms now held the phone, and he kept it steady as he ensured everyone was in the shot and as he smiled crookedly. Birkhoff tried to make himself look cool with finger guns and a suave smirk- it only somewhat worked. Sean was too distracted by Alex to look at the camera as he grinned. And Sonya got caught laughing at Birkhoff’s antics.
The picture was sent to a file so that it would never be lost even if Nikita’s phone got damaged. The team- the family- would always be immortalized smiling like idiots while surrounding a chaotic table. But that was how it should’ve been. No matter what hells they went through, the family was always there to pull each other out of the flames. They could always be surrounded by smiles, laughter and love. Even the worst days couldn’t take that away. The lonely, broken agents had found each other- they had been found by Nikita. And they were going to stay together, surrounded by their love, for as long as they could.
Notes:
Thank you so very much for reading all of these one-shots!!! I know my posting schedule was insane at times, but thank you so much for sticking with this. I may be done with this collection, but more stories will be on their way. I have a few ideas for some stories that are longer than one-shots, but shorter than massive multi-chapters. And I will be continuing to update the M-rated one-shots "Don't Spoil the Moment"- just need to carve out time to actually sit and write. Again, thank you for enjoying!!! I couldn't write without my readers!