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Fool for holding on

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Prologue

Charity and Vanessa have been broken up a year now, Vanessa moved back to the village around three months ago, Vanessa still wanted nothing to do with Charity, but she was at least letting her see Johnny. Charity bought the house from Debbie after she decided to sell it, and it was just her and Moses at home, none of the family were really talking to her.

Charity has never felt so alone, there’s only so much conversation you can have with a six year old, she’s tried to make things right with her older kids and grandchildren but they wanted nothing to do with her, she had to respect that after all the hurt she caused them. After what was said with Vanessa Charity knew there was no chance of them ever being together again, Vanessa hated her and there was nothing she could do, she tried so hard to make her see how sorry she was and how much she loves her. She knew without doubt Vanessa would always hold her heart and if she didn’t have the boys she most probably wouldn’t be on this earth right now even if she did only see Johnny once a week it was something she looked forward too.

Vanessa was running the vets with Paddy and Rhona after Jamie left, her health was good now but she still had to have check ups. She hated the way things were with Charity and she hated seeing her in pain but she just didn’t know how she could get passed what happened how could she forgive her for what she did. She was such a mess for a long time she thought about never coming back while she was at her mums but she knew she couldn’t do that her life was here.

Chapter 1

Charity had nothing to do as Noah came over this morning to take Moses out for day with Sarah she had a feeling Johnny was with them too but they never said anything to her. Charity knew she couldn’t keep living like this she was going to try one more time to get her family back but first she was going to go and speak to Vanessa they needed to try and work something out this wasn’t fair on the boys.

“Hi Ness, can we talk” Charity asked as she answered the door.

“Why are you here, I thought I made my feelings clear Charity and Johnny’s gone with Noah and Moses” Vanessa said as she went to close the door it was still really hard to see and talk to her.

“Please Ness we can’t keep living like this” Charity pleaded she didn’t care if she looked pathetic she needed her family back.

“You’ve got five minutes then you need to leave” Vanessa said as she stepped aside for her to come in.

“Thank you, how are you” Charity said not expecting her to let her in.

“I’m fine, is that really what you wanted to say” Vanessa asked as they stood awkwardly in her front room.

“Did you mean it” Charity asked she needed to know.

“Mean what” Vanessa asked not knowing what she was talking about.

“What you said to Tracy, that you hate me, and being with me was the biggest mistake of your life” Charity asked when she heard that it completely destroyed her because she could never regret what they had ever.

“Charity” Vanessa started to say not knowing she heard that.

“You know what don’t answer that, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I made you hate me and I know I said this before but it wasn’t an affair it was one stupid moment and I hate myself for it. I love you, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I know I hurt you more than anyone ever has, I don’t blame you for leaving everyone does in the end. I’ve lost everything that’s ever mattered to me and it kills me the hurt and pain I caused you. I know you’ll never forgive me and I’ll have to live with that, but can you please just give me a chance to prove to you how much you mean to me and how much I can’t live without you” Charity begged hoping she would at least try.

“Charity I can’t, you need to go, I can’t do this” Vanessa cried it was killing her the pain she was in but she couldn’t put herself through it again maybe it was time for both of them to move on.

Charity has never felt so broken she didn’t know what to do anymore, it was like her life was crashing down around her. She still had a couple of hours until the boys were back, even though she’s stopped drinking to the extent she was she needed something to try and numb this pain. So she headed to the pub it’s been so long since she was last in there, she really didn’t want any trouble with Chas but she really had nowhere else to go.

Vanessa felt bad about how she ended things with Charity but there was nothing she could do about that now, she had a couple of call outs, then she could relax for the rest of the day. As she was on her way home she saw loads of police cars outside the woolpack what was going on.

“Vee thank god you’re not in there I’ve been so worried why didn’t you answer your phone” Tracy smiled as she ran and hugged her sister.

“I’ve been at work, what’s going on” Vanessa asked glad the boys weren’t here to see this.

“Meena’s holding people hostage it turns out she’s the one who murdered Leanna months back, she tried to kill David and Victoria, Jacob went to the police and before they could stop her she ran into the pub with a gun” Tracy said she was still in shock all this was happening.

“Oh my god who’s in the pub” Vanessa asked in shock.

“I don’t know the police won’t tell us anything, but there’s a few people in there she’s threatened if anyone goes inside she’s going to start shooting, where’s the boys” Tracy asked.

“They’ve gone out for the day with Noah and Sarah, I need to ring them tell them not to come back until we know it’s safe” Vanessa said as she took her phone out of her pocket.

“Hi Ness I was just about to call you mum’s not answering her phone, have you seen her” Noah asked as he answered the phone his mum never ignored his calls.

“Noah I’m sure your mum’s ok I’ll go over to the house, your going to need to stay in town until I call you there’s something going on at the pub it’s not safe for you to be here right now” Vanessa said hoping he would listen she didn’t want to scare him.

“Ok, we’ll take them to the cinema or something, but things will be ok” Noah asked he could tell from her voice something was happening.

“Yes Noah, they will be, I’ll call you” Vanessa said as she hung up.

“Ok that’s sorted why are you going to Charity’s” Tracy asked she didn’t think her sister wanted anything to do with her.

“She’s not answering the phone, I need to make sure she’s ok, things were said earlier” Vanessa said as she started walking over to Jacobs Fold.

“Vee she’s not here, you can’t keep knocking” Tracy said as her sister continued banging on the door.

“Then where is she Trace, oh my god what if she’s in the pub” Vanessa cried as she took off back to the woolpack.

“Miss you can’t go in there” a policeman said as he stopped her from going inside the pub.

“I have to Charity’s in there” Vanessa screamed as tears streamed down her face she couldn’t lose her not like this.

“Vee calm down she may not be in there” Tracy said as she hugged her sister.

“Then where is she Trace, she’s not answering her phone, if something happens to her I’ll never forgive myself” Vanessa cried as people started running out of the pub.

“See no Charity, I told you not to worry” Tracy tried to comfort her sister.

“Rhona, what’s happened” Vanessa asked as she saw her friend covered in blood.

“She shot her, she just shot her, she was trying to save us” Rhona cried in shock.

Vanessa didn’t even need to ask as she saw them bringing Charity out it looked bad really bad, she ran to her as they placed her in the ambulance. What in the hell happened why was she even in the pub.

“Vee go with Charity I’ll call everyone” Tracy said in shock.

The whole way to the hospital Vanessa held Charity’s hand, it looked really bad and on the way to the hospital Charity flatlined she’s lost a lot of blood. Charity was rushed straight into surgery and it really wasn’t looking good, Vanessa was covered in Charity’s blood and she never felt so helpless before, but seeing Charity like that broke her. As soon as she let go of Charity’s hand she broke down she couldn’t stand a moment longer, what if she wasn’t ok. Vanessa hated the way their last conversation went, she should have just forgiven her now she could die thinking she hated her.

“Oh Vee, come here” Tracy cried as held her sister in her arms.

“What if she dies, I can’t lose her Trace, not like this” Vanessa cried she had to be ok she just had to.

“Charity is not going to die, please don’t think like that, I spoke to Noah he’s going to drop the boys with Nate and he’s going to head here with Sarah” Tracy said as she moved her sister to one of the chairs.

“Why did this happen what was she doing in there” Vanessa asked just as Chas and Marlon walked through the door.

“Hello Vanessa how is she” Chas asked as she approached them.

“Charity’s in surgery it’s not looking good, why was she there Chas” Vanessa cried she needed to know how this could happen.

“Charity came in for a drink she wasn’t there long when Meena, came in with the gun, she made everyone get down on the floor we were all so scared, Charity talked to her tried to get her to release us, especially Victoria. Meena shot her in the arm she was loosing a lot of blood Rhona was trying to stop the bleeding” Chas said as she sat with Vanessa and Tracy she was still in so much shock at what happened.

“So how did she get shot, how did you all get out” Vanessa asked must have been so scary.

“Charity was talking about you and all the mistakes she made and how she lost everything. She was starting to get through to her, she stood up walked towards her and told us all to run. Charity was convinced she wouldn’t hurt us, even though Meena threatened to, as she walked towards her she shot her, then she shot herself. It’s like Charity wanted to die she told her she had nothing to live for that everyone hated her” Chas cried she should have tried to stop her but she was so scared Meena was clearly unhinged.

“This is my fault, she came to see me earlier and I turned her away again” Vanessa cried as she went to get up she couldn’t stay a moment longer.

“Ness this isn’t your fault, don’t think like that, no one knew this was going to happen” Chas said as she stopped her from leaving.

“I should have just forgiven her, now she could die thinking I hated her, all she wanted was a chance to make things right and I turned her away, she went to the pub because of me, I drove her to this now she’s in there fighting for her life” Vanessa cried as Noah and Sarah walked through the door.

“Ness, please tell me my mum’s ok” Noah cried as he approached them.

“We don’t know, I’m still waiting for your mum to get out of surgery” Vanessa cried as she hugged the two kids.

“I called mum she’s on her way, we can’t lose her, I’ve been so horrible to her, now she could die” Sarah cried as they sat down in the waiting area.

“Sarah your gran is a fighter she’s been through worse than this” Chas said trying to console her great niece.

“Charity loves you kids she won’t want you blaming yourself,” Vanessa said she had to old it together she couldn’t let them see how scared she is.

“Hello I’m Dr Cameron I’m one of the senior doctors in Ms Dingle’s care the operation was a success we managed to remove the bullet, Ms Dingle had lost a lot of blood and it’s a good thing she got here when she did, the next 24 hours are critical we won’t no more until she’s awake. If one of you would like to sit with her she’s in the ICU right now” Dr Cameron said as he spoke to her family it’s one part of his job he wasn’t really great at.

“Ness you go mum would want it to be you we’ll wait here” Noah said as he sat down he knew him mum would need Vanessa.

“Ok, thank you doctor” Vanessa said as she followed him to where Charity is.

“I must prepare you it looks bad, but she really should make a full recovery” Dr Cameron said not wanting her to be scared with all the machines keeping her alive.

Vanessa hated seeing Charity like this, the doctor was right it looks bad, she pulled up a chair and sat with her she needed to be close to her right now. She’s never been so scared in all her life now she knows how Charity felt after she was stabbed you should never have to see your partner in this situation. Vanessa couldn’t stop thinking about what Chas said about Charity wanting to die had she drove her to put her life in danger, why couldn’t she have just forgiven her, then this wouldn’t have happened she had to make things right she needed Charity in her life and she was never going to let go of her again.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

Vanessa took her hand and placed it in hers and for the first time in years she prayed that everything would be ok, she couldn’t believe she nearly lost her. Vanessa couldn’t get the last thing she said out of her head why did she have to be so cruel. They wasted so much time being apart she’d built these walls up and all it took was one bullet to break them all down.

“Charity please wake up, I know I’ve been a bitch to you since I came back, but I promise you I’ll never treat you like crap ever again, I just need you to wake up, I love you Charity, your family loves you your kids need you. Everyone is here waiting for you to come back to us, Debbie’s on her way. I know you hate it when people make a fuss of you, but we need you in our lives Charity. I know you felt like you had no one and I’m so sorry I ever made you feel like that, I was just hurting. I didn’t know how to get past what happened, but I’m passed it now, I can’t lose you I just can’t. Please don’t leave me again I couldn’t take it, please wake up” Vanessa cried as she rested her head on the side of Charity’s bed she couldn’t let go of Charity’s hand she just couldn’t.

After a while Vanessa fell asleep it’s been such a long day, she didn’t know how long she was asleep before she felt movement she shot up and there was Charity looking at her.

“Vanessa, wa, water” Charity broke out shocked she was there.

“I’ll get the doctor make sure it’s ok to give you it” Vanessa smiled as she left the room Charity was awake it’s like all the weight was lifted she’s never felt so happy.

“Miss Woodfield is there something wrong” Dr Cameron asked as she approached him.

“No Charity’s awake she asked me for some water is that ok” Vanessa asked.

“Of course, I’ll be in a few minutes make sure everything is ok” Dr Cameron smiled he was happy things worked out ok.

After giving Charity some water, she really didn’t know what to say, Charity was sitting up right now, she seemed to be ok and she was so relieved.

“Vanessa why are you here” Charity asked none of this was making sense she wanted nothing to do with her no one did.

“I’m so sorry Charity, I can’t lose you” Vanessa cried.

“You can’t lose me, you’d already lost me, I tried, I tried for so long, I’m done trying. I could have died, I could have died and I didn’t care, that’s how broken I was but now I’m done I’m just done, can you just go” Charity cried she’s never felt so broken.

“Charity please, I’m so sorry, I can’t live with out you, I know that now, when you was shot it’s like my world ended I know I need to make things right, I shouldn’t have pushed you away like I did, I know it wasn’t an affair I was just scared of getting hurt again” Vanessa cried.

“So it took me getting shot for you to realise how much I mean to you, you could have lost me at anytime it didn’t have to take a bullet, I could have been in a car accident or hit buy a bus. You pushed me away for months I tried to get you to forgive me, my life was falling apart I had no one, I’ve been alone so long. I mean it Vanessa I’m done, I’m done with it all, we’ll keep to the same arrangement with the boys, but I’m moving away, I can’t stay not anymore. I need to rebuild my life, it took me nearly dying to realise I want to live but not like this, you should be happy this is what you wanted. You didn’t want to be with me anymore you hated me, and wanted nothing to do with me” Charity yelled as the doctor walked through the door.

“Is everything ok here” Dr Cameron asked not wanting to interrupt.

“Charity please don’t do this, I love you we can get through this” Vanessa cried it couldn’t be over not like this.

“You love me, you’ve got a funny way of showing it, can you please just go” Charity said it broke her to see Vanessa like this but she couldn’t go through this again she had to move on.

After leaving the room Vanessa didn’t really know what to do anymore, she broke Charity so bad she wanted to end her life and now she was so broken she never wanted anything to do with her again. Vanessa knew she had to make her see how much she loves her, she should never have made her believe she hated her because she never could even if that’s what she said to try and make herself believe they were really done. Because she never moved on from Charity and she never could she was her forever she knew that without doubt.

“Ness, what’s wrong is it mum” Noah asked as she approached them in the waiting room.

“Your mum’s awake, I’m going to stay here while you go and see her” Vanessa cried she really didn’t know what to do anymore.

“Tracy left she told me to tell you to call her she said shell watch the boys until everything’s ok” Sarah said as Vanessa sat next to her.

“Thanks Sarah, are you not going to see your gran” Vanessa asked she didn’t want her to feel like she had to sit with her.

“I will I’m going to give Noah sometime with his mum he’s missed her I know he has some regrets, I’m just happy gran is ok, I now have a chance to make things right with her. Mum should be here soon she’s just dropping Jack and great grandad at the farm” Sarah said as Chas handed them both a drink, it’s been a long night.

“Noah” Charity cried not expecting to see him he’s barely spoken to her in months.

“Hi mum, I’m so sorry can you please forgive me I can’t lose you mum” Noah cried as he walked towards her.

“Noah your my baby, I let you down I’m the one who’s sorry, come here” Charity cried as she held out her arms for him.

“Mum, I’ve missed you, can I come home I want to look after you” Noah cried as he hugged his mum.

“Of course you can but I’m moving away, I’m not moving to far I just need to get away I can’t stay in the village anymore to much has happened. My dad died a few weeks ago he left me some money and his house, I figured I could move in there. I don’t know what I’ll do with Jacobs fold I haven’t figured that out yet. I just can’t stay anymore I need to move on from it all. I’ll understand if you want to stay my dad’s place is only about a twenty minute drive so I won’t be far” Charity said she knew she had to do this.

“I get you need to move away mum, I just want you to be happy but what about Johnny and Moses” Noah asked they won’t want to be separated again.

“I’ll still see Johnny, every weekend and Moses will still spend a couple of days with Vanessa during the week, they’ll still be in the same school, I’ll make this work, I just can’t stay it’s just to much. I could have died Noah, please don’t ask me to stay” Charity cried as she noticed Debbie standing at the door it’s been nearly a year since she last saw or spoke to her daughter.

“Hi mum” Debbie broke out the whole drive down she was so worried she wouldn’t be able to make things right with her mum and she’s so happy she’s ok.

“I’ll leave you two to talk and mum, I’ll support whatever it is you want to do” Noah said as he got up to leave the room.

“Mum what were you thinking you could have died” Debbie said as she sat by her bedside.

“I never thought she would shoot me, I was just trying to stop anyone else getting hurt, Eve was upstairs and Chas had been stuck in that bar with us for over an hour, Victoria had been shot I had to do something she was going to bleed out” Charity said she knew she did the right thing.

“So you didn’t want to die because Chas was convinced you did” Debbie said it hurt to hear that how could her mum want to end her life.

“Maybe I did, I had nothing and no one, all I had was Moses and Johnny, you all hated me you wanted nothing to do with me, I wasn’t allowed to speak to my grandkids. My life was not really worth living was it. But don’t worry I’m not suicidal not anymore, I do want to live just not how I was, I’m moving away from the village it’s what’s for the best” Charity said her mind was made up she needed to do this.

“Ok, maybe that’s for the best I’m sorry I ever made you feel like you had no one I should have spoken to you. I was just hurt by what you did, I love you mum, I want you in my life,” Debbie said as much as she was angry at her she would always love her she was her mum.

“I’m sorry I hurt you Debbie, me being a mess should never have been an excuse you know I would never intentionally hurt you. I needed help and none of you could see that, my life was crumpling around me, I lost everything, I’ll aways love you you’ll always be my baby girl but your always so quick to drop me or blame me for things even if they’re not my fault. If you’d have talked to me I could have told you Al was with Priya I could have saved you a lot of heartache. But you never talk to me you never really let me in, your dad can do no wrong in your eyes your so quick to forgive him, even Chas after what she did with Cameron. But me you’re willing to have me sent to prison, you’ll willingly not speak to me for a year even though you knew how much I was hurting. Not once have you phoned me just to see I was ok, it took me being shot for you to care. What if I had died it would have been too late for you then. I’m not trying to hurt you you know I would do anything for you and I’d never want to cause you pain but I think we need some time. If you’re staying for a while you can stay in my house I would never see you on the street but I need to concentrate on me and the little ones, because I can’t let them down again.” Charity cried it killed her how her relationship was right now with her daughter but she couldn’t be walked over anymore she was always harder on her because she left her as a baby.

“Mum, I’m sorry, I know I should have been there, I wish I had talked to you. So you want nothing to do with me I’m your daughter” Debbie said as she stood up.

“You’ll always be my daughter I would never stop loving you ever but you haven’t needed me for the last year you haven’t missed me. I’m not saying I’ll never speak to you again I’m just saying I need time, I’m going through a lot right now, I nearly died and I really didn’t care if I did, I can’t live like that, my boys need me, I need to be a better mum to them. Moses and Johnny are only six years old and they nearly lost me I’m all Moses has after Ross took off with Rebecca, he hasn’t seen Moses in nearly five months” Charity cried she was so angry at him Moses missed his dad.

“I spoke to Ross he’s happy in Spain you know why he left him with you, because Moses wanted to be with you mum. Ross asked Moses if he wanted to live with them in Spain he told them no that all he wants is you, he missed you mum, that’s why Ross left him with you. Next time he calls please pick up he never abandoned his son” Debbie said she knew how it looked he just dropped him off and left.

“Yeah ok, you know I would never have let him take Moses, not to another country, yes I know I left him there for months but he couldn’t be around me when I was in that state. I’m ok now up until earlier I hadn’t drank in months” Charity said maybe she was too harsh on Ross he was a good dad.

“Why was you in the pub earlier I didn’t think you even talked to Chas” Debbie asked she didn’t understand it.

“I needed a drink, I was having a shit day, it’s not like the boys were with me I wasn’t going to get wasted I just wanted a couple of drinks I never expected Meena to come in and hold us all hostage” Charity said she still couldn’t believe what all happened.

“Yeah ok, mum I’ll give you space if that’s what you need but I’ll be here if you want me to and mum I love you, you should know that. Sarah is outside can she come on and see you” Debbie asked hoping that would be ok.

“Of course I want to see her, I’m not angry at her she’s a child” Charity said she wanted to be back in her grandchild life she’s really missed her and she had some making up to do she needed to make things right with her.

“Ok, I’ll come see you tomorrow and mum I am sorry” Debbie said as she stood up to leave.

“Deb’s I love you, please don’t ever for get that” Charity sighed she wished everything was different but she really had to put herself first this time.

“I love you to mum.” Debbie said as she walked out the door, she knew that she needed to make things right with her mum because she was right she did abandon her when she really needed her.

“Hi mum, is gran ok” Sarah asked as she saw her mum.

“Yes, she wants to see you, I’ll wait here then we can go back to grandad’s I think we could all do with some sleep” Debbie said as she noticed Vanessa asleep on one of the chairs.

“Ok mum I won’t be long” Sarah smiled as she went to go and see her gran.

“Hi Sarah” Charity smiled as she came to hug her she’s really missed her.

“Gran I’m so sorry, I don’t hate you, please don’t ever leave me, I love you” Sarah cried as she hugged her gran.

“Sarah I’m the one who’s sorry, I should never have let you down, I’m supposed to look after you, things are going to change. I’ve told Noah I’m moving away but you are more than welcome to come and visit whenever you want, I’m not going far I just need some time away from everything, I don’t want to be sad anymore” Charity cried as she held her granddaughter.

“I don’t want you to be sad anymore if you need to go I support you” Sarah said she was going to be there for her this time she wasn’t going to come close to losing her again.

“Thank you, well I better get some sleep, you need to go sleep to misses” Charity said not wanting her to get sick again.

“Ok, goodnight gran I’ll come and see you tomorrow” Sarah smiled as she hugged her goodbye.

“I’ll see you tomorrow hopefully soon I’ll be well enough to go home you all know how much I hate hospitals” Charity said she couldn’t wait to get out of here.

“Ness is here do you want me to send her back in she was so worried about you gran” Sarah asked as she approached the door.

“No thanks I just really need some sleep, she needs sleep too, we don’t want her to get ill” Charity said it hurt not being with Vanessa but she really was ready to move on this time she just had to she didn’t want to feel anymore pain.

Chapter Text

Chapter 3

It’s been a few days now and Charity was finally allowed to go home she had to go in every couple of days to get her bandages changed and she was still on high pain medication. But she needed to go home she missed her boys and she really didn’t want them worrying about her. She still wasn’t really talking to Vanessa, Noah went to her dad’s place and with Sam’s help has decorated it for them and he’s added furniture, he put all her dad’s stuff in storage so she could go through it when she felt better.

Noah was going to be picking her up from the house soon to take her to her dad’s place, she really didn’t want to be back here. Sarah helped her pack some things up for the boys and her clothes, she was going to keep most of it here, Sarah was going to be moving back in with Noah and stay here so it won’t be empty.

“Is that everything gran” Sarah asked as she bought down the last suitcase.

“Yes thanks babe, now no parties while I’m not here and Chas has said she’ll be checking up on you both” Charity smiled it took some persuading to allow them to live in the house by themselves.

“We won’t and mum is coming back down during half term she’s sorry she couldn’t stay longer but Jack couldn’t miss school” Sarah said as she went to make them a drink she really didn’t want her gran to do much and hurt herself.

“It’s ok Sarah, and your mum and I will get through this it’s just going to take time” Charity said as they heard a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it” Sarah smiled as she handed her gran a drink.

“Hi Sarah is Charity in” Vanessa asked as she answered the door.

“Yeah she’s in the front room, I’ll leave you two to talk, gran I’ll be back later” Sarah said as she grabbed her coat she knew they needed to talk.

“Vanessa what do you want” Charity asked she thought she’d said all that needed to be said at the hospital.

“So you’re really leaving then” Vanessa asked as she noticed the suitcases.

“Yeah I am, I meant what I said Vanessa” Charity said as she tried to get comfortable she was still in a lot of pain.

“Why are you doing this, I love you Charity, I know I’ve made some mistakes, I want to be with you now, I wish things were different” Vanessa said why couldn’t she see how much they belong together.

“So you finally admit it wasn’t all my fault, I know us breaking up was because I made a mistake but I’ve realised it wasn’t all me, you stopped talking to me, you stopped letting me in I get it you were scared but I truly thought we were over that you didn’t want to be with me anymore. I should never have let that guy kiss me but you know it was never an affair, but you still believed it was. I’m sorry I kissed that guy, I’m sorry for hurting you, but I was hurting to and nobody cared. Look it’s over now we don’t need to keep rehashing this I won’t be here for much longer then you can move on” Charity cried this was killing her she hated how things were.

“You can’t just leave, I know I should have come home and talked to you, I’m sorry I pushed you away I was just so scared at what could happen I wish I could take everything back” Vanessa cried.

“Vanessa it’s ok, I don’t blame you everyone leaves in the end I’m used to it. You and me was never really going to work was it, lets be real here you never really loved me not the way I loved you. It’s ok, you will always be the love of my life it just sucks I wasn’t yours” Charity cried coming to that realisation was so hard for her maybe they just weren’t meant to be.

“How can you say that, I loved you Charity” Vanessa yelled in shock how could she think that.

“How can I say that, lets see, you broke up with me after the casino thing, yes we got back together why was that,. Then after our non wedding you left, ok you was taken by pierce, and if you hadn’t left me before I wouldn’t have believed you left me again to go to Paris you leaving it was inevitable. When I got you back I knew I had so much to make up for but it’s like you didn’t want me around, you pushed me away, didn’t really let me in or be there for you while you was going through your treatment. Then you decided to give Rhona guardianship of our son, that nearly destroyed me, you know I wanted to leave then I couldn’t go through anymore pain it killed me that you didn’t want me to be his mum. Ok you changed your mind and he’s my boy now and he always will be” Charity cried there was no denying he was her boy and no one could say any different.

“Charity I” Vanessa started to say.

“I haven’t finished, you then left me to look after your mum, you was gone for months you barely spoke to me, but you was always talking to Tracy and Rhona. I was doing everything to keep our family together I’d never felt so alone, by the time it came to Johnny’s adoption I was already convinced we were done. When you sent me that letter with the ring back I knew then it was over but I still couldn’t let you go. I promised myself that when you came back I would do anything to get you back, but you hated me you didn’t want me anymore. Just to be clear you’re the one who gave up on us, you left me long before I left you” Charity cried as she went to get up she really didn’t want to say anymore.

Vanessa didn’t really know what to say, had she really treated her so badly, she thought she was over her asking Rhona to be Johnny’s guardian but she clearly wasn’t. How could she think she didn’t love her had she really made her feel unloved and unwanted.

“Mum are you ok” Noah asked as he arrived at the house.

“Yeah I’m ok, can you take these bags for me I’ll be a second” Charity said as she wiped her face she couldn’t let her son see her so upset.

“Charity please don’t do this, I know we can make this work can you please just give me a chance to make things right” Vanessa cried she couldn’t just let her leave.

“I can’t I have to go, Noah said he’ll do the dropping off and picking up of the boys I just need some time” Charity said as Noah came back to help her into the car.

Vanessa knew she couldn’t go to Tracy she would just be on her side and deny everything Charity said she wouldn’t get the truth, she knew Rhona would be honest with her, she needed to know just how badly she treated Charity.

“Hi Ness what’s wrong” Rhona asked as she opened the door.

“Charity left, can I ask you something” Vanessa asked as she sat down on the sofa.

“Cause you can would you like a cuppa” Rhona asked as she went to put the kettle on.

“Yes please, where’s Marlon and Leo” Vanessa asked as she sat at the kitchen table.

“They’re over at Paddy’s some guy’s night playing video games,” Rhona said as she made them some tea.

“I know I’ve not asked this before but what happened last year just how bad was it when I was at my mum’s house” Vanessa asked as Rhona handed her the cup of tea.

“I’m assuming you mean with Charity, she missed you so much Ness, and the more you was gone it got worse, even though you called me and Tracy you barley spoke to her, you know she was jealous of our friendship. I mean she was jealous long before that, especially when you asked me to be Johnny’s guardian, you could talk to me Ness, I don’t know why you couldn’t talk to her” Rhona said not wanting to hurt her friend but she needed to know this.

“I was such a mess, I found it easier to talk to you and Tracy, I don’t know why, I’ve always been the strong one and the more I was at my mum’s the less I communicated with Charity. I wasn’t trying to hurt her I just didn’t like feeling weak. Did she tell you she thought I was having an affair or that I didn’t want to be with her anymore” Vanessa asked that she couldn’t understand how could she think that.

“Yeah she did when you didn’t come home she was a mess, she was convinced you didn’t want her anymore, she took off that’s when he ran his car into her. You know it wasn’t an affair, he wanted revenge on Moira and he had Cain in the boot which Charity didn’t know, she didn’t even know who he was until later. It was one stupid kiss not that, that’s ok but if you’d have seen the state she was in it was clear she wasn’t handling things she was heartbroken Ness. You know she was going to tell you when you came home what happened and explain herself. Why didn’t you come home” Rhona asked as she handed Vanessa some tissue.

“I just couldn’t when Tracy sent me the photo I was heartbroken, then we broke up and then Tracy rang me and told me it was an affair and that Charity was drinking herself silly. I know I should have come home sorted things out I was just hurting. I know I’m to blame for what happened too, the way I was it wasn’t right, I wish I’d handled everything differently. I wish I’d talked to her more told her how I was feeling I should never have hurt her. I made so many mistakes like when I asked you to be Johnny’s guardian, that wasn’t fair of me she’s his mum, then I took him from her when she’d been raising him by herself for months. I know that threw her over the edge, I spoke to Ross he told me she left Moses there for months and whenever I spoke to Tracy it was never good news but now that I think about it she needed help and everyone turned on her, she had no one, no wonder she felt like giving up” Vanessa cried.

“I saw how she was I should have tried to help but I didn’t want to feel like I was betraying you, you hated her Ness, you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with her. Even when you moved back to the village, you didn’t want her name mentioned and I know Tracy didn’t help with that as she was angry at Charity. But she was rebuilding her life she wasn’t drinking anymore and she was raising Moses full time by the time you came home but you could see she was lonely” Rhona said maybe if she’d helped this wouldn’t have happened.

“You know I never hated her, yes I was angry and hurt and I may have tried to convince my self it was over but I knew deep down she’s it for me. I was just scared of getting hurt again, now I may never get the chance, Charity doesn’t want anything to do with me and I can’t blame her I treated her terribly. You know she wanted to die, she felt like she had nothing to live for I drove her to that” Vanessa cried she wishes she’d done everything different.

“Ness this wasn’t your fault, Meena shot her I really thought Charity got through to her none of us thought she’d pull the trigger, she was clearly disturbed to do what she did, Meena killed herself and she wanted to take others with her I don’t believe Charity wanted to die she’s one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. Yes she was a mess and heartbroken but she did have things to live for, Moses and Johnny love her so much and she loves them just as much. I just think Charity needs help she needs to speak to someone work through her issues, she’ll forgive you Ness she loves you that don’t just stop, she waited this long she won’t give up on what you had” Rhona said she knew Charity would always love Vanessa a love like that don’t just stop.

“I’m going to fight for her, I can’t lose her again, I love her Rhona I need to make her see she’s the one for me, well I better go thanks for being honest with me as hard as it was I needed to hear it” Vanessa said as she stood up to leave.

Chapter Text

Chapter 4

It’s been a few weeks now since Charity left the village, she was healing good now and was settled in her new home, it was nice to get away from everything, where no one knew her, Moses was happy with the big garden and Johnny liked it too, they loved there new bedroom. Charity has been seeing a psychiatrist and it’s helped her talking things through, she wasn’t going to fall apart this time she had to be strong for the boys.

“Hi mum, how you feeling now” Noah asked as he walked through the door.

“I’m ok, still get some pain I’m still going to the hospital I should be healed in a couple of weeks, where’s Moz and Johnny” Charity asked not seeing the little ones.

“I’m going to bring them over in the morning, Debbie is at the house and she wants to take you out Chas, and Belle are coming to, it’s been so long since you had some fun. She thought it be best for me to ask, she misses you mum” Noah said hoping she’d say yes.

“Noah I’m not ready for that, I want to see your sister but going out to a club or something is not the best idea,” Charity said as she went to get some water.

“Mum I’m not suggesting you get bladdered might be good for you to spend time with everyone, like you used to, have some fun we just want you to be happy mum” Noah said.

“Ok, I’ll go and get ready, and Noah thanks for being here for me the last few weeks” Charity smiled as she headed upstairs.

“Your welcome mum I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner,” Noah said as he went to make them a drink before they left.

Vanessa spent the last couple of weeks trying to get Charity to talk to her, but she wouldn’t answer her calls, she now knew how Charity felt when she was ignoring her calls. Noah kept her updated on Charity’s health and she was happy to hear she was talking to someone she just wished she’d done that sooner maybe then they’d still be together.

“Hi Vee, what you doing tonight” Tracy asked as she walked through the door.

“Nothing might watch a movie why” Vanessa asked she really didn’t have much to do without the boys at home.

“If you’re serious about being with Charity again, tonight might be your opportunity to talk to her and sort things out. I just heard from Nate that, Debbie, Chas and Belle are taking Charity to that gay bar in Hotten you know the one where you and Charity made it official. Noah is watching the boys with Sarah at the house, I just thought you should know, I don’t like to see you moping around” Tracy said as she sat with her sister.

“I don’t think she’ll want me there Trace I don’t want to ruin her night, I’m glad she’s working things out with her family” Vanessa sighed as she went to get them a drink.

“Vee, I’m sorry I didn’t try and help you before, I was so angry at Charity, but from what you said and thinking back to what happened, you were right it wasn’t an affair and you both were to blame for your break up. I should have tried to help the both of you, but I can help now, you love her Vee, you never really moved on from each other and I know Charity never got over you. Charity still loves you Vee she’s just scared of getting hurt again, you need to talk to her, maybe have some fun too” Tracy said wishing she’d done things differently.

“I’ll think about it, what are you doing tonight” Vanessa said as she handed her a drink.

“I’m just going to have a night in with Nate and Frankee, I know for sure Charity wouldn’t want me there, not with the way I treated her, but Rhona would go with you if you needed support” Tracy said she just wants her sister to be happy again she hates seeing her like this.

“Ok, I’ll think about it, so when’s the wedding” Vanessa asked she still couldn’t believe her sister was getting married.

“In about six months I’m really going to plan my wedding this time because I really want this marriage to work” Tracy said she didn’t want this marriage not to work, she couldn’t have two failed marriages.

“I hope it all works out for you Trace I can see that Nate makes you happy, if I could give you some advice, don’t stop communicating and always be honest with each other” Vanessa said wishing she’d done things differently in her relationship with Charity.

Charity still couldn’t believe they talked her into this, but it was fun to spend time with her family, she didn’t know why they picked this bar, as she never mentioned it to them, but it held some memories of her and Vanessa after they first became official they came here quite a lot, there was some regular faces, it’s been a while since she was last in here.

“Hi Charity, no Vanessa tonight, I haven’t seen you in ages” Maria smiled as she approached the table.

“Hi, Vanessa and I ain’t together anymore, haven’t been for a long time, how are you” Charity asked.

“I’m good, that’s a shock you seemed really loved up, I’m not with Rachel anymore either, I’m just here with some friends if you would like to join us” Maria asked.

“I’m here with my daughter and cousins but maybe another time, it’s nice seeing you” Charity said as Debbie approached the table with some drinks.

“It’s good seeing you too, I’ll be over there if you change your mind” Maria said as she walked away.

“She seemed nice and she was clearly interested in you mum, you don’t have to stay with us the whole night” Debbie said as she handed her mum a drink.

“I knew her from before when Vanessa and I used to come here, I’m not really looking for another relationship right now and not with her that would hurt Vanessa” Charity said as Chas and Belle approached the table.

“So you still love Vanessa then” Debbie asked knowing she did she’s never seen her mum as happy as she was with Vanessa.

“Of course I still love her, I always will, and before you say I am ready to move on. But I will do it in my own time, and not with anyone from our past. I just don’t want anyone to hurt anymore, now can we stop talking about this please and just enjoy our night” Charity said she didn’t want to talk about this anymore.

“Ok, so mum I was thinking in the summer if you wanted to you could come and stay with me in Scotland, so you can really see what it’s like I’m sure the kids will love it” Debbie asked she wanted to make things right with her mum.

“I’ll talk to Ness, but yeah will be good to get away, so your only back for the weekend then” Charity asked as it was still school term.

“Yes, I wanted to come and spend some time with you, I feel bad about so many things mum, I really should have been there for you more, I’m happy we’re talking again I did miss you” Debbie said as she hugged her mum.

As Vanessa watched the movie she really thought about heading to the club, to at least see Charity, but she was scared what if she’s moved on she didn’t think she could handle that, or what if Charity didn’t want to see her.

“Hi Rhona” Vanessa said as she opened the door not expecting her there.

“Hi Ness, why ain’t you dressed, Tracy called me it’s time for you to go and get your girl, now go get dressed and I’ll call us a taxi” Rhona said as she walked through the door.

“Rhona I don’t think I’m going to go” Vanessa sighed.

“Ness stop being silly, this has gone on long enough now, I swear the pair of you are idiots, it’s clear to everyone you both still love each other, it’s time for you both to sort things out and get back together, now go get dressed” Rhona said hoping she wouldn’t have to drag her there.

“Ok, ok I’m going and Rhona thank you” Vanessa said as she headed upstairs Rhona was right she had to at least try.

When Vanessa arrived in the club she wasn’t expecting to see Charity on the dance floor with Maria, it hurt because she always felt jealousy she could tell she had a thing for Charity, and now that they’re no longer together there’s nothing stopping them being together. Then to her shock Maria kissed Charity, she couldn’t stay and watch this so she took off. Rhona was so confused when Vanessa ran past her while she was queuing for the locker room.

“Ness woah what’s happened” Rhona asked as she went after her best friend.

“I’m to late, Charity was with Maria, I’m going home I knew I shouldn’t have come” Vanessa said as she called a taxi to take her home.

“Who’s Maria” Rhona was so confused.

“She’s someone we used to know, she always had a thing for Charity, I really don’t want to talk about this” Vanessa cried her heartbreaking all over again.

Charity couldn’t believe when Maria kissed her, she wasn’t expecting this, maybe Vanessa was right she did have a thing for her, she could have sworn she saw Vanessa run off, she knew this looked bad and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt Vanessa.

“Maria, you shouldn’t have done that, look you seem like a nice person and I’m sure you could find someone interested in you, but I am not ready to start seeing anyone and Vanessa and I may not be together but I still love her, I’ve got to go” Charity said as she walked away.

As Charity got outside, she saw Vanessa getting into a taxi with Rhona figures she’d run away again instead of talking to her, she didn’t want to fight for a her a year ago why want to fight for her now. This was killing Charity but she wasn’t going to start going down that dark hole again, because she really had to much to live for, she had her kids back in her life she had to be strong for them so she turned back around and walked back into the club.

Chapter Text

Chapter 5

It’s been a week now since Charity went to the club with Debbie, she did have a good time despite the incident with Maria. Charity’s off the medication now and has decided to go back to work because she couldn’t stay at home all day she was bored. So she spoke to Chas about doing a few shifts in the woolpack during the day before she picked Moses up from school. Chas could do with the help so she agreed, as long as Charity felt up to it she didn’t want to make things hard for her.

“Mum would you like a cup of tea” Noah asked as he came in the kitchen.

“Yes please thanks babe” Charity smiled as Johnny came and sat with her on the sofa.

“Mummy Charity, you ok now” Johnny asked he didn’t like to see her hurt.

“Yes Johnny bobs all healed why do you ask” Charity asked as she placed him on her lap.

“Now your all better can we all live with mummy again, or me and mummy can move in here” Johnny asked he didn’t understand why they couldn’t be together all the time.

“There’s not much room to all live here Johnny bobs, you know me and your mummy ain’t together anymore, that’s why we don’t live together” Charity sighed he was still so small he didn’t really understand why they couldn’t live together.

“Do you still love mummy” Johnny asked as he played with the ring around her neck that used to be his mummy’s.

“I’ll always love your mummy, but sometimes love isn’t enough anymore Johnny, we both hurt each other it’s not healthy to continue when things aren’t working anymore. But it doesn’t really change much, we still see each other all the time, you’re still my boy” Charity said as she hugged him.

“Mummy still loves you too, maybe if you both apologised you can get back together, when I do something wrong I have to apologise” Johnny said.

“I wish it was that simple, when you’re a grown up it doesn’t really work like that” Charity sighed as Noah handed her the tea.

“Being a grown up is silly” Johnny said as he went back to playing with his toys.

“You alright mum” Noah asked as he sat opposite her.

“Yeah I will be, thanks Noah for being here” Charity said as she drank her tea, she wished it was as simple as Johnny made it out to be, but too much has happened. Vanessa hasn’t even tried to contact her since the thing with Maria, she hasn’t even tried and she was getting sick of the hot and cold with her.

“I just want you to be happy, I need to pop out for a couple of hours, do you want me to bring lunch back” Noah asked as he stood up he was going to try and help he just hoped it worked.

“Yes please thanks babe, I’m going to take the boys to the park, should be fun” Charity smiled as Moses made his way gingerly down the stairs he was just like her not a morning person.

“Morning mummy” Moses said as he came and sat on her lap.

“Morning baba, in a little while I’m going to take you to the park but first we going to get you some breakfast, how about coco pops” Charity smiled as he hugged her.

“And me mummy Charity” Johnny asked even though he’s already had breakfast.

“Course you can Johnny bobs” Charity smiled as the ran into the kitchen she loved to see them happy.

After talking to Debbie, they just wanted their mum to be happy again, they didn’t want her to be angry for interfering but this had to work, they were both so miserable without each other they’d been apart long enough now, Johnny was right grown ups are silly.

“Hi Noah, what you doing here, is it Charity or the little ones” Vanessa asked as she answered the door shocked to see him there.

“No, nothings wrong I just wanted to speak to you” Noah said as she let him in.

“Ok, I’ve just made some tea would you like some” Vanessa asked as she made her way into the kitchen.

“No that’s ok I can’t stay long, I just need to know a few things, do you still love mum and want to be with her” Noah asked as he sat down.

“I love your mum Noah I never stopped loving her, I want to be with with her more than anything but she doesn’t want me anymore, we’ve both made mistakes in this relationship I just don’t think there’s a way back” Vanessa sighed as she sat opposite him.

“Well how about instead of going back you go forward start again from new keep the past in the past. Mum still loves you she’s never stopped, you’re it for my mum. You now she still wears your ring that has to mean something, you didn’t fight for her last time. You never tried to talk to her find out what was really going on, so here’s your chance. I’m going to help, my mum is meant to be meeting Debbie next week my grandparents had a cabin that they used to take mum too when she was a kid. Mum wants to go there see what state it’s in and maybe do it up if it needs it. You can meet mum there instead and really talk to her just you and her without the boys being there. I’ll text you the details and Ness I just want you both to be happy” Noah said as he got up to leave.

“Thanks Noah, but won’t she be angry she’ll feel like we set her up, I don’t want to upset her” Vanessa said.

“You’re going to have to sort this mess sooner or later, you both need to speak honestly. I think being out there in the wilderness will be good for you, I better go I promised mum I wouldn’t be long. Things will work out I know they will” Noah said as he walked away he just hoped things would go as well as he thought he didn’t want his mum to get angry for interfering.

After Noah left Vanessa’s he headed to the house to see Sarah quickly he also wanted to grab a few things for his mum’s house for when he stays there with her. Noah hoped that once his mum and Vanessa were back together she’d move back home, so they could all be a family again it’s been so long.

“Hi Noah, you going back to grans” Sarah asked as she did her homework.

“Yeah I am, I’ll be heading there soon, have you spoken to your mum” Noah asked as he sat next to his niece.

“Yeah I spoke to her she told me about your plan I promised to help, we’ll watch the little ones here, I just hope this works I really don’t want gran to get hurt again” Sarah said as she placed her book down.

“She won’t I spoke to Vanessa, they love each other its time they got back together its nit right them being apart, not like this. I don’t understand it mum waited for Vanessa all this time she never moved on and now Vanessa wants to be with her again she doesn’t want to it doesn’t make sense” Noah said as he packed his PlayStation away.

“Noah, I can understand it, gran is scared to get hurt again, she tried for so long to get Vanessa back and Ness didn’t want her anymore it took gran getting shot and Vanessa nearly losing her to make Vanessa see that she couldn’t live without her it never should have come to that. I want them to be together to Noah but if gran really doesn’t want that and this doesn’t work we have to respect that. I just want gran to be happy I hated seeing her in so much pain, we never should have turned our backs on her she’d have never done that to us” Sarah said she still had a lot of things to make up for with her gran.

“It will work I now it will, they just need to talk about it all everyone can see how much they both still love each other, Debbie told me the way mum reacted when that lady kissed her, mum doesn’t want anyone else but Vanessa. Just think how good it would be for Moses and Johnny all they’ve really known his mum and Ness together, they want to be a family again” Noah said as he got up to get his things.

“Yeah I know, they ask all the time when we’re all going to live together again, I’m going to pack a bag too and come with you to grans we could all watch a movie or something” Sarah said as she went to go upstairs.

“Ok, are you still going to Scotland when Debbie comes down” Noah asked as they headed upstairs.

“Yeah I will be for a few days, I’m thinking of moving up there after I finish school, it depends on what mum wants to do, don’t say anything but mum was thinking of moving back I’ll meet you downstairs in about five minutes” Sarah said as she went into her room.

Noah hoped his sister would move back they’ve all missed her living here, he knew his mum missed her, this would be good for everyone, now all his mum had to do was get the pub back and it would be like all the bad stuff that happened in the last year could be forgotten.

Chapter Text

Chapter 6

Vanessa felt so nervous being in the cabin, Noah had cleaned the place up and handed Vanessa a key, so she could let herself in it was a nice little place, Charity must have loved coming here as a kid. It did need some work doing to it considering the age of the place but all, in all it was in good shape.

Charity thought it was a bit weird when Debbie said she’d meet her at the cabin she thought they’d meet at the house and drive up together. She knew this was going to be hard because the last time she went there was before her mum died she didn’t even know all these years her dad kept the place. It was a shock to her when she found the keys in his belongings.

Charity was shocked to find that the lights were on, Debbie must have got there before her, she knew it was going to be clean because Noah came up here the other day, he told her he wanted it to look presentable and make sure the electricity was still working. He was a good kid she felt lucky to have a son who cared about her.

“Vanessa what are you doing here” Charity asked she was so confused.

“Noah came to see me, told me you’d be here, he figured we needed to talk, he dropped me off about half hour ago” Vanessa said hoping she wouldn’t be to mad.

“So I’ve been set up, ain’t this just great, I take it Debbie not coming is she” Charity asked as she placed her bag by the door.

“No I don’t think she is, I made us some tea” Vanessa said as she went to pour her a cup.

“Why are you here Vanessa, I thought we’ve said all we needed to say” Charity sighed as she sat down.

“We need to talk Charity, we can’t keep avoiding each other” Vanessa said as she placed the drink down and sat opposite Charity at the table.

“That’s rich coming from you, you ignored me for close to a year, you didn’t even give me a chance to explain things you just ended things in a letter, do you remember what you wrote to me. You know I came close to ending my life that day, I had nothing left, if Cain hadn’t of turned up when he did, I dread to think what could have happened. You gave up on us long before I did what I did, and yes I know what a mistake that was but I was hurt, upset, and not thinking clearly. I thought we were over, I thought we were done, I’m not excusing it I know my actions hurt you, but if I wasn’t in that state it never would have happened.” Charity said she had tell her everything her psychiatrist was right she needed to get this of her chest.

“Charity I know I made some mistakes, I know now it wasn’t an affair, I know I should have spoke to you more told you what was going on. I know we stopped communicating but I was going through a lot and it just became easier to just not say anything, but I didn’t leave you, and you didn’t tell me things either” Vanessa said.

“How could I speak to you, you never answered my calls, and the day it all went to shit, I was going to tell you about what happened, but then you told me you were coming home and that your cancer was gone. I couldn’t tell you like that, so I was going to wait till you were home to tell you so I could explain what had happened and how I was feeling. I felt like my world was crumbling around me, I hate myself for falling for his game but it was one stupid kiss I can’t even explain how it happened and if I wasn’t completely heartbroken it would never have happened. It wasn’t an affair and I know you knew that, and so did Tracy and Rhona even if Tracy said it was. I tried to talk to you I begged to talk to you when you were at your mum’s and all that got me was your mum calling the police on me. Then you took Johnny from me, Tracy must have told you how I was, drinking all the time, I was a wreck I’d drink until I passed out, then I’d wake up and do it all over again. I’ve never in my life been that heartbroken, I just needed to numb the pain, I just didn’t want to live anymore. I had nothing and no one” Charity cried she hated talking about this again but it needed to be said.

“Charity I know I should have just come home, but I was hurt and confused, how could you do it, how could you kiss him and it killed me when Tracy said it was an affair she implied you’d been at it like rabbits, I never should have believed her, I’m sorry I ever did. I’m sorry you thought your only way out was to end things, but you didn’t have no one your kids love you” Vanessa said as she wiped her eyes it was killing her hearing how broken Charity was and just how bad things were.

“I had no one, Moses was with Ross, none of my kids were talking to me, I lost the pub, I nearly got Noah sent to prison. You know I was so broken I threw myself at Al, even though he’d just cheated on my daughter he got inside my head said all this stuff about how Debbie really felt about me, turns out he was using me to get revenge on Debbie and Pria for taking his money. It took Diane to sort me out after I lost everything, she helped me I stopped drinking, I bought the house of Debbie and got Moses back I was determined to be a good mum to him I couldn’t let him down again. When you came home, I tried to speak to you, you wanted nothing to do with me you hated me, and I didn’t blame you because I hated myself for what I did, how could I hurt the only person I ever truly loved the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. When you turned me away that day, the day I got shot I was completely broken because I realised in that moment I would never be truly happy again because I knew deep down there was no going back you didn’t want to be with me anymore” Charity cried.

“Charity I was hurt, I’m sorry I” Vanessa started to say.

“When I was in the pub and Meena walked in with the gun yelling all this stuff I knew I had to do something, I had to try and talk to her, and I guess part of me did want to die, the only people I had talking to me was Johnny and Moses. In the split second it took for her to pull the trigger, my life flashed before my eyes and you were the best part of my life Vanessa being with you and our kids my life was perfect. However, I also realised I couldn’t live like this anymore, I couldn’t keep living in the past, I needed to move on I needed to be happy again, because I never wanted to feel so broken again. That I feel my only way out is to end my life, I have kids that need me and I am never leaving them again. We’re just two different people Vanessa, you gave up on us, now I give up on us because I can’t do this anymore, this isn’t healthy it’s toxic, we can’t keep hurting each other. I need to find someone to love me faults and all someone who wouldn’t leave me, someone willing to fight for me, someone I can give my heart to that won’t break it. I’m not saying this to hurt you I hate seeing you in pain but you deserve to be happy to Ness” Charity said as she tried to stop the tears from falling.

“I love you, I’ll fight for you for us, I promise you I’ll never leave you again, it’s you I want Charity I don’t want anyone else. It killed me seeing you with Maria but if she makes you happy I’ll have to live with the fact that you’ve moved on. I just want you to be happy, even if that’s not with me” Vanessa cried.

“I’m not with Maria, I don’t want to be with Maria, she kissed me, I went outside to talk to you but you took off, that’s my point Vanessa you never stay to talk about things you just leave. We can’t keep doing this, you’re never just honest with me, you never let me in, you’re all about talking when it concerns me but you, you keep it in” Charity said.

“What are you talking about, I never kept things from you” Vanessa said in shock what was Charity talking about.

“You did Vanessa but it’s fine, look you can stay if you want I’ll get Noah to pick you up but I’m going to go” Charity said as she started to get up.

“Now who’s the one walking out” Vanessa yelled this really wasn’t the way she hoped things to go.

“Ok I’ll stay, but I want to know one thing and I want the truth, did you hate me” Charity asked.

“No I already told you I didn’t mean that the way it sounded, I could never hate you Charity” Vanessa sighed.

“See more lies, this will never work, you can never be completely honest, I’ve told you everything I don’t want anymore lies” Charity said as she grabbed her coat.

“I don’t hate you, how many times do I have to say it, I love you why is that so hard to believe” Vanessa yelled as she went after her.

“What you say, and what you mean are two different things. I know you hated me, because you said so on many occasions, in the letter you wrote to me when you sent the ring back, when you were came back and I came to see you, you said it then too. Also when I overheard you say it to Tracy, so tell me again that you didn’t and that you were what making it up just trying to cause me maximum pain. Just wanted to dig the knife in further, or was it the truth, just tell me the truth” Charity yelled as tears streamed down her face.

“Ok, I hated you happy now, I hated you for what you did, I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved you and you threw it all away for some random guy so yes I hated you is that what you wanted to hear” Vanessa yelled.

“Finally the truth” Charity said as she stopped and took it all in.

“You want the truth, I may have hated you but really I just hated what you did. I also hated myself for driving you to it, I know I’m to blame too for what happened, I know I should have been honest with you, with everything, I should have talked to you, let you know what was going on. I know I hurt you when I asked Rhona to be Johnny’s guardian, I know I hurt you when I took of after the adoption. I wish more than anything I’d just come home that day, that we’d gone to the hospital together but I was scared, scared that the treatment hadn’t worked. I know I should have talked to you when I was at my mum’s, I’m the strong one I hate being vulnerable. I felt like I was weak, that I finally had everything I ever wanted, I was living the life I always wanted that I wasn’t hiding who I was anymore, and it could all be taken away by this disease. But you should know that my heart was always with you it’s always been with you and no matter how hard I tried to get over you, or tell myself that I hated you I never really could and that is the truth” Vanessa cried as she took Charity’s hand.

“I can’t do this not again, I can’t go through it again, for you to leave me again I couldn’t survive it” Charity cried as she felt the walls coming down.

“I love you Charity and I know you still love me, we can be together now there is nothing stopping us, I promise you I’m never leaving you again, we belong together Charity, and one day you will be my wife, you are my forever” Vanessa said as she pulled Charity into her arms.

“I love you Ness, I love you I do, but we can’t go back to how we was I can’t live like that, we have to start from fresh and promise to be completely honest with each other wether it’s good or bad. I don’t want there to be anymore lies, or be keeping things from each other” Charity said as Vanessa wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I’ll do whatever it takes for us to be together, if you don’t want to move back to the village we don’t have to, I just want to be where you are” Vanessa smiled as she held her in her arms this is where she belonged.

“Are we really going to do this can we really make this work” Charity asked as they stood outside the cabin.

“We can if that’s what you want, I love you Charity and I want to be with you. I’ve missed you so much” Vanessa said as she looked up into her eyes.

“I’ve missed you to so much” Charity smiled as she kissed her she pours all the love she feels for her in this kiss, because being here with Vanessa is everything to her and she couldn’t let her go ever again.