(scene opens upon a crime scene, two men shot dead, detective robert walters is smoking two cigarettes and looking over the scene, walk like an egyption by the bangles is playing over the police cars radio)
Joker: Sorry officers, I had no idea what happened. I was walking down the street when I heard the gunfire. I was searching for my long lost father if that helps you.
Walters: do you live around here, mr- (waits for him to give a name)
Police: walters, this isnt your business, you're a private detective.
Joker: *laughs maniacally*
Walters: i was HIRED. You dont need to know by whom.
Joker: It’s ok, my mother loves me, my name is Joker.
Walters: is that your first or last name?
Joker: I don’t remember..,, *faints*
Walters: clearly he has a condition. Ill take him in. (picks him up in his strong manley arms and drives him to the bar)
Joker: *Wakes up* Wuh???
Walters: (he has positioned him at the bar) i know you werent just “at” the scene of the crime, theres no one else that couldve shot those men.
Joker: *laughs manically* I’m sorry I have a condition. I don’t know what you’re talking about!
*joker is lying*
Joker: I will give you my name mister fag detective
Walters: im no fag. I have a wife. Give me your name or ill give you the same treatment you gave those men.
Joker: Yes mister fruity juicy! My name is …. Klump…, Klump T. Joker. My mother gave me such a beautiful name, don't you agree?
Walters: honestly? I dont. But my problem with you has nothin to do with your mother. In fact, it has to do with your FATHER.
Joker: My… My father? *laughs and cries manically* How can this be?
Walters: i know who your father is, and unless you confess to that murder ill never tell you. (sips drink)
Joker: I’ll have a whiskey bartender, and I wish I could confess but the truth is.. I do know who the murderer is… but it isn’t me....
(bartender hands him a whisky while eavesdropping, walters shoos him away with the gun in his hand)
Walters: alright, tell me then.
Joker: It was…*whispers* Al Pachino…. But I know he’s a very dangerous man, me telling you this puts me *laughs maniacally* in grave danger
Walters: Al pacino? Known on the street as DUNKACINO? Son of the biggest mob boss in new york?
Joker: DON’T YOU DARE SAY THE TRUE NAME OUT LOUD. He may… hear you… *whispers* dunkaccino is everywhere…..
Walters: i dont let those dirty italians boss me around, i can afford to say his name.
Bartender: *borat accent* Hello! I am an inconspicuous bartender eavesdropping on this very wacky woah woah wee wah conversation.
Walters: (under his breath) goddamn foreigners everywhere. (normal volume) do your job bartender, get me another whiskey and dont bother me and my… friend here.
Joker: *gives Walters a sly smirk*
Bartender: I will help you ease your pain, my dear friend, my name a Raymond and definitely not Borat the famous reporter from Kazakhstan, I mean, what? Kazakhstan? What even is that? Certainly not my home country! *pauses*
Raymond: *whispers* I believe I can help you with your little, “dunkachino” problem if you will be my friend mister detective *normal volume* WOAH WOAH WEE LAAH
Walters: (considers) If you know anything about this murder you better tell me, pal.
Raymond: *whispers* My employers are all around us, my good American man. Meet me at the women naked club at 9 p.m. I will tell you all you need to know about the dirty dunkaccino and his… mystical apes.
Walters: you better not be foolin with me. (turns back to joker) stay in the city, i still dont trust you.
Klump T. Joker: But, I thought we were… friends? I would never lie to you mister Walters, famous private detective.
Walters: Sure. We’re,,, friends. (hands him business card) call me.
Klump T. Joker: Of course, I wish I could tell you more about our little… issue *laughs retardedly* but his watchmen are.,.. Keeping a close eye on me if you would say… *writes down phone number* call me if you learn anything from that weird foreign bartender. I’ll be in my apartment jacking it *laughs funninily*
Walters: i may or may not do that, mr joker. (dramtically turns around, pausesm speaks without turning back around) thank you for your.. Cooperation. (adjudts fedora and walks out door)
(cut to walters walking into his house, his wife is waiting)
Nancy: You’ve been out since noon, this was supposed to be your day off sugar…
Walters: i dont wanna hear it you stupid broad. Whats for dinner.
Nancy: My famous meat loaf… But I wonder….
Walters: your meatloaf is awful. What do wonder. How to make it correctly?
Nancy: No I just wonder… if I could get some of your tasty meat load tonight… sugar *hugs walters bringing him close to her and her raging pussy*
Walters: no, ive had a logn day.
Nancy: You’ve ALWAYS had a long day, you never make time for me! I’m your wife, you know! God sometimes I wonder if you tried gay in college and this is why you never would my hot to trot pussy.
Walters: your pussy is PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE but im CAUGHT UP IN SOME DIRTY MOB BUISNESS and i dont have the energy for a fuck!
Nancy: This is just like you, you care about your work more than your personal life! I have needs you know! And you wonder why I make meatloaf so terrible… BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME WHY SHOULD I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU???? *grabs a plate and throws it on the ground shattering it instantly* *cries*
Walters: (lights a cigarette) honey, you’re hysterical.
Nancy: I’m hysterical for putting up with your bullshit, *chokes on tears* why can’t you eat my pussy out like the good old days… *sobs*
Walters: i have somewhere to be at nine.. Maybe when i get home… (dramatically takes off hat) if i get home… ill give your pussy a good moncha moncha… but now. I need a nap.
Nancy: I made the bed for you… *sighs* you're a good cop, but you need to work with me to be a good pussy eater….
Walters: for the last time nancy, im not a cop, im a private detective. (throws himself in bed and immediately falls asleep)
Nancy: There’s a difference? I never went to college! I guess I should clean the house to distract myself from the reality of my life which is that I have no true purpose and my only desire is to get eaten out. Oh what a day…
(its nine o clock, walters is standing in front of the naked woman club, he walks in)
Raymond: Ah! Mister detective man! You have come to my humble sexy lady club! Very nice!
Walters: yes i have. (looks at tits ) nice women you have here. Now lets get down to business.
Raymond: Ah yes! Follow me mister america inspector! The back rooms will give us much privacy. *points to the room guarded by large sexy men*
(walters follows raymond into backrooms)
Raymond: Hello George! Hello Roger! I have to make a nice talk with my good friend america policeman! It’s about the… troubles we’ve been having lately…
(The two men nod and open the doors)
Raymond: So as you see I do share a part ownership here at naked lady club. But… someone has been murdering my… employees… I have evidence that it may be linked to Dunkachino's mob…
Walters: evidence? Why would they kill some shitty strippers? They arent even good strippers!
Raymond: Rude mister big cock man! But I will look past this because we are friend. I also employ… certain other services, that the dunkaccino man does not like… They give you sexy time you would say?
Walters: ah, i see. Well if your whores are as bad as your strippers, (gestures to stripper who has fallen off the pole outside the door to the backrooms) then i can see why they’re being killed.
Raymond: I know they are silly stupid female, but I do not employ only stupid female… I also employ…. Well… something that dunkaccino was a fan of until I stopped….
Walters: you dont mean… MEN?
Raymond: I have come across information that… incriminates the dunka man… as a cock lover… That being he hired me for sex relations with men.
Walters: (quietly) my god, no wonder hes threatening you. This information could bring him down. Were those murders this morning connected with this? Were they,,, your employees?
Raymond: *tears in his eyes* yes… but I believe… at first he was satisfied with just the men I gave him… my… beautiful men… but… he started having doubts… that these men would not keep quiet… and worst of all… he doubted my …. Ability to keep quiet… So he sent me a message in how you say… red paint that tastes like rust. *cries* woah waoh wee haahh…
Walters: i see, this is a very dangerous buisness youve gotten yourself associated with. Not to mention. ILLEGAL!
Raymond: What does illegal mean my main man?
Walters: (shocked) you know. Against the law. Not cool with the cops. Bad.
Raymond: But my ladies… and… well and one guy, would be lost without this! I make da big money man! Besides even if I get locked up, please do not lock up my sexy time people… please.
Walters: prostitution is illegal, bud, i cant change it.
Raymond: Why is it? Maybe we should… change that the old fashioned american way!
Walters: (ponders) because it is! The law is the law. Its immoral to have sex with people for money! Its… unamerican!
The only way you're going to avoid this is if you help me catch the mob bosses, then maybe ill let you off on a lighter sentence and… forget about all your pretty little friends running around here.
Raymond: Anything to avoid Dunkachinos wrath… and… his… well I shouldn’t say… no… I should. Have you ever heard of… the mystical apes…?
Walters: the what.
Raymond: Dunkachino… has certain… powers… over these apes… he sends them out to do his bidding. If you ever see a wild ape running around, dunkachino may be nearby… I do not understand how, but I know my men were killed by them.
Walters: by APES? Thats awful…
Raymond: You did say that these men had, how you say, ripped open prostates? The apes… they did that. That’s dunkachino’s main killing move. I know who dunkachino is trying to, make die next… by this method.
Walters: (leans in) if you tell me this information, your criminal activity could cease to become a problem, if you know what i mean.
Raymond: Ah yes american johnny man! I believe tomorrow at club oingo boingo… the kung fu chicken… Teresa… will be raped to death by these apes.
Walthers: american johnny man??
Raymond: You never told me your name my bestest america man friend boy.
Walters: oh yes, of course. My name is robert walters. Thank you for this information.. It should be extremely useful
Raymond: If I could make a suggestions?
Walters: of course.
Raymond: Whatever you do to dunkachino, please keep klump safe. He’s my bestest boy friend mister walber.
Walters: i wouldnt let anything happen to klump, hes been.. Valuable to me so far and i believe he would be a good ally to have.
Raymond: Oh thank yous mister! I promise once this is all over, I go back to kazakh- I mean, I live america! I live clean life in america! I am definitely not borat I am raymond the sexy master, ey man!
Walters: sure, stay here, whatever, just dont cause problems.
Now give me the address of thatoingo boingo club.. I better head there before any problems start.
Raymond: Yes of courses! (Writes down address) Make sure you say you know me, otherwise they may kick your butty outty! Woah wooah bee ahh! (Hands address to Walters)
Walters: thank you. (shakes his hand and walks out)
(cut to walters in front of the oingo boingo club, he tells the man at the door hes a friend of raymond)
(The man nods and he opens the door, to walters surprise. Teresa was performing a spectacular kung fu bonanza, breaking bricks set up for her left and right)
Walters: dumb stupid women. They shouldnt allow them in public spaces like this, making a fool of herself like that.
Teresa: (flaps her feathers) SQUAK (proceeds to shake its kung fu chicken ass)
Klump T Joker: I cannot believe she accepted this offer…(laughs pissingly) OH MISTER WALTERS! What a pleasant surprise!
Walters: joker! What are you doing here….
Klump T Joker: Oh… Teresa is my good roommate… I came here to show my support. But this show is beneath her, she just needs it for the money. What are you doing here??
Walters: im afraid teresa is in danger, she’s gonna have to get out of here.
Klump T Joker: What do you mean in dange-
(THE APES BURST THRU THE DOOR)
Klump T Joker: OH MY GOD! TERESA! RUN!
(Walters grabs Teresa like she is a misbehaving cat and shoves her out the door just in time to avoid the horde of angry apps)
Walters: we should get out of here-
(Just as he says this his car blows up)
Klump T Joker: Oh my god! If the apes are here… that means… oh no…
(Joker pauses dramatically)
Klump T Joker: Dunkachino is near… He’s gonna kill us! I should have never said *laughs fuckerly* no…
Walters: say, how do you know so much about dunkacino?
Joker Klumped: I… (laughs hyena like) NOTHING. All I know is he’s making my life miserable! Definitely didn’t have sex with him for money! No way! (Laughing cringing)
Walters: you better tell me everything you know, joker, our lives, and so many others, may depend on it.
Joker: We shouldn’t speak here… (laughing andshidding ) Let’s go to Teresa’s apartment. I’d be more… comfortable speaking there… also i need to shower im a stinky joker
Walters: my car just exploded! How do you expect us to get there?!
Joker: Teresa still has her car. I know shes a chicken but she has… rights?? Hee hee! Women
Walters: alright. Lets go find her.
Joker: Wait where’d (he laughs like HEE HAW) she go to?
(The Apes surround Teresa as she trys to kick them ass kung fu style but she’s surrounded by them)
Walters: well, this isnt our problem anymore, i guess. Lets take her car!
Joker: But! Teresa (laughing crying) She, (snorts) she my (farts) best friend! Please walters! You have to do something! besides she has the keys.
Walters: (sighs) fine. (shoots all the apes using one bullet each)
Teresa: SQUAK (Thankful squak)
Joker: How the fuck (EHGHJUGH he makes sound) how’d you do that???
Walters: my past is no business of yours..
Joker: (shits panties) im sorry… lets go now mister (laughing!!!!) walters..
NEXT SCENE AT JOKERS AND TERESA’S APARTMENT.
Walters: get rid of the girl- chicken. I need to talk to you alone.
Joker: Teresa, I need to do some major flashback dumpings, so you need to go into (has a stroke) the other room.
Teresa: SQUAK (leaves the room)
Walters: alright. Lets get into this flashback dumping of yours…
Joker: I… yes well… (cries while giggling) me and… dunkachino. We USED to have a rather (luagh) special relationship…. I… I used to service him… in a (PHHFHHF) rather sexual way.
Walters: (sighs) why is everyone around me gay? Is there no one good left in the world?!
Joker: I dunno Walters, it seems like our lives our being written out by two gay ass teenagers who didn’t even watch the godfather movies
Walters: one of them might of, actually, but they just werent payying attention. But thats not what we’re here to discuss. Continue with your fruity story.
Joker: yes well, dunkachino and I had a very intimate relationship (imitates flashback sounds) We would meet and listen to this artist… called bob stank. I had never heard of him before, but I do know he would only fuck to this old man music. I had grown a fondness for it too. I believ…. After our first few meetings. He started to fall in a deep love with me, dah joker babah. (Laughs and honks his nose)
Walters: bob stank… ive heard of him.. Hes awful! He couldnt have chosen anything better?
Joker: I guess he just really needs to hear some shitty music during a fuck… I didn’t judge because at first it was just a fuck… but it became something more… He needed to hide his homosexuality, because if his… well… big boss knew about it, he’d be iced. So he drew up… a plan… that i said no to…(joker luagh)
Walters: (leans in) the plan! What was the plan?!
Joker: He offered me.. a deal… so to speak. If I were to stay with him in his massive mafia mansion, we could continue our sexy bob stanky relationship. But i was to never step foot outside of the mansion, and barely step foot outside the bedroom. If I rejected, we would have to end our sexy times forever….(burps and laugh)
Walters: and you rejected?
Joker: (cries intensely and cackles) yes…. i… couldnt give up so much to be with him, even if i… did love him…
Walters: how could you fall in love with a man who played such awful music?
Joker: He’s got a charming way… of doing things. And also he has a ten inch penis. He took a quiz online proving so.
Walters: what is online?
Joker: uh, its a place where you can get free porn and guns. (Laughing emoji)
Walters: (writes this down in his notebook, puts notebook back in pocket) i think i have all the information i need to take down the mafia forever. All we have to do now is find dunkacino.
Joker: He’s very hard to find… but I think… I can contact him somehow… i have his discord username dunkachinolovesvore#9262. If I tell him I want to go back on the offer he gave me. And say yes… That could lead him to us.
Walters: do it, joker.
Joker: Oh, it is the right thing to do, after all he did kill some of my fellow sexy coworkers in a lust filled rage. When shall we do this. (Joker hops onto his gaming computer to contact dunkachino)
Walters: (lights a cigarette and stares out window)
Joker: Why are you smoking inside
Walters: i dont care about anybody but myself.
Joker: I heard you have a wife… you seem to work a lot. I wonder how lonely she might be. You ever give her a good session of cunnilingus? (HOO HAAAH!)
Walters: no. of course not.
Joker: do you… ever please your wife? Sorry if joker ask too personal love life question! Its just… my friend has services I can offer her, so… ya kno, your marriage doesn’t fall apart. (BAHAHAAHA says the joker)
Walters: why would i ever do that? Its not my job…. But perhaps… it could be yours.
Joker: you want… me? To sex your wife? Walters are you joker fucking insane??
Walters: no, you are. Notice that you brought it up.
Joker: But you… you are the man of the law mister walters. This is a real weird character flaw mista walters babah. Are you sure your wife is in need of my services?
Walters: i dont have any flaws. This is your flaw. Perhaps nancy’s… but yes. Very sure. Im always sure.
Joker: Ok… I will have sexual relations with your women… for free of course… a joker’s friend discount you would say? (Joker laughs because of friendship)
Walters: yeah, i wasnt planning to pay ya, pal, that would be illegal.
Joker: Oh, right! I forgot prostitution was illegal! It’s probably because I’m mentally fucktarded…. (Joker laughs insanely) I NEED MENTAL HELP HOO AHHH!! But yes I will have sex with your women. Anything to help you, mister walters. Now let’s go save your marriage and take down dunkachino for good! (Ball queefs)
(Cut to walters house, nancy opens the door to see joker and her husband)
Nancy: What the fuck robbie?! You haven’t been home for like three whole days? Why is this clown with you??!
Walters: i was busy nancy. You know my job is a difficult one. You wouldnt understand. This is Klump Joker. He’s here to service you.
Nancy: Service me? What the fuck are you talking about?!
Joker: Uhh, saving your marriage you dumb bimbo?? Now what position we doin? (Joker laughs and precums)
Nancy: i dont KNOW any positions besides missionary because my husband is the least thoughtful man in the world! (Notices neighbors staring) maybe we should have this conversation inside.
Joker: Ok! (Walks in like frank sinatra) Now I was thinking I could flip thru my kama sutra and we could see which one works for you. (heeeeeee!)
Nancy: (uncomfortable but interested) Well…. I guess we could do that…
Joker: Wonderful! Now uhh Walters do ya wanna watch? I’ve done a lot of cuckholding situations before so I was wondering if you were interested?
Walters: (Shrugs) sure. Dont have anything better to do.
Joker: alrighty! Now let’s get down to business Miss walters! (Gets joker insane naked)
Nancy: Wow what an acceptable penis size!
*fade to black sex scene cuz i dont wanna write them having sex*
Walters: (still smoking the same ciggarrette) that was mildly entertaining.
Joker: Thank you! I do my best! (HEHEHEEHEEE)
Nancy: Oh walters! Thank you for this! I- I don’t know how to repay you!
Walters: dont repay him, nancy, that would be illegal.
Nancy: oh of course… I suppose I must make you two sexy boys a good fashioned meat loaf… I mean… it’s the least I could do…
Walters: Nevermind. Make the meatloaf, woman.
Nancy: Of course (winks and walks into the kitchen 1950s style)
Joker: That pussy is good I don’t understand why you don’t make time for it.
Walters: no pussy is good enough to defy physics.
Joker: (how does a pussy defy physics??) (this is me) (a pussy could do time trvale if it wanted) anyways should we set up the dunkachino takedown for tomorrow? I’ll need to chose a location (im retsrded)
Walters: I think i have an idea for location…….. (Takes his notebook out of his pocket, removes flyer from notebook, the flyer is for a bob stank concert in town tomorrow)
Joker: Oh god, he’d have to come for that! I mean that in both ways! I’m da jokah sexy time babah! (has a stroke and laughs)
Walters: very funny, joker.
Joker: Thank you. This is why… perhaps… I am the true joker of da house.
Walters: thats how you got your name, huh? Being funny?
Joker: Well I mean, the ladies love it! And the men! I’m a great prostitute in my field! I would’ve done stand up and then get harassed off the stage because my jokes were so bad, and then go shoot some wall street guys, but I’d rather do something less chaotic ya know? (Hee!)
Walters: dont know how being a hooker is less chaotic, but i wont argue.
Joker: All JOKES aside! ((Hee hee i am joker)) lets take down my ex lover dunkachino! (Laughs happily)
(((AT THE BOB STANK VENUE)))
Klump T Joker: I’m so nervous… what if he finds out this is a sham???? *shits pants and laughs hysterically*
Walters: dont worry, joker, im very good at my job… dont worry about it, honey. (lights cigarette)
Joker: Oh god, Bob Stank is so terrible, he’s taking the stage so dunkachino should be here at any moment.
Rod stewart comes on the stage with his terrible fucking pantsuit and blonde dyed hair.
Bob Stank: HelloO everyone,.e.. Whate anm anmaziong turnout. My first song will “Oh mhy godf why can't I die yet? Pls, I wasn’t even that when I was young”
(dunkacino is clearly visible in the front row, wearing an obscene amount of bob stank merch, yelling and screaming already)
Joker Klump: Oh my god
Walters: suppose we just go right up there and grab him?
Joker: Uh, if we do that *twitches and cries* the … the apes…
Walters: you're right… too bad, though, it could be tough to catch him if he sees us.. We better make sure he doesnt
Dunkachino: *speaks in a fonz like accent* WHAT THE FUCK KLUMPY? YOU SAID YOU’D COME ALONE, WHOS THIS BASTARD? *dunkachino starts to speak inhuman ape language to call the apes.*
Joker: Dunkachino no! Please! All this senseless killing! Please! *farts loud*
Dunkachino: YOU BROKE MY HEART, YOU GAY BASTARD *OOO OOO AAH AAH*
Walters: leave him alone al (pulls gun) i got all the evidense i need to lock you up and no ape is gonna scare me out of it.
Dunkachino:... maybe not the apes… but maybe… a hot cup of coffee from dunkin donuts?
Walters: i cant tell if you're offering me a drink or threatening me.
Dunkachino: *pulls out cigar and lights it* well…. It appears to be a lil bit of both sonny! *chants monkey call*
(The apes appear and start throwing hot dunkin donuts coffee at walters and joker)
Joker: DUNKA NO AH!!!! *wriles in pain on the floor*
Walters: (shoots dunkacino in the leg) HOW DARE YOU.. he loved you and you betray him??
Dunkachino: HE BROKE MY HEART! HE… HE LEFT ME! AGGHHG FUCKKE I MADE SUCH A GOOD JOKE AND YOU FUCKING SHOT ME YOU BASTARD. APES! ATTACK!
Joker: HOLY FUCK NO PLEASE DUNKACHINO! IT DOESN’T HAVE TO END LIKE THIS! JUST GIVE YOURSELF UP TO THE LAW! *literally starts foaming from his mouth and giggles*
Walters: Ah! The apes! I- I’m not strong enough to defeat them! Help!
(Nancy jumps out of the crowd with a sword disguised as a cane and slashes the apes, defeating them and saving walters)
Joker: wow, i wasn’t expecting a femme fatale! Thank you Nancy, very cool!
Nancy: i didnt even plan this, i just came to see bob stank. Hes one of my favourites. I wanted robbie to take me to see him but i knew he wouldnt have time. He doesnt even know who my favourites are! Fuck you robert you dont deserve to be saved.. But i saved you anyway. (dramatically kisses him, music swells)
Dunkachino: Jesus dude, your girl needs a fuck badly, anyways *pulls out gun limping and grabs joker dramatically* I’M TAKING JOKER, NONE OF YOU ARE STOPPING ME!
(Rod stewart transforms into an eight eyed lizard dragon anthro and flys in with his eyes glowing)
Bob Stank: *shitty british accent* Now hol on here mates! There’s no reason to get our knobs in a twisty!
Roberts: (pushes nancy away, he has lipstick on him and looks quite ridiculous, is also wounded by the apes) now what the hell is going on here?
Bob stank: i hope you learned your lesson my boy!!! (hisses)
Joker: what the fuck, dunka THIS is the guy you get hard listening to?
Dunkachino: I DIDN’T EXPECT HIM TO BE A WEIRD FUCKIN DRAGON KLUMP!
Bob Stank: Now my mate dunkachino, if you really loved jokah here, you probably wouldn’t be trying to take him hostage now wouldja?
Dunkachino: *puts gun down and makes puppy dog face* *sniffs* no…
Bob stank: so i think youll do the right thing. Come out to your family and introdurce your charming jokah to them and have a big, fancy wedding. And invite me to sing.
Dunkachino: I… youre right… all this time I’ve been so afraid of what my big dad boss would… would say and… I just need to be honest to myself, and to my loved ones… I… am… dunkachino… and I am… I… am.,.. Gay…
Joker: Oh! Dunka! *starts crying and laughing screaming*
Dunkachino: Klump… *gets down on one knee* will you marry me?
Joker: You know, I should probably say no cause you literally killed two prostitutes just because you were upset I rejected your fifty shades of grey like offer you gave me, but…. I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF THAT DUNKACHINO! I WILL MARRY YOU!
(Dunkachino and Joker kiss dramatically and start biting eachother sexily)
(bob stank starts singing a love song he wrote especially for this situation)
Walters: (to nancy) im sorry, baby, i shouldve paid more attention to you… and appreciated like you deserved… thank you for saving me..
Nancy: *looks at him with pity* You’re a sad case walters, but I do love you. If you really do want to spend more time with me and… perhaps maybe, expand our family, I would be glad to have that conversation. *this time SHE lights a cigarette for herself, this shows WOMEN RIGHTS!!*
Walters: yes, we can go home right now and expand our family (winks)
Bob Stank: You all see? Sometimes conflict can be solved… with just a lil somfink called communication! *laughs in a stupid wholesome british way*
Joker: *cries and giggles funny* this is such a joker *sniffs* insane *crys* ending *holds onto dunkachino*
Raymond: Woah Woah Wee Wah! I missed a lot of high action scenes mes did! *wraps his arms around sexy stripper women*
Walters: who the hell are you?
Raymond: Oh hiya mistah walters! I helped you earlier with uhh, shittys what was it? Ah anyways I’m glad it worked out in the ending! Wooah woooaahh very niiicccee!
Walters: i know that, idiot. I mean really who are you, you're a horrible lair your name is not “raymond”
Raymond: Wooah wooah wee weehhhaaat do you mean????
Walters: oh, forget it, nevermind its not worth it.
Nancy: Oh walters! I love your apathetic social attitude! Bed me now my love!
(extreme pda from walter, raymond looks away uncomfortably even though he is constantly surrounded by sex and should be used to it by now)
Raymond: *chuckles uncomfortably* wooah! Get a very nice room you two! *kisses strippers necks politely*
Dunkachino: Well I guess it all worked out! Now I guess… there’s only one thing to do… I WILL NEED TO USE TO RESTROOM WITH JOKER!
Joker: Oh dunka~~ you spaz
(They both run to the bathroom for sexy time, immediately after the bathroom doors close audible moaning is in earshot of everyone in the oingo boingo building)
Walters: i can excuse hetero affection in public but this is too much!
Nancy: Oh robbie, let’s go home and be ANIMALS together!
(They both run out of the club sexily and happily)
Bob Stank: (camera zooms in uncomfortably close to his face and he winks to the audience) Well that’s brexit for yah!
(text shows up on screen readint THE END in fancy lettering)
((“where are they now?” is displayed in comic sans font with a ton of “XDXDXDXD”))
((Zooms in on Joker and Dunkachino getting married with a ton of mafia men))
Joker: I do! *hyuk hyuk*
Dunkacino: *SMOOCH* I’m so glad that uncle frank was the only homophobic member of our family and my father shot his knee caps!
Joker: Oh honey! I love it when you dunk on the homophobes! *BAHAHHAHAHAHHA* Let’s dance my love!
*zooms in on robert and Nancy who are in the crowd of the wedding. robert is wearing a wrinkled suit and is drunk, Nancy is wearing a mink coat and trying to socialise while not letting her husband drink anymore*
Nancy: Sorry barbrah my stupid fucking sexy husband is too drunk for his own good.
barbrah: he’s kinda cute tho (flushed emoji)
Nancy: God, KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, he’s my man, even if he is a pathetic one.
waters: don’t worry Nancy (trips and almost falls) I only like. W women who can cook a disgusting meatloaf
Nancy: Ohh! Robbie! I love that you still eat my disgusting meatloaf! Amongst… other things…
Walters: *winks, pauses for a second* that means I eat her pUssy (explaining to those around him)
Joker: Watch your mouth honey! *winks and drools* Especially since me and dunka are adopting after the wedding! *raises the roof in a gay like manner*
Dunkachino: Hopefully we’ll get a portuerican baby, I hear that they hate women! *raises the roof in a gay like manner as well* and walters, we have something to ask you.
Walters: what is it, pal, are you jealous that your man ate. My woman? *hiccups*
Dunkachino: No, but to be honest, I’m proud of him for it, but no I was going to ask,... was… will you be the………… godfather???????????
Walters: I would be proud to be the …. GODFATHER… of your child… only if you will be the… GODFATHER… of mine.. I think now is the time to reveal. IM PREGNANT!
Nancy: Yeah I have no fucking clue how that happened, but I’m happy nonetheless! We’re having…. An abomination of god! *smiles and kisses walters intensely*
*the big mafia boss walks in and group hugs his new family, al pacinos three twin brothers are left out of the hug*
Mafia boss big godfather: I am so happy to have such a diverse and poggers family!
Joker: *cries very intensely* God it’s so nice to have a godfather…. But… I never learned about… my……. REAL….. Father, even though I was only briefly interested at the beginning of this all.
Dunkachino: I think the real godfather…. Was inside you all along… and inside… all of us…. All………..alkong….. *winks at camera*
*the real end*