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my eyes adored you

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If one was ever near Sirius Black while he told a story, it was best that they took a step back. 

His hands were always wild as he talked, waving them to and fro as he set the scene. It was an unconscious tick that he could not prevent even if he tried. He was dramatic at heart and his flair was practically unstoppable. 

For the most part, his gesticulating only made his stories more entertaining. A wild gesture could elevate a story from mildly funny, to a bent-over laughing, tear-jerking, wheezing, level of hilarity. There were times when James’ glasses would tumble off his face he was laughing so hard, and Peter often had the wind knocked from his lungs, rendered completely breathless from a story. 

But on occasion, particularly during his more grotesque stories, the gesturing could quickly become… too much. 

Case in point, a random Thursday in November, the Marauders sat in the library, Sirius’ hands making a cupping motion while describing last night’s tryst with Emmaline Vance. 

“Mate!” Peter groaned as he covered his eyes, “I don’t need a visual.” Sirius furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at his hands, realizing what he was miming. James slapped his hands away and shuddered.

“Pads, please obliviate me so I can get rid of that mental image,” he said, curling his lip. Sirius just scoffed and crossed his arms. 

“Sorry I got too graphic, but let’s be honest here, listening to that story is the most action you lot have gotten in months,” he said with a smirk, “right Moony?” Sirius had turned to his friend, who had been suspiciously quiet for the duration of his story. Sirius knew that moon was coming up, and Remus sometimes closed himself off when he wasn’t feeling well. Sirius wanted to make sure he felt included in the conversation, despite the topic. 

Remus huffed and slammed his book closed. 

“Don’t be gross Padfoot,” he mumbled as he gathered his things, “And if you’re just going to spend our free period describing your escapades in excruciating detail, I am going to sit somewhere else.” Remus stalked off before Sirius, or anyone could say anything. He set his things at an empty table by the window and buried his face back into his transfiguration textbook. 

Sirius turned back to his other friends, trying to quell the annoyance in his stomach. He knew that he could overshare, but his friends still usually laughed at his stories. But the past few months, Remus had begun to find Sirius’ tales unbearable unfunny. Or at least that was how it seemed. Sirius hadn’t managed to get a single laugh out of Remus from these stories in a while. Sirius considered himself to be a funny guy, this predicament was chipping away at his confidence. 

“Who pissed in his porridge this morning,” Sirius joked. James frowned and shook his head. 

“I think you ought to stop bragging about your endless romantic conquests,” he said, “you know that Remus is sensitive about that kind of stuff.” Sirius scrunched up his nose in confusion. 

“Sensitive? What do you even mean?” James lowered his voice and looked around the library. 

“You know, his furry little problem makes him a little insecure. He all but insists he’ll never have a romantic relationship. I reckon he thinks he doesn’t deserve it,” he whispered. Sirius scoffed. 

“No, Sirius, James is right,” Peter nodded as he added on, “He’s got this idea in his head that no one will love him like that because of, well you know. He also seems to think he’s got no prospects because of his scars.” Sirius shook his head. 

“What, did he tell you this?” he asked incredulously. Remus had never shared such feelings with him, and Sirius thought that he and Moony told each other everything. Peter shrugged. 

“Some of it yeah. Well all of it technically, but only some of it when he was sober. You know how he gets when he drinks, feels the need to tell everyone how he’s feeling,” Peter elaborated. Sirius tried not to feel hurt that he was the only one not privy to Remus’ feelings. 

“Well that’s bullshit,” he declared, “I bet Moony has plenty of prospects. People would be stupid not to like him.” James and Peter nodded in agreement.

 “I mean, he’s smart, and witty, and he’s tall!” Sirius continued. “And not to mention, he’s, you know-” Sirius gestured towards Remus and turned in his seat to look at him. Time seemed to slow down for a moment. 

Remus had his chin propped up in his hand, lazily skimming the text in front of him. The evening light came streaming from the window making Remus glow golden, a halo forming around his curls. His eyebrows were drawn, pulling at the scar that went through his left one. His bottom lip was caught between his teeth and Sirius was suddenly struck by the fact that Remus was-

“-bloody gorgeous.” The words came out in a breathy whisper before he could even process that he had thought them. He snapped out of his Remus-induced stupor as soon as they had been uttered and hoped that his cheeks were not as red as they felt. 

“You know, in a totally objective way,” Sirius tacked on nervously, hoping to lighten the weight of his words. He turned back towards Peter and James, who were looking at him as if he had grown another head.

“What?” he asked with a shaky chuckle, “can a man not appreciate another bloke’s looks without it being weird?” James shook his head and laughed quietly.

“No, I suppose you’re right,” he said, “Remus is rather fit, as far as boys go.” He elbowed Peter. “Right Pete?” 

Peter startled, “Uh, right. Of course.” 

James shot a glance at Sirius and seemed to sense his discomfort with the direction of the conversation. He immediately jumped into a rant about quidditch. 

Sirius spent the next half hour trying his best to not look at Remus. 

---

Sirius had almost always known that he liked boys as well as girls. He had known when he was seven and went to see a play with his family. He had thought of the lead actor for months afterward. He knew when he was twelve and watched Gideon Prewwit, a fifth-year, hit a bludger clear across the pitch with his bat. He also knew when he was sixteen and Benjy Fenwick had shoved him into a broom closet and snogged him senseless. While yes, he hadn’t quite worked up the courage to admit this to his friends, the sensation wasn’t new. 

But liking Remus Lupin? That was a completely new feeling. 

It was nothing like he had ever felt before. Before, his interest in boys, and in girls, had only ever been a passing fancy. He’d become transfixed by a person and would have a near insatiable need to have them. He was suave and confident and could almost always get what he wanted. He felt a thrum in his veins from the excitement of the chase, but nothing else really. And once he had gotten a taste of his latest conquest, he lost all interest. 

With Remus it was different. For Remus, he felt no hot-blooded want, but an ache, a longing, and only need. He knew that a late-night romp or a kiss would never be enough for the longing he felt every time he looked at Remus.

A week ago, Sirius fell asleep easily. Tonight, he counted the breaths from the bed beside him, and wished that the other boy’s breath was hot against his neck instead. 

---

Sirius had always thought that Peter was bad at telling stories. He always lost his train of thought and stumbled over his words. He had a quick breathless way of storytelling, as if he was trying to get it out as fast he could, lest he forget the entire thing. Sirius had always found it boring. It was no different tonight. 

“I took her to Madame Pudifoot’s of course, because that’s what you’re supposed to do I suppose,” Peter relayed. He had gone on his first real date that morning in Hogsmeade. Hestia Jones had agreed to go out with him (a miracle if you asked Sirius) and James and Remus were listening with rapt attention. Sirius tried to pay attention, but as always, Pete’s delivery was dreadfully uninteresting. So he spent his time studying Remus as discreetly as possible from his end of the bed. 

The four of them were huddled in James’ bed, the curtains drawn closed and the only light coming from Remus’ wand. Sirius was pressed against the foot of the bed, his knees drawn up to his chest, James leaning against him. Pete sat at the edge near the middle, the center of attention. Remus laid at the top, nestled amongst the pillows, the light from the wand casting faint shadows across his face. He was tired, his eyes half-lidded and his smile lazy, and he was wrapped in a pair of flannel pajamas his mother had sent him. He looked so warm in soft, it took everything in Sirius to not crawl to his end and curl up into his side. 

“Did you kiss her?” James asked, his eyes wide. Peter flushed red and he stuttered a bit. 

“Well… no…” he admitted meekly. 

“Ah come on Wormtail, you have to seal the deal,” Sirius said, finally chiming in. 

“Should I have?” Peter asked, suddenly very concerned. A pillow flew and hit Sirius in the head. Remus, the likely culprit, spoke up. 

“Pete, you didn’t have to kiss her. It was the first date,” Remus reassured him, “Take anything Sirius says about romance with a grain of salt.”

“Hey!” Sirius said in mock offense, “I give excellent advice!” Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius noted that they looked darker and richer in this light. 

“You have never had a relationship last longer than a week,” he said smugly, “And who are you to judge Pete for not kissing her. Don’t act like you haven’t been having a bit of a dry spell.” Remus smirked at him from across the bed and Sirius flushed. 

It was true, Sirius hadn’t had a date or even met up with anyone for a few weeks. Specifically since The Realization. But he wouldn’t call it a dry spell. He’d classify it as voluntary celibacy. He couldn’t think about being with anyone other than Remus. 

He picked up the pillow and chucked it back at Remus.

“Oh hush Lupin,” he scolded, “Don’t act like you haven’t been in a dry spell for the last seventeen years.” At that, Remus scoffed. 

“Oi, your math is a little off there, Padfoot,” he said. 

“How so?” 

“Believe it or not, just because I don’t tell you things doesn’t mean they don’t happen.”

Sirius’ blinked at him. 

“What are you getting at?” he asked. Remus shrugged. 

“I guess I’m just not as innocent as you all seem to think,” he replied. James’ face broke out into a wide smile and he smacked Remus’ shoulder. 

“Good man, Moony. Good man.” 

Sirius felt sick to his stomach. He wondered if this was what jealousy felt like. 

---

“Padfoot? Are you up there?” a familiar, rough voice called out. Sirius didn’t answer, instead, he continued to stare out at the large expanse of the Hogwarts grounds. From the roof Sirius could see to nearly the edge of the forbidden forest, the trees blending with the dark sky behind it. Sirius had discovered the trap door that led to a small platform nestled among the spires of Gryffindor tower when he was a small second year. The spot had become his, a refuge from his real-life full of anxieties and fears. The other Marauders had discovered the spot when they had created the map, but only Remus had ever ventured up there. 

“I don’t know why I even asked,” Remus continued, “I can see your name on the map.” The statement was followed by the sound of the ladder creaking under Remus’ weight. The trapdoor squeaked and then Remus eased himself onto the platform next to Sirius. 

“Pads, are you alright?” Remus asked in that soft voice of his, the one where you could hear the furrow of his brow in his tone. It made Sirius want to melt into the floorboards. 

“I’m fine, Moony,” he answered. He wasn’t fine, he almost never was, but he didn’t feel like explaining to Remus that he was the reason Sirius was upset. 

“Do you actually think I’ll buy that?” Remus asked. Sirius sniffed. 

“No. But I was hoping you’d leave it alone anyway,” he replied. 

“Sirius, you know you can tell me anything right?” he prodded, knocking his forehead into Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius huffed. 

“What, you just want me to spill my guts to you?” he asked. Remus blinked at his sullen tone. 

“I just want you to tell me what’s wrong.”

“I just don’t see why I should be forced to share things with you when you clearly have a lot you’re not telling me,” he bit out. As soon as he said the words Sirius wished he could reach out and pluck them from the air before they reached Remus’ ears. 

“What is this about?” Remus asked.

“The other night. You hinted at something.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Moony, why didn’t tell me that you had kissed a girl or whatever it was that you had done? I thought we told each other everything.”

“Padfoot-”

“And it’s not even just that,” he continued, “Pete and James have both mentioned things that you’ve never told me and I just don’t understand. Did I do something? Do you not trust me?” 

“I- it wasn’t... ” Remus looked away and seemed to be gathering his words. “I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t a girl,” Remus whispered and let the words hang, “There was this boy back home last summer and I- things just happened and I couldn’t tell you because-” Remus choked on the end of his sentence and looked down.

“You could’ve still told me,” Sirius whispered, “I wouldn’t have thought of you any different. You have to know that.” Remus ran a tired hand down his face. 

“You just… I was scared. That’s all,” he replied. 

“I have too, you know,” Sirius added quietly, “Kissed a boy I mean.” 

“Oh,” Remus replied. 

“Yeah. Oh.” 

They sat on the roof in comfortable silence until the sun rose. 

---

Padfoot had tried his best but it was a bad one. The wolf was angry this month, ripping and pulling at his own skin, and there was little he could do to stop it. A full moon hadn’t been this violent in months and when Padfoot transformed back into Sirius, he couldn’t stop the gasp that escaped his lips when he looked at Remus, lying broken and bloody on the floor. 

He was unconscious, as he usually was the morning after, and his hair was matted against his head with sweat. His sleep wasn’t peaceful, his eyebrows were drawn and he was whimpering, and his leg was bent at an odd angle. 

Sirius performed all the basic healing charms he knew, but James and Peter pulled him away before Madame Pomfrey arrived. 

---

Remus didn’t wake up until that night. He woke with a start, seemingly flinching from whatever nightmare he was having. He blinked slowly and relaxed slightly when he realized he was in the hospital wing and not on the floor of the forbidden forest.

Sirius sat up in his chair. “Moony,” he whispered softly. Sirius had been sitting there for hours now, waiting and waiting for Remus to wake up. The other Marauders had left hours ago, promising to return in the morning. But Sirius couldn’t pull himself away from Remus’ bedside. 

Remus turned his head to look at Sirius, his expression fraught. He had a new gash along his jawline, and Sirus had the impulse to kiss along it, to try and make it feel better.

“Pads,” Remus said, his words raspy and broken, “I’m so sorry.” Sirius furrowed his brow and scooted his chair closer. 

“Remus? You have nothing to be sorry about,” he replied. Remus looked up at the ceiling and sighed. 

“I’m sorry you had to see me like that,” he choked, “I could have hurt you.” 

“No, no, Moony,” Sirius moved from his chair to kneel on the floor beside Remus’ bed. Without thinking he moved his hand to push the hair from Remus’ forehead, resting his hand on the other boy’s temple and thumbing it softly. 

“I should never have let you come with me, it’s too dangerous,” he said, his words panicked. Ever since the other marauders became anamagi a few years before, Remus went through spells where he would insist that they had to stop coming during full moons. Every few months he convinced himself that he was too dangerous, and that their midnight adventures had to stop.

“It’s not Remus, Everything is fine.”

“But I almost hurt you last night,” he said softly. 

“But you didn’t,” Sirius reassured him. 

“But I could. If after last night you still can’t see that I’m dangerous-”

“You’re not dangerous,” Sirius cut in. 

“Yes, I am Sirius. I’m a dark creature. It’s a fact, and there is nothing you can do to change that,” he said, finally shifting his head to look at Sirius. His eyes were hard but Sirius could still see some fear behind them. 

“You’re not a monster, Remus,” Sirius said softly, “You’re my Moony.” Remus sniffed and leaned slightly into Sirius’ hand.

“Tired, Moony?” Sirius asked. He had only been awake for a short amount of time but his eyes were already drooping. Remus nodded and Sirius made a move to stand, but Remus grabbed his wrist. 

“Stay, please?” he asked pleadingly, scooting slightly to make room on the bed. When they were younger, Sirius and Remus often shared a bed. After nightmares in their room or after bad full moons, they would lay together. But they hadn’t done it in a few years. They had stopped at the age where it was weird for boys to show outright affection for each other, but Sirius had missed it. 

Sirius nodded and climbed gingerly into the bed. He pulled Remus into his chest and the other boy fell asleep quickly. Eventually, Sirius drifted off as well, the breath of the other boy fanning against his neck. 

---

The party was getting a bit out of hand. Someone had let a group of Hufflepuffs through the portrait hole, as well as some Ravenclaws, and the common room was more crowded than it had almost ever been. When the firewhiskey supply began to dwindle, someone had procured a few bottles of some muggle whiskey, not quite as strong but it certainly did the trick. Sirius was swaying in the center of the room on the makeshift dancefloor, some muggle song he didn’t know playing over the enchanted turntable. He felt weightless from the alcohol and he was warm down to his toes. 

He looked over his shoulder to try and find Remus. He hadn’t had much of a chance to talk to him all night, and he was currently concocting a plan to try and convince Remus to dance with him. He glanced all over the room to no avail, his Moony was nowhere to be found. Sirius stumbled away from the dancing in search of the boy. 

“Prongs!” he shouted at James over the music, “Have you seen Remus?” James nodded and pushed his slipping glasses back up his nose. 

“He drank a bit too much, went upstairs a while ago,” he replied, gesturing at the stairs that led up to the dormitory. Sirius nodded and made his way towards them. He lumbered up the stairs, determined to see Remus before the night was over.

“Moony,” he drawled as he let himself in. He spotted a lump on Remus’s bed and made his way over. He flopped down next to the lump, giggling as Remus let out a groan. 

“Padfoot? Is that you?” Remus asked. 

“Yes Moony, it’s me! I finally found you!” Sirius said, turning on his side to face Remus. 

“Why were you looking for me?” Remus asked, his words slurred and clumsy. 

“I missed my Moony,” Sirius said with a smile. Remus furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Missed me? Padfoot, I saw you earlier.”

“Yeah, but when the party started you disappeared, I wanted to dance with you,” Sirius said, shoving Remus’s shoulder slightly. 

“You know I don’t dance,” Remus laughed. 

“I was hoping you’d do it for me,” Sirius said softly.

After a beat, “I’d probably do anything you asked me to, Sirius.” The words were so soft Sirius barely heard him. And suddenly, their faces were so close, and Remus’ slanted nose was bumping against his, and he closed his eyes and-

Remus was kissing him. Slow and sweet but drunk and sloppy. His hands moved to Remus’ hair and the other boy gasped into his mouth. The warmth in his body from the alcohol was replaced with a burn in his chest. 

“Remus,” Sirius whispered as he moved to lean over him. The boy tugged him closer, tangling their limbs together. They kissed until their lungs burned, hands roaming over their faces, shoulders, and chests. As Sirius pulled away to breathe he was hit with a realization. 

“Remus, I love you,” he said the words before he even realized that he had thought them. Remus froze underneath him. 

“What?” he asked breathlessly. 

“I- uh…” Sirius floundered. Before he could even process what was happening, Remus pushed him off and fled the room, letting the sound of the door closing echo across the room. 

---

The next morning Sirius’ head was pounding and Remus was missing from his bed. It wasn’t long before the events of the night before crashed through his mind, and Sirius took a moment to scream into his pillow. Of course, the one time really felt something for someone, (strong, unavoidable, love-like feelings) he went and messed it up before it even began. And it was Remus. His wonderful Remus whom he couldn’t bear to lose. It was only natural that he had arsed it up. 

When Sirius finally found the strength to venture out of his bed, he realized that the map was missing immediately. Remus, that sneaky bastard, he thought, he always knows how to not be found. 

---

The weekend went by quickly and was completely Remus-free. The boy was good at avoidance and managed to time his meals so he wouldn’t have to face Sirius. He was clearly sleeping somewhere other than the dormitory, as Sirius was waiting up for hours to no avail. Remus never came back. 

“James, I’m starting to worry,” Sirius said to his best friend. They were sprawled out on their beds, alone in the room. James had his potions notes messily laid on his quilt but he was ignoring them in favor of entertaining Sirius. 

“Padfoot, I’m sure he’s fine,” he answered. 

“How can we know for sure if we haven’t even seen him? He could be dead somewhere and we wouldn’t even know!” Sirius bemoaned. James hesitated for a moment before he spoke, the pause telling Sirius everything. 

“Well-”

“You’ve seen him, haven’t you?” Sirius sat up so quickly he knocked half of James’ parchment off the bed. James suddenly became incredibly interested in the pattern of his bedspread, tracing it with his fingers and staring at it intensely. 

“Yes. I have,” he answered, “He reassured me that he’s okay.”

“And you believed him?” Sirius asked incredulously. James snorted and shook his head.

“He was very insistent. I don’t know what you did to him, but he was very adamant that he wasn’t going to be sleeping here for a few nights,” James revealed. Sirius groaned and flopped back down.

“Out of curiosity, what did you do to him?” James asked softly. Sirius took a deep breath. He wanted to tell James. He wanted to finally lift the weight off his chest that he had felt every time he had to omit details from a story in order to keep this secret. He wanted to tell James how right it felt to kiss Remus, the way they talked about Lily. He wanted to tell him how he fucked it all up the moment he got a taste of it. But he knew that he couldn’t betray Remus’ trust. He didn’t know how much James knew about him, if he knew anything at all. 

“I’m in love with Remus,” he whispered finally. He’d keep Remus’ secret, and keep certain details locked in his ribcage right behind his heart, but he needed to tell James this much. 

James froze and looked up, his eyes wide. 

“Oh,” he said faintly.

“Yeah. Oh,” Sirius replied. 

“You told him?” James asked. Sirius nodded. 

“He decidedly does not love me back,” he replied. James furrowed his eyebrows. 

“He said that?” 

“He didn’t use so many words,” Sirius replied, “Well, none in fact. He just ran away without saying anything.” 

“He’ll come around,” James said after a moment. 

“I can’t force him to love me, Prongs,” Sirius said. 

“I don’t mean like that,” James said quickly, “I just mean that he needs time to process. If he doesn’t love you back like that he’ll get over it and move on. Even if he’s not, you know, in love with you, he still loves you loads. He won’t ignore you forever.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Sirius mumbled. Sirius hoped that James was right, that he and Remus could find some way to move past this. But the way Remus was acting, it was hard to believe. 

---

Sirius wasn’t sleeping. He spent his nights waiting for Remus to stumbled home to the dorm, home to him, but it was no use. He was running on practically no steam and it was starting to get to him. 

He had fallen asleep in transfiguration, a grave mistake, and had almost slept with his head rested against the table in the Great Hall. He was more exhausted than he had ever been, and he looked it as well. He looked gaunt with tired eyes and purple eye bags that almost looked like bruises. 

James had tried to force him to stay in the room and skip quidditch practice, but Sirius refused.

“Mate, please go catch up on some sleep,” James had begged. Sirius just brushed past him in the locker room and grabbed his broom. 

“I’m fine,” he grumbled. 

“I don’t think it’s safe for you to be riding a broom right now,” James said, in that clucking mother-hen way of his.

“I said I was fine, James,” he growled back, “I know my limits.” 

He, in fact, did not know his limits. 

Sirius was circling the field with his bat in hand. While the rest of the team practiced flying drills on the smaller, practice pitch, Sirius and the other beater, Marlene, were hitting bludgers on the main pitch. The dreary and gray weather did nothing for his exhaustion, if anything, it only lulled him more. 

He brought his broom to a stop and closed his eyes for just a second to take a breath and reset. 

“Black,” Marlene cried across the field. His eyes snapped open just in time to see a bludger hurtling towards him. He maneuvered his broom out of the way in just enough time, sighing in relief. 

“Thanks, McKinnon,” he called back with a wave. 

Merlin, he thought to himself, maybe James was right and I’m not in my right mind to ride my broom. That was too close. 

He barely finished the thought before the bludger came from his blind spot and rammed him in the ribs, knocking him off his broom and sending him plunging towards the ground.

---

Sirius woke up in the hospital wing with a start. He groaned immediately, pain searing from his side. He could feel the bandages tied tightly around him. He turned to his head and caught sight of Remus for the first time in days. He was hunched over in his seat, his hands clasped in front of him and a somber expression in his eyes. 

“Moony,” he whispered, “You’re here.” Remus gave him a weak smile and nodded. 

“I’ve uh, been sleeping in here. I was here when they took you in.”

“Oh. This is where you’ve been,” Sirius said softly. Remus winced and nodded. 

“Yeah. I told Madame Pomfrey I wasn’t feeling well and she let me stay.” The nurse had always had a soft spot for Remus and always let him stay in the wing as long as he wanted, even when he was completely fine. 

“And you stayed here even when they brought me in?” Sirius asked. Remus looked away and blinked. 

“Of course I stayed,” he said quietly, though his voice was intense. “You always stay with me. And Merlin, if this is what you feel like every time you see me in the hospital wing, I have far more to apologize for than just the other night.” 

Sirius furrowed his brow. He was confused by Remus’ words, but he thought he might have still been groggy from his sleep and the pain potions. 

“Apologize? No Remus, I should be the one apologizing,” he said.

“No. You laid your heart out like that and I just ran, I didn’t even say anything,” Remus countered. 

“Wow, thanks for the reminder,” Sirius joked.

“Padfoot, be serious for a moment,” Remus said, exasperatedly. 

“I’m always-” 

“Stop, just let me explain. Though I will admit I set myself up for the one,” Remus conceded as he rubbed a hand down his face. 

“Right, sorry,” Sirius said, looking at Remus expectantly, waiting for whatever explanation Remus would offer. 

“I’m sorry I ran away like that. It was just all too much,” he told Sirius, “But I- I had wanted it for so long. And then what you said, it was like I was getting everything I had ever wanted, but I couldn’t believe that any of it meant anything. Does that make sense?” He looked at Sirius, his eyes wet and earnest. 

“So you did want it?” Sirius asked, still confused.

“Yes, so much,” he clarified, “But then you said that-”

“I love you,” Sirius finished. Remus dropped his head into his hands. 

“Yeah, and I-”

“If you don’t love me back, it’s fine Remus, really. I don’t expect you to,” Sirius said. Remus got up from his chair and kneeled at Sirius’ bedside. 

“But I do, Sirius, I do love you,” he said quietly. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” Remus replied, “I spent so long convincing myself that you would never love me back, that the second you said it, I just couldn’t believe it. It was stupid, but if you still love me-”

“I do. Of course, I do,” Sirius cut in. 

“Than I’d like to say it back. I love you Sirius Black, and I’m sorry that I ran away.” Remus reached up and cupped Sirus’ cheek, running his thumb back and forth across his cheekbone. 

“Remus, I love you too, and I don’t fault you for running. I sprang it on you,” he replied with a smile, “But I say let’s just forget about this whole running away business. We’re both here now,” Sirius said. Remus smiled softly and nodded. Sirius grabbed quickly for Remus’ wrist. 

“Stay?” he asked softly, scooting over to make room for the other boy in his bed. Remus climbed in beside him and pressed their foreheads together. 

“Always.”