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Lovesick Boy

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To be able to finally set a date for a get-together is always a wish come true for the friend group, so while Erwin and Mike order for them, Nanaba and Hange catch up. Levi occasionally responds whenever they include him in whatever conversations he's silently listening to. 

Something has been deeply bugging him and he doesn't even know when and how it started. All he knew was that it started when he saw Hange walked away from him that time she was going to get drinks at a nearby shop. And all he knew was that he hugged Hange so tight when she came back. When she came back to him

It was weird, unusual, fucked up if one will. It was confusing, and even if he really doesn't think of Hange when they're apart from each other? From time to time, his heart suddenly aches, palms itching to rub the hurt away, hands wanting to hug her and hold her; as if he's afraid she's gonna go somewhere he can't follow. 

Crazy, delusional, a nightmare he hasn't even experienced, a dream that hasn't even occurred to him, yet the feeling and the sensation are so real that he has to have Hange beside him all the time; just a distance near for him to reach when his chest aches. 

He tries not to think of it, not now when he's supposed to be enjoying his time with his friends and with his lover, so he tries to listen to whatever nonsense the two are talking about. 

Yet here it goes again, and it's irritating him that Hange is near him, literally beside him! But his chest rises as he tries to breathe it out and Hange looks at him, "Are you okay?" She whispers, gentle and sweet and Levi nods. 

She wasn't convinced but she lets him be, but not even two minutes in, he turns to her, words in stutters, "Can... May I hold your hand?" 

Hange blushes with his formality. She scoffs, "You don't even have to ask." Levi didn't heed and proceeded to grab her hand and squeeze it rather alarmingly. She has to ask Levi about this, it isn't as frequent but he's becoming clingier. Not that she minds, she loves it, she just wants to know the reason why. 

Levi tries to even out his breathing with how he caresses her hand with his thumb. But it isn't enough, nothing seems to be enough so he holds her other hand too, consequently moving closer to her and her warmth just seems to ease his anxieties away. 

But it isn't enough, nothing could ever seem enough that he puts her knuckles to his lips, never giving a fuck with the giggle Nanaba gave them before she helps the two men with their orders nor the fact they're in a public setting. He needs to be physically affectionate with Hange or else he couldn't breathe properly. 

He gives each her knuckle a gentle kiss, and per each kiss, Hange's smile grows. "What's with you?" She whispers. 

"I love you." He muffles as he quickly proceeds to kiss her palms. Hange giggles, not fully comprehending what he said but figuring what he meant. It's obvious with his kisses. She cups his face right after and he sighs. 

He looks at her and God, how much he loves her? No one ever knows but maybe his heart yearning for the person who is no doubt his, his body aching for her warmth she always provide to him unprovoked, and how he feels like freaking crying because of the intensity of what he feels can explain it. 

He grips her hands, "I love you so much." 

"I love you too." She whispers.

"I want to hug you." She stutters, because he's never one for that kind of affection especially in public, "I just need to hug you." And both could not believe that tears are welling in his eyes so Hange gently pulls him for a hug and Levi didn't miss it in a heartbeat. 

He rests his head on her shoulder, snuggling on her neck as he grips on her back. Unquestioningly, Hange leans her head on him as she hugs him back, caressing it in the process.

Judging with the shushed voices, it seems that the three are just as surprised as her but she motions them to quiet down, and they did. Not really because Hange said so, but because they want to witness Levi being so clingy to Hange in real time... and in public. 

"I love you." He whispers once more, afraid it won't reach her heart, won't understand what it truly means but Hange is overwhelmed. Maybe because she's used to how he expresses his love, and him being physically affectionate at the same time verbally expressing his feelings through that simple statement is new to her. 

Of course, they have their fair share of being clingy to each other, but there's a certain need or desire that comes with Levi's actions that make it so different. 

So she laughs, "Yeah, I know." He groans, not the response he's looking for, "Yes, Levi, I love you too." 

Nanaba cringed and Erwin shook his head, Mike speaks, "Is he sick?" 

"Lovesick, you mean." Erwin corrected and the four of them laugh while Levi groaned more. The laughter of his friends seem to ground him more so he grips her back one last time before looking at her face, 


"You mean that?" Pertaining to Hange's verbal reciprocation. 


"Of course, I do." She answers so delicately he couldn't help but to place a kiss on her lips. 


"Alright." He pulls away to face the three as if nothing ever happened, and Erwin refraining a laugh hit a nerve, "What's so funny, eyebrows?"


"And his pride is back up in Mt. Everest." Erwin says and the four of them laugh but Levi grunts, though a smirk is plastered on his face. 



It was a weird request but thank the heavens Hange is always up for literally anything, so when Levi wanted to sleep on the floor, it didn't take Hange two seconds to squeal and say, "Like we're on a camp!" before she gets the bedding. 

Levi gave her a small smile while he helped her, he mostly organized the things she throws on the ground that both know will be useless because they'll just end up hugging each other anyway, particularly him as if he hasn't been clinging to her in some way or form all throughout their group date. 

Eerie, the feeling that the setting gave him (which is what he requested anyway), but there has been such a strong pull for him to mimic this exact scenery, as if it will give him a clue, or if he's lucky; the answer to the persistent aches and desires he has been experiencing.


And Hange's smiles were bright while they set it up, that alone, has been worth it.


She was sitting on the mattress situated on the floor, about to comb her hair when he sits behind her and grabs the comb from her. "Should we watch a movie?" She asks when he starts brushing her hair.


"No."


"Ooh! How about a B99 rewatch?" She asks, but he didn't answer until he's done and hugging her waist. He rests his chin on her shoulder, and she melts when he inhales her scent. And as much as she wants to be giddy, her question has to be answered, "Should we?" 

He hugs her waist tighter, kissing her neck up to her cheek, "Pass tonight." She slightly turns to him, liking the feeling of his chest on her back, "I don't want to be distracted from you." He whispers sweetly yet so carefully. She kisses him and he immediately kisses back, his hands on her love handles. 

She used the opportunity to fully face him when she parts, "What's wrong? Is something bothering you?" She asks, she cups his face and leans down to give him a peck. He sighs, he knows he can't hide from her forever, neither does he plan to, but not just now, not when he doesn't know where it's all coming from. 

He didn't answer, so she talks, "I like that you're clingy to me." Hoping he will get what she means and trying to ask, and he does. So perfectly that he leans to her hand and stares at her eyes. "And that you tell me you love me—"

"I do."


Hange chuckles, "I do too," he kisses her and she smiles more, "but is it something you can share to me?" 

"I will. I'm just..." 


"Tired?" He nods, "You competed with Mike a lot today." He copies her small smile though it really wasn't the reason he's fatigued and want to sleep badly, but he could use it as a reason. 

"Yeah, that too. That's why I'll pass on our rewatch tonight, sorry." 

"Don't be, I know I'll pass out too even before an episode ends." She giggles, "Let's sleep then." He nods, he stands up to close the lights while Hange gets comfortable lying down. He lays down beside her too, and Hange was expecting she's the big spoon again but she was taken aback when Levi hugs her to his chest. 

She blinks, but Levi's warmth is inviting her more to sleep so she hugs him tighter, snuggling on his chest.


He kisses her forehead, "I love you so much." He whispers once more, full of sincerity and candor yet so compelling in tone it could break him apart if he won't repeat it like a ritual, as if Hange isn't aware of it enough. But again, nothing could ever seem enough.

"Levi—" she tries looking up to him, to just confront him, but his squeeze on her shoulder tells her enough that he needs space to face the overwhelming emotions he has for her, of things he has yet to discover and of the very exact same things he's been dying to tell her.


"I really, truly love you too." 

Levi squeezes her shoulder again. 

It was in the middle of the night when it all starts making sense, when it all starts coming back to him. He was captain, she was commander, one month apart during the war. He was injured, she saved him, the day they finally met again. 

He was sleeping, she was speaking, a proposal to live together. 

I should've accepted. 

He woke up, she assured him, a blush on her cheeks when he revealed he heard her. Yet she didn't deny, didn't clarify it was out of nothing, he knows. I still should've accepted. 

His heart starts drumming faster as the events started to unfold more. It was the last time he could ever hold her close to him, the last time they held each other. He knew back then he loves her yet he didn't say anything, didn't do anything to make the both of them stay. 

Tears verged on his eyes as the phenomenon of regret started to seep in, it sucks, it hurts that he couldn't help but to grip on Hange who grunted and turned her back on him. Her hair in his face but he doesn't— couldn't mind, he wants her close. He needs her close to him. 

The dreaded day (Levi felt that he stopped breathing), he stood, she's sure. 

She's about to go, and—

Hange removes an arm around him and he was quick to cage her in his arms still, "Levi?" She inquires, voice sleepy. 

"Don't go." His voice harsh, pleading, commanding; but his eyes were dead shut, reliving the past and manifesting in the present. 

"Huh? I just want to—" 


"Don't leave me."


She blinks, confused, "Why would I leave you, cupcake? I'll just pee." 

Levi didn't seem to hear nor understand, his breath shaking. As Hange wants to comfort him, she had to go to the bathroom first but Levi's strong arms aren't letting her, "Please don't..." 

"It's just the bathroom." Her words were incoherent to him, as if distant. "I promise I'll come back to you." 

"You promise?" His grip softened and Hange sits up, his face still deep in his dream and Hange smiles, she leans in to give him a kiss on the cheek. 

"Of course." With that, she leaves for the bathroom. 

But in Levi's dream, in their shared past life, she leaves permanently. She went away and dear heavens, he lets her! He lets her go away from his grasp all the while he didn't have the strength to look at her. 

I should've accepted. 

But he has a duty to do, a promise to fulfill, and a legacy to continue. 

 

"No..." He remembers screaming to his niece to get her shit together when her head was throbbing from a headache. 

"No..." He helps her open the mouth of the titan yet the person he was looking for everywhere truly wasn't around anymore. 

He met Hange again, but this time she's a spirit, and she's frowning. "No... Please don't..." He chokes on the tears he never knew were there. She's sad and he couldn't do anything about it. 

But seeing her again made him smile, yet he knows it's the last time. 

"No, please stay with me. Don't..." 


Hange, along with familiar faces, disappeared. 

Terrible, cruel, heart-wrenching that he didn't even have the opportunity to see the man and two kids who were with him when he forces himself to wake up. Hange also wasn't there beside him. 

He sits abruptly, heavy breathing, sweat forming, tears running, yet heart still yearning for the person he shouldn't have let go. Yet he hears her humming as she goes back inside the room. "You surprised me!" She said. 

"Hange...!"


He was trembling yet he wants to stand up to reach her, "Calm down, I'll go to you." 

She settles in front of him and he attacks her with a tight hug, she adjusts their position and hugs him back gently, "Don't you ever do that again, don't you ever leave me again." 

"It's... the bathroom." 

He sniffs and both of them froze, but Hange is quick, she rubs circles on his back to soothe him, "It's okay, take your time. I'm right here, I won't leave you." He feels her heart beats on his chest, and finally, something was enough to calm him down. It was enough, she is enough. 

He looks at her, she smiles and wipes his tears, she gives him a kiss before he starts telling her everything. With every revelation he unravels, with every hitch on his breath, and when words get caught in his tongue; she kisses him and he adores her more than he could ever thought. 

"So I died?" 

He grips her hands, "I shouldn't have... It wasn't supposed to be you..." 


She smiles but she stays silent, even though she wants to tell him she's here in the present with him and that she's not going anywhere, she gives him the space he needs, who knows she's going to react this way too? 

"Maybe I really have to die there, then." 

"No, don't say that." 

She cups his cheeks and kisses his forehead, hoping it will clear his mind because it looks like he's still living in it, and all he asks of her is to exist beside her. And that's exactly what she's going to do. She kisses him, he kisses her back, and it feels so good, so invigorating that Levi forgets his distress for a while. 

She parts, he rests his forehead on hers. "Is that why you were always holding me? Always telling me you love me?" He nods. 

"Now I know why." She smiles and kisses his cheek, and he knows it means that they should probably get back to sleep once more, but it wasn't the end of the story. Not at least for him so he grips her wrist before pulling her into a hug where he could tell her what his past life couldn't quite convey. 

"Levi?" He didn't answer, he wants to savor her in. He needs to ground himself in the present through her presence as he prepares for the past to go. 

"I love you." He starts, his heart aching from the words he has been dying to say, "I... I don't want to hesitate anymore... when it comes to expressing what I feel for you and what I want to do with you." 

Her eyes widened with the confession, she grips his shirt, preparing herself for whatever he's about to tell her. 

"I know you already know, that you don't want me to change who and how I am, and I'm really grateful for that." He hugs her tighter, "But I just don't want to regret anything anymore. If I have the chance, I want to show you, tell you what you mean to me, agree with everything you plan for just the two of us because no matter where, as long as I'm with you, I know I'm home. 

"Because Hange," he looks at her and her eyes look so vulnerable like that night, whatever she's feeling inside reflects in her eyes, and her eyes oh they never lie, "all I could ever think of, even after I fulfilled my promise, was you and how our life was supposed to be." 

Hange's tears fell and she seeks comfort only in his arms, he rubs her back as she tries to keep quiet with her cries, "All I could ever think of... if only I agreed, if only I did not hesitate..." 


His lips trembles once more and Hange kisses his cheek, he smiles a little. Even when they're both at their most fragile, she's the one who always keep them together. "But we saved the world in the process, didn't we?" 

He nods, "I avenged our friends, kept my promise with my best friend, but I still couldn't be with you. In the end, the only one I want to be with... I had to let go of." She rubs her cheek with his, "All because..." 

 

"I love you too, Levi." 

He was surprised, not expecting that kind of response in their situation right now. She looks at him, her thumbs caressing his cheeks, "Even when she didn't tell you that, I know she's loved you just as much to the point she's willing to abandon everything for you and to be with you. 

"Because Levi, I would too. I would and could give up everything just for you." He feels her fingers shake, he kisses her palm, his chest warming with the words of devotion coming from her. "I know we didn't stand a chance, I had a team to lead, you had your promise, and we both have the world. But Levi," she chokes on her tears, her love for the man flowing through her being,


"You're my home too. So hearing that I had to save you makes me regret a lot because I couldn't take care of the very person I'd do everything to protect and keep intact. Not just because you make me safe and comforted, but because I truly, sincerely, and genuinely love you." 


"Hange..." he blinks his tears away, he was supposed to be the one overwhelming her but she's doing the same! "Oh God..." he leaves a longing kiss on her lips. "I love you, I love you too." 

 

"And I'm sorry I was sad when I saw you, til the end, I was very selfish just because I want to be with you." 

He shakes his head, pulling her to his lap, "You have every right to be selfish. You gave your life for me, for the kids, for the world. If you're selfish, then I'm selfish too, because I want only you too." 

"We were pathetic, weren't we?" She laughs lightly, "We love each other yet we can't quite say it." She kisses him, "But that's in the past now, our situation couldn't permit us to admit our feelings, we always have to hold back for the world, but not now. It's different." 

"I know." 

"Let me speak." He laughs, "You can still express your love for me how you used to, because right from the start, you told me how you feel that's why we're together. But if it makes you feel better, if it soothes the past wounds, then I'll still embrace it. You can still love me as who you are and not because of your regrets back then when things are different." 

"How do you always know what to say?" 

She laughs and hugs him, silence enveloping them and Hange hums a song, and with that, Levi comes to term with the past. It's definitely a new change to their relationship, but with Hange by his side and how she accepts him whole, they could smoothly go past through it. 

"I think..." Hange stops humming to listen, "the reason why I kept telling you I love you more recently... you told me you want to live with me when I was on the verge of dying, and I gave you my heart when you were about to die..." 


"Yeah?"


"It's as if we don't want the other to die without telling them how we feel about them." He says, "It was the last time anyway." She grips his shirt. 

"Well, I'm thankful we get to spend all the time in the world now, telling and showing each other how we feel for each other." He smiles at her, "It's like you're in love with me or something." 

He groans and rolls his eyes, she giggles, "Yeah, I am." She laughs and he captures her lips, languidly kissing her because damn, that was a lot of emotions. She leans to him as she lazily kisses him back and he loves it. 

"Are you okay?"


"Yeah, thank you for being patient with me." 

Her face glows, "Of course. I didn't know that was what you were enduring all this time." He smiles, "No wonder your pride only climb back up when Erwin teased you." 

"Alright, you're getting too comfortable, let's sleep." He says and she laughs, complying right after. They settled under the blankets and Hange lets him be the big spoon again when he wanted to hug her in his chest. 

"You know... That's the first time you said a lot of words in the course of our relationship." 

He looks down to her who's smiling mischievously, "Really?" 

"Yeah!" He smiles and she laughs on his chest, "I think that's the most you can say more than your wedding vow to me." 

He stops caressing her hair and he looks at her who's avoiding his gaze, "You want to get married?" He asks, trying not to sound as desperate as he is. 

"I mean... you're the only man I could ever see myself with in the long run so... unless you're not yet ready." 

"No, no, that's not what I mean." He kisses her forehead, she looks up to him, "Whenever you're ready." She gives him a small smile before burying her face to his chest. 

"Okay." He rests his cheek atop her head, "I love you, Levi." 

"I love you too, Hange." 



Nothing really changed much in the course of their relationship, though there's a fine afternoon when Hange expected to come home with Levi inside their shared home, but all that greeted her was a bouquet and a letter. 

She grinned, she didn't know he could get any cheesier ever since that night. She drops her bag on the couch, brushes her hair for a bit, and drinks a glass of water before reading his letter. Her date with Nanaba exhausted her in a good way. 

It was a bouquet of the most romantic flowers she could even name, "They smell nice." 

She opens the letter and she laughs at the name he used, 


Shitty glasses, 

I know you're surprised to see this at home, and I didn't know what urged me to buy you flowers and write you a letter when you have a better taste and I could just tell you what I feel, but I know I just have to. So, please don't embarrass me, I know you're smiling like an idiot right now, but bear with me.

I forgot to tell you that night, I figured that back then, I didn't leave you with anything that would remind you of me, and you didn't leave me with anything but the scar you stitched on my face. I didn't like the feeling it left me. 

You're not materialistic, you like my home-made stuff more than anything else in the world, though you spend so much money on the most ridiculous shit. But I just wanted to do this for you, not because our past selves weren't able to, but I also want this as a reminder that I want to change the status of our relationship. I don't want to waste any more time, and if we could then we should. As you said, things are different now, and our only responsibility is ourselves, I want to indulge in that. 

(So, stop shaking and don't cry just yet, I'm not there to wipe your tears.) 

My Hange, I have always been so sure of you right from the start, but that dream of our past life just further proved and confirmed to me that I'm always better off with you. So no, I'm not doing this because we weren't able to, but because I have always wanted to, I just didn't know when. It just give me my answer. 

Will you wear the ring hidden in the bouquet and live together with me for the rest of your life? I can't promise I could speak longer than I did for our wedding vows, but I promise to love you just because I love you. You have my heart. 

Marry me, Hange Zoe. 

(I'll be waiting in the garden - Levi) 

Hange didn't even notice there were tears running her cheeks, she carefully puts the letter on the table, and she gasps when she saw the red velvet box hiding between the red flowers. 

She opens it and she puts a hand over her mouth, quieting her sobs, it's a diamond ring! So simple, so elegant, so destined to be hers and it fits in her ring finger. "Levi..." 


She smiles and quickly wipe her tears before she brisk-walks her way to the garden, he was standing there with a table set up for them, but her eyes focused on the man waiting for her. 

"I told you not to cry." 

She smiles, "Guess I'm an Ackerman now." 

"You can keep your surname." She laughs before she jumps to hugs him, he catches her perfectly. "I love you." 

"I love you too so much." She sobs, they stayed in that position for a while until she calms down. She stands up once more and he wipes her tears away. "I rarely wear eye make-up because Nanaba forced me, and you make me cry?" 

"You're still pretty." She scoffs, he fishes out a handkerchief to wipe more of her tears. She holds his hands and she laughs when she sees the ring on his finger too. 

"You're too confident just because you know I'll say yes." 

"Exactly." 

She smiles and looks at their hands, specifically their ring fingers with the symbol of marriage adorning it. Then she gasps, "I was supposed to be the one to propose to you!" 

"Let's eat, you must be hungry." 

She groans, "Levi!" She badly wants to erase the smirk on his face, he's clearly enjoying this and he knows she'll get annoyed by this! 

"I thought you said past is past? And I agree with you so much." She pouts, "Just because you proposed to me back then, doesn't mean you'll do it again this time." 

"Ugh! I know! But this is so uncool of you! I'm supposed to be the effortless one in the relationship!" She whines, and no matter how cute and kissable she looks, Levi maintains his pride to keep witnessing her like this. 

"We just got engaged and you're fighting me?"


She stutters, "Okay, you look incredibly hot and handsome while saying that— stop smirking! But it doesn't make you less annoying! Oh God, my reputation is in shambles right now." 

"We're gonna be one soon," he says softly, holding her hand, "so you're still cool and dashing and that's because of me." 

"Oh, what will it take for your pride to fall from the highest mountains…" She sulks, he kisses her and she melts because of it. 



"Damn, the rain really won't be stopping any moment now." Hange comments, the five of them are in an out-of-town trip and they couldn't go back home to the house they rented due to the heavy rainfall no one expected. 

She walks back to the lobby and Levi taps his lap. "You're so obsessed with me." She jokes after she gets comfortable sitting. He immediately wraps his arms around her waist and he snuggles on her neck. He's been with her throughout the day but he never got to hold her, so he's 'recharging' now.

"Hey, we got the keys! They'll just fix the roo— and they're at it again." Mike says when he and Erwin walk to them. "Ew." Hange chuckles and Levi didn't budge. 

"Oh my god, I can't believe this is happening." Erwin says, trying to sound as remorseful as he can be, and it baited Levi into looking at their feigned disgusted faces. He flips both of them off before going back to hugging Hange once more. 

"You're right, he's still lovesick." Mike said, he walks away with a cigarette on hand. 

"You're just jealous Marie isn't here." Levi said and Hange chokes on a laugh when Erwin gaped. 

"She's in another country and we're in an LDR— wow, I really can't believe this." He scoffs and Hange laughs more, he sighs and faces her, "Hange," he ignored that even Levi looks at him, "your fiancé is being mean to me." 

She snickers and Levi pouts, hugging her closer, "What's so funny?" 

Erwin sighs, shaking his head, "And I'm the jealous one here. Get well soon, dude." He walks away. 

"Tch." 

She turns to Levi, "Will you actually get well soon?" 

"Only if you kiss me." Hange laughs before cupping his cheeks and placing a playful kiss on his lips. "Yeah, I'm still not well, I think I need something more." 

"You truly are lovesick."