Arthit ran his fingers through his hair while he worked on his homework. Thoughts of Kongpob took over his mind; he couldn't forget the sound of the younger's voice cracking. He knew ignoring Kongpob wasn't the right move, but Arthit never expressed emotions the way others did. He learned it was easier to throw a wall around his heart than to let people in. He had his four closest friends and a barely lit old flame in his heart; why did that junior have to set him ablaze?
After hearing Kongpob confess his feelings, he didn't know how to be around him. He replayed all their moments in his head, trying to make sense of how he felt. From the beginning, he got under Arthit's skin, knew the right buttons to push. People rarely kept up with him, either for lack of caring or lack of trying. It snuck up on him; Arthit started looking forward to their interactions; he found himself enjoying the younger's company. The sound of his name from Kongpob's lips caused his heart to race, he never questioned why, but now it was too late.
Any potential progress on his heat transfer assignment came to a complete stop when there was pounding at the door. He glanced at the clock on his nightstand. Who could possibly need him at 10 in the evening?
He opened the door with a scolding on his tongue; to Kongpob, with red-rimmed puffy eyes. His bravado crumbled at the sight of his junior in distress, the distress he caused. "Kongpob, what are you doing here?" Kong wasted no time after Arthit pulled him in and shut the door behind them.
"I want my gear back."
Arthit's eyes widened, "Excuse me?"
Out of all the things Arthit expect to come out of the younger's mouth, this wasn't it.
"I said, I want my gear back."
Kongpob frowned, "What do you mean, no?"
"You can't just take it back," Arthit looked down at his feet, "not yet."
"I don't understand you, P'Arthit," Kong crossed his arms over his chest, "I tried to confess my feelings for you last night, and you hung up on me."
Arthit exhaled, "of course I hung up on you; I was afraid. Confused. Some people need time to process things, Kongpob."
"Afraid? Process things? You hung up on me mid-confession."
"Yes, afraid of what it would mean to return your feelings. Up until that night, I never let myself think that far. Terrified of society and how it would treat me, treat us," he pinched the bridge of his nose, " I'm not brave like you, Kongpob. Even with your hero-complex, you first confessed to me when you thought I was sleeping," Arthit took a deep breath in, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I... I was overwhelmed."
"So you hung up on me?"
Arthit blinked away tears, "If I didn't hear you say the words, then it wasn't real. I convinced myself your feelings couldn't be genuine because why, out of all the people on campus, why would you choose me?"
"P'Arthit, why is it so hard for you to believe I'm sincere?"
"I don't know what I'm doing, Kongpob," he let out a wet chuckle, "I know I'm your senior, but this is new territory for me. All I know is you don't annoy me as much as you used to, and spending time with you isn't a chore."
Two hands covered his own; Arthit looked up to see Kong's eyes brimmed with fresh tears. His heart tightened; he never wanted to see tears in those eyes.
"I don't need you to have all the answers; I just want to be by your side. We can figure out the rest together."
Arthit wiped a tear that escaped and traveled down Kongpob's left cheek.
"Are you sure you want this, Kongpob?"
Kongpob nodded, but Arthit continued, "it won't be easy. I will hurt you again trying to figure this out."
"Let us have this. What are you most afraid of?"
The older took a step back, "I don't know what you expect from this, Kongpob. I don't want to disappoint you."
"All I want is for you to stop hiding and give us a try," Kong grabbed Arthit's bicep, "Are you going to stop fighting your feelings and let me in?"
Arthit bit his lip as the younger stepped closer into his space. Kongpob slid his hand up his arm until it locked behind Arthit's neck. He closed his eyes as the younger rubbed his nose against his, the touch so soft Arthit felt his walls crumble. The smell of Kongpob's cologne filled his nostrils; he tilted his head back; as Kong's fingers scratched at the base of his scalp.
"The way you look right now," the younger groaned, "I've never wanted anything more in my life."
"Show me," Arthit let his hands shift under Kongpob's untucked shirt. He wouldn't let himself be the only one affected, "you are good at talking, 0062. You have me where you've wanted me. What are you going to do?"
Kongpob growled, and Arthit found himself pressed against his closet door. "Don't tease me. I'm barely holding on. This is more than sex for me; I want all of you. Your mind, body, and heart, I want all of you to be mine," his voice cracked, "please, P'Arthit. Tell me you want to be mine."
Arthit's skin tingled at Kongpob's tone. He pulled Kongpob so close the younger's lips almost touched his, "You know the answer, Kongpob."
"I need to hear you say it."
"Kiss me, and I'm yours."
The hum of the aircon was barely noticeable over the sound of his heart beating in his ears. Arthit closed his eyes as he felt pressure against his lips. What surprised him was the faint taste of pink milk on the younger's tongue. A groan escaped him; as it deepened, and all he could do was rut against the younger's thigh. Kong smiled into the kiss only to turn Arthit's head to the side, leaving a trail of kisses down the older's neck. He took extra time at the junction of Arthit's neck and shoulder. When Arthit reached for the waistband of Kongpob's sweatpants, he reluctantly stepped back, "we need to slow down."
Arthit whined, but deep down, he knew the younger was right. They had a lot to talk about before they crossed that line. Kongpob pulled him towards his bed, and Arthit put up no resistance. He knew there was no way Kongpob would leave tonight, and he secretly didn't want him to either.
Arthit watched Kongpob move around his room until he joined him underneath the covers. It hit him; how he almost lost his chance. He looked over at his junior, who had glanced over at the same time. Kongpob's eyes were full of hope, "P'Arthit, this means I can call you my boyfriend, right?"
He rolled his eyes and flicked the younger in the middle of the forehead.
"Ouch! P'Arthit, what was that for?"
"For asking stupid questions," he turned his back to the younger, "of course I'm your boyfriend. I don't go around kissing friends for fun."
Arms wrapped around his midsection and pulled him close. Kongpob kisses the top of Arthit's head.
Arthit sighs fondly, "Goodnight, Kongpob." He's almost asleep when he heard, "sleep well, P'Arthit. I'm never letting you go again."
Arthit is reminded of this promise every time they fight or when one experiences change. Kongpob does his best to kiss the fear away, and with each kiss, he's reminded that while he's the love of Kongpob's life, the younger has always been his.