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of sunsets and soft hands

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Hoseok can’t think of anything worse than the position he was currently in. He’s not sure who thought it was a good idea to put him in the group that had to fly to Japan for a business meeting even though everyone knows he has a huge fear of flying, but he has a few choice words for them when he gets back. Because now here he is, pale in the face, eyes shut tight and knuckles white as he grips his seat’s armrests with crushing force and tries to control his breathing so that he doesn’t hyperventilate and/or throw up everywhere. And to make matters worse, he’s sitting next to Min Yoongi. 

Hoseok would rather sit next to literally anyone else than Yoongi right now. He'd take Jisoo from marketing who's always giving him weird looks, or even Donghyun from finance who doesn't know what an inside voice is and never shuts up. Anyone else would make this less awkward, less humiliating, less stressful.

And it's funny, because if you were to ask Hoseok five months ago who he would want at his side if he were to get on a plane, he would have said Yoongi without hesitation. Five months ago Hoseok would have been relieved to know he'd be sitting next to Yoongi on this flight. Because back then, Yoongi was a major source of comfort for Hoseok, easing his every nerve with gentle touches and a honey coated voice that always said the right things at the right time. A voice that filled his mind with soothing saccharine until there wasn't any room left for any of his worries.

Hoseok used to love Yoongi's voice, loved how the man chose each and every word he said so carefully, crafting each syllable to perfection before letting it roll off his tongue with ease. It was addicting; he craved hearing it every second of every day, never able to get enough of the way each word rang like a symphony in his ears.

Hoseok used to be able listen to him speak for hours, used to feel nothing but excitement to be with Yoongi, but now, when Hoseok boarded the plane and found Yoongi sitting in the window seat next to his spot, his heart caught in his throat and all he felt was complete dread. When Yoongi turned to look at him, opened his mouth and greeted him, Hoseok wanted nothing more than for Yoongi to shut up.

And it's awful, because Yoongi greeted him with a smile, and he's always loved his smile. Especially the one that bunches his cheeks and shines in his eyes. The one that would always make Hoseok's day whenever he got to see it. It's weird, because Hoseok used to think about that smile all day, stare at it for as long as he could before it disappeared, and now he's rushing to look away, tearing his gaze off the beautiful sight because he doesn't even want to look at Yoongi anymore.

Because that isn't his Yoongi that he sat down next to. Not the Yoongi that would wrap an arm around him, pull him close to kiss the side of his head and whisper in his ear that everything was going to be okay. Not the one that would play with his hair until he fell asleep on his shoulder and spent the whole flight curled up into his side. Or the one that would do anything he could to help Hoseok calm down because he loved him. The one that did do anything for Hoseok because he loved him.

Because that's the thing. He's not the Yoongi that loved him. That Yoongi was in the past.

The past, it's something everyone thinks about, and some long to go back to. As much as he hates to admit it, Hoseok is one of the ones who long for a different time. A happier time. On the days when it's hard, hard to see Yoongi acting as if nothing happened between them, hard to pretend like he’s okay, like he doesn’t care anymore and has moved on. On those days, Hoseok longs for his past with Yoongi. He tries not to, but there have been many times where his mind has drifted back to that day two years ago when they first met.

They met at work—Hoseok was new, both to the company as well as working in an office setting. Yoongi had shown him the ropes, checked in on him often to make sure he was settling in well, and always offered to help him with tasks, even small ones like copying or faxing documents. It was like Yoongi would find any little excuse to speak to Hoseok or be near him. So of course, after a few months of seeing his beautiful smile and laughing at his witty jokes, Hoseok inevitably developed a crush on him.

He wasn't going to do anything about it, though. He thought Yoongi was way out of his league, and besides, he had heard many of his colleagues whispering about how cute they thought the man was. Surely he and Yoongi would never end up together. So he figured he would be just fine with staring longingly from across the room and their fingers briefly brushing together whenever they passed papers to each other.

Needless to say, Hoseok was quite surprised when Yoongi asked him out on a date a year after they had met. His ears were burning red as he stuttered out a small yes, and his heart leaped out of his chest at the big smile Yoongi had shown him after.

And the date, it was better than anything Hoseok had ever daydreamed. Yoongi had been such a gentleman, making Hoseok feel so special the entire night. It wasn't long before Hoseok was agreeing to a second date, then a third and fourth and fifth, until they finally made it official between them. 

And then the rest was history. Literally.

Because even though the two went on to have a great relationship for ten months, Hoseok falling more and more in love with the other man each passing day, that was all in the past now. Because along the way something happened. Something changed. And he doesn't know what, or why, or when, he just knows that it did.

Because before, Yoongi left notes on his desk with words of love or encouragement. Before, Yoongi made an effort to text or call him at least once a day, even if it was a quick text good morning or goodnight. Before, they spent time together and talked about the future together. Before, Hoseok felt loved by Yoongi.

But then all of a sudden Yoongi became quieter, more closed off. The notes stopped coming, days would pass without a text or call, and sometimes they didn't say more than a quick hello to each other at work. Hoseok tried to remain positive, blamed the missed calls, unread texts, and cancelled plans on busy schedules and stress. Yoongi had just gotten a promotion a couple months prior, he was probably under a lot of pressure. "Everything is okay," he would tell himself every night. "We will be okay." But deep down he knew that might not be true. Deep down, he was beginning to feel Yoongi's love fade.

 

And then it happened.

 

And he should have seen it coming. Should have known what was in store for him when he received that "we need to talk"  text after a week of radio silence. But Hoseok was so in love, wanted so badly to believe things would return to normal that he deliberately put on those rose-colored glasses and pretended like everything was okay. He met Yoongi with a smile and hoped that they were going to work things out. 

But of course, things don't always happen the way you want them to.

That day, five months ago, Yoongi didn't ask Hoseok to meet with him because he wanted to fix things between them. That day, Yoongi sat him down and told him he wanted to end what they had. And that day, Hoseok's world came crashing down.

And what made it worse was that he never figured out why they broke up. Yoongi never gave him a real reason. All he said was something about how things weren't working, their schedules didn't match up anymore ever since he got his promotion, they didn't have time to see each other anymore. Which didn't sit right with Hoseok. Because it's not like they've never been busy before. They've always been busy, since before they even started dating, but they still always had time for each other. Always made time for each other, up until the end. Because Hoseok had carved a chunk of time out of his busy schedule to go meet Yoongi that day. He made time for Yoongi, just to be told they didn’t have any.

Hoseok hated the way Yoongi phrased it. They didn't have time for each other anymore. Like they were both responsible for their failed relationship. Like Hoseok didn't try countless times to set up dates or schedule just a few minutes of time to spend together. Like Yoongi wasn't always turning down every idea he came up with. No, clearly they both were to blame for why this wasn't working. Hoseok would have laughed in Yoongi's face at that if he wasn't so heartbroken.

And the thing is, even if Yoongi was busier now, too caught up in his work to even remember to text his boyfriend goodnight, it's not like it was impossible for them to spend a little time together. They used to take lunch breaks together, sit in the lounge and complain about their hard work to each other while simultaneously offering words of encouragement to get them through the rest of the day. But then Yoongi stopped coming, was nowhere to be found, and Hoseok ate his lunch alone.

It was like Yoongi was purposefully avoiding him, not picking up the phone and cancelling plans even when Hoseok knew he had free time. But even if Yoongi was that busy, with a little effort, they could have continued just fine. But Hoseok thinks Yoongi didn't want to put in the effort. Thinks he just gave up on them, on Hoseok. And he can't seem to figure out why.

So of course it hurt. And of course Hoseok didn't want to see Yoongi after that. "We can still be friends," he had said. Yeah right. Like that was going to happen. He went out of his way to avoid Yoongi every day in the office after that. Because the face that used to make butterflies erupt in his tummy now makes it twist into knots. The thought of Yoongi used to make his lips curl up into a smile, but how he's a thought that he wants to avoid because it makes his head pound.

They haven't talked since, Hoseok hasn't wanted to. Which is why he stayed silent every time Yoongi greeted him as he walked past his desk or tried to start up conversation with him if they ended up alone together at any point. Hoseok would go as far as putting off entering areas of the building until he was sure Yoongi wouldn't be there anymore. It was like now that Hoseok didn’t want to see Yoongi anymore, he was suddenly everywhere all the time.

So it's been hard, doing all that for five months straight, but with Yoongi out of sight, he didn't think about him so often. The longer he could avoid Yoongi, the longer he could avoid seeing how he’s doing without him. If he can go without seeing how Yoongi’s doing for just another day, that’s another day he doesn’t have to ask himself how the other man can go about his life normally when Hoseok is so broken, so empty after giving Yoongi all of him. Maybe it's because Yoongi found someone new. Maybe that's why he broke up with him in the first place. Because didn't need Hoseok anymore, didn't want him. Because he found someone better.

Hoseok sucks in a sharp breath at the thought. He squeezes his eyes tighter when he feels his stomach twist. This is why he doesn't want to think about Yoongi. It’s not how it used to be. Thoughts of Yoongi don’t end in visions of them running off into the sunset anymore. They just leave Hoseok with a chest that aches so much he feels like he's gonna die.

"Why are you so tense already? We haven't even started moving yet." He hears a deep voice say beside him. Hoseok lets out a harsh breath through his nose. He must be joking. Yoongi knows how terrified he is of flying, they talked about it when they were daydreaming about traveling together. He told him they could only go places that were a driving distance because he was too scared to get on a plane. Told him how the last time he was on a plane was when he was 10 years old and he cried the entire flight. So Yoongi must be trying to make a joke, but Hoseok is not in the mood.

"Shut up," he says through gritted teeth.

"You're going to give yourself a heart attack if you keep breathing like that. Try to calm down a bit." Try to calm down? What does he think he's been doing this whole time?

Hoseok opens his eyes and turns to look at Yoongi for the first time since he sat down. He doesn't say a word, but the other man seems to read his eyes, sees he's not in the mood for whatever games he's playing, so he puts his hands up in defense before turning to look back out the window. Hoseok closes his eyes again and takes a deep breath in through his nose.

"Attention passengers, this is your captain speaking." Hoseok feels a new wave of anxiety wash over him when he hears the voice over the intercom. "Our flight will begin in 5 minutes." Hoseok feels like crying.

Especially when he feels the plane start to move. He tries to block everything out, focus on getting air in and out of his lungs, but when he feels the plane go over a slight bump, that doesn't feel like a possible task anymore.

"Hey," he hears Yoongi say softly. "It's gonna be okay." Warmth envelops his hand and Hoseok's eyes shoot open with a gasp.

"Don't touch me!" he nearly shouts and jerks his hand away from Yoongi. Yoongi's eyes go wide, and Hoseok swears they look hurt for a moment. He's not sure though, he doesn't stare too long.

"I'm sorry I just-"

"Yoongi-ssi," Hoseok doesn't miss the way Yoongi frowns at the honorific. "For my sanity, please stop talking. You're only making this worse for me." Yoongi stays silent for a moment, stares at Hoseok like he's having difficulty trying to process what he said. Then he nods.

"Alright. I'm sorry." Hoseok sighs when Yoongi turns away again. He closes his eyes and counts to ten.

"I'm okay," he tells himself. "I'm okay and I'm alive and I will stay alive and this will all be over soon." But then he feels the plane pick up speed. An unnecessary amount of speed and it nearly makes his mind shut down. Why are they going so fast? Why is it getting faster? And why is the plane shaking? With a squeak, Hoseok reaches out to grab the nearest thing, pulls it close to him and squeezes it tight. It's only when he feels fingers interlock with his that he figures out what he grabbed.

It's Yoongi's hand. Min Yoongi's hand. Min Yoongi his ex. He's holding his ex's hand. The hand that ripped his heart out and crushed it in its fingers. The same hand he basically slapped away just two minutes before.

Hoseok might actually cry.

"Shit," he whispers, eyes still closed. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I just-" Hoseok begins to apologize, but then he feels the plane start to lift and his stomach lurches and Hoseok can't stop the whimper that escapes his lips. His face is burning with shame but he can only hold Yoongi's hand tighter, pull it closer to his chest as if it could somehow protect him.

"I'm sorry," he says again weakly, voice cracking from the tears threatening to spill out.

"Don't apologize." Yoongi's voice is soft, close to Hoseok's ear. "I know you're scared. But I'm right here, okay? I've got you." Hoseok feels fingers tangle with his other hand and hates the way it calms him down a bit. And he hates the way his body gravitates to Yoongi, moving him closer against his will. He wants to protest, push Yoongi away and tell him he doesn't need his help, but something is pulling Hoseok in until he's leaning his forehead against his shoulder, their interlocked hands pressed between them.

"Think about something calming," Yoongi says next to his ear. Hoseok scoffs.

"You say that like it's easy." Hoseok's voice comes out whiny, and he thinks he's lost all his dignity by now. "I feel like I'm seconds away from dying. I can't just think of something calming." Yoongi pauses to think.

“Can you think of a happy memory?” Hoseok shakes his head, clings onto Yoongi tighter when he feels slight turbulence.

"What about... your birthday this year?" 

"My birthday?" 

"Yeah! A 27th birthday is a special one!" 

"No it's not." 

"Okay well, didn't you have fun?" Hoseok thinks about it. The day wasn't anything special, just lunch with close friends at a restaurant he liked. But then he spent the night with Yoongi, hushed voices and heavy breathing under bed sheets. 

"No," he says a little too quickly. It doesn't sound believable at all.  

"Okay," Yoongi chuckles. "Well what about when we went on vacation together? In Chuncheon, do you remember that?" Of course he remembers. That was their first real trip together. And their last. They had an amazing time, but Hoseok doesn't think it's something he should be thinking about right now. It always gets him worked up.

"Yoongi-"

"You had fun then, I know you did."

"Yeah but-"

"Shh, just think about it." Hoseok frowns, but does as he's told. He tries not to think about anything relating to them or Yoongi. Instead he thinks about how excited he was to take that trip. How he had read about all the things they could do for months in advance and planned out every last detail.

"What do you remember?" Yoongi asks softly.

"I remember I did all the work," Hoseok says. "I practically did everything all by myself." 'I should have gone by myself too,' Hoseok thinks. 'Then I wouldn’t be so sad everytime I think about it.'

"Hey, that's not true," Yoongi defends. "Do you not remember all those meals I cooked you?" Hoseok remembers. Yoongi's a great chef, and every meal made by him was more delicious than any restaurant they ate at. He liked watching Yoongi cook; he always had a slight pout on his face and did little happy dances as he worked. It was adorable, and Hoseok couldn't help but wrap his arms around his waist and kiss the nape of his neck every time. "Thank you baby," he'd say. "You always do so much for me."

Hoseok shakes the thought from his head.

"I liked the restaurant food better," he lies. The words taste bitter on his tongue.

"Fair enough," Yoongi shrugs. "What else do you remember?" Hoseok thinks. The thing he had been most excited about was seeing the cherry blossoms. He had planned a whole day around it, and they were supposed to end the night watching a fireworks show by a lake.

"I remember walking underneath the cherry blossoms." They were so breathtaking. Hoseok had felt like he was in a fairytale. Yoongi hums.

"Describe them to me."

"They smelled sweet." The scent wasn't strong, but there was a hint of sweetness in the air when he breathed it in. Crisp and fresh and delicious, it was enough to make his mind buzz with excitement. It reminded him a little of the fabric softener Yoongi used, making it feel as if the air was filled with Yoongi and his love.

"And they were pink." A pretty pink color, like the one that shades Yoongi's knees and elbows, tints his nose when it's cold or his cheeks when Hoseok would pull him close and kiss him in public. Pink like his pretty, soft lips that used to press against his own for hours until his mind went numb.

"They were really pretty," he says. 'Like you,' he thinks.

Hoseok clears his throat.

"Um I also remember the lake," Hoseok changes the subject. "Where we went that night to see the fireworks."

"Yeah, that lake was so beautiful." Hoseok feels Yoongi lean his cheek on the top of his head. He should hate it, but it only brings him comfort. "Pretend you're there right now." Hoseok tries to recreate the scenery in his mind. He feels the warm spring air, the slight breeze that cooled his skin. Pictures the bright blue moonlight that made the lake sparkle, and the fireflies that danced in the air around them.

"Do you remember the picnic I packed for us?" Hoseok smiles despite himself, nods. Yoongi had spent the morning cooking and prepping food for the two of them as Hoseok went shopping at the market in town. He remembers arriving back at their little house on the water that afternoon, Yoongi smiling at him fondly as he packed the basket and listened to Hoseok talk excitedly about all the things he had found. 

And it was so nice, eating his favorite dishes and snacks by the water, surrounded by beautiful pink cherry blossom petals. It was straight out of a movie. 

"And the fireworks, tell me about them." Images of the sky lighting up with glittering colors pop into his mind. He sees Yoongi's upturned face washed in reds and golds, and his wide gummy smile. He remembers the way Yoongi's laugh rang in his ears, sweet and cheerful every time Hoseok squeaked at the loud booms of the fireworks. He remembers pouting because Yoongi kept teasing him about getting scared easily. Yoongi always teased him about that, but he would always wrap warm arms around him afterwards and whisper, "hyung's got you." He did that that night too, and gave him a little squeeze each time Hoseok jumped.

He remembers the way the fireworks twinkled in Yoongi's wide eyes, the way he had to take a moment to catch his breath after seeing how beautiful he looked under all the lights. 

He remembers Yoongi catching him staring, looking into his eyes and seeing nothing but love reflected back at him. He remembers soft warm lips on his, whispered I love you's and promises of forever. He remembers feeling so full, complete by the other man's side, and realizing then, under the stars, that he was deeply in love with Yoongi.

 

Hoseok's heart clenches. Heat floods his cheeks, making his skin burn as sharp pins stick into the back of his eyes and he feels his lip start to quiver.

"Hoseok-ah," Yoongi's voice is soft. It caresses Hoseok.

"Yeah?" Hoseok's voice shakes as he answers.

"Open your eyes."

"Huh? N-No I-"

"Trust me." An hour ago Hoseok would have never listened to anything Yoongi told him to do. But something was different now, and Hoseok's eyes flutter open and he lifts his head off Yoongi's shoulder without a second thought. Yoongi's face fills his vision; he can see the mole on his cheek by his nose, the one he used to kiss all the time because he thought it was so pretty. He almost leans in to do just that.

"Look." Yoongi's voice snaps him out of his slight trance. He looks out the window that Yoongi tilted his head towards. Outside he sees a sea of clouds, painted orange, pink, and peach by the setting sun. 

It's beautiful.

Hoseok’s eyes widen and he leans forward to get a better look. He's always loved sunsets, especially after meeting Yoongi. Hoseok was a hopeless romantic, and sunsets are the epitome of romance and relationships. Which is why in the days he was pining after Yoongi, he would drag him along with him after work so that they could watch the sun set on the horizon together. It was during one of those times that Yoongi first told Hoseok that he reminded him of the sun. And after seeing how flustered it made him, Yoongi made a point to keep telling him of all their similarities, every day, just to see his face flush. 

But Hoseok has always thought it was funny, how Yoongi called him the sun. Because ever since he met Yoongi, sunsets always made Hoseok think of him. Even during the months he's been ignoring Yoongi, if he ever saw the sun lowering in the evening, Yoongi was always the only thing on his mind.

Same goes for right now. As Hoseok stares out at cotton candy clouds soaking up the rays of a tangerine sun, all he can think about is Yoongi. His mind swirls with thoughts of his sleeping face washed in pale morning light, an image he was lucky enough to wake up to a few times. Thoughts of how the other boy always made his heart beat out of his chest, how just a few minutes with him left him feeling like he was on cloud nine. He thinks of Yoongi's cat-like eyes that were always filled with compassion, and his soft hands that rubbed Hoseok's back or ran through his hair to comfort him or lull him to sleep. How no one else has ever made him feel so loved, so special, so safe. How Yoongi was so radiant, shining with so much sincerity and charm that any life he entered became so much brighter afterwards.  

Hoseok thinks Yoongi had been wrong all this time about Hoseok being the sun. He thinks Yoongi was the real sun, and Hoseok was just a cloud under his light, or a simple blue sky only made beautiful when its sun comes and settles down with it. Because those feelings Yoongi caused in Hoseok, those memories they made together, all of it was the most beautiful sunset, that beautiful fleeting moment before the world plunges into darkness. Yoongi’s love was warm like its rich oranges, his feelings for him tender like its pinks. Their time together was perfect, breathtaking, right before Hoseok’s sky fell into the darkest night. Because sunsets, as beautiful as they are, always come to an end. The sun always leaves the sky. But even after the sun disappears, the sky is still filled with traces of its beauty, defined with mesmerizing purples, deep scarlets, and navy blues as evidence of what had once been there.

Even though Yoongi is gone, even though he left Hoseok's sky, Hoseok is still painted in all his colors, and he doesn't think they'll ever fade away.

 

Suddenly, the world blurs and Hoseok feels wet warmth roll down his cheeks. 

"Shit, I'm sorry," he hears Yoongi say. "I didn't mean to scare you, I just thought you had calmed down and would like to see the sunset. I know how much you love them. But it was probably stupid to tell you to look out the window when we're 11,000 meters in the air."  

Hoseok shakes his head, tries to tell Yoongi that's not why he's crying, but his face crumples and new tears come pouring out before he can say anything. He crashes onto Yoongi, clutches his shirt tight in his shaky fingers.

"I loved you so much hyung," he sobs, not caring how pathetic he sounds. "I loved you more than anything. I still love you." Hoseok's chest aches and his throat feels tight with the lump growing in it. "You made me so happy. Everything was going so well, so why hyung? Why did you leave me?" He's soaking Yoongi's shirt with the waterfall flowing from his eyes and there's probably people staring, but Hoseok can't stop. He isn't strong enough to hold back five months of pent up emotions anymore. "Why did you stop loving me?"

He feels Yoongi tense up underneath him. He doesn't say anything for a while, and Hoseok thinks he's not going to answer, that he's just going to let him cry himself dry on his chest when,

"I never stopped loving you Hoseok."

He says it so softly that the words barely reach Hoseok's ears. He even thinks he's hearing things, but then arms wrap around him and he hears Yoongi let out a shaky breath.

"I love you more than you could possibly imagine." Hoseok's breath hitches. It's strange to hear those words come out of Yoongi's mouth after all this time. It sounds right, but it leaves him feeling confused.

"Then why did you leave? Why did you walk away when everything was perfect?" Yoongi sighs.

"Because I'm an idiot who can't let himself be happy. A coward that runs away when things are good because I'm afraid of something going wrong." Hoseok's not quite sure he understands what Yoongi means. He lifts his head off Yoongi's chest, wipes his eyes so that he can look at him properly while he speaks. Yoongi runs a hand over his face, leaving his fingers pressed against his eyes for a moment before continuing.

"When things are going well, it makes me scared. I'm always worried about something going wrong, so I just cut things out of my life before I get let down. I tell myself I'm quitting while I'm ahead, avoiding the inevitable downfall that awaits me if I keep going." Hoseok thinks about all the opportunities Yoongi had turned down or let go of in the time they had known each other, how the only reason why Yoongi accepted his higher position at the company was because Hoseok convinced him to. He kept saying how he couldn't do it, he wasn't good enough, he was bound to mess up so why should he bother trying? Hoseok's heart hurts to think Yoongi had those same thoughts when it came to their relationship. 

"You were everything to me Hoseok." He continues. "You made me feel so many things, things I had never felt before. It was overwhelming." Yoongi looks down at his hands and picks at the skin around his nails. It's a habit he has when he's feeling anxious. "Our vacation in Chuncheon, that was the best week of my life. Staying in that little lake house together, I felt like I had a home with you, a life with you. And that day we went to see the cherry blossoms, that night by the lake, I realized that you weren't just another boyfriend, that what I felt for you was more intense than anything I had ever felt for anyone before. I realized I was in love with you, Hoseok.”

The words should be making him soar, but Hoseok’s heart only aches. Aches for the them in the past, aches for the Yoongi that he called his. He aches or what could have been if Yoongi had told him these words sooner, aches for their love that ended too soon. 

“But that scared the hell out of me.” Yoongi brings his fingers to his mouth and rubs them against his bottom lip. Another nervous habit. “Because I didn't know if we could last forever. I was so scared of fucking up, or you getting tired of me or life separating us. I didn't feel worthy of someone like you, so I felt like it was only a matter of time before something went wrong and you would be gone." Yoongi frowns, creases forming on his forehead as he looks off somewhere else. "So I thought if I could distance myself a bit, my feelings would die down to the point where if something were to happen and you weren't in my life anymore, it wouldn't hurt as much." Yoongi sighs again, heavier, more defeated, and covers his face with both hands.

"I realize now how stupid that was, but then I thought it would work. It didn't though. No matter how much I tried to dampen my feelings they wouldn't go away. And I wasn't ready for that. Wasn't ready to be so vulnerable emotionally. Wasn't ready to love you. So I ended things." Yoongi looks up into Hoseok's eyes. His look so sad, brimming with heartache and sorrow, much like Hoseok's own eyes. 

"But every day since then I've regretted it. Every day since then I've thought about you, about us, and how I ruined the most beautiful thing I've ever had." Yoongi's voice wavers slightly as he speaks. "I was dumb and afraid then, too blinded by fear to see what I was walking away from." Yoongi presses his lips together and breathes in. "I’ve done a lot of thinking, a lot of growing in the past five months. I wasn't ready then, but I think I'm ready now. To give you the love you deserve. If you'll still have me."

Hoseok doesn't know how to react. He's not even sure if he heard Yoongi correctly. But when his words sink in, Hoseok takes a moment to think about it. Really think about it. About all the nights he cried until he couldn't breathe, the sharp pain in his chest that never left since the day Yoongi ended things, how he tore himself apart piece by piece in search of the flaw that made Yoongi want to leave him. All of that can't be forgotten just like that, can't be erased with just a few words, no matter how sweet. 

But what also can't be forgotten is the way Yoongi made him feel like a prince, someone important and special and worthy of love. He can't forget all the days spent basking in his light, like it was the only thing he needed. All the times he's felt at peace just knowing Yoongi was by his side. And he can't ignore the way his chest still flutters whenever he saw Yoongi in the office. Or the way his lips curl up in a smile in spite of himself whenever he hears Yoongi laugh from across the room. He can't deny the things Yoongi still makes his feel, even after all this time.

He can't deny the fact that he is in love with Min Yoongi, and always will be. 

So he takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly, trying to search for the right words. 

"I can't just forgive you," he starts, staring at the drying tear stains on Yoongi's shirt. "As much as I want to. You really hurt me hyung." Yoongi nods. 

"Of course, I understand-“

"But," Hoseok interrupts, then sucks in another deep breath. "I still love you, Yoongi hyung. With everything that I have. And I don't think I'll ever stop." He looks up into Yoongi's eyes. "So we can try. Try to fix what broke and give us a second chance, if you're willing to put in the effort." Yoongi nods quickly, hair bouncing on his head. 

"Yes!” he says immediately. “Yes, I’m more than willing. I’ll do anything I need to to make up for how stupid I was.” Hoseok offers him a small smile. 

"Okay then." It's weird and a little bit awkward as they sit in loaded silence for a few moments. But then their eyes meet again, and Yoongi cracks a grin, and warmth floods Hoseok's body as giggles escape his lips. And suddenly, it feels like no time has passed at all, and they're back in Chuncheon, standing under falling cherry blossom petals, happy and so in love. 

Hoseok leans his head on Yoongi's shoulder and takes his hand into his own. He smiles to himself, head filling with thoughts of Yoongi, of sunsets and soft hands, and how his twilight sky is brightening to a new dawn. 

 

The sun leaves the sky, yes, but it always comes back. Because it's meant to be there, its one true partner is the sky and the sky alone. So after every dark night, no matter how long and cold it may have been, the sun will always return to the sky, and together they will stay, just like they're meant to.