- “But now you – you are a grown man, and I am incredibly proud of you. I guess that I had hoped, eventually, you would… get yourself a normal life, a peaceful life, a family”.
Sadness lurking behind the words of his father didn’t hide from Dean.
- "I have a family".
- "Yeah, but Sam isn't that kind of a family I'm talking about, is he?"
Dean lowered his gaze, felt the bitterness curl at the base of his tongue.
Looking again at his father he discerned not contempt, but regret and even compassion:
- “Dean, do you remember what I told you when you were nineteen? Did you keep your promise, son?"
The heart in his chest picked up an uneven rhythm like a horse at a gallop, a flush of shame creeping up his neck to his cheeks. How can he not remember if those words burn with a red-hot brand on the gates of his memory: “Dean, Sammy is your brother. Promise you won't touch him. You won't dishonour your mother’s name, son?"
He remembers how the tears turned into a lump in his throat then. His father picked out this vicious and rotten part in him, which was hidden behind his affection and frenzied care for his brother. He said then, "I promise, dad," and the sound of him saying it, wet and thick from the tears never shed, still makes his whole body shudder with disgust with himself.
- "Yes, dad, I did," his voice was much more harsh than he expected.
- "Okay, Dean. I believe you”, fatigue oozed through the facade of words. His father's hand patted him on the shoulder.
- “Now, if you excuse me, I will go to my room. Time travel is exhausting, you know it yourself”, a distorted, faint smile emerged on his lips.
Dean was grateful that his father decided to avoid the awkward change of topic and decided to leave him alone.
He dropped his head in the hands. The feeling that he had lied to John felt sour in his mouth. Yes, he never crossed fraternal-platonic boundaries in his relationship with Sam. But still, they are both middle-aged men now and all they have is each other. At least Dean has nothing but Sam and he never wanted to change it. They have been living inseparably for more than twenty years (as long as one of them was alive), even got their own home. People not knowing that they are brothers would say they are married. He is even sure this was the reason their mother distanced herself from them. The only thing that is not present in their “match” is physical intimacy. They are not even used to hugging each other, doing this only on the threshold of death ...
A bitter thought coiled like a snake on the surface of consciousness - he forced Sam to stay by his side. He remembered, after returning from Purgatory, he pushed his brother to break up with that woman. Amelia. He remembered how her name alone burned the insides with poisonous jealousy. The resentment wrapped everything in front of his eyes with a green mist. He covered himself with the monsters’ blood, mud and sweat every day the whole fucking year in order to escape and get back to the only person that brings meaning to his life. And when he finally escaped he found out that this only person that mattered to him was brazenly stolen. Out of rage, he stopped thinking sanely. He imagined himself strangling this woman in one of these impulses, but she had no face in these fantasies, because Sam has never shown him her photograph. Which was not surprising. Sam knew that Dean was a poison, and him just looking at the photo would stain it.
Yes, he lied to his father after all.
He didn’t "touch” Sam, but he forced him to become a part of a pseudo-matrimonial relationship with his own brother. He took away his chance for real happiness, mutual love.
Made him forcibly his "wife" ... his father probably thinks in such terms.
After this thought came another. How long will this false marriage last, how long will Sam play along with his brother's dirty desire to be his husband? Sam loves him, Dean knows it. But all patience has its boundaries. And unlike him, Sam will survive the separation. He will be able to seek and find a soulmate in someone else. But Dean’s soul would gradually fade away on the bottom of the bottle.
- "Dean ..?" a soft familiar voice drifted to him.
He tore his hands away from his face and looked into Sam's face, full of concern. Dean didn’t notice when Sam approached him, being immersed in gray thoughts with the taste of wormwood. He didn’t have time to pull himself together and hide his bitterness. He was ready for a stream of questions that were about to pour: “What happened?”, “Why are you sitting here alone?”, “Have you scrapped with dad?”.
Instead, he heard a question that made blood buzz in his ears:
- "What promise did you make to our dad when you were nineteen?"
Dean opened and closed his mouth in a silent attempt to find the slightest plausible answer.
Instead, he said:
- "Have you heard everything?"
- “Dean, tell the truth, this time, please, tell me the truth”, a pleading edge creeped into his voice.
Dean looked into Sam's eyes. And thought to himself. Now or never. Sam wants to hear an honest answer. Tell him before fear fetters again your vocal cords:
- "I promised I would never touch you".
- "Touch me?"
After a short pause:
- "Yes, Sammy .. Touch you like a man should never touch his brother".
Dean felt as if his whole body, every cell in it got filled with shame.
It happened. His dirtiest and most hidden secret was finally revealed. And the truth is - he would have revealed it a long time ago, neither a promise to his father, nor the return of his mother who “sacredly” reminded him of the brotherly nature of their relationship would have stopped him. Only the fear that Sam's face would be distorted in disgust with Dean and he would leave him forever, would refuse to see him even in another worlds turned his insides into a petrified and icy lump. What have he done? It will happen now, at this very moment. He even closed his eyes in anticipation of the righteous blow smashing his face.
Instead, he felt Sam’s fingers quiveringly lay on his cheekbones. His eyes opened wide in surprise. Sam made his way in Dean’s lap, the warmth of the body emanating from him penetrated through the layers of his shirts, settling in a pleasant tension on his skin that covered with goose bumps the next second:
- "Do you tell me I could have had you. I could have had everything, even this. All that time.. since you were nineteen but for this stupid promise of yours? Dean, oh my god..”
He didn’t manage to answer anything as his brother lips pressed into his, Sam’s tongue quickly slid into his mouth, meeting no obstacles, feeling Dean’s teeth, tongue and gums, searching every corner of the cavity. Sam's visceral groan vibrated into his body and that was the moment Dean realized what was happening, the noise of his mind dissipated.
Sam kissed him, willingly, sitting in his lap and his arms wrapped around his neck. Dean's body, like a car started, set in motion abruptly. He grabbed Sam's hips and lifted him on the table, drawing a yelp from his brother who was manhandled this way:
- “These years were wasted because I was stupid. But we are still together despite anything and I thought I couldn’t be more grateful. Until today. Please, tell me what you want, Sammy, right now? I will do anything, give you everything".
Sam breathed in air loudly and spread his legs, wrapping them around his brother's waist and pulling Dean towards him.
As he exhaled, he said:
- “Yes, baby, anything, everything”.
Dean's hands caressed gently and non-stop Sam's flanks. He searched Sam's face for the slightest hint of resistance or reluctance to keep making out with own brother, finding only languor and undisguised yearning:
- “Dean, just don’t laugh”.
- “Would never, Sammy”.
- “Can you suck hickeys on my.. on my neck and chest?”
A groan escaped Dean's mouth that sounded more like a growl. He unbuttoned his brother's shirt, quickly and confidently, revealing his snow-white neck and chest. Dean immediately pressed his lips to his brother’s body, sucking in and releasing his skin with a loud smacking sound.
- “Fuck, Sammy, so tasty, how can I eat anything else if I know the taste of yours, wanna try every inch of you, baby”, he whispered feverishly behind Sam’s ear, nosing at his lobe and sucking it into his mouth, playing with it with his tongue.
Sam made small mewling sounds, his half-closed eyes were shining with an aroused oily blaze, and his body became soft and pliable in Dean’s hands, completely relaxing and surrendering to the will of his big brother.
- "Call me like that again .."
- “How, Sammy? Baby? Yeah, my beloved baby. My gorgeous model-type long-legged baby brother. My beautiful dream, soft-haired princess. Love everything in you”.
Sam covered his eyes with his hand, a soft watercolor blush appeared on his cheeks, a shy smile never leaving his lips.
- “Oh Dean, oh my god..”
- “Yeah, I will praise you every day for the rest of my life, sweetheart, if you let me, will you let me..?”
Dean kept him in the tight embrace so Sam didn’t even need to keep his hands on the table to hold on it, they hung on his sides idle and Sam felt like he was in some kind of trance, feeling only wet hot lips covering his neck, shoulders and chest with the paths of scarlet marks, and the tender words that emanated from these lips, soothing immediately a barely registered pain after each left hickey. Having got his hands on Sam, Dean could not stop whispering unceasing sweet nothings to him, his encaged love for his brother, meeting no more resistance, exploded like an atomic bomb.
Sam wanted one more thing from his brother, thinking about which blowed his mind, but did not dare to ask at the start. However, seeing how greedily Dean leaves marks on his skin enheartened him:
- "Dean, I want to ask you to do one more thing".
- "Yeah, baby, what you want me to do?”, a heavy smirk painted itself on Dean’s lips.
- “Bite me. In the neck”, his cheeks reddened as soon as he finished his inquiry. Sam searched in anticipation Dean’s face for any sign of a flinch or scoff. Instead he saw Dean’s pupils getting even more charcoal-black and wide.
- “Like a slight little bite or..?” Dean elaborated.
- “No, bite me to leave a bloody wound that will heal and leave a mark”, Sam made sure that his voice was all even and serious, but he was trembling all over, he just couldn’t wait any longer to feel his brother’s teeth claiming his neck, leaving a stamp of possession on it.
- “Shhh, Sammy”, Dean caressed his back and arms, his soft harmonius voice doesn’t match the darkened wolfishly glistening eyes “don’t worry, I will be careful, baby”.
Dean licked a wide stripe on the tendon on his neck, never stopping to fondle with his skin.
- “Like that, good boy”, Dean praised him as tension steadily left his body.
His tongue licked at the tender part of his neck for elusive amount of time until Sam’s mind gone blank and his cock tensed as hard as it possibly could be, arousal intensified tenfold as his brother tenderly worshipped his body with his tongue and hands. Dean loosened Sam’s belt and unzipped his pants in one aftermotion, getting out his stiffened cock. Sam can’t help a long whine escaping his lips, his brother’s hand on him felt so good that he barely restrained himself from bursting like a teenager embarrassingly soon.
- “Yeah, baby, I have you, will take care of you, don’t hold it, spill everything you keep in that round balls on me”, Dean run his mouth, giving Sam’s cock tight strokes, and then, without warning, enclosed his teeth on Sam’s neck and sank them deep enough to break through skin.
Sam felt his body convulsing at the intrusion, the sharp pain elicited mind-blanking pleasure and his vision get cloudy, hot spurts of cum leaving his body and covering Dean’s hand and shirt.
- “That’s it, give me all of it, Sammy, doing so good, coming so hard for your big brother”, Dean whispered into his ear and Sam made a little sobbing noise, giving last drops of his release to him. His body went all limp, all his weight held by his brother’s strong arms who was lapping soothingly at his wound, whispering praises.
Their mutual euphoria was broken by the grating sound of the door opening and a loud gasp.
Mary can’t believe her eyes. Yes, she suspected that something was wrong with her boys. All that lingering looks between them, unhealthy codependency and blatant flirting right in front of their own mother. The way they were jealous of any other human being’s presence in each other’s life. Her sons couldn’t stand even a couple of days apart, she had a glimpse once in Dean’s phone and saw that there was a talk one hour long with Sam when Dean had to go on a hunt with her without him. What they possibly could talk about so long??
But she guessed there was nothing more to this, their abnormal erotically charged relationship didn’t develop in anything sexual. That is what she thought before this moment.
Now she sees a picture that she never wanted to witness. Her mind prompted her that she has seen something like this previously. Right. On Discovery Channel. A bile rouse to her throat.
Her younger son’s limbs hang loose, his body, with a shirt halfway taken off, supported only by firm grip of her elder son who lapped at his throat like a hungry animal. Dean turned his gaze to her, a sickening threatening glint shining in his wolfish eyes as if he was taking a gauge of the intruder, his own mother, who dared to distract him from his prey. Sam tightened his arms on Dean’s shoulders as soon as he noticed her, looking like a scared fallow deer, hid his face in Dean’s neck, whispering something inaudible to him. Dean turned to him immediately and the sweet muffled flow of his voice indicated that he was comforting him. Dean looked back at her, his eyes were cold and menacing.
- “Dean, what the hell is going on..?”
- “Get out”, words cut through air in her like a razor.
- “I will repeat it just one more time. Get the fuck out of here”, a rumble of Dean’s voice made Mary’s knees weak.
She was never so scared. She didn’t know what Dean would have done if she hadn’t stormed out of the kitchen and truth be told she didn’t want to think about it. All she wanted to do was to drown herself in the bottle of whiskey, a Bobby’s present to her, and erase the image of this day and her sons out of her head.
Sam heard a sound of the door opening and someone’s loud gasp. He opened his eyes preparing to explain himself and Dean to one of bunker’s new inhabitants. What he didn’t expect was to see their mother. His body went rigid and the only thought “Dean will be ashamed and never look at me again” glowed in red light in his head. He wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders and whispered frightened: “Dean, don’t leave, please, don’t leave me” in his brother’s neck.
Dean turned to him right away and made his voice all assuasive: “Shh, Sammy, never gonna leave you, can never, everything will be okay”.
Dean turned back to their mother and ordered her to get out in a tone that didn’t leave a place for any objection. Dean was never so ruthless with her, always caring.
Sometimes Sam thought Dean loved her even more than him and then berated himself for being fucking jealous of his own mother.
But something even more wicked and smug blossomed in his chest now. Dean chose Sam over their mother. Sam expected Dean to try to leave him sitting there on the table and ask Mary for forgiveness. Instead he sent her away as if she was nothing but a stranger running against them in the wrong place, at the wrong time.
- “Dean, you shouldn’t have been so mean to her, she is our mom..”.
- “Fuck mom. Fuck dad. Fuck everyone who is not you .. and me”.
Sam hid his widening smile under his brother’s jawline, embarrassed to show how pleased he was to hear that. The warm pulse of the bite mark on his neck screamed that Dean told the truth. The claim that will be seen by everyone and tell to whom Sam belonged.
Dean lowered Sam’s head down his own throat and asked huskily:
- “Sammy, bite me too, I want to feel it”.
The wave of possessiveness surged in his veins as he left the lovebite on Dean’s neck, in the same place that now was carved by his brother’s teeth.
Sam thought to himself: “Finally, their initials are forever etched not only in Baby, Bunker, but in each other’s skin. And he won’t let any force in the world drive them apart again”.