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It all started around two weeks ago.
Everything was normal when Hyunjin had to leave for personal schedule in the middle of the practice, but when he came back he felt something had changed between him & the members.
At first Hyunjin thought it was just because they all were tired from the practice. But as the days passed by he noticed the change slowly, but clearly. Others were trying to avoid him, or anything that was related to him. Some were trying not to be too transparent about it, but again, some were purposefully letting him know that they didn't want Hyunjin around. Like Changbin, Minho & Jisung.
Changbin would often get irritated around him, snapping at him at the smallest mistakes. He'd even left dinner when Hyunjin sat beside him a few nights ago. The atmosphere was heavy as Hyunjin tried to process what happened, but Chan was fast to change the subject before sneaking out to talk with Changbin. Hyunjin didn't say anything, he silently ate a few bites before he left with an excuse of sleeping early. Well, he didn't need to make an excuse, because none of the others spared a glance at him while he was there with them.
Jisung was another case. It wasn't new to anyone that Jisung & Hyunjin didn't like each other for a period before debut. They'd constantly bicker & get on each other's nerves as much as possible. But that changed with time. They become friends soon. They were attached to the hip almost all the time, & both having to share a single brain cell, they managed to cause chaos wherever they went. & It's really a miracle that Chan hadn't kicked their ass yet. Since then they didn't fight anymore, nor did they have any type of problem among them. But recently, Jisung would continuously accuse him of anything & everything. Hyunjin was tired from practice & asked for a 5 min break, it irritated Jisung. He'd ask what was for dinner, Jisung would scoff that if he was being picky, he should've cooked his own food. If Hyunjin had slept a few more minutes in the morning, he'd have to face Jisung glaring at him for being irresponsible. Recently, no matter what Hyunjin did, Jisung always managed to find fault in it. Hyunjin just couldn't understand why Jisung was annoyed with him.
Hyunjin never really took anything seriously when Minho would tease him or his members. Because they all knew how Minho was, how he always acted like he didn't care. But deep inside Minho was just a softie, he cared for others a lot. But just like Changbin & Jisung, Minho's actions & words suddenly made Hyunjin realize that maybe the older one really didn't like him that much. It was known that Hyunjin would often steal others' clothes, especially baggy ones & hoodies. No one had ever complained about it seriously, some would whine a bit, but then would say it looked good on Hyunjin. But a few days ago Minho suddenly got mad that Hyunjin took one of his black hoodies. He asked Hyunjin to stay away from his things, & Hyunjin only sat there trying to calm down his wounded heart. Because Felix was also wearing a t-shirt which belonged to Minho, but Minho only ruffled his hair saying it looked cute on Felix. Hyunjin that day gathered all the pieces he took from the others & gave them back one by one. He didn't want others to hate him too.
Unlike these three, Seungmin was a different case. He'd sometimes stare at Hyunjin without any reason, & when Hyunjin would ask about it he'd just shrug it off & leave. It made Hyunjin confused & conscious both. Confused, what happened to Seungmin. & Conscious if he'd been looking bad recently. He'd once asked Seungmin about if something was wrong with his face. But he got a reply that was totally unexpected.
"I think inner beauty matters more than outer one. Let's focus on our inner self more, shall we?"
Of course, what Seungmin had said was true, but still, Hyunjin didn't know why Seungmin said it to him.
Felix & Jeongin were the most normal ones compared to the ones mentioned above. They were somewhat weird around him, but they didn't actively show that they were annoyed at him or didn't want him around them. They were pretty normal, except they didn't talk with Hyunjin if it wasn't Hyunjin who'd start talking with them first. They'd try to act like they were enthusiastic about talking with Hyunjin, but yeah, Hyunjin wasn't dumb nor a fool not to notice their discomfort. He let it go once, twice, thrice. But after that he started to stop talking with them in order to not make them feel uncomfortable. He stopped calling Felix to play with him. He stopped asking Jeongin if he wanted to go out to eat with him. He stopped going near them, fearing he was making the other two uncomfortable.
Hyunjin's safe place was Chan, from the very beginning. He had a soft spot for the leader ever since the older had welcomed him in the group. Because Chan saw his true potential, unlike others who just called him a pretty face. It was Chan who wiped his tears when he cried out from insecurities. It was always the older that had found him during his worsts. Chan never let him fall, never made him feel insecure. Somehow he always managed to save Hyunjin even without trying. & Hyunjin would forever be grateful to Chan for being their guardian angel. Maybe that's why when everything started to become too much for him, he went to Chan's studio to talk with him. It was one of those nights when Chan would remain coped up in his studio making songs for them while the others would be at home worrying for his health.
But upon arriving at the company Hyunjin realized Chan wasn't alone. Jisung was with him. They were working on something together. Hyunjin stood outside Chan's studio for a few seconds contemplating if he should let them know that he was here or if he should just go back to dorm. He decided the latter; staying around Jisung wouldn't help any of them right now. As he was about to turn & leave, the door to Chan's studio suddenly pulled open by an annoyed Jisung, who looked more annoyed after noticing a surprised Hyunjin in front of him.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Jisung's voice was irritated, it made Hyunjin flinch.
"I was about to leave-"
"Were you spying on us?! Trying to hear what we were talking about?!" Jisung interrupted Hyunjin as he angrily took a step toward the latter. & Hyunjin looked incredulously at Jisung & then to a concerned Chan who was trying to pull Jisung back from Hyunjin's personal space.
"What?! What are you saying?! Why would I do that?!" Hyunjin asked as he felt himself getting irritated at the constant baseless accusations.
Jisung snorted as he let Chan pull him back a few steps.
"Who knows! You do a lot of shits that we don't know why! Or maybe we do, but can't shove it in your face! Because unlike you-"
"That's it! Shut up Han! Go back to the dorm now!" Chan shouted at the angry rapper making Jisung finally stop. He looked at Chan for a few seconds before angrily walking out from the studio, & the company building. On the other hand, Hyunjin had tears rolling down his eyes as he watched his former friend walking out like that. He didn't even realize when Chan had pulled him inside the studio. He finally let out a painful sob when Chan pulled him in a tight hug, letting his head rest on the older's chest. Chan didn't say a single word to him that night, he just let Hyunjin cry his sadness out while patting his head every now & then. They spent the whole night at the studio, on the couch holding each other.
~~~~~~
Two days had passed since that night. None of them spoke about it even if they knew what had gone down that night. When the next Morning both Chan & Hyunjin came back, Hyunjin silently walked inside his room without uttering a single word. He didn't notice when Minho stopped making breakfast watching him walk past like a zombie. He didn't notice when Felix & Jeongin looked at him with worried, concerned eyes. He didn't notice Changbin walking toward their leader for an explanation, he didn't notice Seungmin stare at him with worries evident in his eyes this time. & He certainly didn't notice how Jisung never looked up at him.
"The hell happened to him?!" Changbin's voice was small, but urgent & filled with worries. It made Chan sigh loudly, because they all knew what was going on by this point. Just refused to notice their own mistakes.
"We'll talk. About everything. & We will get our shits together. & Until then, no one will go near Hyunjin." Chan looked around the house to make sure everyone got what he said. Then his eyes landed on Jisung's red rimmed eyes. As much as it worried him to see Jisung like this, he also knew what Jisung did last night wasn't justified. Everyone deserved a second chance, a chance to explain their actions. So did Hyunjin. & They all need to understand that before acting out.
Two days later, they finally got a chance to talk. Hyunjin had a personal schedule again, so he would be back around dinner time. So as soon as the other seven stepped inside the dorm, Chan didn't waste a second & asked everyone to gather on the living. None of them defied the leader & took their seats on the living. They were exhausted, but they knew they wouldn't get time to talk without Hyunjin around them.
"Before we start talking, I'd like to let you guys know that I've asked Wooyoung to come here too." This got everyone's attention, especially Changbin's. "He'll be here soon. So, before he comes we need to fix a few things between us… of what's happening around the dorm for the past one month. After that when Wooyoung comes, we ask him what actually happened. Then we decide what to do. But no matter what..." Chan paused to look at Jisung, who shuffled on the couch uncomfortably under Chan's gaze, "no violence is allowed in this household."
A few froze in their place for a second & took swift glances at Jisung. They nodded grimly after that.
"Great. Now does anyone have anything to say? About what has been going on." Chan asked, eyes travelling from member to member waiting for them to speak up.
"We don't." It was Minho who spoke up, catching everyone's attention. "From what we've been hearing from the others, we don't really have anything to say except for.." Minho paused.
"Except for what?" Chan asked.
"...except for the fact that we don't want a selfish bully around us. & You wouldn't want that too hyung" Minho plainly stated the fact that everyone had been silent about. Every one of them had flinched when Minho uttered the words "selfish" & "bully". But none tried to correct him.
"It's true. I don't want to stay with someone like that either. But, are we sure that what we're thinking is right. Are we sure that… Hyunjin really did that?" Chan asked, making Changbin frown.
"We know he did it hyung!" Changbin snapped immediately, making Felix flinch & hold his hand to calm him down. But Changbin wasn't having any of it.
"We have multiple trainees who had seen him doing that to Wooyoung! You!" Changbin gestured at the leader who was frowning hard too at that moment. "You even talked to them yourself to be sure! How can you say that now!? Don't you believe your own ears hyung?! Changbin asked incredulously as Chan stayed quiet.
"I know you've a weak spot for Hyunjin hyung. But what you're doing now is just an injustice to Wooyoung. If it wasn't for Hyunjin, it would've been Wooyoung with us right now." Minho said, making Changbin nod in affirmation. Felix looked troubled by now, & Jeongin still had his eyes fixed on the rug.
"That's why we are expecting Wooyoung here today, Bin." Chan sighed as he looked at the rapper, then at Minho. "Besides, no matter what, shouldn't we give a chance to Hyunjin? He should get a chance to explain himself, doesn't he?" Chan looked at everyone hopeful. But no one said anything.
"He's just gonna lie again like he lied about Wooyoung hyung's injury!" Jisung snorted. "I don't get it! Why are you still defending him when we've people who saw him bullying Woohyung! Just kick him out of the group! & possibly from the company too!" Jisung gritted out the last part vehemently, catching everyone's attention. Everyone was looking at him as if he had grown a second head.
"Han! I know you're hurt, you're angry! But think before you say something!" Chan yelled at Jisung who flinched before standing up in anger bubbling inside of him.
"Why?! What did I say wrong!? For what he did to Woohyung just to debut with us- isn't that enough to get him out from the company?! Who knows how many people he had bullied until now just to get what he wanted!" Jisung was seething in anger. Anger grew into him thinking that he had been friends with a person like Hyunjin who had done bad things to others.
"Jisung calm down for a second!" It was Minho. As much as he was upset with Hyunjin, he really liked the boy. & He knew they all loved the tall boy the same. They were a family after all. So no matter what, hearing Jisung asking to kick Hyunjin out clenched his heart.
"Why hyung?! Don't you miss Wooyoung too? He'd been close with you too! Or did you just forget about him because Hyunjin came in as a fill up?!" Changbin was standing too, making Felix try to pull him down.
"Fill in?! Changbin, you were with me when we selected him for our group! He wasn't just a fill up for Wooyoung's absence!" Chan argued in irritation.
"Exactly! He took away Woohyung's place! He sabotaged Woohyung's chances to debut, just so that he could debut with us! & We are fools! Fools to fall for his pretty face! & Hyung please! Don't even try to deny that you chose Hyunjin because he could be the visual centre! His dance was just okay! Nothing special! Anyone can throw their limbs if someone instructed him correctly!"
"Jisung. you're being unreasonably mean now… we all know Chan hyung didn't choose him just because he's pretty." Seungmin defended Chan who looked hurt at Jisung's accusation. "Hyunjin was here for a reason, not a fill up. We all are upset & angry with him because of what he did with Woohyung. But that doesn't mean you can talk nonsense about him like this!"
"Hyung, please come down! I'm sure there has to be something that we're missing!" Jeongin cried out in desperation, "Jinnie hyung isn't like that! We've been with him for almost two years now! We know how he is! There has to be some kind of misunderstanding!" Jeongin looked at Changbin, hoping the older one would calm down.
"I agree with Jeongin & Chan hyung too. Please just hear him out first… & don't you think Wooyoung hyung would've told you when he saw Hyunjin debut with us?! He could've at least warned you about Jinnie! Right?!" Felix looked at Changbin, who now looked conflicted. Jisung too, was the same but the frown on his forehead never disappeared.
"Let's just wait for Wooyoung now, he'll be here soon. Then we can see who's right & who's wrong. But… if..it really turns out that Jinnie didn't do any of this shits, then you all will apologize to him. I donno how, but you will. & If I.. turn out to be wrong… then I'll myself file a complaint against Hyunjin to the company." With that, Bang Chan got up & went to his own room to cool down before Wooyoung could arrive. & Slowly all of them did the same. They needed to cool off.
Seungmin watched as Minho followed Chan, Changbin & Felix to their room, most probably to talk with Chan. Jisung went to his own room with angry steps, while Jeongin followed him after shooting Seungmin with a tight-lipped smile. Seungmin was the last one to leave. He sighed heavily as he stood up from the carpeted floor & slowly walked toward the room he shared with Hyunjin. He was really thankful that Hyunjin wasn't here when they were almost screaming at eachother. Hyunjin had always been the one to get upset & emotional about anything, whether the reason was small or big. & Today, they discussed about him, & things that he did in the past, which Seungmin prayed hard to turn out to be just a false shit. The Hyunjin he got to know in the past two years wasn't like what Jisung, Changbin & all three trainees had been telling them about. & He really hoped he was right, their leader was right in recognizing Hyunjin.
Seungmin twisted the knob & pushed the door open. It was dark as usual. He walked inside & let his bag fall on the floor before he reached out blindly to the wall to turn on the light. In a few seconds bright light flooded in the room making him narrow his eyes. But as soon as his eyes adjusted to the brightness of the light inside his room he felt his heart dropped down in his stomach. Hyunjin was standing at the other side of the room in a loose khaki short, a baggy white t-shirt & a black baseball cap on his freshly washed hair. Seungmin was about to call out Hyunjin when he noticed the bag in the latter's hand. Seungmin felt his tongue froze as Hyunjin finally looked up at him.
Hyunjin looked almost like a dead person to Seungmin. Puffy red eyes staring at him blankly, tear stains all over his face, lips unnaturally red from gnawing too much. If it wasn't for how red his lips were & how flushed Hyunjin's face was looking at Seungmin, he would've said that Hyunjin wasn't living anymore. The look in his eyes was enough to say that. Seungmin couldn't utter a single word as Hyunjin flung the bag on his shoulder & pocketed his phone swiftly. He couldn't stop the other when Hyunjin walked past him silently, out of the room. His brain started to function suddenly when he realized Hyunjin was leaving. Hwang Hyunjin was leaving them. Hyunjin was near the entrance when Seungmin ran out of his room shouting out his name, hoping Hyunjin would stop. But the dancer didn't stop; he didn't even look back at Seungmin when he was called, he silently continued to wear his shoes. So Seungmin shouted out Chan's name hoping the leader would come out before the dancer could leave.
Upon hearing Seungmin's shout, not only Bang Chan, but also the others hurried out from their respective rooms concerned. They found Seungmin rushing to the entrance, & followed him. There they saw the subject of their recent meeting, shaking out Seungmin's hold on his hand while keeping the entrance open with his other hand.
"Hyunjin?!" Bang Chan rushed to help Seungmin, not knowing what was going on. But if Seungmin had called him, it meant the younger one needed his help.. apparently with Hyunjin. While the other five stood frozen in their places, slowly realizing that Hyunjin had been here all the time while they argued in the living room. They couldn't move, especially Changbin & Jisung. They watched as Seungmin struggled to pull Hyunjin inside the dorm & Chan rushed forward to help the latter. They saw the bag slipping from Hyunjin's shoulder to the length of his hand, & Seungmin grabbing it fast to take it away from Hyunjin.
"Hyunjin! Calm down! It's me!" Bangchan tried to hold the crying boy, but Hyunjin wasn't having any of it. With a sudden force he pushed Seungmin off, & Chan had to leave him to support Seungmin's fall. If it wasn't for Chan, Seungmin would've had a bad fall.
"Shit! Minnie, are you okay?! Did you get hurt?!" Bang Chan started to check up on the vocalist in concern while Minho & Felix rushed forward to them.
"The hell Hyunjin! How can you do this to your own group member!" Bang chan yelled, making Hyunjin flinch back.
"If he can do this to Minnie then no wonder that he could do the same with Wooyoung!" Minho snarled, making Hyunjin freeze. Even Minho himself froze when he realized what he'd just said. Seungmin & Minho frantically looked at Hyunjin whose lips were shaking as tears fell from wide eyes. The cap on his head fell long ago while he was struggling with Seungmin. So everyone saw how Hyunjin's breath suddenly started to quicken, how his tears kept falling continuously.
Chan cursed himself for losing his mind, as he got up to hold Hyunjin.
"Hyunjin… Listen to me…" Chan took a step toward the dancer, making Hyunjin look at him in fear evident in his eyes. Chan felt his heart clench hard at Hyunjin's state. As he took another step forward, suddenly Hyunjin took a step back, not caring how the bag finally slipped down from his hand to the floor beside Seungmin's leg.
"No…."
"Jinnie please listen to me… I'm so-"
"You're not… you're right…" Hyunjin's eyes shifted toward Jisung suddenly, making the shorter boy flinch. "I shouldn't be with you guys…."
"Jinnie!" Chan yelled out, but Hyunjin only spared one last glance at Seungmin with a small "sorry" & ran out from the building. & This time Chan didn't stop him, nor called him back. He just let the boy go.
~~~~~
It was a disaster after Hyunjin had left them that night. Felix & Jeongin had been crying from the beginning, while Changbin & Jisung just sat in their living room like statues, Seungmin was pretty upset with both Chan & Minho for blowing up on Hyunjin. They were supposed to be in Hyunjin's side, not the ones to make Hyunjin feel more bad. After they all settled in the living room again, Seungmin told them that Hyunjin had apparently been at the dorm since the beginning, & heard their argument. Which was why he was trying to leave & Seungmin was trying to stop the dancer. Seungmin had blown up on all of them for not trying to stop Hyunjin.
Then came Wooyoung, apologizing for being late due to his practice. He had recently debuted with another group called Ateez from a different company. When he saw the state of the other members, he asked what had happened. It was then when Changbin asked about the rumor of Hyunjin purposely injuring him before the selection, & about the witnesses.
Which Wooyoung denied with a loud curse. He explained that he was a bit sick when he was doing the choreo & Hyunjin had no idea about it. There was a step where he had to lift Hyunjin up for a second, & even though he knew shouldn't be doing that, he forced himself to do it. & When he couldn't maintain his own balance, he let Hyunjin fall. But unfortunately Hyunjin fell on him & that's how he got injured. He told them it wasn't Hyunjin's fault in any way, but Hyunjin had been beating himself up for not being careful enough. Hyunjin had always blamed himself for what happened to Wooyoung. & Wooyoung also called out to the trainees who lied about Hyunjin & were spreading baseless rumors about him. He was mad as hell when he found out Hyunjin was getting hurt because of some baseless rumors.
On the other hand, as soon as the members heard it they felt relief washing over them. But they also couldn't help but to feel guilty for how they acted with Hyunjin, & how they said hurtful things without even giving him a chance to explain. As soon as Wooyoung left, Jisung started to cry like a baby. Changbin left the dorm with a loud bang, while Minho just sat in a corner, remembering what he said to Hyunjin a while ago.
He couldn't forget the haunted & terrified look on Hyunjin's face before he ran out from the door. A single tear slipped down his face as his heart ached violently. It was getting harder to breathe knowing he had hurt the younger dancer to the point that he had to leave in the middle of the night. Hyunjin couldn't bear to look at them. He blamed himself for something he didn't do, & all because of Minho who didn't have a filter in his mouth. Minho's single tear became two, then three when Bang Chan pulled him in a tight embrace. Maybe it was the first time when others saw the mighty Lee Minho cry.
Changbin almost broke the door to their studio door when he closed it from the inside. It was almost 12 of the night when he stepped inside the studio again. He didn't know what else to do, what to say, how to face everyone again. His head & heart both were aching. Hyunjin's smiling face was nowhere near his mind now. All were replaced by Hyunjin's face when Changbin snapped at him. The worst one was the one where Hyunjin had tears falling from his eyes, looking so lost & scared of them. The way Hyunjin looked at him before leaving, Changbin was sure this was gonna haunt him forever. He slowly slipped onto the floor, letting his back rest on the mirror. He felt like crying, but he couldn't. He didn't deserve to cry after what he did & said to the dancer. Suddenly his phone started to ring, but he didn't pull it out from his pocket. He let it ring until it stopped on it's own. Again someone called. This time he pulled it out in irritation, but soon it vanished when he saw it was Seungmin. He took a deep breath to calm himself down & slid the green icon.
"Hyung? Where are you?" Seungmin asked, voice laced with worries.
"...studio"
"What are you doing there hyung?" Seungmin sighed, "Do you want me to come?" Asked Seungmin carefully.
"Seungmin-ah... let hyung stay the night alone, 'kay? I promise I'll be back by the morning." Changbin tried hard so that the crack in his voice wouldn't be that noticeable. But the way Seungmin suddenly went quiet, Changbin believed he failed to do so. Then he heard Felix saying something to the vocalist.
"You better be. Otherwise Felix said he won't bake for you anymore." Seungmin snorted at the poor attempt of threat from Felix. & Changbin couldn't help but let a small smile tug on his lips too.
"Then I'll have to come back, won't I? Don't worry about me… just…" Changbin gulped, "...just let me know if-if he comes back or you get any news where he is"
"Okay hyung…. Also, don't worry too. You know how he is.. he'll forgive us… we just need to apologize"
Exactly. Hyunjin had always been forgiving & kind. Too selfless for his own good. But somehow, Changbin had forgotten about it.
It was around 1am when Chan got a call from Mrs. Hwang. She informed that Hyunjin had come back home earlier. He looked upset, but didn't wanna talk about it so Mrs. Hwang didn't pressure him.
"I know my son. I know you guys too. I'm sure whatever happened between you guys, you'll figure it out. Don't worry about him, just take care of yourselves, okay?"
Chan felt like crying at that moment. He had always been the older one in the group. He had to be responsible for everyone. So he always tried to stay strong. But after hearing what Mrs. Hwang had told him he felt a huge burden was lifted from his shoulder. He didn't know he also needed someone to say those words to him or that he also needed to be taken care of sometimes. He could only hope now that Mrs. Hwang was right, otherwise he didn't know what he & the others would do without their precious dancer.
Everyone knew Jisung was unpredictable sometimes. But no one, literally no one expected him to suddenly call an uber at the middle of the night & leave just after hearing Hyunjin had gone back to his parents house.
When everyone was already worried about Hyunjin & Changbin, they almost had a heart attack when Jisung jumped up from the couch saying he needed to go. Felix & Jeongin almost tore his arms off to stop another member from leaving the dorm that night, but then Jisung said something that made them let him go.
"I swear I'm gonna go crazy if I don't go see Hyunjin now. I don't care if he doesn't want to see me or talk to me! But I need to tell him that I didn't mean any shit I said a few hours ago! He needs to know that those aren't true! Otherwise he'll cry his eyes out the whole night!"
& Just like that, Felix & Jeongin let him go, while Chan, Minho & Seungmin sat there with soft smiles on their faces.
"He's literally crazy!" Seungmin snorted.
"Yeah, we can't expect Jinnie hyung's best friend to be a normal one" Jeongin replied from the dining room, making others laugh.
Chan couldn't help but to feel slightly relieved knowing Jisung would be there for Hyunjin. Jisung might have been the most cruel one tonight, but he was also the one who loved the dancer most. It made him think of a saying that "One can hurt a person & himself at the same time, when he loves the other one". Jisung & Hyunjin were almost like soulmates, yin to each other's yang. So when the rumors & fake witness suddenly came forward it most probably affected Jisung the most. & Chan could imagine actually, it would hurt knowing someone close to you did something like that with your friend. But still that didn't excuse Jisung from shit he had done today, so he could only pray that Jisung would be able to apologize sincerely & make Hyunjin believe that he really belonged with them.
Jisung didn't even have to say anything when Hyunjin's mom opened the door for him & told him Hyunjin was upstairs with a soft smile. He thanked the older lady & with swift steps he walked inside the house. About half a minute later he was standing outside Hyunjin's room, trying to gather courage. Because, God knew how scared Jisung was at that moment. When he got into the uber an hour ago, he was ready to face everything Hyunjin was gonna throw in his direction. But now that he was waiting outside the dancer's room he didn't know where all that courage flew off to. Suddenly, Mrs. Hwang came there with a tray carrying two plates of dinner. She didn't say anything, just handed it over to Jisung & left with a kiss on Jisung's forehead. & It made Jisung tear up. But he sucked it up, & took one final deep breath before carefully balancing the tray in one hand & twisting the knob with the other.
"Hyunjin?" He called as quietly as he could. There was no answer. So he slowly opened the door, and peeped inside, only seeing a big bed which was covered by white sheets. There was only one chair besides the bed, so Jisung decided to take a seat on the floor instead. For a few minutes Jisung sat there silently, thinking about the things he needed to tell the taller boy. Finally he stood up, and took some steps inside the room again, until he finally noticed the figure on the bed. The lithe body lay perfectly still, facing the wall. Slowly Jisung walked closer to the sleeping boy, & put the tray down, so he could sit next to him. He reached out slowly and took hold of Hyunjin's hand, caressing the back of it with his thumb. He continued like this for a while, not really sure if he was doing any good, or what kind of effect this simple touch had. He didn't know what Hyunjin's reaction would be once he woke up. All he could think of though, was that he wanted to keep holding his friend's hand, in case he started panicking. After all, he didn't want to scare him away. He wasn't sure if he actually deserved a friendship like that. He didn't deserve someone so amazing, who cared for him so much, who was always willing to listen to him, and who treated him so nicely. Because in the end Jisung did hurt Hyunjin in the worst possible way.
After a little while Jisung noticed the other boy start to twitch & squirm. His eyes fluttered open slowly, until they locked on Jisung's. For a few seconds neither one of them said anything, then Hyunjin blinked several times before his eyes widened in fear. He snatched his hand away from Jisung & curled up on the bed, creating a distance between him & Jisung. & Jisung could only watch in agony. Because he had done this, hadn't he? He hurt Hyunjin. Jisung felt a lump forming in his throat, but he tried not to cry. If Hyunjin wanted him to leave right now, he could do it. As long as the dancer knew that all the shits he heard today wasn't true at all. Hyunjin wasn't just a pretty face. He was more than that. And if there was something he knew for sure, it was that nobody else should ever hurt this boy.
"Hyunj-" Jisung started but was immediately interrupted by Hyunjin.
"Don't..." Hyunjin's voice was breaking already. Jisung looked sadly at the young dancer. He was probably scared of him now. He hated himself so much for making someone as beautiful as Hyunjin feel such terrible things. Tears were welling up in Jisung's eyes. He didn't bother to wipe them away. Hyunjin wouldn't be able to forgive him ever, would he? Not after what Jisung did to him. But at least he had to try.
"I'm sorry" Jisung whispered. Then he slowly crawled toward the bed until he was sitting next to Hyunjin. He gently grabbed the dancer's hand again, afraid, Hyunjin would pull away again, but he didn't this time. Hyunjin just silently stared at their hands while tears continuously fell from his puffy eyes. Jisung squeezed it softly as an attempt to calm him.
"Hyunjinnie, i'm so sorry. I never meant any of the shits I said today. I was just hurt & angry that-" he started rambling only get interrupted by Hyunjin.
"You're lying now" Hyunjin sucked in a deep breath to stop himself from breaking his voice as he replied without looking directly at Jisung. But still his voice sounded strained, almost broken. "I am no good to be with you guys, I'm-"
"No! Hyunjin! Jinnie, look at me please!" Jisung begged the taller one, but Hyunjin shook his head as tears started falling from his eyes once again.
"Hyunjin… you are more than just a pretty face. You aren't a fill up, nor a replacement. The position you have, you earned it with your hard work! It was me who was just being a dick!" Jisung paused to catch his breath. Talking was hard. His emotions were overwhelming him right now.
"I shouldn't even be talking to you after what I said to you before…." he continued after taking a couple of deep breaths. "The last thing I wanna do is hurt you again. But I can't just leave it be & let you believe whatever shits I told you today. Please Jinnie, you know I'm dumb. My dumb ass couldn't think what's right & what's wrong today. I'm sorry. Don't cry like this. You can even beat me if you want! Our make up noona is good at covering shits, so yeah we'll be fine!". Jisung attempted humor as waited for a reply, hoping that maybe the dancer might say something back But he didn't get one. Hyunjin kept crying silently, & not knowing what else to say Jisung just pulled the dancer in a hug, lending his shoulder for the dancer to cry on. & Hyunjin did. His silent cries turned into loud sobs as soon as Jisung's warmth enveloped him from the coldness he'd been feeling all these while. Jisung felt Hyunjin holding onto the sides of Jisung's sweater tightly as the boy cried his eyes out. Jisung wouldn't lie, he missed this. He missed Hyunjin this one month of him being a dumbass & a jerk. & He wouldn't deny the fact he missed Hyunjin every single day, the more he missed Hyunjin the more he tried to be rude to Hyunjin thinking the dancer did deserve all these shits.
He had fucked up big time.
It took a lot for Jisung to stop Hyunjin from crying. His whole body ached from holding it all together, yet he couldn't help it. His chest felt heavy. It weighed down so much that he couldn't even breathe properly. Every second that passed felt like an eternity. Hyunjin didn't move. He just stayed there holding Jisung, not saying a single word. Even though the boy was probably mad at Jisung, the latter could tell the dancer was struggling internally too. After all they all knew, Hyunjin was forgiving. The silence felt almost unbearable. At least, Jisung thought so. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice the dancer trying to pull away.
"Han, my back is killing me."
His words were so quiet, he barely even heard them himself. But jisung heard him clearly & immediately let him go with a small apology.
"I know…" Hyunjin's voice was soft & small as he replied, "or else you wouldn't be here fo find me at this time Sung"
The words hit Jisung hard. He could feel his own eyes moisturizing again. This time didn't even apologize for what he said before, yet Hyunjin knew. He thought Hyunjin wouldn't forgive him no matter how much he'd apologized. But here they were, Hyunjin was staring at him with a soft hint of a smile as Jisung let his tears fall freely. He almost sobbed harder when he felt long fingers slowly wiping away his tears.
"We'll be fine, Sung. You know I can't even stay mad at you guys for more than an hour." Hyunjin's voice was still wavering, but he held on for Jisung. & Jisung could only sniff & nod at Hyunjin as he held the taller boy's hand tightly. They were family after all, no matter what.
~~~~~
Hyunjin dreaded going back to the dorm. He might've forgiven the members as soon as he stepped inside his home, but the insecurities were still there. Felix & Jeongin still being awkward around him, Seungmin watching him with judging eyes, Changbin not liking him to be around & Minho… not liking him at all. Hyunjin wanted to see Chan, to his safe place. But then again, last time when he saw the leader he was pretty angry at Hyunjin. What if he didn't like Hyunjin anymore? His thoughts were all over the place as he silently stared at the wall in front of him. Jisung was sleeping peacefully beside him. They had cried another round later, Hyunjin asked if Seungmin was okay, Jisung told him that Changbin went to the studio late at night, Felix had threatened not to bake for anyone who missed breakfast. Hyunjin didn't know why he should go back, after all he did hurt a member last night. No matter how upset & hurt Hyunjin was with the others, it didn't mean he could hurt them physically like that. As much as Jisung reminded him that all were sorry, & all wanted him back, Hyunjin just couldn't believe it properly.
I can't dance well, I annoy people, they hate me there. I don't have to to ba-
"I can hear you overthinking even while I'm asleep"
Hyunjin flinched slightly at Jisung's sleepy voice, before sighing loudly.
"I just-" Hyunjin struggled to find the right words, "I think I'll just- go with you", Hyunjin finally managed to speak out loud even though his brain was screaming something else inside his head, making Jisung's sleepy eyes widen & jump up to a sitting position.
"Wait- for real?!" Jisung asked, his eyes sparkling with joy. To Hyunjin, Han Jisung literally looked like a kid with candy hanging in front of him.
"Yeah- & it's almost 9. I think we should get up now" Hyunjin mentioned the time knowing Felix would be calling everyone for breakfast around 9:30.
Jisung's eyes almost bulged out hearing the time. He checked his own phone which already had multiple texts from Felix, Chan & Jeongin. He cursed internally for forgetting to inform them about Hyunjin. He asked Hyunjin to freshen up first, to which the dancer gladly agreed. As soon as Hyunjin was out of sight, Jisung started to reply to others. He didn't give away the fact that Hyunjin would be coming back with him, he just told them he alone was coming back & will have breakfast with them. & From the reply he got from them almost made him feel bad.
They were sad that Hyunjin wasn't coming back.
"Sung, I'll go get ourselves coffee until you get ready, yeah?" Hyunjin asked as soon as he got out from the washroom in a pair of denim short & black tee. Jisung nodded in confirmation & Hyunjin left to get their coffee before they'd leave for the dorm. He smiled knowing how surprised the others were gonna be.
In the kitchen, Hyunjin greeted his mom with a small kiss on her cheek & a small smile. To which Mrs. Hwang replied with another kiss & a big smile of her own.
"What will you two have for breakfast?" Mrs. Hwang asked as she opened the fridge.
"Oh- actually I'll be leaving with Han in a few minutes" Hyunjin informed as he grabbed two cups from the shelf.
"Oh- are you guys good now?" Mrs. Hwang asked her son carefully. She had seen Hyunjin last night, & then came Jisung with puffy eyes & red nose. She didn't show it, but she was really worried for the boys. But her worries vanished as soon as she saw the smile blooming on Hyunjin's lips.
"Not really. But we will be. We're family after all"
& He was right. Hyunjin wouldn't let his negativity come between them. It would be awkward to be around them. would be hard to brush away his insecurities, but Hyunjin would try. His brothers made a mistake, & they were sorry for that. That was all that mattered to Hyunjin. So, Hyunjin would learn to forgive them as well as learn to love himself a bit more.
~~~~~~
When Chan heard the front door opening with a small click he didn't think he'd be seeing the person they all had been missing. A grumpy, sleepy Changbin was beside him on the table, while Jeongin & Seungmin were sitting on the opposite side of them. Minho & Felix were busy bringing out their breakfast to the table. When he heard the door open, he called out loudly to let everyone know that Jisung was back. But his words got caught in his throat as he saw another person following Jisung into the dining room.
Hwang Hyunjin.
& The way Hyunjin had smiled at him, Chan just knew, everything was gonna be okay again.
It might take a bit time, but now that they were together again, everything would be fine.