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“Tomas? Umiiyak ka ba?”
Oh what the hell? I thought I locked the door? Shit, you must’ve been standing there all this time without my knowledge. It doesn’t help that I’m already sick and now I’m in a major emotional rollercoaster moment that doesn’t seem to stop these days; and it seems like I can’t stop being... a crybaby.
Yeah that’s right, a major crybaby.
“Nagdala ako ng prutas, eto oh.” You said with a small smile. I peeked out from the slit on the blanket that I was hiding under; the sight of your face filled with concern and care was all it took for me to melt once more into the mattress. Eyes staring indirectly into my soul, the weight bearing down and ultimately causing me to bury my head down into the pillow. I fucking hate you for it but I love how it makes me feel.
I fucking hate you for making me feel all hot and bothered like butterflies exploding in my stomach; although minus the fact that I actually feel nauseous right now due to my fever, but that’s not the point.
I could hear the door shutting but instead of me hearing your footsteps disappear behind that door, the noise of shuffling feet came close to me. In my mind, I was definitely afraid to peek out of the blankets. I was afraid you would see how vulnerable, weak, and stupidly in love I was. Its hard for me to hide my emotions written on my face let alone those stemming from attraction; it’s embarrassing and totally out of my control.
“May I?” You asked in a gentle tone. Your damn voice rang inside of my head as the temperature rose within the cotton cocoon I wrapped myself in. It was clear as day that you were seriously concerned about me and my well-being... but why? Why do you make me feel special? Why do you see through me than the rest of the members? Am I that gullible or obvious? Do you think I’m a fool who can’t help it? Why?
But even then I just hummed as a neutral response; an act out of impulse I think. You’re too kind even though I’m a bitch sometimes but I guess it’s a polar opposite thing. A warm shiver travelled down my spine as I felt your warm hands travel down my back in circumspect fashion, almost sensual if you look at it differently. But in the end I saw it as an invitation that warranted consent without a word. It’s your magic again, I guess, when you say things when you say nothing at all.
There it is again, your arms now looped under me in an embrace. Sweat formed in every nook and cranny of my body and face as the temperature soared. Like the heat that enveloped me inside my blanket burrito, your embrace was equally electrifying to every sensation in my body. My mind was racing with thoughts on what you’re really here for... and something tells me this is a very different visit to Tomas Town.
“Umiiyak ka nanaman. Nandito lang si Hong, nandito lang ako sa tabi mo.” You whispered but I couldn’t really make it out from the blanket blocking the sound yet I still could understand it fully. If only I could hug you back in return but like I’m sick, I shouldn’t even be letting you near me let alone hug me; but you broke me in ways I cannot explain. You broke my train of thought, you broke me from following every rule I set for myself, you broke the way I handled emotions... I can’t even explain it because you broke me but in a good way.
Now I’m crying even harder and I don’t even care anymore. Around you I’m unashamed to be stupidly tipsy, sad, angry, and even turned on sometimes (but that was one time though). How could you handle someone like me? You’re the most perfect human being with that smile, those eyes, that billowy hair, and a voice that could get me pregnant with a single note. Hong what have you done to me?
“Shh tell me, ba’t ka umiiyak? Is there something wrong? Masakit ba tiyan mo? Kailangan ko ba tawagin si direk? You asked as I could feel your check resting on the back of my shoulder. I wiped my warm tears from my blotchy and puffy cheeks; a small inaudible chuckle escaping my dry lips.
“Tomas ano kailangan mo?” You asked again. This time, I was sure of my reply.
I pushed you aside a bit as I unraveled myself from the blanket. Warm air came rushing out as cold air met my sticky and reddened skin. My hair was drenched in sweat as well as my clothes but I guess that doesn’t matter to you anymore; I guess you could say it’s not even a problem.
Your beautiful face was slightly taken aback from the sudden push, I’m sorry for that. I’m also sorry for ignoring all the signs and signals from way back; I was scared and didn’t know better... but now I do. I really fucking do.
“Tomas?” You asked again, your doe eyes twinkling as you blinked.
“Ikaw... Ikaw Hong... Ikaw and kailangan ko.” I said as I smiled through the tears.
There was a short pause and silence between us both. The tension came and went when a switch between both of us was flipped almost immediately after locking my eyes with yours... and it was magic. My lips were against yours and I latched onto yours with unwavering desire. Just like the taste of sweet victory, I could taste you as my tongue prodded to demand entrance into your mouth; and you didn’t stop me at all to explore your tongue as well. Hands all over each other, skin burning and sticky with sweat, eyes shut in total bliss, and lips in perfect sync; I was in emotional ecstasy after going around in an emotional rollercoaster earlier.
Fuck, your lips traveled down my neck leaving my own lips bruised and left out in the cold air. I fell backwards onto the headboard of the bed with a small thud that resounded but the slight pain didn’t matter. Your hands took control of me as you combed one of them through my hair; it untangled my hair buns which let the strands fall upon my face. A small. unrestrained moan slipped out from my mouth. What? I couldn’t help it and neither would anyone.
I pushed you up before I straddled you in one swift motion. My legs looped around your waist as I fisted the collar of your hoodie and crashed my lips onto the side of your jaw. You groaned as I licked a stripe of exposed skin under your jaw before traveling small kisses down to your collar bone; the process causing the top of your hoodie to unzip itself to reveal more skin. Fucking sublime in my book.
“Tomas... mahal ko kita... I really fucking do.” You muttered out before I cut you off with another lip bruising kiss. It was almost a minute or two I think, I can’t remember, but the kiss went on long. Soon, I found myself still straddled on your lap but this time I was admiring your face. I took in every feature and that shit eating grin on your face that reminded me of your casual self. I smiled as I squished your cheeks and you laughed. “Oh ba’t ka tumatawa nanaman?” I asked.
You shook your head as you held me closer. “Wala, masaya lang ako. Sobrang saya ko ngayong gabi Tomas. Ive wanted this dati pa noong una tayo nagkita tapos dala dala mo pa yung maleta mo.” You said as your eyes started to tear up. “Sorry haha ang saya ko ngayon. Ako dapat yung iiyak eh haha ang gaan sa feeling na... you share the same feelings.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oo naman sino ba kasi hindi mafafall sayo. Hindi ba obvious sa mukha ko palagi na nababaliw ako minsan sa iyo?” I said as I pinched your nose. Your fingers found their way to my cheeks as you wiped the sticky residue of my tears off. “Hindi ko napansin ata. Nabighani lang ata kasi ako sa kagwapuhan mo eh.”
Gosh even those cheesy ass words feel different. “Edi parehas lang pala tayo haha.”
You fell silent all of a sudden, as if a passing thought went through your mind, but this time I couldn’t read it. “Teka Tomas, ba’t ka umiiiyak kanina?” You asked with a small pout. Oh right I owe you an explanation, my bad.
“Wala lang. Ako yung pinakamatanda dito sa atin ngunit hindi ako malakas katulad niyo. Tingnan mo, nagkasakit pa ako tapos ewan ko feeling ko nahawa yung iba dahil sa akin. Baka I’m just beating myself over things again. Don’t worry hindi naman siya bago.” I assured you. The small frown on your face indicated you weren’t pleased with my explanation, admittedly I wasn’t pleased either with the reason but it was the truth. Being honest and a bitch is my forte and I think you deserve to know that.
“If you’re fighting something within yourself, don’t hesitate to tell me ha? Alam ko naman na may sariling problema tayo within pero... sabihin mo lang sa akin ang nararamdaman mo ha? Di ka nag-iisa at dapat hindi lang ikaw ang sasalo sa lahat ng problema.” You said before brushing your thumb against my lip. I felt my insides flutter from those words.... thank you I guess, it’s reassuring to know that you know what’s up.
“Ayoko rin na Inaabuso ng ibang tao ang kabutihan mo. Isa ka sa pinakamatapang at pinakamalakas na tao na nakilala ko. Tingnan mo oh, noong PBB days mo nakaranas ka ng diskriminasiyon galing kung kanino dahil sa itsura at pagsasalita mo. Di nila alam na nakakasakit sila.” You held my hand before bringing it up to your lips to plant small kisses on my knuckles. “Basta Tomas, kung nakayanan mo na I-overcome ang mga ganyang bagay araw-araw, mas makakayanan mong harapin ang katotohanan na... hindi Ikaw ang sasalo sa lahat ng problema dahil lang Ikaw yung pinakamatanda. Di yan healthy.” You added.
I lowered my head in shame. I guess you’re right Hong and I’m sorry. “Sorry Hong, promise Di ko na uulitin.” I apologized. You lifted my head with a finger under my chin. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay.” You smiled.
“I’m not saying na don’t cry over things like this, in fact, it’s better talaga to let out yung mga emotions mo. Yung sinasabi ko lang is don’t take responsibility for everything na hindi naman connected sa iyo, hmm? Don’t push yourself to be always the kuya na available and open to everyone and never says no. Minsan, sa buhay, kailangan may oras tayo para sa sarili natin. Alam ko all eyes are on you kahit di ikaw yung leader pero dahil ikaw yung pinakamatanda.”
“Hindi mo kailangang maging perpekto sa lahat ng aspeto sa buhay. Napapansin ko tuwing umiiyak ka ng mag-isa minsan, palagi pagkatapos yun sa mga away, aksidente, o sermon na related sa ibang members. I wanted to say something to you tungkol doon pero I needed to hear it lang from you first kung ano talaga ang rason ng mga iyakan sessions mo pag walang tumitingin.” You said as you brushed my hair back.
I chuckled to myself. I guess he knows me too well than how I initially thought. I love him for that and his genuine self. “Salamat Hong, I guess I should’ve told you back then.” I blushed in embarrassment.
“You don’t have to thank me over this. Tao lang tayo at marami pa tayong matututunan sa buhay. Be it from someone na pinakabata katulad ko na nagbibigay ng advice sa iyo na mas nakakatanda sa akin. Normal lang yun at hindi dapat ikakahiya.” You lastly said before pecking a kiss on my lips.
“Birthday mo rin today. Bad luck yan pag malungkot ka sa birthday mo.” You laughed. I laughed too, I totally forgot it was my birthday for a second. “Di na ako malungkot, don’t worry, ikaw yung pinakamagandang birthday gift na natanggap ko kaya hindi na ako iiyak, promise yan.” I said as I raised a hand as a pledge.
I’m one swift motion, you took your hoodies oof to reveal your white tank top. I was confused for a second but when you scooped me off the bed and carried me on your arms, I suddenly felt like a baby. I looped my arms around your neck as you carried me bridal style across the room. “Tara, labas tayo baby? May pasabog ang boys sa baba; simpleng handaan lang para sa big baby ko.”
I smiled and nodded, my face burying itself into your neck once more. “Tara. Let’s go baby.”