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I'm so in love with you

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The wheat from the farm grazed his legs as he continued working. Picking up the golden brown crops, ready to be baked into soft, warm bread. His back ached from being bent over trying to gather the plants. His hair was wet with sweat, making his goggles constantly slip and fall from their designated area.

George never really liked farming, usually finding it to be too time consuming and exhausting. Countless hours spent in the blazing hot sun doing nothing but gathering crops for your next meal. Yet today, he got out of bed and headed straight for the farm. He doesn't know why, he just felt like it was calling to him. (That was a lie wasn't it? He just needed to get out of that suffocating room.)

George straightened back up, spine cracking in the process, and left to the sidelines of the farm. He already had two and a half baskets full of wheat, making sure that he wouldn't need to come back out here for a while. Unless he died of course. He sat the basket down and wiped the sweat from his forehead, dampening up his sleeve while doing so.

He was tired, to say the least. He'd usually never be the one gathering food, that job was mainly left for Dream. The blond always had more energy than both him and Sapnap combined. Never knowing how to truly stay still, always moving around, trying to see what game they should play next.

(When they were younger they used to play this game called 'manhunt'. Dream came up with it one day out of the blue, said that staying in that old cozy village was getting boring. So they traveled and disguised it as a game.)

But that's all over now, George had to remind himself. The days of messing around and doing whatever the hell they wanted were all I'm the past. They had to grow up eventually, he knew that, he just never guessed it'd be this soon.

Sapnap was soon to be wed to Karl and Quackity, he was trying to move forward and live his life happily without any past strings attached. George was busy with just trying to survive, gathering resources, finding somewhere to live, making it through the night. And Dream was-

Dream was...

Dream was locked away...

In a cell...

All by himself...

...

With no one to talk too...

...

...

But he deserved it, he caused so much pain and destruction, many people lost their lives because of Dream. He was (is) the villain of the server, a monster, the devil reincarnated. (George knew that Dream was bad, but c'mon, the devil reincarnated, really?) Dream was a bad person, simple as that, he deserves to rot in that cell.

(Had Dream ever hurt him intentionally? The kingship didn't really matter to George, he just saw an opportunity to get Dreams attention and took it, looking back on it now, maybe Dream was right.)

Yet still, George missed him.

God he missed him so much, every god damn waking moment he spent thinking about him. Even in his sleep he dreamt of the days spent in the wilderness, running around and laughing to their hearts content. He dreams of nights spent together in comfortable silence as they smile at eachother, goggles being lifted up and faces being revealed, blue and green mixing together in the middle. (He realizes now that when you mix blue and green it makes cyan, more blueish than green. But he'll just blame that on his colorblindness.)

George shook his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts that plagued his mind. He had a task to finish, it was better to get it done now rather then later. The sooner he was done, the sooner he'd be able to go back to bed. (Go back to dreaming of green eyes and freckled cheeks.)

He picked up the baskets full of wheat and started walking toward the cobblestone path. He wasn't that far from home, a walk and a boat ride away, living up in Kinoko kingdom had both it's pros and cons.

Soon he found himself on the main prime path, (the same path him and Dream laid down) and started walking down towards the community house (might not be the same, but it was still in the same spot where him and Dream started this whole smp).

As he walked closer to the brick house he saw a figure in the middle of the room. Was someone looting the chests? Last he checked all the chests where filled with useless items. He squinted his eyes, trying to see who it was, only being able to see that the person had blond hair...

And a dark (presumably green) cover.

And a porcelain white mask...

...

He ran, as fast as he physically could, dropping all his wheat on the ground as he sprinted towards the figure.

It couldn't be, surly it couldn't be. There's no way Dream would be able to just magically appear here without having the whole smp after him. Maybe he did escape and the warden just hasn't found out yet, or maybe he was waiting for someone. In the end it didn't matter, Dream was right there and George was so close.

"Dream!"

He couldn't help but let out a shout, laughs that haven't been heard in months finally being released.

As Dream turned around George barreled on to him, making Dream let out a grunt as he was knocked over with the sudden wight of the brunette.

"You're here! You're actually here! How did you get out? How did you escape? Do you need a place to stay? I've got a spare room in my house- just- how are you here?"

George buried his head into the crook of Dreams neck, engulfing him into a hug. His arms wrapped around Dream as his face touched the bare skin of his neck. (Since when did Dream get a change of clothes? He never liked showing too much skin, saying it made him feel too vulnerable.)

"I- George?"

That-

That was not Dreams voice.

Well it was Dream, but not the Dream he knew. This voice was too... Soft?

George let go of 'Dream' and backed off, looking up to see who had gotten his hopes up just to throw them on the ground and stomp them out.

Wavey dirty blond hair, just about long enough to run your hand through it. Tan freckled skin shown from the exposed parts of their clothing. A black sleeveless turtleneck, with a green cloak that dragged on the floor. Gold accents shined with the sunlight, hinting at the others wealth.

"George... are you okay?"

The voice reverberated around the room, bouncing off the walls and echoing inside his head.

Definitely not Dream.

"Oh, XD... I thought you were someone... else." He looked away from the deity (god?) and chuckled awkwardly. His face heating up in embarrassment.

"It's alright George, just be more careful next time." The deity responded. XD looked down at George from his towering frame. "So what have you been up to today George?"

"Well, I was gathering wheat from the farm but I accidentally dropped all of it on the way here." He sighed, It technically wasn't a lie, he really hadn't noticed that he let go of his basket, he was kind of cought up with the situation at hand. (Maybe telling half-truths to a god wasn't the best idea, but he'd rather die a lier than admit that his emotions had gotten the best of him.)

"Oh! Do you need more food? You should've just asked and I would have provided you with whatever you wanted."

"I mean you don't have to-"

"Nonsense, I can't just let my friend go starving without intervening. What kind of a god would that make me? Certainly not a good one." And just like that, two stacks of bread and one stack of steak appeared in their arms. XD handed all the food to George, letting the aroma of freshly baked goods and juicy stake fill George's senses. His mouth started salivating just from the smell; when was the last time he ate? The last time he was up for more than just five hours?

How pitiful, George thought. He couldn't even get food for himself, he just had to rely on other people. Never being able to take care of himself, he used to be known as the independent and closed off member of the dream team, and now, he just has to burden Sapnap to watch after him. Sapnap, who was trying to move forward, trying to live a new life with his fiances, trying to forget about all the pain brought to him by his 'best friend since childhood'. And yet, here was George, still stuck in the past, still chasing dreams that would never come true, sleeping through the day to ease the pain from the present. What a goddamn waste of space. A fucking disappointment to anyone and everyone who's ever met him. A sack of flesh who should just stop breathi-

"G-o--e--"

Let the world move on without hi-

"Ge-r-e--"

Lie down on the ground and let the people stomp all over hi-

"Geo--e--"

Let the blood run from his body as he slowly bleeds out and die-

"George!"

A demonic voice startled him out of his head.

"George are you okay?"

And the soft honey sweet filled voice came back like it was nothing.

"Sorry, sorry, I guess I just zoned out for a bit. What were you saying?" He looked back up from the floor, staring off to the side. (He doesn't want to look at the deity, they just reminded him to much of Dream.)

"Well I was asking if you had any plans for today but now I want to know if you're okay. Did something happen? Did someone hurt you?" Their voice dropped again, ending in a haunting voice George was sure he was going to hear in his nightmares.

"No, no one hurt me, I just zoned out. I didn't get enough sleep last night, so I'm kind of tired right now." Two lies told to a god in one breath, that's gotta be a record. Maybe now when he dies he'll get to see what hell is like. (Is hell ever real? I mean for hell to be real that would have to means that so is heaven. Who would even go to heaven? The so called 'saints' of the server? Funny, no one on this god forsaken smp is a saint.)

XD lowered themselves down to George's level, forcing George to look at their mask. "Do you want to go lie down? I can take you back to your house so you can rest."

George backed up again, looking towards the ground and rubbing his neck. How do you tell a god that you don't want to hang out with them without being smited on the spot. "I was actually on my way back home and you don't have to come to drop me off, I can go on my own."

XD straightened out, towering over George and casting a shadow over him. "But I wanted to hang out with you, cause we're friends y'know!"

The brunette sighed internally, knowing there was no convincing the god.

"Fine you can come, just make sure I don't get hurt by mobs or something. I'm not really prepared for any attacks right now."

"What happened to the netherite armor I gave you?" XD's voice deepend, a threatening aura filling the room.

"Don't worry, it broke while I was mining, I forgot to put mending on it before heading out." God, hell really had a warm seat waiting for him at this point didn't it?

The gods head tilted to the side, making their smile look lopsided. "Do you want me to give you another set of netherite."

George let out a breath of relief, now he wouldn't have to go days looking for new material just to be safe. "If you can, then yeah, please."

XD's hands started to glow with magic as as a basic set of netherite armor appeared in their hands. They held out their hands to George, waiting for him to grab the set. Before George could take it, XD pulled their hands back, away from George's prying fingers. "Only if we get to hang out after you wake up."

"What?! You were literally just offering it to me!" George stared up at the armor, so close yet so far. Reaching up for it only for the god to pull away even higher. "Everything comes with a price George" XD leaned forward, forcing George to back down.

Sigh

"Fiiiinee but only if it's enchanted." And thus starts the negotiations.

"Enchanted helmet and boots."

"Helmet, legs, and chestplate."

"Helmet and legs."

"Chestplate and helmet."

"Deal." XD said, raising their hand, waiting for George to shake on it.

"Good." He took XD's hand and shook it, feeling the warmth emitting from them.

"Now we can start heading back to your house, the sooner you sleep the sooner you wake up to hang out with me." XD's smile widened, as they started walking toward the entrance of the community house.

Another sigh.

This was gonna be a long walk home.

 

----------

 

"You're such an idiot."

Of course I am, but I was your idiot. As cheesy as that sounds.

"We need to get ready before Sapnap comes."

No, just one more minute alone, please.

"You said I could have your attention?"

Yes, you can have all my attention, take it.

"What if we... leave together?"

Take me away from this place, away from these people.

"I would just defend you anyway, don't worry"

I'm not worried, not if you're here. Never if you're here.

"Just tell me you love me."

I do. God I love you so much...

I just can't say it...

Please don't make me say it.

...

...

Please come back for me...

 

Dreams are weird.

Most dreams are based on true events that have happened in your life. All the people who appear in your dreams you have seen in real life. Your brain can't make up new faces, no matter how hard you try, it's always those same old faces.

George only ever dreams of three people, himself, Sapnap, and Dream (as ironic as that sounds).

Sometimes he dreams of past memories, of old relationships, of people who are no longer here. Sometimes he dreams of old training grounds, of wounds so deep that death was inevitable.

Sometimes he dreams of Dream, of the laughter shared between them, of eyes he was never able to see correctly, of sharp canine's (maybe with a gap on the left side.)

This one was no different.

"Sometimes when I close my eyes I see you"

So this was how they're starting?

"What do you mean?" Of course he'll play the fool, just play it up a bit to hear him say those exact words.

"I mean that sometimes, when things get too stressful, I close my eyes and imagine you smiling at me."

They both stay quiet. George has so much he wants to say to him, but he can't. Not now. Not in the past. Maybe in the future? (No, not in the future.)

"Whatever, you're the one who asked, I was just answering your question. You know what, just forget I even said anything."

But he won't forget, never forgets.

"No, no, it's just... sometimes I do the same thing. It's feels good knowing I'm not the only one, that I'm not some weirdo."

Dream let's out a soft laugh, good. He wanted to hear it one last time before he wakes up.

Wakes up?

"Well, I like to think that everyone has that one person or thing that they think of to calm down."

Here it comes.

"I guess for me, it's you."

There it is.

"It's just that, you're important to me, and I care for you, and you make me feel safe. Glad to know you feel the same way about me."

He should have responded, he should have said something. Of how he wished for days on end to be able to see the color green just to see Dreams eyes. Of how he would try his hardest to make him laugh to hear that stupid (-ly affectionate) wheeze.

But he sat there, staring at him.

"Sorry, I probably read into this wrong. Oh god I probably sound like a creep, just uh, forget this conversation yeah? We need to get going anyways, Sapnap is waiting for us."

He should have reached out, stopped him before he left through that door.

"Umm, get all your stuff ready before Sapnap comes and yells at you. See you at the community house."

And the door closes, that god damned oak door.

And maybe this time it will be different? Maybe he gets up and chases after Dream, maybe he calls out for him and they talk (confess?) to eachother.

If he could just stand up and open that old chipped door.

But he doesn't, he sits, and waits, and stares, and nothing changes. No sounds of laughter, no green eyes, no warm bodies, no soft words, and certainly no Dream.

The room around George turns dark and cold, so cold to the point where he could feel the tips of his fingers start to numb up. He can see his breath in front of him, small clouds of air being released into the void.

He's floating, he realizes, he's floating around and everything seems so weightless. Maybe he could stay? Never have to worry about getting wheat to make bread, or getting killed over petty arguments. So what if he closes his eyes and pretends to be one with the void.

But something, someone, still calls out to him. Somehow there's still warmth in the void. And he has to make a choice fast, let his body freeze and stay in the void for the rest of time, or lean back and let the warmth engulf him and let him get his senses back. If he were a lesser man maybe he would've stayed, but he still had someone waiting for him in the heat.

***

So he leaned back, sweat started to slowly gather at his brow, dripping down to the endless void. Was it too late to back out now? His skin started to burn, he could feel swells and sores form, bursting with pus and blood. He felt like his skin was shrinking in on him, he couldn't fit, why couldn't he fit. He tried to scream for help but his throat had already closed in on itself, not letting anything in or out. He couldn't breathe, he was suffocating, his lungs tried and begged for air but he just couldn't take anything in. The heat eventually burned through his nerves, making everything seem less excruciating, he could rest now right? Go through the worst before you can relax maybe.

And then something touched him.

And the pain came back tenfold.

***

George bolted up in his bed, blanket falling off of him and on to the floor. Sweat dripped down his forehead, landing on the soft silk bed sheets.

He was panicking, oh God he was panicking. His breath was getting faster and faster, he was getting lightheaded. He needed to calm down, how does he calm down again? He needed someone, anyone, to help him calm down.

George tried opening his eyes after realizing they were closed. The light from the room flooded his vision, making him flinch back and shut his eyes tight again. He needs help now. He tried opening his eyes once more, this time much slower. He was in his room, good. The blinds were slightly opened, the bright sunrays somehow managed to land directly on his face. A pile of clothes in the corner moved towards him. His glasses were still on his hea-

A pile of clothes moved towards him?

The clothes (?) kept moving forwards, reaching out to him. He still had to be dreaming right? There's no way what he's seeing is real. His eyes still needed time to adjust from the bright sky's to the dark corners of his room. Was his delusional sleep deprived brain just playing tricks on him, or was a dark figure really about to reach out and grab him. Too late to start questioning now.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait!"

The mass touched him.

A hand?

"George?"

Oh.

"You were crying in your sleep, I got worried so I thought I would wake you up."

So that's where the burning came from?

"But when I tried to shake you, you started screaming at me, so I backed off."

Well that's embarrassing.

"I'm um... I'm sorry XD, for worrying you. It's just, uh, I had a nightmare, I think, so no need to worry now... I'm awake."

XD looked at him, their head tilting to the side. George might not be able to see the gods face, but he could pinpoint the exact feeling the deity was going through.

The air in the room was hot and uncomfortable (maybe that was just him). He needed to get out, get some fresh air and never go back to sleep.

"XD? Didn't you want to go hang out when I woke up? Well I'm awake now so let's go do something."

George swinged his legs over the side of the bed. The blankets fell fully onto the ground, he'll pick them up later, right now he just needed to escape.

"Do you not want to rest more? I can wait untill you feel fully replenished."

"No, no, no, I'm good. Need some fresh air right now, so might as well kill two birds with one stone."

George stood, replacing his glasses back on his head and grabbing his shoes to put back on.

"So, where do you want to go?"

He walked towards the door and opened it, immediately the evening air hit him. Fresh and crisp, not too overpowering to cause disaster, but just strong enough to where your hair would blow. And blow it did, his brunette hair flowed in the breeze. He really needed a haircut.

George turned back to look at the deity, seeing how they had to duck down to go through his doorway.

"Well I was thinking we should go prank more people around the smp but, because of your... condition... we could just walk around, and hopefully we won't run into anyone this time."

(Condition? He'll ask later.)

"That's fine, maybe we can stop by the ice cream parlor and get something. I've been wanting to try the new flavors."

"Is... Is this what you mortals call a date? Are we on a date right now?"

XD looked down at George to see him turn red (was that healthy?), he was stumbling on his words, trying to get a proper sentence out.

"I! Wha- No, no! This isn't a date! Who even told you what that was?! No this isn't a date, we are just hanging out."

Well now the god wanted to know why they weren't allowed one of these dates. What even was the difference? They hung out, they laughed together, pulled pranks together, watched eachother sleep (maybe that was just XD). So why isn't this a date?

"But Sapnap and Karl always 'hang out' together, yet they're still called dates. Why can't we go on a date."

"This isn't a date because we aren't together. Sapnap and Karl are dating, that's why they go on dates."

George started walking away from XD, trying to hide his flushed face from the god. Honestly, how can an all knowing god be so stupid?

XD started walking behind George, still deep in thought. None of this made sense to them. How come Sapnap and Karl get to date yet XD and George can't? They were all friends, they all liked eachother. Was it because he wasn't human? But that made no sense either, not only was Sapnap not human, but he was a demon! A literal creature from hell. But then again, Karl wasn't exactly human either was he (XD would have to check up on him later). What about Quackity and Sapnap, Quackity might not be fully human but he's probably the closest to one besides George. Yet, the polyamorous relationship wasn't exactly going as smoothly as they led on. Maybe it was because they weren't the same specious. XD can go on and on with these questions that get them nowhere, or they can ask one of the only humans on the server.

XD zoned back into their surroundings, seeing George infront of them heading into the ice cream parlor. Had they really been walking in silence this long?

Just as the god was about to ask their question George spoke.

"Hello? Is anyone working right now?"

The only response was the humming from the freezers.

"XD, what day of the week is it?"

"Uh Monday."

The brunette looked down at the ground, confused as to why no one had even crossed their path. His expression soon changed into one of panic. "Then why... Is something going on that I might've slept through?"

"Not that I know of." One thing XD does know of is that commotion was most common near the north and towards the prison. They don't care enough to investigate.

"...Ok... I guess we're gonna have to skip on ice cream." The shorter of the two turned around, ready to head towards the exit, till an idea came to him. (He'd argue it was a brilliant idea)

"Or, we can just take some." He looked back at the freezer, it was a hot summer day, and the owners wouldn't notice if a few scoops were missing would they.

The god quickly looked down at George,

"What no! We can't steal from them, that goes against the rules."

"When was the last time anyone's actually followed the rules? Plus, it's just ice cream, we can pay later."

He walked towards the counter and got two waffle cones, one for him and one for XD. Moving behind said counter, he looked down at the dozens of different flavors to choose from. Vanilla? Strawberry? Chocolate? Buttered Pecan? He can go on and on. The glass covering slid open, an ice cream scooper laid in the vanilla tub, ready to be used. So many choices, yet he could only get one. How does he even decided?

"What flavor do you want XD?"

"I'll just take strawberry."

Two strawberry ice creams it is then.

 

----------

 

The hill they sat on was overseeing a herd of wild sheep. The sun was finally setting, no longer would they be under it's unforgiving rays.

Their ice creams long gone.

The human of the two was just about ready to call it a day and go back home. (Go back to the loneliness of his room.)

And the god?

Still going over how to bring up the next subject.

They know that George was flustered when they brought up dating, but they need answers. What else are humans for if not to answer your questions?

"George? Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did." George turned towards XD, a small smile on his face. The god playful pushed George away, making them both laugh.

"For real though, can I ask you something? You can say no, I'm just curious." XD turned back towards the sky, beautiful yellows, oranges, reds, and blues. Has George ever seen the true beauty of a sunset?

Said man laid down on the soft grass. "Sure, I'm not stopping you."

"Right, so, I just wanted to ask. Why exactly can't we date? You said it's because we aren't together, but we literally are, we are together right now."

A soft blush appeared on his face, dusting his pale skin with pretty pinks and reds.

He really was beautiful wasn't he.

"This again? I thought we dropped this back home."

They didn't respond, waiting for George to answer their question. The brunette sighed, closing his eyes and resting his head on his arms.

"Well the reason people like Sapnap, Karl, and Quackity date is because they love eachother. They care for eachother, they want to spend the rest of their lives with eachother. We can't date because we don't love eachother."

They looked back a him. Did George really think they didn't love him? Of course they loved him, George was one of the few people who actually talked to them.

"But I do love you, and I care, and I think of our future."

George opened his left eye to look at them.

"No, no, that's a different kind of love, you love me yes, but you aren't in love with me. It's complicated, but it's not the same."

They sat in silence again. XD turned back to look at the sunset. You could barely see the sun by now.

Exasperated, XD threw their hands in the air and laid down next to George. One with a mask covering their face, and the other with his eyes closed.

"You humans are so strange."

George huffed out a laugh.

"I'm being serious, you all have too many thoughts and worries, so many wars and conflicts, love, hate, disgust, anger, these are all human concepts. At the end of the day, you are all the same, the day will come where you turn to dust, and the world goes on. Trees will grow where your wars scarred the land. Nothing you do really matters, yet you throw yourself head first into these situations, and somehow, still end up okay. I don't get it, don't think I ever will, but, it's aspirable. You humans were tossed into a world with nothing, and yet, you've made everything. I may not understand love, but I do love, I love you, this world, these people, these sheep, the sky. I love. But I won't understand, don't think I want to understand. It'll just ruin the beauty of it all."

The silence was more deafening than ever now.

"Sorry, sorry, that was too much I know. It's just so much to understand so little. Sorry again."

The silence still stretched out.

"Should you be heading home now? It's getting pretty late."

And still, they didn't get a response.

"George? I'm sorry if I said something wrong, humans aren't bad, I don't hate your lot, I swear, it's just...."

Tears started to gather in the brunettes eyes.

"complicated..."

His eyes glistened, as the tears became too heavy to stay still. Finally allowing gravity to let them fall.

"George-"

"XD, can I ask you a question."

That wasn't a question. They didn't get to respond.

"Are you connected to Dream?"

Oh.

"I... I am sad to say that I am not. The only reason I look and sound like Dream is because of you."

He looked at them, misty eyes to mask.

"What do you mean by that?"

They hesitated, should they even be telling this mortal anything? But when they looked at him, all they saw was a sad shell of a man, lost and searching for a meaning to life. So they gave an answer.

"I don't have a physical form when I'm just wandering around the smp. I get one as soon as someone starts to interact with me, so that they can have a body to actually look at, it calms humans down. My 'physical' appearance changes from person to person. It's based on what calms them down. I don't want people to be scared of me, so I try my hardest to make myself seem less scary."

XD knew of loneliness, knew of nights spent looking at the clusters of stars and wondering, will I ever get to join you. They don't ever want to be lonely again.

"I... I still don't understand why you manifest yourself as Dream. I hate him, he hurt both me and Sapnap, he doesn't care about us." George's voice got louder towards the end of his sentence.

And XD knew of trying to convince themselves that they were fine. And how much it hurt to lie to others, how much it hurt to lie to themselves.

"Are you telling me this? Or are you trying to convince yourself?"

"Don't try to psychoanalyze me." The brunette turned away from XD, crossing his arms over his chest as if to protect himself.

"I'm not, I'm not. All I'm saying is that maybe you still love hi-"

"I don't love him!"

The flock of sheep ran away, startled form the sudden outburst.

"What would you know about love anyway? Didn't you just go on this whole tangent on how 'Oh my name's XD and I don't understand love and I'm so sad', don't try to act like you know what your talking about."

The god remained quiet, not wanting to dignify George's blatant mockery with a response.

"Dream can rot and die in that cell for all I care!"

"He hurt me... he left me..."

"We were supposed to stay together, till the end. We were the iconic trio, the dream team. You could just say the name and hundreds of people would know who you're talking about. Sapnap left and started a new life, and I don't blame him, he deserves happiness. But Dream? He purposefully pushed us away. Making us seem like nothing but pawns to him. And I hate him for that. But then I remember when he told me that whatever I wanted, he would fight to get, just for me. I never got to tell him that I didn't care for material items, or land, all I wanted was to spend time with him."

George looked at the sky, he wonders if Dream holds these promises as much as he does.

"XD, why am I like this? Why am I so messed up?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... why do I miss the people that hurt me? Why do I still want him to hold me and tell me he loves me back?"

George knows it's stupid to ask at this point. He knows XD is new to emotions, they wouldn't know anything. But he needs reassurance that he isn't fucked up somehow.

"I... I'm sorry George, but I don't know the answers to these questions."

So he is fucked up.

Maybe he shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning. Did the food and netherite tools even matter? Why did getting out of bed feel so exhausting? Yet staying in bed was one of the most excruciating feelings in the world.

Why are humans so complicated?

He let out a huff, letting his head hang down and laying against XDs shoulder. Said god perched up, startled by the sudden contact.

Silence was a common language for them, not an awkward silence, but also not a comfortable one.

"XD, can I ask one last thing?"

George felt XD nod, the god was still looking off at the night sky.

"Can you hug me?"

No verbal response came, but the god still answered. Moving George so that he was now laying on their chest, their arms engulfing George is a loose hug.

"Tighter, please."

XD's arms held him closer, reassuring George that they were really there.

"Thank you."

George lay limp in the gods arms, the only thing holding him up being their hug.

"XD?"

He waited for a response this time, not knowing wether or not they still wanted to continue this conversation.

"Yes George?"

XD knew what was coming next, not sure whether they should indulge in George's emotional disillusions.

"Can you tell me you love me?"

George moved in XDs arms, making it so that he and the god would be face to face. (Face to mask, he corrects himself.)

"..."

"I'm not Dream, George."

He couldn't tell what the god was feeling, their voice was monotone, letting no emotion show. George knew he would regret it as soon as it came out of his mouth.

"I know, I know, can you just, please, tell me you love me."

XD states down at him, not knowing what to do. They aren't Dream, will never be Dream, yet George still craves affection from false familiarity. How strange yet saddening this entire situation is to them. But they'll play in it for now.

"... I love you George."

That should've been the end of it. But the human shook his head, telling them that they did it wrong, he wasn't satisfied.

"No no no, can you do it in the other voice."

What voice? They wondered, XD wasn't physically limited like humans to only have one set voice for the rest of their life. Their normal voice was echoey, multiple voices in use to make one cohesive sound.

So they communicated this confusion with a small head tilt.

"Dreams voice."

Right, that makes sense.

They nodded, ready to indulge him just a little bit longer.

"I love you George."

And they did, no matter what voice they say it in, they will always love George. Who's to say it isn't the same type of love George holds for Dream.

"Again."

"I love you George."

"Again."

"I love you so much George, I love how when you laugh sometimes you make these little sounds that just brighten up my day. I love how perfect your smile is, how it competes with the sun, and somehow you always end up wining. I love that your voice is so calming to listen to, you could talk for hours on end and I would cling on to every single word. I love when you get mad and your hair puffs up just a tiny bit, but I still notice because I love everything about you. Sometimes I want to take you away from this forsaken world and show you the stars, show you that even they would fawn over you. I wish you could see through my eyes just for a day, so that you could see and realize just how beautiful and stunning you are. I love you, because you are love, and I want to be loved."

And maybe it was selfish for both of them to be using eachother to fill in the holes in their hearts. One trying to replace it with another. The second trying to never feel that lonelyness creep up on them again. One never wanting to be cold again, the other never wanting to be burning again. The void may call out to them, and beckon them from within, but they've got eachother to count on for now.

"Someday, I'll lead us out of here and we'll explore land that has never been touched before. And when we're both too tired to move, we'll go back to a small house, just about big enough for the both of us, and we'll lay down and relax in eachothers arms. Just the two of us."

And maybe George will be okay in the end, but for now, he cries, and mourns for a dream he'll never see again. For a dream that may never return to him, but he'll move on eventually. Never fully, it'll always be in the back of his mind, but he'll move on just enough to start living freely again. He needs help, he knows that, and now he has help, may not be from a trained therapist, or an old friend, but it's still help. And he'll take what he can get.

"I love you George."