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I Never Told You

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Dean misses those blue eyes, they haunt his mind every day. He regrets not saying those three little words to Cas before he left for good, now they lie heavily on his tongue, threatening to choke him.

He misses the way his eyes would crinkle up every time he laughed at one of Deans stupid jokes.

He misses his warmth when they would lay together watching Dr. Sexy, even though Cas would tease him mercilessly about his crush on the guy.

He misses the kisses on the forehead before they said goodnight.

But most of all he misses his best friend.

He misses his Cas.

***

Dean lays strumming his guitar, softly humming to himself. He had this damn tune stuck in his head every time he thought about Cas, so much so that he put pen to paper and after what seemed like hours, produced a song. Sammy would walk past his room with this dumb confused face every time he caught him strumming the same tune over and over again. Dean wanted to tell him, but how? He couldn't tell his best friend how he felt, how the hell does he tell his brother?

He knows he can't escape Sam though, his brother knows him too well. Now that Sam realises something is up, Dean figures he'll man up and just tell him already, like he should have 10 years ago. He shakes his head wondering why it took him so long.

Dean walks into the kitchen and grabs himself a beer before sitting down. If he has to do this, he damn well isn't doing it sober. He looks over at Sam sitting there like he is just waiting for Dean to finally come clean and give voice to what he is feeling.

"Sammy I know you know so stop looking at me like I've just killed your damn puppy, bitch," Dean huffs.

Sam glares at Dean and stands up to grab his own beer before coming to sit back down. "Dean, whatever you have to say just say it already," Sam says, annoyed at Dean.

Dean takes another sip of beer before starting. He tells Sam that ever since he and Cas parted ways he has never, not once, stopped thinking about him, that he regrets not telling his best friend he loves him, that he even wrote a god damn song for him and how every time he closes his eyes all he sees is blue. As he feels his eyes tear up, he turns away from Sam, and walks to the door, saying that mostly he just wishes Cas was here with him right now.

Sam, of course, already knew, he just didn't realize how deeply Dean had fallen for Cas. His brother, not being one for 'chick flick moments', has never been able to talk about his feelings. Now that he knows for sure how Dean feels and since Cas already confided in Sam about his feelings for Dean, Sam wants to hear Dean's song to Cas. But more than that, he wants Cas to hear it. Sam thinks for a few seconds then smirks to himself, he knows just what to do. Now all he needs is Gabriel.

***

Cas gets home from work late once again angrily mumbling to himself. He takes off his Trench coat and hangs it up before shuffling to the kitchen to make a warm mug of tea.

"Hey, lil brother! Bad day at work again?" Gabriel asks walking around to turn the kettle on, which Cas had forgotten to do, too busy mumbling to himself.

He curses under his breath and turns to Gabriel, noticing the kettle had been turned on. He strains a smile.

"Thank you Gabe," he nods to the kettle. "And yes, you know how Michael gets when he assumes I did something wrong, again," he sighs opening the cupboard and selecting his favourite mug before filling it with the essentials.

Gabe chuckles. "Cassie, I've told you before and I'll tell you again. Quit. Let that big bag of dicks pick on someone else for a change, you don't need that job anyway," Cas huffs a laugh.

"You think I haven't tried? The moment I feel like I can finally be free he yanks me back down again. I try and tell him but when I do he gives me this look and I just freeze."

The kettle clicks and Cas pours the water with a frown on his face, straining the tea to his liking. Gabe's eyes soften as he reaches out to comfort him.

"You know I'll help if you want me to. I hate seeing you like this. It's just like that time when D..," Gabe stops short.

"Don't. Just don't Gabe, please," Cas says sternly but his voice cracks. "I don't need you bringing up Dean Winchester right now. I'd just prefer to not think about him for once... I miss him," Gabe wouldn't have caught the last part if he wasn't standing so close.

Gabe thinks back to his conversation with Sam earlier. He knows Cas won't be able to take Michael's ignorance much longer. He just hopes Sam can get Dean to agree to performing opening night at The Roadhouse so their plan will work. They're both such oblivious dumbasses, who better to intervene than their brothers?

Gabe walks past the living room and sees Cas passed out on the sofa with his mug held cautiously in his hand. He frowns and takes the mug from his grip, covers him up with a blanket and softly kisses him on the forehead. Cas smiles in his sleep and softly mumbles the one person who's always on his mind.

"Dean"

***

Sam yawns to himself after Gabe rudely rang him at the ass crack of dawn. He may be a morning person unlike Dean but it still takes him a few cups of coffee to fully wake up. He thinks back to his conversation with Gabe and chuckles.

"What's so funny Sammy?" Dean asks, used to his little brother's weird habits.

"Just laughing at something Gabe said on the phone earlier," Sam snickers. Dean freezes and turns to look at his brother slowly.

"Since when have you and Gabe been talking?” he huffs bitterly.

"Since you and Cas first did," Sam shouts hotly. "Just because you're too scared to talk to Cas doesn't mean I can't Dean. Just call him already, tell him what you told me, and sing that damn song you wrote for him that you play every single night! Just quit being a damn coward."

Dean snaps and punches the wall in frustration. "You know what Sam, fuck you! You don't know shit. I'm not a fucking coward okay, I can't tell Cas how I feel ‘cause I'm one big fuck up. Everyone knows I am and I can't fuck up the one person I love Sam, I can't. Cas is better off without me," he yells before walking away to his room and slamming the door.

Sam stands in shock. He knew Dean got the most shit from their dad but he didn't think he actually thought it was true. Yeah he acts tough but he's insecure too, it's written all over his face. He can't let Dean throw away the one thing that made him happy, he wants his brother to be happy again.

***

Dean throws himself on his bed in a fit of rage. Who does Sam think he is, calling him a coward. He has no right. He runs his hands down his face and exhales loudly.

Turning on his side he stares at his phone sitting on the bedside cabinet and sighs. He wants to call him but he can't bring himself to do it. Cas could be happy with his life, he doesn't need Dean. He rolls onto his stomach getting into position, takes a deep breath and prays what's on his mind.

"Cas, if you were an angel you'd be listening right now," he scoffs. "I've never been good with words as you would know but I'm gonna try. Where are you buddy? I'd man up and call you but I'm scared. We're family Cas, we need you... I need you," he whispers resting his head down on his pillow.

One perfect tear falls down Dean’s face and he wipes it away. He remembers past hopes and dreams of a future with Cas before fading to black.

***

Cas is having a really bad day. It all started when he woke up late on the sofa with a crook in his neck, still in yesterday’s clothes, then showering and dressing quickly only to be yelled at by his douche of a brother Michael for showing up late. His sat at his desk pondering on how his life got like this.

He never wanted to be an accountant but at the time Michael and his mother had persuaded him it was the best option he was ever gonna get. Now 8 years had passed, his mother had died and he was still at his crummy desk doing work he absolutely loathed. He was in no mood to be bothered right now. He stood up to get his fourth cup of coffee today when his brother decided to approach him.

"Did you finish those papers I asked you for, 2 hours ago?" he asks sternly, his face impassive.

Cas rolls his eyes. "No but I'll be sure to tell you when I have, brother," he says sarcastically."

How dare you talk to me like that, Castiel!" Michael sneers.

"How dare I? How dare you! You've done nothing but bully me ever since you asked me to come work for you. So guess what assbutt, I quit!" Cas shouts.

He walks out smiling and feeling proud of himself as he drives home.

***

Dean sits strumming on his guitar and scribbling in his book. He and Sam apologized that morning over soggy cereal and hugs. His stupid giant puppy of a brother wouldn't let him eat until they did.

He'd just finished scribbling down a lyric, ready to strum Cas' song when his phone started to ring. He picked it up and answered it without checking for caller I.D.

"You've got Dean Winchester." He quips.

"Hello, Dean," a voice he knew all too well answered. He froze, his heart beating rapidly.

"Cas? Cas is that you? How are you? Where are you?" It all rushed out all in one breath.

"Whoa, slow down Dean. I realize we haven't spoken in years but I dialled you on impulse. To answer your questions, yes it's me, I'm feeling rather gratified and I am in Kansas City!" Dean chokes.

"You're in Kansas City and you never thought to call me till now?"

"Dean, I've never had the time. You could have called me but you didn't." Cas says dejectedly.

Dean takes a deep breath and sighs. "I was scared Cas, I thought you didn't need me anymore and that you were happy. I wanted to call but I just couldn't bring myself to do it." he huffs.

"Dammit Dean, we are such losers" Cas chuckles. "Do you want to know why I called you Dean?"

"Yeah we are." Dean snickers. "I do Cas, what happened?"

"You know me so well." Cas smiles. "I finally quit my job! After 8 years finally told my douche of a brother I quit and left. What an assbutt."

"Assbutt?" Dean snorts. "I'm glad you did Cas, you sound happy."

"Yes, assbutt. Shut up D. And I am happy, thank you."

Dean grins, he'd missed Cas so much and Cas calling him D just made his heart beat faster.

"I missed you," he sighs.

"I missed you too," Cas chuckles. He hears the door being opened, knowing its Gabe. "I have to go D, Gabe's home. I'll see you soon, bye."

"Yeah, bye Cas." Dean says before hanging up. It takes him a few seconds to realise...

He rushes out of his room to find his brother, he barges into Sam's room. "Sammy, what did Cas mean when he said 'I'll see you soon'?"

Sam looks up in confusion from his laptop to see the same confused face on his brother. "Is that Deano?" Gabe chirps up. "Shut up Gabe." Sam and Dean shout in unison.

"When did you speak to Cas?" Sam asks Dean.

"Today, he told me he rang me on impulse. Said he finally quit his job but Sammy, what did he mean?" Dean said excitedly. Sam grins.

"He did? I'm proud of you little bro!" Gabe shouts at a distance to Cas.

Dean's head whips around so fast he's pretty sure he just gave himself whiplash. "Is Cas there now?" he breathes out, trying to get a better look at Sam's laptop.

"Hey Deano! Knowing Cas, his probably asleep right now. Michael used to work him raw so he's most definitely catching up on sleep." Gabe smiles. Dean nods.

"Okay good, but will someone fill me in please, are you and Cas coming here? What's going on?"

"Dean." Sam says, pulling Deans attention away from Gabe. "Cas and Gabe are coming down for a break and, well, your opening night too."

Gabe’s eyes widened. "He agreed to that? Oh my, Cassie is gonna love this."

Dean ignored Gabe, his mind was whirling. All he could think was, Cas is coming. I'm gonna see Cas. Holy shit, I'm gonna be singing my song in front of him. Oh God no. I'm gonna be sick. He sits on the edge of Sam's bed focusing on inhaling and exhaling while Sam looks at him slightly worried. As Sam and Gabe continue to talk, sleep finally overtakes Dean as he lays down on his brother’s bed.

***

12 years earlier

When Dean was 12 he couldn't wait to be a teenager, now at the age of 14, he wishes he could go back and enjoy just being a kid. He thought he had it all figured out, he got good grades (for Mom), formed a rock band (for Dad), spent an hour a day at the park (for Sammy) and wore pink satin panties (for himself but he always blames it on Rhonda Hurley). To be honest, he liked wearing the panties the best, of course he would never admit that to another human being and he tried his best to make sure Miss Hurley kept that little piece of info to herself too.

Everything was settling into place and then his comfortable little world exploded when a new family moved in next door and brought the answer to all of Dean's secret dreams with them.

Luckily for Dean and his band The Jackles, his father loves classic rock so they were able to convert the garage into a make-shift studio, the downside being his father taking control of HIS band, making them believe that without him they would fail. The same line Dean's been hearing all his life.

Saturday afternoon practice wasn't going very well, they had Dean singing and playing the electric guitar, Benny on the badass Bass, Ash head-banging on the drums and on keyboard, unfortunately, was Rhonda Hurley. Being Dean's girlfriend (not to mention being very well developed) got her the gig and it was embarrassingly obvious once she started to play, John wanted to find someone who could actually play but she helped keep his son in line so she stayed, at least for now.

In the middle of their rendition of Survivor's 'Eye of the Tiger', Dean looked out and saw the new neighbours walking up the driveway, the closer they got the more Dean lost focus on what he should be doing, his fingers stopped strumming as he forgot the words. Blue eyes. He didn't know eyes could be that shade of blue...

CAS' POV

The sweat covering his t-shirt was sticking to him making him uncomfortable and if Michael and Gabe continued to argue over who carried which box from the moving van he was going to explode. The sound of music cut Cas' internal monologue as he turned round and caught eyes with a boy who had emerald green eyes singing what sounds like a cover of Eye of the Tiger.

As soon as their eyes meet the boy stops singing abruptly and nearly drops his guitar, Cas would have laughed if the boys eyes weren't so distracting. How were someone's eyes so beautifully green?

Ignoring his brother’s squabbles he walked over to the - what looked like a band playing in a garage. Cas was terrible at small talk so as soon as he'd reached talking distance he said the first thing that came to mind.

"You sound good," Cas blurted out shyly, shaking his head in embarrassment.

The boy scoffs and snorts out a laugh. Cas laughs shyly along with him, they both smile at each other the tension suddenly broke. He glances a look at the others with the emerald eyed boy and notices a girl in the corner rolling her eyes with boredom leaning against a keyboard. Cas' eyes light up with glee.

"You know, I'm quite good on the keyboard," Cas says mouth wide into a grin.

Dean's eyes glisten as his grin matches Cas' own. He sets his guitar down and moves closer to the boy with his hand stretched out in greeting.

"My names Dean, and you are?" Cas takes his hand and shakes it.

"Hello Dean, I'm Cas."

It was history from there.

***

Before they knew it, Dean would ask Cas over to show him his keyboard skills which soon turned into late night practices with the band. Rhonda barely batted her long eyelashes at him when he told her Cas would be taking her position. He didn't care, Cas was much better company than she ever was.

Soon the late night sessions came to an end as his dad made it very clear he would either be finished before 12 or else.

***

It's when Dean turns sixteen Cas realises Dean acts a little different around him then his other friends. He knew they were best friends but he couldn't help feel this niggling feeling at the back of his mind that something was up. It was soon after one of their nightly sleepovers when Cas could no longer keep his eyes open from watching Dr Sexy strut in his cowboy boots he feels Dean kiss his forehead. It's then he realises what that feeling was. He liked Dean. Really liked him. He was screwed.

It only grew worse watching Dean get into relationships, Cas' heart would hurt and he couldn't help the jealousy he felt towards the girls who would get to hold his hand. It's when he comforts Dean after his breakups he soon realises it hurts to see Dean so broken up and how he wants to make him smile, always. It's after his sudden realisation of always wanting Dean to be happy, Cas knows he no longer likes Dean. He loves him.

***

In the present

The door to the roadhouse swings open, loudly banging against the wall, hinges creaking, making everyone jump in fright as they turn to see Gabe smirking as he dramatically strolls in with Cas trailing behind him sighing loudly and shaking his head.

"Must you always make such a grand entrance Gabe? I think you just made everyone here lose their shit until they noticed, "Oh, it's only Gabriel," Cas chuckles as Gabe goes to swat his arm but misses.

"It's how I roll Cassie, deal with it," he grins before not so eloquently shouting, "Sasquatch!" across the room.

Sam turns around from talking with Ellen, his face lighting up with a massive grin. Gabriel and Sam go in for a hug which lasts just a tad bit longer than it should, making Cas raise his eyebrow in question as they come out of their embrace. Cas flickers his eyes elsewhere feeling like his intruding on something and also, dare he say it? Jealous.

Sam must have noticed him as he smiles at Cas knowingly.

"Dean’s not here yet, Cas," he smiles. "I assumed he would be but I guess he's running a little late," Cas nods at Sam.

"I would think so, he's always had this thing of turning up late," he chuckles making Gabe coo at him whilst jabbing Sam in the ribs to join in, which he does so easily.

Cas rolls his eyes and walks away to get himself a drink.

***

Dean huffs angrily to himself for being late as he gets into his beloved car, slamming the doors behind him. He flinches and strokes the dashboard. "Sorry baby" he mumbles before starting her up.

The drive to the roadhouse included him humming his song which led to his leg jittering with nerves so he decided to blare his good ole trusty rock and roll. Metallica always seemed to calm him down.

He soon reached his destination making his nerves rise up once again. He gives himself a pep talk which involved calling himself a pussy and to man up. He looks round hoping no one had heard him and walks in.

The door to the roadhouse opens once again but this time with a nervous Dean walking in, almost shyly. He strains a smile and nods in the right places until he reaches the bar to find his brother and Gabe deep in conversation. He asks for a beer and notices how whatever Gabe had said made his brother blush like a little school girl. Huh, interesting, he thinks to himself clearing his throat, grabbing their attention.

"Deano!" Gabe shouts, lunging forward to embrace Dean into a hug. Dean pats his back laughing.

"Yeah, okay Gabe that's enough hugging," he says as Gabe draws back snickering.

"Cas is over there by the way," he says pointing to Cas talking with Jo. He winks at Dean and says, "you're welcome," before turning back to talk to Sam.

Dean takes a big gulp of beer, staring at his best friend. His hot best friend, who he is in love with. Wow. He nearly chokes on his beer when Cas throws back his head laughing at something Jo had said. His deep throaty chuckle reaching his ears making him sigh in frustration. Smooth, Winchester. Real smooth.

He noticed Cas had gotten taller, legs that ran for miles, his lean back covered in a nice fitting shirt and waistcoat. Dean almost had to stop himself from drooling as he suddenly realised he'd been creepily staring...checking out his best friend, then blue eyes meet his, making him catch his breath. No matter how Cas looked, his eyes were always what caught Dean’s attention, and right now they looked bluer than ever.

He watches Jo smile at Cas and pat his arm before seeing him walk his way. Fuck.

Cas stops in front of Dean watching his hand twitch against the bottle before turning to smile at him. No words were spoken, just blue eyes locked with green.

"Hey Cas, looking good," he smirks, lightly fiddling with Cas' tie.

"Hello, Dean. I could say the same to you," he blushes moving a stool closer to Dean before sitting down.

They both stared, mouths smirking at one another before bursting into laughter.

"You're adorable," Dean says still chuckling. "Shut up, D," Cas replies, blushing again before punching his shoulder. Dean pouts at Cas before flicking his ear. "I missed you," they both say at the same time.

Smiling they both finally hug, holding on to each other in a tight embrace. Chins hooked on each other's shoulders, hands clenched firmly against one another's backs. Breathing in that familiar smell before slowly pulling away, hands lightly brushing against each other.

Ellen soon snaps them both out of their bubble announcing it was time for Dean to get his ass onstage. He grabs Cas' hands and squeezes them before walking off out the back, leaving Cas smiling dumbly down at his hands.

***

Dean was pacing. He most definitely wasn't nervous. He's only going to be singing a song he wrote for Cas in front of him, in front of everybody. No big deal at all. Okay fine, he was freaking the fuck out, like full on the verge of a breakdown. He was sweating everywhere and nothing or no one could convince him to go out there in...five minutes. Fuck.

"Nervous?" Sam asks leaning on the doorway, ducking a little. Stupid giant. Dean whips round breathing heavily.

"Sammy, don't creep up on me like that you giant oaf. Nearly gave me a heart attack," Sam snickers.

"You'll be fine Dean, everyone here is basically family and Cas. Well Cas is too." He smiles. "Now go out there and show us what you're made of!" Sam makes an over exaggerated rock sign, sticking his tongue out which makes Dean chuckle and relax a little.

Dean gears up, takes a deep breath and steps out on the mini stage! Everyone in the roadhouse whoops and whistles making Dean blush.

"Okay, calm down you crazy people," he winks. "Thanks for all of you being here and all, I'm pretty sure you didn't think your Friday night would be like this," he jokes as everyone chuckles.

"So uh this is a song I wrote about someone who I missed for so long, until recently...he knows who he is. This is I Never Told You."

The sudden quietness made Dean uncomfortable so he took another deep breath and started strumming slowly, the slow melody filling the room. He closed his eyes and began to sing.

I miss those blue eyes

How you kiss me at night

I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise

Like the taste of your smile

I miss the way we breathe

Dean opens his eyes and scans the room, most had knowing smirks but two well-known blue eyes were burning into his mind. Blue locked with green as he continued to sing.

But I never told you

What I should have said

No, I never told you

I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you

I can't believe it, I still want you

After all the things we've been through

I miss everything about you

Without you, whoa...

 

I see your blue eyes

Every time I close mine

You make it hard to see

Where I belong to

When I'm not around you

It's like I'm not with me

But I never told you

What I should have said

No, I never told you I just held it in

Cas takes in a harsh breath, wiping away his tears. He knew what Dean was trying to tell him. How could he not. Cas' smile grew wider as he listened to every word.

 And now I miss everything about you

I can't believe it, I still want you

After all the things we've been through

I miss everything about you without you, whoa...

But I never told you

What I should have said

No I never told you

I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you

Can't believe it, I still want you

After all the things we've been through

I miss everything about you

Without you, whoa, no, no...

Dean strummed the last chord and set his guitar down as everyone applauded him. His mind was elsewhere. Seeing Cas tear up made Dean's stomach tighten. He loved Cas and seeing him cry wasn't something he liked to see, no matter how beautiful he looked. He stepped down from the stage, mind set on getting to Cas. His legs felt like lead and his heart was pounding so hard he was sure Cas could hear it. He stopped right in front of him, licked his lips, looked directly into those blue eyes he loved and spoke the four most words he regretted not saying but was now ready to speak.

"I love you, Cas," Dean said softly.

Before Dean or anyone else could utter a word Cas attached his lips to Dean's and poured all his heart into it. Teeth nipped lips and tongues battled hungrily forgetting everyone, no one was there but them. Hungry kisses soon turned into soft and gentle kisses, with whispers of declaration. They both paused for breath, their eyes still locked onto each other's.

"I love you too, Dean," Cas grins blushing.

They both snapped back to everyone as they broke out into cheers, Gabe and Sam being extra loud, pulling them into a group hug. Both men were the happiest they've ever been, smiling and laughing along with their brothers.

All arms unattached from the group hug but two who fit like a perfect puzzle piece. Finally the boys had each other and couldn't be happier. They turned and faced one another, smirking.

Time for payback on their brothers.