It was one of those nights again.
Mina tried so hard not to let out a sound because she doesn’t want to wake up Jihyo on the next room. She swallowed it all, not letting out the sob she’s been holding.
”Tell me your favorite color.”
“No, I won’t. You have to guess it.” She said showing her gummy smile to the latter.
Her gripped on the sheets tightens.
”Nayeon, get down in here.” Mina shouts using all of her energy. Nayeon won’t get down near the railings of the rooftop, it’s making her nervous.
“C’mon Mina, it’s really refreshing right here. Join me." The latter offered and Mina slowly climbs and stood beside Nayeon. It was true, the cool breeze of the wind is refreshing. She closed her eyes and she smiled as she felt a bigger hand intertwining their fingers together.
Her phone beeps that distracts her for a moment.
Please be brave.
And she cried so much when she saw the contact name. nabongs🐰
I miss you. She sent it and wait for a certain bunny to reply. She hopes and hopes and hopes but nothing came. They were not together anymore and you can call her dumb, stupid and a fool but she’s still hoping that they can try again. You can’t blame her.
“What’s your favorite place? Is it Japan?” Nayeon asked showing her bunny teeth.
“Nope. It’s Hawaii. I am really captivated by that place ever since I stepped a foot on there.”
Someone knocked on her door and she heard Jihyo’s voice. ”Mina are you crying again?”
But she remained on her position like she didn't hear anything.
Jihyo sighs. Her friend is crying again because of a certain person she can’t move on with. Jihyo just hopes that she won’t be harsh on herself anymore. She gets it. Mina loves Nayeon. Nayeon loves Mina. It’s just that Nayeon choose to let go because they are both hurting already.
“Mina’s on it again?” Sana asked.
Jihyo nodded, tired of seeing her friend over the same cycle again and again.
“Let’s go out tomorrow and take her with us. A date but not just the two of us.” Sana wiggled her eyebrows, clearly excited by her own idea.
“You mean, let Mina be our third wheel again?” Jihyo knows Sana just wanted to help the Japanese too so she smiled and nodded at the bubbly Sana.
Mina oddly just nodded when Jihyo said they will go out today. For some reason, Jihyo didn’t know if she should be worried or not with this. Ever since Nayeon and her parted ways, Mina is always against the idea of the outside world. She mostly spends her day on video games, building legos and crying at night.
So when Mina agreed, Jihyo wanted to make sure that even if she can’t make her best friend happy like how Nayeon does, she wants her to enjoy this day.
They first went to the amusement park, with a sulking Sana because Jihyo holds Mina’s hand and she can’t. JIhyo extends her right hand for Sana because the latter won’t stop sulking if she doesn’t hold her hand.
‘Just like someone I knew.’ Mina thought.
They decided to ride the rollercoaster first. Mina chose the last row of seats so the two just followed her. When it’s about to start, her hands got a little bit shaky and Jihyo held it again, smiling at her. Sana keeps on shouting she doesn’t want it anymore. Jihyo seems like she’s enjoying the ride. While Mina, well she’s afraid when the ride is already going up but she raise both of her arms when they are about to fall, keeping her eyes shut and screaming her lungs out. Jihyo looked at her on the side and smiled.
‘Nayeon always do this when they ride rollercoaster.’ Jihyo recalled.
They line up with a really long line before they can ride the bumper cars. And when they did, clumsy Sana kept on bumping her car upon different people which makes Mina chuckle. Jihyo has to get up and help Sana with her clumsiness before the girl wrecked one of the cars here. A little girl on pigtails bumped her car with Mina because she can’t reach the pedals with her little toes so Mina helped her and the little girl keeps on pouting every time she got it wrong. But it was all worthy at the end, the little girl gave her a peck on her cheeks for ‘thank you’ and ran to her guardian.
Mina found herself suddenly longing for Nayeon’s presence because she used to be the one riding a bumper car, pouting, while Mina is teaching her how to use it.
Mina shakes the thought and smiled to the little girl. "You seem to be in a good mood." Sana pointed out.
"The little girl looks adorable."
"Just like someone you knew?"
"Sana." Jihyo called her out, looking at her with her scary gaze.
Mina smiled. "Just like someone I knew."
Both of her friends were shocked the second she admitted it. It was really a bizarre occurence to hear what Mina just said. It was already difficult for her to hear Nayeon's name or anything related with the girl and she just seem like she's reminiscing the memories she have with her.
"Okay, who are you? What did you do to Mina?" Jihyo asked and Mina just giggles.
"Hey, Mina! Are you okay? You sure, we don't need to see a psychologist yet?" Sana asks, frowning.
"I am okay. Maybe not a little but I know I will be."
"You don't need to force yourself. You know that, right? And eventually, time will come, you'll move on from her." Jihyo said.
Mina nodded but her inner self doesn't really want to.
The sun is about to set so they rented some bikes and just hang out in the park. After some laps, they rest on the bench with their bikes parked not far away from them.
"You broke the bike." Mina said while she's trying not to laugh.
"We broke it, Mina." Nayeon said glaring at her. "You were the one who insists we should ride it together."
"You stepped too hard on the pedals that's why this happened."
"Excuse you. You're clinging on me for dear life, oh god."
"You hate it?" Mina asked with her doe eyes looking like a puppy who just got kicked out of somewhere.
"No." Nayeon looked away. "It's just– it's distracting me from driving, you know?"
"Am I distracting you?" The girl asked once again.
"Aargh. Okay, I'm panicking. You're hands wrapped around my waist is making me lose my shit." Nayeon confessed with a tint of pink around her cheeks.
"Oh." Mina grinned. "Next time, tell me that you're gay panicking over me, so I can make something about it and we don't ended up crashing a bike again."
"You're so full of yourself, Myoui." Nayeon rolled her eyes.
"Just admit that you're weak and then go, Im."
"I'm not weak. You're just strong." Nayeon argued.
Jihyo had to tap Mina to wake her out of her reverie. She knows the girl is thinking about Nayeon again and she hates herself that she can't do anything about it.
"The sun had set. Let's go home now, Mina."
And all three of them did. But Mina knows to herself that her home is on somewhere far away.
When Mina glanced at the sunset one last time, she saw the birds and she understands now why Nayeon is envy of them. It feels nostalgic.
Mina made sure to lock her door before settling herself in her bed. It's soft, fluffy and comfy but still different when Nayeon were here with here.
Mina looked around her room.
"Mina! Mina! Minari!"
She search for that voice. She misses that voice so much. Then, she found Nayeon looking at her with her bright smile,
"I miss you. Please don't leave me, now."
Nayeon looked above her.
"You saw me at my vulnerability. You where there when I have those breakdowns, on the day I fell off. You were there the day I sank into nothingness and when I don't even know what's going on anymore. You were there." Nayeon said, with a hint of melancholy in her voice.
She tried to find Nayeon's eyes but the latter looks anywhere but her.
"The way you embrace me as myself when I told you I'm sick. You understand me when I told you I lied. The way you stare into me like I'm one of the planets rotating on its own. And you accept me as a whole. It's enough." Nayeon said whose in the verge of crying.
Mina doesn't said anything. She just cried it out.
"Is it too much for me to ask you to continue whatever we started?"
"But how if you're not here anymore?" Mina asked, tears streaming down her face.
"You can find me while watching the sun setting on the horizon. Or when the moon shines bright deep at night. You can find me with the cold breeze of the ocean. Or beyond the lines of the books you're reading."
The girl kept crying and Nayeon wanted to hug her but she can't.
"I'm always with you, Mina. Remember that I will never leave your heart and I will always be there for the rest of your life. You might find someone better than me but you can't find another me. I can assure you that. Do not be afraid. Open the door and let people in. Live, not for me but for yourself. I'll be there with you." Nayeon looked straight onto her eyes with those brown orbs she adores so much and the smile that could light up the universe that's for her and omly hers.
And just like that, everything vanished. The moment Nayeon's eyes locked with hers, the sky above them disappeared too.
Mina woke up, met with a defeaning silence. Her tears seems won't stop any moment. She walked through her cabinet and get her and Nayeon's photo.
"My favorite color is purple. And I lied when I said that my favorite place is Hawaii, because it's on your arms. You are my home, Nayeon. Always have been and always will be."
There's a soft knock on her door. She wiped her tears like nothing happened and when she finally opened it, it was Jeongyeon.
"Nayeon's parents want me to give this to you." Jeongyeon said and gave her the cellphone. "They said that you texted her number again last night. They want you to keep that. They also told me to tell you to be brave because you just ignored her Mom's text."
"Mina, I know it's hard but please be brave. Nayeon wants you to be brave. She'll be glad to see you fighting."
Mina sat back at her bed. Jeongyeon joined her and soon, Sana and Jihyo too.
"She fought hard." Sana stated.
"Even if we all knew that she died with a heart failure. She lives and shared it with you, unscathed." Jeongyeon said.
"I have nothing against with a heart disease."
"You don't need to have anything. You don't need to fight a heart disease, Mina. We all knew that right from the start, you already won her heart." Jihyo said.
At least Mina knows, she's not alone. They are all longing for her, too. It is just that they didn't close any doors like what she did.
Can you blame me? She broke down every wall I made for myself. She entered my heart without even holding a key. She stucked into my mind and live there. She did that without even knowing. You did all of that without even trying, Nabongs.
The stars are twinkling in bliss tonight, hoping they can give hope for people like Mina. And the latter believes that no matter what mood the sky above her shows, she'll always be reminded that Nayeon was somewhere above those clouds, happy and free from pain.
Everything makes sense now. That with every pain you've brought to me, every laugh we've shared is worthy. Every smile we gave with each other is comforting than anything in this world. Every hug from you makes me safe. And that's what matters.
And the love we have shared.
I want you to promise one thing
Smile and don't get sick anymore
Be happy above the clouds.
-above the clouds // day6