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The Miracles of Fashion

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Nova - BTW, talking of Canto Bight, I've heard many people make fanon that the FO higher ups source their uniforms from there. Including, ofc, Snokey boi himself.

Snips - Lmaoooo can they afford that??

Nova - I assume they meant folks like Generals, Admirals etc. I wonder if FO higher-ups have a Canto Bight discount for getting them business...
Dude, the number of stories that I have read in which there's a shopping spree for the MC in Canto Bight, courtesy of either Hux or Kylo is just so many..

Snips - Omg pls don't. Hux/OC who is a seamstress on Canto Bight...

Co Fox > @Snips - Can they afford that??
Custom tailored from the hides of endangered species probably lol

Snips - I bet they don't even have the money for it, they just run blackmail on a couple of shops

Nova - @Co Fox Ahahahaha, yes, that tracks XD
@Snips That's what I thought too XD
That makes sense for them

Co Fox - I want Hux to be very particular about the brand of coconut oil he uses in his hair or whatever lol

Snips - So it's Hux's turn to go boss around the people at Bight. He arrives at the seamstress, but today it's a new staff. The old lady was so stressed she took ill and hired her to keep the shop open. She didn't have time to explain everything to her though, so when Hux comes in strutting, she verbally destroys him and threatens him with a big wooden meter. Hux is shocked and aroused and very very confused

Nova - Ooof XD That's hilarious. And Hux is all red in the face and sputtering, but the lady. Just. Doesn't. Care

Snips - "You stink of kriffing kokonut! Get the kark away from my shop and don't, kriffing, touch, the, FABRIC!"

Nova > @Snips - Hux is shocked and aroused and very very confused
Hux be looking like

Snips - Yes. Sputtering would be the word. But he can't go back, because he has to order a bunch of new uniforms, and he would lose face. So the whole fic is him setting out to threaten her, and slowly mellowing it down to greasing her paw, only to fall desperately in love and then just wanting to shower her with gifts.

Nova - Ahahahahahah XD I love it!

Snips - Cue scene where she's out to the Opera or whatever, on the arm of an insanely rich dude, and Hux sees her, is all shocked O_O° and she be like

Early on of course. We need some pinning here

Nova - And then he abandons a life with the FO. His main goal is now to become her apprentice and lover.

Snips - To get a job that will let him pay the bills without threats

Nova - Because he has to prove that he is worthy of her love. And also the FO never gets the uniforms, at the end of the story.
And Snoke and Kylo are like wtf is going on with Hux, because he's in essence ghosted the entire FO like a bad tinder date.

Snips - And no one can find him because no everrrr suspects he ran away with the seamstress after two months of courting.
Cue 5 years later when Kylo enters a small shop on Pantora and just loses his mind seeing Hux behind the counter, one hand tapping data and the other petting Millicent, while his wife cuts fabric and tells him all the Goss. And they all freeze comically in horror

Nova - I LOVE IT!

Snips - Lmao so much!

Nova - And Hux freezes in shock when he sees Kylo.

Snips - Desperately tries to fake an accent.

Nova - And his wife is like, "Oh. It's y o u."

Snips - His wife grabs a big wooden meter and taps it in her palm like it's a bat. "Is he gonna be a problem?"

Nova - And she gives Kylo a smack just for good measure. Kylo is now too shocked to react.

Snips - Kylo is like, sending silent glares at Hux from behind his arms, like "Dude, aren't you gonna say something?"

Nova - And let the wife be hilarious tiny? Just for comedic contrast. And Hux is like, "Nope, you deserve it. But also, I don't know you."

Snips - "You deserve it. Whoever you are."
And yes! 1m56 and bird boned. The whole thing is, she looks like touching her might break her, so no one dares

Nova - And then Kylo has to tell Snoke about this, and Snoke cannot believe his ears.
So, he personally flies down to Canto Bight, just to see what's up.

Snips - No no, Pantora! They moved away!
Come on, would Kylo actually tell? How did a little thing beat him? And chased him out of her shop?
"No news on Hux, I'm afraid.."
"But I sense a disturbance in the force"
"Yes, it was chilli in the mess..."

Nova > @Snips - "You deserve it. Whoever you are."
And Kylo is like, "You know me. Your cat is rubbing up against my boots whilst I am being beaten up by this lady."
@Snips - Come on, would Kylo actually tell?
He omits it. The Supreme Leader reads his brain, berates him and then decides to fly down because, "How could you have been defeated by such a fragile woman?"

Snips - Ahaha and the wife beats fucking Snoke while Hux and Kylo stare in horror.

Nova - And Snoke looks at Hux and then Kylo, who are looking at him like, "See? We told you"
This whole thing just escalates out of control.

Snips - Hux and his wife are made the new ruling couple and Snoke is buried in the shop's yard. She's Empress and Hux is just consort.

Nova - I love it! And Hux can posture to Kylo, "Look at me. I am the Supreme Leader now, Ren."

Snips - "I conquered her through the power of love and simp, good luck with that Snoke" - Hux's thoughts, most likely

Snips > @Nova- And Hux can posture to Kylo, "Look at me. I am the Supreme Leader now, Ren."
"Oh, yes darling dear?" runs off


That gif is Hux looking at his wife beating up people.

Nova > @Snips - "I conquered her through the power of love and simp, good luck with that Snoke"
And the sequel is that Kylo finds this out and proceeds to make an attempt to blackmail Hux.

Snips - Or tries to seduce her himself. And she leads him on. Before CRUSHING his spirit by revealing after this wild goose chase she's only ever been into gingers.

Nova - And to top it all off, Hux knew all along, because she's just that loyal XD

Snips - Rey would give Kylo a pity hug. And then THEY can start their romance.

Nova - And Kylo goes back to the resistance, to his mom, because this is too much.

Snips > @Nova - And to top it all off, Hux knew all along
Hux is so tight with his wife they planned it all together. And he acted jelly and shit.

Nova - And Leia, Luke and Han are trying their best to not giggle while he dolefully launches into a soliloquy about the whole ordeal

Nova > @Snips - Hux is so tight with his wife they planned it all together.

Nova - The whole story is so bad that Kylo gets a pity pardon for his crimes.

Snips -  The entire thing reported live on the holo-net. Kylo's greedy chase after the Empress, documented on the daily.

Nova - With snarky fashion reporters roasting the shit out of everyone's outfits.

Snips - And then after the big reveal as the whole galaxy gasped, they announced a huge ass ball. All your snarky reporters present at the ball too.

Nova - Of course!
"Kylo Ren should be sentenced for his crimes against fashion. This outfit is so uninspired, darling. And a mask? At least Darth Vader was original." A Twi'Lek reporter eyerolls to the high heavens and back.

Snips - Kylo retreats from the party in tears. Suddenly it's a Bridgerton crossover.

Nova - Ahahahaahah XD Hux is Daphne.

Snips - Rey runs after him. Suddenly, it's raining.

Nova - "Kylo! You forgot your mask!"

He says, while trying to fight his tears

Snips - They take cover under some building as the rain pours down... Rey is about to say something sweet and romantic but Kylo just launches into the biggest pity party whining ever, and Rey just goes:

Nova - Doing her best to look polite and interested, while trying not to look exasperated.
And Kylo just storms off, because it's t o o  much .

Snips - Finally just lunges forward to kiss him, more to shut him up than anything
Aha, we have diverging paths here!

Nova - Ahahahaha, indeed XD

Snips - Emo Kylo all day every day

Nova - I'll be honest I'm not a Reylo Fanatic XD

Snips - Nor I, so fine.

Nova > @Snips - Finally just lunges forward to kiss him, more to shut him up than anything.
But that could work too XD

Snips - It doesn't work out between them. She kisses him, he storms off and Rey goes "Ugh, OK not worth my time!"

Nova - And let Kylo get even more upset because, "You didn't really mean to kiss me, you just wanted to shut me up..."
And it turns out that Hux has been watching this entire thing and has it recorded.

Snips - Ahaha haha with his wife, using opera glasses

So, now they have blackmail on him.

Nova -

That's Hux with his wife XD

Snips - Lmao 100%

Nova -

He says to his wife

Snips -

Hux's wife. She must be a small Asian woman, due to her hitting power. Give her a flip-flop to kill Snoke.

Nova - What a cutie! And of course.

Snips -


Snips > @Nova - He says to his wife
Time until... He finds someone?

Nova - And use this to blackmail him into a match?!

Snips - OMG. Political wedding. So hot right now!
So obviously Rey goes to Rose and is like 'I'm sorry I ever doubted myself like this, men really just... Urgh, will you still have me? "

Nova - YES And Finn is with Poe!

Snips - CANON

Nova > @Snips - OMG. Political wedding!
With whom?

Snips - The million credit question.
Maul?? LOL

Nova - Nooo no. Wait. Not Maul. Hmmm... Who would Hate Kylo's guts the most?

Snips - Thrawn? Lol
Maul and Thrawn could have a lovely brunch chatting about how much they hate Kylo.

Nova - CAL! It's Cal Kestis.

Snips - Lmaooooo!! Cal is a middle aged dashing gentleman by then. And it's an open secret he's with Merrin.

Nova > @Snips - Maul and Thrawn could have a lovely brunch...
I think they should be together. They're Hux's wife's best friends. And they all go for mimosa brunches.
@Snips - And it's an open secret he's with Merrin
Oooof. Poor Kylo XD

Snips - I mean, Cal and Merrin would both hate the idea then, and so would Kylo. But they could be the weirdest happy poly by the end. Cal being the legit good guy, Kylo being the whiny evil guy and Merrin being the chaotic good troll.

Nova - Okay so, Cal would politely decline but help the Queen to sic him on to someone else.
It would have to be someone from the Resistance, because in his head that's the kriffing worst.

Snips - Mmmh. There are too few women in that era. It should be a new senator... Riyo and Fox's daughter???

Nova - Cute!
Have Kylo Mirror Anakin's love story in a weird way.
Who's Fox? I recognise Riyo

Snips - Commander Fox, the top lad of the Coruscant Guard.

Co Fox > @Snips - Riyo and Fox's daughter???
Her name is Mara. We've discussed this on another server.

Nova - Oooooh and maybe, whoever this OC is, is an asexual.

Snips - Isn't that too close to Mara Jade?

Nova - So the marriage of political convenience works out just fine.

Snips - Asexual young politician, half-Pantoran half-Fett clone human...

Co Fox > @Snips - Isn't that too close to Mara Jade?
The people who thought that up never knew about her actually!

Nova - And somewhere down the line Kylo actually likes her and one day he can be like this.

Snips - I could see her following in her mama's footsteps... And being the one to accept the marriage deal, while Chuchi is like nooooo pls marry for love like your daddy and I diiiiid!

Nova - Ahahahah, and she's like, it's fine mom, I don't really care.

Snips - With Kylo LOOMING behind her shoulder. Trying not to look too scary. And tiny Riyo Chuchi looking up and up and up at her future son-in-law.

Nova - And that's how she convinces all of the senate to be on her side, because Kylo is just there staring them into submission.
And now it power couple vs power couple: Hux and his wife vs Kylo and his wife

Snips - OMG so it goes back to Hux vs Kylo!

Nova - Full circle XD

Snips - Empress' consort vs Senator's hubby.

Nova - Except, Kylo is finally on an even footing. And plot twist... Turns out Hux's wife and Kylo's wife were best friends from the start and no one knew, and the whole thing started because of some drunken ass bet.

Snips - Meanwhile, Rose and Rey are having gay adventures all over the galaxy, meeting up with Poe and Finn and actually keeping danger at bay. Teaming up with Maul and Thrawn to beat the Yuuzhan Vong even before they can show up.

Snips > @Nova - and the whole thing started because of some drunken ass bet
OMG no one knew until they stepped into the same room. The Empress changed name of course and her old identity is secret

Nova - Exactlyyyy and they greet each with such warm hugs that both Kylo and Hux are so confused. After that they are like, "Welp, I guess we're friends now?"

Nova > @SnipsTeaming up with Maul and Thrawn to beat the Yuuzhan Vong even before they can show up

Judge - So how is Maul alive?

Nova - Ehhh, he survived. Somehow.

Snips -

Robotics, cloning. It's all an open game.

Judge - "He doesn't seem to stay dead"

Snips - I mean, Obi never killed him. Since we need him. And Obi is an obliging man.

Nova - He just did what he did to Anakin and just severely disabled him yet again. Because "I'm too old for this shit."

Snips - Actually for utter and complete chaos, Obi-Wan couldn't kill him, because he's been in carbonite the entire time, on Mustafar.

Nova - Ooooooh!

Snips - So he gets to come back at the peak of his life, confused as hell and ready to mingle

Judge - Just a heads-up, if any of the characters have a spice addiction, let me know.

Nova - Maybe Snoke? And half of the senators and the empresses' court?
@Snips And one day, in a club for gentlemen, he comes across Thrawn.

Judge - Now this sounds really familiar.

Snips - Snoke yes, maybe that's why his senses were dulled and he was tripping ball on the day Hux's wife slayed him.

Snips > @Nova - And one day, in a club for gentlemen, he comes across Thrawn
Omgggg! Thrawn, who is a pen-pal with Maul, has all these expectations, but gets blown away by... The real deal

Nova - for gentlemen I mean actually they're all gentlemen (like old school English Clubs).

Snips - 100% Maul can't attend, after strangling one guy too many. Banned.

Nova - And Thrawn loves how spontaneous Maul is in comparison

Snips - Omg Thrawn x Maul x Obi

Nova - And Thrawn is like, "What a bad boy. I am intrigued."

Haamyc > @ Snips - 100% Maul can't attend, after strangling one guy too many. Banned
Maul will just strangle members until they let him in.

Snips - They would actually pose a threat to the new imperial couple.

Nova > @Haamyc - Maul will just strangle members until they let him in
Nope, because some of the bouncers are Ex-Jedi who kick his ass everytime XD

Judge - So that's what happened to Ahsoka.

Snips - And the club owner is 120 yo, grumpy one handed Mace Windu. Like Papa Midnight in Constantine.

Nova - YES
And Obi wan and Thrawn can petition to have Maul's banned revoked after they're all in a glorious poly relationship.

Snips - But they have to constantly keep him on a leash.

Nova - Yep! "Remember Maul darling, we don't want to upset people with shenanigans yet again." Obi-Wan cooed as Thrawn held an angry Maul back.

Snips - Meanwhile the only way to keep order is for the Imperial couple to give Thrawn and Obi jobs as generals.
And nobody knows what to do with Maul.
Meanwhile, Maul—

Nova -

Snips - Yes yes yes.

Nova - And Obi-Wan is like "Look at the loves of my life," He told Ahsoka, a huge smile upon his face. "Wherever would I be without them?"

Snips - Ahsoka, much older and much more tired of his shit.

Nova -

That's her face while all of this is going down

Snips - Omg mood

Nova - @Snips What have we done

Snips - We've created a beautiful thing, all from a seamstress OC, yet unnamed.

Nova - Indeed, we have. And to end it all, Hux, his wife and Kylo and his wife combine with the Resistance to use their powers for good and the galaxy is finally at peace once again.

Snips - Kylo and Hux take up Dejarik and Zunzu to bring their adversity to a less lethal stage. The Wives have tea with Obi, Thrawn and Leia often. It's the hot Goss group and Thrawn never understands why he's invited.

Nova - But he does his best anyway, because he does love Obi-Wan a lot. Padmé joins them as a force ghost, because she can.

Snips - She drags Anakin too sometimes. Just so Obi can roast him.

Nova - Despite that, Anakin is the biggest participant, whenever he's around.

Judge > @Nova - Padmé joins them as a force ghost, because she can.
So Maul gets to live, but Padmé still dies?

Snips - Padmé fell down some stairs on Naboo. Because Anakin's ghost scared her.

Nova -

Snips - And then she beats his ghost ass.

Nova - Ahahaha nooo XD

And Kylo and Hux end up becoming best buds.

Snips - But like 10 years later.

Nova -

Snips - OMG their kids! Their kids end up together.

Nova - YES

Snips - Childhood friends to lovers.

Nova - OMG YES!

Snips - And the wives are all in tears and the men are livid like, "Holy shit no way is this for real omg it's for real!"

Nova - But they love their kids and wives, so they go along anyway.

Snips - Oh yeah! I assume it's just white noise in Kylo's brain.

Nova - "Yes, dear." The two men chorused in resignation.

Snips - Ahaha! Thrawn/Obi/Maul would have at least two kids, feral creatures adopted around the galaxy... And at least one of them is best man at the wedding

Nova > @Snips - Oh yeah! I assume it's just white noise in Kylo's brain.
"And there will be no more arguments on that front, Armitage." Hux opened his mouth, and then shut it, thinking the better of it. Meanwhile, Kylo's wife shot Kylo a withering look. Kylo did not even dare thinking any treacherous thoughts that were definitely not swirling in his head.
And it's officiated by Leia. Or Yoda, then? Let him officiate the wedding.

Snips - But their kids would be even more frightening than the Imperial children and the Chuchi line (OFC Fox took the Chuchi name).
Nah let Yoda be fucking dead.

Nova - And Leia and Han are so proud of their grandbabies.

Snips - Luke can do it!

Nova - Oooh, why not both?

Snips - Yes we can have both. Leia is the official and Luke the religious.

Meanwhile in the room, Rose turns to Rey - "We should have some too."
And Rey

Nova - And then, it's a surprise double wedding! Actually make that triple, because Finn and Poe decide to go ahead as well.

Nova - And Kylo looks like this at the end of this saga

Snips - And so the Empress throws another planet wide party. The Chiss Ascendency merges with the Empire...

Nova - And that's how the Skywalker saga also ends!

Snips - Right!

Nova - Wooo!!